♪貌似今天你所見♪ ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
♪非黃即暴滿熒屏♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on TV. ♪
♪禮義廉恥吾所賴♪ ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
♪而今何處去追尋?♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
♪幸甚吾有《居家男》♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy. ♪
♪幸甚此君故事多♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
♪有時使人展笑顏♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪
♪有時使人淚漣漣♪ ♪ laugh and cry. ♪
♪他就是個居…家…男！♪ ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
（中文字幕：zurica 校對：子夜陽，多而不精） @familyguy貼吧字幕組 英文字幕+時間軸：honeybunny
♪ Family Guy 8x05 ♪ Hannah Banana（當然是惡搞了漢娜·蒙塔娜的名字） 首播時間2009年11月8日
嗨，Chris Hi, Chris.
你的科學課考試成績怎樣？ How'd you do on your science test?
我得了D I got a "D."
D？好極了！ A "D"? That's fantastic!
開個玩笑了。我知道這表明你很挫 Just kiddin'. I know it means you suck.
到這兒來，你這個討人喜歡的傻瓜 Come here, you delightful idiot.
又得了D嗎，Chris？ Another "D," Chris?
很抱歉，媽媽，不過科學課實在太難了 I'm sorry, Mom, but science is so hard.
好吧，也許你需要一些額外的幫助 Well, maybe you just need a little extra help.
爸爸，你能輔導我做作業嗎？ Dad, would you help me with my homework?
呃，Chris，我得告訴你，這聽起來 Uh, Chris, I've got to tell you, that sounds worse
比逛一個破爛商場還要糟糕 than a trip to a failing mall.
好了，孩子們，你們的媽媽 All right, kids, your mom is
要去前台護欄網掉了一半的 going to go to the Cinnabon that has the cage
Cinnabon點心店，而我要去 pulled halfway down, and I'm going to go
那個堆滿了垃圾的壞掉的噴泉邊上的音響店 to the stereo store next to the dead fountain with garbage in it.
我們說好了在這個脫了膠的 Let's say we meet back here under the glue outline
破舊的限行標誌下面見 of the old Limited sign.
好吧，反正也無所謂 Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
每次我要學習的時候，邪惡猴子 Every time I try to study, the Evil Monkey
就會從壁櫥裏蹦出來嚇唬我 comes out of my closet and scares me.
噢，老天，Chris，你現在都上高中了哎 Oh, for God's sake, Chris, you're in high school now.
別老扯什麼邪惡猴子了 Stop talking about that evil monkey.
他不是真實的 He's not real.
他太真實了！ He is too real!
我能證明！ I can prove it!
好吧，你得在科學課考試上 Well, you'll have to do a better job
做的更好一些 than you did on your science test.
或者要比上帝把熨斗放在 Or than God did when he left the iron
Ellen Barkin（演員）的臉上太長時間那次要強 on Ellen Barkin's face too long.
噢，我日 Oh, damn.
- 怎麼了？ - 你知道嗎？ - How is it? - You know what?
我們要把你送到八十年代，你會走紅的 We'll put you in the '80s. You'll pass for hot.
現在和Kelly McGillis（演員）一起上那輛小貨車吧 Now get in the van with Kelly McGillis.
下一站：好萊塢！ Next stop: Hollywood!
接下來，將播出Hannah Montana的巡演 Up next, the Hannah Montana marathon.
- 吔！- 而且有個好消息告訴所有的粉絲 - Yes! - And for all you fans,
Miley Cyrus的巡演將來到Quahog的市民中心 The Miley Cyrus Tour is coming to the Quahog Civic Center
只有三天晚上的時間 for three nights only.
現在就撥打電話訂票吧！ Call to get your tickets now!
噢！噢！天啊！噢，天哪！噢，天哪！ Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
但現在票已售完，暫時不能撥打 But not now, 'cause it just sold out.
什麼？哦，不！不！不，不！不！ What? Oh, no! No! No, no! No!
反正我要打電話！ I'm calling anyway!
我需要Hannah Montana演唱會門票，現在就要！ I need Hannah Montana tickets and I need them now!
別管我是誰！你們到底能不能賣? Never mind who this is! Can you get them or not?
我覺得我似乎應該先撥個號什麼的 I guess I should dial something first.
什麼東西這麼吵？你在看什麼？ What's all the noise? What are you watching?
抱歉，但是你懂規矩的 Sorry, but you know the rules.
Hannah不能去拍照 Hannah can't do the photo shoot
除非Miley完成了她的家庭作業 until Miley finishes her homework.
你不能規定Hannah去做什麼 You can't tell Hannah what to do.
她又不是你的女兒 She's not your daughter.
等等，這麼說Miley是我的女兒，但Hannah不是？ Wait, so Miley's my daughter, but Hannah isn't?
- 對 - 很好 - Right. - Great.
戴上你的假髮 Put your wig on.
閉嘴！我是說真的！ Shut up! This is real.
哈！你還看《Hannah Montana》？ Ha! You're watching Hannah Montana?
這個，嗯，找點樂子嘛 Well, yeah. To make fun of it.
我是說，看看她穿這身衣服有多傻 I mean, look how stupid she is with her clothes
還有她的妝容，還有…還有…還有…還有… and her makeup and... and... and... and...
還有那絢麗的頭髮，還有，哦，天哪！ and that fabulous hair and, oh, my God!
Brian，這是我最喜歡的節目！是我任何時候都最喜歡的節目！ Brian, it's my favorite show! It's my favorite show ever!
- 太娘了 - 而且她馬上就要到鎮上來了 - Gay. - And she's coming to town
我必須搞到票，Brian and I have to get tickets, Brian.
- 你必須幫我搞到票 - 不 - You have to help me get tickets! - No.
這是個爛節目，太浪費時間了 It's a stupid show and a huge waste of time.
但是…她是我的最愛 But... She's my favorite.
噢，天啊，你…你這是哭了嗎？ Oh, my God, are you... are you crying?
是的！Hannah Montana是我的偶像！ Yes! Hannah Montana is my hero!
我太，太喜歡她了 I love her so, so much.
而且這是她來我們鎮上唯一的一次 And this is the only time she's gonna be in town
不然我就永遠看不到她了！ and now I'll never get to see her!
你幫幫我好嗎？ Will you help me?
這樣啊，那好吧 All right, fine.
嗨，Chris Hey, Chris.
- 你還想練習接吻麼？ - 我忙著吶 - You want to practice kissing again? - I'm busy.
我昨晚安裝了一個視頻攝像頭，這樣我就能 I set up a video camera last night so I can prove
證明給爸媽看，邪惡猴子是真實存在的了 to Mom and Dad that the Evil Monkey is real,
現在我看看拍到了什麼 and I want to see what I got.
哼，啥也沒有 Huh. Nothin'.
那好，是時候出狠招了 All right, it's time to play rough.
（免費的猴糧）
我抓到你了，你這個混蛋！ I got you, you bastard!
看，他在這兒呢 Well, here he is.
邪惡猴子！ The Evil Monkey!
你們現在相信我了吧？ Do you believe me now?!
我勒個去！ Holy crap!
真的有啊！ It is real!
噢，天哪！我還以為只有我有呢 Oh, my God! I thought I was the only one.
Meg，我們在…我們在… Meg, we're do... we're doin'...
我們在處理Chris的猴子 We're doin' Chris' monkey.
哦，天啊，Chris說的沒錯！ Oh, my God, Chris was right!
我勒個去，Chris，這個東西危險嗎？ Holy crap, Chris, is that thing dangerous?
是的，他很邪惡！ Yes, he's evil!
我其實並不邪惡！ I'm not really evil.
他說話了！ It talks!
如果…如果有人能好心解開我 If... if someone will please untie me,
我會解釋這一切的 I'll explain everything.
不，爸爸，別那麼做！ No, Dad, don't do it!
他很邪惡！ He's evil!
聽著，相信我就好了 Look, just trust me.
這只是一個極大的誤會 This is all a huge misunderstanding.
Chris，我想我們應該給他一個機會解釋 Chris, I think we should give him a chance to explain himself.
不！ No!
非常感謝！ Thank you very much.
是這樣，我知道住在你兒子的壁櫥裏 Now, I know this looks bad,
如此種種，看起來的確不好 me living in your son's closet and all,
但這個事情很複雜 but it's a very complex situation.
差不多是這樣，有天我下班回家 You see, basically, I got home from work one day,
發現我老婆和別的猴子亂搞 and found my wife cheating on me with another monkey.
哦，太可怕了！ Oh, that's terrible.
離婚後我一直非常消沉 I fell into a deep depression after the divorce,
結果最終使我丟掉了工作 which ended up costing me my job.
我的錢都花掉了，意味著我無家可歸 All my money was gone, which means I lost the house.
所以，我搬進了Chris的壁櫥 So, I moved into Chris' closet,
直到我從失敗中重新站起來 just until I got back on my feet again.
在那裏閉門住了九年 Wound up living in there for nine years.
噢，天啊，那你錯過了很多事情啊 Oh, my God, you've missed so much!
比如美國被某個 Like when America was attacked
精神失常的自殺炸彈攜帶者襲擊了 by mentally challenged suicide bombers.
Allahu akbar!
你知道嗎？ You know something?
你其實根本不邪惡，對吧？ You're not evil at all, are you?
是啊，他不邪惡 No, he's not.
他只是一個不走運的倒霉傢伙 He's just a poor fellow who's down on his luck.
你們說的倒輕鬆！ Easy for you to say!
他可沒有躲在你們的壁櫥裏做嚇人的表情！ He doesn't hide in your closet making a scary face!
那只是我在思考時的表情 That's just the face I make when I'm thinking.
而且你還總是指著我！ And you're always pointing at me!
我只是嘗試和你對話 I was trying to start a conversation.
你還做那些詭異的可怕的事情！（指猴子從身上找鹽粒吃） And you do that weird trembling thing!
我身體缺乏銅元素 I have a copper deficiency.
聽著，Chris，如果我以前嚇著你了，那我很抱歉 Look, Chris, I'm sorry if I scared you before,
但這是一個很好的機會來結束我們的恩怨啊 but this is a great chance for us to start over.
不，才不是呢！ No, it isn't!
你可以欺騙其他人，但你騙不了我 You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me!
你去死吧！ You go to hell!
好吧，記著要表現的有點派頭 Okay, now remember to play it cool.
就像你在這兒工作一樣 Act like you belong here.
哦，天啊，Miley！我愛你！我愛你！ Oh, my God, Miley! I love you! I love you!
我愛你！我是你的超級粉絲！ I love you! I'm your biggest fan!
我能摸摸你的頭髮嗎？ Can I touch your hair?!
你們倆是誰？ Who are you guys?
你們怎麼又來了？ How did you get back here?
是這樣的，我真的很抱歉 Look, I'm really sorry about this.
這是我的朋友Stewie This is my friend Stewie.
他…他就是個小孩子，是你的超級粉絲，而且… H... he's just a baby and he's your biggest fan and...
他得了癌癥 he has cancer.
哦，天哪！真的？ Oh, my God! Really?
是啊，他腦袋裏有一個 Yeah, he's got a tumor in his head
- 足球那麼大的腫瘤 - 我好像看見了 - the size of a football. - I think I can see it.
呃，既然這樣 Well, in that case,
我再把你們扔出去就不太合適了 I wouldn't feel right about throwing you out.
況且你還是我的超級粉絲 Especially if you're my biggest fan.
我是說，Sarah Silverman（喜劇演員）是你能見到的 I mean, Sarah Silverman is just one of the most
最了不起的人 wonderful people you'll ever meet.
哦，聽起來很不錯 Oh, that's so good to hear.
我也想喜歡她。她太風趣了 I want to like her. She's so funny.
我也希望她人很好 I want her to also be nice.
哼，很高興看到你們和這個折磨了我好幾年的 Well, I'm glad you guys are having such a great time
邪惡的傢伙相處的這麼愉快 with that evil thing that tortured me for years!
爸，我還以為你要輔導我寫讀書報告 Dad, I thought you were going to help me with my book report.
Chris，這兒有一隻猴子 Chris, there is a monkey here.
我剛剛餵了他一整袋賽百味三明治 And I just fed him a whole bag of Subway sandwiches.
幾個小時之內，我們都準備坐在這裏 In a couple hours, we are going to sit around
用他柔軟的麵包糞互相扔（？） and throw his soft bread stool at each other.
現在，你也可以參與進來 Now, you are welcome to be a part of that.
或者拒絕 Or not.
我可是告訴你要發生什麼了 I'm just telling you what's gonna happen.
好吧，不謝了，老爸！ Well, thanks for nothing, Dad!
別管他，猴子 Don't mind him, Monkey.
他就是個極不給力的人 He's just a big disappointment.
就好像那些遠看像DVD的東西 Like things that look like DVDs from far away.
DVD！ DVDs!
噢，書啊 Aw, books.
（《麥田里的守望者》是一本好書， 寫的是一個麥田里的守望者…）
啊…太舒服了 Ah... That feels so good.
你就是個藝術家 You are an artist.
謝謝 Thank you.
Lois可不喜歡我的腳趾甲 Lois doesn't like my toenails
因為它們在夜裏戳著她了 'cause they stab her in the night.
聽到了嗎，Lois? Hear that, Lois?
有人喜歡我的腳趾甲哎 Somebody likes my toenails.
恭喜你了，Peter Good for you, Peter.
恭喜這個家 Good for this family.
恭喜我們所有的人 Good for all of us.
媽！爸！ Mom! Dad!
我的讀書報告得了A I got an "A" on my book report!
很棒嘛，寶貝！ That's wonderful, honey!
祝賀你，Chris，你寫的是什麼？ Congratulations, Chris. What'd you write about?
我，呃… I, um...
《好奇猴喬治》（2006年的美國動畫）中的奴隸貿易隱喻 "The Slave Trade Allegory of Curious George."
等…等等，我…我寫的不是這個啊 W... wait a minute, I didn't... I didn't write this.
哦，是嗎？ Oh, really?
是…是你寫的嗎？ Did... Did you write this?
好吧，也不能全歸功給我 Well, I can't take all the credit.
我這幾年在你睡覺的時候聽你講話 I've been listening to you talk in your sleep for years,
所以我只是把你的想法放在了紙上，僅此而已 so I just put your thoughts on paper, that's all.
哇，這是別人為我做的最感人的一件事了 Wow, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
謝謝你，邪惡猴…謝謝你，猴子 Thanks, Evil Monk... thanks, Monkey.
啊，我本該站起來抱抱你，但是坐在這裏 Ah, I'd get up to hug you, but sittin' down's
是唯一能憋住屎的辦法了 the only thing keepin' the poop in.
哎，沒關係啦 Nah, that's okay.
簡直不敢相信我坐在這裏 I can't believe I'm sitting here
和你在一起，Miley Cyrus with you, Miley Cyrus.
就好像我在夢中一樣 It's like I'm in a dream.
嗯，這也使我開心，Stewie Well, that makes me happy, Stewie.
你在做什麼？ What are you doing?
哦，我剛剛寫了一些新歌詞 Oh, I'm just writing some new lyrics.
哦？你給自己寫歌詞？ Oh, you write your own lyrics?
- 是啊 - 我也寫了一些… - Yeah. - So do I...
哦？你寫了一首歌？ Oh, you wrote a song?
看看你 Look at you.
你簡直是就是一個十足的小Tim McGraw（鄉村歌手） You're a regular little Tim McGraw.
哦，哦，我… Oh, oh, I'm...
我…我比Tim McGraw要好那麼一點 I'm... I'm a little better than Tim McGraw.
嗨，這些很不錯啊，Stewie Hey, these are pretty good, Stewie.
真的嗎？ Really?
你覺得你能唱嗎？ Do you think you could sing them?
除非你和我一起唱 Only if you sing with me.
哇哦！哇哦！ Ooh! Ooh!
♪你我並不那麼合拍♪ ♪ You and I didn't quite get along ♪
♪自從我們首次邂逅♪ ♪ when we first met. ♪
♪當我們呆在一起♪ ♪ When you put us together ♪
♪卻不能完全融合♪ ♪ we just didn't blend. ♪
♪可我越瞭解你♪ ♪ But the more that I know you, ♪
♪就越有把握說♪ ♪ the more it's a good bet ♪
♪我們已經慢慢成為♪ ♪ that we've got what it takes ♪
♪世上最要好的朋友♪ ♪ to be very best friends... ♪
♪友情永遠是最好的♪ ♪ Friendship is the best thing ever, ♪
♪除非有更好的友情♪ ♪ except for best friendship, ♪
♪比它好那麼一點點♪ ♪ which is a little better. ♪
♪你是說好得多♪ ♪ You mean a lot better. ♪
♪我是說好得多♪ ♪ I mean a lot better. ♪
♪現在我們是朋友♪ ♪ Now we're friends, ♪
♪對啊，沒人能夠♪ ♪ yes it's true that no one else ♪
♪成為像你這樣的朋友♪ ♪ can friend me like you. ♪
♪友情永遠是最好的♪ ♪ Friendship is the best thing ever, ♪
♪除非有更好一點點的友情♪（杯具的Aquaman） ♪ except for best friendship which is a little better. ♪
♪你是說好得多♪ ♪ You mean a lot better. ♪
♪我是說好得多…♪ ♪ I mean a lot better... ♪
♪和你在一起♪ ♪ With you. ♪
嗨，你們兩個幹嘛去了？ Hey, where you guys been?
我們去了父子燒烤 We went to the father/son barbecue.
你們全程開車去了Fatherson弄燒烤？（哈哈，笑死我鳥） You drove all the way up to Fatherson for a barbecue?
不是的，爸，那是一個父親和兒子參加的燒烤活動 No, Dad, it was a barbecue for fathers and sons.
等等…你和這個猴子 Wait a minute... you went with the monkey
去參加父子活動了？ to a father/son thing?
對啊，誰像你那樣，從來哪兒都不帶我去 Well, it's not like you ever take me anywhere.
- 什麼？ - 呃，聽著，Peter，我並不是… - What? - Oh, listen, Peter, I didn't...
- Meg，住嘴！（⊙﹏⊙b汗）- 就是那樣的 - Meg, please! - It's true.
你從來都不願意為我做任何事情！ You never want to do anything with me!
但是這個猴子卻帶我去了所有我想去的好玩的地方 But the monkey's been taking me to all the fun places I like,
而且他還輔導我所有的功課！ and he's been helping me with all my homework!
他幫我的代數拿了個A！ He helped me get an "A" in algebra!
這個猴子怎麼知道你的代數需要輔導？ How did the monkey know you needed help with algebra?
因為他開口問了！ Because he asked!
這就對了，老爸 That's right, Dad.
你從來都不問，就算你問了 You never ask, and even if you did,
你也從來都不聽！ you never listen!
現在你沖這個猴子發飆了 And now you're getting mad at the monkey
就因為他關心我嗎？ because he actually cares?
去你的！ Screw you!
你是這個世界上最爛的老爸了，我恨你！ You are the worst dad in the world and I hate you!
那好…那好，我也恨你！ Well... Well, I hate you, too!
啊，我日 Ah, damn.
我把手機忘在那個「猴」子燒烤了 I left my cell phone up at that monkey/kid barbecue.
我以為你說的是父子燒烤 I thought you said it was a father/son barbecue.
沒錯，不過那是面向猴子的孩子的 Yeah, but it was up in Monkeykid.
什麼？！ What?!
（惡搞了《印第安納瓊斯：奪寶奇兵》中的片段）
哇，你們這些傢伙今天早上這麼安分啊 Boy, you guys have been awful quiet this morning.
Lois，你能讓Chris把楓糖漿遞給我嗎？ Lois, could you ask Chris to pass the maple syrup?
Meg，你能告訴老爸 Meg, could you tell Dad
他太肥了，不能吃更多糖漿了嗎？ that he's too fat to need extra syrup?
Lois，你能告訴Chris我很遺憾 Lois, could you tell Chris that I'm sorry
把他留種在你的陰道裏嗎？（⊙﹏⊙b汗） I ever planted the seed version of him in your vagina?
我說你們兩個都別這樣 I want you two to stop this.
父親和兒子怎麼能這樣相處呢 This is no way for a father and son to act.
好哇，對他來說，那個蠢猴子 Well, according to him, that stupid monkey's
比我更像他的爹吧 more of a father to him than I am.
他在我身上花時間了，而你什麼也沒做 He makes time for me and you never do.
你本該愛我，但你所作都是在傷害我 You're supposed to love me and all you do is hurt me.
今天早上我便秘的很痛苦 This morning I had a hard poo that hurt,
但是後來就好多了 but then it felt great.
Meg，我本來馬上就要發飆了 Meg, I'm trying to be mad right now,
但是這個讓我只想發笑 but that's making me want to smile.
這個肯定能搞臭Chris This'll get Chris.
嗨，同學們 Hey, classmates.
Griffin。你長胖了？ Griffin. Did you gain weight?
呃，這個不是重點 Eh, that's not important.
你們知道什麼是重點嗎？ But you know what is important?
我現在是同性戀了 I'm gay now.
咱們大家一起找個地方搞基吧 Let's all of us go be gay somewhere together.
然後你們可以告訴你們所有的朋友 And then you go tell all your friends
我歡迎他們來和我搞基 that I welcome them to be gay with me, too.
因為我是同性戀 Because I am gay.
我會和你們搞基 I'll be gay with you.
哦，太棒了 Oh, this is too perfect.
Chris最終將會變得很娘 Chris is going to be so gay by the end of this.
這是什麼？ What's this?
「把你的腦袋放在這兩根繫著的木頭中間 "Put your head between these two restrained logs
就可以得到一頂免費的帽子」？ and win a free hat"?
好吧，這可是個不費腦筋的好事 Well, that's a no-brainer.
來啊，你這個死肥逼 Come on, you fat (bleep).
照著做啊 Do it.
（這裏惡搞了《星戰：傑迪歸來》中Ewok人 伏擊全地形戰術執行者AT-TE的場景）
誰還在笑？ Who's laughing now?
我拿到我的帽子了 I got my hat.
嗨，夥伴們，我在Pinkberry冷飲店停了一下 Hey, guys. I stopped at Pinkberry
給每個人都買了一些 and I got some for everybody.
- 哇，謝謝了 - 不客氣 - Wow, thanks. - You're welcome.
我該去露面接受媒體採訪了 I've got to go put on my face for press interviews.
Stewie，把我的手機遞給我好嗎？ Stewie, can you hand me my cell phone?
哦，好啊 Oh, sure.
謝謝！ Thanks!
真奇怪…你聽到了嗎？ That was weird... did you hear that
我把手機遞給她的時候 when I was giving her the phone?
- 沒有 - 就好像，信號干擾什麼的 - No. - It was like, interference or something.
等等 Wait a second.
哦，天哪！ Oh, my God!
她是個機器人！ She's an android!
Miley Cyrus是個機器人！ Miley Cyrus is an android!
怪不得了 Of course.
她就是迪士尼幻想工程的產品 She's a product of Disney imagineering.
他們製造了一個完美的機器人青少年偶像 They built a perfect robot teen idol.
是啊，那她肯定立於不敗之地了 Yes, assuring that she could never fail.
就像著名的決鬥者 Like famous duelist
亨利·「大洞貫身」·威肯謝爾爵士 Sir Henry "Giant-Hole-in-the-Torso" Wickenshire.
啊哈！剛好從我身體中穿過去了！ Aha! Right through me!
準備接受我的回射吧，約瑟夫·「寬身」爵士 Prepare for returned fire, Sir Joseph Broadfront.
我給你最後一次機會收回 I give you one last chance to rescind
你羞辱我為「平庸的花花公子」的話 tour insult of calling me a "common dandy."
絕不！ Never!
天哪，我不敢相信她是個機器人 My God, I can't believe she's an android.
你覺得我們應該告訴別人或者做點什麼嗎？ Do you think we should tell someone or do something?
好吧，我們做點什麼吧 Well, we could do something.
- 比如？ - 呃，看看她 - Like what? - Well, look at her.
她像真正的女孩一樣跳舞，她像真正的女孩一樣運動 She dances like a real girl. She moves like a real girl.
對啊？ Yeah?
你覺得她做其他事會不會也像一個真正的女孩？（邪惡了） Do you think she does other stuff like a real girl?
你知道，如果你給她重新編程？ You know, if you reprogrammed her?
Brian，太齷齪了！她才16歲呢 Brian, that's sick! She's sixteen!
我才八歲（相當於人四十多歲） I'm eight.
好吧，我看看能做些什麼 All right, I'll see what I can do.
嗨，Miley Hey, Miley.
哦，嗨，Stewie Oh, hi, Stewie.
嗨，呃，你衣服的標籤露出來了 Hey, um, your shirt tag is showing.
讓我來，呃… Let me just, uh...
就是這樣，弄好了 There we go, all done.
呃… Um...
Miley無敵了！（惡搞了《綠巨人2》） Miley smash!
呃…等一下，等一下 Uh-oh... Hang on, hang on.
也許我能搞定 Maybe I can fix this.
快跑！ Run!
猴子，你覺得你能幫幫我嗎？ Monkey, do you think you could help me?
我實在不能忍受Peter和Chris I just can't stand Peter and Chris
再這麼吵來吵去了 being at each other's throats anymore.
當然，Lois；我肯定如果我們能 Of course, Lois; I'm sure if we can just
讓他們共處一室 get them in the same room together,
我就能說服他們冰釋前嫌 I can convince them to talk it out.
你為什麼不邀請Peter吃個午飯 Why don't you invite Peter to lunch,
而我來邀請Chris，然後我們看看能做什麼 and I'll invite Chris, and we'll see what we can do.
哦，謝謝你，我真的很感激 Oh, thank you. I really appreciate it.
你在這裏搞毛？ What the hell are you doing here?
我以為我是要見Lois呢 I thought I was meeting Lois.
她想讓我和你們倆談談 She wanted me to talk to you guys
關於你們最近的表現 about the way you've been behaving.
聽著，猴子，Chris就是個二逼，明白吧？ Look, Monkey, Chris is being a jerk, all right?
你說什麼都沒用 And there is nothing you can say
都不能改變我的看法 that will make me change my mind about that.
Peter，你至於這樣嗎 Peter, you're acting bananas.
好吧，我還是聽聽 All right, I'll listen.
你們都是好人，這也是為什麼 You're both good guys and that's why it's important
調解你們的分歧顯得那麼重要了 for you to reconcile your differences.
Chris，我知道你很生氣 Chris, I know you're angry,
但是你真的恨你的父親嗎？ but do you really hate your father?
不，我只是覺得他是個傻逼 No, I just think he's a douche.
有時候真是的 Sometimes he is.
Peter，你真的恨你的兒子嗎？ And Peter, do you really hate your son?
不，只是有時候他就是那麼混球的一個小胖子 No, but sometimes he's such a little fat jerk.
是嗎，那只是因為你從來沒在我身上下功夫 Well, it's only because you never have any time for me!
Peter，你覺得你能夠 Peter, do you think you could make
在你兒子身上花多一點時間嗎？ a little more time for your son?
是的，我想可以 Yeah, I guess so.
那是怎麼回事？ What the hell was that about?
那不是Stewie和Brian？ Was that Stewie and Brian?
是Miley Cyrus！ It's Miley Cyrus!
她要毀掉這個城市！ And she's destroying the city!
噢，天啊！ Oh, my God!
Cyrus小姐，我請你停止你的所作所為 Ms. Cyrus, I ask you to stop what you're doing.
我不僅是說現在這些，我是說所有的事： I don't just mean this, I mean everything:
電視劇啦，音樂啦…都糟透了 The show, the music... it's all just awful.
老爸，我們得幫他 Dad, we've got to help him!
快做點什麼啊！ Do something!
我應該做什麼呢？ What am I supposed to do?!
你是我爸啊！想想辦法！ You're my dad! Think of something!
Quagmire，出動雙翼飛機 Quagmire, fire up the biplane.
我兒子需要我幫助 My son needs my help.
（這裏當然是惡搞了《金剛》）
好的，Peter，我們正在接近 All right, Peter, we're closing in.
準備開火 Get ready to fire.
（惡搞了《終結者》）
猴子！抓住我的手！ Monkey! Grab my hand!
（惡搞了《黑客帝國2》中Neo救Trinity的情景）
好了，飛機幹掉了她 Well, the airplane got her.
哦，不，不是飛機 Oh, no, it wasn't the airplane.
是美女殺掉了野獸（《金剛》台詞） 'twas beauty killed the beast.
好了，Brian，現在看你的了 You know, Brian, here's your shot.
上吧 Go for it.
唉…太遲了 Oop, too late.
不，還沒有（DVD版可以看到邪惡的結局） No, it's not.
感謝你做的一切，猴子 Thanks for everything, Monkey.
你使我認識到了Chris對我有多重要 You made me realize how much Chris really means to me
而且我應該永遠記住不要忽視他 and how I should always remember not to take him for granted.
是啊，有時候所有人都需要 Well, sometimes all anybody needs
一點警醒的經歷 is a little bit of a wake-up call.
現在你們兩個又和好如初了 And now that you two are getting along again,
我在這兒的任務完成了 my work here is done.
我想我該換個地方了 Guess I'll be moving on now.
你要離開？ You have to leave?
可我還以為你要 But I thought you were gonna go
回到我的壁櫥裏繼續住呢 back to living in my closet again.
我想我的那種生活要結束了，Chris I think that time of my life is over, Chris.
但是我會一直想你的 But I'll always remember you.
但是…你要去哪裏呢？ But... Where will you go?
我會去需要我的地方 I'll go where I'm needed.
（中文字幕：zurica 校對：子夜陽，多而不精） @familyguy貼吧字幕組 英文字幕+時間軸：honeybunny
爸爸，我的壁櫥裏有只邪惡的猴子！ Dad, there's an evil monkey in my closet!
我不管，兒子。我才懶得管 I don't care, son. I just do not care.