好像现在你能看到的 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
就是电影里的暴力和电视上的性 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
但那些传统的价值观去了哪 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
那些我们过去所依赖的价值观 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
幸运的是还有一个坚守家庭的人 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
幸运的是还有一个人在积极的坚持着 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
那些让我们 ♪ All the things that make us ♪
欢笑和流泪的 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪
他是。。一个。。居家。。。男人 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
genwohun2009个人作品
皮特，我们要谈谈 Peter, we got to talk.
啊 Ugh.
我很担心斯蒂威的幼儿园 I'm concerned about Stewie's preschool.
看看他们在点心时间都给孩子们吃什么 Look what they're serving at snack time.
那，那是。。。？ Is-is that...?
是狗奶 It's dog milk.
他们给我们孩子喂狗奶 They're serving dog milk to our children.
奥，真棒，是蒙狗 Aw, sweet, dilk.
我不想再让斯蒂威去那个学校了 I don't want Stewie in that school anymore.
看来真是每况愈下了 It seems like it's really gone downhill.
她的担心不是没有道理的 She's not wrong to worry.
厕所里有个标志说 There's a sign in the bathroom that says,
“如果是黄色的(尿液)就让它成熟,如果是棕色的(大便)就冲走” "If it's brown, let it mellow."
有时候就在马桶盖上 Sometimes it crests the toilet lid.
皮特，我觉得我们应该把斯蒂威送到科瑞多 Peter, I think we should send Stewie to Corridors.
我知道可能有点贵 I know it's a little pricey,
但那是这个区最好的幼儿园了 but it's the best preschool in the area.
真的么？就是那个让孩子穿 Really? Is that the one where they make 'em dress
小短裤带小帽子，打扮的跟AC/DC那帮人一样那个？ in the little shorts and hats like the guy in AC/DC?
是啊，为什么他穿成那样？ Yeah, why does he wear that outfit?
因为人家要摇要滚啊 'Cause he rocks.
当我选了这件衣服 When I picked this,
我不知道要穿到60岁啊！ I didn't know I'd have to wear it when I'm 60!
冷死了！ I'm very cold!
你知道什么对我来说是鬼话么？ You know what seems like a lie to me?
一张永久性邮票上面印着“Love” A Forever stamp that says "Love" on it.
哦，你想排在我前面么？ Oh, you want to go ahead of me?
嘿，你好？ Hey, how are you?
你知道什么对我来说是鬼话么？ You know what seems like a lie to me?
排第四位的可以过来 I can help the fourth person in line.
一，二，三。。。太棒啦！ One, two, three... yes!
克里夫兰，你在这工作？ Cleveland, you work here?
是啊，还是找了个事做 Yup, finally landed myself a job.
嘿，布朗为您服务 Hey, what can Brown do for you?
那是我们的对手 That's our competitor, though.
我不该提他们的 I'm not supposed to say that.
这就够开除的了，如果有开除这回事的话 It's grounds for dismissal if anyone ever got fired here,
然而并没有 but they don't.
那你还真幸运 Well, good for you.
哦，你能给我个回执单么？ Oh, could I get a return receipt for this?
这是斯蒂威的新入学登记表 It's Stewie's registration form for his new school.
你儿子要上大学了？ Lil' Papa Stew-Stew's off to college?
不是，只是幼儿园呢 No, just preschool.
他很小 He's very young.
你能不能让我交了这奇怪的费用 Can you just charge me my weirdly uneven price
好让我走？ so I can be done?
好的，一共是两块一毛六 All right, that's $2.16.
如果要加急就是四块三毛七 $4.37 if you want to send it the priority.
算了吧，我们还要省吃俭用呢 Oh, no, we got to start saving our pennies
现在我们正送斯蒂威去新学校呢 now that we're sending Stewie to a new school.
办成后我还得去找份工 I'm actually doing some job hunting after this.
我们冲上去吧！ Let's go up there!
你知道吧，路易斯，邮政局正在招人呢 You know, Lois, the post office is hiring.
真的啊？ Really?
哇，那就太好了 Oh, wow, that'd be great.
我很愿意给你安排个面试 Yeah, I'd be happy to get you an interview,
作为个女性白种人，你会是这里的少数民族的 and as a white woman, you'd be a minority here,
除非你是个酒鬼 unless you're an alcoholic.
哇，这个地方可真不错啊 Wow, this place is really fancy.
他们的《扁平娃斯坦利》实际上是个获奖演员 Their Flat Stanley is actually award-winning actor
史坦利·图齐 Stanley Tucci.
有时候我戴眼镜，有时候我不戴 Sometimes I wear glasses and sometimes I don't.
嗨，我是哈德利 Hi, I'm Chadley.
我被绑架三次了 I've been kidnapped three times
因为我家有的是钱 because I come from money.
哦，是的，我听说过你家的事 Oh, yes, I've heard about your family.
你有两个哥哥死于吸毒 You've had two older brothers die of drugs?
是啊 That's right.
斯蒂威，明天去我家玩 Stewie, what would you say
怎么样？ to a playdate at my house tomorrow?
听起来不错啊 That sounds delightful.
我是说，能去本该属于我的地方真他妈爽 My word, it feels so good to finally be where I belong.
就像贾德·赫希来到了大号毛衣店 Like Judd Hirsch at the gigantic sweater store.
嗨，我们五个都是贾德·赫希 Hi, uh, all five of us are Judd Hirsch.
你有足够大毛衣能装下我们五个么？ Do you have a sweater big enough to fit all of us?
太棒啦，来来大家都进来 Okay, everybody climb in.
我都等不急溅点汤汁在上面了 Ah, I can't wait to spill soup on this.
好了，贾德们，出发吧 Okay, Judds, shamble away.
恭喜你上任，路易斯 Good having you aboard, Lois.
我带你转转 Let me show you around.
那个人？ That guy right there?
拉里 Larry.
好的，知道了 Okay, got it.
这个这么大的 A-And what's this giant,
空的 empty,
足球场那么大的房间是干嘛的？ football-stadium-sized room?
哦，邮局预计 Oh, the post office anticipates
五年内 that within the next five years
这个国家将有2亿男人 at least 200 million men in this country will be
订购发送“红娃娃”（充气娃娃） ordering and receiving RealDolls.
每个男的都会有七到九个“红娃娃” Every man will have seven to nine RealDolls.
亚洲人，金色头发，南方人 Asians, blonde Southern girls,
金发亚洲人能够完成 blonde Asians capable of performing
一切性爱姿势 every possible sexual act,
或者至少也不会反对 or at least incapable of refusing.
你可以在车里备上一个 You can put one in your car
然后开在多人专属道上 and drive in the car pool lane with it and then
把她头按下来，你既能满足多人 maybe you push her head down, thus defeating the purpose
专属车道的条件，自己又能得到 of the car pool lane while fulfilling the purpose
红娃娃的满足 of the RealDoll.
可能经过一辆卡车司机的时候 Maybe a trucker goes by.
你就说，“嘿，珍妮，露一口给他瞧瞧。” You say, "Hey, Janine, give him a show."
可能之后你又扪心自问，比如说 Maybe later you ask yourself some tough questions, like,
‘为什么我非要 "Why is it so important to you
去跟个卡车司机炫耀嘚瑟呢？“ to impress and excite truckers?"
不管怎么样，你先把那个开信刀拿来 Anyhoo, grab that letter opener.
我给你看看为什么就是不能邮寄现金 I'm gonna show you why you should never mail cash.
另一个邮寄的好建议是 Another good postal tip is,
如果你等到晚上再送信的话 if you wait to deliver your mail at night,
你能闻到不少菜香味 you can smell a lot of really nice dinners.
哦，不，那是亚马逊的无人机 Oh, no, it's that Amazon drone.
就当没看见 Try to ignore it.
嘿，克利夫兰，你在干嘛呢？ Hey, Cleveland, what are you doing?
散步呢？ Taking a walk?
不，我在送信呢 No, I'm delivering mail.
靠走的？ By foot?
好啊，也花不了太长时间 Yeah, that won't take too long.
好吧，我要走了 Well, got to go.
该把这些胖裤子送给你那胖小子了 Got to deliver these fat pants to your fat son.
他嘴挺毒但说的没错 He was harsh but not untruthful.
我们得从一个生产烧烤架盖子的公司 We got to special-order Cleveland Jr.'s pants
给我儿子特别定制裤子 from a company that manufactures grill covers.
感谢你能来，斯蒂威 Thanks for coming over, Stewie.
哦，谢谢你邀请我 Oh, thanks for having me.
你家真的很棒啊 Quite a place you've got here.
你妈妈人也很好的样子 Your mother seemed nice.
是啊，但我也只见过她几次 Yeah, I've only met her a couple of times, but yeah.
这是我的卧室 This is my bedroom.
那个床是宾利改的么？ Is that car bed a Bentley?
那个是司机吧？ And is that guy the driver?
准备好去史努兹镇兜兜风了么，先生？ Ready for this evening's trip to Snoozetown, sir?
还没 Not yet.
可悲的是 Sad story.
他以前是为迈克杰克逊的猴子 He used to drive the bed
开童床的 for Michael Jackson's monkey.
我看过一些可怕的事 I've seen some terrible things.
这真是太棒了 This is extraordinary.
还好啦 Oh, it's fine, I suppose,
你可能 but you probably have
家里有更好的东西吧 even nicer things at your mansion.
我想哪天去看看 I'd love to come see it sometime.
嗯。。是的，我的家 Oh, um, y-yes, yes, my mansion.
是的，你该来我家玩玩 Y-Yes, you-you should come see my mansion,
当然 b-by all means.
我是说，此刻还是不要了 I mean, not-not right this minute.
我有个美国国家男子摔跤队在家 I-I have the U.S. men's wrestling team there--
我准备把他们弄死一个 I'm gonna kill a wrestler--
在那之后你就能去了 but then after that, you should.
我都等不急了 I can't wait.
来，我们去看看那个女佣有没有把儿子带来 Come on, let's go see if the maid brought her son,
那么我就就能去弄他，他又不能还手 so we can push him and he can't do anything.
天啊，我好喜欢这，但我又在做什么 God, I like it here, but what am I doing?
我家又没那么好 I don't have a fancy house.
我活在谎言之中，像罗斯福一样 I'm living a lie, like FDR.
美国人民们，我要告诉你们，我们将会赢得这场战争 And so I say to you, America, we are going to win this war,
我们会战胜这场大萧条 we're going to end this depression,
并且没有任何理由相信我不能走路 and there's no reason to suspect that I cannot walk.
上帝保佑美利坚！ God bless America!
停 And cut.
新闻时间结束了 The newsreel's over.
谢谢你，总统先生 Thank you, Mr. President.
很荣幸，先生们 You're welcome, gentlemen.
现在，能不能温柔地把我扫进储藏室 Now, if you'd kindly kick me into the closet with the mops.
啊，你肯定是耶鲁毕业的吧 Ah, must be a Yale man.
闭嘴吧 Shut up.
你好，忠诚的女邮递员 Hello, loyal mailwoman.
这是一封寄往好莱坞的信 This is a letter to Hollywood,
上面说“坚持下去！电影不死！” saying, "Keep it up! Movies are great!"
克利夫兰，这个怎么办？ Cleveland, what should I do with this?
寄件地址只写了“好莱坞，美国” I-It just says "Hollywood, U.S.A.,"
这都不是个邮票 and this isn't a stamp,
是个苹果上的小标签纸 it's the little sticker from an apple.
哦，我是撕不下来 Oh, I can't never get those off.
我就会吃了他们 I just eat them.
算了，都放在这吧 Anyway, just put it in here.
但这又是啥？ But what's that?
没用的信件垃圾袋 It's the dead letter bin.
这些过期的信件永远也送不出去了 It's all the stale mail what never got delivered
各种各样的原因：不完整的地址啦 for one reason or the other: incomplete addresses,
房子在山顶上啦，名字是法语 house at the top of a hill, anyone who uses one of those
还有斜划线啦 French sevens with a slash in it.
太糟糕了 Well, this is horrible.
我来整理一下吧 I'm going to organize these.
应该有一些我们可以重递的信件 There might be some we could resend.
那可就是义务奉献啦，路易斯 That's above and beyond, Lois.
你知道，你真是堪称邮局楷模 You know, you do the uniform proud,
我总是这么认为的 like I like to think I--
额，热辣狗酱粘到身上了 oh, chili dog got me.
看看这些 Look at all these.
真是一团糟 This is a mess.
这还有两封粘在一起了 Here's two that are stuck together.
什么鬼？ What the hell?
这是皮特寄的信 This is from Peter.
这个格雷琴墨瑟又是什么鬼？ Who the hell is Gretchen Mercer?
日期居然是在我们婚前一周！ And this is postmarked a week before our wedding!
曾经一度乔纳森·泰勒·托马斯球迷俱乐部 Aw, there was a time when the president
的主席还可以收到许多邮件呢 of the Jonathan Taylor Thomas Fan Club got a lot of mail.
我不知道该怎么办了，邦妮 I don't know what to do, Bonnie.
为什么皮特要写信给 Why would Peter write a letter
别的女人在我们婚前？ to another woman just before our wedding?
你干嘛不打开看看？ Why don't you just open it and read it?
什么？ What?!
那可是犯法的事啊 Th-That's a federal offense.
我干不了 I can't do that.
你难道不知道作为一名邮政员工 Don't you realize, as a postal employee,
我是这条战线上第6004个螺丝钉 I'm 6,004th in line for the presidency?
好吧，那干脆你把这封信送出去 Well, then why don't you just deliver the letter
自己去看看这个格雷琴墨瑟到底是什么人 and see for yourself who this Gretchen Mercer is?
邦妮，这个办法不错 Bonnie, that's a great idea.
虽然有点小尴尬 Although it could be a little awkward.
你也可以直接去问皮特啊 You could always just ask Peter about it.
不要，他从来没个正经 No, he won't talk about anything serious
除非老房子着了火 unless there's a crackling fire
没法救 to punctuate uncomfortable family revelations.
我不是从屋顶上摔下来的 I didn't fall off the roof.
我跳下来的 I jumped.
我从来不觉得你多迷人 I never found you attractive,
并且我从来都不尊敬你 and what's more, I never respected you.
莫里斯的事我知道了 I know about Maurice.
哪个莫里斯？ Which Maurice?
哦，布莱恩，帮帮我！ Oh, Brian, I need your help!
查德利要来家里玩啊 Chadley wants to have a playdate,
来 我 家 玩！ here at my house!
那不错啊---不，一点都不 Well, that's great. No, it's not!
我不能让他看到这个狗窝 I can't let him see this dump.
没事的，斯蒂威，查德利不会介意的 Come on, Stewie, Chadley should like you for who are.
而且家里也没那么糟吧 Besides, this place isn't so bad.
布莱恩，查德利的父母一人一个单独浴室 Brian, Chadley's parents each have their own bathroom.
我都看过家里老头子撒尿尿到老妈腿上 I've seen the fat man pee through Lois' legs
老妈还坐在马桶上呢 while she's sitting on the toilet.
我怎么才能找到个大房子 What I've got to do is find a spectacular house
假装是我的好让查德利刮目相看 that I can pretend is mine to impress Chadley.
那干脆就用巴巴和卡特家的 Oh, why don't you just use Babs and Carter's?
不行，他们这周末都在搞 I can't, they're having
《大开眼戒》派对（性爱派对） an Eyes Wide Shut party all weekend.
戴着面具我都找不到我都大香肠了（性器） I can't find my wiener with this mask.
好吧，时间到了 All right, time-out.
我们 ，我们先 Let's-let's all just find
把大香肠找出来，再戴回面具比较好 our wieners and then put the masks back on.
好的，940号，就是这家了 Okay, 940, this is the house.
你好，是格雷琴墨瑟家么？ Hi, are you Gretchen Mercer?
是的，什么事？ Yes, may I help you?
我们找到一封你的信，很久前的了 Oh, yeah, we found an old letter addressed to you.
皮特 格里芬？ Peter Griffin?
哇，这是以前的一个男朋友的 Wow, this is from an old boyfriend.
什么？ What?
好吧，荒唐在什么地方我跟你说 Wow, well, um, here-here's the nutty thing:
不管你信不信 believe it or not,
我现在是皮特 格里芬的妻子 I'm actually married to Peter Griffin right now.
啊，真是巧啊 Huh, that is quite a coincidence.
我在想为什么他要写信给我呢 I wonder why he was writing me.
我看你读信的时候 I see you move your finger along
手指还指着读 as you read.
小孩才那么干吧 That's what little kids do.
哦，没什么大不了的 Oh, it was nothing.
信上说他很高兴 He was just writing to say that he was excited
要结婚了，终于能集齐足够的 about getting married and that he finally had enough
骆驼香烟纸兑换一件皮衣和游泳圈了 Camel Cash to get a leather jacket and a pool floatie.
那谢谢了，格雷琴 Huh, well, thank you, Gretchen.
我现在舒服多了 I am very relieved.
我本来老是往坏处想 I was thinking the worst.
哦，我懂得 Oh, I understand,
但没什么好担心是 but you have nothing to worry about.
不错 You're right.
嫉妒可能是我的软肋吧 I guess jealousy's my weak spot.
人无完人嘛 Everyone has one.
甚至是阿基里斯 Even Achilles.
那么脚踝是你唯一的弱点咯？ So, you can only be injured on your Achilles' tendon?
当然 That's right.
我妈妈把我浸泡在冥河斯提克斯中 My mother dipped me into the River Styx
她那时捏着我的脚踝 and she held me by my heels,
所以那就成了我唯一的弱点 so that's the only part that can be injured.
你的弱点呢，睾丸君？ How about you, Testiclies?
也差不多，差不多啦 It's the same-- it's-it's-it's similar.
你觉得这个房子这么样，布莱恩？ So, what do you think of the house, Brian?
查德利会觉得这就是我家 As far as Chadley knows, this is where I live.
斯蒂威，这是谁的？ Stewie, who owns this place?
一个人傻钱多的傻逼的，我在Instagram Oh, just some rich idiot I saw bragging
上看他吹逼自己去哪去哪玩 about his vacation on Instagram.
他贴了张图脚放在沙子里 He posted a picture of his feet in sand.
你是人好吧，别那么傻逼 You're a guy, don't do that.
真他妈傻逼 What a dick.
嘿，我要吞了他的牙线 Hey, I'll swallow his dental floss.
你再从我嘴里拉出来 You pull it out of me
然后再给他塞回去 and put it back on the roll.
好主意 Good call.
那肯定是查德利 Ah, that must be Chadley.
嗨，斯蒂威 Hi, Stewie.
你家真不错啊 I love your house.
你的佣人呢？ Where are your servants?
哦，可能在烧香蕉 Oh, probably cooking bananas
跳恰恰恰 and doing the cha-cha-cha.
你知道吧，这真是个办派对的好地方 You know, this is a great house for a party.
你可以把全班都找来 You could invite the whole class.
是啊，是个绝妙的主意 I-I say, that's a brilliant idea!
你在干嘛呢？ What the hell are you doing?
别紧张，这家人可得走还几天呢 Relax, these people are gone for a few more days.
我要把大家都招来 I'll invite everyone over
一把把全班都震倒 and impress the whole class in one shot.
那样我一年的聚会都有着落了 That'll cover my playdates for a year.
你真觉得行么 You really think that'll work?
绝对行 Absolutely.
如果成功了，我就会像 And when it does, I'll be as popular
总统儿子在学校 as the first kid in school
刚拿到驾照一样疯狂 to get his driver's license.
嘿，听说你拿到驾照了 Hey, heard you got your license.
要不放学后 Maybe after school,
你开车带我去买点东西？ you could take me to get some groceries?
或者我们一起坐你的车 Yeah, or maybe you and me hop in that car of yours
然后去买点东西？ and do some grocery shopping?
好像你的后座挺宽敞 Looks like you have a roomy backseat.
放学后我也想去买点杂货 I'd love to fill that with groceries after school.
嘿，是斯蒂威 Hey, it's Stewie.
我对车的了解跟我妈差不多 All I know about cars is what my mom does.
格雷琴？！ Gretchen?!
哇，你看上去不错的样子啊！ Wow, you look great!
是啊，我还没生孩子呢 Yeah, I didn't have kids.
是啊，当然 Oh, yeah, of course,
但你来我家干嘛呢？！ but what the hell are you doing here?!
我都20年没见你了！ I haven't seen you in 20 years!
皮特，我终于收到你的信了 Peter, I finally got your letter.
就是那封信，你说你还在犹豫 You know, the one where you said that you were having doubts
是不是要跟路易斯结婚，你还在考虑 about marrying Lois and you still had thoughts
跟我结婚的事 about marrying me.
格雷琴，那是多久的成年往事了 Gretchen, I wrote that a long time ago.
那我现在的回答是我愿意 Well, my answer is yes, Peter.
是的，我要嫁给你 Yes, I will marry you!
格雷琴，我真的很开心 Gretchen, I am already happily--
不是，是一般开心。。不是，是我 moderately hap-- relative-- I am--
我已经结婚了 I am married.
哦，那我觉得你老婆就有权知道 Oh, then I suppose your wife is entitled to know
你还仍然爱着我 that you were still in love with me
就在你们婚礼前几天 just days before your wedding.
讹人！ Blackmail!
谢谢，克利夫兰 Thank you, Cleveland.
我不都知道怎么形容 And I don't know what to call the thing
你这种行为了，女士 you're doing to me, lady.
瞧着，格雷琴，我知道当时我是写信给你了 Look, Gretchen, I-I know I wrote you
那封信，但是，但是，我是说那个时候 that letter, and-and-and I meant it at the time, but...
但那已经是20年前了！ it was 20 years ago!
我可能是在婚礼前有些犹豫 I may have had some doubts before my wedding,
但谁又不是呢？ but what guy doesn't?
现在我知道了 And now I know
跟路易斯结婚是正确的选择 I made the right choice marrying Lois.
好吧，她真是个幸运的女人 Well, she's a lucky woman,
抱歉说了那样的话 and I'm sorry for what I said.
我真不想给你造成任何麻烦的 I certainly don't want to cause any trouble for you.
只是因为我突然收到那封信，又让我想起 It's just that when I got this letter, it reminded me
当时你是多好，多风趣的人 how sweet and funny you always were.
那很好啊，但我。。我得走了 That's nice, but I-I should go.
谢谢你没有取笑我点了 Thanks for not making fun of me for ordering
热巧克力 a hot chocolate,
去Facebook上看看 and go ahead and look into Facebook
你就知道这个是干嘛的了 'cause this is kind of what it's for.
等等，在我们最终告别之前 Wait, before we say our final good-bye,
再为我们的友谊庆祝一次怎么样？ what do you say we have one last hurrah?
我有两张票 I've got two tickets
今天晚上雷·拉蒙塔涅的音乐会 to a Ray LaMontagne concert tonight.
这，这不好吧 Oh, I-I'm not sure that's a good idea.
跟别的女的出去感觉有点奇怪 It feels a little weird going out with another lady.
哦，别这样，皮特，我开车去 Oh, come on, Peter, I drove all this way.
让我最后带着美好的回忆回家吧 Let me go home with one last good memory,
之后我保证将是你 and then I promise, you have heard
最后一次听到格雷琴墨瑟这个名字 the last of Gretchen Mercer.
好吧，但是我可能要说不了 Well, I should probably say no,
我从来不善于做决定 but I've never been known for my good judgment.
我是说我上次就是这样上了 I mean, that's how I got into trouble
皮特凯撤的贼船 with the Peter Catcher.
哦，皮特！ Oh, Peter!
来拿你的棒棒糖啊！ Come and get your lollipops!
棒棒糖！ Lollipops!
快来啊，皮特！ Come along, Peter!
皮特，不行 Peter, you mustn't.
我有奶油派 I've got cream pies.
好吃的馅饼哦 Trinkle tarts.
好吃的馅饼！ Trinkle tarts!
我要被搞了 I'm gonna get so molested.
哦，皮特，你可以把帽子和外套脱了 Oh, Peter, you can take off your hat and jacket.
两个老朋友一起看音乐会可没犯法 It's not illegal for two old friends to go to a concert.
我觉得你说的很对 Yeah, I guess you're right.
我是说估计也没什么熟人 I mean it's not like anybody I know would be
回来看雷·拉蒙塔涅的音乐会吧 at a Ray LaMontagne concert.
皮特！ Peter!
去哪了？ Where'd he go?
我还是戴着吧 I'm-I'm gonna keep the hat on.
不好意思，格雷琴 I'm sorry, Gretchen.
还是不行啊 This-this was a mistake.
我感觉有种负罪感 I just feel too guilty
跟别的女人出去玩 being out with another woman.
我不能对不起路易斯 I can't do this to Lois.
我懂的 Ah, I understand.
后来居上 Well, I guess there's no shame
也并不可耻吧 in coming in second, huh?
是的 That's right.
除了打仗的时候 Except in, like, wars.
你还是那么有趣啊，小皮特 Aw, you are still funny, sweet Peter.
是吧 Yeah, I guess so.
好吧，我得走了 All right, I got to go.
大胡子检票员要来了 The beard inspector's coming, anyway.
先生，你的胡子呢？ Uh, sir, where's your beard?
我要走开，我去出口了 I'm leaving. I'm on my way out.
那才是我的皮特嘛 That's my Peter.
那是 我的 皮特 That's my Peter.
看上去好像 Wow, looks like you're actually gonna
还真没什么问题，斯蒂威 get away with this, Stewie.
你搞了个很棒的派对 And you threw a good party.
耶，会很疯狂的 Yeah, it's getting pretty wild.
在客房里 Over in the guest bedroom
有个女孩在拉火车（3p姿势） there's a girl pulling a train.
让我爸瞧瞧 This'll show my dad.
嘿，你这些钱哪来的？ Hey, by the way, how'd you pay for all this?
我跟唐纳德-斯特林约会了两周 I dated Donald Sterling for two weeks.
他真是个好人！ He's a good man!
你们一点都不了解他 You don't know him like I know him!
大家，大家 People. People?
作为你们尊贵的主人，我想说句话 As your rich host, I would like to say a word if I may.
我真的很荣幸能跟 I cannot tell you how pleased I am to have finally found
一群志同道合的 a group of peers with whom
朋友们在。。。 I share so many common interests...
主人回来了 and here come the people who live here.
请让我解释！ Please let me explain!
我只是担心你不会接纳我 I was just worried you wouldn't accept me
因为。。 because...
我并不像你那么有钱 I'm not wealthy like you are.
斯蒂威，并不是因为你穷 Stewie, it's not that you're poor.
而是因为你跟我们说谎你才穷 It's that you lied to us and you're poor.
我抱歉你失去了你最有钱的朋友，斯蒂威 I'm sorry you lost your rich friends, Stewie.
没关系，我不需要很多钱 Well, that's all right, I don't need money.
我已经有了我需要的一切了 I already have everything I need.
打扰一下，你们谁是查德利？ Excuse me, is one of you Chadley?
你把钱包落在里面了 You left your wallet inside.
铛铛！ Chicka-chickaw!
那个“铛铛” Well, that "chicka-chickaw"
让我觉得你肯定不是查德利 makes me think you're not Chadley.
哦，不 Oh, no!
我铛早了 I chicka-chickawed too early!
嘿，路易斯，你介意我出去一下么？ Hey, Lois, you mind if I cut out of here?
不会啊--谢谢 Not at all. Thanks.
别那么好说话 Not to be too intimate,
但我要做一下肠部运动（拉屎） but I need to have a bowel movement
我不能在这做 and I can't go here.
我只能回家拉，或者去外卖店 I can only go at home or at the Koo Koo Roo.
你好？ Hello?
有人么？ I-Is someone there?
我好想听到了比我耳鸣还大的声音了 I thought I heard something over the roar of my tinnitus.
哦，应该没事吧 Oh, I'm-I'm sure it's nothing.
喔，有短信 Ooh, a text.
“我在处理我们的问题 "I'm taking care of our problem.
我们会很快再见的。” "We'll be together soon.
亲爱的，格雷琴” Love, Gretchen."
啊 Huh.
麦格，你有点神经质的经验 Meg, you're kind of a loner psychopath.
这句话什么意思？ What does this mean?
这女的明显是被抛弃了 Oh, this woman is clearly a spurned lover
现在正计划干掉妈妈 who's planning to kill Mom.
啊，谢谢啊 Ah, thank you.
你真乖，麦格 You're a good dog, Meg.
好啊，好啊 Well, well, well...
这不是前格里芬夫人么 if it isn't the first Mrs. Griffin.
格雷琴？ Gretchen?
你在这干嘛呢？ What are you doing here?
让皮特能跟我长相厮守 Making sure Peter can finally be with me,
当然也是他的愿望了 which is what he's always wanted.
格雷琴，现在时下午三点一刻 Gretchen, it's 3:15 on a workday.
邮局已经关门了 The post office is closed.
路易斯！ Lois!
格雷琴要杀你 Gretchen wants to kill you,
我有张通知单说我们有个包裹 and I have a slip that says we've got a package?
皮特，我很高兴你能看到这一幕 Peter, I'm glad you're here to see this.
你跟我终于能在一起了 You and I can finally be together.
皮特，这是怎么回事？ Peter, what's going on?!
她疯了就是这样！ She's nuts is what's going on!
我可不想跟她长相厮守 I don't want to be with her!
哦，是么？ Oh, yeah?
信上可不是这么说的 That's not what you wrote.
是的 That's right.
我对信上的内容说了谎 I lied about what was in that letter.
路易斯，路易斯，在你看之前 Lois, Lois, before you read that,
你要知道一件事： you need to know one thing:
是我把你米色胸罩扔掉的 I'm the one throwing out all your beige bras.
我不喜欢米色胸罩 Guys don't like beige bras.
你告诉你前女友 You told an ex-girlfriend
在我们婚前一周 a week before our wedding
你犹豫要不要结婚？！ you were having doubts?!
路易斯，路易斯，听我说 Lois, Lois, listen to me.
是的，是这样，婚前 Yes, it is true, just before we got married,
我是有些犹豫 I was having some doubts.
我是说你家人都不喜欢我 I mean, your family hated me.
我觉得我不够好配不上你 I-I didn't think I was good enough for you.
那时候我们还是孩子，我很害怕 We were kids, I was scared.
你不是么？ Weren't you?
我没有，我很爱你当初 No, I was in love,
我本觉得你也会爱我 which is what I thought you were, too.
我是爱你的，路易斯 I was in love, Lois....
现在还爱 and I still am.
没有一天一秒钟，我不在 Not a day goes by where I don't
谢天谢地我能有好运得到你 thank my lucky stars for picking you.
那是我所做的最好的选择了 It was the best choice I ever made.
现在把枪放下，格雷琴 Now, put that gun down, Gretchen.
你不需要这么做 You don't have to do this.
对，对，你不需要。。。 That's right, you don't...
因为你可以拥有他 because you can have him.
什么？！ What?!
我不会原谅你的，皮特 I'll never forgive you for this, Peter.
我们完了！ We're through!
哦，皮特！ Oh, Peter!
我都的等不急带你去看看 I can't wait for you to meet
我的狗狗和松鼠们了 the dogs and the squirrels.
嘿，格雷琴？ Hey, Gretchen?
放开我丈夫 Get away from my husband.
等等，你没生我气？ Wait, so you're not mad?
没有，皮特，我在骗它好让她放松警惕 No, Peter, I was lying so she'd let her guard down.
那信呢？ But what about the letter?
皮特，你还记得我在婚礼上哭了么？ Peter, do you remember me crying at our wedding?
当然记得，还保存在我们的相册里呢 Sure, it's in all our pictures.
那就是犹豫啊 That's doubt.
但现在再也没有犹豫了 But there's no doubt anymore.
你就是我的真命天子，皮特格里芬 You're the only man for me, Peter Griffin.
我爱你，路易斯 I love you, Lois.
哦，皮特 Oh, Peter.
来吧，我们用邮箱来爽一把吧 Now come on, let's get it on thru a P.O. box.
皮特，不行啊 Peter, this isn't working.
我可用尽全力了 Well I'm at full go.
你确定是这个邮箱吧 Are you sure you're in the right box.
没错啊 Yes.
528号 Box 528.
是的，528号 Yes, 528.
好的，那就伸进去把它（性器）抓出来 Alright, just reach in and grab it.
哇妈，我简直不敢相信你被邮局开了 Wow Mom, I can't believe you got fired from the Post Office.
他们不喜欢我打了格雷琴 Well, they didn't like me beating up Gretchen
用国家财产打 on federal property,
然后你爸爸又堵住了邮箱的洞 and then after your father plugged up that P.O. box,
那是两边通的 there was a mutual parting of the ways.
好吧，斯蒂威，我猜既然路易斯丢了工作 Well, Stewie, I guess since Lois lost her job,
你就再也去不了 you're not going to be able to go
那个好幼儿园了 to that fancy preschool anymore.
哦，我不需要去上学 Eh, I don't need school.
我没事的 I'll be fine.
我就做个网红吧 I'll just become a YouTube star
就像珍娜玛波一样 like Jenna Marbles.
谁啊？ Who's that?
谁知道，但是她超有钱的 No one knows, but she's rich,
跟雷·威廉·约翰逊一样有钱 as rich as Ray William Johnson.
那又是谁？--谁知道，但是他超有钱的 Who's that? Nobody knows, but he's rich,
就跟伯尼莫塔一样有钱 as rich as Bethany Mota
或者像马库斯·巴特勒一样 or Marcus Butler
或者英格丽·尼尔森也行 or Ingrid Nilsen.
这个？这是结束了 This? This is over.