片名：蝙蝠侠卡通合集三
（银行）
剧名：笑话比赛
编剧：保罗迪尼、蓝迪洛哥
导演：伯德柯克兰
We've waited weeks for reservations.
我们几个月前就预约了
大名是？ 国王，一个人
- Name? - King, party of one.
国王…找不到，不好意思 我没看到您的预约
King, King. No, I'm sorry, I don't show that reservation.
喔，是吗？ 让我告诉你在哪里，疯子
Oh, yeah? Well, let me show you something, fruitcake.
Ahh!
手举起来，贪吃鬼
Hands up, chowhounds.
把叉子放下 向神秘的辣酱王跪下
Drop your forks and prepare to cower
before the uncanny Condiment King.
那是谁？ 某个疯子吧
- Who is that? - Some kind of nutcase.
别理他 警卫会处理
- Just ignore him. - Someone will call security.
喂？你们在搞什么鬼？ 叫你们跪下，你们还继续吃？
Hey. Hey! I don't believe this! I say cower, and you're still eating?
好吧
Well, all right then.
喂，你，看这里
Now, see here, you.
（辣酱）
辣酱
Hot sauce.
还有谁想逞英雄？ 把皮夹、现金跟珠宝给我拿出来…
Anyone else want to be a hero?
Then take out your wallets, cash and jewels
丢到桌上来 快，快丢过来
and toss them here on the table. Come on. Right now.
现在报告一则 皇冠餐厅的暴力事件
Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant.
嫌犯为一穿着怪异之男性 所使用的武器似乎为…
Suspect is a male, costumed extremist armed with
what appears to be
酱料枪 今天晚上又有得忙了
a ketchup gun.
It's gonna be one of those nights.
再见，笨蛋们 离别就像糖醋酱一样悲伤
So long, suckers. Parting is such sweet-and-sour sorrow.
你是谁？
What's this?
Ah! The big, bad Bat-guy.
可恶的蝙蝠侠
我知道你迟早会抓到我 我已经为这场对决加味
I knew you'd catch up to me sooner or later.
How I've relished this meeting.
你是活跃的黑暗骑士 与我神秘的辣酱王对决
You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me,
the conceptual Condiment King.
来吧，蝙蝠侠 看你怎么应付我的芥末…
Come, Batman.
Let's see if you can cut the mustard-
闭嘴
Quiet.
芥末人…
- You hit me. - Now, listen, Mustard Man,
不管你叫什么
or whatever you call yourself.
看来你只是个菜鸟 所以我放你一条路走
You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you.
只要你把钱财物归原主 绝不再犯，我就放过你，懂吗？
Provided you give back the loot and never even think about
doing this again.
Deal?
辣酱 这是我最后一次警告
- Horseradish! - This is your last warning.
来吧，蝙蝠，就我跟你
Let's go, Batso. You and me.
我是腌黄瓜王子，酱料之王
I'm the prince of pickles, sultan of sauce.
你根本没机会，懂吗？
You don't stand a chance. You hear me?
再见，笨蛋
Later, chump.
撑着
Hang on.
哈维，叫救护车
Harvey, call an ambulance.
I know this man.
我认识他
He's that TV comic, Buddy Standler.
他是电视喜剧演员，巴迪史坦乐
目前仍查不出喜剧演员巴迪史坦乐…
Still no clues in the mystery
behind comedian Buddy Standler's
昨晚犯案的动机
one-man crime spree last night.
他的暴力行为导致送医急救 成为真正的电视笑话
A rampage that ended with a trip to the hospital
for the famed TV comic.
但是史坦乐仍无法解释其行为…
Though Standler himself is unable to account for his actions,
his manager had these observations.
他的经纪人发表以下宣言
我不懂 巴迪就这样弃事业于不顾
I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away.
电视台已经取消他的节目
The network's canceling his show
餐厅也要告他一百万
and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars.
他为什么要这么做？ 这完全没有道理
Why'd he do it? It just doesn't make sense.
真可惜，我都会看史坦乐的节目 他真的很棒
That's too bad. I watch Standler's show all the time. He's great.
你知道他为什么会这么做吗？
Any idea what would have caused him to go off the deep end?
不，不过他的时机可真差
No, but talk about bad timing.
他原本应该是担任今晚 笑话比赛的评审之一
He was supposed to be one of the judges
for the annual laugh-off competition tonight.
阿尔弗莱德跟我都买了票 对了，阿尔弗莱德在哪里？
Alfred and I bought tickets.
By the way, where is Alfred?
（梅菲戏院）
（风格西服）
老兄
- One side, mac. - I beg your pardon.
Ooh. Pretty. I want it.
漂亮，我要了
嘿，你不可以那么做 我当然可以，小姐
- Hey, you can't do that. - Sure I can, lady.
我是打包鼠 你的垃圾就是我的宝物
I'm the Pack Rat,
-and your trash is my treasure. - Hey!
喂？
漂亮
Mmm. Shiny.
警卫？
Security!
不，你抓不到我的
Oh, no, you don't.
Whoa, dibs on the dummy hand.
打中模特儿的手了
我的天哪
Good heavens.
我找这个找了好久了
I've been looking everyplace for one of these.
喂？ 布鲁斯少爷？
- Yes? - Master Bruce?
Alfred?
阿尔弗莱德？ 请您马上赶来梅菲戏院…
I think you're needed at Mayfield's right away, sir.
有个狂人拿枪在这里扫射 他…
There's a man with a gun running amok.
He's-
给你个建议，老兄 别在老鼠面前抓老鼠
A word of advice, mac. Never rat on a rat.
Alfred?
阿尔弗莱德？
Alfred!
阿尔弗莱德？
You'll get oatmeal and like it.
你们只准吃燕麦粥
Listen, Eddie, if they expect me to judge that stupid laugh-off again,
听着，艾迪 如果他们要我去当搞笑比赛评审…
they'd better be prepared to pay.
他们最好付得起我的价码
Hold on, I got somebody at the door.
等等，我有访客
- Yeah? - Pizza delivery.
干嘛？ 送披萨的
I didn't order any pizza.
我没叫彼萨啊
- But I'll take it. How much? - It's on me.
不过我要了，多少钱？ 我请客
Hey!
啊
Okay, everybody, empty your pockets.
好了，各位，把口袋里的东西拿出来
我要口香糖纸，松掉的橡皮筋 还有小棉花球
I want gum wrappers, loose string, those little balls of lint.
None of that cash stuff.
不要给我那些鬼现金
Hey!
什么？
What?
搞什…？
So it's the rat versus the bat and the brat.
老鼠终于要对决蝙蝠跟顽童
只有一人能存活，那就是我
Only one will survive, and that's gonna be me.
Everybody, clear out.
各位，快让开
出来吧
Come on out.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
是哈利鲁米斯 另一个有名的喜剧演员
It's Harry Loomis.
Another famous comedian.
Look at his neck.
看检查他的脖子
微晶片？
A microchip?
Mind control.
心灵控制
看来线索指向我们的老友 疯帽子
This is beginning to point toward our old friend, the Mad Hatter.
（阿克汉姆疯人院）
（杰佛斯特彻）
醒醒，杰佛斯，我们得谈谈
Wake up, Jervis. We have to talk.
Come on, rise and shine.
快起来应声啊
Wow, he's really out.
他真的神智不清了
我们目前只知道…
Here's what we know.
有人在疯帽子身上 植入他自己的心灵控制晶片…
Someone implants the Mad Hatter with one of his own
mind-control devices,
也植入其他两个喜剧演员身上
then does the same thing to two comedians.
But what's the connection?
这其中有何关联？ 第三位喜剧演员来了
Looks like it's three comedians now, sir.
"TV personality Lisa Lorraine was abducted
电视喜剧演员丽莎萝伦 今天凌晨在自家公寓被绑架
"from her apartment early this evening."
And here's our common link. This comedy competition.
这其中的关联就是笑话比赛
没错，巴迪、哈利跟丽莎 是每年的评审
Sure. Buddy, Harry and Lisa judge it every year.
Remember, we taped the last one.
我记得我们有录上次比赛
就在这里，迪克少爷 我特别播放需要你们注意的地方
Right here, Master Dick.
And I've cued it to something you should see.
Well, that's it for our contestants.
这就是全部的竞赛者了
Now our panel of distinguished judges will choose
我们明智的评审将选出…
the funniest person in Gotham.
高谭市最搞笑的人
Not so fast, chuckles. You haven't introduced me yet.
还别急，小傻蛋 你还没介绍我呢
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
微笑的侠客林夏
Ba-dum-boom.
Come on, already.
快给我放开
Good evening, ladies and germs.
晚安，各位女士跟禽兽们
Hey, did you hear about the guy walked into a doctor's office
听过有个家伙头上长青蛙…
with a frog on his head? Doctor says,
走进医院的笑话吗？医生说：
"That's the weirdest looking wart I've ever seen.
〝那是我看过最怪的肉瘤了〞 青蛙说：
" Frog looks up and says,
"Yeah, I woke up this morning, there was a big bump
〝对啊，我今天早上一起床 屁股上居然长了这么个大肉球…〞
on my butt."
Hey, then there's this guy who buys a new dog.
还有，有个家伙买了一只狗
He takes it for a walk and the friend says-
他遛狗的时候，朋友说…
Huh?
Sorry, pal. We've already made our decision.
抱歉，老兄 我们已经做出决定
And for your information, registration closed days ago.
告诉你 报名日期几天前就过了
I'm not leaving until I get that trophy.
没拿到奖杯我绝不离开
Oh, yes, you are.
喔，离开了吧
You can't do this to me!
你们不能这么做 我是高谭市最伟大的喜剧演员
I'm the greatest comic in Gotham!
I'll get even. I'II ruin you all.
我会报仇的，我要毁了你们
Freeze it right there.
在这里停格
I think I see what you mean, Alfred.
我知道你的意思了，阿尔弗莱德
Without the hat...
把帽子拿掉…
And different hair...
再换换发型…
The Joker!
小丑
（笑话比赛）
I tell you, Maury, I'm dying here.
听着，毛利，我完蛋了 整个戏院都是人
I got a full house,
and all three of my celebrity judges are either missing or in jail.
我的三个名人评审 不是不见就是坐牢
You gotta find me some replacements quick.
你得帮我找到代替的评审
我有求必应
Ask and ye shall receive.
What in the...
搞什么…？
Permit me to introduce Judges Knuckles, Vinnie and Kowalski.
容我向您介绍评审 拳头、温尼跟考华斯基
他们将在今晚把奖杯颁给我
They'll be presenting me with the trophy tonight.
Listen, you can't just walk in here and take...
听着，你不能就这样走进来…
Oh, but I already have.
喔，但是我已经进来了
These little microchips are a wonder.
这些小晶片真是神奇
Remind me to thank the Mad Hatter if he ever wakes up.
提醒我跟疯帽子道谢 如果他还醒得过来
如果还要等下去… 快点开始
Hey, start the show already.
- Let's go already! - Start the show!
快点演出吧
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 10th annual Gotham Laff Off.
各位先生女士 欢迎来到第十届高谭市笑话比赛
And now, it is my deepest honor to present to you
我实在感到万分荣幸 向各位介绍…
the evening's first and only contestant, Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
今晚第一位也是唯一的竞赛者 微笑的侠客林夏
Hey, folks, you're beautiful.
你们真是可爱 去年我在台上…
Funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater last year.
发生了一点趣事
It seems three no-talent hacks tried to stop me from winning.
三个没天份的评审 不想让我赢得奖杯
但是你们猜猜看
But guess what!
我回来了
I'm back.
Oh! Such unhappy faces.
喔，怎么这么不快乐
Judges, let's cheer them up.
评审们，快让大家发笑啊
My high-octane laughing gas will have you rolling in the aisles.
我的高辛烷笑气 会让你们笑到在地上打滚
就你跟我们，小丑
It's just you and us, Joker.
Not quite, Batman.
还早呢，蝙蝠侠
I've got a new girl, and she'll really sweep you off your feet.
我有个新人 她真的能让你笑到倒地不支
Lisa Lorraine?
丽莎萝伦？
Call me Mighty Mom.
叫我大力老妈
Ain't she sweet?
她真贴心是吧？
My very own happy homemaker.
我专属的快乐主妇
But I don't do windows.
但是我不清窗户
不错嘛
Not bad.
蜜糖，露一手你怎么打扫房子的
Honey, why don't you show our pals how you clean house?
In other words, mop 'em up.
换句话说…
把他们全部清干净
Who's first to get dusted?
谁想第一个被扫掉？
你能把她身上的晶片拿掉吗？ 没问题
Think you can get the brain patch off her?
No problem.
让妈妈打屁屁
- Hey! - Naughty boy. Mama spank.
What did I tell you about playing with your toys in the house?
我不是叫你别在家里乱丢玩具吗？
- Get rid of it! - You're the boss.
快点丢掉 你说了算
No! Not on my nice clean floor.
不，别弄脏我的干净地板
- Just hold still. - Ow!
别乱动
That hurts.
好痛
别担心，我恢复正常了 谁分得出来啊？
- Don't worry. I'm back to normal. - Who can tell?
- Stay back. - You've hit a new low, Joker.
退后 你越来越低劣了，小丑
Only you would ruin three lives for a silly piece of tin.
只有你会为了这种无聊锡杯 毁了三个人的生活
You're dumber than you look, Bats.
你比你想像得还要笨，蝙蝠
It's not the trophy that matters, it's the title.
我在乎的不是奖杯，而是头衔
I am the greatest clown this dismal burg has ever seen.
我是这个凄惨小镇有史以来 最伟大的小丑
没了我的恶作剧跟搞笑 这些人怎么活得下去？
What would the common folk do without my pranks and antics?
Let's find out.
一起来想办法吧
Up, up and away!
往上再往上，我走了
（笑话比赛）
Quit rocking the boat!
别再摇飞船了
Oh! Too bad, Bat-sap.
真可惜，蝙蝠笨蛋
But you should have remembered the old saying,
你该好好记住这句谚语：
"Dying is easy, comedy is hard."
死亡很简单，搞笑才困难
我可以加入派对吗？
Mind if I join the party?
Ow! You miserable brat.
你这可恶的臭小孩
Get this stupid thing off me.
快把这笨东西拿开
Oops!
小心
Watch it.
I think I'm getting airsick.
我要晕机了
I'll get you for this, Batman! No one upstages me and lives.
我会报仇的，蝙蝠侠 没有人让我出丑还能活着
Is there a problem, officers?
有问题吗，警官们？
What's so funny? I'll give you something to laugh about!
有什么好笑的？ 我会让你们知道什么才好笑
（笑话比赛）
制片：艾伦伯涅，保罗迪尼 艾瑞克洛多斯基，布鲁斯提姆
[MANDARIN R3]