埃莉 能再说一次吗? Ally, can we get a recap?
还记得科洛斯基家族吗? 他们那店已经开了30年了 You remember the Kowolskis? They've owned this shop for 30 years
他们想打破水牛镇最大的曲奇的纪录 and they are attempting to set a record by making Buffalo's largest cookie.
- 你一定要戴上这东西 - 这发罩? -and you have to wear this. -A hairnet?
为了公共卫生 H.ealth Department.
不要说笑了 You are kidding.
你想要接近那曲奇你就得遵守规矩 If you're around the cookie, you have to have it on.
我才做了这发型 I just did the hair.
多好看 The hair is perfect.
好了好了 给我吧 All right, give it to me.
上帝 你就这么恨我吗? God... why do you hate me?
开始... 说话 We're rolling. And speed.
三十年以来 科洛斯基自助餐厅 For three decades, the Kowolski Bakery
一直都是水牛镇中心的神话 has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo,
他们以香甜美味的波兰式曲奇闻名 known for their sinfully sweet, cream-filled Polski pierogies
他们的饼令人再三回味 and the occasional sugar-induced coma that follows.
今天 在他们的三十年店庆典礼上 Today, in honor of their 30th anniversary,
他们邀请我们一同见证 他们将打破 they've invited us to ride along as they go for the record
水牛镇最大的曲奇的纪录 on Buffalo's biggest cookie.
沃尔 要纸巾吗? Vol. Do you need a tissue or something?
你要张纸巾吗? 还是要个勺子? Can we get Vol a tissue? Or a spoon?
我也戴上了这个 Good thing we're wearing these.
以免我的头发掉在这破玩意上 I wouldn't want any stray hairs to fall into the booger.
- 这段会放出去吗? - 不 我们会剪掉它 -We doing this again? -No. We can cut to B roll.
我们继续 Moving on!
老妈妈 告诉我 为什么你要做最大的曲奇饼? Tell me, Mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
这样的 卫生局的人来说 说他们在我的奶油里发现死老鼠 Well, man from Health Department say he find rat pellet in our pastry.
我说 那不是 那是一大块巧克力 But I say no, is big chocolate sprinkle.
但他还是封了铺 But he shut store down.
那我们就搞干净 So we clean up,
做一个大的曲奇饼 把客人揽回来 make big cookie for to bring customers back.
嗯 你还真坦白 Well, I admire your candor.
我们要重新来一遍吗? Let's try that again, shall we?
老妈妈 告诉我 为什么要做水牛镇最大的曲奇 Tell me, Mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
这个大曲奇饼一定会令邻居的小孩很开心 So the children of the neighborhood will be happy.
对 能看到他们的小脸上挂着微笑是多么美好 It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces.
我在厨房做事 看不到那些微笑 I work in back. I see no smiles.
现在的纪录是2.60米直径 是克拉丽斯所创造的 The previous record was 8 feet 7 inches, baked by Gladys Pelsnick.
如果这块曲奇能比克拉丽斯的大 那就能证明 If this cookie beats that, it will prove
科洛斯基家族更加闲着无聊 the Kowolskis have much more free time.
这曲奇是... 3.14米! And the cookie is... 1 0 feet, 4 inches!
新纪录诞生了! We have a new record!
来段破纪录的音乐! Cue the cheesy inspirational music!
但是在这里你所发现的 But what are we really looking at here?
只是一个大曲奇吗? Is it just a big cookie?
还是一个水牛镇的骄傲的象征? Or does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo?
以市民的勤劳和忘我工作作为主材料 Its hard-working citizens the key ingredient
加上两块"傻瓜" with a few nuts thrown in.
最后 再加上家庭的爱 And finally, the love of our families,
温暖的亲情 which provides the warm center,
令我们所爱的水牛镇成为一个宜人居住的地方 making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live.
曲奇是这样制成的 And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
这里是布鲁斯·诺兰 直击新闻 I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News.
卡... And cut.
觉得怎样? So what do you think?
我觉得很好 It's really good.
讨厌极了 一个曲奇的故事 It sucks. It's a story about a cookie.
我看起来像个傻子 The Pillsbury Doughboy would be riveted.
亲爱的 这很有趣 我都忍不住笑了 让人笑不好吗? It made me laugh. Nothing wrong with making people laugh.
但这样我永远不能成为电视台的主持 I'll never be an anchorman.
伸手可触 但我就是得不到 The job's there, but I can't reach it.
因为我老是在干这种事情 我要扮得像个傻瓜一样 Every time they make me do this kind of stuff I have to act like a goof.
人们觉得我不可靠 这一点也不好... 不好 I have no credibility. Not good.
- 知道吗? 你说这话才像个傻瓜 - 算了 -Now you just sound silly. -Forget it.
这不重要 对吗? 这不重要 我们再看一遍 It's not important. Let's watch it one more time.
- 噢 不 - 就一次 求你 -No. -Once more? Please?
不要 布鲁斯 你答应过我会帮我整理照片的! No! You promised to help me with this photo album.
把你那傻瓜的屁股摆这里来 Now get your gooy butt over here.
不要"嗯" Looking.
OK. Ok
看看这一叠 把你最喜欢的挑出来 Just go through this stack and pick your favorites.
看这有趣 不是吗? Come on. This is fun, right?
真有趣 这张不错 Isn't this fun? This is nice.
如果我能够成为主持人 Evan's going to get that anchor job.
- 布鲁斯! - 这才是我最喜欢的 -Bruce! -He's the favorite.
算了 算了 这就是我们的生活 You know what? Just forget it. This is just our life.
或许生个小孩来整理吧 We can always just have some kid do it for us.
噢 别挂线 Hold the phone.
我喜欢这张 我们在湖边的周末 I like this one. Our weekend at the lake.
这是我的私人珍藏 That's supposed to be in our private stash.
- 没有穿衣服啊 一定很冷吧 - 还给我 -You look perky. Must have been cold. -Give it to me.
我要把它扫描进电脑里当壁纸 I think I'll put this on my computer.
- 好了 还给我! - 不不不 -Give it to me. Come on. -No!
好了 你想干什么随便 Fine. Do with it what you will.
我不理了 I don't care.
- 我会的 - 上帝啊 -I will do with it what I will. -Jesus.
我会把它送到"花花公子"去 I might even send this in to Playboy.
- 听说他们也刊登读者来照 - 马上还给我 -Their layouts can be quite tasteful. -Give that to me right now!
- 专业打手! - 抓住我! -Rough stuff. -I'm going to hurt you.
亲爱的 要起床了 Sweetie? Time to get up.
不要 我还在做梦 Good dream. No.
水牛镇剃刀队昨晚又输一场 他们对阵多伦多枫叶队 The Buffalo Sabres lost again last night to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
是我支持的球队 当然输了 Of course they did. They're my team.
曲奇是这样制成的 That's the way the cookie crumbles.
我想这句曲奇对白不错 There might be something to this cookie line.
每个台柱都有自己的口头禅 像沃尔特·克朗凯特 The greatest anchors have a signature sign-off. Like Walter Cronkite.
钢铁是这样炼成的 And that's the way it was.
曲奇是这样炼成的 That's the way the cookie crumbles.
这个就是 啊哈 我喜欢这样 That's the way I like it
噢 惨了 Oh, no.
- 格雷斯 你的狗! - 我在洗澡! -Grace, the dog! -I'm in the shower!
坏狗狗! No, Sam. Bad dog.
里面不行 外面行 Inside, bad. Outside, good.
已经拉完了? 好极了 You're done now. Great.
泼...伊...傲... 漂亮 B-E-A-utiful.
来 我们进去拉屎 Come on. Let's go back in and have a shit.
- 那是在干什么? - 在搞献血活动 -What is the dillio? -We are having a blood drive.
- 拿针扎人 - 他们需要我的血 -Needles. Yuck. -They need my blood.
我的是小血型 AB+型 I have a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
是吗? 我的是IB+型 Really? I'm IB positive.
他们不敢拿针动我 这真是... 有意义 I B positive they ain't touching me with no needle. It's just so...
- 可以救人一命 - 不 这些是血 -Helpful and life-saving? -No. It's blood.
血是应该在体内流动的 这才能叫血 Blood is supposed to stay inside the body, where it's meant to be.
但这些人 他们把血装起来再放到什么室里倒掉 Besides, they stockpile this stuff in a warehouse, it's all on ice,
然后他们就说缺血 and they say there's a shortage.
不是这样的 你哪里听回来的? Where did you hear that?
从一个政府高官的姨妈的弟弟的侄女 From a friend of a friend
的同学的同事的女友的朋友那里听回来的 of a girl whose sister is going out with someone in the government.
但我今天不能跟你讨论这问题了 For your protection, I cannot discuss it.
出去吧 趁他们还没见到我们在一起 Now get out, before they see us together.
等等 你比我更需要这个 Here. You need these more than I do.
这个是什么? What is "these"?
护身符 一个小孩做给我的 Prayer beads. The kids made them for me.
- 能保你平安 - 最好它真能带来奇迹 -They will keep you safe. -I hope they're powerful.
否则我赶不及上班了 I'm going to need a friggin' miracle to get to work on time.
不是吧 别这样对我 别在这种时候 别在这种时候这样对我! This isn't happening. Not now. Not during sweeps week.
上帝 Oh, God.
好了 开会了 我赶不上了 Yup, meeting started without me.
这就是我的命! This is my luck.
快! 快! 快! Come on.
上帝啊 Jesus.
出来! Get out of there!
你是"瞎子"吗? 不 但我要迟到了 "Are you blind?" No, but I'm late.
你的孩子正面临死亡的威迫吗? Is your child in dire jeopardy?
今晚比赛后告你 Find out tonight after the game.
Ok 通过了 Promos are approved.
杰克 我们不是应该关注多点皮特的退休吗? Jack? Shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement?
- 这星期以后他就不做了 - 对 他的职位会空出来 -This is his last week. -Any word on the anchor position?
埃文 我想到的事 你总能想到 Evan, when I know something, you'll know something.
对不起 我来迟了 Sorry I'm late.
大塞车 Traffic was...
你们看过我的报道了吗? Did you already play the spots?
你的故事挺有趣 布鲁斯 但我们还是挑了埃文的 Nice story, but we're going with Evan's piece.
市长内阁的性丑闻事件 The sex scandal in the mayor's office for sweeps.
噢 对 丑闻 Yeah. Sweeps.
曲奇是这样制成的 And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
我印象深刻 布鲁斯 I'm just messing with you, Bruce.
你要记住 新闻就像一大块 曲奇 See, you just gotta remember that the newsroom is like a big cookie.
埃文你喜欢爵士乐吗? 让我为你奏一曲 Do you like jazz, Evan? Let me play something for you.
- 我可以给你看一整天 - 伙计们 冷静点 -I can hold that note all day. -Knock it off, guys.
布鲁斯 你的报道我会留着后备 We'll keep your story in reserve.
现在看着白板 看看今天应该播放什么 Can we get back to the board so we'll have something to put on the air today?
有眼光 杰克! 这些是最上等的 Great choice, Jack. The Cadillac of bolognas.
杰克 能谈几句吗? Jack, can I talk to you?
- 当然 布鲁斯 说吧 - 是报道 -Sure. What do you need? -Sweeps.
杰克 你一定要帮帮我 Jack, hear me out. I'm starting to get desperate.
我已经40了 我以后怎么过? I'm pushing 40 and what have I got to show?
我在这里已经变了一个傻瓜 I've hit a kind of ceiling.
我的前途有一个"反 布鲁斯"的牌子 不让我通过 There's an anti-Bruce barrier I can't get past.
但埃文呢 他受人崇拜 And Evan is loving it.
他有他的故事 有他的素材 我想我也应该有这样的待遇 He gets the stories, he gets on sweeps... I should be more like Evan.
你想像埃文一样? 埃文是个混蛋 Don't be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.
- 我也可以做个混蛋 - 不 布鲁斯 你不能 -I can be an asshole. -No, Bruce. You can't.
- 还不给我捡起来? - 对不起 -You going to pick that up? -Yeah. I'm sorry.
我太想成为台柱了 This anchor thing opening up has got me nuts.
- 嗨 苏珊 - 嗨 杰克 -Hi, Susan. -Hi, Jack.
布鲁斯 你是个好记者 你能让观众笑 You're a good reporter. You make people laugh.
好了 这样吧今天是 All right. I'll tell you what.
"雾之少女"号的156岁纪念 Today is the 156th anniversary of the Maid Of The Mist.
我要你到瀑布里呆一个小时 "雾之少女"号制造周年纪念? I want you in Niagara Falls in an hour.
那就是直播了? The Maid Of The Mist is always live.
- 但我不是干直播的人 - 那你现在就是干直播的人 -Evan always does the live feeds. -Now you and Evan get the live feeds.
我要直播新闻? I'm going live? During sweeps?
但小心点布鲁斯 这次可不能剪片的 Watch your step. I've seen your out takes.
杰克 你一定不会后悔的 Jack, you will not regret this.
我出名后一定不会忘记你的 And I won't forget you when I go national.
能不能? Can you...?
谢谢 Thanks, pal.
你的愿望星好了吗? 放到这瓶里 谢谢 Can I have your wish now? I'll put it in the wish jar.
把愿望放到瓶子里 Put your wish in.
- 我也有 - 放到这瓶里 -Me, too. -Put your wish in.
看 这一定是个很大的愿望 That looks like a big wish.
噢 别! 别! 马克不要吃 No, Martin, don't eat that.
这是浆糊 不要放到嘴里去 Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey.
- 一定是很难吃的 - 妈咪 -That must have tasted awful. -Mommy!
今天有没有听 格雷斯阿姨的话? Did you have a good time with Aunt Gracie today?
- 看着多棒 抱着一个宝宝 - 噢 太棒了 -See how nice this is? Baby on the hip. -It's amazing. You've become Mom.
你已经是"妈妈"了 成功转型了 The transformation is complete.
我来听 I'll get it.
- 小奇观托儿所 - 格雷斯? -Small Wonders Day Care. -Grace?
不 我是黛比 被你毁掉幸福的人的姐姐 It's Debbie, the sister whose life you're not wasting.
- 好了 我来听 - 你好 黛比! -OK. -Bye, Debbie!
你好! Hi. Sorry.
不要怪黛比 你在哪? Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are you?
一个旅游胜地 A little place called the winner's circle.
我在瀑布里 要做现场直播 I'm at the falls, doing a live report.
做现场直播? 那太好了! Live? That's great!
对! 就是这样 亲爱的 像埃文一样有机会 Yeah! It's happening, hon. I got sweeps and I'm live.
知道这是什么意思吗? 我不用再靠人了 They're seeing if I can think on my feet.
我快要成为主持人了 Like I might have to do in a live anchor situation.
我的天 Oh, my gosh.
对! ! 实际上 杰克 要让我上位 Yeah! Jack practically came out and told me.
实际上? Practically?
对 他没有说出来 因为在程序上他不能说 He didn't spell it out. Legally, he can't.
但现在就像苏珊·奥尔特加成为真正主持人前 This is what happened to Susan Ortega
所经历的一样 before they bumped her up to the desk.
太好了 太好了 It's good.
太好了 但亲爱的 现在还不应该太高兴 Well, honey, I just don't want you to get too ahead of yourself.
- 布鲁斯 - 我要开始了 -Bruce. -I got to go!
- 他们在叫我了 - 好的 亲爱的 好运 我爱你! -They're calling me in. -OK, honey. Good luck. I love you.
来吧 Let's do it.
- 他们向你接近瀑布 - 真的? 那不就要湿了 -They want you close to the falls. -I'm going to get soaked.
正是这样 他们要你戴上这个 That's the point. They want you to put this on.
保持你一向的形象 Part of the condition of us getting the exclusive.
知道吗? 今天我什么都不介意 You know what? Nothing can bother me today. Nothing.
好了记住 是156岁 Now remember, it's their 156th-year anniversary.
有149个旅客 他们有的来度假 有的来度蜜月 149 capacity. They cater to tourists, honeymooners...
还有想来喝水的人 明白了 And people who are insanely thirsty. I get it.
还有你要采访艾琳 You're going to interview Irene Dansfield.
艾琳! 很高兴见到你 真的 你看上去好漂亮 Irene, a pleasure to meet you. You look beautiful.
艾琳的母亲参加过这船的处女行 Irene's mother rode on the maiden voyage.
- 哇! 那可真令人吃惊 - 90秒? 天啊 -Rub that in my face! -90 seconds!
90秒? 呼... Holy hell.
由于快速行动 所有有毒物质 Because of the fast response,
在事故发生前已经撤走 苏珊 the chemicals were cleaned up without incident. Susan?
布鲁斯·诺兰 现在正在尼加拉瓜大瀑布前 Bruce Nolan is at Niagara Falls.
但在布鲁斯的直播前 我们有一则重要新闻 But before we go live to Bruce, we have an announcement.
大家都知道 我们敬爱的皮特 As everyone knows, after 33 years,
在工作33年后宣布退休 our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.
皮特已经不会再工作了 但他的节目还会继续下去 Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, but the show must go on.
没人能代替他的地位 除了埃文·巴克斯特 And we could think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter.
噢 老天 Oh, boy!
- 恭喜你 埃文 - 谢谢 -Congratulations. -I'm thrilled and honored.
像你所说的 没人能代替伟大的皮特 但我会尽力的 As you said, no one can replace Pete, but I will do my best.
我必须说 能成为水牛镇的市民很荣幸 I am so proud to be a part of our local community of Buffalo.
而我相信 一个伟大的城市就像一张伟大的菜谱 I think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe, really.
放点勤劳 加点团结 You take hard-working citizens, add some care-givers,
或许加几片”傻瓜” maybe a few nuts!
所有这些再加上来自家庭的爱与鼓励 All sprinkled with the love and support of our good families.
就炒成一道 甜蜜之家 Ultimately, that makes one sweet place to live.
- 说的很好 - 没什么 只是有感而发 -That was amazing. -I wish I'd written something.
现在让我们回到报道现场 And now let's go live to that wacky
怪人布鲁斯·诺兰 在尼加拉瓜大瀑布报道 Bruce Nolan at Niagara Falls.
嘿 怪人 布鲁斯 Hey, wacky Bruce!
- 布鲁斯? 说话啊 布鲁斯 喂? - 说话啊 亲爱的 -Talk, Bruce. Hello. -Talk, honey.
- 怎么回事? - 那个怪人 -What's going on? -A Walt Disney.
- 他定格了 可能是没声音 - 检查信号 -It's frozen solid. -Check the feed.
我们遇到一点技术问题 We may be having technical difficulty.
- 信号没问题 杰克 - 说话啊 布鲁斯! -The feed's good, Jack. -Come on.
- 该死的! - 做好最坏打算 -Talk, Bruce, damn it. -Get ready to pull the plug.
亲爱的 说话啊 说话啊 Come on, baby. Say something!
布鲁斯 说话! Bruce, talk.
- 嗨 苏珊! - 谢天谢地 -Hi, Susan. -Thank you, God.
这里是布鲁斯·诺兰 Bruce Nolan here,
我在"雾之少女"号上 身后是纽约美丽的尼加拉瓜大瀑布 aboard the Maid Of The Mist in fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.
首先 让我恭喜 埃文·巴克斯特 First, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber.
应该是埃文大混蛋 Pardon me, Bastard... Baxter.
让我们看看他有没有能耐 It is good to see what someone with real talent can do
应付本来应该给我的好机会 when great opportunities are given to them instead of me.
无论如何 我身边的是凯瑟琳的母亲 Anyway, I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom.
告诉我 为什么你要把海洋之心带上泰坦尼克号? Why did you throw the Heart of the Ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic ?
你把利奥纳多留在冰水里 Did you feel bad letting Leo DiCaprio drown
而自己就趴在大门上是不是很过瘾? while you were safe floating on the door?
你不想换他上去? Could you have taken turns?
还是你的大胖屁股被冻住了? Or were you too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?
这就是命 I guess that's how life is.
有些人在冷得要命的船上等死 还要戴着这种帽子 Some people are drenched, freezing on a stupid boat with a stupid hat,
而另外一些人就舒舒服服 得呆在录影厂里领功 while others are in a news studio, sucking up the glory.
哦 不错哦 伙计 Oh, well. No big deal.
那是"雾之少女"号的主人 我们跟他谈一谈 The owner of the Maid Of The Mist. Let's have a talk with him.
来这边 比尔 别别别 我们来谈谈 Come on in here, Bill. No, let's have a talk.
你在干什么? What are you doing?
你已经拥有"雾之少女"号23年了 你说 You've been running the Maid Of The Mist for 23 years.
为什么我不能成为主持人呢? Why do you think I didn't get anchor?
- 我不知道怎么回事 - 因为我的发型不好看吗? -I don't want any problems. -Is it my hair?
还是我的牙不够白? 还是我的命就像 Are my teeth not white enough? Or, like the great falls,
大瀑布下的石头 is the bedrock of my life eroding beneath me?
你一生都得被我踩 Eroding!
取消直播 -Cut the feed. Go to black. -I'm on it.
这里是布鲁斯·诺兰直击新闻 交给你们 他妈的! I'm Bruce Nolan, for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!
我的天 -Oh, boy. -Oh, my God.
太棒了! That is perfect.
这才是我需要的激励 That is the motivation that I needed!
就这样! 谢谢 Right there! Thank you!
谢谢 WKBW! Thank you, WKBW.
软弱无能的基蒂宝贝悲诉者! Wimpy... Kitty Baby Whiners!
就是代表这个意思 That's what that stands for!
我要跳去5频道 I'll see you on Channel 5.
他们才是真正报道新闻的 Where they do the real news!
我看起来很盲目吗? Do I look blind to you?
我们走吧 快点 Let's go, man. Come on.
你们在干什么? What are you doing?
不要搞这可怜的人 Come on. Leave the poor guy alone!
你没事吧? You OK, man?
你们有种就别走 Yeah, you better keep walking.
- 什么? 你说什么? - 快逃阿! -What'd you say, ese ? -Run, man!
快跑 Run!
上帝! Oh, God!
好了好了 我不是认真的 OK, I didn't mean it!
- 开玩笑的 - 嘿 你忘记拿东西了 -I was just kidding! -Hey, you forgot your things.
看你还敢多嘴 还敢再说 Say something now!
泼...伊...傲... 漂 B-E-A...
漂亮 ..utiful.
这就是报应 That's what I get...
我帮人的报应 That's what I get for trying to help someone.
不要望着我 沃尔特 Don't look at me, Walter.
噢 不! Oh, no!
我想这就是我的报应了 That's my payment, I guess.
我应得的 That is my reward.
人生就是? 就是寻寻觅觅! Just? Just get a clue!
感谢上帝 你没事 Thank God you're all right.
上帝... 我们要感谢上帝吗? God, yeah. Let's thank God.
感谢他的祝福降临在我身上. For his blessings are raining down upon me.
- 不过 这不是雨嘛? - 别这样 布鲁斯 -Wait! That's not rain! -Bruce, please don't do that.
凡事看开点... Everything happens for a reason.
这种陈词滥调对我没用 我不需要 That I don't need. That is a clich? That is not helpful.
＂二鸟在林不如一鸟在手”! "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."
我没有鸟! 也没有林! I have no bird! No bush! God has taken my bird and my bush.
上帝把我的鸟从我的林里拿走了 I see. So God is picking on you?
噢... 我明白了... 你是说上帝是故意找你的碴? 是不是? No! He's ignoring me completely.
他在忙着满足埃文! He's busy giving Evan everything he wants.
你太棒了 萨姆... 但你搞错目标了 我在这里! Great, Sam. But you missed your target. I'm over here!
又不是狗的错 干嘛冲他发火! Don't get mad at the dog. It's not his fault.
对 是上帝的错 他把一切都搞乱套了 It's God's fault. He gave him the wrong co-ordinates.
够了 说的好像你被人谋杀了一样 Enough! Will you stop being such a martyr?
我不是被人谋杀 我是个牺牲品! I am not being a martyr! I'm a victim!
上帝是个坏小孩 他坐在那里 手上拿着放大镜 God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant.
他只要5分种就能改变我的命运 如果他高兴的话 He could fix my life if he wanted,
可他却放任那个家伙对我为所欲为! but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.
我知道你很生气 Sweetheart, I know you're mad.
我完全明白埃文对你做的一切都是错的 What Evan did was slimy and wrong.
但我真的很高兴你今天能平安无事 This day could have been so much worse. I'm just glad you're OK.
平安无事? "新闻简讯"呢? 我有事! OK? News flash! I'm not OK.
我讨厌我做的那些平庸的事情! I'm not OK with a mediocre job!
我讨厌我住的这间平庸的公寓! Or a mediocre apartment!
我讨厌我过的这种平庸的生活! I'm not OK with a mediocre life!
我们在一起 也是平庸的生活? Is that what you think we have? A mediocre life?
别把这件事情扯到你身上 Don't make this about you.
什么... 怎么可能扯到我身上? About me? How could I make this about me?
这是你的事情 永远都是你的事情 It's about you. It's always about you.
太好了! 太好了! Perfect.
今天是我一生中最糟的一天 I'll have the worst day of my life with
请不要再让我有罪恶感了 行吗? a side order of guilt, please!
好罢... 上帝 你要和我说话吗? OK, God. You want me to talk to you?
那就回答我 告诉我这是怎么了 Then talk back. Tell me what's going on.
我该怎么办? 给我个信号吧 What should I do? Give me a signal.
你指引过什么人吗? 给我指示吧! I need your guidance, Lord. Please, send me a sign.
噢 现在又在耍什么把戏? Oh, what's this joker doing now?
好... 好吧... 我就试试你的方式 OK. All right. I'll try it your way.
好的... 主啊... 我需要奇迹 All right. Lord... I need a miracle.
我很绝望... I'm desperate.
我需要你的帮助 主啊 I need your help, Lord.
求你了... 进入我的生活... Please, reach into my life...
你在那儿啊? What the...? Where are you?
我靠... Got you!
好了 Fine!
手链已经脱掉了! The gloves are off, pal!
来吧 谴责我吧! Come on! Let me see a little wrath!
毁灭我吧! 噢... 你不是很厉害的吗? Smite me, O mighty smiter!
你才是该被炒鱿鱼的人! You're the one who should be fired!
你才是从来不做事的人! 是你! The only one around here not doing his job is you!
回答我啊! Answer me!
不好意思... 我不认识你 Sorry. Don't know you.
认识你的话... 我就会回电话了 Wouldn't call you if I did.
不要 上帝 不要 Oh, God!
你好... 555- 0123 Hello, 555 01 23.
天啊 不要! 停止吧! Oh, no! Sam, this has got to stop!
好了 我们直说吧 那是房子 这是厕所 Get it straight. That's the house. This is the bathroom.
房子... 厕所... 厕所... 房子 House, bathroom. Bathroom, house.
真是对狗弹琴... What's the point?
555 01 23. 555-0123...
"升职被拒了吗?" "生活是不是很不公平?" Denied that promotion? Is life unfair?
"比你差的人却抢走了本该属于你的一切?" Is someone less talented than you reaping the benefits?
"你的名字是布鲁斯吗?" Is your name Bruce?
"那么我们有份工作要给你" Then do we have the job for you!
"我们在第23大街77256号" We're located at 77256 23rd Street.
"快来吧 不然我们会一直呼你的!" So come on down -or we'll just keep beeping you.
"全能的现在" "Omni Presents."
...玻璃半关着 Oh, yeah. The glass is half-full.
天啊! 看看吧! 那是什么! 那是什么! Come on! Look! What is that?
天呐... 谢谢... 再次感谢 Thank you again.
这... What the...?
你要去7号房 You're looking for room 7.
- 是的 我想是 - 你这样没事吗? -Yeah, I figured. -Want me to even those up for you?
- 7号房怎么走? - 在7楼 -How do I get to room 7? -That'd be on the 7th floor.
- 楼梯在那边 - 好 我坐电梯 -Stairs are over there. -I'll take the elevator.
- 电梯坏了 - 但其实我也蛮喜欢走楼梯的 它是我的第二选择 -Out of order. -The stairs were my second choice.
你能帮我清洁这一层吗? Do you mind giving me a hand with this floor?
什么? ...不错 What? That's good.
你说真的? Are you serious?
我有点忙 留着我下次做吧 I'm kind of busy. Rain check.
等你哦 I'll hold you to it.
7点我有空 7点! I'm free on the 7th at 7.00.
7点就7点吧 The 7th at 7.00 it is.
他很守信用啊 This looks promising.
有人吗! Hello?
这样浪费我的时间真有创意 Another hug antic, gnostic waste of my life.
有人吗? Hello?
你是这里的头头吗? I'm looking for whoever runs this joint!
就来 我在修灯 Be right with you. I'm fixing a light.
帮我看看修好了没 Tell me if it's working.
是的 好象是修好了 Yeah. Seems to be.
- 不过有点刺眼 - 是的 大多数人都是这样... -Kind of bright, though. -Yeah. It is for most people.
在黑暗里度过一生... 想要躲开我 Spend their lives in the dark, trying to hide from me.
电梯不是坏了吗? The elevator's broken, huh?
对 不过... 我会修好的 Yeah, but I'll get around to it.
- 你装了声控装置? - 没有... 不过那首广告曲很好玩对吧? -You installed a clapper? -No, but catchy jingle, isn't it?
"拍手打开...拍手关闭..." Clap on, clap off
啪啪牌声控 The clapper
绕梁三日啊 Just can't get it out of my head.
那么祝你好运... Well, good luck with that.
- 现在我要走了 - 好吧 -I'm going to go now. -OK.
老板马上就来了 But the boss will be right out.
你一定是布鲁斯 我一直在等你 You must be Bruce. I've been expecting you.
有意思... This is hilarious.
你是老板 又是电工 还是清洁工? You're the boss, electrician and janitor.
这一定是疯狂圣诞派对? Must be a killer Christmas party.
那别喝醉了哦... 要我送你回去嘛? Don't get drunk, though. One of you might need a ride home.
你总是很会逗人开心 布鲁斯 和你父亲一样 You always were funny, Bruce. Just like your father.
他也不介意卷起袖子干活 He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves either.
人们常常会低估体力劳动的好处 People underestimate the benefit of manual labor. There's freedom in it.
那些工作一天后回到家里 满身汗臭的人们 Some of the happiest people smell to
他们才是世界上最幸福的人 high heaven at the end of the day.
这是怎么回事? All right, what is this?
我自己都不认识我父亲 你是怎么认识的? How do you know my father
还有 你是怎么知道我的呼机号的? and how did you get my number?
我知道你的事情可多了... 布鲁斯 I know a lot about you, Bruce.
不是每件事情都说得出原因的 Just about everything there is to know.
你说过的每一句话 做过的每一件事 心中转过的每一个念头 Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing.
都在那个文件柜里 Right there in that file cabinet.
- 喔... 我的整柜人生吗? - 对 -Wow! A whole drawer, just for me. -Yeah.
我可以看一下吗? Mind if I take a look?
这是你的生活 It's your life.
听上去不错... This oughta be good.
最后一笔记录有点烦人. This last entry was a little disturbing.
"手链脱掉了 上帝..." "The gloves are off, God."
"上帝把我的鸟和我的林都抢走了" "God has taken my bird and my bush."
"上帝是个拿着放大镜的坏小孩" "God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass."
"毁灭我吧 万能的毁灭者" "Smite me, O mighty smiter."
我不怎么支持亵渎神灵 不过最后这条记录让我捧腹 I'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh.
你监视我? Are you spying on me?
你是谁? Who are you?
我就是那个人 I am the One.
我创造了天与地... 以及世间的一切 Creator of the heavens and the earth. Alpha and Omega.
噢... 我明白这是怎么回事了 I see where this is going.
布鲁斯 我是上帝! Bruce... I am God.
猜中了! 对呀! Bingo! Yahtzee!
这是你的最终答案吗? 答案是... 上帝! Is that your final answer? Our survey says, "God!"
很高兴认识你 上帝 It was nice to meet you, God.
谢谢你创造了大峡谷 希望你世界末日那天平安无事 Thanks for the Grand Canyon. Good luck with the Apocalypse.
顺便说一句... 你太失败了! And by the way, you suck!
如果你不用这个蹩脚的柜子当道具 It would have been more impressive
你的表演会显得更真实一些 if you hadn't used the cheesy file cabinet illusion.
只要是有脑子的人都看得出来 Anybody with a brain stem can tell that drawer
这个柜子是从墙的反面弹出来的 is being fed through the wall from the other side.
我只需要找到这条缝... All you have to do is find the crease right around here.
就在这里... 只要找到空心的地方 There is a seam here, or a hollow spot.
在哪里? Where?
隔着墙和砖的那一面吗? Through the dry wall and concrete?
很了不起! 真的很了不起! OK, that is a good one.
- 好... 猜我伸出了几只手指? - 布鲁斯 决不要让上帝... -How many fingers am I holding up? -Thou shalt not tempt the Lord.
- 猜不出也没什么的... - 3! -If you can't do it... -Three.
Two... four... nine. 2! 4! 9!
Six... eight... one. 6! 8! 1!
好... OK.
现在呢? How many now?
Seven. 7!
- 怎么会... - 你总是对我抱怨个不停 布鲁斯 -How? -You've been complaining about me.
- 说实话 我快要受不了了 - 等等 别靠近我 说真的 -I'm tired of it. -Don't come near me. Seriously.
我被逼急了会变成只野兽的 我不想伤害到你 I don't want to hurt you,
但这是我的本能 but I will out of instinct.
你最后一次打架是在五年级 和一个女生... You haven't won a fight since grade 5, and that was against a girl.
但她很壮... 最后退却的也是她 But she was huge. She'd been held back.
你眼中的有的是太阳 And the sun was in your eyes.
而不是妄自菲薄 Ah, the ego.
不管怎么说 让你来这里是有工作要给你做 Anyway, I brought you here to offer you a job.
- 工作... 什么工作? - 我的工作 -A job? What job? -My job.
既然你觉得你可以做得更好 我就给你这个机会 You think you can do it better, so here's your chance.
当你离开这座大楼的时候 你会拥有我所有的神力 When you leave this building, you will be endowed with all my powers.
没问题 随你怎么说了 兄台 Sure. Whatever you say, pal.
好了 什么都没发生过 没有人会知道这个 OK. That did not happen. No one needs to hear about it.
除非我在节目中报道 I'm deleting the program.
不... 不... No.
这是我的幻觉 我的精神状况一团糟 I'm having a breakdown.
这很正常... 心理作用 由肿瘤压迫大脑产生的幻觉 Everyday psychotic episode, caused by a tumor, a brain lesion.
快... 发动! Come on. Start!
碰巧走运而已 That was lucky.
拜托... 冷静下来 Come on. Calm down.
你不是上帝... 你也没有神力 You did not meet God. You do not have his powers.
如果他是上帝 我就是克林特·伊斯特伍德 If that was God, I'm Clint Eastwood.
天啊! Holy hell!
小心别许错了愿哦... 笨蛋! Be careful what you wish for, punk.
不! 不! Nope!
我是个理智的人类! I am a reasonable, sane human being.
点44左轮... With a .44 Magnum.
世界上威力最强的手枪 The most powerful handgun in the...
我不是克林特·伊斯特伍德... 我是布鲁斯·诺兰! I'm not Clint Eastwood. I'm Bruce Nolan.
布鲁斯·诺兰... 布鲁斯·诺兰 I'm Bruce Nolan!
这不是真的... That was not real.
- 要咖啡吗? - 好... 咖啡... 好 -Coffee? -Coffee, yeah.
我们今天有特色汤点 We have a special on soup today.
- 不用 够了 谢谢... - 是番茄汤 我亲手做的哦 -No, thank you. -It's tomato. I made it myself.
好的 OK.
对不起... 我要只勺...子 Excuse me, I need a spoo-...
不需要了 我找到了一只 It's OK. I found one.
你的汤来了 Here's your soup.
噢... 汤... 好的... Oh, soup, right.
好的... Yeah, right.
很好玩吧? Having fun?
你... Thy, thou...
来 我们出去走走 Come. Take a closer walk with me.
- 我来解释一下规则 - 规则? -Let me explain the rules. -Rules?
是啊 你走得太快了 我还没来得及解释呢 You left in such a rush, I didn't get a chance to explain.
突然多出两只手指 吓得我要死 The two extra fingers freaked me out a little.
我只是想引起你的注意 I figured I'd get your attention.
我对甘地也这么做过... 他为此绝食了三个星期 I did the same to Gandhi. He didn't eat for three weeks.
总之... 听好了 Anyway, here's the deal.
你有我所有的神力 你可以以你选择的方式任意使用 You have all my powers. Use them any way you choose.
只有两条规则 你不能告诉任何人你是上帝 There are two rules. You can't tell anybody you're God.
相信我 你会为之后悔的 而且你不能干涉自主意志 Believe me, you don't want the attention. And you can't mess with free will.
- 我可以问为什么吗? - 可以! -Can I ask why? -Yes! You can!
这正是它的动人之处! That's the beauty of it.
- 这太神奇了 - 说到神奇... 让让 -This is amazing. -Speaking of amazing, excuse me.
王八... 牛啊! Holy sh-... Cow.
既然你不要它 我就先帮你保管 Since you're through with these, I'll keep them.
说不定某天会回到你手上的 Might come in handy some day.
回见 小子 See you around, kid.
- 你要去哪儿? - 我... 去度假 -Where are you going? -I'm... taking a vacation.
上帝不是不度假的吗? God doesn't take vacations.
现在可以? 以前也可以? Does he? Do... ye?
你听说过暗之世纪吗? Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages?
而且 我有你顶着 如果你高兴的话 5分钟就可以搞定啊 I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes if you want.
对不? Right?
这种感觉就是爽啊 And he saw that it was good.
泼...伊...傲... 漂亮! B-E-A-utiful!
看啊! 看啊! Check it out.
看 这不是英雄兄吗 Look, it's the hero.
- 你还好吗? 诸位兄弟们 - 真是不走运啊 -Whassup, homie? -Yo, brethren, what up with thee?
- 祝福降临到你们这条巷子里了 - 你又活得不耐烦了吗? -Blessings on your alley. -Want another can of whup ass?
- 你还没爽够吗 英雄先生? - 他真的没爽够! -You didn't get enough? -He wants some more!
听好了 小子们 我并不想打架 Surely, I say unto you dudes, I do not wish to fight.
如果你们立即道歉 并且从此改邪归正 So as soon as you apologize and make a reckoning of your transgressions,
我就宽恕你们 大家各走各的路 I shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness.
你在说什么啊? What are you talking about?
你真的很有意思 不过我也真的不知道 You talk kind of funny.
你的脑袋里是不是少了点什么? I don't know if you lost it up here or what.
你要我们道歉是吗? 没问题 You want me and the homies to apologize? Cool.
哪天我屁股里要是钻出只猴子来 我们就向你道歉 好吗? We'll apologize the day a monkey comes out of my butt. How about that?
实在是太巧了! 因为那就是... 今天! What a coincidence! Because that's today.
刚刚是不是有只猴子从你屁眼里钻出来? Did that monkey just come out your crack?
- 巫术! - 魔鬼啊! 逃命啊! This is some voodoo shit!
怎么就走啦? You guys leaving?
我还有礼物要送给你们哦 Don't forget your parting gifts!
屁股里蹦出来的的小猴子 Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey.
你该回去了 小朋友 Time for you to go home.
我就是全能的布鲁斯! I am Bruce Almighty.
心想事成! My will be done!
如果上帝就在我们之中 What if God was one of us
只是我们之中的一条懒汉 Just a slob like one of us
只是公车上的一个陌生人 Just a stranger on a bus
正在归家... Trying to make his way
归家的路上 Home
- 上帝啊 - 你可以称呼我为布鲁斯 -My God. -Call me Bruce.
你怎么了 这么这么... What happened to you? You seem so...
...开心? happy.
我有什么理由不开心呢? 在这样的夜晚里... Why shouldn't I be? On a night like this.
好漂亮! 这是什么花? Those are amazing. What are these?
这是新品种 由郁金香和雏菊杂交而成 A new breed. A cross-pollination between tulips and daisies.
我称之为郁金菊 I call them todayzees.
好吧 OK.
亲爱的 这些花真是太漂亮了 Honey, these flowers are beautiful.
- 昨晚... - 昨晚我还是个凡夫俗子 -But last night... -Last night, I was only human.
贝里 帮帮忙 Barry, help me out.
嗨 亲爱的 Honey? Hi.
- 我从没见过这么大的月亮! - 是啊 -I've never seen the moon that big. -Yeah.
我们可不能虚度了这迷人的月夜 We really shouldn't waste it.
在卧室做? Bedroom?
等我五分钟! Five minutes.
烛光! Let there be light.
还有一分钟! I'll be out in a minute!
别急... Don't rush.
有时候慢慢来反而会更有... Sometimes anticipation can heighten the...
快感! pleasure!
哦 上帝啊 Oh, God.
快感难以言表... It's a funny thing about pleasure.
它可以变成... 超快感! It can be quite... pleasurable!
噢 上帝啊 Oh, my God.
快感快感 快感快感... Pleasuring, pleasurable.
快感快感... Oh, good God!
现在报告国际新闻 In international news:
日本救护人员正在抢救 Japanese relief workers are staging an effort to rescue hundreds of people
被北本市的奇怪潮汐搁浅的数百名游客... stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City.
科学家说这种现象可能是 Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused
由他们所说的"反常的月球运动"造成的... by what they are describing as unusual lunar activity.
"进一步情况有待了解" More on this as it develops.
"请保佑我的妈妈 爸爸 还有我的妹妹..." Please bless my mommy, my daddy, and especially my little sister.
"请帮帮我 主啊 请帮我度过这难关..." Please help me, Lord. Please get me through this one.
"感谢您赐予我生命中的这一切 阿门" Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen.
好孩子 Good boy.
忘了什么吗? Forget something?
乖狗... 家里有女生的哦 Good boy! There are girls in the house.
- 早 - 早上好 -Morning. -Good morning.
- 我给你做了芝士三文治 - 噢 我的最爱! -I made you grilled cheese. -My favi.
- 昨晚我... - 像上天堂? 我知道 我知道 -Honey, last night was... -Heavenly. I know.
我是说...今天早上我一觉醒来 发现...好像...我的咪咪变大了 I mean, I woke up and I felt like my boobs were bigger.
- 你觉得呢? 是不是大了? - 什么? -Do they look bigger to you? -What?
噢... No.
- 变大了吗? 没有吧... - 拜托! 看看它们啊! -Bigger? -Oh, come on!
看嘛... Look at them.
绝对是变大了 Please. They are definitely bigger.
简直是硕大无比 对我而言 I mean, look. They feel huge to me.
瞧 我得出门了 I have to go.
这早餐真好... But this has been the breast bek...
谢谢 Thank you.
- 你要去哪儿? - 去把我的工作抢回来 -Where are you going? -To get my job back.
我真行 我真好 Yeah, yeah, I am great
好啊! 这就是我的车? Good grief! Is that what I'm driving?
好漂亮的车! 伙计! Nice car, man.
是的 这才能衬托我的身份 Yeah, it gets me from A to B.
天呀 这儿有这么多车 没有路来飞驰? Darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop!
银驹! 冲啊! Hi-yo, Silver. Away!
我肯定不想成为被汉克追捕的逃犯 I wouldn't want to be a fugitive
水牛镇警方的首席警犬正在演习 with Hank, Buffalo's number one police dog, on the job.
这是菲莉·西蒙 正在警察的训练中心为你报道 Phil Sidleman at the police canine training center,
这是第五频道新闻节目 Channel 5 News.
可以停了 And cut it.
瞧瞧这是谁呀 Look what the cat coughed up!
是第7频道的 对吗? 是那个发疯的家伙 Channel 7, right? You're the guy that went crazy.
- 我那段时间很背运 - 你来这里干什么? -I had a bad moment. -What are you doing here?
- 来找新闻 - 这里没有新闻 -Looking for a story. -No story here.
这池塘的鱼都钓完了 一流的素材 This pond is all fished out. Pretty standard stuff, anyway.
我不知道 我的直觉告诉我还有事发生 My instinct tells me there's something more.
那就继续坚持吧 以前你的直觉也不错吧? Well, go with that. It served you well in the past, right?
嘿 汉克发现了些东西 Hank found something!
我们找到了具尸体! We got a body!
去拿摄像机! 立刻! Shit. Get the camera! Now!
- 锁住了! 钥匙在里面! - 我想这就是风水轮流转 -It's locked! The keys are inside! -I guess every dog has his day.
- 小子 想赚10块钱吗? - 当然 -Kid, you want to make $1 0? -Sure.
- 你会用这个吧? - 不会 -Know how to use one of these? -Duh.
看来没有走调 我们来吧 Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.
吉米·霍夫曼的尸体今天在纽约市水牛镇 The body of Jimmy Hoffa was uncovered in a field today
附近的训练中心的一处草坪被发现 outside a canine training center in Buffalo, New York.
- 布鲁斯·诺兰是第一个赶到现场的人 - 谢谢 简 -Bruce Nolan was first on the scene. -Thank you, Jane.
大家可以见到就在我身后 该尸体正被仔细地挖掘出来 As you can see, the body is being carefully exhumed
然后会被送到法医处进行DNA鉴定 以确定身份 for transportation to a facility where DNA can confirm the identity.
不过 这一切只不过是手续而已 That, however, merely a formality at this point,
因为在尸体旁奇迹般的发现了 as the body was found with
与案件相关的文件和死者的牙医记录 a birth certificate and dental records.
我想今天是适宜掘尸的吉日 I'd call that a red-letter day for any canine unit.
不过这对汉克来说还不算什么 But was that enough for Hank? No, siree.
因为发现尸体之后不久 它还发现一辆本地媒体的采访车上 Moments later, he busted a local news camera crew
装有100公斤的大麻 with 220 pounds of marijuana.
我没有见过这东西! 我发誓! I never saw it before! I swear!
这里是布鲁斯·诺兰 I'm Bruce Nolan...
曲奇... 是这样吃的 and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
你觉得怎么样? Did you like that?
谢谢 谢谢! Thank you, thank you.
- 嗨 布鲁斯 - 嗨 苏姗 -Hi, Bruce. -Hi, Susan.
干得好 你令我刮目相看 Good work. I'm impressed.
- 杰克 要我做点什么事吗? - 布鲁斯 布鲁斯! -Did you need me for something? -Bruce!
我正要找你 Just the man I want to see.
- 霍夫曼...那事的反应如何? - 什么是...什么反应如何... -Hoffa? What are the odds of that? -What are the odds of that?
- 布鲁斯 请坐 - 好的 -Bruce, why don't you sit down? -OK.
我打算开门见山地和你谈谈 我们想要你回来 布鲁斯 I'm going to be straight with you. We want you back, Bruce.
但我想要你明白的是 炒你鱿鱼的决定不是我做的 But I want you to understand it was not my decision to let you go.
- 是幕后的大人物下的命令 你知道的... - 不用拥抱 不用道歉 -When the big guy gives the order... -No harm, no foul.
我需要时间重新设定我真正想做的事 I needed to reassess my goals and get in touch with my true self.
- 给你一天节目时间 如何? - 我想我有能力做7天的 -You did that in a day? -Imagine what I could do with seven.
你知道的 布鲁斯 我没有权力给你主持人的职位 It is not in my power to give you anchor.
只需要继续有新闻 如果你想得到升迁 As far as field reporting goes, if you're looking for a bump...
杰克 我们废话少说 我们开诚布公吧 Let's cut the crap and get down to brass tacks.
你 看你的样子 I had you going.
别担心 老朋友 Don't worry about it, my old friend.
只要你给我摄像机 杰克 我会给你新闻的 Just give me a camera. I'll give you the news.
我的秘诀是就在于可以把特殊的味道融入到 My secret is that I let the jalapenos marinate in a spicy sauce
一种非常美味的菜汁中 然后等24小时后 我才开始制作 for at least 24 hours before I stir it into the chilli.
我将所有的东西都放在一个锅里... Then I let it all come to a simmer.
留在这里 夫人 你们看到了吗? 一个小行星 或是某种陨星 Hold that thought. It seems as if an asteroid or meteorite
刚刚坠落地面 就在...马克吐温市场美食节现场外面 has just hit ground right outside the Mark Twain Chilli Cook-Off!
这将是你见过得最热辣的东西 This should certainly spice things up a bit!
这是全城的历史时刻 His stories are all over town.
自从发现了吉米·霍夫曼 From unearthing Hoffa
到流星的坠落 ..to a meteor crashing,
布鲁斯·诺兰 已经成为了 独家新闻先生 ..Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as...
水牛镇曲奇就是这样制成的! And that's the way the cookie crumbles!
这是布鲁斯的主意吗? This was Bruce's idea?
他说要我做一整天的美容 豪华而舒适 He wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious serenity.
我要告诉你 最近他令我刮目相看 I got to tell you, he is impressing me lately.
你知道他今天要带我去哪里共进晚餐? Know where he's taking me to dinner?
去哪里? Where?
蓝棕榈饭店? The Blue Palm?
- 啊我的天 他抓住你 - 我知道... -My gosh, I got chills. -I know.
他说 为你一生都会记住的一晚 做好准备 He told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our lives.
我的老天 格雷斯 他想求婚了 Oh, my gosh. He's going to propose.
别说了... Oh, stop it. No. He's...
- 真的? - 是的 别这样 -Really? -Yeah, really.
你想想 他让你来美容院一整天 Do the math. He sends you all day to a beauty spa,
你们去那间本城最浪漫的饭店 你们第一次见面就在那里 he's taking you to a restaurant where you had your first date. Hello!
我认为将这个说成一次求婚是不正确的 I never thought I'd say this, but Bruce is right.
这是重要的一晚上 让我们好好享受! This is your night. Relax and enjoy it.
老天呀 Oh, God.
欢迎收看6点钟新闻 主持人包括苏珊·奥尔特加 Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega,
埃文·巴克斯特 Evan Baxter,
佛瑞德...体育节目 达拉斯·科尔曼...时事 Fred Donohue, sports,Dallas Coleman, weather.
现在 这里是水牛镇第一新闻报道组 And now, Buffalo's number one news team.
晚安 欢迎收看6点钟新闻 Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six.
- 我是苏珊.奥尔特加 - 我是埃文·巴克斯特 -I'm Susan Ortega. -I'm Evan Baxter.
今天的新闻是 Here's what's making news.
令人怀疑的水牛镇警方丑闻 A potential scandal with the Buffalo PD surfaced today,
当市长... when the mayor demanded that...
当市长... When the mayor demanded the chief of...
对不起 Issued a response to...
有东西噎住了了 I seem to have something stuck in my...
给他点水喝 Get him some water.
看起来 我的搭档需要杯水 Looks like my new co-anchor may need water.
好了 对刚才的事很抱歉 There we go. Sorry.
另一条新闻是 瑞典首相今天访问华盛顿 In other news, the prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today,
还有我的小情人去了法国 and my tiny little nipples went to France.
他在胡说什么? 检查下电子提示器 What did he say? Check the prompter.
- 提示器是好的 - 埃文 请跟着文本读 -The prompter's fine. -Evan, read the copy.
文本没有问题 照着读 The copy's good. Just read it.
白宫会议通过了首相的提议 The White House committee greeted the prime rib roast minister,
还有我像个女人般地跳喳喳舞 and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl.
我喜欢...跳... I lika do...
喳喳舞 da cha-cha.
抱歉 看起来我们好像有点技术问题 I'm sorry. We seem to be having technical difficulties.
另一条新闻是 In other news...
对不起 My apologies.
- 可以吗? - 当然 -May I? -Certainly.
太完美了 她应该会喜欢的 It's perfect. She'll love it.
你知道吗? 我将...我终于扬眉吐气了 You know, I was going to wait until after the meal,
他们再也不能把我当白痴了 我不会让他们这么做的了 but it'll burst out of me like an alien if I don't do it now.
老天 没事的 Oh, my God. OK.
会发生什么事? This is it, isn't it?
我不知道 我还没准备好 I don't know if I'm ready for this.
我不是说我还没准备好 我只是有点紧张 对不起 继续说 I mean, I'm ready. I just didn't know if I would... I'm sorry, go on.
- 我不知道这对你会有多重要 - 我也不知道 -I didn't know it was so important to you. -Me neither.
- 格雷斯 - 好的 -Grace? -Yes?
我成为主持人了 I got anchor.
噢... No.
是的 他们要辞掉埃文 Yes. Apparently it wasn't working out with Evan,
这周他就要走人 星期一我就要上任了 so he's going to finish out the week and I go live on Monday.
- 太好了 亲爱的 - 我知道 -That's great, honey. -I know, I know.
那么... Well...
- 就是为了这些事情吗? - 是的 -So that's what this is all about. -Well, yeah.
格雷斯 我是主持人了 We got anchor.
杰克星期五要凯歌晚会为我庆祝 Jack's throwing me a party at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate.
- 怎么了? - 没事 -What's the matter? -Nothing.
我现在只想躺下睡觉 Now I lay me down to sleep...
啊 我多笨呀 I feel stupid.
- 啊 这里太吵了 不是吗? - 不 这里不吵 -It is loud in here, isn't it? -No, it's not loud.
你们能小声点吗? Jeez! Can you keep it down to a dull roar?
- 谢谢! - 这很搞笑吗? -Thank you! -Is that supposed to be funny?
这一点都不搞笑 Cos that is not funny.
- 你在说什么? - 你怎么了? 不要叫嚷 -What did you say? -What is wrong with you? Stop yelling.
对不起 我要出去... If you'll excuse me, I'll take a little trip to the...
那酒的作用 我有点醉了 The wine is going right through me.
对不起 真得很抱歉 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- 继续 托尼! 你很棒! - 噢 上帝! -Keep going, Tony! -Oh, God.
怎么了? What is going on here?
这是怎么回事? What is this?
别来烦我! Give me a break!
非常吵杂 是不是? Really something, isn't it?
这里是天堂吗? Is this heaven?
不是 这是珠穆朗玛峰 No, this is Mount Everest.
你应该经常在探索频道看到过 Flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time.
但我想你现在无法看到了 你已经死了 But I guess you can't now, being dead and all.
- 我死了吗? - 没有 只想忽悠你一下 -I'm dead? -I'm just messing with you.
那并不好笑 伙计! That's not funny, man!
我脑子里的声音是怎么回事? 这也是笑话的一部分? What about the voices in my head? Is that part of the hilarity?
那些是祷告的人 你不断地忽视他们 No, those are prayers. You keep ignoring them,
他们就集聚在你的头脑中 they're going to build up.
那些只是些噪音 我无法弄明白的噪音 But it's just noise. I can't understand them.
是你没有留心听 孩子 You're not listening, son.
我们来看看吧 Let's see.
你拥有我能力的有一周了 你已帮助了多少人? You had my powers for a little over a week. How many people have you helped?
我 我照管你的事情 I took care of a few things.
无论这是对失错 我得先管好自己的事 这排第一 行吧? I righted a few wrongs in my own life first. OK?
然后我才会去帮助别人 I was going to help the others.
- 我想我有能力帮助全世界 - 全世界? -I think I could help the world. -The world?
不用管全世界 只是水牛镇 在57条街道之间的众生 That wasn't the world. That was just Buffalo, between 57th and Commonwealth.
我只能给你 你的能力所及的工作给你 I didn't want to start you off with more than you could handle.
既然你领了工作 我建议你开始工作吧 You took the job, Bruce, so I suggest you get to it.
看到他的微笑会让我高兴万分 Seeing him smile would make me so happy.
祷告者们 祷告者们 好的 祷告者们 Prayers, prayers, OK.
这些声音令我难受! This creepy whisper thing has to end.
我需要的是有组织的 可以方便管理 Organization. That's what I need.
一个系统 有点实体化 集中精神 I need a system. Something concrete. Concentrate.
文件形式 把所有的祷告组织成文件形式 Files. Let all prayers be organized into files.
我到哪里去照看那些声音呢 还有这占了太多的空间 That takes care of the voices. Not exactly a space-saver, though.
格雷斯会发觉的 Grace might notice.
我知道了 用便签! I know. Prayer Post-its!
我需要能具有锁上的 有安全保障 还有密码功能 OK, I need something with a lock. Security. Combination. A password.
密码! A password.
欢迎参观革命性的祷告方式 Welcome to the revelation superhighway.
我们保证不会有遗漏 下载...开始 We bless, no mess. Downloading now.
不错 不错 It's good.
这要花点时间 This is going to take a while.
1,527,503个祷告请求? 1,527,503 prayer requests?
我能喝点咖啡吗? I better manifest some coffee.
这是来之哥伦比亚山区的新鲜咖啡! Now that's fresh, mountain-grown coffee from the hills of Colombia.
味道真不错 Good.
好的 我终于做完了 OK, I had to have made some kind of a dent by now.
啊 别这样! Oh, come on!
你们这些作者怎么了? 这样会用掉我一生的 What a bunch of whiners. This is going to suck up my whole life.
你懂什么? You know what?
同意! 给所有人! Yes. To all.
是的 我们搞掂了 现在大家都开心了 Yeah. There you go. Now everybody's happy.
我告诉过你吗? 我的股票5天涨了3倍 I'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days.
你知道吗 乔? 你看上去长高了 Know something, Joe? You seem taller.
- 我确实是 - 我女儿不做击球员了 -I am. -My daughter pitched a no-hitter.
我只吃饼干就减了47磅 I lost 47 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet.
嗨 他来了 There he is!
今天的主角 The man of the hour!
保佑你们 保佑你们所有人 Bless you! Bless all of you!
有成就 在某些事上表现的不平凡 Be fruitful and... do long division or something!
品尝下 今年真是非凡的一年 Try that. It's an excellent year.
嗨 布鲁斯! 你喜欢今天的游戏吗? Bruce! Who do you like in the game tonight?
我希望赛布勒斯能赢! I like the Sabres. Coach prays a lot.
这是布鲁斯 格雷斯和萨姆 请留下口信 This is Bruce, Grace and Sam. Leave a message.
格雷斯? 你在吗? Grace? Are you there?
在吗? 是我 Hello? It's me.
别这样 格雷斯 来参加晚会 Come on, Grace. Come to the party.
我待会再给你电话 好吗? I'll call you later, OK?
快点 萨姆 Come on, Sam.
帮下我 Help me out here.
萨姆 别这样! Sam, don't. Come on.
- 告诉我 - 你想要什么? -Tell me. -If I do, it might not come true.
你想要什么 玛丽? 你想要月亮吗? What is it you want, Mary? You want the moon?
说呀 我会把它扯下来的 Say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
这是个好主意 我给你月亮 好吗? H.ey, that's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.
我会拿到的 I'll take it.
- 然后呢? - 然后你就可以吃了它 -Then what? -Then you could swallow it.
最后就没了 明白? And it'd all dissolve.
然后月光就会从你的手指 你的脚趾射出来 Moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and toes
还有从你的头发上出来 and the ends of your hair.
这是布鲁斯 格雷斯和萨姆... This is Bruce, Grace and Sam.
你好 布鲁斯 Hi, Bruce.
你一个人在这里做什么? What are you doing in here all alone?
我只是... Oh, I was just going to...
我是说... I mean...
我只是...等格雷斯的电话 I was going to give Grace a call.
是的 在那边我没有见到她 你和格雷斯相处得如何? Yeah, I didn't see her. So how are you and Grace doing?
实际上 我和她刚刚有个争执 Well, actually, we had a bit of a fight.
某种...过火 Kind of. I'm not sure if she's...
想要有点激情嘛 布鲁斯? You're on fire, Bruce.
这里的某个女人可以帮你来点激情 Some women can't handle fire.
那么一点点 Some can.
这真有趣 因为我认为我们从来没有交谈... That's interesting, cos I never thought we would ever talk...
你现在可不可以不碰我 You might want to stop touching me now.
格雷斯 过来 Grace, come here!
这太怪了 我当时正在给你电话... This is weird. I was just calling you.
啊 你以为苏珊的嘴是电话吗? And you thought Susan's mouth was the phone?
是她吻我 我是被吻的 She kissed me. I'm the kissee.
啊 我看到你极力抗拒了 You were putting up a big fight.
我想阻止她 她太强壮了 I tried to stop her, but she's really strong.
好了! 我被人算计了 你要我给你什么补偿? OK, I screwed up. Can I make it up to you?
啊是了...你给我一艘船吧 布鲁斯? Yeah. Why don't you get me a boat?
- 什么? - 是的 一艘大船 -What? -A big boat.
或者两大箱现金 And maybe two big bags of cash.
那我就会开心了 Then, then, I'll be happy.
许多的钱和许多的东西 Lots of money and lots of stuff!
其他人有那种白痴的想法 想和她相爱5年的生孩子 People want crap like getting married or having babies with the man they love.
但我不是 布鲁斯! 给我那船 But not me, Bruce. Just give me the boat.
你为什么还不想结婚! No wonder you stayed single!
- 格雷斯 别这样! - 我没有那样做 我什么也没做 -Don't do this. -I'm not doing this. I'm undoing it.
我要去黛比那里 像我平时那样 照顾萨姆 I'll be at Debbie's. Take care of Sam until I make arrangements.
你不能离开我 You can't leave me.
我是第一 宝贝 I'm the Alpha, lady!
我是造物者 宝贝! I'm the Omega, baby!
好吧 没事! 我不需要你 Fine! I don't need you!
怎么啦 布鲁斯? 她无法应付一点点竞争吗? What's the matter, Bruce? She can't handle a little competition?
晚会由于下雨而取消 Game's been called on account of rain.
不同寻常多的彩票中奖人数 令组织者关注 An unusually high number of lottery winners has officials concerned.
超过一万一千人中奖 So far, 1, 100 winning tickets have been turned in,
非常奇怪的是 都在水牛镇地区 all, strangely, from the Buffalo area.
随着情况的发展 会有进一步的报道 More on this story as it develops.
喜欢这个晚会吗? Enjoying your party?
没有什么比和高贵的朋友共度时光更好的了 Nothing like spending quality time with great friends.
- 格雷斯离开我了 - 我知道 -Grace left me. -Yeah, I know.
她会要我回去的 She'll take me back.
- 她会要我回去的 对吗? - 你想要她回来吗? -She'll take me back, right? -Would you take you back?
你如何才能让别人爱你 却不用影响别人的选择? How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will?
欢迎来到我的世界 孩子 Welcome to my world, son.
如果你对在这种事上找到了答案 请告诉我 You come up with an answer to that one, you let me know.
水牛镇阳光明媚的一天 Rise and shine, Buffalo.
是原谅布鲁斯的最完美的日子 It's 70 and sunny and the perfect day to forgive Bruce.
- 再见 - 玩的愉快 -Bye. -Have fun.
- 你好 能给我一小杯咖啡吗? - 好的 宝贝 等一会 -Hi. Can I get a small coffee to go? -Sure, hon. Just a sec.
K- TEL唱片公司奉献古今100首情歌 K-Tel Records brings you the 100 greatest love songs of all time.
你想听这些经典情歌 只需要布鲁斯 You'll hear such classics as "All You Need Is Bruce",
如果你还没找到你的所爱 那么就爱布鲁斯吧 "If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love Bruce",
和布鲁斯再来一次 "Do That To Bruce One More Time".
而谁又能忘记这些经典之作呢? Who can forget that classic,
布鲁斯很性感! 他一直爱着你 "Bruce So H.orny (H.e Love You Long Time)"?
今天就订购 附送没有额外的费用的 Order today and we'll throw in at no extra charge
和布鲁斯一起疯狂 the video "Sweatin' To Bruce".
只要拨打 19004 give him(1900原谅他) Just dial 1-900-FORGIVE H.IM.
就是19004 give him(1900原谅他) 现在就行动 That's 1-900-FORGIVE H.IM. Do it now.
不 不 不要把那放进嘴里 No, no! Please don't put that in your mouth.
不要吃那东西 That's not food.
啊 这不好 去洗手间 清洗下你得嘴和双手 Go to the bathroom. Wash out your mouth. Wash off your hands.
上帝呀 什么都敢吃 That kid is gonna poop an ornament.
再来一次的话 你就会有大麻烦! One more time, you're going to be in a lot of trouble.
好了! 这就是 这就是 All right, that's it!
我投降 我投降! I surrender!
嗨! Hi.
我将...今晚将第一次做主持人 I'm... doing my first anchor tonight.
哇! 太好了! Oh, wow. That's great!
- 你怎么想? - 很好 -How have you been doing? -Good.
- 啊 黛比中了彩票 - 啊 是吗? -Debbie won the lottery. -Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
他和40万人一起中了奖 所以她只得到17元 But so did 400,000 other people, so she only won like $17 or something.
我想念你 I miss you.
好的 我主动点 I took a first step.
先勾画出框框 Jumped out on a ledge.
- 你也相当闷 - 我不知道你想我说什么 -Feeling vulnerable. -What do you want me to say?
说你爱我 你想要我回来 Say you want me back.
不 布鲁斯 那些天边的启示表示什么? What about all the signs?
你怎么知道那事的? 你同黛比谈过了? How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie?
你愿意帮忙告诉我 我是个大混... Would it help if I just said I was a complete ass?
- 嘿 你说粗话 - 没事的 -You said ass! -It's OK if I'm talking about a donkey.
我没有说"蛋"字... 我说"混"... I didn't say "hole". If I said ass...
孩子们 我们走! 去里面! No, wait. OK, honey, let's go inside.
孩子们 大家都进去 该进去了! All right, everybody inside. Time to go inside.
格雷斯 求你了 没了你一切都不对头 Please. None of this seems right without you.
我得走了 I gotta go.
等等! Wait!
你现在感觉任何? How do you feel now?
你真得彻底... 疯了? Have you completely lost your mind?
- 还是喝醉了? - 我喝醉了 彻底醉了! -Are you drunk? -Yeah. Drunk with power.
爱我! Love me.
我爱过 I did.
好了 我知道了 自由的思想 Yeah, I know. Free will.
越来越多的停电的报告 因为上次陨星的坠落 More power outages reported today caused by last week's meteorite strike.
有关方面疲于修复陨星爆炸破坏的变压器 Officials are trying to repair transformers damaged by the ensuing electrical surge.
现场变得失控 The scene nearly turned violent
当数百名水牛镇居民 抗议上周的彩票结果 when Buffalo residents protested last week's lottery results.
末日的恐惧和上周的奇怪的事情被人们视为 Doomsayers are pointing to last week's strange celestial events
预言就要实现的征兆 现在的世界将终结 as signs that prophecy is being fulfilled and the world may be coming to an end.
疯了 The world's gone mad.
- 布鲁斯 30秒钟 - 好的 -30 seconds to air. -OK.
到你了 你的大日子 感觉如何? There you are. It's your debut. How are you feeling?
很好 从来没有这么好过 You know what? I'm fine. Never better.
我们开始了 是吗? The show must go on right?
- 剃刀队刚刚赢史丹尼警察队 - 你开玩笑吗? -The Sabres just won the Stanley Cup. -You're kidding me!
是今晚吗? 太好了 不是吗? Was that tonight? That's great.
我们得直播在体育馆的佛瑞德的情况 好吗? It's crazy out there. We're going to kick live to Fred at the stadium, OK?
还有5秒钟开播 -Five seconds to the open. -This is it.
- 开始? 准备好了吗? - 一直准备好的! -You ready? -Born that way.
欢迎收看6点钟新闻 由苏珊·奥尔特加 布鲁斯·诺兰 Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega, Bruce Nolan,
佛瑞德...体育 达拉斯·科尔曼...天气 Fred Donohue, sports, Dallas Coleman, weather.
这里是水牛镇第一的新闻报道小组 Now Buffalo's number one news team.
- 我是苏珊·奥尔特加 - 我是布鲁斯·诺兰 -I'm Susan Ortega. -I'm Bruce Nolan.
今天的新闻是 And here's what's making news.
- 什么事? - 停电了 -What happened? -We lost power.
- 变压器坏了 - 老天 -Transformer's down again. -Jeez.
都是那该死的陨星 Ever since that damn meteorite hit.
- 好了 有电了 - 我们为刚才的中断抱歉 -We're back. -We apologize for the interruption.
- 现在开始报道新闻 布鲁斯 - 谢谢 苏珊 -Back to the news. Bruce? -Thank you.
对不起 我们现在要直播水牛镇剃刀队 I'm sorry. We're going live to HSBC Arena,
所在的体育馆的情况 他们刚刚赢了史丹尼警察队 where the Buffalo Sabres have won the Stanley Cup.
- 太好了 - 佛瑞德 -Great. -Fred?
我们准备开香槟 因为剃刀队在这里赢得了 We're about to uncork some champagne because
22年来的第一个冠军... the Sabres have won their first championship in 22 years!
正中头部 What in blazes...
我们一会再回到现场报道 很快 We'll be back with the Sabres' victory in just a hot second.
另一条新闻是 In other news...
- 又来了? 怎么回事? - 不 不是的 -Bloody hell! -What is it now?
保险全坏了 -The whole booth is down. -It's not!
另一条新闻 冲突今天在加沙又起 In other news, fighting erupted in the Gaza Strip today,
巴勒斯坦人... as Israelis and Palestinians...
- 布鲁斯 - 什么? -Bruce. -What?
本地有状况 暴乱失控了 We've got a situation here. They're rioting right outside.
- 别和我开玩笑了 - 全城都疯了! -You're kidding. -The whole town has gone crazy.
布鲁斯 说话呀 Go on, Bruce. Say something.
女士们先生们 报道结束了 Ladies and gentlemen, this just in.
本城发生了也许是你从未见过的突发事件 Possibly the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen.
我得走了 And I gotta go.
对不起 杰克 Sorry, Jack.
苏珊 我对不起大家 Susan, it's all yours.
剃刀! Sabres!
剃刀队是第一! Sabres rule!
终止博彩! Down with the lottery!
忏悔吧! 末日来了 Repent! The end is near!
博彩是骗局! The lottery sucks!
只有17元 I only won 17 bucks!
第7频道是骗子! Channel 7 lies!
不! Oh, no!
上帝呀! God!
上帝? God?
你在吗? Are you here?
你好! 我需要帮助! Hello? I need your help!
鼓掌 鼓掌 Clap on!
快点出现吧 Figures!
我就知道! 那边的 你好 全能的布鲁斯 Well, hello there, Bruce Almighty.
看起来很容易 不是吗 孩子? 上帝的工作 Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This God business.
一切都失控了! They're all out of control.
他们疯了 我束手无策 It's me. I don't know what to do.
你来得很准时 7点钟 Well, you're right on time. Seven o'clock.
7点 到7点 The 7th at 7.00.
啊 做完了 All righty, then.
- 就到这里 - 不错 不错 -There we are. -It's good.
了不起的事情 It's a wonderful thing.
无论搞得多乱 我们总能清理好 No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.
他们有太多的要求了 我只能满足他们的需要 There were so many. I just gave them all what they wanted.
是啊 Yeah.
那么是你在什么时候有了线索... 什么是他们所需要的呢? But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
那么我该怎么做? So what do I do?
分开一盆浓汤并不是什么奇迹 Parting your soup is not a miracle.
那只是一个小小的魔术把戏而已 It's a magic trick.
一位单身妈妈 每天要打两份工 A single mom who's working two jobs
但还是能抽的出时间陪孩子参加足球练习 那才是一种奇迹 and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that's a miracle.
年轻人说要远离毒品 而且要努力受教育 A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education,
这也是一种奇迹 that's a miracle.
人们要求我为他们实现任何他们自己的愿望 People want me to do everything for them.
但是他们从来没有意识到 他们自己具有实现自己愿望的能力 What they don't realize is they have the power.
年轻人 想要看到真正的奇迹 You want to see a miracle, son?
首先得要自己努力 Be the miracle.
等一下 你要走了嘛? Wait. Are you leaving?
是啊! 我想你现在可以自己解决问题了 Yeah. I figure you can handle things now.
但如果我又需要你帮助 But what if I need you?
或者我又有别的问题的时候怎么办? What if I have questions?
这就是你的问题喽 布鲁斯! That's your problem, Bruce.
这也是我们每个人的问题 That's everybody's problem.
你要继续留神喽 You keep looking up.
在今天的示威游行之后 水牛镇本地的秩序已经恢复正常 Order has been restored after this evening's downtown riot.
官方已经终止了博彩的销售 State officials have suspended all lottery sales
正在寻找妥善的解决方法 pending further investigation.
这次示威游行中没有伤亡报告 No injuries were reported in the melee, however there were dozens of arrests.
好 OK.
- 万分感谢 - 小意思 -Thanks a million. -Not a problem.
上帝保佑你 God bless.
布鲁斯给予你们的 布鲁斯再次收回 Bruce giveth and Bruce... taketh away.
你们要是不情愿的话 来咬我吧 If you don't like it... mega-bite me.
- 埃文 - 布鲁斯 -Evan? -Bruce.
我想你是回来取代我的主持人身份的吧 I suppose you're here to gloat about
它们是你的了 作出你最好的报导吧 the anchor position. Go ahead.
实际上 Well, actually, I...
我是来告诉你 我放弃了从事主持方面的工作了 I just came to tell you that I've been a royal prick.
位置给你留着 我辞掉了这份工作 The anchor position is yours. I turned down the job.
对了! 我还没有向你的祝贺呢 And I never really congratulated you.
恭喜了! Congratulations.
多谢了! 布鲁斯 Thanks, Bruce.
目前的金融界 一切都归于平常 In the financial world, things are back to normal
我们称其为 平衡的市场效应 in what analysts are calling a fluke market fluctuation.
- 你这一步走得不错! - 杰克? - 嗯! 那么你准备怎么样? -You made the right move. -What about you?
准备继续回到外面 You ready to go back out there?
去捕捉新闻了嘛? 那些可爱的报导 Do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news?
我必须自降身价去取悦那些我都不认识的人 Lower and debase myself for the amusement of strangers?
嗯! 是啊! 我可以做这些事情 听上去蛮有趣的 Yeah, I could do that. Sounds like fun.
不错 Good.
好了 萨姆 我们现在就开始了 就像其他所有的狗一样 OK, Sammy, let's do it right. Like all the other dogs.
我不想你难受 放松 放松伙计 I don't want to make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you, pal.
好! 就这样 集中你的精神... Come on. Concentrate.
快点拉出来吧 如果你必须的话 Pump it out, if you have to.
天哪! 我要把你怎么办? What am I going to do with you?
我知道这可能看上去很疯狂 I know this seems kind of crazy,
但是值得试试 解决你的问题吧 but desperate times call for desperate measures.
好了 萨姆 你的东西来了! OK, Sammy. Do your thing.
就是这样 就是这样! 乖孩子! That's it. Good boy!
正在训练我的狗 Training my dog.
太好了 我们成功了! Yes! We did it!
你终于象狗一样了! We're doing it doggy style
我看你还是老样子 I'll alert Penthouse Forum.
你好黛比 还好嘛? Hi, Deb. How are you?
格雷斯怎么样了? How's Grace?
我不是来聊天的 布鲁斯? I didn't come to chat.
我是来拿格雷斯留在你这里的东西的 I came for Grace's stuff.
- 需要什么... - 不了 我已经拿完了 -You need a...? -That's OK. I've got it.
我... 我不想她把它们卖掉 I don't know if she...
我不知道她是否需要 I don't know if she wants that or not.
这里插满了啊! 都是你干的嘛? This is full. You did all this?
你知道每天晚上我上床前做的事情嘛? You know what I do before I go to bed?
我带着我的孩子 一起看看电影或者电视 I tuck my kids in, maybe have some ice cream and watch Conan.
想知道格雷斯会做什么嘛? Know what Grace does?
她会祈祷上帝 She prays.
大部分时间都是为了你 Most of the time for you.
查找关键词语"格雷斯·康纳利" Find Grace Connelly.
喔! 女人真是会祈祷 The woman does pray a lot.
查找关键词语"格雷斯和布鲁斯" Find... Grace and Bruce.
亲爱的上帝 请帮助布鲁斯找回他自我吧 "Dear God, please help Bruce find himself,
让他学会满足 find contentment, find you."
亲爱的上帝啊 请帮帮布鲁斯吧! "Dear God, please help Bruce.
他常常为了发现真相而挣扎 He seems to be struggling."
亲爱的上帝啊 赐予布鲁斯力量吧 "Dear God, give Bruce strength."
亲爱的上帝啊 请保佑布鲁斯 "Dear God, bless Bruce."
是她的愿望! It's her.
她正登陆上来 正在祈祷 Sammy, she's logging on. She's praying right now.
求你了 上帝 Please, God.
求你了 Please.
我还爱着他 I still love him.
但是我不想再继续爱他下去了 But I don't want to love him any more.
我也不想再受到伤害了! 求你了 I don't want to hurt any more. Please.
帮我忘记他 Help me forget.
让我可以忘了他 Please help me to let it go.
求你了! 帮我离开他吧 Please help me let him go.
你赢了! You win!
我完了 I'm done!
我不想再干这个了 求你了 Please! I don't want to do this any more!
我不想成为上帝了 I don't want to be God.
我想还是由你来决定我的人生 I want you to decide what's right for me!
我向你的意愿认输了 I surrender to your will!
我是不是... Am I...?
你不可以在高速公路的中间跪了下来 说自己还活着 You can't kneel down in the middle of a highway and live to talk about it.
为什么? But why?
为什么现在...? Why now?
布鲁斯 Bruce...
你拥有神圣的能力 you have the divine spark.
你拥有为世界带来欢乐的天赋 You have the gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world.
放心! 我知道的 是我创造了你嘛 I know. I created you.
- 你也可以破坏掉它 - 看见了嘛? -Quit bragging. -See?
这就是我对你说的你的能力 That's what I'm talking about.
是一种迸发出的火花! That's the spark.
你需要我怎么做呢? What do you want me to do?
孩子! 我要你学会祈祷! I want you to pray, son.
继续下去 记得用到它们 Go ahead. Use them.
上帝啊! 请你拯救饥荒中的人们 Lord, feed the hungry.
还要为全人类 And bring peace to...
带来和平 all of mankind.
- 我说得怎么样? - 太好了 -How's that? -Great.
这是美国小姐的竞选词 If you want to be Miss America.
好了! 说吧 你真正关心的东西 Now, come on.
到底什么才是你真正喜欢的? What do you really care about?
格雷斯 Grace.
你想回到她身边? You want her back?
不 No.
我只想她能过得开心 I want her to be happy.
不管这意味着什么 No matter what that means.
我希望她会找到一个 I want her to find someone
全身心去爱她的人 who'll treat her
那是我所欠她的 with all the love she deserved from me.
我想让她遇上这样一个人 I want her to meet someone
会一直通过她的眼睛 who'll see her always
注视着她 as I do now.
像现在的我看你一样 Through your eyes.
- 这就是你的愿望嘛? - 是吗? -Now that's a prayer. -Yeah?
是的 不错 Yeah. It's good.
我会帮你办妥的 I'm going to get right on it.
好了 Clear!
这个感觉不是很好! That didn't feel very good.
- 检查他的脉搏 - 有心跳了! -Got a rhythm. -I got a pulse.
- 让我们把他抬上挡架 - 固定好靠背和支柱 -Let's get him up. -Get the backboard and brace.
布鲁斯 欢迎回来 Welcome back.
孩子! 你能活着真是很幸运 You're lucky to be alive, son.
上天一定很眷顾你 Someone up there must like you.
你还以为这些血被倒掉吗? I hear all that stuff winds up in a warehouse somewhere.
宝贝 你还好吗? Hi, baby.
上帝真是保佑了你啊 Oh, my God, look at you.
- 我真是个笨蛋 - 没关系! 没关系的 -I was such an idiot. -It's OK.
我不知道我应该做些什么事情 I don't know what I would have done.
我发誓我想和你永远在一起 Oh, God. I swear I wanted to be mad at you forever.
我知道是你显灵了 Now you're just showing off.
各位我是 布鲁斯·诺兰 This is Bruce Nolan
这里是水牛镇的第一届"创造奇迹"献血动员会 here at Buffalo's first "Be the Miracle" blood drive.
今天是美丽的一天 It's a B-E-A-utiful day.
所以请来捐血吧 因为可能这次你拯救的就是我呢 So come on down, because the life you save could be mine.
过来看看 我们的科洛斯基为了今天的这个场合 Let's go over here. The Kowolskis
他们做了一个十分特殊的饼干 have baked a cookie just for this occasion.
看上去可能有点吓人 还带有一些血 Sure it's a creepy and a shameless plug, but we love 'em.
多谢大妈你了 沃尔 注意你的手指 Thank you, Mama. VOL -finger, nose.
我本人本周接受了2次捐血 I will have given blood twice this week.
为了你们中许多还不知情的人 For those of you who haven't heard,
让我为你们介绍将来的"布鲁斯夫人" I'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs Exclusive.
格雷斯·康纳利 Grace Connelly. There she is.
大家看看她吧 她漂亮嘛? Look at her! Isn't she beautiful?
她刚刚捐了血 但我看她脸上还有足够的血色 She just gave blood and she still has enough left to fill up her face.
每个成功男人的背后 都有一个温柔的女人在支持着他 Yes, behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes, folks.
我是"新闻直击"的布鲁斯·诺兰 和我一起 I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News reminding you to...
创造奇迹! Be the miracle!
听到了嘛? You heard 'em.
- 好了! 停 多谢了布鲁斯 - 多谢 埃莉 -OK, cut it. Thank you, Bruce. -Thanks, Ally.
- 感觉怎么样? - 真是棒极了! 感觉真是很好 -How was that? -Great. That was really great.
好了 现在在你的后面 护士们在等着你呢 Now go over there. The nurse is waiting.
- 会痛嘛? - 不会的啦 -Do I have to? -Oh, it's not going to hurt.
实际上 你会发现这很有快感呢 In fact, I think you'll find it pleasurable.
宝贝 Baby.
谁能制造一个彩虹 想一口气就搞定 Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sock
在太阳里面浸一下 然后做一个柠檬馅 Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie?
哒 噢 天哪 Oh, Jesus.
对不起 I'm sorry.
我的血型非常特殊 我是AB+ I'm a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
听起来味道一定很好 Sounds delicious.
是的 世界上到处都有仓库 Well, there are storehouses all over the world
你知道的 所有... 冰上面有非常多的东西 with tons of stuff on ice, and...
- 这是... 对不起 - 你就像这个 对不起 继续 -Sorry. -You were like this. Sorry, go on.
阳性 IB+ 对不起 Positive, IB positive... Sorry.
我有一个"宝贝"... I have a rary...
她有一个"宝贝" She has a rary!
他们需要我的血 我的是稀有血种 I have a very rare blood type.
我是AB- I'm AB negative.
- 我是IB+ - 我是AB- 我... -I'm IB positive. -Am I AB negative?
我都不知道你是什么的了 I don't know what you are any more.
我现在需要一个奇迹 I'm going to need a frickin' miracle to get to work on time.
应该可以 That'll work.
其他新闻在... Other stories in the...
今天瑞典首相访问了华盛顿 The prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today,
其他的... and in other...
其他的... In other...
其他的新闻... In other news...
我是布鲁思.诺兰 我是证人... I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No...
见证人诺斯 Eyewitness Nose.
好了 完毕 And clear!
创造奇迹! Be the miracle!
好极了! That's right!