《南方公园》 第22季 第6集 至肃时刻
South Park S22 E06 Time to get cereal
我到南方公园转一转 享受美好时间
I'm goin' down to south park gonna have myself a time.
黄发垂髫 怡然自乐 到处摆着和善傻脸
friendly faces everywhere.humble folks without temptation.
我到南方公园转一转 烦恼丢到天边
I'm goin' down to south park gonna leave my woes behind.
阡陌交通 车位俨然 人们嚷着"约吗,约吗!"
ample parking day or night.people spouting howdy neighbor.
我到南方公园转一转 好似做大保健
I'm heading down to southpark,gonna see if i can't unwind.
我爱上无脑矫情妹 我屌也爱矫情妹
I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it.
所以快到南方公园转一转 会会我的小伙伴
so come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine.
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😁沙雕字幕组译制
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😁翻译：fiufa Dimitri98 A&K
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😁时间轴：中关村老实人
耶！你打中了 尼德
Yeeeah! You got it, Ned!
这一枪真漂亮
That was a nice shot!
谢谢 我也 这么觉得
Thanks. I thought so, too.
来吧 让我们看看打到了什么
Come on, let's see what we got.
啊 看起来你把它都打爆了
Huh. Looks like you shot the shit out of it.
什么也不剩了
There's nothin' left.
嘿 看那里
Hey. Lookie here.
上帝啊 你见过这么大的动物脚印吗
Jesus. You ever seen animal tracks that big?
没见过 金波
No, I have not, Jimbo.
看起来像只熊熊 一个大家伙
Looks like a bear. A huge one!
跟上 踪迹往这边去了
Come on, the tracks go this way.
看那 看起来是熊的粪便
Look at that. Looks like bear droppings.
但是旁边还有人屎
But with a man poop right next to it.
我开始怕了
I'm scared.
我们到底在追踪什么 尼德？
What the hell are we dealing with, Ned?
不管是什么 它刚刚就在这
Whatever it is, it was here recently.
嗨
Hey!
你们两个在我的农场里搞什么？
What the hell are you guys doing on my farm?
我们在追踪一只熊 兰迪
We're trackin' a bear, Randy.
熊？
A bear?
那听起来不像熊
That didn't sound like no bear.
你要去哪 尼德？
Where you goin', Ned?
我要离开这鬼地方
I'm getting my white ass outta here.
什么鬼啊！
What the fuck?!
我的天哪！
Jesus Christ!
救命
Helllllllp meeeeee!
尼德！！！
Neddddddd!
好吧 米尔纳牧场有一些牛死了
All right, we have some dead cows down at Milner's Ranch.
我希望康纳小队和蒂格小队前去调查
I want Conners and Tiggs to check that out.
两个徒步者仍在失踪中
And the two hikers are still missing.
所有单位继续调查
Let's have all units keep their ears to the ground.
好了就这些 现在该换班了
All right, ladies, that's it. Second shift starts now.
至于我 我终于可以回家了
As for me, I'm finally heading home.
终于可以回家休息了？
Gonna finally get some R&R, sir?
没错 我要回家玩荒野大镖客2
Yup. Gonna go home and play me some "Red Dead Redemption 2."
我要去瓦伦丁抢火车了
I got a train to rob in Valentine.
长官？
Detective?!
接到学校打来的电话
Got a call from the school.
又有一个孩子被杀了
Another kid's been killed.
不是吧 又一起校园枪击案
No, no, not another school shooting.
他们就不能自己处理吗
Can't they handle it themselves?
他们现在需要我们
Said they need us right away.
该死
God damn it.
为什么这帮臭小子不能让我省省心
Why the hell can't these kids stop being a pain in my ass?
孩子们 所有人退后 明白吗？
Children, everyone just stay back, okay?
警察叔叔要来了
The police are coming.
好了 什么情况 枪手是几年级的
All right, what happened? What grade was the shooter in?
哦 谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
几个幼儿园小朋友发现的尸体
Some kindergartners found the body.
我不认为这是枪击案
I-I don't think it was a shooting.
这当然是校园枪击案
Of course it's a school shooting.
我是身经百战 见得多了
It's cut and dry.
赶紧处理完我好回家
Let's just get this over with so I can go home.
受害人在哪
Where's the victim?
在那
Over there.
什么鬼？
What the hell?
上帝啊 尸体被完全撕裂
Jesus, it's a complete mauling.
看起来尸体被吃了一部分
Looks like part of him was eaten.
好了 你们这些小混蛋 谁干的
All right, which one of you little shitheads did this?
快点 我可没时间陪你玩游戏
Come on! I don't have time for these little games.
哪个混蛋觉得自己被排挤了就想来报复社会？
Which one of you peckers felt isolated and lashed out at society?
如果我不得不在这办案而不能回家抢火车的话
If I have to stay here and do an investigation instead of go home and rob a train,
就有你们好看的了
there's gonna be serious hell to pay!
所以他一个人在操场干嘛
So, what was he doing alone on the playground?
斯塔奇·中部说他只想回去拿他的橄榄球
Staci Nakabe says he just wanted to run back out and get his football.
这他妈太疯狂了
That is fucking crazy!
雪地上有熊的脚印？
And there were bear prints in the snow?
那不是熊
It wasn't a bear.
我看到了
I saw it.
你看到了什么
You saw what?
就在我家
It was at my house.
那个家伙
There was a... thing.
它攻击了我叔叔 叼走了他的朋友
It attacked my uncle and took his friend.
它像熊 但更像一只猪
It was like a bear, but a pig... thing.
上帝啊
Jesus.
刚才在我家 然后又出现在学校
It was at my house and then here at the school!
人们都说那个孩子和我很像
Everyone says that kid and I look alike.
如果那个怪物是冲我来的怎么办
What if that thing is after me?
老兄 现在你太敏感了
Dude, now you're just overreacting.
请注意 点到的同学请到校长办公室来
Attention, please. Will the following students report to the principal's office.
埃里克·卡特曼 肯尼·麦考密克
Eric Cartman. Kenny McCormick.
谢谢
Thank you, mkay.
我靠 这次我又怎么了
Aw, what did I do this time?
你先进去 肯尼
You go first, Kenny.
去你的 你先进去
fuck man，you go first
我没做错什么
I didn't even do anything wrong!
我也没有！
neither do I！
不要扭扭捏捏了 肯尼 进去吧
Just stop being a baby, Kenny, and go.
坐吧 孩子们 坐那
Take a seat boys. Right there.
你知道当警察多糟糕吗
You know how shitty it is to be a cop?
每天都有紧急情况
There's real emergencies every day --
有真人需要真正的帮助
real people who need real help --
但同时 我不得不停下来
but then, every other minute, I gotta stop everything
因为你们中的一个混蛋要在学校开枪
'cause one of you little fucking wads decides to go and shoot up the school.
我怎么知道 我什么都没做
How should I know. I didn't do anything.
闭嘴！ 你们谁以前跟科林闹过矛盾？
Shut up! Now, which one of you had a beef with Colin Brooks?
没人会在乎科林·布鲁克斯
Nobody gives a shit about Colin Brooks.
哦 是吗？ 我问了学校的同学
Oh, yeah? I asked the kids in this school,
谁是最不合群的人？
"Who are the biggest loners?
谁最可能怒而成为下一个枪击犯
Who's most likely to rage and be the next school shooter?"
你知道他们怎么说么？
You know what they said?
那个丑陋刻薄的胖子和孤独的穷孩子
The fat, ugly, mean kid and the detached, loner, poor kid.
喂 我不穷好吧
Hey, I'm not poor, all right?
或者你们都是凶手 坦白吧
Or was it both of you? Fess up.
*注：荒野大镖客的营地
我还有同伴在马蹄形高地等着我去补给
I have people in Horseshoe Overlook who are depending on me to get provisions
这样我们才能回去东边
so we can head back east.
你也玩荒野大镖客吗？
You're playing "Red Dead Redemption," too?
没错
That's right.
而且我要坐实你们都是枪击案凶手
And I'm gonna make both of you school shooters
让你们为浪费我的时间付出代价
pay for wasting my time.
继续查 很多人都说他们看到了 凯尔
Keep looking. There's a lot of people saying they saw it, Kyle.
不止我一个
It's not just me.
“南方公园神秘生物的证据”
"Evidence of the creature of South Park."
这看起来像是阴谋论网站
This is like a conspiracy website.
这不是阴谋论 这是真的
It's not a conspiracy, it's real.
往下翻 有视频
Keep going down. There's video.
那个 就在那
There! Right there!
就是它
That's it.
那就是我看到的
That's was I saw.
我看到了 人熊猪
I saw ManBearPig.
人熊猪？
ManBearPig?
你还记得吗 老兄？ 有人警告过我们
Don't you remember, dude? We were warned about this.
那个老告诉我们会发生什么的怪人
That weirdo guy who came and told us this would happen?
他是对的
He was right.
各位！各位！
You guys! You guys!
警方试图指控我和肯尼杀了那个混蛋科林·布鲁克斯！
The police are trying to say me and Kenny killed that douchebag Colin Brooks!
什么？
What?
他们讯问了我们几个小时
They questioned us for hours.
他们说他们已经有足够的证据逮捕我们
They said they have enough to get warrants for our arrest.
但不是你们干的啊
But it wasn't you guys.
我们知道！ 我们现在到底该怎么办？
We know that! What the hell are we gonna do?!
那个前总统叫什么？
Who was that ex-president guy?
那个曾经试图让大家相信人熊猪的人？
The one who showed up and tried to convince everyone of a ManBearPig?
你是说阿尔·戈尔？
You mean Al Gore?
阿尔·戈尔
Al Gore.
在我的报告里 你们将了解到
In my report, you'll see that Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick
埃里克·卡特曼和肯尼·麦考密克共谋犯案
are believed to have worked together.
我已经发出了对他们的逮捕令
I've issued warrants for their arrests,
剩下的事交给地方检察官
and this case is now in the hands of the DA.
我终于可以回家了
And I am finally going home.
把肯尼和卡特曼分别单独关押
Keep McCormick and Cartman in separate holding cells,
不用等我来讯问他们
and don't wait on me to book 'em.
我要爆肝十八小时荒野大镖客！
I'm gonna be playing for the next 18 hours.
长官！
Detective!
又怎么了
Whattt?!
又有孩子死了
There's more dead kids.
在史塔克池塘的树林里
Out in the woods by Stark's Pond.
树林里？
In the woods?
树林里怎么会有校园枪击案？
There was a school shooting out in the woods?
孩子们学校外应该是安全的啊
Outside of school is the one place
kids are supposed to be safe.
他们说情况很糟糕
They're saying it's really bad, sir.
需要全部人手
Need all units.
该死的！！
God damn it.
如果这些臭小子继续自相残杀
If these kids don't stop killing each other,
我就亲自把他们毙了
I'm gonna shoot them all myself.
您好 嗯 我们在找一位叫做阿尔·戈尔的政府人士
Hello, uh, we're looking of a governmet sort of guy named Al Gore?
阿尔·戈尔 阿尔·戈尔
Al Gore...? Al Gore...?
挺耳熟的
Sounds familiar.
他说过他差点就当总统了
He said he was almost president once.
他到我们镇来警告过我们
He came to our town to warn us about something,
我们必须找到他
and we have to find him.
啊，是的
Oh, yeah.
他看上去就像吉姆·特纳
This looks like Jim Turner.
吉姆·特纳？
Jim Turner?
他蝉联了五年的州保龄球冠军
The state bowling champion five years in a row.
你总能在格拉梅西道
You can always catch him practicing
看到他练习（保龄球）
down at Gramercy Lanes.
心无杂念
Focus.
静如止水
Calm.
凝神聚气
Center.
耶 倒吧
Yes! Die!
倒了吧 该死的球瓶
Die, you pins!
哦 还有个瓶子立着 是吧？
Oh, we've got a straggler, do we?
你会像其他瓶子一样倒下的
You're gonna die just like the rest of 'em.
戈尔先生
Mr. Gore?
心无杂念
Focus.
静如止水
Calm.
阿尔·戈尔？
Al Gore?
很久没人这么叫我了
That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.
我不知道你还记不记得我们
I don't know if you remember us,
但我们是你希望帮我们抓住人熊猪的那些孩子
but we're the kids you got to help try and capture ManBearPig?
嗯 你是对的
Well, uh you were right.
你完全正确
Ha. You -- You were totally right.
人熊猪是真的
ManBearPig is real,
它已经在我们镇上杀了不少人了
and, uh, he's killing lots of people in our town.
哦 那你们可真惨
Oh. Sucks for you.
求您了 戈尔先生 我们需要你的帮助
Please, Mr. Gore! We need your help!
人熊猪可不打算停手
ManBearPig isn't going to stop.
哦 现在它开始给你们惹麻烦了？
Oh, is it inconvenient now?
我试图警告你们 但没人当回事
I tried to warn you all, but no one took me cereal.
你们都只是取笑我 不是吗
You all just made fun of me, didn't you?
好啦 现在你们可以自己解决问题了
Well, now you can just deal with it yourselves.
求您了 就告诉我们 你怎么阻止它
Please, just tell us -- How do you stop it?
如果你们在当年我警告你们的时候就去阻止它
You stop it all those years ago when I freaking warned you
你们就还有时间
and you still had time!
我们一定还有办法
There has to be something we can still do.
求你了 戈尔先生
Please, Mr. Gore.
你是唯一一个了解它的人了
You're the only person who knows anything about it.
向我道歉 说你们不该取笑我
Say you're sorry for making fun of me.
我们之前没...没意识到...
We didn't... We didn't realize there were more than --
说 对不起 你们不该取笑我
Say you're sorry for making fun of me.
对不起 我们不该取笑你
We're sorry for making fun of you.
那听起来一点也不诚恳
That didn't sound cereal at all.
你不能只会复读 好吗苏珊
You can't just go along with what people are saying, Susan, okay?
没有科学证据
There's no scientific proof,
没有切实的依据证明人熊猪存在
no real evidence of a ManBearPig.
可是 有许多聪明人说人熊猪是真实的
Well, there's a lot ManBearPig is real.
是啊 可许多更聪明的人说它不存在 好吗
Yeah, and a lot of smarter people saying it isn't, okay?
苏珊 你需要明白的是
What you need to understand, Susan,
每个人都有自己的算盘
is that everyone has an agenda. Okay?
每个人都想利用对人熊猪的恐惧
Everyone wants to use the fear of a ManBearPig
去达到他们自己的目的
to get what they want.
然后他们宣传伪科学 坏标本
So they throw around bad science, bad taxidermy.
原来做木工的人
People coming out of the woodwork
现在成了这方面的砖家
are now experts on the subject.
但是 亲爱的 你该用用你自己的脑子
But you have to use your own brain, sweetheart.
你不能让别人告诉你
You can't just let people tell you
如果你不相信人熊猪的存在，你就是不关心这个世界
that if you don't believe in ManBearPig,
then you don't care about the world.
它是真的
It is real!
你要是非得相信它是真的 你就接着相信吧 苏珊
You wanna believe it's real, you go right on ahead, Susan.
不 它就在那里 它就在你背后
No, it's right there! It's right there behind you!
行吧 人熊猪是真的
Okay, ManBearPig is real.
那我们现在应该对它做什么呢
What are we gonna do about it now, huh?
我们做什么
What are we gonna do
对当下又有什么用呢 苏珊
that's gonna make any difference now, Susan?
啥 我们必须做点什么
What?! We have to do something!
我们能做的事情 其他所有人都会做 苏珊
What can we do that everyone else will also do, Susan?
得了吧 用用你的脑子
Come on, use your brain.
就算我们做了些什么
Even if we do something about it...
那中国人又会做什么呢
...what about the Chinese?
他们只会继续 啊啊啊啊啊啊
They're just gonna keep right on -- Ahghhggh!
因为他是那么好的人
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
因为他是那么好的人
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
因为他是那么好的人
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
他本该成为总统
♪ That should've been president ♪
哦 谢谢你们 你们本不用这样
Oh, thanks guys! You shouldn't have!
你叫我们这样做的
You told us to.
你们送了我什么呀
What did you guys get me?
哦 哇 看
Oh, wow. Look!
是 "你关于人猪熊说的对"签名照！
It's a "You were right about ManBearPig" signed picture!
所以
So, um...
也许我们现在可以一起干活了
now maybe we can all work together, huh?
等一等 现在是电影时间
Hang on! It's movie time!
快快 开始吧
Go, go! Start it up.
这是有史以来最好的聚会
This is the best party ever.
看哪伙计们 这是我！
Oh, look, guys. It's me!
那是我在竞选总统
There I am, campaigning to be president!
那是我和希拉里
That's me with Hillary!
那是我在选举大战中的更多影像
There's more of me on the campaign trail,
满满的都是梦想
so full of dreams!
看哪 这是我得知竞选落败时的我
Oh, look! It's me when I found out I lost the election!
哦~
Boo!
看哪 是我得奥斯卡奖的瞬间！
But then look!
*阿尔戈尔参与的纪录片《难以忽视的真相》获第79届奥斯卡最佳纪录片奖
There's me getting an Academy Award!
行吧 我们现在可以去阻止人猪熊了吗
Okay, can we stop ManBearPig now?!
谁说要去阻止人猪熊
Who said anything about stopping M.B.P.?
你让我们去做这一切
Y-You told us to do all this.
是啊 为了弥补你们对我的伤害
Yeah, to make up for ripping on me!
你仍然不会帮助我们？
You're still not even gonna help us?!
我已经结束那一段生活了 明白吗？
I've moved on from this life, okay?!
我现在有全新的生活了
I have a new life now!
I'm a bowler!
我是一个保龄球手
我不玩保龄球时 我帮助我的工会
And when I'm not bowling, I help out my gang.
他们现在是我的家人
They're my family now!
我们在黑水镇遭到通缉
We're wanted in Blackwater,
必须赶紧迁移我们的营地
and we have to move our camp soon!
你在玩荒野大镖客2？
You're playing Red Dead Redemption 2?
是的 太好玩了
Yeah. It's amazing.
唯一的问题是我有许多偷来的东西
Only thing is, I have all these stolen items,
我不知道怎么把它们卖掉
and I don't know how to sell them.
我们知道
We know how.
哦 真的吗
Oh, really?
没有存活的目击者了
No witnesses to the attack were left alive.
发现了和之前相同的熊粪 猪粪以及人的排泄物
The same bear and pig droppings were found along with human excrement.
我不相信
I don't believe it.
校园枪击案会发生在冰淇淋店
A school shooting at an ice cream shop.
该死 当学生离开学校
Damn it! When children leave school,
他们应该不会受到伤害了
they're supposed to be out of harm's way.
长官 我们得到了那两个嫌疑犯的有关信息
Detective! Sir, we got word on the two suspects.
他们似乎正在逃亡
They appear to be on the run.
如果我有罪的话 我也会逃跑的
I would be, too, if I were guilty.
没有人看见他们 他们的两个最好的朋友也不见了
No one has seen them or their two closest friends.
马什和布罗夫洛夫斯基
A Marsh and Broflovski.
所以我们发现了一个枪击犯团伙啊
So, we got us a gang of shooters, huh?!
找到四个男孩能有多难
How the hell hard can it be to find four boys?!
长官 你不如休息一下
Sir... Why don't you take a break, sir?
呃
Ehh.
你已经尽力了 我们会全力抓捕这四个男孩的
You've been hittin' it hard. We'll do all we can to catch these kids.
回家吧 玩玩荒野大镖客
Go home, play some "Red Dead Redemption."
我不得不承认我喜欢看到太阳再次从城堡岩上升起
Got to admit, I'd love to see the sun rise over Citadel Rock again.
然后找一个给我一两个支线任务的女人
And I got me a gal who claims she's got a side mission or two.
回家吧 长官 我们会办好这边的工作的
Go on home, sir. We'll take care of everything here.
就在这了
This is it.
我收集的有关人熊猪所有的信息
Every piece of information I ever gathered on ManBearPig.
人熊猪是从哪里来的
Where did ManBearPig come from?
是某种基因突变吗
Is it some sort of genetic mutation?
哦 我曾经也是这么想的
Oh! I thought that once, too.
我想要找到人熊猪的起源
I wanted to find ManBearPig's origins.
于是我创造了这个内连网
And so I created this -- the Intranet.
用这个我可以找到任何地方的任何信息
With that, I was able to search everywhere for any bit of data.
我的发现是 人熊猪是一只恶魔
And what I learned is that ManBearPig... is a demon.
一只恶魔？
A demon？
这是马丁·松高尔的《圣安东尼的诱惑》
This is "The Temptation of St. Anthony" by Martin Schongauer.
它描绘了数只恶魔
It depicts several demons --
这只猴狼人 这只鸡鱼女 还有这只象鱼人
WolfMonkeyGuy, ChickenFishWoman and ElephantPorcupineMan,
这只是举几个例子
just to name a few.
它们都是由魔鬼本人派来的恶魔
All of them demons sent by the Devil himself.
我的天呀
Oh, my God.
怎么了
What?
我应该用这台电脑的三屏玩荒野大镖客的
I should play "Red Dead" on this computer, with all three screens.
肯定贼爽
That'd be so bitchin' sweet.
魔鬼为什么要派人熊猪来
Why did the devil send ManBearPig?!
为什么魔鬼要这么做？
Why does the devil do anything?
因为他是魔鬼 他就是个王八蛋
He's the freakin' devil. He's a dick.
现在也许已经太迟了
It's probably too late.
现在人熊猪已经是太过强大
By now ManBearPig is so powerful
唯一除掉它的办法是把它送回地狱
that the only way to get rid of him is to send him back to hell.
我们必须进行一个恶魔仪式
We're going to have to do a demonic ritual.
我能说的只有你们应该马上去杂货店
All I can say is, you boys better get to the grocery store,
因为现在是时候认真起来了
'cause it's time... to get cereal.
哈里森·耶茨 你到哪里去了
Harrison Yates, where have ya been?!
另一场校园枪击 麦琪
Another school shooting, Maggie.
发生在巴斯金-罗宾斯
Down at Baskin-Robbins.
我已经好几天没有看见你了
I haven't seen you in days. I've missed you so much.
我好想你 一起吃个晚饭吧
Come have some supper with me.
麦琪 我只是需要放松一下 好吗
Maggie, I just need to relax a bit, all right? Please.
我等待这一刻很久了 就给我...
I've been waiting for this a long time. Just give me a --
等等
Wait a minute.
瓦伦丁的房子已经造好了
The house in Valentine is built?
我从哪里搞到的狙击步枪
Where did I get a sniper rifle?
麦琪 你是不是玩了我的存档
Maggie! Did you play over my save game?
我就玩了一点点
I just played a little bit.
一点点 在我的存档上
A little bit, you -- On my save game?!
为什么不开你自己的存档
Why didn't you start your own?!
你一直不回家
You're never home anymore!
这么多校园枪击案
With all these school shootin's!
我也需要我自己的生活
I need a life, too, ya know!
于是我抢了Monto's Rest的木材场
So I robbed a lumber mill in Monto's Rest,
升级了我的马 然后买了一把狙击步枪
upgraded my horse, and got a sniper rifle.
那是我的存档 麦琪
That's my life, Maggie!
我追求的是高声望点
I was going for more honor points!
该死！
God damn it!
为什么我们不能一块玩这个存档
Why can't we have a life together?!
我已经有三天没玩了
I haven't gotten to play in three days.
你却趁我不在的时候做了这些
You've done all this stuff without me!
你还担任代理了
You got deputized?!
该死 我受够了
Oh, God damn it! That does it.
你要到哪儿去
Where are ya goin'?!
我要开始新的生活
I'm starting a new life!
我要开一个新存档
I'm creating a new save game.
你总不能回到雪山那关吧
You can't possibly go all the way back to the snow level again!
那我现在有别的选择吗
What choice do I have now?!
臭婊子
Fucking bitch.
古娜拉黑暗之神
Abbul abash my-ah.
恶魔撒旦给世间带来的恶
What Satan has put forth upon this earth
愿其听从召唤 将其永久驱逐
may it be summoned and banished forever.
我去 老兄 这是在干嘛呢
Dude, come on, what are we doing?
这太沙雕了
-This is stupid.
但他之前是对的
-He was right before.
我们呼唤黑暗之力降临
We call upon the powers of darkness.
快点 孩子们 我们呼唤
Come on, guys. We call upon...
我们呼唤黑暗之力降临
We call upon the powers of darkness.
阿尔·戈尔是正确的
Al Gore was right.
阿尔·戈尔一直以来都是正确的
Al Gore was right all along.
阿尔·戈尔一直以来都是正确的
Al Gore was right all along.
我们本来都应听阿尔·戈尔的话
We should have listened to Al Gore.
我们本来都应听阿尔·戈尔的话
-We should have listen to Al Gore.
等下 你在对着我们拍视频？
-Wait. Wait. Are you videoing us?
这是Instagram上的直播 快继续说
It's Instagram live. Keep going!
我们都应更认真地对待阿尔·戈尔
We should have taken Al Gore more cereal.
好了够了 停止吧！
All right. All right. That's enough.
镇上的人们正在被杀害
You need to stop wasting our time, dude.
老兄 你别再浪费时间了
People are dying!
你根本不知道你在做什么
You don't have a fucking clue what you're doing!
你说啥来着？
You were saying?
我了个草 我啥也没说
Aw, shit! God Damn it! Nothing!
对不起对不起
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
你们能想象出人生重来是什么感受吗?!
Do you all have any idea what's it's like to start over?!
在大雪中徒步整整四个小时
You walk four hours through the snow
重新学习所有东西
relearning everything,
全都是因为你的贱老婆拿你的血汗钱
all because your bitch wife went and spent
升级你根本不想升级的东西上！
all your hard earned money on upgrades you didn't want!
我就从工作抽出了一小会
I get one little break from work --
就一小会！
one little break
我甚至都没打到在酒馆第一次打架那儿
-- and I didn't even get back to the first brawl at the saloon.
如果你去和道奇一起打猎你就能跳过那场架
You can actually bypass that fight if you go hunting with Dutch.
闭嘴！
Shut up!
校园枪击的案子必须给我破了 听见没?!
These school shootings are done, you hear me?!
不管怎样 我要你们今夜之前给我结案！
I want this case closed by the end of the night, one way or another!
现在 全体出发！
Now, let's move out!
孩子们 他来了！
Here he comes, boys!
都做好准备！
Prepare yourselves!
是谁召唤我来到此地？
Who hath summoned me to this realm?!
天啊 你把撒旦召唤出来了！
Dude! You summoned Satan!
是啊 废话 不然你以为我们在干嘛？
Yeah no doi! What'dya think we were doing?!
黑暗之子啊 是我 阿尔 戈尔！
Prince of darkness! It is I, Al Gore!
我以前差点当上总统
I was almost president!
你在渴求什么？ 阿尔·戈尔
What do you wish of me, Al Gore?!
有只来自地狱的恶魔被释放到我们的世界
A demon from Hell has been unleashed upon our world!
我们想要知道它的底细
We demand to know its nature!
我们想要知道它来此的原因
We demand to know its reason for coming!
只有一个地方能找到你所追寻的答案
There is only one place you can find the answers you seek!
那是让世间所有知识都得以为人知晓之处
It is the place where all knowledge becomes known!
你们当地的图书馆
Your local library.
啊！你说的对
Ah! You are correct.
无论想知道什么
Your local library is an excellent resource
去本地的图书馆一定是个好办法
for whatever you wish to learn.
的确如此
Yes, it is.
那么我命令你 撒旦
Then I command thee, Satan,
和我们一起去图书馆
to come with us to the local library!
我是认真的！
And I am cereal!
老哥 撒旦咋可能会跟我们一起去...
Dude, Satan's not gonna go with us to the --
很好 阿尔·戈尔 我们走！
Very well, Al Gore. Let us go!
喂 伙计们 过来这边！
Yeah, guys! Guys, over here!
我觉得我找到了
I think I found it.
你们要对付的是一只命运之筛
What you're dealing with is a Sifter of Fate.
那是啥意思？
What's that mean?
这些恶魔...呃
So there's these demons that, um, actually come
每经过几代就会出现一次
once every few generations.
它们专门与人做交易
They're all about making deals.
交易？
Making deals?
是啊 你们看
Yeah, check it out.
命运之筛靠引诱人类而发迹
"The Sifter of Fate thrives on tempting mankind.
它们与人做交易 换取同情
It will always offer a deal in exchange for mercy,
但当债务到期时 代价是上千倍的屠杀
but the carnage will be a thousand times worse when the debt comes due."
好吧 等等
Okay, so wait.
你的意思是我们镇上有人在和那玩意做交易
Now you're saying that someone in our town made a deal with that thing?
现在它在这里 说明这就是交易的一部分内容
Now it's here to claim it's part of the bargain.
这就像是 当你是某个帮派的人
It's sort of like when you're part of a gang
正在和敌方帮派交火
feuding with a rival gang, you know.
你懂 你骑着你的马跑
You ride around on your horse
以为人家肯定追不上你
thinking it won't all catch up with you,
但总是事与愿违
but it always does.
你也在玩荒野大镖客？
You're playing "Red Dead Redemption," too?
太好玩了 对吧？
So good, right?
注意！校园枪手们！
Attention, school shooters!
你们已经被包围了！
We have you surrounded!
举起手给我出来！
Come out with your hands up!
天啊 戈尔先生 你得告诉他们真相！
Oh, Jesus. You gotta tell them, Mr. Gore!
告诉他们我们不是凶手！
Tell them it wasn't us!
不 他们不会信我的 孩子们
No. They don't listen to me, kids.
现在就靠你们年轻人了
It's up to you young people now.
你们必须想办法让人们重视这些
You have to find a way to get people to take this cereal.
你们必须让人们相信真的有一只撒旦刚说的
You must convince people there's a ManBearPig,
的那种命运之筛
which Satan told you is a Fate Sifter demon
跟镇上某个人订下了契约的人熊猪
that made a deal with someone in this town!
人们怎么可能会相信
That's gonna be impossible.
对啊 很难令人信服 是吧？
Yeah, sounds really hard, doesn't it?
人们也许不会相信你们
People might not believe you
而且会嘲笑你们什么的
and, like, make fun of you and stuff.
你们真可怜啊 是吧？
Poor you guys, huh?
他们出来了！
They are coming out!
手放在我们能看到的地方！
Hands where we can see em!
大家听着 人熊猪是真的！
Everyone, listen! ManBearPig is real.
是一种靠利用人性弱点
It's a demon that thrives on making deals
与人交易而生存的恶魔
to exploit mankind's weaknesses.
我非常 非常认真！
I am super-duper cereal.
大家 我们要团结起来 就这一次！
We all have to work together, you guys. This one time.
我们必须丢掉自己的虚荣
We have to all put our pride aside
要愿意承认 或许我们的确错了
and be willing to say, maybe we were wrong.
好了 把这几个小混球铐起来！
All right, lock these little fuckers up!
不！你不能这样！
No! You can't!
到此为止 先生们 破案了！
That's it, gentlemen! Case closed.
我他妈还得搞辆马车去抢Scarlett牧场呢！
Now I've got a God damn stagecoach to rob in Scarlett Meadows!
长官 干得好！
Well done, sir!
别啊 冤枉！
No! Noooo!
求你了 是有人在跟人熊猪做交易！
Please! Somebody made a deal with ManBearPig!
我们必须要找出是谁！
We have to find out who!
Billy...
我都做了些什么啊？
what have I done?