♪It seems today that all you see♪
♪Is violence in movies and sex on TV♪
♪But where are those good old-fashioned values♪
♪On which we used to rely?♪
♪Lucky there's a family guy♪
♪Lucky there's a man who positively can do♪
♪All the things that make us♪
♪Laugh and cry♪
♪He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy!♪
♪Family Guy 9x18♪ Foreign Affairs Original Air Date on May 15, 2011
== Sync, corrected by elderman == 翻译：wudixny 制作：familyguy吧 压制：wudixny 感谢米奇洛克的指正
电视播音员:现在回到 TV ANNOUNCER: And now back to
迪斯尼频道的独家放送, the Disney Channel's exclusive presentation,
阿拉丁5: Jafar接受人口普查. Aladdin 5: Jafar Answers the Census.
好的，那么你的宫殿里住了多少人? Okay, and how many people live in your palace?
额，这只鸟算么? Um, does the bird count?
这只鸟住在这吗? Does the bird live here?
是的.那么是的，这鸟算在内. Yes. Then, yes, the bird counts.
哦，那么2人. Uh, okay. Two.
好的. Great.
你的主要收入来源是什么? What is your primary source of income?
嗯，巫术. Um, sorcery.
还有一点来自于政治腐败, And a little from political corruption,
但主要是巫术. but primarily sorcery.
好，那我这里填巫术. Yeah, I'll just put sorcery.
好的。那么你是基佬，直男，还是你也不清楚? Okay. Um, are you gay, straight or not sure?
额...你为什么问这个? Uh, why are you asking me this?
我只是... 我,我只是...我不会记录这个问题的. It's just... I-I don't... I don't write the questions.
我知道. 这个问题有点私人,你懂的.是,我懂. I know. It just seems a little personal. Yeah, I-I understand.
你,你可以选择不回答 You're... you're free not to answer it
如果你不想这么做的话. if that's your choice.
不不不,没关系.你可以填"不确定". No, no, no, it's okay. You can put "not sure."
好啦. 我要出发去巴黎了. All right. I'm off to Paris.
我离开的这一周里,你们会没事的,对吗? You guys going to be okay without me for a week?
额,我不知道. Ugh. I don't know.
我是说,我是说谁打算把这3本杂志 I mean, who's going to put those three magazines
整齐的堆放在茶几上? in a neat stack on the coffee table?
Lois, 我觉得你对和Bonnie一起旅游很兴奋 Lois, I realize you're excited about going away
但当你回来时,可以.. with Bonnie and all, but could I... could I not
可以别告诉我这次旅行的事吗? have to hear about the trip when you get back?
我只是...我知道你会拍些照片并遇到些故事 I-I just... I know you're going to have
所以,我只是... pictures and stories, and I-I just...
我只是不想跟你的那些屁事沾上关系. I-I-I just don't want to be involved in any of that mess.
(敲门声) (knock at door)
你准备好了吗, Lois? You ready to go, Lois?
当然. 哦,上帝, Bonnie. I sure am. Oh, my God, Bonnie.
我们将会有一段很愉快的时光. We're going to have such a good time.
我知道, 而且和你一起去会很有趣的. I know, and it's going to be so much fun going with you.
Joe 讨厌坐飞机 Joe hates to fly
因为他们老是把他放在下面行李舱和狗狗一起. 'cause they always put him underneath with the dogs.
(狗吠) (dogs barking)
这次去印尼最好是值得的. Indonesia better be worth it.
好.大家再见了. Okay. Bye, everyone.
孩子们,我不在家时看着点你们的爹. Kids, you mind your father while I'm gone.
我爱你们. Love you.
再见,妈妈. 再见! Bye, Mom. Bye!
哦, Peter,我差点忘了. Oh, Peter, I almost forgot.
这是一些日常开支 Here's some money for groceries
和孩子们的时间表. and a list of the kids' schedules.
这个肥仔要掌管这里一周? The fat man in charge for a week?
他的脑子会吃不消的, He's going to be in over his head.
就像他以前是个拳击教练的时候. Like when he was a boxing coach.
干他! 再干他! 在干他! Punch him! Punch him again! Punch him!
干他,就是现在! 继续! 你被干了! Punch him now! Again! Now you're getting punched!
干回去! 别让他爆到你的菊! Punch back! Don't let him hit you!
干死他! 干他! Get out of the way! Punch him!
(钟鸣) 你知道我要你干嘛. (bell clangs) You know what I'm going to tell you.
我要干他... 你应该多干他几下. I got to punch him... You got to punch him more.
嘿,你以前看过Joe的校内网吗? Hey, you ever check Joe's Facebook?
额,我知道.很烂. Ugh, I know. Awful.
"又准备去芝士蛋糕工厂 多么的令人陶醉啊" "Hittin' Cheesecake Factory again. So amped."
Cheesecake Factory TBBT里Penny工作的快餐店
然后后面跟了个"眨眼"的表情 And then the symbol that means "wink."
不是真的吧? 我的意思是 为什么是眨眼? Really? I mean, like, why... why the wink?
我是说,这..这是不是说 I mean, is there... is there something
我们也要一起参加? that we're supposed to be in on?
他不准备去那里吗? Is he not going there?
他... 他没感到陶醉? Is he... is he not amped?
额... 谁在乎他有没有? And-and... and who cares if he is, you know?
二货. Dick.
接下来为您带来,我们极其过时的诈骗记者,Ken Redowski, Coming up, our horribly outdated scams reporter, Ken Redowski,
对你不在乎的意见产品表示愤慨. gets angry about a product you don't care about.
数字浴室秤! Digital bathroom scales!
谢谢,Ken. 插播一条刚刚送来的新闻: Thanks, Ken. This just in:
山羊流感已经在James Woods高中 there has been a confirmed outbreak of goat flu
被确认爆发了. at James Woods High School.
山羊流感? 别开玩笑了. Goat flu? You got to be kidding me.
每年SB的CCAV都想用这种事 Every year, the stupid media
来吓我们 tries to scare us with this kind of thing,
然后每年都没什么事都没发生. and every year, it turns out to be nothing.
恩,没什么事. 我知道 Yeah, it's nothing. I know.
每年都没什么事. 啊,等等. Every year, it's nothing. Well, now, hang on.
这里面肯定有什么问题. There might be something to this.
卫生官员表示 Health officials have said
现在还没有疫苗. that a vaccine is not yet available.
如果你还不害怕, 下面是一些人们在沙拉吧里 And if you're not scared yet, here's some footage
打喷嚏的镜头. of people sneezing at a salad bar.
(阿嚏) (sneezing)
哦,天啊. 下面是一些人们舔地铁闸道 Oh, dear. Here's some footage
旋转条的镜头. of people licking subway turnstiles.
喔. 下面是一下流感携带者在你睡着时 Oh. Here's some footage of a man
和你亲热的镜头. with the flu making out with you while you're asleep.
哦,我的天! Oh, my God!
而James Woods高中会继续上课, While James Woods High remains open,
建议学生们经常洗手. students are reminded to wash their hands frequently
并留心感染的早期迹象. and watch for early signs of infection.
哦,我的上帝. 我不能让孩子们呆在那了. Oh, my God. I got to get the kids out of there.
什么?你说什么? What? What are you talking about?
我在说让他们在家上学, Brian. I'm talking about homeschooling, Brian.
直到这次危机结束. Just until the crisis is over.
Peter,你完全反应过度了. Peter, that's a complete overreaction.
如果你不让孩子们上学 I don't think Lois would be happy
Lois会不高兴的. if you pulled the kids out of school.
哼,她现在让我接管了,不是吗? Well, she left me in charge, didn't she?
另外,你懂我的. And besides, you know me.
当我对什么东西下定决心时, 我是不会被轻易吓倒的. When I set my mind to something, I am not easily deterred.
就像我以前尝试成为一个奥运体操选手一样. Like when I tried out to be an Olympic gymnast.
(深呼吸) (inhales deeply)
(枪响) (gun fires)
你做到了,Peter. You did it, Peter.
你为什么要射我? Why'd you shoot me?
因为我是怪蜀黍教练. Because I'm weird, creepy coach.
现在,让我带你去冲个XX澡顺便抽个烟 Now, let me give you inappropriate personal shower
而且不许你见你家长. while I smoke and forbid you to see parent.
这这...应该有人研究这项运动. This is... Somebody should look into this sport.
嗯,我想为昨天 Uh, I'd like to apologize for yesterday,
给你们指派实验室搭档的事道歉. when I assigned you lab partners.
我意识到我们这是门英语课. It has come to my attention that this is an English class.
(敲门声) (knock at door)
(模糊的耳语) (indistinct whispering)
Griffin? Griffin?
Chris, Meg, 我和你们的父亲通了电话, Chris, Meg, I spoke to your father on the phone,
他说他希望你们被学校开出. and he said you needed to be removed from school.
一开始我不相信是他, I didn't believe it was really him at first,
但后来我接到另一个从 but then I received another call
我觉得是他假装的人的另一通 from the very person who I thought
电话. was pretending to be him.
这让我在办公室里笑翻了. It caused quite a stir in my office.
来吧,孩子们. Come on, children.
没出什么事吧? Is everything all right?
一切都好. Everything's fine.
是我. It's me.
我只是假装穿成你爹的样子逗逗你们的老师, I just dressed up like your father to jazz your teachers
并带你们离开这. and get you out of here.
你说啥? What do you mean?
我要带你们离开这. I'm taking you out of here.
那个地方到处都是山羊流感, That place is riddled with goat flu,
所以我会在家教育你们的. so I'm gonna homeschool you kids.
哦,好吧. Oh, okay.
爹,你哪弄来的这车? Dad, where'd you get this car?
我从Quagmire那儿借的. I borrowed it from Quagmire.
他不在家,因为他昨晚被外星人绑架了. He's not home 'cause he got abducted by aliens last night.
那么,你们现在不做肛门探测器了? So, do you guys just not do the anal probe anymore?
恶搞了南方公园S01E01-Cartman gets an anal probe
是因为...? 不，那玩意已经过时了. Is that...? No, that's more or less been retired.
懂了. I see, I see.
你们还有那玩意吗? D-Do you still have the thing?
哦，我的天,多漂亮的房间啊. Oh, my God, what a beautiful room.
巴黎真是让人难以置信. Paris is so incredible.
我不敢相信我们真的来这儿了. I can't believe we're really here.
是啊. I know.
看看街道上的这些人. Look at all the people on the street.
这里人的颜色种类不多嘛， Not a lot of people of color here,
但是那黑哥们实在太黑了. but the ones that are black are really black.
我也看到了. I've noticed that, too.
好了，我为我们的一整天已经做好了计划. All right, I've got our whole day planned.
首先，我们去卢浮宫. First, we'll go to the Louvre.
然后我们沿着香榭丽舍大街购物. Then we'll go shopping along the Champs-Elysées.
额, Lois, 我应该告诉你 Uh, Lois, I should probably tell you
我大老远来这儿不是为了去博物馆和商店的。 I didn't come all the way here to go to museums and shops.
但，我不明白. Well, I-I don't understand.
那你为什么来这儿? Why'd you even want to come here, then?
Lois,我来这是为了搞外遇的. Lois, I came here to have an affair.
外遇? An affair?
和谁? With who?
任何人. 我的上帝. Anyone. My God.
那我们至少首先做一些 Well, can we at least do
布偶式的参观吧? some Muppet-style sightseeing first?
(accordion music playing)
可能模仿了芝麻街
好了，都安静下来. All right, settle down.
早上好，童鞋们. Good morning, class.
早上好,老爹. BOTH: Morning, Dad.
上这个课我们会需要几样东西-- We're going to need a few things for this class--
对学习的渴望, 对知识的渴求-- an eagerness to learn, a thirst for knowledge--
但有一点是我们不需要的. but one thing we won't need is this.
这就对了,我明白你们习惯了老师 That's right, I know you're all used to teachers
穿着燕尾服和吸血鬼的披风,但我不会. wearing tuxedos and Dracula capes, but not this one.
在这个课堂里将不会有任何虚假. There will be no pretense in this classroom.
这里只会有开放的思维和新的视野. There will only be open minds and new horizons.
准备好冒险吧. Get ready for adventure.
我知道有些老师觉得上课应该是 I know some teachers think class should be
在结构上的训练,但我不会. an exercise in structure, but not Mr. Griffin.
这将是我课堂的样子,这样! This is what my class will be, this!
跟我学! Learn with me!
让我们互相学习! Let's teach each other!
耶，我学到了! Yay, learning!
Chris, "优." Chris, "A."
Meg, "差." Meg, "F."
啊，你懂的, 度假就应该是这样. Ah, you know, this is how you take a vacation.
喔, Bonnie,看那个? Oh, Bonnie, would you look at that?
我从来没见过这东西-- I've never seen anything like that before--
有杏仁的羊角面包. a croissant with almonds on it.
嗯，能给我来杯啤酒吗? And, and could you bring me a beer?
噢，我感觉好高雅。 Oh, I feel so elegant.
你准备点什么? What are you going to have?
你知道我想来点什么? You know what I'd really like?
那个帅哥. A piece of that.
Bonnie看在上帝的份上，别闹了. Bonnie, for God's sake, stop it.
Lois,我已经告诉你了,我来巴黎就是为了搞外遇的. Lois, I already told you, I'm in Paris to have an affair.
如果有必要的话，我甚至都可以和一个穆斯林搞. I'll even do a Muslim if I have to.
但我简直不敢相信 But I just can't believe you'd throw away
你会忘记你和Joe这么多年的感情去找可笑的艳遇. all those years with Joe just to have some silly fling.
我不会忘记任何事. I'm not throwing anything away.
Joe和我已经疏远了很长时间了. Joe and I have been growing apart for a long time.
而且我们已经有了一段美好的过去了. Besides, we've had a good run.
我们都结婚80年了. We've been married for 80 years.
你什么? You what?
那是和残疾人结婚的年份算法. Well, that's in married- to-a-handicapped-guy years.
冲,达拉斯的牛仔们,哼? Go, Dallas Cowboys, huh?
你好. Hello.
什么? Excuse me?
你是美国人，不是吗? You are American, no?
我很敬佩你们的Garry Shandling I very much admire your Garry Shandling.
Garry Shandling 犹太裔美国单口相声演员
听着,我知道你会说这个 Look, I know where you're going with this,
但我们没兴趣,懂吗？ and we're not interested, okay,
所以你不如继续走，离开我们. so you might as well just keep moving.
我感兴趣. I'm interested.
(淫荡的笑) (laughing lasciviously)
Bonnie. Bonnie.
你想要一例热情的法式长棍面包吗？ Would you like to sample a warm French baguette?
哦，不要嘛. Oh, my.
我现在想的只有你. My intention is to void myself on you.
噢，我已经忘记什么是浪漫了. Oh, I'd almost forgotten what it's like to be romanced.
来吧，Bonnie,我们要走了. Come on, Bonnie, we are leaving.
你说啥? What?
听着，我是在帮你. Look, I'm doing you a favor.
我的便便今夜会很孤单的. My stool will sleep alone tonight.
Bonnie,你疯了. Bonnie, this is insanity.
答应我你会把有关外遇的这些事 Promise me you'll put this whole affair thing
都忘掉. out of your head.
Lois,我只是想找点乐子. Lois, I'm just having fun.
你这是在玩火. You're playing with fire.
听着，没有婚姻是完美的, Look, no marriage is perfect,
但Joe是那个你把你的生命都给他的男人, but Joe's the man you gave your life to,
而且你还有个女儿. and besides, you have a little girl.
你真的想成为一个这样的例子吗? You really want to be setting this kind of example?
(叹气) (sighs)
我认为你是对的, Lois. I guess you're right, Lois.
只是有的时候我觉得 It's just that sometimes I feel
我一点都不了解Joe. like I don't even know Joe anymore.
就像是我完全变成了另外一个人，他也是. It's like I've become a different person and so has he.
(American Dad theme playing)
American Dad 主题曲
♪Good morning, USA!♪
♪I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day♪
♪The sun in the sky has a smile on his face♪
♪And he's shining a salute to the American race♪
报纸的插科打诨没有起到预期的效果
♪Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪
♪Good morning, USA♪
♪Good morning, USA!♪
好的,同学们,本课程将涵盖 All right, class, this course is going to cover
所有人类历史上的重要时刻, all the significant moments in human history,
从美国的西部开发说起, starting with the settling of the Old West,
那里勇敢的拓荒者克服了几乎不可能的条件生存了下来. where brave pioneers survived against long odds.
亲爱的,我必须去城里买点补给, Honey, I have to go into town to get some supplies,
我可能会死, 但如果我没死, so I'm probably going to die, but if I don't,
我会在18个月后带包盐回来 I'll see you in 18 months with a canvas bag of salt
并给孩子们带罐鲸油. and a tin of whale fat for the children.
我已经为你们所有人都在后院挖好坑了 I've dug graves out back for all of you
如果你们也死了的话. in the likely event that you, too, shall perish.
（女声）:你是个好人, Abraham. WOMAN: You were a good man, Abraham.
请以我的名义在粗糙的木头片上写下 Please scrawl that on a rough-hewn piece of wood
我刚说的话. in my honor.
我会的. I shall.
亨利八世的统治时期. The reign of Henry VIII.
你喜欢我刚才为你做的吗,陛下? Did you enjoy what I just did for you, sire?
是的，非常喜欢. Yes, very much so.
哇,这次结束后,我肯定会收藏她的头 Wow, when this is over, I am definitely keeping her head.
亨利八世把她二号老婆斩首了
Joseph Smith发现了摩门经. Joseph Smith discovering the Book of Mormon.
Joseph Smith 摩门教创始者
噢, 一张联合爱迪生的瓦斯账单 Oh, an old Con Ed bill--
Consolidated Edison 能源公司 其前身New York Gas Light Company成立于1823年 Joseph于1823年开始挖地寻找摩门经原稿
我是说，耶稣的新约; I mean, a new testament of Jesus Christ;
每个人都要和我睡觉 everyone has to sleep with me.
暗指摩门教的“大爱”
什么? 而且不许跳舞. What? And no dancing.
但近年来 也发生了 But recent years have also seen
很多重要的历史事件. many important historical events.
1985年出现了最基情的MV. 1985 brought us the gayest music video of all time.
(echoing whistle)
David Bowie&Mick Jagger的《Dancing In The Street》
Okay, Tokyo.
South America, Australia, France.
Germany, U.K.
(哨声) (whistling) Africa!
摇滚变色龙David Bowie是上世纪摇滚乐坛最受争议的顶级人物
♪Calling out around the world♪
♪Are you ready for a brand-new beat?♪
♪Summer's here, and the time is right♪
♪For dancing in the street♪
♪Dancing in Chicago♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Down in New Orleans♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪In New York City♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪All we need is music, sweet music♪
♪Sweet music♪
♪There'll be music everywhere♪
♪Everywhere♪
♪They'll be swinging, swaying, records playing♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Whoa♪
♪It doesn't matter what you wear♪
♪Just as long as you are there♪
♪So come on, every guy, grab a girl♪
♪Everywhere around the world♪
♪They'll be dancing♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪It's an invitation across the nation♪
♪A chance for folks to meet♪
♪They'll be laughing and singing♪
♪And music swinging♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Philadelphia, PA♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Baltimore in DC now♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Don't forget the motor city♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪On the streets of Brazil♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Back in the USSR♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪No matter where you are♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪All we need is music, sweet music♪
♪Sweet music♪
♪There'll be music everywhere♪
♪Everywhere♪
♪They'll be swinging, swaying, records playing♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Oh♪
♪It doesn't matter what you wear♪
♪Just as long as you are there♪
♪So come on, every guy, grab a girl♪
♪Everywhere, around the world♪
♪They'll be dancing♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Way down in L.A.♪
♪Every day♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Cross in China, too♪
♪Me and you♪
♪Dancing in the street♪
♪Dancing in the...♪
它发生了,而且是我们让它发生的. That happened, and we all let it happen.
好了, 同学们,今天有两件事情. All right, class, two things today.
我数学不好, I'm no good at math,
而且我没有教授开车的证书, and I don't have a certificate to teach driver's ed,
所以我请了个数学家教和一个教开车的家伙. so I hired a math tutor and a driver's ed guy.
好了,那么,你是用我的车, Okay, so, do you use my car,
或者你有,额,你自己带了一辆? or do you have, like, a special one you brought?
额，我是数学家教. Um, I'm the math tutor.
真的？不可能啊! Really? No way!
这样一来你是。。。 So that means you're the...
教车的师傅,是的. Driver's ed instructor, yes.
我勒个去! Well, I'll be a son of a gun!
(笑) 好吧,跟黑哥们学数学的时间到了,是吧! (laughing) All right, time to learn math from a black guy, I guess!
啊! 这真是个神奇的城市! Ah! This is such an amazing city!
就像我看他们在这拍了一集 L-Like, I could see them having a special episode
The Biggest Loser的特集! of The Biggest Loser here!
额,Lois,你没看到我门把手上挂了条卫生棉吗? Uh, Lois, didn't you see I tied a tampon to the doorknob?
没。那是什么意思? No. What does that mean?
过去在联谊会里当我们（房里）有。。。同伴时 It's what we used to do in our sorority
我们经常这么做. when we had... company.
同伴?你到底。。。? Company? What are you...?
哦，我的天. Oh, my God.
听着, Lois, 别太在意. Look, Lois, don't make a big deal about it.
我只是需要一点跟Joe不同的东西. I just needed a change from Joe.
(法语)早上好. Bonjour.
Lois,这位是François. Lois, this is François.
(笑声) (laughs)
噢，你是认真的. Oh, you're serious.
好了，同学们,你们开始学习这门课程, Okay, students, 40 of you will begin this course,
但只有25%的人能通过. but only ten of you will finish it.
为什么每天都只是课程的介绍? Why is every day an introduction to the course?
现在我知道有些老师他们在草坪上上课时 Now I know some teachers think they're working outside the box
会直接把植物种在地上而不是盆里. when they have class on the lawn.
但我会更进一步的. Well, I'm gonna take it a step further.
我们会在沙漠中种佩奥特掌 We're gonna do peyote in the desert.
一种含有致幻成分的仙人掌
(大门乐队的"Riders on the Storm") (intro to the Doors' "Riders on the Storm" plays)
噢，这里太美了! Oh, it's beautiful!
一切都是这么美! Everything is so beautiful!
和我一起跳舞,老爹! Come dance with me, Dad!
马上就来，Meg，马上就来. Soon, Meg, soon.
但先让我吸几口. But first I must inhale.
(深吸) (inhales deeply)
再来一次. And again.
(深吸) (inhales deeply)
再来一次. And again.
(深吸) (inhales deeply)
让我们去好莱坞山大杀特杀吧. Let's go to the Hollywood Hills and kill a bunch of people.
噢, Bonnie,如果我是只臭鼬 Oh, Bonnie, if I were a skunk
而你是一只老是想呆在 and you were a cat who kept repeatedly wandering
油漆未干地方的猫, into areas where there was wet paint,
我会看着你背上的条纹 I would look at that stripe on your back
并认为你是另一只臭鼬的话, and think you were another skunk,
我会让你很销魂的. and I would try to rap you.
而且这是合法的，因为我们在法国. And it would be legal because we are in France.
噢，François,我感觉像在做梦一样. Oh, François, it's like I'm in a dream.
Bonnie,我有一件很重要的事情问你. Bonnie, I have something very important to ask you.
什么? What is it?
这几天里你和我的亲密行为 I have so enjoyed your intimacy
让我非常愉悦. these past few days.
你会留下来陪我吗? Will you stay here with me?
这儿?在，在巴黎? Here? In-in Paris?
呼，原来你在这,Bonnie. Ugh, there you are, Bonnie.
我一直在到处找你. I've been looking all over for you.
Lois,现在是个我该告诉你 Lois, this is good timing.
一些事的好时候了. 什么? There's something I need to tell you. What is it?
François刚才想让我留在巴黎陪他. François has asked me to stay here in Paris with him.
哦，我的上帝。 你不会这么做的，是吧? Oh, my God, you're not gonna do it, are you?
额，我也不知道. Well, I don't know.
我正在考虑呢. I'm thinking about it.
我不敢相信我刚才听到的话. I-I can't believe what I'm hearing right now.
你不能这么做，Bonnie! You can't do this, Bonnie!
哦,是吗? Oh, is that right?
现在你告诉我，我能做什么不能做什么? Now you're telling me what I can and can't do?
我邀请你一起出来旅游 I invited you on this trip to hang out
但当我和陌生人OOXX时你就是这么报答我的? while I have sex with strangers, and this is how you repay me?
我一会和你在酒店再谈. I'll see you back at the hotel.
我为我的朋友道歉, François. I apologize for my friend, François.
那么，你会留在我身边吗? So, will you stay with me?
恩，这很吸引人. Well, it's tempting.
巴黎是个如此完美的城市. Paris is such a perfect city.
啊，这个并不完全正确. Ah, that is not entirely true.
我们这儿有很多默剧的暴力. We have a lot of mime-on-mime violence.
好的,同学们,今天的期末考试 All right, class, today's final exam will consist
将由两部分组成:口头的和肛门的. of two parts: oral and anal.
老爹，我们必须回去上学,真正的学校. Dad, we got to go back to school, real school.
你这是什么意思? What do you mean?
在学校爆发的 The goat flu outbreak
山羊流感已经结束了,而且说实话, at school is over, and honestly,
我觉得我们啥也没学到. I'm afraid we're not learning anything.
哦, Meg,你可以错的再离谱点. Oh, Meg, you couldn't be wronger.
你们什么都学到了 瞧着 You're learning everything. Watch.
- Chris 黑斯廷战役的日期！ - 我不会 - Chris, dates- Battle of Hastings! - I don't know.
- 普法战争的日期！ - 我不知道 - Franco-Prussian War! - I don't know.
- 谢尔曼向海上进军的日期！ - 我不会 - Sherman's March to the Sea! - I don't know.
- 古巴导弹危机的日期！ - 不知道 - Cuban Missile Crisis! - No idea.
- 泪之痕的建立时间！ - 听都没听过 - Trail of Tears! - Never heard of it.
Trail of Tears 一个挪威的乐队
- 查理曼大帝死死亡日期！ - 你说啥？ - Death of Charlemagne! - What is that?
- 奥格斯堡条约的签订时间！ - 不知道 - Treaty of Augsburg! - I got nothing.
- 科尔特斯到达南美洲的时间！ - 你问了也是白问 - Cortez reaches South America! - Pumping a dry well.
- 迪波特山丑闻的时间！ - 听上去不是真事 - Teapot Dome Scandal! - Sounds fake.
- 2001年9月11号发生了什么！ - 听起来也像假的 - September 11, 2001! - Also sounds fake.
- 青铜时代的时间！ - 不知道 - The Bronze Age! - Nope.
- 钦定英译本圣经的时间！ - 不要 - King James Bible! - No.
- 圣胡安山发生过什么！ - 不！ - San Juan Hill! - No!
- 伍恩迪德尼！ - 别说了！ - Wounded Knee! - Stop!
- 天主教会的大分裂！ - 爹! - Great Schism! - Dad!
我会送你们回去上学的. I'll take you back to school.
噢，你来了. Oh, there you are.
快点, Bonnie. Hurry up now, Bonnie.
我们会错过飞机的. We're gonna miss our plane.
Lois,这件事我经过再三考虑, Lois, I've thought a lot about this,
我不会和你回去了. and I'm not going with you.
什么?! 你这是什么意思? What?! What do you mean?
我会留在这儿陪François. I'm staying here with François.
我知道了.你知道,我就知道 I see. You know, I thought
你会这么说的, you might say something like this,
所以我叫了一人来 and that's why I called someone
他可能会使你改变主意的. who might be able to change your mind.
(吃惊的吸气) Joe,你在这儿干嘛?! (gasps) Joe, what are you doing here?!
Lois告诉我以后我就尽快赶来了, Bonnie. I came as soon as Lois told me, Bonnie.
请不要这么做. Please don't do it.
我对我最近冷落了你感到抱歉, I'm sorry that I've been neglecting you lately,
但我爱你，我需要你. but I love you, and I need you.
跟我回家吧. Please come home with me.
噢, Joe,我很抱歉. Oh, Joe, I'm sorry.
你让我怎么办. This is so hard.
想想我们一起经历过的,甜心. Think about what we have together, honey.
想想我们的小女儿. Think about our little girl.
你必须跟我一起回家. You need to come home with me.
Bonnie,留下来陪我. Bonnie, stay with me.
我答应你,你会在听了这样的口音3年后 I promise, it will take three years with this accent
才会发现我是个混蛋. before you figure out I'm just a normal jerk.
Bonnie,听我说，我是你丈夫. Bonnie, listen to me. I'm your husband.
他可能是你丈夫,但我会为你做任何事. He may be your husband, but I would do anything for you.
好，有一件事他做不到. Well, there's one thing he can't do.
(深呼吸) (inhales deeply)
Bonnie, 我没想到会发展成这样, Bonnie, I didn't think it would have to come to this,
但我现在只剩一个办法 but I can see there's only one way left
来证明我对你的爱. to prove my love to you.
(咕哝声) (grunting)
(鸣咽声) (whimpering)
(缓慢，颤抖的呼吸声) (slow, quivering breaths)
Joe!我简直不敢相信! Joe! I don't believe it!
你在走路! You're walking!
是的!我在走路！ I am! I am!
啊!我会为了爱做任何事, Aah! I would do anything for love,
但我不会那样做. but I won't do that.
噢, Joe,我爱你! Oh, Joe, I love you!
我爱死你了! I love you so much!
我也爱你, Bonnie! I love you, too, Bonnie!
让我们回家吧 Joe Let's go home, Joe.
你知道吗? You know what?
你可能会想留在法国巴黎. You can keep your Paris, France.
但我只想待在Quahog. I'll take Quahog any day.
我是说,虽然这里全是瘦瘦的家伙 I mean, all that place is, is skinny guys
在公车和地铁里摩擦你, rubbing up against you in buses and subways,
用他们的小JJ戳你的大腿. jabbing you in the thigh with their thing.
是啊,乡下是挺怪的. Yeah, countries is weird.
但至少你挽救了Joe和Bonnie的婚姻. But at least you helped save Joe and Bonnie's marriage.
我知道，那对小情侣回来后 I know. Those two lovebirds haven't left their bedroom
还没离开过卧室呢. since we got back.
(卡车倒车信号声) (truck reverse signal beeping)
暗指Joe不行 用机器助兴
(钻头声,齿轮声) (drill whirring, gear grinding)
啊，真是浪漫啊. Ah, romance.
说到这,我们都一周都没亲热了 Speaking of which, we ain't boofed in a whole week.
boof=肛X
恩，那孩子们怎么办? Yeah, but what about the kids?
啊，他们已经回学校了. Ah, they're back at school.
最后我也明白了 我不是想象中的那么能当教授. Turns out I wasn't quite the professor I thought I was.
这才是我上课的内容! This is what my class is all about!
跟着我学,孩子们! Learn with me, children!
让我们互相学习! Let's teach each other!
Chris,你懂的. Chris, you know this.
谢尔曼的向海洋的进军! Sherman's March to the Sea!
耶，终于有人明白了! Yes! Finally someone gets it!
啊, 法克, 孩子们! Ah, (bleep), children!
我他X的手肘! My (bleep) elbow!
哦，我XXX! Oh, all the saints in Christendom!
我的胳膊肘碎了! My elbow's shattered!
哦, 他X的碎了! Oh, it's shattered to (BLEEP)!
快去叫护士! Somebody get the nurse!
叫那个他X黑又大的护士来! Get that big, (bleep) black nurse!
哦,我X! Oh, I am so (bleep)!
== Sync, corrected by elderman == 翻译：wudixny 制作：familyguy吧 压制：wudixny 感谢米奇洛克的指正