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They say having a sister is like having
他们说 拥有一个姐妹就像
a best friend you can't get rid of.
拥有一个不离不弃的好朋友一样
You know, whatever you do they'll still be there.
就像 不管你发生什么事 他们始终在你身边支持你
Well that was never our story.
不过这一套可不符合我们姐妹俩
Our story is about how sisters can sink each other... really sink each other.
我们的故事是关于姐妹之间 如何互扯后腿的 扯得厉害那种
原创翻译：电影天堂 字幕OCR：贾宝玉 字幕调校：字幕库-小小草
Morning, Martha.
早上好 玛莎
Hi, Eric.
嗨 埃里克
- That your sister? - Oh, yeah, sure is.
-那是你姐姐? -嗯 是的
Hi.
嗨
Smells like piss back here.
这儿闻起来就像尿骚味
Wow. I thought your sister was kidding
哇 你妹妹之前说你喜欢泼冷水
when she said you were a buzz kill.
看来她的确不是开玩笑
Shannon? Hey, Shannon! Shan!
香农? 喂 香农!
Shannon!
香农!
Great. Now we're going to have to clean up after a bunch
这下好了 我们得清理一堆肥胖壮汉的
of sweaty Lezzies.
脏乱房间
God, what is with you today?
你今天怎么这么多牢骚
Why did you have to tell that guy I'm a buzz kill?
你干嘛给别人说我喜欢泼冷水
Oh my God! Shannon Jackson?
我的天啊! 香农·杰克逊?
- What? - It's me! Kristen!
-何事? -是我啊 克里斯汀
I work at the front desk.
在前排工作的那位
Okay.
哦
You remember, kristen Metz?
记得我么 克里斯汀·梅茨
Wow, oh my God.
哇 天呐
You don't remember me?
你不记得我了?
No? Kristen?
真不记得了? 克里斯汀啊
Remember, I was, like,
还记得么 之前我像这样...
"ah! My ankle! Ow!"
"啊! 我的脚踝! 啊! "
Did I kick you in the ankle?
我之前踢你脚踝了么?
Then I was like "sign my cast!"
然后我对你说"给我签个名吧! "
And then... you couldn't...
然而 你没...
you didn't do it, but, God, I knew it was you!
你没给我签 不过 我就知道是你
Are we talking about high school?
你说的是高中时期的事?
- Yes. - Okay, I remember you.
-是的 -好吧 我记起你来了
Okay, great.
太好了
And what are you doing here?
你在这做什么呢?
I thought you were,
我以为你还在
like, teaching at that fancy pants school in Carmel by the sea?
卡梅尔镇那座靠海的古怪学校里教书呢
Yeah, I was but then
我之前确实在
I got fired 'cause I fucked a bunch of people.
不过后来我上了一大堆人 被开除了
- Oh. - Yeah.
-噢 -是的
Woops.
太糟了
Janitor, lacrosse coach, couple subs,
守卫 曲棍球教练 各种替补球员
the headmaster... that was my big mistake
还有我最大的失误 本校校长
actually because we got caught by some kids
我们被几个在放学期间
under the bleachers at homecoming.
躲在看台下的小孩发现了
Oh.
噢
So now I'm a registered sex offender.
所以我现在被登记为性犯罪者
Yay!
好耶!
Yeah.
额
Oh, you can't clean any rooms with kids in them.
千万别在房间里有小孩的时候打扫卫生
But that's fine. They're always really dirty anyway.
不过嘛 也没事 反正他们本身就很色
Oh, by the way, I sucked your boyfriend's dick at
顺带一提 之前在克里斯·德卢卡的高中舞会的时候
Chris Deluca's prom party.
我给你男朋友口交了
I'm sorry?
什么
Yeah. I think he must ate a lot of pineapple
他当时肯定吃了不少菠萝
because his spunk is tasty.
因为他的后代可美味了
You guys married? Is it Scott Metz?
你们结婚了么? 你现在是叫斯科特·梅茨吗?
So I guess we may as well just jump in, right?
接下来 我们直接开始工作
Get started, basically
直接进入主题 简单来说
you just get your key out of lanyard like that
你先把你的钥匙卡从脖子上取下来
and then you knock three times, yeah?
然后你用其敲3次门 懂了么?
And then you say...
然后你说...
fuck off! I'm sleeping!
滚粗! 我还在睡!
Okay, let's not go in there.
好的 这间跳过
Ugh. People are disgusting.
嗯 这些人真是太恶心了
Check this. This is how you put on a new pillow case.
来看好 这是换新枕套的正确操作方法
Then what you do is the double-fold maneuver.
然后折叠两次
This is also really nice
这对于自己家里换也十分实用
to do in your own home, and then like that, fluff, fluff.
接下来你只需要 啪啪两下就行
Perfect p-case.
焕然一新
Why are you changing the pillow cases?
你干嘛非得换新的枕套
It's the same people. They're not checking out.
是同一组人啊 他们又不结账走人
Okay, how about we just try to keep this job,
我们认真做好这个工作行么
shan, and not be so lazy?
香农 别这么懒
Fine.
随你
What do I do with their shit? Do I have to fold it?
那他们的内裤怎么办 也得叠起来么
Okay, if I raped you right now what would you do?
如果我现在强奸你 你会怎么办
I don't want to play this game right now.
我现在没心情玩这游戏
You never want to play.
你从不和我玩游戏
Yeah, I know, that's why I'm not playing.
是的 不过这不是原因
This was a stupid game when we were kids and it still is.
原因是这游戏是我们小时候玩的蠢游戏 现在也是蠢游戏
Hey, remember that old French president
还记得那个老法国总统么
who attacked that African maid?
性侵非洲女佣那个
He was like a grandpa and she still had to spit his jizz.
他都是垂暮之年了 那女佣还得吐出他的后代
Well, I'm not spitting anyone's jizz.
又不是我在吐人家的后代
Okay, if I raped you right now what would you do?
好吧 要是我现在强奸你 你会怎么做
No one's raping me in this uniform.
没人会在我穿着这身制服的时候强奸我
It's not really my color.
根本不适合我
What you want to do in a rape situation is yell, "fire!"
在别人强奸你的时候 你要喊"救火啊! "
Why wouldn't I yell rape?
我干嘛不叫"强奸啊! "
No one responds to that.
因为没人会救你
Who are your friends?
你都交了些什么朋友啊?
So basically you put your laundry inside the unit.
简单来说 你把脏衣服丢进洗衣桶
And then you want to make sure
然后启动机器之前
you have full load before you start the machine.
你得确保洗衣桶里都塞满了
Hey, Martha.
嗨 玛莎
Hey, Jerry. How was your vacation?
嗨 杰里 假期过得如何
Dollywood was awesome.
多莱坞棒极了
You must be Shannon.
你一定就是香农了
Welcome to the family.
欢迎加入大家庭
Your sister said that you're a great sister.
你妹妹说你这姐姐可棒了
I've got my bucket.
我拿到我的桶了
And then when that's done you can just move over and,
塞完了之后你就转到这边
you know, close it up.
关上舱门
Hit start.
点击开始
Then once that's going you can move over here
以上做完之后 你就再转过来这边
and start folding stuff.
将干净衣物疊好就行
Who is that?
那是谁啊?
Who? Jerry? Oh, he's the executive maid.
谁? 杰里? 他是保洁主管
He's worked here for like 15 years.
他在这工作了有15年了
So he's the top dog.
所以说他是老大
You're kidding. That's our boss?
你逗我吧 那人是我们上司?
God, shan.
老天啊 香农
What? I'm just saying.
怎么了? 我就问问而已
Don't be so insensitive.
别这么迟钝
You're lucky that he thinks sex offenders fight sex crimes.
你很幸运 他认为性犯罪者是专门打击性犯罪的人
You know this spot is really competitive.
这停车位可是竞争激烈
You want to go get some hump day drinks
想不想一起去喝杯酒
to celebrate your first day?
庆祝你第一天上任
Not really.
不太想
Come on. Who's a better dancer?
快说谁跳的更好
Me or Jodie foster in "the accused?"
我还是《暴劫梨花》朱迪·福斯特
That's not a contest you want to win.
你跟她是天壤之别
I like this place 'cause of the music.
我喜欢这酒吧 因为音乐很棒
That's great.
很好
And the girls.
还有女孩们
I'm so glad your back.
我很高兴你回来了
When are you going to tell about the last few weeks of rehab?
你准备什么时候给我说说前几个星期在戒瘾所里的日子
I'm not.
我不会说的
Rehab is rehab, you know?
戒瘾所 如其名
It's my recovery. It's private. It's my thing.
是我康复的地方 是我的私事 不关你事
Well how do you think you're doing, though?
那你觉得你疗效如何呢
Do you think you're better?
自我感觉好些了没
I don't know.
说不准
I feel numb.
我感觉性麻木了
Well, hey, at least numbness is a feeling, right?
好吧 不过 至少麻木也是一种感觉对吧
To numbness.
敬性麻木
What was that?
你干嘛呢?
What was what?
什么我干嘛?
That, shan. That didn't seem numb.
刚才那幕 香农 看起来可不像性麻木啊
I'm allowed to look at other human beings.
又不是不允许我打量其他人类
How's that freeloading weirdo you're dating?
和你约会的那个蹭吃蹭喝的怪人怎么样了?
Who? Alicia? She's not a weirdo.
艾丽莎? 她可不是怪人
Maybe you're thinking about somebody else.
你认错人了吧
I think I'm thinking of Alicia.
就是艾丽莎 没认错
Um, I don't know.
说不准
She's just going through a hard time right now, so we split up.
她现在处于人生低谷所以我们分手了
She wanted to like...
她打算...
suck some dicks?
换个口味?
No, she didn't want to... stop, Shannon.
不是 她不是... 别这样说 香农
She's a loser straight girl
她是那种一事无成的类型
who was never going to settle down with you.
绝不会和你做长久打算的
I like helping people.
我喜欢帮助别人
Yeah, you know, who else did?
是的 你知道还有谁喜欢么
Mom, and it left her with two tits full of cancer
妈妈 结果她后来双乳都换上了癌症
so enjoy that.
祝你帮得愉快
I'm gonna go pay for these beers.
我还是去结账好了
As usual.
一直以来都是我付
Hey, shan, you sure you don't want to go with me, right?
香农 你确定今晚不和我一起去么?
I have a meeting.
我要去参加互诫会
You want some fiddle for your paddle?
需要什么打发时间的东西么
No, I'm good. I'll get something on the way.
不用了 我会自己买
Okay, if you get hungry there's some stuff in the freezer.
好的 如果你饿了 冰箱里有吃的
There's bagel bites, three cheese, cheese, sausage and pepperoni.
有百吉饼 三块奶酪 奶酪 奶酪肠 和意大利辣肠
Stop treating me like I'm dad.
别把我当成老爸好么
Well, you know, someone had to take care of him.
不过 总有人得去照顾老爸
Look, if you want something else
如果你想吃东西的话
there's pb & j or grilled cheese stuff.
里面还有花生酱和奶酪做的食物
I've been here a week.
我都在这住了1个昼期了
I know my food options.
我很清楚食物在哪
Just go to class.
上你的课去吧
And there's pineapple and country crock.
里面还有菠萝和火鸡
Are you sure you're going to be okay?
你确定你一个人能成么
Yeah.
是的
Promise you're going to eat something, right,
向我保证你会进食
- not just smoke? - Yeah.
-不只是坐着吸烟 -是的
Okay.
好吧
I'll see you in a couple of hours.
几小时后见
Have a great meeting.
祝你互诫会开心
Hey, shan, I just want to say that, you know,
香农 我想对你说
I'm hella proud of you
我为你而自豪
that you're getting your life back together.
你正重拾生活
I know you're going to make it.
我就知道你能成功
I mean look at me.
我都能熬过来
Thanks, dummy.
谢了 小笨蛋
Okay, see you, wouldn't want to be you.
好的 再见再也不见
I don't mean it.
我不是故意的
I'll be back, the Terminator.
我会回来的 终结者的梗
I'll be back.
我会回来的
Like, I'm going to come back after the gym.
我的意思是健身结束就回来
- Hey. - Hey.
-嗨 -嗨
Thanks for the text but you were supposed to call, not come over.
感谢你发短信给我 不过你应该事先打电话而不是直接跑过来
Oh.
噢
Sorry, well, I'm here now so come on out.
抱歉 不过我都来了 快出来吧
Let's fuck like horny teenagers.
来像饥渴的青少年一样做爱
Come on. Come on.
来吧 来嘛
Uh...
额...
Yeah, no. I can't because I forgot tonight was date night.
今天不行 因为我忘了今晚和老婆约好了
Julie is coming home and we're going to play "scrabble."
朱莉回来了 我们一会要玩"拼字游戏"
What? God.
什么? 我的天
- Your wife sucks. - Yeah, I know.
-你老婆逊得不行 -我知道
Everything but your dick.
她对你一点都不好
I stayed in that hotel room for two weeks
我在酒店里呆了2个星期
so that my sister wouldn't know I got kicked out
就是不想让我妹妹知道我为了你
of rehab for you.
被戒瘾所开除了
Yeah, I'm the one who forged the release papers
是的 不过是我给你伪造的出院证明
so the court wouldn't be all over your ass.
所以法院才不会找你麻烦
It was the least you could do.
那是你欠我的
I'm pretty sure therapists aren't supposed
我敢肯定一个治疗师不该
to fuck their rehab patients.
上他的病人
Therapists are screwed up people. Everybody knows that.
治疗师都是自己有问题的一群人 谁都知道的
You're the one who Sharon stoned me in the office, remember?
还记得之前在办公室玩的莎朗·斯通角色扮演么?
- That's hot. - It was very hot.
-太性感了 -十分性感
"Basic instinct" is a great movie.
《第六感追缉令》这电影太棒了
But I can't.
但是今晚不行
You said when I get back to my sister's,
你说过只要我住到我妹妹家
we'd be back on a regular schedule.
我们就能重回固定时间安排了
I need to get laid.
我需要找人上床
You know, I think as your therapist
作为你的治疗师
you should probably go to a meeting tonight, okay?
你今晚应该去参加互诫会
I'm wet.
我已经湿了
Fine, meetings are great places to get laid.
随你吧 反正我在互诫会上也能找人上床
Okay, I can fuck you in the car
好吧 我们能去车里做
but I have 10 minutes and that's it. Let's go.
不过我只有10分钟时间 我们走
From your hips. From your hips.
从臀部出力 从臀部出力
Watch your footwork.
注意脚步
I promise I won't make you do more.
我保证不会继续折磨你们了
Okay. Um...
好的额...
Okay.
够了
Krav Maga. We have one rule, one rule only.
近身格斗（以色列语）我们只有一个规则
Never stop fighting!
永不停息!
- Hiya! - Hiya!
-嘿呀! -嘿呀!
Thank you.
谢谢大家
I'm here mondays,
以下时间我都在 周一
wednesdays, Fridays at 8:00 P.M., weekends I'm here at noon.
周三周五晚8带你 周末我中午会来
The rest of the time
其他时间
I'm studying to become a nun so don't bother me.
我在学习修女课程所以别来烦我
- Hello. - Hey, Kelly. Great class.
-你好 -嗨 凯莉 这课太棒了
Amazing focus tonight. Really.
今晚你训练的相当不错
I'm totally rethinking my plan of knifing you in an alley.
我得打消一会去小巷子里抢劫你的计划了
I didn't know you had that plan.
我还不知道你有这计划呢
Hey have you seen Alicia around?
你见到艾丽莎了么
I just thought that I would see her
我以为今晚能见到她的
'cause she usually works out at night.
因为她总是晚上来锻炼
I mean, thank God I didn't 'cause it's just...
我的意思是 还好没撞见他 因为...
it's weird because, you know,
感觉很奇怪 因为...
she can't work out in the morning.
她早上来不了
And she doesn't get down with her paralegal stuff
要忙着当她的律师助手
until like 7:00.
直到晚上7点才下班
And then she can only really work out between 7:30 and 8:30
然后她只能在7点30和8点30之间锻炼
because she has to watch "the good wife" at 9:00.
因为她到了9点就得回去看《花千骨》
And she's not here.
然而她今天没来
I haven't seen her.
我没见到她
I probably shouldn't tell you this
本来不该告诉你的
but I really think I pulled something
不过我好像扭到哪了
like, I mean gluts back there.
就这后面
I probably shouldn't have had those beers pre-class.
课前我不应该喝酒的
That's okay.
没关系
Why don't we go somewhere and continue having beers?
要不要一起找个地方再喝几杯
And then get some thai food or something.
顺便吃点泰国菜之类的
Do you want to do that?
想去吗
I love thai.
我喜欢泰国菜
It's just it sucks because I can't tonight so,
不过今晚我去不了
you know, my sister is back
你也知道 我姐姐回来了
and I just... I don't want to leave her home alone too long.
我不想让她在家一个人呆太久了
She's still fragile.
她现在还很脆弱
Okay, cool.
没关系
I mean not cool that she's fragile or whatever. I'm sorry...
我不是说她很脆弱没关系 抱歉...
what's up, shorties?
你好啊 妹子
What?
干嘛?
I was just trying to make some small talk.
我就想过来搭个话而己
Bye.
拜
Bye.
拜
Today we're talking about our bottoms, so p.s. On the tops.
今天我们来谈谈低谷里的那些事 或者高峰也行
Watch the trigger material, please.
用词矜持一点 拜托
Sorry, Denise.
抱歉 丹尼诗
Talking about our rock bottoms.
说说低谷吧
I was living a pretty awesome life.
我之前的人生五彩缤纷
I worked at "the Oprah show" in Chicago.
我在芝加哥为《奥普拉脱口秀》工作
I started as an assistant,
我以助理身份入职
worked my way up to associate producer.
打拼到副制片人的位置
I was making a lot of money.
我可赚了一大笔钱
And I was doing a lot of blow, like, a lot of blow.
而且我还干了很多口交 非常多
And you know how blow is. It's very slimming.
你们也知道口交是怎样的 有助于健身
I had like abs to my neck.
简直弄得我脖子上都长肌肉了
I looked like a fucking Pakistani mark-Paul Gosselaar.
我看上去就像巴基斯坦版的马克-保罗·戈塞拉
That's Zack Morris from "saved by the bell."
和《救命下课铃》里的 扎克·莫里斯 一模一样
Everything was going great.
我的人生一帆风顺
I had that shit on lock, or so I thought.
我以为自己完全掌控了人生
Cut to two years later
快进到2年之后
and I wake up completely naked in an abandoned construction site
我全是一丝不挂的在某个建筑工地醒来
outside of wrigley field.
就在一个棒球场旁边
How did I get there?
我怎么会睡在那种地方?
I don't know. I don't even like baseball.
我也不知道 我甚至都不喜欢棒球
Anyway when I...
后来...
Did make it to work that day, I got fired.
我回到公司去上班 结果就被开除了
Oprah was very strict about that.
奥普拉对员工形象有很严格的规定
I was this close to Oprah, literally this close.
我本和奥普拉非常接近了 真的是非常接近
She would walk right by me.
对她的位置已经触手可及了
And I threw it all away for drugs and dick...
然而我却因为毒品和丁丁付诸一炬
mediocre, mediocre dick.
而且还是中等尺寸的丁丁
Pretty good drugs though.
不过毒品还挺不错的
Thank you.
谢谢大家
I don't, like, consider losing a job a bottom.
因为口交丢了工作也不赖啊
It wasn't just any job.
这可不是随处可见的工作
It was a job with Oprah winfrey.
是在奥普拉·温弗瑞身边的工作
Who gives a shit about Oprah?
谁会在乎奥普拉啊
America.
全美国
She's a bitch.
她就是个婊
Shan, the smog index is at 2.
香农 烟雾指数才2点
It's a great day. Get up.
今天天气这么好 快起床了
Hey, shan,
喂 香农
I laid out your uniform and the shower's hot and ready for you.
洗澡水和制服都为你准备好了
I'm going to make us breakfast.
我去做早餐去
Okay.
好的
You need to get up.
你赶紧起床吧
I heard you.
我知道了
I'm employee of the month so I don't want to be late.
我是月最佳员工 所以我可不能迟到
I know you don't.
我知道了
You shouldn't eat that crap.
你不该吃那垃圾食物
You know, you've been edgy all morning, shan.
香农 你都已经抱怨了一早上了
I thought those meetings were supposed to help mellow you out.
那些互诫会不是应该让你变得更平静么
It's called progress not perfection.
先学走路再学跑步
And I don't change the fact that I still live in this shit bowl.
就算如此 也改变不了我生活在这猪棚里的命运
Hey, if you hate Fresno so much why did you come back?
要是你这么讨厌弗雷斯诺的话 那你干嘛还回来
Obviously because I've made a series of poor life decisions.
很显然是因为我做了一连串错误的人生选择
Look, positive thinking means positive results.
保持良好的心态总会有好事发生
Hey, I own a home. That's my American dream.
像我不就已经有座房子了么 我的美国梦算是实现了
Location, location, location.
地段 地段 地段
Hey, Nancy.
嗨 南希
We're actually going down.
我们往下
Oh, yeah?
是么
I'll take the ride with you.
那我和你们一起吧
You're new here.
你是新来的
I know everyone who works in the hotel. So...
我认识这酒店的所有员工
How do you like the job so far?
喜欢你现在的工作么
I clean rooms. How do you think I like it?
我打扫房间 你觉得我喜欢么
Right.
好吧
Enjoy your burrito.
祝你吃得愉快
Have a great day, ladies.
祝你们一天愉快女士们
I hate that guy. He's always here with prostitutes.
我讨厌那男的 他总是带着妓女过来开房
Prostitutes have to eat too.
妓女也得糊口啊
Well, he's gross.
他很恶心
He's fine. Don't be so judgmental.
他还好 别这么有偏见
We're still not cleaning 400.
我们到现在都没有打扫过400房间
His room smells like burnt hair and he reuses old condoms.
他的房间臭的要死 而且他还用那些用过的安全套
Nobody does that.
没人会这么做好么
He does.
他就会
- Shan. - What?
-香农 -干嘛
He hangs them over the shower rod like wiener cozies.
他还把她们吊在浴室里玩SM
Well, that's foul.
很淫秽
I appreciate your creativity right now
很高兴你有丰富的创造力
but this isn't an art project. This is a professional job.
不过我们不是在搞艺术 这是专业工作
You told me to stock my cart.
是你叫我备好物资的
I am stocking my cart.
而我就在遵守指示
You're over-stocking.
你装太多了
That is way too much toilet paper.
厕纸完全过量了
No one is going to go to the bathroom that much.
没人上厕所会用到这么多纸
Um, you know, I'll take rooms 403 to 408.
这样吧 我去打扫403到408房间
Well, all right.
额 好的
Are you sure you're going to be fine on your own?
你确定你一个人应付得来么
I think I can clean pubes off soap by myself.
我还是会用肥皂清理眍吐物的
Thank you.
谢谢
Hey, did you get that picture I sent you?
嗨 你收到我刚才发给你的图了么
Yes, I did. You look very healthy.
是的 收到了 你看起来很健康
You look very well hydrated.
而且水分充足
I just posted it on Instagram.
我刚发布到《照片分享》上去了
I have 10,000 new followers.
结果瞬间多了1万关注
Listen, I have some very big news.
听着 我有个大消息要告诉你
What is it?
什么新闻?
I gave Julie the letter.
我和朱莉签协议了
I'm finally out, like, really out.
我终于脱身了 完全脱身了
Wait, why? What did you do?
等等 为什么? 你干嘛这么做?
I gave her the letter. I told her everything.
我和她离婚了 我向她坦白了一切
What?
什么?
You know, I didn't think I was going to be able
本来我觉得自己做不到的
to do it but I saw the moment.
但是当时是个好机会
It sort of presented itself, and then I was present for it.
其实日积月累下来也差不多了 我就把协议给她了
And it just kind of happened.
然后就自然而然离了
She didn't take it very well.
她可不太高兴
But, you know, that's going to be her thing.
但是 她的情绪已经和我无关了
I want to be a real couple, okay?
我想和你在一起懂么?
I want to go to movies with you
我想带你去看电影
and sit at the same table in restaurants
然后坐在餐馆的老位置
and not have to fuck in the bush.
而不用偷偷跑到树林里嘿咻
- What do you think? - Why would you do that?
-你意下如何? -你干嘛要离婚啊?
Well, because you told me that you wanted me to leave my wife.
额不是你说的想让我离开我老婆么
Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it.
但是我没想到你会付诸行动啊
God! Who does that? Go back.
天啊? 现在谁会就这样离婚啊 快去和好
Well, I can't go back. I just told her and I'd...
我不能去找她和好 我刚刚才跟她说...
go back, Edwin.
快去和好 埃德温
Shannon, I love you, all right?
香农 我爱你懂么
I'm in this. You're in this too, right?
我已经离婚了 你也脱不了干系好么
Look, I can't take this kind of pressure right now.
我现在承受不了这么大的压力
Huh? What do you mean you can't take...
什么 你说你受不了是什么意...
I'm not what... what?
我不懂... 什么?
Hey, can you come back in 10?
嗨 你能10分钟之后再来么
Do you want to fuck?
想嘿咻不
Hey, Alicia, it's Martha calling.
嗨 艾丽莎 是我 玛莎
I was just calling
我打电话给你就是想说
because I didn't see you at the gym last night
因为昨天没见你来健身馆
and that makes me really worried.
我很担心你
You call me champ,
你要是叫我冠军
and I'll fuck you so hard you'll come out your butt.
我就把你干到欲仙欲死
I thought about what you said
我考虑过你之前说过的
and I told her that you can only stay for two more weeks.
然后我给她说你只能再呆2个星期
I mean, I haven't told her yet but I'm going to tell her, so...
好吧 我还没给她说 不过我会说的 所以...
But it would be really great to you about that.
如果能事先和你先谈谈的话就更 好了
Go... go to the bed.
去... 去床上
Uh, I mean, I know you said you didn't want to talk.
额... 我知道你之前说过你不想谈
So, if you feel like it, okay?
所以 等你想谈的时候打电话给我 好么
So, I don't know,
我也不知道
maybe we can hang out again soon or something
要不然我们短期找介机会出去玩玩之类的
or just call me or text me.
或者打电话给我 或者短信也行
- Get down. - Okay.
-趴下 -好的
Yeah.
太棒了
Gonna get it.
上场了
Okay, bye.
好的 拜
Shannon?
香农?
Shannon?
香农?
Housekeeping.
客房服务
Fire! Fire! Fire!
救火啊! 救火啊! 救火啊!
What the? What the fuck?
搞... 搞毛啊?
- Fire! - Get off... get off of her.
-救火啊! -别趴她身上
Shan!
香农!
You were right.
你说对了
- Tag team! - Get away from my little sister!
-少装了! -别靠近我妹妹!
You still have your pussy, baby.
你还真是有种 宝贝
Jump back on my dick.
继续来做吧
You're a disgusting piece of shit.
你真是个人渣
Shan!
香农!
No, no, no, shan.
不 不 不 香农
God, what is wrong with you?
我的天 你犯什么病啊
What is wrong with you?
你又犯什么病
What the fuck were you thinking? What the fuck, shan?
你那破脑袋想什么呢 搞毛啊 香农
- God. - Okay.
-天呐 -好的
- Oh, my God. - Okay. Okay.
-我的天 -好的 好的
Okay. Okay. Shannon.
好的好的香农
Is he dead? Holy shit, shit.
他死了么? 完了 完了
He's dead Shannon.
他死了 香农
Did I just kill someone?
我杀人了么
I don't hear anything, shan.
我听不到心脏声
Did I just fucking kill someone?
我特么杀人了么
Calm, be calm.
冷静 冷静点
- Oh, my God. - Okay. It's going to be okay.
-我的天 -听好 没事的
What am I going to do? What are we going to do?
我该怎么办 我们该怎么办
He was raping you, right?
是他强奸你 对吧
- Yes. - Right? Raping?
-是的 -强奸 -对吧?
100% rape.
完全是他强奸我
That's was a rape.
是他强奸我
He was raping the shit out of me.
我完全反抗不了
Okay, then he was raping you.
好的 那就当他是在强奸你
What are you doing? What? Martha! What are you doing?
你要干嘛 什么 玛莎! 你要做什么?
What are you doing? Don't you put...
你要干嘛? 赶紧放...
- I'm going to the front desk. - Don't even...
-我马上打电话给前台 -别...
front desk.
你好前台
What? Are you calling the front desk?
什么 你正打电话给前台?
I'm telling them what happened.
我要告诉他们发什么了什么事
No, you're not.
不 你不能说
Hello?
你好?
- Hello? - We can blame this on our boss.
-你好? -我们可以栽赃到我们上司身上
- Jerry? - Yeah, he would love jail.
-杰里? -是的 他肯定喜欢坐牢
It's very structured.
里面非常有组织有秩序
He'd make friends.
他能交好多朋友
Hello?
有人吗?
Do you want me to go to jail?
你想让我坐牢么
No, of course not.
当然不想
Is that what you want? 'Cause let me tell you something, Martha.
你想让我坐牢是么 我来提醒你个事玛莎
I am a registered sex offender.
我是被警局登记的性犯罪者
Do you understand that?
你明白吗
How do I prove that he raped me?
我如何证明是他强奸我
I need your help.
你得帮帮我
Fine.
好
We'll figure something out.
我们再想办法
Excuse me.
抱歉打扰了
Yeah, I got a phone call. Is everything okay in there?
我在前台接到了电话 里面还好么?
Hello?
有人吗?
Hello? This is kristen from the front desk.
有人吗? 我是前台的克里斯汀
Is everything okay in there?
里面还好么?
Can you open up, please?
能开门么 谢谢
By law I need to check what is going on.
根据法律规章 我必须进门检查房间情况
Can I help you?
有什么事么?
Let me in. What's going on in there?
让我进去 里面出什么事了
Nothing. I'm just cleaning.
没什么 我在打扫房间而己
Oh really? 'Cause I got a strange call.
真的 我刚接到一个奇怪的电话
It sounded like a fight or something.
听上去像是有人在打架
No, I'm just really intensely cleaning.
不对 就只是我在非常卖力的打扫而己
It's really dirty in here.
这房间脏得要死
Okay, listen to me, if you were calling me
好的 你给我听好 如果刚才是你打齣电话
and you were pranking me, like in high school,
就像高中那样对我恶作剧的话
that is grounds for dismissal here, missy.
在这酒店就是直达开除的直通车 女士
And I am sure that Jerry would love to hear about it.
我等不及要告诉杰里了
Well, then why don't you go and tell him, kristen?
那你干嘛不现在就去告诉他啊 克里斯汀
Good, I'm texting him right now with my other hand
好的 我现在就用你看不到的那只手
that you can't see.
发短信给他
- Whatever. - No.
-随你便 -别
We need to hurry. Jerry's coming.
我们得赶快了 杰里快来了
- Okay. - What did you do?
-好的 -你对他干嘛了
I'm just being respectful. He deserves some dignity.
我只是让他体面一点 每个人都有尊严
Everyone deserves some dignity.
这是每个人都应得的
- Even rapists? - Yes, even rapists.
-强奸犯也一样? -是的 强奸犯也一样
Okay.
好吧
Pull harder.
用力点
Heading to 400, copy.
前往400房 收到
Over and out, good buddy.
通话结束 战友
Where are we taking him?
我们丢他去哪
The presidential suite is empty.
总统套房现在没人
Lunch time.
午饭时间
Good morning, ladies.
早上啊 女士们
Sorry. I don't know why she's barking.
抱歉 我不知道她为什么坐立不安
Shit sheets.
沾屎床单
The sheets are filled with shit. Yeah.
这些床单上沾满了屎
Someone had an accident.
有人喝多了
A bachelor party.
单身派对
Have a good day. Enjoy your stay here.
祝您今天住宿愉快
Shit. He lives in Fresno.
糟糕 他就住在本地
Hope he doesn't have family here
希望他在本地没任何亲人
and they don't come looking for him.
而亲人们也不会来看望他
Maybe he doesn't have any family. Our parents are dead.
也有可能他根本没亲人 我们的父母不就过世了么
You are the only person who would turn that into a positive.
整个世界只有你才能遇到这种事还能保持乐观
Look at this.
快来看看
Dude won a bronze in Beijing.
他在北京奥运会上还得过铜牌
You killed an olympian.
你杀了一个奥运会选手
Only if you consider hammer throw a sport which...
你要是认为嘿咻也算奥运会项目的话...
oh no. Fuck!
该死 操!
Who would call him?
谁打他电话?
Fuck! It's his sister.
完蛋! 是他妹妹
Okay, just give it to me.
好的把电话给我
I'll just let it go to voice mail, then we'll...
我把来点转到语音信箱 然后我们...
hello?
喂?
- I know you're there. - It's a really old phone.
-我知道你在听 -这电话太老旧了
- I didn't know. - Hello?
-我根本不知道 -喂?
You have reached the voice-mail box of...
您现在进入了鲍里斯·利普—卡的
Boris lip-ka.
语音信箱
At the tone leave a message.
请在听到"哔"声后留言
Beep!
哔!
Hey. It's me.
喂 是我
I know you're probably jerking off in your hotel room
我知道你现在很可能像头猪一样
like a disgusting pig right now,
在酒店房间里打飞机
but you better come home for dad's birthday party today.
你今天最好给我滚来参加老爸的生日聚会
I'm so fucking sick of dealing with these two invalids on my own!
我他妈已经受不了独自应付那两个退役军人了
You better be here by 3:00
你最好3点前赶过来
or I swear I'll come get you myself.
否则我发誓 我亲自去揪你过来
Okay, so they're not close and his parents are invalids.
好的 看来他们兄妹不和 然后他父母是退役军人
I feel like this is good news.
我认为这是个好消息
When he doesn't show up at 3:00
如果他3点前不过去的话
his sister is going to come looking for him.
他妹妹就会跑来找他了
What if we dump his body at dry creek canal
要不然我们把他的尸体丢到运河里去
and make it look a suicide?
让他看起来像是自杀一样?
Isn't that where everyone dumps bodies?
那里不就是所有人弃尸的地方么
How are we going to do that?
我们要如何才能做到
Of course, the rapist has a rapist van.
果然 强奸犯都有一部用来强奸的车
Let's hurry up and get him in there.
赶紧丢他进去吧
Look, shan, he was trying to be a good person.
快看 香农 他在尝试着做一个好人
He was in to yoga.
他还去上瑜伽课呢
We can still go to the police.
我们现在还能去自首的
We're not going to the police, okay?
我们不去自首 懂了么
We're dumping the body at dry creek.
我们要去运河弃尸
Unless you can find his parents' address in his phone.
除非你能在他电话里找出他父母的地址
And then... then what?
然后呢 然后怎么办?
Just put him on the doorstep, ring the bell?
难道就丢他到他们门口然后按门铃并说
"Happy Birthday! Here's your dead son."
"生日快乐! 这是你过世的儿子"
Calm down, all right?
冷静点好么
Calm down.
冷静
Just figure out a different way to make his body disappear.
只是讨论让他尸体消失的方法而已
Give me the phone. Just give it to me.
电话给我 把电话给我
All right, here it is.
好的 在这儿
Mom and dad's address, boom and boom.
妈妈和爸爸的地址 到手
What are we going to do when we get there?
我们开车过去之后怎么办
I have a plan.
我有计划
Use your key!
用你的钥匙!
Who are you?
你是谁?
I'm a friend of Boris's, as you must be his sister.
我是鲍里斯的朋友 你应该就是他妹妹了
- Yes, I am. - I'm his friend.
-确实是 -我是他朋友
Boris doesn't have any friends.
鲍里斯没有朋友
I'm his sister and I'm not even his friend.
我是他妹妹 可我都算不上他朋友
Well...
额...
- well... - Where is he?
-额... -他在哪?
Uh... He's... Boris is more than a friend to me.
额... 鲍里斯对我来说不只是朋友这么简单
I'm his life guru.
我是他的人生导师
Oh, this is good. So he's got a life coach now?
噢 太棒了 所以他还为人生找了个教练
Guru.
是导师
Oh, guru.
噢 导师啊
- Yeah. - Interesting.
-是的 -有意思
So what kind of stuff do you advise him on?
那你是给他提供什么样的指导呢?
The best prostitutes to fuck?
到哪去找最棒的妓女?
I can see why you would say that
我也能体会你的心情
and that has been his painful reality for some time,
这件事也在他心里留下了很严重的阴影
but I'm hoping with my help and guidance
但是希望我对他的帮助以及引导
we can move him through that and I can help him change.
能帮助他改善人生 并且改变自己
Well, it's too bad that he wasn't here
好吧 真是遗憾他不能在这帮我
to help me when I was changing pop's diapers, huh?
给老爹换尿布 你说对吧
Couldn't help him with that I guess, right?
这你可帮不了 他对吧
Are you feeling a lot of pain?
你现在心里很痛苦么
- Yes. - Can I come in?
-是的 -我能进来么?
Okay, come in.
好吧 进来吧
Guru, guru.
导师 导师
Yes, I'm a...
是的 我是...
guru, guru.
导师 导师
Guru.
导师
Guru, guru, guru.
导师 导~师 导 师!
So I'm here to represent Boris.
我代表鲍里斯前来
And he... he has come to the realization
额... 他终于认清了自我
that he has been living in the past.
他以前一直活在过去
And although winning an olympic bronze medal
虽然赢得奥林匝克铜牌
is a major life achievement,
是一项巨大的人生成就
he's never been able to really move past this.
但是他从来没走出过往日的荣誉
So we've decided that's it's due to fear of failure.
所以我们认为 既然他这是对失败的恐惧
He's afraid of failing!
他在害怕失败!
So we've decided the best thing for Boris
所以我们决定 鲍里斯最好
right now in order for him to start over is to leave Fresno forever.
目前来说离开弗雷斯诺 并且重新开启自己新的人生
To never ever come back,
并且永远不回来
to sever all ties with his family
断绝自己家庭的羁绊
and to never ever talk to you again.
永远不和你们联系
This is what I have to deal with all day long.
这就是我每天的工作
He requested that I give you his backpack.
他要求我把他的背包交给你们
Boris, don't leave me here!
鲍里斯 别把我丢在这!
Boris is so sorry that he has to leave the family,
鲍里斯对于他必须离开自己的家庭表示非常抱歉
but he knows it's the only way
但是他知道只有这样
he's going to be able to grow up.
他才能长大
Poopy!
便便!
You better...
你最好...
you think she bought it?
你觉得她买账了么?
I think so. But this will help.
应该买了 不过这封信会增加成功率
"Sell this and get out of Fresno.
"把车卖了 然后搬出弗雷斯诺
I love you. But I can't change another diaper."
我爱你们但是我再也不想换尿布了
X-o-x-o, Boris.
[吻]鲍里斯"
Yeah, sounds good.
感觉不错
What should we do with him? Should we just leave him here?
我们拿他怎么办? 难道直接把他丢在这?
No, dumb-ass we should roll him back to the hotel
不对 白痴 我们应该把他丢回酒店
and figure something out.
然后再做打算
God, shan, do you just have to smoke all the time?
香农 你一分钟不抽就活不下去么
Yes, I do.
确实
You know, we're in the middle of a serious drought, right?
你知道这里很干燥吧?
Yes.
是的
I mean, do you just want the whole place to go up in flames?
难道你想把周围都点燃么
Actually, yeah. That would kind of solve our problem, if you think about it.
这么一说 还真想这样就把尸体问题解决了
We know somebody who has a place right around here.
我们不是知道一个能弃尸的地方么
We do?
谁?
Gerald?
杰拉尔德
What the fuck, Martha.
搞毛啊 玛莎
Be quiet and admit it's a good idea.
安静点 你就承认这是个好主意吧
All right. And you were saying the breed was a Dane?
你说拿尸体是一只丹狗?
Great Dane.
大丹狗
- A great one? - Yeah, that's why he's so big.
-大丹狗? -是的所以他才这么大
Okay. So...
好吧
You do remember?
你还记得的吧?
Come on, man. My sister.
别这样 我妹妹在呢
I'm sorry.
抱歉
- Hey, what's going on? - Hey.
-嗨 发生什么事了 -嗨
Hey.
嗨
These are old friends of mine, Shannon and Martha.
这两位是我的老朋友 香农和玛莎
Is this the scooter girl?
这位就是那个骚女?
How did you know that?
你怎么知道的?
You told me about her on one of our first dates.
你在我们第一次约会的时候告诉我的
Wow. You really listen to me.
哇 你还真听进去了
I listen to you when you talk, baby.
你说话我都专心倾听的 宝贝
But you look the other way. It's incredible.
不过试想一下 太神奇了
Yeah.
是的
What's in the bin?
塑料桶里是什么?
Really hope it's a dead dog because we could use the cash.
我真希望是只死狗 我们真心需要钱
Sensitivity, honey, please.
别揭人家伤疤 宝贝
I'm sorry. We really hope it's your dead dog. Please?
抱歉 我们真希望塑料桶里是你的死狗 谢谢
That's Boris. He just passed away,
它叫鲍里斯 刚过世
so we're hoping to get him cremated.
所以我们希望将他火葬掉
Gerald was saying we could have the friends and my family discount.
杰拉尔德说 我们可以拿到亲朋好友价折扣
I'm sorry.
抱歉
You know, this is the reason why we're stuck here.
这就是我们一直一事无成的原因
This, bullshit friends and family thing.
因为你老是给别人乱打折扣
Not everyone is your family and almost no one is your friend.
不是所有人都是你的亲属 而且几乎没有人是你朋友
Can we walk around the cemetery and do this. It's just...
我们能在墓地那边再谈这事么...
we also... we need to get the bin cremated too.
我们还... 我们要把塑料桶也火化了
There are no discounts and the bin is extra.
我们不打折扣 而且要火化袋子还得加钱
That's fine.
没关系
We can pay.
我们付得起
Okay. Hand me the tape measure.
好的 把卷尺递给我
For what? Why do you need the... why do need the tape measure?
用来干嘛? 你干嘛要用卷尺?
- We have to measure for the... - We already know.
-我们得测量那个... -我们已经知道了
No, we measured him.
我们已经量过了
It's the average size of a great Dane.
就是只普通的大丹狗而己
It's five foot, something, something.
就是1米5的样子之类的之类的...
Just charge us a great Dane price.
多收我们点钱不就得了
The extra, extra large. It's fine.
多多收点 多多多收点 没关系的
- You guys can leave. - You don't have to measure him.
-你们要是不想的话可以换别家的 -你没必要测量他
- You don't have to measure him. - I have to measure him.
-你没必要测量他 -我必须测量
What the fuck?
什么鬼?
We said don't measure it!
我们说了别量!
I'm sorry. We need to call the cops.
抱歉 我们得报警才行
What for?
报警干嘛?
- I'm with Ruby. - Shut up.
-我赞成鲁比 -闭嘴
We own a business, all right?
我们是开店的懂么
We can lose everything! There's a human body in here.
我们很可能会失去一切! 那里面装的可是人类的尸体
I understand that, okay? Listen.
我知道好么听着
- Do you understand that? - Yes, I do.
-你真明白? -是的我确实明白
Well, I'm the business person here, okay?
这里是我管事 懂么
We agreed... we agreed on that.
我俩达成一致的
And I say we don't call the cops.
我说不叫警察
Because if we call the cops, what's going to happen?
因为如果叫警察来 会怎么样?
Nothing's going to... they're going to go jail
什么都不会... 他们会去坐牢
and we're not going to get anything.
而我们什么也得不到
No reward.
奖赏都没
I mean, you think that the guy
你记得那个在俄亥俄州
who found the slave girls in Ohio?
拯救奴隶少女的那人么
- Ohio? - Ariel Castro.
-俄亥俄? -就是那个绑架案
Yeah. Do you think that that guy...
你觉得那人得到
did he get anything? Because he didn't.
什么奖赏了么? 他可是空手而归
No. Uh-uh.
没有
He got, like, a hug from a little white girl
他就得到一个白人小女孩的拥抱
and then he got,
然后还有
like, an embarrassing interview like got auto-tuned
然后得到了一次尴尬的采访
and, like, put all over YouTube.
然后视频就被放到Youtube上了
That's not what we want.
我们可不想空手而归
No, not at all.
完全不想
We're going to blackmail these two bitches.
我们要勒索这两个白痴
Are you kidding?
你开玩笑吧
We want 25,000 to get out of this butt crack
给我们2万5千美元 就帮你们忙
and we want it by Sunday.
周日前拿过来
What?
什么?
There's no way we can come up with 25k in three days.
我们根本不可能在周日前凑得出2W5千美元
We're in Fresno.
这里可是弗雷斯诺
- Yeah. - I'm pretty sure you can.
-说得对 -我敢肯定你们可以
You seem very resourceful. So three days, 25,000.
你俩看起末挺有人脉的3天2W5
- 25? - We can go to Detroit with that.
-2万5... -我们都可以搬去底特律了
We could definitely go to Detroit.
绝对够我们搬去底特律了
We could move there and we set up shop and...
我们能搬去那 然后重新开店 然后...
and guess what, you get a cremation out of it.
你们还能如愿以偿把尸体火化了
You know how good we are at cremation?
你知道我们对火化多有经验么
We're really good at them.
我们是专业的
A funeral service like you will not believe.
还会有一场空前盛大的葬礼
But, you know, if you don't get the money then
但是 如果你时限前不把钱拿来的话
you're going to be charged for manslaughter, so there's that.
我们就告你谋杀 所以 就这么定了
What about a payment plan?
能做个付款计划么
Nobody even has that.
没人会这么做吧
Layaway?
分期付款?
Can I give you a little bit advice as far as bodies go?
我能就关于尸体保存多几句嘴么
That guy is going to rot if you don't get him on ice.
如果你们不把他丢冰箱的话 那人肯定会腐烂
That's all. It just happens.
就这样 就这么简单
It's biology.
生物学知识
What a stupid ass idea.
这主意蠢死了
Gerald.
杰拉尔德
Come on, he burns things for a living, okay?
他们就是专干这行的 行么
For $25,000! And they'll probably still turn us in.
可是代价是2万5千美元 而且也不能保证事后他们不会反悔
They're not turning us in.
他们不会告发我们的
She said she wants out of Fresno.
她说了她想搬出弗雷斯诺
The only way to get 25k is dealing drugs or prostitution.
唯一能凑齐2万5千美元的工作就是贩毒和卖身
I just paid thousands to put you in rehab
我先前才付了1000块让你进戒瘾所
and I double mortgaged my house.
然后把房子扩修了
You're not becoming a prostitute.
你绝不能去卖身
I'm not having sex. I'll be your pimp.
不是我去卖 我只是帮你拉皮条
I'm not touching sweaty balls!
我才不碰恶心的蛋蛋
They're not always sweaty.
但是又不总是恶心
Just pretend they're tiny little boobs.
你把它们当成小号的胸就行了
Okay fine. What about this?
好吧 这个怎么样
What if we pull the fire alarm in the hotel
我们拉响酒店的火灾警报
and steal it from the front desk?
然后从前台顺手牵羊
I won't jeopardize my job.
我才不拿我的工作冒险
Listen! If we don't get rid of this body
听着! 如果我们不把这尸体火化了
that we're going to go to jail
那我们铁定会坐牢
and you won't even have a job, right?
然后你工作也就没了 懂么
Yeah, well, thanks. Thanks to your smoking,
嗯 多谢你整天在车里抽烟
I for sure lost my V.I.P. Parking spot.
我的贵宾停车位肯定要被取消了
Okay.
好吧
This is good. People only pay in cash at sex shops.
这个好 人们去情趣店购物从来都是用现金
Let's rob it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
我们抢了他 嗯哼
It's good.
可以有
I can barely see.
能见度0...
D.I.Y. Toilet paper, it's genius.
用厕纸改装 太天才了
I know this place and the workers are always high.
这店的店员总是在嗑药
It's easy money. Come on.
很容易抢的 来吧
This is stupid, shan, we look ridiculous.
这计划蠢得不行 香农 我们俩看起来特傻
Does anybody work here?
有店员在吗?
Does anybody work here?
有店员在吗?
Yeah, sorry smoke break.
抱歉 刚才偷懒去了
Oh, I like the T.P. On your head.
我喜欢你们的头套
It's all rapey and sexy.
看起来特像强奸犯 特性感
I am very into scat.
我非常喜欢角色扮演
I need you to come over here right now
你立马给我站过来
and open this cash register and I need all the cash, now.
然后打开收银台 把钱全给我 立刻
Yeah, get over here.
说得对 快过来
Oh that was bless, At least wo have the overstock
其实还好 至少我们拿到了这么多货
Who knew sex shops were such a cash poor business.
谁会知道情趣店居然是临危行业啊
These dildos have got to be worth something.
这些自慰器肯定挺值钱的
Come on, let's go.
快 我们走
I can't believe we only made $400.
真不敢相信我们才赚到400块
It's fair to say we overestimated the market.
看来我们高估了霈求市场
That's a fucking understatement.
你说得太委婉了
Lesbians are poor.
蕾丝边全是穷人
They always are and they always will be.
她们永远都这么穷
Shan, don't be homophobic right now, okay?
香农 别这么恐同好么
I only tell the truth.
我说的是事实
Well here's the truth.
那我给你说个事实
Whose great idea was it to rob a sex shop, okay?
抢劫情趣店是谁的高招 啊?
It's wasn't mine. That was yours.
不是我出的馊主意 是你的
Let me remind you. That was my second idea.
容我提醒你一下 那只是我的次要选择
My first was to rob hotel rooms,
我的首要选择是去抢酒店
but somebody was too scared of getting in trouble.
但是某个人大哭大闹的怕惹麻烦
You know what?
给你说
Why don't you take these dildos and shove them up your ass?
你干嘛不拿个自慰器塞进自己的菊花呢?
Oh, that's a really nice thing to say
棒极了 完全是一个
to a recovering sex addict.
前性瘾患者该做的事
Could you not be so annoying right now...
你能别这么烦人么
you stop being so annoying!
是你在烦人!
Stop it! Stop.
住手! 停!
You want to get titty fucked?
你想要我给你乳交么?
I'll titty fuck you!
那我就让你体验一下!
- Titty fuck this! - No! Okay! You're going down.
-来干啊! -好的 你完蛋了
- Oh, my God. Ow! - Yeah.
-我的天啊! -哈哈
What are you doing? Get off me!
你想干嘛? 放开我!
- No, it's my turn to hurt you. - What did I ever do to you?
-轮到我折磨你了 -我又没做错什么事
We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.
要不是你 我们根本不会走到这一步
Oh, sure. Blame me for everything while you're at it.
是的 把所有的事都怪到我身上来
Blame me for mom dying of cancer and dad
把妈妈的癌症也怪到我身上来
drinking himself to death. Ow!
还有爸爸的酗酒也怪到我身上来 啊!
I already do!
我确实怪你!
Where are you going?
你去哪?
Where are you going?
你去哪?
We still have a rotting corpse to deal with.
我们还有具尸体没处理呢
You know what?
随你吧
Just turn me in because I don't give a shit anymore.
去告发我好了 我已经不在乎了
Fuck!
操!
Give me one of those.
给我一根
You're welcome.
不用谢
Am I supposed to say thank you?
难道还要我说谢谢?
Most people would.
正常人都会说
From what your sister says, you're not most people.
但是鉴于你妹妹说过 你不是正常人
Well, Martha needs to learn her fucking mouth shut.
玛莎得他妈学习下如何闭嘴了
Whoa! Whoa!
哇! 哇!
Language.
文明用语啊
Look, I know it can be difficult,
听着 我知道姐妹关系很难协调
but, you know, your sister's pulling for you.
不过 你妹妹为你可算是尽心尽力
She's a good person.
她是个好人
How do you know?
为何这么说
She helped me quit smoking weed.
她帮我戒了大麻
It doesn't look like she was very helpful.
这样看来她没帮成啊
I used to smoke weed like all the time.
我以前每时每刻都在抽大麻
I never get any writing done.
从没写好过任何东西
Now I just smoke before and after work,
现在我只在工作前后抽
and I get stuff done.
可以专心工作了
In rehab we had more of an all-or-nothing approach
在戒瘾所里我们有一句话叫"要么戒要么死"
with a little bit of higher powers
在加上信仰的力量
surrender yourself bullshit peppered in.
对自己各种洗脑
Does it work?
管用么?
It seems to if you believe you have a problem.
如果你承认自己有瘾就有用
So what do you write?
你是写什么的?
Uh... I write poetry.
额... 我写诗
Really?
真的?
So you're all deep and shit?
那看来你是个深奥的人咯
I don't know, maybe.
不好说可能吧
Well, let's hear one.
那说两句来听听
Fresno.
"弗雷斯诺"
I don't like it already.
刚开头我就不喜欢了
Fresno.
"弗雷斯诺"
Lord, why is it so hot?
"上帝啊这里怎么这么热? "
Did you mean for it to be this hot?
"难道是您放意设计的么"
Or did you leave the house in a hurry and Fresno
"还是说您走得匆忙 忘记
was the oven you forget to turn off?
"关掉弗雷斯诺这烤炉了"
Fresno.
"弗雷斯诺"
Yes, that smell is dead animal.
"是的 味道确实很难闻"
Do you like it?
"你喜欢么? "
Fresno.
"弗雷斯诺"
Where is stuff, like, anything?
"这里有什么啊? 什么都没有"
Fresno, where the best job I could get is the worse job
"弗雷斯诺 这里能提供的工作完全
I've ever had.
不是人做的"
No, hotel guest, I cannot tell you where anything is.
"亲爱的来宾 这里什么都没有"
If knew where anything else was, I'd be there.
"如果我知道哪有好东西的话 我还会在这工作么"
Fresno.
"弗雷斯诺"
Come on!
加油啊!
Come on, Martha. My dead grandma could kick harder than you.
加油啊 玛莎 我那天上的爷爷踢得都比你厉害
There we go!
这才像话嘛!
Come on!
加油!
So, like sands through the hourglass,
"就像沙漏里的沙子一样
so are the days of our lives.
我们的生活也如此"
That's plagiarism.
你这是抄袭
I literally wrote that.
这可是我写的
Whether you believe it or not.
你还真自信啊
- I think so. - That's so lame.
-我确实信 -太差劲了
That's partially.
你这是偏见
I think you don't know enough about prose
是你自己不了解专业诗歌
to really give me an accurate critique.
才乱说我抄袭
I know about pros. I know about pro baseball players.
我懂专业的 我认识一群专业的棒球运动员
I know about pro basketball players. I know about...
还认识专业篮球运动员还有...
I'm off work, like now.
我已经下班了
Do you want to go do something?
想不想找点乐子去
I do.
想
Okay, everyone in a circle.
好的 大家围成一个圈
Yes. Faster, faster, faster, faster!
好 再快点 再快点 再快点!
Krav Maga. We have one rule, one rule only.
近身格斗 我们只有一个原则
Never stop fighting!
永不停歇!
- Hiyah. - Hiyah.
-嘿呀 -嘿呀
Thank you. Bryan email me, Wednesday about privates.
谢谢大家 布莱恩 发邮件给我说说星期三的私人训练
We'll work it out.
看看能不能成
- Okay. - Cool.
-好的 -嗯
How long has Alicia been with that dude?
艾丽莎和他在一起多久了
I don't know.
不知道
I don't really talk to them.
我和他们不熟
You were at that softball thing.
你之前去颁奖典礼了
Oh yeah. Oh, I didn't want to interrupt.
是的 但是我当时不想打扰你
You there with your date.
和你的女伴
Yeah. Tanya is just a friend.
塔尼娅和我只是朋友关系而己
See you tomorrow.
明天见
- Yup. - He's the worst.
-好的 -他最恶心了
Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?
明天? 明天有什么活动?
Oh, my God, please tell me
我的天你得给我保证
you are going to Noah's bar Mitzvah tomorrow night?
你明晚会去参加诺亚的成人礼
I actually wasn't even invited.
我没被邀请啊
Well, lucky you.
额 你太幸运了
Noah's parents pay for privates so I have to go.
诺亚的父母给他付了私人训练的课程 所以我必须去
And you have to come with me.
而你必须陪我一起去
Like as your fake date?
要是我假装当你的女伴?
No, as a real date.
不是假装 你就是我女伴
Is that a yes?
你答应了?
Whoa! Whoa.
等等 等
- What? - Let's... do you want to...
-怎么了? -我们去... 要而然先...
- let's... - Let's go to the desk.
-我们... -我们去书桌上
No, that's not what I mean.
我不是这个意思
Can we just slow down a little bit.
能把节奏放慢点么
- What? - Please, can we just slow down?
-什么? -拜托能先停停么
Are you... what, tell me you're not gay?
难道你... 别给我说你是同性恋
No. I mean, no. I mean, no.
当然不是 绝对不是
Let's talk. Just talk, okay?
我们先聊聊 聊聊 好么
Oh God, you are gay.
天呐 你真是同性恋
No. My God.
才不是 我的天
I don't know why I'm telling you this,
我不知道干嘛提起这事
but... Jesus...
不过 哎...
I haven't slept with anyone
自从我和我女朋友前几个月
since me and girlfriend broke up a couple of months ago.
分手以后 我就再也没和别人上过床了
Seriously?
真的?
Yeah.
是的
Do you, like, not like condoms or something?
你是不喜欢带套还是怎样?
No.
不是
Do you want a drink? I'm going to have...
要么? 我得先喝几...
what is wrong with you?
你有毛病啊?
What the fuck!
搞毛啊!
Oh, my God. Martha, would be so pissed.
你才搞毛啊 玛莎肯定要气炸了
Do you want to go back to rehab?
难道你想回到戒瘾所里去?
I'm a sex addict, not an alcoholic, asshole.
我是性瘾 不是酒瘾 白痴
- Really? - Yeah, really.
-真的? -是啊 真的
I don't... that's a thing?
我不明... 还有这种说法?
I thought that was made up by Tiger Woods or something.
我以为是泰格·伍兹乱讲的呢
Don't be a dumb-ass.
别这么蠢好么
Okay. Well...
好吧 那么...
wait, just wait.
等等 听我说
The things is that's I'm really trying to manage my addiction,
事实是 我在努力克制自己的性瘾
just like you are,
就像你克制烟瘾一样
so will you just touch my boob just for one minute, please?
所以你能先摸摸我的胸么 就摸一下 谢谢
I don't... I just feel like maybe...
我还... 我还以为你是...
what the fuck?
搞毛啊?
We were just about to watch a movie.
我们正准备看电影
I can't believe you brought him in here, Shannon.
真不敢相信你居然把他带回家来了 香农
He didn't see anything.
他什么都没看到
Yeah, he's a good guy. He deserves better.
是的 他人不错 他应该得到更好的生活
No offense.
不是说你不好
Go to sleep.
快睡觉吧
I can't sleep.
我睡不着
Kelly invited me to a bar Mitzvah tomorrow night
凯莉邀请我明晚去参加一场成人礼
and it's freaking me out.
吓死我了
I'm glad you're thinking about chicks instead
很高兴你还能从这摊泥潭里
of our shit ass predicament.
抽时间去约会
The bar Mitzvah is in this hotel tomorrow night.
成人礼明晚会在这间酒店里举行
So?
所以呢?
So kids make a lot of money at these things, Shannon.
所以 小屁孩们在成人礼上会让我赚上一大把钞票
That's genius.
太天才了
Yeah, it is.
我确实天才
You want to Jack the bar Mitzvah?
你想抢劫这场成人礼?
What do we do?
我们该怎么做
Okay, look.
好的 听好
I'll just go with Kelly and then you can crash it.
我和凯莉一起去 然后你中途来
No. I can't go alone.
不 我不能一个人去
I'll bring Eric.
我带伤埃里克
Okay. You can't tell him anything.
好的 但是你什么也不能给他说
I'll get him to help us. I won't tell him anything.
我让他来帮我们 我不告诉他事实
I'll just make something up.
我随便编点东西
I know he'll do it. He's so into me.
他肯定会答应的 他爱兀我了
Just go to bed.
快睡觉吧
Jerry, I have some guests locked out of room 402
杰里 我这有几位客人打不开402的房门了
and I'm getting no response from housekeeping.
保洁也没给我任何答复
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
完了 完了
Shan, wake up. Shan.
香农 快醒醒 香农
- Please, stop it. - Shan. Shan, it's Jerry.
-求你别摇了 -香农 杰里发信息给我了
- What is it? - Oh God, this really sucks.
-怎么了? -我的天 这下完蛋了
- Shit. - Okay, okay.
-操 -好的 好的
Okay, listen.
听着
I'll deal with Jerry.
我去应付杰里
You go home and get the stuff, okay?
你回家好好准备一下好么
Okay.
好的
You got to get the dresses for the bar Mitzvah.
你得准备好参加成人礼的礼服
What about the dead guy?
那那个死人怎么办
Just make sure you keep fresh ice on him, okay?
记得给他换冰块就行 知道了么
Okay.
知道了
Okay. Come on.
好了 起床了
- Wake up. - Don't do that.
-快起床了 -别打我
It's a big day, shan.
今天很重要 香农
I know. I'm so nervous.
我知道 我现在就很紧张
Hello?
喂?
It's me. What are you doing?
是我你现在在干嘛?
- I'm working. - Okay.
-我在上班 -好的
Well, Martha's not here and home alone
玛莎不在家 我现在一个人
so can you come over and fuck me?
你能过来约一炮么?
So, now that like I've told totally fucked up my marriage,
于是 跟我之前说过的一样 我彻底搞砸了自己的婚姻
now you want back in?
现在你想再续前缘?
No, no, no, no. I just... no. No. I...
不不不不 我只是... 不不我...
or are you just fucking someone else now?
抑或你正在跟其他人做爱?
No, no baby. That's not it at all.
不不宝贝不是这样的
I'm just... I'm alone now and this is a perfect time.
我只是... 我现在一个人 这是完美的机会
Because I know that you always do this.
因为我知道你一直都这么千
Do what?
干什么?
Come groveling back as soon as you're seeing somebody new.
一旦看到新人就马上趴了回去
Baby, listen to me. Listen right now. I don't want...
宝贝 听我说 听好 我不想...
you need to start facing your fears and your feelings.
你得开始直面你的恐惧和你的感受了
You're just going to keep hurting yourself
你只是在不停的伤害你自己
and everybody around you.
以及 所有你身边的人
Well, that's the long way to say no.
好吧这个"不"说的可真够长
Shan, I have to go.
香 我得走了
- Ow! - It's going to look good.
啊哦! 这看起来会很棒的
I'm going to get it nice and straight.
我会把它们搞得又直又美
Ow!
啊!
Stop yelling.
别鬼叫
It doesn't hurt.
根本不痛
Sorry, I guess I'm just nervous.
对不起 我想我只是紧张
About the bar Mitzvah?
关于成人礼么?
Eric's going to help us.
艾瑞克会帮助我们的
Think you've ever been in love?
你谈过恋爱么?
I'm not good with emotions.
我处理不好感情
As soon as I start to get close to someone,
每当我和某人走得很近的时候
I just... I feel crowded
我就会感到... 挤的慌...
and I'm not attracted to them anymore.
而且我对他们的吸引力也会逝去
How many guys you think you've been with?
你上过多少个男人?
- I don't know. - Like a ball park.
-我不知道 -能排满一个棒球场了吧
Like a hundred?
大概100个
100 dicks?
100根丁丁?
Stupid thing is most of the time I don't even like the sex.
最无话的是很多时候我根本不喜欢做爱
Then why do you do it?
那干嘛要做?
I don't know. Like the pain of doing it
我不知道 比起不做爱的空虚感
is not as bad as the emptiness of not doing it.
做爱的痛苦还舒服一点
Does that make sense?
你觉得有道理么?
Martha.
玛莎
Yeah.
嗯
I was a 100% wrong about your hair.
有关你的头发 我彻底弄错了
- What's the problem? - It's not good.
有什么问题? 一点都不好看
Do cousin it.
重新做吧
No, shan, I'm not going to do it.
不 香农 我才不会重做
- Yes, you are. - Shannon, I'm not doing it.
-重做嘛 -香农 我才不重做
Do I look pretty for the bar Mitzvah party?
我现在在成人礼上看起来是不是美极了
Hey, if tonight doesn't go too late maybe you could
喂 如果待会不是太晚的话 要不然你来我家
come over and, I don't know,
额... 比如
watch "naked and afraid" with me or...
一起看《赤裸与恐惧》或者...
yeah, maybe. We'll see how it goes.
嗯 也许吧 到时候再说
Hey, ladies, it's dopey king.
嘿 女士们 我是小国王
Yeah, of course.
是啊 当然
Got you something, sir.
先生 给你这个
Oh, thanks. That's sweet.
哦 谢谢 棒极了
I'll put it in my money box over there.
我会把它放在那边的钱箱里
It's cash only.
那里只放现金
Yeah, we heard.
是的 我们都知道
Yeah. It's actually coupons for free privates.
啊 实际上这只是私人课程的免费抵价券
Privates? You hitting on me boo?
私人课程? 你这是在诱惑我么?
I'm a man now, so it's copasetic.
我现在是个成人了 所以这东西棒极了
Don't worry about it.
不用担心
All right, all right. Take it easy, not in front of my date.
好的好的 放松点 别在我女伴前这样
Don't talk to Kelly like that.
别这样跟凯莉说话
It's really rude, Noah.
诺亚 很没教养
Do you think you guys can make out on my next music video?
下首歌的时候你俩能亲热给我看看么
Google Gloria steinem and then ask us.
先搜索格罗利亚·斯坦能的歌再来问我们
So how long will these things last?
这成人礼得呆多久啊
About as long as a wedding reception, you know.
跟婚礼差不多长吧
- Really? - Yeah.
-真的 -是啊
I don't really know how long that is
其实我对婚礼多长并没有印象
because I've never been to a wedding.
因为我从来没参加过
Really?
真的?
I went to one, but it doesn't really count because we eloped.
我参加过一个 但是实际上并不算数因为我们是私奔
You're married?
你已经结婚了?
Yeah. What?
是啊 怎么了?
I can be married.
我可以结婚啊
I totally got married.
我确实结过婚
And nine days later I cheated on him and we got divorced.
然后 9天后我给他戴了绿帽 然后我们就离了
Super romantic like I said, like a fairytale actually.
无比浪漫 简直就像童话故事一样
I'd read it cover to cover.
那我肯定细细品读
I'm thinking of pitching it as a children's book.
我想把它印在儿童读物上
- Oh, you should. - Or y.A.
-噢 应该的 -或者《青年》
That's probably the better choice.
这个选择好多了
Yeah.
是啊
Y'all ready for this?
你们都准备好了么?
I'm 13 now.
我今天13了
Whoo!
哇哦!
I want to thank my dad,
我想谢谢我的父亲
I want to thank my mom, and I want to thank my Bubby.
我想感谢我的母亲 我还要感谢我的奶子
Okay, let's do this.
好了 开始吧
Come on boys. Cash money tour.
来吧 男生们 现金之旅
That's it, Noah.
这就对了 诺亚
Welcome to my Mitzvah!
欢迎来到我的成人礼!
That is enough.
够了
That is enough. Hey.
嘿 够了
- Quite enough! - I was in the dance, Noah!
真够了! 我还在跳舞呢 诺亚!
Thank you for coming.
感谢你们的到来
Why doesn't everyone get on the dance floor?
大家一起去舞池吧
Let's dance to some appropriate music.
一起跳点适景的音乐
You're shaming yourself.
别丢人现眼了
I thought that was going to be Bruno Mars. Get over here.
我还以为是布鲁诺·马尔斯的歌 你过来
You know what, now we gotta dance.
这些我们非跳不可了
I don't dance.
我不跳舞的
I think we do. It's a part of the deal.
你必须跳 我们约好的
- I don't dance. - Come on.
-我不跳舞 -快来吧
I've never, never...
我从来没有 从来...
all right. Bring it in. Bring it in.
好吧 慢慢来 慢慢来
You have a really cute ass.
你的翘臀真是可爱
It's distracting.
弄得我目不转睛了
Stop. It's a bar Mitzvah. There's kids around.
别这样 这是成人礼 周围有小孩呢
I'm serious. It's distracting.
我说真的真的很吸引人
My ass?
我的屁股?
- Yes. - Oh, sure.
-是啊 -好吧
It's 'cause you work me out so good.
那是因为你把我塑形得很棒
Hey, maybe we should take a breather.
嘿 我能休息一下吧
- Okay. - Get a drink or something?
-好啊 -喝一杯?
I'm going to use the ladies room. Don't go anywhere.
我要去趟女厕所 别走开哦
Uh-uh.
好的
I, like, really like you.
我 呃 真的喜欢上你了
And since you won't tell me
考虑到你不告诉我你为什么会被敲诈
why you're being blackmailed I think it's only fair
我想只有这么干
I get to do this.
才公平了
Excuse me. It's time to strap on the feedbags.
打扰一下 是时候准备开饭了
Dinner will be in about five minutes
还有五分钟就上正餐
if our very expensive catering company would just do their job.
如果我们收费高昂的餐饮公司能做好本职工作的话
Good luck.
好运
Okay, alright. Ready?
好的 准备好了么?
- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.
-啊啊 -好的
So?
然后呢?
So, you guys look pretty cute together.
你们俩在一起看上去不错啊
Yesterday, you were pissed because I was alone with him
昨天你还因为我和他上床而发火
and now you want us to get married.
现在你又想让我们俩结婚?
No, shan, this is different.
不 香农 这不一样
He really likes you. I can tell.
我看得出他是真喜欢你
I know. I think I should just fuck him and get it over with.
我想我应该跟他来一发然后分道扬镳（不就是约炮! ）
Will you not say that kind of shit all the time?
你能别老是这样胡扯么?
Okay. Eric's in position.
好吧 艾瑞克就位了
Okay, got it.
好的 明白了
Are you okay there?
你还好吧?
Ahh!
啊!
A woman is choking here!
一位女士呛着了!
- Oh my God! - Someone help her, please!
-我的天哪! -来人帮她一把!
Is anyone here a doctor?
这里谁是医生?
I'm a doctor!
我是医生!
I got it.
我来
Everybody back, Noah.
所有人都退后 诺亚
Son, tell me about
儿子 告诉我有关...
no, it's fucking disgusting.
别 太恶心了
Just cough it up, cough it up.
用力咳出来 咳出来
Okay.
好吧
- I got it. - Just cough it up. Cough it up.
我明白了 用力咳 用力
Do you see anything?
你看到什么了么?
- No. - Heave, ho.
-没有 -嘿吼
Eww, these are new shoes.
嗯 这鞋子才买的
Are you all right? Is it all out?
你还好吧? 都咳出来了么?
- Uh-huh. - Okay, oh...
-啊啊 -好的 噢...
- Thank you. - Oh, you're welcome.
-谢谢你 -不用谢
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
不好 不好
- Go. - All right, all right.
-快上 -好的 好的
I think it's a seizure.
应该是癫痫
I think it's a seizure.
应该是癫痫发作了
Everyone get back, get back.
大家都退后 退后
Nobody panic, nobody panic.
不要惊慌 不要惊慌
She's going to be fine. Watch her arms.
她没事的 注意她的胳膊
She's slapping...
她在抽搐...
give her some air! Just step back!
让她点空间 都退后!
Come on, dad!
加油 爸爸!
Noah, direct the traffic.
诺亚 维持秩序
Do something, Noah! Just...
诺亚 有点用好么!
calm down.
冷静
It will stop. Just let her be calm.
只要让她冷静 就会停止发作的
Whoa, whoa. No, just calm down.
停停停 冷静下来
Don't hurt yourself.
别弄伤自己
Let her be calm.
让她冷静一下
Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay, okay. Just vomit.
哇哇哇 好了 好了 吐出来就好
Okay, everybody back. Calm down.
大家都退后 保持冷静
Oh, peanut.
啊 花生
That is really a bad thing these days.
现在这个世道真是乱透了
There's peanuts in everything.
到处都是花生
All right.
好了
Give it up for this guy. This guy is a hero.
为他欢呼吧 他是一位英雄
Hero! Hero!
英雄! 英雄!
- Thank you. - Hero! Hero!
-谢谢大家 -英雄! 英雄!
- That was crazy. - Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
-你刚才吓死我了 -确实挺吓人的
Are you okay?
你还好吧?
Yeah, I think I am. It was just a seizure, I guess.
是的 还好 只是癫痫发作了而己
Okay. I think we should just go back to my place
好吧 我们一起回我家
so I can keep an eye on you.
我好好照顾你一晚
How about that?
怎么样?
Oh gosh. I don't know, Kelly.
额 这个 凯莉
I think I should probably just go home alone
我还是自己回家吧
'cause, you know, I nearly just died kind of so.
我刚刚差点就没命了 你懂的...
Okay. What is it?
好吧你直说吧
Do you not like hanging out with me or something?
你是不喜欢和我一起玩还是怎么?
No, it's not that. It's, like, Shannon...
不 不是这意思 是因为 香农她...
my sister is... at my house so I have to be there.
我的姐姐住在我家里 所以我必须得回去
Okay. You have to stop using your adult sister
好吧 你别那你那已经是成年人的姐姐
as an excuse for blowing me off.
当做拒绝我的理由
I'm not blowing you off.
我不是拒绝你
I don't want you think I'm blowing you off.
你千万别这样误会
Well, I'm available,
好吧 我现在单身
like, totally available.
完全单身
And I'm gay and I'm very attracted to you.
我是同性恋 而你很吸引我
I don't know if you noticed that.
我不知道你注意到了没
I like you a lot.
我很喜欢你
And I'm cool as shit, so I don't see what the problem is.
而且我也挺好的 所以我找不到原因
Am I like, what? Am I coming on too strong?
难道是? 我太强势了?
Am I supposed to play games and pretend
我是不是应该作作戏装作
like I don't like you and be mean to you?
我不喜欢你 故意对你刻薄?
Is that what Alicia does?
就跟艾丽莎一样?
Should I be like Alicia and flirt with other guys in the gym
我是不是应该和艾丽莎一样在健身房里和其他的男人调情?
to, like, make you attracted to me?
这样来吸引你?
I'm not a game player okay.
我不喜欢玩游戏好么
I'm over that shit.
我从不考虑这些破事
I'm a grown ass woman
我是个成熟的女人
and I fucking like you so let's do this.
而且我很喜欢你 所以就全力以赴
What's the problem?
问题在哪
I don't know, Kelly.
这个 凯莉
I don't think it's a good idea.
我不觉得这是个好主意
Wait, wait, Kelly!
等等 等等 凯莉!
Hey, and you know what,
嘿 你知道么
you should signed up for spinning
你应该去报健身自行车
because my class has a no asshole policy now, so.
囚为我的课程现在不招贱人
What are you looking at?
看什么看?
Nothing, I'm sorry.
没什么 对不起
I don't know anyone was here so I'm just going to go
我不知道有人在 我这就走
and you can continue you're blubbering.
让你继续独自哭泣
- Just pretend I am not here. - You're so insensitive.
-就当我没来过 -你真冷血
Are you even a woman?
你还算女人么?
Hey, I'm sorry, okay?
我很抱歉 好么?
No, you're not.
你才不呢
Okay fine. I'm not!
好吧 我确实不!
I saw an "Oprah" on this. You're a sociopath.
我在《奥普拉秀》上学到过 你是个反社会狂
Hey wait... now listen I am not sociopath, okay?
听好了 我不是反社会狂好么?
I feel stuff.
我是有感情的
I empathize and I sympathize which means
我有思想 有同情心 也就是说
that I'm not a sociopath!
我不是反社会狂!
Okay, well, if that's true
好吧 既然如此
then why don't you ask me why I'm crying?
那你怎么不来关心我
All right, I can do it.
好吧 听你的吧
What's wrong?
怎么了?
Okay, well when I confronted Scott about you...
好吧 当我跟斯考特提到你的时候...
who's Scott?
谁是斯考特
My husband, the one that you blew.
我丈夫 你口交的那个
Oh, yes, okay. And Scott you talked to him about...
嗯 有这事 然后呢 你跟斯考特说什么了
Yeah, he didn't deny it.
他没否认
He admitted it was true.
他说确有其事
Okay.
好的
And then I asked him if it was good.
然后我问他爽么
And I could tell that he didn't want to say anything
我看得出来他什么都不想说
but I forced it out of him
但我逼他说了出来
and he said that it was the best blowjob of his life.
他说这是他这一生最棒的体验
And now we just can't stop fighting
现在我们吵个不停
and I can't have sex with him
我都没法跟他做爱了
and I just don't know what I'm going to do
而且我不知道该怎么做
because I just... I can never... I can never do that!
因为我... 根本... 根本做不到你那样!
Yeah, okay, you can do it, you can do it.
没事 你能做到的 你能做到
You know what, I know how to fix this.
这样吧 我知道解决方法了
We'll use this.
用这个代替
I'm going to teach how to give the best blowjob of your life.
我来教你怎么在口交技术上潘云登顶
Okay, but hold on, can we use this?
好的 不过 我们能改用这个么?
Doesn't surprise me Phil took the cash.
我就知道菲儿会偷走现金
He was in buchenwald.
Because you can't get freaky when there's a holocaust.
在那种发生过大屠杀的地方不变成变态才有鬼了
It was a good run!
唱的不是挺好的么!
"Sucky, sucky my big fat cock!"
"吹啊 吹我的黑又硬的丁丁! "
Sorry, honey.
对不起 宝贝儿
So, what do you normally do?
那么你平时都怎么做?
I just close my eyes and then...
我就闭上眼睛然后
looks like you're eating a corn cob.
你就像在吃玉米棒
That's not going to feel good to anyone.
谁都爽不起来吧
- Okay. - Okay.
-好吧 -好的
All right so what kind of porn do you guys watch together?
好吧 你们俩平时都一起看什么AV?
No porn, none.
不看 从来不看
Watch a porn once in a while by yourself
偶尔弄部片自己看看
and watch how the chicks do it.
学学妓女们都怎么做的
Aren't most of those women slaves?
她们大部分不都是女奴么?
No, they're fine.
不是 她们挺好的
Oh, I thought I saw a "dateline" about that they were slaves.
哦 我看过一个新闻说她们是女奴
No.
不是
No, they put them in a box and ship them over...
他们把她们装在箱子里然后运往...
no, that's... no those are the manicurists.
不 你弄错了... 那些是美甲师
Okay.
好吧
No, those aren't the porn stars.
不是色情女星
- They're not slaves. - Okay.
-她们不是奴隶 -好吧
- Okay, so what you want to do... - Yeah.
-好的 你得这样做 -嗯
Is you want to pretend,
把它想象成
like, what's your favorite food in the world?
你最喜欢吃的食物是什么?
Yoplait yogurt, cheese cake flavor.
优诺酸奶 奶酪蛋糕口味的
Okay. So I want you to pretend like this is filled
好的 接下来你把它想象成装满了
with cheese cake flavored yoplait yogurt.
奶酪蛋糕口味的优诺酸奶
Okay.
好的
And if you suck it hard enough...
你要是用力吸的话
yeah.
嗯
You're going to get it all out.
你就能把它们都吸出来
- Okay! - Okay?
-懂了! -懂了?
So now in order to get out the yogurt you have to squeeze it.
想要喝到酸奶的话 你先挤一挤
Okay.
好的
And you want to put your mouth on the tip.
然后用嘴含住顶端
Okay.
好的
Now you're going to bring your hands up to meet your mouth.
然后你的手向上移动到嘴边
- As your mouth goes down... - Okay.
—同时用嘴往下吞—好的
Your hand goes up.
手往上动
And it's like that and it's... so they're going to...
所以就像这样... 就像...
- mouth beneath the hand. - Yes!
-嘴在上手在下 -对
- Mouth beneath the hand. - Yes!
-嘴在上手在下 -对
Mouth beneath the hand.
嘴在上手在下
- Yeah! You're going to get... - Mouth...
-是的当你... -嘴在...
now right before you're going to get your hand up to the top,
当你的手要移动到顶的时候
hold it really tight, spit in your palm,
用力握紧 往掌心里吐点唾沫
rub it around the top, point it away,
然后涂在顶端周围 多揉几圈
shoots out into the stars, okay?
然后就直冲云霄了懂了么?
- Okay. - All right.
-懂了 -好的
You got this. Now go, go, go, go!
你学会了 现在去多实践实践!
Got some technique!
又学会了新技巧!
- Yeah, that's it. - Thank you!
-这才对嘛 -谢谢!
Okay.
好的
What do you mean it's only 12,000?
你说只有1万2是什么意思?
Come on, come on. It's a lot of money,
别这样 已经很多钱了
it's like... that's like six digits.
这可已经是六位数了
I said I wanted 25,000.
我说了要两万五
Well you can get a house in Detroit for, like, $800.
在底特律买间房子只要800美金
I didn't want a house!
我想要的不是一间房子!
I wanted a building.
我要一栋大楼
Come on, Ruby, please?
别这样 鲁比 帮帮忙
But it's cash.
这就是现钱啊
I mean it's all right here.
就摆在眼前
It's a good start, get everything rolling, you know?
当启动资金够了 日积月累嘛
It's a great start.
绰绰有余了
I'll sell the thunderbird.
我把机车卖掉
- You'll sell the thunderbird? - I promise! I don't need it.
-你会把机车卖了? -我保证用不着了
Super cool.
酷毙了
Okay.
好吧
We'll turn the oven on.
我们去开炉子
It was really sweet of you to come.
你能来真是太贴心了
Of course!
我当然会来
You could've just told me
你本可直接告诉我
you're being blackmailed for killing some guy's dog.
是因为弄死了某人的狗才被敲诈的
I feel bad about it. I still do.
我十分内疚 现在也还在内疚
This is my last dog!
这是我最后一次葬狗了!
Suck my dick, Fresno!
再见了 弗雷斯诺!
What's up with that chick?
那妹子怎么了?
Oh, she's moving to Detroit.
额 她要搬去底特律了
Okay. Um...
好的 额...
Let's all bow our heads and have a moment of silence.
让我们低头默哀片刻
Boris, oh precious Boris.
鲍里斯 心爱的鲍里斯啊
He was a champion but he was also a dirty dog.
他是一个冠军 同时也是条脏狗
Oh, God, please watch over him and take him to a better place.
噢 上帝 请照看他 带他去更美好的地方
Everyone deserves their dignity.
任何人的葬礼都该体面一点
We've all done things we're not proud of.
我们都做过让我们不齿的事情
The last time I was at a cemetery
上一次我幽席仪式
was for my father's funeral.
是在我父亲的葬礼上
It was not an easy time for any of us
那次对我们都不容易
but especially not for my sister Shannon because she didn't show.
但我的姐姐香农尤其不易 因为她没能出席
I know she wanted to be there
我知道她也想出席
but she couldn't because she didn't feel good.
但她当时身体不适
I don't blame her.
我不怪她
It's just... sometimes it's hard for me
只是... 有时候孤立无援
to do everything on my own,
真的很困难
so I guess I'm just really grateful
所以我真的很感激
that we made it through this time together.
我们一起坚持的这段日子
Yeah.
嗯
Hi, Martha.
嗨 玛莎
Martha! Martha!
玛莎! 玛莎!
We slept together before
我们是老炮友了
so there's like a grandfather clause situation,
所以这差不多算是传统
they still build these. Isn't that crazy?
现在还造这东西 是不是很奇怪?
Little sheds?
小棚屋?
Martha! Martha, stop running!
玛莎! 玛莎! 别跑了!
Martha, come on!
玛莎! 别这样!
Wait, I'm sorry!
等等! 我很抱歉!
Sorry, you're not sorry, shan!
抱歉? 你并不抱歉 香农
It's not my fault!
又不是我的错!
It's my disease! I can't help it!
我有性瘾! 白控不了的!
Of course, right. You never mean to do anything.
是的 你从来都不是故意的
You know you're just like dad.
你知道么你就跟爸爸一样
Just blame everyone else.
把什么都怪在别人头上
It's never you, right?
从来不是你的错 对吧?
Well, I am so tired of trying to help you.
我已经懒得再尝试帮你了
Martha!
玛莎!
You can't leave me here!
你不能就这么丢下我!
Don't come back to my place!
别再回我家了!
I'm done!
我受够了!
It's hard letting go, isn't it?
很难放手 对吧?
If only pop tart could've spoken up
要是我的小乖乖能开口说话
and told me what was bothering her.
告诉我她到底为什么烦恼就好了
But turtles can't let you know what's going, can they?
但是乌龟没法让你知道他们的感受 不是么?
Robots can't either.
机器人也不行
Back so soon?
这么快就回来了?
Staying for a while this time.
这次我得呆上一阵子了
You hit the lotto?
你中奖了?
This is left over from bar Mitzvah money.
这是成人礼上剩下的钱
Good luck.
祝你好运
My mom died of cancer then my dad died of alcohol,
我的母亲死于癌症 我的父亲死于酗酒
and my little sister had no one to help her.
我的妹妹完全没人照顾
And instead of helping her I just blew off my dad's funeral.
我不仅没照顾他 我还没参加爸爸的葬礼
And a few months ago I did some really horrible shit
几个月前 我还做了些糟透项的事情
which is why I'm here, and my sister bailed me out again.
所以我才会来这 而我的妹妹再一次将我保释出来
And so did this... this guy
还有这个 我遇到的
that I met who's really nice, and I really liked him.
这个男生真的很好 我很喜欢他
Instead of dealing with my feelings
我没像成人一样
like a mature adult, grown up person,
正视自己的感受
I fucked a random dude.
反而跑去找陌生人做爱
I just don't want to let anyone down anymore.
我真的不想再让任何人失望了
I don't want to let myself down anymore
我不想再让自己失望了
and I want this part of my life...
我想给这种生活...
this whole chunk to be over.
这些破事画上句号
And that's why I'm here because I need help.
所以我才来这 我需要帮助
I'm just fucking tired of fucking.
我真的受够做爱了
Fuck!
操!
Sorry, it wasn't my turn, I'm sorry.
对不起 还没轮到我 对不起
You know who would've loved that?
你知遒谁会出钱请你上电视么?
Oprah.
奥普拉
I have paychecks!
我手里拿着支票!
This one is for Martha.
这是给玛莎的
That's you?
那是你 对吧?
And this is for Shannon, your big sister.
这是给你姐姐 香农的
She's going to have to pick hers up. She quit.
她得自己来拿了 她辞职了
And we're not talking anymore.
而且我们也不联系了
Why not?
为什么?
Let's see.
从何说起啊
She's a liar, she's selfish,
她是个骗子 她很自私
she's ungrateful, and she can't get her life together.
不懂得感恩 连自己的生活都处理不好
It's actually really sad.
那真是个悲伤地故事
My sister sucks.
我姐姐糟透了
Why does she suck?
她怎么糟了?
Were you not listening, Jerry? I just told you the whole thing.
你有没有注意听啊 杰里 我不是才告诉你来龙去脉么
She's a pain in the ass!
她就是个混蛋!
Why?
为什么?
Because she just does whatever the hell she wants,
因为她从来都是为所欲为
and she doesn't care who she hurts along the way.
根本不在乎伤透了谁的心
I mean, I did everything I could for her.
我已经尽力帮她了
I got her this job, let her stay at my place,
我帮她找了份工作 让她住我的房子
and it's like she just didn't even want any of it.
但是她就像根本不屑一顾一样
Well, if she didn't want help, why did you help her?
既然她都不需要帮助 那你干嘛多管闲事
I don't know.
我也不知道
Sounds like you need help.
感觉你才是需要帮助的那个人
Uh... I don't need any help.
呃... 我不需要帮助
You worry too much about your sister and not yourself.
你老是担心你的姐姐 却没担心过你自己
My life is pretty sweet.
我过得很好
It's not sweet.
并不好
You live all alone. And you're a maid in Fresno.
你孤身一人 而且是个在弗雷斯诺工作的保洁
You're a maid too, you know.
你自己也是个保洁
Yes, but I'm better than a maid.
没错 但是我比普通保洁高一级
Executive maid!
我是保洁主管!
And I have sexy girlfriend.
而且我还有火辣的女朋友
Yeah, can you just, like, put them back right away.
额 能别乱玩器材么
'Cause they're always getting tangled up.
因为他们总会缠在一起
Kelly, you don't have to hide from me.
凯莉 你不用躲着我
Hey, Alicia is working out at Prestown Crossfit
嘿 艾丽莎在普雷斯顿体能训练那边呢
so you should go sign up there.
你应该去那边报道
I don't want to say "hi" to Alicia
我不想去找阿丽莎
I want to say "hi" to you, Kelly.
我想来找你凯莉
Hi.
嗨
I want to apologize to you, okay?
我想跟你道歉 好么?
I'm sorry.
很对不起
I wasn't myself.
之前我特别迷糊
Yeah, just a lot of weird stuff was going on in my life.
生活里发生了很多不如意的破事
You say your sister or your ex one more time
你要再说你的姐姐和你的前任
I will literally vomit, right now.
我现在就吐给你看
Well, I won't.
我不会的
Okay? Because neither of them are in my life anymore.
因为她俩都已经从我生活里消失了
I mean it's good!
不过这是好事
Like for the first time in my life
感觉就像这辈子第一次
I'm doing stuff just for myself.
我为自己而活一样
Like, I got a pedicure yesterday
比如 我昨天去做了个足疗
and I took a bubble bath, you know?
还洗了个泡泡浴
Wow, you took a bath.
不错嘛 还洗了个澡
Yeah.
是啊
And now I'm doing this other thing I really wanted to do,
而现在我正在做另一件我很想倣的事情
talking to a girl who I think is pretty cool.
和一个酷毙了的女孩聊天
I really liked you.
我真的很喜欢你
I still like you.
我仍然喜欢你
Okay.
好吧
But if your sister and your ex are,
如果你的姐姐和前任
like, totally out of the picture for real then
真的从你生活里消失了 那...
what are you possibly going to use as an excuse
那你今晚准备用什么借口
not to go out with me tonight?
拒绝和我出去约会?
Tonight.
今晚
Nothing.
没有借口
Newsflash... I'm available.
最新消息 我单身了
- Really? - Big time.
-真的? -大新闻
Yo, yo, yo! Guru!
哟哟哟 人生导师!
Do you remember me?
还记得我么?
I think you have the wrong person.
我想你认错人了
No, no. You don't remember me?
不 不 你不记得我了?
My parents had a house that smelled like dirty diapers?
我的爸妈住在一个充满尿骚味的房子里
Does that ring a bell?
想起来了吗?
- No. - You remember this pretty face?
-没有 -还记得这张俊脸么?
Yeah, hi!
是的 嗨!
You got anymore awesome words of wisdom for me?
有什么人生哲理传授给我么?
Oh, I don't.
额 没有
I'm kind of out of the guru business.
我不当导师了
What?
什么?
I'm working at foster farms now.
我现在在福斯特农场工作
Oh well that's good for foster farms but bad for gurus.
那真是大材小用了
You were so good at that!
你真的很擅长当导师
I got to tell you my whole life changed
告诉你个事 由于你的教导
because of the stuff you told me.
我的整个人生都改变了
Really, how?
真的? 怎么做的?
I sold the van.
我卖掉了厢车
I'm pawned Boris' bronze medal.
当掉了鲍里斯的铜牌
I sold my parents' house for a shitload of money.
把我爸妈的房子卖了一大笔钱
I figured they'd be better off rotting
我发现他们还是呆在疗养院里
in the nursing home, you know.
慢慢老去的好
Got a real good price on a nursing home,
疗养院给我开了一个好价钱
one of the cheapest ones.
最便宜的那种
And that was really all because of you, I have to be honest.
说实话 都是你的功劳
And I'm getting a chin implant.
我还装了个人造下把
I never said any of that stuff.
我从来没说过叫你做这些事
Listen, guru, I felt your vibe and I ran with it.
听着 导师 我被你的气场感染了
If you ever see Boris you tell him
如果你看到鲍里斯 帮我捎个话
we're better off without each other, okay?
我们最好老死不相往来 可以么?
Siblings can really sink each other, you know?
双胞胎真的会互扯后腿 你懂么?
Tell him I said that, okay?
告诉他这就是我的原话 行么?
Take care of yourself! Namaste!
自己保重! 再见了（印度语）!
911, what's your emergency?
911 您有何急事?
It's not really an emergency.
其实也不是很急
I killed a guy, so someone should probably come and get me.
我杀了个人 应该得有个人来逮捕我
Please hold.
请不要挂机
Now, I'll connect you to the Fresno police.
正为您转接弗雷斯诺警局
Please state your present location,
请告知您现在的位置
paramedics have been dispatched.
急救人员已经出发
No, you don't have to send the paramedics.
不 不需要派急救人员
It was a little while ago.
已经死了有段时间了
It was an accident,
发生了意外
I'm sure everyone says that, but it, like really was an accident.
我想谁都会这么说 不过真的是个意外
Well, do you think that maybe someone could
额 可以派个人开车过来
just come here and get me because I don't have a car?
逮捕我么 因为我没有车
That's a really far walk.
用走的很远的
So anyway, shan, I'm glad you're getting my letters.
不管怎么样 香农 我很高兴你在读我的信
I miss you but I'm kind of glad you're in jail.
我很想念 你但我却为你茌监狱里而开心
And I mean that in the nicest way.
我是说往好的方面想
You better look like Linda Hamilton in "t2"
你出狱的时候最好像《终结者2》里的琳达·汉密尔顿
when you get out. Baby got back!
一样霸气 宝贝回来了!
Like actual back, it was awesome!
真正改过自新了 太棒了!
I'll see you next month and try and stay out of trouble.
我下个月再来探望你 尽量不要惹麻烦
Hugs.
抱抱
Martha.
玛莎
P.S., I hate you which in case you forgot
顺带一提 我恨你 但是免得你忘了
means I love you like a sister.
这句话意思是我爱你这个妹妹
更多影视字幕 请访问 http://www.zimuku.net/
I did learn this this from "hot knockers 4."
这是我从电影里学到的
Oh, baby.
噢 宝贝
Shan! Stop, your my sister.
香农! 住手 你是我姐姐
Hold still, baby.
别动 宝贝儿
Thank you. You are... you have a treasure trove.
谢谢你 你简直拥有上帝的恩赐
You're like the Maya angelou of dick sucking,
你简直就是吹箫界的玛雅·安杰洛
and I mean that.
我认真
It was just a big urine cake.
这就是一个大泡尿做的饼
It's true. I got it! I got it!
-确实 -我懂了! 我懂了!
I was just... I was just a big urinal cake.
我只是 我只是一个大尿壶做的饼
The entire community... I'm sorry.
整个社区... 对不起
Everyone's excited but I don't know what's happening.
大家都很兴奋 我不知道怎么了
Like, like, like!
就像 就像 就像!
What are we... what are we jacking?
我们在... 我们在闹啥呢?
Maybe it's me, maybe it's Jerry Garcia,
也许是我也许是杰里·加西亚
maybe it's cousin it. Nobody knows.
或许是个陌生人 没人知道
Hello, I'm here for your bar Mitzvah, shalom!
嗨 我是来参加你的成人礼的 你好!
Come at you and I'll fuck you so hard you'll come out your butt.
我要把你干得欲仙欲死
Are we looking into the lens?
我们在看着镜头么?
No, I can't look away. I can't look away. I can't look away.
不 我移不开眼睛 移不开 移不开
You want us to come on the cart?
你想我们在推车里高潮?