（银行）
（警察）
几乎到手了 片名
保罗迪尼 编 剧
艾瑞克洛多斯基 导 演
男士们，我要个公平干净的游戏
I want a nice clean game, gentlemen.
这可是头一遭呢
That'll be a first.
听说那个家伙上礼拜 打倒疯帽子了
So I hear you-know-who nailed the Mad Hatter last week.
真的啊，他一个人单枪匹马 倒是颇有一套
No kidding?
He sure gets around, for one guy.
这你就错啦 我不觉得只有一个人
Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong.
I don't think it is one guy.
Huh?
我知道的是戈登局长派人…
The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of them stashed someplace
像特警队一样藏在某处
like a SWAT team.
他让你以为只有一个人，不过…
He wants you to think it's one guy, but-
不，总是出现两个人
No, you're always seeing double.
显然我们那身穿披肩的朋友 年轻时受到跟犯罪有关的创伤
It's obvious our caped friend suffered
some crime-related trauma when he was younger.
可能被某个心急的强盗 炸掉脸的一部分
Perhaps an overanxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.
对，面具里面可能藏着一张 恶心可怕的脸
Sure, he could be all gross and disgusting under that mask.
没有冒犯之意，哈维
No offense, Harv.
发牌吧
Just deal.
你知道我怎么想吗？
Well, you know what I think.
不会又是机器人理论吧
Not the robot theory again.
他有可能是啊
Well, he could be.
哈罗，男孩们
Hello, boys.
给我杯花茶，让我加入牌局吧
Get me an herbal tea and deal me in.
滚开，女士
Scram, lady.
这是私人的…
This is a private-
你这个小…
Why, you little-
Poison Ivy.
毒藤女
好久不见了，哈维
It's been a long time, Harvey.
你还是只有半边看来体面啊
You're still looking halfway decent.
一半的我想把你勒死 那另一半呢？
Half of me wants to strangle you.
And what does the other half want?
开卡车撞你
To hit you with a truck.
我们以前曾约会过
We used to date.
Ah.
是什么风把这样一个美人 吹到这个阴森的窟来？
What brings such a dainty dove to this dismal den?
逃避法律制裁跟蝙蝠侠
Running from the law. And the Batman, too, of course.
当然咯 跟我一样
- Of course. - Likewise.
我也是 我也是
- You got it. - Same here.
以为我们其中一个会干掉他
You'd think one of us would've got him by now.
我最接近目标 开什么玩笑？我才是差点就…
I've come the closest.
Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly-
说到干掉蝙蝠侠 没人比我更厉害
Nobody's come closer to
snuffing the Batman than me.
你作梦 那是你说的
- In your dreams. - Says you.
滚开
Get out of my face.
事实上，我们每个人都有 〝几乎逮到蝙蝠侠〞的故事
The fact of the matter is,
we each have an "almost got him" Batman story.
我知道我的故事最棒 不过让我听听你们的吧
I know mine's the best, but let's hear yours anyway.
我想说〝女士优先〞 不过既然这儿没有任何女士…
I'd say, "Ladies first," but since we don't have any...
We'll start with you, Pam.
那就从你开始吧，潘
好，这是发生在上次万圣节的事
All right. This happened last Halloween.
我准备了几百个点燃后 会释放出毒藤气的南瓜
(万圣节南瓜)
I had rigged hundreds of pumpkins
to blow out poison-ivy gas when they were lit.
我知道只要高谭市一开始骚动 蝙蝠侠就会出现
I knew Batman would show as soon as Gotham started scratching.
事实上，我期待他的出现
In fact, I was counting on it.
恶作剧或者礼物
Trick or treat.
已经是半夜了，亲爱的 可以卸下面具了
It's midnight, darling. Time to unmask.
毒气！
Poison gas...
真是要命
It's just the darnedest thing.
我天生就对有毒的东西…
I have this natural immunity against poisons, toxins,
以及其他人的痛苦免疫 你说呢，再见啦！
the pain and suffering of others. Go figure. Bye.
那就是我差点逮到他的经过
And that's how I almost got him.
使用爆炸的南瓜
With exploding pumpkins.
我比较想听你的故事
I'd like to hear you do better.
你会的 但最精釆的得等到最后再说
Oh, you will, but I'm saving the best for last.
不会比我的故事精釆
Can't be better than mine.
有一次我从高谭市市铸币厂抢了 总共两百万元的两元钞票
There was this time I had just robbed the Gotham Mint
of $2 million in $2 bills.
我真幸运，带了手下
Lucky for me, I brought along the Two-Ton Gang.
掷硬币的结果是你输了，蝙蝠侠
The coin says you lose, Batman.
把他绑起来 这样你就不会知道…
Tie him up.
And just so you don't get any ideas...
We'll see how tough you are without your toys.
让我们看看 如果没有这个玩具 你还能有多厉害
然后呢？
So, what happened next?
我可怜蝙蝠侠
I thought as long as I had Batman at my mercy,
给他一半的机会
he deserved a 50-50 chance.
条件是这样的 如果硬币面朝下…
Here's the deal. The coin lands face down, you'll be squashed flat.
你会被压扁
如果面朝上，你就会粉身碎骨
It lands face up, it'll just break every bone in your body.
我的硬币呢？
Hey, where's my coin?
有人看到我的…喔，不！
Anybody see where I... Oh, no.
不，快开动
Now. Launch it now!
这里，我欠你一块钱
Here. I owe you a dollar.
如果不是这个该死的硬币…
And if it weren't for this blasted coin,
我早就逮到他了
I would've got him.
真是太糟了，哈维
Gee, that's too bad, Haw.
但是我想你的故事的精釆程度 只有第二名
But I guess you'll always come in second.
还有谁要说？
Anyone else want a go?
我
Me!
我躲在一个砂石场的时候…
There I was, holed up in this quarry
蝙蝠侠刚好经过 离我越来越近…
when Batman came nosing around. He was getting closer, closer...
然后呢？ 我朝他丢了颗石头
- And? - I threw a rock at him.
哈维，那个大钱币呢？
So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?
那可是个大石头耶
It was a big rock.
他们把那个硬币给了蝙蝠侠
They actually let him keep it.
该谁发牌？ 我
- Whose deal is it? - Mine.
你们那些平凡的把戏不太有趣
I find your middling machinations mildly diverting.
身为一个犯罪天才…
But for sheer criminal genius,
没有一个人的故事比得上 我从鸟类那得到灵感而下的圈套
none surpasses my most recent ornithologically-inspired entoilment.
说简单一点好不好？ 鳄鱼人听不懂啦
Smaller words, please. You're losing Croc.
我在黑社会里散布谣言…
For weeks, I let rumors circulate through the underworld
让大家知道我要偷高谭市动物园里 一对昂贵的兀鹰
of my plan to steal a pair of priceless breeding condors
from the Gotham Zoo.
当然啰，在计划偷窃的那晚 猜猜谁出现啦
Sure enough, on the appointed night, guess who showed up.
该死，我带错雨伞了
Curses, I would grab the wrong umbrella.
欢迎，黑翼的敌人
Welcome, my ebon-winged adversary.
我就知道你会中计
You have taken the bait as I knew you would.
准备好在我的鸟笼里 面对你的死期吧！
Now, prepare to meet your end within my aviary of doom.
什么鸟笼？
Aviary of what?
拜托，企鹅人 你的故事还真是毫无新意
Yeesh, Pengers, how corny can you get?
你们这些俗气的无赖 无法欣赏我故事中的戏剧性…
Just because you mundane miscreants have no drama in your souls...
总之，他在我的鸟
Anyway, there he was in my-
大鸟屋里
Big birdhouse.
很漂亮吧？ 就像是发亮的彩虹碎片
Beautiful, aren't they?
Like glittering fragments of the rainbow.
顺道一提 喷在你身上的水气…
By the way, that mist I sprayed on you
是这些鸟喝的露水
is derived from the nectar these birds drink.
It's quite harmless.
完全无害
但他们沾有毒液的鸟嘴 可就不是了
But their poison-tipped beaks, however, are not.
被啄一两次只会让你动作慢下来 但三、四次之后就会让你晕眩
A scratch or two will merely slow you down.
Three or four, and you'll start to get drowsy.
在这之后，希望我能说 认识你真好
And after that, well, I wish I could say it's been nice knowing you.
喔，算你厉害
Oh, well played.
现在从你的万能腰带中 取得解毒剂
Now to take a poison antidote from your miraculous belt.
我建议你动作快…
And I suggest you do it quickly,
在这只火鸡的利嘴 把你撕成两半之前
before my cassowary's razor-sharp talons rend you asunder.
当然，我在他逃跑前 就飞离鸟屋了
Naturally, [had flown the coop by the time he escaped.
不过，我还是差点就逮到他
Still, I almost got him.
差的远了呢
Not even close.
你们忘了…
You see, the thing you're forgetting
要抓到一个人 有各式各样的方法
is that there are all sorts of ways to get someone.
就拿我最近一次跟蝙蝠侠 针锋相对来说吧
Take my latest run-in with Batsy.
就是昨天晚上 当整个国家…
It was just last night, as the entire country
都在看最受欢迎的脱口秀…
was tuning into its favorite talk show.
也就是《高谭市夜未眠》的时候
It's Late Night Gotham Live!
让我们欢迎这个不管你要不要 都会想办法让你微笑的人
And here's the man who puts a smile on your face,
whether you want it or not,
小丑
the Joker.
（鼓掌）
各位晚安，我是小丑
Good evening, folks. I'm the Joker.
想主持这个节目不需要是个疯子 不过疯狂是有帮助的
Living proof that you don't have to be crazy to host this show,
but it helps.
我们今天准备了很棒的内容
We've got a real treat for you, kids.
我在银行领钱时 碰见今晚的第一个来宾
I ran into my first guest last night
while making a withdrawal from the bank.
你们知道他是〝黑武士〞 但我们认为他是历史人物
You know him as "The Dark Knight,"
but we prefer to think of him as history.
Here he is, the one and only...
欢迎这位独一无二的…
蝙蝠侠
Batman.
（发笑程度仪表）
（好戏在后头）
We're back with my extra-special guest.
欢迎回来 我们的特别来宾还在现场
So how's Robin?
罗宾还好吗？
Oh. Moving right along.
节目继续进行 各位，我们有个大家都该有的东西
You know, kids, we've got an item here no home should be without.
The laughter-activated electric chair.
发笑电椅
Yes, sir, the merest titter or guffaw
没错，这个椅子能让你 开坏大笑…
starts the chair's generator revving up
只要让椅子的启动器到达最高点
towards maximum zappage.
Harley?
哈莉？
Ha, ha, ha.
But for a real demonstration, we're pumping our studio audience
不过为了要做真的展示 我们帮观众灌满了…
full of my patented laughing gas.
我的专利笑气
这些家伙听到什么都会笑 即使是电话簿里的东西
These yahoos will laugh at anything now, even the phone book.
Marvin Abbott, 555-8976.
马文阿伯特的电话是 5 55一8 9 76
Gerald Adams, 555-9011.
杰洛亚当斯的电话是 5 55一9 0 11
M.J. Addison, 555-
艾迪逊的电话是 5 55…
Hey!
嘿...
节目结束了，小丑
Show's over, Joker.
Catwoman, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear it for her.
猫女，各位女士先生们 让我们欢迎她
Almost got him.
差点就逮到他了
Yes, if not for that infatuated feline.
对，如果不是那只迷人的猫的话
Oh, but that's the best part. Once the chair went up,
但最精釆的部分是 在椅子启动后…
I was out of there tout de suite.
我立刻就跑了
Miss Kitty still wanted to play cat-and-mouse,
猫小姐还想玩猫抓老鼠的游戏…
不过她作梦都没想到 我手中还有张王牌
never dreaming I still had an ace up my sleeve.
And by golly, speaking of aces, Iooky here.
天啊，说到王牌 看看这儿
- I can't believe his luck. - Oh, darn.
真不敢相信他的好运 该死
Let me see those cards.
让我看看那些牌
Now, now, no sore losers.
拜托，不要不服输
Hey, I don't get it.
我不了解，你打晕了猫女 结果却放她走？
You just knocked out Catwoman and left her?
Oh, come on, Crockers,
拜托，鳄鱼人，我不是说过 要抓到一个人不只一种方法吗？
didn't I say there's more than one way to "get someone"?
Even as I speak,
在我说话的同时 猫女正被绑在宠物猫食工厂里
Catwoman is being trussed up at the Pussykins Pet Food factory.
First thing tomorrow, I'm sending a lovely case of cat food to Batman.
明天第一件事 我就会送一箱猫食给蝙蝠侠
I don't think so.
我不觉得
我说错了什么吗？
Was it something I said?
Well, well. An impostor in our midst.
哎呀，我们当中出现了仿冒者
为了你的小猫不顾一切危险啊 蝙蝠侠？
Risking everything for your kitty, Batman?
这次你可逃不了
You're not getting out of this one.
Maybe.
或许吧
But I'm not bad with traps myself.
不过我设陷阱的能力也不差
我养过小猫 他们不总是以脚着地
I had a kitty once. You know, they don't always land on their feet.
Look on the bright side.
往好的方面想 明天你就能喂饱几百只饥饿的猫
Tomorrow, you'll be feeding hundreds of hungry cats.
The fun starts as soon as Mr. J comes back.
只要小丑先生回来 好戏就要开始啦
Don't wait up.
不用等了
Back off, Bats, or say "ciao" to your girlfriend. Cat chow, that is.
退后，蝙蝠侠 还是要对女友说再见
That's a good little rodent.
她是个可爱的小猫呢 为了确定你不会跟着我…
And just to make sure you don't follow me...
天啊，蝙蝠侠，你要怎么办 攻击我或是去救你的小猫？
Gee, Batman, what you gonna do, kick me around or save your kitten?
你只能选择一个
You've only got time for one.
Good call. Help.
好选择，救命！
Thanks for coming after me.
谢谢你救了我
I owed you.
我欠你的
我希望我们的关系 不限于…
Well, I'd like to think our relationship
isn't just restricted to saving each other from freaks and weirdos.
从那些怪胎手中解救彼此
And that maybe we'd have a place for each other without Gotham,
或许我们可以独处不是在高谭市 也没有那些怪胎打扰…
without the freaks.
Maybe without masks.
或许…也不需要面具
Maybe.
或许吧
Hmm. Almost got 'im.
差点就逮到他了
制片：艾伦伯涅，艾瑞克洛多斯基 布鲁斯提姆
English - SDH
[MANDARIN R3]