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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
♪ All the things that make us ♪
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
Family Guy 11x02 Ratings Guy 收视率大佬
中文字幕: wudixny 校对: zurica 注释: wudixny 后期: zurica 压制: zurica @familyguy贴吧字幕组
啊 Stewie 真令人兴奋啊 Oh, Stewie, how exciting!
你第一次参观真正的消防局 Your first visit to a real fire station!
是啊 你们这些孩子第一次到消防局来总是很开心 Yeah, you kids always loved your first trip to the fire station.
你还记得我们带Meg去的那次不 You remember when we took Meg?
欢迎来到圆蛤市消防局 各位 Welcome to the Quahog Fire Department, folks.
我是Beckman队长 I'm Captain Beckman.
有什么问题可以问我 Let me know if you have any questions
我可以替你们解答 that I can answer for you.
干啥呢 呆逼 What's up, nerds?
你们就干等着有人叼着烟头入睡吗 You waiting for some guy to fall asleep with a cigarette?
懒惰的消防队垃圾 Lazy fire turds!
就知道吃甜甜圈吧 猪头 Have another donut, pig!
我们有真枪 你们只有水枪 We got guns! You got hoses!
咱们垒球场上见 See you on the softball field!
S10E12中就提过警察Joe和消防员势不两立
这里是我们的厨房 我们做饭的地方 Over here is our kitchen, where we make all our meals.
然后楼上是我们就寝的地方 And upstairs is where we sleep.
那你们的妻子和家庭怎么办 What about your wives and families?
有时我们很长时间见不到他们 Sometimes we don't see them for long periods of time.
呃 那听上去非常孤单啊 Well, that sounds awfully lonely.
就像一个在各地巡回比赛的NBA球员 Like being an NBA player on the road.
宝贝儿 我想死我老婆了 Baby, I miss my wife so much.
感谢你理解我们啥也不能做 Thanks for understanding that we can't do anything.
我只是想要抱抱 I just want to cuddle.
噢 你真好 Oh, you're so sweet.
我只是做了一个男人该做的 I'm just doing what a man should do.
尊重神圣的婚姻制度 Respecting the sacred institution of marriage.
现在 我们睡觉吧 And now, straight to sleep.
本消息由NBA为您提供 This message brought to you by the NBA.
让我们假装这是真的 Let's all pretend this happens.
哎 Chris 你觉得用消防水管喝水安全吗 Hey, Chris, you think it's safe to drink from a fire hose?
为什么不呢 老爸 就是水而已啊 Why not, Dad? It's just water.
好吧 那吧它打开 我渴死了 All right, well, turn it on. I'm very thirsty.
干得好 Chris Nice job, Chris.
你把我衬衫弄湿了 You got my shirt wet.
现在 有些人发现 Now, few people realize
直到1928年才有水管 that until 1928 there were no hoses,
那之前其实你只能徒手灭火 and you actually had to fight fires with your bare hands.
现在我来给你们演示下 I will now give a demonstration.
喔 你个好斗的小火 Whoa, scrappy little blaze, huh?
天啊 那火有枪 Oh, my God, the fire's got a gun!
刚才怎么回事儿 What the was that?
来吧 Stewie 我们要走了 Come on, Stewie. We're going.
再等会儿 Brian Just a moment, Brian.
我在假装我是个消防员呢 I'm pretending I'm a fireman.
我喜欢角色扮演 I love playing pretend.
我叫Peter 我在啤酒厂上班 My name's Peter and I work in the brewery.
现在我要穿上裤子 Now I'm gonna put on my pants
然后和我的同事聊聊… and go talk to my coworkers at...
这裤子里有便便 These pants have stool in them.
我希望你们今天下午在消防局玩得还开心 Well, I hope everyone had a fun afternoon at the firehouse.
当然了 老妈 I sure did, Mom!
我都等不及下次家庭出游了 I can't wait for the next family outing!
啊 谢谢 Mike Aw, thanks, Mike.
我讨厌消防局 I hate fire stations.
没问题 伙计 No problem, man.
你喝酒了? Is that alcohol on your breath?
呃 也许吧 Yeah, maybe.
你玩得有点太过头了 Mike You're playing this too fast and loose, Mike!
噢 噢 那是邮件吗 Ooh, ooh, is that the mail?
- 没错 - 有给我的吗 - Yeah. - Is there anything in there for me?
我想知道我写的粉丝邮件 I want to see if there's a response
有没有回信 to all those fan letters I've been writing.
亲爱的加利·艾尔维斯 Dear Cary Elwes,
英国演员 出演过《公主新娘》中的面具人
我早就打算要联系你了 I have been meaning to contact you for some time.
我一直没能搞清楚你是不是名人 I have never been able to figure out if you are famous.
你固然是个很重要的角色 You were a big deal in one thing,
可大多数情形下却只能戴面具 but you were wearing a mask for most of it.
你对你的职业感到失望吗 Do you consider your career a disappointment?
或者说 你是否超出了自己的预期？ Or rather, did you exceed your own expectations?
此致 Peter Griffin Yours truly, Peter Griffin.
另 你曾出演罗宾汉:紧身裤男 P.S. You were in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
你知道吗 Did you know that?
哎 这里有尼尔森公司寄来的东西 Hey, there's something here from the Nielsen Company.
"亲爱的格里芬家" "Dear Griffin family,
"你们已经幸运地从数百万" "You have been specially selected from amongst millions
"美国家庭中被选为尼尔森家庭" "of American households to be a Nielsen family,
"也就是说 被选来调查你们的收视喜好 "and as such, to have your TV viewing habits monitored
进而统计电视收视率 in order to measure television ratings."
哇 孩子们 这可是从特拉华州大老远寄来的哦 Oh, kids, this came all the way from Delaware.
其实离罗德岛州很近
那是什么意思 What does all that mean?
Meg 听起来是他们想要我们成为 Well, Meg, it sounds like they want us to be part of
选定人群中的一部分 帮忙决策放什么电视节目 a select group of people that helps determine what's on TV.
我们要成为尼尔森家庭了? We're gonna be a Nielsen family?
这太棒了 That's awesome!
我想…呃… I think... uh...
我想这音乐给错了 I think that's the wrong music.
这才对嘛 There you go.
这台尼尔森机顶盒会记录你们看的所有节目 Now, this Nielsen box will keep track of everything you watch,
这能帮助我们推断上百万美国人 which helps us generalize the viewing habits
的收视习惯 of millions of Americans.
啊 是 Ah, yes.
那个你的开头 中间 结尾说的什么来着? And what was that beginning, middle and end part again?
呃 Um...
这台尼尔森机顶盒会记录你们看的所有节目 this Nielsen box will keep track of everything you watch,
这能帮助我们推断上百万美国人 which helps us generalize the viewing habits
的收视习惯 of millions of Americans.
你能不能给我换种方式描述 Is there any way you can describe that to me
用彩色布偶之类的表现出来 using colorful puppets of some sort?
尼尔森机顶盒会记录你们的收视习惯 The Nielsen box will monitor your viewing habits!
我不喜欢左边的玩偶 他的下巴吓死俺了 I don't like the left puppet. His chin is scary.
好啦 谢谢你们的合作 Well, thanks for your cooperation.
如果你们还有什么问题 打电话给我 If you have any questions, please call me.
欢迎成为尼尔森家庭 And welcome to the Nielsen family.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
真是令人激动啊 Well, isn't this exciting.
是啊 我不敢相信我们是尼尔森家庭了 I know, I can't believe we're a Nielsen family!
我从来没被选中过任何事 I never get picked for anything.
好了 各位 All right, everyone.
现在该履行尼尔森家庭职责了 Time to do our Nielsen duty.
那我们要看什么 So, what are we gonna watch?
- 波波 - 《天桥骄子》 - Boobs! - Project Runway!
Bravo!电视台的一档真人秀节目
- 《傲骨贤妻》 - 那个黑人版的恶搞之家 - The Good Wife! - That black version of our show!
前者是CBS的一档律政剧 后者是动画《克利夫兰秀》
知道么各位 这可是个提升 You know, guys, this is a real opportunity
高质量节目的绝好机会 to promote quality programming.
我想我们该看PBS I think we should watch PBS.
是啊 你真的很喜欢PBS Yeah, you're real passionate about PBS.
你五年前给他们捐过次钱 然后他们送了你个马克杯 You donated once five years ago and they sent you a mug.
然后那杯子旧的"P"都磨掉了 And now the mug's so old that the "P" has been worn off
然后就是"B.S."了 so it just says "B.S."
Bull Shit
就是你们这些自由主义白痴在毁掉我们国家 It's libtards like you that are screwing up our country.
Tom Tucker? 你来这儿干嘛 Tom Tucker? What are you doing here?
呃 我听说你们刚成为尼尔森家庭 Well, I heard you're the new Nielsen family.
我就是希望你们能看看第五频道新闻 Just hoping you plan to watch the Channel Five News.
不知道啊 我都错过好多次了 I don't know. I've missed so many.
我永远都补不起来了 It's gonna take me forever to catch up.
呵呵 我们很希望能有您这样的观众 Well, we'd sure love to have you as a viewer.
有什么我们可以改进的 Is there anything we can do
让你对这档新闻更有兴趣 to make the news more appealing to you?
也许吧 Maybe.
我想你可以剃掉你的胡子 I guess you could lose the moustache.
剃掉我的胡子? Lose my moustache?
那个 哦哟 我…我不好说 Well, gosh, I... I don't know.
我的胎记不是很讨喜 My birthmark makes it kind of tough.
总是在我以前的工作中惹麻烦 Always caused me problems at my old job.
以上就是12频道新闻的全部内容了 And that'll do it for us here at Channel 12 News.
别忘了要把钟调快哦 Make sure you turn those clocks ahead.
晚安 圣路易斯 Good night, St. Louis.
密苏里州的圣路易斯是美国新纳粹运动活跃地区
呃 我不知道 Yeah, I don't know,
我从来不曾为小胡子如此抓狂 I was never that crazy about the moustache.
呃 我想我可以剃了它然后多上点粉 Well, I suppose I could lose it and just use more makeup.
嗯 那肯定很不错 Yeah, that'd be cool.
也许再戴一顶喜庆的帽子让气氛更活跃 And maybe a festive hat would make things more festive.
好吧 这个可以有 还有别的建议吗 All right, this is good. Any other suggestions?
嗯 你能不能结束每次节目时 Yeah, can you end each show
都尝试拉动一把非常冷的链锯 by trying to pull-start a very cold chain saw?
温度低时链锯很难启动
这个应该没问题 Well, that shouldn't be a problem.
好了 谢谢你的坦率 All right, thank you for being so candid.
嗯 谢谢倾听 Hey, thanks for listening.
我知道接受批评很不容易 I know how hard it is to take criticism.
嘿 靴子不错啊 Griffin Hey, nice boots, Griffin.
你买靴子地方有卖男鞋么 They sell men's shoes where you got those?
你对这些靴子许下过承诺 Peter You made a commitment to these boots, Peter.
他们代表了新的你 These boots are the new you,
没有人能够动摇你的 and no one will shake that.
咿哈 驾驭它们 牛仔妹 Yee-haw, ride 'em, cowgirl!
好吧 你可以吃午饭时把它们脱了 Okay, you can take the boots off at lunch.
然后去健身房 健健身 Go to the gym. Have a workout.
然后穿着运动鞋回来 Come back in your sneakers.
如果有人问起 你就说靴子忘在储物柜里了 If anyone asks, you forgot the boots in your locker.
只需撑到午饭时就好 Just make it to lunch.
那靴子可真是适于行走啊 Those boots are made for walkin'.
一直走进男人的菊花 Up to guys' butts.
- 嘿 伙计们 - 嘿 - Hey, fellas. - Hey.
晚上好 圆蛤市 Good evening, Quahog.
今晚 5频道为一位同事 Tonight, Channel Five mourns the loss
的去世而默哀 of a dear colleague.
我的小胡子 My moustache.
而按照我胡子的遗愿 And as per the wishes of my moustache,
他的骨灰将会撒在阿卡普尔科海岸边 his ashes were sprinkled off the coast of Acapulco
墨西哥南部港市 世界著名旅游城市
他出生的地方 where he was born.
好了 以上就是全部内容 Well, that'll do it for us here.
谢谢您收看5频道 Thanks for watching Channel Five,
最值得信赖的新闻 the most trusted name in news.
啊 日 Ah, crap.
喔 快点 Oh, come on.
加油啊 Tom Let's go, Tom.
启动 妈的 Work, damn it!
搞毛啊 What the hell?
新闻怎么回事啊 What's going on with the news?
- 这太烂了 - 是啊 他脑子进水了么 - This is terrible! - Yeah, has he lost his mind?
哎 这都怪我 Well, I'll be damned.
如果我知道他会照办我交待的所有事 If I knew he was gonna do all that stuff I told him,
我就会告诉他更多了 I would've told him more stuff.
什么 What?
Peter 你让他干这些屁事的? Peter, you told him to do this crap?
是啊 他那天来我家 因为他发现 Yeah, he came to my house when he found out
我是尼尔森家庭 然后问我想看什么 I was a Nielsen family, asked what I wanted to see.
嘿 嘿 你们知道怎么样会很有趣么 Hey, hey, you know what would be cool?
如果他和一家土拨鼠一起播新闻 If he did the news with a family of prairie dogs,
每次他说了什么伤心事 and whenever he said something sad,
它们就都会满心关切地把头弹出来 they'd pop their heads up, all concerned.
Peter 你确定那是个好主意? Peter, you sure that's such a good idea?
人们都指望当地新闻每年给他们讲些故事 People rely on the local news to provide them with
比如怎么制作盐水太妃糖 several stories a year on how saltwater taffy is made.
是啊 如果你是尼尔森家庭 Yeah, if you're a Nielsen family,
也许你应该 it seems like you should maybe be
三思而后行 a little more thoughtful with your choices.
你们都说什么呐 What are you talking about?
我只是找点乐子而已 I'm just having a little fun.
上帝啊 我刚被赐予了 For God's sakes, I've just been handed
这世上最他妈有趣的玩具 the coolest freaking toy on the planet.
其实是除了饿饿亚力克鲍德温吃豆机 Well, you know, except for Hungry Hungry Alec Baldwins.
美国演员 主演过《我为喜剧狂》 恶搞了"Hungry Hungry Hippos"
哎 我…我都没碰控制杆呢 Hey, I'm not... I'm not even touching the lever.
来自长岛海峡的寒冷新闻 Chilling news from Long Island Sound,
一架4人乘坐的螺旋桨飞机在飞往东汉普顿途中 as a four-passenger prop plane on its way to East Hampton
旋转着撞向了蒙托克角灯塔 spun into the surf off Montauk Point.
无人幸存 There were no survivors.
噢 这太棒了 我刚回家路上才打给他的 Oh, that's so great, I just called him on the way home!
Peter 我不知道这样是否不太负责任 Peter, I'm not sure this is entirely responsible.
我没觉得有什么大不了的 I don't see what the big deal is.
我是只想让节目更好看 I was just trying to make the show better.
我还他妈希望能对所有节目都这么做呢 Hell, I wish I could do it with all the shows.
没错 你只有一台尼尔森机顶盒 Yeah, well, you only have one Nielsen box.
你可影响不到全国的节目 You don't have the clout to affect national shows.
妈的 Damn it.
我想我永远也看不到 I guess that means I'll never get to see
《超人》中克拉克·肯特和路易斯·莱恩 an episode of Superman where Clark Kent and Lois Lane
《超人》中的男女主角
终成眷属的那集了 finally get together.
路易斯 我爱你 Lois, I love you,
我希望我们之间再也没有任何秘密 and I want there to be no more secrets between us.
我是超人 I am Superman.
天啊 Oh, my God.
唯一能杀死我的是氪石 The only thing that can kill me is kryptonite.
或者乳胶 Or latex.
或者羔羊皮 Or lambskin.
- 那聚氨酯呢 - 都是 - What about polyurethane? - All that.
那些东西全可以 All that stuff.
都可以做避孕套材料 所以你懂的
嗨 各位 Hi, folks.
顺路过来确认一下你们的设备 Just thought I'd stop by and make sure your equipment
正常工作 看你们是否还有其他问题 is working properly and see if you have any questions.
呃 遥控器是不是有点毛病 Yeah, is something wrong with our remote?
不管我把声音调多低 No matter how low I turn the volume,
阿兹·安萨里总是朝我大叫 Aziz Ansari is always shouting at me.
美国著名喜剧艺人 出演过《惊魂半小时》《公园与休憩》等
我做错什么了 What did I do?
谢谢你 我想我们没问题 Thank you. I think we're good.
一切都进展顺利 Everything seems to be going well.
那太好了 Okay, great.
呃 那我就马上换下 Well, I'm just gonna change out the card
你们的卡 然后我就走了 on your unit real quick and I'll be on my way.
好了 都搞定了 Well, we're all set.
打搅你们的时间了 Thanks for your time.
不 应该谢你 伙计 No, thank you, pal.
而且 你最近工作的很努力 And hey, you've been working hard.
为何不现在就下班呢 Why don't you take the rest of the day off?
这里是两张桑德拉·伯恩哈德的独角戏 Here's two tickets to Sandra Bernhard's one-woman show.
美国喜剧女艺人
哇 谢谢 Wow, thanks!
嗯 这可都是好座位 Yeah, and they're great seats.
正好在她的牙缝里 They're right in the gap of her teeth.
社交媒体 Social media?
更像是性病 More like a social disease.
哈 真好笑 Ha! That's funny!
Peter 到底怎么回事 Peter, what the hell's going on here?
Lois 我们再也不是一个尼尔森家庭了 Lois, we're no longer one Nielsen family.
我们是100个了 We're 100.
更多的盒子带来更多的权力 More boxes, more power.
而我想到些让电视更好的点子 And I got some ideas to make TV better.
你好 《广告狂人》制片办公室 Hello, Mad Men production office.
AMC台的一部剧情类电视剧
嗯 我是Peter Griffin Yeah, Peter Griffin here.
请问我能和乔·汉姆谈谈吗 Could I speak with Jon Hamm, please?
《广告狂人》主演
请稍等 One moment.
- 你好 - 你好 你是乔·汉姆? - Hello? - Hello, Jon Hamm?
由其本人配音
Peter Griffin 尼尔森家庭 Peter Griffin, Nielsen family.
听着 我现在打给你合适吗 Listen, did I catch you at a good time,
还是你正和评论家互拍马屁呢 or are you and the critics busy sucking each other's butts?
你说什么? Excuse me?
听着 你的节目真的很无聊 Look, your show is really boring.
但是别担心 我有些点子 But don't worry, I got some ideas
可以让你把它变得有趣些 on how you can jazz it up.
听着 我不需要你的指点 老兄 Listen, I don't need your suggestions, pal.
爷已经当名人一年半了 I've been a big celebrity for a year and a half now.
好吧 如果你的目标仅限于此的话 Okay, if that's how you're gonna be.
那我们走着瞧吧 We'll see how this plays out.
Lois 我们不再看《广告狂人》了 Lois, we're not watching Mad Men no more.
一周后
你好 Hello?
听着 我之前可能太莽撞了 Look, I may have been a little rash.
我们的收视率降了50% Our ratings have dropped 50%.
不管你有何建议 我都接受 Whatever suggestions you have, I'll listen.
所以 先生们 在棒球里 And so, gentlemen, in baseball,
三振你就出局了 three strikes and you're out.
但是三包好彩香烟 But three Lucky Strikes...
《广告狂人》中他们的主要广告客户
你就成功了 and you're in.
干得好 Don Nice try, Don.
但我想我们要去 But I'm afraid we're going to have
让别人来给我们做广告了 to take our business elsewhere.
噢? 我不这么认为 Oh? I don't think so.
(星战主题曲)
KISS乐队吉他手Ace Frehley
刚才是什么狗屁玩意儿 What the hell was that?
我来告诉你那是什么 Lois I'll tell you what it was, Lois.
那是酷毙了 It was awesome.
等你看到《绝命毒师》你就更明白了 And wait'll you see Breaking Bad.
AMC的一部剧情类电视剧
我不知道那是讲什么的 不过现在他们都穿上溜冰鞋了 I don't know what it was, but now it's on roller skates.
嗨 NBC 我是Peter Griffin Hi, NBC, this is Peter Griffin.
听着 你们干得不错 Listen, you guys are doing a great job.
如果人们知道美国90年代需要什么 那就是NBC啊 If anybody knows what America wants in the '90s, it's NBC.
但我只有这么一个小小的要求 But I just have one small request:
我喜欢《日界线》 但我真的很讨厌等待2小时 I like Dateline, but I really hate waiting two hours
主要讲述真实犯罪的一档新闻杂志节目
才知道谁是凶手 to find out who the killer is.
今晚的"日界线"中 一名妇女被谋杀 Tonight on Dateline, a woman murdered.
是她的前男友干的吗 Was it her ex-boyfriend?
是的 没错 Yes, it was.
我就知道 I knew it.
我就知道是那个前男友 I knew it was the ex-boyfriend.
"睡吧 卡车" "Sleep tight, truck.
CBS夜间节目《大卫·莱特曼脱口秀》 恶搞儿童睡前故事书"Goodnight Moon"
"安睡吧 萤火虫" "Sleep tight, firefly.
"安睡吧 椅子" "Sleep tight, chair.
"安睡吧 鸟" Sleep tight, bird."
你看到了吗 Peter You see that, Peter?
你看到那鸟了吗 You see the bird?
鸟 Bird.
好了 我们 呃 明晚再继续 Okay, we'll, uh, pick up the rest tomorrow.
呃 现在 我准备制造些随机噪音混点时间 Uh, now, I'm just gonna vamp for a while with some random noises.
Hee-hee!
Heya, heya, heya.
Uh-heh, uh-heh...
好了 晚安 Peter Okay, good night, Peter.
晚安 Dave Good night, Dave.
然后 现在是保罗 And, uh, here's Paul
Paul Shaffer音乐人 演员 大卫莱特曼秀的搭档
为你演奏摇篮曲来让你入睡 to play you to sleep with a lullaby.
嘿 摇篮曲 ♪ Hey, lullaby... ♪
哦 摇篮曲 ♪ Oh, lullaby ♪
嘿 你 摇篮曲 ♪ Hey, you, lullaby... ♪
停 不要 停下 Stop, no, stop.
停 Stop.
我忘了 他很烂的 I forgot, he's terrible.
现在继续播放《配香蕉的警察》 We now return to Cops With Banana Guns.
恶搞Fox台的真人秀"Cops"
站住 Freeze!
那是…那是香蕉吗 Is that... is that a banana?
是什么你就不用操心了 Don't worry about what it is.
我仍然是个警察 I'm still a cop.
喔 等等 Whoa, hold on.
好-好吧 别…别冲动 All-All right, just... just take it easy.
有好几种解决方法 This can go a couple of ways.
Peter这逼到底对《警察》干了什么! What the hell did Peter do to Cops?!
Bonnie 快把我怒气冲冲地推出去 Bonnie! Come push me out in a huff!
Peter 这是什么节目 Peter, what is this show?
这个是"悄悄接近卡黛珊姐妹" It's called Creeping Up on the Kardashians.
卡黛珊三姐妹 美国娱乐界名流
瞧见后面那个梳马尾辫的人了么 See that guy with the ponytail in the background?
他要偷偷靠近并吓吓那三姐妹 He sneaks up and scares the girls
当她们开始工作 while they're starting businesses
或者给其脂肪打蜡的时候 or getting their fat waxed.
搞毛啊 What the hell?!
恶搞1989年电影《为所应为》(Do The Right Thing)的内容
他们在那儿 就是那个尼尔森家庭 There they are! That's the Nielsen family!
你们毁了电视节目 You ruined television!
现在整个就是又丑又烂的大杂烩 Now it's just a big, old, silly mess!
天啊 一群暴民 Oh, God! An angry mob!
我得把值钱家当都吞了 然后离开这儿 I've got to swallow all my valuables and get out of here!
(犹太教的烛台..)
你们看到暴民了吗 Did you see the mob?
我看到暴民了么 Did I see the mob?
不然我怎么会来这儿 Why else am I here?
天啊 Peter 他们真的生气了 Oh, my God, Peter, they're really angry!
说点什么 Say something!
等-等等 到底怎么回事? W-Wait. What the hell's going on?
你们什么意思 我毁了电视? What do you mean, I ruined television?
你放了头真的美洲狮在《熟女镇》里 You put a real cougar on Cougar Town,
现在那头狮子死了 and now that cougar's dead
因为考特妮·考克斯用她的尖牙利爪把它撕碎了 because Courtney Cox ripped it apart with her teeth and claws!
《熟女镇》主演 曾饰演"六人行"中的莫妮卡
你把"安德森·库珀 360度"变成了"安德森·库珀 720度" You turned Anderson Cooper 360 into Anderson Cooper 720!
CNN由银狐安德森·库珀主持的2小时新闻节目
他现在转身的太多了 He's turning around too much!
你把"超级减肥王"变成了公制 You converted The Biggest Loser to the metric system!
美国NBC的一档减肥游戏节目 所用度量单位原为美制
现在感觉他们的肥肉都掉的不够 Now it feels like they're not losing enough!
啊 去你们的 Aw, the hell with you guys!
你们就是嫉妒我可以对电视上放什么说了算 You're just jealous 'cause I get to say what's on TV now!
我是尼尔森之神 I am a Nielsen god!
抱歉了 亲们 Sorry, y'all.
这是我第一次扔东西呢 That's the first time I ever throwed anything.
好啊 这不是"尼尔森先生"本人吗 Well, if it isn't Mr. Nielsen himself.
护士 谁是这医院最差的医生 Nurse, who's the worst doctor in this hospital?
是你 Hartman医生 You are, Dr. Hartman.
好的 让Hartman来看这家伙 Good. Put Hartman on this bozo.
嘿 我能为你做什么 Hey, what can I do for you?
医生请你一定要帮我处理这些糟糕的伤口 Please, Doc, you got to help me with this nasty gash.
"Gash"也可指女性私处
那儿出了什么问题 What seems to be the problem?
不 是我丈夫 No, it's my husband.
哦 好吧 你那么糟蹋电视节目 Oh. Well, you've got a lot of nerve coming in here
竟然还有种来这里 after what you did to television.
现在给我滚出去 Now, get out!
医生求你帮帮他 Please, Doctor, you've got to help him.
你上医学院时是起过誓的 You took an oath when you went to medical school.
我上医学院时取的东西可多了 I took a lot of things when I went to medical school.
现在如果你们不介意 我要接下电话 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to answer this.
你好 Hello?
哈 是Hartman Ah, Hartman!
嘿 各位 你们好吗 Hey, guys. How you doing?
不怎么好 Peter Not so good, Peter.
是啊 我也一样 Yeah, me, either.
谢谢你 电视现在成大废墟了 Thanks to you, TV's a vast wasteland.
知道我怎么认识这词的么 You know how I know that phrase?
出自FCC会长Newton N. Minow在1961年的演讲 他把商业电视节目称之为大废墟
我是从书里读到的 你这个怪物 I read it in a book, you monster!
噢 别这样 让我来补偿你们 Aw, come on, let me make it up to you.
让我请你喝杯啤酒 Let me buy you a beer.
不 这座位有人了 No, that seat's taken.
走开 Peter Move along, Peter.
你们在说什么 What are you talking about?
你们是我兄弟啊 You guys are my pals.
过去是 Peter We used to be, Peter.
现在 滚吧 Now, scram.
好吧 那我坐吧台那儿 Well, fine, I'll sit at the bar.
在我的酒吧 你可别想坐 Not at my bar, you won't.
滚出去 Get out of here!
天呐 我现在哪儿都不能露面了 Geez, I can't show my face anywhere.
我还不如回去做我的公共广播 I might as well be back doing public radio.
这里是Peter Griffin This is Peter Griffin,
你们现在听到的是WRNI台的"书籍推荐"节目 and you're listening to Book Talk on WRNI.
今天我们将讨论 Today we'll be discussing
布雷特·伊斯顿·埃利斯的著名作品 Bret Easton Ellis's popular work,
美国小说家
《零下的激情》 一个关于特权 独立 Less Than Zero, a tale of privilege, detachment
年轻人的异化的故事 and youthful alienation.
但首先 我要为我们的赞助商说一句 But first, a word from our sponsor,
威斯汀黄金苏打饼干 Westin's Golden Soda Biscuits.
我现在正在享受美味呢 I'm enjoying one right now.
Mmm.
今天的"读书推荐"部分就结束了 That concludes today's session of Book Talk.
明天请继续收听 我们将讨论约翰·肯尼迪·图尔的 Tune in tomorrow when we will look at John Kennedy Toole's
美国小说家
早期名不见经传的作品 《霓虹圣经》 unheralded early work, The Neon Bible.
他16岁时写的第一部作品
哎 怎么了 Peter Hey, what's wrong, Peter?
我想我的朋友了 Brian I miss my friends, Brian.
我之前是玩尼尔森机顶盒玩得很欢 I mean, I was having fun with those Nielsen boxes,
但是如果 but what's the point
不跟Joe和Quagmire共享欢乐 又有什么意思呢 if I don't got Joe and Quagmire to enjoy it with me?
我想我不该把电视节目给毁了 I guess I shouldn't have messed with television.
其实这不完全是你的错 Well, it's not exactly your fault.
电视网一开始就不该 The networks never should have listened to you
听你的 in the first place.
这才是电视节目变差的原因 This is exactly what makes bad television:
迎合低级趣味 pandering to the lowest common denominator.
那我该怎么做 Brian So what do I do, Brian?
既然你还有这些盒子 Well, you still have these boxes.
这就是说你还有影响电视的能力 That means you still have the power to influence television.
也许你能利用它来让电视 Maybe you can use that power to help restore TV
回到正轨 to the way it was.
你说得对 Brian You're right, Brian.
也许 如果我看高智商 高质量的节目 Maybe if I watch smart, quality shows,
那样也许能让事情回归正常 that'll help get things back to the way they were.
我们可以用这些盒子来干好事还有 We can use these boxes for good and...
怎么回事? What the hell?!
这是因为给《一树山》加了另一棵树 That's for adding another tree to One Tree Hill!
美国青春类电视剧 又名《篮球兄弟》
天啊 他把所有盒子都毁了 Oh, my God, he destroyed every last box!
哇靠 Holy crap!
我们这下玩完了 Peter We're sunk now, Peter.
你让电视恢复正常的唯一机会也没有了 There goes your one chance to get TV back to the way it was.
等一等 也许不是哦 Brian Wait a minute. Maybe not, Brian.
我想我有主意了 I think I just got an idea.
啊 玻璃扎我脸上了 Aah! I got glass in my face!
啊 日 现在我给忘了 Oh, crap. Now I forgot what it was.
我想起来了 I got it!
啊 妈拉个巴子 Aah! Son of a bitch!
电视制片人协会
知道我恨谁嘛 You know who I hate?
军队 The troops.
是啊 我也是 Yeah, me, too.
喔 喔 喔 你谁啊 Whoa, whoa, whoa, who are you?
我是Peter Griffin I'm Peter Griffin.
我就是毁掉电视的人 I'm the guy who ruined television,
也是要拯救电视的人 and I'm the guy who's gonna fix it.
各位 Guys!
我把电视搞坏了 I broke television,
现在你们要帮我搞定它 and now you have to help me fix it!
呀哈 Yah-ha!
看来这次我们完爆你们啊 Looks like this is one we beat you to.
《辛普森》的Homer由原声配音 FG一直被指抄袭《辛普森》剧情
先生们 我今天把你们召集到一起 Gentlemen, I have gathered you all here today
因为你们都是电视节目被我搞乱前的 because you are the creators of what television used to be
节目主创 before I ruined it.
我们现在要从头开始重建电视节目系统 And we need to rebuild television from the ground up.
所以 我需要你们的各种好建议 So, I'm gonna need all your best ideas.
J.J. Abrams 你惯用神奇和复杂的内容 J.J. Abrams, you take wonder and complexity
并用无人能懂的方式展现出来 and present it in a way that no one can possibly understand.
你有什么想法 Whaddaya got?!
我想到了一个外星人穿越到过去 I've got an alien that goes back in time
由其本人配音 《迷失》《危机边缘》等电视电影的编剧
然后在东欧小镇与一只考拉熊相会 and encounters a koala bear in an Eastern European town.
完全晕了 去做吧 Totally confused. Do it!
好 现在我们需要15个工作场所的喜剧 Okay, now, we're gonna need 15 workplace comedies
人们会因某种原因对镜头讲话 where people talk to the camera for some reason.
你 你 你 还有你 走起 You, you, you and you-- go.
当Peter告诉我要制作 When Peter told me to make
一档工作场所的喜剧 而那里的人要对 a workplace comedy where people talk
《办公室》的内容就是这样
镜头说话 我就觉得… to the camera, I thought...
不是现在 Not now! I mean, go do a show!
别-别在这里对着镜头说 Don't-don't do that thing here.
哈 Huh.
真希望如果我能完成一个那种 Wonder if I can pull off one of those
"你相信我之前忍受了什么吗"的表情 "can you believe what I have to put up with" looks
对着镜头 to the camera.
好了 Mark Burnett 你制作了《幸存者》和《飞黄腾达》 Okay, Mark Burnett, you did Survivor and The Apprentice.
由其本人配音 两节目都是真人秀
你可以给我做出一档真人秀 里面人们互相做恶劣的 Can you give me a reality show where people do horrible,
不可饶恕的事情 unforgiveable things to each other
仅仅为了一点点令人尴尬的钱吗 for embarrassingly small sums of money?
我有想法了 I got some ideas.
这里是一个硬币 脱下你的裤子 Here's a nickel, pull down your pants.
这就是台秀了 There's a show.
呀哈 去干吧 Yah-ha! Go!
好了 现在 谁要做一档 All right, now, who's gonna make a show
关于可怕的新泽西脑残的节目? about horrible New Jersey freaks?
知道么 我其实不在乎 You know what? I don't care.
随便什么人 去做吧 Just someone, do it!
好了 Dick Wolf Okay, Dick Wolf,
再做六遍一样的《法律与秩序》 make the same Law and Order six times.
《法律与秩序》有多部衍生剧 FG以前也恶搞过
哦 还有 你可以嫁给Matt Weiner嘛 Oh, and also, could you marry Matt Weiner
《广告狂人》的主创
因为我希望你的名字叫Dick "Weener"(都指鸡巴) 'cause I want your name to be Dick "Weener."
好吧 但我可以叫成"鸡巴狼鸡鸡"嘛 Okay, but can I go by "Dick Wolf-Weener"?
由本人配音
哦天啊 可以 可以 没问题 Oh, my God, yes! Yes! Yes!
好了 Bravo台的人 去找女人来打架 Okay, Bravo people, go find women fighting.
不 还是就找到女人好了 No, you know what, just find women.
他们总会打起来的 They'll end up fighting.
应该指Bravo!台的"The Real Housewives"(真实的主妇)系列
好了 还有人剩下的话 做点才艺秀吧 All right, everyone who's left, make a talent show.
我们搞定了 We are done.
噢 Kelsey Grammer 你怎还在这坐着? Oh, Kelsey Grammer, what are you still doing here?
《干杯酒吧》《展翅高飞》《欢乐一家亲》等情景剧的主创
我-我没有东西留给你了 I-I have nothing left for you.
我…我很抱歉 I'm... I'm sorry.
啊 那我就放心的去凉台了 Ah. Then I shall take my ease on the lanai.
我现在不在乎你干嘛了 I don't care what you do now.
估计是他的剧都比较老了 不待见他了
现在继续播放《肥肥和胖胖》 We now return to Mike and Molly.
CBS的情景喜剧
你们想好要点什么了吗 Have you decided what you'd like to order?
是的 总汇沙拉? Yes, the chopped salad?
我来除了那个的所有菜 I'll have everything except that.
那个侍者的表情就像"神马?!" That waiter's like, "What?!"
你成功了 Peter Well, you did it, Peter.
你让电视重回正轨了 You got TV back to normal.
是的 伙计们 我很抱歉搞砸了 Yeah, guys, I'm sorry for screwing up
你们最爱的节目 all your favorite shows.
啊 没关系啦 Peter Ah, that's okay, Peter.
那你们怎么说 So, what do you say?
我们还是兄弟吗 Are we pals again?
啊 当然了 这还用说 Ah, course we are. You bet.
那让我们喝一杯来庆祝电视 Well, let's drink to having TV
重回有自知之明的人之手吧 back in the hands of people who know what they're doing.
我想《扎克和寇弟》会更搞笑一点 I think Zack and Cody would be funnier
迪斯尼的一部系列儿童剧 由兄弟两人饰演
如果他们穿着内裤演的话 if they did the show in their underpants.
都是老牌演员 前者为Peter老妈的配音 后者为多个嵌入式笑话中的角色配音