♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
♪ All the things that make us ♪
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
Quagmire的妈妈 Quagmire's Mom
翻译:章泽楠 注释&校对：螃蟹阿雪 压制: @familyguy贴吧字幕组
嘿Lois 我能不能再吃一张煎饼 Hey Lois, can I please have another pancake?
怎么了 这有什么好笑的 What? What's so funny?
不好说 狗也吃煎饼了 I don't know.Dog eating pancakes.
很有意思哈 It's funny.
妈 给我张支票学校要郊游 Mom, I need a check for the school field trip.
天哪 Meg 我不是才带你去郊游过吗 Geez, Meg, didn't I just take you on a field trip?
好啦 到郊外了 永别了! Okay, here's the field! Good-bye forever!
啊 Meg我受伤了 Aah! Meg, I'm injured!
救救我吧 Please help me!
有汽油味! I smell gas!
Meg 我还活着 但我烧伤很重 Meg, I'm still alive,but I'm badly burned!
快来救我然后护理我到伤好 Come save my life and nurse me back to health!
天啊 为何好人总不长命 Oh, God, why do bad things happen to good people?!
给 宝贝 我给你写张支票 Here, sweetie, I'll write you a check.
不 不用 让我来Lois No, no, I got it, Lois.
让我先舔下拇指 Let me just lick my thumb
因为大家写支票前都这么做 cause that's what people do before they write a check.
好了 现在让我把眼镜斜下来然后问日期 Okay, now let me tilt my glasses down and ask the date.
今天几号了 What's the date today?
爸 为什么你的支票上一个字都没有 Dad, why don't your checks have any writing on them?
为什么你的书架上一个奖杯都没有 Why don't your shelves have any trophies on 'em?
看来我的话说的很不凑巧 I've obviously caught you at a bad time.
Lois 为什么我的支票上一个字都没有 Lois, why don't my checks have any writing on them?
这个 Peter....怎么了 Well, Peter...What?
我给你的那个其实只是个便利贴 That's just a wide pad of Post-its I gave you.
啥 那你昨天给我的百万刀支票 What?!So that million dollar check
其实是假的吗 you gave me yesterday is no good?
我把我工作都辞了 哥们 I quit my job, man!
我们下周不见了 I will not see you Monday!
到底怎么回事 Lois What the hell, Lois?
我为什么没有一个真的支票簿 Why don't I have a real checkbook?
Peter 支票是从哪儿来的 Peter, where do checks come from?
嗯...当妈妈和爸爸相亲相爱的时候 Uh... when a mommy and daddy love each other?
这就是原因 That's why.
Lois 我要我自己的支票簿 现在就要 Lois, I want my own checkbook,and I want it now!
哦 我喜欢爸爸这么强硬地说话 Ooh, I like when Dad talks tough.
他听起来像是警探哈利一样 He sounds like Dirty Harry.
Clint Eastwood主演的1971年电影
你有一个问题得问自己 You got to ask yourself one question.
"我是不是运气不错" "Do I feel lucky?"
那么 你觉得运气怎么样 混蛋 Well, do ya, punk?
哦 Harry先生 Oh, Mr. Harry,
四叶草和Patrick矮人 苏格兰认为代表幸运
你肯定不会喜欢我接下来的答案 you're really not gonna like what I have to say.
您好 我能为您做些什么 Hi. What can I do for you?
是的 我想知道 那个能让我光着身子 Yes, I was wondering,where is the room
在钱里滚来滚去的房间在哪 where I can roll around nude with my money?
抱歉您说什么 I'm sorry?
不 我很抱歉 我还以为这是个银行呢 No, I'm sorry.I thought this was a bank.
让我来说吧 I'll handle this.
我丈夫想开一个支票户头 My husband wants to open a checking account.
好的 首先 我要看有照片的身份证明 Okay, well, first,I'll need to see a photo I.D.
还有出生证明 and a birth certificate.
当然 Of course.
我把所有的重要文件都放在胸前了 I keep all my important papers in my bosom.
好的 Justin...peter...Griffin Okay, "Justin...Peter... Griffin."
其实只有Peter Griffin It's actually just Peter Griffin.
那么 这个不是你的出生证明吗 So, this is not your birth certificate?
哦 我的天啊 Oh, my God!
你的名字叫Justin Your first name is Justin?!
真的吗 It is?!
哇 我从来没注意过耶 Wow, I never noticed that!
"Justin Griffin."
嗯 读起来好顺口 Huh, I like the sound of that.
我是一个Justin I'm a Justin!
太棒了 我的人生将从此改变 This is awesome!This changes everything!
Peter 这什么都不会改变 Peter, it doesn't change a thing.
你还是原来那个你 You're still the exact same person.
恕我不能赞同 I beg to differ.
现在由Al Jarreau带来半岛电视台国际新闻 MAN (on TV): And now, international news from Al Jarreau Jazeera.
"叙利亚的汽车爆炸" ♪ Car bombing in Syria ♪
"滴滴蹦蹦哒哒 耶" ♪ Skididdly boom-bop a Dee, yeah ♪
"37个人死亡" ♪ 37 people killed ♪
"哦 他们都死了" ♪ Ooh, the people are dead. ♪
嘿Lois 见我的登山靴了吗 Hey, Lois, you seen my hiking boots?
我一会儿要去公园踢球 I need 'em later for park soccer.
Peter 你TM怎么穿成这样了 Peter, why the hell do you look like that?
嗯 我不叫Peter Uh, my name isn't Peter.
我的名字是Justin My name is Justin.
我要过Justin的生活方式 我的家人也一样 I'm living a Justin lifestyle,and so is my family.
你想不想去看演唱会 嗯 You want to go to a concert? Huh?
想不想去好吵的演唱会 Want to go to a loud concert?
不 No.
既然我是你的帅气父亲Justin Since I'm your cool father Justin,
我们应该有肌肤之间的联系 we should bond with skin-to-skin contact.
要不要Justin把他的衣服脱下来 How about Justin takes his shirt off,
然后我们拍一些你坐在Justin肚子上的照片 and we can get some photos of you on Justin's belly?
你的心跳好怪啊 Your heartbeat is weird.
听起来断断续续的 It is not consistent at all.
好啦 去坐我敞篷吉普车兜兜风 Okay, let's go for a ride in my open Jeep.
我把车门取下来了 所以更可怕了 I took the doors off,so it's extra terrifying.
天啊 这个"Justin"版本的老爸好怪异 Geez, this "Justin" phase of Dad's is kind of weird.
呃 没有卡拉OK版本的怪 Eh, not as weird as his karaoke phase.
Peter 你是不是吐在水槽里了 Peter, did you throw up in the sink?
英国乐队The Who的"Baba O'Riley"
Peter?
♪ ♪
"在原野上" ♪ Out here in the fields ♪
对 是我干的 我吐在水槽里了 Yeah, that was me, I was the one who threw up in the sink.
"我为我的食物而耕耘" ♪ I farm for my meals... ♪
爸 你在这儿干什么 Dad, what are you doing in here?
哦 嘿Chirs Oh, hey, Chris.
我刚在想既然我现在是Justin了 I just figured now that I'm Justin,
我应该弄一个"悦人墙" I should start a "Sweet News" wall
把我认为愉悦的东西贴上 for stuff I think is totally sweet.
又大又松软的云悦人 Big puffy clouds are very sweet.
大汉堡 Big hamburgers.
还有小汉堡 Small hamburgers, too.
我记得它们叫迷你汉堡 Sliders, I think they're called.
农场 Ranch.
这是一张背心的照片 Here's just a picture of a vest.
超愉悦 Pretty sweet.
棕榈树也很不错 因为 就像沙滩一样 Palm trees are very sweet,'cause, like, the beach.
这是我的房间啊 爸 This is my room, Dad.
Guster乐队是有史以来最悦人的乐队了 The band Guster is the sweetest band of all time.
1991年成立的波士顿乐队
我很难过 因为我得把所有OAR都移走 It was tough, 'cause I had to move all my O.A.R. stuff
另一美国乐队Of a Revolution
来给Guster乐队腾地方 to fit the Guster stuff.
Peter 快从Chris房间里出来 Peter, get out of Chris's room.
哦 嘿妈妈 Oh, hey Mama.
嘿 你看见我的"荒野生存"的带子没 Hey, you seen my copy of Into the Wild?
2007年真实故事改编电影
我要把它一直带着 I like to have it on my person at all times,
以防我需要快速"灵启时" in case I need a quick "inspo sesh."
灵感启蒙时间
哦 没告诉你我以后都用缩略语说吗 Oh, did I tell you I'm gonna be doing a lot of abbreve's?
Peter 你听上去像个傻X Peter, you sound like an idiot.
还有你是不是把滑板放洗衣机里了 And did you put a skateboard in the washing machine?
这下修理可要花好几百刀呢 It's gonna cost several hundred dollars to repair.
我们该怎么做 Lois How we do, Lois.
我们都做 All we do.
你进过波浪中的口袋吗? You ever get in the pocket of a wave?
Peter 你知道我没进过 Peter, you know I haven't.
还有我非常确信你也没 And I know for a fact that you haven't, either.
在口袋里 In the pocket.
有一些突起 Some gnarlies out there.
一些"瘤状突起" Some "gnar-gnars."
就在一天内 Was in one today.
感觉就像世界都无关紧要了 It's like the rest of the world just shuts off,
只剩下你和蓝夫人 and all that matters is you and Lady Blue.
1985-1986年电视剧
你知道她跟我说什么了 And you know what she said to me?
你很棒 "You're great."
保持冷静 Lois Keep it cool, Lois.
楞敬 K-E-W-L.
那么 你想不想上楼去 So, you want to go upstairs?
当然 Sure.
太棒了 Great.
去吧 Go.
嘿Justin 我给你介绍下Keira Hey, Justin, I wanted to introduce you to Keira.
她是那带来4罐内华达啤酒的人 She's the one who brought four loose Sierra Nevadas.
Keira!
你带来的那些实在是帅呆了 You totally rock for bringing those.
Peter 这是怎么回事 Peter, what the hell is going on?!
额 哥们 这是你妈么 Oh, dude, is that your mom?
不 我不是他妈 你这小混蛋 No, I'm not his mom,you little bastard.
那个"小混蛋"知道如何用苹果来抽大麻 That "little bastard" knows how to smoke pot out of an apple.
够了 所有人都滚出去 All right,everyone out of here.
我受够这个啥Justin的闹剧了 I've had enough of this "Justin" nonsense.
明天我们就去市政厅 Tomorrow we're going to city hall
法律上把你的名字改回Peter to legally change your name back to "Peter."
好吧 随你便 All right, fine.
但我必须说 当Justin真是一场冒险 But I got to say, being Justin was quite an adventure.
正如我找到那些野生物种一样 Like when I found where the Wild Things were.
这算我欠你的 Max I owe you, Max.
是你带我找到了他们 You led me right to 'em.
好了 现在帮我把他们的角磨成伟哥 All right, now help me grind their horns into boner pills.
Keira 那真是个神奇的夜晚 Keira, that was an amazing night.
对不起我没法送你去上班了 Sorry I can't drive you to work.
我得坐在密室里直到你离开 I gotta go sit in my den until you leave.
哦 没关系 Oh, that's okay.
我坐校车就行了 I'll just take the school bus.
等等...你说什么 Wait... what?!
你..你是开校车的 You-you drive a school bus?
不 小傻瓜 我坐校车 （giggling): No, silly,I take the bus.
我还在上高中 I'm in high school.
搞毛啊?! What the hell?!
你说你23了 You said you were 23!
是啊 你还说你爱我来着 Yeah, and you said you loved me.
这下我没话说了 Well, I guess you got me there.
嘿Quagmire 对不起打扰你了 Hey, Quagmire,sorry to bother you,
但我们在追查一件事 but we're following up on a tip.
你是不是和这未成年少女性交了 Did you have sex with this underage girl?
虽然我不想去监狱 但这个荣誉我还是要了 I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit.
Quagmire 恐怕我要因强奸罪把抓你了 Quagmire, I'm afraid you're under arrest for statutory rape.
好吧 但让我把昨天和她的照片 All right, but let me just send the pictures
先发给朋友们 I took of her last night to all my friends.
哦 太帅了 Oh, yeah!
嘣 Boom!
你真恶心 You're disgusting.
把他带走 Take him away.
我们已经得到所有需要的证据了 We've got all the awesome evidence we need.
"你好 我的名字是Glenn Quagmire "Hello, my name is Glenn Quagmire.
"我是你在Spooner街上的邻居 "I am a neighbor of yours on Spooner Street.
我来这是告知你我是一名性侵犯者 I am here to inform you that I am a sex offender."
看起来好像你本应已经记住一些了 It seems as though you could have had some of that memorized.
Glenn 到底出什么事了 Glenn, what the hell's going on?
我昨晚从Peter的派对上 It turns out that girl I took home
带回的女孩其实还在上高中 from Peter's party last night is in high school.
哦 我的天啊 Oh, my God!
这是不是说你要去欧洲拍电影了 Does this mean you're gonna move to Europe to make movies?
影射导演罗曼波兰斯基
你怎么会不知道她还未成年 How in the world did you not know she was underage?
其实 仔细想想 她确实问了很多问题 Well, in retrospect,she did ask a lot of questions
关于杀死一只知更鸟 about To Kill a Mockingbird.
美国当代文学经典 有同名电影
应该把她交给我啊 Should have sent her my way.
我爱死那本书了 I love that book.
哦 格里高派克 哦! Oh, Gregory Peck-- whew!
电影中主演
总之 现在我要站在法官前了 Anyway, now I gotta go in front of a judge.
真的吗 Really?
小号还是大号 Number one or number two?
我们的司法系统非常不完善 Our judicial system is so broken.
不 Peter Glenn是要上法庭 No, Peter-- Glenn has to go to court.
没错 That's right.
而且强奸罪连个辩护的机会都没有 And there's not even a defense for statutory rape.
只要女孩证明了她年龄 就这 你有罪 Once the girl proves her age,that's it-- you're guilty.
你知道我今天审判(试)了什么 You know what I tried today?
一无花果 A fig.
我明早有一场听证会 I have a hearing tomorrow morning.
我可能要进监狱了 I may have to go to jail.
我唯一从轻判决的希望就是找个证人 My only hope for leniency is to bring in character witnesses
告诉法庭我不是个像他们说的怪物 and show the court I'm not the monster they say I am.
这样 Peter会很乐意去帮你的 Well, Peter would be happy to support you.
是啊 当然 Quagmire Yeah, you betcha,Quagmire.
我很有说服力的 I'm very persuasive.
这就是为什么我擅长 That's why I was so good
卖低成本汽车保险 at selling low-cost car insurance.
军人给白种垃圾带来好消息 (chanting): White-trash rates from an army guy.
模仿汽车保险公司The General的广告
这是只企鹅 不明白状况 Here is a penguin,don't know why.
将军汽车保险 ANNOUNCER:The General Car Insurance.
谁和你撞谁担心 It'll worry whoever you hit.
我真不敢相信Quagmire和那个女孩做爱了 I can't believe Quagmire and that girl had sex.
做爱的意思是用腿紧紧抱住别人 Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
不对 Nope.
那么 如果我说对了你会告诉我 对吧 Well, you'll tell me if I get it, though, right?
是 如果你说对了我会让你知道 Yeah, I'll tell you if you get it.
好吧 我一定会说对的 Okay, I'm gonna get it.
现在 Griffin先生 我明白你站在这 Now, Mr. Griffin,I understand you're here
是为了Quagmire先生 to speak on Mr. Quagmire's behalf.
没错 法官大人 That's right,Your Honor.
就像我们知道的 根据《权力的游戏》 And as we know, according to Game of Thrones,
如果女孩已落红 她就可以采摘了 if the girl has had her blood, she is good to go.
那女孩落红了吗? Has the girl had her blood?
回答我的问题 Answer the question.
Griffin先生 她还未成年 Mr. Griffin, she was underage.
是的 但是 Quagmire先生是2月29号出生的 Yes, however, Mr. Quagmire was born on February 29th.
因此 他今年只有12岁 Ergo, he's only 12.
因此 是女孩强奸了他 Ergo, the girl raped him.
逃离德黑兰 本阿弗莱克 Argo, Ben Affleck.
电影Argo 本阿弗莱克导演
Griffin先生 你有没有别的证据 Mr. Griffin,do you have any evidence
不是从电影或电视看来的 that is not based on film or television?
我不知道 你为什么不问问 I don't know.Why don't you ask
这些寄给圣诞老人的信 all these letters to Santa Claus?
绝对出事了 Something's going on.
此处模仿电影Miracle on 34th Street
我们已经一周没收到信了 We haven't gotten mail in a week.
我 是我一周没收到信 I-- I haven't gotten mail in a week.
没人给你写信 Nobody writes you.
Swanson警官 我提醒你你是发过誓的 Officer Swanson, I'll remind you that you are under oath.
现在 告诉我们 Now, please tell us
Quagmire先生说他对那个女孩做了什么 what Mr. Quagmire said he did with the girl.
他说 嗯 (sighs)He, uh,
他说要给她来一个冷冻吉姆 said he gave her a Frosty Jim.
那你能不能给法庭解释一下 And can you please explain to the courtroom
冷冻吉姆是什么 what a Frosty Jim is.
这个... Uh...
先生 你是发过誓的 Sir, you're under oath.
这个 就是你在尿在套套里 Well, it's when you urinate in a condom,
把它绑紧 冻起来 and tie it off, freeze it,
然后让女的 嗯 and then the woman, um,
把它当成男人的JJ pretends it's a man.
谢谢 他是个好人 Thank you.He's a good guy!
Brown先生 你能不能告诉法庭你的职业 Mr. Brown, can you please state your occupation for the court?
啊 别啊 伙计 你没问别人啊! Aw, come on, man, you didn't ask anyone else to do that!
为什么要审理我 Why am I on trial?!
他才是那个猥亵幼女的人 He's the one that mushed hisself on a child!
我们什么时候才能见那女孩 When are we gonna see this chick?
好吧 够了 不用帮忙了 Okay, enough! No more help!
这本圣经我要拿走 I'm taking this Bible.
你们想知道Glenn Quagmire到底是什么样的人 You want to know what kind of person Glenn Quagmire is?
你们想知道是什么让我变成今天这样 You want to know what made me the person I am?
让我沦落到上法庭 Then put me on the stand.
Lois 我能用你手机玩愤怒的小鸟吗 Lois, can I play Angry Birds on your phone?
好吧 但你得把声音关了 Okay, but only with the sound off.
那好 我自己模仿声音就行了 Fine. I'll just do it with my mouth.
啪 簌簌 Pa-shooo!
请继续吧 Quagmire先生 Please, go ahead,Mr. Quagmire.
听着 我知道今天大家坐在这是要评判我 Look, I know everyone's sitting out there judging me today.
但在你评判前 请知道 But before you do, please know
我的童年很不美好 I had it pretty rough growing up.
我爸爸是个军人 所以经常不在家 My dad was a military man,so he wasn't around much.
然后我妈妈 该怎么说呢 And my mom, well,let's just say,
她有一点混乱 she was a little promiscuous.
实际上 我觉得我的问题出现在我出生的时候 In fact, I think my problems started the day I was born.
哇 哇 哇 Wah! Wah! Wah!
是个男孩 Quagmire夫人 It's a boy,Mrs. Quagmire.
哦 这太棒了 Oh, that's wonderful!
你感觉怎么样 How do you feel?
很饥渴 非常饥渴 Horny. Really horny.
你能不能把他再塞进去这样让我再把他挤出来 Could you put him back so I can push him out again?
我那天被生了九回 I was born nine times that day.
但生活没有变得更容易 And things never got easier.
我学习字母表的方法 The only way I learned my ABC's was by learning
就是记和我妈睡过男人的名字 the names of all the guys my mom slept with.
♪ Art, Bob, Chet, Don, Ed, Frank, Gus ♪
♪ Hal, Irv, John, Ken, Lew-Matt-Ned-Ox-Pat ♪
♪ Quint, Ron, Sam, Tom, Ulf, Vic ♪
♪ Walter, Xavier, Yaz and Zeke ♪
"这只是其中一部分" ♪ Those are just some of the guys ♪
"其实还有很多男人" ♪ There are lots of other guys. ♪
那简直糟透了 It was awful.
我甚至连高中舞会都没有去成 I didn't even get to go to my high school prom.
但我妈去了 But my mom did.
嘿 水晶准备好了吗 Hey, is Crystal ready?
哦 Ronnie你好 Oh, hi, Ronnie.
嘿听着 在午夜前把我妈送回来 好吗 Hey, listen, have my mom home by midnight, okay?
要不然我和她在轿车里做 二十分钟后送她回家 How about I plow her in the limo and have her home in 20 minutes?
噢 别这样Ronnie 她为这还买了条裙子 Ah, come on, Ronnie,she bought the dress.
所以 你看法官大人 多谢了我妈妈 So, you see, Your Honor,thanks to my mom,
我永远没有机会像其他人一样 I never had a chance to be like everyone else.
我不同寻常的性欲本能是因为 My misguided carnal instincts are the result
被性变态养大造成的 of being raised by a sexual deviant.
我想要的仅仅是你们给 All I'm asking is that you give me
我一个童年不曾有的停歇 the break that my childhood never did.
冰雪皇后十分钟后关门 Dairy Queen closes in ten minutes.
冰激凌店
Quagmire先生 你的故事很感人 Mr. Quagmire, your story is a sad one,
但不能当作你行为的借口 but that doesn't excuse your actions.
我除了判你二十年徒刑外没别的选择 I have no choice but to sentence you to 20 years in prison.
不 你不能这么干 WOMAN:Oh, no you don't!
妈妈 Mom?!
水晶 MEN:Crystal?
哈 她玩过很多男人 Ha! She's enjoyed many men.
妈妈 你在这干嘛 Mom, what are you doing here?
你知道吗我带了三把手枪 Do you know I'm carrying three handguns,
可金属探测仪什么都没发现 and the metal detectors picked up nothing?
法官大人 作为被告的母亲 Your Honor,as the defendant's mother,
我希望你对他仁慈一些 I ask that you show mercy on him.
那么 作为受害者的母亲 我希望你去死吧 Well, as the victim's mother,I ask that you go to hell!
你的女儿在哪 CHRIS: Where is your daughter?
让我们见见她 Show her to us!
法官大人 我已和我罪恶的过去决裂 Your Honor,I have renounced my sinful past,
并且在耶稣的血中 and have been washed in the blood
受到了洗礼 of the Lord Jesus Christ.
你干啥了 You what?!
我看到了救世主指导的 I have seen the righteous path
正确的路 并请求你 of our Savior,and ask that you
不要送我的儿子进监狱 not sentence my son to jail,
而是让他由我监管 but instead release him to my custody so that I,
用上帝的引导 来让他康复 with God's guidance,can rehabilitate him.
哇 Quagmire的妈妈还真是个耶稣迷 Wow, Quagmire's mom is a Jesus freak.
自从我生日时去那餐馆后 I haven't been this surprised since we went
很久没遇到这样惊奇的事了 to that restaurant on my birthday.
好吧 大家 我们把钱付了就走吧 All right, guys, let's pay the check and get out of here.
祝你生日快乐 ♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
你们这些家伙 You guys!
祝你生日快乐 ♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
祝亲爱的Peter生日快乐 ♪ Happy Birthday, dear Peter ♪
祝你生日快乐 ♪ Happy Birthday to you. ♪
你难道不打算吹蜡烛吗 Peter Aren't you gonna blow out your candles, Peter?
妈 我觉得爸好像出什么问题了 Mom, I think something's wrong with Dad.
Peter? Peter?!
哦上帝啊 快来帮忙 Oh, my God! Help!
快打911 Someone call 911!
没事的 女士 It's okay, ma'am.
这种事在Bennigan餐厅很常见 This happens here at Bennigan's all the time.
他会这样持续多久 How long does this last?
很难说 Hard to say.
你最好还是找别人吧 It's best to just move on.
我很抱歉 Quagmire夫人 我的判决不变 I'm sorry, Mrs. Quagmire,but my sentence stands.
二十年 20 years.
Quagmire先生 我给你24小时 Mr. Quagmire,I'll give you 24 hours
来处理你的个人事物 to get your affairs in order.
哦 我的天啊 Oh, my God.
啊 别把它当成是二十年(岁) Ah, don't think of it as 20 years.
当它是两个十岁的 Think of it as two ten-year-olds,
你这变态 you sick freak.
上帝啊 二十年 God, 20 years.
我知道这对你会很难熬 I know this is a hard time for you,
但你得去寻求原谅 but you need to seek forgiveness.
你得跪拜在耶稣面前忏悔 You need to kneel before Jesus.
噢 他会跪的 在很多男人的面前 Oh, he's gonna be kneeling in front of a lot of guys,
但我觉得他可能连是谁都不知道 but I doubt he'll catch their names.
一般是有人在黑暗里推你的头 It's usually somebody pushing your skull in the dark.
都不会有互相介绍的 There are really no introductions.
记住 他会一直在你身体里面的 Remember, He is inside you all the time.
哦 她现在就是故意给我下套呢 Oh, n-now she's just setting me up.
对吧 Right?
你还有什么脸来这 How dare you come in here
然后叫我去寻求宽恕 and tell me to seek forgiveness!
你是在哪免受惩罚(高潮)的 Where do you get off?!
应该到处都是吧 我觉得 Pretty much everywhere, I hear.
这胖子说对了 他们故意的 Fat man's right--they're making this easy.
你从未因养我的方式而道歉过一次 You've never apologized once for the way you raised me!
是你造成我今天这样的 You're the one who made me what I am!
哦 你够了Quagmire 你也是个大人了 Oh, come on, Quagmire,you're a grown man,
应该为自己的选择负责 responsible for his own choices.
只有懦夫才把自己的问题推给别人 Seems kind of cowardly to blame someone else for your problems.
顺便说下 Brian抛弃了他的亲儿子 Brian abandoned his own son, by the way.
为什么你们 都替个信教的疯子说话 Why are you, of all people,defending a religious nut?
你不是无神论者吗 Aren't you an atheist?
对啊 很怪吧 Yeah, it's crazy.
等你进监狱好好想想这个问题 You can think about that while you're in jail.
Glenn 我们若质疑上帝之智 Glenn, we're not going to get anywhere
那就哪儿都去不了 questioning God's wisdom.
他把一切都注定好了 He has a plan for everything.
哦 这下我明白了 Oh, now I get it.
这就是你信上帝的原因 That's why you found God.
这下你就能逃避一切责任 So you can absolve yourself of any responsibility
用陈词滥调来回答一切问题 and answer everything with empty platitudes.
承认吧 你作为家长比 Face it, you're a worse parent
布拉德皮特和安吉丽娜朱莉还遭 than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
美国影星夫妇 收养不同国家很多孩子以及亲生孩子
我很担心Pax Maddox和Shiloh I'm concerned about Pax,Maddox,and Shiloh.
他们适应环境很困难 They're having trouble adapting.
他们被11种语言教大 They've been raised with 11 languages,
可真正哪一种也不会说 and really don't speak any.
我明白你的意思 医生 I hear you, Doctor.
所以...你是说我们该给他们留一个莫霍克的发型 So... you're saying we should give them all faux-hawks?
两边头发向中间靠拢的发型
不 我认为他们需要高强治疗 No. I think they need intensive therapy.
你看我是不是明白你的意思了 Let me see if I understand you.
发型的两边还要再短 Even shorter on the sides?
你还没发现 Don't you see?
这是你敞开心扉然让上帝进驻的机会 This is your chance to open your heart and let God in.
我知道监狱服刑看起来很长 I know this jail sentence seems long.
但救赎将是永恒的 But salvation can last all eternity.
你知道还有什么是永恒的 You know what else lasts an eternity?
这次对话 This conversation.
也许通过这次我们同信上帝 And maybe through our shared relationship with the Lord,
我们能建立母子纽带 we can begin to build a bond as mother and son.
"母子" "Mother and son"?!
母亲爱她们的孩子 Mothers love their children!
她们养育并且保护他们 They nurture them and protect them!
你从来没为我做过一件事 You've never done a thing for me!
我宁愿烂在监狱也不愿坐这 I'd rather rot in jail than sit here
听你说的这些废话 and listen to all your crap!
Glenn说的对 (sighs)Glenn's right.
我从未替他着想过 I was never there for him.
我一定得找到方法来弥补 I've got to find some way to fix this.
你最近听说你前夫的事了没 Did you hear about your ex-husband yet?
他做了一个...嗯 手术 He had a... uh, procedure.
你知道 一些家庭带孩子去动物园 You know, some families take their baby to the zoo.
那也是一件有意思的活动 That's also a fun activity.
我真的会想你们大家的 I'm really gonna miss all you guys.
当我被香肠噎住时我也会想你的 And I'll think of you whenever I choke on a link sausage.
保重 兄弟 Take care, buddy.
哦 耶 (engine revs, tires screech)Oh, yeah!
新鲜的空气!自由! Fresh air! Freedom!
Peter 我不在的时候 Peter, while I'm away,
我希望你能守住我的古董 黄金劳力士 I want you to hold onto my antique, gold Rolex watch.
啊 酷 一只回旋表 Oh cool, a throwing watch!
不 不 Peter 这 No, no, Peter, it--
我强调多次都不够 and I cannot stress this enough--
这不是一只回旋镖 it is not a throwing watch.
哦 我懂你的意思 Quagmire Oh, I hear you, Quagmire.
它没飞回来 你骗我 It didn't come back,like you said it would.
还有Joe 你确定你不会介意 And-and Joe, you sure you don't mind
来照看我的猫 taking care of my cat?
哦 完全不用担心 Oh, no, all taken care of.
我们一早就把她弄死了 Brought her to the pound this morning.
她走的很安详 She went peacefully.
什么 不要啊 What?! No!
我 我 我说 照顾好她 就是养她 I-I-I meant, take care of her, like, look after her!
这话你应该早上对我说 Well, that seems like a note for this morning.
也许 我不会像以为的那样想你们 You know, maybe I won't miss you people as much as I thought.
有什么给我的 Glenn Do you have anything for me, Glenn?
啥 没有 你说啥 What? No! Wha-what?!
我刚刚知道我的猫死了 I just found out my cat died!
嗯 我不得不想是自私 Hmm. I can't help but think this selfish attitude
才让你走到今天这步的 is part of what got you here.
再见 Glenn 坚强一点 Good-bye, Glenn. Be strong.
我们会一直想着你的 We'll keep you in our thoughts.
哦 你 你最好在进去前 Oh, y-you better get rid of that
摆脱这状况 before you get in there.
好吧 All right.
再见了 大家 Good-bye, everybody.
还有别担心我 And-and don't worry about me.
我 我们很快会再见的 I-I'll see you real soon.
嘿 里面的人 Hey, you guys take good care
照顾好我的娈童朋友 of my child rapist friend!
Quagmire先生 等一下 Mr. Quagmire, wait!
法官 Judge?!
你来这是干嘛 What are you doing here?
我想亲自来告诉你这个好消息 I wanted to tell you the good news in person.
你的判决的变更了 Your sentence has been commuted.
你将不会进监狱服刑 You will not be serving prison time after all.
你身材真棒 哥们 You got a good body, man.
为什么要藏在那套制服下 Why do you hide it under that robe?
"变更" "Commuted"?
我不懂啊 I don't understand.
你好 Glenn Hello, Glenn.
妈妈 Mom?!
到底是怎么回事 What's going on here?
顺面说下 法官大人 你的拉链没拉 By the way, Your Honor,your fly is down.
这么说吧 发现了一些新的DNA Well, let's just say some new DNA evidence was produced.
大量的 我得说 And an impressive amount,I'd say.
这哥们会享受人生 PETER:Guy takes care of himself.
总之 你可以走了 Anyway, you're free to go.
你..你开玩笑吧 You... you're kidding!
妈..你 你是不是 Mom... Di-did you...?
是的 还两次 Yep. Twice.
我可以为你现在是基督徒了 But I-I thought you were Christian now.
帮助我的儿子是我做过的最基督的事了 Helping my son is the most Christian thing I could do.
你说得对 Glenn 我不是个好母亲 You were right, Glenn.I was a terrible mother.
我没有在你需要的时候帮你 I wasn't there for you when I should've been.
但我希望再给我一次机会 But I'd love a second chance.
我很愿意 I'd like that.
我非常愿意 I'd like that very much.
哦 Quagmire就这样没事了 而且什么都没学到 Aw, Quagmire got away with it,and learned nothing.
太棒了 That's great.