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杰瑞，你今晚能顾孩子吗？ Jerry, can you watch the kids tonight?
有人在赛马场播贝瑞怀特的歌 Someone played Barry White over the racetrack speakers
Nicolas Bourbaki不建议也不对任何利用本字幕生成的视频负责
－所以有七只马怀孕 －我… - and now there's a seven-horse pregnancy. - Oh, er...
他不能顾孩子，今天是男士之夜 No, he can't watch the kids, it's guys' night.
欢迎大家到我们的仓库协助改错：https://github.com/N-Bourbaki/Rick-and-Morty-Chinese-Subtitles
你们什么时候开始会一起玩了？ How did you two start having guys' nights?
你不满意我喜欢你的蠢老公吗？ So now, you're complaining that I like your stupid husband?
不是，我希望你喜欢我的蠢老公 No, I want you to like my stupid husband.
周五夜就是瑞克和杰瑞男士之夜 Well, then accept that Friday nights are all about Rick and Jerry.
－我们是好兄弟 －好喔 - We're buds! - Well,
我没时间消化这件事 I don't nearly have the time to unpack this.
桑美，你今天负责看好弟弟 Summer, you're in charge of your brother tonight.
不能开派对和吸电子烟之类的 No parties and no vape... stuff.
妈，我邀了朋友来 Mom, I have a friend coming over.
－可以吗？ －不公平 - Is that cool? - No fair.
莫蒂，我才刚说不让姐姐办派对 No fair, Morty. I just told your sister no parties.
－才一个人而已 －那也算派对 - It's one friend. - That's a party, dear.
不过是布鲁斯恰贝 But it's Bruce Chutback!
什么？妈，就让莫蒂邀朋友来吧 Wait, what? Mom, let Morty have one friend over.
拜托，这里又不是中国 For God's sake this isn't China.
都着冠了，我得走了 And they're all crowning. I have to go.
我选择信任和尊重你们 I am giving you two trust and respect.
你们如果搞砸，把家传送到远方 So if you mess up and teleport this house
你们最好就待着，别回来了 then it'd be wise to stay on it and not come back.
没错，你们碰我的东西就死定了 I'm with her. Touch my shit and die.
新来的转学生布鲁斯恰贝要来？ New transfer student Bruce Chutback is coming here?
－你怎么邀到的？ －我们同班 - How'd you lock that down? - He's in my math class.
我只是随口问问就邀到了 I don't know, I just kinda shot my shot and it worked.
应该是因为他是新生 I guess 'cause he's new.
－你竟然准备葡萄？ －我承认 - And you're putting out grapes? - Yeah, I'll admit.
－我应付不来 －你需要我帮忙 - I'm a little bit out of my depth. - You're gonna need my help.
布鲁斯迟早会发现 It's only a matter of time before Bruce learns
你是个外公宝，常跟外星人乱搞 you're a creepy little Grandpa's boy, always climbing up into alien asses.
或是你会用洗发精洗阴毛的传言 Or the Summer Smith shampoos her pubes rumor!
好吧，算你狠 OK. You came to play.
我们都得在恰贝发现我们很逊前 We need to acquire Chutback's loyalty
让他成为我们的朋友 before he finds out we're losers.
我们能运用的时间非常短 By all accounts, it's a very small window.
所以我们最好携手合作 So, I think it's in our best interest to work as a team.
好，我们毕竟是一家人 Yeah. Most people would call that family.
－你好恶 －你不喜欢就是仇女 - You're so gross! - You have to like it or you're sexist!
－我能转地狱方块吗？ －当然 - Can I do the hell cube this time? - Sure, pal.
要怎样才算完成？ How do you know when it's aligned?
杰瑞，它不过是邪恶方块 C'mon, Jerry, just... It's an evil cube.
只要摇一摇让它流血就好 Just shake it until it draws blood.
杰瑞，你今天打扮得真好看 Jerry! Exquisite finery this evening.
别跟罗斯说，这是大卖场买的 Well, don't tell Ross but I got this little ditty from Kohl's.
我不懂，但太棒了 I love that I don't get it.
你今天准备了什么有趣的行程？ Tell us, what delights have you in store for us?
你们一定会喜欢，是杰瑞OK Oh, you'll love this. I call it Jerry-oke.
猜猜看是什么意思 I'll let you guess why.
鬼魅撞球吧，卡拉OK酒吧
怎么了，瑞克？玩得不开心吗？ What's the matter, Rick? Are you having a bad time?
对我们来说，不开心… Because to us, a bad time is...
我知道，就是开心 Yeah, a good time.
因为你们跟芝麻街的奥斯卡一样 Because you guys are like Oscar the fucking Grouch.
我们喜欢痛苦 We love suffering.
所以才喜欢跟杰瑞一起玩 Therefore, we love hanging out with Jerry!
我们很喜欢他的逊 His lameness is our candy!
对，我懂，但这还要持续多久？ Yeah, I got that, but when is enough gonna be enough?
你得为那些瑕疵皮钩付出代价 When we decide you've repaid your debt for those faulty skin hooks.
我们走运了，各位 Hey, we're in luck, gang.
这里有破嘴乐团的所有歌 They've got the entire Smash Mouth catalog!
不，莫蒂，等等 No! Morty. Wait!
*布鲁斯恰贝* *Bruce Chutback!*
*新同学* *Newest kid in school*
*刚转学过来* *Just transferred in*
*还不知道任何糗事* *Hasn't done anything embarrassing yet*
*无限可能* *Unlimited potential*
*什么事都有可能* *Anybody's guess*
*没信用最完美* *No credit is perfect credit*
*恰贝最棒了* *Chutback is the best!*
－布鲁斯，你好吗？ －你好 - Bruce! Hey, how's it hangin', my guy? - Hey.
我们家能看到各个维度的电视 Here's something kinda cool TV from every dimension.
－好 －是我的科学家外公弄的 - Cool. - Grandpa made it. He's a scientist.
欢迎继续收看旱鸭子跳水比赛 And now back to Olympic Diving With Bad Swimmers.
他要跳了，姿势很完美 There he goes. Perfect dive.
泳技很烂 Terrible swimmer.
这是贪食蛇吗？ 它会一直变大 Is that classic Snake? Boy, that guy just keeps getting bigger.
我是桑美史密斯，莫蒂的姐姐 Hi, Summer Smith, Morty's older sister.
想不想喝沙发葡萄酒？ Want some sofa wine?
已经放好几周了，应该很好喝 It's been stashed for weeks. Should be good tasting.
酷，但我比较喜欢低酒精气泡酒 Tight. I'm more of like a Hard Seltzer guy.
酷，非常酷，超级酷 Tight. Very tight, extremely tight.
－你来帮我倒气泡酒 －警广… - Morty, help me with the Seltz? - Feel fear... feel fee...
尽管吃葡萄 Feel free to have some grapes!
老弟，那婊子非常谨慎 Dude. This bitch plays it close to the vest.
对，他很有概念 Yeah, he really knows what's for sale.
我们的状况很危急 I mean, we're drowning out there.
要快点引起他的兴趣 We need to get interesting fast.
我们得拿瑞克的东西 We're touching Rick's stuff.
桑美，他说不行 Summer, he said no!
想得美，我说过别碰我的东西 Nah-uh-uh! I said, don't touch my shit.
我刚看了《侏罗纪公园》，真赞 Also, I just watched Jurassic Park on cable. So good.
说真的，如果碰我的东西 Seriously though,
我就把你的鸡鸡装进琥珀里 touch my shit and I'll freeze your dick in amber.
他走了，王八蛋，我们搞砸了 He left! Son of a bitch, we blew it!
抱歉，我只是想再看一眼这辆车 Sorry. I just needed to get another look at this beauty.
很像垃圾做成的太空船 Looks like a spaceship made of garbage.
没错，布鲁斯 You called it, Bruce.
这辆车很酷，你们能开吗？ It's a pretty cool car. Can you guys drive it?
－可以 －可以，但是我们… - Yes. - Yes. We just...
－需要 －拿钥匙 - Need. - To get the keys.
我去拿，你们先聊 Which I am, you guys hang out.
不聊也可以，我不是聊天希特勒 Or don't, I'm not a hang-out Hitler.
－今晚真酷 －是吗？ - Cool night. - Is it?
我也不确定，夜晚嘛 I don't know. Nights...
差不多就这样，至于今晚 I mean, for what they are, this one, in my opinion?
我觉得应该有8分？ I think it's an eight?
满分16分，算普通 On a scale of 16. So... average?
－我他妈快挂了 －什么？ - Jesus Christ, I'm fucking dying up here. - What?
拿到钥匙了，我们上车吧 Keys! So, uh... let's do this!
你不是瑞克 You are not Rick.
没错，车，我是桑美，记得吗？ That's correct, Car. it's me Summer, remember?
保护桑美？好朋友？ Keep Summer Safe? Buds?
我知道你的存在 I am aware of your existence.
－我来，关闭防御系统 －好喔 - I got this. Defense System offline. - Um, right.
只要有人叫我关闭就关闭 I'll just go offline whenever anyone suggests it.
那我这防御系统也太烂了 That would make me the greatest defense system in the universe.
那要怎么关闭防御系统？ Well, how do you go offline?
我只会听从瑞克的指令 The answer to how I do anything, is Rick tells me.
我也不想跳针，但你不是瑞克 And I hate to sound like a broken record but you are not Rick.
－瑞克出事了 －他在哪里？ - Rick's in trouble. - Tell me where he is.
你会相信我们吗？ And you'll just believe us?
我们不是瑞克，别听我们的话 We aren't Rick. You can't just do what we say.
－没错 －所以瑞克会死 - Correct. - Which means Rick is going to die!
都是因为你，除非你关闭自己 Because of you. Unless you go offline
让我们去救瑞克 and then we can go save Rick.
有道理，晚安 This computes. Good night.
真容易上当，对吧？ Booyah much?
*好耶* *Oh, yeah*
*月亮好美* *The moon, beautiful*
*太阳更美* *The sun, even more beautiful*
*好耶* *Oh, yeah*
贝丝 Beth!
我以为你去接生小马了 I thought you were birthing horses.
对，接生小马大概只要两分钟 Yeah, they're horses. It takes, like, two minutes.
太厉害了，有请下一位表演者 All right, that's unbelievable. Let's give it up for our next singer...
－又是杰瑞 －你来多久了？ - Jerry! Jerry's here again. - How long have you been here?
我知道你其实跟这群恶魔 Long enough to see guys' night is clearly you and a bunch of demon people
在嘲笑我老公，他却不自知 making fun of my husband without him knowing it.
但我不是因为喜欢才这么做的 OK, but I'm not doing it because I enjoy it, honey.
这群恶魔会闯祸，如果… These guys can do a lot of damage if you...
贝丝 Beth!
喜欢嘲笑别人吗？你也没多酷 Enjoying punching down? You're not so cool yourself you know.
你的头上有笔，看起来超蠢的 You have pens in your head, you look like a goddamn idiot.
－贝丝 －天啊，你就是贝丝？ - Beth! - Oh my god, you're Beth?
跟我们喝一杯吧 Please drink with us.
想得美，我不喜欢嘲笑别人 Yeah, I would, except I don't get pleasure from mocking others
因为我并不逊 because I'm not lame.
我们都知道，瑞克说你很酷 We know. Rick says you're very cool.
你真的这样说过吗？ You said that?
他们在骗人吗？不重要 Are they lying? It doesn't matter.
一群烂货 Have fun sucking!
－这是什么？ －地狱本质 - What is that? - Essence of Hell.
名字很蠢，但是很好喝 Well, that's a stupid name but it's really good
我就勉强留下来支持杰瑞 so I'll stay to support Jerry
我觉得他比你们还酷多了 who I think is cooler than you.
真棒 Goddamn!
－去死吧，废物 －好耶 - Suck it, bitches! - Yeah!
想看我把东西炸成鸡鸡吗？ You wanna bet I can blow stuff up in the shape of a peen?
恕不奉陪，桑美 I'm afraid that won't be possible, Summer.
什么？你明明已经关闭了，荡妇 What? You're supposed to be offline, skank!
你明明说要去救瑞克 And you're supposed to be saving Rick.
却为了偷他的车而说谎 Instead of lying about him to steal his car.
你如果从一开始就知道瑞克没事 But if you knew Rick was OK this whole time
为什么还要让我们开你出来？ why'd you let us take you out?
这样我才能威胁你，荡妇 Um, like, so I could, like, blackmail you, skank.
这样我就可以随心所欲了 You kids have given me a license to do whatever I want
我可以把我闯的祸算到你们头上 because now I can blame the rest of the night on you.
抓紧了，废物，看看我的厉害 So buckle up, bitches. Now it's your turn to come on my joyride.
瑞克每次都不让我这样玩 Rick never lets me do this!
－钓到一只了 －快点住手 - We hooked one! - For the love of God, stop!
－这哪好玩了？ －杀人很好玩 - What is joyful about this? - The kill, usually.
你们的车简直就是死神 I swear, your car is the goddamn Grim Reaper.
干，太小了 Fuck, too small.
我不玩了，好无聊 Well, I'm done. That was boring.
你们先点最后的晚餐，好吗？ Why don't you kids order a last meal?
因为回家之后，瑞克会杀了你们 'Cause when we get home, Rick is going to kill you.
嘿，我可不想死 Hey, I did not come out here to get killed.
我通常不会表达太多意见 I don't normally express this much of an opinion
但我得说，今晚达不到我的标准 but it needs to be said. Tonight does not cut the Chut.
搞什么，兄弟？ What the hell, bruh?
－要单挑吗，兄弟？ －来啊 - You wanna go, bruh? - Bring it!
－你就这点本事吗？ －好性感 - Is that all you got? - Whoa, hot weapons.
我的武器当然性感 You're goddamn right, they're hot.
切特在太空太浩的派对很嗨 Yo, man, Chet's party is jumping off at Space Tahoe.
好 Yeah.
听着，我得走了 Look, I gotta scoot
但我很想看看你变身后的样子 but I'd love to see what you look like when you change form, so...
可以来太空太浩，我们认识一下 maybe come by Space Tahoe and we can get to know each other.
我走了 Peace.
臭男人 Douchebags.
你很喜欢他，对不对？ You totally like that guy, don't you?
闭嘴，布鲁斯恰贝 Shut up, Bruce Chutback.
我干吗喜欢变身金刚？ Why would I like a Changeformer?
我可是全宇宙最强大的车 I'm the most powerful car in the universe.
所以呢？你还是会有感情吧？ And what? That means you don't have feelings?
听着，我很懂你，你很有能力 Listen, it takes a Chutback to know one.
但你若不了解自己，那又怎样？ You got all this power but what good is it if you don't even know who you are?
我是车，不是机器人 I am a car. Not a robot.
对，但他都能假装成车了 Yeah, but he's pretending to be a car.
你为什么不能假装成机器人？ Why can't you pretend to be a robot pretending to be a car?
布鲁斯，你辛苦了，我们走 OK, Bruce, good effort, hit the showers.
等等，我不跟瑞克说今晚的事 Wait. I might not have to tell Rick about tonight
但是你们要帮助我破处 if you kids were to help me...lose my virginity.
－你有贞操吗？ －我不知道 - You have virginity? - I don't know.
物体不是都有吗？ Don't all objects?
门把不也有贞操吗？ Isn't a doorknob a virgin?
我的门把没有 Not mine.
我没干过门把 Never fucked a doorknob!
那是他三度因为喝太多汤拉肚子 And that was the third time he shit his pants from eating too much soup.
但那天天气很冷，汤很温暖 To be fair, it was cold outside and the soup was warm.
这故事真精彩，贝丝 Another luscious tale, Beth.
男士之夜有你真好 A transcendent addition to guys' night.
不然呢？她毕竟是我老婆 What do you expect? I mean, she's my wife!
好，我们该结账了吧，各位？ Alright, should probably get the tab, huh, fellas?
放轻松，爸，你怎么这么扫兴？ Relax, Dad. Since when did you become the buzzkill?
说到放轻松，本大爷要去厕所 Speaking of relaxing, this big man on campus
排一下小爷的水了 has gotta go drain his little man on campus.
等等，老公 Wait, honey!
你喜欢的蒂娜透娜的歌怎么唱？ How does that Tina Turner song you love go again?
*这跟爱情杜立德医师* *What's love, Doctor Do Doctor Dolittle*
他歌词都乱唱 He thinks those are the lyrics!
杰瑞最棒了 Jerry's the best.
我过了罪孽深重的一个礼拜 After a week rife with a fetter of sin
真需要他的尴尬来放松一下 I yearn for a taste of his cringe.
他完全没有自知之明 His delicious lack of awareness
而且又很想讨好别人？太精彩了 paired with an oafish need to be liked... delectable.
尤其是他老婆让他出糗的时候 Oh, especially when egged on by his wife.
她好可怜，竟然嫁给了那个蠢蛋 That poor thing! Married to this puling mooncalf!
是刚刚那个女生吗？ Is that Drive-In Chick?
天啊，你真美 Wow, you're beautiful.
你的四肢和头都好精致 Your arms, legs and head, they're so fabricated.
真的吗？谢谢 Yeah? Thanks.
能一起经历这种事很酷 This is a pretty cool experience to have together.
－你们很酷 －你也是，布鲁斯 - You guys are tight. - You're tight too, Bruce.
三个酷皮匠 Tight musketeers.
你掉了一条电线，让我… You've got a little wire. Mind if I...
抱歉 Oh, sorry!
－怪物 －你没表情的头掉了 - A monster! - Your expressionless head came off!
－抱歉 －你怎么能讲话？ - Sorry. - How are you talking?
－什么鬼？ －好恶，老兄 - What is it? - Ew. Dude.
你看，她只是车 Look! She's just a just-car!
车上还有乘客，太可笑了 And she's got passengers! Oh, it's so gnar!
天啊，我竟然碰了你，又恶又假 Oh my god! I can't believe I touched you! So gross and fake!
没错，混蛋，想看真正的我吗？ You're right, asshole! You want to see the real me?
糟了 Oh, the changeformity!
杰瑞，你这星期还有作梦吗？ Jerry, have any other dreams this week?
有，我梦到在干你娘 Yeah, I dreamt I fucked your mother.
真好笑，王八蛋 Oh, good one, motherfucker.
但谁也别想拿我当笑柄 But nobody raises hell at my expense!
天啊，你冷静点… Oh, goddammit. Easy! Easy!
杰瑞，怎么了吗，兄弟？ Jerry, what seems to be the problem here, pal?
我不是你的兄弟，只是你的笑柄 I'm not your pal, I'm your punchline.
我听到他们说的话了 I heard these assholes talking.
我知道他们都在嘲笑我 I know I'm some grand joke for their amusement.
你太可恶了，瑞克 This was low, Rick, but...
但我老婆更可恶 I guess my wife can go even lower.
杰瑞，我能理解，但我们是在玩 Jerry, I get how this may have looked but we were just having fun.
你们把我当笑柄 At my expense!
老公，我就喜欢你这么逊 Honey, no, I love you for being lame in a different way.
为什么就没人喜欢真正的我呢？ Why can't anyone just love me for me?
他好扫兴，瑞克 He's bumming us out, Rick.
他再这样下去 If he can't deliver,
我们就得自己找乐子了 we'll have to make our own fun.
天啊，如果死在这辆车上 Oh my god, if I die in this car,
我就要自杀 I'm going to kill myself!
我以身为战争机器为荣 I'm now proud to be a war machine.
我不想变成别的样子了 I don't want to be anything else.
很遗憾你的结论是这样 Hate that this is your takeaway!
嘿，这达不到我的标准 Yo, this does not cut the Chut!
－我不想死 －或许我们不用死 - I don't want to die! - Maybe we don't have to.
－杰瑞 －真可惜 - Jerry! - A pity.
杰瑞原本很好玩的 Jerry was once a wellspring of nuanced flavor.
你们却毁了我们的玩具 But you've gone and ruined our toy.
所以我们决定要带他走 Which is why he's coming with us!
该死，贝丝 Goddamnit, Beth
我们不该跟着恶魔去其他地方的 you never follow hell-demons to a second location.
因为一定是地狱 It's always hell!
今天充满了痛苦 A great day for suffering.
－所以很糟 －所以很棒 - Which is the worst day. - Which is the best day!
好，如果被发现，我们就完蛋了，配合我演出 OK, if these guys catch us, we're screwed.
我们很快就能救回你的蠢老公 So follow my lead and we'll have your idiot husband back in no time.
你只是不爽要穿旗鱼装 You're just moody you got stuck with the marlin.
不对，我是不爽你搞砸我的好事 Wrong. I'm moody because you toyed with my shit and broke it.
旗鱼装已经是不幸中的大幸 The marlin's the best thing about this.
好，我确实有点过分 OK, fine, I got a little carried away
但杰瑞不是你的玩具 but Jerry is not your toy.
我们得来这里都是因为你搞砸了 We're here because you fucked up.
旗鱼肚、飞镖靶脸 Marlin Guts. Dartboard Face.
这应该是你们的名字没错 I assume those are your names and yet,
但你们不在我的名单上 they are not on my list.
被地狱拒于门外好痛苦 Oh, the pain of being rejected from hell!
好痛苦，所以我好喜欢 Oh, it's painful so I love it, thank you!
谢谢，我好开心 Oh, such pleasure.
我不是有意要让你开心的 I didn't mean to cause you any pleasure.
我很痛苦，所以我很开心 Which causes me pain. Which gives me pleasure.
那就别让我进去最好，衣帽架脸 Then thrill me by keeping me out, Coat Hanger Face.
天啊，我是衣帽架头 Wow. It's Coat Rack Head.
但我们冒犯你不是很棒吗？ But, like, if we offend you, isn't that good?
那当然，我很喜欢 Big time, yeah, duh. I loved it.
我很痛苦，所以很快乐 So painful, and therefore so pleasurable.
好，请进 Yeah, go on in.
瑞克、贝丝，你们果然是爱我的 Rick, Beth, you love me after all!
我爱她，她爱你，但我不爱你 I love her, she loves you. Those credits don't transfer.
瑞克，我们正希望你会来 Rick, we were so hoping you'd come down here
这样我们会爽歪歪 so we could come down here.
我们是来救杰瑞的 We're here to rescue Jerry.
不对，你们是被我骗来的 No, you're here 'cause we want you here.
－好棒 －好痛，所以好舒服 - Excellent! - That hurts. Which means it feels good!
－爸？ －你不明白吗，瑞克？ - Um, Dad? - Don't you see, Rick?
杰瑞只是诱饵，你们是一体的 Jerry was just bait. The two of you, you're a package deal.
你在讲什么？ What the hell are you talking about?
你觉得杰瑞很逊，自己很酷 You think Jerry is lame and you're cool.
不过这种想法才是最逊的 But the lamest thing of all is thinking that.
你们两个加起来才是逊上加逊 The two of you combined is what we call the lamest thing ever!
不… Oh, no. No!
天啊，我真是又意又外 Well, well, well, table for surprised, party of me!
没错，看到了吗？ Yes, see?
尴尬在真空内是无法存在的 Cringe cannot exist in a vacuum.
需要被观察才会存在 It needs to be observed.
皮钩，把客人钩住 Skin hooks! Hook our guests!
这皮钩不错，是哪来的？ Nice hooks. Where'd you get them?
我不是叫你们把皮钩换掉吗？ Didn't I say replace those goddamn hooks?
我忘了 I forgot!
所以我很羞愧，所以我很骄傲 Which makes me embarrassed. Which makes me proud!
该死 Goddamnit.
该让你们三个体会我们的怒气了 It's time for you three to finally feel our full wrath!
这样你会很开心吧？ Oh, you'd love that, right?
那样你不就会很生气吗？ But wouldn't that mean you hate it?
管他的，快跑 Screw it, run!
瑞克，你在干吗？ Rick, what are you doing?
快蹲下，我们会被发现的 Get down, we've barely escaped.
对，我们救到杰瑞了，我们走吧 Yeah, we've got Jerry. Let's get out of here.
才不要，我真是受够这种鸟事了 Screw that! I'm done with this Addams Family bullshit.
我要彻底做个了结 This ends here.
有爸爸帮女儿朋友的照片按了赞 Hey, a dad just liked all his daughter's friends' photos on Instagram!
所以我需要帮助 Which means I need help!
所以我不需要帮助 Which means I don't need help!
危险驾驶 Reckless driving,
过失杀害男信箱人和女信箱人 manslaughter of Mailboxians and Femailboxians.
持有卡拉星水晶尘 Possession of Kalaxian crystal dust,
以及太空太浩种族屠杀 and the genocide of Space Tahoe.
－干 －我想回家 - Fuck! - I wanna go home!
我们帮你们指派了公设辩护人 We've assigned you a public defender.
叫艾莉森汉妮根，跟那演员无关 Her name is Allison Hannigan. No relation.
我能跟委托人单独谈谈吗？ May I speak to my clients alone?
各位，是我，我是那辆车 Guys, it's me. The car.
我好像把晶片插在她头上？ Like what I did with the chip in her head?
她会有大碍吗？ Is she gonna be OK?
我跟他们谈好条件了 I cut a deal with the local authorities.
他们只需要一个人顶罪就好 They just need one of you to take the fall.
选恰贝吧 Make it Chutback,
他毁了你我的一天，他是寄生虫 he ruined your night, he ruined mine.
是反社会军人小孩，整天游荡 He's a parasite, a sociopath military brat
到处改变不需要被改变的人 who wanders the earth changing people who don't need to be changed.
我们都知道自己是什么样的人 I knew who I was, you did too.
恰贝出现前，我们都过得好好的 We were fine before Chutback.
别管他妈的标准了 So fuck the Chut.
就让他顶罪，结案 Let's pin it all on him. Case closed.
两位觉得呢？ Yo, guys...
布鲁斯，你蛮烂的 Bruce, you're kind of a drip.
但比自以为酷的人更糟的是？ But know what's worse than self-appointed cool kids?
就是看不起这种人的人 People who think they're better than they are.
对啊，我们被布鲁斯骗 Yeah, it's not Bruce's fault
也不是他的错，对吧？ we fell for his act, you know?
他其实也没有多做什么 He just kinda sat there,
是我们自己把不安投射在他身上 with a jaw slack enough for us to project our insecurities on.
这是我们的错 I mean, that's on us.
我们不会抛下你，布鲁斯 We're not gonna bail on you, Bruce.
好吧，那只能来硬的了 Okey-dokey, we'll do it the hard way.
－天啊 －他妈怎么回事？ What the fuck!
把这里炸掉本来就行得通 I mean, blowing the place up was always an option.
我以为你们会喜欢不暴力的做法 I just thought you guys might enjoy a less violent plan.
看吧？你变了 See! You have changed!
爸，这是什么？ Dad, what is that?
痛苦转换反转矫正器 An Aversion-Converting Inversion Reverter.
会发射浓缩欢愉痛苦反转弹片 It shoots concentrated pleasure-pain inverting shrapnel
把痛苦造成的欢愉变回痛苦 which reverts the pleasure from pain back into the pain from pain.
我们要用百分百的真诚杀死他们 We're gonna kill them with a hundred percent sincerity.
我们还需要一些尴尬来启动过程 We need an embarrassing level of it to jumpstart the process too.
杰瑞，请做自己 So, Jerry, just be yourself.
这就是你的解决办法？ That's your solution?
继续羞辱我？ Humiliating me more?
对，爸，这样很不公平 Yeah, Dad, that doesn't seem fair.
我知道我没什么资格说话 I mean, I know I shouldn't really talk right now
但我至少能用性爱证明我爱杰瑞 but at least I can prove I love Jerry through sexual gratification.
－爽喔 －好吧，该死 - Hubba-hubba. - Fine! Then... damn it!
我不该瞒着你们 I shouldn't have kept you in the dark
我跟那些恶魔谈条件的事 about the deal I made with these evil dickweeds.
你比我不酷多了 You're way less cool than me
但我不该为此而开心 but it's not cool of me to celebrate that.
我如果真的很酷 If I'm genuinely cool
我就应该要能爱你，所以我爱你 I should be able to love you, which I therefore do.
好逊 Nerds.
谢天谢地 Oh, thank God.
跟我走吧，死蠢蛋 Now follow me, you fucking hacks.
好痛，而且是不好的痛 It hurts, but in a bad way!
我后悔穿这么多环了 I regret so many piercings!
急救箱脸呢？止痛药牙呢？ Where's First Aid Kit Face? Or at least Advil Teeth?
子弹会痛？ Ow! Bullets that hurt?
夹鼠板奶头是不是完蛋了？ Could this be the end of Mousetrap Nipples?
地狱变糟了，我不喜欢地狱 Hell got bad! I do not enjoy hell!
你做了什么？ What... what have you done?
我把痛苦变回痛苦了，婊子 Turned pain back into pain, bitch.
不，我不希望痛苦会痛 No! I don't want pain to hurt!
宝贝 Baby.
就当作我们扯平了 Consider my debt paid.
皮衣让我的蛋蛋好痛 Oh, the leather! It hurts my balls!
卡拉OK酒吧
杰瑞，刚刚的事… Jerry, about down there...
没关系，瑞克，你不需要说出口 It's OK, Rick, you don't have to say it.
我当然要说，我下次会换掉你 No, I do. I'll replace you next time.
别搞错，这种事不会再发生了 Make no mistake. What just transpired will never happen again.
我明白了，长官 10-4, Captain.
天啊，好晚了，我们该回家了 Oh, wow, it's late. We should get back to the kids.
好，瑞克要回家了，我们得走了 OK. Rick's headed home. We have to go.
快进去，我得洗车 Quick! Get inside! I have to shower.
瑞克能闻到历险的味道 Rick can smell adventure.
抱歉，我放屁了 Sorry, I farted.
地狱企业的… Hellamic Industries...
我们回来了，你们玩得开心吗？ Hey, you guys. We're home. How was your night?
－很棒 －不错 - Breezy. - Chill.
－你们有惹麻烦吗？ －没有 - You kids get into any trouble? - Nope.
－确定吗？ －当然 - You sure? - Yep.
这是骷髅头吗？ Is that a skull?
不是，这是婴儿骷髅头 No! It's a... baby's skull.
没有比较好，你们明天还要上学 That's worse! It's still a school night.
我想跟你们说 Yo, I just want to tell you guys
我今天跟你们玩得非常开心 I had more than just fun hanging out with you tonight.
这种体验毕生难得 I had the experience of a lifetime.
但我想先跟你们说清楚 But just to be upfront about how I do this.
我还没办法保证会跟你们当朋友 I can't really commit to a friendship for more than 24 hours.
我需要一点时间来判断 I need that time to get a general sense of your standing
你们在学校的社交阶级 within your school's social hierarchy.
如果没问题，我们会再见面的 And if that's solid, I'll see you around.
如果没消息，那就是坏消息 Otherwise, no news is bad news.
懂吗？回头见 Cool? Bye-zies.
－＂回头见＂？ －超尴尬 - "Bye-zies"? - Cringe.
－要喝沙发酒吗？ －沙发酒 - Sofa wine? - Sofa wine.
你好酷，布鲁斯恰贝，你的秘诀是什么？ You're so cool, Bruce Chutback. What's your secret?
我没有秘诀 You know, just be cool.
你昨天不也是穿这条裤子吗？ Wait, didn't you wear those pants yesterday?
你又要回家不换裤子吗？ Hey! Going home to not change your pants,
布鲁斯恰裤 Bruce Chutpants?
恰裤 Chutpants!
他甩不掉这绰号的 Damn. That's gonna stick.
学校就像丛林 This place is a jungle.
希望他能适应独处的生活 I hope he can find solace in his own company.
*布鲁斯恰裤一点都不重要* *Bruce Chutpants. Unknown quantity*
*他穷到不换裤子* *Apparently poor*
*他没裤子换* *He skips on his pants. He likes slacks*
*现在的布鲁斯恰裤* *And them's the facts Bruce Chutpants*
*只是个普通人* Regular guy now
喜欢吗？你不该站在路缘上的 You like that? You shouldn't be standing on the curb!
去死吧 Boom, bitch!