小天自译 恶搞之家S01 双语字幕 持续更新
♪ 似乎今日 你看着电视 ♪ ♪ "It seems today that all you see ♪
微博 @小天天天犯困 / B站 @黄景瑜的小天_
♪ 只有暴力电影 还有少儿不宜 ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
时间轴|翻译|压制 小天
♪ 但那些我们曾信赖的... ♪ ♪ But where are those good, old-fashioned values ♪
♪ 优良的旧潮流价值观 去了哪里 ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
♪ 一切尽在恶搞之家 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ 还好有居家良男 为你讲述 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you ♪
♪ 让我们哭笑的 一起走过的路 ♪ ♪ all the things that make us laugh 'n' cry ♪
♪ 他 就是 居家 良男 ♪ ♪ He's a family guy ♪
S01E03 - 飞天万能寻死车
斯特威生日派对 一切都准备就绪了 Everything's all set for Stewie's birthday party.
我真不敢信 他马上就一岁啦 I can't believe he's almost a year old.
没戳儿 他出生的那天我永生难忘 Yeah. I'll never forget the day he was born.
再用力 露易丝 One more push, Lois.
这简直是个奇迹 格里芬先生 你要看一下不 This is quit a miracle, Mr. Griffin. Would you like to have a look?
当然啦 我还没见过 宝宝出生的瞬间 Yeah, I've never actually seen alive baby being....
我的天爷啊 Oh God!
恭喜你 格里芬女士 是个男孩 Congratulations. Mrs. Griffin, It's a boy.
稍等一下 好像还有东西没取出来 Wait a minute. I don't think we're through here.
亲娘了 是双胞胎吗 My God! Is it twins?
不 是一张欧洲地图 No. It's a map of Europe.
我已经跟生日派对策划 全都商量好了 I just confirmed everything with the birthday party planner...
举办在"查理起司游乐城" ...down the Cheesie Charlie's.
- 为什么要去那儿啊 - 没事的老爹 -Why Cheesie Charlie's? -It's cool, Dad.
他们那有个游戏 你花一块 但是能赢四个两毛五 They have this game where you put in a dollar and you win four quarters!
我次次都赢 这趟我必去不可 对吧 I win every time! I get to go, right?
干嘛这次这么特殊 不跟原来一样过了啊 Why can't we have the same kind of party we always do?
皮特 这可能是咱家过的 最后一次1岁生日了 Peter, this could be our last first birthday ever.
梅格跟克瑞斯一岁的时候 When Meg and Chris turned one,
我忙得焦头烂额 结果什么都错过了 I had so much to do, I missed everything.
露易丝 说了你都不信 梅格刚才叫爸爸了 Lois, you won't believe this! Meg just said "Da-Da!"
她第一次讲话诶 Her first words?
然后她自己站起来 还走了几步 Then she stood up by herself and started walking!
- 她第一次走路诶 - 是的 -Her first steps? -Yeah.
不过 你在这搞什么鬼东西呢 What the hell are you doing in here anyway?
好家伙 她第一次架子鼓独奏 All right! Her first drum solo.
感恩查理起司游乐城 Thanks to Cheesie Charlie...
这次斯特威的派对 我一分一秒都不会错过 ...I'm not gonna miss a moment of Stewie's party.
朕的便便已经黏在龙腚上一整天了 I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?
快来给朕换个纸尿裤 A little service here!
嘿 小臭蛋 我们在给你谋划大计呢 Hey, Stinky. Have we got some big plans for you.
大计 你们有什么邪恶阴谋 Plans? What the devil are you talking about?
是你的生日啦 兄弟 It's your birthday, dude.
这周六会很特别的 我的宝 Saturday's gonna be real special, honey.
我雇了个专业人士 保证一切都按计划进行 I've hired a professional to make sure everything goes just right.
专业人士 A professional?
后宫果然暗潮涌动 There's treachery afoot!
梅格 你回家晚了哦 Meg, you're home late.
我放学后没走 去面试啦啦队 I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading.
别给我制造悬念了 战况如何 Don't keep me in suspense. How'd you do?
给你个提示 I'll give you a hint.
我 勒安 烂 I S-U-C-K-E-D!
烂透了 Sucked!
太好啦 Yay!
我是说 抱歉 宝贝 I mean, sorry, honey.
天啊 我恨透高中了 我跟谁都合不来 God, I hate high school. I don't fit in with anyone.
天 我懂那种感受 Boy. Do I know that feeling.
好了兄弟 你真要把我气疯了 Okay, man. Okay. You are really throwing me off.
先踢腿 后转身 到底懂了没 It's step-kick, step-twirl. Got it?
我以为我们是 跟《油脂》里的那一堆哥们儿打群架 I thought we were gonna rumble with those greasy Sharks.
没跳个七年芭蕾 两年爵士 我们是不会那样的 Not without seven years of ballet and two of jazz tap, we're not.
从头再来 兄弟们 From the top, people!
你还是赶紧闪一边儿 拉你的腿去吧 Why don't you just hang back and stretch?
我不理解 I don't get it.
我越努力交朋友 就有越多的人恨我 The harder I try to make friends, the more people hate me.
听着 你是个独一无二 且有自我意识的姑娘 Listen. You're a one-of-a-kind girl with a mind of her own.
- 懂了吧 这才是别人气的地方 - 真的嘛 -Now, see, that's what people hate. -Really?
老爹跟你说 I'm telling you,
就变成大家期望的样子就好了 just be the girl you think everyone else wants you to be.
哇哦 老爹言之有理诶 Wow, it's so obvious.
谢谢爹地 Thanks, Daddy.
嗨老妈 886老妈 Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom.
自汉森乐队坐的公交 在咱家门口抛锚那次 I haven't seen Meg this happy since that
我从来没见梅格这么开心过 bus broke down in front of our house.
嗨 能让我用用你家电话嘛 Hi. Can we use your phone?
我操了 是玉米田的小孩 Holy crap! It's The Children of the Corn!
*美国恐怖剧 有一个男孩有发布号令的能力 怂恿镇上的孩子们杀了所有大人
我就是跟梅格 来了场父女对话啦 Meg and I had a little father-daughter talk.
看起来很有用哦 It seems to have worked.
那必须啊 这件T恤可不是白买的 I wasn't just blowing smoke when I bought this T-shirt.
世界第一好的老爹
是呢 你也是世界第一好的老公哦 Well, you're the number-one husband, too.
我知道 所以我也买了这件T恤 I know. That's why I bought this T-shirt.
不睡肥妞
亲爱的日记 "Dear Diary....
我的父母看似来在密谋打倒我 "It seems the domestic overseers are plotting against me.
他们在制定一些 有关我"逃离子宫纪念日"的计划 "Their plans somehow relate to the anniversary of my escape from the womb.
被囚禁在羊膜中的痛苦记忆 "I'm still haunted by the memories of
依旧萦绕心头 让我夜不能寐 how I was incarcerated in that amniotic Attica.
我记得那时 每一颗精子都在为了自己 奋力拼搏 "As I recall, it was every potential man for himself.
最终我独自C位出道 感谢我在睾丸新军训练营里 "I alone had reached the target objective, thanks to the intrepidity...
练出的一身孤勇 "...I developed at testicular boot camp.
但那是个陷阱 But it was a trap!
我被囚禁在那个子宫劳改营 九个月受尽熬煎 "I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag for nine grueling months."
在第171日 Day 171.
跟昨天相比 我身上多长出来一根"手指" I've sprouted another finger, counting the one from yesterday.
我已经有十一根指头了 I'm up to 11.
成日累月的独处生活慢慢流逝 我马上要抓狂 "As the months of solitude passed, I began to go insane.
感觉我的监狱变得越来越小了 "It seemed my prison cell was getting smaller and smaller.
我很确定 不久之后 我一定会命丧黄泉 "I was quite sure that soon I would be dead.
但接下来 奇迹发生 "But then, a miracle!
在通道尽头 一道亮光闪现 There was a light at the end of the tunnel.
我向自由狂奔 "I rushed to freedom,
但突然 我被一个白衣神秘男子伏击 but suddenly I was ambushed by a mysterious man in white!"
白衣男子 我懂了 The man in white. Of course.
白衣男子肯定就是 他们雇来的那个专业人士 He must be the hired professional of whom they spoke.
他阻拦我逃至现实世界的计划失败了 He failed to thwart my escape into the outside world.
现在 一年之期已到 他要回来修正自己的错误 然后.. And now, one year hence, he's returning to rectify his mistake and...
把我塞回子宫 ...put me back in the womb!
姐妹们 人红体瘦的日子 保证嘎嘎爽 Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular.
咱们去催吐吧 Let's throw up.
- 好欸 - 好主意 - Sure! - Good idea!
我也喜欢呕吐 I love throwing up.
嗨 我是珍妮弗 Hi. I'm Jennifer.
我是梅格 I'm Meg.
天啦 你头发好漂亮 好想rua一下 My God. Your hair is so beautiful. I just want to brush it.
真假 Really?
你想去催吐吗 You want to go throw up?
嘿 老爹 咱俩去打地鼠呗 Hey, Dad, let's go whack some moles!
不打啦 克瑞斯 咱们不是来着玩的 No, Chris, we're not here for fun.
你妈还指着咱俩 交好押金呢 Now your mom is counting on us to drop off the deposit.
咱们直接把支票交过去 就.. So let's just deliver the check and....
乌鸦坐飞机 Hong Kong Phooey!
耶 冲鸭 芜湖 闻我尾气去吧 Yeah! Come on! Go, yeah! Eat my dust!
康忙 冲啊 克瑞斯 这地方真好玩 Come on, move it! Man! Chris, this place is great.
靠边停吧 你个书币 Pull over, you bastard!
无语啦 Man.
老爹 他们厕所里都有游戏玩 Hey, Dad, they even got games in the bathroom.
你看 我赢了个气球 Look, I won a balloon!
恶心心 该走啦 克瑞斯 Yeah, way to go, Chris.
我手表去哪了 Where's my watch?
好欸 我赢了个手表 All right. I won a watch.
*1979至1985年CBS播放的美剧 喜剧类型
《赫扎德的杜克斯》是什么 What's The Dukes of Hazzard?
那是我的 过来过来 把手表给我 That's mine. Come on. Come on, give that back!
- 我给你妈 - 快点 -Give it! -Come on!
赫扎德县的民众们 已经很久没有看过手表大战了 Folks in Hazzard County hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time.
在主管过来前 这俩男孩大战了整整五分钟 Them boys rassled for a full five minutes before the manager stepped in.
给我给我给我 Come on!
拿开猪蹄 胖墩儿 Hands off, fatty!
先生 我现在请您离开这里 Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
我可是付费客户 I'm a paying customer.
我刚给我家崽 交了派对定金 这是收据 I got a deposit check for my kid's party right here.
呜 原来是格里芬先生 我非常抱歉 Mr. Griffin. I am terribly sorry.
我们全店 万分期待斯特威的生日趴 We're really looking forward to Stewie's special day.
现在 我不确定了 Now I don't know,
在你们这家店 让我经历如此严重的精神创伤之后 after the emotional trauma I've endured on your premises,
不给点折扣 真的说不过去了 I think I deserve a little discount.
先生 价格都是公司订的一口价 Sir, our prices are set by the corporate office.
那没事了 我还是去其他店赚我的钱好了 Well then, maybe I'll just take my business elsewhere.
祝你能找到顾客 填上我们周六不来的空 Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday.
- 我用现金 - 我要订 - I got cash! - I'll take it!
请您自便 Suit yourself.
等等 我就说着玩的 Wait. I was just bluffing.
这可是我老婆心心念的派对场地啊 My wife has her heart set on this place.
克瑞斯 今天是你的大日子 Chris, this is a big day for you.
你要成家里的一家之主了 The day you become the man of the house.
因为等咱们到家的时候 Because when we get home,
你妈会直接取我小命 your mother is going to kill me.
所以那个白衣男子 是要把我塞回子宫 是吧 So the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb, is he?
若我要打败他 我要取得一些专业力量 If I'm to defeat him, I shall require professional forces.
找到啦 Here we are.
想找雇佣军 速来马那瓜 "Come to Managua, the Mecca of mercenaries."
我得准备一下这趟旅程 I must prepare for my journey.
带个手榴弹 防狼喷雾 一满袋麦片 Grenades, mace, baggy full of Cheerios....
在查理起司游乐城的安排 落实了嘛 So, are we all set at Cheesie Charlie's?
其实 我把预订取消了 Actually, I canceled the reservation.
你搞什么 What?
皮特 你咋能这样 Peter, how could you?
露易丝 我有充分的理由 Lois, I got a very good reason.
稍等一下 Wait a second.
这种经常是名场面 These are always classic.
露易丝 查理起司游乐城简直破烂 Lois, that Cheesie Charlie's is no good.
那里的情况是这样的 See, it happened like this.
欢迎来到查理起司游乐城 Welcome to Cheesie Charlie's.
希特勒万岁 Heil, Hitler!
啊其实 我名字是格里芬 Actually, the name's Griffin.
我是被我那冰雪聪明.. I was sent by my smart,
人还漂亮 性张力也拉满的老婆露易丝 派来的 beautiful, and still sexually appealing wife, Lois.
知道了 你家小崽的生日趴 我们已经准备好了 Yes. We're all set for your little boy's party.
我知道你们最近在打折 I understand we're getting a terrific bargain here.
确实呢 小孩们来玩我们的游戏 Absolutely. The children get to play our games.
如果他们赢够游戏票 他们还有奖品 And if they win enough tickets, they get a prize.
我有十三张游戏票了 够换奖品嘛 I have 13 tickets now. Is that enough?
抱歉哦 提米 15张票才能保你小命 Sorry, Timmy. But you need 15 tickets to live.
他们还有吃的 有蛋糕 They also get food, cake,
还有冰淇淋 味道随你选择 and your choice of ice-cream flavors...
有香草味 草莓味 巧克力味 人肉味 ...vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, or people.
- 最后一个是什么味儿 - 巧克力 -What was that last one? -Chocolate.
支票给我 Give me the check.
你别想 虽然这里是露易丝心心念的场地 Hold it! Lois may have had her heart set on this place...
但我超爱我的家人们 更要救他们的命 ...but I love my family too much to risk their lives.
- 来吧克瑞斯 咱们走 - 想走 没那么容易 -Come on, Chris. We're leaving. -No, you're not!
可别把我惹毛了 同志 Please don't make me angry, pal.
皮特很生气 后果很严重 You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
收声吧皮特 我真听够了 All right, Peter. That's enough!
演的好 皮特 Bravo, Peter.
演技堪比蚂蚁竞走十年 You are the Spalding Gray of crap.
皮特 你知道能预定上查理起司游乐城 有多难吗 Peter, do you know how hard it was to get a reservation at Cheesie Charlie's?
难度堪比在带货直播间 抢到一个IPHONE I had to book it the day of my ultrasound.
我们在生日前 绝对找不到其他地方了 We'll never find another place in time!
我居然还以为 这个计划完美无缺 For once, it was all gonna be so perfect!
别介啊 露易丝 肯定还是完美的 Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect.
我们还是会给他过 超棒的生日 We'll give him the best birthday ever...
就在咱们这个 不大不小 舒适美好的家里 ...right here in the safety and comfort of our own home.
皮特 我们商量过了 行不通 Peter, we've been over this.
宝 你一根手指头都不用动 Honey, you won't have to lift a finger.
我去请个小丑 订个蛋糕 I got us a clown, a cake,
①
②
搞个爱畜动物园 弄个超大的彩饰陶罐 a petting zoo, a big-ass piñata, the works!
*允许儿童触摸动物的动物园 *一种装满了糖果的玩具派对上 孩子们会轮流用棍子打破 让里面的糖果掉出来
- 你能把这都搞过来嘛 - 我保证 -You got all those things? -You bet I did.
哇哦 Wow.
查理起司游乐城都没有爱畜动物园诶 Even Cheesie Charlie's doesn't have a petting zoo.
好呢 那我去给其他家长打电话 讲派对办在家里 Okay, I'll call the parents and let them know the party's here.
- 你压根没有这些东西 - 你怎么就知道 -You don't have any of those things. -How do you know?
别装了 你就是个无耻的大骗子 You know, face it. You're a terrible liar.
是你放的屁 It was you.
小丑还有爱畜动物园 都要提前几个月预定 Clowns and petting zoos book months in advance.
想找一个 你时间真不太够啊 You're gonna have a tough time finding a....
等等 Hold on.
驾 驾 Ya! Ya!
改天吃吧 Some day.
你好鸭 小宝宝 你是走丢了嘛 Hey there, little boy. Are you lost?
现在 听我讲 乔淋 Now, listen to me, Jolene.
我要雇个军队 我必须去尼加拉瓜 I've got an army to raise, and I must get to Nicaragua.
我要订张靠窗机票 且附带一份快乐餐 I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal.
千万别加酸黄瓜 And no pickles!
要是有酸黄瓜 劳资让你吃不了兜着走 God help you if I find pickles.
亨瑞 这有个走丢的宝宝 Henry, I have a lost little boy.
你好鸭小家伙 你就跟我走吧 Hey there, little fella. Why don't you come with me?
不要 我操你妈 你跟他们一伙的 是吧 No, Damn you! You're one of them, aren't you?
他们给你什么报酬 我给你双倍 What are they paying you? I'll double it!
你想要什么我都给你 I'll give you whatever you want!
钞票 美女 Money! Women!
难道要帅哥 Men?
老爹 咱们又来这儿干嘛啊 Dad, what are we doing here again?
为了猪啊 克瑞斯 Pigs, Chris.
为了斯特威的爱畜动物园 咱们要来抓猪 We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo.
狡猾的猪猪 Crafty swine.
顺丰快递 UPS.
小蠢猪可聪明不过咱.. Little bastards ain't as smart as....
嗨 老妈 这是珍妮弗 她骑车载我回家的 Hi, Mom. This is Jennifer. She gave me a ride home.
梅格 你交了个朋友诶 Meg, you made a friend.
好可爱的屋子啊 What a lovely house, Mrs. G.
*1976年创立了Omnimedia 公司上市 她成为亿万富翁
梅格 你没跟我讲 你有个长得像玛莎·斯图尔特的老妈 Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart.
别啦 如果你好好了解我 我可是个很棒的人哦 No. Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice.
你知道什么很棒吗 You know what's nice?
有一个梅格这样的朋友 还有一只猫 这才是棒 Having a friend like Meg. And kittens.
见到你我真的太开心啦 It was super swell meeting you.
拜 梅格 姐妹一生一起走 Bye, Meg. Friends forever.
下辈子也要一起走 Forever and ever.
哇哦 院子也这么美 Wow! What a great yard!
跟你说 老妈 珍妮弗周六约我去参加派对 Guess what, Mom? Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday.
这周六吗 This Saturday?
梅格 你不能错过斯特威的一岁生日 Meg, you can't miss Stewie's first birthday.
但是老妈 But Mom--
梅格 咱们全家人都要在家里 参加斯特威的派对 Meg, our entire family is going to be here for Stewie's party.
你也是一份子 懂了没 And that includes you. Understood?
你居然更看重家庭 而不是你的女儿 I can't believe you'd put your family before your own daughter!
她可真是个一点就炸的小煤气罐 She's a whiny little runt, isn't she?
我说"煤气罐"来着 I said "runt."
我不知道找对地方了没 I don't think I'm in the right place.
我要找个可以在我儿子生日 去哄小孩子的人 I'm looking for a guy to entertain the kids at my son's birthday.
没问题 我可以的 Sure. I can do that.
你还接小孩趴的活吗 You do children's parties?
当然啦 我可以倒立 空翻什么的也可以 Yeah. I can do, like, a handstand, and some somersaults maybe.
绝对可以把小朋友们拿捏的死死的 I can make pretend like the children are little bugs in my web.
你知道家里人电话号码嘛 崽 Do you know your phone number, son?
除非你扒我皮抽我筋 不然我一个字都不会讲 The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture.
但我觉得你做不到 And I don't think you've got the grapes!
听起来你不想回家呢 你是离家出走嘛 Sounds like you don't want to go home. Are you running away?
斯特威·格里芬才没有逃跑呢 Stewart Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!
崽 离家出走解决不了任何问题 You know, son, running away never solves anything.
你要长成个大孩子了 You're getting to be a big boy now.
迎面解决自己的难题 也是成长的必修课呢 And part of growing up means facing your problems head on.
看到你鼻子里长两搓小胡子 我还以为你是个愚人 The ruptured capillaries in your nose belie the clarity of your wisdom.
你说我必须去直面白衣男 跟他硬碰硬 You're saying I must return to face this man in white myself.
那就这样吧 So be it.
至于你这个大智者 As for you, kind sage,
希望你接下来十年 在这个天然焦炭里的日子 I only hope my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm...
我的感激之情 依旧能让你心生暖意 ...as you spend the next 10 years in frozen carbonite!
皮特 你只剩几个钟的时间了 Peter, you've only got a couple of hours left.
如果你还想搞这场派对 那得赶紧起来筹备了 If you pull a party out of your ass, you'll want to stand up.
老爹 我朋友珍妮弗叫我去跟她朋友一块玩 Dad, my friend Jennifer invited me to hang out with her friends.
我能去不 Can I go?
别搞 我才不会上你的当嘞 你问你妈了嘛 Oh no, I won't fall for this trick. Did you ask your mother?
嗯呢 Yes.
那玩去吧 玩的开心 宝贝 Okay, then. Have fun, sweetheart.
谢谢 爹地 Thanks, Daddy!
布莱恩 斯特威的生日一定烂到家了 Brian, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck.
在这么短时间里 我能弄到的东西 只有个蛋糕 The only stuff I could get on such short notice was a cake
还有那个巨大臀部倒模 and that big-ass piñata.
我希望里面装的是糖 I sure hope candy comes out of that.
直面现实吧 布莱恩 我就是个坏老爹 Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father,
一个没用的丈夫 花瓶美男一枚 a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.
我对不起露易丝一辈子 I'll never be able to face Lois.
马戏团来咱镇里了 不然你去那儿想想办法 The circus is in town. Maybe you could run away and join it.
马戏团 The circus!
嗨 派对是今天举行 对吧 Hi. This is the right day, isn't it?
是的 皮特应该几分钟就回来了 Yes. Peter should be back any minute...
然后咱们就能开始派对了 ...and then we can start the party,
但愿如此吧 I hope.
嘿 露易丝看啊 两头共和党的象征动物 都来派对了 Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party...
一只大象 还有一个被时局变化威胁到的胖白人 an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.
皮特 这简直就是我的梦中场景 Peter, this is the most wonderful celebration I could have imagined.
斯特威在哪呢 Yeah. Where's Stewie?
在楼上呢 为了他的大日子休养生息 He's upstairs, resting up for his big day.
我去把他带来 I'll go get him.
要是你见梅格了 让她多拍点照片 If you see Meg, tell her to take plenty of pictures.
梅格不在啦 她去朋友家里玩了 Meg's not here. She went to a friend's house.
什么 她会错过斯特威生日派对的 What? She's gonna miss Stewie's birthday.
一个小时前我让她去的 她绝对后悔死 对吧 I dropped her off an hour ago. Boy, is she gonna be sorry, or what?
皮特 你怎么能让她走呢 Peter. How could you let her go?
天啊 这有什么的 梅格跟朋友玩而已啊 What's the big deal? So Meg's with her new friends.
他们看起来都是好孩子 They seemed like some nice kids.
你能加入我们 我好开心 梅格 I'm so glad you could join us, meg.
在咱们这趟旅程里 你一定会玩很开心的 We're gonna have a great time on our trip.
旅行 去沙滩那种嘛 我没有带泳衣诶 A trip? Like to the beach? Because I didn't bring my swimsuit.
咱们要去的地方 你什么都不用带 You won't need anything where we're going.
抱歉 我先去调个酒 Excuse me. I've gotta go mix the punch.
氰化物 / 剧毒化学品
砒霜
老鼠药
*出演过怪奇物语 那个博士 本书1995年著
保罗·雷瑟 《夫妻之道》
过生日呢 兄弟 你想吃冰淇淋不 Birthday dude? Do you want some ice cream?
吃 但是不要加酸黄瓜 但凡有一点被我发现了 Yes. But no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find,
我要你狗命 I shall kill you!
别这样啊 露易丝 看到你不开心 我心里跟鳖咬住了一样 Come on, Lois. I hate to see you so upset.
咱们有动物 还有小丑 We got animals. We got clowns.
即使基督现真身 派对也不会比现在好 I mean, a party couldn't be any better if Jesus himself showed up.
好嘞 艾瑞巴蒂 我要制造的下一个奇迹 Okay, everybody. For my next miracle,
就是用这杯水 打开咱们的放克开关 I'm gonna turn water into funk.
皮特 马戏团真的是一绝 Peter, the circus is terrific.
但今天不止是斯特威的生日 But it's not just Stewie's birthday.
我们同时也在庆贺 在这一天 我们的家庭变得完整 We're also celebrating the day our family became whole.
如果梅格今天不在场 那真的毫无意义 Today means nothing if Meg isn't here.
改造倒计时
梅格 你看起来不开心 今天是个高兴的日子呀 Meg, you seem sad. Today's a happy day.
我知道 我真的好喜欢那个男孩哦 I know. It's just that I really like that guy over there.
但是他甚至没有正眼看过我 But he doesn't even know I exist.
他绝对不喜欢我 He must think I'm a total dog.
这简直是无稽之谈 That is so not true.
那是怎样 Then what is it?
- 他是个太监 - 真假啊 -He's a eunuch. -Really?
当然啦 在场所有男孩都没有√8 Sure. All the guys here have been castrated.
超级酷的 It's cool.
- 你觉得那个姑娘辣不辣 - 丑的要命 -Do you think that girl is hot? -No.
我也觉得 Me neither.
嘿 给我满上 Hey, you. Hit me.
我现在要是再找个小个子 一块喝杯杜松子酒 There. Now, if I can just find a midget with some gin,
就真有谈生意那味儿了 I'll be in business.
你要去哪啊 Where are you off to?
我要打开露易丝的心结 外加把这个猴子从我背上拿下来 I gotta make things right for Lois and get this monkey off my back.
滚啊你 Knock it off!
好了 同志们 All right, men,
白衣恶男准备把我塞回子宫 the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb.
今日遭殃的是我 但明日遇难的可能就是你 Today he comes for me, but tomorrow it could be you
或者是你 or you!
我给你们提供 加入圣战的机会 I offer you the opportunity to join me in glorious battle.
我知道你们有些同志 路都还不会走 I know that for some of you, your motor skills are not developed.
很不幸 你们这批同志会用来当诱饵 Sadly, you will be used as decoys.
但你的子子孙孙 会知道他们的爷爷奶奶 But your children's children will know that you
为了崇高的事业而献身 fell for a noble cause.
现在 谁加入我 Now, who's with me?
鸭鸭 Duckie?
真没用 一堆废品 行了 Useless, every one of you! Fine.
我只保护自己 你们自求多福吧 I'll defend myself, and the hell with all of you!
无语 我又尿裤子了 There, I've gone and soiled myself.
你开心了没 Are you happy now?
我们的领袖要带我们上路了 Our leader is here to take us on our journey!
我的孩子们 高兴一点 改造时刻即将到来 My children, rejoice. The hour of transformation is close at hand.
你哪位 Who are you?
这是梅格 圣上 她能跟我们一块走吗 This is Meg, wise one. Can she come with us?
可能吧 Perhaps.
你是否寻求精神上的开悟 追求圣洁的心灵 Do you have a mind that seeks enlightenment and a heart that seeks purity?
不咋是 Not really.
行吧 那你是不是一个拼命追求身边人的认可 Okay. Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance...
追求与他人平等权利的困惑青少年 ...from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?
哇哦 听起来是我本人诶 Wow, that sort of sounds more like me.
太好了 你也去穿一身 跟我们一样的深蓝运动服吧 Great! Then all you need is a dark-blue jogging suit.
让我看看库存还有多大码的 Let's see what we have in stock.
你穿多大码 120的吗 What are you? About a 9?
不 我穿165的 No. A 6.
好 你把圣水备好 Right. Dispense the refreshments.
梅格 你在这啊 Meg, there you are.
老爹 你在这干嘛啊 Dad, what are you doing here?
尴尬死我了 我真不想活了 I'm so embarrassed, I could die!
等下咱们一块死 Not before the rest of us!
梅格 你老妈希望 咱家今天可以整整齐齐 Meg, your mother wants the family together today.
只是斯特威是生日派对 我不在场又怎样 It's just Stewie's birthday. So what if I'm not there?
谁会记得我 Who's gonna remember?
你妈妈呀 相信我 她什么事都记得一清二楚 Your mom will, trust me. She remembers everything.
讲真 她一直念叨 你出生的时光 是她今生最幸福的记忆 In fact, she always says the best memories she has are when you kids were born.
梅格 就是这样啊 Meg, that's it.
今天不仅是为了斯特威 更多的是为了你老妈 This day is more for your mom than it is for Stewie.
她为我们付出一切 我们也应回报她的付出 With all she's given us, she oughta get whatever she wants.
梅格 她想要你今天和家人团聚 And, Meg, today she wants you to be with the family.
真的吗 Really?
老爸 你肯定觉得我是世界上最烂的女儿了 Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever.
不啦 你不是 亲 No you're not, honey.
还有那个贾德氏家的胖姑娘给你垫底呢 What about that fat girl from the Judds?
我这么自私 真的很抱歉 I'm sorry I've been so selfish.
- 我好想我老妈 - 我也是 - I miss my mom. - Me, too.
我还好想我的睾丸 I also miss my nads.
格里芬先生 我们也能去参加斯特威的派对吗 Mr. Griffin, can we come to Stewie's party, too?
当然啦 多多益善哦 Sure. The more the merrier.
梅格 你的家庭就是世界最酷 Meg, you have the coolest family.
这确实哦 She sure does.
敬家庭一杯 Here's to family!
敬家庭 To family!
亲娘了 这都几点了 走吧 Jeez, look at the time! Come on.
来吧孩子们 咱们一块走 Come on, kids. Let's get going.
抱歉梅格 Sorry, Meg.
这是另一拨宁愿去死 也不愿跟你.. It's another bunch of people that'd rather fake death...
参加同一个派对的人 ...than go to a party with you.
孩子们 飞仙之时已到 Children, the time of ascension has arrived.
我日他妈了个逼了 For the love of God.
你们之前没加入过邪教吗 Haven't any of you ever been in a cult before?
你妈逼 只有我一个人走 没办法修升成仙啊 Damn it! I can't achieve transcendence by myself.
充其量 是个孤单老疯子 That would just make me some kind of lone nut.
必须有人跟我一起死 Somebody's got to die with me.
给我回来 梅格 Come back, Meg!
啊哦 差点忘穿白礼袍 Whoops. Can't forget my ceremonial white robe.
除了吃蛋糕 流程大概都走完了吧 I guess there's nothing left but the birthday cake.
这里哦 Right here!
梅格 Meg!
我很抱歉 老妈 I'm sorry, Mom.
谢谢你 皮特 Thank you, Peter.
没事啦 我都等不及尝尝这蛋糕了 No problem. I cannot wait to taste this cake.
卖家说 这蛋糕肯定好吃又色情 The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic.
皮特 这蛋糕上有个裸男 Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
只剩这两个了 There were only two left.
你相信我 And trust me,
另一个是阿尔·罗克 但是奶头是两块德芙 你绝对更不想要 you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples.
都过来 大家伙儿 Gather round, everyone.
斯特威的高光时刻要来啦 It's time for Stewie's big moment.
有人吗 Hello?
有人在家吗 Is anybody home?
你好啊 白衣男 恭候大驾多时了 Greetings, man in white. I've been expecting you.
谁在讲话 Who said that?
一起藏老猫吧 我看到你了哦 Peek-a-boo! I see you!
你已经接近真相了 You're getting warmer.
你在哪 你有何所求 Where are you? What do you want?
自由 那你想怎样 Freedom! What do you want?
我想逃出这个鬼地方 I want to get the hell out of here!
抱歉 你来了就别想走 I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that.
恐怕迎接你的 只有一场突然的死亡 I'm afraid all that's left is untimely death.
这他妈到底什么玩意儿 What the hell is this?
取你命的男孩 It's a boy!
有谁见到斯特威了嘛 Anybody seen Stewie?
对啊 小寿星在哪呢 Yeah. Where is the birthday boy?
胜利属于我 Victory is mine!
是的 这个蛋糕也属于你哦 Yes. And this cake is yours, too.
斯特威 许个愿吧 Stewie, make a wish.
然后把蜡烛吹灭 愿望会成真哦 If you blow out the candle, it'll come true.
这不是编的 小崽崽 That's right, little buddy.
全世界你最想要什么 What do you want most in the whole world?
你是说全世界嘛 In the whole world, you say?
什么鬼啊 What the hell.