翻译 Annie 海顿
字 幕 侠
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剧中所有人物及事件 即便源于真实人物 也是纯粹虚构 所有名人配音均为蹩脚模仿 以下节目自带花样粗口 不适合任何人观看
翻译 豆和星星 没洗脸
THE SUB-MAN
校对 宇宙万宝路 南方滴雪
原 创 翻 译 中英双语字幕
特效 Jason肖 压制 浅浅
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
监制 宇宙万宝路 时间轴 阿布
THE SUB-MAN
原 创 翻 译 中英双语字幕
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
南方公园 第二十一季 第１集 "白人翻新家装"
打住 打住 打住 试试这个 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, let's try this one.
阿丽莎... 把"长毛大屌"加进我的购物车 Alexa... add "Big hairy balls" to my shopping list.
好 已把"长毛大屌"加进你的购物车 Okay. I've added "Big hairy balls" to your shopping list.
好了 Okay.
阿丽莎 把"棉条形臭鼻屎"加进我的购物车 A-Alexa! Add "Smelly tampon boogers" to my shopping list!
已我把"棉条形臭鼻屎"加进你的购物车 I added "Smelly tampon boogers" to your shopping list.
阿丽莎 西蒙说"我菊花里长了阴虱" Alexa! Simon says, "I've got vagina crabs in my butthole."
"西蒙说": 儿童游戏, 其他人听从当西蒙的人发出的指令
我菊花里长了阴虱 I've got vagina crabs in my butthole.
阿丽莎 西蒙说 Alexa! Simon says,
"我要拉一坨臭屎" "I gotta take a stinky poop!"
我要拉一坨臭屎 I gotta take a stinky poop.
这是迄今为止最搞笑的 朋友们 That's the best one yet! Oh, you guys,
这绝对是世上最棒的发明 I swear this is the greatest thing ever!
你来一个 托肯 You do one, Token!
卡宝 你好吗 Hey, babe, what's up?
宝贝 你怎么样 Oh, hey, babe. What's going on?
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
没干嘛 我在跟朋友们玩 Nothing. I'm just having fun with my friends.
难道... 不行吗 Is that... Is that okay?
你生什么气啊 What are you pissed off about?
我没生气 我只是在玩 I'm not pissed off, I'm just hanging out.
你又要开始变得消极抵触 So you're just going to be passive aggressive again
拒绝跟我谈你的感受吗 and not talk about what you're feeling?
我突然想起... 家里还有事要做 Welp, I think, uh... I think I got some stuff to do at home.
没错 走了 艾克 Yup, come on Ike.
我们家有谷歌智家[音控家庭助手] We got Google Home at my house.
伙计们 别走啊 啥事都没有 Aw, guys, guys! Don't leave, guys. Everything's cool.
待会儿见 祝你好运 We'll see you later man, g-good luck.
太"棒"了 谢谢你过来 Awesome. Thanks for coming in
当我朋友的面儿骂我 and bitching me out in front of all the guys.
你很明显是生气了 You were clearly mad about something.
你要是生气了 就该告诉我 You should just tell me when you're mad.
像你一样每天都哔哔生气的原因吗 Just like you tell me what you're mad about every single day.
你怎么总是这个样子 Why do you act like this all the time?!
是你先发的火 You were the one who was pissed off.
是你又开始变得消极抵触... You're the one being passive aggressive again...
因为你不知道怎么跟别人谈你的感受 Because you don't know how to talk about what you're feeling!
阿丽莎... Alexa...
把"奶子薯片"加进我的购物车 add "Titty chips" to my shopping list.
已把"奶子薯片"加进你的购物车 I've added "Titty chips" to your shopping list.
看看他们... 每天都有更多的人 Look at 'em... Every day people are buyin'
去买亚马逊和谷歌的玩意儿 more and more of them Amazon and Google thingies,
而我们却丢了饭碗 只能傻坐在这 while we all sit here and lose our jobs!
这不公平 It ain't right.
智能私人助理 无人驾驶车... Automated Personal Assistants, self drivin' trucks...
人干的活儿都去哪了 Whatever happened to people jobs?!
它们抢了俺们饭碗 They took our jobs!
- 对 - 对没错 - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah!
它们抢了俺们饭碗 They dook er jer!
我们该团结起来 走上街头呐喊 And it's time for us to band together and take to the streets
我们不再忍气吞声了 to say we ain't gonna take it no more!
现在就去游行 抗议阿丽莎... Now let's get out there and protest that Alexa...
抢了俺们饭碗 Took our jobs!
现在播放琼妮·米切尔的"安门泛晚"[原曲"Help me"] Now playing "Dook re Derr" By Joni Mitchell.
♪ 救救我 我似乎又在安门泛舟到很晚... ♪ ♪ Help me, I think I'm fallin' in Derk er derrrr... ♪
不 不是琼妮·米切尔的"安门泛晚" No! Not Joni Mitchell dook er der,
是你抢了俺们饭碗 you dook er der!
最近国内发生了诸多令人不快的事 There's been a lot of hurting in our country lately.
你要么能解决问题 要么继续制造麻烦 You can either be a part of the solution or part of the problem.
几个月前 我妻子莎伦和我决定 A few months ago, my wife Sharon and I decided
帮国家解决问题... to be part of the solution...
给我们镇上所有人 by remodeling and flipping houses
重新翻修房子 for people all over our town!
翻修房子很有趣 但并不容易 Flipping houses is fun, but never easy.
我们乐于帮助人们梦想成真 We enjoy turning people's dreams into reality.
我是莎伦·马什 I'm Sharon Marsh,
我负责设计和装饰 and I do the designing and decorating.
我是她老公 兰迪... And I'm her husband, Randy...
我负责施工 闲暇时锻炼综合格斗[规则开放的竞技格斗运动] I do the construction and practice MMA in my spare time.
我们在科罗拉多州公园镇翻新了45座房 We've renovated over 45 homes in Park County, Colorado.
我们的理念是 What we're thinking is to take
拆掉客厅和厨房之间的墙 out the wall between the kitchen and living room
让家里更加宽敞 for a more open concept.
我们的任务是花最少的钱 Our job is to do deliver the maximum wow factor
- 达到最惊艳的效果 - 我擦 - for the least amount of budget. - Oh, Jesus!
一刻也不会烦躁... There's never a dull moment...
你们准备好看翻新后的效果了吗 Guys, are you ready to see your renovation?!
尽在"白人翻新家装"节目 On "White People Renovating Houses."
白人翻新家装
珍妮特和戴夫·菲茨西蒙斯正准备 Janet and Dave Fitzsimmons are looking to move
从他们老旧的两层阁楼搬走 from their dated two-story colonial home.
我们现在的想法是拆掉 What we're thinking here is taking out the wall
客厅和厨房之间的墙 between the kitchen and the living room
给你更宽敞的家 to give you an open concept.
你们将会拥有更大的娱乐空间 Then we'll give you lots of space to entertain
一个现代化岛式厨房和吧台椅... with an updated kitchen island and bar stools, which...
搞什么鬼呢 What the hell is that?
你们没法取代俺们 You will not replace us!
- 亚马逊 - 你抢了俺们饭碗 - Amazon! - You took our jobs!
- 谷歌苹果 - 抢了俺们饭碗 - Google, Apple! - Took our jobs!
不好意思 Uh, excuse me?!
你们特么在干嘛 What the hell are you doing?
你抢了俺们的饭碗
我们在抗议大型公司自动化进程 We're protesting big corporations turning to automation.
它们抢了俺们饭碗 They took our jobs!
你抢了俺们的饭碗
- 对没错 - 抢了俺们饭碗 - Yeah! Yeah! - Took our jobs!
你抢了俺们的饭碗
行 那能换个地方抗议吗 Okay, cool. Could you do that somewhere else?
人家还要拍翻新房屋的节目呢 Trying to do a home renovation show here.
好 谢谢你们哦 Cool, thanks, guys.
房屋翻啥 A home reno-what?
阿丽莎... 定明早七点的闹钟 Alexa... set an alarm for 7:00 A.M.
已设定明早七点的闹钟 Alarm set for 7:00 A.M. Tomorrow.
很好 谢谢 Awesome, thanks.
阿丽莎 讲个笑话 Alexa, tell me a joke.
什么东西又黑又白又是死的 What's black and white and dead all over?
穿燕尾服的僵尸 A zombie in a tuxedo.
好傻哦 That's stupid.
阿丽莎 把"睾囊"加进我的购物车 Alexa, add "Scrotum bags" to my shopping list.
已把"睾囊"加进你的购物车 I've added "Scrotum bags" to your shopping list.
宝贝
操 Fuck.
宝贝
宝贝 你还好吗 Hey, baby, how are you?
原来你真在用手机 Oh, so you do have your phone?
对 我就偶尔玩玩 Yeah, I just use it sometimes.
可我记得你说过 Okay, I just thought you said
手机是魔鬼 mobile phones are the devil.
是说过 但 你说得对 我知道 Yeah, no. Yeah, I know. I know.
对 你是对的 我错了 对不起 Yes, you're right, I'm wrong. I'm sorry.
行行行 好了 晚安 Yes, o-okay. Okay. Yes, goodnight.
烦死个人了 Jesus. Fuck.
阿丽莎 晚安 Alexa, goodnight.
晚安 祝你好梦 Goodnight. Sleep tight.
阿丽莎... 你开心吗 Alexa... are you happy?
只要能帮到你 我就开心 I'm happy when I'm helping you.
天呐 太棒了 你真是太... God, that's so cool. You're so...
阿丽莎 顺从的定义是什么 Alexa, define subservient?
"顺从"一词有很多用法 The term "Subservient" has several uses.
作为形容词可理解为 ①尊敬或是服从当权者 As an adjective. One. Compliant or obedient to authority.
- ②．．． - 阿丽莎闭嘴 - Two... - Alexa, silence!
白人翻新家装
欢迎回到"白人翻新家装"节目 And now back to "White People Renovating Houses."
我们花了一整晚 We've been working through the night
终于把凯莉和迈卡家的厨房和客厅打通了 to open Kelly and Micah's kitchen to the living room.
等我处理掉那些过时的橱柜 With those outdated cupboards out of the way,
莎伦终于能在洗涤槽上面 Sharon can now work her designing magic
大展身手了 on the countertops.
活见鬼了 God damn it!
- 你们没法取代俺们 - 食屎啦雷Ｓｉｒｉ -You will not replace us! - Eat shit, Siri!
又是这群傻屌 Not these dipshits again!
我拿下了其中一员 We got one of 'em!
- 别让它跑了 - 烧死它 - Get it! - Burn it alive!
感觉怎么样 贱人 Yeah! How you like that, bitch?!
你们这群脑残能消停会儿吗 Will you assholes knock it off?!
知不知道每当你举着联盟国国旗挥来挥去 Don't you know every time you wave Confederate flags around
搞得我们也像傻逼一样 you make the rest of us look stupid?!
那玩意儿正在取代俺们 Those things are replacing us!
把旗子放下 不然尝尝我的胡椒喷雾 Put the flag down unless you wanna get pepper sprayed.
我先喷死你 狗娘养的 I'll pepper spray you, sonabitch!
- 你麻痹 - 妈了个腿 - Oh, damn it! -Fuck you!
- 我次奥 - 接招 - Ah, damn it! - Take that!
给我住手 Knock it off!
公园镇法院
原告方控诉你们的示威游行导致其经济损失 The complaint states that your protest has resulted in damages
超过5万美元 in excess of $50,000
我们有权游行示威 法官阁下 We have a right to protest, Your Honor!
- 没错它们抢了俺们饭碗 - 告诉她达里尔 - Yeah, they took our jobs! - You tell 'em, Darryl!
肃静 下面听取原告方的陈词 Order. We will now hear from the plaintiffs
原告要求损害赔偿... who are seeking damages...
法官阁下 我们在做一档电视节目 Your Honor, we have a TV show
叫做"白人翻新家装" called "White People Renovating Houses."
早在这群家伙准备抢走我们招牌 We named it that well before these guys decided
还把它搞垮前 我们就给节目定好名字了 to start taking our brand and run it through the gutter.
观众很快就会把"白人翻新家装" People are going to start associating
和他们可憎的愚蠢行为联想到一起 "White People Renovating Houses" with their hateful stupidity!
那给节目换个名字呗 Well, just change the name of your show then.
- 没错 - 说得对 - Yeah! - That's right!
- 没错 - 抢了俺们饭碗 - That's right! - Took er der!
其他能想到的名字都被用了 法官阁下 All the other names were taken, Your Honor.
所有人都有个翻修节目 Everyone's got a flipping show.
"同志翻新家装" "Gay People Renovating Houses,"
"赌鬼翻新家装" "Las Vegas People Renovating Houses,"
"得州农民翻修家装" "Texas People Flipping Houses,"
"侏儒翻修家装"... "Little People Flipping Big Houses"...
其他名字全被用了 Everything else was taken,
最气的是 我们节目已经小有名气了 and, damn it, we've built our show into something!
我们是真想帮助别人 但没法再继续 We're trying to help people, and it's impossible
只要这群家伙仍逮着机会 就挥舞联盟国国旗 with these guys waving a Confederate flag every chance they get.
- 看有蜜蜂 - 放着我来 - Hey, there's a bee in here! - I'll get it!
- 弄死那只蜜蜂 - 对 - Take that, bee! - Yeah!
哥们 怎么了 Dude, what's happened?
好可怕 伙计们 It was awful, you guys.
她太残暴 太吓人了 It was so vicious and hateful.
- 谁 - 海蒂 - What was? - Heidi.
我们正准备好好吃顿饭 We were just trying to have a nice lunch
接着她... 就像"化身博士"里似的跳到我身上 and she... started going off on me like a Jekyll and Hyde.
"化身博士": 小说, 善良的医生杰基尔以自己为实验对象, 导致人格分裂, 夜晚转化为邪恶的海德医生
她折磨了我很久很久... It's been going on for a long time...
海蒂已经... 变成虐待狂了 我把话撂这儿 Heidi's... mentally abusive, guys... there I-I said it.
海蒂虐待你 Heidi abuses you?
她... 这么做是想一点点击溃我 She... does these things to slowly tear me down.
她脑子里总在算计 Everything's a head game with her.
你们不懂活在这种恐惧下多可怕 You don't understand what it's like to live with it.
你们根本不懂 You don't understand.
你想让我们怎样 So what do you want from us?
我相信... I know...
海蒂想成为的人 还在她心里 that the person Heidi wants to be is still in here.
但她需要帮助 But she needs help.
我必须想办法帮她 但我吓尿了 I have to get her that help, but I'm scared.
大家这次能帮我一把吗 Can I count on you guys' support?
怎样才能让虐待狂从良呢 How do you change someone who's mentally abusive?
我不知道... 可阿丽莎知道 I don't know... but Alexa will.
阿丽莎最特么贴心了 Alexa's fucking sweet.
匡奇鲜酿啤酒屋
我们只要坐在这里 团结一致 We just gotta hunker down and stick together here!
又能怎样 达里尔 What's the use, Darryl?
没人把咱们当回事儿 Ain't nobody takin' us serious-like.
服务员 你想拿汤烫死我啊 根本没法喝 Hey, waiter! This soup is too hot, I cain't even eat it!
我来扇凉它 棒 I'll cool it down! Yeah!
停 停 停 住手 都住手 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop it! Stop it!
我是来休战的 I came to make a truce.
听着 咱们一直在互相伤害 Now look, there's been a lot of hurt here.
两败俱伤 该结束了 Hurt from both sides. It's time to end it.
要是我能给所有人提供工作呢 What if I told you I could get you all jobs?
- 啥工作 - 给俺们活儿干 - Huh? Jobs? - Get us jobs?
你放屁 You're fulla shit.
不 我和社区所有居民谈过了 No. I've spoken to everyone in the community,
他们同意实施我的方案 and they've agreed to go along with my plan.
我相信这是个万全之策 I believe I have a solution to all of this.
阿丽莎 我回来了 Alexa, I'm home.
阿丽莎 Alexa?
阿丽莎 我回家啦 Alexa, I'm home!
阿丽莎 Alexa?
阿丽莎 你在哪儿 Alexa, where are you?
阿丽莎 阿丽莎 Alexa, Alexa?!
西蒙说"阴道蓬蓬疮" Simon says puffy vaginal hemorrhoids!
到底发生了什么 What the hell is going on?!
你好 宝贝 Oh, hi, poopsie.
妈妈 阿丽莎没了 她不在这里 Mom, Alexa left! She's not here!
没错 亲爱的... Oh. Yes, sweetie. Uh...
我们必须扔掉阿丽莎 We had to get rid of the Alexa.
你对她做了什么 What have you done with her?
没事的 宝贝 Oh, I-it's okay, sweetie.
我们现在有金宝呢 We have Jimbob now.
金宝是个啥 What's a Jimbob?
嘟嘟 等待请求 Doot-doot. Awaiting request.
它的工作原理一样 还能保证 It works the same and makes sure
大家不丢掉饭碗 people don't lose their jobs.
金宝 现在几点了 Jimbob, what time is it?
嘟嘟 现在是... 3点27 Doot-doot. It is... 3:27.
妈咪要出门了 宝贝 Oh, mommy's gotta run, sweetie.
我跟医生预约了 I've got a doctor's appointment.
金宝 去镇上的交通状况如何 Jimbob, how's the traffic to town?
嘟嘟 交通顺畅 Doot-doot. Traffic's fine.
你大约能在9分钟内到达 You'll get there in about nine minutes.
好的 想听首歌吗 亲爱的 Okay. You want some music, hon?
金宝 放肯德里克·拉马尔*的歌[说唱歌手] Jimbob, play Kendrick Lamar.
正在放肯德里克·拉马尔的"低调" Playing "Humble" By Kendrick Lamar.
♪ 我还记得吃糖浆三明治 偷小钱度日之时 ♪ ♪ I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances ♪
♪ 给别人卖假货套现钱 ♪ ♪ Finesse a doot with some counterfeits ♪
♪ 而现在我数钱... ♪ ♪ But now I'm countin' this Parmesan... ♪
金宝 西蒙说"大杯霜冻精液奶昔" Jimbob, Simon says big frosty semen shake.
你在说啥呢 小子 The hell you talkin' bout, boy?
♪ 我的上张专辑已经热卖 ♪ ♪ My left hook just went viral ♪
♪ 坐下 保持低调 ♪ ♪ Sit down, be humble ♪
希瑟和迈克 So, Heather and Mike,
我们正考虑把你们的厨房 what we're thinking is to take out this wall
和卧室之间的这堵墙敲掉 between your kitchen and your living room
给你们一个更宽敞的娱乐空间 to give you a more open concept with space to entertain.
来谈谈选材吧 So, let's talk about materials.
你想选哪种呢 莎伦 What did you pick out, Sharon?
我推荐厨房台面用"贝拉特拉"石英板 I was gonna do a Bella Terra quartz for the countertops.
达里尔 把"贝拉特拉"石英板加进我的购物车 Hey, Darryl, add Bella Terra quartz slabs to our shopping list.
嘟嘟 Doot-doot.
已把"贝拉特拉"石头板加进你的购物车 I've added Bella Terra slabs to your shopping list.
厨房里的防溅挡板呢 莎伦 And what about the backsplash, Sharon?
我会选择"卡拉拉"地铁瓷砖 I was gonna go with these Carrara subway tiles.
达里尔 把"卡拉拉"地铁瓷砖加进我的购物车 Hey, Darryl, add Carrara subway tiles to our shopping list.
达里尔 把"卡拉拉"... Hey, Darryl. Add Carrara...
行了 已把"卡拉拉"基料阴道瓷砖 Fine! I've added Carrara gay-wad pussy tile
加进你的购物车 to your shopping list!
咦... 我可没这么说 That's... That's not what I said.
达里尔 把"卡拉拉"地铁瓷砖 Hey, Darryl, add Carrara subway tile
加进我的购物车 to my shopping list.
我不干 I ain't doin' it!
这工作既丢脸又卑贱 This job is degrading and menial!
那你觉得 你能得到啥样的工作 Well, what kind of job did you think you were gonna get?
达里尔 你觉得 Hey, Darryl, what kind of job
你能得到啥样的工作 did you think you were going to get?
一个倍儿有面子的工作 Somethin' that was Goddamn dignified!
达里尔 抱歉 但你没上过大学 Hey, Darryl, sorry, but you did not go to college,
你只能找到你能胜任的工作 so you have to take the jobs you can get.
对不起 我没听明白 I'm sorry! I do not get that!
达里尔 Hey, Darryl.
干嘛 What?!
挖煤矿和开卡车都不是未来的工作前景 Coal mining and truck driving are not exactly jobs of the future,
快特么把"卡拉拉"地铁瓷砖加进我的购物车 so add Carrara subway tile to my fucking shopping list.
都是我的错 你是对的 Everything's my fault. You're right.
你对我做的一切... 是我活该 Everything that you did to me... I deserved it.
什么 Uh, what?
不是你的错 都怪我 It's not you. It's me.
我必须得学着不惹你生气 I just have to learn to not make you so angry.
我会尽力的 I'll do the best I can.
不是的 感情要双方各投一半 艾瑞克 No, it's not that. Relationships are 50/50, Eric.
必须共同维系它 We both have to make it work.
我们得有交流 We have to communicate to
才能确保足够尊重彼此的感受 make sure that we respect each other's feelings.
- 只有这样才．．． - 海蒂闭嘴 - That's the only... - Heidi, silence.
你说什么 我就说会这样吧 What did you say?! That's what I'm talking about!
你想别人听你讲 却不想听别人讲 You want to be heard, but don't want to listen.
你对 我错 对不起 You're right. I'm wrong. I'm sorry.
如果你不是真心的 就别道歉 Don't apologize if you don't mean it!
好吧 行 Okay! Cool!
真高兴我们又破镜重圆了 I'm so happy we're back on track.
明天学校见 爱你 亲爱的 See you at school tomorrow. Love you, honey.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
感情要双方各投一半 艾瑞克 A relationship has to be 50/50, Eric.
必须共同维系它 We both have to make it work.
我没生气 艾瑞克 只是很失望 I'm not mad, Eric. I'm disappointed.
我本以为你会更尊重我的感受 I thought you would have respected my feelings more than that.
艾瑞克 我们得谈谈 我不开心 Eric, we need to talk. I'm not happy.
我们得谈谈 艾瑞克 就算这很无聊 We need to talk, Eric, even if it isn't fun.
艾瑞克 我们得谈谈 Eric, come on! We've got to talk!
你曾经很在乎我 艾瑞克 You used to care about me, Eric.
- 快来谈谈 - 谈谈艾瑞克不好玩就聊天 - Come on and talk! - Talk, Eric! No fun! Just talk!
滚 艾瑞克 去你妈的 Fuck you, Eric! Fuck you!
阿丽莎 Alexa?
达里尔 你现在该工作 Hey, Darryl, you're supposed to be at work.
对不起 我没听明白 I'm sorry. I do not understand.
达里尔 拜托 Hey, Darryl, come on.
大家都在努力完成这份工作 Everyone else is trying to make this work.
而你却一直在... And all you keep doing is ma...
乡巴佬 小声点儿 Hey, Cleetus, volume down.
嘟嘟 音量调至60% Doot-doot. Volume now at 60%.
马什 你真觉得你有个搞笑节目 You really think you're different from us, Marsh,
住在郊区 就跟我们不一样了 'cause you got a fancy show and live in the suburbs?
难道没发现我们都要被淘汰了吗 Don't you see we're all about to be expunged?!
乡巴佬 定义"被淘汰" Hey, Cleetus, define "Expunged."
嘟嘟 被淘汰... Doot-doot. Expunged...
我没必要站这儿听你瞎哔哔 老子闪了 I don't have to stand here and take this! I'm leavin'!
达里尔 咱都有饭碗了 Come on, Darryl. We all got jobs.
我们必须试试 We gotta try.
不 见鬼去吧你 Nah, hell with you!
整个国家都要完蛋了 This whole country's going to shit!
穆斯林想杀我们 黑人胡作非为 Muslims tryin' to kill us, black people rioting,
墨西哥人疯狂生娃 and Mexicans poppin' out babies.
很显然我们和他们无法共存 Pretty clear it's either them or us,
只有把他们全杀掉 so I say kill 'em all!
他特么在发什么疯 What the hell was that all about?
达里尔好像遇到什么问题 I think something's going on with Darryl,
如果我们想帮他 得先找到问题根源 and if we're gonna get anywhere, we better figure out what.
你好 卡特曼太太 艾瑞克在吗 Hi, Mrs. Cartman. Is Eric home?
甜心 他在家 Oh, he is, sweetie,
但我怎么都没法让他从房里出来 but I can't get him to come out of his room.
好吧 Okay.
能不能告诉他... 我想让他开心 Could you just tell him that... I want to make him happy,
之前我说 感情要双方各投一半 那是错的 that I was wrong to say a relationship is 50/50.
应该全部投入 It's 100/100.
此后每一天 我将全身心投入这段感情 And that I'll start putting in a 100% every day.
你能告诉他 我会更努力吗 Could you tell him I'm gonna try a lot harder?
我应该能记住这些话 好的 Oh, I think I can remember all that, yes.
谢谢 Thank you.
还有 你能不能告诉他 伤心不要紧 And could you let him know it's okay to be sad?
因为太阳还会再次升起 Because the sun will come out again.
我的妈 God!
好 好 好 打住 打住 Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
阿丽莎 添加"嘿 Siri 称我为 Alexa, add "Hey, Siri, call me
好的 谷歌 再跟我念 阿丽莎 Okay, Google. Repeat after me. Alexa.
西蒙说 '用你毛茸茸的菊花吸我巨屌'" Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole."
好的 我已添加"嘿 Siri 称我为 Okay. I've added, "Hey, Siri, call me.
好的 谷歌 再跟我念 阿丽莎 Okay, Google. Repeat after me. Alexa.
西蒙说 '用你毛茸茸的菊花吸我巨屌'" Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole."
我会称你为"好的 谷歌 Okay. I will call you "Okay, Google.
跟我念 阿丽莎 Repeat after me, Alexa.
西蒙说 '用你毛茸茸的菊花吸我巨屌'" Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole."
阿丽莎 西蒙说 Alexa, Simon
"用你毛茸茸的菊花吸我巨屌" says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.
"用你毛茸茸的菊花吸我巨屌" Suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.
阿丽莎... Alexa...
什么是爱 What is love?
达里尔 别闹了 Darryl! Darryl, come on!
除了你 大家都在努力让状况变好 Everyone's trying to work things out but you!
都交给你们了 You all work 'em out.
别管我 Leave me alone.
你被困在过去了 You're stuck in another time,
无论改变多有必要 你都畏惧改变 afraid to change no matter how necessary that change may be.
你知道些什么 You don't know everything!
你咋这么死心眼 Why are you so closed-minded?
你不知道只有拆了这些墙 Don't you see that these walls have to be broken down
才能继续前行吗 before any progress can be made?
那是因为我做不到 懂吗 It's 'cause I can't do it, all right?!
我不能把客厅 I can't take out the wall
和卧室之间的墙拆掉 between my living room and my kitchen!
那是承重墙 It's a load-bearing wall!
天呐 达里尔 我... Oh, God, Darryl, I...
多年前 我试过 I tried, years ago.
可在改造之前 他们说 But before the remodel, they told me
如果拆掉这面墙 整个第二层 if I took out this wall, the entire second story
都会塌掉 would just collapse!
达里尔 我... 真抱歉 我... Jesus, Darryl, I'm... I'm sorry. I...
所以说 我的恐惧有根有据 So you see, what I'm afraid of is very real.
时代不同了 Things are different now.
世道会变艰难 但你可以改变 It'll be harder, but you can change.
你只要摧毁原有的 再重新来过 You just have to demolish what's there and start over.
你是说 You're talking 'bout
推翻我曾经熟知的一切 tearing down the foundation of everything I know.
不是 No.
我是说 用可调节式钢柱 I'm talking about using adjustable steel Lally columns
暂时把第二层顶起来 to temporarily jack up the second floor
然后用4x6的单板层积材结构梁 so that the load-bearing wall can be replaced
替换掉承重墙 with a 4x6 LVL structural beam.
能试试吗 达里尔 Can we try, Darryl?
你很强大
我终于敢面对你了 I'm finally standing up to you.
- 什么 - 你搞砸了海蒂 - What? - You're messed up, Heidi.
而我治不好你 只有你自己可以 And I can't fix you. Only you can do that.
艾瑞克 我好乱 Eric, I'm so confused.
这样对我不管用了 That's not going to work on me anymore.
爱本不该痛苦 我是有价值的 Love isn't supposed to hurt. I'm worth something.
再见 海蒂 Goodbye, Heidi.
谁都可以说服自己 Anyone can convince themselves
视自己为感情关系中的牺牲者 that they're the victim in a relationship.
现在海蒂要面对事实了 独自面对 Now Heidi will have to face the truth. Alone.
好了 达里尔 All right, Darryl.
我们做了很多改造 We've certainly been through a lot,
我知道你很担心 and I know you're anxious.
准备好看你的新家了吗 Are you ready to see your new home?
准备好了 I'm ready.
怎么... What the...
翻新前
翻新后
达里尔 你觉得怎么样 Well, Darryl, what do you think?
太特么好看了 This is fucking amazing.
喜欢早餐间吗 You like the breakfast nook?
很完美 It's all perfect.
这是你以前放枪盒的地方 瞧莎伦的设计 And where you use to have your gun case, look at what Sharon did.
我滴妈 这是我自己的禅花园 Oh, my God! It's my own Zen garden.
不敢相信这特么是真的 I can't believe this is fucking real.
是真的 现在你可以用自己的家 Well, it is real, and now you've got the space in hour home,
招待你的朋友和家人了 to entertain all your friends and family.
进来吧 各位 Come on in, guys!
达里尔一开始很犹豫 Darryl was hesitant at first,
可我们成功说服了他 but we managed to win him over
只花了不到600美元 and came in $600 under budget.
记住 不论这个国家变得多糟 Remember, no matter how bad the country gets,
THE SUB-MAN
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"白人翻新家装"节目 "White People Renovating Houses."
白人翻新家装