小天自译 恶搞之家S01 双语字幕 持续更新
微博 @小天天天犯困 / B站 @黄景瑜的小天_
老妈 老爹 格雷兜里有烟 被我逮住了 Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket.
时间轴|翻译|压制 小天
- 格雷 你是在抽烟吗 - 没有啊老爹 - Greg, were you smoking cigarettes? - No, Dad.
他在骗人呢 一眼就看出来了 He's lying. There's no doubt about that.
格雷 你去蛇窝里给我呆四个小时 这是对你的惩罚 Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snakepit.
给你时间 好好反省你的所作所为 That'll give you time to think about what you done.
嗷 我淦 Aw, Man!
把他治服帖的 That'll teach him.
简 你也给我去烤炉里呆上一天 Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire...
因为你打你哥的小报告 ...for tattling on your brother.
抽烟 那么乖的崽 怎么会犯这么大的错 Smoking. How does a boy like that go so wrong?
- 因为他邻居都不是好人 - 是布瑞狄一家吗 - They live in a crummy neighborhood. - The Bradys?
*1990年美剧 在CBS电视台播出
没错 他们家抢劫的 犯罪的 贩毒的 啥人都有 Yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it.
你们谁要吃煎饼嘛 You folks want some pancakes?
不吃 栓Q了 No, thank you.
看见没 咱们家最坏 也就被杰玛大妈视奸 See, that's the worst we got is Jemima's Witnesses.
♪ 似乎今日 你看着电视 ♪ ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ 只有暴力电影 还有少儿不宜 ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ 但那些我们曾信赖的... ♪ ♪ But where are those good, old-fashioned values ♪
♪ 优良的旧潮流价值观 去了哪里 ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
♪ 一切尽在恶搞之家 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ 还好有居家良男 为你讲述 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you ♪
♪ 让我们哭笑的 一起走过的路 ♪ ♪ all the things that make us laugh 'n' cry ♪
♪ 他 就是 居家良男 ♪ ♪ He's a family guy ♪
老妈 我嘴唇太薄了 我能去做医美打一针不 Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?
梅格你很美 不必改变自己的容貌 Meg, you don't need to change the way you look.
世界上很多苦恼的根源 就是因为不自信 You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image.
太好了 我的脑波控制器 就要做好了 Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion!
斯特威 不要把玩具放桌上玩哦 Stewie, I said no toys at the table.
你妈了个逼 坏女人 Damn you, vile woman!
自从我逃离你恶熏的子宫 你就一直在毁我的心血 You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
别不高兴了 亲 你刚出生那会儿.. Don't pout, honey. When you were born...
医生看到你 说你是他见过 笑的最幸福的宝宝 the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen.
那必须的 But, of course.
那可是我的胜利日 That was my victory day.
经过深思熟虑 精打细算 The fruition of my deeply-laid plans...
我终于逃脱了你的诅咒之腹 ...to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille!
机器还给我 臭女人 Return the device, woman!
不可以玩玩具了 斯特威 No toys, Stewie.
谢谢你全家 Very well, then.
记住我的话 你做事给我小心一点 Mark my words, when you least expect it,
我三天之内杀了你 your uppance will come!
老妈 我能把暖气开大嘛 Mom, can I turn the heat up?
别碰那个调温器了 玛格 你爸会不高兴的 Don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset.
拉倒吧 最高能调到90°F/32°C呢 Come on. This thing goes up to 90.
谁碰调温器了 Who touched the thermostat?
亲娘了 他怎么每次都知道 God, how does he always know?
脑电波哦 玛格 每个老爹的标配 Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one.
每次孩子们乱调温度 都会提醒 Tells you when the kids mess with the dial.
我的脑电波在叫 你家调温器还好吗 My thing went off! Your thermostat okay?
- 没事的 一如往常 - 我家孩子在这吗 - Yeah, it's all right. - Is my kid over here?
没事了 假警报 Forget it! False alarm!
大傻种们 Ass ahoy.
皮特 现在都七点了 你居然还穿着裤子 Peter, it's 7:00 and you've still got your pants on.
有什么大事发生 What's the occasion?
他要去参加哥们聚会 He's going to a stag party.
露易丝 为了咱这个家 我累死累活一星期 Lois, I work hard all week to provide for this family.
我就是一家之主 I am the man of the house.
所以我以一家之主的名义命令你 批准我去参加派对 And as the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party.
那这样吧 你要给我保证你不会喝酒 Look, at least promise me you won't drink.
沾上酒精准没好事 Alcohol always leads to trouble.
好了啦 你真是担心了个寂寞 Come on. You're worrying about nothing.
那你记不记得那次你在教堂 喝圣餐酒喝醉了那次 Remember when you got drunk off the Communion wine at church?
上帝则惩罚约伯 And so the Lord God smote poor Job...
让他嘴里流脓 眼里有泡 ...with festering boils all over his body.
亲娘了 每次他讲这个故事 我都浑身膈应 Man, I hate it when he tells this story.
但即便如此 约伯依旧保持他的贞节 Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity.
- 这真的是基督圣血吗 - 是的 - Is that really the blood of Christ? - Yes.
上帝他肯定 一整天都旋转跳跃不停歇 Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day.
还有在冰淇淋店那次 And then there was that time at the ice cream store.
黄油朗姆酒是我的最爱 Butter Rum's my favorite.
*一款鸡尾酒 以爱尔兰威士忌为基酒 配以咖啡为辅料
还有我们去看《费城故事》那次 你喝了杯爱尔兰咖啡 Remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?
想起来了 那个男的演过《飞越未来》 I got it. That's the guy from Big.
是汤姆·汉克斯 就是他 Tom Hanks, that's it.
超搞笑一男的 汤姆·汉克斯 每一句话都巨有梗 Funny guy, Tom Hanks. Everything he says is a stitch.
我得艾滋了 I have AIDS.
- 答应我好嘛 皮特 - 露易丝 我的亲 我保证 - Promise me, Peter. - Lois, honey, I promise.
今晚谁喝一滴酒 谁是狗 Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch these lips tonight.
谁要跟我拼酒喝 Who wants to play Drink The Beer?
我来了 汪汪 Right here.
- 你赢啦 - 不错 我的奖品是什么 - You win. - All right. What do I win?
另一瓶啤酒 Another beer!
哥要破个记录了 I'm going for the high score!
讲真 查理才真的破纪录了 Actually, Charlie's got the high score.
兄弟 你家的钟不冲水了 Man. Your clock won't flush.
兄弟们 我有点内疚 我跟我老婆保证今晚滴酒不沾的 I feel kind of bad, guys. I promised my wife I wouldn't drink.
- 可别内疚 皮特 - 老天 角度清奇 不内疚了 - Don't feel bad, Peter. - Gee. I never thought of it like that.
你有带小黄片看嘛 Did you bring the porno?
我带小黄片了没 Did I bring the porno?
经典之作 包你满意 You're gonna love it. It's a classic.
艾尔莎 如果我坐飞机走了 Listen, Ilsa. If I take this thing out...
但你没跟我走 你一定会后悔的 ...and you're not on it, you'll regret it.
可能不是今天 不是明天 Not today or tomorrow.
但不久的将来 你一定会遗憾终生 But soon, and for the rest of your life.
赶紧脱吧艾尔莎 裤子都快撑爆了 Come on, llsa! Get on it!
本座雕像是来自法国的礼物 The statue was a gift from France.
裤子都脱了 你给我看的是啥 What is this?
完蛋 被我家孩子拿去录历史教材了 Man. My kid must've taped over this for history class.
自由女神像 咱们现在干嘛啊 The Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do?
兄弟们 咱们喝到她脱 Boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot.
太疯狂辣 完全可以 That's just crazy enough to work.
梅格 吃完你的煎饼 Meg, finish your pancakes.
- 克瑞斯 胳膊肘别支着你爸爸 - 谢谢儿子 - Chris, elbows off your father. - Thanks, son.
37瓶啤酒 37 beers.
你可真是给咱孩子们树了个好榜样 皮特 You're setting a great example for the kids, Peter.
没错 打破咱家最高纪录 Yeah. A new family record.
直接更上一层楼了 老爹 Way to raise the bar, Dad.
克瑞斯 你13了 别这样讲话 Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that.
崽 老爹就是在喝酒 等着自由女神像... Kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty...
把她的衣服脱光光 ...would take her clothes off.
- 你昨晚怎么答应我的 - 在聚会上不喝酒 - What did you promise me last night? - I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
- 那你做了什么 - 在聚会上喝.. - And what did you do? - Drank at the stag...
差点就被你套出来话了 天 I almost walked right into that one. God!
感觉像是有会计 在我脑子里敲键盘 Feels like accountants are cranking adding machines in my head.
你个勾八 有想过墙外的世界是怎样的吗 Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls?
这个想法太危险了 保罗 好好上你的班吧 That's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work.
好呢 Okay.
看到没 皮特 You see? Peter
老天爷都觉得我是对的 所以让你宿醉 A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right.
老妈 你还好嘛 Mom, are you all right?
我的亲娘了 凳子腿居然松了 My goodness. This chair leg was loose.
是不是好傻 我差点摔断我的脖子 Isn't that silly? I could've broken my neck.
他妈的 Damn!
亲 我叫的滴滴回家 在桌子上睡的觉 Honey. I took a cab home, I slept on the table...
所以才没有把你吵醒 完全没有坏事发生 ...so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happened.
我猜你说的对吧 I guess you're right.
接受道歉 好啦 我要去上班了 Apology accepted. All right, I'm going to work.
来个人 把这些食物放桌子上 Somebody's gotta put food on this table.
你做得怎么样了 乔纳森 How are you coming, Johnson?
韦德先生 我在做一条新的犹太大兵生产线 Mr. Weed, I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line.
*恶搞G.I. Joe 美国大兵 犹太人在美国文化里被认为是爱抱怨的人
你看 它们看起来可好了 And as you can see, they look great.
你把这叫面包圈吗 You call these bagels?
我保证它跟咱们是一家的 I'm glad he's on our side!
- 皮特 - 什么东西 - Peter! - What?
你是在工作的时候睡觉吗 Are you sleeping on the job?
不是 有个小虫子飞我眼里了 我要把它闷死 No. There's a bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate him.
皮特 我喜欢你 Peter, I like you.
但是你不能 继续在这儿当花瓶了 But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here.
你的工作 就是捡出来 会对孩子们造成伤害的玩具 It's your job to watch for toys that could be hazardous to kids.
- 现在 给我看准了 - 好嘞 领导 - Now, look sharp! - Yes, sir!
欢迎您继续收看CCTV1《今日说法》 And now back to Action News 5.
我们今晚头条新闻 是"玩具搞偷袭" Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack."
可真是出大事儿了啊 汤姆 Quite a situation we've got here, Tom.
这真不是编的 黛安 Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane.
有消息称 罗德岛州圆蛤市的 喜狗乐玩具公司 It seems the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company of Quahog, Rhode Island...
往零售市场 制作发售了很多 有重大安全隐患的产品 ...has released highly unsafe products into the retail market.
康忙 提米 把那傻球扔过来 Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!
哇哦 是一只庞德犬诶 Boy! A Pound Poochie!
*Heimlich / 海姆利希 海姆利希急救法创始人 就是抢救被噎住人的那个
海姆利希宝贝 吐出来哦 Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out.
皮特 我大吃一斤 Peter, I'm appalled.
你的失职 毁坏了我们公司的名誉 Your negligence has damaged this company's reputation.
你被炒了 You're fired!
天爷了 炒多久 Jeez. For how long?
我的妈啊 你被炒鱿鱼了 My God! You got fired?
好得很 老爹爹 打倒机器 Way to go, Dad! Fight the machine!
你压根对机器一无所知 How do you know about the machine?
别怕啦 饭肯定是不会缺你们的 Don't worry. I'll still put food on this table.
就是缺粮而已 所以该出手时就出手 不出手就没得吃 Just not as much. So it might get a little competitive.
谁在乎吃的啊 Who cares about food?
现在我永远都做不起医美嘴唇填充了 Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!
咱能先把她丢院子里一会儿不 Can we put her out in the yard for a while?
好哦 是谁饿啦 Okay, who's hungry?
老天啊 我他妈该怎么跟露易丝讲这事儿啊 Jeez. How the hell am I gonna break this to Lois?
如果她发现我是因为喝酒被炒了 她绝对会怪我的 If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's gonna blame me!
骗她就好啦 跟女人撒谎没事的 Lie to her. It's okay to lie to women.
她们跟我们不一样 They're not people like us.
我不知道 I don't know.
嘿 劝好的那个人在哪呢 Hey, where's the other guy?
赶紧走啊 你个贱货 我上班都迟到了 Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work.
真是完美 This is perfect!
我不想让你妈妈担心 好嘛 Look, I don't want your mom to worry, all right?
她每次担心的时候 都会讲 "我都让你别这样了" When she worries, she says, "I told you so" and:
"手拿开 我没有性趣 想睡觉" "Stop doing that. I'm asleep."
所以允许我撒个小谎好嘛 So I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay?
关于我被炒了的事 一个字也不要提 Not a word to your mom about me getting canned.
你说啥 皮特 What's that, Peter?
- 没事 啊呜哦 "我失业了"闻起来好香啊 - 什么东西 - Nothing. The lost-my-job smells great. - What?
玛格 你能把 "因为过失被炒鱿鱼了" 递给我嘛 Meg, honey, can you pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?
皮特 你没什么大病吧 Peter, are you feeling okay?
我好得很 我已经成为大千世界的无业游民了 I feel great! I haven't got a job in the world.
没事就好 那就开饭 All right, then let's eat.
我知道你们都不爱吃茄子 但是嘞 I know you all hate eggplant, but...
这到底是什么鬼 What on earth was that?
你到底在看什么看 这就是个金枪鱼 What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish...
啥也不是 ...and nothing else.
你工作找得怎么样了 How's your job search going?
恶心死了 布莱恩 我这周已经被炒两次了 It sucks, Brian. I've already been through two jobs this week.
先是那个拍广告的 I got fired off of that commercial.
- 再一次 - 麦当劳疯狂星期四 都来吃 - Try it again. - "I'm caca for Cocoa Puffs."
是他妈的肯德基 第26次开拍 No, damn it! Take 26!
然后就是 在餐厅沙拉台 做喷嚏警卫 Then I had that job as the sneeze guard for that restaurant's salad bar.
要打出去打 女士 Take it outside, lady.
然后我以为 我能在才艺秀上赢点马内 I thought I could win money in that talent show.
*最佳音乐组合 获洛杉矶第27届年度青年艺术家评选“最佳音乐组合”称号
奖金获得者是 崔普家庭合唱团 And the prize goes to The von Trapp Family Singers!
这他妈了个逼的简直是.. That is bull...
皮特 我知道这样做可能有点小危险 Peter, I know it's a dangerous precedent...
但是我觉得你应该告诉露易丝真相 ...but you might want to tell Lois the truth.
告诉什么 说我已经养不了我的家人了 What? That I can't provide for my family?
她说的永远都对吗 That she's always right?
我没在天安门广场挡坦克 也是我的错 That I didn't stand up to a tank in Tiananmen Square?
我操 什么情况 我就是来打酱油的 Screw this! I just came over to buy some fireworks!
你不能一直瞒着她 You can't keep lying to her about losing your job.
她迟早会发现你每天的行踪 Soon or later, she'll find out where you're going every day.
也对啊 Yeah.
你言之有理 好吧 我今晚就对她坦白 Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell her tonight.
胜利属于我 Victory is mine!
皮特 我早上要用支票本 Peter, I'll need the checkbook in the morning.
我要去Stop＆Shop超市买点甜玉米 I'm going to Stop & Shop for some sweet corn.
你又要花钱买食物了吗 You're spending money on food again?
露易丝 咱们才刚吃完晚饭啊 Lois, we just had dinner.
没错 我就是爱吃 I enjoyed it so much,
而且明天还要再吃一次 I thought we'd eat again tomorrow.
你几时这么关心 咱家食物支出预算了 Since when are you so concerned about our food budget?
那个我.. I just...
露易丝 这件事我真的 很难讲出口 但是.. Lois, this is really hard for me to say, but...
到底什么事 皮特 What is it, Peter?
- 你越来越胖了 - 什么 - You're getting kind of fat. - What?
这就是..就是有点不健康 It's just... It's not healthy.
皮特 我一周会做三次刘畊宏健身操 Peter, I do my Jane Fonda workout tape three times a week.
你上次看见你脚趾头 是几辈子前 When was the last time you saw your toes?
我以为你们健身 纯属是因为寻乐呢 I thought you people were supposed to be jolly.
皮特 你到底是哪根筋不对了 Peter, what the hell is the matter with you?
亲 如果真出什么事了 你可以跟我讲的 Honey, if there's something wrong, you can tell me.
抱歉 兄弟 我是不是迟到了 我错过什么了 Sorry, man. Am I late? What did I miss?
承你的恩报你的情 你终于来了 我该怎么办 Thank God you're here. What do I do?
叫他闭嘴 他已经陷得太深了 Tell him to keep quiet. He's in too deep.
我也拿不定主意 I don't know.
另一位在哪呢 Where's the other guy?
真他妈让人难以置信 This is unbelievable!
露易丝我向你保证 一切真的没事 Lois I promise you, everything's fine.
你什么都不用担心 You got nothing to worry about.
天啦天啦 老妈 我们又见面了 Well, well, Mother! We meet again!
斯特威 我不是一个小时前 就把你裹进襁褓了吗 Stewie, I thought I tucked you in an hour ago.
你裹的不够紧 Not tightly enough it would seem.
现在 你这个下贱的烂婆娘 And now you contemptible harpy...
看我取你性命 打破母系专制 ...I shall end your reign of matriarchal tyranny.
这个枪明天再玩哦 亲 You can play tomorrow, honey.
现在 是睡觉时间了 Right now it's bedtime.
诅咒你个臭女人 还有我爸雄性同类的背叛 Blast you and your estrogenical treachery!
睡个好觉 崽崽 Sweet dreams, kiddo.
你有能力结束这一切 You have the power to end this!
她什么反应 How'd she take it?
我跟她讲 说她吃胖了 I told her she was fat.
漏 漏 No. No.
我不喜欢对露易丝说谎 感觉真的.. I hate lying to Lois. It's just...
这是阻止她知道真相的最好办法 It's the best way to keep her from the truth.
你没得选啊 存款总有花完的那天 You have no choice. Your unemployment will dry up soon.
等催收贷款的把你房子收走了 她肯定会发现端倪 She'll probably sense something's amiss when they repossess your house.
你应该多考虑全家人的福利 You really oughta think of your family's welfare.
天啦 布莱恩 真是个好主意 Jeez, Brian! That's a great idea!
好哦 你四肢是否健全 Okay, do you have any disabilities,
精神正不正常 身体得不得劲 past injuries, physical anomalies?
我30岁以前 都没放过屁 I didn't have gas for the first time until I was 30.
是不是来鬼了 What the hell was that?
家人们 收入赤字解决啦 Guys, our money problems are over!
我们家正式领福利救济了 We're officially on welfare.
来吧 帮我把车拆了 零件摆前院草坪上 Come on, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn.
能拿多少啊 How much are we getting?
让我瞅瞅 一周150刀 Let's see. $150 a week.
等等 这是个逗号 不是句点 Wait. That's a comma, not a decimal.
发财了 Whoops.
没有诶 我一下午没见皮特的影儿了 No, I haven't seen Peter all afternoon.
我下午去上钢琴课了 I was giving a piano lesson.
斯特威 你去其他房间玩好不好 Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?
你去极乐世界 潇洒走一回好不好 Why don't you burn in hell?
这小嘴叭叭的 waho
你没有甜点吃了 小朋友 No dessert for you, young man.
谁能想到 在哥们聚会喝个大醉 Who would've thought getting drunk would at a stag party
政府每周奖我15万美刀 get me $150,000 a week from the government?
所以我不参加投票选举 This is why I don't vote.
可能领导们开国会的时候 也有人喝醉了 Maybe somebody down there was drinking, too.
总统先生 你为什么觉得美国群众 Mr. President, why do you think the American public
在弹劾程序实施期间 has continue to supports you
还会继续支持你呢 through out these impeachment proceedings?
可能因为你是个肥猪头 Probably because you're so fat.
皮特 不然给福利委员会打个电话吧 Peter, you might want to call the Welfare Commission.
这支票看起来显然有问题 That check is obviously an oversight.
没必要 可能我刚好是它们 第一百万个顾客 Not necessarily. Maybe I'm like their one millionth customer.
怎样 你还准备一周花光15万美刀吗 What? You're gonna spend $150,000 a week?
- 确实 - 在哪花啊 - Yeah. - On what?
我的妈啊 皮特 Oh, my God! Peter,
你这是买了个大卫像吗 you bought the statue of David?
不啦 这是我租来的 但是肯定还不回去了 No. I just rented it. But they're gonna be ticked.
我把它往车里搬的时候 √8被我碰掉了 The penis broke off while I was loading it into the car.
给你起名"小宁泽涛"好了 I shall call you "Eduardo."
皮特 这咱家怎么买得起啊 Peter, how can we afford this?
说了你都不信 老妈 老爹他.. You won't believe it, Mom! Dad's getting...
升职加薪啦 A big raise!
皮特 这也太棒啦 Peter, that's wonderful!
但是老爹 我觉得.. But, Dad, I thought...
因为加薪 所以如果我家崽崽 可以闭上他们的嘴 The kind of raise that'll allow me to give my kids a big allowance...
那我就可以给他们一大笔零用钱 ...just for keeping their big mouths shut.
走啦 家人们 Come on, guys.
我去请家人们吃 至尊豪华大餐 保证是咱家吃过最贵的一餐 I'll buy us the most expensive meal we've ever had.
我想要6000个老北京鸡肉卷 Yeah. I'd like 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas, please.
您能再说一次吗 I beg your pardon?
6000个老北京鸡肉卷 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas.
外带一份狗狗磨牙棒 谢谢 And a "So-sage" McBiscuit, please.
皮特 你要给我什么大惊喜 Peter, what's the big surprise?
露易丝 我不是一直说 你应该有女王般的待遇 Lois, You know how I always said you should be treated like a queen?
我给你买了个 独属于你的逗乐小丑 I got you your own jester.
家人们好 欢迎来到新英格兰 Hey guy, Good to be here in New England.
也不懂新英格兰 到底新在哪儿 And what's the deal with "New" England anyway?
都已经有200年历史了 It's over 200 years old!
上次查百度 是这样讲的 现在应该更久了 Last time I checked, that's not that new.
太完美了 This is great.
我终于可以圆我女儿 医美丰唇手术梦了 I can finally afford to give my little girl the lips she's always dreamed of.
太谢谢你了 爹地 Thank you, Daddy!
我不理解 皮特 除了嘴唇还有其他的 I don't know, Peter. Lips are one thing.
你是不是还给克瑞斯 买硅胶隆胸垫了 But did you have to buy breast implants for Chris?
他喜欢就好嘛 It makes him happy.
这玩意太神奇了 These are cool.
你们家几时建了个池塘 When did you get a pool?
是护城河啦 It's a moat.
我知道有点傻 I know it's silly...
但是我老公现在觉得 我们家应该更小心一点 ...but my husband thinks our family needs extra protection now that...
因为我们是有钱人了 ...we're rich.
有效果吗 Does it work?
*2001年美国喜剧电影 男主角掉进了护城河里 穿越到中世纪
确实能把黑骑士挡在海湾上 It does keep the Black Knight at bay.
你们家东山再起了 真的很祝贺 Congratulations in all your success.
这里是你们的救济金支票 Here's your welfare check.
这他妈.. What the...
帅不帅 我的宝 Hi, honey.
咋啦 What?
我知道我做了错事 I know what I did was wrong.
但我真的一心为你 还有孩子们 But I only did it for you and the kids.
除了卧室里那个自动点唱机 那是给我自己买的 Except for the jukebox in the bathroom. That was for Peter.
是啊 花的都是纳税人的钱 Yeah, from the American taxpayers.
没看透这一切 我是真要气炸了 I am so mad I can't see straight.
没事啊 有钱能使鬼推磨 No problem. We got money to get that fixed...
剩下的钱 还够我们给孩子们 这辈子铺个好路 ...with enough left for us to buy our way out of any trouble our kids might get into.
就像肯尼迪总统 Just like the Kennedys.
你让我感觉很陌生 皮特 I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Peter.
跟我结婚的那个男人 他这辈子都不会觉得... The man I married would never think
烧钱能解决所有问题 he could fix a problem just by spending money!
哥们 她真的气炸了 Boy, she's pretty pissed.
谁能想到欺诈 也是她不可触碰的底线之一呢 Who thought fraud would be one of her buttons?
如果你老婆生你气的话 那厕所里的点唱机.. What's the point to have a jukebox in the john
要它何用呢 if your wife's mad at you?
皮特 你应该把那些钱还给纳税人 Peter, you may have to return that money to the taxpayers.
没错 但是我得让露易丝知道 我在付出实践了 Yeah, But I gotta make sure Lois knows I'm doing it.
我需要找一场 上千人的参加的活动 I need an event with thousands of people.
而且人人关心 万众瞩目 Something that everybody cares about.
这次咱们可能要出罗德岛州了 We might have to leave Rhode Island for this one.
今晚第三十三届超级碗 就连呼吸都让人兴奋 The air is electric here at Super Bowl XXXIII tonight!
派特 我敢保证 今天到场的所有粉丝 Pat, it's safe to say that all these fans
都是来看橄榄球比赛的 came out here to watch a game of football!
约翰 现在是中场广告时间 你说话别人听不到 John, we're in commercial.
啊这 我知道 我就是在跟你找话题 Yeah, I know. I'm just making conversation.
康忙 Come on.
橄榄球 Football!
真有意思 你连车都不会开 Amazing. You can barely drive a car.
但是居然会驾驶飞艇 Yet you were allowed to fly a blimp?
没错 美国就是哪都好 对吧 除了南方 Yeah, America's great, isn't it? Except for the South.
兄弟 我希望露易丝在看 Boy, I hope Lois is watching.
好了 纳税人们 接好了 Okay, taxpayers, here you go!
看起来我们这外面好像是下雨了 约翰 Looks like we're getting some rain here tonight, John.
没错 Yeah.
桥豆麻袋 这不是普通的雨 Hey, wait a second! This is no ordinary rain!
外面下钱了 It's some kind of crazy money rain!
有人告知我 是一个男人和他的狗 在飞艇上撒钱 I'm being told it's a man and his dog throwing cash out of a blimp.
老天啦 我希望这有用 Man. I hope this works.
不然我就要丢这个了 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to start dropping these.
*露易丝 请原谅我
观众直冲运动场 现场一片混乱 The crowd is storming the field! This is pandemonium!
你之前见过这样的场景吗 派特 Have you ever seen anything like this, Pat?
你哪去了 Pat
只见过一次 在75年棉花杯橄榄球赛 Just once. The 1975 Cotton Bowl.
又是 "一周浪费了15万美刀 This is the old "trying to make amends for spending $150,000 a week
我们道歉" 的老把戏 in misappropriated welfare funds" play.
我管他什么三七二十一 I don't care what it is!
那个男人毁了我们这场 完美的橄榄球赛 That guy's ruining a perfectly good game of football!
- 呼叫保安 - 请讲 - Madden to Fox Security. - Go ahead.
- 把他们拿下 - 好的 先生 - Take them down! - Yes, sir.
监狱
澡洗的怎么样 How was your shower?
我跟你讲 关于肥皂的所有传言 都是真的 I tell you, all of the rumors about dropping the soap are true.
真假 Really?
你完全不能指望那玩意儿 能救你的命 You can't hold onto that thing to save your life.
滑溜溜的到处跑 其他人看到了都笑话我 It was slipping everywhere. Guys were laughing.
那个男的居然拿不住肥皂 There's the guy that couldn't hold the soap.
经典拿不住 That was classic.
兄弟 这次我真的让露易丝失大望了 Boy. I really let Lois down this time.
你觉得她还在等我嘛 Do you think she'll wait for me?
得了吧 如果在超级碗炸了个飞机.. Oh come on, If every woman dumped her husband just for...
就能让老婆 直接把老公抛弃 crashing a blimp at the super ball,
天下就不会有新婚了 no one would be married.
说的好对哦 好啦 我要睡上铺 Yeah, you're right. Okay, I got the top bunk.
我打的胶原蛋白在流失 My collagen is wearing off.
亲 你的嘴唇开始下垂 是老天爷都在提醒你 Honey, sagging lips are just nature's way...
不应该跟你老爹同流合污 ...of telling you you shouldn't cover for your father's lie.
那胳肢窝开始流臭泪 这代表什么 What does it mean when your armpits cry stinky tears?
这意味着你已经变成男人啦 It means you're becoming a man.
但希望不是那种天天在外面浪摆 一个电话都不打的 But hopefully not the kind who stays out all day and doesn't call...
像你老爹那样 提到都觉得晦气的臭男人 ...like your father who shall remain nameless.
- 你好啊老妈 - 怎么啦 亲爱的 - Hello, Mother. - Hi there, sweetie.
老妈 生活就是一盒巧克力 You know, Mother, life is like a box of chocolates.
你永远不知道你吃到的下一块 是怎样的 You never know what you're going to get.
但你的生活 更像是一盒.. Your life, however, is more like a box of
拉环手榴弹 active grenades!
现在 我最后讲一次我的要求 Now, I offer one last chance for deliverance.
把我的脑电波控制器还给我 Return my mind-control device
不然你死 or be destroyed.
原来你就是想要回玩具呀 You just want your toy back.
好呢 给你 宝贝 Okay, here you go, honey.
啊这 好轻松 Yes... Well,
胜利属于我 victory is mine!
啊 操你们的妈 Damn you all!
哪位 Hello?
偶买噶 Oh, my God!
露易丝 见到你我真的很幸福 Lois, am I glad to see you.
我对你无话可说 皮特 I have nothing to say to you, Peter.
我都把钱还回去了 你怎么还在生我气 I gave the money back. Why are you still steamed?
皮特 你对我撒谎 你摧毁了我对你的信任 Peter, you lied to me, you betrayed my trust.
比起那个 救助金欺诈就是个屁 Compared to that, welfare fraud doesn't even matter.
真的吗 那咱希望法官也这样觉得 Really? Let's hope the judge feels that way.
庭审开始 This court will come to order.
我想着我越早去兑现支票 I figured the sooner I cashed the check...
他们就能越发现自己的错误 ...the sooner they'd catch their mistake.
小事而已 怎么弄这么夸张 Why are we making a federal case out of this?
格里芬先生 你不觉得你拿到那么多钱的时候 Mr.Griffin, Don't you think you should have alerted the government...
应该先提醒政府吗 ...of such a gross overpayment?
我本来是要打的 但是电视剧《别样的抚摸》 I was gonna call them. But my favorite episode...
我最爱的一集播出了 就是阿杜和杜丽 ...of Different Strokes was on. The one where Arnold and Dudley...
被自行车店老板性骚扰的那集 get sexually molested by the bike shop owner?
孩子们 对着我的屁眼大声喊 All right. Now I want you boys to scream real loud at my ass.
然后所有人 都上了价值宝贵的一课 And everybody learns a valuable lesson.
格里芬先生 那你从中吸取了教训吗 Mr. Griffin, have you learned a lesson?
学到了 就是打死也不去那家自行车店 Yes. Stay the hell away from that bike shop.
好了 大家 我为我的所作所为感到十分内疚 Okay, everybody, I feel really bad about what I did. I just...
我也不知道 我就是看到了 I don't know. I saw the one chance...
人生仅有的一次机会 可以好好补偿我的家人 l'd ever have to give my family the things they deserve.
我觉得我确实是搞砸了 我欺骗了政府 I guess I screwed it up. I cheated the government.
但重中之重 还是我欺骗了我的老婆 And worst of all, I lied to my wife.
她应该被坦诚相待 And she deserves better.
我很抱歉 亲 I'm sorry, honey.
格里芬先生 您的发言 让我们都深受触动 Mr. Griffin, I think your words have touched us all.
我判你入狱24个月 I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
不要啊 No!
- 不可以 - 不行啊 - No! - No!
嫑 No!
就要 Yeah!
- 抱歉打断 法官大人 - 你有何事 - Excuse me, Your Honor? - Yes?
我老公确实有的时候一根筋缺乏考虑 Look, my husband may be a bit thoughtless at times.
他甚至有的时候 脑子确实不灵光 He may even be downright stupid.
但我知道 他拿了那些钱 But I know he only accepted that money...
只是单纯的为了 想做个好丈夫 好爸爸 because he wanted to be a good husband and father.
但是他最应该记住的 其实是我们都很爱他 But what he needs to remember is that we love him.
而且无论如何 我都会伴在他左右 And no matter what, I'll always stand by him.
我也爱你 宝贝 I love you too, honey.
这真的太让人感动了 格里芬女士 That was very moving, Mrs. Griffin.
那行 你跟他一块蹲监狱去吧 Okay, you can go to jail with him!
没疯吧你 What?
两年的刑罚吗 24 months in prison?
不能接受 Unacceptable!
毕竟我的生存 还是要依靠 Intolerable as it may be l'm completely dependent upon
这只大魔头 those wretched drones for sustenance.
让我们看看 美国的宪法公平 Let us see how the constitution of American justice fares...
能否抵御我的控制器 against the device!
这是你儿子吗 Is that your boy?
什么 啊是的 那是斯特威 What? Yeah. That's Stewie.
天啊 我不能让一个小朋友 这么小就没了爹 Gosh. I can't separate a kid that young from his father.
这太胡来了 It's unjudgmenly.
- 你已经吸取教训了吧 - 是的 - Hell, you've learned your lesson, right? - Yeah.
- 那没事了 你自由了 - 哇哦 那你能让我回去返工嘛 - All right. You're free. - Wow! Can you give me my job back?
别想 No.
- 可以 - 太好啦 - Yes. - All right!
这真的太疯了 小√8 That was a crazy one, Dick.
是这样的 在下面这段来自《琼妮爱恰奇》的花絮中 It sure was. In this next blooper from Joanie Loves Chachi...
当男主斯考特·百奥 讲这句顺口溜 watch what happens when Scott Baio tries to say:
"妈妈量窗量床又量墙"发生了什么 "She sells seashells down by the seashore."
你妈是做什么工作的啊 What does your mom do for living?
妈妈量窗量床.. She sells seashells down by the...
这转折真的蛮粗暴的 That is kind of a tongue twister.
你能在家真的太好了 皮特 It's good to have you home, Peter.
亲 我就知道一切事情 都会乌云转晴的 Honey, I knew everything would turn out okay.
我肯定会怀念有钱的日子 I sure am gonna miss being rich.
别担心啦 我有一个赚钱的法子 Don't worry. I got a way to get money.
再去骗补助金吗 Not another welfare scam?
当然不是 No.
是去申请少数群体奖学金啦 Minority scholarship.
你真的没疯吧 No. Are you insane?
那这样 我去告别人非礼我 Okay, I mean sexual harassment suit.
不好吧别这样 No. Don't think so.
吃相真的太难看 Absolutely outrageous.
那就把自己打残 领残补 Okay, disability claim.