译制：言说必瑜 -【不离字幕组】-
我们非得来科尼之家吗 Do we have to come to Corny's?
这是小孩子呆的地方 This place is for babies.
你会很适合这儿的，格雷格 Then you fit right in, Greggy.
这不是小孩子呆的地方 It's not a place for babies,
那是家族聚餐的地方，对吗弗兰克？ it's a place for family-style dining, right, Frank?
对，完全就是像自助餐一样什么都能吃 That's right. And the buffet's all-you-can-eat,
所以好好把握吧 so take advantage.
谢谢你们邀请了我，赫夫利先生和太太 Thanks for inviting me, Mr. and Mrs. Heffley.
我听说他们这的玩具球超级大 I hear their ball pit is super deep!
这地方烂透了 This place really is the worst.
我来了 Incoming!
这是他的新视频，我猜可能会有点吓人 It's his new video. It's supposed to be awesome.
好了，够了 Okay, enough.
你们知道规矩的，吃饭禁止玩手机 You know the rule... devices away during dinner.
我讨厌迈克迪格比，他是个坏榜样 I hate that Mac Digby. He's a horrible role model.
你在逗我吗？ Are you kidding?
他是我见过最牛逼的人了 He's like the greatest guy I know.
嘿 Hey!
罗利，我打赌你家肯定不会发生这些问题 Rowley, I bet your family doesn't have this problem with technology.
对的，我妈妈很严厉，我有只能盯着屏幕一小时的禁令 Oh, yeah, my mom's really strict about her one-hour limit on screen time.
看到了吧 See?
一天一小时，这是别人家的要求 One hour a day, that's all they need.
是一周，一周一小时 It's a week. One hour a week.
我是个失败的母亲 I have failed as a parent.
不 No.
那么谁对赫夫利一家的兜风之旅感兴趣？ So who's excited about the Great Heffley Road Trip?
嗯哼？ Hmm?
一场在去奶奶家的横穿美国的兜风之旅 A journey across the U.S. of A. to Meemaw's.
我们必须去吗 Do we have to go?
奶奶马上90岁生日了，每个人都得去 It's Meemaw's 90th birthday, and everyone's gonna be there.
我们得去看看我们的家人们，好多年没见了 We're gonna see family we haven't seen in years.
振作点，格雷格 Oh, come on, Greg.
我保证我们去了那你会玩的很开心 I promise we're gonna make it fun for you.
如果我我去，你们能给我点钱把货车修修吗？ If I go, will you give me money to fix my van?
- 不行 - 我们不能坐飞机吗？ - No. - Can't we just fly?
不行 No.
公路旅行是一个家人在一起度过美好时光的好机会 A road trip is a great opportunity to spend time together as a family.
我们要一起在车里呆四天 It's four days in the car. Together.
这跟我的暑假计划完全不一样 It's not exactly what I had planned for summer vacation.
妈妈 Mommy!
哦不，曼尼被困在那儿了 Oh, no. Manny's stuck.
妈妈，妈妈 Mommy! Mommy!
- 格雷格，你能去帮帮他吗？ - 为什么是我 - Greg, will you go help him? - Why me?
因为只有你的体型才能钻进去 Cause you're the only one who can fit in there.
哦，我撞到头了 Ow! I bumped my head.
额 Ugh!
全是臭袜子的味道 It stinks of old socks.
再见，格雷格 Good-bye, Greg!
曼尼，呆在那儿 Manny, stay there.
嘿，哥们 Hey, Bubby.
我们在玩具球里面，太好了 We're in the ballpit! Yeah!
曼尼？曼尼？ Manny? Manny?
曼尼 Manny?
哇哦 Whoa!
曼尼 Manny?
曼尼 Manny!
曼尼 曼尼 Manny! Manny?
尿布，这是尿布，这是尿布 Diaper! It's a diaper, it's a diaper, it's a diaper!
尿布 It's a diaper!
我就知道我们不该来这 I knew we shouldn't have come here.
从我记事起我就明白了一件事 If there's one thing I've learned from my years of being a kid,
那就是你永远控制不了自己的生活 it's that you have zero control over your own life.
拿妈妈举个例子 Take Mom, for example.
她总是叫我去做一些健康的事情 She's always on me to do "healthy" things,
比如看书和出去玩 like read books and play outside.
简直糟糕透顶 It's the worst.
如果都按她的方法做，我们的生活将不会是现在这样 If she had her way, we'd be living like people did
就没人会发明电脑和手机了 before there were computers and cell phones.
人类已经进化了 But human beings have evolved
我们现在需要电子游戏和智能手机才能生存下去 Now we need things like video games and smartphones to survive
她所关心的是为家人安排好一切时间 All she cares about is family time.
不要误会我的意思，我深爱着我的家人们 Now don't get me wrong. I like my family and all,
但我不确定我们是否适合都住在一起 but I'm just not sure we're all meant to live together.
可能一切都会好起来的吧 Maybe things will be better one day,
当我们有了自己的私人领域 when we all have our own places
只有在假期才会彼此见面 and only see each other on the holidays.
但目前 But right now,
这种人际关系并不盛行 this combination of people is just not working.
这就是场灾难 This is a disaster.
尿布，这是尿布，这是尿布 Diaper! It's a diaper, it's a diaper, it's a diaper!
就这样，我这一辈子都毁了 That's it. My life is over.
已经有6000多次播放了 It already has 6,000 views.
恭喜你，尿布手先生，你要火了 Congrats, Diaper Hands, you've gone viral.
我本来想跟你们这些小辣鸡呆在一起 I'd love to stick around with you losers,
但是我还得忙着把这个转发给我认识的每一个人 but I got to forward this to everyone I know.
越来越糟糕了，现在我就是个被调侃的素材 It gets worse! Now I'm a meme!
尿布手扣篮 "Diaper Hands Dunks."
- 太搞笑了 - 你能不能看看大局 - That's pretty funny. - You're not seeing the big picture.
如果我再不干点啥 If I don't do something soon,
我这辈子都要被戴着“尿布手”的头衔 I'm gonna be branded as "Diaper Hands" for life.
甚至几辈子 Or maybe even longer.
嘿 Hey.
我们为什么不看看迈克迪格比的最新的视频 Why don't we watch the latest Mac Digby video?
但是不能告诉我爸妈 Just please don't tell my parents.
什么情况 What up?
今天我在玩蘑菇琴 Today I'm playing Mushroom Makoto.
这游戏是日本的，神经病啊，是的，我是一个... This game's Japanese, mental and, yes, I'm a...
那是什么鬼，蘑菇在厨房里吗？ What the what? Mushroom in a kitchen?
砰，你完蛋吧，迪格比创下新纪录 Boom! You got shroomed! Dat's how Digby do it!
迪格比创下新纪录，真棒 "Dat's how Digby do it." Classic.
迈克是最棒的 Mac's the best.
如果我能和他一起拍视频 If I was in a video with him,
我敢确保每个人都会忘了尿布手的事儿 I'm pretty sure everyone would just forget about "Diaper Hands."
你知道吗 You know what?
我想给迈克写信问他是否能让我去参加他的一个视频的拍摄 I'm gonna write Mac and ask if there's any way I can be in one of his videos.
那也不会有什么损失吧 It can't hurt, right?
妈妈真的讨厌迈克迪格比 Mom really hates Mac Digby.
但是迈克华丽的神操作让他变得出名而且富有 But Mac figured out how to get rich and famous
仅仅玩电子游戏就行了 just from playing video games.
没办法，迈克回复我了 No way. Mac replied already.
他说：谢谢你的来信，格雷格 It says: "Thanks for the email, Greg."
他提到了我的名字 He used my name.
我这周周末要去参加玩家博览会 "I'm going to be at Player Expo this weekend
12点到2点期间在印第安纳波利斯举行 "in Indianapolis from 12:00 to 2:00
我准备去过把瘾，按爆游戏按钮，创造游戏玩家们的历史 hanging out, mashing buttons and making gamer history."
嘿，或许你可以过来，就能出现在我下一次的YouTube的视频中了 Hey, maybe you'll be in my next YouTube video."
这是我生命中最棒的一天 This is the greatest day of my life.
当我去了迈克迪格比的视频中就没人会记得尿布手了 No one will remember Diaper Hands when I'm in a Mac Digby video.
我将变成名人格雷格 I'm going to be "Greg Famous."
格雷格赫夫利，我的天哪 Greg Heffley. Oh, my God.
但是你妈妈说迈克迪格比是个坏榜样 But your mom says Mac Digby is a bad influence.
我是说，你真的觉得她会让你去玩家博览会和他拍视频吗 I mean, do you really think she'll let you go to Player Expo to be in a video with him?
你说得对 You're right.
没办法了 There's no way.
除非 Unless...
玩家博览会在这周末在印第安纳波利斯举行 Player Expo's in Indianapolis this weekend.
而且，奶奶的派对也在印第安纳 And get this, Meemaw's party is in Indiana.
太完美了 This is perfect!
玩家博览会只有... Player Expo is only...
离奶奶家不到两英寸的距离 ...two inches away from Meemaw's!
我觉得地图不该是那样用的吧 I'm not sure that's how maps work.
我必须要确保我们的兜风之旅顺利进行 All I have to do is make sure our road trip
把我们带到里玩家博览会最近的地方 brings us close to Player Expo,
然后偷偷溜走去见迈克迪格比 and then sneak away long enough to see Mac Digby,
然后又神不知鬼不觉的溜回去 and then come back before anyone notices I'm gone.
没人会有损失 No one gets hurt.
这简直是双赢 It's a win-win situation.
是吗 Is it?
伙计们，伙计们 Guys! Guys.
带的东西也太多了吧 This is way too much stuff.
这些都是必需品 These are definitely essentials.
不不不曼尼，别亲爱的，不，我们不带这些玩意儿 No, no, no. Manny, no sweetie. No, we're not bringing that.
额，这儿已经没有空间来装人了 Uh, there's no room for people in here.
或许我们得看看飞机票 Maybe we should look into plane tickets.
这将是一场灾难 This was a disaster.
我的整个计划会崩盘 My whole plan was falling apart.
我有个主意 I have an idea.
如果我们清理些垃圾出去 If we take all the junk out,
我们可以用小船来当拖货的车使用 we can use the boat as a trailer.
这样我们可以经过水域 Then, if we see some water,
爸爸，你还可以给我们示范怎么扬帆和捕鱼 Dad, you can show us how to sail and fish.
你懂得，捕鱼 For, you know, fish.
就如你所说 Now you're talking.
好呀，船长 Aye-aye, Captain.
都准备好伟大的赫夫利一家的兜风之旅了吗 Who's ready for the Great Heffley Road Trip?
我能听到哇哇的欢呼声吗 Can I get a woot-woot?
哇哇，来吧，妈妈 Woot-woot! Go, Mom.
傻瓜 Dork.
向奶奶家进军
我在发短信 I'm texting.
不行，兜风之旅不能玩电子设备 Oh, no. No devices on this trip.
你什么意思 What do you mean?
这将是一场没有充电的旅行 This is an unplugged road trip.
没有手机，没有平板，没有网络 No phones, no iPads, no Internet.
- 什么？ - 只有家庭时光 - What?! - Just family time.
唯一的联系则是我们彼此之间的联系 The only connecting we're gonna do is with each other.
每个人交出你们的设备 Everyone hand over your devices.
你这是欺诈 You tricked us!
这简直无趣 This is totally not cool.
学校里的同学们盯着电子屏幕的时间可比我多得多 Kids at school get way more screen time than I do!
我不会交出我的手机的 I'm not giving up my phone. Pfft!
对，如果他不交出来，我也不会交 Yeah! If he's not givin' up his phone, I'm not givin' up mine.
如果他不交，我也不会交 If he's not giving up, I'm not giving mine up.
你觉得你是谁啊，动不动对我们指手画脚 Who do you think you are, bossing us around?
你不是想要我阅读吗，我在读电子书 You want me to read. I'm reading text!
这有什么差别吗 What's the difference?
- 你简直是世界上最坏的妈妈 - 对 - You're the worst mom ever! - Yeah!
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
没有电子设备，完全没什么事干 Without devices, there's absolutely nothing to do.
看看风景，读读书 Look at the scenery. Read a book.
读书，这可是暑假啊！ "Read a book?" It's summer vacation!
- 呸，看风景简直就像个傻逼一样 - 对啊 - Pfft! Scenery's stupid! Pfft! - Yeah!
听妈妈的话吧，孩子们 Listen to your mother, boys.
弗兰克，这条禁令也对你有效 Frank. The ban goes for you, too.
不不不，我要搜索路线 No, no, no, no. I got to check the route.
不，你不用，我们有GPS定位 Uh, no, you don't. We have GPS.
就算GPS坏了，我还带了地图 And if that fails, I brought a map.
我们将戒除嗜好，成为守旧派 We'll kick it old school.
路程时间估算 Estimated time on road
47小时零1分钟 47 hours and 1 minute
- 快餐店，快餐店 - 你不能这样对我 - Fast food, fast food. - You can't do this to me.
你们饿了吧，我很乐意效劳 You're hungry, I'm happy to provide.
你俩惹上大麻烦了 The two of you are in so much trouble right now!
你们不该那样做 You should not be doing that sort of thing.
我们能拿回手机吗 Can we have our phones back yet?
不行，包必须合着 Nope. The bag is closed.
- 什么时候才能把包打开 - 不可能 - Well, when is the bag going to open? - It's not.
那这个包什么时候不会打开呢？ Well, when is the bag not going to not open?
好吧好吧，我这儿有点消磨时光的好玩的东西 Okay, okay, I have something fun to pass the time.
“谁是罪人”这个游戏很简单 Who has a guilty conscience? It's a simple game.
由一个人抽出一张牌，大声读出来 Someone takes a card from the deck and reads it aloud.
谁做过这件事，谁就获得一分 If you've done the thing on the card, you get a point.
率先获得三分的人获胜 So, the first person to three points wins.
我必须承认我曾经养过一只与众不同的宠物 "I must confess... I once owned an unusual pet."
- 我大学养过一只狼蛛当宠物 - 不可能 - I had a pet tarantula in college. - No way.
是的，它的名字叫特瑞安图拉，它很吓人 Yeah! His name was Terry Antula and he was awesome.
一分 One point.
我必须承认，我曾经有过疯狂的发型 "I must confess I once had a crazy hairstyle."
我有罪，当我还是个少女的时候我在夏天把头发染成了粉红色 Guilty! I dyed my hair pink when I was younger for a summer.
你们什么时候才能停止强行搞笑？ When did you guys stop being fun?
你爸爸和我也都年轻过啊，你懂得 Well, your dad and I were young once, too, you know.
我能读下一条吗 Can I read the next one?
是的 Yes.
我必须承认 "I must confess...
我曾经玩BB枪打碎了别人的玻璃 "I once broke a window by shooting a BB gun
然后把责任推给了我的小弟 and blamed my little brother for it."
我干过这事 Yes. I totally did that.
那时候我还被爸妈绑着，读下一条 I'm tied with Mom and Dad. Read another one.
轮到我了 My turn.
我必须承认我曾经没有驾照却开着我妈妈的车 "I must confess I once drove my mom's car when I didn't have a license
然后把车门刮的惨不忍睹 and scratched the door very badly."
我也干过，太酷了，又得了一分 I did that, too! Boom. One more point.
那就加一分，再加一分吧 That's plus one. Plus another point.
我必须承认 "I must confess...
我曾经把卫生纸糊在 "I once toilet papered the house
可爱的隔壁老奶奶的房子上面 of the sweet old lady who lived next door to me."
没错 Yes!
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我被控诉有罪 Guilty as charged!
这游戏简直是为我量身定做的，我打败了你们这输家 It's like this game was made for me! I own you losers!
哎，对，我赢了，我赢了 Oh, yeah, I win. I won.
现在我可以拿钱修货车了吧，对吗？ Now I get my van fixed, right?
我很抱歉把卫生纸贴到你的房子上，奶奶 I'm very sorry for toilet papering your house, ma'am.
这是很糟糕的事，我很荣幸的去 It was a very bad thing, and I would be honored to...
用暑假剩余的时间帮你修剪草坪和清洗汽车 ...mow your lawn and clean your car for the rest of summer to make amends.
好的，谢谢，再见 Okay, thank you. Bye, now.
你死定了 You are so dead.
曼尼的奶嘴呢 Where's Manny's pacifier?
我丢在家里了 I left it at home.
你干了些什么？ You did what?
我做出一个政策性的决定没把它带来 I made an executive decision not to bring it.
他已经不是用奶嘴的年龄了 He's way too old for one.
你知道的，这次旅行对他来说是个很好的机会 You know, this trip is a perfect opportunity for him
去戒掉奶嘴的瘾，懂吗 to go cold turkey, you know?
他们只有这种的 It was all they had.
罗德里克，我说过了不能用手机 Rodrick, I said no phones.
我想把这个传到网上，这太逗了 I want to post it online. It's hilarious.
不行 No!
不能用图片分享软件，也不能用社交软件 No Instagrammy, no Snappychat!
我赞同格雷格的肚子，我们得吃点东西 I agree with Greg's stomach. We need to eat.
如果你想把午睡中的曼尼叫醒 If you wake Manny up in the middle of a nap,
他就会像一枚导弹，而且没人能让他冷静下来 he goes completely ballistic and there's no calming him down.
所以当他睡觉的时候，爸妈可以做任何事情 So when he's asleep, Mom and Dad do everything they can
不过得离他远远的 to keep him that way.
好了伙计们，准备好了吗 Okay guys, ready?
哇哦 Whoa!
格雷格，小心点 Greg, be more careful!
你差点吵醒了曼尼 You almost woke up Manny.
去买我单子上面列出来的东西，也只能买那些东西 Get the items on my list and only the items on my list!
单子上面的嘛，知道了 List, got it.
全麦面包，奶酪 Whole-wheat bagel, cream cheese,
- 瞎扯，还要苹果 - 对的，你知道的，我们该有难同当了 - baloney and apples? - Yeah, you know, we should split up.
分担罪行吧 Divide and clunker.
嘿 Hey!
你买了妈妈清单上的所有东西吗 Did you get anything on Mom's list?
放松点，格雷格，我买了更好的东西 Relax, Greggy. I got better stuff.
免费wifi提供，真棒 Free Wi-fi. Perfect.
- 嘿，想去看看游泳池吗？ - 亲爱的 - Hey, want to check out the pool? - Sweet!
额？ Huh?
简直是诈骗 What a rip-off!
他们应该因虚假广告而被起诉 They should be sued for false advertising!
至少那儿还有个热水浴缸 At least there's a hot tub.
看看那些怪人 But look at those weirdos.
或者应该说是大胡子一家？ Or should that be Beardos?
好名字 Good one.
弗兰克 Frank,
这地方真让人作呕 this place is disgusting!
也不是太糟 Ah, it's not so bad.
只要忍一晚上就好了 It's just for one night.
这毛巾比我手还湿 These towels are wetter than my hands.
妈妈 Mom!
没人用过这种浴室 Nobody uses the bathroom.
起码得打扫一下才能用 We'll clean up at the next stop.
我们吃点东西吧 Let's eat.
好啊 Yeah.
你们两个怎么想的 What were you two thinking?
我们不能用这些当晚饭 We can't make dinner out of
生的肉桂卷 uncooked cinnamon rolls
还有泡泡糖 and bubblegum.
不，就这样 No, duh.
这些是饭后甜点，我还给大家买了微波炉烤披萨 They're for dessert. I got us a microwave pizza.
罗德里克？ Rodrick?
那是个保险箱 That's a mini-safe.
额 Huh.
他们把这设计的像个微波炉 And they disguised it as a microwave.
太聪明了 Pretty smart.
你们买回来了我清单上面的东西吗 Did you guys get anything on my list?
我看不懂你写的弯弯曲曲的老式英语书法 I couldn't read your curly Oldie English writing.
你是想说草书？ Do you mean cursive?
草书？ Cursive?
我能出去用热水浴缸吗 Is it okay if I go use the hot tub?
可以，当然了，不过你回来的时候不能把曼尼吵醒了 Yeah, sure, just don't wake Manny when you come back in.
- 我饿的不行了 - 我也是 - I am so hungry. - Me, too.
爷爷奶奶对尿布手的反映 "Grandparents React to Diaper Hands!"?
尿布，这是尿布，这是尿布，这是尿布 Diaper! It's a diaper, it's a diaper, it's a diaper!
嘿，来吃奶酪 Hey, Cheez Nips.
你在这干嘛 What are you doing here?
我觉得我应该加入你 I thought I'd join you,
万一有欣赏我这种音乐家的辣妹呢 in case any hot chicks who dig musicians show up.
你从车里把手机拿出来了？ You got your phone from the van?
是罗利发来的 It's from Rowley.
在玩家博览会玩开心点，我的个亲娘诶 "Have fun at Player Expo. Zoo-Wee-Mama."
呵呵，傻逼 Pfft! What a dork.
玩家博览会？ Player Expo?
你打算去参加那个小讨厌鬼的博览会 You're planning to go to your little nerd convention.
太好了，我得去告诉妈妈 Oh, this is too good. I'm telling Mom.
不，罗德里克，回来 No, Rodrick, give that back!
什么 What?
- 哦，不 - 笑死人了 - Oh, no. - Oompa-Loompa.
再玩今天的“我有罪”的游戏的话，我就有机会去让你得分了 After your little "I Confess" stunt today, this is my chance to even the score.
或许爸妈还会给我钱去修我的车 Maybe Mom and Dad will even give me the money to get my van fixed.
等一下 W-w-wait.
如果你想要钱，我有个更好的主意 If you need money, I have a better way to get you some.
得到更多的钱 To get a lot.
和我一起去玩家博览会 Come with me to Player Expo.
那儿全是辣妹 There are hot girls everywhere.
为什么她穿着比基尼的盔甲 Why is she wearing armor with a bikini?
这叫角色扮演，那儿有很多这样的 It's called cosplay. And there's a lot of it.
那些就像真的一样 Are those even real?
我也很疑惑，他们应该是用泡沫之类的做的武器 I doubt it. People make their weapons out of foam and stuff.
最重要的一点是，那儿有一个电子游戏鼓手大赛 But the best part is, there's a video game drummer competition
就像摇滚队一样，我觉得奖金大概有1000美金 just like Rock Band, and I think the prize is about $1,000.
1000美金？ $1,000?
我都可以买十辆车了 I'd be able to buy ten vans with that.
但是你现在要是告诉了妈妈，我想我吗去不了了 But now you're telling Mom. I guess there's no way I'm going.
如果我说我们一起去呢，我们一起去吧 If I say we're going, we're going.
懂了吗，小家伙 You get that, chico?
额 Oh!
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
不是你看到的那样 This isn't what it looks like.
你不是在工作吗？ Are you doing work?
好吧，就是你看到的那样 Okay, it is what it looks like.
听着，我没有跟我老板说我要休假一周 Look, I couldn't tell my boss I was taking the week off.
你懂了么 You get that, right?
是的，我明白了，但是如果妈妈知道了，会爆发的 Yeah, I totally get that. But if Mom found out, she'd go ballistic.
我知道，那就是为什么你和我之间需要... I know. That's why you and I need to...
你从车里把手机拿出来了吗 Did you take your phone from the van?
没有 No.
格雷格，如果你妈妈发现了，她会爆发的 Greg. If Mom found out, she'd go ballistic.
好吧好吧，我马上放回去 Okay, okay. I'll put it back.
我什么都不会跟妈妈讲，我保证 I won't tell Mom I saw anything. I promise.
那就好，我想让你妈妈高兴点 The thing is, I want Mom to be happy.
我也相信你不会让她失望，对吗 I'm sure you don't want to disappoint her, do you?
绝对不会 Definitely not.
我们保留点男人之间的小秘密你觉得怎么样 What do you say we keep this little arrangement between us guys?
妈妈不知道这些事，也就不会伤她的心，对吗？ What Mom doesn't know won't hurt her, right?
好的 Sure.
好孩子 Good boy.
你这是橙色的吗？ Are you orange?
对 Yep.
我该睡在哪 Where am I supposed to sleep?
你们在干嘛，别人在睡觉呢 What are you doing? Some people are trying to sleep!
把裤子穿上吧，小辣鸡 Put some pants on, creep!
你们觉得很搞笑吗 Oh, you guys think that's funny.
我告诉这儿的房东你们就笑不出来了 Well, you won't be laughing when I report you to the manager
他会把你和你们大胡子一家全部赶走 and he throws you and your whole Beardo family out!
哦，是吗？ Oh, yeah?
你们在外面干嘛 What is going on out here?
我的车子 My van!
你为什么要这么做 Why did you do that?
我吗？ Me?
这个怪家伙在外面只穿条裤衩子 This weirdo shows up in his underpants
我们叫他去穿上衣服 and when we ask him to put some clothes on,
他却威胁要揍我们 he threatens to beat us up!
什么 What?
我，不不不，那不是真的 I... No, no, no. That's not true!
他还叫你是肥佬大胡子 And he called you a "fat Beardo!"
过来，小混球 Come here, punk!
爸爸，爸爸，救命 Dad! Dad! Help!
- 嘿 - 额？ - Hey! - Huh?
那是你的孩子吗 Is that your kid?
什么孩子 What kid?
你们进屋 Inside!
我知道你在外面，小子 I know you're out there, kid!
我要从新来的搜到老住户们那儿去 I tracked down original floor mats to a vintage camper, son!
我会找到你的 I will find you!
为什么我只能睡在衣柜里 Why do I have to sleep in the closet?
拜托，挪点位置 Come on. Move over.
你在我屋子里干嘛 What are you doing in my room?
你去哪了 Where were you?
我出去做了短暂的慢跑运动 I just went for a quick jog.
穿着内裤？ In your underwear?
我喜欢新鲜空气 I like the fresh air.
好吧 Okay.
亲爱的，那样做可不怎么好 Honey, that's not a good idea.
你们都站着干嘛 What's with all the standing around?
我们要出发了，对吗妈妈？ Let's get back on the road, right, Mom?
我和格雷格在一起，开路吧，即将到来的是赫夫利一家 I'm with Greg. Open road, here comes the Heffley family.
老实说，下次，记得穿裤子 Seriously, next time, wear pants.
这儿有很多人 There are a lot of weirdos out there.
还有大胡子 And Beardos.
这歌就像催眠曲一样 That song is such a bummer.
干什么，罗德里克，回去 What? Rodrick, get back.
这是什么 What is this?
这也叫音乐吗 Is this even music?
这是罗德迪皮尔的新唱片，不用谢 It's Loded Diper's new demo! You're welcome!
好的，谢谢你 Yeah. Thank you.
我的打鼓独奏还没播放呢 My drum solo was coming up.
- 那简直是天堂般的13分钟 - 没戏 - It's thirteen minutes of heaven. - Nuh-uh.
兜风之旅的第一条准则，由司机选择放歌 First rule of a road trip is the driver is the D.J.
太棒了，因为我是司机 That's great, because I'm the driver
我可是精挑细选了我们的旅行曲目 and I picked our theme song for our trip.
这可是家族传统 It's a family tradition.
爷爷奶奶过去常常挑选这些歌 Grandpa and Grandma used to pick the music
我们孩子就会跟着唱 and us kids would sing along.
- 我喜欢这个 - 我知道 - I like this. - I know.
这可是我们当年约会时候的一大流行歌，对吗 It was a big hit when we were dating, right?
告诉我我想知道的，我真的真的想知道的 # Yo, tell me what I want what I really, really want #
所以告诉我你想知道的，你真的真的想知道的 # So tell me what you want what you really, really want #
我会告诉你我想，我真的真的想知道的 # I'll tell you what I want what I really, really want #
快停下来，快停下来 Please stop, please stop!
不，不可以这样 No! This isn't happening!
求你们了，停下来，求你们 Please, just stop, stop, please!
好了，好了 Okay, fine!
我真的很喜欢这样 I was really enjoying that.
干点别的事好吗，其他什么都行 Just try something else. Anything else.
好吧 Okay.
你赢了 You win.
我选择：你好，学说西班牙语 I choose "Hola!: Learn to Speak Spanish."
我们先从最常见的问候语开始，比如你好，嗨 Let's start with the most common greeting, "Hello" or "Hi."
你好，很简单，在西班牙语里面叫做“Hola” "Hi" is simply "Hola" in Spanish.
你能试试吗 Can you try that, please?
你好 Hola.
你好，你会了吗？ Hola. Did you get that right?
喝水翻译为“beber” "To drink" translates to "beber".
来试着说一遍，喝水 Try saying that. Beber.
你们要长长见识了 You guys are in for a treat.
乡村集市将会是个好机会 The country fair will be a great opportunity
能让你们看清真正的美国生活 for you to see how people live in the real America.
等等，那我们是算什么样的生活 Wait. So where do we live again?
你们这些家伙只是乡下人的后代 You guys are actually descended from country folk.
皮帕的父亲有三个工作 Peepaw's father worked three jobs
所以他有钱买下自己的地来种大豆 until he had enough money to buy his own land to grow soybeans.
为什么每个人都想种大豆 Why would anyone want to grow soybeans?
好故事，讲完了记得叫醒我 Great story. Wake me up when it's over.
哇哦，只想说句哇哦 Wow. Just wow.
我们会对我们的父母感到厌烦吗 Were we this bored by our parents?
如果我们同意去集市 If we agree to go to this country fair,
我们能拿回手机作为奖励吗 can we get our phones back after? As a reward?
不行 No.
就给我们一小时怎么样，我们为你办事 How about just for an hour? We do something for you
你给我们奖励，这才公平 and you do something for us. That's fair.
去集市是一种享受 The country fair is a treat.
你们享受了不可能还有奖励 You don't get a reward for agreeing to a treat!
孩子们你们去了集市你们会玩的特别开心 You boys are going to the country fair and you're going to enjoy yourselves.
我讲清楚了吧 Do I make myself clear?
你觉得我们需不需要分道扬镳？ Hey, what do you say we split up?
你带着曼尼去玩游乐设施 Um, you take Manny on the rides
我给这俩小子秀一秀怎么去赢嘉年华游戏 and I'll show these boys how to win some carnival games, huh?
这两个家伙不想要父母跟着吧 These guys don't need a parent getting in the way.
这是他们一起度过美好时光的好机会 It'll be good for them to spend time together.
融合一下 Bonding.
所有的设施看着都很烂 All the rides look lame.
很老旧，真的很老旧 And old. Really old.
拿着这个去你们的“国度”吧 You guys go get your "country" on.
种种子，玩干草 Spit some seed, ride some hay.
别忘了吃健康食品，好嘛？ And don't forget to eat something healthy, okay?
好好利用这里的神奇产物 Take advantage of all the amazing produce here.
- 肯定的，肯定的 - 对，神奇产物 - Definitely, yeah, definitely. - Yeah, produce.
嗯，玩开心点 Mmm! Have fun.
黄油油炸棒 Deep-fried butter on a stick!
哦，我的... Oh, my.
给你 Here you go.
- 谢谢 - 不用谢 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
请来两份黄油油炸棒，朋友 Two deep-fried butters on a stick, please, amigo.
普通的还是特脆的 Regular or extra-crispy?
当然要特脆的 Extra-crispy, obviously.
这真是生命中最美好的时刻 This is the best moment of my life!
或许我们应该买一个漏斗蛋糕和一个根香肠棒 Maybe we should get a funnel cake and a sausage stick.
还要算上冰淇淋 Ice cream's on the budget.
我们得离开了 We need to leave.
我还要两份 I'll take two more.
爸爸，我不想体验乡下人了，我们能走了吗 Dad, I'm country-ed out. Can we go?
我现在陷入了困境，我需要打个工作电话 I am in a serious bind. I need to make a work phone call.
- 妈妈在哪 - 她在排队上厕所 - Where's Mom? - She's in line for the porta-potty.
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我估计我有20分钟的时间 I figure I've got, like, 20 minutes.
你能帮我个忙吗 Can you do me a favor?
你能带他去家禽棚那边吗？ Can you take him over to the livestock tent?
我打电话的时候哄不了他 I can't have him melting down while I'm on this call.
我带他去？ Me take him?
对，花点时间陪陪你弟弟，好吗？ Yeah. Spend some quality time with your brother, all right?
十块钱，十块钱？完美 Ten bucks. Ten bucks? Perfect.
来吧曼尼 Come on, Manny.
抱歉小姑娘，你可能不知道它的真实体重，但... Sorry, missy, you did not guess the exact weight. But...
你仍然可以得到一个棒棒糖，下一个谁来 you do get this here lollipop. Now, who's next?
棒棒糖 Lollipop.
- 到这边来，伙计们 - 现在不是时候，曼尼 - Step on up here, folks. - Not now, Manny.
好吧好吧 Okay, okay.
瞧这儿，是谁来了 Look around here. Who we got?
谁下一个来，嘿，小家伙 Who's next here? Hey there, little fella.
我问你点事，你能看到这儿有猪吗 Let me ask you something. Can you see that pig right there?
你觉得它的体重是多少 How much you think that pig weighs?
老实说，他只是想要个棒棒糖 Honestly, he just wants a lollipop.
为了棒棒糖而来，但仍然得猜一猜 Oh. Well now, for a lollipop, I'm still gonna have to have a guess.
但他只会输123 But he can only count 1, 2, 3.
4, 5, 6!
哇哦，简直是运气好到爆 Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
老威贝塔的体重实际上就是 Ol' Wilberta there weighs exactly
456磅，刚刚好，怎么办 456 pounds, on the nose. How about that?
打心底里祝福你 Bless your little heart.
孩子，你赢了大奖，感觉怎么样，先生们女士们 Son, you won the grand prize. How about that, ladies and gentlemen?
曼尼，太棒了 Manny, this is awesome.
现在开始，对他温柔一点 Now, just be gentle with him now.
来吧，拿着他 Go ahead there, take him.
现在是你的了，看看他 There you go. Look at him!
不不不不，我们不能带走这只猪 Oh, no, no, no. We... we can't take this pig.
你是说你不要带着这个小家伙照顾好它？ You're saying that you're not gonna let the little one keep it?
男孩需要一只小猪 A boy needs a pig.
但我们不住在农场，我们是正常人家 But we don't live on farms. We're normal people.
你是说住在农场的都不是正常人？ You're saying folks that live on farms ain't normal.
我不是那意思 That's not what I mean.
我们没地方养它 We just don't have anywhere to keep it.
女士，你会让一只猪住进你家 Ma'am, you wouldn't let a pig inside your house
和你的小孩在一起吗？ with your baby, would you?
我们会带走我们的猪的 We'll take our pig and go.
好的，我们有个获胜者了，怎么样？ All right, we had a winner, how about that?
大奖获胜者，先生们女士们 A grand prize winner, ladies and gentlemen.
千万别拉屎 Please don't poop.
我找到你了，小子 I got you, kid!
不，我能听到你很好 No, I can hear you fine.
爸爸，曼尼在这，我得走了 Dad, here's Manny. Got to go.
等一下，别 Wait, no!
嘿，你怎么很生气的样子 Hey! Why are you being such a spaz?
没有，我只是很兴奋 I'm not. I'm just really excited to, uh...
去坐“外星人绑架”吧 To ride the "Alien Abduction."
嗨起来吧 Let's rock.
靠着墙把你们的手放好 Stay against the wall and keep your hands to yourself!
我们开始了 We're off.
我就知道我不该吃第九条黄油棒 I knew I shouldn't have ate that 9th stick of butter.
九条？ Ninth?
你 You!
快停止运行，停止运行 Stop the ride! Stop the ride!
这是尿布，这是尿布，这是尿布 It's a diaper, it's a diaper, it's a diaper!
什么情况？ What the heck?
看着点，你这个混蛋 Watch it, you jerk.
抱歉 Sorry!
快下来 Stop it!
离我远点 Get off of me!
你得挪挪，孩子，不然我得从你身上翻过去 You need to move, kid, or I will climb over you.
我警告你最好别那样 I'm warning you, please don't.
我不是物理专业的学生 I'm not an A student of physics or anything,
但我对这个理论很熟悉 but I'm familiar with the theory,
抛起来的东西，肯定会掉下来 "What comes up, must fall down."
我得再去吃一根油炸黄油棒 I could go for another stick of deep-fried butter.
我的天哪，掉在我嘴里了 Oh, God, no! It's in my mouth!
我们离开这儿吧 Let's get out of here.
你去哪儿了，刚才那是个很重要的电话 Where did you go? That was an important phone call.
好了，我们继续保持之前的关系，好吗 Okay, all right. Let's still keep this between us, all right?
你们都在一起啊 Oh, you guys are all together.
赫夫利男孩们玩的开心吗 Did the Heffley boys have fun?
实际上，这是大家在一起的一次惊艳的体验 Absolutely, an amazing time. Together.
我赢了奖 I won a prize.
什么，你吗，亲爱的，你赢了什么 What? You did, sweetie? What did you win?
我的天哪 Oh, my gosh.
一只猪 A pig.
一只真正的猪 An actual pig.
一只活生生的真猪 An actual living pig.
发生了什么 How did this happen?
额 Uh...
曼尼猜对了体重，对吗爸爸？ Manny guessed the weight, right, Dad?
额，对的，就在... Uh... that's right. Um, in the...
家禽棚 The livestock tent.
在家禽棚，对，那是... In the livestock tent. Right. That's...
对，你知道吗，我正在考虑呢 Yeah, but you know, now that I think about it, uh,
养一只猪，不是个好主意 keeping a pig, that's... that's not a good idea
因为它更适合呆在谷仓而不是作为一只宠物 because it's not a pet and it belongs in a barnyard.
我们拿回去吧 And we should take it back.
我喜欢我的小猪 I love my piggy.
如果这事发生在你身上呢？ And this is just occurring to you now?
我觉得我们养只猪也不错 I think it's great we have a pig.
因为我们每天早上都能吃从它身上割下来的肉了 Cause now we'll be able to get bacon from it every morning.
实际上，曼尼赢得这只猪的时候，我百分之百不在场 The truth is, I wasn't 100% there when Manny won the pig.
他和格雷格一起去的 He was with Greg.
我没办法呀 I-I couldn't help it.
我真的不想带走它 I really didn't want to take it,
但是压力很大啊，我想想，都是因为农场主... but there was a lot of pressure from, I'm guessing, farmers?
到底怎么回事 What is going on here?
我没和他们在一起是因为 I wasn't with them because
我必须打一个工作电话 I had to make a work call.
- 弗兰克 - 我压力好大 - Frank! - I'm under a lot of pressure right now.
老实说，我认为这条禁令太不现实了 And, honestly, I don't think a total technology ban is realistic.
我需要给公司打电话 I need to make calls to the office.
格雷格是现代孩子，用手机是他的天性 And Greg's a modern kid. Using his phone is in his DNA.
什么？格雷格也用了手机？ What? Greg's been using his phone, too?
得了吧，你可是和我做过交易的 Oh, come on. You made a deal with me.
谁能给我点钱修车吗 Will someone please pay for my van repairs?
好了，让我来捋一捋 Stop! Let me get this straight.
你和格雷格都用了手机 You and Greg have been using your phones,
你们还密谋要不让我知道？ and you both conspired to keep this from me?
我们走吧 We're leaving.
我们养着这只猪 And we're keeping the pig.
我们来学学“你叫什么名字”用西班牙语怎么说 Let's learn the Spanish for, "What is your name?"
一个词一个词的翻译 translated word by word.
“什么”翻译为“Que” "What" translates to "Que."
什么情况 What's the matter with it?
格雷格，告诉你爸爸他的猪需要上厕所 Greg, please tell your father that his pig probably needs to use the bathroom.
你知道的，我可能真的需要上厕所了 You know, I could really use the bathroom, too.
我喝了太多的柠檬水 I drank way too much lemonade.
好的，告诉你爸在下一个加油站停车 Okay, then tell your father to pull over at the next gas station
你就能带着他的猪和你去上厕所 and you can take his pig in with you.
什么？ What?
你得双腿交叉憋着尿 You're just gonna have to keep your legs crossed.
下个加油站还有37英里 The next exit is 37 miles.
37英里？ Thirty-seven miles?
太远了吧 That's way too far.
这不行，我憋不住了 It's no use. I can't hold it.
格雷格，我的老天爷啊 Greg, for goodness sake!
别洒出来了 Don't spill any.
哦~ Oh!
尿满了 It's filling up.
那就别尿了 Then stop peeing.
停不下来了 It doesn't work that way.
我已经尿了，现在我想得接着尿 I've started, now I've got to see it through.
他说得对 He's right.
欧 Oh!
拿去吧 Here.
我不要这个 I don't want it!
哇哦，看着好可爱 Oh, look how cute.
这只小猪的上厕所的习惯可比你好多了，格雷格 The piggy's better potty trained than you, Greg.
我的天哪 Oh, my God!
发生了什么 What's happening?
不会吧 No way!
瞧啊，一个迷你吧 Check it out, a mini-bar.
- 亲爱的 - 站起来 - Sweet. - Back up.
没人可以碰迷你吧 Nobody touches the mini-bar.
我不可能为了一块饼干付7美金 I'm not paying $7 for a cookie.
猪在哪睡觉 Where's the pig gonna sleep?
不 No!
不公平，猪吃了迷你吧，我们不能吃？ No fair. The pig can use the mini-bar and we can't?
你应该意识到这个的价格比宾馆住宿还贵 You realize this will probably cost more than the hotel room.
我爱你，小猪 I love you, piggy.
请允许我接个电话 Please let me take this call
然后就可以把工作放在一边去完成剩下的行程，好吗 and I will put work aside for the rest of the trip, okay?
什么都没有家庭时光重要，我保证 Nothing but family time, I promise.
- 什么都没有家庭时光重要？ - 我保证 - Nothing but family time? - Promise.
好吧，做吧，处理好这些事儿 Okay, deal. Just get it over with.
孩子们，让我们为你们的爸爸安静十分钟 Boys, let's help your dad and be quiet for the next 10 minutes
这样他就可以把工作抛在脑后，全身心的投入到假期 so that he can finally put work behind him and join the vacation.
好的 Sure.
无论如何 Whatever.
安静，现在开始 Quiet. Here we go.
嘿，我是弗兰克 Hey, this is Frank.
弗兰克，你们到哪儿了 Frank, where have you been?
嘿，朱莉 Hi, Julie, yeah.
很抱歉，事情就像滚雪球一样涌来 I'm sorry, things just snowballed on my end, uh-huh.
那不是问题，我可以处理 That's not a problem. I can handle that.
好的 Okay.
呃呃 Uh-huh.
你嘘嘘的声音比我嚼东西的声音还大 Your shushes are louder than my chewings.
好的 Yeah.
吐出去 Throw it out.
对，我不知道 Yeah, uh, I don't know.
我是说，那儿有种奇怪的联系 I mean, there's a weird connection.
呃呃 Uh-huh.
- 你好？ - 我还在呢，朱莉 - Hello? - I'm still here, Julie.
弗兰克，这个提议的截止时间是星期五 Frank, the deadline for the proposal is this Friday.
啊哦 Ow!
把奶嘴捡起来 Get the pacifier!
哇哇哇哇哇 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
把猪弄起来 Get the pig!
额 Ugh.
喝水翻译为“beber” "To drink" translates to "beber".
试着念一遍 Try saying that.
开始念“leer” "To read" becomes "leer".
到你念了 Your turn.
“可以做什么”在西班牙语里面是“poder” "To be able to" is "poder" in Spanish.
“知道”翻译为“saber” "To know" becomes "saber".
再来一遍，“saber” Once again..."saber".
太棒了，感谢每一个人 That's great. Thanks, everybody.
我很庆幸的把工作推到了周一 I'll be lucky to have a job come Monday!
享受兜风之旅吧，享受兜风之旅吧 Had to take a road trip. Had to take a road trip!
弗兰克，发生什么事了 Frank! What's happening?
什么兜风之旅 What road trip?
弗兰克，你在说什么 Frank? Who are you talking to?
你在吗 Are you there?
你好？ Hello?
嘿爸爸，我觉得你可能还没挂电话 Hey, Dad? I think you might still be connected.
弗兰克，怎么回事，你在哪 Frank? What's going on? Where are you?
回答我 Answer me.
罗德里克，我曾以为奶奶家离玩家博览会只有两英寸 Rodrick, I thought Meemaw's was just two inches from Player Expo.
但是在这个地图上，看着像七英寸 But on this map, it's like seven!
所以呢 So?
所以我们可能会离得更远 So we're going to be too far away from it.
我不能和迈克迪格比拍视频，你得不到1000美金 I'll never be in the Mac Digby video and you'll never win your $1,000.
你最好收拾好这个烂摊子，小子，我需要那笔钱 You better fix this mess, El Dorko. I need that money.
我有主意了 I have an idea.
搞快点 Hurry up.
改变目的地，到百汇会议中心 Changing destination to Parkway Convention Center.
曼尼和猪肯定是有着深厚友谊 Manny and the pig had really bonded.
但是从爸妈的脸色来看 But from the look on Mom and Dad's faces,
我可以说这只猪和赫夫利一家人在一起的日子到头了 I could tell that its days with the Heffley family were numbered.
“你的名字”用西班牙语怎么说呢 How do you say the words "your name" in Spanish?
你是会说“Tu nombre”还是"Mi nombre" Will you say, "Tu nombre" or "Mi nombre"
还是"Su nombre"呢 or "Su nombre"?
我找不到了地方了，我们偏离了航向 I just don't get it. We're miles off course.
那你为什么不能依靠现实技术呢 That's why you shouldn't trust technology.
如果我们用地图而不是GPS If we'd just used a map instead of the GPS...
别担心，我想我们明天就能补上时间 Don't worry. I think we can make up the time tomorrow.
但愿如此 I hope so.
小家伙们，过来看看这个 Guys, come here. Check this out.
来吧，我为奶奶生日做的这个 Come here. I made it for Meemaw's birthday.
这是纪念册 It's a memory book.
来瞧瞧，这是奶奶还是个婴儿的时候 Let's see. That's Meemaw when she was a baby.
她是个男孩还是女孩 Is she a boy or a girl?
哇哦，这个军人是谁 Wow. Who's that soldier?
这是奶奶的弟弟，福瑞德，在二战中拍的 That's Meemaw's brother, Fred, in World War ll.
如果你问她，她会给你看他的奖章 She'll show you his medals if you ask her.
他是个坚强的老家伙 He was a tough old guy.
这是我们的家族史，伙计们 This is our family history, you guys.
这本书可以一直追溯到... This book dates all the way up to...
不，没门，不不，你不能给她看这些照片 No! No way, no, no! No, you can't show her those photos.
对啊妈妈，你不能给奶奶看我们的光屁股照片 Yeah, Mom. You can't give Meemaw a photo of my naked butt!
这太可爱了 Oh, it's so cute.
好了伙计们，我们明天还得早起 Okay, guys, come on. We all got to get up early.
- 我们睡觉去吧 - 好的，睡吧睡吧 - Let's get ready for bed. - Yes, we do. We do. Okay.
来吧曼尼 Come on, Manny.
你们都把睡衣穿上 Get your pajamas on everyone.
我们做到了 We made it.
我们又回到了离玩家博览会又只有2英寸的地方了 We're back to just two inches away from Player Expo.
亲爱的，我们明天就过去了，朋友 Sweet. Tomorrow we ride, compadre.
我不知道我们怎么去博览会 I don't know how we're gonna get to the Expo.
你还有钱吗 Do you have any money?
我们不用钱，我们用优步，完全免费 We don't need money. We'll use Uber. It's completely free.
免费？ Free?
那他们怎么盈利呢 But how do they make a profit?
我不知道，我又不是商人 I don't know, I'm not a businesswoman.
看见了吧，不用给她钱 See? No money changed hands.
真的免费，简直不可思议 It really is free. That's incredible.
但是我不信两英寸的路程开了一个小时 But I didn't think it would take an hour to drive two inches.
真是不可思议 This is incredible!
我知道，我从来没见过一个地方有这麽多笨蛋 I know. I've never seen so many dorks in one place before.
这些都是我的人，这就是我注定要来的地方 These are my people. This is where I'm meant to be.
尿布，这是尿布 Diaper! It's a diaper!
尿布，这是尿布，先生 Diaper! It's a diaper, man!
- 对呀 - 这是尿布 - Yup. - It's a diaper!
哇哦 Ooo-aahh!
我不想迟到了奶奶的派对 I don't want to be late to Meemaw's party.
我也不知道为什么他们不接电话 And I don't know why they're not answering their phones.
你自己说的不要电子技术 You did say no technology.
你真的要告诉我“我说过你什么什么”就像刚才那样吗 Are you seriously giving me the "I told you so" look right now?
不 No.
欢迎来到摇滚鼓手 Welcome to Rock Drummer.
这位选手说他是职业选手，我们来看看他怎么做的 This contestant says he's a professional. Let's see how he does.
哇哦 Uh-oh.
哇哦 Ooh.
垃圾 Not good.
我奶奶都比他打鼓打的好 My grandma drums better than that.
是时候离开这儿了，冠军先生 Time to rock out of here, champ.
我猜罗德里克没机会去修他的车了 I guess Rodrick won't be getting his van fixed anytime soon.
我们已经开完了会议，过的很愉快 We've been to the convention, had a swell time.
早上回家，没有人比这更聪明了 Going home in the morning and nobody's any the wiser!
太长时间了，我得报警了 It's been too long. I'm gonna call the police.
对，我需要报告人口失踪案 Yes, I need to file a missing person's report.
我的两个儿子，罗德里克和格雷格 It's my two sons, Rodrick and Greg.
罗德里克16岁，格雷格12岁 Rodrick is 16 and Greg is 12.
他们穿着什么？我不知道 What are they wearing? I don't know.
罗德里克穿着一件黑色T恤 Rodrick is wearing a black Motorhead T-shirt
格雷格穿着一件蓝色棒球服 and Greg's wearing a Twisted Wizard baseball tee with blue sleeves.
你怎么知道的 How do you know that?
在玩家博览会，对的 ...at Player Expo. You're right!
我在玩家博览会，就现在，全城最火热的地方 I am at Player Expo, right now. The hottest ticket in town.
没有任何一个地方比这更火热了 And there is no better place to discover what the new hottest trends are.
哥哥 Bubby!
你们父母怎么认为你们来博览会玩电子游戏呢 What do your parents think about you guys coming to the Expo to play video games?
他们没办法 Oh, they have no idea.
坦白的说，吉尔，他们有点慢 Frankly, Jill, they're a little slow.
他们有点慢是不是说 Well, they are a little slow if
他们不知道你们在这 you're here and they don't know where you are.
你们为什么不来加入他们呢 Why don't you come on down and join them here,
博览会充满了乐趣 because it's loads of fun at the Expo.
瞧瞧他们玩的多开心 Look at the fun they're having now.
其实我想说会有一个双人谋杀案 Actually, I'd like to report a double murder
在30分钟后的玩家博览会发生 at Player Expo in about 30 minutes.
现在在我们的主舞台上，我们请到了伟大的迈克迪格比 Right now on the main stage, we've got the great Mac Digby.
瞧，他在那 Look!，There he is.
这个游戏叫做下坡速降赛 The game is Downhill Death Race.
看看迪格比怎么创造新纪录 Dat's how Digby do it!
太酷了，迈克可能会打破世界纪录 This is awesome! Mac is about to beat the world record!
以前大家都是在视频中看到的迈克迪格比 Once people see a video of me and Mac Digby,
我将是我们学校最酷炫的人 I'll be the coolest kid in middle school,
每个人都会忘掉尿布手 and everyone will forget about Diaper Hands.
没人会忘掉尿布手 No one will ever forget about Diaper Hands.
那太搞笑了 It's way too funny.
不行 Nuh-uh.
我和迈克迪格比有约 I have an appointment with Mac Digby.
他给我发了邮件邀请我和他一起参与 He sent me this email inviting me to play with him.
他给这儿的每个人都发了邮件 They sent that out to every kid in here.
到后面排队去吧 The line ends back there.
迈克迪格比变成了第一个打到第28关的人 Mac Digby's become the first player ever to beat Level 28!
这个邮件这是一个把孩子们吸引过来的骗局 The email was just a trick to get kids to show up today.
我排队等待的话根本行不通 There's no way I can wait in that line.
我根本上不了迈克迪格比的YouTube视频 I'll never be in a YouTube video with Mac Digby.
我要用真正的快速度来下这个斜坡了 I'm gonna go down this slope real quick,
把它们切成渣 shred some fresh powder!
除非.. Unless...
你觉得怎么样，菜鸟 How you like that, noob?
确保我能能和迈克同框 Okay, so make sure me and Mac are both in shot.
我要让这看起来我们在一起闲逛 And I'll make it seem like we're both hanging out.
然后我会把这个上传到YouTube，任务就完成了 Then I'll post it on to YouTube and mission accomplished.
接下来进入下一阶段 This is where it all goes down.
迈克迪格比将和他最铁杆的粉丝头碰头 Mac Digby going head-to-head with some of his biggest fans,
在玩家博览会这儿现场直播 live here at Player Expo.
迪格比正在游戏中，以他的速度全速而行 Digby's on his game today. At the rate he's going,
这可能是他游戏生涯最棒的一天 this could be his best day of gaming ever.
从正面抓住那个雪球，迪格比创造了新纪录 Catch that snowball to the face! Dat's how Digby do it!
他做到了，他来到了31关 And he's done it. He's at level 31!
好棒 Yeah!
看起来他只需一会儿时间就可以打破 Looks like he's only moments away from breaking
下坡速降赛的世界纪录 the Downhill Death Race world record!
雪崩了，哇哦 Avalanche! Whoa!
迈克迪格比正在展示完美操作 Mac Digby showing total control.
这些家伙要被羞辱了 This dude's about to get pwned!
哇哦，太棒了，伙计们 Whoa! This is good, guys.
迪格比，迪格比 Digby! Digby!
这太疯狂了，你正在见证游戏界的历史 This is insane! You're witnessing gamer history!
哇哇哇哇，什么情况 Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on?
哇哇哇哇 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
你干了什么，我正在破纪录 What have you done? I was about to beat the record!
你是谁 Who are you?
额，我是 Uh, I'm...
格雷格赫夫利 Greg Heffley!
你将被终生监禁 You are grounded for life!
我发誓，你再也玩不成电子游戏 And I swear, never again will you play a video game
除非我死了 as long as there is breath in my body.
真的，格雷格，我觉得你可能该长大一点了 Really, Greg, I thought maybe you would have grown up a little bit
在那次尿布手事件后，但是我想错了 after the whole "Diaper Hands" business, but I guess not.
不会吧，是他啊，先生们女生们 No way! It's him! Ladies and gents!
我们这有个大名人 We have a celebrity in our midst!
毁了我打破世界纪录的不是别人，而正是 My record breaking attempt was ruined by none other than
尿布手 Diaper Hands!
这太不可思议了 This is incredible!
真正的尿布手竟然就在我们的舞台上 We have the real Diaper Hands on our stage.
尿布手还有个真正的名字，格雷格赫夫利 And Diaper Hands has a real name... Greg Heffley!
你好啊，格雷格 Way to go, Greg!
尿布手，格雷格赫夫利 Diaper Hands, Greg Heffley!
尿布手创下新纪录 Dat's how Diaper Hands do it!
对的伙计们，我们来为尿布手欢呼 That's right, folks, let's hear it for Diaper Hands!
你们改了GPS然后我们开车到了那儿 You fixed the GPS to drive here.
你们骗了我们，我们可能赶不上奶奶的生日了 You tricked us, and now we're going to be late to Meemaw's birthday.
我就不觉得我们能准时到 I don't even think we're gonna make it on time.
你在所有人面前羞辱我，妈妈 You embarrassed me in front of everyone, Mom.
我将永远因尿布手而出名 Now I'm gonna be known as Diaper Hands forever!
这很快就会被人淡忘 It'll blow over.
你知道会怎样吗，你对我撒谎了 You know what won't? You lying to me.
我只是想我们可以有一次一起度过时光的家庭之旅 I just wanted to have a nice family trip where we all spent time together.
但是你根本不在意 But you don't care about that.
你也不在意我喜欢的所有东西 Well, you don't care about the things I love, either!
如果你在意，我就不会偷偷摸摸的溜到这个地方 If you did, I wouldn't have had to sneak away to get to this place!
我放手 I give up.
拿我的手机，玩游戏吧 Take my phone. Play games.
尽情享受 Enjoy yourself.
我投降了 I'm done fighting.
我们还有两个小时到奶奶那儿 We're two hours from Meemaw's.
时间很紧，但是我们应该可以在派对结束前赶到 It's gonna be tight, but I think we're gonna make it by the end of the party.
嘿，至少你还是进了迈克迪格比的视频 Hey. At least you have your Mac Digby video.
这是... What the...
世界纪录是2800万分，我将打破这个纪录 ...worldwide record is 28 million. And I'm about to beat it!
你用的是前置摄像头吗 You used the front-facing camera?
是吗 Did I?
我的错 My bad.
这个白痴一直按喇叭是什么意思 What's that idiot honking at?
让他超车吧 Just let him get by you.
- 额，爸爸 - 什么 - Um, Dad? - What?
你可能得停车 You might want to stop the car.
什么，为啥 What? Why?
圣母啊 Holy Mother of...
如果我们已经到了奶奶家，这些事儿就不会发生了 This wouldn't have happened if we were already at Meemaw's.
嘿，伙计们，好消息 Hey, guys, good news!
哇哦，任何事都会有一线希望 Whoo! Every silver lining has a cloud!
一切都毁了，我们的东西 Everything is ruined. All our things...
我们的衣服，化妆品，都没了 our clothes, our toiletries... gone!
哦不 Oh, no.
对对对，捡进去 Yeah, yeah, yeah, put that in.
怎么了 What the heck?
装进车，装进车 Get in the car! Get in the car!
嘿，那是我们的东西 Hey! That's our stuff!
好的 Yes.
奶奶的书，那本纪念册在箱子里面 Meemaw's book! The memory book is in that case.
快来 Come on!
回收完毕，小子们 Payback time, punk!
来吧，追上那辆车 Come on! Back to the van!
跑起来，跑起来，我们去追上那些家伙，加油 Run, run! We're gonna catch up with those guys! Come on!
你认识那个家伙吗 Hey, do you know that guy?
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我怎么可能认识 How would I know that guy?
我看不见他们 I don't see them.
你没事吧 Are you going to be okay?
那些照片不可替代 Those photos were irreplaceable.
我真的想通过这次旅行离家人们近一点 I really thought coming on this trip would bring our family closer together.
我想下次会更好一些吧 But I'll know better next time.
你想要一个吗 You want one?
格雷格，我就不会惯着他们 Greg, I wouldn't encourage them.
那儿只有一只 There's only one.
严格来说，格雷格，够了 Seriously, Greg. That's enough.
爸爸，你能关上天窗吗 Dad? Can you close the sunroof?
被罗德里克黏住了，不记得了吗 Rodrick gummed it up, remember?
嘿，滚开 Hey! Give it back!
- 你们没事吧 - 谢谢，我们没事，我们没事 - You guys all right? - Thank you, we're fine! We're fine!
这对你来说够糟糕了 This is pretty bad for you.
你也溜去了玩家博览会 You snuck to Player Expo, too.
你也跟我一样犯过很多错事 You're in as much trouble as I am.
不可能 No way.
我已经用了很多年来降低爸妈对我的期望 I've spent years lowering Mom and Dad's expectations.
他们对我有过一些期许，但和你不一样 They expect this kind of stuff from me, but not you.
我是说，当然，妈妈让你去看真正的书 I mean, sure, Mom makes you read word books
而不让你看电子书，她是想让你过上快乐的生活 and bans you from devices cause she wants you to live a "happy life."
但她就是不知道一个20世纪的孩子应该是怎么样的 But she just doesn't get what it's like to be a kid in the 20th century.
对不起 I'm sorry.
你这次是想干嘛 What'd you do this time?
我很抱歉我改了GPS I'm sorry for changing the GPS.
我很抱歉骗了妈妈 I'm sorry for tricking Mom into this.
我很抱歉偷偷溜走，我很抱歉发生的这一切 I'm sorry for sneaking away. I'm sorry for all of it.
我接受你的道歉，格雷格 I appreciate your apology, Greg,
但是我真的希望我们能去奶奶家 but I really wanted us to go to Meemaw's.
那我们就别放弃，我们一起去奶奶家 Well, let's not give up. Let's go to Meemaw's.
我们现在怎么去 How are we going to do that?
爸爸，你挂断了和老板的电话吗 Dad, did you give up on that phone call with your boss
当猪在车里乱动的时候 when the pig got loose in the car?
我准备挂，但是我没有 I probably should have, but no.
如果奶奶的弟弟福瑞德放弃了 And if Meemaw's brother Fred gave up,
你觉得我们能在二战中打败纳粹吗 do you think we'd have defeated the British in World War ll?
绝对不会 Definitely not the case.
妈妈，你会放弃 And Mom, will you ever give up
让我们读书和吃健康的食物吗 on making us read books and eat healthy food,
即使我们处处和你作对 even though we fight you every step of the way?
当然不会，我爱你们这些家伙 Of course not. I love you guys.
实际上，情况看起来是有点糟 Exactly. I mean, things look pretty bad for us.
但是我们已经走了这麽远，而且奶奶的派对还没结束 But we've come this far and Meemaw's party isn't over yet.
所以我们不该试着去做一下吗 So shouldn't we at least try to get there?
格雷格是对的 Greg's right.
我们得去奶奶家除非我们被杀了 We're gonna get to Meemaw's if it kills us.
已经差不多了 It almost already has.
冷却器炸了 The radiator's shot.
我们得解决交通工具的问题 We got this traffic to deal with.
有一次，我够不着遥控器 One time, I couldn't reach the remote
我不得不看那个电视节目 and I had to watch this show where this guy
卸下了加热器可以使车子冷却下来 blasted his heater to cool his car down.
- 或者卸了点其他什么 - 我听说过 - Or something. - I've heard of that.
打开加热器，然后加热的时候远离引擎的位置，没错 You turn the heater on, it draws the heat away from the engine. Yeah!
好孩子 Good boy!
那我们应该怎么解决这拥堵的路段 But what are we gonna do about the traffic?
我们可以试试换条路线 We could try a different route.
开干吧 Let's do it.
123 One, two, three.
赫夫利 Heffley!
坚持住 Hold on.
我从来没这麽热过 I have never been so hot.
瞧 Look.
欧 Oh!
我不喜欢这 I don't like this.
我以前看过一部电影 I saw a movie once
那儿有一群突变的乡巴佬 where a bunch of mutant hillbillies
带着一群游客离开大道 led a group of tourists off the main road.
为什么 For what?
去打伤他们，然后吃掉 To hunt them. And then eat them.
罗德里克，你等会会吓着曼尼，别说了 Rodrick, you'll scare Manny. Stop.
那是个真实的故事 It was a true story.
我中枪了，我中枪了 I've been shot! I've been shot!
我的脑袋，我美丽的脑袋 My brains! My beautiful brains!
罗德里克，你没中枪 Rodrick, you have not been shot!
我那么年轻就死了 I'm too young to die!
我还没去奥兹音乐节演奏 I'll never play Ozzfest.
我还没去名人堂见过罗德迪皮尔 I'll never see Loded Diper in the Hall of Fame!
摇滚界的名人堂啊 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!
我的车子还没修好 I'll never get the van fixed.
我的脑袋啊 My brains!
怪物婴儿 Monster baby!
我们陷在这了 We're stuck.
所有人下车，重量越少越好 Everybody out. The less weight, the better.
我要加大油门了 I'm going to gun it.
加吧 Do it.
我们完成任务了 Okay, we are in business.
你们干了啥 What'd you guys do?
看，这是条大路 Look. There's a bigger road.
感谢老天爷 Thank God.
不行，爸爸，停车 No way. Dad, stop the car.
瞧 Look.
大胡子一家 The Beardos.
如果他们去热水浴缸里了 If those guys are going to a hot tub,
他们就会花上几个小时，相信我 they'll be there for hours, trust me.
我有个计划 I have a plan.
开着的 It's open.
我根本不喜欢这样 I don't like this at all.
我们只是拿回自己的东西，大家开始找 Let's just get our stuff. Everybody search.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
我们简直一团糟 We are a mess.
妈妈，你很像疯狂的麦克斯里面的一个人 Mom, you look like that one chick from Mad Max.
查理兹塞隆？ Charlize Theron?
呸 Pfft!
不不，那个老女人 No. No, the old one.
那个被水车压扁，碾死的那个 The one that got squashed by the water truck. Roadkill.
我们去浴室洗干净吧 Let's use their bathroom to get cleaned up.
好主意，我们不想去奶奶家像被碾死的人一样 Good idea. We don't want to show up to Meemaw's looking like roadkill.
我得带曼尼回车里 I'm gonna take Manny back to the van.
车，我知道我们为啥找不到东西了 The van... that's why we can't find our stuff.
还在他们车里，我们快去 It's still in their van. Let's go!
- 我需要用浴室 - 我也是 - I need to use the bathroom. - Me, too.
好的，大家都提高警惕，好吗 Okay. Keep watch for each other, all right?
外面见 Meet you outside.
奶奶的纪念册，太好了 Meemaw's memory book! Yes!
- 我们去把船拿过来 - 好的 - Let's go get the boat. - Okay!
嘿，是我，罗德里克，你哥 Hey, it's me, Rodrick. Your brother.
你差点吓死我了 You almost scared me to death.
我想让你知道大胡子一家马上要进房间了 I wanted to let you know that Beardo's entering the room right now.
- 什么？ - 祝你好运，格雷格 - What? - Good luck, Greggy.
我希望我能告诉你很高兴认识你 I wish I could say it was nice knowing you.
那些孩子得学会玩完后收拾干净 Those kids got to learn to clean up after themselves.
他甚至都不洗手 He didn't even wash his hands.
什么情况 What the heck?
我的眼睛，我的眼睛 My eyes! My eyes!
快开车 Start the car!
大家上车 Everybody in!
我会抓到你们的，混蛋 I'm gonna get you punks!
我会把你们追上 I'm gonna chase you down!
哦，是吗，那你可能需要这个 Oh, yeah? Then you're gonna need these.
他们在那儿 They're right here!
这是尿布，尿布，这是尿布 It's a diaper. Diaper, it's a diaper.
这是尿布，这是尿布 It's a diaper, it's a diaper.
我告诉你我想要 # Yo, I'll tell you what I want #
我真的真的想要，所以你告诉那我你想要 # What I really really want # # So tell me what you want #
你真的真的想要，我会告诉你我想要 # What you really really want # # I'll tell you what I want #
我真的真的想要，所以告诉我你想要 # What I really really want # # So tell me what you want #
你真的真的想要 # What you really really want #
我想，我想，我想，我想，我想 # I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna #
我真的真的真的想要 # I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ah #
如果你想做我的爱人 # If you wanna be my lover #
就要和我的朋友 # You gotta get with my friends #
永远和睦相处 # Make it last forever #
友情没有尽头 # Friendship never ends #
如果你想做我的爱人 # If you wanna be my lover #
你应该学会付出 # You have got to give #
获得那么简单 # Taking is too easy #
这才是我要的方式 # But that's the way it is #
这里有从A到Z的故事 # So here's a story from A to Z #
你仔细听清楚 # You wanna get with me you gotta listen carefully #
我想要从你那里得到东西 # We got Em in the place who likes it in your face #
我得到了一个阿姆 # We got G like MC who likes it on an #
简单的V不是免费 # Easy V doesn't come for free #
她是一个真正的女士 # She's a real lady #
就像你看到的一样 # And as for me, now you'll see #
猛烈的将你推倒 # Slam your body down and wind it all around #
缠绕你的整个身体 # Slam your body down and zigazig ah #
如果你想做我的爱人 # If you wanna be my lover #
就要和我的朋友 # You gotta get with my friends #
永远和睦相处 # Make it last forever #
友谊天长地久 # Friendship never ends #
我们没路可走了 We are officially out of road.
你就得，你就得，你就得，你就得 # You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta #
你就得猛烈推倒，推倒，推倒，推倒，推倒，永远天长地久 # You gotta slam, slam, slam, slam # # Make it last forever #
加油，宝贝，到那儿去 Come on, baby. Get there.
如果你想做我的爱人 # If you wanna be my lover #
我们把车搞报废了 We killed the car.
抱歉，亲爱的 Sorry, hon.
瞧 Look!
那不是奶奶的家吗 Is that Meemaw's house?
我觉得是的 I think it is.
我们很近了已经 So we're nearly there.
格雷格，车子不能开了 Greg, the van won't run.
不能开，爸爸，还可以推啊 It doesn't have to run, Dad. It just has to roll.
我们都推的话，能翻过那座山 If we all push, maybe we could get it over the hill.
然后就交给重力了 Then just let gravity do the rest
我们可以借着重力开到奶奶家去 and we ride on down to Meemaw's house.
我觉得这应该不是我这辈子听过最糟糕的主意吧 I think that might be the worst idea I've ever heard in my life.
好了，孩子们，如果我们一旦推动，就马上跳进车里面 Okay, boys, once we get rolling, I want you to hop in. Got it?
三个数，我们就开始，1,2,3 On three, here we go. One, two, three.
加油推 Come on, push.
就是这样，继续推，加油 That's it. Here we go. Come on.
开始运转了 It's working!
加油格雷格 Come on, Greg!
我做不到 I can't make it!
格雷格，跑 Greg, run!
加油 Come on!
哦，哥们 Oh, boy.
格雷格？ Greg?
生日快乐，奶奶 Happy birthday, Meemaw.
太惊喜了 What a wonderful surprise.
格雷格 Greg?
格雷格，你还好吗 Greg! Are you okay?
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
你还说你想在这个夏天去水上划船呢 You said you wanted to get your boat on the water this summer.
生日快乐，奶奶 Happy birthday, Meemaw.
- 当然 - 抱歉 - Sure. - Sorry.
额，我想这次旅行结束于妈妈的一个好主意 Well, I guess this trip ended up being one of Mom's better ideas.
你知道吗，这是一个很棒的派对 And you know what? It was a pretty great party.
祝你生日快乐 # Happy birthday to you! #
我们修好车后 After we got the van fixed,
把船从奶奶的游泳池取了出来，我们准备回家 and the boat out of Meemaw's pool, we headed home.
至少，我们觉得这车修好了 At least, we thought the van was fixed.
我这没信号 I'm not getting a signal.
瞧，那儿有辆车 Look, there's a car!
你好，你好 Hello? Hello!
嘿，这儿 Hi, there.
谢谢你停下来 Thank you so much for stopping.
你好（西班牙语） Hola.
额，我们不说西班牙语 Oh, no, we don't speak Spanish.
谢谢你停车
我叫曼尼赫夫利
我们的车坏了
我们真的需要你的帮助
哦，曼尼 Oh, Manny!
我是路易斯 Luis.
嗨 Hi.
我们都不会说西班牙语 We still don't speak Spanish.
我为你骄傲 I'm so proud of you.
他说他很累 He say caca.
太骄傲了 So proud.
我希望你们都能开心 I hope you guys are happy.
你的小弟真是超级聪明 Your little brother is super smart.
我只希望他知道他要去去哪儿 I just hope he knows where he's going.
开快点
当然，曼尼
直走吗，曼尼
就在那边
我不相信 I don't believe it.
是这吗
我们到了
谢谢你，路易斯先生
我们回到家时，每个人都很好 By the time we got home, everyone was good.
爸爸告诉他的老板他需要更多时间陪着家人 Dad told his boss he needed more time with his family,
这让妈妈很高兴 which made Mom really happy.
他们借给罗德里克去修他的罗德迪皮尔的车 And they loaned Rodrick the money to fix his Loded Diper van
作为交换，他得清洗小货车 in exchange for him cleaning out the minivan.
相信我，这个假期远远不止是完美 Trust me. This vacation was far from perfect.
但这次旅行也教会了我一件事 But the one thing our road trip has taught me
和家人多一点面对面的时间不是坏事 is that a little face time with my family really isn't that bad.
你也知道，我们有大量的材料 And you know, we ended up with plenty of material for
源于我们的回忆 our own memory book.
我不觉得我们是年度最佳家庭 I don't think we're gonna be winning any Family of the Year awards.
但是我们的旅行绝对算得上是一次冒险 But our trip was definitely an adventure.
嘿 Hey!
实际上，我等不及去看我们明年会是怎么样 In fact, I can't wait to see where we're going next year.
不论在哪，我们都在翱翔 Wherever it is, we're flying.
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学着点，小弟弟，学着点 Watch and learn, little bro. Watch and learn.
嘿，姑娘们，我的乐队演奏将在这周末在洗车举行 Hey, ladies. My band's playing the car wash this weekend.
你是尿布手吗 Are you Diaper Hands?
是的，他是 Yes, he is.
- 我的天哪 - 我们可以合影吗 - Oh, my God! - Can we get selfies with you?
当然 Sure.
译制：言说必瑜 -【不离字幕组】-