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翻译：gregorianliu123 丁丁猫哒 gkall ilovefriends 吴小堂 小猪儿想妈妈
校对：可乐嘻嘻 监制：可乐嘻嘻 后期：fish_w_89
老公 记着今天你要接孩子们回家 Sweetheart, remember that you're doing pickup today
把聚会的事跟化妆师说一声 and you need to call the face painter for the party.
再给亨利带些脱脂奶 Oh, and Henry needs more lactaid.
行 知道了 All right. Got it.
接孩子放学 联系化妆师 买脱脂奶 Pick up the kids, call the face painter, get lactaid.
没问题 I got it.
我还得去新房子一趟 Also, I'm gonna drop by the new house
看看施工进度 and see how the work's coming.
好的 真不错 Oh, okay, awesome.
后院要安个充气城堡 Can you make sure that you measure
你帮我量一下尺寸 好吧 the backyard for the bouncy castle?
我们生日聚会时会有充气城堡吗 We're gonna have a bouncy castle at our birthday party?
-你想要个充气城堡吗 -当然啦 - Do you want a bouncy castle? - Yeah.
那好 咱们就弄个世上最好的充气城堡来 Then, yes, we'll have the best bouncy castle in the whole world!
充气城堡 充气城堡 充气城堡 Bouncy castle! Bouncy castle! Bouncy castle...
那我们有终极搏击场吗 And an Ultimate Fighting Octagon?
我不知道 Uh... I don't know about that.
不是不跟我说话吗 But, hey, you talked to me!
我问的是妈妈 I was talking to mommy.
行 不过刚才 你那句话是对我说的 Okay, but just now, you talked to me by saying that.
她怎么会这样呢 Why does she have such a problem?
年龄到了嘛 别当真 It's just a phase. Don't push it.
宝贝儿 你这样不理你爹 Hey, sweetheart, it hurts Daddy's feelings
很伤他的心啊 when you give him the silent treatment.
我准备好上学了 我准备好上学了 I'm ready for school, I'm ready for school!
抱抱我 抱抱我 Pick me up, pick me up!
好 不过 亨利 All right. Hey, Henry,
你不能带亚瑟去学校 you know you can't bring Arthur to school.
但它是我最好的朋友 But he's my best friend.
宝贝 它只是你最好的蜥蜴朋友 Honey, he's your best lizard friend.
你不是还有很多其他朋友吗 You've got lots of non-lizard friends.
没多少 Not really.
是吗 Really?
没几个 Nope.
好吧 祝你顺利 爱你 Oh. All right, have a good day. I love you.
开玩笑吧 You're kidding me!
你可不能把这东西带到学校去 小皮猴 You can't take that to school, monkey.
快把它放回你房间去 Go put that in your room.
山姆 到时见 爱你 Sam, I will see you. I love you.
-山姆 -帮个忙 - Sam. - Hey.
-什么 好的 好的 -再见 - What? Yeah, oh, golly, okay. - See you.
谢了 爱你 Thanks. Love you.
拜见岳父大人3
你来啦 There he is!
兰迪 你好啊 Hey, Randy. How you doing?
格里高利·福克 Gregory Focker!
还好吗 How's it going?
-真高兴见到你 -我也是 - Wonderful to see you. - Great to see you.
我路过 顺便量下后院大小 Listen, I just came by to check out the backyard and measure
过几天我们准备 'cause we want to do a
在孩子们的生日聚会上放个充气城堡 bouncy castle for the kids' birthday party.
真不错 格里高利 That's terrific, Gregory.
芝加哥纪念医院
你迟了差不多五分钟了 Okay, you're about five minutes late.
我知道 Yeah, I know.
管理层的丹斯洛小姐找过你 A Miss Denslow from the administrative board called.
她想要一份财政削减的清单 She wants to get a list of the budget cuts.
20分钟后你和约翰·兰达开会 You have a meeting in 20 minutes with John Raider
现在有位福斯顿制药的销售代表 and some drug rep from Pfosten Pharmaceuticals
在你的办公室里等你 is waiting in your office.
好像叫安迪什么的 Andi something.
我办公室里有个药售代表 There's a drug rep in there?
这样 三分钟之后 Okay, look, in three minutes,
你进去说我还有个会 pop your head in and tell me I have to go to my next meeting.
好吗 没问题吧 Okay. All right?
抱歉 我得赶快了 Sorry, I got to make this really quick.
我今天早上非常忙 I got a very busy morning.
理解 福克护士 I understand, Nurse Focker.
安迪·加西亚 I'm Andi Garcia.
你真人看上去胡子少多了 You have a lot less stubble in person.
我是说 那个跟你同名的演员 I'm... There's an actor named Andy Garcia.
谁 Who?
头上有个美人尖 很爷们儿的那个 Widow's peak. Sort of tough guy.
逗你玩的 我当然知道安迪·加西亚是谁 I was just kidding. Of course, I know who Andy Garcia is.
这段子我屡试不爽 I get that all the time.
是啊 那必须的 Yeah. You must get it all the time
毕竟你叫安迪·加西亚嘛 'cause you're named Andi Garcia.
我很喜欢你为美国医协杂志写的那篇文章 I loved the article you wrote in the AMA Journal,
"病人至上" "Putting Patients First."
-你读过吗 -爱死了 - You read that? - I loved it.
能以一个护士的角度 It was so cool getting a
关注医保危机真是太酷了 nurse's perspective on the health care crisis.
对 是有这回事 Yeah, that was the idea.
其实最开始我也是当过护士的 I actually started out as a nurse, myself.
是吗 这些日子我护理倒是做得少... Really? Oh, well, nowadays, I do less nursing and more...
竟和一些烦人的医药销售开会了 对吧 Annoying meetings with drug reps you'd rather not deal with?
格雷格 马上要开会了 Hey, Greg, it's time for your next meeting.
不要紧的 我没事 克里斯汀 谢了 That's okay, I'm fine, Kristen. Thank you.
那人不喜欢等 Yeah, but he doesn't like to wait.
你知道他那人 是吧 You know how he is, you know.
是约翰·兰达吗 Well, it's John Raider?
对 多事的那个 Yeah, he's really picky...
这人总是迟到 就没个准点的 谢谢 He always runs late. Always runs late. Thanks.
-你还挺忙 -我没事 不如你坐下吧 - You're swamped. - No, I'm good. You want to have a seat?
好吧 Yeah. Okay.
我尽快讲完 I'll make this quick.
我们公司准备上市一种全新产品 So we are launching a killer new product at Pfosten
平常我们都是联系医生做推广 and, while we usually hire doctors to lead our presentations,
这次我很看好你 I have a feeling about you.
你有成为医学明星的潜质 I think you have the potential to be a medical superstar.
让你来展示我们的新药爽哥 And you'd be perfect to represent our
再合适不过了 new drug, Sustengo.
爽哥 治疗勃起障碍的药吧 Ah. Sustengo. All right. It's an erectile dysfunction medicine.
这可不是一般的助勃药 It's not just any erectile dysfunction medicine.
这可是市面上首款适合心脏病人的助勃药 It's the first ED pill on the market safe for heart patients.
因为 除了加强阴茎血流量之外 Because, in addition to increasing the penile blood flow...
看到了吗 See that penis?
它还会像降压药一样 It acts as a betablocker
防止因性交而导致的心率上升 to keep the heart rate down during intercourse.
这得多给力啊 I mean, how dope is that?
相当给力 That's pretty dope.
请福克护士速到220B号病房 Nurse Focker needed in room 220 B, stat.
不好意思 等我一下 I'm sorry, hang on one second.
福克护士 请速到220B号病房 Nurse Focker, room 220 B.
你能不能别搞我的屁眼了 Will you get out of my ass?
那你别乱动啊 If you would stop squirming around...
但你连你该干什么都不知道 But you don't know what you're doing.
本来早就完了的 先生 It could have been over, sir.
怎么回事 安德罗夫斯基先生 How you doing there, Mr. Androvsky?
一切都还好吧 Everything okay?
这护士真野蛮 Well, this nurse is a barbarian.
得了吧 我才不是呢 Okay, I'm not a barbarian.
他总是在乱动 我插不进去啊 He keeps clenching and I can't make an insertion.
刘易斯 这是 Louis, it's...
这是出于保护直肠的自然反应 It's a natural response to protect that cavity.
没错 这是自然反应 You're right, it is a natural response.
这事换了我也会这么做 I would protect my cavity, too.
我们要做的就是温柔点 And we just got to do it a little bit gentler.
我能说两句吗 May I suggest something?
先生 能不能麻烦你伸直您的左腿 Sir, why don't you extend your left leg
右膝向上提到胸口 and put your right knee right up to your chest.
这样可以帮助放松 It'll help relax things down there.
她说的没错 She's right.
照她说的做吧 You just do that and you
用手抓着床沿 就是那样 just grab the side of the bed there, like that,
呼气 好了 and exhale... There you go.
护士 你充分润滑了肛门没 Nurse, did you sufficiently lubricate the nozzle?
-润滑了 -很好 - I did do that. - Great.
很好 准备好没 Good, good, okay. You got this?
好了 Yep.
行 深呼吸 All right. Take a nice deep breath.
充分放松你的肛门 And focus on relaxing your anus.
是的 没错 你只管让它充分张开 Right. That's right. You just want to let it dilate,
就像花儿尽情绽放一样 sort of like a flower opening up.
就像那怒放的荷花 Blossoming lotus.
沙漠中的仙人掌一样 Sort of like a desert cactus.
盛放 Maturing.
放松 It's okay.
这只不过是个向你问好的友好的小客人 Just a little, friendly visitor just saying hello.
好了 我得往里面再深入一点 All right, I'm just gonna stick it in a little further.
插得不错 Good smooth insertion.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我要松夹子了 让疏导液流一会 I'm gonna release the clamp. And let it flow.
爽多了 Better.
怎么样 How's that?
棒极了 That was great.
技术不错 Nice technique.
太有意思了 That was so fun.
我思前想后 老实说 I was thinking about it and, honestly,
我实在没有时间做药品这方面的推销 I just don't have time to moonlight pitching a drug right now.
好伤心啊 Shot down.
不 这跟你无关 只是 No, it's not you. It's just...
没事 我了解 No, I get it, you know.
掌管外科护理工作确实挺忙 Running nursing in med-surge is a big job.
是啊 事情的确不少 Yeah, yeah, so big,
之前在急救室里我挣得多多了 I'm making less than I did when I was in the ER.
我们准备在希尔顿酒店做场新闻发布会 Look, we are sponsoring a convention at the Hilton.
随便讲讲都可以让你赚的盆满钵满 You can make tons of dough for, like, one speech.
考虑考虑吧 Think about it.
好吧 我会的 Okay. I will, I'll think about it. Okay.
一言为定 Knuckles?
一言为定 Knuckles.
顺便说一句 刚才太给力了 That was bad-ass, by the way.
千真万确 Yeah. Literally.
"我战斗 我征服 伯恩斯家族"
宗谱学 第二版
鲍勃医生 Dr. Bob.
王八羔子 Scumbag.
杰克 我的出租车来了 Jack, my taxi's here.
宝贝 我刚和黛比通完电话 Oh, honey, I just got off with Deb.
她俩正式分手了 They are officially separated.
鲍勃医生已经搬出去了 Dr. Bob finished moving out.
那个小杂种 That lowlife.
是啊 一点不错 Yeah. You can say that again.
你确定我不用陪你去一趟吗 You sure you don't want me to come with you?
算了 你知道 我觉得黛比需要 No, you know, I think Deb needs
一点母女时光 宝贝 a little mother-daughter time, honey.
好吗 All right?
这小子竟然跟个护士偷起情来了 Having an affair with a nurse.
我咋就没早点发现呢 I can't believe I didn't see the warning signs.
他很小心 He was very discreet.
黛比看到短信才知道 She didn't even know until she saw those text messages.
你说什么都没用 Whatever you call them.
但是我一直是 Yeah, but I'm trained to detect
查这事的行家 老婆 that sort of behavior, honey,
事实却是我光忙着 and the truth is I was so busy
注意福克一家 putting Focker through the wringer,
鲍勃医生才从我眼皮底下溜了 Dr. Bob slipped right under my radar.
别太苛求自己了 Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.
我不会再让悲剧重演了 Well, I'll never let that happen again.
你心脏是不是又不舒服了 Are you having one of your little heart palpies again, Jack?
我的肌肉有点僵了 My muscles are a little tight!
还是压力大了 Yeah, yeah. From stress.
我看得出 你就不能放松点吗 I can see that. Okay, will you just, please, just relax, okay?
一切都会好起来的 真的 Everything is gonna be all right. Honest.
-我得走了 -好吧 - Oh, I got to go. - Okay.
我会想你的 I'm gonna miss you.
老妈
喂 妈 Hey, Mom.
你好啊 我的可爱的小王子 近来如何 宝贝 Hello, my precious prince, how are you, darling?
不错 你办的电视节目怎么样了 Good. How's the TV show going?
棒极了 你知道这周节目讲的是什么吗 Oh, great. You know what this week's episode is about?
运用最新的性爱玩具来点亮你的激情生活 Using the latest sexual toys to spice up your love life.
音乐避孕套
-是吗 -没错 - Really? - Yeah.
就算是早来的光明节礼物吧 As an early Hanukkah present,
我准备送你俩一盒这样的音乐避孕套 I'm gonna send you and Pam a box of these musical condoms.
别这样 Don't do that.
你一定得听听这个 宝贝 You got to hear this, honey.
里面有个小喇叭呢 There's a little speaker inside.
你抽插得越快 它声音就越大 And the faster you go, the louder it gets.
得了吧 妈 我跟潘美都好好的 You know what? Mom, Pam and I are fine.
我们不需要这些音乐套子 We don't need musical condoms.
孩子 每对情侣都需要催情 Honey, every couple can use a little stimulation.
顺便说一句 上周节目挺有意思 Oh, by the way, interesting episode last week.
哪个 "自慰面面观"吗 Which one? "Masturbation Through The Ages"?
我还以为咱们说好了 I thought we agreed
你不会在节目里提到我呢 you weren't gonna talk about me on the air anymore.
得了吧 那只是说了个由于自慰过度 Please, it was just a little anecdote about
引发腕管综合症的轶事罢了 carpal tunnel syndrome from excessive self-pleasuring.
我接通一下你爸 好吗 I have to connect your father now, okay?
我们有事跟你说 We need to tell you something.
家里电话 It's from Ameria.
喂 盖 罗兹 Hi! Gay? Roz?
-喂 -听着呢 - Hello? - Yeah, I'm here.
-盖罗德 -爸 - Gaylord? - Dad?
-听得见吗 -你在哪 - Can you hear me? - Where are you?
说了你也不信 我在西班牙的塞维利亚 You won't believe it. I'm in Seville, Spain.
你 你怎么跑到西班牙去了 Where... What are you doing in Spain?
我在学习 I'm studying.
儿子 你爸他决定 Sweetheart, your father decided that
不去参加孙子孙女的聚会了 he's not gonna make it to the twins' party.
什么 What?
盖 还记得你妈的节目 Gay, you remember when your mother's show
上升到排行榜头牌时 hit number one in the ratings
她就续签了一年的事吗 and she signed on for a second year?
当时我看着镜子说道 "我是谁" I looked in the mirror and I said, "Who am I?"
后来我在Youtube上找到了一段视频 Then I see this clip on the YouTube
里面有个跳弗拉明戈舞的西班牙人 and there is a Spanish guy and he's dancing the flamenco.
跳得那是挥汗如雨 And the sweat is pouring off of his face
眼中还四射着无限的激情 and there is such passion in his eyes
-看了我便说 "这就是了" -是什么了 - and I said, "That's it!" - That's what?
那就是我啊 我就是那热辣的弗拉明戈 That's me. I am flamenco!
我会征服这项艺术的 I will master this art.
爸 这太疯狂了 你干嘛要去西班牙 Dad, this is crazy. What are you doing? You're in Spain?
你不来聚会了 You're gonna miss the party?
你这更年期来的也太不是时候了 You picked a hell of a time to go through man-opause.
罗兹 我才没来更年期 Roz, I am not going through man-opause,
我只是想找到人生的方向 I'm just trying to find my true north.
人生的方向 那你是什么 指南针吗 True north, huh? What are you, a compass or something?
不是 但有一点是真的 No, but let's face it.
近25年内家里也没孩子 I'm a stay-at-home dad
我这个家庭妇男在家干什么 whose kid hasn't lived at home in 25 years.
迈阿密海滩不就有个亚瑟·莫里舞房吗 There's an Arthur Murray studio right here in Miami Beach.
干嘛费心劳神地往西班牙跑 Why schlep all the way to Spain?
你怎么这么说呢 罗兹 I can't believe you, Roz.
我支持你的梦想 Why can't you support my dreams
你怎么就不支持我的呢 the way I have always supported yours?
-同志们 同志们 -想当初 - Guys, guys... - When you wanted to try
你研究新的性爱姿势那会儿 new sex positions for your research,
我就是小白鼠 I was your guinea pig!
明明是你自愿的 You volunteered.
为了做个反转女牛仔[性爱姿势] I pulled my hamstring...
我把大腿都拉伤了 ... doing a reverse cowgirl!
谁让你倒着做的 That's because you did it backwards.
我从来没敷衍过你 I never went soft on you.
波尼 你没听到儿子多失望吗 Bernie, do you hear how you're upsetting your son?
你老实听着 行不行 Let me talk. Listen, will you?
狗日的 That son of a bitch.
该死 Oh, shit.
-喂 -这里是911 请问有什么情况 - Hello? - 911, what's your emergency?
我叫杰克·伯恩斯 住在樱花道28号 Yeah, my name is Jack Byrnes. I live at 28 Cherry Blossom Lane.
我要心脏骤停了 I'm going into cardiac arrest.
我急需一辆救护车 I need an ambulance right away.
估计你们这个点的平均反应时间 I'm guessing your average response time at this hour
在12到17分钟之间 is between 12 and 17 minutes.
估计你们得加把油了 谢谢 再见 I need you to do better than that. Thank you, goodbye.
冷静 金熙 我要做一次心脏除颤术 Stay calm, Mr. Jinx. I'm going to defibrillate myself.
准备 Clear!
说真的 虽然我爸 Seriously, though, my dad,
你知道 一直挺疯的 you know, he always sounds a little crazy,
但这次真的是闹大了 but this was like a whole different level.
-我爸妈这次真的铆上了 -不会吧 - No, I mean they were really going at it. - Really?
我妈控诉他更年期到了 She accused him of going through man-opause.
男人有更年期这回事吗 Is that a real thing?
我认识的这堆人里 Your parents have the best
你爸妈的婚姻是最美满的 marriage of anyone I know.
他们会好的 They will be fine.
我想也是 Yeah, I guess so.
说到孩子 You were talking about the kids.
他们的老师真的推荐私立学校吗 Really, their teacher suggested private school?
是啊 那个老师说她很担心孩子们 Yeah, she said she was concerned about them "Getting lost"
在公立教学体系中"迷失自我" in the public school system or something.
学校叫什么 What's the name of this place?
早教园 The Early Human School.
我听说过那个学校 I have absolutely heard of that place.
听上去像是为洞穴人准备的 Sounds like a school for Neanderthals.
不是 这学校可是幼儿园中的哈佛 No, it's actually considered the Harvard of kindergartens.
我觉得哈佛学费便宜多了 Well, I think Harvard's cheaper.
我去看看是谁 I'll go to see who that is.
接受这来自黑海的问候吧 你看上去美极了 Hey, greetings from the Black Sea. You look terrific.
谢了 陌生人 你去黑海干什么 Hi, stranger, thanks. What are you doing there?
潘美 我能跟格雷格聊两句吗 Listen, Pam. Is there any way I could speak to Greg?
信不信吧 我想听听他对一件事的意见 I want to get his advice on something, believe it or not.
当然 没问题 格雷格 Sure, absolutely. Hey, Greg?
怎么了 Yeah.
格雷格 老公 你朋友凯文 Greg, honey, it's your buddy, Kevin.
-等一下 -谢啦 - Hold on. - Thank you.
近来如何 老兄 How you doing, man?
不过航个小行 I was just doing a little sailing
兑现自己的梦想啦 老弟 and living the dream, G-Diggity-Dog.
-干杯 -凯文 - Cheers! - Kevin.
你的枸杞冰沙 You need a refill on that
要续杯吗 goji berry smoothie?
你真是我肚里的蛔虫 加满吧 老帕 You read my mind. Fill her up, Pak-Man.
格雷格 你认识迪帕克·秋普拉吧 Greg, you know Deepak Chopra, right?
我听说过他 I know of him.
-你好 格雷格 -你也是 秋普拉先生 - Hi, Greg. - Hi, Mr. Chopra.
是秋普拉医生 Dr. Chopra.
少闹了 你这小混蛋 Get out of here, you rascal.
听着 我之所以打给你是因为下周 So, listen, the reason why I'm calling is because next week...
凯文 跟谁视频呢 Kevin, who do you Skype with?
在和我朋友格雷格·福克聊天 I am just talking to my friend, Greg Focker.
来吧 Come here.
宝贝 亨利的脱脂奶你买了没 Hey, honey, what'd you do with Henry's Lactaid?
该死 我忘了 不好意思 Oh, crap, I forgot. Sorry.
好吧 那化妆师呢 你跟她联系没 Well, okay. But did you call the face-paint lady?
没 再次抱歉 No, I'm sorry.
我今天得做好多事 I had, like, 97 things to do, so...
老公 我只是叫你做两件事 两件而已 Honey, I asked you to do two things, that's all I asked.
我知道 对不起 老婆 I know. Sorry, babe.
好吧 计划如下 Okay, so here's the dealio.
我准备向丝雯娜求婚 I'm going to propose to Svetlana.
你要求婚吗 这太棒了 You're gonna propose? That's incredible.
我准备安排三架俄米格战斗机 I'm gonna have three Russian MiG fighter jets fly by
在天上喷射出"嫁给我吧 丝雯娜"的字样 and skywrite "Marry me, Svetlana."
然后我会将一颗五十克拉的超奢华钻戒 And then I'm gonna hide a 50-carat super-tasteful diamond ring
藏在一份极稀有的鲟鱼鱼子酱里 in this tin of extremely rare beluga.
剩下的夜晚将会在 Then we will finish the night
莫斯科大剧院芭蕾舞团的 with a special performance that I choreographed
由我编舞的特别演出中结束 以示吾爱 with members of the Bolshoi Ballet, dedicated to our love.
有什么想法? Thoughts?
老实说 我觉得这有点复杂了 Honestly, I'm thinking maybe it's a little too involved.
怎么了 Yeah?
我是说 和潘美在一起 我所做的一切就是 I mean, with Pam, my whole thing was just
力求简单 真心相待 keep it simple, speak from the heart.
力求简单 真心相待 我喜欢 老兄 Keep it simple and speak from the heart. I like it, hombre.
我还是取消俄米格战斗机表演吧 You know what? I'd better call off some Russian MiG fighter jets.
还有 等我回芝加哥后 And, hey, by the time I get to Chi-town,
你眼前的老兄便正式结婚了 this old dog here could be an engaged man.
-凯文 -有事吗 - Hey, Kevin? - Yeah.
水上滑艇准备好了 The jet skis are ready!
水上滑艇准备好了吗 The jet skis are ready?
-行 帮我启动 -好的 - Well, fire 'em up for me. - Okay.
我马上来 I'll be right there.
开水上滑艇的僧侣啊 Jet-skiing monks.
真不敢相信凯文要安定下来了 Wow, I cannot believe that Kevin is finally settling down.
我想他找到了灵魂伴侣 Well, I think he's found a soul mate.
是吗 Yeah?
你应该吃点这个 很好吃 Hey, you're gonna eat some of this. She seemed nice.
我真替凯文高兴 Yeah. I am very happy for Kevin.
这人不错 特别是他不纠缠你的时候 I love him, especially when he's not obsessed with you.
别这样 你这样很可笑 Oh, come on. You're being ridiculous.
你接下吧 Oh, you got it?
亲爱的 你能不能 Hey, sweetheart, will you please
吃一点意大利面 宝贝 take a bite of the lasagna, honey?
-不 -你不喜欢吗 - No. - Do you not like it?
杰克·伯恩斯
最近怎么样 老丈人 Hey, what's the good word, Grandpa Jack?
格雷格 Greg.
我是杰克·伯恩斯 This is Jack Byrnes.
我知道 来电显示上有 Yeah, I know. I could tell from the caller ID.
最近怎么样 How are you doing?
格雷格 你找个借口走开 这样说 Greg, excuse yourself from the table by saying these exact words,
"我不知道还在不在 我得看下我的档案" "I don't know if I still have it, but let me check my files."
-什么 -如果潘美问我要什么 - What? - If Pam asks you what I want,
就说我要你的出生证明 tell her that I asked you to locate your birth certificate
我要写家谱 for my genealogical work.
就这样说 Just do it.
我不知道还在不在 杰克 我得看看我档案 I don't know if I have that, Jack, but let me check my files.
档案 你有档案吗 Files? You have files?
是的 我都留着 Yes, yeah, I do. I keep files.
他想要我的出生证明 He wants me to get my birth certificate
他好研究家谱 for that family tree thing he's doing.
杰克 发生什么事了 Jack? Everything okay?
没什么 我有点心脏病发作 Everything is fine, Greg, I suffered a minor heart attack,
但是在严重心脏病发之前 but I was able to defibrillate myself
我自己做了心脏除颤 before going into fatal cardiac arrest.
老天 你自己给心脏除颤 Jesus! You defibrillated yourself?
医生说我很幸运 The doctor said I was a lucky man
我只要注意饮食 and I've just got to watch my diet
减轻压力就行了 and keep my stress level down.
好吧 那表示 Wow, okay, so I guess
你不能来参加 you guys aren't gonna be
孩子们的生日派对了吧 able to come to the twins' birthday party.
不 蒂娜和我会如期而至 格雷格 No, Dina and I will be there as planned, Greg.
这件事我会暂时保密 And I was able to keep this on a need-to-know basis.
目前为止只有你知道 And right now, you're the only person who needs to know.
杰克 我觉得你该跟蒂娜说 Well, come on, Jack. I mean, I think Dina needs to know.
格雷格 闭嘴听我说 Greg, stop talking and listen.
好吧 Okay.
现在我对家族的研究 Now, my genealogical research
已经可以追溯到 has allowed me to track the Byrnes family
1643年的伯恩斯家族 as far back as 1643.
1643年 1643?
我对你的家庭就不能研究得那么深 Now, I wouldn't be able to do that, say, to your family,
因为有太多的流浪小贩和无名的农民 what with all the wandering peddlers and nameless peasants.
但自从有了伯恩斯家族 But, as long as there have been Byrneses,
就一直有个领导人 there's always been a patriarch
带领我们经历各种风风雨雨 to lead our family through good times and bad.
最后我终于意识到 And I've finally come to the realization
下一个接班人就是 格雷格 that the next in line to the throne, Greg,
就是你 is you.
我 Me.
是你 格雷格 Yes, you, Greg.
我想问的是 So my question is this,
要是我死了 你准备好接手这个家吗 in the event of my demise, are you prepared to lead this family?
杰克 我们正在吃晚饭 You know, Jack, we're right in the middle of dinner.
我想我们可以等到 Maybe we could talk about this,
你过来的时候再谈 you know, when you come into town.
如果我死了 格雷格 我必须知道由谁来 If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible
接手整个伯恩斯家族 for the whole Byrnes clan.
所以格雷格 你愿意做 So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be
福克教父 the Godfocker?
福克与Fucker混球 谐音
福克教父 The Godfocker?
福克教父 The Godfocker.
杰克 这真是个给力的头衔 Well, that is a very powerful turn of phrase, Jack.
当你说福克教父的时候 And when you say Godfocker, I mean...
我想我明白你的意思 但是 I mean, I think I know what you mean, but I'm just...
但这具体意味着什么 What exactly does that mean?
是一种态度 格雷格 是一种信心 It's an attitude, Greg. It's a confidence.
你必须严格要求自己 It's the way you carry yourself
让世界知道一切都是由你支配的 that lets the world know that the buck stops with you.
我知道了 Yeah, I hear you. Mmm-hmm.
不过你要满足一些基本条件 None of this can be achieved without the basics.
首先要给家人一个安定的家 A secure home for your family,
让孩子接受一流的教育 a top-notch education for your children...
是的 Okay.
最后 也是最重要的 ...and last but not least,
要学会理财 格雷格 having your financial house in order, Greg.
这个也算 Is that it?
觉得很可笑吗 Are you laughing?
是啊 不 我只是 没有 Yeah, no, I'm just... I was making... No.
这一点都不好笑 格雷格 Because this is no laughing matter, Greg.
很好 因为我没有笑 Good, 'cause I'm not laughing. Okay?
你已经准备好成为福克教父了吗 Are you saying you have what it takes to be the Godfocker?
格雷格 Greg?
是的杰克 我准备好 Yes, Jack. I have what it takes
成为福克教父了 to be the Godfocker.
我终于放下了心头大石 I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
我把重任交给了你 And an equally great weight put onto yours.
我喜欢压力 我接受它 I like it. I like the weight. I want it.
很好 你知我知 All right. Need-to-know.
就我和你 Need-to-know. Just you and me.
两周后见 See you in two weeks.
好的 再见 Okay. Bye.
你找到了吗 Hey, did you find it?
找什么 Find what?
你的出生证明 Your birth certificate?
找到了 就在我的档案里 Yes. It was in my files.
我在想 也许我们 You know, I was thinking, maybe we should
该去看看早教园 take a look at that Early Human School.
太好了 我会打电话预约一下 Great. I'll make some phone calls and set up a tour.
-很好 -是的 - Good. - Good.
萨曼莎 Samantha.
亨利 Henry.
你不吃意大利面吗 You gonna have your lasagna?
不吃了 No, thank you.
你妈妈 You know, your mother
给你们做意大利面很辛苦 worked very hard making that lasagna for you.
这味道太怪了 No. It tastes funny.
他说这让他想吐 所以 He said he was feeling kind of queasy, so...
没关系 It's okay.
亨利 Henry,
我是你父亲 I'm your father and
我要求你把意大利面吃了 I'm requesting of you to eat the lasagna.
好吧 Fine.
很好 Good.
格雷格 我是杰克·伯恩斯 Greg? This is Jack Byrnes.
杰克·伯恩斯 我是格雷格·福克 Jack Byrnes, this is Greg Focker.
我知道格雷格 我给你打的电话 I know, Greg. I called you.
再过差不多18秒我和蒂娜就到了 Dina and I will be there in approximately 18 seconds.
18秒 知道了 Eighteen seconds, got it.
亲爱的 这是你的 Oh, no, that's yours, honey.
欢迎你们 岳父岳母 Welcome, in-laws!
天啊 格雷戈尔 Oh, Gregor. My goodness.
蒂娜 蒂娜 蒂娜 Dina, Dina Bobina, Banana Fana Fofina.
见到你真高兴 I'm so happy to see you.
你真可爱 蒂娜 Lovely Dina.
你也是 格雷格 You, too, Gregor.
你好杰克 Hello, Jack.
格雷格 Greg.
一切还好吧 格雷格 Everything okay, Greg?
都很好 Everything's great.
很好 Good.
可惜的是 新家的装潢 Unfortunately, renovations on the house,
我不是很满意 not quite where I'd like them to be.
这种事情常有 Well, those things happen.
是的 我从没遇到过 They do. I mean, never to me before.
山姆的跆拳道学得非常好 And Sam here has done very, very well with her tae kwon do lessons.
她是 你现在是什么 黄带吗 She's a... What are you? A yellow belt now?
是啊 Yep.
黄带 Yellow belt.
亲爱的 你真棒 Wow, sweetheart. Very impressive.
她很厉害 她是个忍者 She's lethal. She is a ninja.
真为她骄傲 Proud of her.
亨利 你不喝牛奶吗 Now, Henry, you're going to drink your milk, aren't you?
你不想长得和姐姐一样高吗 You want to hit the same growth spurt as your sister.
杰克 Jack.
我说说而已 真难相信 I'm just saying, you know, it's hard to believe
他们出生就差三分钟 that they're three minutes apart.
亨利 听外公的话 Henry, do what your grandpa says.
男子汉 Aw, man. For real.
好孩子 Good man.
好了 谁想吃火鸡 Okay. Who wants some turkey?
我要 我要 I do, right here! Right here!
亲爱的 你不用为我们做整只火鸡 Sweetheart, you didn't have to make a whole turkey just for us.
为什么 Why not?
格雷格为你们做了 Actually, Greg did it.
格雷格 Greg.
我记得去年的感恩节 Well, I remember at last year's Thanksgiving,
杰克说他很喜欢烤火鸡 Jack said he liked roast turkey so much
他不理解为什么人们一年只吃一次 and he couldn't understand why people only had it once a year.
记性很好啊格雷格 Excellent memory, Greg.
而且火鸡肉都是瘦肉很健康 对心脏很好 Plus, it's a wonderfully lean meat. Healthy. Good for your heart.
真是贴心 Such a sweetheart.
外公 我能问你个问题吗 Grandpa Jack, can I ask you a question?
当然 You surely can.
为什么你害怕蜥蜴 How come you're afraid of lizards?
亨利 这是个好问题 让我告诉你 Henry, that's a very good question. And I'll tell you why.
越南战争的时候我驻扎在湄公河三角洲 When I was stationed in the Mekong Delta during the Vietnam War,
一天晚上一只小壁虎爬到我的耳朵里生蛋 a tiny gecko crawled into my ear one night and laid its eggs.
部队医生弄的我死去活来 And I had to endure the torturous probing of our unit's medic
才把那些蛋从耳朵里弄出来 to remove the lizard larvae from my ear canal
还好蛋还没被孵化出来 before they hatched into my brain.
杰克 Jack.
真酷 Cool.
真恶心 Yuck.
爸爸 谢谢你的故事 Yes, thanks for sharing that, dad.
好了 火鸡来了 All right, gobble, gobble, everybody! It's turkey time!
看起来真好吃 太漂亮了 That looks good. That's a work of art.
谢谢 Thank you very much.
看起来不错格雷格 Looks great, Greg.
谢谢杰克 要切它的话 Thank you, Jack. And to carve it,
我想得用这把漂亮的爱尔兰猎刀 I thought we might use the beautiful Irish hunting knife
杰克带给我们的 emblazoned with the Byrnes family crest
上面有 伯恩斯家族的徽章 that Jack so thoughtfully brought back for us
这可是传家宝 from his ancestral homeland.
-看看吧孩子们 -太棒了 - Look at that, kids. - Great.
看看吧 Wow. Look at that.
看到这个徽章了吗 那是祖先用过的 See that crest? That was used by your ancestors
在很久很久以前 用来代表整个家族的 long time ago, back in the olden days, to identify their family.
爸爸 我能问你个问题吗 Daddy, can I ask you a question?
当然 他喜欢历史 总是充满热情 Absolutely. He loves history. Just soaks it up.
女生能用阴道拉屎吗 Can a girl poop from her vagina?
不能 No, she cannot.
让他们了解家族历史还太早了 They're a little young for genealogy.
是的 Yes.
他们还听不懂 Just a little off topic there.
杰克 你来切吧 Jack. Here you go!
格雷格 还是你来吧 Greg. You're the turkey carver now.
谢谢 我很荣幸 Thank you. I'm honored.
好了 我们来切烤鸡吧 All right. Let's carve the roast beast!
我想从这开始 Let's see. I think I'll start right side.
真体贴 Nice and tender.
格雷格 你喜欢你的新工作吗 So, Greg, how are you liking your new job?
蒂娜 我得说 Well, I'll tell you, Dina,
我的工作有很多责任 it's a lot of responsibility on my plate.
不过我就是喜欢这点 But that's kind of what I love about it.
我是说我有机会管理整个部门 I mean, the opportunity to manage an entire unit,
我觉得非常 in a way, it's kind of like...
老天 该死 Christ! Shit!
你们为什么就不能给他一个恒温宠物 Why couldn't you just get him a warm-blooded animal?
-压住它 -妈妈 - Pressure. - Mom!
凯文·罗雷
没关系的亲爱的 Honey. It's okay, it's okay, honey.
他去哪 你还好吗 Hello. Where is he going? Are you okay?
凯文 Hey, Kevin!
各位 是凯文 It's Kevin, everybody.
-什么 -好的 - What? - Okay.
你在芝加哥 You're in Chicago?
-大家好 -你好凯文 - Hey, everybody. - Hello. Kevin.
杰 J.B.
见到你真高兴 Oh! Good to see you.
你来了 订婚的家伙 There he is! The engaged guy!
最近怎么样 How you doing, man?
你手指怎么了 Oh! What happened to your pointer?
出了点意外 I had a little incident
在切火鸡的时候 with the business end of a turkey. It's cool.
丝雯娜呢 Where's Svetlana?
或者说 未来的凯文·罗雷太太 Or should I say, the future Mrs. Kevin Rawley?
她和我分手了 She broke up with me.
不是吧 No. Oh.
你开玩笑吧 You're kidding.
我很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
谢谢 潘美 Thanks, Pam.
你总是知道该对我说什么 You always know exactly the right thing to say to me.
"我很抱歉"吗 "I'm so sorry"?
我的知己 My anchor.
发生了什么 What happened?
-什么 -怎么回事 - What? - What happened?
我也不知道 我也想搞清楚怎么了 I don't know. I'm still trying to make sense of it myself.
我们在保加利亚的政府大楼外面 We were having some street food
吃街边小吃 outside a government building in Bulgaria
然后我说 你愿意嫁给我吗 and I said, "Hey, you want to get married?"
我拿出一段细绳 And I took out a little piece of string
套在她的手指上 and I tied the twine around her finger,
然后她就把它扔在地上说不 and she just... she threw it on the ground and said no.
或是不绕 她有俄罗斯口音 Or nyet, 'cause she's Russian.
她搭了下一班飞机走了 跟我说拜拜了 She caught the next plane out of there. Adios, Kevin.
你的求婚很没诚意 Your proposal seems way out of character.
为什么不多花点心思呢 Why did you put so little effort into it?
格雷格教我的 Greg told me to.
什么 凯文 我没有 What are you... Kevin, no, no.
-你在说什么 我没有 -爸爸 - What are you talking about? I didn't... - Daddy?
我睡不着 I can't sleep.
还在用尿布 Still in diapers.
不杰克 他们早就没用了 No, Jack, they're pull-ups. We're weaning him off diapers.
怎么了 What's up, man?
我总是想到血 I can't stop thinking about all that blood.
是吗 那我给你讲个故事吧 Really? All right, well, how about I read you a story?
凯文叔叔 Uncle Kevin!
你怎么样 小老虎 How you doing, tiger?
很好 Good. Oh!
你睡不着吗 Are you having a hard time sleeping?
是啊 Yeah.
搞定了 There we go.
老天 亨利 Jesus. Henry?
-你干什么 -他睡着了 - Are you... - Shh. He's sleeping.
他睡着了 我按了他的穴位 He's sleeping. I put him in a still-point.
这是一种按摩技巧 It's a massage technique
用来放松身体 that relaxes the body by gently
原理是让脊椎的血液流动减缓 easing the flow of cerebrospinal fluid.
看看他 Yeah. Look at him.
他醒来时会很有精神的 He's gonna wake up feeling so refreshed.
在那边我学了很多东方的医学 I've been studying a lot of Eastern medicine in my down time.
好了 我就是来打声招呼的 Well, listen, I just came by to say my hellos,
我要走了 so I will head on out.
-好的 -好 - Good. - Okay.
凯 你有地方住吗 Hey, Kev, listen, do you need a place to stay?
他有地方住 对吧 No, he doesn't. You got a place to stay, right?
-我们这住不下了 -没关系 - And we're pretty full up. - Not a problem.
我在南边的收容所当义工 I volunteer at a south side homeless shelter.
我可以去那住 So, I'll probably stay there
每天早上为他们准备早餐就行了 and just work the soup kitchen line in the morning.
你真是太好了 凯文 That is so wonderful, Kevin.
很有意思 我送食物给他们 Yeah, it's funny, I feed them food,
而他们抚慰了我的心灵 but those vagrants and drifters feed my soul,
各取所需 so it works out pretty good for all of us.
-很好 -我们经常需要人手 - Perfect. - We always need extra hands,
如果你们明天有空的话 if you guys wanna come on down tomorrow...
我和格雷格明天 Actually, Greg and I are taking a tour of this place called
要去早教园看看 the Early Human School tomorrow.
-那之后可能 -你说真的吗 - But maybe after... - You're kidding me,
早教园啊 the Early Human School?
是的 Right.
我的投资集团有他们的股份 My investment group handles their endowment fund.
事实上 他们的董事 布鲁登斯 In fact, the director, Prudence,
是我的好朋友 也是前女友 is a dear friend and ex-lover of mine.
我会为你们说点好话的 I'm gonna put in a good word for you.
这真是太好了 That would be great, wouldn't it?
当然 Oh, of course.
但是她是你的前女友 Or not. I mean, you know, she's an ex-lover,
会很尴尬的 I think that'd be awkward.
没关系 我和我前任们关系都很好 No, nonsense. I'm on great terms with all my ex-lovers.
-谢谢 -不用 - Thanks. - Sure.
好吧 就这么办吧 Okay. All right, well, you know, whatever feels right.
之后你带我们去看看新家吧 格雷格 After the tour, Greg, I was hoping you'd show us your new house.
凯文 你做完了义工之后 And, Kevin, when you're done feeding the bums,
也和我们一起来吧 why don't you meet us there?
好的 我会的 Okay. I'll be there.
杰克 我和包工头 You know what, Jack? I still have some items on the punch list
还要谈谈装潢的事情 to go through with the contractors,
要么我们还是过几天再去 so I'm thinking maybe we should put it off for a few days.
-就明天去 -我觉得 - Ah, no, let's do it tomorrow. - Well, I think...
-我们中午在那等你凯文 -不知道 - We'll meet you there at noon, Kevin. - I don't know.
中午吗 好的 At noon? Yeah, all right. Okay.
我们会帮你渡过难关的 And we're gonna get you through this.
需要什么就告诉我 Anything you need, you come to me.
好的 谢谢杰 Okay. Thanks, J.B.
我也是 Yeah. Or me.
好的 Okay.
找我们俩都行 Well, you can come to either of us.
我们都会帮你的 Yeah, we're here for you.
谢谢 Thanks.
小心点 Careful, yeah.
-我觉得不舒服 -我知道 - I feel like crap. - Yeah.
你在发烧 You're burning up.
一定是上周孩子们传染给我的 Yeah, I must have gotten the flu the kids had last week.
天啊 今天要去看学校 Oh, my god, the school tour is today.
知道 我知道 Yeah, I know.
亲爱的 我该怎么办 Honey, what am I gonna do?
我去就行了 好吗 I'll do it. Okay? I'll handle it.
你妈会送孩子去学校 Yeah, and your mom can take the kids to school.
那爸爸呢 But what about my dad?
我知道怎么做 I got it, all right?
我真的很感谢你让我一起去看学校 格雷格 I really appreciate your including me on the school tour, Greg.
杰克 你的意见很有用 Oh, Jack, you are a trusted advisor.
我是说你对家庭的建议 I mean, your words hit home about a top-notch education,
给孩子一流的教育和经济基础 getting your financial house in order.
确实是 That's it. That's it.
都是为了孩子好 It's all about the kids, right?
为了下一代 The next generation.
我很高兴听你这么说 I'm glad to hear you say that.
我觉得我做了一个明智的决定 Makes me feel that I've chosen wisely.
孩子改变了我们的婚姻 Of course, children change everything in a marriage,
黛比和鲍勃之间有点问题 and that was the issue with Debbie and Bob.
自从孩子出生之后 They stopped finding time for each other
他们再没过过像样的夫妻生活 once LJ came into their lives,
那么鲍勃只能在外面满足性欲了 so Bob sought sexual fulfillment outside the marriage.
-鲍勃医生 -鲍勃医生 - Dr. Bob. - Dr. Bob.
他真让我失望透顶 He really disappointed me.
要我说 I'll tell you something.
我真想去好好教训下那个混蛋 I'd like to really teach that bastard a lesson.
我正巧有他的地址 I happen to have his new address.
也许咱俩应该找一晚上偷偷进入他家 Perhaps you and I should sneak in there one night
在炉子上装个小炸弹 and plant a tiny explosive device in the stove.
弄得像是瓦斯泄漏事故 Make it look like a gas leak.
是啊 Yeah. Yeah.
还是用不犯法的方法 Or we could, you know, maybe
来教训他吧 find some less criminal way of teaching him a lesson.
同样有效 You know, still get him.
我开个玩笑 格雷格 I'm only joking, Greg.
是啊 Okay.
但蛮有意思的 But it would be fun.
是啊 挺棒的 Yeah, oh, it would be great.
我希望你和潘美 I'm hoping that you and
不会有这问题 Pam are still finding time for each other.
是啊 Oh, yeah.
你说笑吗 我们很好 Yeah, are you kidding? Yeah, no, no, we're great, we're...
不错 Good.
你知道这不容易 I mean, you know, it's not easy.
你得为各种事情操心 但是... You got to work at it, but...
格雷格 我女儿的身体对你还有诱惑力吗 Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
潘美吗 当然 To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes.
杰克 我和潘美之间没那种问题 Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
即使她的身体 Even after her body's
因生双胞胎而走形 endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
是 即使那样 还是... Yes. Even after that. It's still...
一如往常 很有吸引力 It's all good. It's all good under the hood.
很难接受吧 That's disgusting.
欢迎光临 各位家长 Welcome, parents.
我是布鲁登斯·西默斯 I'm Prudence Simmons,
早教园的校长 director of the Early Human School.
在这所学校里 And at E.H.S., we know.
我们知道每个小孩都是与众不同的 We know that no two early humans are alike.
那么为何要接受 So why should their
完全一样的教育 对吗 educational experiences be identical? Right?
说得不错 Makes sense.
这无关于99.8%的毕业生 It's not about the 99.8 % of graduates
可以进入最好中学读书 that go on to the best secondary schools.
天 令人难忘 Wow, impressive.
是啊 Yeah.
这家伙肯定是博飞健身公司的受害者 That guy's really been hitting the Bowflex, huh?
什么 What?
也与培养出大量的人民领袖 It's not the overwhelming number of Early Human alumni
或是五百强企业的总裁无关 that become civic leaders, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. No.
让孩子们自身得到发展才是我们所重视的 What's important to us is that they become themselves.
有请早教园体操队 Please welcome the Early Human Tumblers!
这帮孩子可真行 Kids are really good.
我喜欢上这学校了 I like what I'm seeing from this place.
-是啊 -来这里上学肯定不便宜 - Yeah. - And I'm sure it doesn't come cheap.
你觉得能付得起吗 You think you can swing it?
当然 我负担得起 Yeah. Yeah, I got it covered.
而且 And, you know,
即使现在负担不起 将来也一定可以 if it's not covered right now, it will be covered.
这是值得花钱的地方 It's one of those things that you cover it.
你有钱吗 格雷格 Do you have the money or not, Greg?
新朋友 你们好 New friends, hello!
你好 Hi.
你好 我是布鲁登斯 你是格雷格吗 Hi, I'm Prudence. Greg?
格雷格 你好 Greg. How are you?
-杰克 -杰克·伯恩斯 - Jack? - Jack Byrnes.
那么杰克和格雷格 你们选择什么道路 So, Jack and Greg, tell me what path you've chosen.
你们是做什么的 How do you make a "Living"?
我是护士 I'm a nurse.
他太谦虚了 He's being modest.
他就职于芝加哥纪念医院 He's actually the department manager
外科手术组的负责人 of the medical-surgical unit at Chicago Memorial
而我是个退休的花匠 and I am a retired florist.
真是不错的组合 护士和花匠 What a combination, a nurse and a florist?
真棒 How great.
你们一起生活有多久了 May I ask how long you've been in each other's lives?
我想想...大概八年了吧 是吧 Oh, I'd say... Well, it's about eight years, hasn't it been?
是啊 八年了 Yeah, eight years.
八年了 真的 I'd say eight years. Really?
是啊 是啊 八年了 Yeah, yeah. Eight great years. Yeah.
相当棒的八年 Eight great years.
开始时有点小摩擦 Well, it started out a little rocky.
我们过得很开心 We've had our moments.
是啊 不过我们很快就解决了 Yes, but then we figured it out.
你俩好般配 You seem like a wonderful couple.
不 不 我们不是同志关系 No, no, no. We're not homosexuals. Yeah, no.
不 不 这位是我的女婿 No, no. No, no, no, no, this is my son-in-law.
是啊 Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no.
不过 要是你为了完成定额的话 However, if you're looking to fill a quota,
我们可以变通一下 we can be flexible.
好的 真是个有趣的玩笑 Okay, that's an interesting joke,
我很欣赏这种化解误会的幽默感 but I appreciate levity in a moment of misunderstanding,
那么谢谢 格雷格 so thank you, Greg.
希望我没有冒犯你 杰克 I will say, Jack, I hope I didn't offend you.
没事 没事 Oh. No, no.
真的 Really?
是啊 我不是男同志 但如果是的话 No. I mean, I'm not gay myself, but if I were gay,
能选择盖·福克与我相伴 I would certainly be proud
Gay也指男同性恋 杰克在拿福克开玩笑
那是多么荣幸啊 to choose a life partner like Gay Focker.
他就叫这名字 And that's his actual name.
是的 这是我的... It is. Well, it's my,
盖罗德是我的小名 Gaylord was my name when I was a kid and, yeah.
我们先聊到这 Well, I'll complete the conversation with that.
杰克 Jack.
很荣幸 Pleasure.
盖 Gay.
-格雷格 -好 - Greg. - Great.
改下你的名牌吧 Change that nametag.
就叫格雷格吧 格雷格就很好 You can call... It's Greg. Greg is fine.
我们为什么不面对现实呢 Why don't we just stick with the truth?
传统的美国住宅 真不错 格雷格 An original American Foursquare, Greg, very nice.
是啊 用石头搭建的 相当坚固 Yeah, yeah. It's got rock-solid bones and, you know, it's...
你们在这啊 Hey! There they are.
-凯 租金一定不菲吧 -是啊 - Kev-O, that's quite a rental. - Yeah.
我的助理古斯塔帮我搞来的 Gustavo, my assistant, hooked it up.
估计是辆泰斯拉跑车 I guess it's a Tesla Roadster or something.
相当环保 就像03年款的丰田Prius[汽车型号] Supposedly eco-friendly, like that 2003 Prius, Greg.
是啊 真是辆好车 Yeah, you got it.
真棒 Wow. It looks great.
传统的美国住宅 Traditional American Foursquare.
四角楼 Also known as a Prairie Box.
-是啊 -这房子结构不错 - Yeah. - It's got really good bones.
好眼光 凯 Good eye, Kev.
小心你的腿 Look out for your legs.
真好 That's good.
兰迪 这是什么情况 Randy? Randy, what is this?
格里高利·福克 Gregory Focker!
真高兴见到你 你今天过得怎么样 Great to see you. How you doing, Dad?
兰迪 搞什么 Randy, what is this?
过两天我们还要在这开派对啊 We're having the party here in two days.
你说开什么 格里高利 Refresh my memory, Gregory.
兰迪你开玩笑吗 Are you kidding me? Randy,
我家双胞胎的生日派对 想起来了吗 the twins' birthday party, remember?
啊 当然 Yes, of course!
我们正在处理的问题是 The issue we're dealing with is
把这60英尺长 that we had to excavate 60 feet of
挖出来全是树根的破管子修好 root-infested pipe back here!
所以我们得额外花点钱 So, of course, we ran into some unexpected costs
也得多耗点时间 along with an obvious delay.
兰迪 这院子到底能不能准时完工 Randy, is this yard gonna be done or is it not gonna be done?
杰克 我来处理 行吗 Jack, I got this. All right?
也许伯恩斯先生无意中暗示 All Mr. Byrnes is suggesting is that maybe inadvertently
雇来修房子的这个和蔼可信的灵魂 you're taking advantage of a gentle, trusting soul
其实是个外行 who clearly is an amateur when it comes to home construction.
斯瓦米·萨拉米 神秘预言大师
-别这么说 凯文 -谢谢斯瓦米·萨拉米 - No, Kevin. - Thank you, Swami Salami.
你们别胡说 That's not true at all.
我们可没胡说 格雷格 他们想黑你 It is true, Greg. They're ripping you off.
-别 杰克...-你的水管工们 - No, Jack... - Your plumbing excavators
在那喝着咖啡休息有八分钟了 have been on coffee break for the past eight minutes,
那边的老头完全就是凑数的 this senior citizen over here is unfit for active duty
挖土机驾驶员干着一半玩数独去了 and your backhoe driver's halfway through a Sudoku puzzle.
-好吧 -格里高利 - All right. - Gregory,
这个挑刺的老家伙是谁 who is this joker questioning my honor?
兰迪 没人挑刺 Nobody's questioning your honor, Randy.
我干这行有34年了 I'm 34 years in the trade!
34年 Thirty-four years, huh?
我重新挖掘 填埋 修整了整个后院 I got to pump, dump and hump to get that backyard whole again!
那我告诉你件事 Well, I got news for you.
你挖的 填的 修的 You can pump, dump and hump all you want!
全都做得糟烂 你自己也明白 You're sandbagging this damn job and you know it.
-行了 杰克 -你知道什么 - All right. Jack, Jack, Jack! - You know what?
-冷静 -看你弄的这个大坑 - Calm down! - You're leaving a big hole, you...
将军 日本人投降了 Hey, General! The Japanese surrendered!
-日本人投降了 -行了 - The Japanese surrendered! - That's it!
你说的那档子事 What are you talking about?
二战的事 World War II.
格里高利 我在镇上有套临时度假屋 I'll tell you what, Gregory. I have a timeshare in town.
我们为什么不去那里开派对 Why don't we have the party there?
那儿有美丽的牧场 完美极了 Beautiful meadow. It'll be perfect.
不行 凯文 我答应过孩子们 No, no, Kevin, I promised the kids
带他们到院子里开派对 they're gonna have the party in the yard.
到底能在这里开派对吗 So, guess what? We're gonna have the party in the yard. Okay?
等我们卡车司机吃完午饭回来 Soon as our dump truck driver's back from lunch,
我们就开工 把挖土机开进来 we'll get that out, bring the backhoe in,
把你这个坑给填平 lay down your base layer of sand.
等下 你的意思是你开不了那家伙 Wait a minute. You're telling us that you can't move that rig?
这可是专业的工作 老爹 That's a union job, pops.
去死吧 我自己就能开 Screw it. I'm gonna move that truck myself.
-别这样 -杰克 - No, come on. - No, you know what, Jack?
我来开 你帮我盯下后面 I'll do it, okay? You just help me
我把车倒到街上去 back it out into the street. I got it.
开始了 Here we go.
好了 倒吧 后面没车 All right, start backing her up. You're all clear.
开始倒了 杰克 Coming at you, Jack!
做得不错 做得不错 You're doing great, you're doing great.
看兰迪 我可不是专业驾驶 Hey, look, I'm not in the union, Randy!
但我也能开着玩意儿 I'm backing up the truck!
继续 后退 后退 做得不错 Come on. Back, back, back. Doing great. Doing great!
停 停 Whoa! Whoa!
刹车 Brake it!
停下了 You got it!
-我们做得不错 -拉下手刹 - We're good. - Emergency brake!
好了 Got it!
杰克 该死 Jack! Holy shit!
挺住 我和你在一起 Hang on, I'm with you!
杰克 我就在这 Jack, I'm right here.
杰克 我们马上把你弄出来 Jack, we're gonna get you!
很快就没事了 杰克 It's gonna be all right, Jack!
杰克 我们来了 挺住 Jack, we're coming! Hang on, Jack!
我找到他了 I got him!
我找到你了 I got you.
我是凯文 我就在这 It's Kevin. I'm right here.
-谢谢 凯文 -保持体力 - Thank you, Kevin. - Save your strength.
没事啦 格雷格也在这 他也很好 Upsy-daisy. Greg's right here. He's okay.
是啊 我看到了 Yeah, I see him.
杰克 Hey, Jack.
节目开始了 Oh, here, it's starting.
先生们女士们 又到了罗兹·福克时间了 Ladies and gentlemen, it's The Roz Focker Show!
也到了畅言性爱的时间了 And that means it's time to sexpress yourself!
观众们 Hello, my audience!
朋友们 你们好 欢迎观看 Hello, my friends. Welcome.
今天 我们会谈论什么呢 Today, what do you think we're going to talk about?
性爱 性爱 性爱 Sex! Sex. Sex.
除了这个还能谈什么 Well, what else is she gonna talk about?
有孩子后的性生活 Sex after children.
孩子们都在家 How do you find time to make love
你们怎么找时间做爱 with young children in the house?
如果不能做爱你该怎么办 What do you do if it's not working?
你们出过轨吗 Do you have an affair?
没有 No!
没有 你们的回答吗 No, you say?
但是我说 是的 But Roz Focker says yes!
没错 你要出轨 Yes, you do have an affair!
你要和你的妻子出轨 You have an affair with your wife!
罗兹 Oh, Roz!
好好想想 对吧 Think about it, right?
你们好好打扮一番 在旅馆相见 You dress up a little nicer. You meet at a hotel.
慢慢进入角色 You role play.
与爱人彼此遐想嬉戏 There is absolutely no shame
没什么好害羞的 in playing out a fantasy, but with each other!
对吧 All right?
他会吃了我的 Now, he's gonna kill me,
而我的儿子 一对可爱双胞胎的父亲 but my own son, who is the father of two adorable twins,
他就遇到了这种问题 he has issues in this department.
老公忙于工作 老婆忙于家务 He's busy at work. She's busy at home.
之间亲密的次数越来越少 他们不再沟通 Their intimacy numbers are down. They're not connecting.
那该怎么办 And what do you do?
-这药叫爽哥 -爽哥 - It's called Sustengo. - Sustengo?
这是什么烂名 格雷格 I got to say, that sounds pretty cheesy, Greg.
我正在看包工头的账单 Yeah, well, I'm looking at these Randy Weir bills, okay.
我们急着用钱 And we could definitely use the money.
帮我个忙 别把这事告诉你爸 好吗 And do me a favor. Don't tell your dad about this, okay?
我爸 为什么 My dad? Why?
因为他总是 Just 'cause he's been all into
对我的财政状况指手画脚 me having my financial house in order or whatever,
-而且我也不想打扰他 -好 我答应 - and I just don't want to worry him. - All right, fine.
我什么都不说 你差点活埋他那事 I won't say anything because he's already pretty upset
到现在他还没消气的 about you trying to bury him alive.
亲爱的 那是个意外 Honey, it was an accident.
超级明星 Superstar!
你好 稍等一下 Hey. Hey, can you hang on a second?
好的 Okay.
很高兴你改变主意了 I am so stoked you changed your mind.
今晚你就去会会那些泌尿科医生 You are going to rock those urologists tonight.
棒极了 这也是我的目的 Awesome. That's always been a goal of mine.
那么 晚上8点希尔顿门口 我等你 So, I'll see you at 8:00 at the Hilton?
好的 Yes.
-穿好点 -穿好点 知道了 - And wear a suit. - Wear a suit, got it.
-说定了 -说定了 - Knuckles? - Knuckles.
再见 Okay, bye.
-喂 -喂 - Hey. - Hello.
说定了 谁呀 Knuckles? Who was that?
听起来不像克里斯汀 That certainly didn't sound like Kristen.
不 不 是个推销药的 No, no. That was the drug rep.
-安迪 -对 是安迪 - Andi? - Yeah, Andi.
她长得怎么样 What does she look like?
她长得...不 不 她以前是个护士 She's like a... No, she's, like, an ex-nurse.
很普通的一个人 You wouldn't pick her out of a lineup.
是 我知道你这么做是为了这个家 Yeah, I know that you're doing this for us,
但是和那个叫安迪的女人 but the idea of you and some woman named Andi
跑酒店卖春药的主意 selling boner medicine at a hotel,
恶心的我要吐 it really kind of icks me out.
老婆 不会发生什么的 Honey, there's nothing to be icked out about.
好吧 Okay, fine.
-我爱你 -我爱你 再见亲爱的 - I love you. - I love you, too, honey. Bye.
好的 再见 Okay, bye.
你怎么不和爸爸说话 So, how come you're not talking to Daddy?
因为他说你太蠢了 'Cause he said you were cuckoo.
他说我蠢 He said I was cuckoo?
我跟他得聊聊了 Well, we'll have to discuss that.
没错 Yeah.
爸爸妈妈怎么样 But what about Mommy and Daddy?
一切都好吗 Is everything okay with them?
有时他们会吵架 I guess they fight sometimes.
他们吵些什么 Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?
比如妈妈怪爸爸 Like Mommy got mad at Daddy
跟安迪去酒店 because he was going to the hotel with Andi.
安迪 Andi?
安迪是谁 Who's Andi?
我不说 我可不想被当成间谍 I can't say because I'm not supposed to be spying.
我常跟你说 只要有怀疑 Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying
就要去探索 as long as you suspect foul play.
那么 谁是安迪 So, who's Andi?
安迪把爸爸弄勃起 Andi gives Daddy his boners.
弄什么 His what?
安迪把爸爸弄勃起 Andi gives Daddy his boners.
好啊 伙计们 Hey, guys!
-格雷格 -今天开心吗 - Hey, Greg. - How was your day?
是啊 棒极了 Yeah. Great.
山姆 你呢 How about you, Sam?
怎了么 拜托 跟我说句话 What? Come on, say something to me.
不要 No! I won't!
你已经说啦 Ah! You just did.
-格雷格 -是的 - Hey, Greg? - Yeah.
我可不认为 I'm not so sure
哄骗你的女儿 using chicanery and subterfuge on your daughter
是你跟她最好的交流方式 is the best way to get her to communicate with you.
不 不 我可没在哄骗 No, no, no. That's not chicanery and subterfuge.
那就没什么了 For whatever it's worth.
没关系 谢谢 Worth a lot. Thank you.
等会再聊 行吗 And I will see you later, okay?
今晚我得去参加 I got roped into this hospital
医院领导的聚餐 所以 administration dinner thing tonight, so...
-工作上的事吗 -是啊 - Work function? - Yeah.
单位应酬 没办法 It's the price of being in charge of the unit, so...
我明白 紧急关头 是吧 I see. That last minute, huh?
是啊 Yeah.
主任给我打电话 让我去露一面 Department head called so I gotta do a little face time and...
开心点 Have fun. Okay.
快来酒店吧 我都等不及了 安迪·加西亚
杰克 Jack?
杰克 Jack!
是你吗 Is that you?
- 格雷格 -你怎么在这 - Greg. - What are you doing out here?
出来买点早餐牛奶 Just picking up some milk for the morning.
-你在找市场吗 -是啊 - You looking for a market? - Yeah.
出门右拐就有一家 Okay, 'cause there's one right across from the house.
右边就有吗 我都不知道 Oh, is there? I didn't know that.
过了林肯店左边一点就是 Just take a left on Lincoln. Right there.
谢啦 格雷格 Thanks, Greg. Okay.
一会见 See you later. Okay.
借过 Excuse me.
格雷格 Greg.
伙计 你跟踪我 Hey, man. You following me?
跟着你 我干吗要跟着你 Following you? Why would I be following you?
我只是找地方买牛奶 No, I'm just looking for milk.
好吧 不过我刚告诉你了 Okay. 'Cause, remember, I mentioned out on the street there,
咱家街对面就有卖的 there's a store right in the neighborhood.
记得 但是蒂娜喜欢有机食品 True, but Dina likes the organic stuff
我听说商业区有天然食品市场 and I heard there was a natural food market downtown.
厉害 你就为盒牛奶跑这么大老远 Amazing, you going all this way just for a carton of milk.
你就在这站下吧 You know what? You should get off here.
出站往南走 过两个街区 There's a really great natural foods market
就有一个非常棒的天然食品市场 about two blocks south of the station.
晚安 杰克 Have a good night, Jack.
你也是 格雷格 You, too, Greg.
超级明星 Superstar!
欢迎来到美国医学社团 福斯顿制药 增加你的需求
还好吗 你看起来有点心事 Everything cool? You seem a little edgy.
不 我很好 我岳父岳母来了 所以 No, I'm good. It's just my in-laws are in town, so...
不管怎样 我读过这药的资料了 Anyway, I went over the drug info
我能把它介绍得既科学又全面 and I think I got the science down pretty well.
不是这样的 格雷格 Oh, no, Greg.
那些医生根本不关心那些材料 These doctors don't care about that stuff.
如果你想要推销爽哥这种药的话 If you want to sell a drug like Sustengo,
最好说说自己的经历 you have to make it personal.
你听过哪个有性障碍的老头子 Do you know any sexually frustrated old dudes
心脏不好的 with a heart condition?
什么时候回来的 I didn't hear you come in.
怎么出去这么久 What kept you so long?
我迷路了 大家都睡了吗 I just got a little bit lost. everyone asleep?
睡了 Yeah.
咱们可以为所欲为了 We've got the house to ourselves.
你终于把你老婆甩掉了 I'm so happy that you got away from your wife.
啊 Excuse me?
她最近疑神疑鬼的 She's been very suspicious lately.
快 快 抓紧时间 我们只有1个小时 Quick, quick, quick. we only have an hour.
你要干什么啊 I have no idea what you're talking about.
杰克 配合我演下去啊 Jack, come on. you've gotta play along.
罗兹·福克说咱们应该体验一下偷情的感觉 Roz Focker said we have to have an affair with each other.
我已经入戏了 I'm role playing.
行 行 我懂了 Right, right, right. I understand.
亲爱的 我头很痛 I just have a bit of a headache, sweetheart, tonight.
我知道 今天一整天你都愁眉不展的 I know. you've had that worried look on your face all day.
相信我 福克家不会有事的 I promise you, the Focker family is going to be fine.
快点吧 Now, come on.
趁着我丈夫还没回来 Before my husband comes home.
我们得抓紧时间了 小情人 Then, we'd better hurry, my illicit lover.
我先去刷牙 Let me just brush my teeth.
你岳父真的对你用测谎机了吗 Your father-in-law did not really put you in a lie detector machine.
真的 是真事 No, that's true.
怎么可能 That's incredible!
天哪 我还以为就我老婆的爹变态呢 Jesus Christ, I thought my wife's father was bad.
你的演讲很精彩 护士先生 That was a great speech, nurse.
谢谢 Thank you.
嘿 我瞪着你呢 And hey, "I'm staring at you."
他是说 我盯着你呢 It was "I'm watching you,"
你们模仿的很到位 谢谢 But that's what he did, yes. thank you.
你今天太给力了 You killed it tonight.
你家的那些事真有意思 Those stories about your family were hilarious.
谢谢 我该走了 Thank you. So, I should be getting going.
等等 你现在是我的未婚夫 Wait, wait, wait, wait. you're my fiancee.
嘿 美女 Hey, gorgeous.
你好 拜乐德医生 很高兴见到你 Hello, Dr. Ballard. so nice to see you.
你想喝什么 Hey, can I get you 200 cc's of anything you want, stat?
不如也请我未婚夫喝一杯吧 Only if you can buy a drink for my fiancee as well.
我都不知道你订婚了 Didn't know you were engaged.
帮我们拍张照片 我要放到网上 Can you take a picture for us for my scrapbook?
你...就别麻烦人家了 You know what? You don't... He doesn't have to do that.
我要传到网上 Yeah, it's for our scrapbook.
没问题的 我来帮你们拍 No, you know what, bro? I'm cool like that. I'll do that.
你真好 You are such a doll.
准备好了吗 Here we go.
一 二 三 哇哦 One, two, three. whoa!
效果不错 Best picture ever.
你很美 你未婚夫红眼了 You look great and you have, like, a red-eye problem.
一会见 I'll see you later, babe.
我怎么会和这种人上床 I cannot believe I ever slept with that guy.
是啊 Yeah, right.
我说的是真事 No, seriously, I did.
去年夏天在密尔沃基市开会的时候 At a convention in Milwaukee last summer.
我们一边喝龙舌兰酒一边制作朗姆酒 We were, like, drinking tequila, doing rum chasers.
无聊吧 Always a bad idea, right?
恩 Yeah.
能帮我买一杯玛格丽特吗 加冰不放盐 Can you get me a margarita on the rocks, no salt?
我得去下洗手间 You know what... I'm gonna run to the restroom.
啊 可是... Gosh. you know what...
好吧 你真好 All right, cool. you're the best.
-好吗 -好的 没问题 - All right? - All right. all right, okay.
给我来杯苏打水 Hi. Can I get a club soda
还有一杯加冰不放盐的玛格丽特 and a margarita on the rocks with no salt?
谢谢 Thanks.
一个人来的吗 福克 Night out on the town, Focker?
-是你啊 鲍勃医生 -晚上好 - Dr. Bob. - Hey, man!
你来干嘛 What are you doing here?
我来开会 你呢 I'm here for the convention. what about you?
作为福斯顿的医学专家来演讲 Doing some work for Pfosten as a medical expert.
可你不是护士吗 But you're a nurse.
听着 咱俩之间没什么共同话题 You know what? I don't really have anything to say to you.
都怪我 我搞砸了 Okay, I get it, Greg. I screwed up.
但我实在受不了那样的老丈人 But the pressure of being in that family finally got to me.
怎么可能 你可是他的黄金女婿 What are you talking about? you were his golden boy.
狗屁还差不多 More like his golden bitch.
他让我和黛比在牡蛎湾结婚 我妥协了 He wanted Deb and me to get married in Oyster Bay. done.
我们的孩子和他一个名 就叫杰克了 Can we name our baby after him? "You got it, Jack."
他反反复复地说 And he gives me this whole spiel, right,
我要如何继承他的事业 about how I'm next in line to his throne.
还给我起个名字 鲍勃教父 He came up with this name for me, the Bobfather.
是吗 是他说的吗 Really? he said that to you?
他是不是跟你说了同样的话 He pulled the same shit on you, didn't he?
咱们就是杰克家转小轮的仓鼠 In that family, we're all just hamsters on Jack Byrnes' little wheel.
他那莫名其妙的信任团 His Circus of Trust, or whatever he calls it.
是信任圈 Circle of Trust.
我原来一直生活在水深火热之中 I had no idea how deep I was in until I stepped away.
我跟你说 And I'll tell you something,
自从离开那个家 我就无比得快乐 once I got off the treadmill, I've never been happier.
我觉得还好 Yeah, well, I think I got it under control.
晚上好 格雷格 Hello, Greg.
杰克 Hey, Jack.
这是什么 You mind explaining this?
什么啊 What is that?
哦 这个啊 是... Oh. Sustengo. yeah, that's... You know.
制药公司送的免费样品 These drug companies, they give me all these free samples.
是吗 Is that it?
还是你自己需要的 Or do you need to use this
你在性方面已经不能满足潘美了吧 because you're no longer sexually attracted to Pam?
怎么可能呢 杰克 太可笑了 You know what, Jack? that's ridiculous.
真是的 Really. you know what?
我懒得跟你解释了 I'm not even gonna go there with you. This is...
晚安吧 我要去睡了 Have a good night, all right? I'm gonna go sleep.
福克 先别走 Don't walk away from me, Focker.
杰克 你那里没事吧 Jack, is everything okay down there?
没事啊 Everything's fine.
那好 你那里好像有点... Okay. all right. cause you seem to have a little, I mean...
我知道 格雷格 I know what I have, Greg,
我的事回来再说 and I'm not concerned about that right now.
我现在想听真话 Right now, what I want from you is the truth.
杰克 你是不是吃这个药了 Jack, did you take one of those pills?
我没那个心情可是蒂娜想要 Well, I was highly preoccupied and Dina wanted to make love,
而且这药盒上面写着心脏病人可以服用 and the label clearly states that it's safe for heart patients.
对 不过得先让医生 Yes, but you need a prescription
给你做全面检查之后开处方才能吃 after you've had a thorough examination.
你这样多久了 How long have you had that... The situation for?
别转移话题 Stop avoiding the question.
是你在转移话题 I'm not avoiding the question.
你的老二一旦勃起超过了4个小时 If you've had that for more than four hours,
毛细血管会破裂 you could bust a capillary
就会对你的身体造成永久性伤害 and have serious permanent damage.
你勃起多长时间了 How long have you had it?
肯定不止4个小时 Been a little longer than four hours.
多久 How long?
差不多5个半小时吧 Maybe about five and a half.
杰克 你得马上去看急诊 Jack, you got to get to an ER right now
去注射肾上腺素能让勃起消退 and get a shot of adrenaline to counteract that drug.
你这个护士家里难道没有这种东西吗 You're a nurse. Don't you have that kind of stuff in the house?
有是有 Yeah, I have an Epi kit,
可我不能在这给你注射吧 but I'm not gonna give you a shot there, okay?
福克 我不会这样去看急诊的 Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing.
你赶紧给我打针 赶紧的 Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now!
老二快爆炸了 快给我打针 I'm having a dick attack! stick me!
小点声音行吗 冷静 Shh. Just relax. okay.
我去拿针 I'll get the needle.
好了 把裤子脱下来 All right. I need you to drop your pants.
你怎么卖这种药给病人呢 What kind of sick drug are you dealing to your patients?
杰克 我说了 这是样品 Jack, I told you, I took home some samples.
知道吗 拜托下次吃药之前 All right? maybe read the label
先看看说明 before you just pick up a drug and eat it.
动手吧 Let's just do it.
数到三我就注射了 I'm gonna administer the shot on the count of three.
行吗 Just... All right?
好的 Okay. Just...
你的手好凉 Your hands are cold.
不好意思 是有点凉 I'm sorry. it's a bit...
一 One,
二 two,
三 three.
福克 Focker!
该死 Oh, shit!
怎么回事啊 Wait, what's going on? what happened?
没事 亨利做噩梦了 Everything's fine.Henry had a little nightmare,
格雷格已经把他哄好了 but Greg's got him settled down, okay.
不是吧 杰克 我怎么听见你也叫了 No, no, Jack, I thought I heard you screaming, too.
不可能 就是亨利在叫 No, you didn't. it was all Henry.
好吧 我去看看他 Well, let me go check on him...
没事 没事 不用去 Oh, no, no, no.
他真没事吗 ...and make sure he's okay.
你们回去睡吧 you guys go to sleep.
没事了 Everything's under control.
你们俩的动静能不能小点 Could you and Dad keep it down, please?
小天狼星·布莱克和忍者陪你睡 好吗 Here's Sirius Black. here's Orange Ninja, okay?
没事吧 You all right?
格雷格 Greg?
-他没事吧 -挺好的 - How's he doing? - He's all right.
他有点吓到了 不过... You know, he's a little shaken up, but...
我在70年代参加过中情局 Greg, I was involved in some covert CIA-sponsored
主办的记忆转移课程 mind-altering techniques back in the '70s.
让我和他单独待会 I'd like a few minutes alone with him
把他刚刚看见的清除掉 just to erase what he saw from his memory.
没有用的 You're not gonna erase my son's memory.
格雷格 他看见自己的爸爸 Greg, he saw his father
给姥爷的老二打针 inject a needle into his grandfather's penis.
心理肯定有阴影 He already has issues.
也许永远也忘不掉 That's something he might never recover from.
我能处理 好吗 I'll handle it, okay? All right?
好吧 谢谢 Okay, thank you.
嘿 小家伙 Hey, buddy.
有时你需要人帮忙 So, you know how sometimes you need help when you...
比如你尿尿的时候 When you make a wee-wee? Yeah.
等你到了姥爷这个年纪 Well, when you get to be Grandpa Jack's age,
尿尿的时候也会需要别人帮忙的 sometimes you need help making a wee-wee, too.
我就是在帮他小便 So that's what you saw me doing.
因为姥爷岁数大了 I was helping Grandpa Jack because he's old.
那他为什么叫那么大声 Well, why did he scream so loud?
他不是在叫 他是在庆祝 他很开心 He wasn't screaming. He was celebrating, he was just so happy.
他想说 谢谢你帮我尿尿 He was, like, "Oh, Focker. Thanks for helping me make a wee-wee."
他很开心 对吗 He just... He was so happy. Right, right?
没错 Right, Greg.
明白了吗 Understand?
-知道了 -真乖 - I think so. - Good.
别以为这事会影响我 Don't think this incident is distracting me, Focker.
你肯定有事瞒我 我一直盯着你呢 I know you're up to something and I'm watching you.
你听好了 我也长眼了 Well, guess what? I have eyes, too.
以眼还眼 咱们走着瞧 So, I'll be watching you, watching me.
-行 -好吧 - Okay. - All right?
-很公平 -很好 - Fair enough. - Good.
我们就互相监视吧 So we just watch each other, all right?
我一直盯着你呢 I'm watching you right now.
多姆西饼店 您有什么需要 Domsey's Bakery. how can I help you?
你好 你们那还有菠萝倒挂蛋糕吗 Hello, yes, do you still have the pineapple upside-down cake?
有的 你是要巧克力味道的还是香草的 Yes, we do. would you like chocolate or vanilla frosting?
都不要 我喜欢梅伦格舞 Neither. I'm only interested in merengue.
告诉我你的代号和ID Please give me your access code and releasing ID.
圣诞老人 ID是7726548 This is Santa. releasing ID 7726548.
我需要安迪·加西亚的 I need all-source, derogatory only,
所有资料 on a person named Andi Garcia.
代码是 A 11 D I Alpha November Delta Indigo...
圣诞老人 你的权限12年前就过期了 Santa, your clearances haven't been active for 12 years.
给我听好 年轻人 Now, you listen to me, young Turk.
当年我在胡志明的抽屉里放窃听器的时候 I was bugging Ho Chi Minh's sock drawer
你还裹着尿布呢 while you were still in diapers,
别跟我说没有用的 so don't tell me about clearances.
先生 我的权利有限 Sir, my hands are tied.
你可以用谷歌搜索一下 But, I mean, you could probably just google the subject
肯定能找到 and find out everything you need to know.
好吧 挂线了 Then I'll do that. Santa out.
希尔顿酒店疯狂一夜
亲爱的 我一会儿就想去看凯文的别墅 Oh, honey, I can't wait to see Kevin's timeshare later today, huh?
你干嘛呢 What you doing?
看看天气预报 Oh, just checking the weather.
要降温了 There's a cold front coming in.
不会吧 Oh, no.
谢谢 Thanks.
格雷格. Greg.
嗨 不好意思 迟到了 Hey, how you doing? Sorry, I'm late.
你来啦 亲爱的 Hi, honey.
医院有点急事 A little emergency at the hospital.
凯文刚带我们去他的别墅看了看 Kevin was showing us his magnificent estate.
非常漂亮 It's really nice.
除了收容所 So this is where you rough it
你还准备住这儿啊 when you're not at the homeless shelter?
两边都住 住收容所多一点 Kind of split time between the two. Maybe 60l40 here.
这样啊 Really?
正好格雷格到了 Now that Greg's finally arrived,
咱们就去那边看看吧 why don't I take you over to see the meadow?
好美啊 Yeah, this is perfect.
-真不错 -后院好美 - Oh, this is impressive. - Wow, nice backyard.
-我喜欢 -不错 - Yeah, love it. - Wow, it is.
谢谢 Thank you.
那块地要留着 凯文 Let's reserve that quadrant over there, Kevin.
非常适合玩三条腿游戏 It's perfect for the three-legged race,
砍沙包 还有夺旗游戏 egg toss, capture-the-flag game.
我们可以在那边弄一个充气城堡乐园 Why don't we put up a ring of bouncy castles right out there
让孩子们玩接力赛跑 and we have, like, a relay race for the kids
在里边跑来跑去 kind of intertwined in between them.
好主意 Loving it, Kev-O.
凯文 你背后是不是纹身了 Kevin, is that a tattoo on your back?
是的 Oh, yes, it is, Dina.
挺精致的 我能看看吗 It looks really elaborate. could we take a look at it?
好啊 Oh, sure.
挺特别的 Well, it's a curiosity.
天哪 My gosh.
永远的爱
这是潘美吗 Is that Pam?
对 Yeah, it is.
和丝雯娜分手之后 You know, after the whole Svetlana episode,
有天我喝得烂醉 I went on a little bit of a drunken bender
无意中闯进了莫斯科一家纹身店 and wound up in a tattoo shop in Moscow.
我让纹身师傅帮我纹个头像 And I asked the artist to ink me
一个真正爱我的女人的头像 with the image of the one woman who's always loved me unconditionally.
-这个人是潘美 -是我奶奶 - Pam. - My grandmother.
问题是我喝得不省人事 The point being, in my drunken stupor,
拿了潘美的照片 I must have handed him a photo of Pam instead.
你把潘美的照片带在身边啊 You carry a picture of Pam in your wallet.
是的 旅行的时候我都会 I do. I carry pictures of many treasured friends
带上好朋友和爱人的照片 and loved ones on my travels.
有我的吗 Got a picture of me?
当然了 Of course I got a picture of you.
看看这个人是谁 You recognize this mensch right here?
-我在这 -是啊 是你 - Ah. There I am. Kind of. - There you are, yeah.
有意思 That's... Interesting.
宝贝 纹身比你本人都好看 This is actually a very flattering portrait of you, Pam-cake.
别开玩笑了 爸爸 Excuse me. Dad.
布鲁登斯 喂 喂 Prudence? Yes! Hello!
亲爱的 等一下 我... Yeah, hold on, honey. I don't...
太好了 没问题 谢谢你 Terrific. Okay, yes, thanks, Pru.
布鲁登斯问你们3点能到学校吗 That was Prudence and she says if you get to E.H.S. By 3:00,
她好给你们安排面试 she can squeeze you in for an interview.
没问题 走吧 All right, that's great! Way to go, Kev-O.
-谢谢 -太好了 - Thank you, Kevin. - Good job.
你们二位能来真是太棒了 So great you two could join us.
在儿童成长的早期阶段 Really wonderful when grandparents
祖父母也发挥着重要的作用呢 play an integral role in early humans' lives.
我爱孩子们 We love them.
孩子确实需要引导 Early humans do need guidance.
你就是担当导师这个角色的人吧 Is that your role, Jack? To guide them?
我就好比是个牧羊人 Yes, I see myself as something of a shepherd,
为我的家庭找到生活的方向 guiding our family through life's pastures.
杰克其实是名誉上的领导者 Yes, I would say Jack is sort of an honorary shepherd.
随时可以退居二线 Kind of a shepherd emeritus, if you will.
当我的羊群误入歧途时 Well, when my sheep wander,
我会鞭策它们走回正路 I use my prod to keep my flock in line.
都涉及到家庭动力学了 Oh, there are a lot of family dynamics at play here.
咱们开始面试吧 Why don't we begin the interview process?
好了 亨利 什么也别想 Okay, Henry, I just want you to clear your mind
把你听到家庭这个词首先想到的东西 and draw a picture for me of the first thing
用笔画出来 that comes to mind when you hear the word "Family."
这和测视力差不多 This is just like being at the eye doctor.
从上面往下看 Start at the top and work your way down.
为什么给她测视力 Why would she give her an eye test?
这是海登赖克实验实验 It's called a Heisenreich Experiment.
在机关的时候 We used it at the agency
我们用过这个办法测试新人 to test the aptitude of potential recruits.
所有字母都一样 这根本不是视力测试 All the letters are the same, so it's not really an eye test.
非常出色的认知力 萨曼莎 Very impressive cognition, Samantha.
E.. E... E... e...
E 再来一次 E? I need to start over.
好了 看看你画的什么 Okay, Henry, let's see what you've chosen to draw.
怎么了 他画的什么东西 What is it? What did he draw?
昨晚爸爸给姥爷的小鸡鸡打针 Dad stuck Grandpa Jack in the wee-wee last night.
因为姥爷年纪大了 Because he's old.
什么 他在说什么 I'm sorry? what did he say?
我没听清 I didn't hear him.
姥爷感冒之类的吧 Something about Grandpa Jack having a cold.
聊聊你的父母吧 So tell me about your parents, Samantha.
还是先聊你的父母吧 Tell me about your parents, Prudence.
真不愧是我的外孙女 That's my girl.
说说你家吧 Wanna tell me about your family?
我爸爸人很好 My dad is a great guy.
真贴心 宝贝 Thank you, buddy.
他很害怕姥爷杰克 But Grandpa Jack makes him really, really scared.
所以他们在一起时我爸爸就不太正常 So he acts all crazy when he's with him.
比如我爸爸用姥爷的长刀切火鸡 Like he tried to cut the turkey with Grandpa's big knife
刀没拿好切到了手指 and he slipped and he cut his finger.
然后他就说 该死 And he was like, "Oh, shit!"
他把面试搞砸了 Oh, he's blowing the interview.
她一直在难为他 She's setting him up to fail with these questions.
山姆表现不错 I mean, Sam's a better tester, anyway, so...
那还不是因为她遗传了 Well, that's because she takes after...
遗传什么 杰克 Takes after who, Jack?
我专门研究过双胞胎 Let's just say I've done some research on twins.
得出了一个结论 There's a theory that in certain cases,
一个遗传爸爸的基因 one twin gets an extra chromosome from the father, while the other
一个遗传妈妈的基因 sibling gets an extra chromosome from the mother's side.
山姆更像是伯恩斯家的小孩 Sam might be three quarters Byrnes,
而亨利就是你的翻版 whereas Henry could very well have a double dose of Focker in him.
那又怎么样 And what if he does?
我爷爷教给我的 拉我的手指 My Grandpa Bernie taught me this. Pull my finger.
如出一辙 Double dose.
我们去院子里自由活动吧 Let's go out to the courtyard for some free play.
还有自由活动测试吗 I mean, what is "Free-play test"?
看他们天梯玩得欢不欢吗 How well they hang on the monkey bars?
我觉得你没懂 格雷格 I don't think you get it, Greg.
你知道狱警在什么情况下 You know when prison guards learn the most
最能了解囚犯吗 about their inmate population?
就是通过摄像头观察他们放风自由活动 During rec time in the yard.
我确定布鲁登斯正在办公室 I'm sure Prudence is in her office right now
观察孩子们的一举一动 watching every move these kids make.
爸爸 Dad?
我可以玩攀岩吗 Can I please go climb that big rock wall?
可以 小心点就可以了 小家伙 Yeah, okay. Just be careful, buddy, all right?
我会小心的 All right.
你觉得他能玩攀岩吗 Do you think he can handle that?
有问题吗 What's the big deal?
我没看出来 I'm just not sure you've
这孩子还不够壮 未必能爬上去 instilled the physical confidence for him to shear a face like that.
杰克 拜托你 别老盯得那么紧 Jack, do me a favor. Just let go of the reins a little, okay?
只要你表现出照顾好家庭的领导才能 I'll let go, Greg, when you show me, once and for all,
我就不盯着你 that you have what it takes to lead.
家里还是我说了算 I am in control of my family, all right?
只要我说亨利能爬 他就能 If I give Henry permission to climb a wall, he can climb a wall.
就算他说要爬帝国大厦 If he says he wants to climb the Empire State Building
而我说可以 and I say it's okay,
他就可以 因为我是一家之主 it's okay, because I'm in charge.
明白了吗 我现在是主角 All right? I'm calling the plays now.
所以请你退出 So you just got to step
并且接受事实 这家还是我作主 back and accept the fact that I have got this.
真是勇敢的孩子 Oh, he is such a brave boy, isn't he?
不是太严重 只是轻微骨折 See, it's not so bad. It's just a slight fracture.
谢谢 Okay, thanks.
亨利 没事吧 Hey, Henry, are you doing all right?
我一收到消息马上赶过来 Hey, I came as soon as I heard.
布鲁登斯告诉我 Prudence told me there was
早教学校出了小事故 a little bit of a kerfuffle over at E.H.S.
小事才怪 拜格雷格所赐 Oh, that's an understatement. Thanks to Greg,
孩子们的学业没指望了 we can wave goodbye to their educational future.
杰克 Jack.
别担心 布鲁登斯慈悲为怀 Oh, no, no. Pru's a forgiving soul.
我想这事情可以摆平 I think I can patch things up. In the meantime,
瞧我给汉克坦克带了什么 I got a little something for Hank the Tank here.
在你跟亚瑟重逢之前 它会陪着你 Someone to keep you company until you're reunited with Arthur.
-什么玩意儿 -谢谢凯爸爸 - What is that? - Thanks, Papa Kev.
什么凯爸爸 Papa Kev?
以前在兄弟会的昵称 Yeah, old fraternity nickname.
我让汉克坦克那样叫我 I told Hank the Tank here he could call me by that handle.
你不是汉克坦克 没人叫他汉克坦克 You're not Hank the Tank. Nobody calls him Hank the Tank.
你想做格雷格爸爸吗 You wanna be Papa Greg?
不 我就是爸爸 我是格雷格 他的爸爸 No, I am Papa... I'm Greg. I'm Greg, his papa.
所以我不需要叫什么格雷格爸爸 So I don't need to be Papa Greg.
我不需要另外加上"爸爸"两个字 I don't need to put a little thing in front of it.
福克护士请注意 Paging Nurse Focker.
潘美 我想跟你谈一谈 Pam, we need to talk for a minute.
好 妈妈 Oh, okay. Mom?
刘易斯 怎么了 Hey, Louis, what's up?
没怎么 美女约了你两点见 What up, dawg? Hey, hottie at 2:00.
大明星 There's the superstar!
你好 Hey, hi, hi.
你好 Hey! Oh. Hello.
告诉你一个超级好消息 I have the raddest news ever!
是吗 Really? Okay.
我们的市场部副总昨晚听了你精彩的演讲 So our VP of marketing heard how well you did
你猜后来怎样了 on your speech last night and guess what?
怎样了 What?
他让我们下个月在毛伊岛举开发布会 He wants us to lead the Pfosten convention in Maui next month.
好极了 不过 抱歉 Yeah, that sounds great. Honestly, I'm sorry.
我现在有点手忙脚乱 I'm just a little distracted right now
我儿子刚把手给摔断了 'cause my son just broke his arm and...
可怜的孩子 Oh, poor baby.
所以... Yeah, so...
你是个超级奶爸 You're a super dad.
-我不是超级奶爸 -太可爱了 - No, I'm not a super dad. - It is so cute
你带小孩的样子太可爱了 how involved you are with your kids.
不 只是为人父应该做的 No, no, no, that's just what dads do.
不是超级... It's not like a super...
-刘易斯 你扭什么 -是这本书吗 - Louis! What are you doing? - Is this the book?
什么 不是 走开 拜托 What is... No, go. Come on.
在后面吗 我去拿 In the back, right? I got them.
不好意思 只是... Sorry, it's just...
有人发威了啊 Somebody's grumpy.
我有话直说了 宝贝 I'm gonna make this brief, Pam-cake.
我已经老了 I'm not getting any younger.
-爸爸 -我希望 - Dad. - No, I want to make sure
除了我 你有人可依靠 there's someone around besides me who you can fully count on.
我也帮不上忙 但我看 I couldn't help but notice how you and Kevin
这些天你和凯文又重聚在一起 have reconnected these past few days.
他经济基础稳固 跟孩子们相处融洽 He's financially secure. He's great with the twins.
心地善良 Got a heart of gold.
可能穿着品位有点古怪 He's a little goofy, maybe, in his dressing,
但如果他的纹身是一个暗示 but if that body art is any indication,
我肯定他打算 I'd say he's certainly open to the idea.
打算什么 What idea?
打算重修旧好 The idea of a simple course correction.
重修旧好 A course correction.
格雷格 凯文 Greg, Kevin.
来吧 愤怒的奶爸 来夏威夷吧 Come on, grumpy daddy! Come to Hawaii.
行 Okay.
好吧 愤怒的奶爸 考虑下吧 Okay, grumpy daddy will think about it.
行 Yes! Okay, okay.
亲爱的 Oh! Hey, honey, hi!
太好了 潘美 这是安迪 Perfect. Pam, this is Andi.
安迪 这是潘美 我老婆 Andi, this is Pam, my wife.
你好 Hey.
很高兴见到你 Hi, it's a... It's a pleasure to meet you.
我也是 It's a pleasure to meet you, too.
你老公是个摇滚巨星 Your husband is a freaking rock star,
你真是幸福得让人羡慕 but I'm sure you know how lucky you are.
-是的 -我不是 她才是摇滚明星 - Yeah. - I'm not. She's the rock star.
她是摇滚星妈 不折不扣的摇滚人 She's a rock star mom and just full-on, rocking person.
我只是超级粉丝 And I'm just a groupie
帮她搬放音响 trying to, you know, carry her amps.
你才是主角 No, you're... You're... You're the man.
这么热闹 Everything all right here?
杰克 没什么特别事情 Yeah, Jack, everything's all right.
-潘美 你想不想...-我的天 - Pam, do you wanna... - Oh, my God.
您就是大名鼎鼎的杰克·伯恩斯吗 You must be the famous Jack Byrnes.
久仰大名 Wow. I have heard so much about you.
初见幸会 加西亚小姐 I've heard very little about you, Miss Garcia.
不过观摩过你的啦啦队照片 But I do admire your cheerleading photographs.
亨利好多了 Henry's doing much better.
我们给他唱了一首古老的雅诺马马歌谣 We were just singing an ancient Yanomamo song
讲一名勇士猎杀黑猩猩的时候 about a brave warrior who falls from a tree
从树上掉了下来 while hunting for chimpanzee meat.
他没大碍 He's good. Yeah.
安迪·加西亚 来自福斯顿医药公司 Andi Garcia. Pfosten Pharmaceuticals.
你是哪位医生 And you're Doctor...
他不是医生 No. He's not a doctor.
只是不属于西医 Not in the Western sense of the word.
什么医都不属于 你是做投资银行的 Not in any sense of the word. You're an investment banker.
多重身份 我叫凯文 Many hats. Kevin.
你好 Hi.
好极 Okay, cool.
我该走了 Well, I'm gonna mosey on out of here.
走啦 All right.
你跟我说过她卖春药 Wow, you told me she sold boner medicine, Greg.
原来她自己就是春药 You didn't tell me she is boner medicine.
潘美 别误会 Pam, that's ridiculous.
你还说不会选用她的产品 You also said you wouldn't pick her out of a lineup, too.
为什么不选她 Wouldn't pick her out of a lineup?
格雷格 这女人是尤物 Greg, that woman is stunning!
他在掩饰 凯文 Oh, he's covering, Kevin,
因为他不想潘美起疑心 'cause he didn't want Pam to get suspicious.
-爸爸 -看见他的颈动脉在美女面前 - Dad. - Did you see the way his carotid artery
抽搐得多厉害吗 throbbed when he looked at her?
-爸爸 -饶了我吧 杰克 求你了 - Dad. - Give me a break, Jack. Come on.
明白我跟你说什么了吧 潘美 Now this is what I'm talking about, Pam.
很抱歉 这男人信不过 I'm sorry, but this man cannot be trusted.
我们两口子的事情你少管一点行不行 Could you for once in your life stay out of my marriage?
格雷格 别激动 Greg, come on, don't get hysterical.
我没激动 是他激动 I'm not getting hysterical. He's getting hysterical.
偶尔受不住诱惑很正常 Look, it's natural to get a little tempted.
谁受不住诱惑了 Nobody's tempted, nobody's...
就算佛祖 Look, even our dear friend, the Buddha,
也要经历磨难 had to pass through some sorrow
才能大彻大悟 on his way to enlightenment.
哪位佛祖 Our dear friend, the Buddha?
他做什么了 哪辈子的事了 How's he doing? It's been so long.
你没听白乱讲什么 Do you ever listen to yourself?
不是啊 I try not to.
都是肺腑之言 顺口说的 I speak from the heart, off the cuff,
就像主耶稣基督 like my man, JC,
在圣山上的布道 at the Sermon on the Mount.
我还以为你一直欣赏我这一点 I think that's what you've always admired about me.
告诉你个事实 你不是耶稣 Well, I got news for you. You're not Jesus.
虽然他不是耶稣 Well, he may not be Jesus,
但跟你相比 他是潘美更好的选择 格雷格 but he's a far better choice for Pam than you are, Greg.
爸爸 Dad!
-抱歉 -你别提 - I'm sorry. - Would you stop
-什么重修旧好了行吗 -那是事实 - with the course-correction stuff? No, that's right...
-什么重修旧好 -没什么 - What's the course-correction stuff? - It's nothing.
告诉我 杰克 I want to hear all about it, Jack.
你正把这个家搁浅到石滩上 You're leading this family onto rocky shoals, Focker,
作为船长 and as captain of the ship,
我要把大家引向安全的地方 I'm steering us away to safety.
我告诉你 你不是船长 杰克 Well, you know what? You're not a ship's captain, Jack.
我们是人 不在船上 我们在医院 We're people. We're not on a boat, we're in a hospital. Okay?
我们是现实中的人 在医院里 We're human beings in a hospital
你不是船长 and you're not the captain.
好吧 我不是船长 格里高利·福克 Well, I may not be the captain, Gregory Focker,
但你也不是福克教父 but you're not the Godfocker!
好极 我才不要当什么死蠢教父 Good. 'Cause I don't want to be the stupid Godfocker.
我是格雷格·福克 杰克 我是格雷·福克 I'm the Greg Focker, Jack! All right? I am Greg Focker!
鲍勃医生告诉我 你最先找的是他 And by the way, Dr. Bob told me you offered him the job first.
承蒙厚爱 我是二选 Nice to know I was your sloppy seconds.
你见过鲍勃医生 You spoke to Dr. Bob?
是的 杰克 Yeah, I did, Jack.
昨晚跟他喝酒来着 Had beers with him last night.
他过来开会 He's in town for a convention.
行 到此为止 That's it. You're done.
-到此为止 -你知道吗 - You're done, it's over, that's it. - You know what?
你不能跟我说到此为止 我一早就不干了 You can't tell me I'm done because I already quit.
-你到此为止吧 -我要逃出滚笼 - You're done. - I'm getting off the wheel.
-什么滚笼 -仓鼠的滚笼 - What wheel? - The wheel!
我们就像仓鼠那样在滚笼里跑啊跑的 The little hamster wheel that we're all running up
向你乞讨点滴的恩惠 to get a little taste of your little water thingy!
请求你的恩准 Just, please, approval! Approval!
你这是在干什么 What the hell are you doing?
请给我一点... Please! Give me some of the Jack... Yeah.
就是打个比方 请求你的同意 It's like a metaphor for your approval...
多谢你的注释 Thank you for clearing that up!
你在这里做什么呢 凯文 What are you even doing here, Kevin?
我在帮忙啊 I'm trying to help.
为什么你不找你的大屁股俄罗斯女朋友 Why don't you get on your stupid monster yacht
坐游艇鬼混 with your bubble-butt Russian girlfriend
迪帕克·秋普拉 当代思想家 医学博士 主张身心调和 心灵意志至上
却来这里装什么迪帕克·秋普拉的跟屁虫 and do Jello shots off of Deepak Chopra's butt?
拜托别把迪帕克扯进来 格雷格 Greg, don't drag Deepak into this. Please, Greg.
蒂娜 杰克两个礼拜之前心脏病发了一回 Hey, Dina. Jack had a heart attack two weeks ago.
各位再见 Adios, folks!
下楼 Going down.
还好吧 You okay?
要搭顺风车吗 Need a ride?
我是潘美 请留口讯 Hey, it's Pam. Leave me a message.
我今晚在新房子睡 行吗 Hey, I'm gonna sleep over at the new house tonight, all right?
我现在没法面对你爸 I just can't deal with your dad right now.
你真的没事吗 Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
我就是想冷静一下 谢谢你载我一程 Yeah, I think I just need to clear my head. Thanks for the ride.
别客气 No problem.
我怎么就成了坏人呢 Why am I the bad guy here?
不老实的那个是格雷格 Greg was the one who was being dishonest.
拜托 格雷格这样做就是想淡化那个女人的美貌 Oh, please. All Greg did was downplay that woman's looks,
以免潘美吃错 你懂的 so Pam wouldn't be jealous, and you know it.
你也这么干过 You know you did the same thing
冷战时期在赫尔辛基 with that gorgeous double agent in Helsinki
你和那双面间谍 during the Cold War.
你老提起奥库娜·柯克南 Oh, you're still bringing up Aatukka Kokkonen.
跟你说过 她的美貌是特级机密 I told you her beauty was privileged information.
关系到国家安全 It was a matter of national security.
的确 跟你心脏病一样机密 Oh, yes. Like your heart condition?
听着 杰克 Listen, Jack.
格雷格很重视他的家人 Greg cares about his family
他跟你一样 just as much as you care about yours. All right?
潘美 Pam?
不要生气 我不是要来骚扰你 Don't be mad. I totally don't want to harass you.
你很低落 我想给你点乐子 You just seemed so sad, I had to bring you some treats.
多谢 Oh. Wow, thanks.
中国菜 再小喝几口 Some Chinese food. Little wine.
我不是管闲事 No offense,
潘美知道你有多为难吗 but does Pam even realize how dope you are?
不清楚 她可能觉得我太蠢了吧 Oh, yeah, no. I think she thinks I'm dope.
只是 要知道 It's just, you know,
有了小孩之后 一切都改变了 it just changes when you have kids,
所有事情都围着他们转 you know, because everything becomes focused around them.
的确 我猜你应该会 Totally. And I'm sure you're like,
"小家伙们 我可以一起玩吗" "Hello! Can I have some fun, too?"
是挺好玩的 Yeah, no. I mean, it's fun,
不过和以前不一样 but it's just a different kind of fun.
再拿点酒 More wine.
不像以前单身的时候出去玩 It's not like old single fun, where you go out.
现在是早上六点起来 It's more like wake up in
给孩子们做早餐 the morning at 6:00, make the kids breakfast.
是另一种乐趣 You know, that kind of fun.
我挺喜欢这样的 孩子们很可爱 I love it. I mean, they're so cute.
比方说 有次亨利 Like, the other day, Henry came in
戴着顶厨师帽跑进来说 and he had his little top hat on and said,
"我是厨房市长" "I'm the mayor of the kitchen."
他想当市长吗 Oh, he's gonna be the mayor?
不知道他哪里来的念头 Just out of nowhere he got this idea he wanted to be the mayor.
他跑进来就说 And then he came in and he said,
"现在宣布 禁止使用冰箱" "And here is a proclamation. You cannot use the 'frigerator."
他还戴了条肩带 记得我给他拍了张照片 And he had a sash on. I think I have a picture of it.
我承认我偏心 他非常有创意 Yeah. I mean, I'm biased, but he's very creative.
我出去一下 I'm going to step out for a bit
买些牛奶明天早餐喝 and get some milk for the morning.
少来了 杰克 别骗人了 Don't, Jack. We both know that's not true.
我还以为能骗得过你 I don't know why I still think I can get anything by you.
我去找格雷格 把他劝回来 I'm going to find Greg. I'm going to bring him home.
你知道他在哪里 You know where he is?
猜的 I have an idea.
另外特别说明一下 And for the record,
我跟奥库娜·柯克南什么都没发生过 nothing ever happened with Aatukka Kokkonen.
这部话剧她自己写的 名叫"热带海洋" And this is the play that she wrote called Tropical Seas.
太可爱了 They're so cute.
是很可爱 Yeah. They really are.
这是你啊 That's you!
我演一棵海藻类植物 Yes. I am an algae-seaweed-type plant.
我得回家了 You know, I got to go home.
我知道 Yeah, I totally get that.
安迪 安迪 别 不要 Andi, Andi, no, no, no.
要要要要 Yes, yes, yes, yes.
安迪 你误会了 别 Andi, I think I gave you the wrong idea. No...
格雷格 自从上次跟你一起给病人灌肠 Greg, ever since we tag-teamed on that enema,
我就一直想着你 I've wanted you.
灌肠而已 真的 It was just an enema. Really,
你想太多了吧 I think you're idealizing the enema.
安迪 我觉得 Andi, you know what, I think
你可能喝太多了 you might have had a little too much wine.
酒还好啦 奶爸 我吃了点爽哥 Wine is fine, papi! I took a few Sustengo.
你吃那玩意干嘛 You took a Sustengo? Why would you do that?
疯掉了 看来得报警 That's crazy. I'm gonna call a cab.
还想再看些孩子们的照片 Can I see more pictures of your kids?
没得看 不要...穿上衣服 Definitely not. You can't... You got to put your thing back on.
奶爸别发火 Don't be a grumpy daddy!
我没发火 你要... I'm not being a grumpy... You got to...
别 安迪 把手机还我 No, Andi! Andi, give me the phone!
你要吗 我想要啊 You want it? I do want it.
-来抢啊 -还我 - Come and get it. - I want... I...
安迪 这不好玩 Andi, it's not funny.
我们去游泳吧 Let's go swimming!
安迪 别 那不是游泳池 Andi, no, it's not a pool.
温的吗 有没有山洞 Is it heated? Is there a grotto?
只是个坑 安迪 别这样 No, no, it's a pit! Andi, don't do this.
穿上衣服好不好 Come on! Put your clothes back on. All right?
安迪 不 这不对 Andi, no! That's not nice!
不能把别人的手机扔坑里 You don't throw people's phones in pits, okay?
衰人 You're mean!
安迪 穿上衣服 求你了 Andi, put the clothes back on! Come on!
我恨你 I hate you!
菜鸟跳水咯 Belly flop!
你真不知道格雷格在哪里 You really don't know where Greg is?
亲爱的 我已经出尽法宝 Honey, I struck out.
大概是技不如前了 I guess my skills just aren't what they used to be.
看谁来了 他们来了 Look who it is. There they are!
凯文 Hey, Kevin!
凯文 好热闹的聚会啊 Kevin. Quite a shindig.
一辈子只有一次五岁生日 Well, you only turn five once.
这回一下子就两次了 Or twice, in this case.
给你个小小惊喜 杰克 古斯塔 Now, I've got a little surprise for you, Jack. Gustavo?
看我有没有猜中 Is that who I think it is?
心想事成 You'd better believe it.
金熙 Jinxy!
昨晚听说你的身体小毛病 When I heard about your health issues last night,
我就觉得要把它空运过来 I knew I had to fly him out here.
凯文 你太贴心了 谢谢 Kevin, incredibly thoughtful of you. Thank you.
爸爸怎么没来 How come Daddy's not here?
我惹他生气了吗 Is it because I was mean to him?
不是 宝贝 绝对不是 No, honey, absolutely not, sweetheart.
是外公惹他生气了 It's because Grandpa was mean to him.
他正赶过来 他会出现的 But he's coming! He's coming. He will be here, okay?
我们去玩吧 So, let's go have some more fun.
好不好 走 看还有什么好玩的 All right? Let's go. Let's go see what else there is.
等我一会儿 Just wait one sec!
盖 Gay!
盖 Gay?
-爸 -那坑是什么 - Dad. - What's that hole?
你怎么搞这么脏 其他人呢 Why are you so muddy? Where is everyone?
在凯文家 They're at Kevin's.
生日会在凯文家开 我得过去了 The party's over at Kevin's. I got to get over there.
在凯文家吗 The kids' party's at Kevin's?
我以为你在西班牙 I thought you were in Spain.
是啊 但我不能错过小鬼们五岁生日 I was, but I can't miss my little gazugas turning five.
你怎么了 How are you?
非常抱歉 Hey! Oh, man. I'm so sorry.
昨晚我搞得一团糟 I was so messed up last night.
那是谁 Who's that?
那是...爸 那是安迪·加西亚 That is... Dad, that's Andi Garcia.
我同事 Oh. She's a work colleague of mine.
你好 爸爸 Oh, hi, Dad!
她嗑了太多处方药 Yeah. She took a few too many prescription pills
然后把我推到坑里 and then she pushed me in the pit.
派对出丑了 不好意思 Total party foul. My bad on that one.
加西亚 西班牙人吗 Garcia? Is that Spanish?
行了 我们走吧 Okay, we got to go.
是啊 我祖父母是塞维利亚移民 Yeah. My grandparents are from Seville.
真的吗 Are you kidding?
我刚去了趟塞维利亚 学弗拉门戈舞 I was just in Seville, mastering the flamenco!
不是吧 No way! Dad.
我还想给她跳几个动作呢 What? But I got to show her a few moves.
她祖父母是塞维利亚移民哪 Her grandparents are from Seville.
-爸 别跳了 我要走了 -来 - Dad, no, no! Dad, I got to go! - Okay.
你爸人真好 Your dad's really good.
跳得越快说明你的性能力越强 The faster you go indicates an increase in sexual prowess.
安迪 祝你好运 Andi, good luck.
你叫我去学舞是对的 It's a good thing you pulled me away.
我现在已经有五成功力了 I was starting to get a semi.
得了吧 爸 我随便说说而已 Oh, Dad, please. It's involuntary.
那是受副交感神经系统的影响 It's the parasympathetic nervous system.
弗拉明科是种很性感的舞蹈 Flamenco's very sexual.
声明一下 我跟她没什么 Well, just so you know, nothing happened with her.
我知道 福克家族的男人从不这么搞 I know that. We're Fockers. That's not the way we roll.
但我知道家里出了点问题 你还好吧 But I know something went down with the family. You okay?
我没事 就是杰克又来插一脚 Yeah, just the usual Jack stuff.
你还好吗 You okay?
你妈是对的 更年期 Your mom was right. Man-opause.
搞得我像个神经病 Makes me act like a lunatic.
我变得有点神经质了 You know, I get a little nutty.
罗兹奶奶 罗兹奶奶 Grandma Roz! Grandma Roz!
我的天哪 My God.
这不是我的小心肝吗 There she is! My little scrunchie-munchie.
让我看看你 小宝贝 Let me look at you, baby.
你真漂亮 介不介意我们坐下聊 小心肝 Oh, you look so cute. Do you mind if we sit down, honey?
奶奶我脚疼 Have a little chat. 'Cause Grandma's feet hurt.
我听说你现在不跟你爸爸说话了 So, I hear you're not speaking to your father.
是真的吗 Is that true?
你知道男人是什么样的吗萨曼莎 Well, let me tell you something about men, Samantha.
他们 他们外表看上去勇敢坚强 They... They... They're told to be tough and hard, you know?
但是内心却很柔软很感性 But inside, they're quite soft and gooey.
就有点像奶油甜馅煎饼卷 Kind of like a cannoli.
-你是说炸馅饼吗 -也不完全是 - A knish? - It's not exactly that.
更像是烤吐司中间的花生黄油和果冻 It's more like peanut butter and jelly inside burnt toast.
既然你知道了这些 And once you know that,
你是不是可以对他们好一点 you can cut them a little slack.
再说了 等你长到青春期了 Besides, you'll have plenty of time
你有的是机会气他 to aggravate him in your teens.
奶奶 Grandma!
你好 小宝贝 看看你 都长这么大了 Hi, honey! Look at you, how big you got!
你好 小甜心 Hi, sweetheart.
来 给奶奶一个福克三明治抱抱 Come here and give me a Focker sandwich.
好的 我是芝士 Okay, I'm the cheese.
-我们是芝士 -我是芝士 - We're cheese! - I'm the cheese.
不 我是芝士 你们是面包 No, I'm the cheese and you're the bread.
我们是酵母 We're sourdough.
大家请注意了 Attention! Attention!
亨利和萨曼莎 Henry and Samantha!
今天是你们五岁的生日 Today you are five!
-往这边 -好的 谢谢 - This way. - Okay, thank you.
爸 Dad.
-怎么了 -你去不去 - Yeah. - You coming?
当然 我只是在练习我的舞蹈 Yeah. I just want to practice the dance
我想给你妈一个惊喜 I'm gonna surprise your mother with.
你先去吧 Go ahead.
好吧 我们一会儿里面见 Okay. I'll see you down there.
盖 Gay?
我的经验之谈 My two cents.
对付杰克的方法就是 The way to deal with Jack,
不管他做什么 你只管使劲地亲他 no matter what he does, just smother that guy with kisses.
他就会乖乖任你摆布了 He'll be putty in your hands.
好的 Good.
-我爱你 -好办法 谢谢 - Love, love, love. - Good, putty, thank you.
-盖 -怎么了 - Oh, Gay. - Yes.
你看上去帅呆了 You look good.
谢谢你 Thank you.
好吧 All right.
-能帮我个忙吗 -好的 - Can you do me a favor? - Okay.
能慢慢地帮我把这只腿放下来吗 Can you just put this leg down slowly?
和老婆搞得旧伤 It's an old sex injury.
-像这样吗 -是的 - Like this? - Yeah.
我的天哪 Oh, my gosh.
这表演是我送给你的礼物 This performance is my gift to you!
你是最佳人选 You are the chosen one!
潘美 Pam.
-潘美 -格雷格 - Pam! - Greg.
我宣布 今天属于你们 I pronounce this your day!
发生了什么事 Oh, what happened to you?
这个 我 Oh, it's... I...
我待会儿再告诉你吧 I'll tell you about it later, okay?
听着 昨天的事情我很抱歉 Look, I'm really sorry about what happened.
-我只是 -我也很抱歉 - I just... - I'm sorry, too.
我把所有事情都搞砸了 我不该那样 I let everything get out of control and I shouldn't have.
只是 只是你爸 It's just... It's just your dad.
我知道 他疯了 You know, I... I know. He's insane.
是的 是的 Yes. Yes.
听着 我们是一家人 我们过得非常好 Listen to me. We've got our own thing and it works.
当然 不是吗 It does, right?
是的 我们差不多都知道自己在干什么 Yeah, we actually kind of know what we're doing.
-我爱你 -我也爱你 - I love you. - I love you.
山姆 生日快乐 Hey, Sam! Happy birthday.
听着 我知道你不想和我说话 Look, I know you don't want to talk to me.
但我要你知道 这没什么 I just want you to know that's okay.
爸爸依然爱你 I love you anyway.
我知道 爸爸 I know, Daddy.
爸爸 Dad!
我的小宝贝 There he is!
生日快乐 小子 Hey, happy birthday, man!
看看你把谁留家里了呀 Hey, look, I think you left something at home.
亚瑟 Arthur!
谢谢爸爸 Yeah. Thanks, Dad.
这太美了 It's so beautiful.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
上帝呀 Oh, gosh.
我没事 I'm all right.
古斯塔 该上生日蛋糕了 Gustavo! Birthday cake! Birthday cake!
上蛋糕 Try the birthday cake.
蛋糕有36种不同的味道 There's 36 different kinds!
凯文 Kevin?
罗萨林德 Rosalind.
你能来参加孩子们的生日派对真是太好了 What a mitzvah that you could make it to the party.
你怎么了 亲爱的 What's wrong, honey?
我要是知道就好了 I wish I knew.
来吧 坐下我们谈谈 Come. Sit down.
往这边看一点 头稍微抬高一点 Look over this way a little bit. And a little up. Up.
你好 杰克 Hey, Jack.
画得真好 真像 Wow, that's great. That's a great likeness.
真的是 That's really...
很有气场 画得真像 It really captured the intensity and looks just like you.
好吧 听着 昨晚上 All right. So, look, last night,
我们都说了让彼此后悔的话 I think we both said some things we regret.
也许我根本不该提鲍勃医生 Maybe I shouldn't have said anything about Dr. Bob.
但是你说了新好旧好什么的 所以我 But then you did that whole course-correction thing. So...
不管怎样 吃了这蛋糕 咱们和解吧 Anyway, "Peace" Of cake offering.
你发什么疯 What the hell?
该死 Oh, shit.
杰克你没事吧 对不起 Jack, you all right? Jack, I'm sorry.
杰克你没事吧 Jack, you okay?
好吧福克 Okay, Focker.
起码还有那么点意思 At least you're going to make this a little fun.
杰克 咱们别这样 Jack. Let's not do this. Come on.
咱们从一开始就杠上了 格雷格 We've had this date since the beginning, Greg.
好吧 咱们好好玩儿玩儿 All right. Let's dance.
来呀 伙计 Come on, man.
杰克 Jack?
你在哪儿 杰克 Where are you? Jack!
杰克 Jack?
你们都给我出去 都给我出去 Get out of the ball pit! Get out of the ball pit! Get out!
咱们走吧 Let's go.
都给我出去 出去 Get out! Get out of the ball pit!
都给我出去 Get out!
杰克 Jack?
昨晚上我看见你和安迪·加西亚了 I saw you last night with Andi Garcia!
我们什么都没发生 Nothing happened!
我在外面飘荡太久了 I've been in the wild for so long,
觉得也许是时候回家了 that maybe it's time to come home.
可是家在哪里呢 But then where is home?
亲爱的 家就在你心中 Honey, home is inside of you.
你一直在寻找的地方就在这儿 What you have been seeking out there is right in here.
-在你心中吗 -不是 是你心中 - In your heart? - No, in your heart.
在我心中 In my heart.
是的 凯文 Yes, yes, Kevin.
你太逊了 Suck it!
亚瑟 妈妈 亚瑟不见了 Arthur? Arthur? Mom! Arthur's missing!
杰克 我跟她什么都没发生 Jack! Nothing happened.
-你说什么 -杰克 我跟她什么都没发生 - What'd you say? - Jack, nothing happened.
我说的是真的 I'm telling you the truth.
该死 Oh, shit.
金熙 你这只坏猫猫 Jinxy! Jinxy! Bad cat! Bad cat!
金熙 坏猫猫 Jinx! Bad cat!
金熙 Jinx!
金熙 金熙 Jinx! Jinx!
该死 Oh, shit.
凯文 你是个可爱的青年 Kevin, you are a lovely young man
你有许多特别的固恋和爱好 with a number of unusual fixations and hobbies.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我知道你会找到你的家的 I know you're going to find your way.
相信我 亲爱的 因为你有狮子般的体魄 Trust me, honey. Because you have the strength of a lion
和诗人般的灵魂 and the soul of a poet.
罗兹 Roz?
-波尼 -你在这干什么 - Bernie? - What are you doing here?
你在这干什么 What are you doing here?
跟着孩子谈心 亲爱的 The guy has issues, honey.
伯纳德 我发誓事情不是你想的那样 Bernard, I swear this isn't what it looks like.
我抑郁 你太太安慰我 Your wife was comforting me in a moment of distress
然后我的灵魂触碰到了她 and my soul just reached out to her.
你的灵魂还是你的舌头 Your soul or your tongue?
没 我们没舌吻 No. There was no tongue involved.
事实上有一点 There was a little.
谢谢你的诚实 Thank you for your honesty.
我以为你在西班牙 亲爱的 I thought you were in Spain, honey.
发生了什么事 What happened?
我绕了大半个地球去学弗拉明戈 I went halfway around the world to master the flamenco,
但我少了一样东西 but there was one thing missing,
我的舞伴 my dance partner.
波尼 Oh, Bernie.
你才是我的指南针 You're my true north.
只要我们在一起 我就永远不会迷失方向 I know as long as we're together, I'll never get lost.
真是句好诗 Oh, what a beautiful line.
过来 宝贝 Come here, baby.
真美 你们的感情好真挚 That's beautiful. So raw, this electricity...
你能出去了吗 我要开搞我老婆了 Will you get out of here so I can shtup my wife?
开搞? 当然 Shtup her? Yeah, sure.
金熙 Jinx!
外公 你怎么了 Grandpa! Grandpa! What's wrong?
杰克 Jack?
杰克 杰克 Jack. Jack.
杰克 Jack.
亲爱的 格雷格 快救他 Honey. Greg, do something.
-好的 你是不是胸疼 -是的 - Okay. Having some chest pain? - Yeah.
好的 放松 我看看你怎么了 All right. Just relax. I'm gonna check you out.
外公怎么了 What's wrong with Grandpa?
他会没事的 宝贝 He's gonna be fine, honey.
好的 我来了 Okay, I'm here. Okay.
杰克 你带硝基药了吗 Jack, you have your nitro tabs with you?
格雷格 他不回应我的治疗 Greg, he's not responding to my treatme
真的吗 手乱晃几下就算治疗 Really? To you waving your hands over him?
他又不是显灵板 凯文 He's not a Ouija board, Kevin.
潘美 打911 Pam? Call 911.
好的 Okay.
凯文 你能去房间里拿点阿司匹林给我吗 Kevin, can you go up to the house, see if you have some aspirin?
阿司匹林 Aspirin.
没事的 It's all right.
金熙 Jinx!
亚瑟 Arthur!
谢谢爸爸 Thanks, Dad.
放松 杰克 你会没事的 Just relax, Jack. It's going to be okay.
深呼吸 深呼吸 Breathe, breathe.
我保证 I promise.
他有没有服用什么药 Is he taking any other medications?
15分钟前 Just the 324 milligrams of aspirin
我给他吃了324毫克的阿司匹林 I gave him about 15 minutes ago.
谢谢 应该没事 我们照顾他 Thanks. I think it's good. Take him from here.
顺便问下 你们脸上的 By the way, how'd you guys come by
瘀痕和伤口是怎么回事 all these bruises and lacerations?
这说来话长了 Oh, it's a long story.
我们在弹性城堡里 然后他摔倒了 We were in the bouncy castle, and then he tripped, and...
我懂了 去年我结婚的时候 I get it. My father-in-law tripped
我岳父从玻璃薄窗摔了出去 through a plate glass window at my wedding last year.
好吧 我们把他抬上去 All right. Let's get him loaded up.
别担心 我们会照顾好你丈夫的 Don't worry. We'll take care of your husband.
我们开车在你后面跟着 好吧 We're gonna follow behind you in the car. All right?
格雷格 Greg.
我知道你说的是实话 你跟安迪没什么 I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg.
-真的吗 -是的 - Really? - Yeah.
你跟没什么的时候 The pulse on your carotid artery remained steady
颈动脉很稳定 as you pleaded your innocence.
是的 当然 Right, of course.
格雷格 And, Greg.
我从没打算把家长的大权交给鲍勃医生 It was never going to be Dr. Bob.
而是你 It was you.
一直都是你 It was always you.
你得放松 别说话 伯恩斯先生 You just relax and stay quiet, Mr. Byrnes.
我们医院见 好吗 I'll see you over there. Okay?
福克 ...Focker.
他干嘛骂我们 Why is he cursing at us?
福克与Fucker混球 谐音 急救队误会了
我们可是在帮你 先生 Hey, we are trying to help you, sir.
什么 什么 What? What?
你就是你 格雷格·福克 You're the Greg Focker.
不好意思 我没听清 I'm sorry, what?
你就是你 格雷格·福克 You're the... You're the Greg Focker.
我就是我 格雷格?福克 I'm the Greg Focker.
好的 好的 Okay. Okay.
好的 Okay.
把他抬上去 Let's get him up.
四个月后
我还要礼物 我还要 One more. I need more. I need more.
我还要礼物 One more, one more.
不 我还要礼物 No, I need more.
-还有件礼物 -是这个 - Another present. - Here.
最好的圣诞光明节 Best Chistmakkah ever.
这个是特别的礼物 孩子们 This is a very special gift, guys.
还有啊 真酷 One more, cool!
这是什么 波尼爷爷 What is it, Grandpa Bernie?
这东西伴随了我一辈子 I've had it with me my entire life.
这是我自制的叫叫枕 It's my own original whoopee cushion.
-它有什么用呢 -这都不知道啊 - What does it do? - Are you kidding me?
杰克 把你的腿抬起来 Jack, lift up your leg.
杰克 拜托 Jack, come on.
真恶心 Disgusting!
它会放屁 It farts!
杰克 放屁 打嗝 捏鼻子 Jack, we have to laugh at the stuff
该笑的时候就要笑 that makes us human, right?
人就该这样 Gas, burps. Picking noses?
孩子想要捏你的鼻子 弹鼻屎 You kids want to pick your nose and flick your boogers,
就让他们这样做 do it.
波尼 Hey, Bernie.
只有干鼻屎才可以弹 But do it only when it's dry.
-湿的可不行 -我有东西给杰克 - Don't do a wet one. - I have something for Jack.
把礼物拿回房间 Take that to your room.
这才是生活 生活 It's what makes life, life!
我知道 给你 杰克 I know. I know. Here, Jack,
这是我和波尼送你的礼物 this is a little something from Bernie and me to you.
真细心 谢谢你们 Oh, how thoughtful. Thank you.
真细心 It is a very thoughtful gift.
这是你的主意 It was your idea.
我知道 I know.
-这是什么 -那是什么 - What's this? - What is that?
是你的犹太圆顶小帽 That is your own personal yarmulke!
杰克 Jack.
是顶犹太帽子 One of those little Jewish hats.
真可爱 Cute.
我们知道你很喜欢研究宗谱 We know that you're into that genealogy stuff.
所以 你生病我照顾你的时候 So, when I was nursing you back to health,
我趁你睡觉 I took the opportunity, when you were taking a nap,
扯了你两根阴毛 of snipping a couple of your pubes
然后送去做了DNA检查 and I sent it to one of those DNA testing sites.
你做了什么 You did what?
我们觉得找出你的家系肯定很有趣 We thought it'd be fun to trace your lineage all the way back.
是的 结果我们发现 Yes. And it turns out, Jack T. Byrnes,
杰克 T·伯恩斯是犹太人的第23代后裔 that you are one twenty-third Israelite!
欢迎来到犹太部落 杰克 Welcome to the tribe, Jack!
虽然我对结果有质疑 我谢谢你们的好意 While I dispute the findings, I appreciate the gesture.
谢谢你们 伯纳德 罗兹 Thank you, Bernard, Roz.
没关系 亚阿库 You're welcome, Ya'akov.
这是你的希伯来名字 亚阿库 Your Hebrew name. Ya'akov.
-亚阿库 -阿库 - Ya'akov. - Ya'akov.
两个A的发音 Two A's.
格雷格 我们在你家 Well, listen, Greg, we're in your home
你是一家之主 你来领导大家祝个酒吧 and you're in charge here, so why don't you lead us in a toast?
好吧 Right.
说实话 杰克 Honestly, Jack, I have no desire
我没有任何想要成为一家之主的 to try and sound like I am
的意愿和想法 in any way in charge of anything in this house.
但是我爱我们这个家 非常爱 But I do love our family very, very much.
而且我们周末能聚在一起 And I'm really happy that
我感到非常高兴 we can all be here together for the weekend.
我们小聚过后 Then we'll part ways and you guys will return to
你们回到各自的家 your homes in your own respective states.
干杯 Cheers.
干杯 干杯 Cheers. Cheers.
实际上 儿子 我和你爸... Actually, sweetheart, your dad and I have a little...
盖罗德 我们要搬到芝加哥来 Gaylord, we're moving to Chicago.
不 我们是认真的 No, we're serious.
我们把老房卖了 We sold Focker Isle.
买了间房子 与你们只隔了两座房 We just bought the house two doors down.
是不是很棒呀 Isn't that great?
不 一点都不好 No, that's not great.
不 如果他们搬过来 Oh, no, if they're moving here,
-那我们也要搬过来 -太棒了 - then we're moving here. - Good!
我们要住在一起了 一个快乐的大家庭 We'll live together, one big happy family.
我们应该好好说说这事 We should discuss this.
不不 杰克 No. No. No. Jack,
没人要搬家 没必要 是吧 nobody's moving because nobody's moving. Right?
如果我们不搬过来 How else are the kids gonna be Fockerized
孩子们要怎么向我们学习呢 if we don't live here?
不 没有要向你们学习 No. Nobody's going to be Fockerized.
不 为什么不呢 No. Why not?
这个谷歌真是好用 金熙 This Google is a wonderful tool, Jinxy cat.
别告诉其他人我搜索了自己 Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to do a search on myself.
某护士笑谈神经质岳父
得了吧 谁需要这个 Come on. Who needs something like this?
谁最需要爽哥 Who's the target demo for a drug like Sustengo?
要我说 我岳父那样的人就需要它 And I got to say it's somebody like my father-in-law.
他叫杰克·伯恩斯 他心脏病发了 His name is Jack Byrnes. You know, he had a heart attack
于是他打给我说 and he called me up,
格雷格 我刚心脏病发作了 he said, "Greg, I've had a heart attack."
于是我说 "首先 杰克 Now, I said, "First of all, Jack,
要是用这药你就不会犯病了 "Don't you have to have a heart to get one of those?"
那个周末我去见他 他说 First weekend I ever met him, he said to me, he said,
小子 "Hey, listen,
这三天把你的老二放裤子里保管好 keep your snake in its cage for the next 72 hours."
我可没说这样的话 I didn't say it like that.
好吧 或许有人已经 All right. Maybe somebody's had their snake
30年没出动过老二了 好吧 in their cage for about 30 years! Okay.
点击收听福克 伯恩斯的混音
混音 什么混音 Remix. What's a remix?
我岳父一定很沉迷于 You know, the guy is definitely obsessed...
伯恩斯 杰克·伯恩斯 Byrnes, Jack Byrnes
我岳父 我岳父 My father-in-law My father-in-law
伯恩斯 杰克·伯恩斯 Byrnes, Jack Byrnes
他需要性药 Candidate for the drug Obsessed with sex
伯恩斯 杰克·伯恩斯 Byrnes, Jack Byrnes
他不能勃起 Not getting it up
伯恩斯 杰克·伯恩斯 Jack, Jack Byrnes
他跟我说勃起障碍 Talk about sexual frustration
伯恩斯 Byrnes
乳房情结 他能自己给孙子喂奶 Obsessed with boobs He can breast feed his grandson
杰克·伯恩斯 Jack Byrnes
自己挤假乳房的奶 Mannary gland Couple of tugs off the thing himself
福克 Hey, Focker
我可没那样 I never did that.
福克 我也可以喂奶 Hey, Focker, I got nipples Okay
福克 我也可以喂奶 Hey, Focker, I got nipples Wow
你能喂我奶吗 Can you milk me?
信任信任圈圈圈 Circle of trust goes round and round
杰克信任圈圈圈 Jack Circle of trust goes round and round
伯恩斯信任圈圈圈 Byrnes Circle of trust goes round and round
杰克 Jack
你好 这位小性感名叫金熙 Hello! Hot little number he's got named Jinxy
现在 他在说你 Now, he's talking about you.
这位小性感名叫金熙 Hot little number he's got named Jinxy
金熙猫猫我爱你 Jinxy cat, Jinxy cat I love you
福克混球 The Godfocker.