“每个晚上都会出现一个人” "Once in every nighttime, someone comes around."
-“我要来抓你” -不要！ - "I'm coming to get you." - No.
“那个人让你睡不着” "There's someone that makes sleeping difficult."
“凯西” "Cassie."
“我要来了” "I'm coming."
是谁？ Who's there?
-“呵痒怪物” -不要！ - "The Tickle Monster." - No.
“是的，史特龙是呵痒怪物” "That's right, Sylvester Stallone is the Tickle Monster."
“我要呵痒” "I'm gonna tickle you."
“什么？” “我要呵痒” "What?" "I'm gonna tickle you."
“什么？” “我要呵痒！” "What?" "I'm gonna tickle you!"
爸爸，救命 Daddy, help.
凯西，我在这里 呵痒怪物，别碰我女儿 I'm here, Cassie. Unand my daughter, Tickle Monster.
手对手 Oh, hand-to-hand.
-看那边 -爸爸加油！ - Look, over there. - Go, Daddy, go.
“我的天！” "Oh, dear."
-她还没有睡？ -是的 - Is she still up? - Yeah.
是的，刚替她洗了温水澡 Yeah, I just gave her a warm bath...
现在她比我还有精神 ...and now she's more wide-awake than I am.
明天的重要会议 她会没有精神 She won't be so sharp for her big meeting tomorrow.
-晚安，宝贝 -晚安，妈咪 - Good night, sweetie. - Night, Mommy.
如果能让卡尔 在十分钟内入睡 Well, if I can get Carl to sleep in the next 10 minutes...
-今晚或许不这么漫长 -必要时用榔头打吧 ...you might still have a shot tonight. - Use a mallet if you have to.
-爸爸？ -什么，宝贝？ - Daddy? - Yeah, baby?
我永远不要结婚 I'm never gonna get married.
为什么不要？没有那么糟 Why not? It's not as bad as it looks.
因为我想永远跟你住 Because I always want to live here with you.
知道吗？总有一天会长大的 Well, you know, one day, you're gonna grow up...
遇到很棒的男人就会结婚 ...meet a wonderful guy, and you're gonna get married.
我们永远是最好的朋友 But you and I will always be best friends.
晚安，凯西 Good night, Cassie.
爸爸，你还能更笨吗？ Dad, could you be any more of a dork?
凯西，你知道她住哪里 还是以为知道？ Cassie, you know where this girl lives or you just think you know?
我知道在哪里 但我只知道一条路 I know where, I just know one way to get there.
-但你拒绝走那条路 -因为那是愚蠢的路 - And you refuse to go that way. - Because it's a stupid way.
-你认为能到达愚蠢吗？ -为什么不用卫星导航？ - Lf you consider getting there stupid. - Why don't you use the navigation?
因为后面的大小姐 不知道街名 Because Sacajawea back there doesn't know the name of the street.
她只知道是 “喷泉旁边那条路” She knows it as "the one next to the one with the fountain."
爸爸，凯西刚对你比手指 Hey, Dad, Cassie just gave you the finger.
如果两分钟内找不到 If we don't find this house in two minutes...
-在这里 -好，宝贝 - There it is. - Okay, honey...
快去找你朋友 ...hurry up, go get your friend.
-笨蛋 -我听到了 - Jerk. - I heard that.
很好 Good.
-他们在哪里？ -她刚离开 - Where are they? - She just left.
好吧 Okay.
这是那个乖的朋友？ Which friend is this, the nice one?
你以前认识她的所有朋友 You used to know all her friends.
-你风趣迷人 -她十五岁了 - You were funny and charming. - Well, she's 15.
她不要我迷人 她觉得恶心 She doesn't want me to be charming. She finds it creepy.
不好了 Oh, no.
太乖的那个 It's the too-nice one.
嗨，谢谢邀请我 Hi, thanks for inviting me.
永远欢迎凯西的朋友 Any friend of Cassie's is always welcome.
我们迟了一点 We're a little late.
记得恭喜陶德 跟艾尔班汽水公司合并 Remember, congratulate Todd on the Alpine soda merger...
称赞他的房子 以及他的服装 ...tell him the house looks great, work in his outfit.
-或许他很香 -舔他的脸？ - Maybe he smells nice. - Lick his face?
不，别碰他 别握他的手 No, don't touch him. Don't shake his hand.
-对，他有细菌恐惧症 -是的 - Oh, right, Mr. Stupid-Germ-Phobia. - Yeah.
他们来了，怪猫老包伯 There they are, old Bob Bobcat.
-茶包！ -嗨，陶德 - Teabag. - Hi, Todd.
嗨，嗨 Hi. Hi.
恭喜你合并艾尔班汽水公司 Well, congratulations on Alpine soda.
-包伯说你同意了 -是的 - Bob said you'd do it. - Yeah.
老天，洁美，如果我前妻 像你这么漂亮 God, Jamie, if my ex-wife looked as good as you...
我还会维持可怕的婚姻 ...I'd still be in the middle of a horrible marriage.
谢谢你，陶德 很可爱的恭维 Thank you, Todd. What a lovely compliment.
赖德来了 Oh, there's Laird.
赖德 Laird.
-这就是青年才俊？ -是的 - So that's the young hotshot? - Yeah.
哈佛企管硕士 我们打算杀死他 Harvard M.B.A. We're planning to kill him.
你要加入吗？ Do you want in?
-凯西 -他在这里 - Cassie. - There he is.
赖德，知道什么很棒吗？ 你去替我拿虾子 Laird. You know what'd be great? You going to get me shrimp.
我不是开玩笑 I'm not joking.
凯西，跟陶德打招呼 Cass, go say hi to Todd.
-为什么？ -他喜欢你，我付你20元 - What for? - He likes you. I'll give you 20 bucks.
我可以跟着吗？ 我在网路上看过他很多事 Can I come? I read all about him online.
好吧 Okay.
嗨，马乐瑞先生 很高兴见到你 Hi, Mr. Mallory. Good to see you again.
-凯西蒙洛 -小凯西？ - Oh, Cassie Munro. - Little Cassie?
哇，你已经婷婷玉立了 Wow, you turned into quite the young lady.
这是我朋友葛瑞琴 This is my friend, Gretchen.
-嗨，葛瑞琴 -嗨 - Hi, Gretch. - Hi.
是你把纯正汽水引进学校？ Arert you the one who got Pure Vibe sodas into the schools?
是的，凯西的爸爸也帮忙 他是公关主任 That was me. Cassie's dad helped, he's head of Corporate Relations...
但我是公司的总裁 ...but I am el presidente.
哇，那么你个人负责 Wow, so you're, like, personally responsible...
戕害几百万学生的健康 ...for destroying the health of millions of children.
-葛瑞琴 -我也许不会这么说 - Gretchen. - I probably wouldn't put it that way.
肥胖，糖尿病，胆固醇 Obesity, diabetes, cholesterol.
青少年的脂肪在你手上 你踩在上面吧 The fat of our youth is on your hands. Wallow in it.
谢谢，我很开心 Thank you, I had a very nice time.
实际一点 Keep it real.
不要 Don't.
(非请莫入)
喂，兄弟，能小声点吗？ Yo, homeslice, can you chill on the def jam?
你破坏了我的灵感 You're boiling my vibe.
尊重 Respect.
凯西，可以谈谈吗？ Cass, can we talk?
-老天，谈什么？ -没什么，是我不对 - God, what? - Nothing. My bad.
父亲邪恶，我忘了 Father evil. Forgot that.
你怎样？还好吧？ How you doing, are you all right?
-不，不太好 -你为什么不敷脸？ - No, not really. - Why don't you get that skin peel?
我觉得凯西火气很大 Feels like that. Cassie was so abrasive...
包伯刚进来，我再打电话 我妹妹 Oh, Bob just came in. Let me call you back. My sister.
-你跟凯西谈过？ -是的，我尝试过 - Did you talk to Cassie? - Yeah, I tried.
还在流血 Still bleeding a little bit.
她不知道葛瑞琴 会做那种事 She didn't know Gretchen was gonna do that.
她不知道她会倒一杯汽水 到我老板身上 She didn't know her friend was gonna throw a vat of schmaltz on my boss.
要葡萄酒还是马丁尼？ Wine or martini?
-两样都要，再加一颗镇静剂 -好吧 - Both, with a Prozac back. - Okay.
记得她曾经期盼爸爸在家吗？ 现在什么都不是 Remember when it used to be "Daddy's home"? Now nothing.
我们在四个不同房间看电视 We watch TV in four separate rooms...
晚餐准备好时用简讯通知 ...and we IM each other when dinner's ready.
那么我们改变状况吧 Well, then let's change things.
趁到夏威夷度假时开始 Let's start while we're in Hawaii.
不带笔记型电脑，掌上电脑 不接生意上的电话 No laptop, no BlackBerry, no business calls.
-我们真的去吧 -不要什么？ - Let's really go. - No what?
今年夏天剩下的时间 你不会见到他们 You're not gonna see them for the rest of the summer.
-卡尔要上夏令营 -是的 - Carl's got camp... - Yeah.
凯西要到帕罗阿托 上预科大学，我知道 Cassie's got college prep in Palo Alto, I know.
是的，我们回来那天 他们就要出门 That's right, and they leave the day after we get back.
到夏威夷也还是一样 缺钱才会打电话给我们 It'll be the same in Hawaii. They'll only call us when they need money.
我很高兴我们要度假 不要太担心工作 Well, I'm glad we're going. And don't worry so much about work.
陶德喜欢你 他不能缺少你 Todd loves you. You're indispensable.
恐怕不是 I'm afraid not.
我想赖德会抢我的工作 他年轻，聪明而且比较便宜 I think Laird's gonna get my job. He's younger, smarter, cheaper.
你说什么？ What did you say?
没什么 Nothing.
(纯正汽水)
来吧 Here you go.
敬真爱 To true love.
-夏威夷一定很棒 -是的 - Hawaii's gonna be great. - Yeah.
你要取消夏威夷之旅 You gotta cancel Hawaii.
-为什么？ -跟艾尔班合并遇到困难 - Why? - We hit a snag in the Alpine merger.
-昨天之后？ -兄弟之一反悔了 - Since yesterday? - One brother got seller's remorse.
-盖利？ -赖利 - Garry. - Larry.
盖利还是赞成 让他看到一点钱 Garry's still for it. Show him some money...
他会像鸭子一样呱呱叫 赖利有点紧张 ...he'll quack like a duck. Larry's nervous.
如果我告诉太太不去夏威夷 她会杀了我 If I tell my wife we're not going to Hawaii, bury me ass-up.
埋我的地方够你停单车 You have a place to park your bike.
-包伯 -陶德 - Bob. - Todd.
包伯，这个危机 其实挽救了你的工作 Bob. Bob, this crisis has actually saved your job.
-真的？ -昨天的事件之后 - Really? - After yesterday...
我想开除你维持一点尊严 ...I figured I gotta fire you to maintain some respect around here.
但是为了艾尔班这件事 But in light of this Alpine thing...
-我还是需要你 -祝福你，陶德 ...I still need you. - Bless you, Todd.
我要到那里去做简报 I gotta run out there and make a presentation.
我可以到夏威夷写简报 用电子邮件传给你 I can write the presentation in Hawaii and zap it to you.
赖德可以替我写简报 只要我说一声，他可以住在办公室里 Laird can write me a presentation. If I tell him to, he'll live in the office.
他可以用饮水机洗澡 He'll shower in the damn water cooler.
但你有他没有的东西 But you've got one thing he hasn't got.
-灵魂 -不，你很会开会 - A soul. - No, you're good in a meeting.
你有魅力 You've got the chutzpah.
我要你准备简报 So I want you to write that presentation...
要你开会解决这件事 ...and I need you at the meeting to put this thing over.
-是的 -因此不能到夏威夷 - Yeah. - So no Hawaii.
-不！ -星期五到科罗拉多州巨石市 - No. - Boulder, Colorado, Friday.
夏威夷之行改期吧 Just move your Hawaii dates.
孩子会整个夏天都预订了 The kids are booked the rest of the summer.
-你必须到巨石市 -同意 - You have to go to Boulder. - Agreed.
希望你知道离婚后 我会努力追洁美 I want you to know, after the divorce, I'm coming after Jamie hard.
带珠宝来 Bring jewelry.
如果你追洁美 我可以追艾莲吗？ Hey, if you get Jamie, can I have Elaine?
-你要艾莲？ -总比什么都没有好 - You want Elaine? - Better than nothing.
相信我，不会比较好 Trust me, it's not better.
艾莲还在气我 去年去度假 Elaine is still mad at me for taking that vacation last year.
怪不得，我没有升官 Figures that's why I didn't get that promotion.
-休旅车之行？ -休旅车之行？ - Oh, the RV trip. - RV trip?
著名的休旅车之行 可以再看照片吗？ Oh, the famous RV trip. Oh, can we see the pictures again?
等一等，等一等 谁都不要动 Wait a minute, wait a minute. Nobody move.
你租休旅车？ Did you rent that RV?
妈，有个白痴把丑陋的 休旅车停在我们家门口 Mom, some idiot just parked this ugly RV outside our house.
什么？ What?
我的天！是你丈夫 Oh, my God, it's your husband.
-嗨 -那是什么？ - Oh, hi. - What is that?
-休旅车 -为什么在我们家门口？ - It's an RV. - And why is it in front of our house?
-我们要搭它旅行 -到夏威夷？ - We're taking it on vacation. - To Hawaii?
-不，它不会浮，到科罗拉多州 -为什么不去夏威夷？ - No, it doesn't float. Colorado. - What happened to Hawaii?
拜托，夏威夷是冬天去的 现在是夏天 Come on, Hawaii's a winter destination. It's summer.
我带你们去的地方很特别 跟麦克叔叔不一样 The place I'm taking you is special, and not like Uncle Mike.
我们到涅盘湖 我小时候跟父母去过 It's Lake Nirvana, where I went with my parents as a kid.
他是说笑吗？ 因为我永远分不清 Is he being funny? Because I can never tell.
拜托，你真想露营吧？ Oh, come on. You've always wanted to camp, right?
这是他为葛瑞琴的事处罚我 This is what he came up with to punish me for Gretchen.
我本来想冲浪 真好，爸爸，谢谢你 I was gonna surf. Nice one, Dad. Thanks.
夏威夷的饭店里有健身房 The hotel in Hawaii has a weight room.
没有人尊重我的举重时刻表吗？ Doesrt anybody respect my lifting schedule?
我们不是露营者，不会露营 We're not campers. We don't camp.
-为什么不能？ -为什么？为什么不行？ - Why not? - Why...? Why not?
-首先，我们喜欢淋浴 -车上有淋浴设备 - For one thing, we like to shower. - Well, it's got a shower.
我们马上出去淋浴 You and I will go out right now and take a shower.
包伯，知道搭休旅车旅行 住在什么地方吗？ Bob, do you know where you stay when you take an RV trip?
-哪里？ -休旅车营地 - Where? - RV camps.
亲爱的，别忘了我们不友善 Honey, try to remember, we're not friendly.
到夏威夷永远见不到孩子 In Hawaii, we'll never see the kids.
这样就可以多待在一起 This way, we can spend time with them.
需要多陪陪他们 You need to spend time with them.
我每天陪他们九小时 我想去夏威夷 I spend nine hours a day with them. And I want Hawaii.
好，我们去夏威夷 All right, we'll go to Hawaii.
圣诞节去，那时就只有我们 和一堆犹太人 At Christmas. Then it will just be us and a lot of Jewish people.
-火腿都让我们吃 -我得烧菜 - We'll have all the ham to ourselves. - I'll have to cook.
不会，因为每个晚上 每一顿都由我来烧菜 No, you won't, because I'll cook every night, every meal.
我们下午可以在 饭店房间里午睡 We were gonna take naps. Hotel room, afternoon...
-锁着门午睡 -哦，好的午睡 ...Iock-the-door naps. - Oh, the good naps.
-休旅车上怎么能这样？ -我开慢一点 - How are we gonna do that in an RV? - I'll drive slowly.
-我本来想按摩 -我替你按摩 - I was gonna get a massage. - I'll give you a massage.
你烧菜，替我按摩 You're gonna do all the cooking, give me massages.
以及陪孩子们？ And spend time with the kids.
是的 You got it.
是陶德要你取消 夏威夷之行？ Did you cancel our Hawaii trip because Todd told you to?
你是否自告奋勇 要我们做什么试验？ Did you volunteer us for some sort of experiment?
全家人一起旅行 除了纯正汽水什么都不喝？ The family travels around and drinks nothing but Pure Vibe soda...
看我们的牙齿是否掉下？ ...see if our teeth fall out?
亲爱的，我跟孩子相处的 时间已经不多了 Honey, I'm running out of time with my kids.
拜托，宝宝，你为何不跟 Come on, baby. Why don't you come out in the wilderness...
你的强壮大男人到旷野里？ ...with your big, brawny man?
别逼我找邮购新娘 Don't make me call for my mail-order bride.
包伯 Bob.
这是你的天才丈夫 忽略了的事 Here's something your genius husband probably overlooked.
一加仑油只能跑四里？ Four miles to the gallon?
我们坐在家烧油田好了 Gee, why don't we just stay home and set fire to an oil field.
这倒是神来之笔 There's an elegant touch.
(租我一天或一辈子！)
我们可以穿小丑服装旅行 Or we could just travel around in clown suits.
我吐了一整夜 我相信会传染 I spent the night with my head in the toilet. I'm sure it's contagious.
好了，别说细节了 把新建议案传给我 All right, no more details. Just e-mail me the new proposal.
-我的沙发，让开！ -你逼我吧 - That's my couch. Move. - Make me.
-这个座位反正比较好 -随便 - This seat's better, anyway. - Whatever.
欢迎各位上车 但上车之前 Welcome aboard, everybody. Before we embark...
要替它取个名字 有什么建议？ ...I think we should give this beauty a name. Suggestions?
大狗屎 The Big Turd.
滚动的大狗屎 The Big Rolling Turd.
我们以这种精神出发 In that spirit, we set forth.
出发吧，大副！ Make it so, Number One.
亲爱的，你确定会… Honey, are you sure know how to...?
-亲爱的？ -相信我，好吗？ - Honey? - Trust me, okay?
谢谢 Thanks.
我的天！ Oh, my God.
-亲爱的，亲爱的！ -什么？ - Honey, honey. - What?
-树！ -是的，没关系 - Oh, tree. - Yeah, it's all right.
亲爱的？ Honey?
亲爱的，亲爱的 Honey. Honey.
我的天！ Oh, my God.
-我们没事 -亲爱的 - We're okay. - Honey.
亲爱的，树！树！ Honey, tree! Tree!
亲爱的，亲爱的 Honey, honey.
-亲爱的 -好了 - Honey. - Okay.
还想撞什么吗？ Anything else you want to hit?
(停)
想倒车回去吗？ 没撞到邻居的猫 Do you want to go back? We missed the neighbor's cat.
距离目标31小时 You are 31 hours from your destination.
-这是什么？ -道路伴侣700 - What's that? - RoadMate 700.
-我叫她“罗拉” -一百尺后右转 - I call her "Lola." - Make a right in 100 feet.
谢谢你，罗拉 Thank you, Lola.
她准确到十尺以内 She's accurate to within 10 feet.
-直走 -不，罗拉说右转 - Go straight. - No, Lola says take a right.
-商场交通拥挤，直走 -五十尺 - Well, mall traffic. Go straight. - Fifty feet.
-是的，但她说右转 -我叫你直走 - Yeah, but she said take a right. - Well, I'm telling you to go straight.
二十尺 Twenty feet.
-选择吧 -宝贝，拜托！ - Choose. - Baby, please.
-右转 -选择 - Turn right. - Choose.
-爸爸！ -右转 - Dad! - Turn right.
是我不对 My bad.
-还有30小时59分钟 -关掉！ - You are 30 hours and 59 minutes... - Turn her off.
才到达目的地 - From your destination.
爸，这很有趣 Say, Dad, this is interesting.
在没有扣好的柜子里 放置没有绑好的东西 "Unsecured items in an unlatched cabinet...
会导致灾难 你看过没有？ ...are a recipe for disaster." Didrt you read this?
没有，我忙着想各种 享乐的方法 No, I was too busy thinking of all the ways we're gonna have fun.
爸爸，有人偷休旅车 Dad, somebody's stealing the RV.
不，卡尔，没有人偷 No, Carl. Nobody's stealing it...
没有人在车上 但它滚动到后面 ...it's rolling backwards with no one in it.
是的，是我不对 Oh, yeah. Well, my bad.
是的，嗯，是的 Yeah, well, yeah.
-谢谢，苏尔 -艾夫 - Thanks, Saul. - Irv.
-艾夫 -不是“苏尔” - Irv. - Not "Saul."
不知怎么会说苏尔 I don't know where I got Saul.
谢谢 Well, thanks.
-好消息 -我是领养的？ - Good news. - I'm adopted?
很好笑，不是 因为我的技术好 Good one. No, thanks to my technically proficient...
以及我迷人的描述 苏尔 ...and charmingly amusing description, Saul...
-艾夫 -艾夫，是的，经销商 - Irv. - Irv, yeah. Irv the dealer...
说也许是停车连锁器 以及手刹车坏了 ...said we damaged the parking-gear interlock and the emergency brake.
妈让我分心时我们 出了一点小意外 We had that little mishap, you know, when Mom distracted me...
我们离开车道的时候 ...we were pulling out of the driveway?
但是开车时使用的刹车 But the driving brakes, the ones we use when we're moving...
没有问题 不只没问题，还好得很 ...they're fine. They're not just fine, they're brilliant.
我们只要在停车的时候 All we have to do is every time we park...
在后轮上塞两块大木头 ...we have to put two big blocks under the rear wheel.
我们就会很好，谢谢协助 大家来吧 We'll be perfect. Thanks for the help. Okay, everybody, come on.
一定会很有趣，来吧 每一里都会有微笑 It'll be fun, let's go. Miles and smiles.
从来没有受过这么差的待遇 This is the worst I've ever been treated.
-等你结婚再说吧 -谢谢！ - Wait till you get married. - Thank you.
大家上滚动的大狗屎车吧 Everybody, let's get aboard the Big Rolling Turd.
(欢迎光临休旅车营地)
真容易 That was easy.
现在要做什么？ Now what do we do?
喂，我知道 我们到海滩去冲浪 Hey, I know, let's go to the beach and go surfing.
等一等，我忘了 我们不是在夏威夷 Wait a minute, I forgot. We're not in Hawaii.
我们在太空总署 模拟登陆月球的地方 We're where NASA faked the moon landing.
等一等 Wait a minute.
等你们看了再说 这叫做“弹出” Wait till you see this. It's called a "pop-out."
等一等 Hold on.
哇，你们在哪里？ Wow, where are you?
-这有多酷？ -酷得不得了 - How cool is that? - Macarena cool.
喂 Hey.
想看电影吗？ 在哪里？ You guys want to see a movie? But where?
原谅我无知 但你是否需要 Forgive my ignorance, but don't you need to hook up...
把滚动大狗屎 连接到电源上 ...the Big Rolling Turd to the electricity for that?
是的 Yes, I do.
我要上大号 该试用厕所了 I gotta take a crap. Time to break in the pooper.
你真恶心 You are so disgusting.
爸爸！马桶塞住了！ Dad! The toilet's backed up!
卡尔，你吃了什么？ Carl, what did you eat?
爸，不是我的 Dad, it's not mine.
(废水)
问题是化粪池溢出来了 There's the problem, sewage tank is overflowing.
甚至不是我们的污水 是剩下来的 And it's not even our sewage, it's leftover.
这不是国家危机 It's not a national emergency.
我们到排放汙水的地方 We'll go to where you dump the sewage...
把污水排出去 大家一起去 ...and we'll dump the dump. Come on, let's all go.
好像很吸引人，但我放弃 不过还是谢谢你 As appealing as that sounds, I think I'm gonna pass. But thank you.
别忘了你要做晚餐 And don't forget, you're making dinner.
当然，我喜欢清洗别人 留在休旅车上的粪便 Sure, I'd love to clean somebody else's crap out of the RV...
而不想到夏威夷 ...instead of being in Hawaii.
我可以跟你去吗？ Can I come?
你不但可以去 还可以排污水 Not only can you come, you can dump the sewage.
-真的？ -是的 - Really? - Yeah.
这将是那种 《FieldofDreams》的时刻 It's gonna be a regular Field of Dreams moment, buddy.
容易得很 Piece of cake.
-先生，还要很久吗？ -要看情形 - Gonna be a while, mister? - Oh, well, that depends.
如果能把管子接在 这个出口上 If I can get this hose attached to this outlet...
我马上就可以离开 ...I'll be right out of here.
-怎么回事？ -他要接管子 - What's the dealie? - Guy needs to attach a hose.
正在接 Doing it.
-怎么了？ -正在接管子 - What's up? - Trying to attach a hose.
-这位仁兄要接管子 -接到扩音器上吧 - Fella here's trying to hook up a hose. - Maybe get on the loudspeaker.
管子不对 要用这一根 That there's the wrong hose. It's that there one.
-是的 -是的 - Yeah. - Yeah.
-这要有接头 -对！ - It's got the coupling. - Right.
这是这个 That one right there.
-行了 -好吧 - There you go. - Okay.
还需要一根管子 You need another hose.
我想是吧，但是… Yeah, I guess, but...
够长，但是 It's long enough, but:
要用双向接头 Gotta get one of them bayonet couplings.
-他没有 -他只有三向接头 - He hasn't got one. - He's got a Y-coupling right there.
这应该也可以 Yeah, that'll do the trick.
三向接头？ Y-coupling?
三向接头 A Y-coupling.
三向接头，我明白了 That's the Y. Oh, I see.
-一个马铃薯 -好极了 - One potato. - Alrighty.
两个马铃薯 Two potato.
-好，等一下 -行了 - Okay, wait, oh. - There we go.
听着，我不是废弃物处理专家 Listen, I'm no expert in waste management...
但粪便不会从这里流出来吗？ ...but won't the fecal matter come out the top hole there?
不会，只要拿高一点 No, you just gotta hold it up in the air like this:
行了，再高一点 行了 There you go. Little bit higher. There you go.
-哦？像这样？ -对了 - Oh, like that there. - There you go.
确定可行吗？ You sure this is gonna work?
当然可以，基本流体力学 Heck, yeah, man. It's basic hydraulics.
好吧，阿基米德 Okay, Archimedes.
喂，乔，乔 Hey, Joe Joe.
-好的 -打开吧！ - Okay. - Let her rip.
关掉！ Turn it off!
-行不通 -不行 - That sure didn't work. - No.
-需要一个水管连接器 -谁有？ - We need a hose spreader. - Who's got one?
我想葛尼克有，我去拿 Gornicke, I think. I'll get it.
-我放一点音乐 -不要，拜托 - I'll get some music. - Oh, no, please.
还拿一点玉米片来 And some of those tortilla chips.
-还有吃剩的香肠 -带来吧 - We got some leftover sausages. - Bring them.
不，你们用不着费心 我不想麻烦你们 No, you folks don't need to have a parade. I don't want to impose.
不，不 Oh, no, no.
朋友，我们会替你修理 We are gonna get this fixed up for you, buddy.
香肠 Sausages.
-就在这里，有一根吗？ -好的 - Right here, you want one? - Yeah.
行了，应该有效 There we go. That'll work.
确定撑得住？ You sure this will hold?
他们为何要卖连接器给你？ Hey, man, why would they sell you a hose spreader...
如果连接不了管子 ...if you couldn't spread the hose?
太久了，快点！ It's getting old. Come on.
打开吧，乔，乔 Open it up, Joe Joe.
塞住了，我来冲水 It's blocked. I'll flush the line.
-嗨，爸爸 -儿子 - Hey, Dad. - Son.
或许现在应该承认 Maybe now is the time to confess to you that...
你爸爸不是万事通 ...your dad's not the master of all things.
你听白痴的建议时 我就已经知道了 I got that when you started taking advice from morons.
是的，我们只需要五弦琴 Yeah. All we need is a banjo.
乖乖，他根本没有完全打开 Oh, man. He didn't even open it up all the way.
-看吧，不必担心 -是的 - See? No worries. - Yup.
-哈啰 -包伯 - Hello. - Bob.
嗨，陶德 我病得还很严重 Hey, Todd. Yeah, I'm still pretty sick.
-简报在哪里？ -简报？ - Where's my presentation? - Presentation?
这是我写得最棒的一篇 不是我自吹自擂 It's the best work I've done, not to toot my own horn...
-是的，星期四早上交给你 -星期四？ - Yeah, you'll have it Thursday morning. - Thursday?
不，不够快，明天交吧 No, that's not soon enough. Tomorrow will be great.
我要挂断了 Oh, I gotta go.
乖乖，真讨厌 Oh, dude, that is nasty.
别担心，我再拿一根管子 Don't worry, I'll get another hose.
洞里起火了！ Fire in the hole!
这是你犯大错的地方 Here's where you made your critical mistake.
你听霍华德和乔乔的话 You listened to anything Howie and Joe Joe said.
他们很好，但缺几根筋 Nice boys, but they're a couple pliers short of a tool chest.
全身粪便的不是他们 They're not the ones covered in fecal matter.
这句话有道理 That's a good point.
崔维斯葛尼克 Travis Gornicke.
包伯蒙洛 Bob Munro.
好吧，等一下再握手 Yeah, let's postpone that handshake...
-等洗干净之后 -是的 ...till we get you cleaned up. - Yeah.
你已经够干净 可以用自己的浴室了 You're clean enough to use your own shower, Bob.
爸，休旅车洗干净了 The vehicle's all cleaned up, Daddy.
-做得好，儿子 -谢谢你们 - Oh, nice work, son. - Thank you, boys.
-不客气 -没问题，蒙洛先生 - You're welcome. - No problem, Mr. Munro.
-听着，我可以… -不，包伯，不可能 - Look, can I offer you a... - No, Bob, wouldn't think of it.
-我们是邻居 -妈想知道 - We're neighbors. - Mom wants to know...
发生什么事？ What happened to you?
(本水源仅供冲水和清洗)
他身上全是大便 He was covered in turd.
我了解这种感受 Oh, I know the feeling.
妈问你何时做晚餐？ Mom wants to know when you're cooking dinner.
告诉你妈等我准备好再说 You tell your mother when I'm good and ready, that's when.
-我会告诉她 -告诉她我准备好了 - I'll tell her. - Tell her I'm good and ready.
谢谢 Well, thanks.
包伯，很高兴替你冲水 Hey, pleasure hosing you down, Bob.
-彼此 -为什么不跟我们一起晚餐？ - Ditto. - Why can't they have dinner with us?
除了臭以外当然可以 You know, aside from the stink, I don't see why not.
你们过来吧 星期二吃肉饼 Why don't you come on over? Tuesday's meatloaf.
饭后我们可以坐下来看 《ErnestGoestoJail》 Then afterwards, we can sit around and watch Ernest Goes to Jail.
-很好笑 -是经典名片 - It is funny. - Well, it's a classic.
-是的，可以看一整夜 -但愿我能 - Yeah, we'll make a whole night of it. - I wish I could.
我答应替家人做特别的菜 I promised my family I'd make my special dish...
-烤肉串 -那很好 ...shish kebob. - Oh, that's good.
-那么改天吧 -是的，我一定来 - Well, another time, then. - Yeah, try to keep me away.
好吧 Okay.
卡尔 Carl!
-亲爱的，进行得如何？ -非常好，宝贝 - Honey, how's it going? - Great, baby.
好吧，还要多久？ 我们饿扁了 Okay, well, how long? Because we're starving.
四小时！ 如果一直问就会更久 Four hours. Maybe longer if you keep asking.
-什么？ -烤箱很小 - What? - It's a small oven...
我还得用吹风机烤马铃薯 ...and I'm having to do the potatoes with a hair dryer set on "high."
喂，谁想参加派对？ Hey, who wants to go to a party?
-我们来了，希望没迟到 -没有 - Here we are. Hope we're not late. - No!
-包伯说你们邀请我们 -是的 - Well, Bob said we were invited. - Yeah.
-当然是 -那么我们来了 - Of course you were. - Then here we are.
-我们饿了 -很好！ - We're hungry. - All right!
-犸丽乔，客人来了 -什么客人？ - Mary Jo, our company's here. - What company?
他们很近，听得到你大叫 The ones that are close enough to hear you yelling, darling.
-嗨 -嗨 - Well, hi. - Hi.
亲爱的，帮我一下 Honey, help me.
-我拿到了，亲爱的 -拿去吧 - I've got you here, darling. - Here you go.
我看看！你们见过欧尔和比利 Let's see. Earl and Billy you met.
-嗨，我是欧尔 -我不是 - Hi, I'm Earl. - And I'm not.
我太太犸丽乔 我女儿月儿 My wife, Mary Jo, and my daughter, Moon.
大家好 Hey, y'all.
月儿像嬉皮的名字 例如月亮，彩虹，彭恩 Well, Moon, that's kind of a hippie name, like Moon, Rainbow, Bong.
她的名字是为了纪念华伦梦恩 She was named after Warren Moon.
他是休士顿油人队的四分卫 He was quarterback of the Houston Oilers.
这是我太太洁美 Well, this is my wife, Jamie.
我女儿凯西 我儿子卡尔 Cassie, my daughter. My son, Carl.
纪念卡尔马克斯 Named after Karl Marx...
社会主义者，也有人说 他是现代共产主义之父 ...socialist, some would say the father of modern communism.
我吐的时候眼睛流血 知道吗 As I'm throwing up with the blood pouring out of my eyes, you know...
我抬头看时说了一句 “这个可人儿是谁” ...I looked up and I said, "Who is that lovely...?"
第二天就到华瑞兹结婚 Next day, we were married in Juarez.
九个月后生了欧尔 Nine months later... out popped Earl.
有男朋友吗？ So you got a boyfriend?
-有，其实我已经订婚了 -不可能 - Yeah, actually, I'm engaged. - Unlikely.
你们是哪里人？ So where are you guys from?
也就是说帽子挂在哪里？ Where do you hang your hat, as it were.
-挂在巴士上的方向盘后面 -真的？ - Behind the wheel of that bus. - Really?
-纯美国人 -真的？ - Full-timer, U.S.A. - Really?
月儿，欧尔和比利 怎么上学？ Well, how do Moon, Earl and not Earl go to school?
在家里进修 Home school.
希望你不觉得这个问题 牵涉到个人 I hope you don't find this next question too personal...
-但你们？ -怎么谋生？有很多方式 ...but how do you...? - Make a living? Various ways.
我们检举犸丽乔的继父 得到两万五千美元赏金 Let's see. We made $25,000 when we turned in Mary Jo's stepdad.
他在牢里可以得到心理治疗 In prison he's getting help he needs.
我还差点忘了 犸丽乔也赚钱 Oh, and I almost forgot, Mary Jo makes a living.
我是说她不必离开巴士 一年就赚六万美元 I mean, she earns $60,000 a year without ever leaving that bus.
真的？当妓女？ Really? Hooking?
-真好笑 -我是快乐麦克斯的推销员 - Funny. - I'm a mobile sales rep for Happy Max.
看过我们的音乐汽车喇叭 广告吧？ Y'all seen the infomercials for our musical car horns?
-不，好像没看过 -没有 - No, I don't think we have. - No.
白鞋比利，按喇叭吧 Billy White Shoes, blow that horn.
-看着吧 -等着！ - Watch this. - Wait for it.
我每次都很喜欢 I love it every time.
真了不起，这是… Wow, that's fantastic. That was...
洁美，你是家庭主妇？ Jamie, are you a stay-at-home mom?
-是的 -没有大减价的时候 - Yes. - When there's not a sale.
我替你介绍快乐麦克斯 Let me hook you up with Happy Max.
巴士上有推销样品袋 I got a rep bag in the bus.
而且我也代理 可爱百合美容产品 Plus, I represent Lovely Lily Beauty Products.
-犸丽乔受过化妆训练 -如果你们明天还在 - Mary Jo's a trained cosmetologist. - Lf you're still here tomorrow...
我免费替你做全套化妆 ...I'm going to give you a complete, free total makeover.
39美元的化妆完全免费 A $39 package absolutely free.
-亲爱的，那很棒 -不 - Oh, that would be good, honey. - No.
知道吗？我明天要 整天替你化妆 You know what, I'm gonna work on you the whole day tomorrow.
-来吧，小姐 -对不起，我不吃肉 - There you go, little lady. - Oh, I'm sorry, I don't eat meat.
我听到你说了 所以我带这个给你 I heard you talking. That's why I brought you this here.
-里面没有肉 -没有肉？ - There ain't no meat in it. - Oh, no meat?
听到没？没有肉 谢谢，真可爱 You here that? No meat. Thank you. That's lovely.
是的，全是内脏 That's right. It's all organs.
新鲜的鹿内脏 Deer organs. They're fresh too.
今天早上撞死的 其余的肉放在卧室里熏 I run him over this morning. The rest of it's curing in the bedroom.
鹿胜，鹿脑和胰脏 我们丢进了汤里 But the stomach, brains and pancreas, we just toss that into the stew...
因为天热不能保存 ...because in this heat, it doesn't keep.
-浴室 -小姐 - Bathroom. - Little lady...
-我女儿在这里 -爸，可以走了吗？ - There's my girl. - Dad, can we please go?
是的，谢谢你们邀请 Yes. You know, thank you so much for the invitation.
很有趣，非常有趣 This has been great. A lot of fun.
爸，你听 Dad, listen.
这是我们的家庭主题曲 This is kind of our family theme song.
孩子们，来吧，上来吧 快去拿你知道 Kids, come on. Get up there, go, go. Hurry up, get the... You know.
他们一定会很喜欢 Oh, they're gonna love this.
小妈咪准备了歌舞 Little Mommy's got a whole song-and-dance thing worked out.
-真棒！ -加油，月儿，加油！ - Oh, that's wonderful. - Come on, Moon, come on.
-我来了，谢谢你，宝贝 -谢谢 - Here I go. Thank you, darling. - Thank you.
-是的 -像练习时那样排好 - Oh, yeah. - Line up the way we practiced.
这首歌我百听不厌 上次听到时我全身赤裸 I never grow tired of that song. Last time I heard it I was buck-naked...
-在一块田里放照明弹 -爸爸 ...in a field with a road flare. - Dad.
是的，明天还得赶路 Yes. Big travel day tomorrow.
-你们去哪里？ -离开 - Where y'all headed? - Away.
科罗拉多州华森山 Mount Watson in Colorado.
-很高兴认识你们 -彼此 - Just fantastic to have met you both. - Same here.
-希望能再见面 -明天一起早餐如何？ - Hope we see you again. - How about breakfast tomorrow?
-吃贝果和鹿睾丸？ -是的，她跟你一样滑稽 - Bagels and deer testicles? - Oh, yeah, she's funny, just like you.
我们很想吃早餐 但我们很早起床 We'd have breakfast, but we're early risers.
-我们也是，六点可以吗？ -六点我们早就走了 - Well, us too. Six a.m. Work for you? - We'll be long gone by then.
是的，相信我们 Yeah, trust us.
包伯？包伯？ Bob? Bob?
-我们走，我们走，包伯？ -是的，宝贝 - Let's go, let's go. Bob? - Yeah, baby.
-很友善的人 -是的，他们是好人 - Oh, friendly folks. - Yeah, they're nice people.
(冰块)
-嗨，蒙洛先生 -嗨，比利，我只是… - Hi, Mr. Munro. - Hi, Billy. I'm just...
-你的真好 -什么？ - You sure got a nice one. - What?
还好的笔记型电脑 That's a nice laptop.
谢谢，怎么还不睡？ Oh, thanks. What are you doing up?
我有失眠症 五岁以来没睡过 I have a sleep disorder. I haven't slept since I was 5.
你就在营地上闲逛？ So you just wander around the campground.
是的，但我不介意 这是唯一能安静的时候 Yeah, I don't really mind. It's the only time I have alone.
再见 Well, see you.
好的 Oh, okay.
(连接失败，无法连线)
(男士洗衣部)
-早安 -早安，蒙洛先生 - Morning. - Good morning, Mr. Munro.
-快！快！我们走 -才五点半 - Come on. Come on, let's go. - It's 5:30.
葛尼克家族！ The Gornickes.
包伯，帮个忙！ Bob, a little help.
帮个忙？凯西！ Little help? Cassie?
有动作！ 她在动！ There's movement. She... She's moving.
卡尔，我们走 Carl, let's get going.
快点！快点！ 包伯，踩油门 Let's move it, let's move it. Bob, gun it.
卡尔，凯西，状况如何？ Carl. Cass, what's our status?
她出门了，走过来了 救命！救命！她来了！ She's out the door. She's coming. Mayday, mayday, she's coming!
快！我们走！走！ 快！快！快！ Come on. Let's go, let's go. Go, go, go!
-快点！ -上了档，但是没有动！ - Come on! - It's in gear, but it's not moving.
-车轮！ -该死的“弹出”的部份 - The wheel! - This stupid pop-out thing.
妈，快点！她来了！ Hurry, Mom, she's coming!
快！快！加油！ Come on, come on, come on.
赶快移开这鬼东西 Will you move this son of a bi...
嗨！ Hey!
(别忘了收电视天线 遮阳棚，梯子和太太！)
他们起得真早 They are early risers.
我的时速只有十二里 I'm going a whole 12 miles an hour.
超车吧 Then pass him.
孩子们，别烦他 他不是好驾驶 Kids, leave him alone. He's not that good a driver.
真的？ Really.
我的天！我的天！ Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
-加油！ -包伯 - Come on. - Bob.
包伯，包伯，包伯 Bob. Bob. Bob.
包伯 Bob.
好哇！ All right.
-好，耶！ -谢谢 - Okay. All right. - Thanks.
-猜有什么事？ -什么？ - Hey, guess what. - What?
我们需要加油 We need gas.
我真要上厕所 And I really have to go to the bathroom.
车上有厕所 You know we have one of those.
是的，但上次淋到粪便后 Yeah, but after my last little shower of sadness...
好吧，该做什么就做 Okay, okay, do what you have to do.
我有一胜子大便 I've got an ICBM coming.
如果有大便天使 我会赚很多钱 If there's a poop fairy, I can make a lot of money.
宝贝，可能有一点时间 这是80加仑的油箱 I could be a while, baby. It's an 80-gallon tank.
爸 ，你在里面吗？ Dad, you in here?
卡尔，再等我一分钟 Carl, I just need a minute.
当然，但休旅车滑走了 Sure, only the RV's rolling away.
马上出来！ Be right out.
-嗨，包伯 -崔维斯 - Hey, Bob. - Travis.
是的，我想你的车有一点问题 Yeah, I think you've got a little problem with your vehicle.
我不是专家 I'm no expert...
但你的停车连锁装置 和手刹车坏了 ...but it's your parking-gear interlock and your emergency brake.
-你怎么？ -这是奇迹 - How did you...? - It's a miracle.
它开始滑走时我们到达了 We pulled in the second it started rolling away.
了不起吧？ 想不想听有一次 Isn't that something? Wanna hear about the time...
-遇到龙卷风时耶稣救我们 -真了不起 ...Jesus saved us from a tornado? - It's great.
我很想听 但我在厕所里 I'd love to, but I was in the little boys' room...
被卡尔打扰 ...taking care of business when Carl interrupted...
洁美很愿意听 ...but Jamie would love to hear it.
就好像昨天一样 Well, it seems just like yesterday.
谢谢 Thank you.
我不想太壮，知道吗？ I don't wanna get too big, you know.
-不希望像个怪物 -不要 - I mean, I don't want to look freakish. - No.
-这是什么？ -地名清单 - What is this? - It's a list of places...
这里和科罗拉多州之间 卖有机食品的地方 ...between here and Colorado that sell organic health food.
-昨晚从网路上下载的 -哦，你真体贴 - I got it last night off the Internet. - Oh, that was really thoughtful.
-你在听什么？ -没什么 - What are you listening to? - Nothing.
比利在树上被风吹下 So Billy was blown right out of that tree.
他着地之前不知从什么地方冒出 Right before he hit the ground, from out of nowhere...
一个大号席蒙丝床垫 ...comes this queen-size Simmons mattress...
滑到他身体下面 撑住了他 ...slides right under him and cushions his fall.
救了他一命 况且我们需要床垫 Saved his life. Plus, we needed the mattress.
我的背有毛病 I have a bad back.
要跟我们一起早餐吗？ So you folks wanna join us for breakfast?
-我们… -吃过了 - We... - Ate.
蒙洛先生 我告诉欧尔和月儿 Mr. Munro, I was just telling Earl and Moon...
你的笔记型电脑很棒 ...about that neat laptop you were using.
-你什么时候用电脑？ -上班时一直在用 - When were you using a laptop? - At work, all the time.
-我正在告诉他 -他什么时候看到你？ - I was just telling him... - When did he see you?
知道吗？ 我们很愿意一起吃早餐 You know, we'd love to join you for breakfast.
-有人成熟了 -欢迎到我的世界 - Somebody's ripe. - Welcome to my world.
你们进去铺桌子 我们马上来 You guys go on in, get that table. We'll be right there.
好，来吧，孩子们 All right. Come on, kids.
-我们要逃走？ -绝对要！ - We're ditching them? - Absolutely.
-好吧 -孩子们，快！ - Okay. - Kids, move.
因为你说我们起得早 So because you told them we were early risers...
不得不五点半起床 ...we had to get up at 5:30...
-避开葛尼克 -对 ...to avoid the Gornickes... - Right.
但我们还是没有避开他们 ...which we managed not to do anyway...
因为你不愿意使用你租的 休旅车上的厕所 ...because you refused to use the bathroom on the RV that you rented.
你决心要难过，是不是？ You're determined to have a bad time, aren't you?
爸爸，我们都是 We all are, Dad.
我不是！我面对一切挑战！ Not me. I embrace every challenge.
亲爱的，或许他们听到坏消息 不得不离开 Honey, maybe they just got some bad news and had to leave.
犸丽乔，你很善良 这是我最爱你的地方 You're a sweet woman, Mary Jo. It's what I love about you.
但他们抛下我们 But them folks ditched us.
亲爱的，我们停车吧 停车吧 Oh, Trav, honey, pull over. Let's pull over.
他像是民歌手 He looks like a folk singer.
-上车吧 -哈啰！ - Climb aboard. - Hello there.
-朋友，好吧？ -先生 - How you doing, buddy? - Sir.
欢迎搭乘葛尼克巴士 Welcome to the Gornicke bus.
你是民歌手？ You a folk singer?
(欢迎莅临犹他州 仍然是对的地方)
凯西，替我打开烤箱 Cass, can you turn on the oven for me?
我很无聊 I am so bored.
无聊得想吐！ I could actually throw up from how bored I am.
我带游戏来了 对不起！大富翁，龙卷风 I brought games. Sorry! , Monopoly, Twister.
-来吧，很好玩 -好玩 - Come on, it'll be fun. - Fun.
烤箱打开了吗？ Did you turn on the oven?
-没有 -我来 - No. - I'll do it.
-烤箱里有浣熊 -拜托，不要 - Raccoon in the oven! - Oh, please. No.
不要打开！ Don't open it.
昨晚的烤肉拿出来没有？ Did you take out the roast from last night?
-大概没有 -有什么办法？ - I guess not. - What's the plan?
把卡尔给他们，或许他们会吃 Give him Carl. Maybe he'll eat him.
把你给他们 他喜欢吃泼妇 Give him you. He's on the South Bitch Diet.
-很好笑 -好吧，喂！ - Good one. - Okay, hey.
拜托，没有看到 浣熊在做什么吗？ Hey, come on. Don't you see what the raccoors doing?
他在打心理战 想分化和征服我们 He's playing head games. He wants to divide and conquer us.
我们要团结，要坚强 We have to hang together, stay strong.
-把他赶走吧 -我一个人？ - Just get rid of it. - Just me?
-是的 -好吧 - Yeah. - Okay.
来吧，小蓝 里面有浣熊 Come on, Blue. There's coons in there.
-狗狗，加油！ -包伯 - Come on, boy. - Bob.
-狗狗，去咬他 -包伯 - Go get him, boy. - Bob.
只是开玩笑 Just kidding.
我要进去 I'm going in.
谁要拦阻我吗？ Is anyone gonna stop me?
“爸爸，别过去 浣熊可能有狂犬病” "Dad, don't. The raccoon might have rabies"?
什么都没有？一句话都没有？ Nothing? Not a word?
没有 Not really.
-爸爸？ -是的，宝贝 - Daddy? - Yeah, baby.
别伤害他 Don't hurt him.
我要进入休旅车 I am entering the RV.
还是没有迹象 Still no sign.
我要走到烤箱门口 I'm going towards the oven door.
我要打开烤箱 I'm opening the ov...
我的天！ Oh, my God!
不只一只！ There's more than one!
各位，他只是开玩笑 You guys, he's just joking around.
退后！ Get back.
退后！退后！ Back. Back! Back!
可怕的 You hideous...
我们需要一个新计划 We need a new plan.
好了，走吧 不让你搭葛尼克巴士 All right, let's go. You're off the Gornicke bus.
我不是偷来的，是捡到的 I didn't steal it. I found it.
现在又弄丢了 Well, now you lost it.
怪不得他们不来吃早餐 That's why they didn't come to breakfast.
他的电脑掉了，但他要用 因此慌忙出去找 He lost his computer, he needs it. They went off frantic to find it.
我往坏处想得太快 I was quick to think the worst.
我很不好意思 I'm filled with chagrin.
亲爱的 Oh, honey.
-那是什么？ -臭气弹 - What is that? - It's a stink bomb.
跟办公室的人买的 花了175美元 Got it from the guy in the office. Cost me $ 175.
我知道上网买只要五块 I can get this for five bucks online, I know it.
要在休旅车上施放？ You're gonna set that off in the RV?
他保证无毒性 只是跟泰德爷爷一样讨厌 He assured me it's not toxic. Just noxious, like Grandpa Ted.
别乱丢垃圾 Don't litter.
你们吸这个吧 Suck on this, Rocky.
耶！ Yeah!
跑吧，畜生们！ Run, critters.
是的，你们这些小土匪 我还有很多臭气 Yeah, there's more where that came from, you little bandits.
是的！ Yeah!
我不像某些人想像的 无法应付紧急事故 I'm not so ill-equipped to handle an emergency as some people may think.
-没有人说你不能应付 -你知道的，宝贝 - No one said you were ill-equipped. - You know it, baby.
臭气会维持多久？ How long does this last?
大约六小时 Up to six hours.
下午天气很好 我们坐在外面享受大自然 It's a beautiful evening. Let's sit outside and enjoy nature.
我们到遮阳棚下面躲雨吧 Why don't we huddle under the awning?
我们不能 爸爸在内华达州把它撞坏了 Oh, we can't. Dad tore it off back in Nevada.
我们都到雨伞下面吧 Well, why don't we just get underneath the umbrella?
哦，对了 爸爸让浣熊吃掉了 Oh, that's right. Dad fed it to the raccoons.
-拜托再到办公室试试 -不，他是白痴 - Please, try the office again. - No, he's an idiot.
他不会让我们进去 这些袋子他收我70元 He won't let us in. He charged me $ 70 for these bags.
刚才经过的酒吧如何？ What about that bar we passed on the way up here?
-是的，爸爸，吃匹萨 -还有屋顶 - Yeah, Dad, pizza. - And a roof.
不，外面很黑，而且 那些浣熊可能在等 No, it's dark out there. Besides, those raccoons could be waiting.
喂！我看到了 就在那边！ Hey! I can see it. It's just down there.
来吧，我饿扁了 Come on, I'm starving.
-包伯？ -不是好主意 - Bob? - It's a bad idea.
就在那边 It's just down the...
卡尔！ Carl!
卡尔，我们来了！ Carl, we're coming!
包伯！ Bob!
妈！ Mom!
洁美！ Jamie!
包伯！ Bob!
四位，不吸烟 Table for four. No smoking.
把脚擦一下 Wipe your feet.
看吧，所以要读书 See? That's why you should study.
分数要好一点 才能上有大派对的学校 So you can get good grades and go to a big party school.
爸爸，家里为什么 没有撞球？ Hey, Dad, how come you never got a pool table for the house?
因为那边的大暴君 Because of the generalissimo over there.
你们出生之前 餐厅里有个撞球 We had one before you were born, in the dining room...
但后来找到工作 请客人到家里晚餐 ...but then you get a job, invite people for dinner...
-有了家人 -人生曾经很有趣 ...you have a family... - Life used to be fun.
很有趣，但后来发生 更有趣的事 It was fun. But then something happened that was a lot more fun.
我们得到福尔曼无烟烤肉架 We got the George Foreman smokeless grill.
好吧 Okay.
好了，我们睡吧 It's fine. Let's just go to sleep.
爸爸 Dad.
(结论，艾尔班汽水 公司准备好了)
(艾尔班汽水，准备传送)
(没有信号)
太好了！ Oh, yeah.
好极了，你起来了 煮咖啡好吗？ Oh, great, you're up. Will you make the coffee?
-很乐意 -谢谢 - Love to. - Thank you.
要我开车吗？ Do you want me to drive?
-爸，还好吧？ -是的 - You okay, Dad? - Oh, yeah.
爸，紧急状况 Dad, emergency!
葛尼克 Gornickes.
我拿他们的电脑 I'll get their computer.
我感觉像《The Twilight Zone》 里搭便车的人 I feel like that hitchhiker in The Twilight Zone.
他们喜欢我们的什么？ 我们又没有吸引力 What do they like about us? We're not even that appealing.
我可不要一辈子 I'm not gonna spend my life...
挨家挨户推销 音乐汽车喇叭 ...going door to door, selling musical car horns.
-葛尼克一家人，我叫他们停下 -凯西！ - The Gornickes. I'll flag them down. - Cassie!
她抓到他了 She got him.
蒙洛！ Munros!
包伯！洁美！ Bob! Jamie!
葛尼克家的人 It's the Gornickes.
-假装跟我说话 -好的 - Pretend to talk to me. - Oh, yeah.
停车！我们有你的东西！ Pull over! We've got your stuff!
蒙洛，我们是葛尼克家 Munros. It's the Gornickes.
停车！有你的电脑！ Pull over. We have your computer.
还有快乐麦克斯样品 停车！ And a Happy Max bag. Pull over.
孩子们，拿出漆弹枪 Kids, grab your paint guns.
开到前面 在他们的车窗上打漆弹 Pull ahead. We'll put one across their bow.
看你开车让我很兴奋 You know, seeing you drive this thing is really turning me on.
什么？ What?
他们有枪！ They've got guns!
我们也有… We've also got...
可以起来了 You can come up now.
像这样开车是哪里学来的？ Where did you learn to drive like that?
你想我怎么能 准时送孩子们上学？ How do you think I get the kids to school on time?
真可惜，如果有他们的地址 可以寄给他们 What a shame. If we had their address, we could just ship it to them.
我们知道他们会去哪里 Well, we do know where they're headed.
科罗拉多州华森山 Mount Watson, Colorado.
(欢迎莅临百年之州 科罗拉多州)
(华森山休旅车营地)
如果穿合身的衣服 You know, if you wore clothes that fit...
-就不会像十岁大的孩子 -我就是要这样 ...you wouldn't look like a 10-year-old. - It's how I roll.
真好！ Oh, sweet.
佛罗多，你说什么？ You say something, Frodo?
我只是说你刚才 被他打得很惨 I was just saying how that guy Shaq'd you there.
-两人对两人吧？ -你为何不去找 - We got two-on-two, right? - Why don't you find...
两尺以下的矮子联盟？ ...an under-2-foot league.
为何不拿你脖子上的东西 去换一张脸？ Why don't you trade that thing in on top of your neck for a face.
我要打你的屁股 I'm gonna floss your rear.
-走吧，来吧 -嗨，活动房屋小子们！ - Let's go, bring it. Come on. - Yo, my mobile homeboys.
-发生什么事？ -这个混蛋是你的吗？ - What's tripping in the wood? - This termite belong to you?
-别骂人 -好兄弟，别激动 - Don't call... - Yo, my man... Easy.
这是我儿子 他个子小但很凶悍 This my man, C. He's small, but ferocious.
但你们也不赖 你们是哪里人？ But you dogs, you're hardcore. Where you from?
-史考斯岱 -亚利桑纳州史考斯岱？ - Scottsdale. - Scottsdale, in the 'Zona.
那是凶悍的社区 That's a hardcore 'hood.
想跟我儿子打就打吧 But you want to take on my man C, here...
打吧，因为你们知道 ...go ahead, because, you know...
他很凶悍 他会打烂你的脸 ...he's fierce, he gonna come up in your face...
他会打伤你 让你跛着离开这里 ...he'll damage you. You gonna walk away, maybe limp.
但我说你们最好谈和 因为他发脾气了 But I say talk to the hand, call waiting, because he's out. Boy is out.
我控制不住他 我现在跟你们谈 I can't restrains him. Because I'm conversating you right now...
让他有机会冷静 回到现实的水准 ...to give him a chance to cool down, to get back to a realistic level...
因为我们可以回床上冷静 ...as we were. Because we could be chilling in our crib.
而不是这种活动房屋 代表马里布 Not just on this mobile home thing, representing Malibu...
还有西林，知道吧？ ...and Westwood, you know.
像我们说的把你们寄回去 Malling it, like we all can. Boys to mensch.
卖掉我的宝士 打电话给我 Pimp my Mercedes, call me back...
让你等候 明白我的意思吗？ ...put you on hold. You know what I'm saying?
我们要走了 We gotta go.
最好离开，别逼我 找律师，因为我会查帐 You better, man. Don't make me call my lawyer, because I'll audit.
很高兴爸爸来了吧？ 他们正要踢你的屁股 Arert you glad Dad came? They were about to kick your butt.
卡尔，这样没帮助 Carl. That's not helpful. Carl.
卡尔 Carl.
我想到我们没有太多 It occurs to me that you and I haven't had too many...
去年没有太多《7thHeaven》的对话 ...7 th Heaven kind of dialogues in the last year.
-你很忙 -是的，但我还是发现 - You're busy a lot. - Yeah, but not too busy to notice...
你对身材很敏感 ...that you are sensitive about your size.
我打赌1000元 你将来会长得比我高大 I'll bet you $ 1000 right now you'll grow up bigger than me.
我看过你在我这年纪时的照片 你很高大 I've seen pictures of you when you were my age. You were huge.
-你已经长胡子了 -是的，那就是我的重点 - You were shaving already. - Yeah, well, that's my point.
我很早就成熟 See, I achieved maturity very early.
八年级后我就不长了 I stopped growing after the eighth grade.
你是另一种体质 跟我朋友乔治维葛希一样 But you have the other body type. You're like my friend John Vigoshi.
他十六岁的时候 一个月长高九寸 When he was 16, he had a 9-inch summer.
什么意思？ How do you mean that?
他很快长得很高 你也会的 He grew very tall, very quickly, and so will you.
你很活跃，你在举重 And you're being proactive. You're lifting weights.
等你长得高大以后 知道我们要做什么吗？ And when you grow up big, you know what we'll do?
什么？ What?
我们要参加 父子极端运动比赛 We'll enter father-son extreme-fighting competitions.
-好的 -你得推轮椅 - All right. - You'll have to push the wheelchair.
但不管高矮我们都会对付 But we'll get them high, and we'll get them low.
现在用点力气吧 Coming at you a little heat right now.
用一点力气 加油！加把劲！ Give me a little heat there. A little heat. A little pepper there.
好！很好！ Hike! All right.
怎么了？ What's up?
孩子们，晚餐会晚一点 因为… Kids, dinner's gonna be a little late because...
对不起，虚惊一场 Sorry. False alarm.
-不是我发出的声音 -包伯 - The buzzing is not me. - Bob.
-哈啰 -趁你再挂电话之前 - Hello. - Before you hang up on me again...
我们要谈谈 ...we need to talk.
对不起，听不太清楚 I'm sorry, I can't hear you very well.
信号不，不，是的 Signal. No, no. Yeah.
等一下，信号 Hold on one second. The signal.
现在听得到吗？ Just a... Can you hear me now?
-陶德，收到提议案了吗？ -不错 - Hey, Todd. Did you get the proposal? - Not bad.
赖德不太喜欢 My Laird didn't like it very much.
-谁在乎赖德怎么想？ -我在乎，他年轻，包伯 - Who cares what Laird thinks. - I do. He's young, Bob.
我们晚上在飞机上谈 We'll talk about it tonight on the plane.
-不行 -不行？ - No. - No?
我昨晚搭飞机来这里 这里海拔一里，我得适应 I flew in last night. It's a mile high here and I want to get acclimated.
你不希望简报时流鼻血吧？ You don't wanna have a nose bleed in a presentation.
可能有点尴尬 Could be a little embarrassing.
我们到那里见，到这里 So I'll see you there. Here.
妈，他在受罪 Mom, he's suffering.
亲爱的，我能帮忙吗？ Honey, can I help?
不，亲爱的 不，别下来 No, honey. No, don't come down here.
乖乖，我要清理一下 Boy, I'm just gonna try and clean up a little...
别用树皮 Don't use bark.
这些真棒 These are great.
是的，好了，弄好了 Yeah, there it is. That does the trick.
羊齿蕨是大自然的扫把 Ferns. Nature's broom.
亲爱的，你不能这样 还有十里 Honey, no. You can't go on like this. It's 10 miles.
不，不想扫你们的兴 No, I don't wanna spoil it for you guys.
-不会的，我们明天再走 -不 - You won't. We'll go tomorrow. - No.
我们明天到湖边 Tomorrow we go to the lake.
我留在这里，你们去吧 Listen, I'll stay here. You go on.
-我不知道 -去吧，湖很美 - I don't know... - Go. It's a beautiful hike.
各位？ Guys?
来吧，孩子们 Come on, kids.
好吗？好吧 Yeah? Okay.
很好 Good.
我设法回到休旅车上 I'll try and make it back to the RV.
我没关系，我有羊齿蕨 I'm okay. Got my ferns.
没事，我没事 Okay. I'm okay.
走吧，你们走吧 你们自救吧，好吧 Go on. Go on, you guys. Save yourself. Okay.
欢迎使用道路伴侣700 Welcome to the RoadMate 700.
嗨，罗拉，我太太不在 Hi, Lola. My wife's not here.
(原始艾尔班汽水公司)
-你开什么车？ -顶级休旅车，陶德 - The hell are you driving? - Cadillac of RVs, Todd.
我们应该讨论… 赖德 You know, we should go over... Laird.
是的，我决定采用赖德的简报 Yeah, I decided to go with Laird's presentation.
-但你别走，说几个笑话吧 -没问题 - But hang around, tell a few jokes. - You got it.
嗨 Hi there.
-赖利莫芬 -盖利莫芬 - Larry Moiphine. - Garry Moiphine.
-可爱的狗 -是的，她很可爱 - Cute dog. - Oh, yeah. She's a sweetie.
谁是乖女儿？ Oh, yeah, who's a good girl?
-陶德？ -不 - Todd? - No.
-包伯 -嗨，包伯 - Bob. - Hi, Bob.
-赖德 -嗨，赖德 - Laird. - Hi, Laird.
赖利，赖德 Larry. Laird.
各位，吃一些点心 然后听你们简报 So, fellas, we'll have a little nosh and we'll hear your presentation.
-助理泰美还没来 -那么我们慢慢吃 - Tammy's not here yet. Our assistant. - So we'll eat slow.
-来吧 -各位 - Come on. - Gentlemen.
嗨，很抱歉来晚了 Oh, hi. Hi. Sorry I'm late.
马戏团离开之前 你们一定要看 You guys have all just got to see the circus before it leaves.
-很棒吗？ -了不起 - It's good, huh? - It was amazing.
哦，那么… Wow, so...
当然，我相信你们要做简报 Oh, of course. I believe you folks have a presentation for us.
-是的，赖德 -祝你好运 - Yes. Laird. - Good luck.
1985年，纯正汽水公司 有过一次友善的合并 In 1985, Pure Vibe soda completed a friendly takeover...
合并亮晶晶冰茶公司 今天亮晶晶的市值是 ...of Mr. Twinkle Iced Tea. Today, Mr. Twinkle is won'th...
大约九千一百万美元 ...an estimated $91 million.
但是利润没有… And that was with a profit definition not as favorable...
纯正汽水提供给… ...as the one Pure Vibe is offering...
艾尔班公司的这么好 请看第一张图表 ...AIpine Soda. If you turn to chart number one...
对不起，只是为了钱吗？ Sorry, is this just gonna be about money?
不，是为了股票 No, it's... Stocks.
除了金钱以外 为什么要把… Other than money, why should we change from a local...
家族企业转变成 全国性的品牌？ ...family-oriented business to become subsidiary to a national brand?
是的，除了金钱以外 Yeah. Other than money?
-对 -是的 - Right. - Yeah.
盖利，赖利 Garry, Larry.
五十年前走在美国的 任何街道上 Fifty years ago, if you walked down any street in America...
在温暖的星期一晚上 谢谢，赖德 ...on a warm Monday night... Thanks, Laird.
你们会听到每一条街 每一家都传出《ILoveLucy》的声音 - You'd hear I Love Lucy coming out of every house, on every block.
我说的不是一致性 而是“很棒吧？” I'm not speaking about conformity, I'm talking about "Isn't it great?"
偶尔有一次 And every once in a while...
全美国同时爱上一样东西 ...America falls in love with something together.
那种事可以发生在这里 你们的产品很棒 That could happen here. You have a terrific product.
除了金钱以外，华特费德烈 会有什么感觉？ Money aside, how'd Walter Frederick Morrison feel...
每次在公园散步都会看到 ...every time he walked by a park and he'd see people...
有人丢飞盘而狗跑过去追 ...throwing a Frisbee and the dog doing all the work?
如果纯正公司合并艾尔班公司 就有机会… If Pure Vibe takes Alpine national, I think we have a chance...
让全美国再爱上一样东西 ...to let America fall in love with something again.
你急什么？ 留下来享受我的感激吧 What's your hurry? Why don't you stay and bask in my gratitude?
我得把休旅车开回去 陶德 I gotta get the RV back right now, Todd...
否则要付一整天的钱 ...or I have to pay for a full day.
-想像我拥抱你吧 -谢谢 - Well, just picture me hugging you. - Thanks.
警官，对不起 发生什么事？ Officer? Excuse me. What's going on?
土石流 要改道70号公路 Landslide. We're diverting through l-70.
70号公路？那要几小时 没有其他路绕过华森山吗？ L-70? It'll take hours. Isn't there another way around Mount Watson?
可以走魔鬼山路 但休旅车过不去 Diablo Pass. But you're not gonna make it in that rig.
(魔鬼山路 警告，仅限四轮驱动车)
爸爸说得对 这里真了不起 Dad was right. This is really amazing.
是的，可怜的爸爸 Yeah. Poor Dad.
我们提早回去吧 Should we cut this short and go back?
-好吧 -好 - Yeah. - Okay.
你不在有标记的公路上 You are not on any marked road.
我知道，罗拉 I know that, Lola.
有机会就立刻回转 Make a U-turn at the next legal opportunity.
我不能 I can't.
捏脸颊，咬紧牙关 Squeeze them cheeks Tighten them buns
加油，我们很快乐 Come on now We having fun
滚动大狗屎号要通过 要通过 Big old rolling turd coming through Coming through
-你不在有标记的路上 -闭嘴！ - You are not on any marked road. - Shut up!
加油，继续走吧 加油！加油！ Come on, Turd. Keep rolling. Come on. Come on.
你办得到！ You can do it.
加油！ Come on.
加油！加油！加油！ Come on. Come on. Come on.
该死！ Damn it.
有机会就回转 Make a U-turn at the next legal opportunity.
我们这么早回来 爸爸一定很惊讶 Dad's gonna be surprised we got back so soon.
是的 Yeah.
这个疯子是谁？ Who was that maniac?
我的天！ Oh, God.
包伯？ Bob?
-洁美 -你为什么躺在地上？ - Jamie. - Why are you laying on the ground?
亲爱的，我有话告诉你 Honey, there's something I need to tell you.
我需要… I need...
需要 Needed a...
需要一点新鲜空气 Needed a little fresh air.
发生事情之后 After my incident.
你现在怎样？ And how are you now?
很好 Good.
非常好，好 Really good. Good.
是的 Oh, yeah.
-喂？ -包伯？野猫包伯？ - Hello? - Bob? Bob-orino? Bobcat?
-什么？ -有点小小的问题 - Yeah? - Teeny tiny wrinkle-dinkle.
赖利要你明天回来 Larry wants you to come back tomorrow...
说服全公司的员工 ...and pitch the whole company, all the employees.
大多数赞成合并 一定办得成 Majority want the merger, it's a done deal.
-什么？ -我们不需要他 - What? - We don't need him.
我办得到，再给我一次机会 我会办得很漂亮 I can do this. Give me another chance. Let me kick this through the uprights!
-我来办，我在场 -好极了，你在吐口水 - I'll do it. I'm there. - Great. You're spitting on me.
滚动大狗屎号要通过 要通过 Big old rolling turd coming through Coming through
我们在那条路上 带着冒蒸汽的货 Oh, we're on that road On a big, steaming load
滚动大狗屎号要通过 要通过 Big old rolling turd coming through Coming through
滚动大狗屎号要通过 要通过 Big old rolling turd Big old rolling turd coming through
爸爸，回程的时候 或许可以到黄石公园 Hey, Dad. Maybe we can go to Yellowstone on the way home.
-我想到黄石公园 -是的，爸爸，可以吗？ - I'd love to go to Yellowstone. - Yeah, Dad. Can we?
绝对可以 Absolutely.
来吧，让你们看奇妙的东西 Come on. I wanna show you something wonderful.
这个地方很难忘 It's hard to forget this place.
我爸爸很感动的说 My dad was so moved by it he said:
“这里有点心摊就好了” "You know, a snack stand up here would do tremendous."
我妈一向很支持，她说 “艾伦，你要经营吗？” My mom, always supportive: "And who's gonna run it, Allan, you?"
我爸爸说“艾伦，你为何 不炸掉你的大屁股？” My dad: "Why don't you blow it out your big, saggy rear end, Ellen."
这种回忆有钱买不到 Can't buy memories like that.
或是像这样 Or like this.
喂，知道吗？我应该 把休旅车的手刹车修好 Hey. You know, I should take the RV to get the emergency brake fixed...
-回洛杉矶之前 -是的，好主意 ...before we head to L.A. - Yeah. Good idea.
你们不想留在 脏兮兮的修车厂里 And you guys don't want to hang around some dingy garage.
你们留在湖边欣赏风景 You wait here by the lake, enjoy the view.
我开车到巨石市 一小时后回来吃野餐 I'll drive to Boulder, be back in an hour. We'll have a big picnic.
-如何？ -好吧，好像不错 - How about that? - Okay. Sounds good.
你们跟爸爸说 你们想说的话吧 Guys? Tell your dad what you wanted to tell him.
-谢谢你带我们旅行 -我也是 - Thank you for taking us on this trip. - Kinko that.
-比夏威夷更好？ -是的，比夏威夷更好 - Better than Hawaii? - Yeah, better than Hawaii.
搂抱爸爸吧，来吧 Come give big daddy a hug. Come on.
-等一等 -卡尔，你很快就会长得太大 - Wait. - Carl, you'll be too big soon.
-爸爸 -凯西会上大学 - Dad. - Cassie'll be in college.
-爸爸！ -什么？ - Dad! - What?
休旅车又滑走了 The RV's rolling away.
不！ No!
老天！不！ Oh, God, no.
-不！ -爸，让它去吧 - Oh, no! - Dad, let it go!
包伯！包伯！ Bob. Bob!
-包伯！ -妈，你在做什么？ - Bob! - Mom, what are you doing?
包伯，不！ Bob, no!
走吧 Go.
疯了吗？这是租来的 Are you crazy? It's a rental.
-我怎么去开会？ -开什么会？ - How am I gonna get to the meeting? - What meeting?
艾尔班合并案 The Alpine merger.
甜心，你永远猜不到 昨天发生什么事 Sweetheart, you'll never guess what happened yesterday.
-你不是真生病？ -不是 - You werert really sick. - Not really.
这是为了工作？ This is about work.
你带我们来是因为 跟会场接近？ You brought us out here because it was close to a meeting?
-你接近了 -艾尔班汽水合并案？ - You're getting warmer. - The Alpine soda merger.
-猜对了 -那么你骗我 - Bingo. - So you lied to me...
-从一开始就骗我 -从我们结婚开始？ ...from the very beginning. - Since we were first married?
不，从你把休旅车 开到家里开始 No, since when you first brought home the RV.
-那次是的 -那么你完全不是 - That time, yeah. - This has nothing to do...
想跟家人在一起？ ...with you wanting to be with your family.
-你只是利用我们？ -小姐，你不会了解 - So you just used us? - You wouldn't understand, missy.
很难说，她很聪明 Oh, I don't know, she's pretty smart.
你跟她解释吧 还有卡尔 Why don't you explain it to her. And Carl too.
孩子们 Kids...
人生很困难 ...life is hard.
不是“我房间里的电视坏了” 那种困难 Not "The TiVo in my room is not working" hard.
而是“对你爱的人负责 所以要赚钱”那种困难 But " making a living because you're responsible for people you love" hard.
你们知道我五十岁了 有人在挖洞 You know what it's like to be 50, people are digging a hole...
-埋葬我的事业 -包伯 ...to bury your career... - Bob.
好吧，这有点困难 All right, that's a little rough.
凯西，你想上什么大学？ Cassie, where do you want to go to college?
史丹佛 Stanford.
卡尔，你的夏令营在哪里？ Carl, where's that camp you're going?
-阿拉斯加州 -阿拉斯加州 - Alaska. - Alaska.
还有你，你想我们 整修房子花多少钱？ And you, how much do you think that little fixer-upper of ours cost?
谁骑四千美元的单车？ Who has to ride a $4000 bicycle?
我必须骑订做的单车 因为我的腿骨不正 I have to ride a custom bike because my hips aren't aligned.
高兴了吗？现在孩子们 知道老爸是怪物了 Are you happy? Now the kids know that their old mars a freak.
听着，我必须去开会 否则我会失业，丧失生活方式 Listen, I have to get to that meeting, or I lose my job and we lose a lifestyle.
我们分两组找人协助 Let's pull it up two-by-two, look for help.
-卡尔，跟我来 -我很好 - Carl. Come with me. - I'm good.
凯西 Cassie?
我会失业，希望孩子们 喜欢在路边卖水果 I'm gonna lose my job. I hope the kids like selling fruit on the freeway.
可怕的是现在是尖锋时间 You know what's scary is that this is rush hour.
妈，这条路上 永远不会有别的车 Mom, there's never going to be any other cars on this road.
我的天 Oh, my God.
-你先生呢？ -别问 - Where's your husband? - Don't ask.
可以载我们到机场吗？ Could you possibly take us to an airport?
这是什么？ What's all this?
我要做功课 准备愚蠢的分班考试 Oh, I gotta study for my stupid placement test.
像是某种职业训练？ Oh, like some sort of vocational training?
上大学 College.
-你多大了？ -十五岁半，我跳了一级 - How old are you? - Fifteen and a half. I jumped a grade.
月儿跳了两级 Moon, though, she skipped two grades.
那么… So...
你们很聪明 ...you guys are smart.
我们失业 Gonna be unemployed.
我要卖肝脏 I'm gonna have to sell my liver for cash.
然后他骑单车到湖里 And then he just rode out of the lake.
是的，这只偷偷过来 咬我的屁股 Yup. This one really snuck up and bit me right on the seat-meat.
我以为包伯是好人 I thought Bob was good people.
-谁有呕吐袋？ -你想吐？ - Does anybody have a vomit bag? - Are you sick?
很呕心 凯西和欧尔在亲热 Big time. Cassie and Earl are making out.
什么？ What?
别担心，我在镜子上 看得到他们 Don't worry. I got them in the mirror.
这孩子不知道自己在做什么 Boy don't know what the hell he's doing.
-有其父必有其子 -喂！ - Like father, like son. - Hey.
听着，我要坦承一件事 Listen, I have to admit something.
想避开你们的不只是包伯 我也是 Bob wasrt the only one trying to avoid you. I was too.
我不想令你震惊 并不是大家都喜欢我们 I don't mean to shock you, but we ain't everybody's cup of sunshine.
是你们，但主要是我们 Well, it was you, but it was mostly us.
现在不是蒙洛家 最好的时候 You didn't exactly catch the Munros at their best.
是的，我觉得你们有问题 Yeah, see, I had a feeling you was having troubles.
是的，事情是这样的 Yeah, here's the thing.
刚开始又笨又快乐 You start off happy and stupid.
结婚之后变成伴侣 Then you become associates in the marriage business:
“水电工来了吗？” “带卡尔去踢足球” "Did the plumber come?" "Take Carl to soccer."
“我到诊所接你爸爸” "I'll pick up your dad from the doctor's office."
直到忘了当初是 为什么在一起的 Until you don't remember what brought you together in the first place.
明白我的意思吗？ You know what I mean?
不，我不明白 No, I don't. L... No.
不明白 No.
好吧 Okay.
过去几天我瞥见 以前的我们 Anyway, in the last few days, I caught a glimpse of the old us.
而我很快乐 And I was happy.
我最好问路 I better get directions...
载你们到该去的地方 ...so I can take you folks where you need to be.
真的？ Oh, really?
洁美 Jamie!
凯西，卡尔 Cassie! Carl!
来吧，洁美，我们上路 Come on, let's hit the road, Jamie.
好的 Okay.
老天！ Oh, God.
-女士第一 -乖乖，这才像话 - Ladies first. - Oh, boy, that's working it.
停！ Stop!
蒙洛！ Oh, Munro!
路很难走 The hike was so intense...
有些路段我必须 背我妈妈和姐姐 ...there was a few parts where I had to carry my mom and sister.
我想扯到肌肉了 I think I might have pulled a muscle.
-在哪里？ -在树林里 - Where? - In the woods.
崔维斯！ Travis!
洁美！ Jamie.
包伯？ Bob?
你是白痴吗？要孩子们看到老父… Are you an idiot? Do you want your children to see their father...
在公路上狂奔吗？ ...bouncing down the highway?
你跟合唱家族 在一起做什么？ Why are you with the Partridge Family?
-你在巴士上做什么？ -因为我在追你 - What are you doing on the bus? - Because I was chasing you.
你赢了，我不能没有你 所以丢了工作，高兴了吧？ You win. I blew off my job because I can't live without you. You happy?
我从来没有叫你不工作 只是希望你对我诚实 I never asked you to blow off your job. I wanted you to be honest with me.
像是说“如果不去巨石市 陶德会开除我”那种诚实？ Honest. Like, "Todd's gonna fire me if I go to Boulder" honest?
-“去他的夏威夷”那种诚实？ -我明白了 - "Screw Hawaii" honest? - Oh, I see.
你以为告诉我 你有困难 You think that if you told me you were in trouble...
而且有失业的危险 我会让你难过吗？ ...and your job was in jeopardy, that I'd give you a hard time about it?
不要哭，这是作弊 No crying, that's cheating.
以为我是漠不关心的女巫？ 我当然关心！ Do you think I'm some horrible witch that doesn't care? I do care!
我很关心 I care a lot.
其实我恨你，混蛋！ In fact, I hate you. Jerk.
我不希望你知道我有困难 I didn't want you to know I was in trouble.
你和凯西和卡尔 你们是我的一切 You and Cassie and Carl, you mean everything to me.
你怎么想我 是全世界最重要的事 What you think about me is the most important thing in the world.
我不想失败 I didn't want to fail.
如果结婚十九年 你还不知道我对你的想法 If you don't know how I feel about you after 19 years of marriage...
那么我当太太很失败 ...then I must be a failure as a wife.
那么你承认你是问题 Then you admit you're the problem.
包伯 Bob.
你对我的意义不只是 拿薪水回家 You mean more to me than just a paycheck.
很好，因为我暂时 不会有薪水 That's good, because we won't be getting one for a while.
我错过了会议 I missed that meeting.
不，你没有 No, you didn't.
来吧，包伯，过来 Come on, Bob. Come here.
(原始艾尔班汽水)
这是圣诞奇迹 It's a Christmas miracle.
不，只是我认为 你太太应该到这里 No, it just sounded like this was where your wife needed to be.
因此我载她来了 So I brought her.
崔维斯一向喜欢管闲事 Travis has never been one to mind his own business.
崔维斯 Travis...
你可能误会我的行为 认为是侮辱 ...some of my behavior on this trip might be misconstrued as an insult.
的确有点不友善 Did come off a tad abrasive.
我错了，小人物才能承认 I was wrong, and it takes a small man to admit it.
你是个大人物 And you're a big man.
-我的意思不只是… -包伯，我了解隐喻 - I don't just mean... - I understand a metaphor, Bob.
我是史丹佛毕业的 See, I went to Stanford.
你这个大家伙，我爱你 You big lug, I love you!
谁爱这个大家伙？ Who loves his big lug?
-我爱你这个 -我知道 - I love you, you big... - I know, l...
-陶德 -你不觉得太戏剧化吗？ - Todd. - Little dramatic, don't you think, Bob?
最后一刻才出现 Showing up at the last possible minute.
你的样子真糟，走吧 You look horrible. Let's go.
爸爸 Dad.
-我很抱歉 -抱歉？ - I'm sorry. - Sorry?
我猜你承受很大的压力 我应该少惹一点麻烦 I guess you're under a lot of pressure and I could have been less trouble.
以你的笨方式 你还满酷的 And in your own nerdy way you're kind of cool.
-包伯？ -什么？ - Bob? - Yeah?
我恨这样 I'm hating this.
-爸爸 -什么？ - Dad. - Yeah?
-我懂了 -什么？ - I get it. - What?
有时候为了成功 不得不做他们说的事 Sometimes if you wanna succeed, you have to do what they tell you.
-你… -包伯 - You... - Bob!
野猫，这是大事 This is the big one, Bobcat.
-满垒 -明白 - Bases loaded. - Got it.
如果你能击出全垒打 就替你加薪，升级，给你红利 You hit a grand slam on this, it's big raise, promotion, bonus...
我会亲自把赖德推下楼梯 ...and I personally push Laird down a flight of stairs.
各位，这是包伯 记得吗？迷人而且风趣 Everybody, this is Bob. Remember, charming and funny.
各位好，我来迟了 Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late...
我刚从山上下来 下次我会走公路 ...I just came down that mountain, and next time I'll use a road.
我猜你们没有收到 要极端休闲的备忘录 I guess you guys didn't get the memo about extreme casual.
我很爱你们的原野 所以决定穿在身上 I love your wilderness so much, I decided to wear it.
别紧张，陶德 Easy, Todd.
我到这里的旅程很疯狂 It's been kind of a wild journey getting here.
如果真想了解自己 If you ever wanna really find out about yourself...
开休旅车载家人旅行吧 ...put your family in an RV and drive.
我看到很多了不起的东西 I've seen some amazing stuff.
我打赢浣熊 我到过沙漠里 I've fought wild raccoons and won. I've been in the desert to a place...
不是世界尽头，但是 可以看到世界尽头的地方 ...where it's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
我遇到一个奇怪的家庭 And I met this weird family.
我是说他们很奇怪 I mean, boy, they were strange.
知道吗？只要有白人成年人 拿起五弦琴，我的脸颊就紧绷 You know, whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.
字典上的“南方庆典” 说的就是他们 In the dictionary, under "hootenanny," it says, "See: Them."
知道他们有什么奇怪吗？ But you know what's strange about them.
他们是诚实的好人 有他们当朋友是荣幸 They're just honest, good people, and it's an honor to have them as friends.
盖利，赖利 Garry, Larry...
你们的公司很好 是你们的宝贝 ...this is a nice company you have here. It's your baby.
宝贝出生时有点害怕吧？ I bet at the birth of your baby you were kind of scared, right?
兴奋，但是害怕 你们不知道结果会怎样 Excited, but scared. You didn't know how it was gonna turn out.
但不知不觉宝贝 开始站起来走路了 And next thing you know, it's up and walking...
养育的时候不知在做什么 ...and you're trying to raise it. You didn't know what you were doing...
但你们假装知道 ...but you pretended like you did.
而突然之间孩子长大了 And next thing you know, your baby's grown.
比较大，比较老，比较复杂 It's bigger, older. More complicated.
很难应付 Difficult to deal with.
但事情是这样的 But here's the deal...
你们还是很关心 因为是你们养育的 ...you care about it just as much, because you nurtured it...
你们有一部份在它身上 而你们引以为荣 ...and part of you is in it, and you're proud of it.
你们越来越爱它 You love it more than ever.
现在你们必须做决定 And right now, you have to make a decision...
是否要跟纯正公司合并 ...of whether you wanna merge your family with the Pure Vibe family.
你们可以分股票 会有很多钱 Your stocks are gonna split. You're gonna have money...
钱多得不知要怎么花 而公司也会成长 ...you won't know what to do with. And your company's gonna grow.
你们会比迪斯尼乐园 穿短裤的女人更大 You'll be bigger than a woman in bicycle shorts at Disneyland.
你们可以有很多东西 例如快艇和四千美元的单车 You'll be able to get all that stuff, like the ski boat, a $4000 bike...
甚至可以买按摩机器 ...maybe even a Barcalounger...
一边按摩屁股一边喷烟 ...that massages your ass and blows smoke at the same time.
盖利，赖利，底线是… Bottom line here, Garry, Larry.
如果希望艾尔班跟纯正公司合并 If you wanna merge Alpine and Pure Vibe...
我保证那是你们 这辈子最大的错误 ...I promise you, you're making the worst decision of your entire life.
这家伙是对公司不满的员工 This guy is a disgruntled employee.
他跟不上年轻人才 看他吧，他吃错药了 Couldrt keep up with younger talent. Look at him. He's off his meds.
完蛋了，他女儿在我家里攻击我 Finished. His own daughter assaulted me in my home.
不是我，是我朋友 她这样做是因为纯正汽水 I did not. It was my friend, and she did it because Pure Vibe...
有业界最糟的环保纪录 ...has one of the worst environmental records in the industry.
这些孩子怎么会在这里？ Why are these kids here?
况且你们去年把工作 包给外国的便宜劳工 Plus, last year you guys outsourced for cheaper labor to other countries...
放开她，陶德 Let her go, Todd.
我会放开她，我让你走 I'll let her go. I'll let you go.
你被开除了 You're fired.
喂，狗！ Yo, dog.
-卡尔 -我的英雄 - Carl. - My hero.
陶德，我辞职 Todd, I quit.
亲爱的，地上好像有积雪 Honey, there seems to be snow on the ground.
宝贝，去年冬天剩下的雪 在海拔9500尺的地方 Babe, it's left over from last winter. At 9500 feet...
雪不溶化而成了冰河 ...it doesn't melt. It's glacial.
(小心积雪 仅限四轮驱动车或加链条)
-我们没有链条 -不需要 - We don't have chains. - Don't need them.
冬天才要，现在是七月 They're for the winter, not July.
我看到雪了 Well, I see snow.
爸爸，我们穷吗？ Hey, Dad, are we poor?
卡尔，计算财富的方法很多 Carl, there's a lot of ways to measure a family's wealth.
-我想爱心… -我说的是钱 - I think love... - I was talking about money.
-我们很穷 -卖掉房子 - We're dirt poor. - Sell the house.
我们可以全家住在 滚动的大狗屎里 We could all live in the Big Rolling Turd.
我们每一刻都在一起 跟葛尼克家一样 We'll spend every minute together, just like the Gornickes.
-好像很不错 -是的 - That just sounds fantastic. - Oh, yeah.
-链条，四轮驱动车 -谢谢 - Chains. Four-wheel drive. - Thanks.
警官，你好，我知道你要说 “链条在哪里？” Officer, good day. I know what you're gonna say: "Where are your chains?"
这不是普通休旅车 Well, sir, this is no ordinary RV.
这是全天候休旅车 监理所证明过的 It's part ATV, part SUV, and certified by the DMV.
它有正牵引力，动力气流 以及我控制的牵引力 It's got positraction, Dynaflow, control traction with me in control.
还有电热钢圈 真希望我也有 It's got heated rims. Wish I had those.
好吧 Okay.
驾照和行车执照 License and registration, sir.
在这里 Oh, there it is.
我相信这是租车合约 I believe that was the rental agreement.
我们在湖边发生意外 We had a little bit of a mishap at the lake.
我的皮夹弄丢了 我姓蒙洛 I lost my wallet. My name is Bob Munro.
我们找到他了 就在你们前面 We got him. We're just ahead of you.
找到我？ Got me?
警官，我知道车好像不安全 但车很强悍 Officer, I know she may look unsafe, but she's tough.
它喜欢开得猛 而且保持潮湿 She likes to be rode hard and put away wet.
它在湖里待了两天 不得不打捞上来 Spent two days in the lake. Had to fish her out.
对我们很重要 我们不能遗弃 It means a lot. We couldn't abandon it.
其实像是很丑的大宠物 It's like a big, ugly pet, really.
你找到他了，谢谢你 You got him. Thanks, Sam.
-我们欠你一份情 -我们追了你一上午 - We owe you one. - We've been chasing you all morning.
我只是拿了一瓶汽水 I just took one soda.
不，我们要你知道 我们决定销售到全国 No, we just want you to know we're going national.
-祝你们好运 -跟你一起 - Well, good luck. - With you.
希望你加入艾尔班饮料公司 We want you to join us at Alpine Beverages.
-给我工作？ -是的 - You're offering me a job? - Yeah.
-是的，他接受 -她是谈判高手 - Yes, he'll take it. - She's a tough negotiator.
你很吸引我们 像是协调的凝聚 You just really seem to get us, like a harmonic convergence.
-爸，你忘了一件事 -宝贝 - Dad, you forgot something. - Baby...
-别打扰爸爸的新老板 -当然，休旅车又滑走了 ...don't interrupt daddy's new bosses. - Sure, but the RV's rolling away.