小天自译 恶搞之家S01 双语字幕 持续更新
微博 @小天天天犯困 / B站 @黄景瑜的小天_
看看咱斯特威 Look at Stewie.
他玩芝麻街电话的时候 是不是好可爱 Isn't he adorable playing with his Sesame Street phone?
时间轴|翻译|压制 小天
给我连线美国国防部 Put me through to the Pentagon.
- 牛是怎么叫的 - 别在这戏弄我 - What sound does a cow make? - Don't toy with me!
*Mr. Hooper / 胡博先生 芝麻街中人物 扮演者will lee已去世
我已经把胡博先生派过去了 I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper.
我还摇了6个抄家伙的猛男 在大鸟先生窝外面堵他 I've six armed men outside Big Bird's nest.
*Big Bird / 大鸟先生 芝麻街中人物
*来自1985年 芝麻街:小鸡带路
至于琳达呢 And as for Linda?
一个女聋子是听不到 有人要来暗杀她的 对吧 It's difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, isn't it?
- 你能数到三吗 - 那必须可以 - Can you count to three? - Indeed I can.
一 二 三 One! Two! Three!
我能数到三吗 我数你妈 Can I count to three? For God's sake,
我的射击技术 已经达到五级水准了 I'm already shooting at a fifth-grade level.
♪ 似乎今日 你看着电视 ♪ ♪ "It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ 只有暴力电影 还有少儿不宜 ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ 但那些我们曾信赖的... ♪ ♪ But where are those good, old-fashioned values ♪
♪ 优良的旧潮流价值观 去了哪里 ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
♪ 一切尽在恶搞之家 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ 还好有居家良男 为你讲述 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you ♪
♪ 让我们哭笑的 一起走过的路 ♪ ♪ all the things that make us laugh 'n' cry ♪
♪ 他 就是 居家良男 ♪ ♪ He's a family guy ♪
S01E02 - 我从来没见过死人
张嘴 斯特威 Come on, Stewie.
你不吃完这些蔬菜 是不能离开餐桌的哦 You can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
那咱俩直接在这等死好了 Then I shall sit here until one of us expires.
你可比我大40岁呢 臭女人 You've got a good 40 years on me, woman!
宝贝 这是西兰花 吃了对你身体好 Sweetie, it's broccoli. It's good for you.
张嘴 小飞棍来喽 Now open up for the airplane.
别想 西兰花我操你妈 Never! Damn the broccoli!
*怀特兄弟最早发明的飞机
也日你妈 还要日怀特兄弟他们妈 Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!
天 我们宝宝今晚也太挑剔啦 My, aren't we fussy tonight.
好哦 不吃西兰花了 Okay. No broccoli.
那行吧 我就.. Very well then. I--
你他妈觉得你是谁啊 Who the hell do you think you are?
宝贝 很多事情不是你不喜欢 就可以不做的 Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you don't like it.
那好 我的目标现在明确了 Well, then. My goal becomes clear.
消灭世界上所有西兰花 The broccoli must die.
妈 你能带我出去 教我开车不 Mom, will you take me out to practice driving?
我等下半个小时后要教钢琴课 I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour.
不然让你老爹带你去吧 Maybe your father can take you.
抱歉哦 梅格 老爹爱你 Sorry, Meg. Daddy loves you.
但老爹也爱看《星际迷航》 But Daddy also loves Star Trek.
咱公平点说 也是《星际迷航》先开始播 And, in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.
舰长日志 星历8169.7 Captain's log, Stardate 8169.7.
我们的进取号飞船 发现了一个奇怪的新星球 The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet...
发现于伽玛-法罗皮亚星系 ...in the Gamma Faloppia star system.
苏鲁先生 九级曲速前进 Mr. Sulu, ahead Warp 9.
*星际迷航中 倍于光速的速度
我亲娘了 皮特 For God's sake, Peter.
你一下班回家 就在这看电视 You've been in front of the TV since you got home from work.
为什么不花多点时间 陪陪你的家人 Why don't you spend some time with your family?
等加广告的时候 我会陪的 I will, during the commercials.
如果这个想法不对 And if that's wrong,
那可能是我误解了广告的意义 maybe I'm missing the point of having commercials.
求你了老爹 我明天就要考科三了 Please dad. My road test is tomorrow
但是你啥都没教我 and you haven't taught me anything.
那你应该找个比皮特更好的司机 You may want to find a better teacher than Peter.
你说的是人话吗 我车开的好着呢 What are you talking about? I'm a great driver.
你记得上次去西南的时候吗 Remember your trip to the Southwest?
- 天爷了 我刚是不是撞到那个鸵鸟了 - 没有 -Jeez. Did I just hit that ostrich? -No.
- 你别骗我 - 它没事 继续走吧 -Are you sure? -He's fine. Keep going.
梅格 你可别信他的鬼话 Meg, don't believe what they said.
我路看的可认真了 I always keep my eyes on the road.
跳蚤都逃不出我的视线 I don't miss a thing.
欢迎继续收看《星际迷航》 We now return to Star Trek.
*乌乎拉 / Uhura 是来自《星际旅行》时空的一个虚构角色
我的亲娘了 乌胡拉是个黑人吗 Holy crap. Uhura's black?
好嘞 梅格 这是你的第一课 All right, Meg. Now here's your first lesson.
你要认真注意路上的其他车辆 You always want to be aware of other cars on the road.
如果你在等红灯的时候 跟靠着你的人对上眼了 If you catch eyes with the guy next to you at a red light,
那你就要跟他赛车 you gotta race him.
- 这男的要跟你赛车 - 但是 老爹 -This guy's asking for it. -But Dad....
规矩可不是我定的 亲 I don't make the rules, honey.
现在踩两下油门 Now rev your engine twice.
那好吧 Okay.
出发 Go!
你忘记对他竖中指了 You forgot to flip him off.
但这也没事 干得漂亮 But other than that, nice job.
这就回来了吗 时长不够一节课吧 You're back already? That wasn't much of a lesson.
她第一次出车 我不想让她有太大压力 I didn't want to overload her on her first time out.
*1977年9月开播 冒险犯罪电视剧
而且《巡警》要开播了 Besides CHiPs is about to start.
所以咱们就坐好 So let's sit back
一起沉溺于 加州公路巡警范特西世界里吧 and get lost in a world of California Highway Patrol fantasy!
警官你有何事 What's the charge, Officer?
没有我的电话号码 你竟敢驾车上路 Driving without my phone number.
高纯度未加工可卡因/毒品
也可能是你的美貌惊天动地 所以要把你逮捕 Or maybe I should arrest you for being too beautiful.
所以 西兰花 我妈说你对我身体有益 So, broccoli, Mother says you're very good for me.
但恐怕我会对你有害 I'm afraid I'm no good for you!
军法第一条 就是知己知彼 The first rule of war is know thine enemy.
我还知道这个 "西兰花的天敌是寒冷" And I know this! Cold kills broccoli!
也太简单了 It's so simple.
我只需要制造一个 能控制全球环境的机器就好了 All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment.
给你预报明日新闻 Forecast for tomorrow,
来自天才的小灵感 竟可能灭种西兰花 a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!
我等的花儿都谢了 This is taking forever!
别等了 闺女 咱们走吧 Come on, meg. Let's go.
福克斯要在8点上新的真人秀 Fox is running one of those new reality shows at 8:00.
《5G动物 2G孩》 Fast Animals, Slow Children.
你们怎么走那么快 等等我 Come on, guys. Wait up.
天啦 我弄得自己一腿蜂蜜 Dang. I got honey all over my legs.
老爹 我们现在不能走 Dad, we can't leave now.
我这一辈子全指望着今天拿驾照了 My entire life depends on getting my license.
要是我不会开车 我这辈子都找不到男朋友 If I can't drive, I'll never have a boyfriend,
我得打一辈子光棍儿 I'll never get married...
然后我只能像罗西·欧唐纳那样 去领养小孩了 ...and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
*美国演员、编剧、制片人 代表作品有《少年狗仔队》 《人猿泰山》
梅格 你这是在暗讽 罗西·欧唐纳不会开车吗 Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?
我要紧张死了 I'm so nervous.
你开得很好啦 记住我教你的东西 You're gonna do great. Remember everything I taught you.
- 现在咱们考 在主街道直线行驶 - 好的 -All right, let's start by going down Main Street. -Okay.
- 你这是干嘛 - 我开车呢 -What are you doing? -I'm driving.
你会因为我没有竖中指 给我记挂科吗 Are you gonna mark me down for not flipping him off?
亲娘了 我这辈子完蛋了 God, my life is over.
我就是 世界级大衰人 I am the biggest loser I know!
我理解你的感受 我的乖 I know how you feel, pumpkin.
我也有跟你同样失望的时刻 I've had my share of disappointments, too.
是个女孩 It's a girl!
你能再检查一次吗 Can you check again?
亲 你要记住 人生就是不断地起起.. Honey, you just have to remember that life has its little ups and....
天 我们要错过首秀了 Jeez! We're gonna miss the beginning of my show.
这有人在播诶 There it is.
老爸 小心啊 Dad, watch out!
- 梅格 亲 你没事吧 - 没事吧 我感觉 - Meg, honey, are you okay? - Yeah, I think so.
圆蛤市有线电视 信号发射器 The Quahog Cable Television Transmitter.
你这一撞 全市的有线电视都看不了了 You just knocked out cable TV for the whole town!
看啊 是这个猩猩干的 Look. There's Bigfoot!
哇哦 少在这血口喷人 都是你干的好事 Whoa. This isn't about me. This is about you.
至少给咱俩争取了点时间 At least I bought us some time.
- 她干的好事 - 你说啥 -She did it. -What?
爸 刚才开车的分明是你 Dad, you were the one driving!
我是在教她开车 但是她没把持住 让车失控了 I was teaching her to drive and she lost control of the car.
行了吧 咱们小时候都干过傻事 对吧 Come on, we all did stupid stuff when we were kids, right?
我记得我小时候 想偷偷溜去看R级电影 I remember when I tried to sneak into an R-rated movie.
- 真的行了 放过孩子这一次吧 - 我们为什么要放她一马 - Come on. Give the kid a break? - Why should we?
她胳膊 在越南战争的时候中过枪 She got her arm shot off in Vietnam.
- 这小孩真可怜 - 战争真是惨无人道 - Poor kid. - What a senseless war.
我真不敢信 你居然出卖了你闺女 I can't believe you just sold out your own daughter.
我知道我做的不对 我也知道.. I know what I did was wrong. And I know
这也不是我第一次让你尴尬 it's not the first time I've embarrassed you.
直角三角形内角度数相加 等于.. And if you add the measure of the angles of a right triangle, the sum--
梅格 下次你刮过腿毛 记得把浴室清理一下 Meg, clean out the shower the next time you shave your legs.
好像地上铺了层地毯 It's like a carpet in there.
我好不喜欢看到你这么难过哦 I hate to see you so upset.
我知道啦 I know.
咱们玩个叫"替老爹背黑锅"的小游戏吧 Let's play a little game called Taking the Fall for Daddy.
如果你赢了 拿到驾照的时候 老爹给你买一辆敞篷车 If you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license.
真假 爹地 现在我又重新爱你啦 Really? Daddy! Now I love you again!
犹太人就喜欢你这种妻子 You're gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife.
因为圆蛤市电缆公司的那起事故 Because of an accident at the Quahog Cable Company...
所有电视转播 都会中止不确定时间 all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time.
当然了 是没人能看到这场新闻播报的 Of course, no one can see this news program...
所以我们想说啥就说啥 so it doesn't really matter what we say.
哥就是你们的神 I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.
我等会想先喝醉 然后暴打一些侏儒 你呢 黛安 Think I'll go get drunk and beat up midgets. How about you, Diane?
我仅仅是厌恶黑种人啦 Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
俩傻种 波士顿人民还是可以看到我们直播的 You guys, we're still on in Boston.
太好了 天气控制器 马上就做好了 Excellent. The weather machine is nearly completed.
你有什么想讲的吗 西兰花 What do you say to that, broccoli?
别再嘲讽我了 Stop mocking me!
这是啥 What's this?
我那个傻蛋老爹 终于给我带回来点有用的东西了 It appears the witless provider has finally brought me something of value.
我可以用那个破烂装置 扩大"西兰花死亡信号"的范围 I can use that crude device to amplify my deadly signal.
胜利终究属于我 Victory shall yet be mine.
你猜咋了 妈 Guess what, Mom?
老爹开车 直接把有线电视信号发射器撞坏了 Dad crashed the car into the city cable transmitter.
- 什么 - 没事的 -What? -It's okay.
如果我替他背黑锅 If I take the blame,
在我拿到驾照的时候 他就会给我买一辆敞篷车 he'll buy me a convertible when I get my license.
梅格 你要是跟所有人都讲了 Meg, it's not exactly taking the blame
这就不是背黑锅了 if you go around telling everyone.
皮特 你用一辆车 收买了你家姑娘吗 Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car?
别这样讲 露易丝 Come on, Lois.
“收买”的代名词 难道不是"爱"吗 Isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
你想让我跟梅格更亲一点 You wanted me and Meg to bond.
这就是我们在做的事呀 That's what we're doing.
老爹 我刚在微博聊天室聊天 Dad, I was in a chat room on America Online...
有一个叫小天天天犯困的网友 说有个傻哔把电缆撞了 ...and Doomie 22 told me some idiot knocked out the cable.
我们可能好几周都看不了电视了 We could be without TV for weeks!
克瑞斯 不必如此惊慌失措 Now, Chris, now let's not panic.
没有电视看 我们也勉强能活的 We can manage just fine without TV.
你这几个意思啊 What's that supposed to mean?
面对现实吧 你已经看电视成瘾了 Face it, you're addicted to television.
而且你也不会戒掉它 You're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey.
记得你要戒糖果那次吗 Remember when you gave up candy?
*本梗源电影 查理的巧克力工厂
我再问多你一次 I'll ask you one more time.
你真的没有吃我的工厂里的东西吗 Are you sure you didn't eat anything in my factory?
没啊 No.
- 我是问.. - 你在说我是个骗子吗 -I'm just asking-- -Are you calling me a liar?
- 我就是问.. - 给我闭肛 旺卡 -I'm just saying-- -Shut up, Wonka.
也是 但那次情况不同 我会没事的 Yeah. That was different. I'll be fine.
- 你确定吗 亲 - 天啦噜 家人们 -Are you sure, honey? -For God's sake, you guys.
你觉得我是那种 离了电视不能活的蠢蛋嘛 You think I'm some simp who can't live without TV?
让我歇一下吧 Give me a break.
电视里在演什么剧情 What's happening now?
*纽约重案组角色 1993年首播
西波维奇正在找 刺杀苏博的凶手 Sipowicz is finding who stabbed the super.
是你坦白从宽 Are you gonna tell me what I want to know,
还是要我把屁股露给你看 or am I gonna have to show you my ass?
我一个字都不会说的 I ain't saying nothing!
*恶搞Jimmy Hart 前美国摔跤运动员
我坦白 是杰米·哈特 All right, it was Jimmy the Hat!
算了吧 麦克 Forget it, Mike.
我又看不到他的屁股 这充其量就是听广播 Without actually seeing his ass, this is just radio.
同学们 我们本计划 Class, we were scheduled
观看PBS的一个 记录新几内亚.. to watch a PBS program
因裸体大胸出名的Weewok部落 交配仪式的节目 on the mating rituals of the nude large-breasted Weewok tribe of New Guinea.
但很不幸 梅格·格里芬 把信号发射器给毁了 Unfortunately, Megan Griffin ruined TV.
所以我们来一次惊喜考试 以此替代 So instead, we're having a surprise test.
突然之间 我变成了一号大众公敌 Suddenly I was public enemy number one.
是时候说出真相了 It was time to tell the truth.
等等 不是我开车撞毁卫星天线的 Wait! I didn't drive into the satellite dish!
那是谁做的 And who did?
我就是个15岁的小姑娘 I was just a 15-year-old girl.
但在那一瞬间 我意识到 But at that moment, I realized
我有一生的时间 可以用来交朋友 I had a whole lifetime to make new friends.
但拥有一辆新车 这是一生独一的机会 But only one chance to get a new car.
所以我必须承受 And I had to take it.
好吧 是我撞的 Okay, I did it.
我老婆说的对 没有电视 我不知道自己还能活多久 She's right, I don't know how much longer I can last.
我上次看电视节目 已经是一周前了 It's been a whole week since I seen a TV show.
好想知道史酷比他们在干嘛 I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to now.
欢迎继续收看《史酷比的谋杀侦破档案》 We now return to The Scooby Doo Murder Files.
天啦 兄弟姊妹们 Gee whiz, gang.
现场看来 受害者被开膛破肚 Looks like the killer gutted the victim,
被自己的肠子勒死了 strangled him with his own intestines...
- 然后被凶手抛尸河里 - 妈呀 真是个绝案 - and then dumped the body in the river! -Jinkies! What a mystery!
你说得对 史酷比 You're right, Scoob.
我们对付的 就是个狗娘养的死变态 We're dealing with one sick son of a bitch.
你需要找一些事情 填补生命中的空缺 You just need to find something to fill the void that's left in your life.
露易丝喜欢女红 克瑞斯喜欢打游戏 Lois has knitting, Chris has video games,
梅格会去学开车 Meg's learning how to drive.
我呢 喜欢讲难听话 And me, I like the sauce.
酒保在哪 Hey, barkeep.
想喝一杯干马天尼 我要去抱谁的大腿 Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
电视 没了你我可怎么活啊 电视 Can't live without TV. Must see TV.
斯特威 我希望你能把蔬菜吃完 Stewie, I expect you to finish off your vegetables.
放心吧 你这个无情的老妖婆 我我确实会把它们全部干掉的 Rest assured, you relentless harridan, I expect I shall finish them all off!
同样也会干掉你 And you as well!
布莱恩 我有点担心皮特 Brian, I'm a little worried about Peter.
昨晚我睡醒 看到他一直在改台 Last night I woke up and he was channel surfing through static.
他肯定能找到应对办法的 I'm sure he'll find a way to cope.
- 早上好啊 露易丝 - 就说了不用担心 -Morning, Lois. -And you were worried.
皮特 这他妈什么玩意儿啊 Peter, what the hell is that?
这是我最爱的荧幕家庭 格里芬一家 It's my favorite TV family, the Griffins.
皮特 你真吓住我了 我现在开始觉得 Peter, you're scaring me. I'm beginning
你已经开始脱离现实了 to think you're losing your grip on reality.
无聊 我去看看别家在干嘛 Boring. I'll go see what else is on.
皮特 你看着点斯特威 Peter! Keep an eye on Stewie.
你别动 Don't move!
能帮个小忙不 A little help?
这是格林·块格麦 一个有点疯颠的邻居 It's Glen Quagmire, the wacky next-door neighbor.
- 他这次又准备干嘛 - 我要去上班呢 - What's he up to this time? - I'm going to work!
就是他的暴富计划罢了 Here is his crazy get-rich-quick schemes.
我们要找到你老爹 克瑞斯 他状况不太好 We have to find your father, Chris. He's not well.
我原来从来没见过这么疯的人 I never knew anyone who went crazy before
除了我的隐形朋友 卡诺·斯加德 except my invisible friend Col. Schwartz!
这个小玩意儿 所有频道都能看诶 I get all the channels on this thing.
生活卫视 Lifetime.
CBS电视台 CBS.
派拉蒙电视网 Hey, UPN.
*著名的青春校园剧 故事讲述一群住在比佛利的有钱青年成长故事
现场版《飞跃比佛利》 All right. 90210.
*顶级豪华公寓 紧邻比弗利山 售价从 1800万~7000万人民币不等
- 老爹 - 梅格 你在西贝弗利干嘛捏 -Dad? -Meg, what are you doing at West Beverly?
他们只邀请出演十季以上的明星入住 They're really reaching for guest stars in the 10th season.
老爹 你在这弄啥嘞 赶紧走开 Dad, what are you doing? Get out of here!
我被你搞成了过街老鼠 人人喊打 I'm already a total outcast because of you!
亲 你就是把信号发射器弄坏了 在这暗自惆怅呢 You're just upset because you wrecked the cable transmitter.
我没有 算了吧 I did not! Forget it.
没有朋友的话 有车又有什么好呢 What good is a car if I have no friends?
信号发射器不是我弄坏的 是我老爹干的好事 I didn't wreck TV! My dad did!
- 什么 - 她说什么 -What? -What'd she say?
- 是皮特·格里芬搞的破坏 - 还让他女儿背黑锅 -Peter Griffin ruined TV? -And blamed his daughter?
这是我听过最低级的事了 That's the lowest thing I've ever heard.
皮特 把这玩意儿拿掉 咱们回家 Peter, take that thing off and come home.
嘿 露易丝 你刚好赶上看茎彩结局 Hey, Lois. You're just in time for the exciting conclusion.
貌似是有些傻蛋 要被私刑处死了 Looks like some boob's about to get lynched.
一块看吧 Let's watch.
他们在这呢 There they are.
就是这个家伙把信号发射器毁了 咱们抓住他 That's the guy who ruined our cable. Let's get him!
都给我停 你们这群人脑子有什么大病 Stop! What is wrong with you people?
好 确实 是我老公撞坏了电缆 Okay, yes. My husband is responsible for knocking out TV.
但我们更应该感谢他 But we should be thanking him.
他打破了 电视给我们下催眠咒 He's broken television's hypnotic spell over us.
现在我们可以 真正的看清这个世界 Now we can see the world for what it is...
大好河山 秀丽风光 正等待我们的探寻与体验 ...a beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced.
又是少女玛丽苏剧 Another chick flick.
她说得对 She's right.
咱们在那个傻哔方块上 浪费了太多时间 All the hours we've wasted on that damn idiot box.
- 我要去做房屋彩绘 - 我要在瓶子里造一艘船 -I'm gonna paint my house! -I'll build a ship in a bottle.
我要去大路上滚铁环玩 I'm gonna push a hoop with a stick down a dirt road.
我会带你回家 我的亲 I'll take you home, honey.
不敢相信 我让梅格如此含垢忍辱 I can't believe I let Meg take the blame.
你是对的 露易丝 电视是魔鬼 You were right, Lois. TV is evil.
我听说马森天天在监狱里看电视 I hear that Manson guy watches it in jail all day long.
如果我没看过 它就是个新家伙 If I haven't seen it, it's new to me.
你就是看太多啦 You just went a little overboard.
你要平衡些自己的生活呀 You need a little balance in your life.
除了电视 还有很多值得欣赏的东西 There are other things to appreciate besides television.
- 你是说 这个台灯嘛 - 啊这 也算吧 -You mean like this lamp? -Yeah. Okay.
- 这个电灯 给我们带来光明 - 我懂啦 -The lamp gives us light. -I get it.
你的家庭 给你带来爱 And your family gives you love.
你应该花多些时间 陪陪你的崽崽 皮特 You should spend some time with our kids, Peter.
也陪陪我 And with me.
咱俩人能一块干嘛啊 What could me and you do together?
露易丝 你是不是脑子有病 Lois! You've got a sick mind!
皮特 我是说啪啪啪啦 Peter, I'm talking about making love.
我以为你想我们 去杀小孩 I thought you wanted us to murder the children
把他们的器官割掉 卖了赚啤酒钱 and harvest their organs for beer money.
多好的一天啊 What a gorgeous day.
你说对不对 太阳公公 Isn't it a gorgeous day, Mr. Sun?
每天两勺葡萄干 幸福之门不会关 皮特 It's always a nice day with two scoops of raisins, Peter.
- 大家早呀 - 太好了 -Top of the morning, everybody. -Excellent!
这样的话只差一步 我的天气控制器就做好了 Thus completes the penultimate adjustment to my weather control device!
胜利是我.. Victory is....
立马放开我 Release me at once!
家人们 你们老妈说得对 Guys your mother was right.
老是在这坐着 等着看电视 It'd be a crime to sit around
简直就是犯大罪 and wait for the TV to start working.
太好啦 你可以教我开车 Great. You can teach me how to drive.
梅格 等你死了 有大把时间开车 Meg, there'll be time to drive when you're dead.
这个大千世界 There's a world out there
正在等待我们去探索发现 just waiting for us to grab it by the short hairs!
- 我操 - 出发 -Damn! -Let's go.
真是累死我了 I'm so tired.
今天这晨钓 让我累到虚脱 This morning's fly-fishing really wore me out.
你给我醒醒 Wake up!
你都答应我 把钩子从我嘴里拿出来了 You promised you'd get this hook out of my mouth.
多谢你 Thank you.
孩子们 你们老爹只是 想跟家人愉快相处 Now, kids, your father's just trying to spend time with his family.
也可能是想杀了我们 我也不清楚是哪个 Or kill us. I'm not sure which.
中国人超爱随地吐痰 是吧 (???真无语 Those Chinese sure like to spit, don't they?
黛安 上个报道太优秀了 Diane, that last report was so good,
打下屁股 鼓励你一下 I think you deserve a spanking.
汤姆玩真花 我觉得你老婆会不乐意的 Tom, I don't think your wife would appreciate that.
黛安 那个臭婆娘在圆蛤市住呢 Diane, that frigid old cow lives in Quahog.
我说的话 她一个字都听不到 She can't hear a word I'm saying.
其实 咱们已经恢复圆蛤市的直播了 Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog.
谢天谢地 Thank God!
他们那不值钱的魂儿 又被那个闪烁的盒子给勾跑了 Their puerile minds are once again distracted by that flickering box.
该去睡觉了 Time to be bad!
来啦 家人们 Come on, everyone.
咱们要赶不上巴伐利亚民俗节了 We're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival.
你知道那些德国人的 You know those Germans.
你如果不去参加派对 他们过来把你架过去 You don't join their party, they come get you.
但是 老爹 电视可以看了 But Dad, the TV's back on.
你懂什么嘛 好啦 咱们走吧 What do you know? Okay, let's go.
皮特 你想和我们在一起多点 我真的很感动 Peter, I'm thrilled that you want to spend so much time with the family.
但我们要累死了 But we're exhausted.
不然咱们就坐这儿 一块看会电视呗 Maybe we could just sit and watch some TV together?
想把生活过充实 哪还有空看电视 We're too busy living life to the fullest.
走吧 咱们出发 Come on, let's go.
- 我开始厌倦生活了 - 我肚子里的狗崽都嗷嗷叫了 -I'm sick of life. -Yeah. My dogs are barking.
- 但是我以为大家都很开心呢 - 确实 -But I thought we were having fun. -We were.
但是现在应该是 看其他人寻乐的时候 But now it might be nice to watch other people have fun
或者是看他们被杀 or get killed.
你懂啦 什么都可以 You know, whatever's on.
你看 皮特 你最爱的秀 Look, Peter. It's your favorite show.
这是一次危险的任务 而且我们之中 还有人可能被杀 This is a dangerous mission. And it's likely one of us will be killed.
登录队的成员有 我自己 The landing party will consist of myself,
斯帕克先生 麦扣博士 和少尉瑞奇 Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Rickey.
纯属扯淡 Crap.
对不住 露易丝 Sorry, Lois.
我现在只想看一部剧 There's only one show I want to see.
这部剧的名字叫做 It's a little something that I like to called...
"过好每一天" 主演是皮特·格里芬 饰他本人 ...Make Every Day Count, starring Peter Griffin as himself.
别介 皮特 你真的一点都不想看电视吗 Come on, Peter. Don't you miss TV just a little?
那些熟悉的故事 The familiar stories,
个性鲜明的角色 还有精心设计的剧情走向 the broadly drawn characters, the convenient plot turns...
让那些该相见的角色 在对的时间聚集在一起 ...that bring a character around at exactly the right moment?
嗨 我是威廉姆·山特 我的车抛锚了 Hi. I'm William Shatner. My car broke down...
我在去参加 "电视如何促进家庭和谐"讲座的路上 ...on my way to give a speech on how TV keeps families together.
你们想听嘛 Would you like to hear it?
不不不 我得走了 No, I gotta run
我可不想错过那个 准你吃到饱的炸肉排自助 I don't want to miss the all-you-can-eat schnitzel bar.
稍等一下 我爱吃炸肉排 Wait a minute! I love schnitzel!
一块来吧 你绝对穿得上露易丝的皮短裤 Come along. I bet you could squeeze into Lois' lederhosen.
我等下在车里换 I'll change in the car.
要是每次你们 在本该教我开车的时候 都会出去浪 If I had a nickel for every time one of my parents walked out...
我能获得5分钱 ...instead of teaching me how to drive,
姐现在都是小富婆了 I'd be one rich little--
我们走 梅格 Let's go, Meg.
再您妈的见 西兰花 Fare thee well, broccoli!
我也不知道 皮特 I don't know. Peter
生活优于电视 我都不敢想 I can't imagine choosing life over television.
实话跟你说 这很好 比尔 I'm telling you, it's great, Bill.
能让本就美好的今天 更美好的只有一件事 The only thing that would make this perfect day better
那就是与我的家人共度此日 is if my family was here.
妈呀 My God!
几分钟前还是晴空万里 现在居然大雨瓢泼 It was sunny a moment ago, but now it's pouring!
咱们把鞋脱了 光脚跑回家吧 Let's take off our shoes and run home barefoot!
格里芬 我看你真疯了 Griffin, you're a madman!
你是说光脚嘛 Barefoot, you say?
这太不安全了 This is not safe.
我改天再教你怎么开车吧 靠边停车 I'll teach you how to drive some other time.Pull over.
老妈 我根本看不到 哪里有"边" Mom, I can't even tell where "over" is.
你是对的 皮特 我从来没这么有活力过 You were right, Peter. I've never felt so alive.
胜利属于我 Victory is mine!
操他妈了个逼 God damn it.
天啦噜 My God.
哦买噶 我把威廉姆·山特撞了 My God. I hit William Shatner.
光线变暗 我无法呼吸 Light growing dimmer. Can't breathe.
让我进天堂吧 上帝 Beam me up, God.
我没想到会这样 I did not see that coming.
爹地 压过去你 还把威廉姆·山特撞死 我真的很抱歉 Daddy, I'm sorry I ran you over and killed Mr. Shatner.
别担心 亲 等我把这一身绷带拆掉 Don't worry, honey. Sonner I'm of this body cast,
我会连比尔那一份 好好活下去的 I'll do enough living for me and Bill.
宝贝 我们就不能回到原来的生活吗 Honey, can't we go back to the way things used to be?
沙发上被你坐出来的那个大坑 只有你才能填满 There's a big dent in that couch that nobody else can fill.
你们什么都没学到吗 Haven't you guys learned anything?
电视已经夺取过一次我的人生了 我绝不会重蹈覆辙 TV took over my life once. I'm never gonna let that happen again.
哦买噶 My God.
我们已经失去你爸爸了 We've lost him.
只要你帮我离开这里 我知道一个牧场 If you help me out of here, I know a meadow where...
那边的蓝莓已经成熟 刚开始采摘 ...the blueberries are begging to be picked.
哥们 屎尿都拉这里 Look, buddy. Just go in the pan.
没死就别叫我 And don't call me unless you're flatlining.
把电视关了好不 护士 Turn that TV off. Nurse?
为了吃上一口克朗代克冰淇淋 你会怎么做 What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
- 你愿意单脚站吗 - 当然了 - Would you stand on one leg? - Sure.
你愿意扮成猴子吗 Would you act like a monkey?
你愿意为此杀人吗 Would you kill a man?
老爹 我终于拿到驾照了 Daddy, now that I've finally passed my driver's test...
现在我还有敞篷车开嘛 ...can I still get a convertible?
没有 但你拿到驾照 爸爸以你为傲 我的亲 No. But I'm proud of you for getting your license, sweetheart.
我也以你为荣 皮特 And I'm proud of you, Peter.
你给我们上了宝贵的一课 You taught us all a valuable lesson.
真正决定你生活质量的 不是你做什么事 It's not what you do that defines the quality of your life...
是你和谁一起做 ...it's who you do it with,
而且你的家庭.. and your family--
收声 电视开播了 It's on.
我知道你不爱吃西兰花 斯特威 但是未来有一天 I know you don't like broccoli, Stewie, but you'll thank me...
你长成你爸爸那样的大个子 你会感谢我的 ...when you grow up big and strong like your father.
令人信服的观点 你让我动摇了 臭女人 A compelling argument. You've swayed me, woman.
好棒哦 我已经感受到力量了 That is good. I feel stronger already.
真的好好吃 对你身体还好 It's good tasting and good for you.
干得不错 下次别干了 Nice try.
- 四脚狗 - 异变种 -Quadruped. -Mutant.