♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
♪ On which we used to rely?
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
♪ All the things that make us
♪ Laugh and cry
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
♪ Family Guy 11x15 ♪ Turban Cowboy 头巾牛仔
片名模仿1980年影片"Urban Cowboy"(都市牛仔)
翻译&注释: 螃蟹阿雪 校对&压制: zurica @familyguy贴吧字幕组
我们现在回到《危险边缘》: ANNOUNCER: We now return to Jeopardy Presents:
是美国一档电视问答节目
最强竞争挑战赛 "The Best of Contestant Banter."
那么 Ben 这里提到你和牛奶有点联系 So, Ben, it says here you have a connection to milk.
是的 很好笑 我最近发现 Yes, funny story. I discovered recently
我对牛奶过敏 that I have an allergy to milk.
那么我猜我们不能在你周围吃奶酪了 So I guess we won't be eating any cheese around you.
还有Dennis 你曾经在帐篷你过了一夜 And Dennis, you once spent a night in a tent?
那么 呃 这周末你们有什么打算 So, uh, what do you guys got planned for the weekend?
我不知道 我可能会坐在前院 I don't know. I might sit out in the front yard
拿着耙子和来往车辆打招呼 with a rake and wave at cars.
哦 最近发现我的篱笆上有个洞 Yeah, and I found a hole in my fence
我准备拿东西穿刺它 I was gonna maybe stick stuff through.
天 看看我们 God, look at us.
我们怎么会变得如此麻木和悲哀 How'd we become so dull and pathetic?
你说的对 You're right.
我是说 我们曾经有爱好 I mean, we used to have hobbies.
你们还记得我曾经是一个马语者吗 Remember when I was a horse whisperer?
这就对了 我打赌你是饿了 That's right. I bet you're hungry.
没关系的 It's okay.
这就对了 你个*的马 That calmed you down,you (bleep) horse.
也许我们三个是时候 Maybe it's time the three of us
做点让人振奋激动的事情了 do something exciting to shake things up.
嘿 这是个好主意 Joe Hey, now that's a good idea, Joe!
好吧 我有两个点子 All right, okay, I have two ideas.
一个我认为很赞 One that I think is awesome,
另外一个我觉得很蠢 and one that I think is stupid.
看看你们能不能猜出来哪个是哪个 See if you can guess which one is which.
我们可以 A) 抢劫一套黑手党扑克 We could either A) Rob a Mafia poker game,
或者 B) 跳伞 or B) Skydive.
跳伞 哈 我绝对支持这个! Skydiving, huh? I'd be totally up for that!
没错 我一直都想体验跳伞! Yeah, I've always wanted to try skydiving!
真的? 呃 可能会有趣吧 我猜 Really? Eh, could be fun,I guess.
另外 我自从学会用棕榈叶之后 Besides, I haven't done anything new
就没试过新玩意儿 since I learned to use a palm frond.
我是不是应该试着跟上你的节奏? So do I try to match your speed?
没错 跟上我的节奏 Yeah, just match my speed.
我们是交错着扇叶子 And do we stagger our waves
还是两个人动作一致? or do 'em at the same time?
呃 这个本应该在培训中已经教过了 Um, they should've covered this in orientation.
护卫 处决这个新人! Guards, have the new guy executed!
我是那个新人吗? Am I the new guy?
好了 我们差不多到了该跳伞的高度 All right, we're almost at our jumping altitude .
有人有问题吗? Does anyone have any questions?
我有 跳下去的时候我能听我的iPod吗 Yeah, I got one. Can I listen to my iPod on the way down?
当然可以 只要 Of course. Just as long
不是播放Tom Petty的"自由落体"就行 as it's not Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'".
Tom Petty美国70,80年代摇滚歌手
我还是把它装在口袋里吧 I'll just keep it in my pocket.
还有问题吗 Any other questions?
我们开始吧! Let's do this!
这不是一个问题 回到队伍末尾 That wasn't a question. Back of the line.
好了 我们开始吧! Okay, let's do this!
嘿! Hey!
哇哦 那是哈里森 福特吗? Whoa, is that Harrison Ford?
哈里森福特 著名演员
没错 小册子里说过 Yeah. It said in the brochure
他会协助所有人跳伞 that he assists with all the jumps.
滚下我的飞机!滚下我的飞机! Get off my plane!Get off my plane!
此处恶搞哈里森福特参演电影空军一号
滚下我的飞机! Get off my plane!
哦 看 他还带着Calista Flockhart Oh, look, he even brought Calista Flockhart with him.
哈里森福特妻子 美国演员
呃 Peter 我觉得那只是一张纸 Uh, Peter, I think that's just a piece of paper.
还好 因为她看起来挺胖的 Good, 'cause she looked fat.
滚下我的飞机! Get off my plane!
滚下我的飞机!滚下我的飞机! Get off my plane!Get off my plane!
好吧 All right!
耶 棒极了! Yeah! This is amazing!
我知道 难以置信! I know,it's unbelievable!
嘿 伙计们 我们为后半辈子重新制造 Hey, guys, let's try to re-create this feeling
这种体验 通过嗑药就行 for the rest of our lives,with drugs.
哦似乎到时间 Oh, it looks like it's almost time
打开降落伞了 for us to pull our cords.
等下 等下 伙计们 这样如何 Wait, wait, guys.How about this?
最后打开伞的得20美金 Last one to open their chute gets 20 bucks.
好 算我 Okay. I'm in.
该死 Damn it!
我已经算是死人了 Peter I'm dead already, Peter.
你是在看一个死人 You're looking at a dead man.
我可能根本就不会打开降落伞 I might not even pull the cord at all.
我滴天啊 棒极了 Holy crap, this is awesome!
自从我赢了那次马拉松之后就没觉得这么刺激过 I haven't felt a rush like this since I won that marathon!
我是Bob Costas I'm Bob Costas,
Bob Costas美国NBC运动比赛解说员
与本次波士顿马拉松冠军Peter Griffin一起 here with Boston Marathon winner Peter Griffin.
Peter 你是怎么做到的 Peter, how did you do it?
我来告诉你 Bob I'll tell ya, Bob.
我只是开着车 I just got in my car and drove it.
只要路上有人挡 我就开过去碾死他 And when there was a guy in my way, I killed him.
孩子们 见你的爸爸了吗 Kids, have you seen your father?
嗨? Hello?
晚饭差不多好了吗? PETER: Is dinner almost ready?!
是的 Peter 天啊 你在哪 Yes, Peter.God, where are you?
我都听不清你说什么 I can barely hear you.
把我的椅子往后面挪只要一点点 Pull back my chair ever so slightly.
爸爸回来了 Daddy's home.
圆蛤市图书馆
好了 4:59 再过几秒 All right, it's 4:59. In just a few seconds,
所有未归还的图书就真的迟了 all the unreturned library books will be officially late.
我拿到书的时候里面就已经画着鸡巴了 The wieners was already drawed in the books when I got 'em.
"天枰:一个陌生人会闯进你的生命中" 嗯 "Libra: A strange man will drop into your life." Hmm.
"双鱼:今天工作时要当心" "Pisces: Be careful at work today."
♪
下去下去下去下去 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go...
嗷!它本能死掉的!真鸡巴扯淡! Aw! He so shoulda died! This is bullcrap!
别笑了 Stop smiling.
90%的人撇大条的时候才玩 90% of the people playing this are pooping.
嘿 Lois你什么时候洗衣服? Hey, Lois, when are you gonna do the laundry?
我这里有6个降落伞要洗 I got, like, six parachutes in there.
Peter 这个东西总是会堵死洗衣机 Peter, those things are choking up the washing machine.
哦 那么现在我送你一个坏洗衣机 Oh, so now I got you a bad washing machine
作为圣诞礼物 for Christmas.
小贴士 Stewie: Little tip, Stewie:
爱情会逝去 这无关紧要 Love dies, and that's okay.
我在笔记本记录下他所有的建议 I write down all his advice in a little notebook.
昨天是"我从来没有见过一只鸽子 Yesterday's was, "I've never seen a pigeon die
在庭院中死于进食 "from eating food on the ground,
那还大声喧哗什么?" so what's the big whoop?"
Peter 跳伞活动必须停止了 Peter, this skydiving thing has gotta stop.
大半邻里都被你得罪了 You've destroyed half the neighborhood.
我还担心你会伤到你自己 And I'm afraid you're gonna really hurt yourself.
很抱歉 Lois I'm sorry, Lois.
但是现在跳伞的我才是真正的我 But skydiving is who I am now.
就像他们说的 鱼要游泳 It's like they say,fish gotta swim,
鸟要飞翔 基佬要在背后批评 birds gotta fly, and gay guys gotta criticize
派对主办人 the host of the party behind his back.
啧啧 看呐 一碗 M&M豆 Oh, my God, look, a bowl of M&M's.
把我们当什么了 六色人? What are we, six?
MM豆有6种颜色 与LGBT运动的六色彩虹旗相似
是啊 记得提醒我拿 I know. And remind me to get the recipe
碎热狗丁的配方 for those chopped-up hot dogs.
哦 天 Josh 派对棒极了 Oh, my God, Josh, this party is so amazing!
所有都那么完美 我们太开心了 Everything is perfect! We're having so much fun!
哦 谢谢 我很高兴你们能接受 Oh, thanks! I'm so glad you guys could make it!
算了 被他看见了 我们走 Come on. He saw us. Let's go.
第一次? First time?
是的 你? Yeah. You?
不 不 我不是第一次 No. No, not my first time.
谢谢你搭我上来 Gil Thanks for the lift, Gil.
我想我会坐快车下去 I think I'll take the express down.
♪
啊 和往常一样美妙 Ah, just as gorgeous as ever.
事实上令我想吟诗一首 Actually puts me in the mind to write a spoken word poem.
我在下落还是飞翔 Am I falling or am I flying?
我是活着还是死去 Am I living or am I dying?
哦 伟大的神灵 放飞我 O, Great Spirit, free me
从引力和非难的束缚中 from the bonds of gravity and criticism.
带我离开我最可怕的敌人 Deliver me from my greatest enemy.
他的名字是Peter His name is Peter.
再详细一些 Peter在公共场合的羞涩尴尬 More specifically,Peter's Shyness In Public.
哦 伟大的神灵 O, Great Spirit,
我为什么逼自己倒退至如此境... why do I hold myself back in such situa...?
哦 TMD 地面! Oh, (bleep) (bleep) the ground!
该死! Damn it!
埃菲尔铁塔? The Eiffel Tower?
哦 酷 我在巴黎 Oh, cool, I'm in Paris!
嘿 看那个菊花被刺穿的白痴 MAN: Hey, look at that douchebag who got stabbed in the butt!
嗷 作死 我在维加斯 Aw, crap, I'm in Vegas.
Peter 我很高兴你没事了 Well, Peter, I'm glad you're all right,
不过我希望这是你跳伞生涯的终止 but I hope this is the end of your skydiving career.
嗯 我很抱歉 Lois Yeah, I'm sorry, Lois.
当我认为我要死了的时候 You know, when I thought I was gonna die,
往事从我眼前一一闪过 I saw my whole life flash before my eyes,
发现我们星球大战那套垃圾做了太多次了 and we did way too much Star Wars crap.
我要带孩子们回家了 晚饭点都过了 I should get the kids home. It's way past dinner.
她实际上是说 What she really means is
到了浪妈的白葡萄酒时间了 that it's shaky Mommy's white wine time.
走 孩子们!走!我们真的该走了 孩子们 Let's go, kids! Come on! We really gotta go, kids.
我们走!走! Let's go! Come on!
抱歉 现在你家人走了 Excuse me. Now that your family is gone,
介意打开电视吗? would you mind if we turn on the TV?
哦 嘿 我不知道还有人 Oh, hey. I didn't know anyone was here.
我 呃 我是开玩笑 I, uh, I was just kidding
说我爱我的家人的 when I told my family I loved 'em.
我是马木德 I am Mahmoud.
我是Peter 我从没见过 I'm Peter. You know, I never seen a hat
那样的帽子 所以我很怕它 like that before, so I'm very scared of it.
没事 这是一个塔基亚 No, this is just a taqiyah.
传统穆斯林祷告帽 It's a traditional Muslim prayer cap.
哦 嘿 你猜谁戴上那个会比较搞笑? Oh. Hey, you know who'd look funny wearing one of those?
大富翁那伙计 The Monopoly guy.
没错 Correct!
你被送入监狱并且皈依伊斯兰教! Go directly to jail and convert to Islam!
因为他们的确那么做! 'Cause they do that!
没错那就是我要做的 Yes, that is what I intended.
嘿 你人不错 马木德 Hey, you're all right,Mahmoud.
你也是 Peter You, too, Peter.
你想看啥? So, what do you wanna watch?
如果你换到14台 Well, if you turn on Channel 14,
我们很可能还可以赶上穆斯林兔八哥的结尾 we can probably catch the end of Muslim Looney Tunes.
作为一头猪 我很脏 As a pig, I am very dirty
并且不应该被人类触碰 and should not be touched by humans.
医院怎么样 Peter? So, how was the hospital, Peter?
哦 天 那地方难以置信 Oh, my God, that place was incredible.
他们有那种一整罐 满满的棉球 They have this one jar, whole thing was full of cotton balls.
医疗技术已经到这种程度真是令人惊叹 It's amazing how far medical technology has come.
你能回来的确很好 Well, sure is good to have you back.
Joe比你认为的他更 呃 Joe is, uh...
健谈了 就在你不在的这段时间 chattier than you'd think he'd be when you're not here.
听着 我只是说 Look, I'm just saying
如果"赞成"是"反对"的反义词 if "pro" is the opposite of "con",
那进步的反义词是什么? what is the opposite of "progress"?
英文"进步"中前三个字母恰好组成"赞成"这个单词
好好想想 Think about it.
我实际上 You know, I actually had
在医院渡过了很愉快的日子 a pretty good time in the hospital.
我甚至还交了新朋友 真的啊？ I even made a new friend. You did?
没错 他叫马木德 Yeah, his name's Mahmoud.
事实上 我告诉他如果有空可以过来坐坐 In fact, I told him to swing by if he had time.
是"国会" It's "congress."
"国会"单词前三个字母组成了单词"反对"
你好 Peter Hello, Peter!
哦 嘿 你来了 嘿伙计们 这就是马木德 Oh, hey! You made it! Hey, guys, this is Mahmoud.
马木德 这是Brian,Quagmire和 Joe. Mahmoud, this is Brian,Quagmire and Joe.
你好 嗨 Hello.Hi, there.
嘿 你好 过得好吗 Hey, there. Hello. How are you?
坐 Have a seat.
Peter的朋友就是我们的朋友 Any friend of Peter's is a friend of ours.
嘿 马木德 我其实很高兴你来了 Hey, Mahmoud, you know, I'm actually glad you're here.
帮我们结果之前的争论吧 Settle an argument we were having earlier.
哪个西班牙妞的咪咪更好 Which Spanish chick has better jugs:
Salma Hayek还是别人? Salma Hayek or the other one?
墨西哥演员 演过:墨西哥往事 杀出个黎明
哦 不过我不注意这些事情 Oh, but I do not pay attention to such things.
我已婚 什么? I am married. What?
好吧 这样 马木德 Okay, well, how about this, Mahmoud?
你知道 "进步"有"赞成"这个词在里面 对吧 You know "progress" has the word "pro" in it, right?
闭嘴 Joe! Shut up, Joe!
嘿 来 我们给这个伙计来点喝的 Hey, you guys, come on.Let's get the man a drink.
你想喝什么? What are you having?
干姜汁如何? How about a ginger ale?
如果你们不介意 我这就要 But if you'll excuse me, right now I have to go
灰常灰常丢人地去厕所方便一下 bring great shame to myself by using the restroom.
他是不是很好? Isn't he great?
不 他很诡异 No, he's weird.
为什么他要干姜汁 Why'd he order a ginger ale?
还有谁他妈的不关注妞的咪咪啊 And who the hell doesn't look at jugs?
没错 还有他把手机别在腰带上 Yeah, and he's got his cell phone clipped
好像他是在度假的大佬似的 to his belt like he's some kind of big shot on vacation.
哦 我看出来了 Oh, I see what's going on.
你们不过是因为马木德是穆斯林所以觉得不舒服 You guys are uncomfortable with Mahmoud because he's Muslim.
啥? 你说啥? What? What are you talking about?
这是后911时代的种族歧视 This is your post-9/11 racism talking.
我个人认为Peter I, for one, think it's great that Peter has enough
能有足够的胸怀接受一个穆斯林朋友是很好的 of an open mind to have a Muslim friend.
很多狗都只是坐在外面 系在杆子上 You know, a lot of dogs just sit outside, tied to poles.
听着 马木德是我的朋友 明白吗 Look, Mahmoud's my friend, okay?
他是穆斯林 每个文化都有古怪之处 So he's Muslim.Every culture has its quirks.
意大利人常用他们的手交谈 Italian guys talk with their hands a lot,
爱尔兰人嗜酒如命 Irish guys drink a lot,
黑人一边换T恤一边给你讲故事 black guys change their shirts while they tell you a story.
那 Bernadette怎么样? 她还好 So, how's Bernadette? She's all right.
她最近在上室内设计课程 She's taking interior design classes
就在社区大学 down at the community college.
我是说 她很擅长理发和所有别的事 I mean, she's good at haircutting and everything.
他们安排她坐在门口 They gave her the chair right by the door.
不过我猜她现在想要 But I guess now she wants
往墙上挂装饰盘子什么的 to hang plates on the wall or whatever.
还有你知道 她的体重又反弹了 And you know she gained the weight back
Lap-Band胃束带 通过在胃外围安置硅胶圈阻止摄食过多
都是靠胃束带减掉的 对吧? from the Lap-Band, right?
Bernadette和她的派 That Bernadette and her pie.
你懂的 兄弟 You know it, brother.
好了 我要去厕所吃这个牛排了 Okay, I'm gonna go eat this steak in the bathroom.
谢谢你来一起进餐 Thanks for getting dinner, man.
哇哦 这地方很酷 马木德 Wow, this place is really cool, Mahmoud.
好像充血耳朵的声音和充血鼻子的味道乱搞 It's like ear-bloodening sounds had sex
生出来的孩子 with nose-bloodening smells and this is their baby.
很高兴你在这里很享受 I am glad you are enjoying yourself.
你想要来份我这种肉吗? Would you like some of my meat fooshnoosh?
这是用叫唤了两个小时 It's a chicken that has been yelled at for two hours
然后被奔驰车碾死的鸡做成的 and then run over by a Mercedes.
你甚至可以尝到那只鸡的恐惧 You can really taste the fear in the chicken.
你知道 Peter You know, Peter,
很多人不能像你一样 a lot of people are not as accepting
接受穆斯林文化 of Muslim culture as you are.
嗯 我觉得这所有东西都是最好的 Well, I think everything about it is the best.
比如这个水烟 Like this hookah.
谁不想和一群人坐在桌子边 I mean, who doesn't want to sit around a table
吸同样的东西 with a bunch of guys and suck on the same thing?
嗯 这就像是在抽我祖父的夹克一样 Mmm, it's like smoking my grandfather's jacket.
伙计 我真希望我可以整晚待在这 马木德 Man, I wish I could stay here all night, Mahmoud.
但是我要在关门前去 But I'm supposed to pick up
拿干洗衣服 the dry cleaning before it closes.
我用我的领带杀了一只老鼠 I killed a mouse with my tie.
不用 Nonsense.
我叫我老婆帮你取 I'll have my wife pick it up for you.
啥 她愿意? What? She'd do that?
哦 完全没问题 Oh, absolutely.
我需要你去帮我朋友Peter跑个差事 I need you to run an errand for my friend Peter.
没问题 Of course.
随时效劳 丈夫 Anything for you,husband.
这很棒啊 That was amazing.
你说什么她都遵守 She just listened to everything you said.
当然她听从我 Of course she listened.
在穆斯林文化里 In Muslim culture,
老婆更加的服从 wives are much more obedient.
不是吧!这太美了! No way!That's awesome!
等等 我来说明白一点: So wait, let me get this straight:
美妙的帽子 服从的老婆 Sweet hat, obedient wife,
还有我做事前必须喊 and I get to shout "Admiral Akbar"
应该是"Allahu Akbar" 真主至大
"阿克巴将军"? when I do stuff?
你 先生 给自己找到了一个穆斯林朋友 You, sir, have got yourself a Muslim.
Peter 你去哪? Peter, where are you going?
还有你穿成那样干什么? And why are you dressed like that?
Lois 我现在是个穆斯林了 Well, Lois, I happen to be a Muslim now,
也就是说我会花很多时间 which means I'll be spending a lot of my time
在几乎空荡的咖啡厅 in mostly-empty cafes, watching soccer
在8寸黑白电视上看足球赛 on an eight-inch black-and-white TV.
好!我喜欢的队在踢球! Yes! The team I like is kicking it!
哦 不!我不喜欢的队在踢球! Oh no! The team I don't like is kicking it!
好! 我喜欢的队又再踢球了! Yes! The team I like is kicking it again!
我要用手指钹庆祝 I will celebrate with finger cymbals.
嘿 这是真的吗 Hey, is that for real,
就是那个厕所里"仅腹泻可用"的标牌 that-that "Diarrhea Only" sign on your bathroom?
Peter 这是我朋友 Omar Peter, this is my friend Omar.
他可以教你关于信仰的很多事 He can teach you many things about our faith,
包括如何鬼叫 including how to ululate.
那是什么? 是这个 What's that? It's this:
哦天啊 太可怕了 Oh, my God! That's terrifying.
我不知道我是不是准备好了 I don't know if I'm ready for that.
没事 Peter 没事的 No, Peter, it's okay.
唱La Bamba的开头 Just sing the beginning of "La Bamba,"
La Bamba 墨西哥民歌
不过不要说"La Bamba"那部分 but don't say the "La Bamba" part.
哦 好的 Oh, okay.
做的不错! Yes, good job!
- 看你在乌鲁! - ♪ Bamba. - You're doing it! - ♪ Bamba.
哦 差一点就成了 Ooh, so close.
好了 Lois 我要去巴扎集市了 All right, Lois, I'm off to the bazaar.
你说啥? What do you mean?
你是说市场? You mean the market?
是的 巴扎集市 Yeah, the bazaar.
好 如果你要去集市 Well, if you're going to the market,
你能买点麦片 can you pick up some cereal,
黄油 还有一条面包 some butter, and a loaf of bread?
我会看看他们有什么 I'll see what they have.
来了 Lois All right, Lois.
这是六条眼镜蛇 一卷丝绸 Here's six cobras, a bolt of silk,
以及一个公羊角 and a ram's horn.
Peter 搞毛啊 Peter, what the hell?
嘿 能帮我去车里 Hey, can you help me with the 20 paper bags
搬那20纸袋的椰枣吗 of dates I got in the car?
你为毛会买20袋椰枣 Why the hell would you get 20 bags of dates?
卖枣的小马甲猴子 The monkey in the little vest who was selling them
非常有说服力 happened to be very persuasive.
你猜怎么着 You know what?
好吧 Fine.
我会假装这会过去的 I'm just gonna assume this will pass,
就像你那次"哪里都是壁球场"的状态 like your "everywhere is a racquetball court" phase.
Mike 既然你已经在球场上 So, Mike, now that you've thoroughly kicked my butt
完胜了我 你觉得我们 all over the court, what do you say we take
花少许时间来谈谈威奇托的合约怎么样 one quick second to talk about the Wichita account?
不过我向你保证 壁球游戏 And let me assure you,my racquetball game
可不能左右咱们在J.T. Stern生意上的立场 is no indication of how we do business here at J.T. Stern.
好吧 0比0 Okay, zero serving zero.
我必须说 Peter I have to say, Peter,
我对你这么地 I am impressed by how much
投入于伊斯兰社会感到震惊 you have committed yourself to Islam.
开什么玩笑 这很棒的 Are you kidding? It's awesome.
我甚至都开始穿皮凉鞋 I even started wearing leather sandals
然后露出我那过长的指甲 with way-too-long toenails.
看看大拇指是如何变得更黄的? See how the big ones are getting yellow?
啊 是的 非常穆斯林 Ah, yes, very Muslim.
听着 Peter 我的一些朋友和我 Listen, Peter, some friends of mine and I
今晚要聚会 are getting together tonight
我们想邀请你一起 and we wanted to invite you to join us.
额滴安拉 O.M.A.
Oh My Allah
我要去! I am so there!
我们开谁的烂货车过去? Whose crappy van should we take?
事实上 我们就在这聚 Actually, we are meeting here.
和我来 Follow me.
嘿 伙计们 Oh, hey, you guys.
嘿 有人介意 Hey, is anyone gonna object
我用匕首抠鼻子吗? if I pick my nose with a dagger?
马木德 这个人是谁? Mahmoud,who is this man?
你为什么带他来这? Why would you bring him here?
别担心 这是Peter Do not worry. This is Peter.
他追寻我们的理想追求 He believes in our cause.
你怎么肯定 How can you be sure?
给他做测试 Give him the test.
谁更好? Who is better?
胡克霍根 还是 铁血酋长 Hulk Hogan or the Iron Sheik?
胡克霍根:美国摔跤手 铁血酋长:伊朗摔跤手 两人是赛场上的宿敌
呃 铁血酋长? Um, the Iron Sheik?
好的 他算是我们的一份子了 Okay. He is one of us.
早告诉过你 I told you.
看他 他是那个最适合的人 Look at him, he is the perfect man
来帮我们炸掉圆蛤市大桥 to help us blow up the Quahog Bridge.
啊 天啊 Ah! Oh my God!
所有人趴下 Everybody down!
这些是玩具 就像 随便拿的那种吗? So are these toys just, like,to take?
嘿 伙计们 我应该喜欢那个球队? Hey, guys, what football team should I like?
马木德说我们都需要 Mahmoud says we all need
假扮成美国球队的粉丝 to act like we're fans of American football
这样我们看起来就不那么课...课...课疑的 so we seem less...b-buh... buhspicious.
啥 你说啥? What?What are you talking about?
我在说马木德 I'm talking about Mahmoud.
事实上我对他感到很遗憾 You know, I actually feel really bad for him.
你们知道吗 他认识19个死于911的人 Did you know he knew 19 guys who died on 9/11?
我是说 想想这概率? I mean, what are the odds?
Peter 我觉得你加入了一个 Peter, I think you joined
地下恐怖组织 a terrorist sleeper cell.
啥?!这太疯狂了 What?! That's crazy.
听着 我现在就打给马木德 Look, I'm gonna call Mahmoud right now
用他给我的这个手机 on this cell phone he gave me.
他会和你们解释 He'll tell you.
该死手机坏了 Damn phone's busted.
也许是我打错了 Maybe I dialed wrong.
Peter停止给马木德打电话 Peter, please stop trying to call Mahmoud.
我很严肃 This is very serious.
你的朋友们是恐怖分子 Your friends are terrorists.
想想 Think about it.
他们 他们秘密聚会 They're... they're meeting in secret,
他们在编造故事掩盖事实 they're creating cover stories...
哦 天啊 你是对的 Oh, my God, you're right!
看 我告诉过你马木德不是好人 See, I told you Mahmoud was bad news!
那些人都是坏人 Those guys are all bad news.
等下 Quagmire Hang on there,Quagmire.
仅仅因为几个人是恐怖分子 Just because these few guys are terrorists
不代表所有的穆斯林是 doesn't mean all Muslims are.
每个种族群体都有他们的害群之马 Every ethnic group has their nut-jobs.
我们有智能炸弹犯和Timothy McVeigh We have the Unabomber,Timothy McVeigh,
智能爆炸犯Ted Kaczynski高学历 20多年间邮寄炸弹 Timothy McVeigh 1995年引爆俄克拉何马城的政府大楼
还有那个亚特兰特奥运会的死胖子 and even that fat guy at the Atlanta Olympics
此处指Richard Jewell奥运保安 曾被误认为爆炸案嫌犯 事实上是Eric Rudolph 直到2003年才被捕
他实际没做 但是面相不好 who didn't do it,but he looked mean,
所以我们说是他做的 so we said he did.
Joe你没权利说正常人的奥运会 Joe, you don't get to talk about the regular Olympics.
嗯 我马上要回到那儿去 Well, I gotta go down there right now
然后告诉马木德我们不能做朋友了 and tell Mahmoud we can't be friends anymore.
等下 Peter Wait a minute, Peter.
这事实上是个机会 This could actually be an opportunity.
你已经混进去了 You're already in their group.
他们相信你 They trust you.
如果你可以搞到他们的计划 If you can find out what they're planning next,
我们可能可以阻止一次恐怖袭击 we might actually be able to stop an act of terror.
你就是英雄了 You'd be a hero.
嗯 我 我可以试试 Well, I...I could try.
我是说 我是个不错的演员 I mean, I am a pretty good actor.
还记得那次Lois说她和孩子们 Remember how upset I seemed to get
要离开圆蛤几天那次 when Lois said she was leaving town
我装的有多么沮丧吗? with the kids for a few days?
哦天 我会十分想念你们的 Oh, my God, I'm gonna miss you guys so much.
别忘记打电话回来让我知道 Don't forget to call and let me know
你们具体什么时候回来 exactly when you'll be back.
出去 Get out.
好的 你这全安装好了 Okay, you're all set.
记得 我们会在货车里监听所有话 Remember, we'll be in the van listening to everything,
只要有什么不对劲 so if anything goes wrong,
我们马上就救你出来 we'll pull you right out of there.
别担心 Joe Don't you worry, Joe.
我会像在Courtney Love裆部的变色龙一样 I'll blend in like a chameleon
Courtney Love美国演员 美国已故著名摇滚歌手科特·柯本遗孀 其吸毒和生活糜烂广为人知
好好伪装的 in Courtney Love's crotch.
哦天啊 Oh my God!
你从哪里过来的? Where did you just come from?
一个非常非常可怕的隐蔽地点 A very, very bad hiding place.
好吧 我们开始之前 Okay, before we get started,
我这有一条来自总部的声明 I have an announcement from headquarters.
不准再穿短裤 "No more shorts."
这不是我说的 是管理层 And this isn't coming from me,this is management.
这是针对我的 对不对? This is about me, isn't it?
他们没有指名道姓 They don't name names.
他们只是说 不准再穿短裤 懂了? They just say,"No more shorts," okay?
好了 这是我们的目标 All right, this is our target.
圆蛤市大桥 The Quahog Bridge.
我们在货车里装好炸药 We loaded a van with explosives,
然后我们开车去大桥那里之后 which we will drive to the bridge and...
等一下 炸药? Wait a minute-- explosives?
这不是提高班? Is this not improv class?
不是 No.
这是 Is...
不是提高班? is this improv?
你是在讲提高吗? Are you doing improv?
不 现在滚出去 No. Now get out that door!
现实的那个门 The real door!
这里 我有个问题: Yes, I have a question:
我们什么时候引爆呢? When exactly are we doing the bombing?
袭击将在明天 The attack will happen tomorrow
下午高峰期进行 during afternoon rush hour.
然后这就是你要参与的部分了 Peter And that's actually where you come in, Peter.
为了能通过收费站检查点 In order to get past the checkpoint at the toll plaza,
我们需要一个美国人开车 we will need an American behind the wheel
来尽量避免引起怀疑 to arouse the least amount of suspicion.
抱歉 能再重复一遍吗 Sorry, can you repeat all that?
我刚才在麦克风那里抓痒了 I just had an itch right by my microphone.
麦克风?! Microphone?!
他装窃听器了 He's wearing a wire!
嘿 Joe 我能问你个问题吗? Hey, Joe, can I ask you a question?
- 你能放屁吗? - 哦 当然可以 - Can you fart? - Oh, of course I can.
我这里有这个按钮 I've got a button for it right here.
酷! Aw, cool!
等下 哦 不 Hold on. Oh, no!
听起来他们发现Peter的监听设备了 It sounds like they found Peter's wire!
计划变更 Change of plans.
现在就发动袭击 The attack happens now.
现在开车 Now drive.
伙计 我从没想过这会以此结束 Man, I never thought it would end like this.
为啥 你都想过啥? Why, what did you imagine?
基本上类似 不过是变成Nathan Lane Basically the same thing, only Nathan Lane.
好莱坞笑星
现在 开车 ♪ Now, drive!
好了 你可以开车走了 Okay, you're good to go.
开到这边 Pull over up here.
求你了 马木德 别这么做 Please, Mahmoud,don't do this.
太晚了 It is too late.
这件事必须完成 The job must be done.
听着 我知道你气恼我们的政府 Look, I know you're mad at our government,
但是你要明白 这只是美国的一部分 but you gotta realize,that's only part of America.
我们是代表自由的土地 We're the land of the free
是晒黑的雀斑胖子之家 and the home of the sunburnt, freckled fat guy.
Jenny McCarthy能在 A place where Jenny McCarthy has a role
Jenny McCarthy是放弃护士学业进入演艺界的 得过好几届金酸梅奖
儿童接种疫苗辩论中有发言权 in the debate over childhood vaccinations.
一个你可以走进国际薄烤饼店 A country where you can walk into any IHOP
看到黑女人在打架的国度 and see black women fighting.
还是Ubu狗被认为是一条好狗的国度 And where Ubu is considered a good dog
指Ubu电视出品公司的黑色拉布拉多狗形象
即使它从来不坐下来 even though he never sat.
我们是一个骄傲的国度 We're the proud nation where someone can
这里有人可以用一个东西扫射整个车间 shoot up their entire workplace with a thing,
然后第二天没人会谈论起要禁这个东西 and then the next day nobody talks about banning that thing.
这是一片允许人们在推特上 It's the land that lets people on Twitter
以任何方式拼写"他们"这个单词的土地 spell the word "their" any way they want.
以及 你认为你可以跳舞 And where, if you think you can dance,
然后这个假设会被挑战并评估的国度 that assertion will be challenged and evaluated.
因为我们 For we...
是美利坚 are America.
你不会说服我的 You will not convince me.
美国必须为它的罪付出代价 America must pay for its sins!
举起手来 Hold it right there!
马木德 你被捕了 Mahmoud, you're under arrest.
看Joe 我开过货车了 Look, Joe,I drove a van.
哦 Peter 你没事我很开心 Oh, Peter,I'm so glad you're okay.
哦 我也是 Lois Oh, me too, Lois.
那真是一段艰难的时光 That was some pretty rough stuff.
你 你没有哭吧 是吧? You... you didn't cry, did you?
好吧 我是说 我真的经过了糟糕的境况 Well, I mean, I went through an awful lot.
Peter 如果你哭了 我们就完了 Peter, if you cried, we are done.
干的不错 Peter Great job, Peter.
因为你 30个恐怖分子被逮捕 Thanks to you, 30 terrorists are behind bars,
以及这镇上所有的中产阿拉伯家庭 and every middle-class Arab in this town
现在都被怀疑涉案 is now under suspicion.
那么接下来做什么 So what happens next,
那些人都会被审判吗? do those guys all get trials?
嗯 你要知道... Well, you know...
这是一个长久的...就是这个程序 还有 随便怎样吧 It's a long... it's the process, and... whatever.
你们说 Well, what do you guys say
我们都去醉蚌酒吧庆祝一下如何? we all go celebrate at the Clam?
这主意不错 That's a great idea.
耶 我想我们都可以来一杯 Yeah, I think we could all use a drink.
让我来打给Horace Tell you what,let me call Horace
让他帮我们准备好我们的桌子 and tell him to get our table ready.
Peter 你刚才是不是...我们走 我们走 我们走... Peter, did you just...Let's go, let's go, let's go...