- ♪
♪ One fine day with a woof and a purr ♪
♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪
♪ No blue bug and no three-eyed frog ♪
♪ Just a feline canine little CatDog ♪
♪ CatDog
♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪
♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪
♪ All kind of critters putting CatDog down ♪
♪ Gotta rise above it, gotta try to get along ♪
♪ Gotta walk together, gotta sing this song ♪
♪ CatDog
♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪
♪ CatDog
♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪
♪♪
- ♪
- [horns honking]
- [splash]
- [moaning]
- ♪
- [splash]
- [grunting]
- [splash]
- [sighs]
You know, Dog, it wasn't always like this.
In the old days, cats were revered, respected,
treated like royalty.
- [laughing]
That's so funny, Cat.
You're a comedian.
- All right, fine, I'll prove it.
- ♪
- A little history lesson, Dog.
[blows]
- Aaaa...
Aaa-choo!
- ♪
- DOG: [sighs]
"Cats through history."
- [distant screaming]
- Mm, mm.
This date is tart.
Phee-ee, I hate tart.
It offends my royal palate.
- Sorry, Royal Cat, it won't happen again.
- [sighs] See that it doesn't.
- ♪
- Now, prepare my pedicure.
My, uh, cuticles have grown unkempt.
- Yes, Royal Cat.
I'll do your nails, too.
- [screaming in distance]
- ♪
- How's a Pharaoh supposed to rest in peace
when his own tomb is in pieces?
Spread out.
- Ooh, master.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Oh no, come on now, Pharaoh, you're fit as a fiddle.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
You'll be with us for a good, long time.
- Ah.
Royal Cat.
- [moaning]
- You do love me, don't you? Yes, you do.
- [screaming in distance]
- [whispers] Not particularly,
but this royal gig's too sweet to give up.
- [sighs] I feel weary.
I must nap.
- ♪
- Make sure the slaves get moving on my pyramid.
- So it is written, so it shall be done.
- Very good.
Let's roll.
- ♪
- [claps]
- Okay, slavish ones,
the Royal Cat is up for some sand skiing.
- ♪
- Faster, you lazy Sumerians.
- ♪
- [grunting]
- I thought this is what they invented camels for.
- ♪
- Royal Cat, how come I always have to be on the bottom?
I mean, couldn't we take turns?
- Take turn-- [laughing]
That's priceless.
Oh, thank you, Slave Dog.
Oh, I needed a good laugh.
- I'm serious.
- Look, Slave Dog, we've been over this a thousand times.
It's the royal order of things.
I'm in my place, and you are in yours.
[laughing]
- ♪
- [crying] Oh, I'm sorry.
But this is...the greatest story...ever told.
- Well, I don't think it's so great.
And I think you're making the whole thing up.
- Oh, really?
Well, read it and weep.
- Royal Cat--
- Royal Cat, that's me.
- Yeah, that's you.
--finished his sand skiing,
and he and the slaves headed back to the palace.
- ♪
- We must do this again tomorrow.
Everyone, check your schedules and chisel it in...say noonish.
- [screaming in distance]
- [grunting]
- ♪
- [sighs] It doesn't get much better than this.
- [clears throat]
Maybe it does, if you catch my drift.
- What are you talking about, sand rodent?
- ♪
- Don't you get it?
Once the Pharaoh kicks,
somebody's gonna have to run the show.
- Well, sure, but, I--
- ♪
- Of course.
I've got the noble blood lines, the regal demeanor.
Oh, Pharaoh Cat.
Ooh, I like the sound of that.
- PHAROAH: [moaning]
- Shouldn't be too long either.
The old coot's already got one foot in the pyramid.
- PHAROAH: Royal Cat...
why is it taking them so long to finish?
- Well, you know, it's hard to get
good slave labor these days.
- Ooh.
It's just that the sooner my tomb gets built,
the sooner I can sleep the big sleep.
- ♪
- Hey, servants, the great Rancid Otek
needs a pyramid built!
What's the hold up here?
Come on.
- But you had us sand skiing.
Ow!
- And you, Slave Dog, move those rocks,
or you too will face my wrath.
- No!
Your reign of terror is over.
Down with the Royal Cat!
- ALL: Down with the Royal Cat.
[growling]
- No, Royal Cat loses.
Slave Dog wins.
The end. - What?
Give me that.
- ♪
- [laughing] Nice try, Dog.
- Eeeee, eeee.
- Now, here's what it really says.
- [indistinct yelling]
- [unintelligible]
- And you, Slave Dog...move those rocks,
or you too will face my wrath.
- Yes, Royal Cat, at once, if not sooner.
- Excellent graveling.
Now that's the spirit.
Remember, it's the royal order of things.
I am in my place.
- And I am in mine.
- Exactly.
- ♪
- [grunting]
- [grunts]
- ♪
- I did it.
Me.
By myself with these bare hands.
I built the pyramid all alone.
I am a leader.
I am a ruler.
I am king.
I am...
Pharaoh. [echoes]
So what do you think of your tomb, Rancid Otek?
- Oh, it's to die for.
- ♪
- Oh, why, why, why, why, why? [crying]
Okay, well that will be enough of that.
It's mummy time.
- ♪
- Hep, hep, hep, heep.
- ♪
- Ah, good idea.
Gotta look all spiffy
for my coronation as the new Pharaoh.
- ♪
- [feedback buzzes] - Testing, one, two, three.
Testing.
Now, let's give a great big fertile crescent welcome
to your new Pharaoh....me.
- Me, Rancid Otek the second.
- Look, Rancy, there's got to be some mistake.
- No, there's no mistake.
You're going into the tomb with my uncle,
along with all his other possessions.
- What?
- Would you do the honors?
- Oh, with pleasure.
- With great pleasure.
- Uh, with them.
- No, you can't do--cease and desist.
Whoo-hoo!
What kind of lousy, stupid--
this is the worst story ever told.
- But, Cat, that's not the end.
It gets worse.
- CAT: Isn't this just great.
Me and you, Slave Dog, locked in this tomb forever.
Slave Dog?
Oh, no.
No.
No!
Let me out of here.
Let me out!
Slave Dog!
I command you, let me out now!
- Sorry, Royal Cat.
It's like you said.
You have your place, and I have mine.
[laughing]
- CAT: [crying]
- ♪
- [laughing]
Hey, Cat, what'd you doing?
- [humming]
Writing in my diary.
- Oooh.
What's a di-a-ry?
- It is my private journal where, in private,
I privately write down my private thoughts.
- Oh, private.
I wanna see!
- No, Dog, private means it's for my eyes only.
- Do you write stuff about me in your diary?
- [sighs]
Maybe. Maybe not.
- Oh, oh, let me read.
Let me read.
- CAT: Ow! Ow!
[grunting]
- ♪
- Oooh-oooh!
- CAT: No, no, no, don't--
[indistinct yelling]
- Don't stop.
Don't you get it, Dog?
You never, ever, ever, ever, never read someone else's diary.
That's the rule.
- Oh, okay, okay.
I want my own diary.
- ♪
- So much exciting things, I don't where to start.
- So, um, how's your diary coming?
- Fine, just fine.
[humming]
How do you spell cat?
- CAT: Capital C.
Capital--hey, are you writing about me?
- Maybe. Maybe not.
Good night, Cat.
[snoring]
[snoring continues]
- ♪
- [whispering] Let me see now.
"Dear Diary, my name is Dog."
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But where's the good stuff?
Where's the dirt?
- [yawns]
C-c-c-c-cat, is that you?
- [nervous laughing]
- Hi.
What are you doing with my diary?
- Oh...you forgot to lock it, so I--
I woke up to...lock it for you.
- Oh.
Thanks, Cat.
- Well, it's--you're welcome.
- You always help me out.
[laughing]
Night.
- [nervous laughing]
Yeah, well. Good night.
- [Dog snoring]
- [whispers] Let me see.
Du, du, du, here's my name.
"Cat is the most trustworthy person I know."
But that's it?
What a lame diary.
- Hey, cat.
Could you say that again?
I wanna shoot it from a different angle.
[laughs]
- Give me that, you little twerp.
- I think I'll hold onto it.
But I'll tell you what.
You be my personal servant for a week,
and then I'll give you the tapesy-wapesy.
[laughs]
- But that's blackmail.
- Yeah, I know.
[laughs] Check this out.
It's pretty juicy stuff.
- "Cat is the most trustworthy person I know."
- Maybe I outta wake Dog and give him a little screening.
- [snoring]
- No, no, please, Winslow.
You can't show that to Dog, he'd never forgive me.
- Then I'll see you first thing in the morning, Servant Boy.
[laughing]
- [door closes]
- [yawns]
Oh.
"Dear Diary, I am now waking up."
- [bell ringing]
- What do you want?
- I'll have two eggs with a side of bacon and--
- Get it yourself.
- Yoo-hoo!
- Oh.
Would you like those scrambled or sunny side-up?
- [chewing loudly]
- ♪
- [bell rings]
- Ahhh!
- [bell rings]
- "Dear Diary, I am now following Cat,
who has a spiffy new outfit on."
- [bell ringing]
- CAT: [groans]
Well, what can I do for you, Winslow?
- Huh?
- Master Winslow.
- Oh, I got a little laundry for you to do.
- [flies buzzing]
- And I like my dainties hand-washed.
[laughing]
- ♪
- [laughs]
- You.
- ♪
- [squeaking]
- [growls]
- WINSLOW: Hmm-mm.
- CAT: [humming]
- ♪
- [bell ringing]
- [splash]
- [whistles]
- Oh!
- [indistinct chatter]
- [gasps]
- [bell ringing]
- WINSLOW: Oh, Cat!
- [numerous bells ringing]
- Ahh!
- DOG: [snoring]
- [laughs]
Hmmmm.
- ♪
- [metal clanging]
- [laughing]
- [snaps]
- Yea-hoo-hoo!
Ow!
Oh.
- [metal clanging]
- [laughing]
Bingo.
Ah!
- [smash]
- [laughing]
- WINSLOW: Oh, Cat!
Hey, move my barbells up to the attic, and then--ah!
- Not today, rodent.
- Rodent?
What happened to your highness?
- This.
And now it's time for some payback.
[laughing]
Oh, yeah.
Ooooh.
[laughing]
- BOTH: [laughing]
- You shouldn't be laughing.
What's so funny?
- That wasn't my only copy, you knucklehead. [laughs]
And there's plenty more where these came from. [laughs]
You've been a very bad cat, Cat.
- Ah!
- As punishment, I'm gonna extend your servitude to--
let's see, today's Tuesday.
Wednesday...
Five years.
[laughing]
- Gee, Cat, I love writing in my diary.
I never thought I had so many...thoughts.
- [doorbell rings]
- Door!
- Hey, how's it going?
What are you, nuts?
- Hey, CatDog!
- Hola, CatDog.
- [indistinct chatter]
- Let me guess.
You're family.
- Yeah, I invited some of the kinfolk over.
And they want their toes flossed, too.
- [door slams]
- Well, what are you waiting for, pussy cat?
Chop, chop.
- No, I can't take the abuse anymore.
It's--it's just not worth it.
I quit!
- Oh, really?
- [groaning]
- Cat, that is not very nice.
I thought you and Winslow were friends.
- Friends?
What are you, insane?
I hate his guts!
- [whimpering]
- Hey, hey, come on, I'm being chased here.
I'm dinner.
- Listen, Dog...I have a confession to make.
I--I--I kind of--I...
read your diary.
- [gasps] You broke the diary rule?
- I know, I know, I know.
And it was a bad thing to do.
But Winslow did a worse thing.
He--he blackmailed me.
And--and--
- Cat, how could you?
- Well, I--
- I trusted you.
- [stammering]
- You betrayed me.
- Oh, Dog, I'm--I'm just sorry.
Please, I--it was wrong of me to read your diary.
Oh, I'll do anything to make it up to you.
[crying] I'll do anything you say.
I'm so sorry.
[crying] Anything.
- [panting]
This is great, Cat.
With you as my personal secretary,
I can do all the stuff I love to do
and still keep a diary.
Okay, Cat, now I'm running to the garbage cans.
You get that?
You get that, Cat?
Now I'm going up the road.
This is so good.
Look, Cat, cow pies!
You getting that, Cat?
- Yeah, I'm getting it all right.
- ♪
♪ One fine day with a woof and a purr ♪
♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪
♪ No blue bug and no three-eyed frog ♪
♪ Just a feline canine little CatDog ♪
♪ CatDog
♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪
♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪
♪ All kind of critters putting CatDog down ♪
♪ Gotta rise above it, gotta try to get along ♪
♪ Gotta walk together, gotta sing this song ♪
♪ CatDog
♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪
♪ CatDog, CatDog
♪ Alone in the world was a little CatDog ♪
♪♪