本字幕第一版由Community-137制作 同时发布于SubHD和GitHub 参与的成员有
什么样的父母才会把孩子拽出家门 What kind of parents drag their kids away
浪费春假里一整周的大好时光 for the entire week of spring break?
[翻译] 走吃元 NPC Otter 季叽馥疾己 Ng Chrim [校对] fuga se9fault
我要错过Mike Triscuit的嗑药派对了 I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party.
你看看 他们放《亢奋》已经放到前戏了 Look at this. He's already watching "Euphoria" to pregame.
转载请务必保留字幕信息 Community-137不对任何利用本字幕生成的视频负责
前戏 游戏 电子游戏 Pregame. Game. Video game.
是 是 毒品和电子游戏 可怜的小屁孩们 Yes, yes, drugs and video games. Poor babies.
我们的定位不同于专业字幕组 志在号召RM爱好者贡献个人力量 不断完善译文
你们需要的 是猛抽一口大自然来提升品味 What you need is to level up with a bong rip of nature.
相信我 这对你们有好处 Trust me, this is good for you.
如果在观看中遇到任何错误翻译 诚邀您前往GitHub参与改错 该项目的地址是
干脆来个人杀了我吧 Can someone just kill me?
好姥爷Rick 你啥都能杀死 Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything.
不 他不能 Summer 我们正体验艰苦生活呢 No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it.
https://github.com/fjn308/Rick-and-Morty-Chinese-Subtitles 非常 非常 非常 期待您的参与
意味着禁止使用那些科幻破烂玩意 And that means no sci-fi bullshit.
- 是不是这样啊 Rick - 嗯哼 - Isn't that right, Rick? - Uh-huh.
GitHub CONTRIBUTORS：Ntrv777
- Rick 那是个科幻来电吗 - 闭嘴吧 Jerry - Rick, was that a sci-fi phone call? - Shut up, Jerry.
该死 我以为她没这个号码 Damn it, I didn't think she had this number.
你为什么要造个法拉第笼来屏蔽信号 Why are you building a Faraday box to block out the signal?
喔天哪 姥爷在跟某人玩失踪 Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone.
我没有在玩失踪 嘿 还给我 Summer I'm not ghosting. Hey! Give it back, Summer!
“Rick 请回复我 "Rick. Please answer me.
我怀孕了” I'm pregnant"?!
我的天 姥爷 你这个渣男 Oh, my God, Grandpa, you fuck boi.
我不是渣男 Summer I'm not a fuck boi Summer!
那些小孩绝不可能是我的 There's no way those kids are mine.
哇哦 起码我们知道了为什么Rick要来这次旅行 Wow. At least we know why Rick actually came on the trip --
因为他要逃避约炮约出的问题 to avoid his fuck-guy problems.
- 这个人为什么要说谎 - 我不知道 宝贝 - Why would this person lie? - I don't know, honey.
她对我的辉煌事迹很着迷 She's addicted to what the Rick did.
你知道 这 这故事已经和我那根非同凡响的巨棒一样老了 You know, it's -- it's -- it's a tale as old as my huge dynamite penis.
可以打开收音机了吗 Can we turn the radio on?
- 我不会放任你抛弃那些孩子的 就像你当年抛弃我那样 - 哦 我的天 - I am not letting you abandon those kids like you abandoned me. - Oh, my God!
我们现在就去见孩子他妈 We're going to see this baby mama right now!
什么 你是说字面意义上的现在吗 What, like, literally now?
对 就现在 这是命令 Yes, now! That's an order.
不要 No!
我刚就说别整科幻那一套 This is exactly what I was talking about!
Rick 希望你知道 我们订的滑水项目 Rick, I hope you realize the tubing permit
- 是不能退票的 - 放心 Jerry 我们去去就回 - was non-refundable! - Relax, Jerry, we'll be in and out in a minute,
然后你立刻就可以继续你的傻逼之旅 and then you can get right back to your dumb vacation
和根本不需要你的家人们一起去 with a family that doesn't need you.
还指望有谁能给我帮个腔呢 Kind of expected someone to defend me,
不过 好吧 没事 but, sure, okay.
喂 盖亚 等下 Hello, Gaia. Hold on.
让我先调整下地震语到英语的翻译器 Let me just adjust my Seismic-to-English translator.
Rick 你来了 Rick. You came.
- 她 她在哪 - 你正看着她呢啊 - W-Where is she? - You're looking at her.
我 我不明白 I-I-I-I don't understand.
还不够明显吗 Morty Isn't it obvious, Morty?
我操了个行星 I fucked a planet.
所以 你现在已经开始四处乱搞行星了吗 So, what, you just go around knocking up planets now?
这 这就是我上学的时候你去干的事吗 I-I-Is that what you do when I'm at school?
我是个科学家 Morty 什么都要尝试 I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things.
和有生命的行星做爱 这可是人类的一大步 Sex with a living planet? Big step for mankind.
好的 我们终于冲破了混账家长的下限 Yeah, we finally broke the deadbeat dad barrier.
- 奇迹发生之处 - 恶心 - Ah, where the magic happened. - Gross.
嘿 盖亚 宝贝 你Rick老爹来啦 Hey, uh, Gaia, baby, Big Daddy Rick is here.
- 找我什么事呀 - 孩子 - What's the problem? - Children.
分娩流程 现在 Birth cycle. Now.
好吧 直奔主题啊 Okay, gettin' right into it.
I AM：《圣经》中上帝的自称 此作“是我”
- 是我 - 是我 - 我的天哪 -I am! I am! -Jesus Christ!
- 是我 - 是我 - 是我 -I am! -I am! -I am!
- 爸 做点什么啊 快让它停下来 - 你以为我会懂怎么停下这个吗 - Dad, do something! Make it stop! - You think I know how to stop this?
我还以为她会拉个蛋什么的 I thought she was gonna shit an egg.
假期可真酷啊 伙计们 Cool vacation, guys.
真开心我能欣赏到人体喷泉 而不是和朋友们一起微微嗑药 So happy I got to see the human geyser instead of micro-dosing with my friends.
要来更多了 孩子 需要父亲 More coming. Kids. Need father.
好哦 小震震 话说你的轨道有多大来着 Yeah, um, Baby Quakes, how big is your orbit again?
我的意思不是说你会沿着轨道乱搞 只是 I mean, not to say you get around, but, um...
你在逗我吗 看看他们啊 Are you kidding me? Look at them!
和你长得也太像了 They look just like you.
是吗 蛇还长得像假阳具呢 Beth Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth.
- 你想表达什么 - 像吗 - What's your point? - They do?
事实是 就算他们是我的孩子 The fact is even if they were mine,
当然他们并不是 进化仍然是最好的父母 which they're not, the best parent is evolution.
他们很可能会皮肤变硬 甚至长出蹼臂 They'll probably develop harder skin or maybe even webbed arms.
天呐 那多酷啊 飞翔的松鼠人 Man, that'd be cool, huh? Flying squirrel people?
是啊 爸爸 你这套自然养育法对我出了奇效呢 Yeah, Dad, that approach worked out great for me.
Beth 我知道这看上去很糟 但相信我 Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me.
这就是银河系里的生活 好吗 This is life in the galaxy, okay?
很正常的 It's totally normal.
好吧 你不做 那我来做 Fine. You won't do something, I will.
啊 惊喜都没了 Welp, there goes the surprise!
我本来想让我们钓到第一条鱼后 I was gonna have us jump on the trampoline
- 再跳上蹦床的 - 是我 - after we caught our first fish. - I am!
- 什么 你个蠢货 - 是我 - What? You're stupid. - I am!
- 是我 - 是我 - Beth 那没用的 -I am! I am! -Beth, that's not gonna help.
呃 我讨厌赞同Rick Uh, I hate to agree with Rick,
但难道不是就该这样算了吗 but shouldn't we just let this be?
我们本应该正在度假 We're supposed to be on vacation.
你没工作 Jerry You're unemployed, Jerry!
每天都是放假 Every day is a vacation for you.
- 好吧 好受伤 - 你们爱干啥干啥吧 - Okay, ouch. - You guys do whatever you want.
我要留下来处理这个 I'm staying here and fixing this.
- 是我 - 是我 -I am! -I am!
他妈的 Beth 你要是非想这么做 Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it,
至少也得做对吧 at least do it right.
盖亚 宝贝 来点儿生铁和蒸汽 Gaia, baby, gonna need a little raw iron and steam.
要什么都给你 宝贝 Whatever you need, baby.
- 野营到此为止 - 不 - So much for camping. - Nope.
我们要去野营 We are going camping.
既有树林在那边 又有土地在脚下 There's trees over there. We're on solid ground.
- 妈 - Summer Morty - Mom! - Summer, Morty,
跟你们爸一块野营去 go camp with your father.
- 噢 狗娘养的 - 狗娘养的 - Ohh, son of a bitch. - Son of a bitch.
- 是我 - 是我 - 是我 -I am! -I am! -I am!
欢迎来到没有抛弃二字的世界 Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment.
爸 我们能回去 Dad, can we please go back
和姥爷的粘土人一起玩吗 and hang out with Grandpa's clay people?
为什么 因为他们没准有个世嘉DC游戏机吗 Why? Because they might have a Sega Dreamcast?
让你俩走进大自然咋就这么难 Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in?
因为这糟透了 野营跟无家可归没什么区别 除了没人给你丢零钱之外 Because this sucks ass. Camping is just being homeless without the change.
看看 你这种态度正是我们来这儿的原因 Well, that attitude is exactly why we're out here.
你俩独立生活撑不过两秒 You guys wouldn't last two seconds on your own.
只有把你们灌点药关起来 You're only happy when you're penned in
像对待鸡啊狐猴之类的对待你们 你们才开心 and drugged up like some kind of chicken or lemur.
嘿 我说过不让用手机 Hey! I told you kids no phones!
这儿都无服务 There's not even any service.
就 就让我们开心一会儿吧 Just -- Just let us be happy for a minute.
想想吧 没准你们停止抱怨 You know, maybe if you two stopped whining
让老爹我掌权 and let your old man take the reins,
还真能学到点什么呢 you might actually learn something.
给 尝一口这个美食 Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat.
哦 你以为会做烤棉花糖夹心饼干就与众不同了吗 Oh, you think this s'more makes you special?
搞什么 因为有人在你十岁那年 What? Because someone said, "good job,"
对你说了那么一次“干得漂亮”吗 to you once when you were 10?
这真的很可悲 爸 面对现实吧 That's actually really sad, dad. Let's be real.
你之所以一刻不停地道德绑架我们 You've been high-roading us non-stop,
逼我们来鸟不拉屎的地方干这些屁事 forcing us to do nothing in the middle of fucking
是因为这是唯一 nowhere because it's the only way
能对标你水平的玩法 不是吗 you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it?
因为只有把门槛降低到那种程度 Because if you move the bar so low,
才可能让你看上去还有那么点用 you might actually seem like you're worth a fuck.
我得去散步了 I'm gonna go take a walk.
老天 你真的不该再跟Rick一起呆着了 Jesus Christ. You really need to stop hanging out with Rick.
好吧 那么 如果我们在这儿给律师管道改道 Okay, so, if we divert the Lawyer Pipeline here,
他们就能避开道德管道 they should avoid the Ethics Tube
毫无节操地出来做他们的工作了 and come out spineless enough to do their job.
好 等等 为什么运动员 Right. Wait, why are the athletes
流经了内向部门 going through the introvert sector?
显然这样他们就可以霸凌数学家 Obviously so they can bully the mathematicians
- 让我们得到天文学家了 - 天 你真是个迷恋太空的书呆子 - and give us astronomers. - God, you are such a space nerd.
我可不是书呆子 我们正在建设一个社会 Beth I'm not a nerd. We're raising a society here, Beth.
如果我们想让他们自给自足 If we want them to be self-sufficient,
他们就需要有能力探索太空 they need to get out into space.
分娩流程 来了 Birth cycle. Coming.
我们准备好接应你了 盖盖 用力往中间射吧 We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em hard and up the middle!
我们的教师供过于求 We got an oversupply of teachers
给文学创作带来了压力 putting a strain on the literary drive.
激活剧作家转换器 Activating playwright converter!
干得不错 亲爱的 好吧 Nice work, honey. Okay, the therapists
治疗师们越来越无聊了 我们得增加 are getting bored. We need to increase
- 乱伦黄片的供应了 - 20%还不够吗 - their supply of incest porn. - 20% wasn't enough?
那是什么鬼 What the hell is that?
低产者 他妈的 The unproductives. Goddamn it!
- 怎么会有这么多 - 低产者是啥 - How are there so many of them? - Unproductives?
啊 比如DJ 吃货 大V Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers.
我就让他们在系统里循环 直到 I just re-circulate them through until...
操 他们把人力资源部炸了个大洞 Shit, they blew a hole in the human resources department!
- 这得给你入档 - 已经裁员了吗 - 你被炒了 -I'm putting this in your file! -Downsizing already? -You're fired!
咱得把这修好 爸 We gotta fix this, Dad.
我们不能一直循环他们了 We can't keep recycling them through.
我可以给他们加个线上大学 I could add an online college workaround.
或者就直接把他们从后面的管道扔出去 Or just push them out through a pipe in the back.
- 一回事儿 - 一回事儿 - Same thing. - Same thing.
这些孩子或许不是我亲生的 但你绝对是 These kids may not be mine, but you definitely are.
看看你 我的蒸汽朋克小霸王 Look at you. My little steampunk overlord.
我觉得他不会回来了 I don't think he's coming back.
你知道吗 你 你真的把他搞崩溃了 Summer You know, you -- you really messed him up, Summer.
好吧 但他管我叫狐猴 Yeah, well, he called me a lemur.
我们去找姥爷吧 Let's just go find grandpa.
或许他可以把咱们传送回家之类的 Maybe he can portal us home or something.
- 我们要留张便条吗 - 爸爸不会有事的 - Should we leave a note? - Dad is fine.
他可能正给哪棵树口交 He's probably sucking off a tree
感受着人生巅峰呢 and having the time of his life right now.
我猜你们也不想学怎么打水漂吧 Guess you don't want to learn how to skip rocks, either.
啊 嘿 Ow! Hey!
低产者
你们是谁 Who are you guys?
我们是 低产者 We are... unproductives.
啊 我懂了 Ahh, I get it.
一堆狗屎 Bunch of bullshit.
这是什么 What is that?
这个么 这是野营 This? This is camping.
野营 喔 Camping? Ooh!
野营 Camping!
*新潮流袭来了* *Well there's a new thing going round*
*人人睡在地上* *People sleepin' on the ground*
*如果这有意思 我们就偏不做* *And if it's fun to do then we're not doing it*
*这就叫做野营* *And that's called camping*
*我们野营去吧* *Let's go camping*
*你想野营去吗* *Do you wanna go camping?*
*迫不及待要去野营* * Can't wait to go camping*
*即便你讨厌野营* * Even if you hate camping*
*你还是会去 野 那个 营* *You still gotta go CA-AM-PING*
*咿 嘛 莫 咪* *EEK MOK MO MIR*
干得不错 TickTock Good work there, TickTock.
继续削木头 不可思议啊 Keep whittling. Incredible.
你快能钻出烟了 Florflock You've almost got smoke over there, Florflock.
这就对了 伙计们 There you go, guys!
屁股蛋碰起来 Pump those cheeks.
这才是野营精神 That's the camping spirit.
搞什么 Squeeb What the -- Squeeb!
这可不是帐篷 This is not a tent.
这是一种新型帐篷 It is a new kind of tent,
有疏导雨水的特制排水槽 还有一扇门 with special gutters to funnel the rain, and a door.
这是房子 禁止房子 It's a house! No houses!
禁止门 一旦有了门 就会有室内 No doors! Once you have doors, you have indoors.
一旦有了室内 你们就再也不想野营了 Once you have indoors, you won't want to camp anymore.
那他们为啥不用野营 Then why do they not camp?
因为他们都是坏人 Because they're bad.
坏人 坏人 坏人 Bad. Bad. Bad.
哦 我天 也许爸爸是对的 Oh, my God. Maybe Dad was right.
也许我们确实没有生存技能 Maybe we have no life skills.
我绝逼已经喝尿喝到记不清喝了多少了 I've definitely drank more pee than I care to remember.
我只想坐会儿 I'm just gonna sit down.
要是我死了 我的屁股你别吃 那样太奇怪了 If I die, don't eat my ass. That'd be weird.
呃 Summer Uh, Summer?
我日 你觉得他们是被 Damn, you think they got infected
精神鼻涕虫之类的东西感染了吗 by a mind slug or something?
也许他们飞过了一团能让他们 Probably drove through a nebula that made them
看到自己内心恐惧的星云 see their own fears.
呀 这些操纵装置 Whoa! These controls.
跟我的游戏手柄好像 It's just like my video game controllers.
我好想读懂这些符号 I just wish I could read these symbols.
这看着就像Tricia的水烟壶似的 This looks just like Tricia's bong.
Morty 我觉得这些管子里可能有 Morty, I think these tubes might contain
他们所有的集体知识 all of their collective knowledge.
- 嗯 - 如何 - Mm! - Well?
我觉得咱能搞定这个 老弟 I think we got this, bro.
Beth 这个光荣时刻就交给你了 Beth, you wanna do the honors?
真的吗 太好了 What? Really? Wow.
来吧 走你 Okay. Here we go.
如果六天前你跟我说 If you told me six days ago
我会为了我的半石头孩子们 给一艘世代飞船施洗礼 I'd be christening a generation ship for my half-rock children,
我会说你疯了 I would've called you crazy.
然而你给我上了一课 不疯魔 But I guess that's the lesson -- crazy things happen
不成活 干杯 when you put in the work. Salud!
Doopnar 你个吊毛 唱点啥啊 Fucking Doopnar! Sing something!
说得真好 老爸 Great toast, Dad.
- 谢了 闺女 - 哇靠 听听他们的金嗓子 - Thanks, sweetie. - Damn, listen to those pipes.
你确定他们是你亲生的吗 You sure these kids are yours?
怎么 没听过你爹我唱K吗 What, you've never heard me sing karaoke?
只只要是符合我音区的歌手 他的歌我都能唱得不错 比如唱《生生不息》的那货 I'm -- I'm pretty good when someone's in my register, like the guy that sings "Circle of Life."
记不住叫啥名了 总穿得花里胡哨的 Can't remember his name. Dresses up weird.
瞧瞧这场面 每个人都好开心 Look at this. Everyone's happy.
马上就要上太空了 They're about to go into space.
我知道咱俩相处得一直不算特别融洽 I know things haven't always been great with us,
但是合作起来还挺默契的 but we do make a pretty good team.
呃 Rick 我们能谈谈么 Uh, Rick? Can we talk?
和我女儿的关系正要有个突破呢 Kinda in the middle of a breakthrough with my daughter.
你们聊吧 爸爸 你也该陪陪盖亚 Go ahead, Dad. Gaia deserves some time, too.
- 他们也是你的孩子 - 嗯 说到这个 - They're your kids. - Yes, about that.
Pam 太好了又见面了 亲爱的 Pam! It's good to see you, baby!
呃 盖亚 你认识这货么 Um, Gaia? You know this guy?
哈 你居然叫她盖亚 Ha! You call her Gaia?
- 太逊了 - 那是 - So lame. - Is that...
- 上帝么 - Rick 孩子们 - God? - Rick. The kids.
我搞错了 孩子不是你的 I messed up. You're not their father.
小不点们 爹爹来啦 Little ones! Daddy's here!
我要降下一些雾气 I'm sending some fog down.
在雾气中感受我的存在吧 Feel my presence through the fog!
Beth 你特么 不要碰 Beth! What the fuck, Don't touch it!
来逗我的吧 上帝才是亲爹吗 You gotta be kidding me. God is the father?
别往心里去 好不好 No hard feelings, okay?
我们以为是你的 We thought they were yours, you know,
因为个头都那么小 because they're so small.
哇哦 “别往心里去” 你听听这话说的 Beth Oh, wow. No hard feelings. Y-You hear that, Beth?
我们都建立起文明了 他才突然冒出来 Guy swoops in after we raised his whole civilization
还说他原谅我们 真他妈会白嫖啊 and tells us he forgives us. What a fucking mooch!
别逼我 混账 Don't push me, asshole!
Rick 我觉得你该走了 Rick, I think you should go.
真的假的 你还真想让这坨干冰 Seriously? You really want this pile of dry ice
- 帮你养孩子么 - 别装得你有多称职似的 - to raise your kids? - Stop acting like you did a good job.
你把我的孩子们养得优柔又空虚 You made my kids soft and empty inside.
这座城市不过是你空洞的纪念碑 This city is a monument to nothing!
他们的信仰呢 Where is their faith?
Reggie说得对 Reggie is right.
孩子们还没准备好离开 The children are not ready to leave.
- 他能给孩子更多 - 我觉得咱们该撤了 爸爸 - He can give them more. - I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad.
至少这货能永生 而且可以一直驻留此地 At least this guy is immortal and can stick around.
放屁 这是我的孩子 我们得留下 Bullshit. They're my kids! We're staying!
坏人 坏人 坏人 Bad! Bad! Bad!
瞧见没 我刚说的就是这群屎屁玩意儿 See? Now, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about.
Jerry 老天爷啊 Jerry! Oh, my God!
真是你么 你特么是要干什么 Is that you? What the hell are you doing?
- 野营 - 快看呐 Jerry可算找到同类了 - Camping. - Oh, look, Jerry finally found his people.
只要屎盆子准备得够深就行了 All it took was a deep enough drip pan.
你把这些生灵归为“低产者” You labeled these creatures "unproductive,"
但我让他们有了更广阔的人生目标 but I have given them more purpose than ever.
真的咩 让他们帮你填失业登记表吗 Oh, yeah? They filing your unemployment forms?
他口舌尖酸 但撼动不了我们的精神 His tongue is sharp, but it cannot whittle.
大大苦头就在眼前 The Great Roughing of It is at hand.
要么在无尽逃亡中加入我独一大族 you will now join the One Family on its Eternal Getaway.
要么就化作烤棉花糖的火 Or join the embers over which we hold marshmallows
烤架高度刚刚好 at just the right distance.
六英寸 烤焦黄 Six inches! Until it gets golden brown!
莫要挨在火焰上 Don't let it start on fire!
焦碳有害你健康 The carbon is bad for you!
怎么回事 What's happening?
我的孩子们 赐予你们力量 My children, I give you my power.
拿起这个 去攫取吧 Use it to take what is yours.
啊 这王八蛋 升起墙来 Oh, this motherfucker Raise the walls!
墙阻挡不了我们 Rick 我们是天选之人 Walls can't stop us, Rick. We are chosen.
烤你丫 Sha-boom-boom!
抱歉 抱歉 Sorry! Sorry!
还在适应这玩意 Just trying to get the hang of this thing.
天选标准定得可真好 神棍 Nice choice of chosen people, G-diddles.
我估计你是在玩“天机不可泄露”那套呢 I guess you'll be playing the "mysterious ways" card on that one.
想跟我斗么 老弟 You wanna go, bro?
- 我可以亲自揍你 - 拉倒吧 大兄弟 别诱惑我 - I'll kick your ass myself. - Oh, dude, don't tempt me.
等我揍完你了 你得找根魔杖 When I'm done with you, you'll need a staff
拼合好你那张逼脸 to un-part your fucking face.
各位 求你们了 别当着孩子的面打 Guys. Please. Not in front of the kids.
你真就那么想暴打我一顿么 Did you for real just try to smite me?
Siri 对能量源三角定位 Siri, triangulate source of power.
找着你了 你个屌毛 Got you now, you son of a bitch.
闺女 你去对付那些嬉皮士 Sweetie, you handle the hippies.
我去处置那个冒牌耶和华 I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh.
- 狠狠收拾他 老爸 - 瞧好吧你就 - Kick his ass, Dad! - Bear witness.
你现在看到我的真实形态了 Now you see my true form.
加层云朵只是为了让盖亚觉得我更有吸引力 The clouds were simply a shape more appealing to Gaia's mind.
别扯了 任何形态都比这有吸引力 No shit. Any form is more appealing than this.
你看着像摇滚小子操了宙斯之后生出来的杂交 You look like Kid Rock fucked Zeus.
认真的吗 你指望我跟这样的你打吗 Oh, seriously, you expect me to fight you like this?
你有四座帝国大厦那么大 You're the size of four Empire State Buildings.
好吧 妈的 Alright, motherfucker.
开干 Let's go.
你喜欢这样是吧 Ha-ha! You like that?
有点痛了呢 Ohh! Here comes some pain!
呃 最后一个应该是 And... that last one should be...
启动按钮 the start button.
真棒 看来我们准备好了 Perfect. I guess we're ready.
让咱爸妈好好瞧瞧电子游戏 Let's show Mom and Dad what video games
和派对的意义何在 and partying are all about.
老天 掉的那是机翼吗 Jesus Christ, was that the wings?
这跟电子游戏里不一样 这他妈跟游戏里一点都不一样啊 This is not like a video game! It's not like a video game at all!
天啊 快让它停下来 快停下来 Oh, my God, make it stop! Make it stop!
- 我咋让它停啊 - 我哪知道 我他妈正嗨着呢 - How do I make it stop?! - I don't know. I'm fucking high!
天 现在我也嗨了 Oh, God, now I'm high, too!
- Jerry 差不多得了 - 嘿 宝贝 - Jerry, that's enough. - Oh, hey, babe.
喜欢我在你面前释放的疫灾吗 You like these plagues I'm unleashing on your asses?
不喜欢 太逊了 让你的军队和疾病站在同一边 可不是什么好事 No, they're lame. It's not a great sign that your army's on the same side as disease.
不好意思 我们还没现代到按价值区分人 然后把废物从刻薄的屁眼管子拉出去 Sorry we aren't modern enough to sort people by value and shit the losers through a mean butt tube!
就承认只是你空虚寂寞冷吧 Just admit this is about you wanting to feel needed!
你这女人出卖自己的家庭 Says the woman who sold out her family
只为换取醉鬼老爸的一丢丢认可 还好意思说我 for an ounce of approval from her drunk father!
呵呵 可能他喝酒只是因为 Well, maybe he drinks because it isn't easy
- 强过上帝并不容易 - 那好 如果是上帝的力量 - to be more powerful than God. - Well, if it's god power
在驱动着你 那就点几根蜡烛 that gets you going, light some candles
放上Billy Ocean的专辑吧 因为摩西回来了 and put on the Billy Ocean because Moses is home
而且他准备好烧灌木了 and he's ready to burn some bush!
烤你丫 Sha-boom-boom!
啊我操 Ohh! Fuck! Ow!
好了好了 停 Alright, alright, stop.
- 来啊 贱人 - 好吧 你赢了行吧 - Come on, bitch! - Look, you win, okay?
就 我并不在意那些孩子 打压他们 把他们养成操羊人 都行 Ju-- I don't care about the kids. Smite them, raise them to fuck sheep.
但让这个城市留下 好吗 Just keep the city, okay?
我跟女儿一起建造的 My daughter and I built that thing.
- 对她而言很重要的 - 不 老哥 我可是个宙斯啊 - It's important to her. - No, bro. I'm a Zeus.
我无所不能 I can literally do anything.
你认为我会留下来带孩子吗 Think I'm gonna hang around and raise kids?
唯一要教会他们的就是 恐惧 The only lesson they need is right here -- fear.
现在看起来 该放学了 贱人 And it looks like school's out, bitch.
- 我 我觉得你其实是想说 该上学了 - 什么 - I-I think you mean school's in. - What are --
- 你在说什么 - 如果你要教他们恐惧的话 - What are you talking about? - I-If you're teaching fear,
- 配合上你现在正在捏死我 那应该是该上学了 - 行吧 - then choking me -- school would be in. - Fine.
该上学了 贱人 School's in, bitch.
哦 我操 What the fuck?
我们是死了吗 我们已经死了吗 Ohh! Are we dead? D-Did we die?
我再也不想嗨了 I don't ever want to be high again.
我被吓到了 I-I got scared straight.
天啊 我被吓坏了 Oh, my God, I got scared straight.
我操 爸爸说的对 Fuck. Dad was right.
我们以为自己什么都知道了 We -- We think we know everything,
但可能我们才是糟糕的那个 but maybe we're the ones who suck.
你们两个宝贝孩子真他妈是我的英雄 你们救了姥爷的命 我太他妈爱你们了 You kids are my fucking heroes! You saved Grandpa's life! I fucking love you so much!
- 爸爸 - 爸爸 - Papa! - Papa!
我们玩了电子游戏然后嗨了 我们错了 We played video games and got high! We did wrong!
- 我们错了 - 噢噢小宝贝们 - We did wrong! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas.
别担心 孩子们 你们真的做得很棒了 Come on, now. You kids, you did real good here.
你们很好了 嗨起来 You did good. Getting high
还有玩电子游戏才是最棒的 and playing video games is the best,
- 我向他妈的上帝发誓 - 但是爸妈 - I swear to fucking God. - But mom and dad
- 会生气的 - 不 不 听着 - are gonna be mad. - No, hey, hey, look, no.
让你爸妈滚犊子去吧 他俩是两个二逼买一送一 Fuck your mom and dad. Your parents are a bag of dicks.
嗨起来 玩游戏才是最棒的 Getting high and playing video games is the best,
我永远都不会出卖你们 永远不会 and I will never sell you out, ever.
现在我们得赶在这个家伙从天上掉下来之前离开这里 Now, we got to get out of here before this guy falls out of the sky.
他依靠自己信仰体系产生离子云 才得以漂浮在空中 He's generating an ionic cloud from his own belief system.
我操 Summer 你刚抽了这个吗 你基本上就是抽了一堆刹车油啊 天哪 Holy shit, Summer, were you smoking this? You were basically inhaling brake fluid. Jesus!
嗯 爽 Mm, yeah.
结束了 Beth 让你的人把墙降下来 It's over, Beth. Tell your people to lower the gates
然后打包好自己的排汗衬衫 and pack their moisture-wicking shirts.
有危险 Incoming!
Jerry Jerry!
Beth 抓住了 Beth! Just hold on!
我要抓不住了 I'm losing my grip!
- Jerry - Squeeb - Jerry. - Squeeb?
用那个烤棉花糖棒 Jerry Use the s'more, Jerry.
啊 你扎到我手了 Ow! You stabbed my hand!
抱歉 抱歉 Sorry! Sorry!
我们 我们是要来一发吗 Should -- Should we make love?
Jerry 我爱你 但我简直从这就能 Jerry, I love you, but I can literally
- 闻到你蛋蛋的味道 - 噢 哇 - smell your balls from here. - Oh, wow.
下次求神来场洪水吧 好顺便帮你洗个澡 Ask God for a flood next time. It'll come with a shower.
记下了 Noted.
啊 天啊 那个可怜的家伙 Aw, geez, that -- that poor guy.
你可不可以别告诉爸妈 Can you maybe not tell Mom and Dad?
放松 这只是个宙斯 如果是个真神 那就 Relax, it's just a Zeus. If this was the real God, it--
那就完全是另一码事了 it'd be a completely different story.
Rick 你干了什么 Rick! What did you do?!
其实 主要是引力干的 I mean, gravity did most of it.
- 所以算是你干的 - 我都叫你走了 - So, you, technically. - I told you to leave!
嗯 同时你还让我养你的孩子 Yeah, well, you also asked me to raise your kids.
呃 不知道你有没有听说过一个说法叫 "下定主意就别瞎改" Uh, not sure if you heard the phrase, "pick a lane,"
- 但是 - 你杀了他们的父亲 - but -- - You killed their father!
不管父亲不父亲 他就是坨骗人的屎 Father or not, he was a lying piece of shit.
我不管还有谁日了你的地壳 但是前来当爹的人是我 I don't care who else stuffed your crust, but I'm the guy that showed up.
不过 如果你有需要 我还是可以把他的内脏 But I mean, if you want, I can still power-wash his guts
- 从塔上面冲干净然后 - 滚 - off the tower and maybe -- - Get oooout!
好吧 她真发火了 Okay, yeah, she's pissed.
那啥 你可是杀了她炮友啊 姥爷 I mean, you killed her slam piece, Grandpa.
我不怪她 I don't blame her.
看着 把火棍怼上木头 然后就 有了 See? you put the fire stick to the wood, and, voilà!
- 营火 - 你一直都知道这个吗 - Campfire. - You have known about this the whole time?
我不打算浪费时间给你们造艘方舟 I'm not gonna waste my time building you an ark,
但如果你妈开始黏人了 可以开飞船出去静静 but if your mom gets clingy, you can use this to get some space.
你走之前只想对你的孩子说这些吗 Is that all you want to say to your children before you leave?
噢 对了 别找我要钱 Oh, yeah, uh, don't ask me for money.
那个 盖亚不会养大那些孩子 然后派他们追杀我们吧 I mean, Gaia's not gonna raise those guys to hunt us down, right?
噢 肯定会的 我在他们船上放了个追踪器 Oh, most definitely. I put a tracker on their ship.
只要靠近我 我就炸了它 I'll blow it up if they come anywhere near me.
好吧 孩子们 从没想过我会说这出些 但 Well, kids, never thought I'd say this, but,
- Summer 你说的对 - 等下 什么 - Summer, you were right. - Wait, what?
我以为我想教你们搭帐篷 I thought I wanted to teach you guys about tents,
但事实上 我只是想被重视 but really, I just wanted to feel important.
我想年轻人偶尔还是明白自己在说什么的 虽然有点刻薄 I guess sometimes teenagers do know what they're talking about, even if it's mean.
是啊 但你不是 就 天神下凡和妈对着干吗 Right, but didn't you, like, go into god-mode and fight mom?
爱才是唯一重要的力量 Morty Love is the only power that matters, Morty.
不 你曾拥有真正的力量 但你屁事没干 No, you had actual power, and you did jack shit.
那可是把神杖啊 That was a divine staff.
你本可以用它治疗癌症或者复活死者什么的 You could've cured cancer or raised the dead.
- 而你拿来召唤虫子 - 说实话 爸 我倒觉得挺厉害的 - Instead you made bugs. - Well, I was impressed, Dad.
是他救了我的命 而不是你 He saved my life, no thanks to you.
你的小孩吸外星迷雾吸嗨了 Your kids got high on alien mist
直接把飞船开进了那个宙斯的脑袋里 and drove the ship into that Zeus guy's head.
- 算是谋杀了他 - 姥爷 - Basically murdered him. - Grandpa!
- 什么鬼 - 得了吧 - 怎么 你们就是干了 - What the hell?! - Come on! - What? You did.
我想说 责人前先自省 I mean, not to cast the first stone,
但 你们俩 教育孩子方面真的很烂 but, Beth and Jerry, pretty terrible parenting on your part.
你们知道Summer吸了K-Zax Array吗 Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array?
基本上是吸出了个《午夜凶铃》 飞船上吸了这个的飞行员大多没活过三天 She basically smoked "The Ring". Most pilots die after three days.
然后Morty这傻逼 他以为 And Morty, the fucking moron, he thought
操作飞机像操作游戏一样 the ship worked like a game controller.
净给我整些迪士尼频道里的狗屎 What in the Disney Channel fuck is that?
下次他写作业你辅导一下吧 Maybe help him with homework next time.
一看他就需要帮助 He's clearly crying for help.
仅限星球 仅限星球 仅限星球 Planets Only. Planets Only. Planets Only.
一整个星系的湿湿滑滑的球体 Entire systems of steamy, lush globes
和住不了人的天体 and barely habitable celestial objects
在虚空中游荡 只为你 are drifting through the void just for you.
- 仅限星球 - 我们来改变地貌吧 - Planets Only. -Let's terraform.
- 或者尽情地殖民我吧 - 仅限星球 - Or colonize me as I am. -Planets Only.
喔 我的臭氧层里有个洞 Oops, there's a hole in my ozone.
不是我弄的哦 是你吗 I didn't put it there. Did you?
我自己填不满它 我可傻了呢 I can't fill it by myself. I'm not smart enough.
傻白甜 绕着太阳转 Young, dumb, and orbiting the sun.
仅限星球 我们的温室效应开到最高挡 The greenhouse is in full effect at Planets Only.
噢 我想让你把我的泛大陆撕成一片片的大陆 Oh, I want you to split my Pangea into distinct continents.
我还没有发育出流体静力平衡 I don't have hydrostatic equilibrium yet.
那个我能学会吗 Is that something you can learn?
你懂我意思了 You get the idea.
- 呼 - 我在你背后看了整整一分钟 - Phew! - I was watching over your shoulder for a full minute.
所以呢 我看这纯粹是因为好玩 So? I was watching because it's funny.
这是 这是 他们 他们 他们是星球 It's -- It's -- They-- They-- They're planets,
但他们很性感 这是喜剧效应 but they're sexy. It's a comedic premise.
- 行吧 - 仅限星球 - Yeah. - Planets Only.
仅限星球 Planets Only.