不 不 别杀死我们 No, no! Don't kill us!
我们的金属乐队本来今天该在达人秀上演出的 Our metal band is supposed to play the talent show today!
金属 Metal!
如果你杀了我们 我们会诅咒你的 If you kill us, we'll curse you.
嗯 以撒旦的名义 Yeah! In the name of Satan.
撒旦 - Satan!
很久很久之前 Long ago...
只有一个人可以决定他人的生死 there was only one who may judge the living.
－谁 －嗯 告诉我们要信仰谁 - Who? - Yeah, tell us what to believe in.
－嗯 －他的名字是 - Yeah! - His name was...
腌黄瓜先生 Mr. Pickles!
－哈 －哈 - Huh?! - Huh?!
这场献祭一定要停止下来 These sacrifices have got to stop!
哦 太阳 啊 腌黄瓜先 Oh, the sun! Ugh! Mr. Pick...
大家都去哪里了 Where did everybody go?
早餐准备好了 Breakfast is ready!
－谢谢 妈妈 －好的 谢谢你 - Thanks, Mom! - Okeydoke. Thank you.
－达人秀 哈 －嗯 我猜是的 - Talent show, huh? - Mm-hmm, I guess.
我希望我也可以上达人秀 I wish I could be in the talent show!
但是我没有任何才艺 But I don't have any talents.
你有才艺的 说一下你那个笑话 Yes, you do! Tell that joke of yours.
鸭子和……的不同是 What's the difference between a duck...
－哦 －我理解不了笑点 - Oh! - I don't get it.
他说笑话的方式很搞笑 It's the way he says it that's so funny.
－嗯哼 －来吧 - Mm-hmm. - Come on, boy.
让我们写上达人秀的笑话吧 Let's go write jokes for the talent show!
嘿 我有个点子 Hey, I have an idea.
－让我们 －不行 - Let's... - No way.
我不打算去达人秀 I am not going to the talent show.
为什么不去 Why not?
我不能袖手旁观 I cannot stand by
看着汤米说那些不搞笑的笑话 and watch Tommy tell jokes that aren't funny.
如果你去的话 今晚我给你个特别的惊喜［动作暗指手淫］ If you go, I'll give you a special surprise tonight.
哦 Oh!
嘿 腌黄瓜先生是个恶魔 他 Hey, that Mr. Pickles is evil. He's been...
哦 你从来没信过我 再见 Oh, you never believe me. Bye.
嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟 啦啦啦啦啦 ♪ Doo doo doo doo doo, la la la la la ♪
朋友 你把它射得我满脸都是 You got it all over my face, man.
哦 我的枪堵住了 Oh, no, mine's stuck!
－来 让我试试看可不可以吸出来 －酷 - Here, let me try and suck it out. - Cool.
不 你还要在吸的同时撸它 No, you gotta cock it while you suck.
－撸它 －嘿 大家伙 - Cock! - Hi, guys!
哈 Huh?
我在为上达人秀写段子 I'm writing jokes for the talent show.
我来告诉你什么才搞笑 I'll show you what's funny.
哈 嘿 Huh? Hey!
－哈 －嘿 - Ha! - Hey!
如果你想要拿回你的书 进那座闹鬼的房子 If you want your book back, go into that haunted house!
来吧 小子 别害 害害害怕 Come on, boy. Don't be s-s-scared.
－哈喽 - Hello?
啊 Aah!
我觉得我的书在这上面 I think my book's up here.
啊 Aah!
哦 那只是鸟 Oh, it was just birds.
哈喽 Hello?
有人在吗 Anybody here?!
哦 这只是猫 Oh, it was just cats.
哦 破掉的窗户 但是我的书在哪里 Oh, the window! But where's my book?
－你在找这个吗 －哈 - Looking for this? - Huh?
你的脸在哪 Where's your face?!
啊 腌黄瓜先生 Aah! Mr. Pickles!
很抱歉 我吓到你了 I'm sorry I frightened you.
你想要吃些什么吗 Would you like something to eat?
哈 Huh?
－嗨 警长 －嗯嗯嗯 我很忙 - Hi, Sheriff. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm busy.
达人秀要开始了 The talent show is about to start.
位子还填不满 我还找不到 The seats aren't filled, and I can't find my...
嘿 警长 啊 你可不可以给汤米放放水 Hey, Sheriff, uh, go easy on Tommy up there, would ya?
最好快一点 还有个特别的惊喜在等着我 But make it quick. I got a special surprise waiting for me.
嘿 我在厕所里找到了这个 Hey, I found this in the bathroom!
哦 Oh!
－把枪给我 －哈哈 - Give that to me! - Ha ha!
警长 腌黄瓜先生是个恶魔 Sheriff, Mr. Pickles is evil!
给 把这些气球吹起来 Here, blow up these balloons.
好吧 Okay.
如你所见 我爸爸也是屁股上长脸 You see, my father had a face on his butt,
他的爸爸也是屁股上长脸 his father had a face on his butt,
他爸爸的爸爸也是屁股上长脸 his father had a face on his butt,
他爸爸的爸爸也是在……上长脸 and his father had a face on his...
嗯 嗯 我知道了 Yeah, yeah, I get it.
哦 我已经有好多年没离开过这间屋子了 Oh, I haven't left these grounds in many years.
－为什么 －汤米 世界是个残酷的地方 - Why? - The world is a cruel place, Tommy.
所以 这本书写了什么 So, what's this book of yours?
哦 写满了我想的笑话 Oh, it's filly with jokes that I've written.
－让我看看 －哦 好的 - Let me see. - Oh, okay.
嗯 为什么鞋子飞走了 Hmm. Why did the shoe fly away?
－就这样 －它飞走了 - I-Is that it? - It flew away!
如果你想的话 我可以帮你写些更好笑的笑话 I could help you write some better jokes if you want.
你知道怎么写笑话吗 You know how to write jokes?
哦 我知道很多事情该怎么做 Oh, I know how to do many things.
嘿 乐器不是为狗准备的 Hey! Musical instruments are not for dogs!
我的现状让我有很多空余时间 My condition gives me a lot of free time.
还有皲裂的嘴唇［嘴唇位于菊花的位置］ Also, chapped lips.
你要来点吗 Would you like some?
哦 不 谢谢 Uh, no, thanks.
－特大号巧克力棒 －不 谢谢了 - King-sized chocolate bar? - No, thanks.
呃 Ew!
你见到汤米了吗 节目要开始了 Have you seen Tommy? It's about to start.
哦 嗯 嗯 我很确定他在某个地方 Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's somewhere.
我对你今天晚些时候要给我的 I'm pretty excited about this special surprise
那个特别的惊喜感到十分激动 you're gonna give me a little later on tonight.
有好长一段时间 It's been a long time...
哦 你好啊 你的头上插着把刀 Oh, hi, there. You got a knife in you.
－啊 嗯 －啊 - Uh, hmm. - Ugh!
哈喽 呃 我们 我们今晚的秀精彩纷呈 Hello! Uh, we've... we've got a really great show tonight,
我觉得 I think.
呃 但是 但是首先 我需要你们 Um, but... but first, I need you, um...
去 to...
制造些欢呼声 make some noise!
来吧 来吧 耶 ♪ Come on, come on, yeah! ♪
举起你们的手来 举起你们的手来 ♪ Put your hands up, put your hands up ♪
嬉皮士们 举起 举起 举起你们的手来 ♪ Hippity, put, put, put your hands up ♪
我说达人 你说秀 ♪ When I say "Talent", You say "Show" ♪
－达人 达人 －秀 秀 - Talent! Talent! - Show! Show!
打起精神来 吸逼者们 我快要射了 ♪ Brace yourself, sucka, I'm about to blow so ♪
还有 我的名字 我的名字 我的名字是警长 ♪ Also, my name, my name, my name is Sheriff ♪
当我拿着麦 你们最好热情点 ♪ When I get up on the mic, you better be-wareth ♪
－达人 达人 －秀 秀 - Talent! Talent! - Show! Show!
－现在 别动 - Now freeze!
好吧 Okay!
我们的第一个表演 For our first act,
弗罗得准备表演吞剑 Floyd's gonna do a sword-swallowing routine.
大家把掌声献给他 Give it up for Floyd, everybody!
然后老人说 我要喝 喝汤 And then the old man says, "I'll have... the soup."
好吧 但是重点是在汤 而不是喝上 Okay, but the emphasis should be on "Soup," Not "Have."
现在试试道具喜剧 Now, let's move on to prop comedy.
－哦 零食时间 - Oh, snack time.
三点了吗 It's 3:00?!
达人秀已经开始了 The talent show's already started!
哦 我一直都很想参加这个 Oh, I've always wanted to be in on of those!
但是我很害怕被他们嘲笑 But I'm too afraid of being ridiculed.
但是一旦人们知道你有多棒 But once people see how nice you are,
他们就会忘记你长相的丑陋了 they'll forget how disgusting you look.
－哦 呃 - Oh, uh...
嘿 离那里远一点 Hey, get away from there.
嗯 让我拿一下我的东西 我们就出发 Well, let me just get my things, and we'll go...
不好意思 Excuse me.
当某天在公园散步的时候 ♪ While strolling through the park one day... ♪
上升 上升 跳 Up, up, and away!
啊 啊 啊 Ow, ow, ow.
都看好了 我们就要射击这只蒙着眼睛的鹿了 Watch in amazement as we shoot a deer blindfolded.
－哇哈 －来一轮掌声吧 大家伙 - Whoo-hoo! - A round of applause, everybody!
－嗨 爷爷 －嘿 腌黄瓜先生 - Hi, Grandpa. - Hey, Mr. Pickles,
你最好不要试着献祭 you better not try to sacrifice...
－爸爸 －好吧 - Dad? - Okay.
儿子 祝你好运 你会需要这个的 Good luck, son. You're gonna need it.
好吧 接下来是 汉克要表演飞刀 All right, up next, Hank is gonna juggle knifes.
－哈 －哦 - Huh?! - Oh!
给汉克掌声鼓励 Give it up for Hank.
我再也不要来达人秀了 I gotta stop going to talent shows.
好吧 接下来 有请这位我不知道的家伙 All right, up next, give it up for person I don't know!
祝你好运 Good luck.
巫师的法杖召唤出巨大的牡马 ♪ From the witch's staff sprung a mighty stallion ♪
它有着一千条龙的力量 ♪ With the strength of a thousand dragons ♪
马的名字是戈格里 ♪ The horse was named Gregory ♪
没有任何凡人可以驾驭它 ♪ And no mortal man could tame him ♪
在偏僻的深海 ♪ From the depths of the Sea of Solitude ♪
有一位值得尊敬的女士正在漫步 ♪ Stepped a woman worthy ♪
她打翻了魔法师的药剂 ♪ She slipped a potion from a magical wizard ♪
那瓶可以驯服马的药剂 ♪ That could help but tame that stallion ♪
巫师说 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 ♪ The wizard said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" ♪
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪
哈哈哈哈 ♪ Ha ha ha ha ♪
那个女子 她喝下了药水 ♪ And that woman, she drank the magical potion ♪
变成了一只独角兽 ♪ And transformed into a unicorn ♪
独角兽和牡马 ♪ The unicorn and the stallion mated ♪
分别和龙还有巫师交配 ♪ With the dragon and the wizard ♪
他们说 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 ♪ And they said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" ♪
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪
哈哈哈哈哈哈 ♪ Ha ha ha ha-a-a-a ♪
谢谢大家 Thank you.
－怪胎 －怪胎 - Freak! - Freak!
－怪物 －怪物 - Monster! - Monster!
烂透了 烂透了 You suck! You suck!
嘿 你们这些人应该感到羞愧 Hey! You should be ashamed of yourselves?
－哈 －我本来打算讲笑话的 - Huh!? - I was gonna do some jokes,
但是你们不配笑 but you don't deserve to laugh.
哦 - Oof!
哦 厚 厚 厚 Oh, ho ho ho!
－我们的冠军诞生了 －耶 - We have a winner! - Yay!
举起你的手 举起你的手 ♪ Put your hands up, put your hands up ♪
嬉皮士 举起 举起 举起你的手 ♪ Hippity, put, put, put your hands up ♪
我说达人 你说秀 ♪ When I say "Talent", You say "Show" ♪
我很抱歉大家都对你那么刻薄 I'm sorry everyone was so mean to you,
但是我觉得你很棒 but I thought you were great.
你觉得我需要一个毫无才能的瘸腿家伙告诉我我很棒吗 You think I need a talentless cripple to tell me I was great?
－哈 －把奖杯给我 - Huh? - Give me that trophy,
要不然我就撕下你的脸 缝到屁股上 or I'll cut your face off and put it on your butt!
我的奖杯 My trophy!
晚餐准备好了 我做了两种芝士的千层面 Dinner's ready! I made a two-cheese lasagna.
好吃 好吃 好吃 好吃 哦 天哪 我饱了 Yum, yum, yum, yum! Oh, boy, am I stuffed.
汤米 上床去 呃 Tommy, go to bed. Uh,
我们之前说的那个特别惊喜呢 how about that special surprise we talked about?
嗯 嗯 嗯 嗯 嗯 Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm?!
这不是两种芝士的千层面 It's not a two-cheese lasagna,
这是三种芝士的千层面 it's a three-cheese lasagna!
惊喜 嗯嗯嗯 Surprise! Mmm, mmm, mmm.
哦 哦 Oh, oh.
哦 我还没来得及讲我写的笑话 Oh, I didn't get to tell any of my jokes.
现在和我们说一个吧 Tell us one now.
你妻子和你的工作之前的区别是 What's the difference between your wife and your job?
五年里面 你的工作依然糟糕［双关 你的口活依旧很差］ In five years, your job will still suck.
依旧很差 Still suck!
我没懂 I don't get it.
我知道你没懂 I know you don't.
嘿 爷爷和腌黄瓜先生呢 Hey, where's Grandpa and Mr. Pickles?
嘿 你要拿这些干吗 Hey, what are you doing with that?
电锯不是给狗用的 Chain saws are not for dogs.
－嘿 腌黄瓜先生 - Hey, Mr. Pickles,
你最好停下来 you better stop...
嘿 那是汤米的奖杯 Hey, that's Tommy's trophy.
把它给我 Give that to me.
不 我值得它 No, I deserve it.
我是最有才能的 I'm the most talented person in to...
哦 Oh!
什么 嘿 What?! Hey!
腌黄瓜先生 Mr. Pickles!
哦 哈 Oh. Huh?
什么鬼 What the hell?!
－嗨 威尔 －嗨 戴夫 - Hi, Will. - Hi, Dave.