倫敦
軍情七處總部
糟了 Oh, bollocks.
我們有麻煩了 We've got a problem.
-網絡攻擊 -是的 首相 - A cyber attack? - Yes, Prime Minister.
我喝了兩瓶紅酒 Took me two bottles of wine
吞了半包安眠藥才終於睡著 and half a packet of sleeping pills to finally nod off.
你卻把我吵醒 And you wake me
就因為一個烏龍黑客偷了你的密碼嗎 because some fat-fingered hacker's pinched your PIN number?
其實事情比這個更嚴重一點 首相 Well, it's a little more serious than that, Prime Minister.
我們所有特工的身份 The identities of every one of our serving agents
全被曝光了 have been exposed.
什麽 What?
-是誰幹的 -還不確定 長官 - Who's doing this? - We're not sure, ma'am.
一周後我要首次主持十二國集團峰會 So one week before I host my first G12 Summit,
有人在這時搞垮了整個英國安全機構 Britain's entire security apparatus has been taken down
而你卻毫不知情嗎 and you know absolutely nothing?
差不多是這樣 長官 沒錯 That does pretty much sums up the situation, ma'am, yes.
那你最好立刻派人去給我查出個究竟 Well, you better get someone on it and find me some answers!
是的 但問題就在這裏 我們沒有特工了 Yes, but that's the problem. We don't have any agents left.
全都被暴露了 They've all been outed.
那就召回以前的特工 So bring back an old one!
各單位註意 我是朱麗葉·厄科 All units, this is Juliet Echo.
等待目標位置坐標 Stand by for target coordinates.
目標已鎖定 重復 目標已鎖定 Target acquired. Repeat, target acquired.
來看看我們抓到了誰 Now then, what have we here?
對不起 長官 Sorry, sir.
沒關系 巴格利 Never mind, Baggaley.
你的隱藏和偽裝明顯有進步了 Your concealment and camouflage work is definitely improving.
謝謝你 長官 Thank you, sir.
快點 Come on.
你也是 依巴杜拉 You, too, lbadulla.
幹得漂亮 這可是一級陷阱 Excellent. That is a first-class man-trap.
-加六分學院分 -贊 - Six house points. - Yes!
好了 回學校吧 Right, let's get back to school
免得校監發現你們不見 before matron notices you're missing.
別擔心 沒有陷阱了 And don't worry, there aren't any more booby traps.
當然 除了這一個 Apart from this one, of course.
英格力士老師呢 Mr. English?
我們沒看到他 長官 We haven't seen him, sir.
這就叫偽裝 And that's camouflage.
上 And go.
保障孩子的健康是我們的第一要務 The welfare of your children is our paramount concern.
他們絕對不會接觸到任何不必要的危險 They're never exposed to any unnecessary risk,
我向你們保證 I assure you.
看來你的炸彈處理課不及格 I think that's an "F" for your bomb disposal coursework,
哈特斯利 Hattersley.
你今晚特別美 "You're looking particularly beautiful tonight."
你今晚特別美 You're looking particularly beautiful tonight.
幹杯 Ilching!"
幹 Ching!
-祝你學期假愉快 老師 -謝謝 - Have a good half-term, sir! - Thank you.
謝謝老師 Thank you, sir.
英格力士閣下
你是認真的嗎 我們只剩下他了 Are you seriously telling me this is all we've got?
其他人要麽殉職 Most of them are either dead,
要麽在做臀部手術 having hip operations
要麽剛做完前列腺手術正在康復 or recovering from prostate surgery.
好吧 Okay.
在做簡報之前 Before your briefing,
需要你們重新簽《政府保密條例》 we'll need you to re-sign the Official Secrets Act.
謝謝 Thank you.
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
你們有誰記得這個嗎 Any of you gentlemen remember this?
蒙特·布拉諾爆破筆 好幾年都沒看到過了 Ooh, the Mont Blano Blaster. Haven't seen one of those for years.
如果沒記錯的話 拔掉筆蓋後 Take the cap off and, if memory serves,
只有20秒的時間蓋上 you've 20 seconds to replace it
否則其爆炸威力猶如閃光彈 or it detonates with the force of a stun grenade.
謝謝 Thank you.
先生們 左邊是茶 Teas on the left, gentlemen.
右邊是咖啡 And coffees on the right.
很好 Excellent.
該死的 我忘記帶藥出門了 Oh, damn it, I forgot my pills.
給 吃一顆我的吧 Here, have some of mine.
單一麥芽蘇格蘭威士忌 Scotch whisky, single malt?
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
咖啡 Coffee.
來 我端給你 Here, let me help you with that.
喝茶嗎 Tea?
這杯需要再加點熱水 Ooh, this one just needs a little top-up of hot water.
我去去就回 I'll be right back.
他就是可有可無的怪人 Man's a divot of the first order.
誰來幫他解脫痛苦 Someone should put him out of his misery.
還有布置這間房的人 Along with whoever furnished this room.
早上好 抱歉讓你久等 Ah, good morning. Sorry to keep you.
其他人到了嗎 Are the others here?
他們...睡著了 They, um... They nodded off.
好吧 Right...
你是哪位 And who are you exactly?
我叫英格力士 Enghsh.
-約翰尼·英格力士 -那好 - Johnny English. - Well...
英格力士 English.
你要立刻動身 You'll leave immediately.
我的手下會在路上跟你解釋詳細情況 My people will give you the full briefing en route.
你需要些什麽嗎 Oh, is there anything you need?
神經毒氣鼻噴霧劑 四號類型甲殼 Yes, nerve gas nasal spray, a type-four exoskeleton...
你也許應該列張清單 You should probably start a list.
扼殺絞絲手表 要橡膠表帶 And a garroting watch, with a rubber strap,
不要鋼表帶 not the steel bracelet
因為帶環會勾到我手腕的毛 because the links get caught in the little hairs on my wrist.
我還需要波夫 Oh, and I'll also need a Bough.
波夫是什麽 What's a Bough?
長官 Sir!
真高興見到你 Wonderful to see you!
夠了 波夫 Yes, all right, Bough.
我們要去執行任務 不是去度蜜月 We're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.
當然了 長官 Yes, of course, sir.
好像是你皮帶的扣栓 長官 I think it's the pin of your buckle, sir.
它勾住我的毛衣了 It's caught on my jumper.
我看到了 波夫 Yes, I can see what's wrong, Bough.
你往你的左邊走 我往我的右邊走 If you go to your left and I'll go to my right.
抱歉 不對 I'm sorry, no,
你往你的右邊走 我往我的左邊走 if you go to your right and I'll go to my left.
不對 我順時針方向走 你逆時針方向走 No. If I go clockwise and you go anti-clockwise...
不對 好像勾得更緊了 長官 Er, no, I think that's making it worse, sir.
我很驚訝這樣居然解不開 I'm surprised that didn't work.
早上好 長官 您的特工激活包準備好了 Good morning, sir. I have your agent activation pack here.
局裏分配的智能手機 Department-issue smartphone.
580兆像素相機 580-megapixel camera,
4.7寸視網膜高清顯示 4.7-inch retina HD display.
精密的裝置 它會發射什麽 毒飛鏢嗎 Ingenious. And what does it shoot? Poison darts?
它不會發射任何東西 這只是一部手機 It doesn't shoot anything. It's a phone.
有一個推特按鍵 照片分享傳輸 There's a Twitter handle, lnstagram feed
局裏的滴滴賬號安全登錄 and secure login for the department Uber account.
他在說什麽 波夫 What's he on about, Bough?
我需要的是武器 不是一堆裝門面的廢物 I need a weapon. Not a box of gobbledygook.
我認為英格力士特工想說的是 長官 I think, uh, wh-what Agent English is getting at, sir,
這些設備可追蹤性極高 is all this is highly trackable.
但是因為我們要對付的是一個經驗豐富 But since we're dealing with a very sophisticated,
精通數碼的目標人物 digital target,
如果攜帶一些 we might be less visible
比較低科技的裝備 也許會更加隱蔽 if we took a more analog, low-tech approach.
沒錯 Exactly.
我懂了 I see.
還需要什麽嗎 Is there anything else I can get you?
一把槍 A gun.
其實我們不再配槍了 We don't really do guns anymore.
給他一把槍吧 Just get him a gun.
好吧 一把槍 Right, a gun.
以前從來沒分配過槍支 Right. Haven't actually done one of these before.
根據《健康及安全指示》第14條 "It is my obligation under section 14
我有義務告訴你 of the Health and Safety Directive to inform you
即將分配給你的裝備 that the equipment with which you are about to be issued
會造成損傷以及人身傷害 can cause injury and bodily harm.
此外 任何對堅果過敏的特工 Furthermore, any agents with nut allergies
應該小心腰果油... should be aware that traces of cashew oil..."
謝謝 Thank you.
輪到交通工具 Right, transport.
隨便挑一輛車吧 So, take any hybrid you want.
我就要這輛了 I'll take this one.
別傻了 英格力士 這就是輛破老爺車 Oh, don't be ridiculous, English. This car is a relic.
燒油又漏油 沒有被動能源 Drinks petrol, leaks oil and has no passive,
更別說能動全動性了 let alone active safety features.
你知道這輛車還有什麽缺點嗎 長官 Do you know what else it doesn't have, sir?
沒有衛星導航 也沒有任何電腦芯片 Satellite navigation or a single computer chip.
所以對於科技敵人來說完全看不到 Making it completely invisible to a digital enemy.
這是英格力士特工要求的裝備 長官 The equipment Agent English requested, sir.
謝謝 Thank you.
-手機拿來 波夫 -嗯 - Phone, Bough? - Yeah.
高科技壞人絕對察覺不到我們的到來 That hi-tech villain of yours will never see us coming.
看看他們給我們準備了什麽 Let's see what they've given us.
甲殼 爆炸棉簽 老式充氣鞋盒 Exoskeleton, exploding cotton buds, the old shoebox inflatable.
這是什麽 Ooh, what are these?
即釋超高能藥物 Instant Release Super High Energy Pills.
猶如把你的手指放進電源插座裏 Like sticking your fingers in an electric socket.
強烈推薦 Highly recommended.
那紅色的 Right, so, the red ones
一定是"不省人事"安眠藥了 must be the Total Knockout Sleeping Pills.
沒錯 Correct.
也許應該貼上標簽 Probably worth labeling these.
長官你看 糖果 Look, sir. Sweeties.
等一下 Hang on a minute.
我以前一直很喜歡糖豆 I always did love a jelly baby.
我建議你不要吃 波夫 I wouldn't if I was you, Bough.
糖豆是烈性炸藥的簡稱 "Jelly" is short for gelignite.
吃一顆就會把你的腦袋 One bite and it'll take the top of your head off
連帶車頂一起炸上天 along with the roof of the car.
那這個是用來幹什麽的 So, what does this do?
這是混音帶 波夫 It's a mixtape, Bough.
-目的地是哪裏 -法國南部 長官 - So, destination? - South of France, sir.
網絡攻擊好像是通過 That cyber attack seems to have been launched
昂蒂布一家酒店的無線網絡發出的 from the Wi-Fi signal of a hotel in Antibes.
昂蒂布海角 瑪麗菲克大酒店
長官 我剛收到總部發來的傳真 Sir? Sir, I've just had a fax through from HQ.
收集了所有 Background checks on all
使用過無線網絡的客人資料 the guests that accessed the VVi-Fi network.
瞧 誰還需要電子郵件 You see? Who needs email?
需要來杯香檳嗎 先生[法語]
謝謝[德語]
有個人嫌疑重大 長官 One name has raised a red flag, sir.
塞巴斯蒂安·林奇 前陸軍情報局成員 Sebastian Lynch, ex-Army and Military Intelligence.
現在幹私活 誰出價高替誰賣命 Now selling his services to the highest bidder.
-去哪兒能找到他 -就在正前方 長官 - Where do we find him? - Directly ahead, sir.
他在科德羅餐廳訂了今晚八點的位子 He's got an 8:00 reservation at the Cote de Roe restaurant.
現在的問題是 The problem's going to be
如何對他實施近距離全方位監控 getting close enough for a full surveillance, sir.
不需要 Not necessarily.
親愛的 我得接個電話 馬上就好 Oh, darling, I've just gotta get this. Two seconds.
計劃很簡單 分頭行動 Simple plan, two parts.
你分散他們註意力 我來偷手機 You provide the distraction, I'll get the phone.
-明白 -從現在起 - Yes, sir. - And from now on,
我們得學法國服務生說話 perhaps we should sound like French waiters.
法國服務生 French waiters?
沒錯 Yees.
行動 Go on.
打完了嗎 Are you finished now?
面包卷需要嗎 Bread roll?
好的 謝謝 Yes, thank you.
這非常美味 女士 Excellent choice, Madame.
晚上好 Good evening.
你好嗎 How are you?
面包卷需要嗎 先生 Bread roll, sir?
來一個 Yes.
等我一下 One second.
不好意思 能倒下酒嗎 Excuse me, would you mind?
當然 晚上好 Oh, yes. Evening.
晚上好 Evening.
謝謝 Thank you.
我的手機呢 Where's my phone?
在他手裏 That is your phone.
謝謝 Thank you.
先生 Monsieur.
可以幫我太太把蝦殼去掉嗎 The, uh, shell on my wife's lobster, could you remove it, please?
好的 Yees.
我用鉗子弄開 Let me crack it for you.
你在幹什麽[法語]
把蝦燒了 酒醉火焰蝦[法語]
餵 Hello?
怎麽回事 What is going on?
塞巴斯蒂安 別多管閑事 Sebastian, don't get involved.
好了 There we are.
您的蝦 Voila'.
祝您用餐愉快 Hmm. Bon appetit.
我要跟經理投訴 I will talk to the manager.
幹得漂亮 波夫 Textbook, Bough.
只是一些度假照片 長官 Just holiday snaps, sir.
等等 這張照片 Wait a minute, this photo.
拍攝日期 It was taken the same day
是敵人連接無線網絡的同一天 你瞧 our villain accessed the VVi-Fi, and look.
離岸邊大概五十英尺 Scarcely 50 feet from shore.
那艘遊艇上的任何人 Whoever was on that yacht
都能輕易連上無線網絡 could easily have used the hotel's Wi-Fi,
發射完信號後就可以離開 sent that signal and then just sailed away.
是時候去這艘平靜域號上拜訪一下了 I think it's time we paid the Dot Calm a visit.
倫敦
算法 Algorithms.
傑森·沃爾特 沃爾特科技創始人兼執行總裁
無處不在 We are surrounded by them.
算法主宰著我們的生活 Algorithms run our lives,
挑選電視節目 播放音樂 choose our TV shows, stream our music.
甚至可以幫我們找戀人 Even find us a date.
我好像見過這家夥 I know this chap, don't I?
對了 他就是那個矽谷億萬富豪 Yes, he's that Silicon Valley billionaire
和卡戴珊家的人約會過 who dated a Kardashian.
是兩個卡戴珊姐妹還有一個黑眼豆豆成員 Two Kardashians and a Black-Eyed Pea.
接著看 Keep watching.
假設有一種算法可以為整個國家服務 But supposing there was an algorithm for an entire country.
僅憑一個算法 A single algorithm that
就能解決所有問題 could be applied to every one of its problems.
僅憑一個算法 A single algorithm that
就能讓一個二流國家 could take a second-rate nation and make it
躋身世界強國 world class.
每個國家都是龐大數據的載體 Every nation is awash with data.
所以時至今日 So now, more than ever,
我們更加需要用數據造福人類 we need to put that data to work for the people.
這幾行代碼就能給人們帶來 These few lines of code will deliver the kind of change
他們畢生追求的改變 they have been dreaming of their entire lives.
我是桑德 我愛數據 I am Xander. I love data.
他簡直聰明絕頂 He's so clever.
既年輕又性感 而且事業有成 He's young, he's sexy, he's insanely successful.
這正是我希望在民眾心裏樹立的形象 Just the qualities we need people to associate with me.
沒錯 首相 Yes, Prime Minister.
只要他與我們合作 這事兒就一定能成 And they will do when he starts working with us.
可矽谷的億萬富豪有什麽理由跟我們合作呢 But why would a Silicon Valley billionaire work with us?
把他請來唐寧街10號 我來說服他 Just get him into Number 10 and let me work on him.
-遵命 -快去 - Yes, ma'am. - Go on.
天哪 又怎麽了 Oh, God, now what?
我們又遭到攻擊了 首相 There's been another attack, Prime Minister.
這次的對象是航空管制系統 Oh! Air Traffic Control.
歐洲所有航班都被引向盧頓機場 Someone's rerouted every flight in Europe to Luton.
老天 請告訴我你派去的人 For God's sake, tell me the agent you've got in the field
至少找出了一點蛛絲馬跡 is making some progress?
我們怎麽才能找到那艘遊艇的位置呢 So, how are we gonna find the location of that yacht, sir?
很簡單 波夫 問軍情七處 Very easily, Bough. We ring MI7.
餵 你好 我想知道一艘船的位置 叫... Hello, hello? Yes, I need the location of a boat called...
能聽到嗎 是一艘叫平靜域號的船 Hello? Hello, yes. A boat called the Dot Calm.
是的 和域名諧音 Yes, it's a play on words. Yeah.
在哪兒 Where?
目測半英裏遠 長官 Looks about half a mile out, sir.
我們遊過去還是 Do we wanna try and swim it or...
不 波夫 這就交給鞋盒式充氣艇了 No,Bough. This is a job for the shoebox inflatable.
不 別在車裏打開 長官 No, don't open it in the car, sir!
你能摸到你那邊的門把手嗎 Can you reach your door handle?
不行 長官 No, sir.
我試試我這邊 I'll try my side.
平靜域號
波夫 我們要悄悄潛入遊艇 不被人發現 Right, Bough, our aim is to get on board without anyone noticing.
想知道怎麽做到嗎 And how are we gonna do it?
-穿磁力靴 -絕了 長官 - Magnetic boots. - Brilliant, sir.
操作很簡單 Simple mechanism.
左邊按鈕控制左腳 右邊按鈕控制右腳 Left switch activates left boot. Right switch activates right.
好了 上去 Okay, let's go.
記住 這次任務的關鍵 Remember, the absolutely
就是出其不意 vital element of this mission is surprise.
要想打敗英國特工 Now, you have to get up pretty early in the morning
睡懶覺可行不通 to outwit British Intelligence.
快 Quick!
晚上好 先生們 Good evening, gentlemen.
敢問二位尊姓大名 Shall we start with your names?
顯然你不知道自己在跟什麽人說話 Clearly you have no idea who you're dealing with.
所以我才問你們的名字 That's why I'm starting with your names.
你能不能下來 Actually, would you mind coming down here?
這樣說話我們很累的 It's really hard to have a conversation like this.
我有更好的主意 I have a better idea.
不行 打不開 長官 It's no good, it won't move, sir.
那可不一定 We'll see about that.
低強度棉花棒炸彈 Low-intensity exploding cotton bud.
在這麽小的空間裏威力還是很大的 That's quite a powerful charge for such a small space, sir.
胡說 Oh, nonsense.
就跟一根小爆竹差不多 There will just be a slight pop.
我們要不要去船艙找出信號的源頭 Shall we locate the hold and look for the source of that signal?
我們應該去船艙 I think we should locate the hold
找出信號的源頭 and look for the source of that signal!
走 Come on!
我們找到敵人了 波夫 I'd say we have our villain, Bough!
你得小聲點兒 長官 You need to keep your voice down, sir.
我們絕對不能放過他 And we're not going to lose him.
把果味糖粉棒給我 Hand me the sherbet fountain.
吹上三口就會激活定位傳感器 Three sucks and the location transmitter is activated.
方圓三萬英尺範圍內 This gin palace will show up
這座海上宮殿將被識別為敵方設施 as a hostile from 30,000 feet.
這裏現在已經是敵方目標了 This is now an enemy target.
給我茴香籽球 Aniseed balls.
如果真想殺我 你早就開槍了 If you'd wanted to kill me, you would have already done so.
後會有期 Till we meet again.
這可比我預想的快多了 Well, that was sooner than I expected.
你覺得她是什麽人 長官 Who do you think she is, sir?
如果她不是那艘遊艇的主人 Well, if she's not the owner of that yacht,
那她一定知道誰是 then she knows who is.
不管怎樣 她都是關鍵人物 Either way, she's the key to this case.
在被重新召回之前 你真的在教書嗎 Is it true you were teaching, sir? Before all this blew up?
如果你說的"教書" If by "Teaching" You mean
是指發掘有潛力的情報人員 scouting for potential intelligence operatives
那我的確在教書 then yes, I was.
其實我結婚了 不知道你聽說了沒有 I actually got married, sir. I don't know if you heard.
沒有 No.
她叫莉迪亞 Yeah, Lydia.
人很好 Lovely girl.
你完全沒想過結婚嗎 長官 You never think about getting hitched yourself, sir?
結了婚可就幹不了這個了 波夫 This is no life for a married man, Bough.
危機四伏 常年在外 The danger, the constant travel.
賬單給您 先生 Here you go, sir.
這更像是莉迪亞的工作日常 More Lydia's life than mine, sir.
她在海軍服役 She's in the Navy, you see.
做什麽 廚子嗎 What, as a cook?
或者隨行秘書之類的 Or some kind of seagoing secretary or...
不 長官 她是一艘核潛艇的艇長 Oh, no, sir. She's the captain of a nuclear submarine.
是嗎 Oh, right.
我們要不要給阿斯頓加點油 長官 Do you think we should get some petrol for the Aston, sir?
不 阿斯頓·馬丁出人意料地省油 波夫 Nah. An Aston Martin is surprisingly economical, Bough.
而且 我們似乎該行動了 Besides, it looks like we're in business.
走吧 Come on.
看起來像輛電力車 長官 Looks like an electric car, sir.
是的 聲音聽起來像電動鼻毛器 Yes, and sounds like a nose hair trimmer.
一堆七號電池 A bunch of triple-A batteries
可比不上老牌英式大馬力 is no match for old-fashioned British horsepower.
我在聽
他們上鉤了
有情況馬上通知我
好的
瞧瞧她的轉彎 毫不費力 長官 Look at her cornering. Seems so effortless, doesn't it, sir?
準備發射導彈 Arm the missile.
什麽 The what?
導彈 波夫 那枚帶催淚瓦斯彈頭的 The missile, Bough, the one with the tear gas warhead.
但他們只是騎行者 長官 But they're just cyclists, sir.
我們很快就能過去 We'll get past in a minute.
他們是法國的騎行者 波夫 They're French cyclists, Bough,
他們妨礙了女王陛下特勤處執行公務 and they're obstructing Her Majesty's Secret Service.
催淚瓦斯
操控桿已準備好 長官 Wiper stalk is armed, sir.
抱歉 Sorry.
非常抱歉 我們致以歉意 Terribly sorry. We do apologize.
行了 波夫 這樣他們會更生氣 Stop it, Bough, you'll only encourage them.
我們現在怎麽辦 長官 What are we gonna do now, sir?
要有耐心 波夫 Patience, Bough.
這麽開的話 她的電池隨時都會耗盡 Driving like that, her battery will be dead any moment.
她就會很丟臉地停下 And she'll roll to a humiliating stop.
油量
波夫 註意油表是你的職責 Bough, it is your job to keep an eye on the fuel gauge.
你的駕駛技術很不錯 你是... Very impressive driving, Mr...
戈萊特利 Golightly.
巴澤爾·戈萊特利 Basil Golightly.
你開得也很好 你是... And you're rather useful yourself, Miss...
布勒托娃 奧菲莉亞·布勒托娃 Bhuletova. Ophelia Bhuletova.
這位是 And this is...
科林 Colin.
我以為我們要用假名字 I thought we were using fake names.
這就是假名字 That is a fake name.
好 Oh, right.
是的 這是科林 Yes, this is Colin,
我是 and I'm...
"達澤爾" "Dasil".
達澤爾 Dasil.
巴澤爾 Basil.
巴澤爾 Well, Basil,
有更簡便的方法可以解決問題 maybe there is a simpler way of doing this.
也許可以喝一杯 Over a drink perhaps?
那真是太好了 Well, that would be lovely.
不如 Shall we say
濱海卡涅巴黎酒店的酒吧見吧 八點鐘 the bar at the Hotel de Paris in Cagnes-sur-Mer? 8:00?
就這麽說定了 Mmm. It's a date.
我覺得我的"沒油了"計策 Well, I think my "Running out of fuel" ruse
相當奏效 worked pretty well.
倫敦
怎麽了 What?
是實習醫生 他們確認了要發起罷工 Er, junior doctors. They've confirmed they are going on strike
地鐵司機也出面支持他們 and the tube drivers are coming out in support.
天哪 反對黨領袖 Oh, God. Leader of the Opposition,
他從心臟手術中醒過來了嗎 has he come round from his heart surgery?
是的 首相大人 Yes, Prime Minister.
老天爺 我什麽時候 Oh, Jesus Christ, when will
能有件順心的事 你有什麽事 something go right for me? What do you want?
他們再次攻擊了我們 首相大人 They've hit us again, Prime Minister.
黑進了中央交通管制系統 Hacked into the Central Traffic Control System.
是的 他們把倫敦所有交通燈都變成了紅色 Yes, they've turned every traffic light in London to red.
我的飲料到底在哪裏 Where's my bloody drink?
有沒有搞錯 You've got to be joking?
伏特加湯力 不要冰不要湯力 Vodka tonic, no ice, no tonic.
好的夫人 沃爾特先生已經到了 夫人 Yes, ma'am. Oh, and Mr. Volta has arrived, ma'am.
沃爾特先生 歡迎來到唐寧街 Mr. Volta, welcome to Downing Street.
我讀了太多關於這座宏偉建築的事 I have read so much about this wonderful building.
這個石制三重階梯是威廉·肯特設計的嗎 Is this the stone triple staircase designed by William Kent?
18世紀英國著名建築設計師
可能是 我不敢肯定 Yes, it probably is. I can't swear to it.
-我不是非常... -能來一個快速... - I mean I'm not very-- - Can we do a quick...
-需要修圖 -這... - Needs Photoshop. - That's very...
這邊請 Oh! This way. Hmm.
我遲到了太久 非常抱歉 I am horribly late, I do apologize.
是因為交通 這是我不喜歡倫敦的一點 It's the traffic, it's the one thing I don't love about London.
是的 我得承認我們的交通燈 Yes, well, I must admit we are having a slight problem
目前有一些小問題 並不嚴重 with the lights at the moment. Nothing major.
如果你需要的話 我可以看一下 If you wanted, I could take a look?
這也算是我的專業領域 It is kind of what I do.
我想這件事要更復雜一點... I think it's actually a little bit more complex than...
桑德 找到倫敦交通管制中心的網址 Xander, get a web address for London's traffic control centre.
這是登錄頁面 傑森 你有密碼嗎 Here is the login page, Jason. Do you have a password?
交通管制中心 密碼
-你不說我也不會說 -好的 - I won't tell if you won't. - Right you are.
繞過安全密碼 安全密碼已繞過 Bypassing security. Security bypassed.
真棒啊 Oh, that's terrific.
分布式拒絕服務攻擊
-有人在入侵你們 -我不這麽認為 - Someone is hacking you. - Oh, I don't think so.
拒絕服務攻擊 原始但有效 Denied service attack. Yeah, primitive but effective.
我們可以試試把所有服務請求重新定向到 You know we could try, rerouting all service requests
我們在內華達的服務器農場 to our server farm in Nevada.
我... I...
重新定向 傑森 Rerouting, Jason.
重新定向已完成 Rerouting complete.
哎呀 Crikey.
你有什麽事想和我談 So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?
你 傑森 You, Jason.
出去 Get out.
我想談的是你 I want to talk about you.
濱海卡涅 巴黎酒店
很好 波夫 快到了 Excellent, Bough. Nearly there.
快到了 Nearly there.
這真是個很棒的酒店 波夫 This is actually a really nice hotel, Bough.
我要向右轉了 I'm turning to the right.
我們一個人去吸引布勒托娃小姐的註意 Shall one of us keep Miss Bhuletova busy
一個人去搜查她的房間好嗎 長官 while the other searches her room, sir?
好主意 波夫 有什麽發現通知我 Good idea, Bough. Alert me if you find anything.
戈萊特利先生 Mr. Golightly.
正是在下 Indeed.
我還想你可能不會來了 I thought perhaps you weren't coming.
恰恰相反 一言既出駟馬難追 On the contrary, wild horses couldn't keep me away.
女士 先生 Madame? Monsieur?
晚上好 你想喝點什麽 Evening. What would you like?
今晚有點想家 我要莫斯科騾子[雞尾酒] I'm feeling a little homesick tonight. I'll have a Moscow Mule.
那我要倫敦... And I'll have a London...
旅鼠 Lemming, please.
我不太確定 什麽是... I'm not sure, what...
就是杜松子酒和伏特加 It's, uh, gin, vodka,
雅文邑白蘭地 armagnac,
雪利酒 sherry,
再來一點帕瑪森幹酪 with just a little bit of Parmesan.
什麽風把你吹到南法來的 小姐... So, what brings you to the South of France, Miss...
比利...布利... Bhilli... Bhully...
布勒托娃 Bhuletova.
我是來拜訪一位朋友 I'm just visiting a friend of mine.
這位朋友不會就是平靜域號的主人吧 And would this friend be the owner of the Dot Calm?
是的 他就是 Yes, he would.
你呢 巴澤爾 And what about you, Basil?
我是來工作的 Oh, I'm just here on business.
但正在迅速變成享樂 Although, it's rapidly turning into pleasure.
我很喜歡吃這個 Ooh! I love these.
很辣 They're really hot.
你還好嗎 Are you all right?
沒事 Yes, fine.
-是的 -非常感謝 - Yes. - Merci beaucoup.
幹杯 Cheers.
我不確定我有沒有遇見過 I'm not sure I've ever met a man
像你這樣的人 巴澤爾 quite like you, Basil.
容我來為你掃除不確定 Let me clear up the uncertainty for you.
你沒有遇見過 You haven't.
很抱歉 巴澤爾 我明天要起很早 I'm sorry, Basil. I have to get up really early tomorrow morning.
真遺憾 Oh, that's a shame.
晚安 巴澤爾 Dormez, Basil.
你怎麽樣 長官 How did you get on, sir?
天哪 多美妙的女人 波夫 太美妙 Oh, gosh, what a wonderful woman, Bough. Wonderful.
是的 Right.
又迷人 又聰明 Charming. Intelligent.
有可愛的幽默感 和十足的天真無辜 Lovely sense of humor. And obviously entirely innocent.
但是我進了她的房間 Although, I broke into her room
發現她有三本護照 長官 and she does have three passports, sir.
羅馬尼亞 保加利亞 俄羅斯 Romanian, Bulgarian, Russian.
每本名字都不同 Different name in each.
所以她和三個人結過婚 So she's been married to three different people.
在這年頭不算少見 波夫 Not unusual in this day and age, Bough.
我還發現一些絞喉線和兩盒子彈 And I also found some garroting wire and two boxes of ammunition.
單身女性獨自出行 小心點不為過 Well, single woman, traveling alone, you can't be too careful.
你不覺得她可能是間諜嗎 長官 You don't think she might be a spy, sir?
間諜 A spy?
我知道間諜是什麽樣的 波夫 I think I know what a spy looks like, Bough.
沒有任何蹤跡
我們搜索了所有能獲取的數據庫
這個人仿佛根本不存在
所以他是個老手
給我的命令是什麽
莫斯科想幹掉他
我不應該先探明他都知道些什麽嗎
不用
幹掉他
命令立即生效
女士 女士 Madame? Madame?
長官 Sir?
長官 Sir!
我剛和倫敦的P先生通完電話 I just got off the phone to P in London.
他查到了那艘遊艇的主人 He's found out who the owner of that yacht is.
傑森·沃爾特 Jason Volta.
全球最有影響力的互聯網億萬富翁 長官 The world's most powerful Internet billionaire, sir!
他現在正在倫敦 And he's in London, right now.
首相正和他私下商討一項貿易協定 The Prime Minister is personally negotiating a trade deal with him.
那我們還等什麽 Well, what are we waiting for?
你覺得我們要不要慢一點 長官 Do you think we might slow down a little, sir?
什麽 What?
算了 Never mind!
通勤者正面臨鐵路網絡的大範圍癱瘓
在發生又一起網絡襲擊後 With what appears to be another cyber attack,
首相身上的壓力更重了 pressure is mounting on the Prime Minister.
-英格蘭的所有火車 -是的 長官 - Every train in England? - Yes, sir.
終點都成了布裏斯托聖堂草甸火車站 They're all trying to terminate at Bristol Temple Meads.
早上好 長官 Morning, sir!
-你看見這個了 英格力士 -是的 - You see this, English? - Yes!
拜托 Please.
告訴我你有可以讓我呈給首相的消息 Tell me you've got something I can take to the Prime Minister.
幕後黑手的名字可以嗎 長官 Would the name of the man responsible do, sir?
很好 英格力士 當然可以 Excellent, English, yes.
是傑森... It's Jason...
是沃爾特 長官 傑森·沃爾特 Volta, sir. Jason Volta.
什麽 What?
你是在指控首相身邊最得力的紅人嗎 You're accusing the PM's knight in shining armor?
我需要更有力的證據 I'd need hard evidence.
所以... Which...
英格力士特工提議 ...is why Agent English is proposing
對沃爾特在薩裏郡的鄉下莊園突破式偵查 a penetration of Volta's country estate in Surrey.
對 對 對 Yes, yes, yes, yes...
那就盡你所能吧 英格力士 Well, do what you have to do, English.
但做事一定謹慎小心點 But for God's sake, be discreet about it.
好的 Good.
"虛擬現實" "Virtual reality"?
是的 長官 That's right, sir.
P為沃爾特的豪宅建了一個電腦模型 P's built a computer model of the inside of Volta's mansion.
戴上這個頭盔 When you put on this headset,
你就會感覺像真的在房子裏一樣 it will look and feel as if you are inside the house.
你可以開門關門 You'll be able to open and close doors,
可以上樓下樓 walk up and down staircases,
完完全全地去熟悉房子布局 completely familiarize yourself with its layout.
這塊地板可以向所有方向移動 This floor moves in any direction. So you can walk...
所以你可以在虛擬世界裏到處隨便走 You can walk as far as you want in the virtual world
而實際上都不用走出這間房 without ever actually leaving this room.
長官 但有一件事 One thing though, sir.
這種體驗可能會使你迷失方向 The experience can be very disorientating.
因為完全置身其中 It's completely immersive
有些人就會徹底忘記周圍真實的環境 and some people lose all track of their actual surroundings.
我覺得那種情況是絕不可能發生的 I think we can pretty much guarantee that's not gonna happen.
你只需要簽一下這份安全文件 I'll just need you to sign the health and safety releases.
我去找一下我的平板電腦 Would you excuse me while I find an iPad.
波夫 跟他一起去吧 Oh, go with him, Bough.
不催一下他 我們就要困在這一整天了 If we don't chivvy him along we'll be here all day.
小心 Watch out!
關門請註意 Door closing.
電梯下行 Going down.
不好意思 先生 請您離開 I'm sorry, sir, but you're going to have to leave.
我們馬上就到海軍大廈了 So, we'll shortly be arriving at Admiralty House.
實際上 And, er, that actually
這裏曾是奧利弗·克倫威爾自己的房子 used to be Oliver Cromwell's own house. Um...
接下來我們要去的是皇家騎兵衛隊閱兵場 And then we'll be going to Horse Guards Parade.
先生 要不您先坐下 Perhaps you'd like to sit down, sir?
抓到了 I've got them!
不過 執行這項任務的特工 However, the agent we have on
很有信心已取得巨大進展 this mission is confident he's making major progress.
所以 我們已經鎖定了嫌犯 And, uh, yes, we have a potential suspect, he's been identified.
進一步的秘密調查正在進行中 And further covert investigations are now ongoing.
的確令人驚訝 Yes, quite.
我希望這方面會有更多進展 So I expect to have more to announce on this front
在不久之後吧 shortly.
長官 Sir?
怎麽了 Mmm?
-還好嗎 -我都試過了 波夫 - Is everything all right, sir? - Yes, I've done it, Bough.
小孩子的把戲 不明白這有什麽大不了 Child's play. Don't know what all the fuss was about.
很榮幸又見到您了 首相 Pleasure to see you again, Prime Minister.
這是全息影像 照常講話就行 It's a hologram. Apparently you just speak to it normally.
我的榮幸才是 The pleasure's all mine.
我不是想催您 Hate to rush you, but was
但您是有什麽事要找我嗎 there something in particular you needed?
我打來是想看看 Actually, I was just calling really to see
你有沒有重新考慮過這件事 if you had had a chance to think things over.
我考慮過 I have.
事情是這樣的 菲奧娜 But the thing is, Fiona,
我不太幫其他人做安保工作 I just don't really do other people's security.
不是我不想 但你的基礎設備太老舊了 Not that I don't want to. But your infrastructure is old.
而且我能保障你安全的唯一方法 Plus the only way I could keep you secure in the meantime
就是把你的所有數據存儲在我的服務器上 would be by storing all your data on my own servers.
-這顯然是 -好的 傑森 - Obviously, that would be... - Yes. Jason,
我真正想要的 what I really want to do
是在十二國集團峰會上宣布我們的合作 is announce this tie-up at the G12 meeting.
我們說定了嗎 Do we have a deal?
長官 祝你好運 Good luck, sir.
長官怎麽了 Sir?
我說了把直升機準備好 就那兒的 I said to get the chopper ready. Right there.
是的 長官 馬上 Sir. Right away, sir.
謝謝 Thank you.
-泰勒 你進來 -是 - Tyler, come in. - Copy.
泰勒 你現在可以把直升機準備好嗎 Tyler, can you prepare the chopper now?
所有東西馬上就能準備好了 We'll have everything ready for you in a couple of minutes.
不能每次都這樣碰面 戈萊特利先生 We can't keep meeting like this, Mr. Golightly.
好吧 Oh, yes.
或者不必玩這個把戲 告訴我你的真名吧 Or do you want to end this charade and tell me your real name?
先走 Go.
對你身處的世界 There's so much you don't
你不了解的東西太多了 understand about this world you've got caught up in.
別裝傻了 你是英國特勤處的 Spare me the idiot act. You're British Secret Service.
你在法國表現不錯啊 Impressive work in France, by the way.
你什麽時候意識到我也是間諜的 When did you realize I was a spy, too?
大概立馬就知道了吧 Oh, pretty much straight away.
我已經臥底了兩年 I've spent two years undercover.
你出現之前一切都挺簡單 Simple operation until you showed up.
我不想把事情搞復雜 And I like to keep things simple.
我的中間名就叫"簡單" "Simple" is my middle name.
看來你要做選擇了 It would seem you've got a choice to make.
-暫停敵對嗎 -短期合作吧 - Temporary suspension of hostilities? - A short-term partnership?
同意 Agreed.
政治家們比那些風險投資人們還容易騙 Politicians are even more gullible than venture capitalists.
說得沒錯 That is correct.
給我一份目標名單 Get me a copy of the target list.
保險起見 再攻擊它們一次 We'll hit them once more just to be on the safe side.
-給我你的手機 -你連手機都沒有嗎 - Give me your phone. - You don't have a phone?
手機會暴露你的位置 A phone will give anyone your precise location.
但是打電話就很方便了啊 And yet they're so useful for making phone calls.
好的 我不是要打電話 Excellent. I'm not phoning anyone.
我要收集證據 I'm gathering evidence.
目標名單 倫敦市中心四個標誌性建築 The target list, Jason. Four iconic central London landmarks.
-請選擇 -第三個 - Make your selection. - Number three.
倫敦眼 The London Eye.
這次網絡攻擊可能會 This cyber attack could potentially
影響到16000名遊客 impact 16,000 visitors.
我發現他在樓上鬼鬼祟祟的 I found him snooping around upstairs.
你到底是誰 And who are you exactly?
我什麽都不會說的 I'm not telling you anything.
啟動面部識別 Face recognition software launched.
約翰尼·英格力士是林肯郡的地理老師 Johnny English is a geography teacher from Lincolnshire.
講解歐洲各國首都 Rather heavily armed for
需要如此全副武裝嗎 英格力士老師 a lesson on European capitals, Mr. English.
寶貝 你怎麽看 Any thoughts, sweetheart?
他是英國特工 He's British Intelligence.
這就對了 這兩個詞 And there you have it, two words that have
是不能同時出現在一個句子裏的 no right being in the same sentence together.
你以為我是單槍匹馬一個人嗎 Do you really think I came here alone?
現在外面有一隊精銳特工 I have a team of crack operatives out there, right now,
正等著攻入 just waiting to strike.
長官 Sir!
這個國家怎麽了 What has happened to this country?
不到一個世紀以前 大英帝國 How is it possible that less than a century ago
還統治著全球四分之一的領土 the British Empire ruled a quarter of the globe
而今時今日卻只能依靠 and now it's relying on someone
你這樣的人 like you?
站住 Hey! Stop!
不攔下他嗎 Stop him?
我們走 Go.
-關門 -是 - Close the gates. - Yes, sir.
救命啊 停下 Help! Stop!
前方有障礙物 特拉特納女士 Obstacle directly ahead, Mrs. Trattner.
查看後視鏡 然後停車 Check your mirrors and bring the car to a stop.
你要幹什麽 Er, excuse me. Hey.
謝謝 Thank you.
開車 Drive!
等一下 Excuse me.
你這是要做什麽 What... What do you think you're doing?
開門 你沒有教練證 Excuse me! You are not a qualified instructor.
-我的教練怎麽辦 -左轉 - But what about my instructor? - Turn left.
右轉 Turn right.
僅供參考 我在你的左手邊 For future reference, I'm on your left.
可以停下嗎 我受不了了 Please, stop. I can't do this anymore!
我什麽都看不見了 I can't see anything now!
很好 Good.
我說"走"的時候 向右急轉彎 When I say "Go," Turn sharp right.
三 二 一 Three, two, one.
走 Go!
打正方向盤 回正 回正 And straighten up, straighten up, straighten up.
走 And go!
我們快跟上 Let's go, let's go.
現在往左拐一點點 很好 Oh, now just bear left a little. Good.
回方向盤 快回 Straighten up, straighten up.
很好 Good!
剛剛表現很好 特拉特納女士 Well, that was very good, Mrs. Trattner.
我認為你今天進步很大 I think you made some real progress today.
你沒聽懂我意思 英格力士 You're not hearing me, English.
由於首相和沃爾特 Given the Prime Minister's new
達成了新合作 現在局勢有變 friendship with Volta, the situation has changed.
但事實還是這樣啊 長官 But the facts haven't, sir.
是沃爾特發起的攻擊 That attack is Volta's responsibility.
除了你沒人這麽說 According to you, but not according to anyone else.
他來了嗎 Is he here yet?
下午好 首相 這位是 Good afternoon, Prime Minister. So, this is, uh...
英格力士 首相 約翰尼·英格力士 English, Prime Minister. Johnny English.
你想為自己辯解什麽 Vvhat exactly do you have to say for yourself?
事實上 有很多 Rather a lot, actually.
然而 我這樣的人從不閃爍其詞 首相 However, men like me don't deal in prevarication, Prime Minister,
所以 我就有話直說了 so let me get straight to the point.
傑森·沃爾特是這些襲擊的幕後兇手 Jason Volta is the man behind these attacks.
並且我有證據能夠證明 And I have the evidence to prove it.
我在沃爾特的郊區私宅裏錄下來的 I managed to record this inside Volta's country lair.
但是我要提醒您 首相 But I should warn you, Prime Minister,
您將會看到惡魔的化身 that what you're about to see is evil incarnate.
這是菲菲的三周歲生日聚會 Here we are at Fifi's third birthday!
真是個令人興奮的日子 And it's a very exciting day!
嘿嘿 萬歲 嘿嘿 萬歲 Hip hip, hooray! HiP hip, hooray!
祝你生日快樂 Happy birthday to you!
謝謝 Thank you.
我想問一句 你是不是有病 Can I just ask, what is wrong with you?
全國上下一片混亂 The country is in a state of complete chaos.
媒體都嚇壞了 The press is wetting itself,
而唯一能夠拯救我們的人 and the only person capable of saving us
你卻汙蔑他有叛國罪 is the man you're accusing of high treason.
他發號施令時我就在那個房間裏 首相 I was in the room myself when he gave the order, Prime Minister!
但是 出了點... But there was a...
你知道剛才我辦公室裏有什麽嗎 英格力士 Do you know what I was in the room with, English?
你的檔案 我從頭讀到尾 Your file, which I've read, in its entirety,
我有幾個問題 and I have a few questions.
你有沒有 Did you or did you not burn
把昂蒂布海角的科德羅餐廳燒成灰燼 the Cote de Roe restaurant at Antibes to the ground'?
你有沒有朝一群法國騎行者 And did you or did you not fire a guided missile
發射定向導彈 at a peloton of French cyclists?
這個... Well...
你還強行征用露天雙層巴士 Before commandeering an open-top bus
並把導遊從頂層扔下去 and tossing the tour guide off the top deck,
還在三明治店裏攻擊一位82歲高齡的老奶奶 and then assaulting an 82-year-old grandmother in a sandwich shop
並用兩根有機酵母法棍 before battering the employee of said sandwich shop
連續猛擊該三明治店的店員 with two organic sourdough baguettes?
我不記得這些... Uh, I don't remember the...
你知不知道身為首相我有多難 Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me?
你們有沒有哪怕一丁點概念 Do you have even the foggiest notion
面對各種事件 事實 選舉人 of how virtually impossible it is to get anything done
以及如洪水猛獸般的所謂"全國媒體" in the face of events and facts and voters
想把一件事做成有多艱難 and that tsunami of tosspots we call "The national press"?
我終於有機會為我的國家做些好事 Finally I get the chance to do something good for my country,
可結果呢 and what happens?
老天爺把你派來了 The universe sends me you.
你知道我想說什麽嗎 Well, do you know what I say?
我想說 去他媽的老天爺 I say, up the universe's arse!
你知道我還想說什麽嗎 你被解雇了 And do you know what else I say? You're fired.
立即執行 趕緊給我滾蛋 With immediate effect. Now get out!
不要再讓我看到這個蠢貨 And make sure I never clap eyes on that imbecile ever again!
你要幹什麽 長官 What are you doing, sir?
你覺得我要幹什麽 波夫 我要回家 What do you think I'm doing, Bough? I'm going home.
但是首相就要和沃爾特簽訂協議了 But the Prime Minister is finalizing her deal with Volta.
她要把他當作特邀嘉賓 She's taking him to the
帶他去參加在蘇格蘭舉行的十二國峰會 G12 Summit in Scotland as her special guest.
已經結束了 波夫 It's over, Bough.
我們也確實無能為力了 And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.
但是 長官 我有個計劃 But, sir, I have a plan.
記得我老婆嗎 Remember my wife?
蘇格蘭 洛克尼維斯
避開擋板 Clear your baffles.
-什麽 -小心頭 長官 - What? - Mind your head, sir.
這裏顯示我們在下沈 This says we're sinking.
這艘潛艇年紀大了 有點生銹 She's old and a little rusty,
但是仍然能像放煙花一樣開火 but she can put on a hell of a fireworks display.
十二國峰會 加洛克城堡
幹得漂亮 指揮官 Excellent work, Commander.
傑瑞米一直對你贊不絕口 英格力士特工 Jeremy has always spoken very highly of you, Agent English.
誰 Who?
對 對 Oh, yes, yes.
我對文書工作毫無興趣 I'm no fan of the pen pushers myself,
接到我們要駐守峰會的命令時 so when orders came through stationing us here for the Summit,
我覺得至少我能順路帶一程 well, I thought a lift was the least I could do.
是的 我們行動吧 波夫 Right, let's get a move on, Bough.
請註意在一切結束之前將你們的手機 Oh, if you wouldn't mind keeping your mobiles off
保持關機狀態 先生們 until you're well clear, gentlemen.
導彈的發射系統有點失靈 The launch systems on the missiles are a bit 1980s.
受到微波輻射的話 會有點分路不良 Gets a tad twitchy around microwave radiation.
沒問題 指揮官 我們會用老派方式完成任務 No problem there, Commander. We're doing this mission old-school.
這個位置很完美 This spot is perfect.
來 Come on.
對不起 長官 Sorry, sir.
快點 快點 Come on, come on...
好了 波夫 我們的任務很簡單 Right, Bough. Our mission here is simple.
進入沃爾特的臥室 然後把他帶出來 Gain access to Volta's bedroom and take him out.
你要怎麽才能上去呢 長官 How are you going to get up there, though,sir?
用外骨骼來個公園漫步 A walk in the park for the exoskeleton.
遠程操控橡膠緊身衣 Remotely operated neoprene bodysuit.
將穿戴者的力量增加100倍 Increases the wearer's strength 100 times.
好了 啟動它 插入軟盤 出發吧 Right, power it up. Stick in the floppy disk and let's go.
軍情七處
稍等 Just...
啟動
武器什麽時候能準備好 When will the weapon be ready?
首相今晚簽署協議即可 As soon as the Prime Minister signs the agreement, tonight.
我要怎麽開火 How do I fire it?
按一下即可發起攻擊 Press once and the attack is launched.
在這之後 十二國的所有數據 After which, the data of every G12 country
都會傳輸到平靜域號的服務器上 will be transferred to the servers on board the Dot Calm.
完美 Perfect.
幹杯 Cheers.
你從一開始 You're working for Russian
就是為俄羅斯情報局效力的 lntelligenoe and you have been from the start.
所以你藏在戒指裏 Which is why I've taken an
剛才又倒在這杯酒裏的毒藥 antidote to the poison you keep in your ring,
我已經服下了解藥 and which you've poured into this drink.
也拆掉了那把手槍裏的撞針 And removed the firing pin from that pistol.
每個人都要為了自己的身家性命而奮鬥 Everyone has to make a life for themselves.
只是可惜 你的生命 It's just sad that yours is
要結束了 over.
剛從我的3D打印機裏打出來的 全塑料 Fresh from my 3D printer. Hundred percent plastic.
但絕對致命 And 100% deadly.
殺了我也不能救你自己 Killing me won't save you.
別這麽肯定 Don't bet on it.
開什麽玩笑 不帶這麽玩的 Seriously, this cannot be happening.
就要這麽玩 Oh, but it is.
把槍放下 Drop the gun.
把手舉起來 Get your hands in the air.
還有你 And you.
沒時間了 約翰尼 There's no time for this, Johnny.
這不可能 Oh, it isn't possible.
你不會跟這個英國蠢貨聯手了吧 You cannot be working with this English idiot!
還是把枕邊風留給監獄吧 沃爾特 Save the pillow talk for your prison cell, Volta.
你進去了嗎 長官 Are you inside, sir?
是的 波夫 你可以關閉了 Yes, yes, Bough, you can power down.
一切盡在掌控 Everything is under control.
關機 Shut down.
這個地點和這場會有都具有歷史意義 An historic venue for an historic meeting.
來自G12成員國的代表 The delegates from each G12
都將擁有優先權... member nation will have their own priorities...
我們現在怎麽進去 長官 How do we get in now, sir?
有什麽計劃 What's the plan?
那個人 Hey, you!
感謝各位 希望大家都拍到了滿意的照片 Thank you very much. I hope you have everything you need.
在此請允許我代表英國 On behalf of the United Kingdom,
歡迎各位今天來到這個古老的會議地點 may I welcome you here today to this ancient meeting chamber
蘇格蘭各大氏族 where the great Scottish clans
曾在這裏解決紛爭並締結了新的聯盟 once settled their differences and forged new alliances.
為了宣布一個非常特別的決定 A place I have specifically chosen
我特意將會議地點選在這裏 in order to make a very special announcement.
長官 Sir?
你還好吧 長官 Are you all right, sir?
不 我不好 扶我起來 波夫 No, I'm not all right. Get me up, Bough.
-好重 長官 -我知道有多重 波夫 - It's very heavy, sir. - I know how heavy it is, Bough.
我們得趕緊到會議現場 We've got to get to the conference...
免得沃爾特發射... to the conference room before Volta...
發射他的武器 before Volta triggers his weapon.
如此 我在這份協議上簽字 And so, with my signature on this agreement...
讓我非常高興 ...it gives me great pleasure, oh,
向各位介紹我的客人及朋友 傑森·沃爾特 to welcome to you my guest, my friend, Jason Volta.
準備發動攻擊 傑森 Standing by to launch attack, Jason.
-見鬼 把我弄出來 -約翰尼 - Damn it, get me out of this stuff. - Johnny?
-我看不到連接處 長官 -是卡扣的 - I can't see the join, sir. - It's the clasp.
打開卡扣就能上下分離了 Release the clasp and the top and the bottom separate.
一定是你摔倒的時候卡住了 長官 Must have jammed when you fell over, sir.
-我的天 -等等 試試這個 - For goodness sake. - Wait. Try this.
這油太多了 長官 That is quite a lot of oil, sir.
快點 快開啊 Oh, come on! Come on, come on...
你們能想象全世界 Can you imagine what the world
都由蘋果來管理會是什麽樣嗎 would look like if it was run by Apple?
或者谷歌 或者 Or Google? Or...
我 Me?
你覺得自己會考不上學校嗎 Do you think you'd have failing schools?
你覺得自己會在醫院無盡地等待嗎 Do you think you'd have endless waiting in your hospitals?
不 No.
會在機場裏排長長的隊嗎 Think you'd have such long lines in your airports?
-不 -不 - No. - No.
不 因為這些都是簡單的數據管理問題 No, because all of these are simple data management problems.
而我這樣的人 就喜歡數據 And people like me, we love data.
我們為數據而生 We live for data.
我的 My...
你知道我為什麽而生嗎 沃爾特 Do you know what I live for, Volta?
天啊 God.
消除你這種惡棍 Eliminating the threat that
給這個國家帶來的威脅 lying villains like you pose to this country.
有完沒完了 Oh, for God's sake.
他是誰 Who is he?
把這個瘋子抓起來 Arrest this whack job.
在這裏只有我能下逮捕命令 The only person ordering an arrest around here will be me.
別擔心 女士們先生們 There's no cause for concern, ladies and gentlemen,
你們正在女王特勤處的保護之下 you are now in the capable hands of Her Majesty's Secret Service.
而你 朋友 免不了要遭罪了 And you, my friend, are in for an uncomfortable ride.
我說到哪兒了 Where was I?
為數據而生 Living for data.
沒錯 Exactly.
我的算法能解決你們的任何問題 My algorithms can solve every
只要給我一樣東西 one of your problems as long as I have one thing.
控制權 Control.
所以你們現在要給我控制權 And that is what you are about to give me now.
傑森 你能不能說清楚... Jason, I wonder if you could just clarify...
閉嘴 Shut up.
等一下 Now, hold on.
城堡已封鎖 Castle now locked down
盡在你的掌控之中 傑森 and under your control, Jason.
這個傻瓜剛剛簽署的協議 The agreement this ignoramus just signed
不僅授予了我英國所有數據的訪問權限 didn't just give me access to all the UK's data.
還授予了我北艾爾郡一個接線盒的訪問權限 It also gave me access to a junction box, in North Ayrshire
它連接了整個萬維網 that connects the entire World Wide Web.
只要切斷盒子裏的光纖電纜 Disable the fiber-optic cables
整個因特網將不復存在 in that box and the Internet will cease to exist.
約翰尼 你還好嗎 Johnny? Are you okay?
你帶手機了嗎 我們得打電話請求支援 Have you got a phone? We need to call for backup.
沒時間請求支援了 我要去追沃爾特了 There's no time for backup. I'm going after Volta.
別把這部也搞丟了 And don't lose that one!
你們知道我把因特網關了意味著什麽嗎 Do you understand what it means if I turn the Internet off'?
城市陷入黑暗 飛機從空中墜落 Cities will go dark. Planes will fall out of the sky.
火車相撞 法律和秩序崩潰 Trains will collide. Law and order will break down
你們所了解的世界將徹底消亡 and the world as you know it will be over.
別光說不做啊 對嗎 Show, don't tell, right?
正在啟動攻擊 傑森 Initiating attack, Jason.
正在控制接線盒 Taking control of junction box.
正在關閉英國和歐洲的 Suspending Internet and
因特網和電力供應 electricity supply across Britain and Europe.
第一階段攻擊已完成 Stage one of attack complete.
女士們先生們 我可以停止攻擊 Ladies and gentlemen. I can stop the attack
只要你們每個人 as long as each of you signs
都和首相大人簽署相同的協議 the same agreement as the Prime Minister,
授予我全部控制權 giving me complete control.
由你們決定 Your call.
-歡迎致電英國情報局 -讓帕加索斯接電話 - Welcome to British Intelligence. - Get me Pegasus!
軍情五處 請按1 軍情六處 請按2 For Ml5, press one. For MI6, press two.
軍情七處 請按3 For MI7, press three.
八個G12國家已簽署協議 Eight G12 signatures now acquired.
通知直升機 我們這兒差不多搞定了 Signal the chopper, we're almost done here.
賬戶查詢 請按5 For accounts, press five.
-托兒服務 請按6 -有完沒完 - For childcare services, press six. - Oh, some om!
其它選項 請按7 For more options, press seven.
什麽 What?
還差兩份簽名 Only two further signatures
就能獲得全部G12國家的數據 required to achieve control of G12 nations' data.
所有英國數據 All UK data
現已成功遷移至平靜域號 now successfully transferred to the Dot Calm.
聯系阿弗羅迪特 For Aphrodite,
請按1 聯系帕加索斯 請按2 press one. For Pegasus, press two.
天吶 Oh, my God.
潛艇下潛 重復 潛艇下潛 Dive the submarine. Repeat, dive the submarine.
-這裏是局長辦公室 -我是約翰尼·英格力士 - Director's office? - This is Johnny English.
我需要立即跟帕加索斯通話 I need to speak to Pegasus immediately.
這是國家緊急情況 It's a national emergency.
請稍等 先生 One moment, please, sir.
這裏是女王特勤處復仇號 This is HMS Vengeance.
我們收到了全面發射的代碼 We have a full launch code.
重復 發射代碼已被鎖定 Repeat, launch code is locked.
請問是否批準開火 Do I have your permission to fire?
我的天啊 請稍等片刻 Oh, my God. Could you hold on one moment, please?
長官 長官 Sir? Sir!
餵 Hello?
長官 這裏是女王特勤局復仇號 Sir! HMS Vengeance here.
是否批準發射 Do I have your permission to launch?
什麽 聽著 我們必須組織攻擊 What? Listen, we have to call in an attack.
您是說攻擊嗎 長官 Did you say "Attack, " Sir?
是的 攻擊 攻擊 Yes, an attack. Attack.
戰鬥部署 準備發射 General quarters, we are go for launch.
目標位置已鎖定 指揮官 Target coordinates locked, Commander.
餵 Hello?
指揮官 導彈在重新定位 Commander, the missile is being redirected.
好像鎖定了一個新的敵方目標 It seems to be locking on to a new hostile target.
冰果露
"冰果露"是什麽 What's a "Sherbet F"?
天吶 那是什麽 Oh, no. What was that?
平靜域號斷開連接 傑森 Dot Calm appears to be offline, Jason.
網絡攻擊已中斷 The cyber attack has been halted.
你是不是... Did you
在潛水艇旁邊打電話了 長官 make a call quite close to the submarine, sir?
因為 Because?
你做到了 長官 You did it, sir!
任務完成 Mission accomplished!
沒錯 Weh,exactly!
我正在重新評估選項 傑森 I am re-evaluating our options, Jason.
約翰尼 約翰尼 Johnny! Johnny!
沃爾特要跑了 他正往他的直升機那兒去 Volta is getting away! He's heading for his helicopter!
不 波夫 No, Bough.
交給我 This one's mine.
小心點 長官 Careful, sir. Sir?
最後兩步 長官 Last two steps, sir.
別跑得這麽快 沃爾特 Not so fast, Volta!
這是想嚇唬我嗎 蘭斯洛特騎士 Is this supposed to scare me, Sir Lancelot?
註意隱蔽 波夫 Take cover, Bough.
別怕 他那家夥裏只有六顆子彈 Don't worry, he's only got six bullets in that thing.
當然 還有那家夥本身 And, of course, the thing itself.
你別無選擇了 沃爾特 You've run out of options, Volta.
你覺得你贏了嗎 Oh, you think you've won?
重新啟動攻擊至內華達服務器 傑森 Rerouting the attack to our Nevada servers, Jason.
世界要毀滅了 英格力士 The world's going down, English.
而我將是唯一幸存的人 And I'll be the last man standing.
再見 英格力士 再見 因特網 Goodbye, English! Goodbye, Internet.
找到了 那是小羚羊341輕型武裝直升機 I've got it. That's a Gazelle 341 light attack helicopter.
如果我們能侵入它的操作系統 If we can hack into its operating system,
就可以破壞它的驅動功能 we can disable the drive function.
給我 Here.
瞧瞧你 就算你的命 Look at you! You couldn't
全靠那部平板電腦拯救 你也不會用 use that thing if your life depended on it!
我們走吧 Let's get outta here.
讓這只鋼鳥... Get this steel bird in the...
重啟已完成 Rerouting complete.
準備攻擊內華達服務器安裝的數據 Attack data now installed at our Nevada servers.
是否開始 Should I initiate?
傑森 Jason?
是否開始新的攻擊 Should I initiate the new attack?
你開始受死吧 Initiate this!
傑森 Jason.
女士們先生們 Well, uh, ladies and gentlemen.
相信我們都不會否認 I think we can all agree,
今晚絕不是我們想象中的夜晚 that wasn't quite the evening we were expecting.
本來我希望今晚給你們展示 I had hoped to present to you tonight...
-謝謝 -英國未來發展的景象 - Thank you. - ...A vision of what Britain might be.
但正如所發生的 今晚拯救我們的勇士 But, as it happens, the man who saved us all this evening,
他...我補充一句 是我親自指派的特工 the man who, I might add, I personally assigned to this case,
給我們展現了另一幅景象 has presented us with a different kind of vision.
為我們樹立了活生生的榜樣 A living embodiment, if you like,
他是優良傳統美德的真實寫照 of those fundamental British qualities
這些美德使我們深愛的島國經久不衰 that have ensured that our beloved island nation endures.
戰火中的勇氣 無盡的聰明才智 Courage under fire, endless ingenuity
最重要的是 and above all, a quiet
無法撼動的尊嚴 unassailable dignity.
謝謝 Thank you.
熱烈歡迎
一起歡呼 All together.
我們的英雄
幹得漂亮 老師
歡迎回來 英格力士老師 Welcome back, Mr. English.
謝謝 校長 Thank you, Headmaster.
感謝你願意做我們的特邀講師 Thank you for agreeing to be our guest speaker.
主管們和員工們 Now the governors and staff
正在玫瑰園等我們呢 are all waiting for us in the rose garden.
好的 我先失陪一下 校長 Yes, if you could just excuse me for a few minutes, Headmaster.
-早上好 老師 -嗨 老師 - Morning, sir! - Hello, sir!
歡迎回來 老師 Welcome back, sir!
驚喜 Surprise!
謝謝 Thank you.
斯特雷克在哪兒 Where's Straker?
-這兒呢 老師 -很好 - Here, sir. - Good.
當然還有 巴格利 And, of course, Baggaley.
你做得很好 非常好 That was very good. Very good.
好了 大家都過來吧 過來 All right, gather round, everyone. Gather round.
我給你們帶了一些玩具 I've got some toys to show you.
讓我們來瞧瞧 There we go.
這個 這個 There we are. There we are.
-面包棍吹氣管 誰要 -我 - Breadstick blowpipe, anyone? - Me!
給你 There you go.
綠蘋果手榴彈 Granny Smith hand grenade?
-絞繩手表呢 -我要 老師 - And what about a garroting watch? - Here, sir.
給你 There you go.
給我 這個我拿著吧 Here, let me take that.
別擔心 只是藥性不強的鎮靜劑 Don't worry, it's only a mild sedative.
這是只有五秒鐘的引線 Oh! That's just a five-second fuse.
好了 我們都知道絞繩長什麽樣 Yes, all right, we all know what garroting looks like.
就等你了 英格力士老師 Whenever you're ready, Mr. English.
不好意思 校長 馬上就來 Oh, I'm sorry, Headmaster, I'll just be one moment.
帶上這些 謝謝 Just take those. Thank you. Ooh.
把東西放好 好嗎 Put those away, shall we? There we...
我就喜歡吃軟糖 I always did love a jelly baby.