妈妈们好 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms, Stephanie here.
如我所说 今天我要分享 Today, as promised, I'm gonna share
我的西葫芦巧克力曲奇做法 my zucchini chocolate chip cookie recipe.
但首先 我先说一下很多人关心的 But first, many of you have asked me
艾米丽的最新情况 for an update on the Emily situation.
刚看我播客的人可能不知道 And for those of you who are new to my vlog,
我最好的朋友艾米丽 目前失踪了 you should know my best friend, Emily, is missing right now.
她让我帮她一个小忙 She asked me a simple favor,
去学校接她儿子尼基 to pick up her son, Nicky, from school,
那是五天前的事了 which was five days ago.
她还没回来 所以... And she hasn't come back yet, so...
很抱歉 我们都很担心 I'm sorry, we're all really worried,
我在尽一切所能帮助警方寻找她的下落 and I'm doing everything I can to help the police track her down.
但我开始意识到我其实根本不了解她 But I'm realizing I don't know her as well as I thought I did.
就好像我妈经常说的 It's like my mom used to say,
愿她的灵魂安息... God rest her soul. Um...
秘密就像人造黄油 Secrets are like margarine,
容易涂抹[散播] 但对心脏不好 easy to spread, bad for the heart.
虽然我们有各种不同 But as different as we are,
但是我仍将艾米丽看做我最好的朋友 I do consider Emily my best friend.
她是个优雅出色的人 She is this wonderful, elegant person.
说实话 是我们的儿子让我们走到了一起 And our sons brought us together, actually.
新朋友们 Well, for our new friends,
我会从头说起 I'll just start from the beginning.
我是几周前在学校 I met Emily a few weeks ago
认识的艾米丽 at school.
那是我儿子所在的一年级的 It was International Cuisine Day
国际菜品日 in my son's first grade class.
我又一次做了瑞典菜 And once again, I drew Sweden,
也就是我的拿手好菜素食肉丸 which meant my famous meatless meatballs.
你们都死了 You're all dead!
我杀了所有人 I killed everyone!
我没有 我起死回生了 Not me. I came back to life.
我想感谢每个人 I want to thank everyone,
参加今天的盛宴 好棒 who participated in today's feast. Yay!
同学们 我们是不是学到了 Class, haven't we learned so much
很多世界各地的食物呀 about food from all around the world?
是 Yes!
来为父母鼓掌 感谢父母 Give your parents a big round of applause.
看起来棒极了 That looks great!
-大笑一个 -我的天 - Big smile! - Oh, my gosh.
她哪来的那么多精力 Where does she get all that energy from?
你看什么呢 What are you looking at?
她做的肉丸子里肯定有冰毒 I think there's crystal meth in those meatballs.
家长们 布告栏上有个签名表 Oh, parents, there's a sign-up sheet on the board
是下周的"游乐场"活动的 for our Fun Fair next week.
斯蒂芬妮 拜托你 一个人 Uh, please, Stephanie, don't sign up
只能认领一份任务 for more than one job.
要给所有人当志愿者的机会 I'm not sure everyone else has had a chance to volunteer.
迈尔斯 亲爱的 小心点 Miles, sweetie, sweetie, maybe just be careful
别弄坏了尼基的车车 好吗 with your fingers with Nicky's truck, okay?
尼基的妈妈当过志愿者吗 Has Nicky's mom volunteered?
艾米丽吗 才怪 她根本 Emily? Please. She wouldn't know
不知道签名表是什么 a sign-up sheet if it bit her on the ass.
天啊 负责丹尼斯·奈龙的公关是我的梦想 God, it'd be my dream to run PR for Dennis Nylon.
你能想象她能得到多少免费的东西吗 Can you imagine all the free shit she must get?
-是啊 -好了 - I know. - Okay,
我把装饰一栏的签名划掉了 I'm crossing myself off decorations.
可以把这个留给艾米丽 I can leave that open for Emily.
如果她没时间 And then if she can't make it,
我可以带我的气球和氦气瓶来 I can still bring my balloons and helium tank.
你不会真的有 Please tell me you don't actually
氦气瓶吧 斯蒂芬妮 own a helium tank, Stephanie.
应该有很多人有氦气瓶吧 斯黛茜 I think lots of people own helium tanks, Stacy.
小孩子都喜欢玩气球 Because kids love balloons.
你没有吗 Do you not have one?
你这算什么家长 开玩笑的 You a bad parent? I'm kidding.
我们这家长糟糕透了 We're terrible parents.
我觉得这计划很完美 斯蒂芬妮 I think it's a perfect plan, Stephanie.
好想法 斯蒂芬妮 Good thinking, Stephanie.
小宝贝 Hey, Smooch!
今天表现很好 小宝贝 Oh, great work today, Smooch.
小宝贝 Smooch!
-谢谢 妈妈 -不客气 - Thanks a lot, Mom. - Oh.
我和迈尔斯今天放学后能一起玩 Can me and Miles have a play date today?
我不知道 亲爱的 Um, I don't know, sweetie.
得先问问你妈妈 I think we need to ask your mommy,
可她还在市区 and she's still in the city.
她就在那边 She's right there.
过来 小家伙 Come here, little dude.
我的宝贝 Oh, my baby!
看你的衬衣 吃的是不是都沾衣服上了 Look at your shirt. Did any food make it into your mouth?
尼基 快问她 Ask her, Nicky, ask her!
问我什么 Ask me what?
我们想一起玩 We want a play date.
不行 妈妈已经约了 Oh, we can't. Mommy already has a play date
抗抑郁大乐团 走吧 with a symphony of anti-depressants. Let's go.
一起玩 一起玩 一起玩 Play date! Play date! Play date!
宝贝 别这样 我得走了 Baby, please don't do this. I gotta go.
快点 我还有一堆工作要做 Come on. I got a ton of work to do.
你不肯让我玩 You don't let me have any fun.
才没有 你从我身体里出来的时候 That's not true. I let you tear my labia
我让你撕裂了我的小阴唇 不客气 as you exited my body, so you're welcome.
你喝酒吗 Do you drink?
-我要喝一杯马丁尼 -这个... - I need a martini. - Oh! Uh...
我喜欢喝马丁尼 我都好久没喝过了 Yeah. I like martinis. I haven't had one in a long time.
不过是很好喝 我喝过一杯几乎全是巧克力的 They're good, though. Had one that was mostly chocolate.
我当时想 竟然是酒精和巧克力耶 And I was like, "Alcohol and chocolate!"
当妈的没办法 Mom life.
好吧 别想一起玩了 走吧 孩子 Oh, okay. No play date. Come on, kid, let's go.
那我不走了 Then I'm staying here.
天啊 他真是头犟驴 Christ, he's fucking stubborn.
也不用非得在里面加巧克力 It doesn't have to have the chocolate in it.
好吧 反正我赢不了他 所以... Okay, I don't think I'm gonna win this, so, um...
你想来一起随便喝点什么吗 I mean, do you wanna come over for a beverage of any kind?
我需要后援 I think I could use some backup.
我是后援吗 That's me? I'm backup?
你儿子喝酒吗 Does your kid drink, maybe?
反正现在教他们喝酒不算早了 I mean, it's never too early to start teaching them.
你肯定在开玩笑 真好笑 I think you're joking, but great.
沃菲尔德小学
-亲爱的 -快走了 - Sweetie... - Hey, you, let's go.
快把你的伞拿出来 Let's get your umbrella out, okay?
我们要雨中漫步了 Because we're gonna go out in the rain.
那两个人会一起聊什么 What on Earth are those two gonna talk about?
艾米丽会把可怜的斯蒂芬妮生吞了 Emily's gonna eat poor Stephanie alive.
至少这说明她还是会吃东西的 At least she'd be eating something.
你搞什么 What is your problem?
带他去你的房间 快去 Go show him your room. Go.
别跑 Oh, please don't run!
小心点 Be safe please!
袜子很可爱 Cute socks.
谢谢 Oh, thanks!
塔吉特百货买的 十块一包 They're from Target. It's 10 bucks a pack.
-塔吉特百货棒极了 -是啊 - So great, Target. - Yeah.
还有其它动物图案的 They have other animals.
有很可爱的小松鼠 花栗鼠 They have these squirrel ones are cute, chipmunks,
海狸... beavers...
那个真是太...栩栩如生了 That's so lifelike.
是啊 Yeah.
你喜欢吗 Do you like it?
怎么能不喜欢 那... How could you not? It's, um...
是吧 Right?
我以前经常染头发 我很容易腻 I used to dye my hair. I get bored easily.
嗯 Yeah.
那是你画的吗 Did you paint that?
不是不是 那是纽约东村一个 No. No, no. It's made by an almost famous painter
成名在望的画家画的 from the East Village.
我的生活里充满了各种在望的人 My life is littered with almost-somebodies.
我在学校里当过模特 I did some art modeling in school
为了赚钱交学费 to pay my way through.
后来那个变态变得对我痴迷 Then the pervert got obsessed with me.
是会发生那种事 Oh, well, that happens, yeah.
所以我把画偷了 So I stole the painting, you know,
我以为有一天会值点钱 thinking it'd be worth something someday.
但并没有 不走运 But, no. No such luck.
这房子太棒了 This house is incredible.
谢谢 就是他妈的特别烧钱 Thanks. It's a fucking money pit.
-哎呀 -什么 - Oopsy. - Hmm?
抱歉 我们家里有人说脏话的时候我们会这么说 Oh, sorry. It's, um, what we say at my house when someone swears.
是种习惯 It's a force of habit.
我们的食品贮藏室里有个"哎呀"罐子 We have an oopsy jar in the pantry.
就是 It's like, you know.
每次说脏话在里面放一个硬币 Put a quarter in for every bad word.
应该把那个罐子砸了 You should smash the oopsy jar.
那可能会改变你的生活 That might change your life.
说得对 抱歉 Yeah. Ugh. Sorry.
别这么说 Don't say sorry.
不需要那样 不需要道歉 You don't need to do that. You don't need to apologize.
那是失败女人的习惯 It's a fucked-up female habit.
永远不需要为任何事道歉 You don't need to be sorry for anything, ever.
说得对 这建议真棒 That's true. That's great advice.
谢谢 Thank you.
对了 我喜欢这音乐 I love this music, by the way.
谢谢 是不错 Thanks. Yeah.
让我忘记我被困在一个鬼地方 Makes me forget I'm stuck in this shithole.
我要去喝酒了 I'm gonna go get booze.
好极了 Great!
我沉浸在这里的氛围中了 I was really caught up in the ambiance.
别停 再来一段 Come on, give me a little more.
我喜欢 说不定一会儿跟你一起跳 I liked it. I may join you later.
你肯定很喜欢在这个厨房里下厨 Oh! You must love cooking in this kitchen!
并不是 肖恩喜欢 No, not really. Sean does.
我觉得那可能只是他回避写作的借口 I think it's probably just an excuse to avoid writing.
你丈夫是个作家吗 Your husband's a writer?
不是 他十年前写了本书 No. He wrote a book 10 years ago.
那让他成了大名人 It made him the toast of the town.
那会儿我不得不跟踪他 I actually had to stalk him
才让他爱上我的 to make him fall in love with me.
但后来就什么都没有了 他此后什么都没写了 But then, nothing. He never wrote anything ever again.
-这是传统的诱售法 -是什么书 - It's the old bait-and-switch. - What was the book?
叫《黎明的黑暗》 It's called Darkness at Dawn.
天啊 我在读书俱乐部看过那本书 Oh, my gosh! I read that in my book club!
-真的吗 -简直...对 - Really? - This was... Yeah.
那会儿我刚变成单身妈妈 Well, this was back when I first became a single mom,
我加入了个读书俱乐部 那是我们读的第一本书 and I joined this book club, and that was the first book we read.
写得特别棒 It's so impressive.
那你离婚了吗 So you're divorced, then?
寡妇 Widowed.
介意我问问他怎么去世的吗 Do you mind if I ask how he died?
出车祸了 Car accident.
-太可怕了 -是啊 - Oh. How awful. - Yeah.
我哥哥克里斯当时在副驾驶上 所以... My brother, Chris, was in the passenger seat, so...
开玩笑吧 You're kidding.
一瞬间 两个 One fell swoop, and the two
我生命中最重要的人都去了 most important men in my life were gone.
一般悲惨故事打动不了我 Normally, sad stories don't get to me.
但你这个... But that one...
成功了 真的太残酷了 That one did. That was brutal.
我不怎么说起这个 I don't talk about it a lot.
尤其是跟我刚认识的人 Especially with people I just met.
真的很抱歉 不好... I'm really sorry. Oh! Mmm...
宝贝 如果你再道歉 Baby, if you apologize again,
我就不得不扇你让你长记性了 I'm gonna have to slap the sorry out of you.
好 那...我不抱歉 Yeah. That's... I'm not sorry.
不过这习惯好难改 That's a hard habit to break, though.
确实 It is.
那你现在有男朋友吗 So, are you dating anyone?
没有 沃菲尔德选择很少 No. Slim pickings in Warfield.
你离市区有一个半小时车程 Well, you are an hour and a half outside the city.
我才不会跟市里的人约会 I'm not gonna date someone from the city.
我用过一段时间的网络红娘 I tried eHarmony for a while,
后来那个三个孩子的母亲 and then that mother of three wound up
被砍头丢进垃圾桶的新闻后 with her head in the trash can,
记得吗 我就... you remember that? And I... Ugh.
只能把软件删掉了 I said, "No thank you. Delete."
怎么了 What?
别这样 亲爱的 Come on, baby,
你这么性感 怎么能放弃约会呢 you're too sexy to give up.
谢谢夸奖 怎么说呢... That's nice. I don't know. Um...
如果你的脑袋要进垃圾桶 If your head's gonna end up in a trash can,
那无论如何都会进的 your head's gonna end up in a trash can.
我是没想到自己会变成单身妈妈 I just didn't think I would end up a single mom,
拼命维持生计 struggling to make ends meet.
我丈夫虽然有保险 I mean, my husband had life insurance,
谢天谢地 但钱不多 thank goodness, but not a lot.
我把其中一半存起来给迈尔斯念大学 I put half of that away for Miles' college,
所以算下来 and so, with that coming in,
那笔钱会在2020年用完 the money still runs out in 2020.
还好有他的保险 Thank God for his life insurance.
是啊 Yeah.
我丈夫什么都没有 My husband doesn't have anything
如果这能让你好受点 但他花钱 if it makes you feel better. But he does spend
可是如流水 like he's the man of the hour.
什么都得我出钱 Fucking have to pay for everything.
我们甚至不能卖了这栋房子 We can't even sell this house.
这是我们在经济泡沫期间买的 We bought it during the bubble.
我很喜欢你的房子 I love your house.
我做梦都不会想卖掉的 Don't dream of selling it.
如果换做我 我会整天埋头于厨房不出去 If I were you, I'd just bask in this kitchen all day long!
那你该搬进来 Then you should move in.
给你 为成为房奴干杯 Here. Cheers to being house poor.
好 干杯 Yes, cheers!
怎么了 Mmm. What?
那... That's, uh...
只是我众多糟糕决定中的一个 It's just another one of my bad decisions.
是吗 其实很棒 Yeah. It's great.
那是善举标志吗 Is that a charity symbol?
是啊 我就跟特蕾莎修女一样 所以... Yeah, Mother Teresa and I are, like, the same person, so...
跟你的戒指有一种反差美 It's a nice contrast with your ring.
谢谢 这是传家宝 Thanks. Yeah, this is a family heirloom.
原来是肖恩的曾祖母的 It belonged to Sean's great-grandmom,
后来传给了他妈妈 and then his mom,
她坚持要给我 所以就是我的了 and she insisted that I have it, so, you know?
谁的斯巴鲁把车库堵住了 Whose Subaru is blocking the garage?
-说曹操曹操到 -是我的 很抱... - Speak of the devil. - Oh, that's mine. I'm sorry...
你什么 You're what?
你妻子想让我停止道歉 Your wife is trying to get me to stop apologizing.
或者你可以让她开始道歉 Or maybe you can get her to start.
喝马丁尼了啊 Oh, martini time?
那现在肯定是五点左右了 I'm sure it's 5:00 somewhere.
苍天啊 你刚才是自己 Oh, my God, did you just come up
想到了那句陈词滥调吗 with that cliche by yourself?
他真是个才华横溢的作家 He's such a brilliant writer.
不得不说 是你给了我灵感 I have to say, you inspire me.
显然还不够 Not enough, apparently.
"怎么 非常感谢你 "Why, thank you very much
去杂货店" 他说 "For going to the grocery store," He said,
言语中透露出讽刺 dripping with sarcasm.
我还以为你会想 Oh, I figured you'd want a break
从不想写作中休息一下 from not writing ever.
她以这一致命一击赢得了争论 With that fatal blow, she won the joust.
-干得漂亮 -谢谢 - Well played. - Hmm. Thank you.
-这是斯蒂芬妮 -你好 斯蒂芬妮 - This is Stephanie. - Hi, Stephanie.
她的孩子跟我们的孩子一起在沃菲尔德小学上学 Her kid goes to Warfield with our kid.
她看过你的书 She read your book.
是的 我很喜欢 I did. I loved it!
那让我想到威廉·萨克雷 It reminded me of William Thackeray.
她真的看过 She really read it.
没有多少人 Wow, not many people
拿萨克雷出来作比 trot out Thackeray as a reference.
我是巴纳德英文专业毕业的 Oh, I was an English major at Barnard.
当妈妈前我脑子还挺好使的 It was pre-mommy brain.
我的毕业论文写的是《坎特伯雷故事集》 I did my thesis on the Canterbury Tales.
"阿赛特一说出这个词 "And with that word Arcite gan espye,
这位女士就来回踱步了" "Whereas this lady roamed to and fro."
"因此 她的美深深伤害了他" "And with that sight, her beauty hurt him so."
抱歉 你们想开个房吗 I'm sorry, do you guys wanna get a room?
我打扰到你们了吗 Am I breaking this up?
我喜欢 I like that.
你想让我给你调杯酒吗 Hey, do you want me to make you a drink?
不用了 你们玩吧 No. I'm good. You guys enjoy.
我上楼洗个澡 I'm gonna head upstairs for a shower.
好 Okay.
很高兴认识你 莎伦 Nice to meet you, Sharon.
我也很高兴认识你 Yeah. It's lovely to meet you.
他很不擅长记名字 He's terrible with names.
没事 我这名字很不好记 Oh, yeah. I mean, Stephanie's crazy.
斯什么芬什么 Like P-H-what?
你们夫妻真可爱 You guys are such a cute couple.
我们处于破产边缘 Yeah, we're on the verge of bankruptcy,
而且我们在整个康涅狄格州 and we can't find a decent nanny
都找不到合适的保姆 所以... in all of Connecticut, so...
快死了 Drowning.
如果需要我接尼基放学 If you ever need me to pick up Nicky after school
然后带他去我家 and take him to my house,
甚至只是想晚上放松一下... even if you just need the night off...
真的可以吗 You'd do that for me?
当然 没问题 Yeah. Anything.
各位妈妈好 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms, Stephanie here.
如果你是第一次看我的视频 那热烈欢迎 If it's your first visit to the vlog, a hearty welcome.
今天的主题是友谊 Today's theme is friendship.
所以今天我们制作 So today, I thought we would make
友谊手链 friendship bracelets!
我一直不理解 I have never understood
上班族妈妈和 these silly, hurtful divisions
居家妈妈之间愚蠢又伤人的区别 between working moms and stay-at-home moms.
说实话 我觉得两者 Honestly, I have found it difficult
都不好交朋友 to make friends with either.
艾米丽 你好啊 美女 Emily! Hi, what's up, lady?
你好 我想问问 Hey, I was wondering if I could
你能不能如之前所说去接尼基 take you up on your offer to pick up Nicky.
我正在开会 感觉没有尽头 I'm in a meeting with no end in sight.
好啊 我乐意帮忙 Uh, yeah, I'm happy to help.
其实我正在拿着一大箱拼拼豆... Actually, I just got this jumbo set of Perler beads...
好好 知道了 你最好了 Yeah, yeah, okay. You're the best.
好的 等等 尼基有什么饮食禁忌吗 Okay. Um, just... Does Nicky have any dietary restrictions?
只要不要给他吃他不喜欢吃的屎就行了 谢了 Yeah, just don't feed him shit he doesn't like. Thanks.
不要给他吃...好 Don't feed... Okay.
天啊 她太幽默了 Oh, my God, she's so funny.
不不不 丹尼斯 我们要这样 No, no, no, Dennis, this is what's gonna happen.
我要做我的工作 I'm gonna do my job,
你要吃点药 you're gonna take some pills,
然后我晚点再打给你 好吗 and then I'm gonna call you later. Okay?
什么 我听不到了 What? Oh, oh, I can't hear you.
我进电梯了 I'm in an elevator.
我要吃肉 I am hungry for flesh!
是达斯的妈咪 一个游戏... Just Darth Mommy, it's this game...
真的很傻 It's really silly.
说实话 他爸爸更擅长 Honestly, his dad was much better
一起陪着大吵大闹 at the roughhousing stuff.
-别这样 -哪样 - Don't do that. - Do what?
不要贬低你在当家长方面的好 Don't denigrate your good parenting
来安慰我这个糟糕的家长 to comfort me for my shitty parenting.
天啊 不 艾米丽 这... Oh, gosh, no, Emily, that's...
完全不是我的本意 That's not what I was doing at all.
我觉得你是个超级棒的妈妈 I think you're a super mom.
不 你才不是这么想 Oh, no, you don't.
那天午餐你儿子吃的是龙虾汤 Come on, your kid had lobster bisque for lunch the other day.
我记得给我儿子准备午餐就不错了 I'm lucky if I remember my kid's lunch box.
说实话 没关系 Honestly, it's fine.
我能为尼基做的最好的事就是一枪崩了自己 The nicest thing I could do for Nicky is blow my brains out.
我开玩笑的 I'm kidding.
好吧 这真... Right. Yeah. Well...
你在市里工作 所以... You do work in the city, so...
-天啊 -天啊 - Oh, my gosh! - Oh, my gosh!
你刚才拍了我的照片吗 Did you just take my picture?
我是负责年鉴的妈妈 I'm yearbook mom.
我让你拍我的照片了吗 Did I ask you to take my picture?
删掉 Erase it.
你看起来真的很潮 很适合"最佳地点人物" You look really chic, it's just for "Faces and Places."
给其他家长看的而已 Just for the other parents.
删掉 否则我对你的年鉴 Erase it or I'll slap a fucking injunction
申请禁令 明白了吗 on your yearbook, do you understand?
好吧 删掉 Yeah. Okay.
好了 删掉了 Yeah, it's gone.
拜拜了 Whoa. Bye-bye.
别再那么做了 Don't do that again.
天啊 真的很抱歉 Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
我不是故意冒犯你的 Or, I didn't mean to offend you.
那种东西肯定 Um... I'm sure that stuff's
在你们这行里是很敏感的 really sensitive in your industry.
没事 Oh, no. It's all good.
我可能不是你通常 I guess I'm probably not the kind of person
会交的那些朋友 you're normally friends with.
你肯定不会想跟我做朋友的 相信我 Oh, you do not wanna be friends with me. Trust me.
丹尼斯 亲爱的 Dennis, sweetie,
我再说一遍 let's try this again. Um...
我要你回家 Okay, I want you to go home
他妈的给我冷静 and chill the fuck out
不要再给我打电话了 拜拜 and don't ever call me again. Bye.
你是这么跟老板说话的吗 That's how you talk to your boss?
是 就得对他们凶一点 Yeah. You know, you gotta go right at 'em.
尤其是那些有权有势的 Especially the powerful ones.
否则他们会对你蹬鼻子上脸 Or they will fuck you in the face.
我知道了 Yeah, I get that.
想离开这里吗 Wanna get out of here?
妈妈需要喝一杯 Mommy needs a drink.
好 Yeah.
非常想 Totally.
尼基 Nicky!
好了孩子们... Okay, guys...
我们该走了 I guess we're going.
尼基 快点走 Hey! Nicky, come! Now!
好 我有礼物给你 你闭上眼睛 Okay. I have a gift for you. Please close your eyes.
-嗯 -然后伸出你有纹身那只手 - Mmm-mmm. - Yeah. Hold out your tattoo hand, please.
一定要 否则我会等你一整天 This is happening. I'll wait all day.
-你在跟我求爱吗 -是的 - Are you propositioning me? - Yes.
好了 这是我为你做的 Here. I made that for you.
你为我做的 You made this for me?
我觉得跟你那件细条纹西装会很搭 Thought it would go with that pinstriped suit you have.
真的吗 谢谢你 Really? That's nice.
没有人为我这么做过 No one does stuff like this for me.
我喜欢看《家有仙妻》在电视上的重播 I used to watch those Bewitched reruns on TV Land,
我总觉得戴林下班回家后 and I always thought it was so classy
萨曼莎给他端上一杯马丁尼 when Darrin would come from work
是非常经典的画面 and Samantha would fix him a martini.
我们每次这样做时 我都感觉自己特高贵 Every time we do this, I feel so high-tone.
天啊 你真是个呆子 My God, you're such a nerd.
不行 我需要真正的马丁尼 Ugh. Fuck this. I need a real martini.
-这不算真正的吗 -不算 - This one's not real? - Nope.
我和肖恩在伦敦的公爵酒店喝过正宗的 Sean and I had the real thing at Dukes in London.
关键就是冰琴酒 The key, frozen gin.
还有冰的杯子 给 And a frozen glass. Here.
让开 烂马丁尼 Move, bad martini.
好了 Okay.
一点点苦艾酒 Little bit of vermouth.
摇晃一下 倒掉 Swirl it around, dump.
不许去拿毛巾 Don't you dare touch that wash cloth.
然后倒入琴酒 Then add in the gin.
切一片 Cut your twist.
挤出汁 皮朝外 喷一点点 Squeeze it, outside out. Get a nice little mist.
刮掉边上的 好了 Lick the edges. Voila.
永远不要加该死的冰 And don't add fucking ice. Ever.
我们不喜欢冰块了吗 We don't like ice anymore?
那玩意会毁掉一切 That shit ruins everything.
看来工作很不顺啊 Tough day at work?
我只是偶尔需要重置一下 I just need to hit the reset button sometimes.
干杯 Oh, cheers!
干杯 Cheers.
你能给我调一杯吗 Can you make me one of those?
我看上去像是重置了吗 Do I look reset?
因为我感觉我重置了 Because I feel reset.
你闻上去好香 You smell good.
用的什么香水 你闻上去好香 What is that perfume? You smell so good.
-真想闻上去和你一样香 -谢谢你 - I wish I smelled like you. - Thank you.
是丹尼斯的 我可以给你搞一瓶 It's one of Dennis'. I could get you one.
如果你喜欢的话我可以给你 I could get you a bathtub full
搞一浴缸来 if you'd like.
乐意至极 姐妹 I would love it, girlfriend.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我真的很气我自己擅自不征求许可... I'm really unhappy with myself for taking that picture...
天啊 你还在提那件事 Oh, my God, are you still talking about that?
...就拍了那张照片 太失礼了 ...without asking, it's so rude.
-拜托 忘了吧 -简直就像狗仔 - Please, stop. Forget it. - Just, like, "Paparazzo."
你人太好了 You are so nice.
我真不知道你怎么在这世界上生存下来的 I have no idea how you've survived this long.
我没有你想的那么好 I'm not as nice as you think so.
你在给我下套吗 Are you baiting me?
不 我只是想说 No. I'm just saying.
每个人都有黑暗面 Everybody has a dark side.
有的人更擅长隐藏而已 Some of us are better at hiding it than others.
想交换秘密吗 Wanna trade confessions?
-不不不 -来吧 - No, no. No. - Come on.
你做过的最狂野的事是什么 What's the wildest thing you've ever done?
不 我不知道 我不该说 Oh, no, I don't know, I shouldn't.
你先说 You go first.
好吧 Okay, um...
几个月前 我和肖恩请他的助教过来 Few months ago, Sean and I had his TA over
一起吃晚餐 喝了几杯 然后3P for dinner, and drinks, and a threesome.
肖恩嫉妒他吗 Was Sean jealous of him?
我说了是个男的吗 Did I say it was a him?
太厉害了 姐妹 太厉害了 That's very cool, sis. Very cool.
-你没事吧 -当然了 - You okay? - Yeah!
我没想吓到你 I don't mean to freak you out.
拜托 我没有吓坏 也许你才吓坏了呢 Hello! I'm not freaked out, maybe you're freaked out.
-好吧 -因为我没有吓坏 - Okay. - Because I'm not freaked out.
我没事 我可是自由放任的 I'm cool. I'm laissez-faire.
好吧 自由放任 Okay, laissez-faire.
你在性方面不算个前卫派 I mean, you're not exactly a sexual maverick.
没关系 And that's fine.
老古董也是人啊 You know, prudes are people, too.
我想知道你的秘密 告诉我 I wanna know your secret. Tell me.
我爸爸在我高中时去世了 My dad died when I was a senior in high school.
然后 And
葬礼上出现了一个男孩 this boy showed up to the funeral.
他的名字叫克里斯 His name was Chris.
他长得简直跟我爸爸 And I guess he was the spitting image
一模一样 就是年轻了30岁 of my father, 30 years younger.
我妈妈以为自己见鬼了 My mom thought she saw a ghost.
原来他是我同父异母的哥哥 And it turned out he was my half-brother.
这就是你全部的秘密吗 你爸爸出轨了 That's your whole secret? That your dad had an affair?
不 No!
好吧 你能直接告诉我你的秘密吗 Okay, can you just tell me your secret?
来吧 说出来 黑暗面 Come on, spill it, dark side.
克里斯 So, Chris...
他再开车回家会很晚了 于是他留宿我家 It was too late for him to drive home, so he stayed over.
我们整晚都在聊天 We stayed up all night, talking,
然后 and
我爸爸 my dad was...
我爸爸是唯一能理解我的人 My dad was really the person who understood me.
他去世了 于是 And he was gone, so...
我很孤独 第一次很孤独 I was alone, alone for the first time.
但他能看穿我 你懂吗 But he sees me, you know?
他真的能看穿我 Like, he really sees me.
我们俩就互相凝视了有一个世纪 And we just stared at each other for the longest time.
你别想在我家喝得太醉 You can't be too drunk in my house
然后话又不说完 然后呢 not to finish the story. What happened?
我不知道 Okay, so, I don't know,
也许在你看来可能没有那么不堪 但是 maybe it's not so racy where you're from, but...
别逃避了 告诉我发生了什么 Stop avoiding. Tell me what happened.
我们站在那儿 We stood there
站了有一个世纪 for the longest time.
然后我就去抱他 So I went in to hug him,
然后我们亲吻了 and we kissed.
我知道 好恶心 I know, it's so gross.
-结束了吗 -对 - The end? - Yeah.
-你们只是亲吻了 -是的 亲吻了 - You just kissed? - Yeah, we kissed.
你只是亲吻了你的哥哥 You just kissed your brother?
-这太... -什么 - Yeah. It's so... - What?
真是一模一样 Ugh. It's so lurid.
是我同父异母的哥哥 不算亲哥 It's my half-brother. It's not my brother.
但他是你的同父异母哥哥 He's your half-brother, though?
-好吧 -他是我的 - Okay. - He's my...
还有内情 Yeah, there's more.
不 不 没有内情了 No. No, there's not more.
不 就是有 No, no. Yeah, there is.
-那么 -你上了他 - So... - You fucked him.
什么 What?
他活好吗 Was he good?
真是太恶心了 That is so disgusting.
我不知道 I don't know...
你没有上他 告诉我你没有上他 You didn't fuck him? Tell me you didn't fuck him.
我不知道你在想... I don't know what's going on in your...
-发誓 -我发誓 - Swear. - I swear.
以你父亲的坟墓之名发誓 Swear on your dad's grave.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
别 Don't.
-你干了你哥哥 -不 别 - You brotherfucker! - No. Don't.
真是太好了 This is good.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
我让一个干哥哥的人来照顾我的孩子 I've got a brotherfucker taking care of my kid.
我不该说这些的 I shouldn't have even said anything.
干哥哥的 Brotherfucker.
我不知道 都因为这该死的马丁尼 You know what? I don't know. It's these stupid martinis.
上哥哥的 你想留下来吃晚饭吗 Hey, brotherfucker, do you wanna stay for dinner?
我就不该说的 I shouldn't have even said anything.
我想留下来吃晚餐 Yeah, I do wanna stay for dinner.
肯定会很棒的 That would be lovely.
等不及想欣赏你做的菜了 I can't wait to see what you cook.
你知道 You know what?
我要给你做一桌你这辈子吃过最好吃的菜 I'm gonna cook you the best meal of your life,
让你为你现在对我的取笑 and you're gonna feel really bad
而感到内疚 about being so mean right now.
干哥哥的 Brotherfucker!
我喜欢你 I like you!
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms, Stephanie here.
今天我们要向大家介绍最完美的急救箱 Today we'll be talking about the perfect first aid kit...
让你就算深陷危机也不用惊慌 so you're never left in need during a crisis.
喂 Hi!
斯蒂芬妮 谢天谢地你接电话了 Stephanie. Thank God you picked up.
我有点小小的紧急情况 Hey, I just have a little emergency.
真的 真巧 我正在... Oh, really? That's a coincidence. I was just...
我需要你的帮助 I need your help.
你没事吧 Are you okay?
我没事 但我需要你帮我一个简单的小忙 I'm fine, but I do need just a simple favor.
你能去学校接尼基吗 Can you grab Nicky from school?
肖恩在伦敦 他的妈妈摔断了屁股 Sean's in London, his mother broke her fucking hip,
我工作上忙不过来 and I got a big fire to put out at work.
当然了 天啊 Oh, yeah. Oh, my God!
可怜的肖恩 可怜的你 Poor Sean, poor you. Um...
乐意至极 Anything I can do to help. Yeah.
你最好了 我得挂了 You're the best. Hey, I gotta run,
但我肯定会好好补偿你的 but I'll get you back for this, okay?
放心吧 尼基就交给我吧 Of course, Nicky's in good hands.
斯蒂芬妮 你是个好人 Hey, Stephanie, you're a good person.
真正的朋友 我是认真的 True friend. I mean that.
别担心 待会再和你聊 再见 Don't worry about it. I will talk to you later. Bye.
不许动 知道我看到什么了吗 Freeze! Do you know what I see?
我看到两个男孩子放学后能一起玩 I see two boys getting a play date!
太好了 Yeah!
斯蒂芬妮 太好了 你当起了保姆 Stephanie, that's so great you took the nanny job.
-保姆 -对 艾米丽的 - Nanny job? - Yeah, for Emily.
我知道她之前就在找保姆 I know she was looking for one.
那么 Well, that...
我们只是朋友 我只是作为朋友来帮她 We're just friends. I'm helping her as a friend.
天啊 我很抱歉 Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
我不知道你们关系这么好 I didn't realize you guys were so close.
没错 Well, we are!
我们一起喝马丁尼 伦敦的很烈的那种 We drink martinis together. Strong ones from London.
好了 孩子们 如果你们保证不在车里打架 Okay, boys, if you don't wrestle in the car,
我就给你们做水果爆米花 I'm gonna make you fruit pops!
我们走 走 Let's go, let's go!
她不知道她就是个免费劳力 She doesn't know she's working for free.
我要给尼基洗个澡吗
艾米丽 顺便和你说一下 孩子们玩得很开心 就和你说一下 我要给尼基洗个澡吗
我是艾米丽·尼尔森 This is Emily Nelson,
丹尼斯·奈龙控股公司公关部部长 Director of Public Relations for Dennis Nylon Holdings.
请留言 或者滚吧 Leave a message or go fuck yourself.
小艾 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hey, uh, Em, it's Stephanie. Um...
我知道你现在可能忙得打转 I know you're probably knee-deep in that crisis.
但是尼基在问你什么时候来接他 But Nicky's asking when you're coming to get him,
我不知道该怎么说 所以 and I don't know what to say, so...
和我说一声 Just let me know.
希望你坚持住啦 全部搞定 And I hope you're hanging in there. Give 'em heck.
斯蒂芬妮·斯马瑟斯 我是她的好友 Stephanie Smothers. I'm a close friend of hers,
我在照看她的儿子 I'm watching her son.
你能告诉我她在哪里吗 Can you just tell me where she is
以及她什么时候回来 and when she might be back?
她要在迈阿密待上几天 Yeah, she's in Miami for a few days.
你要留言吗 Did you wanna leave a message?
不好意思 你刚刚是说几天吗 I'm sorry, did you say a few days?
是的 你能稍微等一下吗 Yeah, can you hold for a second, please?
她没有说要花好几... She didn't say that it was gonna be a few...
妈妈咪呀 Oh, for the love of Joe.
喂 Yes?
肖恩 我是斯蒂芬妮 很抱歉打扰你 Sean, hi! Um, it's Stephanie. I'm so sorry to bother you.
我是在学校名册上找到了你的号码 I got your number from the school directory.
尼基出什么事了吗 Has something happened to Nicky?
不 尼基很好 No! Uh, Nicky's fine.
抱歉 他没事 他和我在一起呢 Yeah, sorry, he's fine. He's here with me.
艾米丽让我帮忙照看他 Um, Emily, though, asked me to watch him,
那是两天前的事了 然后就没有她的消息了 and that was two days ago, and I haven't heard from her.
你和她联系过吗 Have you guys been in touch?
上帝啊 两天 Christ, two days?
她怎么和你说的 What'd she tell you?
她说她工作上忙不过来 Um, she said she had to put out a big fire.
然后我联系了她的办公室 And I called her office,
然后他们说她在迈阿密 and then they said she was in Miami?
听起来没事 Yeah, that sounds about right.
我以前也曾经 I mean, I've played through
遇到过几次紧急情况而离开 some of these emergencies before,
她只要托付好尼基 and once she knows that Nicky's being taken care of,
就会消失一段时间 she disappears for quite some time.
真有意思 Oh, fun! Um...
我明天飞回来 I'm flying back tomorrow.
等我落地就来接尼基回家 I'll pick up Nicky as soon as I'm on the ground.
行吗 All righty?
行 All righty.
坎特伯雷小姐 Miss Canterbury Tales.
她的助手瓦莱丽说 Um, her assistant, Valerie, said that
她也联系不上她 she couldn't get in touch with her, either.
很奇怪 因为这明明是工作上的急事 Which is weird, because it's a work thing, an emergency.
有些妈妈觉得我们应该去找警察 Some of the moms think we should go to the police.
上帝啊 Jesus.
真的发展到这种地步了吗 Has it really come to this?
你要来点茶吗 Do you want tea?
算了 来吧 You know what? Let's do it.
不是指茶 而是报警 Not the tea. The police.
-肖恩 -嗯 - Sean? - Yeah.
警察来了 The police are here.
好的 Okay.
你们俩最后一次 And when was the last time
有她的消息是什么时候 either of you heard from her?
三天前 Three days ago.
我当时在伦敦 我妈妈摔断了屁股 I was in London. My mother broke her hip.
-我很遗憾 -谢谢 - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. - Thank you.
她说是工作上的危机吗 Well, she said it was a work crisis?
她的工作很高调 Yeah. She has a very high-profile job
手下要管理一大群人 and a full staff that she oversees.
一般女性失踪 Most times when a woman vanishes,
总是有原因的 she has a reason.
你到底在暗示什么 What are you implying, exactly?
你们俩没有吵架吗 You two didn't have a fight?
让你匆匆飞去了伦敦 Something to make you run off to London?
你是说我摔断了我妈妈的屁股吗 Are you saying that I broke my mother's hip?
你出城了 你妻子就走了 You leave town, your wife takes off.
也许 Maybe there's, um,
她可能去找某个亲密的朋友去了 a close friend she might be spending some time with.
不好意思 你这样说太无礼了 Excuse me, that's very rude.
他是一名尽心的丈夫和父亲 He is a dedicated husband and father.
我见过他和他妻子一起 我告诉你们 I have seen him with his wife, let me tell you,
他们俩之间的火花比做科学实验时都要多 they've got more chemistry than a science fair.
我们只是在考虑所有的可能性 女士 Just exploring all avenues, ma'am.
那个可能性是个死胡同 你不用考虑了 Well, that avenue is a dead end, so you can drop it.
艾米丽的家人在哪里 And where's Emily's family?
她没有家人 She doesn't have any.
她是家中独女 She was an only child,
她的父母在她十几岁时都过世了 and her mother and father died when she was a teenager.
我很抱歉 我不知道 I'm sorry, I didn't know that.
我们会提交失踪人口报告 We'll file a missing person's report
接下来几天会联系你 and contact you in the next couple of days.
如果她还是没有出现 If she doesn't turn up,
我们会联系迈阿密的当地警方 we'll contact the local authorities in Miami.
接下来没有计划出行了吧 汤森德先生 Not planning any more trips, are you, Mr. Townsend?
没有了 No.
我会好好待在这里 I'm gonna be right here.
我会和我儿子一起待在我的家里 I'm gonna be at my house with my son.
不用送我们了 We can show ourselves out.
我们俩以前是有过争吵 God knows we've had our troubles in the past,
但我不知道她会就这么丢下自己的孩子 but I don't think she'd just up and leave her child.
不 上帝 她很喜欢尼基 她不会这么做的 No, God, she adores Nicky. She wouldn't do that.
我的妻子是一个谜一样的女人 She is an enigma, my wife.
所以我才被她所吸引 That's what drew me to her.
也让她如此难以相处 It can also make her impossible.
她有的时候会非常看重个人隐私 She can be so fiercely private.
我告诉你 She sure doesn't like
她是绝对不喜欢别人拍她照片 having her picture taken, I'll tell you that.
我记得有一次 她注销了我的脸书 I remember this one time, she shut down my Facebook
因为我发了一张家庭合照 because I posted up a family picture.
社交媒体真是一言难尽 Ugh. Social media is so tricky.
我可以陪在她身边 I can get to close to her,
但我却永远无法靠近她 I can never quite reach her.
她就像一个美丽的鬼魂 She's like a beautiful ghost.
永远不是全部的她 Never entirely there.
太有诗意了 That's so poetic.
难怪你是一名如此优秀的作家 That's why you're such a good writer.
我已经不是作家了 斯蒂芬妮 I'm not a writer anymore, Stephanie.
我为了下半生与这个女人相伴 I gave all that up just to chase this woman
而放弃了一切 for the rest of my life.
我该叫辆出租车回家了 I should order a taxi and go home.
嗯 Yeah.
天啊 1点25分了 1点就没有车了 Oh, gosh, it's 1:25, they stop driving at 1:00 here.
如果你想睡在这里 That couch pulls out, um,
可以把这张沙发拉出来 if you wanna stay over.
我知道尼基明天早上 I know Nicky would love it
看到你肯定会很高兴的 if you were here in the morning.
那就太好了 That would be lovely.
谁想再来点维他命B Who wants more B vitamins?
-要 -我要 - Yeah! - I do!
好吃吗 Yeah? Are they nice?
-嗯 -好吃吗 - Yeah. - Yeah? Delicious?
你在什么呢 Uh, what on Earth are you making?
这些是宿醉冰沙 These are hangover smoothies.
能一扫你的疲惫 They get it right out of you.
孩子们很喜欢 And the kids love them.
小贴士 这里面 Little tip, they have a full portion
可全是蔬菜 of vegetables in them,
他们都不知道 and they don't even know it.
让孩子们吃蔬菜真是太难了 It's so hard to get kids to eat their vegetables.
对吧 Right?
想试试吗 Wanna try some?
好啊 Great.
不错吧 Good?
我觉得我们该准备去学校了 I think we should get ready for school.
学校 学校 Oh, school, school.
你的孩子们会吃的蔬菜
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms, Stephanie here.
今天我要做一道新的菜 Today I'm making a new recipe
我学会了一种宿醉冰沙 I learned for a hangover smoothie.
真的很棒 Uh, it's really nice.
我想谢谢那些 I especially want to thank everybody
留言询问关于艾米丽的事的朋友们 who's written in to ask about Emily.
已经过去四天了 It's been four days now.
那么 So...
好消息是肖恩从伦敦回来了 The good news is that Sean is home from London,
他正在和警方密切合作 and he's working very closely with the police.
事实上 妈妈们 Um, actually, moms,
我知道你们很多人都觉得 I know a lot of you are hung up on the idea
丈夫永远是首要嫌疑人 that the husband is always the primary suspect.
我知道 我看过《法律与秩序》 I know, I've seen Law & Order.
但是 But, um...
首先 我要告诉你们 First, I'm here to tell you
艾米丽消失的时候 肖恩在伦敦 Sean was in London when Emily disappeared.
你们有些人暗示 And some of you have suggested
他这样做是为了不在场证据 that he did that to set up an alibi,
但他是一名优秀的丈夫和父亲 所以... but he's an amazing husband and an amazing father, so...
警察没查出什么结果 The police haven't been much help.
但是每个妈妈都知道 你要是想要做好一件事 But every mom knows that if you want something done right,
那就必须亲力亲为 you have to do it yourself.
我不会放过每个细节 I will leave no stone unturned.
丹尼斯·奈龙
我觉得这也是艾米丽想要的 I think that's what Emily would want.
丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 Dennis Nylon, please hold.
丹尼斯·奈龙公司
丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 Dennis Nylon, please hold.
谢谢你的等待 Thanks for holding.
请问你要转到哪里 How may I direct your call?
你好 我叫斯蒂芬妮 Hi, my name is Stephanie...
丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 Dennis Nylon, please hold.
我的朋友在这里工作 她失踪了... My friend works here. She's been missing...
谢谢你的等待 请问你要转到哪里 Thanks for holding. How may I direct your call?
我试图联系她的助理 I tried to call her assistant.
-丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 -瓦莱丽 - Dennis Nylon, please hold. - Valerie.
她没提供什么有用信息 She wasn't super helpful.
谢谢你的等待 请问你要转到哪里 Thanks for holding. How may I direct your call?
我不知道你有没有在和我说话 I can't tell if you're talking to me.
你虽然看着我 You're looking right at me.
-丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 -好吧 - Dennis Nylon, please hold. - Okay.
谢谢你的等待 请问你要转到哪里 Thanks for holding. How may I direct your call?
她叫艾米丽·尼尔森 Her name is Emily Nelson.
她是公关部部长 She's the head of the PR department.
艾米丽今天没有上班 Emily's not in today.
我知道她没有上班 I know she's not in.
-丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 -好吧 - Dennis Nylon, please hold. - Okay.
我还是... Just gonna...
抱歉 不 我一点都不抱歉 Sorry. No, I am not sorry.
我要找丹尼斯·奈龙 谢谢 I need to speak to Dennis Nylon, please?
一个女人失踪了 所以... A woman's missing, so...
奈龙先生现在不在 Mr. Nylon's not here right now.
好吧 那我等 Great, I'll wait.
请便 Knock yourself out.
好的 Okay.
丹尼斯·奈龙公司 请稍等 Dennis Nylon, please hold.
奈龙先生 Um, Mr. Nylon?
我们不接收现场递交的简历 We don't accept unsolicited resumes.
太好了 我不是为此而来的 Cool, that's not why I'm here.
我们有麻烦了 Um, we have a problem.
我想也绝对是麻烦大了 We most certainly do.
我的一个朋友在你的公关部上班 A friend of mine works in your publicity department...
这是一条爱马仕老式围巾吗 Is that a vintage Hermes scarf?
我的弗里达姨妈给我的 My Aunt Frieda gave it to me.
她想让你用它上吊吗 Did she want you to hang yourself with it?
看看这结打的 我的天啊 Look at that knot, Jesus fucking Christ!
我是为了艾米丽·尼尔森的事来的 I'm here about Emily Nelson.
艾米丽怎么了 出什么事了 What about Emily? What happened?
她四天前要我去接她的儿子 She asked me to pick up her son four days ago
因为她去了迈阿密 because she went to Miami.
到现在也没有回来 没有短信 没有电话 She's still not back. No texts, no calls,
你的办公室里好像没有人他妈的在乎这件事 and no one in your office seems to give a crap.
抱歉我爆粗口了 Excuse my language.
基可 Kiko?
艾米丽为什么要去迈阿密 Why did Emily go to Miami?
我不知道她去了 I didn't know she did.
作为在这里工作的人 我们知道 We in this office have learned that
当艾米丽选择不告诉我们某些事时 when Emily elects not to tell us something,
最好别多问 it's best not to ask.
她不是为你工作的吗 Doesn't she work for you?
艾米丽的工作是阻止舆论崩塌 Emily's job is to stop the apocalypse
不要烦扰到其他设计师 without worrying any of the designers.
她总是能把事情 And she always finds a way
解决得令人赏心悦目 to look fabulous when she does it.
太棒了 That's great!
那你觉得我该怎么办 What do you suggest that I do?
永远不要用老式围巾配商场买的衣服 Never wear a vintage Hermes scarf with a Gap T-shirt.
如果你真的是艾米丽的朋友 你肯定知道的 If you were truly Emily's friend, you would know that.
不好意思 我今天很忙 Excuse me, I have a very busy day.
瓦莱丽 去我办公室 Valerie, my office.
艾米丽·尼尔森 公关部长
马上 Now!
无关人等 不得入内
你好 Hi.
坐下 坐下 艾米丽 我要答案 Sit, sit, sit! Emily! I want answers.
史蒂文 你忘记拿衬衫了 Steven, you forgot the shirts.
艾米丽·尼尔森 公关部长
不 我可以帮你 No, I can't help you with that.
他当然气疯了 Of course he's freaking out.
他需要赶紧找人来处理 He needs someone to manage this now.
我不知道 I don't know.
我的天啊 Mother fudger.
要有信心
这不是弗里达姨妈 Well, if it isn't Aunt Frieda's
最不喜欢的侄女吗 least favorite niece.
你在这里干什么 What were you doing up there?
刺探商业机密吗 Corporate spying?
还是说你只是一个普通的小贼 Or just a common garden shoplifter?
就得对他们凶一点 Yeah, you gotta go right at them.
尤其是那些有权有势的 Especially the powerful ones.
否则他们会对你蹬鼻子上脸 Or they will fuck you in the face.
听着 你这个只能待在地下室的汤姆·福德 Listen, you bargain basement Tom Ford,
如果你不让你的马仔肯 if you don't have this Ken doll
赶紧放开我 unhand me this second,
我就告诉上千名看我播客的妈妈 I will tell the thousands of moms that watch my vlog
丹尼斯·奈龙是个只会欺负女人的混蛋 that Dennis Nylon is a bully who victimizes women.
她们就不会再从你手中购买印度尼西亚童工 And that they should stop buying your tacky blouses
所制造出来的俗气衬衫 made by Indonesian children.
因为如果你失去妈妈们的支持 你的事业就完了 Because if you lose moms, you lose business.
好吧 首先 Okay, number one,
那些不是印度尼西亚童工 they are not Indonesian children,
而是越南青少年 they are Vietnamese teenagers.
其次 汤姆·福德巴不得能变成我呢 Number two, Tom Ford wishes he were me.
再者 如果我还俗气 And number three, if I'm tacky,
好吗 okay?
那你就... You're...
和你聊天很开心 This has been fun.
你最好祈祷我不用买衬衫 Better pray I don't have a bruise.
要有信心
难怪她不喜欢被拍照 No wonder she doesn't like having her picture taken.
你见过她吗
瞧瞧我们的小斯蒂芬妮 Look at our little Stephanie.
安慰着焦急的丈夫 Comforting the worried husband.
拜托 Oh, please.
这可是一个手工项目 It's an arts and crafts project.
只要能用上订书机的活 她就绝对不会放过 I've never seen her pass up a chance to use a stapler.
等艾米丽回来肯定会 Emily's gonna hate those flyers
恨死这些传单 when she gets back.
她不会再回来了 She's not coming back.
你们没看过《美国报道》吗 Don't you watch Dateline?
如果前72小时之内没有找到人 If the case isn't solved in the first 72 hours,
基本就是死了 they're always dead.
没错 Oh, yeah.
来得正好 Oh, perfect timing!
晚餐准备好了 Dinner's ready.
孩子们都在楼上 The boys are upstairs.
我去给他们洗洗手 I'm just gonna have them wash their hands
就下来 and come down.
你没事吧 Are you okay?
我只是从来没有过这种体验 I've just never experienced anything like this.
回到家 桌子上已经摆好了晚餐 Walking into a fully set dinner table.
没错 的确很奇怪 Yeah, this is weird.
-我是... -不不不 没关系 - I'm being... - No, no, no! Not at all.
这年头 安稳的生活 I think anything stable these days
简直能算是天赐的礼物了吧 is like a gift from heaven, right?
我得先去洗一下 I should tidy up first, though.
-汤森德先生 -是我 - Mr. Townsend? - Ah, yes.
我是苏默维尔警探 我们通过话的 Detective Summerville. We spoke on the phone.
没错 That's right. Um...
斯蒂芬妮 你能去帮孩子们完成作业吗 Stephanie, can you help the boys with their homework?
当然了 Of course.
-请进 抱歉 -谢谢 - Come in. Sorry. - Thank you.
一点餐前零食 Just a pre-dinner snack.
这保姆真漂亮 That's a cute nanny.
不 那是我妻子的一个朋友 No, no. That's one of my wife's friends.
她一直在帮我 She's been helping me out.
靠 那她能帮忙也收拾一下我的房子吗 Oh, shit. Can she come help out around my house, too?
查遍空运名单 The passenger manifest says
她并没有乘坐飞往迈阿密的航班 she wasn't on any flights to Miami.
但是她倒是从巴吉特租了一辆白色的起亚汽车 But she did rent a white Kia from Budget.
用现金支付了两日的租金 She paid in cash for a two-day rental.
当人们用现金付款时 Now, when people pay in cash,
那通常只说明一件事 it usually means one thing.
你什么意思 她出轨了吗 What are you saying? She's having an affair?
我无法断言 I can't say that with any confidence.
你就不能追踪那辆起亚汽车吗 Can you not track the Kia?
我可以查到 I have toll booth reports coming in
全国收费站的报告 from across the country,
如果她没有换车牌的话 assuming she's not swapping out plates.
我需要你具体描述你妻子的长相 I wanna get a description of your wife to
发给三州的每个分局 every precinct in the tri-state area, okay?
她有没有什么明显的特征 Did she have any distinguishing features?
胎记 纹身什么的 Any birthmarks, tattoos?
她的左手臂上有一个纹身 She's got a tattoo on her left wrist.
很好 Oh, great.
中间是火焰和善举图案 It's flames and a charity symbol in the middle.
认真的吗 Really?
你连这都要嘲讽 More judgment from you?
不不不 Nope. No, no, no.
但她就是会做出这种事 But she did things like that.
疯狂 冲动的事 Impulsive, crazy things.
我会上报的 I'm gonna go call this in.
帮我向你妻子的朋友告个别 Tell your wife's friend I said goodbye.
你真是一个圣人 You're a saint.
你没有必要这么做的 You don't have to do that.
我不是圣人 我只是想找点事做 I'm not a saint. I just like to keep my hands busy.
我要走了 Um... I should go.
周一是世界旗帜网日 It's Flags of the World day on Monday.
我连南美的都还没开始做 I haven't even started on South America.
抱歉 Sorry.
不 我不是想说抱歉 我是想说谢谢 No, I don't mean sorry. I mean thank you.
谢谢你作为一个朋友这么上心 Thank you for being such a good friend.
当然了 Of course.
我是专门解决问题 我只希望我能做到更多 I'm a problem-solver, I just wish I could do more.
你已经做得够多了 You're doing plenty.
这是我们今天的节目 So, that's where we are today.
我们要抬起头来 And we are keeping our heads up
不能妄下结论 and not jumping to any conclusions.
我们要全力 We are soldiering on
做好饼干和手工折纸 with cookies and origami.
但是想要帮助的妈妈们 But for you moms who want to help,
我们知道艾米丽开着一辆 we know that Emily was driving a white Kia
她在24号从拉瓜迪亚机场的 that she rented from a Budget
巴吉特租的白色起亚轿车 at La Guardia Airport on the 24th.
我做了点小小的调查 And I did a little digging,
车牌号是 so, um, the license plate is...
亲爱的斯蒂芬妮 Dear Stephanie,
我在密歇根州的斯坦迪什给你发邮件 I'm writing from Standish, Michigan,
我可能看到了艾米丽 with a possible Emily sighting.
我两天前在I75公路上开车 I was driving down I-75 two days ago,
看到一个女人在给一辆白色起亚汽车加油 when I saw a woman gassing up a white Kia.
她长得非常漂亮 She was really pretty,
我还记得我当时想她看上去 and I remember thinking she didn't look like
不像是这儿的人 she was from around here.
我希望能帮到你 I hope this helps.
苏默维尔把信息发给了 So, um, Summerville sent the info
密歇根州当地的警方 to the local authorities in Michigan.
她有没有提到过密歇根州 她在那里有没有朋友 Did she ever mention Michigan? Did she have a friend there?
据我所知 她没有什么真正的朋友 As far as I knew, she didn't have any real friends.
在你之前 Not before you.
那怎么可能呢 How is that possible?
沃菲尔德警方
喂 请告诉我你们找到她了 Hello. Please tell me you found her.
湖 A lake?
我不知道 Well, I don't know.
我马上过去 Okay, I'm heading there now.
他们在密歇根州找到了那辆租的车 They found the rental car in Michigan.
我要赶紧出发了 Look, I'm gonna have to go
不然我就要疯了 because otherwise I'm going to go crazy.
-你能帮我个忙吗 -当然了 去吧 - Can you do me a favor? - Yes, it's done. Go.
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms. Stephanie here.
看来今天多了很多新的观众 I can see we have a flood of new viewers today.
如果你是第一次观看这个播客 很抱歉 And if you're new to the vlog, I'm sorry.
这也许不是一个很好的开头 This probably isn't the best entry to start with.
对于本周一直在跟进我播客动态的观众们 For those of you who have been following my vlog this week,
你们都知道我的好朋友 艾米丽 不见了 you know that my best friend, Emily, went missing.
你们很多人都给我发了有帮助的建议和主意 So many of you wrote in with your helpful tips and ideas.
我想特别感谢莉恩·利彭斯 I wanna give a special thanks to Leanne Lippens
给出的建议让案情有了巨大的突破 whose helpful tip made a major break in the case.
我有一些坏消息 I have some somber news.
艾米丽找到了 Emily was found.
但是已经死了 Not alive, I'm afraid.
我的朋友 艾米丽·尼尔森 My friend, Emily Nelson,
死了 is dead.
天父啊 在我们困难之际 Our Father, we look to you again,
我们再次看向您 facing this moment of our need.
我们的痛苦 悲伤和孤寂 In our sorrow, grief and loneliness
指引着我们 draw us up to yourself
只有在您怀中才能寻得些许慰藉 that we may know the comfort of the everlasting arms.
请特别支持和照顾那些 Especially support and comfort those
与去世之人尤为亲近的人 who have been closest to our departed sister.
让他们能够安下心来 Sustain them in the blessed assurance
死亡已被战胜 that death is conquered,
新生从此开始 the new life is begun.
离开这具躯体 To be absent from the body
与上帝为伴 is to be present with the Lord.
希望我们能心怀希望 May we be assured in the hope
在你的指引之下 that we shall walk together again
再次并肩前行 in your blessed presence.
帮助我们记住 Help us to number our days
用我们的善意取代智慧的时候 that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
以圣父 In the name of the Father,
圣子和圣灵之名 and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
阿门 Amen.
你好 Hi.
你好 Oh, hi.
这些是... Are those, um...
没错 Oh, yeah, yeah, they are.
这是你的紧急布朗尼 They're from your last-minute brownie entry.
真不敢相信你在看我的播客 I can't believe you watch my vlog.
老实说 To be honest,
我们刚开始看的时候 when we first started watching it,
只是在取笑你 we were just making fun of you.
但是 But, um...
然后 你给了很多实用的小贴士 But then, you had some really helpful hints in there.
特别是卢卢长疹子的时候 Especially when Lulu got that rash,
苹果醋很有用 apple cider vinegar was great.
太好了 那真是... Oh, well, great! That's...
你真是一个圣人 You're a real saint
这样帮助她的家人 to help her family out like this.
我不是圣人 I'm not a saint.
艾米丽是我的朋友 换成是我 她也会这样做 Emily was my friend, and she'd do the same for me, so...
如果你和肖恩需要我 If you or Sean need me
照顾迈尔斯或者尼基 尽管提 to watch Miles or Nicky anytime, it's nothing.
你真是太好了 索娜 谢谢你 That's so sweet, Sona. Thank you.
这是她应该做的 她没有烘烤蛋糕 It's the least she could do, she didn't even bake anything.
-对 -好吧 - Yeah, yeah. - Okay.
尼基 Nicky,
你不用担心 you don't need to worry.
你妈妈现在上天堂了 Your mom's in heaven now.
不 她没有 闭嘴 No, she's not! Shut up!
-她在地下 -住手 - She's in the ground! - Ow! Stop it!
她不会再回来了 She's never coming back!
你弄疼我了 Ow! You're hurting me!
-我恨你 -住手 - I hate you! - Ow! Stop it!
尼基 放开他 Nicky, get off him!
尼基 你在干什么 放开他 Nicky, what're you doing? Get off him!
你在干什么 What the hell are you doing?
冷静点 住手 Calm down, stop that.
都怪她 她害我妈妈死的 She made this happen! She made my mom die!
你乱说话 你自己明白的 That's crazy and you know that.
她想做我的新妈妈 She's trying to be my new mom!
亲爱的 我没有想做你的妈妈 Sweetie, I'm not trying to be your mom.
我要我的妈妈 I want my mom!
我知道 宝贝 我知道 I know you do, baby. I know you do.
-但是你得冷静下来 -妈妈说的对 - But calm down. - Mom was right!
你是个废物 You are a loser!
她是这么和你说的吗 Is that what she told you,
她下午两点钟喝的醉醺醺 drunk at 2:00 in the afternoon?
-我尽力了 -肖恩 - I am trying my best! - Sean!
他只是个孩子 上帝啊 He's just a little boy. Jesus!
尼基 对不起 Nicky, I'm sorry.
-我怎么办 -好吧 - What do I do? - Okay.
我怎么办 What do I do?
我们都深吸一口气 We're all gonna take a deep, centering breath now.
准备好了吗 Ready?
我们要一件一件事情的来 We're gonna focus on one thing at a time.
我会留在这里和尼基谈谈 I'm gonna stay and talk to Nicky.
你把迈尔斯带到屋子里 So I need you to take Miles inside,
给他鼻子上敷点冰块 put some ice on his nose.
因为你马上要肿起来了 'Cause you got a good little shiner coming.
-没事的 -好 - It's okay. - Okay.
没事的 It's okay.
我不想和你说话 I don't wanna talk to you.
你现在也算不上我最喜欢 You're not my favorite dinner date
晚餐男伴 小坏蛋 right now either, buster.
但是你要知道你现在所有的感受 But you should know that everything
都是很正常的 you're feeling right now is normal.
你可以随便发泄 没关系 You can act out all you want. That's fine.
那也改变不了我所知道的事实 This doesn't change what I know.
你知道什么 What do you know?
你是个好孩子 That you're a good kid.
我们就坐在这里 不说话吧 So let's just sit here and not talk.
我们就坐在这里 Let's just sit here
满心抑郁 看着这些草 and feel lousy and watch the grass grow.
拜托 不要太责怪你自己 Hey, come on. Don't be hard on yourself, yeah?
这种事谁都处理不好 It's the kind of stuff nobody gets right.
你就可以 你永远能处理好 You do. You always do.
不 不 拜托 No, no, come on.
我不知道... Um... I don't know if...
-没错 我们不该 -没错 - Yeah, we shouldn't. - Yeah.
操 Fuck.
认真的吗 Are you serious?
斯马瑟斯小姐 Hey, Ms. Smothers!
-我能和你谈谈吗 -好的 - Can I talk to you? - Yeah. Um...
我马上下来 I'm gonna come right down.
该死 Shit!
我落了点东西在这 所以我... Uh, I just left something here, so I was just...
我有一把钥匙 I had a key
因为之前 肖恩给了我一把钥匙 because earlier, Sean gave me a key...
你没有被捕 斯马瑟斯小姐 You're not under arrest, Miss Smothers.
顺便告诉你 FYI.
我希望没有 I should hope not.
-好吧 不 不 -不 - All right. No, no. - No.
-你真有趣 -对对对 - You're very funny. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
肖恩现在不在 Sean's not here right now.
我其实是来找你的 You know, I was actually hoping to speak to you.
我去了你家 Yeah, I went by your house.
然后我去了学校 Then I went by the school,
然后有个妈妈说你可能会在这里 then one of the moms thought you might be here.
是吗 那真是... Did they? Okay. Well, that's...
是史黛西吗 Was it Stacy?
我能进去吗 Can I come in?
-当然了 请进 -谢谢 - Of course, I would love that! - Thank you.
你说艾米丽是你最好的朋友 You said that Emily's your best friend.
是的 是的 没错 Yes. Yes, we are.
-她抑郁吗 -不 - Was she depressed? - No.
不 她什么都有 No, she had everything.
她有大房子 还有工作 She had the house and the job...
还有好丈夫 And the husband.
我正要说呢 I was getting there, yeah.
邻居倒是说他们经常争吵 The neighbors said they fought a lot.
他们是有过不和... Well, they had issues. Um...
但是他们深爱着彼此 But they loved each other intensely.
他们有什么不和呢 Oh, what issues did they have?
普通的不和 The normal issues.
他们因为钱而有压力 They were stressed about money.
我觉得艾米丽想要放缓步伐 And I think Emily wanted to slow down
细嗅蔷薇 and smell the roses.
她的确是放缓步伐了 She slowed down all right.
我拿到了解剖报告 I got the autopsy report right here.
我们来看看 Let's see here.
"严重的肝脏损害说明大量酗酒 "Severe liver damage suggesting heavy alcohol use.
"手臂和脚趾之间布满针孔" "Track marks along her arms and between her toes."
你知道她在用海洛因吗 Were you aware of the heroin use?
不 那... No, that's, uh...
抱歉 我真的 I'm sorry, I really have
不敢相信 trouble believing that.
她喜欢很烈的马丁尼 但是 She liked a very strong martini, but...
我不知道她怎么能向我隐瞒这么大的事 I don't know how she could've kept that a secret from me,
特别是连她的丈夫 肖恩都不知道 and especially from her husband, Sean.
你好像很了解肖恩 Yeah, you seem to know Sean pretty well.
我...我们过去的几周 I... We've gotten to know each other
作为朋友 互相有所了解 over the last few weeks, just as friends.
我想你以前应该从来没有和 I'm guessing you've never dealt
执法部门打过交道吧 with law enforcement before.
没怎么打过交道 Not really, no.
这条裙子很漂亮 That's a really nice dress.
谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
不过看起来不符合你的风格 Doesn't seem to be your style, though.
我可是有很多面的 警探 Oh, I'm very versatile, Detective,
你以后就知道了 I think you'll find.
我真的只是想在肖恩和尼基这么悲伤时 I'm really just trying to help Sean and Nicky
来帮助他们 in their time of grief.
肖恩有多么悲伤 Oh, how is Sean's grief?
他还可以 He's holding up very well.
基本可以预想到 As well as can be expected.
没什么事... Is that everything, or...
我问你 Let me ask you something.
你知道 Were you aware
他在艾米丽死前 that he took out an extra $4 million
给她多投了 life insurance policy
四百万的人生保险吗 on Emily before she disappeared?
我不知道 不知道 I was not aware of that, no.
为什么这么问 我怎么会知道 Why? How would I?
好吧 Okay, all right.
我不是... Yeah, I don't...
对不起 这... I'm sorry. What...
你在... What are you...
你是说他把她杀害了吗 Are you saying he had her rubbed out?
他雇了一个杀手吗 He hired a hitman?
我没说他雇了一个杀手 I didn't say anything about him hiring a hitman.
是你说的 You just did.
好吧 Okay.
我能看得出来你很乐在其中 I can see that you're enjoying yourself,
苏默维尔警探 Detective Summerville.
但是如果你想要找人逼问 你应该 But if you wanna grill someone, you should
找找艾米丽的上司 丹尼斯·奈龙 really speak to Emily's boss, Dennis Nylon.
他实在是太可疑了 He could not be more suspicious.
真有意思 因为正是他联系我的 That's super interesting because he contacted us.
他说他觉得你有所隐瞒 And he said he thought you knew more than you were letting on.
他是个烂人 Well, he sucks.
那么 So...
只要你说实话 斯马瑟斯小姐 As long as you're honest with me, Ms. Smothers,
我发誓 I swear to you,
你不用担心我 好吗 you have nothing to worry about. Okay?
我只是在顺着面包屑寻找真相 I'm just following breadcrumbs wherever they lead.
这样吧 暂时到此为止吧 Okay, you know what? I'm done for now.
谢谢你抽出时间 Thanks for your time.
你的猜测根本站不住脚 你知道的 Your theory doesn't hold water, you know,
因为这根本解释不了 because it doesn't explain
伪造的机票和租的汽车 the fake plane ticket or the rental car.
以及他们为什么要在密歇根的一个夏令营 And why would someone shoot her full of heroin
给她身上注射海洛因 at a summer camp in Michigan?
康涅狄格州就有很多的好海洛因 There's plenty of good heroin right here in Connecticut!
我听说的 I'm told.
很好 看来我们有很多好谈的 Great, good. Okay, so we have a lot to talk about.
那好吧 好好享受你的新房子 All right, then. Enjoy the new house.
你的面包屑是就我所知最烂的面包屑 The worst breadcrumbs I've ever heard of, you know.
这种面包屑绝对不能 Couldn't fill a Caesar salad
用来做凯撒沙拉 with those breadcrumbs!
你能签一下这文件吗 保险那儿马上需要 肖恩
这凯撒的[剖腹]莎拉为什么这么脆 Why is this Caesarean salad so crunchy?
是凯撒莎拉 非常好吃 It's Caesar salad, baby, and it's delicious.
里面加了什么 What's in it?
面包屑 Breadcrumbs.
你今天工作怎么样 How was your day at work?
痛苦 Grim.
花了一整天跟大学新生 Spent most of the day explaining the difference
解释"你的"和"你是"的 between "Your" Possessive and "You're" Apostrophe R-E
所有格的区别 to college juniors.
看得出来的确能让一个人发疯 I can see how that might drive a man over the edge.
对吧 I know, right?
孩子们呢 What about you boys?
你们今天在学校里做了什么 What'd you guys get up to today at school?
我看到了我妈妈 I saw my mom.
我明白 尼基 有时候 I understand, Nicky, that sometimes
虽然我们很想念的人已经去世了 we think we see people that we miss
我们还是觉得自己看到了她 even if they're gone.
不 我看到她了 No, I saw her.
她在课间就站在 She was right outside the fence
踢球场的篱笆外 by the kickball yard at recess.
有很多人看上去很相像 Lots of people look like someone else.
没有人像妈妈 Nobody looks like Mom!
她要我向斯蒂芬妮问好 She told me to say hi to Stephanie.
尼基 Nicky,
这样做不好 this is unhealthy.
迈尔斯也看到她了 对吧 迈尔斯 Miles saw her, too. Right, Miles?
我想是吧 I think I did.
但我不知道 But I don't know.
我在玩绳球 I was playing tetherball.
你们俩商量好的吗 Did you two hatch this up?
这是什么游戏吗 就像你们用火车撞掉所有东西 Is this a game, like when you smash everything with trucks?
我们可是说过不能撒谎的 Because you know what we say about lying.
我没有撒谎 我看到她了 去你妈的 I'm not lying! I saw her! Fuck you!
尼基 Hey, Nicky!
对不起 I'm sorry.
我没有晚安吻吗 Don't I get a kiss good night?
你当然有了 亲爱的 Of course you do, sweetie.
其实你之前说了脏话 应该往 Actually, you owe the oopsy jar a quarter
哎呀罐子里丢钱 但我 for earlier, but I...
晚安 亲爱的 Good night, sweetie.
我们应该脱光光 We should get naked.
怎么了 What is it?
怎么了 What's wrong?
我闻到她了 肖恩 我闻到了她的香水味 I smell her, Sean. I smell her perfume.
像鬼魂一样留在尼基身上 It's all over Nicky like a ghost.
他可能是拿了她放在药柜里的 He probably got to her perfume bottle
香水罐子 in the medicine cabinet.
他很想她 He misses her.
这只是你在胡思乱想 Okay? It's just you being paranoid.
是吗 我还找到了这个 Is it? Because I found this, too.
这是什么 What's this?
这是我给她做的友谊手链 It's the friendship bracelet I made her.
恐怕她不会戴着这个的 I'm afraid to say she would not have kept this.
她很讨厌这种东西 She hated stuff like this.
她可能在你给她后 She probably gave it to him
就转手给了他 right after you gave it to her.
除非他说的是实话 Unless he's telling the truth.
你亲眼看到了她的尸体 You saw her with your own eyes.
在她的棺材里 In her coffin.
有点不对劲 There was something off.
他们在湖底找到了她 They found her at the bottom of a lake!
你看到了她的纹身 You saw her tattoo,
你看到了她从我母亲手中偷走的戒指 and you saw that ring that she stole from my mother.
她说是你的母亲给她的 She said your mother wanted her to have that ring.
她说是你母亲坚持要给她的 She said your mother insisted.
她是这么告诉你的吗 That's what she told you?
这枚戒指是我父亲给我母亲的 My father gave that ring to my mother.
这是她这辈子 It was like the only bit of jewelry
唯一一件首饰 that she ever owned.
我和艾米丽私奔后 我带着她 I took Emily to London to meet my mother
回伦敦见我母亲 after we eloped.
戒指就是在那个周末不见的 It went missing that weekend.
我妈妈急疯了 我们哪里都找过了 My mother was frantic. We searched everywhere.
一无所获 我们什么都没找到 Nothing. We didn't find a single thing.
我妈妈大受打击 My mother was devastated.
然后我们坐飞机回纽约 So we took a flight back to New York.
猜猜我找到了什么 Guess what I found.
你找到了什么 What did you find?
不是吧 No!
不可能 No way!
我的小夏洛克·福尔摩斯 My little Sherlock Holmes.
妈妈这下肯定能放心了 Mum is gonna be so relieved.
拜托 宝贝 Oh, come on, baby.
妈妈肯定会把它带进土 多浪费啊 Mum will take it to the grave. What a waste.
这么美 So pretty.
不好意思 Excuse me.
这不好笑 亲爱的 一点都不好笑 Not amusing, my darling, not in the slightest.
我一点都没有在开玩笑 I'm not joking in the slightest,
亲爱的 my darling.
我拿的 I took it.
我没打算还回去 I don't have any intention of giving it back.
我们当然要还回去了 Of course we're gonna give it back.
不 No.
我们就告诉她这不小心 We'll tell her that it just slipped
滑进了你的包里 into your purse by accident,
我们刚刚才找到 and we've only found it now.
但如果你告诉她是我找到了 But if you tell her that I found it,
我就告诉她是我偷的 then I have to tell her that I stole it.
你觉得哪种对她来说更糟糕 And what do you think will be worse for her?
觉得自己丢了戒指 Thinking that she lost her ring,
还是觉得自己的儿子娶了个贼 or thinking that her son married a thief?
宝贝 Baby...
你来选择 她还是我 You choose, her or me?
20秒后到厕所找我 Meet me in the bathroom in 20 seconds.
敲两次门 Knock twice.
九个月后 尼基出生了 Nine months later, Nicky was born.
你怎么能和她过下去 How could you stay with her?
我被迷住了 I was spellbound.
我满脑子里只有她 She was the only woman
一个女人 I could never figure out fully.
作为一个年轻傲慢的作家 我绝对不可能 As a young, arrogant writer, I could never
变成她想要的样子 live up to what she expected of me.
我总是提心吊胆 I was always looking over my shoulder.
睡都睡不好 I could hardly sleep.
但是跟你一起不一样 But with you, it's different.
我睡得像头猪 I sleep like a log.
女人就喜欢听这句话 That's what every woman wants to hear.
你懂我的意思 You know what I mean.
你理解我 能看透我 You understand me, you see me.
你让我获得新生 斯蒂芬妮 You've rebuilt me, Stephanie.
我又开始写作了 I've even started writing again.
才写了前几章 First couple of chapters,
但那是个好开头 but it's a start.
真棒 That's wonderful.
你接纳一个破碎的男人 You took a broken man,
再重新将他拼凑了起来 and you pieced him back together again.
你不像我见过的所有女人 You're unlike any other woman I've ever met.
搬来和我一起住吧 Move in with me.
肖恩 Sean.
不 太快了 别人会怎么想 No, it's too soon. What will people think?
他们早就有他们的想法了 They're already thinking it.
我厌倦撒谎了 我厌倦假装了 And I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of pretending.
我想成为 I want to be this man.
和你一起的男人 The man I am with you.
我不玩3P I don't do threesomes.
我想这么说 I want to say that.
我先把话说开 I'll just get that out in the open.
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
你的助教 Your TA?
艾米丽告诉了我你们的小爱好 Emily told me about your little moment.
-她是这么告诉你的吗 -是的 - That's what she told you? - Yes.
斯蒂芬妮 听着 Stephanie, listen.
艾米丽是个病态的骗子 Emily was a pathological liar.
从来没有那种事 好吗 That never happened, okay?
你为什么给她买了 Why did you take out a $4 million
四百万的人身保险 insurance policy on her?
天啊 这些警察真的是把你洗脑了啊 My gosh. Those cops really did a number on you, didn't they?
我是认真的 I'm being serious.
那是因为你 It was because of you.
自从艾米丽发现你一直 When Emily found out that you had been
靠着你丈夫的保险金生活 living off your husband's insurance money,
她就觉得我们俩也应该为了尼克 she thought she and I needed to get policies
做个保险 out for Nicky's sake.
这可能是我们迄今为止做过的最负责任的事 It's probably the most responsible thing we ever did.
多亏了你 Thanks to you.
搬进来和我住吧 Move in with me.
我们可以一起开始全新的生活 We can start a whole new, wonderful life together.
只有你 我和孩子们 Just you, me and the boys.
拜托 答应我 Please, say yes.
我爱你 斯蒂芬妮·斯马瑟斯 I love you, Stephanie Smothers.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
房屋出售
安息吧
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms. This is Stephanie here.
今天我要做一些不一样的事 I'm gonna do something a little different today.
我一般会避免在播客上说到涉及宗教的事 I normally avoid any talk of religion on the vlog.
我不想冒犯任何不信教的妈妈们 I don't wanna offend any non-denominational moms.
但是我相信我们死后还是会存于世上 所以 But I do think that we live on after we die, so...
艾米丽 Emily,
如果你在 if you are out there,
你能听到我现在说的话 and you can hear me right now,
没人能取代你 no one could ever replace you.
你永远是尼基的妈妈 And you'll always be Nicky's mom.
我无法取代你的位置 I can't take your place.
我只能努力去爱你爱的这些人 I can just try to love the people that you love
让他们的生活变得更好 and try to make their lives better.
我觉得这是你所希望的 I think that's what you would want.
伙计们 你们有点太闹了 Okay, guys, it's getting too rough back there.
我杀了你 I murdered you!
我没有 我死而复生了 Not me. I came back to life.
就像你妈妈 Like your mom!
把娃娃们放回你们的包里 Okay, the dolls are going in your backpacks
不然我就全扔了 我是认真的 or they're going in the trash, I mean it.
妈妈 它们不是娃娃 天啊 Mom, they're not dolls! God!
斯蒂芬妮 我妈妈要我给你这个 Stephanie, my mom told me to give you this.
妈妈 Mom!
该死 你想杀了我们吗 Damn! Are you trying to kill us?
干哥哥的
未知号码
喂 Hello?
你好 我是 Hi, I'm calling from
联合国际分时度假屋的 United Timeshare International.
是的 我 Yep, I...
我想向你介绍免费去往巴拿马度假 We'd like to offer you a free trip to the Bahamas.
你只要去我们... All you have to do is come down to one of...
我不要 日安 I don't want that, have a nice day.
我不要 我不在乎 I don't want that, I don't care.
天啊 Oh, my God!
喂 你肯定还有正事要干 Hi, I'm sure you have a job to do.
我不需要免费度假 I don't need a free trip.
喂 Hi.
干哥哥的 Brotherfucker.
-艾米丽 -不 艾米丽死了 - Emily? - No, no, Emily's dead.
不 你已经忘记了吗 Oh, no, have you forgotten already?
-你在哪里 -我在天堂 - Where are you? - I'm in heaven.
看着你 Watching over you.
顺便 衬衫真不错 Nice blouse, by the way.
你为什么要这么做 Why are you doing this?
你怎么知道这是我一个人干的呢 How do you know it's just me doing it?
帮我吻吻肖恩 Hey, hey, hey, kiss Sean for me,
四百万次 four million times.
你想对我用《孽迷宫》吗 Are you trying to Diabolique me?
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
《孽迷宫》 Diabolique, you know?
一部法国电影说一个人的老婆 The French movie about the guy whose wife
还有他的情妇想要杀死他 and mistress, they're trying to kill him.
但我没有四百万的 But I don't have a $4 million
-人身保险 -斯蒂芬妮 - insurance policy. - Stephanie...
如果你和艾米丽在搞什么诡计 If you and Emily are in some kind of plan,
赶紧停手 please just call it off...
-斯蒂芬妮 -我真的不合适 - Stephanie. - I'm really not the one.
深呼吸 拜托 Just breathe, please.
你被尼基影响了 艾米丽已经死了 Nicky's getting to you. Emily is dead.
她给我打了电话 She called me.
什么 What?
她今天给我打了电话 She called me today.
我在心理系有个朋友 I have a friend in the psychology department.
我联系他一下 I'll give him a call.
帅哥 你有时间... Hey, handsome, you got time...
对不起 我不知道你有会面 I am sorry. I didn't know you were in a meeting.
贝丝 这是斯蒂芬妮 Beth, this is Stephanie.
很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you.
我只是想问问你要不要 I was just wondering if you needed
用智能板 那个坏了 to use the SMART board, 'cause it's broken.
-我不用也行 -好的 - I can live without it. - All right.
好的 All right.
她看起来很不错 She seems nice.
斯蒂芬妮 回家去吧 Stephanie, go home.
艾米丽的药柜里有阿普唑仓[镇定剂] Emily had some Xanax in the medicine cabinet.
吃一片 吃两片吧 Take one. Take two.
也许她可能还有些海洛因呢 Yeah. Maybe she has some heroin lying around. Hmm?
这都是因为悲伤 这是悲伤的阶段表现 This is all just grief. Just stages of grief.
对不起 你说得对 I'm sorry, you're right.
我反应过度了 我... I'm so overwhelmed, and I...
对不起 I'm sorry.
宝贝 你只是需要有人来爱你 Oh, baby, you just need someone to love you.
我有你啊 我只需要一个好朋友 I have you. All you need is a good friend.
拜托 你不想念性爱吗 Come on, don't you miss sex?
让男人把你按在洗衣机上干 Having a man fuck you on top of a washing machine?
都快忘记那种感觉了 Barely remember what it's like.
你为什么一副受虐狂的样子 Why are you such a masochist?
你可以随时随地找个男人爬上你的床啊 You could have a man in your bed any time you want.
我有过男人 被我搞砸了 所以... I had a man, I ruined that, so...
这是什么意思 What does that mean?
拜托 这话是什么意思 Come on, what does that mean?
如果你连我都不能说 那你能告诉谁呢 If you can't tell me, you can't tell anyone.
我是你最好的朋友 I'm your best friend.
我们去看爸爸吧 Let's go see Daddy.
我只想要真相 I just want the truth.
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
迈尔斯和克里斯 About Miles and Chris.
克里斯 我哥哥克里斯 Chris? My brother, Chris?
没错 你的哥哥 Yeah, your brother.
你装得一点都不像 And you certainly don't act like it.
有时候更像是你俩才是恋人 对吧 Sometimes it's more like you guys are lovers, right?
真恶心 这... That's disgusting. That's...
迈尔斯到底是不是我的孩子 Is Miles mine or not?
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
你听听你自己说的话 Are you listening to yourself?
多么荒谬 You sound ridiculous.
没错 Yeah.
戴维斯 戴维斯 Davis! Davis!
你要去哪里 Where are you going?
你要去哪里 戴维斯 Where are you going? Davis?
斯蒂芬 没事的 别担心 Steph, it's all right. Don't worry.
只是去兜兜风 Just gonna go for a drive.
男人之间 说两句 Have a little talk. Man to man.
没事的 No problem.
都是我的错 It's my fault.
他们俩的死都是我的错 I'm the reason they're both dead.
不 No.
别这么做 Hey, don't do that.
人们会因为他们自己的破理由 People do terrible things
干出很多可怕的事 for their own fucked-up reasons.
怪他们自己 That's on them,
-不怪你 -嗯 - it's not on you. - Yeah.
我很想他 I miss him.
哪一个 Which one?
都很想 Both.
我好孤独 I'm lonely.
我觉得因孤独而死的人肯定比因癌症死的人多 I think loneliness probably kills more people than cancer.
过来 Hey, come here.
过来 Come here.
没事的 要点个披萨吗 You're okay. Want to order pizza?
天啊 天啊 我太丢人了 Oh, God. God, I'm so embarrassed.
因为什么 不 没事的 宝贝 Oh, because of that? No, hey. It's all good, baby.
没事的 只是一个普通的星期二 It's all good. Just another Tuesday.
戴安娜·海兰
走开 Go away.
戴安娜·海兰 Diana Hyland?
这是你画的吗 Did you paint this?
你这是在哪里找到的 Where on Earth did you find it?
我要先告诉你一些坏消息 I should start by giving you some unfortunate news.
艾米丽死了 Emily's dead.
节哀顺变 My condolences.
艾米丽是谁 Who the fuck is Emily?
画里的这个女孩 The girl in the painting.
很好 Good.
她的名字不叫艾米丽 Her name's not Emily.
她叫克劳迪亚 Her name's Claudia.
安息吧 混蛋 Rest in peace, asshole.
看来不是什么很好的回忆了 So, not a pleasant memory for you, then?
恰恰相反 她很棒 No, opposite. She was amazing.
她简直是我遇见过最棒的人 I mean, she was the best that I ever had.
我当时在卖画 I was selling paintings.
那是我职业生涯中 You know, it was the first time
第一次喝了点小酒 in my career that I had any buzz.
她走进了我的画廊 She walked into my gallery.
凭空突然出现了一位活生生的女神 A real fucking muse just right out of thin air.
然后呢 What happened?
我笔下只有她 She was all I could paint.
我能记得她身体的每一寸 I memorized every inch of her body.
我的画商恨之入骨 My dealer fucking hated it.
评论家们都恨之入骨 And the art critics fucking hated it.
摄影家
他们叫我疯同性恋梅普勒索普 They called me a knockoff dyke Mapplethorpe.
反正我为了画那个冒牌艺术家而葬送了职业生涯 Anyway, I blew my whole career painting that con artist.
现在我只能画这些该死的刀子 Now all I paint are these goddamn knives,
画得真棒 但是没人想买这堆垃圾 which are pretty good, but nobody wants to buy this shit.
什么 这些都很棒 人们都是嫉妒 Oh, what? They're so good. People are just jealous.
我已经42天没有喝酒了 I haven't had a drink in 42 days.
不要... Oh, don't...
也许还是庆祝一下吧 Might as well celebrate.
干杯 Mmm, well, cheers.
我给了她我的心和我的灵魂 I gave her my heart and I gave her my soul.
我给她出钱上大学 I paid for her to go to college.
我给她出钱还债 I paid off her debts.
你看到过她注射海洛因吗 Did you ever see any heroin use?
不 不可能 她吗 No. No way, her?
不 她没碰过 No, she didn't touch it.
该死 Shit.
她从来不让我画她的脸 除了这一张 She never let me paint her face except for this one.
我从没有见过长得如此美丽 I've never seen such a beautiful girl
却那么想要隐匿在人群中 wanna be so invisible
或者完全消失的女孩 or just completely vanish.
但是你知道吗 要消失 But you know what, it takes
是需要钱的 money to vanish.
所以她带走了从我身上搜刮的所有东西 And so she took everything that she could from me.
你知道我会把你画成什么样吗 You know how I would paint you?
天使般 Beatific.
就像一个该死的圣人 Like a fucking saint.
经常有人这么说 I get that a lot.
那你应该接受 人们都爱圣人 You should embrace it. People love saints.
是啊 在他们死后 Yeah. After they're dead.
你对她有多少了解 她怎么死的 Okay. What do you know about her? How did she die?
死在湖里 In a lake.
注射了海洛因 On heroin.
你不相信 不然你也不会来了 Well, you don't believe that or you wouldn't be here.
她从来没有提到过密歇根 对吗 She didn't ever mention Michigan, did she?
这是她留在这的唯一一件东西 That is the only thing that she ever left here.
她说这是她从小就带在身边的 She said she had it since she was a kid.
斯阔湖 圣经夏令营
我警告你 I warn you,
你要是要去打探她的过去 you go poking around in her past,
你会发现一些很可怕的事 you're gonna find some shit that is terrifying.
她不是一个像你我这样的普通人 She was not a normal person like you or me.
肖恩 我是斯蒂芬妮 Sean, it's Stephanie...
我考虑了一下你说的话 I thought about what you said.
你说得对 这些只是悲伤的阶段 You're right. These are just stages of grief.
我们俩的压力都太大了 This experience has been so stressful for both of us,
我准备自己一个人离开几天去散散心 I'm gonna take a couple of days to myself.
我会让索娜帮忙接送孩子们 I'll have Sona pick up the boys,
他们今晚就住在她那儿了 and they can stay at her house tonight.
你应该也好好去散个心 You should take some time, too.
斯阔湖 圣经夏令营
冰箱里有火腿炖菜 There's ham stew in the freezer.
在微波炉里转五分钟就行 Five minutes in the microwave.
爱你 Lots of love.
我们五十年来一直在 Yeah, we've been saving young souls
拯救年轻的灵魂 going on 50 years now.
不仅仅只有我和鲍比 Not Bobby and me personally.
看起来真是太棒了 Well, it seems just perfect!
我儿子几乎是个小海豚 And my son's practically a porpoise,
他肯定很喜欢在湖里游泳的 so I know he's gonna love swimming in that pond.
那是斯阔湖 That's Squaw Lake!
孩子们总打趣说这都是圣水 The kids all joke that it's holy water.
你钓上来的每条鱼 Any fish you pull out of there
都能喂饱一大群人 is guaranteed to feed a multitude.
太好笑了 Oh! Oh. That's so funny.
你们有没有什么旧相册 Um... Have you guys got any old photo albums
或者年鉴能给我看看 or a yearbook I could look at?
我总觉得营员的面貌 I always feel like there's no better review
才能体现出整个地方的面貌 of a place than the faces of the campers.
当然了 我们地下室有一大堆呢 Oh, heck, yeah. We got a ton of 'em down in the basement.
你只会看到一大堆笑脸 You'll see nothing but smiles.
双人独木舟第一 霍普[希望]·麦克兰登和菲斯[信心]·麦克兰登
最佳潜水员 霍普·麦克兰登和菲斯·麦克兰登 最佳短跑运动员 霍普·麦克兰登 最佳扔蛋组合 霍普·麦克兰登和菲斯·麦克兰登
希望[霍普]和信心[菲斯] Hope and Faith.
斯阔湖圣经夏令营地谢谢麦克兰登家族的慷慨捐助
我找麦克兰登基金会 Hi. I'm looking for the McLanden Foundation.
汽车旅馆
请问你是玛格丽特·麦克兰登吗 Is this Margaret McLanden?
玛格丽特·麦克兰登
你是谁 Who's this?
你好 我是玛丽安·切尔科夫斯基 Yeah. Hi, there. My name's Maryanne Chelkowsky.
我是斯阔湖圣经夏令营地的主管 I'm the director of the Squaw Lake Bible Camp.
你想要什么 What do you want?
我们在修订纪念五十周年的 Well, we are putting together the 50th anniversary
营地公报 edition of our camp gazette.
我们想要跟踪报道一些明星学院 We're trying to track down some star alumni.
请问你认识霍普和菲斯·麦克兰登姐妹吗 Are you any relation to Hope and Faith McLanden?
-喂 -布鲁斯 又是那个营地 - Hello. - Bruce, it's that camp.
那些女孩肯定又干了些什么 上帝... The girls must have done something again and God...
女孩们早就不在了 麦太太 Girls are long gone, Mrs. M.
请你坐会你的凳子上去 You just go on back to your chair.
但是这里好脏 布鲁斯 But it's filthy there, Bruce.
我跟你说了... I've asked you a...
找到了 Gotcha.
慢慢来 布鲁斯 Take your time, Bruce.
麦克兰登太太 Mrs. McLanden?
我是清洁公司的格洛丽亚 Hi, I'm Gloria from the cleaning service.
谁 Who?
布鲁斯没有告诉你吗 Didn't Bruce tell you?
我要把这里清扫干净 I'm supposed to clean the entire place
让你可以坐在地板上 until you could eat
享受四菜大餐 a four-course meal off the floor.
我没记错日期... Did I get the date...
该死 Shoot!
从我楼上的厕所开始 Start in my upstairs bathroom.
如果我真的在清扫 就不算是撒谎 It's not lying if I'm actually cleaning.
布鲁斯 Bruce!
火要灭了 The fire's dying!
布鲁斯 Bruce!
我注意到了 I couldn't help noticing that
你女儿们可爱的照片 lovely picture of your daughters.
布鲁斯在哪里 Where's Bruce?
布鲁斯 Bruce!
布鲁斯出去了... Bruce had to go out. Um...
那么 So,
你的女儿 菲斯 your daughter, Faith...
她应该是惹了些麻烦吧 She had some trouble, I gather?
麻烦 Troubles!
麻烦都算是轻的 Troubles would've been a vacation.
那孩子简直是来自地狱 That child came straight from hell.
一个妈妈用这种说辞也太重了 That's a very strong statement for a mother.
你也是一名母亲吗 Are you a mother?
是的 我喜欢当母亲的每一分钟 Yes. I love every minute of it.
那你肯定是脑子坏了 Then you must have brain damage.
这是吃力不讨好的活 It's a thankless business.
有的孩子生下来就是坏的 And some children are just born rotten.
他们不需要父母 而是需要驱魔人 They don't need a parent. They need an exorcist.
我的丈夫非常明白 My husband understood that.
等等 别告诉布鲁斯 Now, wait. Don't tell Bruce!
-不会的 -找到了 - No. - Bingo!
这家伙对我的管束也太不人道了 It's unseemly, the way that man polices me.
你要来点雪莉酒吗 Would you like some sherry?
不用了 谢谢 你真好 Oh, no, thank you. You're very sweet.
等等 这 Wait, that's...
这不是雪莉酒 这是琴酒 That's not sherry. That's the gin.
雪莉酒呢 Where's the sherry?
肯定在西尔维亚·普拉斯后面 Must be behind the Sylvia Plath.
菲斯出什么事了 What ever happened to Faith?
一切 一切 Oh, everything. Everything.
我们为她的戒瘾花了好多钱 We spent so much money on her rehab.
霍普想要照顾她 Hope tried to help take care of her
帮她戒掉那些东西 and get her off that stuff.
当然了 霍普天生就是个可怕的骗子 Of course, Hope's a born liar with terrible posture.
麦克兰登夫人 Uh, Mrs. McLanden?
你认识这张照片上的人吗 Do you know the person in this photograph?
那是菲斯 那是菲斯 That's Faith. That's Faith!
你为什么...这是她寄给你的吗 Now, why're you... Did she send you?
-不 我都不确定 -你是警察吗 - No, I'm not even sure... - Are you the police?
不 我只是想问 No, I'm just ask...
我跟你们说了一千多遍了 I have told you people a thousand times.
我的记忆力不好了 上法庭也没有用 My memory is not good anymore. It will not stand up in court.
大火那天晚上 The night of that fire,
我丈夫和我分房睡 my husband and I were estranged.
我们睡在房子的两头 We lived in separate wings of the house.
火烧掉了西翼房子吗 The fire that burned down the west wing?
你是保险调查员吗 Are you an insurance agent?
没错 Yes.
太好了 太好了 Oh, good! Oh, good, good.
我和布鲁斯一直在等 Oh, Bruce and I have been waiting
保险赔偿的钱 for the insurance money.
当然了 你们这些混蛋有关于纵火的条款 Of course, you assholes had that clause about arson.
-纵火 没错 -压榨 - Arson. Yeah. - Vultures.
敬现在的破房子 Here's to being house poor!
你不该喝酒的 麦太太 You ain't supposed to be drinking, Mrs. M.
-你是谁 -那个 - Who are you? - Well, uh...
-谢谢你抽出时间 麦克兰登太太 Thank you so much for your time, Mrs. McLanden.
我会给你买那件象牙色仿纪梵喜西装 I will get you that faux Givenchy suit in ivory
和褐色围巾 and the scarf in taupe.
我会加急处理的 谢谢你的预定 I will put a rush on it! Thank you for your order!
该死 Shit. Okay.
你以为你要去哪里 Where do you think you're going?
我要定海军运动衫 I wanted to order the navy blazer.
加大号 Extra large.
太好了 Great.
你好 Hello.
你想要什么 小可爱 What do you want, cupcake?
我要找韦恩郡过去20年来 I'm looking for all the Wayne County
所有和纵火案件有关的 arson-related news items
新闻报道 for the last 20 years.
双胞胎少女家中失火后离奇失踪
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms, Stephanie here.
我现在正在密歇根 I'm coming to you from Michigan.
旅途特别版 Special on-the-road edition.
你们很多人可能都知道 As many of you know,
无空房 沃菲尔德豪华旅馆 无线 空调房 24小时洗衣房
我在努力为我最好的朋友之死 I was struggling to find closure
做个了结 surrounding the death of my best friend.
所以我去了她淹死的那个湖 So I drove up to the lake where she drowned
看看我能不能挖出些什么 to see if I could dredge something up.
旅途版
该死 Oh, shit.
我发现了 Well, it turns out
这是斯阔湖圣经夏令营地 this is the site of many a canoe race
独木舟竞赛的纪念照 at the Squaw Lake Bible Camp.
我在一堆营地记录中找 I had to dig through a bunch of camp journals,
我找到了艾米丽的照片 and I found a photo of Emily,
她的中间名是克劳迪亚 whose middle name is Claudia.
我以前倒是不知道 Not pretty I didn't know that.
你这个疯婊子 You crazy fucking bitch.
看起来像个天使 对吗 妈妈们 It's like looking at an angel, isn't it, moms?
干哥哥的 Brotherfucker.
这也让我得到了我想要的了结 And it gave me the closure I needed.
我觉得我现在和艾米丽前所未有地贴近 I feel closer to Emily than I've ever felt.
简直就像是双胞胎 Almost like a twin.
艾米丽 不管你在哪里 Emily, wherever you are,
我希望[霍普]你在听 I hope that you're listening.
你一定要有信心[菲斯] And you gotta have faith.
干哥哥的 Brotherfucker!
*我们需要的东西* *Things that we need*
*票子 衣服 叶子没错* *Money, clothes, Weed, indeed*
*帽子 吃的 喝的 绝对的* *Hats, food, booze Essentials, credentials*
*街上的老大谁做主* *Code of the streets owners who creep*
*可别睡着热度散去* *Slow when you sleep holdin' the heat*
*车来几枪尝尝街头* *Put holes in your jeep respect the streets*
*这就是我* *It's the L-I-L-F-A-M-E*
妈妈回来了 Mom's home!
小宝贝 Oh, Smoochie-smooch?
我的天啊 Oh, my goodness!
小宝贝 我想死你了 Smooch, I missed you so much!
你去哪里了 Where were you?
我们为什么要睡在赫克特家 And why did we have to sleep at Hector's house?
他都尿床 He pees the bed!
赫克特最烂了 Oh! Hector's the worst!
他们可以和我一起住的 They could've stayed with me, you know.
我以为我们都需要喘口气 I thought we all needed a breather.
现在我感觉好极了[有一百万] Now I feel like a million bucks.
也许甚至是四百万 Maybe even four.
我叫贝丝 Hi, my name's Beth.
家庭经济
我代表我的上司 肖恩·汤森德 I'm calling on behalf of my boss, Sean Townsend,
保险 艾米丽
问问关于他的妻子 艾米丽·尼尔森投保的事 about his wife, Emily Nelson's policy.
保单号是CT7602258001 The number is CT7602258001.
你能告诉我处理这笔交易的 Can you tell me the name of the agent
保险代理人名字吗 who handles that account, please?
亲爱的普丽吉小姐 我叫布鲁斯·哈格雷弗 Dear Miss Prager, my name is Bruce Hargrave.
我是来询问你关于一起你最近经手的保单 I'm writing to you about a case you're handling
已故的艾米丽·尼尔森的事 for Emily Nelson, recently deceased.
多年来 我一直是她家大宅的守门人 I have been the caretaker of her family estate for many years.
我要告诉你的话听上去可能很疯狂 What I have to say will sound crazy,
但是好几年前 我的雇主已经死于大火 but years ago, my employer died in a house fire.
他的一对双胞胎女儿 霍普和菲斯·麦克兰登 His teen daughters, Hope and Faith McLanden,
消失的无影无踪 disappeared without a trace.
附上一张旧照片 I'm attaching an old photo.
我是肖恩·汤森德 Hi, this is Sean Townsend.
我约了比利·肯特共进午餐 I was meant to meet Billy Kent for lunch.
什么意思 What do you mean?
你们的人两天前打电话来安排的 You guys called two days ago to organize this.
不 算了 No, never mind.
我会给他回电的 I'll call him back.
拜托 你这个傻蛋 Oh, come on, you dumb shit.
我们每年纪念日都在这儿度过 We've spent every anniversary here.
你怎么会没想起来呢 How could you not put it together?
艾米丽 为什么 Emily, why?
我有四百万个理由 I have four million reasons why.
你怎么能这样对尼基 How could you do this to Nicky?
我这样做就是为了尼基 I did this for Nicky.
我恨那份工作 我总是没时间见他 I hated that job. I never got to see him.
我们总不可能下半辈子都去你的学校 It's not like we could live off your faculty buffet
蹭自助餐吧 the rest of our lives, could we?
我为你的死而伤心 I grieved your death.
我明白 I understand.
你不是一个人 人人都说 You're not alone. They say that
其实九成丧偶的人 90% of people who lose their spouse
最后都会在葬礼后睡了他们伴侣 end up sleeping with their spouse's best friend
最亲密的朋友 after their funeral, actually.
真的吗 Really?
不 全是我编的 你这个混蛋 No, I just made that up, you fucking dick.
这就是你的悲伤吗 That's how you grieve?
干我最好的朋友 Balls deep in my best friend?
你可以和我透露一些的 You could've told me something.
然而你无法保守秘密 就算你现在什么都不知道 Except you can't keep a secret, even in the dark.
-什么都行 -你几乎毁了一切 - Anything. - You almost ruined everything.
我必须保持低调 等保险金打过来 I had to lay low until the insurance money came through.
那你现在怎么不低调了呢 And so why didn't you stay low? Hmm?
然而你吓到了我们的孩子 Instead, you terrorized our son.
我没有吓他 I didn't terrorize him.
你让我以为他和斯蒂芬妮一样 You made me think that he had gone insane
全都疯了 as well as Stephanie.
我太想他了 I missed him too much.
他是我的小宝贝 He's my little dude.
你知道我有多爱他 You know how much I love that kid.
现在时间不多了 Well, the clock is ticking now.
神探南茜知道得太多了 Nancy Drew knows too much.
如果她让我的保险金黄了 If she fucks up my insurance money coming through,
我就要拖你一起下水 I'm taking you down with me.
你要拖我一起下水 You're taking me down with you?
当然了 这都是你的计划 Well, of course, this was all your plan.
我的计划 My plan?
我跟这些完全没关系... I had nothing to do with it...
你现在为什么要装傻 Why are you playing dumb now?
你这个该死的疯子 ...you twisted fucking psycho.
我不知道你从哪里... I don't know where...
你刚刚说我什么该死的疯子来着 What were you saying about me being a fucking psycho?
你爱她吗 Do you love her?
不 只是性 No. It was just sex.
你上她的时候想的是我吗 Did you think of me when you were fucking her?
是的 Yes.
你爱不爱我 宝贝 Do you love me or not, baby?
我当然爱你 Of course I do.
她对我来说没有意义 She doesn't mean a thing to me.
很好 Good.
该死 该死 Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
我忘记上膛了 I forgot to load it.
操 天啊 Fuck. Oh, God.
你敢想象万一我上膛了会怎样吗 Can you imagine if I would've, though?
真操蛋 What a mess.
艾米丽 你疯了 Emily, you're crazy.
其实很简单 Hey, it's pretty simple. You know?
你来选择 她还是我 It's your choice. Her or me?
没那么难 It's not that hard.
别难了 Stop it.
你很喜欢 You love this.
20秒后到厕所找我 Meet me in the bathroom in 20 seconds.
敲两次门 Knock twice.
他来了 There he is now.
汤森德先生 Mr. Townsend,
我是艾迪森第一保险的伊莎贝尔·普丽吉 Isabel Prager, Addison First Insurance.
我正在调查你已故的妻子 I'm investigating the death benefit claim
保险金赔偿事宜 for your late wife.
肖恩 Sean,
你知道艾米丽有一个双胞胎姐妹吗 did you know that Emily had a twin?
不知道 但是... No, but...
我也不想这么说 Well, I hate to even say this,
但这说明湖中的尸体 but it means the body in the lake
很可能是她的姐姐 could be this sister.
这样就能解释得通DNA检测了 It could explain the DNA match.
如果是那样的话 And if that's the case,
艾米丽现在在哪里 then where is Emily?
如果我的妻子还活着 她肯定会回家的 If my wife was still alive, she'd come home.
她肯定想要见她儿子 She'd wanna see her son.
我不是警察 I'm not a cop,
我绝对也不是心理治疗师 and I'm definitely no therapist,
我只是一个保险业务员 I'm just an insurance guy.
但是这事实在是太有意思了 But this is an incredibly interesting case.
就是这么简单 对吗 This is just bananas, isn't it?
-没错 -我要说 - Yeah. - I will say,
作为丈夫 it's unusual
或者妻子 很少会不知道 to live with someone as husband and wife
自己的枕边人有个双胞胎兄弟或姐妹 and not know that they have a twin.
她很注重个人隐私 She was a very private person.
我们都有自己的秘密 Well, hey, we all have our secrets.
但我相信你肯定能理解 But, as I'm sure you can understand,
如此大额的赔偿 with a payment of this size,
我们需要继续对此进行调查 we'll have to continue this claims investigation.
当然了 Of course.
并且根据法律 将我们调查所得结果 And, by law, give all our findings
都呈交给当局 to the authorities.
当然了 只要你有需要 Of course, anything you need.
我只希望我的妻子还活着 I just hope that my wife is still alive.
我想要她回来 I want her back.
那好的 Okey-dokey, then.
显然 如果你有她的消息 Obviously, if you do hear from her...
-绝对第一个通知你 -非常感谢你 - You'll be the first to know. - Thank you so much!
谢谢你 谢谢你的咖啡 Okay, thank you. Thanks for the coffee.
再见 Bye-bye.
-再次非常感谢 -谢谢 - Thank you so much again. - Thanks.
你早就知道她有个双胞胎姐妹吗 You knew that she had a twin.
我知道吗 Did I?
你为什么不知道 Why didn't you?
你知道 而你没告诉我 You knew and you didn't tell me.
肖恩 Sean,
你听上去像是疯了 you sound crazy.
来一片阿普唑仓 Take a Xanax.
来两片吧 Take two.
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms. Stephanie here.
完美墓穴
今天 我们要来聊聊摆在墓前的贡品 Today, we're talking about tombstone tributes.
我要感谢来自蒙大纳米苏拉的海伦 I want to thank Helen from Missoula, Montana,
所提的建议 for the suggestions.
非常创新 For thinking outside the box.
现在不需要送花了 You know, it doesn't have to just be flowers anymore.
纪念艾米丽·尼尔森 挚爱的母亲 妻子和朋友 1986年11月6日-2017年9月26日
我觉得能唤起美好回忆的东西都行 I think any item that sparks a fond memory is perfect.
艾米丽最喜欢在午后来一杯 Emily's favorite treat was a dry gin martini
干琴酒马丁尼 in the late afternoon.
我要像艾米丽一样调几杯 I'm gonna make a couple just like Emily used to.
冰琴酒 冰杯子 Frozen gin, frozen glass,
挤柠檬汁 generous twist.
我今天晚点会去那里 I'm gonna head out there a little later today.
在她目前敬一杯 Have a toast on her grave.
挤了很大一块 我教得不错 Nice, big twist. I taught you well.
名师出高徒 Student's become the master.
聪明 Ooh, wisdom.
给我 Hey, give me that.
我不知道你的新袖子里 I don't know what tricks you have
藏了什么小把戏 up those new sleeves of yours.
你觉得我在两杯里都下毒了吗 You think I poisoned both drinks?
这不是我的风格 That's not my style.
我连粗粮都不吃 I don't even eat gluten.
-要再来一杯吗 -好啊 - Want another? - Please.
首先 告诉我为什么 First, tell me why
你杀死了你的父亲和你的姐妹 you killed your father and sister.
好吧 我们不如先来谈谈 Okay, why don't we first talk about
你儿子的生父 your son's real father?
艾米丽 现在主动权都在我手上 Oh! Emily, I hold all the cards here.
我想知道你的双胞胎姐妹 菲斯 I wanna know about your twin, Faith.
我不是双胞胎 I'm not a twin.
太棒了 我知道你是 Great, I know that you are.
我们是三胞胎 We were triplets.
菲斯 霍普和查丽蒂[善举] 查丽蒂夭折了 Faith, Hope, and Charity. Charity was stillborn.
我们的妈妈觉得我们在腹中 Mom thought we offed her
杀死了她 in the womb.
爸爸相信了她 Dad believed her.
你妈妈是个人物 She's quite a woman, your mother.
我和麦克聊得很开心 I had a nice afternoon with Mags.
你去见了我妈妈 You met my mother?
她喜欢的马丁尼比你喜欢的还要烈 She likes her martinis even stronger than yours.
我们回忆了一下过去 We had a little walk down memory lane.
她是个冷酷的女人 艾米 She's a cold woman, Em.
在她眼里 你肯定做什么都是错的 Bet you couldn't do anything right in her eyes.
也许放火是菲斯的主意 It was probably Faith's idea to set the fire.
不过话说回来 坏主意都是菲斯出的 对吗 But then, all the bad ideas were Faith's, weren't they?
-你什么都不知道 -我当然知道 - You don't know anything. - Sure I do.
我懂 And I get it.
你16岁 You're 16.
正是你感觉遭到束缚的年纪 It's that age where you feel so trapped.
然后如果你妈妈总是责骂你... Then, if your mother always had the biting comment...
-菲斯 行了 走 -爸爸 爸爸 - Faith, it's over. Let's go! - Dad! Dad!
-爸爸 别碰我 -这不是我的错 - Dad! Don't touch me! - It's not my fault!
我想你爸爸表现得应该更直接 ...I'm guessing your father was more direct.
妓女 Whore!
-没有下次 -住手 - Never again! - Stop!
于是你和菲斯开始学会按下重置键 对吧 That's when you and Faith learned to hit the reset button, right?
燃烧吧 宝贝 燃烧吧 Burn, baby, burn.
你们为什么分开了 Why'd you leave each other?
大火后 我们俩不能待在一起 Well, we couldn't stay together after the fire.
警察们都在找纵火金发双胞胎 The cops were looking for the big blonde arson twins.
我们简直是行走的标志牌 We were a walking sideshow.
滚开 Fuck off!
我们必须告别 所以我们纹了纹身 We had to say goodbye, so we did it with tattoos.
火焰 以及一点点关于查丽蒂的图案 Flames, and a little something for Charity.
我们是在圣体节分开的 We split up in Corpus Christi.
她要往南去墨西哥 She was gonna head south to Mexico,
我要往北 I was gonna go north.
我们定了等尘埃落定后 We set a time and place to meet
重聚的时间和地点 after the smoke cleared.
但是 她却再也没有出现 But then, she never showed up.
我非常担心 等了好几天 I was worried sick. I waited for days.
但是却杳无音信 But nothing.
我觉得也许这是我 I thought maybe this is my opportunity
独立的机会了 to do it on my own.
她总是会给我惹上麻烦 She was always getting me into trouble.
于是我买了来纽约的单程票 So I bought a one-way ticket to New York
再也没有回头 and never looked back.
你想她吗 Did you miss her?
我当然想她了 Of course I missed her.
没有她 我是不完整的 I wasn't whole without her.
但我不能再那样下去 我要生存 But I couldn't go on like that, I had to survive.
我成功了 And it worked.
我在纽约的生活慢慢好了起来 Yeah, my life in New York fell into place.
我有了工作 努力往上爬 I got a job, worked my way up.
遇到了完美的另一半 I met the perfect man.
这部分你已经了解了 Oh, you know that part, though.
然后你的姐姐打来了电话 Then your sister calls.
该死的脸书 Fucking Facebook.
-你必须去见她 -我当然得去了 - You had to see her. - Yeah, of course I did.
于是你捏造了去迈阿密的出差 So you fabricate this trip to Miami,
在旧营地见了面 meet up at the old camp.
四号营房 我们的快乐时光在那里度过 Camp bunk four, it was our happy place.
只有在那里才能真正地逃离我们的爸爸 It was the only place we could escape our dad, really.
这么多年后再见到她 Must've been shocking
肯定很惊讶吧 to see her after all those years.
是啊 就像在照镜子 Yeah, it was like looking in the mirror.
只不过她选择了和我截然不同的病态道路 Except at the sick life she chose over me.
她想要什么 What did she want?
一切 Everything.
你打算就这么干站着吗 Just gonna stand there?
你必须要有信心 You gotta have Faith.
我14年来没有你的消息 I don't hear from you for 14 years,
然后你就这么突然出现了 and now, here you are?
我没有钱了 I'm out of cash.
震惊 Shocking.
你他妈说什么 The fuck did you say?
没什么 Nothing.
这次放过你 Get away with it this time.
好吧 那... Okay, so, um...
-你现在怎么办 -我不知道 - Now what? - I don't know.
我不知道该去哪里 I didn't know where to go.
我打电话时 你听起来很陌生 When I call, you act like a stranger.
都不想让我来见见你的家人 Won't even let me come meet your family.
我要怎么和他们说 What am I supposed to say to them?
真相吗 The truth?
你最好赶紧和他们说 Well, you may as well now
因为我要告诉警察了 because I'm about to tell the cops.
什么 You're what?
我不知道该怎么办了 I don't know what else to do.
我什么都没有 I don't have anything,
所以我没有什么好失去的了 so I don't really have anything to lose.
我要告诉他们我们所做的一切 I'm gonna go tell them everything we did.
然后我们就一起完蛋 And then we'll go down together.
我们就能重新在一起了 We can be together again.
我现在有一个儿子了 I have a little boy now.
我知道 我看到那孩子了 真可爱 Yeah, I know. I saw that kid. He's super cute.
少废话了 Cut the shit, okay?
你想要我给你什么 What do you want from me?
我要一百万 I want a million bucks.
我要怎么给你一百万 How am I supposed to give you that?
你现在有钱有名 You're rich and famous now.
我给不了你一百万 I can't give you a million dollars.
你看上去倒是很有动力 You do seem highly motivated.
我倒是不知道为什么 I don't know what it is, though.
可能是你的工作 It's your job,
也可能是你的孩子 probably your kid.
别提尼基 Don't talk about Nicky.
嗯 我... Yeah, I'll, um...
我会卖掉房子 我会尽我所能 I'll sell the house. I'll do whatever I need to do.
如果我给了你 你不许告诉任何人 If I do this, you can't tell anyone ever.
你明白吗 Do you understand?
嗯 我明白 Yeah, I get it.
我其实不明白孩子们有什么大不了的 I mean, I don't really get the big deal about kids.
你永远可以再生一个嘛 You could always just make another kid.
你知道的 对吧 You know that, right?
但是姐姐只有一个 You can't make another sister, though.
这里真热 It's fucking hot.
走吧 我们去游泳 Come on, let's go swimming.
记得吗 像我们以前经常做的那样 Remember? Like we used to.
-你来吗 -嗯 - You coming? - Yeah.
马上来 Right behind you.
你怎么在湖里淹死她的 How'd you get her in the lake?
去你妈的 我没有杀死我姐姐 Fuck you. I didn't kill my sister.
那都是她的主意 That was her idea.
来啊 胆小鬼 Come on, wimp.
怎么了 我以为你现在应该比我厉害了呢 What? I thought you were the alpha now.
不是吗 No?
我就是比你厉害 该死 I am the alpha, God damn it.
你抛弃了我 You abandoned me.
你和我应该是一队的 We were supposed to be a team, you and me.
记得吗 Remember?
我知道 Yeah, I know we were.
但是我觉得当时我们唯一的选择就是分开 But I just thought the only chance we had was alone.
你说得对 You were right.
对不起 孩子 I'm sorry, kid.
我也是 Me, too.
我太担心了 I was so worried.
我第二天早上醒来 哪里都找不到她 I woke up the next morning. I couldn't find her anywhere.
我从来没想到 I never thought...
我从来没想到她会这么做 I never thought she'd do that, you know?
我在湖里找到她的尸体后 已经太迟了 When I found her body in the lake, it was too late.
撒谎 Lie.
你溺死了她 You drowned her.
不 她杀死了自己 No, she killed herself.
她只留下了我 I'm just all that's left of her.
不 你是个杀姐姐的人 No, you're a sister killer.
你是干哥哥的 You're a brotherfucker.
肖恩知道多少 What does Sean know?
全知道 Everything.
这是他的主意 It was his idea.
我找到尸体后不知道该怎么办 I didn't know what to do once I found the body.
他说这可能是我们的机会 He said maybe this is our opportunity.
我们终于能还清债了 We could finally get out of debt.
离开这个国家 Flee the country.
多陪陪尼基 Spend more time with Nicky.
他说服我我们得演一场戏 He convinced me we could pull it off.
其他就交给她的DNA That her DNA would do the rest.
我不相信你 他为你的死而悲伤 I don't believe you. He grieved for you.
你信这一套吗 Oh, you believed that?
那全都是演戏 Aw, that was all an act.
你真是个病态的骗子 You're a pathological liar.
这是肖恩说的吗 Did Sean say that?
不错 Cool.
我快速给你放一遍吧 I'm just gonna play you this tune real quick.
-你爱她吗 -不 - Do you love her? - No.
只是性 It was just sex.
你上她的时候想的是我吗 Did you think of me when you were fucking her?
是的 Yes.
你爱不爱我 宝贝 Do you love me or not, baby?
我当然爱你 Of course I do.
她对我来说没有意义 She doesn't mean a thing to me.
对不起 宝贝 我知道你以为那都是真的 I'm sorry, baby. I know you thought it was real.
但是 往好处看 But, hey, look on the bright side.
你的主页因为我而大火 Your website went viral, thanks to me.
这一切都是为了一点钱吗 All this for a little money?
四百万 A little $4 million.
不算是一点吧 That's not exactly little, huh?
我本来是要躲到这笔钱到手 I was hiding out till that money came in.
他会处理好所有后续的事 He was just gonna tie up some loose ends.
我算是后续的事吗 Was I a loose end?
他需要有人帮忙照顾尼基 Well, he needed help with Nicky.
你和孩子们关系都那么好 You're so good with those kids.
那现在怎么办 So what happens now?
我只想要我的孩子 I just want my kid.
你搞砸了我的骗保计划 You fucked up my insurance plan.
那些官员绝对会咬着不放 The authorities won't back down on that.
肖恩可以给你 他就是个混蛋 You can have Sean. He's a piece of shit.
我甚至都不想要他 I don't even want him.
我不想要肖恩 I don't want Sean.
那我就不知道了 我猜... Then I don't know, I guess there's...
还有另一个办法 不错 There's another way, but
只能算是母亲与母亲之间的交涉 sort of one mother to another.
睡得像头猪 Sleeping like a log.
汤森德 邮箱
发生了什么 What's going on?
他们有搜查令 我想给你打电话的 They have a warrant. I tried to call you.
不好意思 我是汤森德 Excuse me. I'm Sean Townsend.
你有任何需要我都可以进行合作 Look, I'm happy to comply with anything you need.
但是最好还是能事先知会我一下吧 But it would be nice to have a heads-up.
这是公开调查 This is an open investigation.
不需要等你有空的时候再通知我们 You don't get to pencil us in when it's convenient.
我被捕了吗 Am I under arrest?
不 还没有 地检想要板上钉钉 Oh, no, not yet. The DA wants a slam dunk.
由于我什么都没干 那可能还是有点难度的 That's gonna be pretty hard since I haven't done anything.
你知道你妻子还活着吗 Did you know your wife was alive?
最近才知道 Not until recently.
什么时候 When?
她联系了我 She contacted me.
你立刻通知了当局吧 And you immediately notified the authorities, right?
没有我的律师在场 我不能和你讨论这些 I can't discuss this without my attorney.
你可真是一名好教授啊 You know what? You really are a professor, aren't you?
回头聊 Okay, we'll talk soon.
如果我们需要联系你 Oh, uh, if we need to contact you,
你会和你妻子一起还是和她的好朋友一起 will you be with your wife or the best friend?
还是别人 Somebody else?
我需要一杯烈酒 也许你的... I need a stiff drink. Maybe some of your...
抱歉 你不能进来 I'm sorry. You can't come in.
什么 尼基在哪里 What? Where's Nicky?
他在楼上玩 He's upstairs playing.
-你需要离开这里 -你在说什么 - You have to go. - What are you talking about?
这里正在进行调查 肖恩 This is an ongoing investigation, Sean.
我的天啊 For fuck's sake.
我不能让你进房子 I can't let you into this house
除非一切全部解决了 until this whole thing's been solved.
她蛊惑了你 对吗 She's gotten to you, hasn't she?
这和艾米丽没有关系 This has nothing to do with Emily.
这跟她大有关系 It's got everything to do with her.
她在撺掇你 She's gaslighting you.
你不明白她有多么强大 You don't understand how powerful she is.
不 我现在什么都不明白了 No, I don't understand anything right now.
斯蒂芬妮 别这么做 Stephanie, don't do this.
请不要逼我报警 Please don't make me call the police.
斯蒂芬妮 给我回电 Stephanie, please call me back.
我不知道怎么回事 I don't know what's going on
也不知道这会变成什么样 or how this is all going to turn out.
但你是个好妈妈 But you're a great mum,
你教我怎么做一个更好的爸爸 and you taught me how to be a better dad.
我将永远感激你 For that, I'll always be grateful.
事实上 我不觉得我了解我的妻子 The truth is, I don't think I ever knew my wife.
或者了解她的能耐 Or what she's capable of.
艾米丽·尼尔森的案子 A shocking new development
出现了令人震惊的新进展 in the Emily Nelson case,
本案因为其在网上的疯狂传播而广为人知 which first went viral on a popular Internet vlog.
原本被认定为已在密歇根州死亡的 The PR executive who was believed dead
公关部长重新露面 in Michigan has resurfaced.
湖中找到的尸体 And it appears the body found in the lake
是尼尔森多年未见的双胞胎姐姐 was that of Nelson's estranged twin sister.
尼尔森的丈夫 肖恩·汤森德 Nelson's husband, Sean Townsend,
是一名失败的小说家 也是一名英语教授 an abusive failed novelist and English professor
据称他逼迫她伪造了自己的死亡 allegedly forced her to stage her own death
为了 in order to collect
四百万的人生保险金 a $4 million life insurance policy.
不管怎么样 Nevertheless,
汤森德先生的保释会将于今天召开 bail for Mr. Townsend will be set today.
作为英国公民 A British national,
汤森德如果被判有罪将会面临遣返 Townsend faces deportation if found guilty.
虽然尼尔森女士也参与了欺诈 Although an accomplice to fraud,
但是她正在积极与警方合作 Ms. Nelson is complying with the authorities
以争取宽大处理 in exchange for clemency.
斯蒂芬妮 Stephanie?
尼基在哪里 Where's Nicky?
他在朋友家看电影呢 Oh, he's at a friend's house watching a movie.
我觉得我们需要点二人甜蜜世界 I figured we needed some Mommy and Daddy time.
你已经忘记我了吗 Have you forgotten me already?
你是个很难忘记的人 You're impossible to forget.
谢谢你 Thank you.
拜托 肖恩 我不会给你下毒的 Oh, please, Sean, I'm not gonna poison you.
如果我想除掉你 你早就死了 If I wanted to get rid of you, you'd already be dead.
你在我的电脑里放了那些档案 You put those files in my computer.
没错 Yes, I did.
但是我的确得到了一位 But I did have help from a woman
自愿帮我搞定一切的女人相助 who loves volunteering for everything.
斯蒂芬妮 Stephanie.
她没有她看上去那么可人吧 She's not as sweet as her snatch, is she?
你到底有没有打算过告诉我你有一个双胞胎姐姐 Were you ever gonna tell me you had a twin sister?
不关你的事 Wasn't your business.
我是你的丈夫 I'm your husband!
你在我的家里上我的 You've been fucking my best friend
最好的朋友 然后现在拿出丈夫身份了 in my house, but now you're my husband?
好吧 Okay.
那我应该告诉你我们是三胞胎 Then I should probably tell you that we were triplets.
细节 The details.
妈妈们 Hi, moms!
我是斯蒂芬妮 Stephanie here.
我想想你们一直以来 I wanna thank you for all the love
给我的爱和支持 and support you've been sending me.
对我来说意义非凡 Means so much.
虽然我和你们一样对事情的反转 You know, as shocked as you guys are
感到非常震惊 about these turns of events,
但我可以保证 没人比我更惊讶 I can assure you, nobody is more stunned than me.
艾米丽有她的秘密 Emily had her secrets.
她的丈夫也是 So did her husband.
显然 我就是那个被夹在中央的 Clearly, I was the naive romantic
天真烂漫的家伙 caught in the middle.
我爱你们 我永远会爱你们 I love you guys. I always will.
我希望你们会原谅我 I hope you can forgive me
所将要做出的事 in advance for what I have to do.
妈妈们 凡事要亲力亲为 Moms, do everything yourself.
天真烂漫
斯蒂芬妮 Stephanie.
你现在不该来这里 You shouldn't be here right now.
我以前住在这里呢 记得吗 I used to live here. Remember?
-不要再逼我... -别动 - Don't make this any hard... - Don't move.
斯蒂芬妮 拜托 Stephanie, please.
你都不让孩子们玩玩具枪 You don't even let the boys play with squirt guns.
那是在你告诉我你爱我 That was before you told me you loved me,
但其实只是在背后嘲笑我之前 and it turned out you were laughing at me behind my back.
斯蒂芬妮 也许我们该把这事放一放 Stephanie, maybe we should take it down a notch.
你利用了我 You used me.
你也利用了我 You used me, too.
但你还让我给你做晚饭 But you had me making you dinner,
给你看小孩 吃你的屌 watching your kid, and sucking your dick.
我不知道她还活着 I had no idea that she was still alive.
别撒谎了 Stop lying.
好了 伙计们 我觉得我们 Okay, you guys, I think we
应该坐下来 把话说开 should just sit down and talk this out.
艾米丽 你才应该坐下 你恨斯蒂芬妮 Emily, you sit down. You hated Stephanie.
你以前都看着她的播客然后嘲笑她 You used to watch her vlog and rip her apart.
我只想要成为你的朋友 All I wanted was to be your friend.
你是 You were.
然后你上了我的丈夫 And then you fucked my husband
还砸了我的骗保计划 and my insurance plan.
别怪她 你就是这个样子 Don't blame her. This is so typical of you.
肖恩 我只是不想让我们深陷债务 Sean, I was just trying to get us out of crushing fucking debt.
没错 也许如果你能理智到给我打个电话 Oh, yeah. Maybe if you had the good sense to give me a call,
我能帮你完成你的小计划 I could've helped you with this little plot of yours.
拜托 你十年来都没有 Oh, please, you haven't come up
想出什么像样的计划[情节] with a decent plot in 10 years.
真的吗 现在提这茬 Really? Right now?
作为拿枪的女士 我能说些什么吗 Can I say something, as the lady with the gun?
你们这样的父母不配拥有尼基 Nicky deserves better than both of you.
去你妈的 我爱我的孩子 Fuck you, I love my kid.
闭嘴 Shut up.
斯蒂芬妮 放下枪 Stephanie, put down the gun.
你不想这么做的 You don't wanna do this.
我其实还真的想 I really do, though.
我爱过你 I loved you.
我也爱过你 I loved you, too.
我觉得这样最棒了 I think this is the best thing.
我们可以说他攻击了我们 他们会相信我们的 Yeah, we could say he attacked us. They'll believe us, you know?
不 你不是认真的 你不会杀了他 No, no, you're not fucking serious. You're not gonna kill him.
我们只是要把他送进监狱 We're just gonna send him to jail.
你是认真的吗 你觉得进监狱就够了吗 Are you serious? Jail's enough for you?
-你不用杀死他 -你不生气吗 - You don't need to kill him. - Aren't you angry?
你不想为你的姐姐复仇吗 Don't you want revenge for your sister?
想 但严格意义上来说 他并没有杀死她 Yeah, yes. But he didn't technically kill her.
那是谁杀的 Then who did?
因为我可不信这只是一起意外 Because I don't buy that it was an accident.
算了 Screw this.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
-操 -我的天啊 上帝啊 - Fuck. - Oh, my God. Jesus.
上帝啊 Oh, my God. Um...
上帝啊 该死 他死了吗 Oh, my God! Shit! Is he really dead?
肖恩 对不起 我该怎么办 Sean? I'm sorry. What do I do?
你要压住吗 Do you put pressure on it?
我们要叫救护车吗 Do we call an ambulance?
就这么让他死吗 我是说... Do I just let him die? I mean...
这是他罪有应得 对吗 He deserved it, right?
不 是我杀了她 我杀了我姐姐 No, I killed her. I killed my sister.
什么 What?
肖恩 肖恩 Sean? Sean!
起来 Get up.
表演结束了 拜托 Show's over, come on.
认真的吗 快点 起来 Seriously? Come on. Get the fuck up. Hey!
你也是 白兰度 You too, Brando.
起来 Get up!
操 Fuck!
真是意外 That was extra.
我看到你们俩让警察安插在这里的麦克风以后 I mean, obviously, I knew you guys were up to something,
就知道你们俩 when I saw both the mics
肯定另有所图 that you had the cops plant in here.
你们肯定想让我招供 You clearly wanted a confession out of me,
好让你们洗清肖恩的罪名 so you could clear Sean's name.
但是这个办法真的不错 But that was a good way to go about it.
不过你的败笔在于 宝贝 And where you messed up, though, baby girl,
你竟然觉得我会坦白 is thinking that I would confess
来保护这该死的废物吗 to protect that fucking yeast infection.
-认真的吗 -好吧 - Really? - All right.
拜托 你们不会就这么点本事 Come on, you gotta know better than that.
然后你一脸冲动地拔出了枪 But then you came in all emotional with the gun,
非常...非常逼真 and that was... That was convincing.
没错 Yeah.
非常有效果 It was very cinematic.
我都不知道你这是从哪里找到的 I don't even know where you find this shit.
你真的很厉害 You're really amazing.
谢了 我很感激 Thanks. That means a lot.
但你还是承认了 艾米丽 But you did confess, Emily.
没错 但我事先就把这个切断了 I did. But I cut these first, though.
我们的友谊手链 For our friendship bracelets.
一条给你 One for you!
太令人失望了 That is disappointing.
天啊 看看我找到了什么 Oh! My God! Look what I found.
好吧 你不能开枪打我们 警察就在外面 Okay. You can't shoot us. The police are outside.
不 他们没有 No, they're not.
警察 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hey, cops, Stephanie here.
计划有变 Change of plans.
我要去达伦家跟艾米丽和肖恩见面 I'm meeting Emily and Sean at Darren's house now.
到那儿见 I'll see you there.
你把他们支去了达伦家 You sent them to Darren's house?
是一种病毒 It's a virus.
弦理论 弦理论 对吗 String theory. String theory, isn't it?
举起手来 放下武器 Hands up! Weapons down!
不 我有处方的 No, I have a prescription for that.
我眼内压高 I have ocular pressure!
拜托 我都逃亡了十年了 Come on, I've been on the run for 10 years.
你们以为我不知道怎么操控系统吗 You think I don't know how to manipulate the system?
你要杀了我们吗 So you're gonna kill us?
我还能怎么做呢 Well, what the fuck else am I supposed to do?
你们俩肯定会用尽手段 You two will clearly go to
想把我扳倒 extraordinary lengths to take me down.
你们知道得太多了 And you know too much.
我觉得只有杀人后自杀的结局 So, I feel like a murder-suicide
能适合你们俩 is the only fitting end for you two.
如果你杀了他 And if you kill him,
我觉得我们的保险还是能赔的吧 I think our insurance still covers that, right?
这简直完美 I mean, sort of perfect.
上帝关上了一扇门 却开了一扇窗 One door closes and another one opens.
谢谢你 Thank you for that.
你一直都是个该死的疯子 对吗 You always have been fucking crazy, haven't you?
是吗 Have I?
该死 你说得对 Oh, shit. You're right.
天啊 你真的...真的开枪打我 God, you fucking... You actually fucking shot me.
我会很想他的 I'm gonna miss him.
轮到你了 Your turn.
艾米丽 拜托 Emily, come on.
你不会杀了我的 You're not gonna kill me.
会的 我杀了我的爸爸和我的姐姐 Oh, yeah. I killed my dad and my sister,
但我绝对不会杀死干我丈夫的最好的朋友 but I could never kill my husband-fucking best friend.
我真的是你最好的朋友 Am I really your best friend?
你那么说不是只为了... You're not just saying that for, you know...
不 我不仅仅只是说说而已 No, no, I'm not just saying that at all.
我担心只有我这么觉得 I get worried that it's just me.
我知道 有时候我也会那么担心 I know, sometimes I was worried about that, too.
好难和其他妈妈们搞好关系 So hard to connect with other moms.
然后当你还有一份全职工作时...那真是 And then when you have a full-time job, it's...
好吧 别废话了 Okay, okay, don't pull that crap.
做妈妈就是一份全职工作 Being a mom is a full-time job.
我做的事很辛苦 What I do is hard work.
我还要打理我的播客 And I have my vlog on top of that,
现在已经越来越红了 and that's just getting bigger and bigger.
如果你上我的播客 肯定会很有意思 If you came on the vlog, that'd be so fun.
如果你上我的播客 If you came on the vlog
承认你杀了 and confessed to killing
你的父亲和你的姐姐 并拿枪指着我 your father and sister and held me at gunpoint,
我肯定能有一百多万个关注者 I could probably hit a million subscribers.
那真是太棒了 Aww. That would've been great.
那为什么我们不现在就这么做呢 Why don't we do that right now?
我们在直播呢 你不知道吗 We're live streaming. Did you not know that?
你在说什么呢 What the fuck are you talking about?
这太失礼了 对不起 God, that's so rude, I'm sorry.
和妈妈们打个招呼吧 Wave hi to the moms!
这些小装备 This little gadget. Boop!
对 现在的保姆监控器都做得这么小 Yeah. They make nanny cams so small these days.
干哥哥的 Brotherfucker!
艾米丽 Emily!
艾米丽 站住 Emily, stop!
艾米丽 你逃不掉的 不要这样对尼基 Emily, you can't outrun this! Don't do this to Nicky.
拜托 你还是他的妈妈 Come on, you're still his mom.
没错 Yeah, I am.
但你肯定不会是他的妈妈 But you sure as shit won't be.
美国混种 America's hybrids.
沉默寡言但一击毙命 Silent, but deadly.
我在播客上看到你了 I saw you on the vlog.
你敢惹一个妈妈就是惹了我们所有人 You fuck with one of the moms, you fuck with us all.
艾米丽 Oh! Emily.
住手 艾米丽 Stop! Emily.
这看上去特别疼 This looks super painful.
亲爱的 Now, sweetie.
别动了 你刚被一辆车撞了呢 Stop. You've just been hit by a car.
别动了 Don't do this.
我都开始担心你的膝盖了 I'm getting worried about your knees right now.
放松 Just relax.
对不起 I'm sorry.
我不觉得对不起 I'm not sorry. Oh!
我还在努力改呢 I'm still working on that.
六个月后
妈妈们 我是斯蒂芬妮 Hi, moms! Stephanie here.
今天我们有非常令人激动的好消息 We have very exciting news today
因为我们迎来了我们第一百万位关注者 because we signed up our one millionth subscriber,
爱荷华州艾姆斯的卡洛·芬得利太太 Mrs. Carol Findley of Ames, Iowa!
谢谢你加入我们 卡洛 Thank you for joining us, Carol.
作为我们的新朋友 你应该知道 You should know, as our newest friend,
我除了会在日常提供有用的贴士和食谱外 that in addition to my usual helpful tips and recipes,
现在还承接各种疑难迷案 I now take on unsolved mysteries.
因为我发现我有一双 Because it turns out I have a nose
既能嗅出最新鲜的罗勒 for sniffing out the freshest basil
也能嗅出自以为能逃之夭夭的罪犯的鼻子 and criminals who thought they got away with it.
所以如果你有未解案件 So if you have a cold case
你好 妈妈们 和斯蒂芬妮一起 主页 自制 关于 联系我 白金观众奖 2018优胜奖 母婴类最佳博客
或者需要解开的谜团 or a mystery that needs to be unraveled,
给我打个电话 you just drop me a line.
包括你哦 卡洛 That includes you now, Carol,
因为你是我们大家族的人了 because you're part of the family.
现在 我们要聊聊 For now, we're gonna be talking
我最喜欢的冷汤 about my favorite cold soup,
西班牙冷汤菜 gazpacho!
一般都很恶心 但我们不会做得很恶心 Which is normally gross, but we're not gonna make it gross.
对吧 伙计们 肯定会很棒的 Right, guys? It's gonna be great.
斯蒂芬妮·斯马瑟斯大获成功的播客最近被出版行业巨头康泰纳仕买下 他们要将她的节目改成一档晨间秀
她的疑难悬案事务所已经抓获了30名危险的逃犯
她目前正在和市里的一个人交往
肖恩·汤森德的第二本小说《哎呀罐》被《纽约周刊》评为最畅销小说 不过有些评论家认为故事有点太牵强附会
他目前是伯克利大学的文学部部长 目前与他的儿子尼基住在一起
父子俩过得很好
艾米丽·尼尔森因杀害她的父亲和姐姐 以及流传甚广的直播枪杀其夫肖恩·汤森德 而被判20年有期徒刑
干爆你 In your ass!
她非常适应监狱生活