小天自译 恶搞之家S01 双语字幕 持续更新
微博 @小天天天犯困 / B站 @黄景瑜的小天_
♪ 当你人生不如意 ♪ ♪ "When life is getting to you ♪
时间轴|翻译|压制 小天
♪ 往生活里加点清新 让益达清新您的生活 ♪ ♪ "put some fresh in your life Let Mintos freshen up your life ♪
♪ 保持清新与帅酷 生活就会被拿捏 ♪ ♪ "Life is just a breeze when you stay fresh and cool ♪
♪ 因为益达清新您的生活 ♪ ♪ "Because Mintos puts the fresh in life ♪
♪ 感受这份清新 无法抗拒 ♪ ♪ "Taste that freshness Just can't beat it ♪
♪ 益达之清新 让益达清新您的生活 ♪ ♪ "Mintos freshness Let Mintos freshen your life" ♪
益达口香糖 有我就有清新口气 Mintos, the Freshmaker.
这广告拍的也太傻了 These commercials are stupid.
简直反向带货 They certainly don't make me want a Minto.
毫无购买欲望 Totally ineffective.
必须杀死林肯 Must kill Lincoln.
♪ 似乎今日 你看着电视 ♪ ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ 只有暴力电影 还有少儿不宜 ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ 但那些我们曾信赖的... ♪ ♪ But where are those good, old-fashioned values ♪
♪ 优良的旧潮流价值观 去了哪里 ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
♪ 一切尽在恶搞之家 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ 还好有居家良男 为你讲述 ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you ♪
♪ 让我们哭笑的 一起走过的路 ♪ ♪ all the things that make us laugh 'n' cry ♪
♪ 他 就是 居家良男 ♪ ♪ He's a family guy ♪
S01E04 - 精神战胜谋杀
你妈的 蠢婆娘 别在这做白日梦了 Blast you, woman! Awake from your damnable reverie!
亲 我在洗碗呢 Honey, I'm doing the dishes.
打扰了你餐具卫生仪式 我道一百万次歉 A thousand pardons for disrupting your flatware sanitation ritual.
但如你所见 我要疼死了 But you see, I'm in searing pain!
只是长乳牙啦 斯特威 每个宝宝都会这样的 You're just teething, Stewie. It's a normal part of a baby's life.
那行 我命令你立马了结我 Very well then, I order you to kill me at once!
亲 我知道你很疼 Honey, I know you're hurting.
但是妈咪要扫屋子 乖一点 But Mommy has to clean up the house, all right?
完全无法忍受 No, it's not all right!
我的亲娘了 摇摇我 For the love of God, shake me!
跟英国保姆一样摇我 Shake me like a British nanny!
哥们 这才是人生 Man. This is the life.
再递给我一罐爱国者啤酒 Hand me another one of them Pawtucket Patriots.
兄弟们 我想给你们来段祝酒词 Guys, I want to say a toast to you,
块格麦尔 克雷文 Quagmire, Cleveland....
布莱恩 Brian.
对的对的 如果你们是啤酒 Yeah. If you guys were beers,
那你们每一罐都会被我饮尽 I would drink every one of you.
我希望这是真的 And I wish you were
因为这是假的 because we're out.
蛮好笑的 That's funny.
比你昨晚讲的那个还要好笑 That's even more humorous than that joke you told us last night.
一个犹太人 和一个中国人 走进一家酒吧 对吧 Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar, right?
稍等下 Wait a second.
*一个很冷且racial的无聊梗...
一个犹太人 一个中国人 走进一家酒吧 Jewish guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar.
然后有个那里坐个裸体牧师 然后他.. And there's a naked priest sitting there. And he....
抱歉神父 Sorry, Father.
没事 这故事我听过 No, I've heard them all.
看这都几点了 Look at the time.
我跟洛丽塔保证 会回家修剪树篱 还会对她温柔 I promised Loretta I was gonna trim the hedges and be tender with her.
相信我 克雷文 咱们老婆需要休息 跟我们一样 Believe me, Cleveland. Our wives need some time off as much as we do.
这个时候 露易丝肯定在做一些 女人都爱干的事 This is when Lois does all those little things that women like to do.
我要睡你床上 没得商量 I'll be on your bed. No calls.
嘿 露易丝 Hey, Lois.
你已经累一整天了 晚餐我来搞定 You've been busy all day. So I took care of dinner.
真假 Really?
你就简单的掏空内脏 洗干净鱼 挂掉鱼鳞 然后做它就好啦 All you gotta do is gut it, clean it, scale it, and cook it.
皮特 咱这房子我扫了一早上 Peter, I spent all morning cleaning up the house.
你只用五秒 直接让我一上午白干 And in five seconds, you turn it into low tide at the pier.
天了 对不起宝贝 我等下帮你扫干净 Jeez. I'm sorry, honey. I'd help you clean it up.
但是你知道 我家务做得有多烂吧 But you know how lousy I am with housework.
记得我洗衣服那次嘛 Remember when I tried doing the laundry?
看看哦 衬衫 短裤 Let's see. Shirts, pants....
另一只袜子丢了 I'm missing another sock.
*《纳尼亚传奇》中人物 居于纳尼亚的半羊兽 性情善良害羞
欢迎来到纳尼亚 我是唐姆勒斯先生 Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.
把袜子还给我 操你妈逼的贱货 Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!
嘿 Hey!
说得对 还是我做吧 You're right. It's better if I do it.
操他妈个仙人板板 Damn it to the bowels of bloody hell!
宝宝睡醒了 你能去看着他不 The baby's up. Can you get him?
可以 希望不用给他换尿布 Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing.
上次换的时候 被他机关枪狠狠扫射到了 I'm a little gun-shy after what happened last time.
别 你个傻哔 那不是爽身粉 是辣椒面 No, you imbecile! That's not talc! That's paprika!
受着吧你 Take that!
好好好 这事儿我也干了 All right, I'll do that, too!
那你送克瑞斯去学足球 总可以了吧 Can you at least take Chris to his game?
亲娘了露易丝 我一整早都跟我朋友们 Jeez, Lois. I spent all morning on a boat with my friend
在船上喝酒 讲笑 说胡话 ...drinking beer, telling jokes, and screwing around.
让我歇一下会死吗 How about a little me time?
宝宝 我求求你了 送克瑞斯去学足球 Honey, I'm begging you. Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
然后立马回家 ...and come right home.
我教钢琴课的时候 你得看着斯特威 求你 I need you to look after Stewie while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!
好啦 我的女人我来宠坏 All right! You know I spoil you.
谢谢送我过来哦 老爹 Thanks for the ride, Dad.
没事啦 玩的开心 克瑞斯 All right. Have fun, Chris.
嘿 小皮 Hey, Petey!
块格麦尔 你在这弄啥嘞 Quagmire? What are you doing here?
看足球妈咪们呀 Soccer moms!
爽死 All right.
我也想留下来陪你 但是露易丝在家一个人忙不过来 I'd like to hang around with you. But Lois needs me at home.
我有啤酒哦 I got beer.
露易丝漏油 啤酒加油 Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!
没事的 斯特威 皮特死哪去了 It's okay, Stewie. Where the hell's Peter?
弹得不错 布鲁恩 现在弹.. That was good, Reuben. Now play
布拉姆的摇篮曲 Brahms' Lullaby.
♪ 安睡吧 小宝贝 ♪ ♪ "Lullaby and good night" ♪
赶紧闭嘴 我嘴都已经够疼了 Enough! The only thing worse than the wretched pain...
还要听 你嘴里喷出来的粪 ...in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours!
我也想让你不受罪 I wish I could make the pain go away sooner.
但是我不能让时空跳跃呀 But I can't turn time forward.
不 我应该可以 No! Perhaps I can!
当然啦 我要做一个可以时间传送的机器 Of course! I'll simply build a machine that can move time!
叫它时光机好了 I shall call it a time machine.
降E调 郎朗 弹降E调 E-flat, Salieri! E-flat!
冲啊 克瑞斯 爹地爱你 Go, Chris! Daddy loves you!
是那种柏拉图式的爱情 我是已婚人士 I mean in a platonic way. I'm married.
手持球 罚球 蓝牌下场 Hand ball! Penalty kick, blue!
今天都他妈接十次了 接的漂亮 虎鲸橄榄球队 That's the 10th time today! Nice grab, orca.
趁这傻哔还没醉倒在场上 赶紧让他下场候补吧 Get Moby Dick off the field before he burps up a license plate!
别急眼啊 哥们 那是我儿子 给他道歉 Easy, fella. That's my kid. Now apologize.
道你妈的歉 你儿子就是个头脑弱智的低能儿 Okay. I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead stinking blue cheese feta!
凶你妈呢 That's it!
干的漂亮 老爹 Way to go, Dad!
你打我妈干嘛啊 You hit my mom!
我打的是你爹 No, I hit your dad.
都退后 让她能呼吸到新鲜空气 Stand back. Give her some air.
你是说 "让他能呼吸到新鲜空气"吧 You mean, "Give him some air."
赶紧叫救护车啊 她要生了 Call an ambulance. She's going into labor.
你是说"他要生了"吧 You mean, "He's going into labor."
完蛋 Whoops.
我竟然揍了个女人 I can't believe I punched a woman.
还是怀孕的女人 A pregnant woman.
我希望她能收下我的和礼 I just hope she accepts my peace offering.
我送她个宝宝用品 I sent her a little something for the baby.
如果我没有被居家监禁 我会自己送过去的 Of course, I would've brought it over myself if I wasn't under house arrest.
你很幸运啦 这是你第一次犯法 皮特 You're just fortunate this is your first offense, Peter.
要是警察知道我之前犯的罪 Could've been a lot worse if the cops...
后果简直不堪设想 ...knew about the other times I broke the law.
禁止逗留
还有上次我在公共场合偷偷嘘嘘 And there was that time I took a whiz in public.
还有那次我在温布尔登 逃票看球 And that time I snuck into Wimbledon.
我跟克雷文要"火速离开"了 Me and Cleveland are gonna "amscray."
等下 你们不能把我一个人丢这儿 Wait. You guys can't leave me here alone.
那你怎么不跟我们一块走呢 Why don't you come with us?
我不能离开准许范围 这玩意监视我每一个脚步 I can't leave the premises. They're monitoring my every move.
我不要呆在这了 我好想逃 I gotta get out of here!
这不是我居家小老公嘛 There's my little house husband.
你一整周都能呆在家里 简直太幸福了 It's been so wonderful having you home all week.
谢谢亲 Thanks, honey.
但是你在家里一呆一整天 怎么能忍的啊 But I don't know how you stand it here all day.
我真的好无聊 甚至电视我都看不下去了 I mean, I'm so bored, I can't even watch TV anymore.
各式各类的节目 同一时间一块播出 All the shows are starting to run together.
本节目含有成人内容 《芝麻街杀人狂生活纪实》 This contains adult content and is brought to you by the letter "H".
哪位 Hello?
操他妈的 我在路上了 Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
有个可怜蛋在Hooper家小店 头被爆开花了 Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
波特 我希望你不要总喝那么多 Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
厄尼 我他妈的也希望 你能别在床上吃饼干 Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the damn bed!
波特 你又对人家凶凶了 Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!
我知道你不能跟我感同身受 露易丝 I know you can't understand what I'm going through, lois.
那些能让你开心的事 All the stuff that makes you happy...
比如做饭啊 打扫卫生啊 都在房子里等着你呢 ...like cooking and cleaning, is right in the house just waiting for you.
- 你可真是幸运女人 - 收声吧你 -You are one lucky-- -Stop now.
皮特 不是因为我爱做家务 才去做的 Peter, I don't do those things because I enjoy them.
我做的这一切 是因为我爱我的家庭 I do them because I love my family.
♪ 露易丝爱她的家庭 露易丝爱她的家庭 ♪ ♪ Lois loves her family. Lois loves her family. ♪
♪ 露易丝和家人们 坐在树下 ♪ ♪ "Lois and the family sitting in a tree" ♪
露易丝 男人们就会觉得这很好笑 See, Lois, the guys would've found that hilarious.
我去买点零食 给咱们做一顿浪漫晚餐如何 Why don't I go buy some groceries and make us a nice romantic dinner?
就像当初约会一样 Like when we were dating.
你就可以暂时忘记你的哥们了 That oughta take your mind off the guys.
我已经忘记啦 It already has.
好想知道俩哥们儿在干嘛 I wonder what the guys are up to?
你个烂脏货 That's nasty.
开关拉绳在哪里 Where's the damn pull string?
你永远都不知道 在地下室能有什么新发现 You never know what you're gonna find down here.
皮踏 Peter!
你就是那个啤酒上的爱国者 You're the Pawtucket Patriot.
没错 来哥哥身边 仔细听 Verily. Come hither and give heed.
妈呀 我不搞男男 哥们 Whoa. I don't swing that way, pal.
我要去跟我女性老婆约会 只是下来拿点啤酒 Look, I got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers.
为什么要跟老婆消磨时光呢 如果你在地下室建一个酒吧 Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement...
然后储备大量的爱国者啤酒 ...and stock it with plenty of frosty Pawtucket Patriots...
你的朋友们就会来这 跟你一块喝啤酒了 ...your friends will come down here for a beer as well.
建个酒吧 好主意 Build a bar! That's a great idea.
稍等下 最后一个问题 Wait. One last question.
我从你身体里穿过去 是不是就代表 If I walk through you, does that mean, like,
你给我了 we've done it?
天了 什么可怕的人还有通讯录笑话 Jeez. What's with you and the gay jokes?
皮特 你死哪去了 咱们可是在约会 Peter, where the hell have you been? We had a date.
抱歉亲 我忙的忘记时间了 Sorry, honey. I must've lost track of the time.
你觉得咋样 我哥们会喜欢不 What do you say? You think the guys will like it?
你就为了给你哥们做个酒吧 所以没来跟我约会吗 This is why you missed our dinner? To make a bar for your friends?
对啊 是不是很棒 我就跟蒂姆·艾伦似的 Yeah, isn't it great? Boy, I feel just like Tim Allen.
自己建造东西 还有犯罪记录 I build stuff and I have a criminal record.
好了兄弟们 我还有一个笑话 Okay, guys. I got another one.
情色作品跟艺术的区别在哪里 What's the difference between pornography and art?
我知道哦 Here it comes.
有没有政府拨款支持 A government grant.
皮特 你真太好笑了 Peter, you are in the zone.
宝贝 你记得之间家里来客 你做过的小蛤蜊蛋糕嘛 You know those little clam cakes you make wheneve we have company?
给我做十二个吧 I need about a dozen.
算了 做六百个吧 Actually, better make it like 600.
真他妈够了 皮特 老娘又不是奴隶 That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant.
照顾你还有你的酒友们 让老娘恶心死了 And I'm through taking care of you and your bar buddies!
天啊 这是哪门子的火啊 Jeez. Where the hell did that come from?
看好孩子们 我要洗个热水澡 Watch the kids. I'm taking a hot bath.
放我下来 你这个大傻种 Put me down, you blunderbuss!
他是个长乳牙中的小怪咖 He's a little cranky from teething.
我有办法 I can fix that.
他妈的 兄弟 Good God, man!
不敢想象 你这手指先前探索过什么肮脏恶臭的部位 One can only imagine what foul regions that finger has erstwhile probed!
给你这个 There you go.
我小时候牙疼 我老妈就会给我用威士忌缓解 My mother used to use whiskey whenever I had a toothache.
我牙好疼 My tooth hurts!
怎样 感觉如何 There. How's that feel?
有点爽哦 It's delightful.
感谢 感谢大家 Thank you. Thank you very much.
露易丝 你真是个绝代才女 Lois, you are a wonderful woman.
文字无法诠释 我心中对你的仰慕与爱意 Words cannot express the depth of my appreciation and love for you.
皮特 Peter!
你肯定是露易丝 You must be Lois.
不 不是硅酮 是硅 No, not silicone. Silicon.
而且机器设计十分精美 And the design of the device is quite ingenious
也不知道是不是在自卖自夸 弥斯提小姐 if I do say so myself, Misty.
这个昵称很可爱哦 What a delightful moniker.
你看 弥斯提 You see, Misty...
我的时间控制器使用了.. My time manipulator employs axioms...
分子推进量子理论进行运作 ...from the quantum theory of molecular propulsion.
我把铅笔搞断啦 I've broken my pencil!
我包里有一支恐龙巴尼笔哦 I have a Barney pen in my purse.
你是我的神 You are spectacular!
克瑞斯 你在这弄啥嘞 Chris, what are you doing here?
抱歉老妈 我在这里做入场检查 Sorry, Mom. I'm gonna need to see some ID.
克瑞斯 给我回你屋去 Chris, go to your room!
哈喽 老妈 Hello, Mother.
要不要参加一场紧张刺激的藏老猫游戏 Care to partake in one of your so-exhilarating games of peekaboo?
天爷了 我家宝宝居然喝醉了 My God! My baby is drunk!
我没醉啊 No, I'm not!
他啊 他是真不能喝 Him? Yeah. He's a real lightweight.
梅格 带斯特威上楼去 Meg, take Stewie upstairs.
♪ 让我看到回家的路在哪里 ♪ ♪ Show me the way to go home ♪
大家一起唱 Everybody!
♪ 我好累 想上床睡觉 ♪ ♪ "I'm tired and I want to go to bed" ♪
女观众一起来 Just the women!
皮特 自从咱俩十七年前结婚 Peter, in the 17 years that we've been married...
老娘从来都没现在这么生气 ...I have never been as angry as I....
我的钢琴怎么在这啊 What is my piano doing down here?
本该放的是蛤蜊蛋糕自助台 但是.. It was supposed to be a clam cake buffet, but....
别管啦 Never mind.
真够了 今天这个酒吧不关门 就是我离家出走 That does it, Peter. Either this bar goes or I do!
啊露易丝 我的宝 我没有跟你讲钢琴在这的另一个原因 Oh Lois honey, I haven't even told you the other reason your piano's down here.
我想要你演奏一曲 I wanted you to play it.
把这当音乐会现场 Like it was an instrument.
此话无半点掺假 对吧 兄弟们 I'm telling you the truth. Right, guys?
来吧 Come on!
别这样啦 我不行的 Oh no, I couldn't.
来一曲吧 Come on!
那就浅唱一首吧 Maybe one song.
不管唱的有多烂 装作你们很爱听 好不 Pretend you like it no matter how bad it stinks.
♪ 你永远都不会知晓 ♪ ♪ "You'll never know just how much ♪
♪ 我爱你有多深 ♪ ♪ "I love you ♪
♪ 你永远都不会知晓 我有多在乎你 ♪ ♪ "You'll never know just how much I care" ♪
绝啊 Yeah!
♪ 即使我用尽全力 但我始终 ♪ ♪ "And if I try, I still ♪
♪ 无法隐藏我对你的爱意 ♪ ♪ "couldn't hide my love for you ♪
♪ 我为何不对你吐诉情肠 你应该明了 ♪ ♪ "You oughta know for haven't I told you so?" ♪
好了兄弟们 谢谢大家 现在不用假装了 Okay, guys. Thank you. You can stop pretending now.
好棒的 All right!
♪ 如果有什么 可以证明我爱你的办法 ♪ ♪ "If there is some other way to prove that I love you ♪
♪ 我保证我从未知晓 ♪ ♪ "I swear I don't know how" ♪
有烦心事嘛 皮特 Something troubling you, Peter?
没啥 就是我所有朋友都在视奸我老婆 Nothing. Just all my friends are eye-humping my wife.
♪ 若你此刻不明了我的心意 则此生再无时机 ♪ ♪ "You'll never know if you don't know now" ♪
这感觉简直太美妙了 It was absolutely amazing.
第二股聚光灯打到我的时候 我直接变成浑然不同的人 The second that spotlight hit me, I became a whole different person!
收声 你这个下贱的泼妇 Silence, you contemptible shrew!
我赌你牙龈还是很疼吧 I bet your gums are still sore.
你可真善于观察啊 你是个侦探吗 You're so observant, aren't you? Are you a detective?
没错 我牙龈还是很疼 真受够了 Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!
我要赶紧完成我的时光机 移动时空 了结这场痛苦 I must complete my time machine, move time forward, and end this agony!
嘿 老爹 Hey, Dad.
老妈讲 她昨晚表演就是一绝 Mom says she was really on last night.
啊其实吧 就是露易丝 大伙就是表面礼貌 Yeah. About that. Lois, see, the guys were just being polite.
他们其实觉得你唱的很.. They thought your singing was too....
我就是太紧张啦 今晚会唱更好的 I was just nervous. Tonight'll be better.
今晚 亲 今晚应该不会有回头客看你表演吧 Tonight? Honey, I don't think anyone's gonna come back tonight.
♪ 给予我 给予我 那个让我伤心落泪的东西 ♪ ♪ "Gimme, gimme, gimme what I cry for ♪
♪ 能得到你香吻的烙印 ♪ ♪ "You know you got the brand of kisses ♪
♪ 我愿为之付出一切 ♪ ♪ "that I die for" ♪
这首让我仿佛回到从前 This one takes me back.
那是真女人啊 Now that's a woman!
那是个屋子 那是个鱼 那是个蜜蜂 That's a house. That's a fish. That's a bee!
♪ 你明白你让我用情至深 ♪ ♪ "You know you made me love you" ♪
我爱你哦 I love you.
谢谢大家 谢谢哦 Thank you. Thank you.
这位是强尼·莫顿 女士们先生们 Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen.
我在一个叫圆蛤市的小地方出生 I was born in a little town called Quahog.
我们爱你 露易丝 We love you, Lois!
让我讲完这个故事 小情人 Let me finish the story, fellas.
你可不想整夜无眠吧 You don't want to be up all night.
还是你想呢 Or do you?
妈呀 这边擦的 "Or do you?"
她真是个妩媚性感的女人 对吧 She's a smokin' little pistol, isn't she?
你是个女人吗 Are you a woman?
不是啊 No.
我的居家监禁结束啦 布莱恩 把我兄弟们都叫一起 My house arrest is over, Brian. Round up the guys.
我现在自由了 咱们想干嘛就干嘛 Now that I'm a free man, we can do anything we want.
皮特 你的兄弟们只想做一件事 The only one thing the guys want to do, peter.
就是色迷迷盯着你老婆看 And that's ogle your wife.
要是露易丝是我老婆 我肯定好好看着她 I tell you if Lois were my woman, I'd keep an eye on her.
我是那种容易吃醋的男人 Then again, I'm the jealous type.
哇哦 露易丝·格里芬 我喜欢你的表演 Wow! Lois Griffin! I love your act.
瓜不错哦(胸不错哦 Nice melons.
你他妈讲话注意点 Listen, pal--
皮特 我拿着甜瓜呢 Peter, I'm holding melons.
大奶子真的也很不错(猫头鹰真的也很不错 And her hooters ain't bad either!
你他妈稍等一等 Now hang on a second there!
皮特 我托着猫头鹰呢 Peter, I'm holding hooters.
抱歉 Sorry.
没事的 No problem.
- 你老婆好辣 - 够了 抓个正着 - Your wife's hot! - All right. That's it!
露易丝 你以后再也不能唱歌了 Lois, your singing days are over.
要是我想娶个女歌手 我当初就跟罗纳·法拉纳结婚了 For god sake, If I wanted to marry Lola Falana, I would have.
罗纳 咱们的感情对我来说 进展太快了 Look, Lola. This whole thing is just going way too fast for me.
老娘再讲最后一次 我不是罗纳 我是莱斯利·格塞斯 For the last time, I'm not Lola! I'm Leslie Uggams!
皮特 我第一次唱歌 是你出的主意 Peter, having me sing was your idea in the first place.
我就是想留住我的酒吧 I just wanted to keep my bar.
我建酒吧只有一个原因 All reason I built that thing
是我朋友都能来找我玩 不是来看你 so my friends would come to see me, not you.
是这样吗 那你给老娘听好了 Is that so? Let me tell you something.
老娘爱唱歌 而且老娘就要继续唱 I love singing! And I will continue to sing!
妈的 peter死了 看的我气死 他真的好贱啊
马上就演出了 你他妈居然这样泼我冷水 How dare you upset me this close to showtime!
露易丝 Lois.
看好路啊 哥们 Watch where you're going, buddy.
格里芬 刚好我要找你算账 Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you.
我不想再搞事情了 Listen, I don't want any more trouble.
谢谢你老婆 Thanks to your wife...
我老公已经一整周不着家了 ...my husband hasn't been home all week!
那个唱歌的贱妇 摧毁了我们的婚姻 That singing hussy is destroying our marriages!
行啊 那赶紧做点什么吧 Yeah, then do something about it.
今晚来我家地下室 亲自把你们老公拖出去 Come to my basement tonight and drag your husbands out of there.
我们可能会去吧 Maybe we will.
没错 Yeah!
天了噜 哥们 你能出去喂奶吗 Jeez, fella. Can't you take that outside?
下一首歌献给 非常支持我的丈夫 皮特 This next number is dedicated to my very supportive husband, Peter.
奏乐 Hit it!
♪ 不要阻止我一飞冲天 我已渐有起色 ♪ ♪ "Don't tell me not to fly I've simply gotta ♪
♪ 若有人栽了跟头 也是我 与你无关 ♪ ♪ "If someone takes a spill it's me and not you ♪
♪ 在我愉悦兴奋时 不要泼我冷水 ♪ ♪ "Don't bring around a cloud to rain ♪
♪ 让我下头 ♪ ♪ on my parade" ♪
哥们 露易丝是不是真的气炸了 Boy. Lois is pretty pissed?
是啊 你最近判断力真的.. Yes, your judgment lately has been rather....
你判断力一直蛮不正常的 You have crappy judgment anyway.
简直无法忍受 This is intolerable!
这个傻缺老妈 真的是耽误完成我... This foolishness is preventing me from completing work on my....
天啊 我时光机的设计图 Egads! The blueprints for my time machine!
这只有我一个人能看 Those are for my eyes only!
谢谢你 Thank you.
大家看啊 斯特威给她老妈画了幅画 Look everyone, Stewie drew a picture for his mommy.
嫑 No!
把图片举起来 让我们看看 Hold up the picture. Let's see.
不要不要 什么都没有 No! Nothing to see here.
好可爱 画的是个时光机 How cute. It's a time machine!
不啊 这是.. No! It's a....
天啊 正常小孩子都画什么啊 Blast, what the devil do children draw?
这是只野鸡 It's a pheasant!
时光机啊 确实 这里放的是通量电容器 A time machine. Sure. Here's where the flux capacitor goes.
等不及自己去造一台了 I can't wait to build one of these of my own.
你们阻拦我的计划 本宝宝不会袖手旁观的 I'll not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans.
你们会后悔的 快啊 开始后悔 You shall rue this day. Go on! Start ruing!
拜拜 斯特威 妈咪会上楼 吻你说晚安的 Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you good night.
死地狱里吧你 Burn in hell!
地狱 地狱里有火 大家知道还有什么吗 Hell. Hell has fire. And you know what else?
♪ 地狱中有蒸气热 ♪ ♪ "It's got steam heat ♪
♪ 姐也超级火热 ♪ ♪ "I got steam heat ♪
♪ 姐超级火热 ♪ ♪ "I got steam heat ♪
♪ 但我需要你的爱 带我远离寒冷 ♪ ♪ But I need your love to keep away the cold ♪
够了 给我停下 All right, break it up!
发生什么事了 What's going on here?
你这低俗的色情表演结束了 我们要把老公带回家 Your little peep show is over! We're taking back our men!
色情表演 我分明是为了寻乐 Peep show? I just do this for fun.
我刷碗 做饭 日复一日 Look, all day long I scrub and cook...
每日都在照顾我的孩子 但无人为我喝彩 and take care of my kids. And nobody cheers.
甚至一句感谢的话都没有 但每当我开始表演 No one even says thank you. But when the band starts playing
音乐开始围绕着我 我感觉到.. and the music's flowing through me, I feel,
我不知道 很特殊吧 I don't know, special.
我猜你们肯定觉得我很傻 I guess you all think that's pretty silly.
完全不 Not at all.
这一部分你怎么没跟我们说 You didn't tell us that part!
皮特 这一切都是你在背后搞鬼吗 Peter, you're behind all this?
没错 而且你永远抓不到我 Yes. And you'll never catch me!
我打赌他肯定也没告诉你们 他从来没帮我扫过屋子 I bet he also didn't tell you he never helps me around the house.
从来没带我出去吃过晚饭 Or takes me out to dinner.
也从来不会注意到 我新做的头发 Or notices when I get my hair done.
- 简直人生不幸 - 我老公也这样 - No, that's just.... - My husband's the same way.
我老公也是 So's mine.
哇哦 这里的男人都要完蛋了 Wow, this place is full of dead pigeons.
我得出去呼吸点新鲜空气 I'm gonna go grab some ozone.
皮特 着火了啊啊啊 Peter! There's a king in the cards!
他们看到我的设计图了 严重破坏安全条例 They saw my blueprints! What a grievous breach of security!
操 我该怎么办 Damn! What do to?
等着乳牙长出来吗 Wait for it....
对啊 Yes!
与其跨越时间 跳过这痛苦的长牙期 Instead of moving time forward to bypass this wretched teething...
不如扭转时光 it might just be possible to reverse time's heady flow
然后绝对不画这张傻哔的设计图 and undo ever having drawn those damnable blueprints.
- 你休想得逞 - 给我闭嘴 -You'll never get away with this! -Silence!
露易丝 你说的那些话 好像我根本不欣赏你 Lois, you make it sound like I don't appreciate you at all.
皮特 你上次说你爱我 是什么时候 Peter, when was the last time you told me you love me?
但你知道我爱你啊 You know I do.
我想听你讲出来 I want to hear it!
这一切就因为这个吗 Is that what this is all about?
赶紧逃生吧 Run for your lives!
我操 Holy crap!
好热 好热 Hot!
没办法出去了 There's no way out!
我的时光机终于做好了 At last! My time device is complete!
只需最终调试 Just one final adjustment.
好啦 There.
现在 我绝对不会再画那张设计图 Now I shall negate ever having drawn those damnable blueprints.
操 Blast!
天啊 我们完蛋了 Jeez. We're screwed!
我保证 要是我们能逃出去的话 Look, I promise if we get out of this alive...
我会帮你做家务 每天都对你说"我爱你" I'm gonna help out around the house and say "I love you" every day.
真的吗 You mean it?
我已经改变了 露易丝 变成好男人了 I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man.
回想下 如果我没有带克瑞斯去上足球课 And to think, if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game...
我永远都学不到这珍贵的一课 I never would've learned this valuable lesson.
亲 我求你了 送克瑞斯去上足球课 Honey, I'm begging you. Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
然后立马回家 ...and come right home.
我教钢琴课的时候 你得看着斯特威 求你 I need you to look after Stewie while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!
好啦 All right!
我的女人 我来宠坏 You know I spoil you.
我的脚 我走不成路了 My foot! I can't walk!
你得亲自去送克瑞斯了 I guess you'll have to take Chris yourself.
- 我的机器 我的牙齿 - 我自由了 -My device! My teeth! -I'm free! Free!
我以门牙的名义 占领这张嘴 I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor!
我不同意 I think not!
前臼齿 我们又见面了 Bicuspid! We meet again.
- 接招吧 - 准备姿态就绪 -Have at you! -En garde!
我们要不要咬住舌头 Shall we bite the tongue then?
三秒之后 一 二 On three. One, two....