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I'm going down to south park gonna have myself a time
Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation
Going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind
Ample parking day or night people shouting howdy neighbor
Heading on out to south park gonna see if I can't unwind
I like girls with big vaginas I like girls with big fat titties
Come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine.
《南方公园》第16季 第10集 South Park Season 16 Episode 10 "内里安全"
勃起功能障碍是真实的情况 Erectile dysfunction is a fact of life.
你想对她展现你的爱 You want to show her you love her
但你年事已高 她也一样 but you're old and so is she.
这种情况再次发生时 Next time that moment comes
不要再因为你的老婆 Don't let your sex drive fail you
看上去像个干瘪的话梅 而毫无性冲动 just because your wife looks like a shrivelled prune.
用西力士勃起吧 Fake it, with Cialis.
希爱力不能把你老婆变美女 It won't make her any hotter.
但在三小时内 它能让你不在乎她长啥样 But it'll make you not care for up to 3 hours.
然后你们可以继续 And then you could still
享受各自单独的浴缸 have your own seperate bathtub from her later on.
希拉 你有兴趣玩一把么 Hey, Sheila, do you like having some fun?
哦亲爱的 西力士的广告又让你性奋了吗 Oh, dear, does the Cialis commercial turn you on again?
我去穿上制服怎么样 How about I put on the uniform?
杰拉德 Gerald.
怎么样啊 What do you think?
你最喜欢这样了 You know you like it.
你好 Oh, hello.
UPS快递 夫人 U.P.S., ma'am.
我这里有一个亚马逊的包裹给你 I have a package from Amazon for you.
哦天啊 Oh, dear.
我衣冠不整啊 I'm barely dressed.
请你在这里 签字 If you will just sign right here.
啊 你好粗暴啊 Oh, you're so rough with me,
UPS快递员 Mr. U.P.S. man.
你喜欢你的包裹吗 夫人 You like your package, ma'am?
喜欢 Yes.
再重一点 UPS快递员 Do it harder, U.P.S. man.
翻译：东篱把酒 Foxer 小黑 原子蛋
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艾克 怎么了 Ike, what's the matter?
你哭了一个早上了 You have been crying all morning.
怎么回事 What's going on?
校对：原子蛋 时间轴：今 三水
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后期：凉风有信 总监：原子蛋
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我的天 艾克你确定这是真的吗 Oh, my gosh, Ike, are you sure about this?
确定 确定 Yes, Yes.
这是很严重的问题 Ike, this is a big deal.
你必须百分之百确定才行 You have to be absolutely 100%.
我亲眼看见的 凯尔 I saw them, Kyle.
我亲眼看见的 I saw them.
不 Oh, no.
你们不能告诉任何人 好吗 You guys can't tell anybody, alright?
至少让我先想到该怎么做 Not until I figure out what to do.
到底什么事情 Dude, what happened?
你看看 Take a look.
这是什么 What's this?
艾克昨晚看见的 Ike found out last night.
我妈和UPS快递员做爱 My mom is having sex with the U.P.S. man.
不会吧 Dude, no way.
真的 Yeah, dude.
你确定他们是做爱吗 Are you sure they had sex,
是真的那种 真的做爱 Like sex, sex, like they actually had sex?
真的 艾克全看见了 Yeah, dude, full on, Ike saw everything.
看来现在可以解释得通了 It totally makes sense now.
我妈最近老在亚马逊上买东西 My mom's been ordering stuff from Amazon lately.
有时 她连自己下的什么单都不记得了 Sometimes she doesn't remember what she's ordered.
她可能跟UPS快递员做爱 She has probably been having sex
已经有很长时间了 with the U.P.S. man a long time.
你会去跟你爸讲吗 Are you going to tell your dad?
我不知道 I don't know.
我觉得我应该先去跟妈妈讲 I feel like I should confront my mom first
但这事情怎么好意思开口 but it's so embarrassing.
凯尔 你有没有想过 Kyle, have you stopped to think
也许你妈是不情愿的 That maybe the sex wasn't consensual?
什么 What?
会不会是 Is it possible
你妈被UPS快递员强奸的 that your mom was raped by the U.P.S. man?
我们对那个家伙一无所知 We know nothing about this guy
但他却出现在我们每家每户 and he shows up to all our houses.
好好想想 Think about it.
一般脑子没问题的正常人 What kind of sane normal person
会想到跟凯尔的妈妈做爱吗 would wanna have sex with Kyle's mom?
卡特曼 你就别闹了 Cartman, dude, not now.
你们听我说啊 No, here me out you guys.
你们没看过那些安全类广告么 Haven't you seen those ADT commercials?
现在有一些看上去很普通的白人男子 Women these days get raped by perfectly normal looking
在光天化日之下强奸女人 White guys in broad daylight.
凯尔的妈妈也许已经救不了了 It may be too late for Kyle's mom
但我家必须做好安全措施 but I'm getting some goddamn security.
现在的问题是 Look, look, the thing is
我们去告诉杰拉德 还是放任不管 do we tell Gerald or do we stay out of it?
怎么开口呢 How do you tell him?
杰拉德 很抱歉 Hey, Gerald. Sorry,
UPS快递员正在干你老婆 but the U.P.S. man is banging your wife.
这真的不管我们什么事 It's really none of my business.
如果我老婆在搞UPS快递员 If my wife was having sex with the U.P.S. man
我肯定想让别人告诉我的 I would want you guys to tell me.
你怎么确定她没有干过 How do you know she's not?
仔细想想 I mean think about it.
这个人在白天到各个家里乱窜 this is a guy who visits all our houses during the day,
满脑子无时无刻不淫荡 who clearly has a kind of insatiable lust,
既然这个人敢跟凯尔的妈妈做爱 I mean somebody who would have sex with Kyle's mom
那么他就敢跟任何东西做爱 would have sex with just about anything.
算了吧 他不可能对所有老婆下手的 Oh, c'mon, he can't be trying that with all of our wives.
又不是第一次了 Wouldn't be the first time.
想图方便的话 Yeah, there is to be price to be paid.
就要付出一些代价 With having things convenient.
以前是必须要自己去商场 Used to be a man had to go to the
买一罐牛奶 Store to buy himself a pitcher of milk.
然后人变懒了 Yeah, then men got lazy.
他们想要牛奶直接送到门口 They wanted that milk delivered right to the door.
但问题是 帮你送奶的人 Only problem was the guy delivering that milk
也顺便搞了你老婆 ends up fucking your wife.
没错 优质冰冻的鲜奶 Sure, you had your nice,
的确是送到你家门口了 cold milk delivered right to your doorstep
但你的老婆也像只野鸭一样被人干 but your wife was getting pounded out like a mallard duck.
现在你们有了亚马逊 And now you got your Amazon
"送奶人"又回来了 and the milk man's come back.
没有人能说自己是安全的 And none of you are safe.
在客厅和厨房里要放运动检测器 And so you need the motion detectors in the living room and the kitchen,
前门和后门要安装触摸感应器 the touch pads at the front and rear doors and
所有的窗子都要装监视器 break-in monitors on all windows.
窗子一点都不安全 Those are not secured at all.
哦是吗 Oh no. Really?
不好意思 但这么多东西我可买不起啊 I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can afford this.
妈妈 你想被强奸吗 Mom, do you want to get raped?
你有没有看过他们的广告 Haven't you seen their commercial?
这年头 白人也做强奸犯了 You can get raped by a white guy these days, mom.
是的 非常不幸 Yes, unfortunately,
现在只对陌生人提高警惕已经不行了 it's not enough to just be fearful of strangers these days.
你是什么意思 What do you mean?
多数情况下入室抢劫都是熟人作案 Many times houses are burglarized by a victim someone knows.
我的天呐 我就知道 Oh my God, I knew it.
凯尔总是来偷我的东西 Kyle is always taking my stuff.
就在昨天 我就找不到我的iPod的耳机了 Just yesterday I couldn't find my iPod headphones.
那个鬼鬼祟祟的犹太崽子 That sneaky little jew.
我们知道这比较破费 卡特曼女士 We realize it's a lots of money, Mrs. Cartman,
但是说真的 but really,
增加的安全感可是无价的啊 how much is feeling secure in your own home worth?
是啊 妈妈 Yeah, mom,
外面那个危险人物会搞死我们两个的 that's dangerous people out there trying to screw us both.
你现在不是该去上班了吗 兰迪 Don't you need to be getting to work, Randy?
不 我想我要再待一会儿 No, I think I'll hang out just a little longer.
我去开门 I'll get it.
你好 我这里有几件亚马逊寄给您的包裹 Hi there, looks like I've got a couple of packages from Amazon for you.
哦 是吗 Oh, is that so?
麻烦你在这里签字 If I can get your signature right there.
你叫查德 是吧 Chad, is it?
是泰德 Thad.
泰德 好吧 Thad, nice.
你今天忙吗 You having a busy day?
是啊 你知道 我要送货到每家 Oh yeah, you know, just trying to get to everyone.
是啊 我想也是 Yeah, I'll bet.
好吧 祝您今天愉快 Well, have a good one.
好 你也是 泰德 Yeah, you too, Thad.
莎朗 这些是你的包裹 Hey, Sharon, these came for you.
亚马逊寄来的吗 Oh, stuff from Amazon?
是的 里面是什么 Yeah. What are they?
你知道 说实话 我不记得了 You know, to be honest, I can't remember.
你自己在亚马逊网站下单 You just ordered stuff from Amazon
然后你居然不记得是什么了吗 and you can't remember what?
哎呀对啦 是我订购的削皮刀 Oh, yeah yeah yeah, these are the paring knives I ordered.
我真是有点糊涂了 Sorry, I think I was a little tippesy.
这是斯坦想要的书 This is the book Stan's been wanting.
你能拿给他吗 Can you take it up to him?
好 当然 有人从亚马逊下单 Yeah, sure, people order things from Amazon
然后就不记得下了什么单 and forget what they got.
斯坦 亚马逊寄来的东西 Stan, you've got stuff from Amazon.
该死 Aww shit!
我擦 Oh, fuck it!
怎么搞的 该死的 How did? God damn it!
你好 Hello?
我是狼之家安保公司的杰夫 This is Jeff with Wolf Home security.
一切还好吗 Is everything all right?
是的 一切都好 我住在这里 Yes, all right. I live here.
但我记不住关掉警报器的密码了 I can't remember the code to turn off the alarm.
没关系的 你能说出你的安保口令吗 That's Ok. Do you have your security pass phrase you can tell me?
可以 我的口令是 Yeah, my pass phrase is
"凯尔是肮脏的坏犹太人" Kyle is a dirty no good jew --
等下 "凯尔是坏犹太骗子" no, wait, kyle is a no good lying jew.
我这里显示的是其他内容 I've got something different.
是不是"我的朋友凯尔是坏肮脏的" Is it my friend Kyle is a no good dirty?
等下 我好像记在什么地方了 Hang on. I've got it written down here.
没事 No Problem.
抱歉 Sorry about this.
没关系 这事常有 It's alright. It happens all the time.
好的 谢谢 等下 你等会儿 Ok, thank...Wait, hang on a second.
你说"没关系"是什么意思 What do you mean that's all right?
如果我是想强暴我妈的坏人怎么办 What if I was somebody trying to rape my mom?
你要强暴你妈妈吗 You want to rape your mom?
你对我的态度倒是很好 That's nice that you're so cool about me,
即使我弄响了警报还不知道口令 triggering that alarm, and not knowing the password.
但是你怎么知道我不是在说谎呢 But how do you know I'm not making it up?
现在都够我强暴我妈两遍了 I could have raped my mom twice by now.
你自己说你住在那里的 You said you lived there.
我的确是 但你怎么能确定呢 I do but you don't know that.
我可能是凯尔 想来偷走更多东西 I could be Kyle trying to take more of my shit!
你们怎么摆脱他的 How did you get rid of him?
你们怎么赶走送奶人的 How did you get rid of the milk man?
没法赶走他的 There is no getting rid of him.
至少你们想的办法都不行 Not in any way you folks will be prepared for.
现在就任由他干你们的老婆吧 Now, best to just let him go on fucking your wives.
可能他会累趴下 Maybe he will get tired of it.
不只是我们的老婆了 It's not just our wives anymore.
今天早上 他是冲着我来的 This morning, he came for me.
我打开门 I opened the door.
是那个快递员 It was the UPS Man.
他拿着个亚马逊网站寄来的包裹 He had a box from Amazon.
我打开一看是个苹果手机的插座 I looked inside and found an adaptor for an iphone
然后我才想起来我订购过一个 and then I remembered I had ordered it.
我是前一天订的 I ordered it the day before and
而我完全想不起来了 I barely had any recollection.
快递员在用他的迷惑力 The UPS Man is using his
让我和他做爱了 to try to have sex with me now.
你说我们的办法都赶不走他 You said we wouldn't be prepared to get rid of him.
那你们呢 How did you?
我们派了一个金发美女诱惑他进屋 We used a pretty blond to lure him in.
她开门之后 When she answered the door
叫那个送奶人跟她进浴室 she told the milk man to follow her to the bathtub.
她把衣服脱了 She took off her clothes and
脚送奶人往浴盆里倒满牛奶 asked the milk man to fill the tub with milk,
送奶人说 "要不要给牛奶杀菌" The milk man said do you want that milk pasteurized?
金发美女说 The blond replied,
"不用 倒在我的乳房上吧 "No, just up to my boobs,
我能把牛奶溅到眼睛里" I can splash it in my eyes."
这时我们就冲上来按住他 That's when we jumped him.
几分钟就搞定了 It was over in minutes,
然后我们烧了他的尸体 then we burned his body.
你们想摆脱掉送奶人 You want to get rid of the milk man,
就得杀了他 You've got to kill him
不留半点痕迹 And kill him good,
然后 你们就得自己跑到商店 and then you've got to go to the store
去买自己需要的东西了 for your stuff from then on.
你想让我干这个活儿 Hey, you want me to do this,
那你得先付我钱才行 小鬼 then you've got to pay up front, kid.
你会拿到钱的 但你得 You will get your money
先完成我交代你的任务 好吗 when you have finished doing what I asked you, all right?
我一关上们 Now, as soon as I lock the door,
给我几秒钟打开警报系统 just give me a few seconds to arm the system,
然后你闯进来企图强奸我妈 明白了吗 then you break in and try to rape my mom, OK? You got it?
你好 Hello?
这是狼之家安保公司的迈克尔 This is Michael with Wolf Home Security.
一切都好吗 Is everything all right?
不好 一个男人闯进我家 No, a man just broke into our house
他要强加我妈 and he's about to rape my mom.
快去啊 她就在楼上 Go, go! She is upstairs.
你好 听见我说话吗 Hello. Did you hear me?
这有个强奸犯 是个白人 A rapist is here. He's white.
好的 需要我们联络警方吗 Okey, should we contact the police?
当然啊 你他妈当然要联系警方啊 Yes, you should contact the fucking police,
我妈都他妈要被强奸了 my mom is about to get fucking raped.
好的 我们正在联系警方 OK, we're contacting them now.
他上楼了 你赶紧的 He's going upstairs, dude. You'd better hurry.
保持冷静 警察已经出发了 Try to stay calm, the police's on their way.
很好 Well, that's nice.
也许你们可以再带点香烟 Maybe you can carry some cigarettes together with.
因为这家伙都快要完事儿了 你妈的 Cause this guy is pretty wiped out. That fuck!
你好 斯道奇先生 Hey there, Mr. -- Stotch?
您又有一个亚马逊快递 Looks like another Amazon package.
我知道我对你的感觉 I know that what I feel for you
一定是某种法术的结果 is just some kind of spell.
什么 Sorry?
给我签收吧 Just let me sign.
他去你那边了 All right, he's coming to you.
你好呀 快递男先生 Well, hello there, Mr. U.P.S. man.
你不该打我们老婆的主意的 You should have left our wives alone.
现在快开车 Now let's go for a drive.
听着 后面的东西你可以随便拿 Look, you can have whatever's in the back.
都是亚马逊的东西 It's all stuff from Amazon.
到这里停下 Oh, now pull in here.
放我走好吗 Just let me go, huh?
那我们可就错过最精彩的部分了 Then we would miss out on all the fun.
你不该来我们镇的 You should have never come to our town.
老婆是一个男人的生命 快递男先生 A man's wife is his life, Mr. U.P.S. man.
-天呐 -快走 宝贝 - Oh, my god! - Come on, honey.
以为你能瞒过我们吗 Thought we wouldn't find out?
是谁 Who's there?
救救我 Please.
你好 Yeah, hello?
你好 我是狼之家安保公司的瓦拉奇努 Hello, this is Varachnu with Wolf Home Security.
有个男人刚刚闯入我家 No, a man just broke into the house with --
瓦拉奇努 Varachnu?
我付钱可不是要听某个印度仔打来电话的 I didn't sign up to have some Indian guy calling me.
你到底在不在美国啊 Are you even in the United States?
是的 我在美国 Yes, I am in United States.
纯你妈扯淡 That's bullshit.
把你经理叫来 Put your manager on.
好的 稍等 Ok, hold on.
我是狼之家安保公司的凯文 This is Kevin with Wolf Home Security.
一切都还好吗 Is everything all right?
好个屁 No, everything's not all right.
为什么会有个印度人 How come a guy from Indian
在我家被闯入时给我打电话 is calling me when my house is being broken into?
在全国 我们每分钟 We have alarms going off all
会收到14个报警 across the country 14 times a minute.
这需要很多电话接线员 It takes a lot of employees manning phones.
我付钱可不是想让某个 I'm not paying all this money to have some guy on the other
在地球另一边的家伙来保护我 side of the earth trying to protect me.
先生 我们从哪里给您打电话无关紧要 Sir, it doesn't matter where we call you from.
我们仍然会通知警方和您的邻居 We still contact the police and your neighbourhood.
真的吗 天呐 这下放心了 谢谢 Oh, really? Ok, gosh, I'm so relieved, thanks.
但我还有一个小问题 There is still just one little problem.
你们怎么知道我没有自己闯进来 How do you know I didn't break into this house,
触发了警报 set off the alarm
然后我假装被那个印度仔给惹火了 and now i'm stalling by being upset about the Indian guy
而实际上却在偷东西 还强奸了我老妈 and have actually stolen a bunch of shit, raped my mom,
而你们却他妈完全啥也没干呢 and you people have done absolutely nothing about it?
我 我还真不知道该怎么回答 I... I, well, that just fucked my head.
我让你无言以对 Yeah, I just fucked your head
而那个送快递的已经操了我老妈了 and the U.P.S guy just fucked my mom.
安静下来 各位 安静 All right, quiet down people, please, quiet!
我知道你们都很担忧你们的家庭安全 I know you are all worried about your family security.
但是到目前为止 凶手依旧在逃 I can tell you that so far, bane has not been caught.
那我们该怎么办 What are we supposed to do?
要是凶手还在这里 I mean, if bane is out there on the loose,
那我们都不安全了 then none of us are safe.
一个凶手就够糟了 One bane's bad enough but
但是显然 这里有 七名凶手 apparently we've got, like, seven banes, ok?
我们怎么跟孩子们说呀 What do we tell the kids?
我们不能不告诉他们 We can't leave them out in the dark.
你们家可不光是孩子们毫不知情哟 Wouldn't be the only ones in your family completely in the dark.
啥 What?
没啥 Nothing.
听着 我们现在没有别的 Now listen, there is nothing more
办法能够确保你们的居家安全 we can do to protect your homes.
但是这里有人说他可以 But there is someone here who says he can.
大家好 Hello, folks.
我们非常乐意来 We are more than happy to get
确保您的居家安全 your homes safe and secure.
你们现在会想在你们的门窗上装上监视器 Now you'd be wanting monitors on all your doors and windows,
在生活区装上运动探测器 motion detectors in the living areas.
但我建议你们使用我们 And I also recommand you all get our
最新的个人安防系统 newest personal security system
以确保你们的妻子在外也有安全保证 to make sure your wives are safe outside the home.
等一下 你是什么意思 Wow, wait, wait. What do you mean?
居家安防 责任重大 Protecting your home and your family is hard enough.
但只有门窗报警还远远不够 But sometimes alarms on your doors and windows aren't enough.
一种全新安防系统 A new security system allows not
不仅监视您的门窗 only for your doors and windows
还会监测您的恐惧等级 to be monitored but your fear levels as well,
一种置于体内的安防系统 A security system that is actually inside you,
它就是 内里[哪里]安全 it's called in-security.
in-security可视为"内置的安全保证" 而insecurity意为"不安全"
我们永远也忘不了那天我们 We'll never forget the day we
带双胞胎女儿去海滩的情景 took our twin daughters to the beach.
-多可爱的双胞胎啊 -谢谢 - What cute twins. - Thanks.
他们是很可爱 但是我还 They're so adorable but I'm going
是要敲爆她们的脑袋 to bash their fucking heads in.
我是内安的彼得 一切都还好吗 This is Peter with In-security. Is everything alright?
一个白人想要杀了我们的双胞胎女儿 A white man tried to murder our twin girls.
带着毛毯和热巧的警察马上就到 I have a police call on their way with blankets and cocoa.
但愿所有人都有内里安全来 I only hope other people have In-security
保护他们的家庭 to protect their families.
鞋子大小合适吗 孩子 Well, how does the shoe fit, pal?
我觉得挺合适的 I think it fits pretty good.
那我们看看用这把刀捅了 OK, let's see if it fits better
你脑袋后会不会更合适 小杂种 than this knife through your fucking skull, bastard!
-你好 -这里是内里安全的大卫 - Hello? - This is David with In-security.
一切都还好吗 Is everything all right?
不 一个卖鞋的白人 No, a white shoe salesman
刚想要杀了我儿子 just tried to murder my son.
别慌 带着毛毯和热巧的警察马上就到 Hold tight, police are on their way with blankets and cocoa.
别让您的家庭成为另一个案例 Don't let your family become another statistic.
内里安全 哪里安全 Have peace of mind with In-security.
事情越来越糟了 It just keeps getting worse.
我每天都能看见亚马逊的快递 I see stuff from Amazon almost everyday.
我可怜的老爸却毫不知情 My poor dad has no idea.
-你得跟他说 伙计 -我知道 - You gonna have to tell him, dude. - I know.
凯尔 看你现在怎么偷我的苹果耳机 Haha, Kyle, let's see you try and take my ipod headphones now.
什么 What?
只是要告诉你 如果你想偷东西的话 Just want you to know that if you want to steal somebody's
可打不了我的主意了 stuff you should look elsewhere.
没人想要你的东西 你个胖逼 Nobody wants any of your stuff, you fat bitch.
骂我胖逼是吧 Oh, fat bitch, huh?
正好你说的这个胖逼现在有内里安全了 Well, it just so happens that this fat bitch has In-security now,
所以直到你们死光光 我也不会怕你们 Kyle, and so I'm protected from all you greedy little Jews
这帮贪婪的犹太人了 until you and your people die out.
犹太人不会死光的 死胖子 The jewish population isn't dying out, fat ass,
我们人口在增长 it's growing.
什么 What?
你好 Hello?
我是内里安全的马库斯 This is Marcus with In-security.
一切都还好吗 Is everything alright?
没事 是误报 Yeah, yeah, no, false alarm.
我只是听到了些坏消息 I just heard some troubling news
不小心触发了我的内全 and it set off my In-security.
好的 请告诉我您的口令 All right, could I just get your password, please?
就是"你爱大胸" It's "you love boobs".
我爱大胸 I love boobs?
不是 是"你爱大胸" No, you love boobs.
小写 你爱大胸 Lower case, you love boobs.
你怎么知道 How did you know that?
我的密码是你爱大胸 My password is you love boobs.
我明白了 有意思 I get it. That's pretty funny.
是他妈的好笑 Yeah. That's fucking hilarious.
麻烦你快关了我的布安全系统 Now can you shut off my insecurity please?
没问题 好了 Sure. Here you go.
很好 凯尔 你最好 Okey. Anyway, Kyle, you better watch...
凯尔 Kyle?
草 God damn it.
于是你必须亲自去沃尔格林 There, you had to drive to Walgreens,
巴诺书店和五金超市 Barnes and Noble and Ace hardware.
又要东奔西走买东西 I tell you, going around having
太烦了 to buy stuff again sucks.
但至少我们无需再担心 Yeah, but at least we never
那个UPS送货的了 have to deal with that U.P.S. driver again.
他回来了 He's back.
什么 What?
我刚刚路过威尔·帕特森家 I just came from Will Paterson's house.
他妈妈从亚马逊那收到了三个包裹 His mother got three packages from Amazon
而且那个UPS快递员 and the U.P.S. guy
告诉了她他有何企图 told her what he would like to do to her.
怎么说的 How?
他走的时候漫不经心的丢了这张纸 He casually dropped this on the way out.
天啊 Oh, my god.
你们没杀了他 对吧 Didn't kill him, did you?
我觉得你们也没那个胆 I didn't think you had it in you.
我们恐吓了他 We scared him.
我们觉得这就够了 We thought it would be enough.
送奶人是不会被恐吓住的 Milk man don't get scared.
尤其是看到门口那些免费美妞们 Not with free pussy at every doorstep.
狗娘养的 是他 Son of a bitch, it's him, all right.
真不知好歹 This guy doesn't know when to quit.
他去了另外一家 He's stopping at another house.
他比我们想的要更棘手 This guy is a lot tougher than we thought.
难怪我们老婆都盼着他 Must be why our wives want him so bad.
抱歉 是我的 Sorry, that's me.
我是布安全的艾伦 This is Alan with insecurity,
你还好吗 Is everything all right?
很好 抱歉 误报 Yeah, sorry, false alarm.
密码是哈我痒吧同志 Pass phrase is tickle me homo.
玩笑而已 It's a joke.
爸爸妈妈 你们总是教导我 Mom, dad, you always taught me
坦白和诚实 that being direct and honest
是犹太人的基本信条 is a basic Jewish tenet.
没错 凯尔 That's right, Kyle.
这适用于我们所有人 不是吗 That applies to all of us, doesn't it?
尽管有时候别人替你办事 Even though it's convenient to
会带来便捷 have things done for you,
但有时候最好还是自己去做 sometimes it's best to deal with it yourself.
你好 有你们的包裹 Hi, I got a delivery for you.
能进来坐一会吗 Come in for a minute, would you?
什么 What?
拜托了 我需要你进来坐一会 Please, I need you to come sit down for a second.
那么 都到齐了 So, here we all are.
妈妈 你想跟爸爸说点什么吗 Mom, do you want to tell dad something?
妈妈 Mom?
什么状况 What's going on?
你别他妈装傻 You know god damn well what's going on.
今天要做个了结 This ends right now.
我们是一家人 你得到别的地方寻欢去 We are a family and you need to go somewhere else.
难道我不想吗 Don't you think I want to?
我恨死这鬼地方了 I hate this damn town.
这里的一切都变得 Every day things just keep
越来越古怪 getting weirder around here
我都恶心死了 and i'm just about sick of it.
天啊 Oh, my god.
- 你好 - 我是内里安全的布莱恩 - Hello? - This is Brian with insecurity.
一切都还好吗 Is everything all right?
不好 他们炸了我的车 No, they blew up my car. They blew up my car.
我发了求救信号 I'm sending help.
警察马上就到 他们带了毛毯和热巧 Police are on their way with blanket and cocoa.
他们又来找我麻烦了 救我 They are after me again. Do something.
别挂线 先生 Hold on one second, sir.
我有另一通急救电话 I have another emergency coming in.
我是内里安全的布莱恩 This is brian with insecurity.
一切还好吗 Is everything all right?
不 又是误报 Yeah, no, false alarm again.
我在商店里 一个肥婆 I'm in the store and some fat bitch
问我我爸爸是否喜欢古龙水 asked me if my dad likes cologne.
到底发生了什么 What the hell is going on out here?
别插手 杰拉德 Stay out of this, Gerald.
有些人在意他们老婆做的事情 Some men care about what their wives are doing.
什么 你连老婆都没有 金宝 What? You don't even have a wife, Jimbo.
快回话 Somebody answer me.
你们必须立即派遣援助 You have to send help now.
先生 我们正在派 Sir, we are sending help.
保持冷静 请稍等 Just stay calm. Hang on, sir.
我是内里的马丁 This is Martin with insecurity.
我认为杰拉德的房子 I'm thinking maybe Gerald's
也许比我的好一点 house is nicer than mine is.
你好 我是内里的马丁 Hello, this is martin with insecurity.
草 我受够你们了 God damn it, I have had it with you people.
我注册的时候 When I signed up I thought I was
以为会有CSI的人来保护我 getting CSI guys protecting my ass,
但你们接线的人 but all you answering the
都他妈的是傻逼 phones are complete retards.
- 你好 - 我是内里安全的麦克 -Hello? - This is Mike with insecurity.
一切都还好吗 Is everything all right?
有人吗 Hello.
到楼下来 Come down here.
所以你们说这个人自杀了 So you say this man killed himself
因为他是个神经病 because he was a psychopath
并且被迫和他母亲发生性行为 who was forced to have sex with his mother?
是的 我们在他口袋里找到了这个 Yes. We found that in his pocket.
长官 我们在楼上衣橱里发现了这些 Sir, we found this in the closet upstairs.
那是我的 Yes, that's mine.
你的 什么 Yours? What?
给我 Give me this.
我们在卧室做的事是隐私 What we do in our bedroom is our business.
等等 Wait a minute?
爸爸扮过UPS快递员 Dad was the U.P.S. man?
凯尔 有时候 Kyle, sometimes when people
上年纪的人需要扮演 get older they need to play
和伪装 让事情变得更有趣 and pretend to keep things interesting.
这只是我仍能够和你母亲 It's just a way I can still be
保持亲密 并且 intimate with your mother
不借用傻帽的壮阳药的一个办法 without relying on silly sexual enhancement drugs.
你好 Hello?
都结束了 It's over.
但你错了 But you were wrong.
我们无需担忧亚马逊 We don't have to be afraid of Amazon.
享受便捷的为一代价就是 The only price to be paid for convenience
我们必须自己有安全感 is that we must be secure with ourselves.
没错 你们装了 Yeah, got yourselves some
很棒的家庭安全系统 是吧 nice home security systems, don't you?
付钱给别的人 Paying a man to do your job of
替你来保护你的家园 protecting your house.
唯一的问题就是 Only problem is while you're out
当你出门在外感觉一切安全的时候 feeling like your things are safe,
保护你家安全的人正在操你老婆 that security man is fucking your wife.
门窗都已经装置好了 Doors and windows should be
动态检测系统也开始运作了 armed and your motion detectors are up and running.
如果需要我的帮助 请打我电话 Just call me whenever you need me back.
你是谁 Who are you?
我们是谁并不重要 It doesn't matter who we are.
重要的是我们的计划 What matters is our plan.
你们应该尊重我的权力 You should have respected my authority.