巴克纳尔大学
请大家跟我到中庭 Now, if you'll follow me this way onto the quad,
继续我们的校园导览 we'll continue our campus tour.
亲爱的，记住，每喝一杯酒 So, sweetie, remember, if you drink a beer,
就要喝一杯水，好吧？ you drink a glass of water, all right?
喝六瓶啤酒，就要喝六瓶水 Six-pack of beer, six-pack of water.
也喝太多东西了吧 Okay. This just sounds like way too much liquid.
那就不要参加派对就好了 Or just don't party at all.
妈，你不是常说 Okay, Mom, you're the one who always talks about
你在大学抽了很多大麻 how much you smoked pot in college
而且整个学期都随地尿尿 and for a whole semester, you just peed outside.
没错，他们是都叫我 “随地尿尿大麻王”凯特 Okay, they did call me, "Smoke a Lot of Pot and Pee Outside" Kate.
- 那… - 但我很后悔 - Well... - But I regret that.
好吗？跳过那个阶段，学我现在这样 Okay? Just skip over that part and act like I am now.
- 好吧 - 我们来教她陌生人的危险 - Okay. - Oh. Let's show her stranger danger.
- 知道陌生人的危险是什么吗？ - 我相信… - Do you know stranger danger? - I'm sure..
这很重要，我扮演恐怖的兄弟会男生 Okay, this is real important. So, I'm a scary frat guy.
- 好吗？有很多这种人 - 好 - Right? There's a lot of them. - Okay.
- 妈扮演你，好吗？ - 真是幸运 - Mom is you, all right? - Lucky me.
嘿，宝贝 Okay. Hey, sweet thing.
- 我叫盖比特… - 哇 - My name's Geppetto. - Whoa.
- Uh, 'cause I make the ladies my puppets. - Uh... - …因为女生都是我的木偶 -啊…
- 对吧？ - 我已经不信任他了 - Yeah. Right? - See? I already don't trust him.
- 对吧？他是坏人 - 相信直觉 - Right? He's a bad guy. - Trust your instincts.
- 坏人 - 很奇怪的选择 - Bad guy. - Weird choice.
你要来兄弟会吗？ So, you wanna come up to the bro house?
你不必回答 You don't have to answer.
不过现在我回答给你看 - Oh... - But, for this scenario, I will.
没关系，谢谢，我要回去念书了 I'm fine, thank you. I'm getting ready to study.
不过我喜欢文静的女生 Oh, but I like the silent type.
你好香喔 You smell good.
你可能以为我这样太靠近了 但我想更靠近一点 You probably think I'm close to you, but I'd like to get closer.
来吧，宝贝，来吧，宝贝 Come, my lady Come, come, my lady
你是我的甜心，蜜糖宝贝 You're my sugar pie, honey, baby
用手肘撞他的蛋，转身走人 Then you elbow him in the balls, and then you roll away.
对，转身离开 Right there. And you roll.
- 那个男生大叫“啊！我的蛋” - 你快离开 - And the guy's like, "No! My nards." - And you get out of there.
不要靠近叫盖比特的男生 So, stay away from guys named Geppetto.
懂了，谢谢 Got it. Thank you. Guys...
我很喜欢这间学校，我明年想念这里 I love this school. This is where I wanna go next year.
太好了，你喜欢这里！ Oh! We're so happy you love it here!
我们跟你一起来吧！ Let us come with you!
- 她开玩笑的 - 不是 - She's just kidding. - Nah.
我爱你们 I love you guys.
- 我们也爱你 - 来 - We love you, too. - Come here.
天啊，我们的小宝贝 Aw... God, our little baby!
若我录取的话 If I get in.
- 若你录取 - 若你录取 - If you get in. - If you get in.
- 没错 - 录取的门槛很高 - That's right. - Tough school. It's tough.
天啊，不要，我不想点 Oh, God. No, I don't wanna click it.
我不要点，你们来，我不… I'm not gonna click it. One of you click it. I'm not...
亚莉丝，你是顶尖的学生 放轻松，你一定有录取的 Honey, Alex, you're an A student, okay? Chill. I'm sure you got in.
回覆：招生组信函
他们要是没录取我的宝贝就太蠢了 You know, if they don't want my baby, they're stupid.
野牛？那是哪门子的吉祥动物啊？ The Bisons? What kind of mascot is that?
要是他们不要你，我们也不要他们 If they say no to you, I say we say no to them.
去他妈的野牛！ Fuck the Bisons! You know?
干他妈的巴克纳尔！ Yeah. Bucknell, more like Fucknell!
没错！ Yes!
欢迎加入巴克纳尔大学
我录取了！ I got in!
你录取了！太棒了！ You got in! Yes!
巴克纳尔，我就知道！ 我早就知道了！ Bucknell, I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
巴克纳尔大学
我们是巴克纳尔！ We're Bucknell!
- 巴克纳尔，宝贝！ - 巴克纳尔！ - Bucknell, baby! Bucknell! - Yeah! Bucknell!
野牛是雄伟的生物！野牛！野牛！ It's a majestic creature, the bison! Bisons! Bisons!
恭喜亚莉丝录取巴克纳尔大学！
亚莉丝，赞啦！
蕊娜离开后，法兰克状况不太好 Man, Frank is not looking so hot since Raina left.
在这里就能闻到斗篷的味道 Ugh, I can smell that poncho from here.
像《布偶历险记》的疯狂鼓手 He looks like Animal from the Muppets.
- 你们好吗？ - 你好吗？ - What's up, you guys? - What's up, buddy? How are ya?
- 好棒的派对！ - 法兰克，老兄 - Guys. Great party! - Frank, buddy.
对啊，很棒吧？ Yeah, it's going great, huh?
很高兴你能来 Yeah, we're glad you could come.
- 你来了 - 对啊，我当然会来 - You made it. - Yeah, of course I made it.
骑脚踏车来的 Rode my bike all the way here.
- 很好 - 对 - Good. - Yeah.
车子怎么了？ What happened to your car?
我找不到 I can't find it.
你们一定很兴奋吧？ You guys must be pretty psyched, right?
对啊 Yeah, we are.
我们以亚莉丝为荣，她长大了 So proud of Alex. She's really grown up.
不对，我是说我们的事情 No, no, no. I'm talking about us.
我们三个下礼拜要去拉斯维加斯！ I'm talking about the three of us, next week. Vegas!
- 我们考虑过 - 对 - We were thinking about Vegas. - Yeah.
等秋天再去怎么样？ What if we push Vegas until the fall?
对，我们还是会去 只是延后一点而已 Yeah. We still go. We just push it a little later.
不，要把握现在，不能延后，对吧？ No. There's only now. There is no later, right?
我们再讨论吧 We'll talk.
好吧，老兄 All right, buddy. All right.
高中结束了 Guys, high school's over.
老实说，我们还没准备好要进大学 And, let's face it, we're not ready for college.
上大学第一年好像就要 It seems like being a freshman in college
准备在约会时被强暴，对吧？ means you have to be prepared to get date raped, right?
我不懂强暴跟约会强暴之间的差异 I don't understand the difference between, like, rape and date rape.
约会强暴是你们先去吃晚饭、看电影 然后再被强暴 Oh, I think date rape is when you go to dinner and a movie, and then rape.
她在跟朋友说她有多难过 She's talking to her friends about how sad she is.
- 对 - 看她们的肢体语言 - Yeah. - Look at their body language.
她们不想离开父母 They don't want to leave their parents.
今年夏天我们要把高中应该做的事通通做一遍 We're gonna pack everything we should have done at high school into this summer.
我告诉我爸妈 这个夏天我会陪他们 I mean, I told my parents I'd hang out with them this summer.
- 那样很怪 - 不会，我爸妈很好玩 - That's weird. - No, my parents are fun.
就爸妈的标准来看，他们是满好玩的 就一般人来说，烂到极点 For parents, they're fun. For people, they're the worst. I...
你妈会跟你讲话吗，瑞秋？ Does your mom even talk to you, Rachel?
住口 Stop.
我们怎么这么幸运能有这个女儿？ How did we get so lucky to snag a kid like that?
我也不知道 I don't know.
就像我要失去最好的朋友一样 Kind of feel like I'm losing my best friend.
已经习惯我们三个生活在一起了 Gotten so used to it being us three.
只有我们两个 那会是什么样子啊？ What's it gonna be like when it's just us?
那就会… Well, it's gonna...
拜托！ Come on!
对啊！ I mean, yeah!
像空洞的鸟巢？ Empty nest?
这个巢会装满我们的爱 This nest is gonna be filled with our loving.
- 对！ - 没错！ - Yes! - Yeah!
会定期举行性爱大战 It's gonna be a regular fuck fest around here.
对！护照准备好 Oh, yeah! Get your passport ready.
因为我们… 'Cause we're...
我们要干到天荒地老 We'll be going to fuck town.
好棒的派对 What a nice party.
谢谢你们帮我办派对 Hey, thank you so much for the party.
- 不客气 - 真的很好玩 - Oh, you're welcome. - It was really fun.
我玩得很开心 I had such a good time.
瑞秋邀我今晚去她家 Rachel invited me over to her house tonight,
想问你们我可不可以去 and I was wondering if I could go.
我们要看《阴尸路》啊 Well, we were gonna watch Walking Dead.
哪一个比较有趣 What's more fun, hanging with your friends,
跟朋友鬼混 还是跟爸妈一起看僵尸吃人？ or watching zombies eat people with your parents?
该来亚莉丝三明治抱抱了 Think it's time for an Alex sandwich?
嗯 Mmm.
请留下来，请留下来 Please stay, please stay.
留下来，留下来，留下来 Stay, stay, stay.
好啦，好啦，我留下来 Okay. Okay, I'll stay.
太好了 Yes.
- 大脑 - 大脑 - Brains. - Brains.
不要！不要啊！ Oh, no! Oh, no!
大脑 Brains.
哇！ Whoa!
我的天啊！ - 喔！ - Oh, my God! - Oh!
各位，现在开放民众发言提问 All right, town. We'd now like to open up the floor to its citizens.
第一项议程 First up on the docket,
议会要请钱德乐警官发言 Council would like to recognize Officer Chandler.
午安 Good afternoon.
上星期二凌晨3点14分左右 Last Tuesday night at approximately 3:14 a.m.,
有人在高中橄榄球场 vandals spray-painted what appears to be a male penis
用喷漆画了男生的阴茎 and accompanying genitalia
还有蛋蛋 on the high school football field.
目前已经清除了 It has since been removed.
好的 All right.
请法兰克提奥多拉基斯发言 Town would like to recognize Frank Theodorakis.
我的篱笆太高 $1,500 of fines
被罚一千五百元 for the height of my hedges.
这太扯了，鲍伯 This is bullshit, Bob.
去你们的 Screw this town,
我要离开了，但我要先说一句话 I am out Of here. Right after I say this.
蕊娜，宝贝，请回家 Raina, baby, please come home.
- 你是我老婆 - 天啊 - You're my wife. - Oh, God.
- 我爱你，希望你回家 - 法兰克，闭嘴 - I love you and I want you to come home. - Frank, shut up. Stop it.
只有现在我们才能在同个房间 This is the only time I can be in the same room with you.
- 回家！ - 别说了！ - Come home! - Just not here!
这跟你要的结果不同 It's not going the way you think it's going.
我必须挽救婚姻，蕊娜… I want it... But I've gotta turn this around. Raina, just..
- 别说了，快点离开 - 拜托！ - Stop it. Go. Just.. - Oh, come on!
我们的车子呢，法兰克？ And where the hell is our car, Frank?
看来狐狸草原上演了一出肥皂剧 Well, looks like Fox Meadow's having its own little soap opera play out here.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
不必对我们抱歉 No need to apologize to us.
只要为你自己做的错误决定 选错了人 Just apologize to yourself for making a bad decision.
感到抱歉就好了 On a bad man.
现在进行下一个议题 Uh, moving on to the next issue.
各位先生女生 If we could, please. Ladies and gentlemen,
狐狸草原最令人兴奋的计划 Fox Meadow's most exciting project,
城镇游泳池！ the town pool!
不会吧？ What?
实际的游泳池包含五座泳池 The actual pool will be five pools,
野餐区、游乐区、最先进的更衣室 picnic area, playground, state-of-the-art locker room,
以及三州地区最棒的美食广场 and the best food court in the tri-state area.
好的，今天最后一项议程是207G All right, the last item on today's agenda is 207-6,
也就是狐狸草原奖学金 that is the Fox Meadow Scholarship
奖励一位勤学的高中生… rewarding one hardworking high school student...
是我们，他在讲我们 This is us. He's talking about us.
…替他们支付大学学费 By paying their college tuition.
今年的受奖者是亚莉丝强汉森 This year's recipient is none other than Alex Johansen.
- 亚莉丝强汉森 - 亚莉丝！ - Alex Johansen. - Alex... Yes!
不幸的是 本镇今年的经费遭到无情删减 Unfortunately, the town is facing some devastating budget cuts this year,
恐怕已经无法支付 and I'm afraid the scholarship is an indulgence
这笔庞大的奖学金 that the town can no longer afford.
就是这样，我们往下进行 All right, so if that is it, then we can move on.
- 请等一下 - 鲍伯 - Hold on, please. - Bob“.
你是说你们没钱颁发奖学金 Are you saying that you don't have money for the scholarship,
但有钱可以盖游泳池？ but you have money for the town pools?
我很希望能给亚莉丝这个奖学金 Look, I would love to give Alex this scholarship.
我希望大家都能免费上大学 Heck, I'd love to give everybody a free education.
让大家表决好了 So, let's open it up to the town.
喜欢游泳的请举手 By a show of hands, who here likes swimming?
不要，等等 No, wait.
- 不要举手 - 拜托 - No, don't raise your hands. - Oh, come on.
我们不是在争论这个，这是个陷阱题 That's not what we're debating here. It's a trick question.
老实说，我有点两难 I guess I'm a little torn here, to be quite honest,
因为我很爱亚莉丝 'cause I do love Alex.
但我也喜欢游泳 But I also love swimming.
乔，给我闭嘴 Shut up, Joe.
我喜欢游泳，我是玛莎 I love swimming. I'm Martha.
我要工作又要养三个小孩 'Cause, you know, with three kids and a job,
只能在游泳时放松 it's the only me time I get.
你当然想要游泳池，玛莎 那就盖在你家隔壁 Of course you want the pool, Martha. It's right next to your house.
你们知道萝拉聚餐时 都带什么餐点吗？ You know what Laura brings to a potluck? Her nasty mouth and no more.
就她那张贱嘴而已
我怎么知道要带餐点？ How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to bring food?
邀请函写得很含糊，你也不必 That invitation was vague. And you don't have to
一直报自己名字 大家都知道 keep telling everyone your name's Martha, they know.
但我就是叫玛莎 But that's who I am, I'm Martha.
两位，够了，我们来投票吧 All right, ladies, enough, enough. Let's bring this to a vote.
希望拿掉奖学金 Those in favor of eliminating the scholarship
然后盖游泳池的人，请投赞成 and building the town pool, vote yes.
希望一个家庭独享好处 Those opposed, who want one family to profit
让其他镇民受害的人，请投反对 while the rest of the town suffers, no.
赞成的请举手 Yes?
看来多数人都投赞成 All right, looks like the yeses have it.
拜托 Oh, please.
告诉你，我会在游泳池里大便 表达我的愤怒 I'll tell you one thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take a hate crap in that pool.
房贷都快付不出来 现在还要付学费？ We can barely afford our mortgage, and now this?
我们该接受事实了 我们是很糟糕的父母 It's time we face the truth, we're bad parents.
记得那个把婴儿丢进水井的妈妈吗？ Remember that mother who threw her baby down a well?
我们比她还糟糕 We're worse than that mother.
我当爸爸的时候，我做了个决定 You know, when I became a dad, I made a choice.
就是不能跟我爸爸一样 To be the dad my father wasn't. Right?
我要陪女儿玩，支持她的梦想与才能 To play with my daughter, to support her dreams and talents,
或许我真该多花点时间 and, yeah, maybe I could have spent a little more time
看看银行里放的是什么 checking on what was in the bank.
但我放银行里的是自己的心 But instead, I put my heart in the bank.
我存了很多爱心 I deposited love, a lot of it.
那不会是《华尔街日报》的封面故事 And that's not gonna be the cover story of The Wall Street Journal,
但却是我内心的头条故事 but it's the headline of my heart.
- 这么说有道理吗？ - 我听到一半就放空了 - Does that make sense? - No, honey, I lost you halfway through.
重点是亚莉丝以为我们付得出学费 但事实不然 Okay, the bottom line is that Alex thinks we can afford tuition, and we can't.
我们得告诉她真相 We need to tell her the truth.
我们老是说我们会说真话 We always tell the truth. That's what we always say.
- 对 - 对 - Yeah. - Yeah.
我们应该这么做 I think we should do it.
- 我不要告诉她 - 我也不要 - I'm not gonna do it. - Me, neither.
我们得说谎，因为父母都这样 We gotta lie about everything, because that's what parents do.
父母的首要工作 The job of being a parent, number one job,
就是不让孩子知道这些鸟事 is to keep this crazy shit from their kids.
不然小孩就会发觉 'Cause otherwise, the kids are gonna realize
我们不知道自己在干嘛！ that we don't know what we're doing!
- 对，我爸妈就是这样 - 对 - Exactly, that's what our parents did! - Yeah.
我爸得了癌症却没告诉我们 My dad had cancer and never told us!
你不知道的事，就伤害不了你 And what you didn't know, didn't hurt you.
是满奇怪的，但我也走出来了 It was weird. But I got over it.
然后他就死了，所以… And then he died, so...
- 对 - 嘿，爸妈 - Yeah. - Hey, guys.
嗨 Hi.
我听说奖学金的事了 I heard about the scholarship.
我想我不能去念巴克纳尔了 So, I guess I can't go to Bucknell.
你要去念巴克纳尔大学 You're going to Bucknell University.
- 我们要送你去 - 对 - We're gonna send you there. - Yeah. Yeah.
如果我们无法实现承诺 And if we can't keep the promise that we make to you,
那我们就是全天下最糟糕的父母 we are the worst parents in the world.
亲爱的 Oh, honey.
谢谢你们 Thank you guys so much.
- 我爱你们 - 我们也爱你 - I love you guys. - Love you, too.
你也知道，鲍伯取消了奖学金 So, as you know, Bob took away our scholarship,
我们本来指望会有那笔钱 which we were kind of counting on.
但后来我们记得 我们在亲爱的理财专员棠这边 But then we remembered that we have a college fund
存了一笔大学教育基金 with our dear financial advisor, Dawn.
你们的钱不够 You don't have enough money.
我没钱了 I don't have any money.
可以加薪吗？ Can I have a raise?
不可能，门都没有 No way. No Earthly way.
我有个主意 - I have an idea. - Hmm?
我们可以贷款吗？ Can we apply for a loan?
你们听好，我就直接说了 Listen, I'm just gonna come right out with it.
没人会借钱给你们的 No one's gonna lend you shit.
但如果我无法复职的话… But if I don't get my job back...
你在帮巨人打手枪吗？ Are you jerking off a giant?
不是，我是… No, I'm...
我刚刚是上吊自杀 I just hung... I just hanged myself.
不知道你有没有听清楚 如果你不帮我加薪 I don't know if you heard me. If you don't give me a raise,
我就会走出这栋大楼，一去不回 I'm walking out of this building and I'm not looking back.
我不相信，你在吹牛 I don't believe you and I think you're bluffing.
我这表情像在吹牛吗？ Is this the face of a man who's bluffing?
好，就是这边 Okay, right here.
上面写这个帐户里有401K It says right here, in this account, we have $401,000.
- 中奖了！ - 你没看到！ - Jackpot! - You missed it!
不对，上头是写 你们有个401K退休储蓄帐户 No, that says you have a 401 K account.
我们得告诉他 我们不能去拉斯维加斯了，好吗？ Look, we have to tell him that we're not going to Vegas, okay?
对，我们绝对去不成了 Yeah. There's no way we can go.
哎呀 Yikes.
- 我不是鲁蛇 - 你就是 - I'm not a loser. - You are a loser!
- 法兰克？你在哪里？ - 我不是鲁蛇 - Frank? Where are you, bud? - I'm not a loser! No!
- 你要我怎样？ - 你要我怎样？ - What do you want from me? - What do you want from me?
- 快签离婚协议书，法兰克！ - 我不要… - Sign the divorce papers, Frank! - No, I don't wanna do.
我做了什么让你如此恨我？ What did I do to make you hate me so much?
我们应该先走，给他们隐私 We should get out of here. Give them their privacy.
- 对 - 你打我爸 - Yep. - You punched my dad!
他说我是赌鬼！ He called me a gambling addict!
你本来就是赌鬼 - Wow. - You are a gambling addict.
你丢了工作，而且都不洗澡 You lost your job, and you stopped showering.
- 我们该走了 - 对 - We should go. - I know.
她走过来了 She's coming.
签他妈的离婚协议书，法兰克 Just sign the fucking divorce papers, Frank.
- 嗨 - 嘿 - Oh, hi. - Oh. Hey.
蕊娜，你气色很好 Hey, Raina, you look great.
Oh, wow.
那有够疯狂 That was crazy.
对啊，有点奇怪 Yeah, it was kind of weird.
我们并不知道 We don't really know. Yeah.
换你们接手了 He's your problem now.
法兰克？ Hey, Frank?
老兄 Hey, bud.
嘿，你们两个 Hey. Hey, guys-
- 发生什么事了？ - 我刚刚在修水槽 - What's going on? - I was fixing the sink.
啊 Uh-huh.
脸喷到了一些水 Splashed some water on my face.
- 就这样而已 - 嗯 - That's what's going on here. - Mmm-hmm.
我在修水槽，水槽坏了 'Cause I was fixing the sink, 'cause the sink was broken.
没事的，我们看到蕊娜了 Right. It's okay. We saw Raina.
我知道我的生活看起来很美满 事事顺心，但是… I know my life seems totally awesome and, like, things are going great, but...
这里看来还满凄凉的 Hmm. It looks pretty bleak in here.
我骗谁啊？我现在很难过 Who am I kidding? I'm having a pretty hard time right now.
- 我们了解 - 看起来是这样没错 - We get that. Yeah. - It seems like it. Yeah.
所以我非常期待能去拉斯维加斯 Which is why I'm all in on this Vegas trip.
老实说，那是现在 唯一支撑我活下去的理由 That's the only thing that is keeping me alive right now, frankly.
我们开始狂欢吧！ So, let's get this party started!
- 是啊 - 你们懂吗？ - Right. - You know?
- 我非常需要去一趟 - 我们知道 - I need it bad. - We know you need it.
- 对 - 但对我们来说时间不太凑巧 - Yeah. - But, for us, it's not a great time.
所以我们在想也许… So, we were thinking, maybe...
也许… Maybe...
我们可以晚一点再出发 We could leave later than we talked about leaving.
你说我们要说… You said we were going to say..
我说我们已经… I said we have since...
你已经… You have since..
…决定要支持一位朋友 Decided that we need to support a friend.
哪位朋友？ Who's this friend?
永利
拉斯维加斯 Vegas. Whoo!
- 11！11！ - 赞啦！赞啦！ - It's 11!11! - Yes! Yes!
这位先生需要一些筹码 Gentleman needs some chips.
你们在等什么？ Guys, what are you waiting for?
快来玩啊，我连赢好几局了 Get in on this. I'm hitting every single number over and over again.
- 来吧！ - 骰子掷出！ - Let's do this! - Dice are out!
11！ 11!
- 这家伙势不可当 - 需要钱吗？ - This dude is on fire! - You guys need money?
我几乎就是 在帮这张桌子的所有人赚钱 I am literally making every single person at this table money.
我们说过不赌的 I don't know, we said we weren't gonna gamble.
拜托，最糟糕的情况会怎样？ Come on. What's the worst that could happen?
我们可以小赌一下，四点好了 Maybe we put a few dollars on four.
强强滚 Hot shooter.
好啊，亚莉丝的生日是四号 I mean, yeah, the fourth is Alex's birthday.
- 对吧？ - 赌一局 - Right? - We'll just do one bet.
我现在也输不了了，来吧 I kind of can't lose at this point, so let's do this.
欢迎莅临永利，先生 Welcome to the Wynn, sir.
四点，谢谢 Number four, please.
- 不是五百全下 - 来了！ - No, no, not all 500. - Hey-oh!
- 好耶！靠，四点！ - 好耶！ - Yeah! Fuck yeah, four! - Yes! Yes!
四点！四点！ Four! Four!
告诉你，再掷出四点的机率微乎其微 I should tell you, the probability of hitting four again, very unlikely.
如果真的又是四点 你们的钱会翻倍，赚到翻过去 But if we do, you guys are gonna double that and it's gonna pay out big.
而且这是为了亚莉丝 And, plus, it's for baby Alex!
- 亚莉丝！亚莉丝！亚莉丝！ - 亚莉丝！亚莉丝！亚莉丝！ - Alex! Alex! Alex! - ALLI Alex! Alex! Alex!
四点 That's a four.
快点，法兰克！法兰克，看看我！ Come on, Frank! Frank, look at me!
- 我们行的，法兰克 - 来吧，凯特 - We're gonna do this, Frank! - Here we go, Kate!
- 来吧！ - 我们来吧！ - Do this! - Let's do this!
四点！ Four!
好 Okay, guys,
如果我再掷出四点 if I roll another four,
亚莉丝就有钱上大学了，好吗？ 我现在感觉非常幸运 that's Alex going to college, all right? I feel very lucky right now.
- 我们相信你 - 好 - We believe in you, Frank. - All right.
只要别掷出七点就好了 Whatever you do, don't roll a seven!
你干嘛那样说？ Why would you say that?
我不知道啊！ I didn't know!
- 不！ - 不！ - No! - No!
去你的，混帐！ Fuck you, asshole!
不！ No!
耶！好耶！ Yeah! Oh, yeah!
耶！耶！耶！ Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- 喔，不！ - 该死！ - Oh, no! - FRAN KI God damn it!
七点，不是四点 Seven out, there was no four.
这笔钱是我女儿的 Hey, that money's
- 大学学费 - 是吗？ - my daughter's college tuition. - Yeah?
那她刚录取了现实生活的残酷大学 Well, she just got accepted to the School of Hard Knocks.
- 刚刚不算！ - 史考特，别这样！ - Misroll! It's a misroll! - Scotty, no!
我是说不要七点！ I said not a seven!
木棒给我！拿来！ Give me that stick! Give it to me!
“只要别掷出七点就好了”？ "Whatever you do, don't roll a seven"?
谢谢你喔，混蛋，都是你带衰我们 Thanks a lot, asshole. You basically jinxed us all.
我只是要让你知道 不要掷出哪一个数字 I was merely trying to make you aware of what number not to roll,
也就是七那个数字 which, by the way, for the record, was seven.
去你的，混蛋！ Fuck you, asshole!
那个人了解！ That guy gets it!
- 那个人为何缠着我？ - 为何？ - Why is that guy following me? - Why?
因为他恨你 Because he hates you.
我现在也恨你 I hate you, too, right now.
这个地方会让人失去理智 This place makes you crazy.
我们本来下定决心不要赌博 结果呢？ You know, we came in hell-bent on not gambling, and what did we do?
我们把钱都赌光了 We gambled and we lost all our money.
你们知道我怎么想吗？ You know what I say?
庄家永远是赢家 House always wins.
要是我们就是庄家呢？ What if we were the house?
你们听过那句陈腔滥调吗？ Are you guys familiar with the cliché,
“陈腔滥调就是真理” "It's a cliché because it's true"?
陈腔滥调是真理的陈腔滥调，绝对是真理中的真理，尤其碰到 Well, that cliché about cliches being true has never been more true
“庄家永远是赢家”这句陈腔滥调 than right now with the cliché, "The house always wins."
庄家永远是赢家 法兰克提奥多拉基斯整理
- 什么？ - 好吗？ - What? - Okay?
我们现在可能 Now, we stand to make
在一个月内赚到四年的学费 four years' tuition in one month.
只要一个月，你们想想 One month, guys. Think about that.
这是你做过最炫的事了，法兰克 This is the most impressive thing you've ever done, Frank.
谢啦，史考特 - Um... - Thanks, Scott.
我很怕跟你合伙 I'm very wary to go into business with you.
- 我听到了 - 但是 - Noted. - However,
- 我们知道我们为何需要这笔钱 - 对 - we know why we need the money. - Yes.
你的动机呢？ What's in it for you?
老实跟你们说 银行取消了我房子的赎回权 Well, full disclosure, the bank has foreclosed on my home.
- 法兰克 - 了解了 - Oh, Frank. - Ah. There we go.
这笔钱能让我夺回赎回权 So, this money would help me get that back.
所以蕊娜才离开我 That's pretty much why Raina left me.
那不是蕊娜离开的原因 No, that's not why Raina left you.
是因为你开始赌高尔夫… It's because you started gambling on golf...
没错，不只是高尔夫啦 True. Well, not just golf, but okay.
而且还看网路A片看上瘾了 And you developed an online porn addiction.
可以随时戒掉的就不算上瘾 我就可以戒啊 It's not an addiction if you can quit any time you want, which I can.
- 那就戒掉啊 - 我现在还不想 - Then stop. - I don't want to right now.
我知道我讲了一大堆财务金融数字 Listen, I know I'm throwing a lot of numbers at you guys, lot of financials.
但别忘了，这绝对会很好玩 But let's not take away from the fact that this is gonna be fun.
好，但我们不是为了好玩，对吧？ Okay, but we're not doing it for fun, right?
- 呃 - 我们不是 - Eh. - No, we aren't. No.
-嗯 - 这是工作 - Meh. - It's work.
我们讲的都是同一件事 I think we're saying the same thing, all of us.
尽情工作，尽情玩乐，大家都开心 Work hard, play hard. Everybody has fun.
可以用这张投影片来说明 I think this slide will explain it.
好玩
- 你们看！ - 上面只写了“好玩” Hey-oh! Look at that! - Well, it just says "fun."
- 很好玩 - 但就只写了“好玩” - It's fun. - But it just says "fun."
绝对会很棒 可能是我们这辈子最好的时光 It's gonna be a great time, probably the best time of our lives.
而且我们会大赚一笔 And we're gonna make crazy money.
画面很漂亮，但对我们没帮助 The graphics are great, but it doesn't help us. It doesn't.
我要让你们看最后一张投影片 我觉得这张最重要 I have one last slide to show you, and I think it's the most important.
你们看 Check this out.
看看亚莉丝，她就在这里 Look at Alex, right? Here she is.
她上了巴克纳尔大学 成绩名列前茅，自创公司 She's gone to college, Bucknell, top of her class, built her own company.
《成功女性》杂志
如果她没去上大学… If she doesn't go to college...
看！她变成无家可归的妓女 Boom! She's a homeless prostitute.
她是街上的流莺，用身体换取金钱 She's a runaway on the streets, selling her tiny body for money.
我不喜欢这个 I don't like this.
这是在操弄我们的感情 This is very emotionally manipulative.
没错，就是这样 Yeah, exactly.
- 可以跟你私下谈谈吗？ - 现在？ - May I speak with you privately, please? - Right now?
对，我想跟你去厨房谈一下 Yes, I'd love to talk to you in the kitchen, if I could.
好 Okay.
怎么样？ Well?
这是个好计划吧？ Thumbs up, right?
那些数字看起来都没问题 I mean, the math. It seems to check out.
你来算算吧 你40岁时去坐20年的牢 Do this math. You're 40 years old and you go to jail for 20 years.
出狱时是几岁？ How old are you when you get out?
- 90，100 - 不对，老公… - Ninety. Hundred. - No. Honey..
给我一张纸，我能算出来 If I have some scratch paper, I can figure it out.
老到不行！ Really fucking old!
而且我不想从事非法勾当 而且还是跟… Besides, I don't wanna start an illegal operation with...
- 法兰克？ - 对！ - Frank? - Yes!
他是我们的挚友 He's our best friend!
他是你的挚友 No, he's your best friend.
他是我很久以前的朋友 我们大学之后就没交集了 He's my long friend. We haven't been friends since college.
而且我们答应亚莉丝 Besides, we promised Alex
在她上大学之前要好好陪她 that we would spend time with her before she went to college.
但如果我们没钱，她也不能上大学 But if we don't have the money, she can't go to college.
到了40岁还跟我们住在一起 And then she's living with us until she's 40,
在酒吧当可怜的服务生 working as a banged-up cocktail waitress.
身上刺奇怪男生的名字 She's gonna have tattoos with weird guys' names on them.
- 脖子上也会刺青 - 我的天啊 - She's gonna get a neck tattoo. - Oh, my God.
刺一只要勒死她的手 Of a hand trying to choke her.
- 亚莉丝会变那样 - 你以为我不知道吗？ - That's gonna be Alex! - I know. You don't think I know that?
我们得想清楚！ We need to figure this shit out!
我们可以吗？ 我们有办法经营赌场吗？ Can we pull this off? I mean, can we run a casino?
那是不正当的行业 It's a shady business
有很多罪犯、匪徒和那些有问题的人 with criminals, mobsters, you know, with shady people.
我们正正当当做事、遵守法律 Look, we tried to play it safe, we've tried to play by the rules,
结果也是一无所获 and it got us nowhere.
我们有什么损失呢？完全没有 What do we have to lose? Nothing.
你们决定怎么样？ So, what do you guys think?
我们为了亚莉丝冒险一试吧 Let's take a risk for Alex.
去他的，我同意 All right, fuck it, I'm in.
- 太好了 - 耶 - Yes! - Yeah!
就在我家进行 We'll do it here, my house.
我的篱笆高到离谱，所以非常隐密 My hedges are crazy high, so it's private.
而且蕊娜搬走很多家具 所以有很多空间能摆桌子 Plus, Raina took a lot of the furniture, so we've got plenty of room for tables.
我们要找玩家上门，这简单 We need players. That's easy.
玛莎 There's Martha.
她老公去年跑了 她现在管理一个读书俱乐部 Her husband left her last year, and now she runs book club
试着抑制愤怒，不让情绪爆发 and tries to suppress the rage bubbling just beneath the surface.
还有乔，30岁就退休照顾母亲 There's Joe, retired at 30, taking care of his mom,
觉得生活无聊到爆 and bored out Of his fucking mind.
还有雷吉 他刚成为律师事务所的合伙人 Then there's Reggie, who just made partner at his law firm,
这表示他很有钱，但工作压力非常大 which means he's got cash to burn, but he's super stressed out.
他需要发泄一下 He needs to blow off steam.
记住，这是地下赌场 Now, remember, this is an underground casino.
不能把车停在我家外面 不然会被人发现，包括警察 We can't park outside my house, or everyone will know, including the cops.
把车停在泰勒超市 Park at Taylor's,
进去买个东西 留下收据，证明你是顾客 buy something and keep the receipt to prove you're a customer.
别引人注目，记住，你只是去买菜 Don't attract attention. Remember, you're just buying groceries.
不是要去非法赌场 You're not on your way to an illegal casino.
走到超市后面会看到 Walk out to the back, where the electrical wall
树林旁有电气墙和木头围墙 and the wooden fence meet by the woods.
危险，高压电
别理会警告标志 Ignore the sign.
那是假的 It's a decoy.
好了 Got it.
穿过树林，在第四棵树往左拐 Take the path through the woods, bear left at the fourth tree,
就进入我家后院了 and boom, you're right in my backyard.
从地下室楼梯走下去 Go down the basement stairs,
敲三下门并说出密码 then knock three times and give the password.
巨人安德烈 André the Giant.
欢迎 Welcome.
法兰克！ Frank!
打开这扇门后 When we open this door,
请别困惑 don't get confused.
这依旧是法兰克的家 It's still just Frank's house.
Ta-da!
感觉如何？ What do you guys think?
这里是百乐宫酒店吗？ 或者我家只在三个街区外？ I mean, am I in the Bellagio right now, or am I three blocks from my house?
我真的不知道 I genuinely don't know.
这是我这辈子最快乐的一天 This is the best day of my entire life.
好极了，非常好 Thumbs up. Pretty good.
这里真的可以赌钱？ And we can gamble here for real money?
不是什么慈善活动 This isn't like one of those charity things
以为赢到钱了，但最后要捐出去 where you think you're winning but then you have to give it
帮助研究癌症之类的？ to cancer research or some bullshit?
赢到的钱都是你的 You win it, you keep it.
好啊，去他妈的读书俱乐部 Okay, you know what, fuck book club!
他妈的读书俱乐部 Fuck book club!
话说到此 On these notes,
开始赌博吧！ let the games of chance begin!
好耶！ Yeah!
很好，兄弟 All right, man.
给我一张牌！ Hit me right now!
给我！ Hit it!
就摆在桌上！ Hit it down right there!
我输了！ And I lost!
好耶！老娘喜欢！ All right! Mama like!
我们没有五年的时间来赚那笔钱 Now, we don't have five years to make the money.
我们只有一个月 We only have a month.
所以我们必须把赚到的钱再投资下去 So, we have to reinvest our winnings.
就像我常说的 It's like I always say,
“投资自己，掌握未来” "Back your own horse, baby. Bet on yourself."
请下注
我们得请所有人来 We gotta invite everybody.
连贾维和烂人克雷格都邀请！ Even Garvey and fucking Craig!
我赢了吗？真好玩 Oh, did I win? That's fun.
我从没玩过，真是太神奇了 I never played before. Isn't that funny?
有人去过 狐狸草原街的那间卷饼客吗？ Anybody been to that Burrito Hut over on Fox Meadow Lane?
对，简直是恶梦一场 Yeah, it's a nightmare.
在那里连卷饼都买不到 You can't even get a burrito out of there.
大家超激动的 他们还得在食物上方放保护盖 People are getting so involved, they had to put a spit guard up
因为客人一直把手伸到蔬菜里 because people kept falling into the vegetables.
“多一点玉米！我要多点玉米！” "More corn! I want more corn!"
目前有多少？ So, where are we at?
好 All right.
全部算下来 When all's said and done,
我们… we are...
赔了三千五百元 Down $3,500.
- 好耶！ - 太好了！ - Yeah! - Nice!
- 等一下 - 击掌！ - Wait. - Up top!
- 赔？ - 等等… - Down? - Wait...
雷吉好运连连 Listen, Reggie went on a streak,
那个喜剧演员费用很高 that comedian was very expensive.
还好乔在最后输掉一千元 We're lucky that Joe lost that $1,000 bet at the end.
要是他没输 你们也知道我们现在会怎样 If he hadn't, you know where we'd be then.
- 会怎样？ - 你是认真的吗？ - Mmm-mmm. Where would we be? - Really?
我们会赔五千五百元，很简单的数学 We'd be down $5,500. It's simple math.
数学让他焦虑，数字让他紧张 Math gives him anxiety, numbers make him nervous.
很多人听到数字的时候 A lot of people, you know, break out in sweats
会有出汗与心悸的症状 and have heart palpitations when they hear numbers out loud.
才怪 That's not true at all.
先不要担心这个 But, you know what, let's not worry about that.
从正面角度来看 赔掉三千五百元是好的开始 Let's just focus on the positives, which is, down $3,500 is a great start.
- 巴克纳尔 - 什么东西啊？ - Ooh. Bucknell. - Ooh. What's this?
五千万元？ 50 million dollars?
欠款：50819.87元 缴款期限：2017年8月20日
五万啦，老公 Thousand, honey.
天啊 Oh, God.
- 我的屁股抽动了一下 - 对啊 - My butt just got so tight. - Yeah.
- 那是什么？ - 嘿 - Hey, what's that? - Hey.
- 什么？嘿 - 没什么 - What? Hey. - Nothing.
我们得在你身上装个铃铛 We gotta get a bell on you.
- 这样子吓我们啊 - 对呀 - Sneaking up on us like that. - Yeah.
所以妈妈和我才会每天 And so that's why your mother and I will be working late
工作到那么晚 every night,
下个月每个周末也会这样 and on weekends for all of next month.
因为你们在执行一项超级秘密任务 Because you're working on a super top secret project
你们不确定是否之后能告诉我 that you may or may not reveal to me later.
对，没错，完全正确 Mmm-hmm. Yes, exactly, you get it.
我不懂，你们变得好奇怪 No, but I don't get it. You're just being weird.
你才奇怪 You're acting weird.
你的眼神和姿态都很可疑 With your shifty eyes and your sketchy posture.
对不起 Sorry.
这样被点名，感觉很不舒服吧？怪咖 Doesn't feel good to be called names, does it? Weirdo.
我以为今年夏天 我们会多花点时间在一起 I thought we'd hang out a lot this summer.
我们还会去买开学用品吗？ Are we still going school shopping?
当然会啊，那些事情我们都会去做 Yes! Absolutely, we're gonna do all of those things.
但你每天要工作到凌晨3点？ While you work every night until 3:00 a.m.?
你知道吗？ You know what?
你现在的态度满贱的 You're kind of acting like a bitch.
你说什么？ What did you just say?
我没说啊 I didn't say it.
- 我没说出口 - 妈？ - I didn't vocalize it. - Mom?
如果看起来、听起来都是那样 那么可能真的就… If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's probably a...
很贱 Bitch.
你刚刚说“很贱”，你说我很贱 You just said "bitch." You just called me a bitch.
别讲那个字 Don't say that word.
我觉得你们在说谎 I just can't help but feel like you're lying.
我的天啊！ Oh, my God!
这就是我想让你们看的，很漂亮吧？ This is what I wanted to show you guys. Pretty beautiful, right?
还好 Not really.
光之大师汤玛斯金凯德的作品 It's Thomas Kinkade, Master of Light.
- 很迷人 - 对 - It's mesmerizing. - Yeah.
不仅如此呢 But it's, oh, so much more.
- Oh! - Whoa!
高明的隐藏地点，法兰克 Crafty hiding spot, Frank.
每个保险箱能装十万元 Each of these safes holds 100 grand.
我把纸剪成钞票的大小 亲自确认过了 I know, because I cut paper into money-size stacks and I checked.
花了我超久的时间 It took an incredibly long time.
五个保险箱都装满，就有50万 Now, if we fill all five safes, that's 500 grand.
25万是你们的，25万是我的 250 for you, 250 for me.
你们可以送亚莉丝去上大学 You guys can put Alex through college,
我可以重建我的生活 and I can get my life back on track.
来把这些保险箱装满吧 Let's fill these fucking safes.
Wow.
看来今晚门庭若市啊 Looks like we got some heavy action tonight.
对啊，雷吉之前赢钱 对我们说是个大利多 Yeah, Reggie winning was the best thing that could have happened to us.
他们真的以为可以在这里赢到钱 People actually think they can win money at this place.
我们给了大家希望 We're giving people hope.
至少有1、2、3 There's at least one, two, three, four...
今晚至少有800人 There's at least 800 people in here tonight.
这地方最多只能容纳35个人 There are, max, 35 people in this room.
你有19点！ You got a 19!
谁会听那个人的话 他已经赔四千元了 I'll take advice from the guy who's down four grand.
- 我应该这样吗？ - 请离开 - Is that what I'm supposed to do? - Just leave.
拜托你离开，让我们有机会可以赢 Please, will you leave, so we can all win?
- 嘿 - 你离开我们才有机会赢 - Hey, hey, hey. - We could all win if you leave.
各位冷静点，有什么问题？ Fellas, come on. What's the beef?
要如何解决？ How can we squash it?
这个笨蛋一直出烂牌 This bo-bo here keeps hitting on the worst hands.
我就是这样玩，你不喜欢可以离开 I play how I play. You don't like it, you leave.
而且他是小偷 And he's a thief.
我的吹叶机呢，贾维？ Where's my leaf blower, Garvey?
我想说你可以多用点耙子 I just thought maybe you'd wanna rake a little bit more.
多运动一点，你看你这么胖 You know, get some physical activity, on account of you being fat.
嘿，嘿！好了！暂停！ Hey, hey! Okay! Time out!
两位！暂停！暂停！ Gentlemen, time out! Time out!
不准你们来了 You're 86'd.
拜托！ Come on!
打到我的腋下，那是敏感部位 Right in my armpit! It's such a sensitive area.
- 我的腺体 - 我要揍扁你！ - My gland. - I'll squash the shit out of you!
他们会从地上把你撕起来 你这个没用的人 They'll be peeling you off the ground, you sackless bitch.
我赌100元 I'll bet 100 bucks on Reggie.
雷吉会打赢贾维！ He's gonna kick Garvey's ass!
我跟注，先生 I will call that bet, sir.
雷吉眼神充满恐惧，一看就是个娘炮 There is fear in Reggie's eyes. I know a pussy when I see one.
你看走眼了 Only when you're looking down.
雷吉，你可以的 Reggie, we got this.
- 去死吧，贾维 - 没错 - Eat shit, Garvey. - That's right.
萝拉，闭嘴好吗？你嘴巴很大耶 Laura, you wanna keep your mouth shut? You got a big fucking mouth.
楼下有踩步机 There's a StairMaster downstairs.
你可以去站在旁边，啥事也不做 Why don't you go stand next to it and do nothing?
你想试试我大腿的厉害吗？ You want a piece of these thighs? You don't know what's coming.
大家都给我闭嘴！ Everybody, shut the fuck up!
不准下注赌他们谁会打赢 Nobody is betting on this fight.
- 谢谢，法兰克 - 什么？ - Thank you, Frank. - What?
- 拜托喔 - 对 - Come on. - Yes.
除非我们是庄家！ Unless you're betting with us!
好耶，好耶，没错，我要… Damn skippy. Damn skippy. That's right, I'm gonna...
我们要下注看朋友打架？ We're gonna bet on our friends fighting?
对啊！开什么玩笑？这可是赌场 Hell, yeah! Are you kidding? We're a casino.
你听过干架之夜吗？这个就是啊 Have you ever heard of Fight Night? This is the same thing.
喝下去 Get your juices in there.
史考特，反正他们 本来就会把对方打个半死 Come on, Scott, these guys will beat the shit out of each other anyway.
这群人本来就会下注 These dildos are gonna bet on it.
我们应该趁机捞一笔 我们是庄家啊！ We should be getting that action. We're the house!
- 老婆… - 嘿！谁想看人打架啊？ - Honey... - Hey! Who wants a fight?
- 等不及了！ - 等不及了！ - Can't wait! - Can't wait!
- 想看打架的人说“嘿！” - 嘿！ - Who wants fight? Say, "Hey!" - Hey!
- 快点打架！ - 快点！ - Here we go, fight! - Here we go!
而且我们要开启种族战争！ - And we're gonna start a race war! - Whoa! Whoa!
雷吉，雷吉，那会让大家很紧张 Reggie, Reggie, that makes us nervous.
这只是两个不同种族的人打一架 This is just a fight between two men of different races,
看哪个种族比较优秀 fighting each other to decide which race is superior.
这听起来不对 - Whoa! - Nope, that sounds wrong.
黑人势力！ Black power!
干架赌盘
雷吉：一赔五（优势） 贾维：三赔一（劣势）
欢迎来到干架之夜！ Welcome to Fight Night!
在角落靠近壁炉的是100公斤的 In the corner closest to the fireplace, weighing in at 220 pounds,
雷吉“巨石”捕鲸者！ Reggie "The Rocket" Whaler!
在这个角落是 And in this corner,
82公斤的 weighing in at 180 pounds,
凯文“我不知道原来他叫凯文” 贾维！掌声鼓励！ give it up for Kevin "I Didn't Know His First Name Was Kevin" Garvey!
开始干架！ Now, murder each other!
好快喔 Wow. That was fast.
雷吉赢了！ Reggie is the winner!
乱搞，我要把钱拿回来 This is bullshit. I want my money back.
赢家能独享鸡肉大餐 Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
萝拉，把那个鸡肉大餐塞进你的屁眼 Laura, why don't you shove that chicken dinner right up your asshole?
下次聚餐再带过来 And then bring it to my potluck.
天啊，你再讲一次聚餐的事… For the love of God, if you bring up that potluck again..
你们两个冷静一点！ Ladies, uh-uh! Cool your jets!
对 Yeah.
等上擂台时再爆发！ Save it for the ring!
第一局
投注单 玛莎赢－下注100
GRUNTS) GROANS)
- Mmm! - Oh!
我叫什么名字？我是玛莎！ What's my name? I'm Martha!
快开打！ Yes, come on. Fight!
好耶！ Yeah!
去你的，克雷格！ Fuck you, Craig!
不知道我为什么这么爱看 I don't know why I love this so much!
咬烂她的脸，玛莎！ Eat her fucking face off, Martha!
Oh, oh!
她用门撞她！ She doored her!
Oh!
两败俱伤？ Double knockout?
等一下，等一下 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
这什么意思？ What does that mean?
好消息是我们没有提议赌注 来解决这个情况 Okay, the good news is we don't have a prop bet to cover that,
所以庄家全拿！ so the house wins everything!
- 感觉好棒 - 我也是 - I'm feeling pretty good. - Yeah, me, too.
可以跟你去洗衣间讲个话吗？ Can I talk to you in the laundry room for a second?
我完全不担心明年了 This is why I'm not worried about next year.
对，完全不担心 No. Not in the least.
那是真的显微镜吗？ Is this a real microscope?
对，你可以一边嗑药一边看蚂蚁 Yeah, dude. You can get high and look at ants at the same time.
我们从没晚上出来散步 We never walk at night.
散步的感觉真好 So nice to walk.
真美 So beautiful.
我都是开车，这样真的很好… I drive everywhere. It's just nice to get out..
不好意思 Excuse me. Beep-beep.
Beep-beep.
哎呀 Hey, OW. Hey.
- 嘿 - 哎呀 - Hey. - Ow. Hey. Ow.
Ow.
- 我要去那边尿尿 - 啥？ - I'm gonna pee outside. - What?
我要在这尿尿 I'm gonna take a pee outside.
- 你在干嘛？ - 我要在这边尿尿 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna do it.
你在说笑吗？拜托 What, are you kidding? Come on.
- 她真的尿了 - 好耶！ - She's doing it. - Yes! Yes!
你好厉害 You're so good at it.
这是真实的我！ This is the real me!
好耶 Yes.
好耶！ Yes!
“随地尿尿”凯特回归了！ "Pee Outside" Kate is back!
你就是要这么做 You do it. You're doing it.
这是我的草坪 This is my lawn.
- 你是女人 - 这是我的草坪 - You're a woman. - This is my lawn.
天啊，你的尿还真多 God, you got a lot of pee-pee.
- 靠！ - 怎么了？ - Oh, shit! - What?
靠，是我爸妈！ Fuck, it's my parents!
该死！快点！ God damn it! Quick!
她还在看吗？ ls she still looking?
我现在好紧张喔 Guys, I'm feeling, like, really nervous right now.
你要吸点大麻吗？ You want some weed?
我们可以假装清醒去跟她说话 We can totally go talk to her like regular people.
你有多醉？ How drunk are you?
我还好 I'm fine.
这是几根手指？ How many fingers do I have up?
不要这样 Don't do that.
我们的总统是谁？ Who's the president?
总统？ The president?
Bah...
巴欧巴马 - Ba-Obama. - Mmm-hmm.
从后面，他们不会从后面进来 The back, the back, they never come in through the back.
我们从那边溜出去 We'll just sneak through there.
我们走后门 We'll go around the back.
- 不，我们没走过后门 - 就是这样 - Yeah. No, we never go through the back. - Let's do it.
- 走 - 走吧 - Go. - Go.
你在干嘛？ What are you doing?
抱歉，我太嗨了 Sorry. I'm so high.
没有人 The coast is clear.
- 你有听到吗？ - 啥？浣熊？ - Oh! Do you hear something? - Oh! What is it? Raccoons?
是人的声音 It sounds human.
- 快走 - 好 - Go. - Okay.
没事的，瑞秋… It's good. Rachel..
- 是瑞秋 - 瑞秋和亚莉丝，嘿！ - It's Rachel. - Rachel and Alex. Hey!
- 嘿！ - 亚莉丝 - Hey! - Alex.
- 嘿！ - 嘿！ - Hey! - Hey!
你们好吗？ What's up, guys?
我来 I got them.
对不起，瑞秋 Sorry. Sorry, Rachel.
亚莉丝三明治抱抱 Alex sandwich.
亚莉丝三明治抱抱
天啊 Oh, God.
亲爱的 Aw, sweetie.
你们今晚开心吗？ You guys have fun tonight?
好棒的抱抱 Great hug.
很好，我们没事了 Okay, this went great. We're fine.
晚安 Night-night.
我要去尿尿 I'm gonna go pee.
我不用 And I'm good.
天啊 Oh, God.
还好这里是卖储藏柜的 Good thing it's a container store.
到处都是储藏柜 There's containers everywhere.
老公？ Honey?
我躺下来看一下电子邮件 Yeah. I'm just gonna lie down. Check some emails.
蕊娜发廊－全新开幕
Um...
靠 Fuck.
等我一下 Excuse me one second.
Oh...
蕊娜？ Raina?
这间蕊娜发廊是你开的？ You're the Raina of Raina's Hair Salon?
你来这里干嘛？离婚协议书签了吗？ Okay, what are you doing here? You got the divorce papers?
我在做一件惊天动地的事 Listen, I'm onto something big.
- 天啊 - 好吗？ - Oh, God. - Okay?
这不像之前跟朋友想的 那些不切实际的计划 No, and it's not some harebrained scheme that I cooked up with my friends.
- 我会要回房子 - 好 - I'm gonna get the house back... - Cool.
我们也不必离婚 And we're not gonna need to get divorced.
不需要这样的，我会好好补偿你 It's not gonna need to even happen. I'm gonna make it up to you.
- 你又在赌了吗？ - 什么？ - Are you gambling again? - What?
- 是这样吗？ - 不是 - Is that what this is? - No, no.
- 又在赌了？ - 不是，事实上… - You gambling again? - No. And in fact...
我没有在赌博 - Uh-huh. - I'm not gambling.
你干嘛这样说？ Why'd you say it like that?
什么意思？ What do you mean?
抱歉，我只是说，赌博这件事… No. Sorry, I'm just saying, in terms of gambling...
- 对 - 可能有人在做，但我没有 - Yeah. - People might be doing it, but I'm not.
你又说了一次 You just did it again.
什么？我没有赌博 What? I'm not gambling.
-“我没有赌博”？ - 没错 - "I'm not gambling"? - Yeah, that's right.
我不想跟你吵 All right, I'm not gonna argue with you.
- 你看起来不错 - 谢谢 - You look nice. - Oh, thanks.
你很香，我是说，气色好 Well, you smell good. I mean, you look good.
- 什么？ - 你看起来很好 - What? Okay. No, yeah. - I mean, you're nice.
我不想再讲了 I'm not doing this.
就因为你洗过澡，看起来精神气爽 Just because you've showered and you look great,
不表示你改头换面了 it doesn't mean you've changed.
好耶！好耶！好耶！ Yes! Yes! Yes!
你们可能会发现我仿效拉斯维加斯 为我的赌场升级了 You might notice that I've made some Vegas-style upgrades.
欢迎来到湿润俱乐部 Welcome to Club Ooze.
因为每间赌场都需要 Because what does every casino need
一流的游泳池 but a kick-ass pool.
赌完之后要干嘛？回家吗？不对 You're done gambling, what are you gonna do? Go home? No.
你要来这里喝酒，在泳池里狂欢 You're gonna come out here, get a drink, party in the pool,
然后回去输更多钱 and then back inside to lose more money.
这花了多少钱？ How much did all of this cost?
俗话说：“用钱滚钱” You know that old saying, "Spend money to make money."
Hmm.
我非常喜欢这玩意儿 Now, this I'm very excited about.
危险，氧气 纯氧气桶 - Oh, wow. - These are pure oxygen tanks.
在房子里释放氧气，结果呢？ I'm pumping it into the house, and guess what?
效用无比 It works.
欢迎来到抒压区 Welcome to the relaxation zone.
这里有美甲沙龙、马杀鸡、指压 We've got a nail salon, we've got massages, shiatsu,
深度按摩、打手枪服务 deep tissue and hand jobs.
狐狸草原村
鲍伯… Bob...
我们应该要开始了 I think we really need to start.
大家都来了我就开始 I'll start when everyone's here.
- 别这样 - 怎样？ - Stop it. - What?
大家跑哪去了，萝拉？ Where is everyone, Laura?
没有啊，他们哪有跑哪去？ Nowhere. Why do you think they're somewhere?
你在镇公所里干嘛戴墨镜？ Why are you wearing sunglasses in town hall?
因为 'Cause
我的未来太光明了 my future's so bright.
我觉得这样很没礼貌 Well, I find it highly disrespectful.
可以把墨镜拿下来吗？ Would you please remove the sunglasses?
好啦 - Fine. - Ugh.
天啊 Oh, my God.
发生什么事了？ What happened?
其实也没那么惨啦 This looks way worse than it is.
萝拉，你在隐藏什么？ What are you hiding, Laura?
那是什么脸啊？ What's that face?
- 想跟我干架吗，鲍伯？ - 什么？ - You wanna fight me, Bob? - What?
是吗，鲍伯？ Is that what this is about, Bob?
我告诉你 'Cause I'll tell you right now,
我会把你打个落花流水 I'll headbutt you to next Tuesday, bitch!
- Well... - Okay.
本次镇议会延期 This town hall meeting is suspended
直到我查明 镇上到底发生了什么事，好吗？ until I find out what's going on around town, all right?
湿润俱乐部
市议会议员办公室，鲍伯谢弗
不敢相信竟然没人来参加会议 I can't believe no one showed up at the goddamn meeting.
我本来要宣布 And I was going to announce
潘娜拉要在巴勒街开店 that Panera was opening a location on Butler Ave.
潘娜拉面包店？ Panera Bread?
干得好，鲍伯 Wow. Great get, Bob.
天啊，你为这个镇尽心尽力 My God, you do so much for this town.
这个工作全年无休，但我很喜欢 It's a 24/7 job. But I love it.
而且这表示我有更多时间跟你相处 Plus, means I get to spend more time with you.
别这样 Stop.
- 怎样？ - 别这样 - What? - Stop it.
你们两个刚才牵手吗？ Were you guys holding hands?
对，我们牵了手 钱德乐，你知道为什么吗？ Oh, yeah. We were holding hands, Chandler, you know why?
- 对 - 我们在搞外遇 - Yeah. - 'Cause we're having an affair.
对 Yeah.
九个半月了，生理和心理都出轨了 Nine and a half months, emotional and physical.
对，他了解我所有的希望与梦想 Yep. He knows about all my hopes and dreams.
我求她跟丈夫离婚 I plead with her to leave her husband,
但如果她真的离婚，我还满害怕的 but in reality, I would be sort of scared if she did.
讲得好详细 That's so specific.
听起来像是真的 It just sounds like it's true.
我们之间没什么，钱德乐 No, there's nothing going on with us, Chandler.
但镇上最近倒是有些不寻常 But there is something going on in this town.
我注意到镇上发生了很多怪事 I've been noticing a lot of crazy shit going on in this town.
泰勒超市停车场晚上都挤满了车子 Over at Taylor's Meat Market at night, the parking lot is really crowded.
可能是侧腹牛排在那边成立帮派 Maybe there's some flank steaks that are starting a gang over there.
看起来像是猪排卖淫集团 Looks like a pork chop prostitution ring.
- 快滚，我们要做爱了 - 对 - Now leave, so we can have sex. - Yeah.
我来关百叶窗，动作快点 Okay, I'll get the blinds. But make it quick.
今晚状况如何？ How are we looking tonight?
贾维玩21点赢了钱 但我们在轮盘上赚了很多 Garvey caught a heater in blackjack, but we're killing it in roulette.
请那个茱蒂来是对的 Good call hiring that Judy, by the way,
她战无不克 she destroys people.
- 她是个狠角色 - 嗨，茱蒂 - She's a bad-ass bitch. - Hi, Judy.
你真的很会耶 You're very smart with this stuff.
非常机灵 Very shrewd.
- 那个哪来的？ - 这个？ - Where'd you get that? - This?
乔给我的，掺了几种大麻 Joe gave it to me. Some sticky-icky hybrid.
让我大放松，你要吗？ It chills me the fuck out. You want some?
不用了，可能晚一点吧 No. No, I'm good. Maybe later.
我得谨慎一点，看着赌场的状况 I gotta stay vigilant. Keep my eye on the prize.
好，大麻超赞的 Yeah. Weed is so great, you know?
吸的时候什么感觉都没有 就像穿了精神盔甲一样 When I smoke it, I feel nothing. It's like emotional armor, man.
亚莉丝明年要离开了，谁在乎啊？ Alex is gone next year, who cares?
我有大麻 I got weed.
- 还有我 - 对，还有你 - And me. - And you, yes.
我们遇到麻烦了 Guys, we've got a problem.
第四桌，左边数来第三个 Table four, third guy from the left.
这个混蛋在数牌 This motherfucker right here is counting cards.
你怎么知道？ How do you know?
我得确定才能说人家作弊 If I'm gonna accuse someone of cheating, I wanna be sure.
- 他在作弊 - 对 - He's cheating. - Yeah.
- 他一定是在作弊 - 真是无礼 - He's definitely cheating. - That's so rude.
如果大家觉得这里可以作弊 If people think you can come in here and cheat,
他们会觉得我们太懦弱了 the street is gonna think we're soft.
爱玩21点和轮盘的人 Yeah. Every Blackjack Barry
会认为这里能胡作非为 and Roulette Rob's gonna think it's open season.
我们得处理，让他们知道这是不准的 We gotta do something to send a message.
- 对 - 像《赌国风云》里的劳勃狄尼洛 - Yep. - Like De Niro in Casino.
他不是用铁鎚砸人的手吗？ Didn't he break that guy's hand with a hammer?
对 Yeah.
嗯 Hmm.
- 好吧 - 对 - Okay. - Yeah.
好 Yeah.
- 好吧 - 好 - All right. Okay. - Yeah.
Kazowee!
不好意思，可以跟你说个话吗？ Excuse me, can we have a word with you, please?
好，再来一杯灰雁伏特加 加冰块和多点莱姆 Yeah, I'd love another Grey Goose on the rocks, extra lime.
快点，给我过来 Come on, let's go. Let's go.
赌博愉快 Enjoy your gambling.
- 进去 - 好啦 - Get in here. - All right, okay.
- 进去 - 小心外套 - Get in here! - Watch the jacket.
- 坐下！ - 坐下！ - Sit down! - Sit down!
你以为这里能作弊？ You think you can cheat us?
你以为可以偷我们的钱？ You think you can steal our money?
我运气好 I got lucky.
我不知道连赢好几局是违法的 I didn't know it was illegal to catch a hot streak.
你的好运用完了！ Well, your luck just ran out, man,
因为我和我朋友要揍你一顿！ because me and my friends about to fuck you up!
- 对！ - 嘿，老兄 - Yeah! - Hey, pal.
你最好打给你妈 You better call your mama,
跟她说你会晚点回家吃晚餐 and tell her you're gonna be late for dinner.
很可惜，因为她煮了你最爱吃的 Which is a shame, 'cause she's serving your favorite,
椰奶虾子！ coconut shrimps!
你会错过晚餐，贱货！ Hey, you're gonna miss dinner, bitch!
我们昨晚吃过你妈煮的虾子 We had your mom's shrimp last night.
- 对！ - 超好吃的！ - Yeah! - It was delicious!
你们到底要怎样？ What are you guys gonna do about it anyway?
你们是足球妈妈 You're a bunch of soccer moms.
听过汤米帕普里吗？他是我老板 You ever hear of Tommy Papouli? He's my boss.
去你的 You know what? Fuck this guy.
还有那个汤米什么的 And fuck Tommy whoever.
向你介绍我的朋友，老虎钳先生 I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Mr. Vice.
感觉如何啊？ How does that feel?
- 我懂了 - 外套脱掉了，贱货！ - Yeah, I got it. - Coat's coming off, bitch!
- 脱掉了！ - 哦！ - Coming off! - Oh!
你要把外套拿回折扣百货吗？ You taking your jacket back to Marshalls?
靠！ Oh, shit!
我要砍下一块肉 I'm gonna get me a chunk of flesh.
好耶，我们可能会砍掉你的鸡鸡 Yeah! Yeah, maybe we'll cut your fucking dick off.
靠！ Oh, shit!
来真的了，老兄！ This shit just got real, bro!
好害怕喔 I'm so scared.
这是个大坏蛋 - You're looking at a bad man. - Ooh.
- 这个混蛋什么都不在乎 - 对 - This motherfucker don't give a shit. - Yep.
我等不及要砍人了 This axe is burning a hole in my pocket.
我们在干嘛？ What are we doing?
我们讨论一下要干嘛 Can we just conference on what we're doing?
我们要…你等等 We're gonna... Just you wait.
等一下 Hold on.
我们要专注 厘清再来要怎么做 We need to focus up and figure out what we're gonna do.
你还很嗨吗？ Honey, are you still stoned?
什么？对啊！ What? Yes!
我也很嗨，而且非常明显的 I am also stoned and nothing is more clear
我们必须杀死这个人 than the fact that we need to murder this guy.
先讲好，我们只是假装而已 Just to be clear, we're pretending, though,
不是真的要杀人 we're not gonna actually do that.
我们必须杀鸡儆猴，我们要杀鸡儆猴 We have to send a message, okay? We have to send a message.
对！ Yeah!
听你们在吹牛 You're bluffing.
你们啥都不会做 You're not gonna do shit.
你只会拿着斧头，什么都不会做 You're not gonna do jack shit, Paul Bunyan.
- 这个混蛋 - 他激怒我们了 - He's a jerk! - He's making it easy.
我来吧 You know what? I'm gonna do this.
- 我来 - 嘿，等等 - I'm gonna do this. - Hey, hey, hey, hold on.
- 滚开！你们什么也不敢做 - 不，我要… - Fuck off! You're not gonna do shit. - No, I'm gonna...
汤米会狠狠揍你们一顿 Tommy's gonna kick your fucking ass.
去你的！ FUCK you!
- 别抢斧头了！ - 去你们的！ - Don't wrestle with the fucking axe! - Fuck you all!
我的天啊！ Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
法兰克，闭嘴！ Shut the fuck up, Frank!
- 接回去！接回去！ - 我在找了！ - Put it back on! Put it back on! - I'm trying to find it!
我在找了！ I'm trying to find it!
- 我的妈呀！ - 闭嘴！ - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Shut up!
用力压 Apply pressure, man.
- 拜托用力压 - 我在试了！ - Please, apply pressure. - I'm trying!
太滑了！ It's so slippery!
接不回去！没办法接回去！ It won't fit on! It won't fit back on!
老公，快接回去 Honey, please get it on.
搞不清楚上下 I don't know if it's up or down.
谁有口香糖吗？ Does anyone have any gum?
就放在这里，也许回自己长回去 I'm just gonna put it right there, maybe it'll grow back.
- 天啊！ - 天啊，好多血！ - Oh, God! - Oh, my God, the blood!
这个有用吗？ Could this help?
用鳄鱼鞋套住 Put that Croc on there.
好咸喔！我吞了好多血！ So salty! I'm swallowing so much blood!
你把我的手指砍断了！ You cut off my fucking finger!
到底发生了什么事？ What the fuck just happened?
告诉你朋友，如果他们乱来 就会是这种下场 Tell your friends, if they mess with us, this is what... They're gonna get.
这个社区从没发生过什么事 Nothing ever happens in this neighborhood.
哦 Oh.
亲爱的！ Sweetheart!
- 史考特？ - 你要去哪？ - Scott? - Where are you going?
你要去哪？不要进去，老兄！ Where are you going? Don't go in there, buddy!
泰勒超市
我发誓我在找了，我找不到 No, I swear to God, I'm looking, Reggie. I'm not finding it.
依我的经验 在树林里丢掉钱很难找到 In my experience, money lost in the woods does not easily get found.
靠… Oh, fuck. Oh!
老兄，好消息 Buddy, great news.
- 不好意思，先生？ - 我再回电 - Excuse me, sir? - I'll call you back.
你在做什么？ What are you doing out here?
啊… Um... Uh...
慢跑 Jogging.
你看起来不像在慢跑 You don't appear to be jogging.
现在你开始慢跑了 Well, now you're jogging.
刚才我正好在休息 You caught me in a cooldown.
你口袋里是什么？ What'd you put in your pocket?
慢慢来 Very slowly.
慢慢把东西从口袋拿出来 Very slowly with the hand, sir. Very slowly, take it out of your pocket.
好的，警官 Okay, Officer.
你刚刚见到我把手机放进口袋 I think, earlier, you just saw me put this phone in my pocket,
现在我在拍你了 which is now videotaping you.
我觉得受到威胁，我觉得受到威胁 I don't feel safe, I don't feel safe.
我是法兰克提奥多拉基斯 I am Frank Theodorakis.
我在树林里受到威胁，警察在骚扰我 I don't feel safe in the woods, the police are harassing me.
大家好，我是钱德乐警官 Hello, everyone, I'm Officer Chandler,
我是来保护与服务大家的 and I'm here protecting as well as serving.
你是在拍公益广告吗？ What are you, like, doing a PSA?
如果你要拍的话 Well, if you're filming this.
看看你，马上就把手放在屁股上 Look at you, you put your hands on your hips immediately.
看起来好蠢 You look ridiculous.
我会杀了你！ I will end you!
我会杀死你！ I will end your life!
哇！老兄！ Whoa! Whoa, man!
各位，抱歉我这么讲 I'm sorry that I said that everyone,
我… and I...
我要… am gonna...
什么？我要回应一下 What's that? I'm gonna respond to this call.
什么？什么都没有啊 根本没声音 What call? Nothing happened. It didn't say anything.
原力中有股骚动 There's a disturbance in the force.
警力中有股骚动 There's a disturbance in the police force.
优格小舖
巴克纳尔
爸，怎么… Dad. What...
爸，这只是… Dad, it's just...
这个很好…爸！ It's just, it's good... Dad!
不要碰！ Don't touch 'em!
你看比赛了吗？ Hey, did you see the game?
不要靠近鲜肉区 Stay away from the meat section!
你在这里啊 Hey, there you are.
大家都在楼下找你，怎么了？ Everybody's looking for you downstairs. What's going on?
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey.- - Hey.-
- 混蛋很多，时间很少 - 对 - So many buttholes, so little time, huh? - Yeah.
你还好吧？今天看起来怪怪的 You okay, man? You seem a little off today.
不知道，有些事情不一样了 I don't know. Something's changed, Frank.
我把人的手指剁掉了 I chopped a man's finger off.
从那时开始我就一直 And ever since that moment, I've just been barraged
产生焦虑引起的幻觉 with a series of anxiety-induced hallucinations.
那些都是幻觉，不是真的 They're hallucinations. They're not real.
你知道什么是真的吗？ You know what is real?
这是真的 This is real.
这也是真的 And this is real.
你知道这些钱是哪来的吗？ And do you know where all that money came from?
-嗯 - 你赚来的 - Hmm. - From you.
你剁掉那个人的手指，所有人都怕了 You chopped that guy's finger off, and the whole town became afraid.
你知道外面怎么叫你吗？ You know what they're calling you on the street?
- 啊… -屠夫 - Uh-uh. - The Butcher.
他们超怕我们 They're so afraid of us,
大家开始把欠的钱都还给我们了 people are starting to give us the money they owe us.
我不知道有人欠我们钱 I didn't know people owed us money.
我借了很多筹码给那些大户 Oh, I've been extending lines of credit to all of our high rollers.
每间赌场都是这样，没啥大不了 All the casinos do it. It's not a big deal.
法兰克，你没告诉我这件事 Frank, you didn't tell me that.
这是重大决定 And that's a huge decision.
你要让我和凯特知道 You need to let Kate and I be a part of that.
反正现在也于事无补了 It's a moot point now, okay? It's done.
大家都怕你会把他们拖到仓库 Everybody's afraid that you're gonna take them into the garage,
剁掉他们身体的某个部位 and chop some piece of their body off. All right?
“屠夫”就是我们的代号了 "The Butcher" is our identity.
- 请进 - 嘿 - Come on in. - Hey.
- 嘿，雷吉 - 我可以… - Hey, Reggie. - Do you guys mind if l...
- 请进，雷吉 - 好 - Come on in, Reggie. - Okay.
嗨，法兰克、史考特 Hi, uh, Frank. Scott.
这是… Here's that...
这是我欠你们的钱，抱歉拖这么久 Here's that money I owe you. I'm sorry it's so late.
- 雷吉，别担心，没关系的 - 嘿 - Reggie, don't worry about it. It's fine. - Hey.
你确定吗，屠夫？这没惹到你？ You sure about that, Butcher? You happy about that?
我是说… I mean...
下不为例 Don't let it happen again.
对，你这个贱货！ Yeah, you bitch!
你这个小贱货！ You little bitch!
屠夫，要我去拿斧头吗？ Hey, Butch, you want me to go get your axe?
好，我想剁一片贱货的肉 Yeah, so I can cut me off a piece of bitch meat.
我不想被砍 No, I don't want the axe.
法兰克，这好像有点轻 Hey, Frank, this feels a little light to me.
雷吉，你欠我们的钱都在里面吗？ Uh-oh. Reggie, is everything you owe us in there?
我亲自数过 I counted it myself.
也许我该数一下 Maybe I should count it.
- 你要数？ - 我不觉得… - Oh. Are you gonna count it? - I don't think...
哦… Oh. Uh-Oh.
你没事吧？ Are you okay?
- 我来数就好了 - 好 - I'll handle the counting. - Okay.
- 雷吉，滚！ - 好 - Get out of here, Reggie! - Okay.
跟朋友说你在这里看到的 Tell your friends what you saw here, Reggie.
抱歉 Sorry.
真不可思议！ That was amazing!
你看到他多害怕了吗？ Did you see how scared he got?
对啊！那是什么感觉？ Yeah! How did that feel?
- 感觉很棒 - 对 - It felt good. - Yeah.
真的很棒 Yeah, it felt real good.
盖瑞，你好 Hello, Gary.
我知道你有本图书馆的书逾期未还 I understand you have an overdue library book.
不！不！ No! No!
过来，过来 Come here. Come here.
钱还来！ Pay your debts!
- 闪开！ - 嗨，克莉丝朵！ - Get out of the way! - Hi, Crystal!
- 我们的钱呢？ - 给我拿来！ - Where's our money? - Give it to us!
- 烂人！ - 钱拿来！ - You piece of shit! - Give us the money!
不要啊 No, no, no.
- 我不想再问你了，艾迪！ - 吃下去 - I'm tired of asking you, Eddie! - Eat it!
钱拿来，艾迪！ Give us the money, Eddie!
你不想要这样的，艾迪！ You don't wanna do this, Eddie!
走开！快点走开，安洁拉！ Get out of here! Just walk away, Angela!
我是屠夫 I'm the Butcher.
我是喷火器 And I'm the Burner.
你们干嘛压低声音讲话？ Why are you guys talking like that? Really low?
因为我们现在很酷 'Cause we're cool now.
加入我们吧 Get on board.
好吧，现在开始我们就是这样 Okay. This is what we're doing from now on.
你做起来好怪 It's weird when you do it.
听起来很像饼干怪兽 You sound like Cookie Monster.
饼干怪兽想要来点他妈的龙虾 Well, Cookie Monster wants some motherfuckin' lobster.
Oh!
出纳小姐，这个东西请你签名 Madam Treasurer, there's something for you to sign.
好漂亮 Aw, it's really nice.
我不能接受 我要怎么向我先生解释？ I can't accept that. How would I explain that to my husband?
你可以告诉你先生你爱上我了 You can tell your husband that you're in love with me,
我们要在一起 and that we're gonna be together.
- 情况已经失控了，好吗？ - 没有错 - This is getting out of control, okay? - Yeah, it is.
你先是送我礼物 然后带我去玩等等的 At first, it was gifts and trips and things,
我不知道那些钱是哪来的 but I didn't know where the money was coming from.
从我身上来的 It was coming from me.
对，但你是拿公家的钱 Yeah, but you took it from the town.
还有那可怜女生的奖学金？ And that poor girl's scholarship?
拜托，看看那些预算数字，好吗？ Come on. Look at these budget numbers, okay?
我们欠了30万 We are 300 grand short.
我们会遭查帐，然后丢掉饭碗 We're gonna get audited, and we're gonna lose our jobs.
可能还会坐牢 We're probably gonna go to jail, okay?
别这样 Just stop.
起初…别这样，就像… At first it... Stop. It was like...
别这样，别这样 Stop, Stop-
别这样，别再这样了 Stop. Stop it.
明年亚莉丝上大学后 我们每周二都办一场 I think, next year, when Alex is gone, we do this every Tuesday night.
- 耶！干杯 - 万岁！ - Yay! Cheers, team. - Hooray!
- 我们看起来很棒 - 是的 - We look great. - We do.
- 应该每天都要这样打扮 - 对啊 - We should dress like this every night. - Yeah.
今年对我来说很煎熬 It's been a pretty tough year for me.
我想谢谢你们两位 And I just wanna say thank you to both of you.
今晚可能是我这辈子最好… This might be the best night of my...
- 怎么了？ - 怎么了？ - What? - What?
蕊娜？ Raina?
别激动，没事的 我们都知道会有这一天 Easy, tiger. It's okay. We knew this day would come. Okay?
史考特，凯特，失陪一下 Scott, Kate, excuse me.
我要去把老婆抢回来 I'm gonna go get my wife back.
等等，老兄，法兰克 Hold on, buddy. Frank.
法兰克？ Frank?
嘿，老兄，这里没有预订… Hey, pal. There's no reservations...
- 他力气超大 - 法兰克 - He's very strong! - Frank!
至少我还有尊严 At least I have my dignity.
我不懂你干嘛找我 I don't understand why you're talking to me.
去抓那个家伙，是他打我的 Go arrest that guy. He attacked me.
提奥多拉基斯先生，我跟他谈过了 Mr. Theodorakis, I talked to him.
他说是你先攻击的 然后你抓了他的丸子头 He said that you attacked him, and then you grabbed his man bun.
什么？我不记得有这种事 What? I don't remember any of that.
钱德乐警官，这里怎么回事？ Officer Chandler, what's going on here?
今晚超忙的 我接获镇上有多起暴力事件 It's been a hell of a night. I've gotten multiple reports
但没人愿意出面讲话 of violence all over town, and no one's talking.
没人要讲是因为没什么好讲的 所以… Well, no one's talking 'cause there's nothing to talk about, so...
- 强汉森，你有什么问题？ - 没有 - What's your deal, Johansen? - No deal.
鲍伯，你有问题吗？ You got a deal, Bob?
- 我也没有 - 对 - No deal here. - Yeah.
把那个收起来，我是警察 I would advise you to put that away. I'm a police officer.
别担心 Don't worry about it.
各位男士，检查你们下面的棉花糖 Check your marshmallows, fellas.
没人会说“检查你下面的棉花糖” No one says "check your marshmallows."
你想被火鸟干吗？ You wanna get fucked by a fire dick?
不想 No.
- 那就检查你下面的棉花糖 - 对 - Then check your marshmallows. - Yeah.
这三个很可疑 There's something fishy going on with those three.
没错 Definitely.
那是女生的墨镜吗？ Are those women's sunglasses?
不是，这是义大利品牌 No. They're Italian.
那是女生抽的烟，很不错 And that's a woman's cigarette. That's nice.
这也是义大利进口的 Also Italian.
义大利墨镜、义大利香烟 Italian sunglasses, Italian cigarettes.
好吧，再见 Okay. Ciao.
不好意思，那是什么鬼？ Excuse me, what the hell is that?
克雷格点了蛋，半生熟 Craig ordered eggs, over-medium.
不，你看蛋黄 No. Look at the yolks.
是熟的，不是半生熟，拿回去 Those are hard, that's not over-medium. Take it back.
史考特，我很忙 Scott, I'm really slammed right now.
不关我的事，混帐 I don't give a shit, asshole.
拿回去，可以吗，烂人？ Take it back. All right, dick face?
干得好 You're doing a great job.
嘿，帅哥 Hey, sexy.
嘿，宝贝，很漂亮喔 Hey, baby. Looking good.
感觉好多了 Feeling better.
有件事情超怪异的 Hey, things are getting super weird.
我在楼上看到一个鸟洞 I just found a glory hole upstairs.
有人在墙中间挖了个老二大小的洞 Just a dick-sized hole in the middle of the wall that somebody made.
你知道我是怎么知道的吗？ 有根老二从那边穿过来 You know how I knew? There was a dick hanging out of it.
他们是谁？ Who the hell are they?
华尔街来的 Oh, they're Wall Street guys.
他们赌很大 They're betting a lot of money.
也吸很多古柯碱 They're also doing a ton of blow.
好耶！ Oh, yes!
这是法兰克提奥多拉基斯的家 This is Frank Theodorakis' house.
穿过树林90公尺远 And right through those woods, only 100 yards away
就是泰勒超市的停车场 is the parking lot to Taylor's Meat Market.
对，那个鲜肉阴谋论 Oh, right, the great meat conspiracy.
狐狸草原警察
先生，帮帮忙 Come on, man.
别在桌上吸古柯碱，会卡在毛毡里 Don't do blow on the table. It gets in the felt.
我们一局赌一千元 Hey, we're betting 1,000 bucks a roll.
我爱在哪吸就在哪吸 I'll do cocaine off Of whatever I want.
我去那座蠢烛台吸，你们看好 I'll do it off of that dumb wall sconce over there. Check this out.
啊… Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
哇！ Whoo!
搞什么鬼？ What the Shit?
大家别动！警察！ Everybody, freeze! Police!
大家别动！尊重我的职权 Everybody, freeze! Respect my authority!
不行！不行！ No, no! No!
不要动！你们别跑啊！ No, freeze! You're not freezing!
别动！趴下！ Freeze! Get on the ground.
停下来，不然就逮捕你们 You will stop or get arrested.
别吸那个！ Do not inhale that!
我的眼睛！ MY eyes!
玩牌？ Playing cards, huh?
赌钱？ For cash?
这是违法的 That's illegal.
- 我们是在帮慈善机构募款 - 对 - It's for charity. - Yeah.
- 对 - 很好 - Yeah. - Good.
哪个慈善机构？ Which charity?
帮马割包皮 - Uh... - Uh... Horse circumcision.
为通灵儿童募款 Money for psychic kids.
给加拿大的 Canada.
钱在哪里？ Where's the money?
这没意义，你们找不到什么的 This is pointless. You're not gonna find anything anywhere.
- 真的吗？ - 对 - Really? - Yeah.
其他房间都找过了，所以… Well, we've looked in all of the other rooms, so...
钱德乐，找一下 Chandler, take a look.
- 嘿，史考特！眼睛看这里 - 老公，别指那边 - Hey, Scotty! Eyes up here, buddy. - Honey, don't point at that.
你看那头小鹿好紧张啊 Look how nervous the baby deer is.
你们好像对这幅画很有兴趣 You guys seem pretty interested in this painting, here.
- 对啊 - 我们没有 - Yeah. - We're not.
小鹿、母鹿 The baby. The doe.
啊 Ah!
这是什么？ What's this?
是保险箱，鲍伯 It's safes, Bob.
他妈的笨蛋 Oh, you fucking idiot.
- 里面是我收藏的A片 - 嗯 - Those are my pornography collection. - Mmm.
我们打开保险箱 看看是不是你们拿走的钱 Why don't we pop the safes and see if it's all the money that you've taken?
没有密码你们也打不开 我不会告诉你们的 You can't open them without the combo,
- and I'm not giving it to you. - Hmm.
你在看什么？你在盯着什么看？ What are you looking at? Why are you staring
这张照片吗？ at this photo over here, now?
别那样 Don't do that. Oh!
哦 Oh.
便利贴留言 A Post-it note.
这是密码吗？因为你一个礼拜7天 24小时都在对自己用69那一招？ Is this the combination? 'Cause you 69 yourself, 24/7?
这样吧 Okay, here's the deal.
我们不逮捕你们 We're not gonna arrest you.
但你们得关闭赌场 But you guys have to shut down this casino.
什么？ Aw, what?
而且我们要没收所有钱 And also, we're confiscating all your money.
等等，你不能把钱没收 那是要给我们女儿的 Hold on, you can't take the money. It's for our daughter.
你会拿他们的钱吗，鲍伯？ You're gonna take their money, Bob?
我不会拿他们的钱 I'm not gonna take their money.
我会把钱充公 I'm gonna confiscate their money for the town.
钱德乐，你不想扯进这件事吧？ Come on, Chandler, you're not gonna get caught up in this, are you?
你是个好人 You're a good guy.
我们唱圣诞颂歌时 都是他带头唱男中音的 Who's always lead baritone when we go Christmas caroling.
拜托你 Come on.
听啊，天使高声唱 Hark the herald angels sing
荣耀归于新生王 Glory to the newborn king
闭嘴 Shut up.
记得你们 开始经营非法赌场的时候吗？ You remember when you guys started an illegal casino?
我是亚莉丝，我想去巴克纳尔大学 I'm Alex. I wanna go to Bucknell.
- 鲍伯，够了 - 但我爸妈搞砸了 - Bob, enough. - But my parents fucked up.
他们筹不到钱 所以开始经营非法赌场 They couldn't find the money, so they started an illegal casino.
鲍伯，她是个孩子 - Bob, she's a kid. - Oh, oh.
我们要把钱带走 We're taking the cash.
钱德乐，走吧，把赌场关闭 Let's go, Chandler. Shut it down.
鲍伯，鲍伯！那笔钱是大学学费 Bob. Bob! That money's for college.
今晚11点，本周稍早 Tonight at 11:00. Earlier this week,
当地一名男子中指被切断 在神圣之心医院 a local man was treated at Sacred Heart Hospital
接受治疗 for a severed middle finger.
警方相信这可能与 近期当地犯罪事件频传有关 Authorities believe this may be related to the recent local crime spree.
与当地匪徒相关男子遭拘留讯问
据传这个男子与汤米帕普里有关 The man is known to have connections to Tommy Papouli,
也就是长期遭警方怀疑有敲诈 违法赌博，甚至是谋杀的罪嫌 long suspected of racketeering, illegal gambling, and even murder.
嘿，宝贝 Hey, sweetie.
你自己在看《阴尸路》？ You were watching Walking Dead without us?
对，丽兹杀了米卡 Yeah. Lizzie killed Mika.
靠，我们真烂 Fuck, we suck.
钱都没了 We lost all our money.
而且我身心都染上大麻了 And I am mentally and physically addicted to marijuana.
老婆，你很爱 Honey, you love it.
无时无刻都在想 我现在很难专心做事 I think about it all the time. It's really hard to focus right now.
没大麻吸让我很不爽 I'm so mad I'm not high.
我们还成立了干架俱乐部 And we started a fight club.
我们在干嘛？ What are we doing?
我们让对方变得糟糕，我们连… We're each other's enabler. We're not even...
必须要有人成熟一点 One of us has to be an adult here.
你来吧 So, you do it.
你当大人 You be it.
好，我来当大人 Okay. I'll be the adult.
身为成年人 And, as the adult,
我要打电话给法兰克，叫他关闭赌场 I'm gonna say, we're gonna call Frank and tell him to shut it down.
好 Okay.
- 我们就这么办 - 好 - And that's how we're gonna handle it. - Okay.
- 真是松了一口气 - 是啊 - What a relief. - Right?
或继续经营，扩大营业 Or we keep it open, and go big.
也可以啊 Or we do. Yeah.
去他的鲍伯谢弗 我不会看着我的女儿 Fuck Bob Schaeffer. I'm not gonna look my daughter in the eye
跟她说她不能上大学 and tell her she can't go to college
因为有个三流的市议会议员霸凌我们 because some small-time city councilman is bullying us.
没错！我们打给大家 告诉他们赌场会继续营业 Exactly! We'll call everyone and tell them the casino is still open.
- 对 - 要赌多大都可以 - Yes. - No limit on any bet in the house.
我们玩大的，赚到钱之后 We go big, we make our money,
立刻闪人 and then we parachute out of there.
要玩就玩大的 Go big, or go home.
- 来吧！ - 好 - Let's do this! - Okay.
好，就是这样！ All right, here we go. Here we go!
好！ All right!
好好玩！ This is fun! Whoo!
那个家伙！ That guy!
好玩的鲍伯谢弗 Fuck Bob Schaeffer! Whoo!
这里有个职业射手 We got a professional shooter here.
他不能叫我们关门！ He can't tell us to shut down!
来吧！再来两个，快点 Let's go! Two more. Let's go. Come on.
嘿，蕊娜 Wow. Hey, Raina.
- 见到你真是惊喜 - 我的天啊！ - What a pleasant surprise. - Oh, my God!
你说：“我没有赌博” You said, "I'm not gambling."
蕊娜，我是说真的，我没有！ Raina, I meant that. I'm not!
是他们在赌！ They are!
全都在赌，而且全都输钱 All of them, and they're losing.
你特别强调某个字的时候 You know, when you emphasize one word more than the other,
你知道就是在胡扯吧？ you know that's bullshit, right?
你要我为你强调某个字吗？ Okay, so do you want me to emphasize something for you?
我不会回来了 I am not coming back.
泰勒超市
他们说经过泰勒超市、穿过树林 They said go through Taylor's, then through the woods,
就可以到赌场 then we'll get to the casino!
走吧！ Let's do it!
哦 Ooh.
我开始觉得蕊娜不会回到我身边 I'm beginning to think Raina's not gonna take me back.
妈？爸？你们在干什么？ Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?
亚莉丝，你在这里做什么？ Alex, what are you doing here?
有人邀请我们来这间赌场 We got invited to this casino.
你不该来这里 You shouldn't be here.
- 什么？ - 你过来 - What? - Come with us.
女儿，情况很复杂 但我们得告诉你几件事 Sweetheart, it's very complicated, but we need to tell you a few things.
哈罗？ Hello?
从后面进来，那里有个秘密入口 Hey, go around back. There's a secret entrance.
密码是巨人安… The password is André the..
我的妈啊，看看这个地方 Holy fuck, look at this place.
你说赌场的时候 我没想到真的是他妈的赌场 When you said casino, I didn't think you meant fucking casino.
记得我吗，混帐？ Remember me, motherfucker?
看起来很赞 Wow, that looks great.
混帐，你不会喜欢汤米 Hey, dickfuck, you're not gonna like Tommy.
他不会切人家的手指，他直接砍头 He doesn't cut off fingers, he cuts off heads.
闭嘴，给我过来 Shut up. Come on.
我们有麻烦了 Guys, we've got a problem.
- 他有枪 - 好 - He's got a gun. - Okay.
钱在哪里？ Where's the money?
- 我们刚被抢了 - 对 - We just got robbed. - Yeah.
看，保险箱都是空的 Look, the safes are all empty.
你知道有多少人曾经指着保险箱 Do you know how many times I've seen someone point to an empty safe
对我说：“我们没钱”吗？ and say, "We have no money"?
- 100次？ - 500次？ - A hundred? - 500?
- 三万次 - 没叫你回答 - Thirty thousand. - It's rhetorical, fuckstick.
- 好 - 闭嘴 - Okay. - Shut up.
- 这是你女儿吗？ - 哪里？ - This your daughter? - Where?
- 谁，她吗？ - 这个 - Who, her? - Right here.
谢谢赞美，她是我老婆 That's such a compliment. This is my wife.
- 亚莉丝？ - 其实她才是我们女儿 - Alex? - In fact, there's our daughter.
- 就在那里，女儿好 - 嗨，亲爱的 - There she is. Hello, daughter. - Hi, honey.
别多想，就是你了 Don't overthink it. Just be our daughter.
- 过来 - 我不是你们的女儿，她才… - Come right here. - I'm not your daughter. That's your..
对不起，瑞秋！ Sorry, Rachel!
- 你是怎样？ - 什么？ - Fuck's the matter with you? - What?
这样推女生？ Shoving a girl like that?
我们的家教很严格 We are strict disciplinarians in our household.
闪边去，我知道她是你女儿 Get out of my way. I know this is your daughter.
- 妈！ - 不要！ - Mom! - No, no, no!
- 铐起来 - 女儿 - Cuff her. - Sweetie.
- 妈 - 女儿 - Mom. - Honey.
- 不 - 等等，不要 - No. - Wait, no.
带我走，不要带她走 Take me, not her.
不要，没人在乎你的死活 No. No one cares if you die.
谢天谢地 Oh, thank God.
帮他们找到钱，还有… Help 'em find the money. And hey...
拿出30万 否则永远别想再看到女儿 300 grand. Or you'll never see your daughter again.
- 妈！爸！救命啊！ - 去你的 - Mom! Dad! Help! Help! - Fuck you. Fuck you.
放开我 Let go of me.
知道吗？你们赢了 You know what? You got us.
这个房间里有30万元 There's $300,000 in money in this room...
就藏在这个钱…桶里 hidden in these money... Buckets.
你们要的话可以带走 So, if you want, you can take the money,
我们要把他的女儿赎回 and we'll take their daughter back.
- 对 - 对 - Yeah. - Yeah.
一个这里，一个在床后 There's one here, there's one behind the bed,
还有一个在那边 and there's one right over there.
是钱大炮 Money cannon.
对！ Yeah!
你们别担心，有我在 Don't worry, guys, I got this.
好耶！ Yes!
不！在法兰克的地盘不可以！ Oh, no! Not in Frank's place, you don't!
他有刀 He's got a knife.
看他做了什么 天啊，法兰克 - Look what he did. - Oh, my God, Frank.
法兰克！法兰克！ Frank! Frank!
- 蕊娜 - 你还好吗？ - Raina. - Are you okay?
- 天啊 - 你看到他捅了我一刀吗？ - God. - Did you see him stab me?
- 对… - 又酷又轻松 - Yes.. - It was so cool and effortless.
- 喔，不！ - 好 - Oh, no! - Okay. Okay-
我们走，快点 Let's go. Come on.
老天 Jesus.
你不是该去拿我的钱吗？ Aren't you supposed to be getting me my money?
- 哥儿们？ - 爸？ - Pal? - Dad?
我的名字不叫哥儿们 My name's not Pal.
- 他们叫我屠夫 - 是吗？ - They call me the Butcher. - Ls that right?
亚莉丝！陌生人的危险！ Alex! Stranger danger!
干！ Fuck!
天啊！ Oh, God!
别忘了喷烧器！ Don't forget about the Burner!
耶！ Yeah!
我靠！ Oh, shit!
哦！ Oh!
搞屁喔 What the fuck?
帮他灭火！ Put him out! Put him out!
- 我来！ - 不要！ - I got this! - No, no, no!
那是伏特加！ That's vodka!
开什么玩笑！救命！ Are you kidding? Help!
- 我来！ - 不要！ - I got it! - No, no, no!
那个也是伏特加！ That's vodka, too!
天啊！ On, God!
不要！那是聚酸纤维布！ Wait, no! That's polyester!
我想到办法了，大家退后！ I've got an idea. Everybody, back up! All right.
哎呀！ Ouch!
别弄了！ Stop!
这些人是怎么搞的？ What's with these people?
成功了！ Isn't just it!
法兰克！ Frank!
法兰克，你救了他一命 Frank, you saved his life.
各位，一切都会没事的 Everybody, everything's gonna be just fine.
我错了！ I was wrong!
对不起 I'm sorry.
你说得对 You were right about me.
我会签离婚协议书 I will sign the divorce papers.
只要你再印一份给我 As long as you print a new copy,
你给我的那一份在房子里烧掉了 'cause the ones that you gave me burned up in the house.
我把一切都搞砸了 I fucked everything up.
我知道 I know.
但我们有保险 But we have insurance.
他们不知道我把家具和珠宝都带走了 They don't know that I took all the furniture and jewelry and stuff.
- 蕊娜… - 干嘛？ - Raina... - What?
你是说我们要一起诈领保险金吗？ Are you suggesting that we commit insurance fraud together?
什么，法兰克？我只是说说而已 What, Frank? I'm just sayin'.
那是我听过最糟糕的事 That's one of the most fucked-up things I've ever heard.
但是 But,
你们是为了我才去做的 you guys kind of did it all for me.
所以，谢谢你们 So, thank you.
女儿，不用谢我们 Honey, don't thank us.
钱都没了，你不能去巴克纳尔大学了 The money's all gone. You can't go to Bucknell.
对不起 We are so sorry.
我们本来是有钱的 We had it,
但鲍伯谢弗拿走了 but then Bob Schaeffer took it from us.
那个混蛋拿走我的奖学金？ The asshole that took my scholarship?
如果他偷了我们的钱 我们就把它偷回来啊 If he stole it from us, why don't we just steal it back?
- 不 - 我们不能这样做了 - No. - 'Cause we don't do that anymore.
一旦误入歧途，就会越走越偏 相信我 Once you go to the dark side, it gets dark very quickly. Trust me.
我走到哪都会看到手指 I see fingers everywhere.
真的吗？ Are you guys serious?
你们一整个夏天都在做那些疯狂的事 You've been doing this insane stuff all summer,
现在我有机会要帮忙，你们却喊停？ and now that I have a chance to help, you just wanna quit?
各位午安 Good afternoon, folks.
- 你来干嘛？ - 妈？ - Excuse me? Hello? - Mom?
别紧张，我不是来抓你们的 Don't be alarmed. I'm not here to arrest you.
你们是出于自卫 What you did was self-defense.
我们是很紧张，你在我们后院 We are alarmed, you're in our backyard.
不要理会警徽 Ignore the badge.
不要理会这把枪 - Ignore the gun. - Oh!
- 靠！ - 拿走 - Shit! - Put it down.
- 你干嘛？ - 拿走 - What are you doing? - Put that down.
这没什么好怕的，接住 This is nothing to be afraid of. Here.
看到枪就害怕实在太蠢了 People being afraid of guns is silly.
我受不了了 And I'm sick of it.
总之… Anyway..-
我是来告诉你们一件事的 I'm just here to say one thing.
鲍伯谢弗去死 Fuck Bob Schaeffer.
他不在乎这个小镇 我们要这样对付他 He doesn't care about this town. Here's what we're gonna do.
你绝对不敢相信，鲍伯 You're never gonna believe this, Bob.
他们没有关闭赌场 They never shut down the casino.
只是搬到另一间房子而已 They just moved it to another house.
但我跟他们说过 如果继续营业我就逮捕他们 But I told them if they kept it open, that I would have them arrested.
有些蓝色小精灵 There are Smurfs who are taller
还比鲍伯谢弗高 than Bob Schaeffer.
他看起来像个会打领带的小精灵 He looks like a gremlin learned how to tie a tie.
午夜过后别把他弄湿了 Don't get him wet after midnight.
我找到赌场了！ Hey, guys! I found the casino!
天啊，我好矮！ For God sakes, I'm short!
他们在笑你，鲍伯 They're making fun of you, Bob.
你好，我是鲍伯谢弗 Hello, I'm Bob Schaeffer.
你告诉他们要关闭赌场 You told them to shut it down.
立刻准备警车 Cop car. Now.
狐狸草原警察
等不及要看他们见到我们的表情 Can't wait to see their faces when we get there.
快点 Come on.
市议会议员办公室，鲍伯谢弗
对，就在那里 Okay. Yeah, right there.
好，来 Okay, here you go.
好 Okay.
好 All right.
密码是什么？ What's the combination?
我知道，钱德乐警官跟我讲过 It's okay, I know. Um, Officer Chandler told me.
现在 And right now,
我完全记得 I completely remember it.
没关系，我知道，我知道 It's okay, I know, I know, I know.
爸，没时间了 Dad, there's no time for this.
躲起来！ Hide!
- 嘿，还好吗？ - 很好 - Hey, how's it going? - Good.
那个我明天要 I need that by tomorrow.
好，我是说真的 All right. No, I'm serious, though.
好，再见 All right. Bye.
好了，史考特… Okay, Scott...
- 老公，我对你有信心，好吗？ - 好 - Honey, I have faith in you, okay? - Yeah.
我知道你记得住四个连续号码 I know that you can remember four sequential numbers.
专心回想 Just think. Just think.
弯弯的曲线 Squiggly line.
那是密码的一部分吗？ Is that part of the combination?
大便，大便表情符号？ - Poop. Poop emoji? - Uh-oh.
是其中一部分吗？不是 Is that part of it? No.
爸，我好爱你 I love you so much, Dad.
我明年上大学会想你的 I'm gonna miss you next year at college.
29、52、41、78，井号 29-52-41 -78 pound.
- 好耶 - 我记得 - Yes! - I remember!
你记得！好棒 You did! Good job!
我也会想你的 I'm gonna miss you, too, sweetie.
好 Okay.
干得好 Good job.
好 Okay.
好，来吧，来吧 Okay. Here we go. Here we go.
老公，有轮子 Honey, there's wheels.
我可以，啥？ I got it. What?
- 爸 - 有轮子 - Dad! Dad! - It's got wheels!
- 可以用拉的 - 真的 - You can wheel it. - It does.
- 这样简单多了 - 用拉的就好 - Okay, yeah. So much easier. - Just drag the suitcase.
- 好 - 小心！地板很滑 - Okay. - Careful! The floor is slippery.
你跟强汉森夫妇有约吗？ Are you meeting with the Johansens?
我好像看到他们来镇公所 I think I saw them come into Town Hall.
棠，他们不可能去那 我们现在要去抓他们 Dawn, they can't be there. We're going to arrest them right now.
他们在这里某个地方 Well, they're here somewhere.
你的办公室门是开的 Your office door is open.
等等，保险箱也是 Wait, so is the safe.
什么？我马上回去！ What? I'm coming back!
开快点，钱德乐 Go faster, Chandler.
- 我要安全开车 - 快点 - I'm driving safely, Bob. - Punch it!
鲍伯，我已经到最高限速了 Bob, I'm going the speed limit.
- 快点，钱德乐，开快一点 - 不行 - Punch it, Chandler. Let's go. - I won't.
立刻开回镇公所！ Back to Town Hall now!
- 别这样 - 你别这样 - Stop it! - You stop it!
- 别这样 - 不 - Stop doing that! - No!
不要这样！小心，钱德乐 Stop it! Watch out, Chandler!
我就说不要开快车！ That's why you don't punch it!
真是太棒了！ Great, just great!
去你的，鲍伯谢弗！ Fuck you, Bob Schaeffer!
- 你把我的车撞烂了！烂人！ - 别这样 - You wrecked my car! You pig! - Stop it.
鲍伯！ Bob!
- 看你干的好事 - 女士，我们要互留资料！ - Look what you did! - Ma'am, we have to exchange information!
去你的警察 Fuck the police.
赶快 There you go.
快点 There we go.
你们一家烂透了！ Your family fucking sucks!
白痴他妈的现金袋！ Stupid fucking money bag!
不！不要弄坏模型！ No! Not the model!
我铐在脕上了，笨蛋！ I handcuffed it to my wrist, you fucking shithead!
你能怎样，史考特强汉森？ So, what are you gonna do about it now, Scott Johansen?
我不是史考特强汉森 You're not talking to Scott Johansen.
什么？ What?
我是… You're talking to...
不，不要 No. No.
- 屠夫 - 不！ - The Butcher. - No!
我以为你要砍断我的手臂 I thought you were gonna cut off my arm.
我也是，还好没有 So did I. I'm so glad I didn't do that.
天啊 Oh, God.
钱德乐，天啊 Oh, Chandler, God.
钱德乐，把这些人抓起来，拜托 Chandler, arrest these people, please.
办不到，鲍伯 I don't think so, Bob.
我喜欢他们远胜于你 I like them a lot more than I like you.
你在说笑吗？ - Hmm. - Are you kidding me?
- 现在是这个情况吗？ - 对啊 - So, that's how it's gonna be? - Yeah.
别碰那些钱 Don't touch the fucking money.
没关系 It's fine.
我只要我心爱的棠 All I need is my sweet, sweet Dawn.
鲍伯，那些是你 从他们身上偷走的钱吗？ Bob, is that all cash that you stole from them?
对 Yep.
- 对，是他偷的 - 全部 - Yeah, he did. - All of it.
-啊 -怎么会这样！ Mmm-hmm. - Come on!
我是为了我们 I took that money for us,
我们的将来 for our future.
将来？你在讲什么？ What future? What are you talking about?
我想要你当我的第一夫人 I wanted you to be my First Lady.
你不可能当上总统的 You're never gonna be President.
你太矮了 You're too short.
棠？ Dawn?
- 这里是怎么回事？ - 乔… - What's going on in here? - Joe...
天啊，那个模型 Oh, my God, the model.
鲍伯，你知道吗？ And you know what, Bob?
我已经是别人的第一夫人了 I'm already somebody's First Lady.
不 No.
我现在要亲你了 I'm coming in for a kiss right now.
我来了 Here I come.
嗯 Mmm.
干得好，乔 Way to go, Joe.
- 那条项链是我送你的吗？ - 什么？ - Did I get you that necklace? - What?
对啊 Yep.
我一直全心付出！ You know what? All I do is give!
那我呢？ What about me?
鲍伯如何呢？ What about Bob?
有什么好笑的？ What's so funny?
有部电影叫《把逋如何》 There's a movie. What About Bob?
对，李察德雷福斯和比尔莫瑞演的 Yeah. Richard Dreyfuss, Bill Murray.
只有我不懂比尔莫瑞的幽默吗？ Am I the only one who doesn't get Bill Murray?
- 啥？ - 你现在 - What? - You're coming off
- 看起来真的是个大混蛋 - 你真是烂人一个，鲍伯 - like a real dipshit now. - You're being a piece of shit, Bob.
不要批评我！ Don't judge me!
没错，我拿了钱！ Yeah, I took the money!
我拿了强汉森一家的钱 I took the money from the Johansens,
我拿了镇公所的钱 and I took the money from the town.
但那是我应得的！ But I deserve it!
太好了，你讲那么清楚 I'm so glad you said that clearly, Bob.
因为那些摄影机一直都在录影 'Cause we've been recording it on all of these cameras.
什么？什么？ What? What?
我的天啊！ Oh, God!
我要去射鲍伯了 I'm gonna go shoot Bob.
不行 No, no, no.
- 我要去逮捕鲍伯了 - 快去吧！ - I'm gonna go arrest Bob. - That a boy!
那些摄影机根本没开 我只是吓他而已 Anyway, those cameras weren't turned on. I just said that to freak him out.
- 真的吗？ - 真聪明 - Are you kidding me? - That was badass.
我还信以为真 I totally bought that!
我们走吧 Come on. Let's go, guys.
- 没事的 - 没关系 - It's okay. - It's okay.
你可以的 You got it.
我爱你们 I love you guys.
谢谢你们让我能上大学 Thanks for getting me into college.
你还好吗？ You okay?
还好 Yeah.
你呢？ Yeah, you?
很好 Yeah.
我以为亚莉丝离开 会像失去我最好的朋友一样 You know, I thought losing Alex would feel like losing my best friend.
对，我也是 Yeah, me, too.
其实不然 But it's not.
亚莉丝是我女儿 Alex is my daughter,
而你是我最好的朋友 you're my best friend.
你是我最好的朋友 You're my best friend.
你不只是我最好的朋友 你是我身边最厉害的狠角色 And you're not just my best friend, you're the baddest mofo around.
我超哈你的 Whom I fucking love.
你刚刚是说“哈”吗？ Did you just say "whom"?
因为我立刻就硬起来了 'Cause you're giving me a straight-up boner, girl.
- 你最爱咬文嚼字了 - 对啊 - Grammar has always been your thing. - Yeah.
但你数学很烂 Math, not so much.
我很了解你 I know you.
我希望年老时能喂你喝汤 I wanna feed you soup when we get old.
我真的希望我不会比你先走 I really hope that I don't die before you.
因为我不知道没有我 你要怎么活下去 Because I don't know how you're gonna make it without me.
我知道 I know.
我常在想件事 I think about that all the time.
好 Okay.
改天再聊这个 For another day.
好 Okay.
巴克纳尔大学
欢迎巴克纳尔入学新生！
不好意思 Excuse me.
不好意思？ Excuse me?
你可以往前一点吗？ You mind pulling up?
我们没办法出去 We're just having a little trouble getting out.
你们想怎样？足球妈妈 Where are you gonna go, huh? Soccer moms.
嘿！ Hey!
你惹错人了 Wrong couple to fuck with, pal.
你们疯了！ You're fucking crazy!
- 我饿死了 - 我也是 - I'm starving. - Yeah, me, too.
把他吓得屁滚尿流 God, he was scared shitless, huh?
剧终
全家就是庄家
我不是想吓你 但如果我无法复职的话… I don't mean to freak you out, but if I don't get my job back...
你在帮巨人打手枪吗？ Are you jerking off a giant?
不是 No.
再来一次 Try it again.
头往一边倾，像脖子断掉那样 Maybe lean over with your neck, like it's just snapped.
好 Okay.
我可以帮你加薪 I will give you your raise.
- 好 - 如果你叫得出我小孩的名字 - Okay. - If you can name one of my kids.
薇利、史蒂瓦 Varley. Sativa.
- 不对，抱歉 - 好 - No, no. I'm sorry. - Okay. Yeah.
史泰瓦 Sataiva.
- 金宝，金宝汤？ - 金宝？ - Campbell. Campbell's Soup? - Campbell?
- 卡丽熙？ - 卡丽熙不是我小孩的名字 - Khaleesi? - Khaleesi is not one of my kids' names.
- 沙罗曼达 - 你重复讲… - Salamander. - You just said 'em back to me...
沙罗曼达？绝对不是 Salamander? No way.
我绝对不可能取沙罗曼达这个名字 No Earthly way is my child named Salamander.
他妈的不可能？ Like, no fucking way?
他妈的不可能 Like, no fucking way.
我们去楼下 Let's go downstairs.
屠夫需要跟楼下几个人讲讲话 There's some people that the Butcher needs to talk to on the floor.
你在干嘛？ What are you doing?
我本来要过去 后来发现我挡到你的镜头了 I was gonna go here, and then I realized that I crossed you.
你们知道我很爱你们吧？ You know I love y'all, right?
但你们让我很焦虑 But you stress me out.
卡！ And, cut!
好，你们这群王八蛋… All right, you motherfuckers...
开始！ Action!
搞什么？ What the fuck?
- 你们这些人是怎样？ - 帮他灭火，帮他灭火！ - Fuck is your problem with you people? - Put him out, put him out!
我灭掉了，去你们的！ I put it out. Fuck yourself!
对，我们要砍掉你的手指 Yeah, we're gonna cut your finger off.
我们要砍掉你的老二 We're gonna cut your dick off.
我要拿走你的老二，我可能会拿来舔 I'm gonna take your dick, I might lick it.
- 啥？ - 偷偷舔 - Hang on. What? - In private.
等一下，什么？什么意思？ Wait, what? What do you mean?
什么？ What?
买进
全家就是庄家