翻译: 史努比一体机
我才不会花70丁丁买一个坏掉的反定帆器 Look, I'm not paying 70 smidgens for a broken defraculator.
校对: Kimmu
这是多相量子共振器 That is multiphase quantum resonator.
- 那它能反定帆吗 - [哔]不能 - Well, does it defraculate? - [Bleep]No.
后期: 小萌
那不就是个坏掉的反定帆器吗 Then-then-then it's a broken defraculator.
你懂个鸡巴的定帆啊 Like you would even know dick about fraculation.
你们的星球只有手机 信号还这么烂 Your planet just got cellphones, and the coverage still sucks!
压制: 凯撒
你们的人还吃硫呢 Yeah, yeah, and your species eat sulfur.
就60丁丁了 So let's say 60 smidgens.
算我帮你个忙 I tell you what, I'll do you a favor
我附赠你个屁(硫化氢) I'll throw in a fart.
Rick 你能不能给我 Hey, uh, Rick, um, you think maybe I could
买件这里的东西啊 get something from this place
就一件纪念品嘛 单纯为了收藏 比如什么酷酷的东西 like, like a souvenir, like just to have like something cool, you know?
这儿就算了 Morty 我们去别的地方 Not here Morty, we'll stop somewhere else
反正哪里都有当铺 because, you know, there's always another pawn shop.
我就是觉得 那边那个机器人 Oh okay, I just, um, you know, that robot over there
看着好酷啊 looked pretty cool, you know?
看着酷是吗 Oh, it looks cool, huh?
因为酷你才想买 That's why you want it?
是啊 跟地球上的东西很不相同嘛 Yeah! You know, I mean it's different from the stuff on Earth,
你带着我跑遍了银河系里面这么多疯狂的地方 and, you know, you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy,
我都没有什么东西 and, you know, I don't really have anything to,
能纪念这些冒险啊 to remember all the trips by.
这不是挺酷的吗 一个纪念品 It'd be kind of cool, like a souvenir.
万一你去世了什么的怎么办 You know, like, what if you passed away or died or something?
都没有什么东西 I wouldn't even have anything to
能让我缅怀那些酷炫的经历呢 remember all the cool stuff we did, you know?
好吧 共振器我出60 Okay. 60 for the resonator,
外加我外孙想要的那个性爱机器人 and my grandson wants the sex robot.
瑞克与莫蒂
电波诚译
第一季 第七集
我们是要假装什么也不知道吗 So, we're just going to pretend this isn't happening?
我不是说这样不好 只是问问而已 I'm not saying that a bad idea, just asking.
Rick 你怎么能让Morty把那东西带回家呢 Rick, why would you let Morty bring that thing into our house.
你指望我能干嘛 What do you want form me?
他觉觉觉觉得那东西看着很酷 He thi-, he thou-, he thou-, he th-, he thought it looked cool.
你懂我意思吗 You know what I mean.
呼 啊 好了 接着 回楼上 Whew. Ahh. All right. Back to-, b-back upstair.
不行 我要干预这事 Well, I'm invervening.
干预青春期行为吗 Intervening with puberty?
你会把他变成《红龙》里的拉尔夫费因斯的 You'll turn him into Ralph Fiennes in "Red Dragon."
《红龙》是汉尼拔系列小说中的第一部 后改编为电影 拉尔夫费因斯在其中饰演童年不幸的变态连环杀手"牙仙"
他到了这个年纪了 He's just at that age.
我们为他骄傲就好了 Let's just be proud of him.
天啊 我把标准降到这么低了吗 Jesus. Did I really set the bar that low?
呃 Rick 你能来一下吗 快点 Um, Rick, could you come with me, please, quickly?
如果再听到嘎吱声 我们就干预 Ok, now if we hear squeaking, we intervene.
性爱机器人呢 Morty Where's the sex robot, Morty?
那就是Gwendolyn 我是说 机器人 That is Gwendolyn. I-I mean, the robot!
她发出了哔哔声 然后变形试图飞走 She started beeping and then transformed and tried to fly away!
真奇怪 这一般是男人才会干的事啊 Strange. That's usually the man's job.
知道我什么意思吧 Morty You know what I'm talking about, Morty?
Wubba lubba dub dub Wubba lubba dub dub！
Morty 这是我的口头禅 还记得吗 Morty, that's my catchphrase, remember?
还记得我怎么拼出这个口头禅的吗 Remember how-how I cemented that catchphrase?
好吧好吧 不开玩笑了 All right. All ritht, seriously, though.
让我来抓住它 Let me grab this thing.
够了 你这个小淘气 Come on, you... rascal.
这就过分了 噢 Okay, unacceptable! Oh
出什么事了 What is going on?
好吧 啊噢 All right. Uh-oh.
啥叫"啊噢" 那是个啥 "Uh-Oh"? What is that?!
看来Morty的机器人不只是用来打发时间的 Hmm. I think Morty's robot was designed for more than long weekends.
基因编译装置 孵化室 Genetic compiler, incubation chamber.
没错 这是个造娃机 Yep. This, here's some kind of baby maker,
这是个一半Morty一半不知道啥的东西 and that there's half Morty, half who-who knows wh-what?
是我造成的 It's my bad, guys.
我会处理掉的 I'll, I'll take care of it.
- Rick外公 - 不行 - 哇哦 - Grandpa Rick! - No, no! - Whoa whoa whoa!
你这是要干嘛 What do you think you're doing?!
Summer从墨西哥带橄榄回来的时候 Hey, listen. You guys quarantined the house
你们把房子都隔离起来了 when summer brought olives back from Mexico.
这东西说不定能长到特拉华州那么大 I mean, this thing could grow to the size of Delaware.
这东西指不定还会吃脑子呼出宇宙艾滋呢 I mean, it might eat brains and exhale space AIDS.
我们必须得小心 We got to be careful.
该小心的时候我没小心 现在已经没机会了 Rick I lost the chance to be careful, Rick.
我当爸爸了 I'm a father now!
我该负起责任了 You know, it's time for me to be responsible.
对不对呀 Isn't that right...
别取名字 Don't name it.
小Morty ...Morty Jr.?
靠 取了个名字 Oh， Crap. He named it.
爸 这是个小生命 而且有一半是人类 Well, dad, it's a living thing, and it's half human.
而且它是出生在美国领土上的 所以 And it was born on american soil, which entitles it to...
Jerry 主修公民学是你自己的错 Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake.
别用它来惩罚我们好吗 Don't punish us for it.
好吧 我把这东西带回我的工作间去 Fine. I'm gonna take this thing to my workshop
做点调查 and do a little bit of investigating.
别让这东西离开你们的视线 Do not let that thing out of your sight.
现在看着人畜无害 但以后可能会变得很危险 It looks harmless now, but it could grow into something dangerous.
就像疯狂小丑波塞一样 Like the Insane Clown Posse.
Insane Clown Posse 美国嘻哈组合
呵呵 这笑话真不错 Jerry Yeah. Good one, Jerry.
此处指的可能是2003年Blink 182的单曲Easy Target
2003年打电话来把Easy Target要回去 2003 just called and wants its Easy Target back.
他就像是个小版的我 Ohh. He's like a little me!
你们不会真认为他会变成一个怪物的 对吧 Y-you don't think he'll turn into a monster... do you?
孩子都会变成怪物的 They always do.
嘿 1995年打电话来了 Hey, uh, 1995 called!
他们想把"某年打电话来把某东西要回去的句式要回去" They want their "cartain year called wanting its 'blank' back" formula back!
何必呢 Jerry 何必要费力做这种事 Why, Jerry? why expend the effort?
活着就要费力 生命不息 奋斗不止 Life is effort. I'll stop when I die!
出去 Out.
你干嘛呢 Whatcha doin'?
我没法用我的办法解决这事 Well, I can't solve the problem my way,
多亏了你家里人原始的生物学考虑 thanks to your family's primitive biological hang-ups.
恶 我好像碰到了一点Morty的精液 Gross. I might have just touched one of Morty's loads.
但说不能我可以给小Morty找到合适的父母 But maybe I can find suitable parents for Morty Jr.
在这个机器人的故乡 也就是 on this robot's home world, which is...
仙女座星系的格索尔帕索普星 Gazorpazorp in the Andromeda system.
闪开 Summer Scoot, Summer.
你不需要新的小伙伴吗 Don't you need a new companion
既然现在Morty需要顾家了 now that Morty's in the family way?
我不和小女生出去冒险 Summer I don't do adventures with chicks, Summer.
哦是吗 两腿中间有根东西 Oh, right. Because there's something about having a wiener
穿个传送门都要强些吗 that would make me better at walking through a hole?
啊啊啊啊 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
该死 Oh, crap.
Rick外公 Grandpa Rick! Ugh!
救命 救命 啊 Help! Help! Aah! Aah!
啊 Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Rick外公 Grandpa Rick!
还觉得两腿中间没根东西就穿过传送门是个好主意吗 Still think it's a good idea to go through holes without a wiener?
我想回家 I want to go home.
哦 你现在当然想了 Yeah, no duh.
好极了 我现在得拿下整个星球 Great. Now I have to take over a whole planet
就因为你胸前那玩意儿 because of your stupid boobs.
干得很好啊 Morty You're doing great, Morty
是吗 我也没在干什么呀 Really? You think? I mean, I'm not doing much of anything.
他要是哭我怎么办啊 What do I do if it cries?
那就把他放在边上让他哭个够啊 Then you put it down and let if cry itself out.
这招我们在Summer身上试过 Yeah, right. We tried that technique on Summer,
然后她就开始脱衣了 and she's gonna end up stripping.
她是不是这样的啊 没错 Isn't she? Yes, she is.
为了吸引我们的注意 她会脱衣服 She's gonna strip for attention.
因为我们不许她这样做 Because she was denied it.
别用你自己缺乏安全感的方式教宝宝 Stop filling it with your own insecurity.
你会把他养成另一个Morty 呃 You're gonna turn it into Morty- uh, um
跟 跟 跟你自己一样 more- more- more of you.
又不是谁都是被心理不正常的科学家像冷血的爬行动物一样养大的 Well, we can't all be raised like reptiles by a mentally ill scientist.
搞什么 啊 啊 What the aah! Aah!
听着 你现在的表现是得不到奖励的 Listen to me. I'm not rewarding this behavior.
你们够了 把他给我 Knock if off, both of you! G-give me him!
把我的宝宝给我 Give me my baby!
你们都是疯子 You're both nuts.
我要自己教小Morty I'm gonna raise Morty Jr. myself!
*小手在哪里* *Where's your hands*
*小手在这里* *There's your hands*
*我们来玩挥挥手* *And that's how we play handy hands*
你会毁了这个孩子的 Morty Oh, you are going to ruin that kid, Morty.
至少我们在这点上达成了共识 At least we can agree on that.
谢谢 蠢蠢 Thanks, Dum-Dum.
我说"谢谢 蠢蠢" I said, "Thanks, Dum-Dum."
再多弄点来 Go get more.
Summer 把你的罩袍穿上 Summer, put your burka on!
这罩袍简直就是侵犯人权 That burka is a human-rights violation,
而且这件上衣花了我不少钱的 and I spend a lot on this top.
我在用一堆性爱娃娃的零件修传送枪 Look, I'm trying to repair a p-portal gun with a bunch of sex-doll parts,
而且我还只能用一只手 and I have to do it one-handed
不然这些Belushi就会把你抓走 to keep these Belushis from carting you off.
此处指美国演员Jim Belushi 丹哈蒙非常厌恶他 在Community中也黑过此人
你至少做点贡献 对你的性别感到点惭愧吧 The least you could do is be ashamed of your gender.
这地方到底怎么回事 Ugh. What's the deal with this place?
这星球上怎么都是带把儿的 Why is it such a sausage planet,
这些落后的白痴又怎么会造出机器人来的 and how did such backward idiots invent robots?
很显然 在某个时期 这些格索尔帕人 发展到了一定程度 Obviously, at some point, the Gazorpians became so evolved
他们用生育机器取代了女性 that they replaced females with birthing machines.
这样一来 不会被女性分散注意力 也没有唠叨 The resultant lack of distraction and hen-pecking
让他们专注于战争 allowed them to focus entirely on war,
然后把自己的文明炸回了石器时代 so they bombed themselves back to the stone age,
所以现在他们为了争夺假的[哔] and now they just fight with each other over fake [Bleep]
整天拿着石头棍子打来打去 with sticks and rocks all day long.
你觉得没有了女性会更有效率 You think it's efficient to get rid of woman?
你见过男厕所门口排队吗 You ever see a line for the men's room?
你听 你有 你明白我的意思吗 Summer Are you hear- do you li- do you hear me, Summer?
投放 Droppin' loads.
- 投放 - 投放 - Droppin' loads - Droppin' loads
剧情变复杂了啊 The plot thickens.
你还是把眼睛遮住吧 Summer Uh you might want to cover your eyes, Summer.
好像我多想看似的 Yeah, like it was my dream to watch.
好极了 宝贝儿 Yeah, baby!
Summer 抓紧了 Summer, grab- grab hold.
好极了 宝贝儿 Yeah, baby!
啊啊 Aaaah!
Rick外公 我们这是去哪啊 Grandpa Rick, where are we going?
显然啊 Summer 看来这个社会的下层阶级 Well, obviously, Summer, it appears the lower tier of this society
是被隐藏的统治阶级通过性和高科技控制的 is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology by a hidden ruling class.
听着耳熟吗 Sound familiar?
其实Rick此处提及的是电影《Zardoz》 投放机器人的巨大石人头造型也是出自此电影
票务大师(美国票券经销商) Ticketmaster
说曹操曹操到 Summer Oh, there, there we go, Summer.
嘿 哥们儿 兄弟 Hey, hey, brother. Hey, bro.
你们这套好厉害啊 Nice racket you got going on here.
我是来自地球的Rick Sanchez 1-137次元 Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez from Earth, dimension c-137.
只有和平的意图 没有任何恶意 Don't mean you any harm. Coming in peace.
挺好的 "邻里和睦" It's all cool in the, uh- "Good in the neighborhood"
我是想说这个 就这意思 is what I was trying to come- is what I meant.
噢 我懂了 剧情转向了老套的"男人背后都有的"亚马逊人 Oh, I get it. The old behind-every-great-man Amazon twist.
希腊神话中的亚马逊人 是骁勇善战的纯女性部族
安静 Silence!
你的奴隶真是缺少管教 Your slave is ill-mannered.
我的奴隶 My slave?
我们猜你是来自一个落后些的世界 We assume you're from a more primitive world,
男人还被允许作为仆人 where men are still permitted to be servants.
如果他只是个男无赖 说一声 If he is a rogue male, tell us now,
我们现在就杀了他 and we will kill him.
他是我的奴隶 是奴隶 绝对是 He's my slave. He's my slave. He's definitely my slave.
啊 哦哦噢 Ugh! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh!
天啊 这简直是"Wubba lubba dub dub"的反面 Oh, boy. What's the opposite of "Wubba lubba dub dubs"?
对不对 女士们先生们 Am I right, ladies and gentlemen?
这是在逗我吧 Are you guys kidding me?
小Morty Oh, Morty Jr.!
你是我特别的小家伙 对吧 You're gonna be a special little guy, aren't you?
没错 你就是我独一无二的小家伙 You, oh yeah. You're my special little guy.
噢噢 哈哈 Ohh. Ohh, ha ha!
哒 Da.
什么 小Morty What was that, Morty Jr.?
你是想说爸爸吗 Were you gonna say, "Dada"?
说爸爸 Say, "Dada."
死亡 Death!
爸爸 "Dada."
诅咒 Damnation!
爸爸 Um..."Dada"?
破坏 统治 Destruction. Domination.
好样的 Nice.
C区的蜘蛛还活着 The spider in sector C is still alive.
请据此规划您的行程并做好延误的准备 Plan your route accordingly and expect delays.
我们并不是在告诉您该怎么做 We're not telling you what to do.
我们只是在分享我们的想法 We're just sharing how we feel.
现在播报天气 是只有我 还是其他人也觉得冷 And now weather. Is anyone else cold, or is it just me?
我叫Mar-Sha 格索尔帕索普的统治者 I am Mar-Sha, ruler of Gazorpazorp.
有什么心事都可以跟我说 I am here if you need to talk.
这是什么地方 What is this place?
乐土 我们在消极敌对期的时候建造了这个地方 Paradise. We bulit it during the great passive-aggression,
因为他们愈演愈烈的破坏行为 when the females separated from the males
女性脱离了男性 due to their increasingly destructive behavior.
有什么心事都可以跟我说 I'm here if you need to talk.
我们从这里将这些代孕机器人投出去 From here, we dispense mechanical surrogates
以维持我们的人口 to maintain our population.
受孕的代孕机会被带回我们的育婴所 Fertilized surrogates are returned here to our nursery.
女性会接受教育 The females are placed into educational programs
让她们能够回馈这片乐土 where they can discover a service to our paradise
同时最大程度地自我实现 that fulfills them most.
至于男性 Males...
他们去外面就好 ...they get to play outside.
那还是个婴儿 That was just a baby.
一天之内 他就会长成一个成年的格索尔帕人 And within a day, he'll be an adult male Gazorpian,
宇宙中最为凶残暴力的生物之一 one of the most aggressively violent creatures in the universe.
等等 我们来这儿是因为有一个男性格索尔帕人出生在了地球上 Wait a minute. We're here becuase a male Gazorpian was born on our planet.
没人和你说话不许随便开口 傻瓜 You speak when you're spoken to, ding-a-ling!
不过这是真的 有一个你们的孩子出生在了地球上 It's true, though. One of your babies was born on Earth.
你是地球的统治者吗 Are you the ruler of this Earth.
你怎么知道 How did you know?
因为你的上衣 The quality of your top.
喜欢吗 Do you love it?
爱死了 I love it.
- 有什么心事都可以跟我说 - 有什么心事都可以跟我说 - I'm here if you need to talk. - I'm here if you need to talk.
如果这个格索尔帕人是男性 If the Gazorpian is male,
你们的地球情况很不乐观 your Earth is in grave danger.
我们会送你们回去 好把他干掉 We will give you passage back home so it can be terminated.
不过先来点莫吉托鸡尾酒 But first, Mojitos.
我们没时间喝莫吉托了 We don't have time for Mojitos.
你这是对她们不敬 You're insulting them.
我不在乎 Summer I don't care, Summer.
这地方太烂了 This place is the worst!
我想回家 I want to go home!
你想干嘛一点都不重要 Well, it really doesn't matter what you want,
因为这个地方是由女人统治的 because this is a sane place where women rule.
你知道我对这件事有什么想说的吗 Yeah. You know what I have to say about that?
我简直不敢相信我的耳朵 I cannot believe my ears.
哇 Whoo, boy!
谁把青蛙放出来了哈 Who let the frogs out, huh?
《Who let the frog out》是Crazy Frog的一首单曲
外公 Grandpa!
- 外公 - 这听着是个父权社会的词啊 - Grandpa? - That sounds patriarchal!
意思是"父辈的父亲" It means "father of fathers".
这么说他不是你的奴隶 Then this one is not you slave,
你们的地球不过是另一个被男人统治的星球罢了 and your Earth is yet another planet dominated by men.
地球没有被男人"统治" 好吗 It's not dominated by us, okay?
地球上的男女是平等的 On Earth, men and women are equals.
平等的 同样的工作我们的工资只有你们的百分之70 Equals? We make 70% of your salary for the same job!
抓住他们 Seize them!
这种情况下说这个真的好吗 Summer Was this really the time to make that point, Summer?
给你 爸爸 This is for you, daddy.
天啊 Oh, man!
听我说 小Morty Um, okay. Listen to me, Morty Jr.
我得跟你说一些很重要的事 好吗 I've got to tell you something very important, okay?
杀戮是不好的 Killing is bad, bad!
你在犯傻吧 爸爸 You're silly, daddy.
不 小Morty 我很认真 No, Morty Jr. I'm being serious, okay?
你得把精力花在别的东西上 You need to put your energy into something else.
跳舞怎么样 I mean, what about dancing?
你想学跳舞吗 Would you like to learn how to dance?
我想跳舞啊 在敌人的坟墓上跳 I'd like to dance, on the grave of my enemies.
不 小Morty Ohh! No, Morty Jr.!
爸爸 我能去外面吗 Daddy, can I go outside?
不行 绝对不行 No! Absolutely not!
可是人和动物都在外面啊 But that's where all the people and the animals are.
没错 但是你不能出去 因为 Yeah, but you can't go out there because the-
外面的空气对你是有毒的 the air is poisonous for you!
你会死掉的 只要出了这间屋子你就会死 You will die-You'll die instantly if you ever leave this house!
明白吗 You hear me?
- 真的吗 - 比珍珠还真 - For real? - For real times a million, buddy.
我们就好好待在屋子里好吗 我们跳舞吧 来试一下 好吗 So let's just stay inside, and, you know, let's just try dancing, right?
看我呀 看 Look at me. Yay! Look.
来跳舞啊 来嘛 跟我一起跳 We're gonna dance. Come on. Join- dance with me here.
我们喜欢跳舞 We love to dance.
为什么我们喜欢跳舞 Why do we love to dance?
我说喜欢就喜欢 Because I said so!
- 好样的 - 干得好 - Nice. - Nice.
如果
你总想要
诬陷
台阶上的三行字为拉丁文 意为"如果你总想要诬陷"
你们犯了什么事 So, what are you in for?
因为我两腿之间有根鸡鸡 Because I got- I got a big, you know, penis between my legs.
你做了什么 What- what- what are you in for?
女人所能犯下的最深的罪 The worst crime a female can commit.
Veronica Ann Bennett 因难看的刘海 我宣判你有罪 Veronica Ann Bennett, I find you guilty of having bad bangs.
你发现没 刘海难看的人名字总是有三个字 You ever notice the ones with bad bangs always have three names?
你在此被判处沉默刑 You are hereby sentenced to the silent treatment!
这一点也不吓人好吗 This is gonna be cake.
Jackie Jackie!
来自地球的Rick和Summer Rick and Summer of Earth,
因为你们对女人性的背叛 for the crimes of treason against womankind
以及发出我们不使用的声音 and for creating the sound of which we do not speak
因为这种声音根本不存在 because it does not exist.
我在此判处你们 You're hereby sentenced to-
啥啥啥 在沙发上过夜吗 What, what, what- a night on the couch?
死刑 ...Death.
我现在恨死你了 I hate you so much right now.
这是我们这么多年来的第一例死刑 This will be the first instance of capital punishment
因为我们的卓越 已经500年没有过死刑了 in our society in 500 years due to our awesomeness,
所以我们只能即兴发挥了 so we are forced to improvise.
我们在那边的岩架上放了一块巨石 We placed a large boulder on that ledge.
天啦 你们打算用巨石压死我们 Holy shit! Y-y-you're gonna crash us with a boulder?
不是 别打岔 No! Stop interrupting!
巨石会落到杠杆装置上 The boulder falls onto a lever
然后弹出刀刃 that will lauch knives.
啥 给我把枪让我把自己崩了吧 What? Just give me a gun. I'll kill myself.
别打岔了 然后刀刃会 Stop interrupting! The knives will-
好吧 你一开始说对了 Fine! You were right the first time, okay?
巨石会压死你们 The boulder crushes you.
我只是不想承认 高兴了吗 I just didn't want to admit you were right. Happy?
别这样 别理他们 别理他们就好 No, just ignore them. Ignore them.
真是个混球 Such an asshole.
对不起 Summer Look, I'm sorry, Summer.
我没有尽到责任 害你让我们卷入了这种事 I feel bad that I let you drag us into this.
我这个外公当得不够好 I wish I could have been a better grandpa to you，
还有 发自内心的说 and, you know, for what it's worth,
上衣很可爱 你穿着很好看 that is a really nice, cute top that you're wearing there.
上衣 我的上衣 就是你之前称赞过的那件上衣 Top. My top. The same top you complimented earlier!
看标签 看上面的字 Look- Look at the tag. Read it.
上面写着"Marc Jacobs" It says, "Marc Jacobs".
Marc Jacobs 美国知名服装设计师 已出柜
Marc Jacob Marc? Jacob?
这不是男人的名字吗 These are names of the penis.
没错 一个地球男人设计了这件上衣 Yes. An Earth man made this top.
或许在你们的星球上 性别隔离是对的 Maybe on your planet separation of the genders is the right thing to do,
但有一部分男性是作为同性恋出生在地球上的 But on Earth, a certain percentage of our males are born gay,
所以我的衣服才比你们所有人的衣服都好看 which is why my clothes are better than all of yours.
创造时尚的男人 A man made something fashionable?
这是事实 有时候事实是残酷的 It's true. And sometimes the truth hurts,
但它必须被接受 就好比我跟你说 but it must be accepted, like if I told you
你粉底的颜色选错了 that you're using the wrong color foundation for you skin
而且到脖子那儿就没了 and it ends at your neck,
你看着就跟派对小丑一样 making you look like a party clown.
好吧 我记住了 Okay, ouch. Noted.
但如果你们把格索尔帕索普星的法律强加在地球上 But the fact remains if you impose Gazorpazor's laws on Earth,
那你们比这个乱发出屁声的男人也好不到哪儿去 you're no better than the man whose farts shall remain unspoken.
如果你们觉得我的上衣很好看 那你们就不能处死我们 And if you think my top is cute, you cannot execute.
很好 给这些地球人一艘太空船 Very well. Give the Earth people a spacecraft
让他们回那个奇怪的星球去吧 so they may head back to their weird planet,
那里男女平等 但又不尽然 where women are kind of equal but not really.
干得好 Summer 谢谢了 妹子们 Good job, Summer. And thanks, girls.
我跟你说 你们这些妹子真是厉害啊 You know, you girls are really something, I'll tell you that.
我刚到这儿的时候 You know, when we first got here, I was like...
给他们艘飞船 快点 Give them a ship now.
小Morty 你在抽烟 Morty Jr.! Smoking?!
这样可不行 That is not okay!
你能干嘛 禁我足吗 What are you gonna do? Ground me?
反正我也不能出去 I can't go outside anyway!
那又怎么样 你可以在屋子里玩啊 So what?! You could do things inside!
你可以弹吉他啊 你可以手淫啊 You could play guitar. You could masturbate.
我不想手淫 我想征服地球 I don't want to masturbate. I want to conquer the planet!
又来了 Oh, here we go again!
如果你征服了地球 谁还会爱你呢 小Morty Who do you think is gonna love you if you conquer the planet, Morty Jr.?!
爱 你就只关心爱 Love, that's all you care about!
那武器呢 统治敌人呢 What about weapons?! What about domination of the enemy?!
够了 不许再看历史频道了 All right, that's it. No more history channel!
这台电视只许用来看动画和玩电子游戏 This TV is for cartoons and video games only!
我讨厌电子游戏 I hate video games!
给我收回这句话 把遥控器给我 You take that back! Give it to me! Ugh!
我不是故意的 I-I-I didn't mean, I didn't mean that.
我真的不是故意的 对不起 I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry.
我受不了了 I can't take this anymore!
我宁愿呼吸毒气也不愿意再和你多待一分钟 I'd rather breathe poison than live another minute with you!
不不不 不要 No! No, no, no! Stop!
我的人生就是一个谎言 My life has been a lie!
上帝已死 God is dead!
政府烂透了 The government's lame!
感恩节其实是屠杀印第安人的节日 Thanksgiving is about killing Indians!
耶稣不是出生在圣诞的 Jesus wasn't born on Christmas!
他们改了日期 They moved the date!
这是异教徒的节日 It was a pagan holiday!
爸 Oh, dad!
怎么了 Morty Yes, Morty?
我儿子要占领地球 我却还不到开车的年龄 My son is gonna take over the planet, and I am too young to drive!
你能帮我把他找回来吗 Can you help me get him back?!
可以吧 Morty 应该可以吧 I suppose, Morty. I suppose.
不过呢 先让我从这"早告诉你了"的高杯中啜饮一口 But first, a deep sip from a very tall glass of "I told you so."
天啊 得了吧 Oh, my god! Please, dad! Come on!
废弃工厂
禁止入内
爸 他在那儿 Dad, there he is!
天啊 快住手 Oh, God. Hey, stop that!
天啊 天啊 爸 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Dad!
小Morty 不要 Morty Jr., no!
是我啊 是爸爸 没事的 It's me! It's dad. It's okay!
把车放下 小Morty Put the car down, Morty Jr.
不 不 小手在哪里 No! No! Wh-where's your hands?
*小手在哪里* *Where's your hands?*
我的车 My car!
*我们来玩挥挥手* *And that's how we play handy hands*
闪开 Morty Out of the- out of the way, Morty!
- 不 - Morty 这是全宇宙最暴力的生物之一 - No! - Morty, that's one of the most violently aggressive creatures in the universe!
他是我儿子 He's my son!
你想要伤害他 就先夸过我的尸体吧 Rick And if you hurt him, you'll have to kill me, Rick!
爸 我好迷茫 Dad, I'm so confused!
我知道 小Morty 对不起 I know, Morty Jr. I'm sorry.
我最后还是像我父母对我那样 和你撒谎 对你大喊大叫了 I ended up lying to you and yelling at you just like my parents did to me.
父母也不过是有了小孩的孩子罢了 You know, parents are just kids having kids.
前一分钟 你还觉得那个闪闪的机器人很好看 One minute, you like how a shiny robot looks.
下一分钟 你就在和你的外星儿子肉搏了 The next minute, you're in a fist fight with your alien son.
我是外星人 I'm an alien?
我们都有糟糕的冲动 邪恶的念头 We all have bad impulses, bad thoughts.
我们只是要学会把它们传变成别的有用的东西 We just have to learn to channel them into something constructive.
但我想杀掉我看见的每一个人 But I want to murder everyone I see.
说不定就有一份工作适合有这样想法的人呢 Well, you know, I mean, maybe there's a job out there for people that feel that way.
的确是有的 Actually, there is.
嗨 我是Brad Aderson 全国连载的连环漫画《大丹麦狗马默杜克》的作者 Hi. I'm Brad Anderson, creator of the nationally syndicated comic strip "Marmaduke".
你应该考虑从事创作 You should consider being a creative.
我深受自己那些无法控制的念头的困扰 I'm haunted by uncontrollable thoughts of
我几乎每天脑海中萦绕着致残和性侵 mutilations and sexual assaults on a near daily basis.
但我把它们变为了我的作品 But, you know, I channel it all into my work.
哦 哇 Oh. Wow.
我看《大丹麦狗马默杜克》的时候从没发现这一点啊 Huh. I never got that impression from reading "Marmaduke".
难道你觉得我在想方设法地让你笑吗 Well, did you get the impression that I was trying to make you laugh?
不是吧 那是Brad Anderson Tell me that wasn't Brad Anderson.
看见了吗 你听到了吧 小Morty Aw, see? You hear that, Morty Jr.?
或许你也可以从事某种创作呢 Maybe you could try being a creative of some kind.
或许吧 Maybe!
我一直都挺想让自己的脸出现在某本小说的背面 I always have sort of wanted to see my face on the back of a novel.
虽然我真正想做的是割开别人的喉咙 但除了这个 I mean, what I really want to do is slit people's throats, but beyond that...
你一定可以的 儿子 I know you can do it, son.
我想我该找个地方自己住了 I think it's time I get a place of my own.
我保证 只要我缺钱或是没地方洗衣服了都会给你打电话的 I promise I'll call you every day I need money or a place to do laundry.
我想你儿子会拿他小说的稿费赔我的车后轴的吧 So, I assume this novel your son writes is gonna pay for my rear axle?
挺有趣的吧 Summer 我们做了这么多事 Isn't it interesting, Summer, that after all that stuff we just did,
都没起什么作用 没有什么意义 nothing really mattered and there was no point to it?
是不是让你什么都没有思考 Kind of makes you wonder, huh, about nothing?
你确定你不会重新考虑下 Are you sure it doesn't make you re-evaluate your policy
你不带女孩子去冒险这件事 about taking girls on adventures?
不 鉴于我们今天的经历 No. I'd say, given what we've been through,
我只想说我一直都是对的 that I was right the whole time
任何关于性别政策的感悟 and any epiphanies about gender politics
都只是你身为女性的不安全感的表现而已 were a projection of your feminine insecurity.
不过你把这艘粉色太空船拿去吧 But, hey, why don't you have a pink spaceship?
开着它到处转转 好好玩玩 Go ride around and have a jolly old time.
这样说不定你就会闭嘴了 Maybe that'll shut you up.
爸 Summer 这么长时间你们跑哪儿去了 Dad? Summer? Where were you guys this whole time?
在格索尔帕索普星 你呢 On Gazorpazorp. Where were you?
我在看报纸 I was reading a newspaper.
真有意思 Beth Oh, that's interesting, Beth.
好玩的是 You know, it's funny.
我也听说了点儿新闻 I-I-I heard about a little bit of news myself.
看着 听着 Take a look. T-take a listen.
Wubba lubba dub dubs Wubba lubba dub dubs!
这个世界还是有机会的 This, this world still got a- It's still got a chance!
没错 哈哈 Yeah! Ha ha!
下周见 See you- see you guys next week!
大家下周见 See everybody next week.
今天我们请到了小Mortimer Smith 纽约时报最畅销的作者 A word with Mortimer Smith, Jr., New York Times best-selling author,
您的书写到了纯洁及其定义 your book is about innocence, the definition of it,
当然 不可避免地 谈到了它的不可实现 and inevitably its impossibility.
这本书是自传性质的吗 Is it autobiographical?
当然 在我看来 所有的写作都是 Certainly. I mean, all writing is, in my opinion.
我父亲一直把我锁在房子里 直到我成长为一个青少年 But my, uh, my father kept me locked in the house until I was a teenager,
有过暴力 有过毒气的威胁 但也有舞蹈 and there was violence and, uh, threats of poison gas, but also dancing.
但你撑住了 并用你的苦难完成了这部杰作 But you persevered and created this masterpiece from your sufferings.
小Smith令人震惊的小说《我可怕的父亲》正风靡全国 直指人心 Smith Jr.'s mind-bending novel, "My Horrible Father" in every store and on everyone's mind.
快去买吧 我们马上回来 Pick it up. We'll be right back.
为人父母本来就是吃力不讨好 Morty It's a thankless job, Morty.
你已经尽力了 You did the best you could.
我只希望他吃得好 I hope he's eating enough.
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