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加油 橄榄球 冲啊 Come on, football! Go, go!
[翻译] 冠风 阿黛拉 琴河感旧 十万莉莉斯 pendz 豆腐君 屠龙少女 Vaporeon 不二
噢 给点力啊 Oh, come on.
好好打球 Play football!
[校对] 朽 [后期] 天灵没有盖 [压制/总监] 怪查理
所以 你是通过挖矿来造东西 RICK: So, you’re mining stuff to craft with
然后再用造出来的东西挖矿对吧 and crafting stuff to mine with?
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
这游戏是你爹开发的吗 Did your dad write this game?
太恶毒了 -Mean. -[ Helicopter blades whirring]
先生们 华盛顿的一位朋友需要你们 Gentlemen, you’re needed by a friend in Washington!
可真是低调啊 How clandestine.
既然他们能直接传送 我们为什么还 If they can teleport, why did we take --
我也只是在这打工的 Steve 跟你一样 I just work here, Steve, same as you!
是的 好的 好的 All right. All right, all right.
- 总统先生 - 是时候了 先生们 -Mr. President. -It's about time, gentlemen.
- Rick 你真的要在这喝酒吗 - 没错 Rick, do you need to drink in here?
现在有个探险任务 -Yes. -Here’s the adventure.
某种外星的 玩意 Some kind of alien.. .googa
已经侵入了肯尼迪性爱地道 has infested the Kennedy Sex Tunnels.
我想要你们把它找到并清除掉 I want it hunted down and taken out.
肯尼迪性爱地道 Kennedy Sex Tunnels?
你自然会忘掉你见过这些地方的 Naturally, you’ll forget you saw them,
跟这个类似的还有 按令国家难堪的顺序排列的话 along with, in order of national embarrassment,
杜鲁门可卡因休息厅 麦金莱妓女弃尸场 the Truman Cocaine Lounge, the McKinley Hooker Dump,
还有林肯奴隶竞技场 and the Lincoln Slave Coliseum.
他并没有解放所有的奴隶 He didn’t free them all.
你们办完了记得通知我一声 And let me know when you’re done.
那个时候咱们能来张自拍吗 Maybe then we could get a selfie?
不行 我太忙了 Morty 跟我说一下这次峰会的情况吧 Too busy, Morty. Now tell me about this summit.
是和平峰会还是正常的峰会 Is it a peace one or a regular one?
呃 太没劲了 Ugh. This sucks.
我的天 谁说不是呢 God, tell me about it.
哦 要是你并不喜欢这个 Oh, man. If you’re not into it --
你什么意思 我为什么会喜欢这个 这太无聊了 What do you mean? Why would I be into it? It’s lame.
你不一直喜欢无聊的东西么 Morty You’re into lame stuff, Morty.
我还以为愚蠢的年轻人觉得 I thought young dumb people considered it an honor
为总统之类的鸟人做事是个荣誉呢 to work for presidents or whatever the shit.
最开始几次可能是吧 但这个差事真的太差劲了 Maybe the first few times, but this just sucks.
他把我们当成是捉鬼敢死队一样 He treats us like Ghostbusters.
- 我们得跟他聊聊 - 嗯 听起来可真好玩啊 -We should talk to him. -Yeah, that sounds fun.
咱们去跟一个被惯坏了的控制狂 Let’s set some boundaries with a spoiled control freak
一个认为自己掌控世界 that thinks he runs the world
并用无人机轰炸来弥补自己的安全感缺失的人好好划个界吧 and orders drone strikes to cope with his insecurity.
我们要不就去说明白 要不然就会有更多这样的差事的 It’s either that or more of this.
还有第三个选择 "我的世界" Third choice...—“Minecraft.”
你现在也喜欢那个啦 You like it now?
说实话 Morty 越想越觉着有点儿意思 Got to be honest, Morty.It's growing on me.
去通知总统 Notify the president.
我要跟他说什么 What do I tell him?
跟他说真相 Tell him the truth.
跟他说Rick和Morty刚刚放了美国的鸽子 Tell him Rick and Morty just blew off America.
你可以用那堆木头做个箱子 You can use that wood to make a chest.
太好了 那我就有地方放这一堆 Oh, good. Then I can store all this wood
等会我要拿来做箱子的木头了 I’ll need later for chest-making.
好吧 你要是一直去分析所有事 Okay. You’re not going to have fun
你是不可能玩得开心的 if you analyze everything.
这就是他们更愿意干的事吗 This is what they’d rather do?
都记下来了 It’s all in the transcript.
"把我们当成是捉鬼敢死队" “Treats us like Ghostbusters.”
所以说 捉鬼敢死队现在不算酷了吗 So, Ghostbusters aren’t cool now?
我可不记得签过这个法案 I don’t recall signing that bill.
"控制狂" “Control freak.”
"用无人机轰炸来弥补自己的" “Orders drone strikes to cope with...”
"安全感缺失" “Insecurity.”
我们要用无人机空袭他们吗 Should we drone-strike them?
那不就应了他们说的话 That would prove him right!
然后炸死他们 And blow him up.
把电话给我 Give me the phone.
孤僻的人都喜欢这游戏吗 Is this game popular with autistic people?
为什么这么说 Why would you say something like that?
因为我越来越喜欢玩儿了 ‘Cause I’m starting to love it.
"不接电话将面临重罪指控" “Failure to answer is a felony offense”?
装没事儿人 他以为我们还在隧道里 RICK: Play it cool.As far as he knows, we’re still in the tunnels.
什么时候告诉他们 我们能看到他们 When should we reveal we can see them?
所有的牌都在我们手上 We’re holding all the cards right now.
时候未到 一张别亮 We don’t show any before the time is right.
- 完美 - 嗨 - Awesome - Hello .
哥们儿 我是美国总统 情况如何呀 Hi, guys. U.S. President calling.How’s it going?
嘿 我们在性爱隧道里对付怪物呢 Oh, hey.Just hard at work on this sex tunnel gagoo.
这家伙可能成为我们新的宿敌 I think it’s kind of our new archnemesis, you know?
得要一阵子才能解决 It might take a while.
你觉得呢 Morty 得要一个月 What do you think, Morty, a month?
运气好也得一个月 Fingers crossed, a month, yeah.
放你们的屁 You lying dicks!
我看见你们在玩<我的世界> I see your asses playing “Minecraft”!
你们在我的卫星监控下 I got you on satellite!
没错 That’s right.
你们还有什么好说的 What do you have to say for yourselves?
是的总统先生 显然这看起来很不好 Okay, obviously, this looks bad, Mr. President.
透过一违法的卫星监控能看到什么好事 I mean, what doesn’t look bad through an illegal spy satellite?
别道德绑架我 Don’t high-road me.
你们俩一天就违反一千条联邦法 The two of you break 1,000 federal laws a day.
- 哇哦 真的吗 - 很酷 -Wow, really? -That’s pretty cool.
没错没错 你们时不时地拯救世界 And, yes, yes, yes, yes, you save the world now and then.
所以美国法外开恩 America returns that favor
让你们免受法律的制裁 by not holding the two of you accountable to its laws.
- 噢 - 噢 天哪 -Oh! -Oh! Oh, God.
我们 我们不知道你是这么看的 We -- We didn’t know you saw it that way.
这不是任何人的错 Well, it’s nobody’s fault.
毕竟我们从来没有好好谈过这个话题 We never had “the talk,” so to speak.
对啊 我们以为 RICK: Yeah. I mean, the way we see it,
每次我们出场 都是在帮你的忙 when we show up, that’s the favor to you.
特别是 当你在地下室发现一个外星怪物 Especially, you know, when it turns out you wanted someone to come over
就召人过来给你清理 just because you found an “X-Files” monster in your basement.
而你没有逮捕我们是因为 As for the reason you’ve never, like, arrested us,
我们以为你知道 你不可能抓到我们 we assumed you just knew that it was impossible,like, if you tried.
办不到的 You know, it wouldn’t go well.
办不到 Wouldn’t go well?
能说具体一点吗 Can you elaborate?
我想你那一千条法律中的某一条不让我具体说 I think one of your 1,000 laws says, no, I can’t elaborate.
不过相信我 我们都不想走到那一步 Just trust me. None of us want to go there.
我们永远也不必到那地步 Which we’ll never have to.
顺带说一句 我们会继续拯救地球 By the way, we’ll keep on saving the Earth.
我们 我们很乐意 You know, we’re -- we’re happy to do that.
对 但不是因为地球上有美国 RICK: Yeah, but not because it contains America --
是因为搬到新地球上费老劲了 because moving to a new version of Earth is a bitch and a half.
但你可以随时打电话给我们 像朋友一样 But feel free to call us, you know, as -- as, like, friends.
对 想和我们自拍就说 Yeah, like, if you ever want to take a selfie --
所以 还是朋友吧 So, are we cool?
是的 谢谢 先生们 PRESIDENT: Yes. Thank you, gentlemen.
我说啥来着 I told you, man!
可以啊Morty 谈得真不错 I’m impressed, Morty. That went really well.
都给我稳住 Everybody, get ahold of yourselves!
先生 对于Rick和Morty我们有什么新的政策 Sir, what is our new Rick and Morty policy?
我们的政策是 我们从来不需要他们 以后也不 Our policy is, we never needed them and never will again.
今天 让我们庆祝独立 正式脱离Rick和Morty Today, we celebrate our independence from Rick and Morty.
所有人都出去 Everyone out.
*怎么能逃离你的爱* How can I move on from your love?
春季新款尽在服饰商场 服装大减价正在进行时 MAN: All this spring at Clothes Mart, there’s a clothes sale.
到楼下服装区来看看吧 Come on down to the clothes section.
我不过是试着玩儿的 我知道不能买这件衣服 I just put it on for fun. I know I can’t buy it.
噢 别胡说了 你看起来真美 人生哪得长少年 Oh, come on. You look great! You’re only young once.
只要保证 如果有什么严重的后果 Just promise, if the results are too strong,
你会采取保护措施 you’ll use protection.
真的吗 谢谢 Really?! Thanks!
- 你什么时候变得这么开放了 - 我也不知道 -When did you get rad? -l don’t know.
可能是我适应了离婚的事 一切都是全新的了 Maybe I adjusted to the divorce and everything’s new.
确实是 之前有一阵子 I’ll say. I couldn’t stand you
我能忍受你的时间不超过一小时 for more than an hour at a time before.
无意 无意冒犯 [Chuckles] No -- No offense.
我喜欢你这样 太棒了 你就像变了一个人 I like it. It’s great. You’re like a different person.
是啊 Yeah.
变了一个人 Different person.
快跑 快跑 啊啊啊 Vamos! Vamos! Aaah!
你觉得这个怎么样 Morty How do you like that, Morty?
哇 就像"我的世界"一样 Whoa! Just like “Minecraft”!
噢 一种具有核能力的小型物种 Ooh, a tiny nuclear-capable species
刚刚在亚马逊被人发现 just got discovered in the Amazon.
咱们先去会会 Let’s go make first contact
以免其他人捷足先登 before someone else gets all their shit.
那这个怎么办 What about this?
南方公园4年前就玩过了 Morty South Park did it four years ago, Morty.
他们好快啊 They’re fast.
或者说是我们慢了 Or we’re slow.
别这样 各位 Don’t do it, guys.
不然搞不好会有"巴十西万"人的伤亡 The casualties would be in the “Brazilians”
因为你们是巴西人 because you’re Brazilian.
这既是威胁 又一语双关 It's a threat and a pun.
怎么没人懂我的意思 Nobody gets me.
美国人来了 快跑 Americanos! Pressa!
噢 你好啊 Rick 你也在这儿 Oh. Hello, Rick. You’re here, too.
那看来这的确是一场全球性危机 I guess this is a global crisis.
噢 天哪 Oh, God. Uh, Mr. President,
总统先生 我和Morty已经把场面控制住了 Morty and I have the situation covered.
我确信你们做到了 I’m sure you did.
- 走人吧 - 走人 -Dismissed. -Dismissed?
是啊 走人吧 Yeah, dismissed.
这里不需要你们 你们走吧 没人会在意的 Not needed here. You can leave and nobody will care.
你以前从来没听过这句话吗 Have you never heard that before?
你知道怎么消除这种威胁吗 Do you even know how to take out this kind of threat?
我们不打算消除威胁 We’re not taking it out.
我们要缩小自己 通过外交途径接触它们 We’re going to shrink down and approach them diplomatically.
- 你们就靠吃药丸缩身 - 你俩怎么还在 -RICK: You shrink with pills? -Are you still here?
你难道不应该去另一个版本的地球 Shouldn’t you be going down to your next version of Earth
带着你这个自拍狂魔加追星狂人小跟班 with your selfie-craving star-fucker sidekick?
呵呵 我们有权利在这儿 -Whoa! -We’re allowed to be here.
你又不是亚马逊总统 You aren’t president of the Amazon.
是啊 我在学校学过你的职责 Yeah, I learned about your job in school.
你是人民公仆 You’re a civil servant.
照理说我们是你老板 We’re technically your boss.
噢 得了吧 Morty Oh, please, Morty.
你上的税和你的屌毛一样少得可怜 You pay as many taxes as you have pubes.
噢 我有屌毛 阴屁司令 Oh, I got pubes, Commander-in-Queef.
- 你想数一数吗 - 阴屁司令 -Y-You want to count them? -Commander-in-Queef.
好了 快上 That’s it! Do it!
认出这种稀有元素桑切斯金属了吗 Recognize the rare element Sanchez-eum?
我们对Rick级别的突发事件已经做了一段时间的准备 We’ve been preparing for a Ricklevel eventuality for some time.
不如说是你一直在命令别人做准备 You mean you’ve been ordering other people to prepare for it
你本人在和平峰会干坐着呢吧 while you sat on your ass at peace summits.
和平峰会意义重大 Peace summits are important!
噢 是啊 成果喜人呢 Oh, yeah! They work great!
我们都快被和平淹没了 We’re really drowning in peace!
- 你这弱逼 - 你才弱逼 -You suck! -You suck!
阿尔法特遣队 准备开始缩小 Task Force Alpha, prepare to shrink.
阿尔法特遣队有没有医保啊 Is there a Task Force Alpha health plan, by the way?
如果那些药丸是根据亚原子压缩原理制成的 Because if those pills are based on subatomic compression,
那你直接从蘑菇云中间走过去 you could get a more curable cancer
得的癌症都要比吃这个好治一点儿 just walking through the mushroom clouds.
去你妈的 我来吃 God damn it! I’ll do it.
阿尔法特遣队被解散了 -Whoa. -Task Force Alpha is disbanded.
你俩不再是美国人了 And you two aren’t American anymore!
我有权这样做 你们被流放了 I can say that. You’re expatriated!
如果你们再踏入祖国的国土 If you step foot on homeland soil again,
我就当成侵略来处理 Ill treat it as an invasion.
按说这个过程会很痛苦吗 Is this supposed to be painful?
旁边看的人很痛苦 Painful to watch.
什么垃圾缩小技术 Oh, such lame shrinking.
他的衣服还是原来的大小 Oh, his clothes stay the same size?
70年代缩小术 一人份 70s shrinking, party of one.
吃我渐渐变小的屁股去吧 [High-pitched voice] Eat my shrinking ass!
他走了 好吧 Morty 我们离开这儿吧 There he goes. All right. Let’s get out of here, Morty.
搞什么 What the hell?!
桑切斯金属是我瞎编的 傻逼们 I made Sanchez-eum up, dumbasses.
别在维基百科上读到什么都信啊 Don’t believe everything you read on Wikipedia.
戒卫解除 Stand down.
他不怕海盗 He’s not afraid of pirates.
快跑Morty 怕海盗是真的 Oh! Run, Morty! That part was true!
- 亲爱的 我现在没空讲话 - 你什么时候可以咯 - I-I can’t talk now, sweetie. -Oh, when can you?
有道理 什么事儿 - Good point.- [ Burps ] What’s up?
记得不久之前你说过吗 如果我想的话 Remember a little while ago when you said that, if I wanted,
我可以 离开地球在无尽的宇宙中漫游啥的 I could, like, leave Earth and wander the infinite cosmos
来寻找真正的自我而且永远没人会发现我已经离开了 to figure out who I am and that nobody would ever know I’d left
因为你可以用一个克隆人来代替我 because you could replace me with a clone?
我是那个克隆人吗 -Mm-hmm. -Am I the clone?
- 对不起 什么 - 我是克隆人吗 -Sorry. What? -Am I the clone?
真正的我是不是选择了离开 而我自认为我选择了留下 Did the real me choose to leave, and I only think I chose to stay
只是因为我必须这样想 because that’s what I need to think
因为我就是那个替代的克隆Beth because I’m the replacement Beth?
- 不是的 - 好吧 -No. -Okay.
等等 还有一件事 如果我是克隆人的话 你会告诉我吗 Wait. And one more thing.If I were a clone, would you tell me?
Beth当 当聪明人变得幸福的时候 Beth, you know, when -- when smart people get happy,
他们就认不清自己了 they sTop recognizing themselves.
而你非常聪明 因为你是我的女儿 And you are very smart because you’re very much my daughter.
天啊 你是对的 我很抱歉 Oh, God. You’re right. I’m sorry.
谢谢你 爸爸 Thank you, Dad.
- 你还好吧 - 是的 - All good? - TotaIly.
我没事了 I’m fine now.
确认一下 And just to be sure,
你不是在假装相信你是真Beth吧 you’re not pretending to be convinced you’re real
因为你其实认为自己是个克隆人 because you’re actually convinced you’re a clone
然后你现在害怕自己认识到自己是克隆人 and you’re now terrified that becoming self-aware
代表我必须除掉你 would mean I’d have to terminate you?
- 不是的 - 好吧 很高兴我能帮上忙 -No. -RICK: Okay. Glad I could help.
待会儿见 See you soon.
我该往哪儿开 Where do I go?
这是什么 什么什么 这是什么意思 What does th-- What -- What -- What -- What does this mean?
这毫无意义 This means nothing.
往前开然后停车 Pull forward and park.
那你倒是说啊 妈的 Then say that, God damn it!
对不起 Sorry.
今天过得不顺 Bad day.
我是超级巨人族的总统 I am Presidentress of the Mega Gargantuans.
我们在发现自己很小之前取了这个名字 We named ourselves before learning we were small.
总统女士 我是美国总统 Madam Presidentress, I’m President of America,
基本等于全球总统 which is basically the world,
但你别说是我说的 but you didn’t hear that from me.
- 我前来 - 我知道你是谁 -I’ve come to -- -I know who you are.
我们已经同意休战了 We’ve already agreed to a ceasefire
与你的大使Rick和Morty谈过了 with your ambassadors, Rick and Morty.
- Rick和Morty来过了吗 - 他们当然来过了 -Rick and Morty were here? -Of course they were here.
他们可以瞬间变小 还能瞬移 They can shrink instantly and teleport.
他们让我给你这个 They told me to give you this.
他们说随着你的癌症药丸药效消失 They said it will stretch as your cancer pill wears off
你的身体尴尬地以老电影里的速度变大时 衣服会撑大 and your body awkwardly enlarges at the rate of a ‘50s movie.
史上最棒总统
有裤子吗 Are there pants?
他们说你会只想要一件衣服的 They said you’d prefer just a shirt.
似乎是因为你有乱晃鸡巴的需求 Apparently, you have a need to swing your dick around?
Rick和Morty逃走了 Rick and Morty escaped.
废话 带我去五角大楼 No shit. Take me to the Pentagon.
我们要和Rick和Morty开战 We’re at war with Rick and Morty.
那你想顺道去下白宫吗 You’ll want to make a sTop at the White House?
我在五角大楼有裤子 Rhonda 合同里写着呢 I have pants at the Pentagon, Rhonda. It’s in my contract.
我是说你需要召开新闻发布会 I mean you need to call a press conference.
以色列和巴勒斯坦宣布永久停火 Israel and Palestine have announced a permanent ceasefire.
- 什么 - 他们签署了一个叫作 -What? -They signed something called
"挺明白的事儿想想就知道"协议 “The Pretty Obvious If You Think About It” accord.
似乎是一名匿名的美国外交官 Apparently, an anonymous American diplomat
带他们去了一个"星战"主题酒吧 took them to a “Star Wars” cantina,
他们用激光水烟抽了能增强认知视野的外星费洛蒙 where they smoked perspective-enhancing alien pheromones through a laser hookah.
我还是认为这是普京干的 I still say it has to be Putin.
是Rick和Morty干的 你傻驴啊 It was Rick and Morty, you fucking dunce!
不过功劳都是你领了 先生 But you’re getting the credit, sir.
你的民众支持率刚刚达到了100% Your approval rating just hit 100%.
Rick和Morty为什么要这么做 Why would Rick and Morty want that?
因为他们是混球 Because they’re assholes!
感谢大家的称赞 但我们今天的成就归功于整个团队 I’m flattered, but it takes a whole team to achieve what we did today.
谢谢 Thank you.
- 情况呢 - 他们没有回家 先生 - Well? - They haven’t been back home, sir.
我们在监视每个他们可能出现的地点 We’ve got every possible location under surveillance.
妈的 他们就在这儿 God damn it! They’re right here!
- 他们在这里 妈的 - 红色警报 需要支援 -They’re here, God damn it! -Code Red! We need backup!
大家放松 Everybody relax.
只是在你不能炸掉或监控的唯一房间等你而已 Just waiting for you in the only room you can’t blow up or spy on.
我们不会为你改变时间线 So, we’re not changing timelines for you,
但是现在你得到你想要的了 but now you have everything you want,
你可以无视我们的存在 so you can forget we exist,
我们也能无视你的存在 and we’ll return the favor.
你就不能写条短信说吗 You couldn’t say that in a text?
呃 因为我们不会再见面了 我的 Well, since we won’t be seeing each other again, my --
伙计们 我们懂 是红色警报 够了 Guys, we get it. It’s a Code Red. Enough.
我孙子为你的事跑前跑后 My grandson has worked hard for you,
我觉得他有权和你合影自拍一张 and I feel like he’s earned a selfie.
说实话 现在我无所谓拍不拍的 Honestly, I could take it or leave it at this point.
你要拍 You’re taking it.
不 你这是什么大学兄弟会显摆地位的招啊 No. What kind of fratty-ass status move is that?
滚出我的办公室 Get out of my office!
我靠 你真那么固执吗 SeriousIy? You’re that stubborn?
他才固执 我是在保护我的国家 He’s the stubborn one. I’m protecting my country.
免受自拍的侵犯吗 Uh, from selfies?
免于屈从敌对力量 From subordination to hostile powers.
那中国知道你这强硬的态度吗 Uh, does China know about that deal-breaker?
中国不会跑来骑在白宫头上拉屎撒尿 China doesn’t piss on the White House.
是哦 他们为什么会 那很费钱吧 Well, why would they? I’m sure it was expensive.
- 滚 - 没自拍就不走 -Get out. -Not without a selfie.
- 逮捕 - 小伙 你有权不服从他的命令 - Arrest them. - Son, you have a right to refuse his order,
我保证只要摸我一下 你就会死 and I guarantee you’re going to die if you touch me,
没有什么来生 一切直接陷入黑暗 and there’s no afterlife. Everything just goes black.
别这么做 Don’t do it.
- 哇 Rick - 好吧 -Whoa, Rick! -Okay.
这是怎么回事 What was that?
- 死亡 - 哪种 -Death. -What kind?
- 即刻 - 可是都没声音啊 -Instant. -There was no sound.
- 他就死了 - 嗯 很可怕 -He just died. -Yeah, terrifying.
这看着是很可怕 It’s a terrifying thing to watch happen.
这叫威慑 It’s called a deterrent.
你就不能只把他打晕吗 You couldn’t just knock him out?
打晕怎么能算威慑呢 How is knocking out a deterrent?
每个人都想被打晕 Everyone wants to be knocked out.
没人想死 Nobody wants to be dead.
你在美国总统办公室里杀了人 You committed murder in the Oval Office.
- 现在你不能离开 - 没事 -Now you can’t leave. -That’s fine.
我说了要一起自拍再走 I said I’m not leaving without a selfie.
呃 我不需要跟总统一起自拍 Uh, I don’t need a selfie.
我不会跟你自拍的 And I’m saying you aren’t getting one
你也走不了了 and you aren’t leaving.
- 所以我们达成一致了 - 是的 不 -So we agree? -Yes. No. We disagree
我们意见不统一 因为你想要拿到合照然后离开 because you think you’re getting a selfie and leaving.
我会拿到合照吗 Am I getting a selfie?
- 绝不 - 那我绝不走 -Never. -Then I’m never leaving.
- 没错 - 看吧 -Exactly. -See?
有人能开枪杀了他吗 Does anyone have a shot?
有 有九个人可以 我能给你们展示一下 Yes, nine people. I can show you.
但我不建议 But I wouldn’t recommend --
开枪 Open fire!
老天 你们太蠢了 God, you are dumb!
带总统离开这里 Get the President out of here!
- 这是馊主意 - 等等 为什么 -Bad idea. -Wait. Why?
如果这里没有他们不能杀的人 Because if there isn’t someone in here that they’re not supposed to kill,
他们会在试图杀我的过程中把这地方都砸了 they’re going to wreck the place trying to kill me.
只要你活着 无论你在哪儿 As long as you live, no matter where you are,
只要你不是在跟他的合照里面 if it isn’t in a selfie with him,
我都会在这儿 I’ll be here.
老天 他又不是神 Jesus! He’s not a fucking god!
你不知道我是什么 You don’t know what I am!
你更不知道我能做什么 And you don’t know what I can do!
老天 冷 冷静点 Rick Geez, it’s -- it’s cool, Rick!
我就是这儿的神秘博士 I’m Doctor Who in this motherfucker.
我可以是个克隆 我可以是个全息影像 I could be a clone. I could be a hologram.
我们都可以是克隆 We could be clones controlled by robots
是被正在操你妈的真正的Rick和Morty controlled with special headsets
用头戴的特别设备操控的 that the real Rick and Morty are wearing
机器人所操控的克隆 while they’re fucking your mother!
我要杀了你 I’m going to kill you!
那就来奥利街312号 Then come to 312 Olive Street!
这是我妈现在的地址吗 Is that her address?
你不知道 因为你是个坏儿子 You don’t know because you’re a bad son!
- 嗷 - 干掉他 -Ow! -Take him down!
Semper fidelis 美国海军陆战队的座右铭 意为永远忠诚
为了国家 Semper fi!
啊 Aaaaah!
第三式 旋风转圈 MAN: Number three, The Twister.
- 嗷 该死 - 第四式 -Ow! Damn it. -Number four...
偷天换日 The Hanky Panky.
Beth Beth?
我爸可能把我给克隆了 我可能就是那个克隆 My dad might have cloned me, and I might be the clone.
他说我不是克隆 但他对克隆肯定会这么说 And he says I’m not, but that’s what he’d say to a clone.
典型的Rick做派 Typical.
第六式 德州涟漪 Number six, The Texas Ripple.
我看你就是你嘛 You look like you to me.
你是笨蛋吗 What are you, an idiot?
对不起 对不起 [Sighs] I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
我话重了 That was so rude.
我本想寻求你的帮助 但却又在羞辱你的智商了 I came to you for help, and now I’m insulting your intelligence.
瞧瞧智商让人落得如此境地 And look where intelligence gets you.
别怪智商 Well, don’t knock intelligence,
因为现在 我想知道如何能帮助你 because right now I’d love to understand how I can help you.
这事儿我做不了主 Jerry I can’t be in charge of that, Jerry.
我的思维 我的想法 都是变量 My mind, my ideas are all part of the variable.
而你是唯一的常量 The only constant is you.
我的里里外外你都知道 You know me inside and out.
做你要做的吧 Do what you have to do.
好吧 坐下 Okay. Sit down.
盘住双腿 Now cross your legs.
那条腿放上面 很好 That leg on Top. Good.
这是在做什么 Oh, what is this?
高三时 我和你去看密尔沃基交响乐团 Senior year, I took you on a date to the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra
在公园里演奏Alan Silvestri的音乐 performing the music of Alan Silvestri in the Park.
Alan Silvestri 美国电影配乐作曲家 指挥家
演奏到<火山＞中的插曲 At this point in the song from “Volcano,”
情节是汤米 李 琼斯和电工们 when Tommy Lee Jones and the utility workers
正用车把岩浆引入一条死巷 are using cars to guide the lava into a cul-de-sac,
我感到手心满是汗水 I realized my palms were so sweaty,
没胆去牵你的手 I would never get to hold your hand.
但又极想触碰到你 But I was desperate to touch you,
于是 我在旁边的草地上擦擦手掌 so I wiped my palm on the grass next to me.
但是 士力架的包装纸黏住了我的手 But a Snickers wrapper kind of got stuck on it,
我就开始抖掉它 so I started kind of jiggling it,
又怕动作太大 whipping it without moving too much.
但你开始往那儿看 我就想 But you started looking over, and I thought,
"完了 她就要发现我是一个蠢蛋了" “Well, this is it. She’s going to see that I’m a loser,
我永远也碰不到她了 and I’ll never get to touch her.
"但我还有时间碰她" But I still have time to touch her.
但是我手上还粘着士力架 But my hand had Snickers on it,
铜管乐组的演奏激荡人心 and the brass section was swelling
因为那一幕里一个人葬身岩浆 because it was the scene with the guy melting in the lava.
我就想 "去他妈的 嘴唇没有流汗" And I just thought, “Fuck it. Lips don’t sweat.”
哇 是的 Wow. Yeah.
我永远不会忘记那种感觉 I’ll never forget that feeling.
你是Beth本人 You’re the real thing.
那就解决了 Then that settles it,
因为我讨厌那一晚的记忆 because my memory is of hating that night.
但如今 重温一遍 我全身心地感到幸运 But now, reliving it, all I can feel is how lucky I am
因为被这样一个单纯 诚实 单纯的男人爱着 to be loved by such a simple, honest, simple man.
你用了两次单纯 Simple twice.
这不是你娶的女人 Jerry This isn’t the woman you married, Jerry,
因为这个女人深爱着你 because this woman loves you.
差别万岁 Uh. . .well, vive la difference.
好吧 那句真蹩脚 [Chuckles] Okay. That was lame.
听着 我 话语 Listen, I -- Words.
Don Cheadle Don Cheadle.
唐 钱德尔 美国影视演员
你有权他妈的滚出我的办公室 You have the right to get the fuck out ot my ottice!
你有权亲吻我的鸡巴 You have the right to kiss my dick!
把家伙给我 Give me the thing.
啊 Ugh!
哦 Oh! Ugh!
啊 Ugh!
啊 啊 -Ooh! -Ooh!
哦 Ohh!
屈服吧 屈服于自拍照 Submit! Submit for the selfie!
我投降 我投降 拍自拍吧 I yield! I yield! Take the selfie!
好的 Morty 到这边 说"茄子" Okay. Morty, get in there and say, “Cheese.”
Morty Morty?
Morty 快点 Morty, come on!
该死的 [Sighs] God damn it!
Rick 别生气 但是 我 我偷了你的传送枪 Rick, don’t get mad, but I-I stole your portal gun.
他妈的在搞啥 Morty RICK: What the tuck, Morty?!
我跟你讲了八百遍了 我不想要那破自拍 I told you I didn’t want the damn selfie 800 times!
听着 不管你跟总统之间是他妈的怎么回事 Look, whatever the hell is going on between you
跟我一点关系也没有 and the president, it’s got nothing to do with me.
- 所以你跑哪去了 - 我不能告诉你 -So where did you go? -MORTY: I can’t tell you.
Rick 你是不是跟我妈说她可能是个克隆体 Rick, did you tell my mom she might be a clone?
不 我告诉她她不是 No! I told her she wasn’t!
这不就是你会说给克隆体的话吗 Well, isn’t that what you’d tell a clone?
天哪 真他妈够了 RICK: Oh, for Christ’s sake.
Rick 我妈和我爸要复合了 Rick, my mom and dad are getting back together.
啥 不 她不是克隆体 What? No! She’s not a clone!
她说她是不是都无所谓 Well, she says it doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t
因为她现在爱我爸 because now she loves my dad,
她想让我和Summer都回家 and she wanted me and Summer to come home,
我们现在正躲着你 and we’re hiding from you
所以你不能杀了她 如果她是克隆体的话 so you don’t kill her if she’s a clone
我挑了一个你永远不会发现我们的地方 in a place I picked that you will never find.
所以不要来找我们 -So don’t look for us. -[ Beep]
来呀 贱人 Come on, bitch!
你自己来吧 贱人 Oh, you come on, bitch.
我退出 我不来了 I’m out. I’m done.
我得 我得走了 I got to -- I got to go.
那么我赢了 现在我说了算 你不准走 So I win. Then I’m in charge, and you can’t leave.
你这个恐怖分子 你是国家的敌人 You’re a terrorist. You’re an enemy of the state,
而且你十分钟前还踢了我的蛋 and you kicked me in the balls 10 minutes ago!
总统职权不能与一个 The office of the President can’t coexist
不肯臣服的活神共存 with a living god that won’t submit to it --
我是说 除了波塞冬 I mean, besides Poseidon.
但是他已经被锁在51区了 But he’s locked up in Area 51 already,
所以那不算 so that doesn’t really count.
总统先生 我跟你做个交易 Mr. President, I’ll make you a deal.
如果你让我用一下你那个破烂 杂牌 If you let me use your ghetto-ass off-brand
把赤字给翻了三倍的传送门 deficit-tripling teleporter,
我去处理点事 你就再也不会见到我了 I can go take care of something, and you’ll never see me again.
好的 成交 隐形部队 解散 Yes. Deal. Invisi-troopers, stand down.
我不想听见这些 -[ All groan ] -Yeah, yeah. - I don’t want to hear it.
你知道我一直都能看见他们的吧 You know I could see them this whole time, right?
别太过了 Sanchez Don’t push it, Sanchez.
他发现我们了 He found us!
我告诉过你们我们不该来 I told you we shouldn’t have gone
上次来过的这个木屋 to the same cabin as last time!
我们哪儿也不会去 现在该结束了 Oh, we’re not going anywhere. This ends now.
爸 如果你是我爸的话 Dad, if you’re my dad.
当然 你不是我爸 Of course, you’re not my dad.
你拿着枪过来是因为我是个克隆体 You’re here with a gun because I am a clone.
我想我拥有你女儿的所有记忆 I guess I have all your daughter’s memories.
所以我觉得我过去的确是她 这是我与她的联系 So I guess I was her, which makes me related to her.
但是我不能认同她 But I don’t relate to her.
她丢下了她的家人和我 这代表着我相系于他们 She left her family and me, which means I relate to them.
所以如果你要杀了我 行 So if you kill me, fine.
你不是在杀她 You’re not killing her.
你是在毁掉一个真正的家 But you’re killing a real family.
所以 你能不能不要这样做 离开就好 And instead of doing that, will you just go away?
不是有无限的时间线吗 Aren’t there, like, infinite timelines?
你就不能去到一个我不知道我是克隆体的世界 Can’t you just move to one where I don’t know I’m a clone
—个完全一致的另一个版本的 and where a different but identical version
你真正的反社会的疯女儿 of your authentic sociopathic crazy bitch
能让你继续为之骄傲 of a daughter can keep making you proud
因为她愿意漂泊天际 by being somewhere else?
Beth 你个疯子 你就是我女儿 Beth, you crazy bitch. You’re my daughter.
我带枪来是要杀Jerry I brought this here to kill Jerry.
- 老天爷 - 我的天 -Oh, my God! -Jesus Christ!
是 你赢了 Jerry 你赢了 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You win, Jerry. You win!
再多的才智也不能阻止你的那些愚蠢庸碌和空虚 No amount of genius can sTop your dumb mediocre vacuous roots
把根扎进你周围所有的人和事 from digging into everything and everyone around you
抽干他们所有躲掉你的能力 and draining them of any ability to fend you off.
要在过去让你说出这些可不容易 Well, it couldn’t have been easy for you to say that.
我很感激 I appreciate it.
Morty 我的传送枪呢 Morty, where’s my portal gun?
我们离开这儿吧 Let’s get out of here.
我要待在这儿 Rick I’m staying here, Rick.
你是 啊 Are you -- Ugh!
没人明白 Nobody gets it.
一切你认为重要的事情都不重要 Nothing you think matters matters.
这没什么特殊的 This isn’t special.
这些发生了无数次 This -- This is happening infinite times
在无数个现实当中 across infinite realities.
包括这个吗 Including this? [Farts]
对 Yes!
我不是说我主观上觉得你这招不好笑 Which is not to say that, subjectively, it wasn’t funny.
你要留在这儿吗 Are you going to stay?
有无数条时间线 Morty There’s infinite timelines, Morty.
我为什么还要待在这里 我在这儿把白宫闹了个底朝天 Why would I stay in the one where I trashed the White House,
变成了美国公敌 became an enemy of America
还成了我的呆子家庭里地位最底下的人 and the lowest-status character in my idiot family?
为了那个屁可以吗 Because of the fart?
那儿还有点碎砖块 There’s still some rubble over there.
我认为你从没弄明白 I don’t think you’ve ever understood
内务部长到底是干什么的 what “Secretary of the Interior” means!
嗨 总统先生 我是Rick Sanchez Hi, Mr. President. I’m Rick Sanchez,
但不是这次捣乱的那个 but not the one that did this.
我们Rick游历于无穷宇宙中 而且会和彼此交换位置 We Ricks travel the infinite and switch places with each other
就像寄居蟹 我觉得 like hermit crabs, I think.
我是飞钓Rick I’m Fly Fishing Rick.
您可以把我 You can distinguish me from the Rick
和那个跟您打了一架的Rick区分开来 that you had a falling-out with
通过我对飞钓的热爱和我戴的帽子 by my fly-fishing enthusiasm and accompanying hat.
我希望我能出一份力 I hope I can be of service
如果 呃 你发现这颗星球处于危险中的话 if, uh, you ever find the planet to be in danger.
交个朋友 Friends?
听起来不错 Sounds good to me.
孩子们 晚餐来了 Kids, dinner!
我点了熊猫中餐外卖 I got Panda Express!
你买了香甜鸡吗 Did you get sugar chicken?
他们差不多只有这个吧 That’s kind of the only thing they have.
我爱熊猫中餐外卖 多谢老妈 I love Panda E! Thanks, Mom!
我希望待会儿能尝尝你的香甜鸡 I’m hoping to get a piece of your sugar chicken later.
讨厌 [ Laughs] STop it.
给你的脑残帽子 傻逼 Here’s your [burps] stupid hat, dipshit.
爸 你不能再那样和Jerry说话了 Dad, you can’t talk to Jerry that way anymore.
我们现在是个真正的家庭了 We’re a real family now.
从很多意义上来讲 事情会变得和第一季一样 In many ways, things will be like Season 1
但是更精简流畅 but more streamlined.
现在Jerry和我是幸福的已婚父母 Now Jerry and I are happily married parents,
还有我因为对你离开的恐惧而激发的想法 and the idea that I was motivated
都烟消云散了 by a fear of you leaving can be eschewed.
烟消云散 你从来没用过这个词 Eschewed? You’ve never used that word.
可能你真是个克隆人 Maybe you are a clone.
Rick又不会告诉我们 [ Laughs] lit’s not like Rick would tell us.
噢咦 真是精彩的一季 Ooh-wee! What a season!
不好意思我再没出场 但是我结婚了 Sorry I never showed up, but I got married.
有了小孩儿 I had a baby.
我回到了学校 拿到了我的高中同等学学学历 I went back to school and got my G-E-E-E-D.
你在等待的时候做了什么呢 What did you do while you were waiting?
希望你不只是到处乱搞 浪费生命 Hopefully you didn’t just fuck around and waste your life.
噢咦 Ooh-wee!
第四季见 大概要很长的时间 See you for Season 4 in, like, a really long time!
我可能会长出圣诞老人那样的大白胡子 I might even have a big white Santa Claus beard
还有 还有 还有一 and -- and -- and a --
还有一群孙子 and a couple of grandkids
之类之类的 and all that kind of stuff.
我也不知道什么时间能见 先再见吧 See you -- See you then!