你命中注定会成功 You're destined for success.
你天赋异禀 You've tested off the charts.
大家都爱你 People love you.
更重要的是 大家都需要你 But more importantly, they need you.
为什么 Why?
因为你有许多独特的品质 Because you posses a series of unique attributes.
谢谢 Thanks.
不过我觉得我还处在发现自我的过程中 I do still feel like I'm on a journey, though, of self-discovery.
我是在说止咳糖 Talking to the lozenge.
哦 止咳糖啊 Oh. The lozenge.
咚咚咚 Knock, knock.
泰伦斯 客服部门的新活动怎么样 Terrence, how's the new gig in customer service?
想听"超赞"请按1 Press 1 for awesome.
哔 Beep.
查询账单请按2 Press 2 for billing.
有趣的是 查账单真的是要按2 Fun fact -- 2 is actually the number for billing --
-你可以闪了 泰伦斯 -好的 - Okay, out, Terrence. - Oh, absolutely.
差点忘了 Oh! I almost forgot.
咱们老板 我岳父让我把这个给你 Our boss/my dad-in-law asked me to deliver this.
亨利·希格斯
是我想的那个吗 Is that what I think it is?
山姆邀请我去他圣巴巴拉的家 Sam's inviting me to the Santa Barbara house?
没错 Affirmative.
太棒了 Yes!
耶 耶 Ye-- ye--
山姆只邀请他看中要提拔的执行官 Sam only invites executives that he's eyeing for promotion
去他的周末宅邸共饮 up to his weekend estate to hobnob.
哇 共饮耶 Whoa. Hobnob.
不 提拔 No. Promotion.
这才是让人兴奋的词 查理 That's the exciting word, Charlie.
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
♪ Hey, look, it's me ♪
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
翻译/校对 TanKnoX 圈圈
♪ Not to make it all me ♪
时间轴 Poxle 林卡
♪ Funny thing about me ♪
后期 吉吉
总监 TanKnoX
♪ Is while I'm looking at me-e-e-e-e ♪
总监 TanKnoX
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
再造淑女
第一季 第五集
伊莉莎 伊莉莎 Eliza. Eliza.
早啊 亨利 你怎么样 Good morning, Henry! How are you?!
我告诉你我不怎么样 我不是听障 I'll tell you how I'm not -- hearing impaired.
你声音太大了 You're shouting.
我在听着歌做骨盆操 Sorry, I was just doing kegels to Riff Raff.
好吧 我是要告诉你 All right, well, I wanted to let you know --
你现在还在做吗 Are you still doing them?
不要 求你别做了 Don't. Please stop doing them.
咱们周五的安排得取消了 I need to cancel our work session on Friday.
有美女约会 Ooh. Hot date?
不是 不过应该也不远了 No, but I'm hopeful that's on the horizon.
还在等别人帮我撮合的那个女生回我短信 Still waiting on this girl i'm getting fixed up with to return my text.
她没回你的短信吗 She didn't return your text?
没有 不过她最后肯定会回的 No, but I'm sure she will eventually.
短信可不是什么最后会回的事 Whoa-ho, a text is not something you return eventually.
瞧好了 Watch this.
嗨 Hi.
咋样
看到没 弗雷迪秒回 See? Freddy texted me right back.
好吧 不过我并不是想要现在就发短信 Okay, well, I'm not concerned with texting at this precise moment.
看 才两秒没理他 See? Two more seconds,
怎么了
弗雷迪就不高兴了 and Freddy's already pissed I didn't reply.
我懂了 我懂了 I get it. I get it.
-刚才发生了具有历史意义的一刻 -什么 - Something momentous has happened. - What?
我收到邀请 I have been invited
去山姆·萨珀斯坦在圣巴巴拉的庄园 to Sam Saperstein's ranch in Santa Barbara.
这 这是件大事吗 因为...你看 Is that -- is that a big deal, or...Look!
你哪来的这个 Where did you get that?
泰伦斯给的 Terrence.
肯定是搞错了 Oh, that must be some kind of mistake.
-不可能 -为什么 - This can't be right. - Why?
因为一般山姆会用这种盛会 Because usually, these retreats are Sam's way
审查一下上层执行官 of vetting upper-level executives
就是 被他看上的执行官 who are... you know, being eyed.
我一直都备受瞩目啊 I'm always being eyed.
而且我敢说 In fact, I would argue there is
全公司没有谁比我更受瞩目 no one in this company who gets eyed more.
比如 我离开房间时 For example, when I exit a room,
大家的视线都不可能移开 it is impossible not to look.
首先 我所说的被看上并不是这个意思 First of all, that's not what I meant by being eyed.
你不许看我 Try not to look.
-伊莉莎 -试试嘛 - Eliza. - Just try.
♪ Yo ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yo ♪
没有在看 Not looking.
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yo ♪
♪ Boyz ♪
♪ Yo ♪
还是没看 Still not looking.
♪ Hold up, hold up ♪
♪ Hold up, we dem boyz ♪
♪ Hold up, hold up, hold up, we making noise ♪
♪ Hold up ♪
♪ Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up ♪
♪ Hold up ♪
♪ Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up ♪
谁出个门还要吼那么多句啊 Nobody says hold up that many times when exiting a room.
♪ We dem boyz ♪
♪ Hold up, hold up, hold up ♪
♪ We making noise ♪
好了好了 All right, all right.
拜托你停下 会伤到自己的 P-please stop! You're gonna hurt yourself.
♪ Hold up, we dem boyz ♪
好吧 好吧 Fine...fine
♪ Pop a bottle ♪
你看了 哈 Looked! Ha ha!
好吧 我要说的就是这个 伊莉莎 All right, this is exactly what I'm talking about, Eliza.
你根本没有专业范儿 You don't exactly exude professionalism,
-所以我很难想象 -什么 - so it's hard for me to imagine... - What?
很难想象萨珀斯坦会注意到 That Saperstein would take note of my unrivaled status
我最佳销售代表无人匹敌的状态吗 as this company's top-performing sales rep?
没搞错吧 Seriously?
就因为我不是个穿西装的男人 Because I'm not a dude in a suit,
你就想象不出他会因为我毫无瑕疵的业绩记录 you can't imagine that he would reward my flawless track record
奖励提拔我做销售部主任吗 by making me, say, the director of sales?
这并不在于你不是穿西装的男人 This is not about you not being a dude in a suit.
此外 我的工作比你的难多了 Furthermore, my job is harder than yours.
我面对的可是真正的医生 I deal with doctors.
你是给普通大众做销售的 You sell to the general public,
只要他们觉得对他们鼻涕满脸的孩子有用 who will buy anything you put in front of them
你给他们什么 他们都会买的 if they think it'll help their sticky, snot-covered kids.
你刚刚是说了"此外"吗 Did you just say "furthermore"?
的确如此 因此 从今以后 Indeed. Henceforth, ergo...
我应该升职 I should be promoted.
得意地笑 Llc.
也许你是对的 Maybe you're right.
但是 But?
但是 But...
我觉得很有可能你是我的女伴 I think it's more likely that you're my plus one.
女伴 Plus one?
是的 很抱歉 Yes, I'm sorry, but...
沾别人光这事我不干 I'm nobody's plus one.
老娘是贵宾 小婊砸们 I'm V.I.P., bitches.
小婊砸们 就我一个人 一个表砸 "Bitches"? It's just me. One bitch.
骚当家的万圣趴我是女伴吗 Was I plus one at Adam Levine's Halloween party?
艾薇儿的圣诞趴呢 At Avril Lavigne's Christmas party?
雪莉·谢波德[演员]的钱包趴呢 At Sherri Shepherd's purse party?
还有南帕萨迪纳维秘内衣店的重新开业盛典 At the grand reopening of the South Pasadena Victoria's Secret,
虽然我没去 但我收到邀请了 which I didn't go to, but to which I was invited,
要是我去的话 就有免费丁字裤 and had I gone, I would have received a free thong.
塔吉特商店黑色星期五 Was I plus one at Target's
优秀消费者预售活动 我是女伴吗 preferred shoppers Black Friday pre-sale? Hmm?
詹妮弗·梅尔珠宝店的不寻常大甩卖 我是女伴吗 Was I plus one at Jennifer Meyer's irregular trunk sale?
斯考特·迪西克[真人秀选手]的劝解大会... Was I a plus one at Scott disick's interven--
好吧 好吧 伊莉莎 Fine, Eliza, fine.
重点是 我会收到别人邀请我共同出席 The point is, I receive plus ones.
但我绝对不去 I do not be them.
好吧 显然我激怒了你 我收回那句话 Fine, I clearly touched a nerve. I take it back.
抱歉 你是因为自己的表现而收到的邀请 I'm sorry. You were invited here on your own merit.
而你对性感的红发尤物有偏见 And you discriminate against hot redheads.
当然 我对性感的红发尤物有偏见 And I, of course, discriminate against hot redheads.
而伊莉莎 从来不是 也永远不会是 And Eliza is not and never will be a...
谁的女伴 plus one.
终于来了 There they are!
我们的风云人物 The man of the hour.
和他的女伴 Plus one.
听着 你可以这么理解 Look. Look at it this way.
虽然现在他认为你是女伴 He may see you as my plus one now,
但到了周末结束 你很可能就跟山姆 but by the time the weekend is over, you could very well be
可以双双把家还了 on the other side of Sam's velvet rope.
别用夜店梗跟我套近乎 Please stop trying to relate to me by using nightclub jargon.
你简直是在雪上加霜 You're seriously just making it worse.
我要回家 And I want to go home.
不行 No, you can't.
他认为你是我的女伴[正一] 如果你走了 He thinks you're my plus one, and if you leave,
我就没伴[负一]了 I'll be negative one,
我真的不想 and I really don't want to start
这个升职关键周末一开始就这么衰 my big promotion weekend off on a sour note.
拿好了 Here we go.
萨珀斯坦庄园的赠品哟 Compliments of Rancho de Saperstein.
肥皂上印了你们名字的缩写 We've got monogrammed bath soaps,
天然蜂窝海绵 natural honeycomb sea sponge...
有机秘鲁可可豆 uh, gold-dusted organic Peruvian cacao nibs,
当然还有 and, of course,
可爱动物睡衣 Janimals, janimals wearable stuffed animals.
我的是独角兽 我的是独角兽 I'm the unicorn. I got the unicorn.
这是日程安排 Here's our itinerary.
有什么忌口的 Please make us aware of any dietary restrictions
或者想安排什么服务 请一定告诉我们 or if you'd care to schedule any services.
都有什么服务 What kind of services.
有高温岩石按摩 芬兰无花果面膜 Oh, got hot rock rolfing, Finnish fig facial,
香薰乳房检查 激光除毛 aromatic mammogram, laser hair replacement,
日式... Japanese wagu...
就在那一刻 In that moment,
我意识到亨利有多么需要我 I realized how much Henry needed me,
所以我决定要做一些无私之举 so I decided to do something selfless.
我要这个 这个 I want this one, this one,
这个 这个 这个 还有这个 this one, this, this, this, and this one.
你把这些全指了个遍 Uh, you just pointed at all of them.
这个最好来两次 Better make it two of this one.
谢谢 小泰 Thanks, T.
好的 Okay.
你们住在东廊 You'll occupy the east wing,
可以观赏到隔壁奥普拉的葡萄园 which overlooks Oprah's vineyard next door.
老板 你家真别致 Sir, your home is exquisite.
建于1923年的西班牙殖民建筑 A gorgeous spanish colonial built in 1923,
却丝毫不显老气 and yet she doesn't look a day over timeless.
你家无线网是哪个 Hey. What's your wi-fi network?
我这里只搜到了一个 不是盖尔的网络 I'm only seeing one here called, uh, "Not Gayle's network."
不只是盖尔不用网络 Gayle's not the only one not using a network.
萨珀斯坦庄园里没有网络 Here at Rancho de Saperstein, there is no network.
没有信号 No signal.
我们一无所有 We have nothing...
只有彼此相伴 ...but each other.
你们会明白 我们有彼此就够了 I think you'll find that's all we need.
会没事的 It'll be okay.
亨利 你住在裂竹套房 Henry, you'll occupy the split bamboo suite,
是根据印度性爱圣经里我老婆最喜欢的体位命名的 named after my wife's favorite "Kama sutra" Position.
请进 Enter.
我能借一下你大礼包里的鞋油吗 Can I borrow the shoe polish from your welcome kit?
我的用完了 只够一只靴子 Mine is empty and I only got through one boot.
看 都没有闪闪惹人爱 Look. The light barely dances.
在那呢 Oh! It's over there.
谢谢 Thanks.
明天起床我是要比利时蓝莓华夫饼 Should I get Belgian blueberry waffles
还是三片培根呢 or three slides of bacon tomorrow upon waking?
都不要 Neither.
你应该下楼 You should come down to the table
跟主人共进早餐 and have breakfast with our hosts.
我又不是要吃 It's not for eating.
我只是想在起床时闻到屋里的华夫饼香味 I just want the room to smell like waffles when I wake up.
或者培根 不不 华夫饼 Or bacon. No, no, waffles.
不 培根 No, bacon.
我想你已经抽空看了一下周末的安排 I assume you've taken a moment to review the weekend schedule,
我不需要再向你赘述 and I don't need to impress upon you further
守时是必须的 that punctuality at each event is imperative.
华夫饼和培根都要 Waffles and bacon!
我想 明天早上吃早饭的时候 I suspect there'll be some opportunity
一定有机会唠唠嗑 for small talk at breakfast tomorrow.
我会谢谢你把这事交给我 I'll thank you to leave that to me.
谢谢 Thank you.
真头疼啊 老天 This is so frustrating. God.
这上面有鱼子酱蛋卷 There's a caviar omelette on here,
可我要等到周一才能发到推特上 and I can't even tweet it till Monday.
真是糟心 It's like, "Ugh."
喝果汁的时候 我会随意地分享一下 Over the juice course, I'll casually share my vision
我对公司未来的展望 for the future of our company.
吃瓜果的时候 我会继续高歌 During melon, I'll segue into where
展望我对公司五年 十年后的畅想 I see our company going 5, 10 years down the road.
下午 我会还念一下从前 Come afternoon, I'll wax nostalgic
回顾我初入职场时的青涩 about my humble beginnings as a junior executive,
愉快地分享一则轶事 merrily sharing an anecdote
既凸显雄心壮志 又充满自谦之态 that's both self-aggrandizing and self-deprecating.
老天 你要是再不闭嘴 Oh, my God, I'm gonna hang myself
我就用这睡衣上吊 by the janimals if you don't stop talking.
黄昏来到马场 Come dusk on the horse trail,
过去与未来的音符都已分享 畅谈 having already shared, waxed, and segued,
我会以驯服野马的比喻奏响最终章 I'll complete the metaphor of taming a steed...
如果提拔审查 If being vetted for a promotion
意味着要变得像亨利那样 means you have to act like Henry,
那我很高兴我并不在提拔之列 I was kind of glad I was off the hook.
他的行为把我俩都逼疯了 He was driving both of us crazy
而且错过了很多美好的事物 and missing out on loads of swag amenities,
比如拖鞋里的巧克力 like slipper chocolate.
第二天早晨 我一觉睡到自然醒 The next morning, I slept in
而亨利已经快把早餐桌上的大家都无聊死了 while Henry bored the crap out of everyone over scones.
拉杰 琳达 夏莫妮卡和琼 Raj, Linda, Charmonique, and Joan
会被一批无人机取代 进而重新分配到 will be replaced by drones, and relocated
阿尔布开克一家新开的姐妹公司去 to a newly-formed sister facility in Albuquerque,
我觉得这样一定会对公司的税率 who I understand is offering some exciting incentives
起到不错的激励效果 pertaining to corporate tax rates.
而且你知道 你知道大家是 And you know -- you know what they say
怎么说公司税率的吗 about corporate tax rates.
-等等 -交税越多... - Hold up! - The bigger the tax --
-等等 等等 -她来了 - Hold up! Hold up! - There she is.
-等等 等等 -伊莉莎 早啊 - Hold up! Hold up! - Eliza! Morning.
谢天谢地 Oh, thank God.
抱歉我迟到了 但是睡在那张床上 Sorry I'm late, but that bed was literally like
简直就跟睡在维秘天使的酥胸上一样 sleeping on an angel's breast implants.
人家天使还会在乎自己的胸吗 I don't think angels augment their breasts.
在萨珀斯坦庄园睡过头 Sleeping in is not an uncommon occurrence
是常有的事 here at Rancho de Saperstein.
都怪床垫太舒服 It's the mattresses.
这里的床垫里塞的是手工卷曲的考拉毛绒 They're stuffed with hand-curled koala fleece,
这样可以让你享受绝佳的睡眠 which leads to a superior night's rest.
我不了解考拉 I don't know much about koalas,
但是我知道马是第九聪明的动物 but I do know that horses are the ninth smartest animal.
我们要一起去马厩吗 Shall we hit the stables?
怎么样 我都急不可待了 Huh? What can I say? I am hot to trot.
疾驰潇洒 慢跑惬意 甚至可以玩盛装舞步 Good to gallop. Cool to canter. Down to dressage.
天哪 看来某人对骑术词语下了不少功夫啊 My! Someone really has researched their horse words.
伊莉莎 需要我们等你去换衣服吗 Eliza, should we wait for you to get changed?
不 我不去 Mnh-mnh. No way.
我对马不感兴趣 它们一股流浪汉的味道 I'm not into horses. They smell like hobos.
我就只想裹着浴巾 All I want to do is lay on a towel,
喝着菠萝汁 八卦一下玛丽亚和尼克 drink out of a pineapple, and find out what the quack
他们的婚姻为什么会出问题 went wrong in Nick and Mariah's marriage
以及为什么监护权的判定要为#双胞胎考虑 and why the custody arrangement is for #dembabies.
-这听起来 -简直就是天堂 - That sounds -- - Like paradise.
我去换泳装 我们泳池见 I'll strap on the speedo, and we'll meet at the pool.
棒 Mm, great.
那马呢 还去骑马吗 Uh, what about the horses? What about the riding?
我说马啊 亨利 让它们等着吧 If I know anything about horses, Henry, they'll wait.
♪ I'm working on my tan, bitch ♪
你要换衣服吗 Aren't you gonna change?
换什么 我又没带泳装来 Into what? I didn't bring swim gear.
为什么 因为游泳一项根本就不在日程安排上 Why? Because swimming was not on the itinerary.
日程安排改了嘛 Well, the itinerary changed.
你得学会适应大家的节奏 亨利 You have to be able to go with the flow, Henry.
你不要继续控制大家的节奏了好吗 And you have to stop trying to control the flow.
这不能怪我啊 我做的大家都想做 It's not my fault everyone always wants to do what I do.
就好像我剪了齐刘海 It's like when I got bangs
然后米歇尔·奥巴马也跟着我剪了齐刘海 and then Michelle Obama got bangs.
当我说"现在孩子真胖"时 And when I said, "Kids are so fat,"
她就加入反对儿童肥胖的游行中了 and then she jumped on the whole childhood obesity bandwagon.
而当我开始穿无袖上衣的时候 And then when I started wearing lots of sleeveless stuff,
是谁也突然开始大露胳膊了 who suddenly had their arms showing all the time?
第一夫人就是这么跟着我的感觉走 The first lady of nonstop riding my jock.
如果你不介意的话 Well, if you don't mind,
大家也都学你在泳池边玩过了 now that everyone's had their fun copying you by the pool,
现在我想再提议大家去骑马... I'd like to reintroduce the idea of horseback riding...
-好 -我可是用了三年时间 - Yay. .. - which I spent three years
花了一万六千多美金才学会的 and over $16,000 learning how to do.
我就只求你不给我捣乱 All I ask is that you don't do anything to derail it.
我保证 You have my word.
你们骑马的时候 我要偷偷溜走 And while you guys are riding, I'm gonna sneak off
去看看奥普拉会不会出现 and see if I can catch an Oprah sighting.
去看奥普拉我一定要跟你一起 I'd totally go Oprah watching.
对 还有我 一定去 Oh, yeah, me, too. Totally.
-去看奥普拉吗 -好啊 - Oprah watching? - Oh!
如果天黑前出发 还能徒步去湖边看看 If we leave before dark, we can hike up to the lake.
太棒了 Wonderful!
我去换休闲短裙 I'll slip into my ambling kilt.
不 是休闲裤裙 No! My strolling culottes.
咱们走 Let's go.
需要我代你向奥普拉问好吗 Want me to tell Oprah you say hey?
路易斯 Louis.
我需要一杯菠萝汁带走 I'm gonna need a pineapple to go.
你也要喝吗 Do you want a pineapple?
-菠萝汁 -好 - Pineapple? - Yeah.
来两杯 Make it two.
我一直在想办法让亨利放松 I was trying to get Henry to relax,
但是真的不好办 but it wasn't easy.
他一直在想尽办法找机会升职 He was crushing his chance of promotion,
真的是不顾一切想尽办法 and not in the urban dictionary sense.
...变为畅销家具密封剂 ...into a top-selling furniture sealant.
住嘴 亨利 你...住嘴 Stop talking, Henry. Stop...Stop talking.
你听到了吗 Do you hear that?
黄喉林莺疯狂求偶的鸣叫声 The frantic mating song of the yellow-throated warbler.
我都听激动了 I know I'm horny.
说真的 你听过这么动听的鸟鸣声吗 Seriously, though, have you ever heard a sound so sweet?
亨利 你得放松 Henry, you got to relax.
我放松不了 I can't relax.
我都还没说什么他就不让我说了 He cut me off before I could deprecate.
我还得继续努力去跟他说啊 I still need to deprecate.
伊莉莎 等你来看前面的好东西哦 Eliza, wait till you see what's just up ahead!
-天哪 -真是迫不及待了 - Oh, my God, - I can't wait.
我要完蛋了 要惨了 I'm bombing. I'm tanking.
我能感觉到升职机会从我指间溜走 I can feel the promotion slipping through my fingers.
-我能感觉到 -你想多了 - I can feel it. - You're overthinking it.
不要多想 你就放松开心玩玩嘛 Don't overthink it. Just try to have fun.
我才不开心 I'm not having fun.
你能至少假装自己很开心吗 Can you maybe try to, like, look like you're having fun?
你这是流鼻血了吗 Are you having a nosebleed?
什么 What?
快点来啊 大蜗牛 Hurry up, slowpokes!
做点有意思的事 Do something fun.
今天结束前 做一件有意思的事好吗 Before the day's over, do one fun thing, okay?
这样萨珀斯坦才能知道你的能力啊 Just so Saperstein knows you're capable.
-好主意 -好 - Good idea. - Okay.
我懂了 Got it.
淡水资源保护区
又和她的真爱重聚了 Reunited with her one true love.
我被蒙特西托季刊 When I was voted "Milf of the moment"
选为"迷人少妇"时 封面硬照就是在这里拍的 by Montecito Quarterly, we shot my cover photo right here.
告诉我原因 不要谦虚 Now, tell me why. Don't be modest.
我拯救了这个湖 I saved this lake.
宣布这里为淡水保护区的 Mom chaired the conservancy group
水利小组是妈妈负责的 that had it declared a freshwater preserve.
这里禁止一切形式的开发 It's been off-limits to development
或者娱乐活动 or any form of recreation.
说实话 这里不受人类触及已经... In fact, it's been untouched by human beings --
炮弹来啦 Cannonball!
不 Oh! No!
-你们快下来啊 -天哪 - Get in here! Come on. - Oh, my God.
大家为什么都在哭啊 Why is everyone crying?
完蛋了 It's over.
没什么大不了的啦 It's not a big deal.
虽然我无法确定 I mean, I can't check,
但是肯定上不了热门话题 but it bet it's not even trending,
所以知道你跳进禁止游泳的湖的 so, you know, the only people who know about you
就只有你老板 你老板的家人 jumping into a forbidden lake are your boss, his family,
环保局蒙特西托分局 可能还有斯特德曼[教育家] the Montecito branch of the EPA, and maybe, like, Stedman.
我升职的梦想破灭了 My chances for a promotion are dead,
就像那个湖脆弱的生态系统一样 just like the fragile ecosystem of that lake.
我真的很... I'm s--
天哪 亨利 你不要惊慌 Oh, my God, uh, Henry, don't freak out,
但是有条水蛭在你的... but, uh, you have a -- a leech on your --
对 我确实有条水蛭 Yes, I do have a leech,
那条水蛭整个周末以来一直在吸走我的 a leech that's been sucking the life out of me
生活希望 她的名字就叫伊莉莎·杜丽 all weekend, and her name is Eliza Dooley.
我是水蛭吗 I'm a leech?
是你求我来留下的 所以... You practically begged me to stay here, so...
我当初不应该求你留下 Well, that was my mistake.
也不应该听你的鬼话 And it was my mistake for listening to you.
你毁了我的周末 You ruined my weekend!
天哪 说实话 God, in all honesty,
我更喜欢跟你打电话的时候 I think I preferred you when you were on your phone.
好吧 Fine.
天哪 我脖子上有条水蛭 Oh, my God, I have a leech on my neck.
我知道 我就是想跟你说这个 I know. That's what I said.
我是想帮你 I was trying to help you!
我一直想帮你 I've been trying to help.
规则是什么来着 如果冷... What's the rule again? If it's cold --
就等等 Wait.
-如果热 -就不等 - And if it's hot? - Not.
如果是黄色 先别冲厕所 And if it's yellow, let it mellow?
节水标语 小便不冲厕所
特伦斯 Terrence.
抱歉我迟到了 I'm sorry I'm late.
抱歉迟到了 Sorry I'm late.
我从不迟到的 And I'm never late.
说实话 我一般都是早到的 As a matter of fact, I'm usually early.
先生 守时一直是 Punctuality, sir,
我自己引以为豪的优点 is an attribute I pride myself on.
你的完美另一半呢 Where's your better half?
伊莉莎吗 她走了 先生 Eliza? She's gone, sir.
她应该是走了 I believe she's gone.
是我搞砸了 就像我搞砸了 I fouled it up, just like I fouled up
这个周末的一切一样 everything else this weekend.
我明明计划好的 I had a plan.
有人甚至可能称之为一个完美无缺的计划 Some might call it a perfect, flawless plan,
这计划用了我三年时间外加一万六千美金 one that took the better part of three years
最后才付诸实践 and $16,000 to put into action.
但是计划不如变化快啊 But things don't always go according to plan.
每当如此 我都要解释一番 And when they don't, I tend to unravel.
我想说的是... I guess what I'm trying to say is...
很抱歉这个周末被我毁了 先生 I'm so sorry this weekend was such a disaster, sir.
漂亮 亨利 Brava, Henry.
漂亮 Brava.
我觉得这个周末根本没有搞砸 Methinks this weekend was the opposite of a disaster.
我觉得这个周末过得非常成功 Methinks this weekend has been an unbridled success.
我能跟你说实话吗 小子 And can I tell you something, honestly, son?
我一直都想跳进那个湖里玩玩儿 I have always wanted to splash about in that lake.
山姆 Sam.
亚济明 这里很安全 Come on, Yazmin. This is a safe space.
亨利 我只是想找个机会看看真实的你 Henry, all I wanted was a chance to see this side of you,
不是事先包装好的亨利式产品 not the pre-packaged Henry product,
拥有完美配方 一定会成功 perfectly formulated for success,
而是那个美好而有缺点 but the flawed, beautiful,
跳进湖里乱搞一气的真实的亨利 lake-jumping mess that lives inside of us all.
说实话 我邀请伊莉莎跟你一起来就是因为这个 That's why in invited Eliza, quite frankly.
其实我早就注意到 You know, I, uh, can't help but notice
你身边有她在的时候你会更加真实 you're a lot more lifelike around her.
-确实是啊 -你看看你自己 - I am, aren't it? - I mean, look at you.
你吃饭迟到了 I mean, you're late for dinner,
衬衫没有塞好 剃须还割到自己了 your shirt's untucked, you cut yourself shaving.
-这是水蛭咬的 先生 -水蛭咬的 - Oh, that's from the leeches, sir. - From the leeches.
你明白我的意思了吧 You see what I mean?
你这周末经历的事说不定比你平常一年经历的都多 You probably had more fun this weekend than you have all year.
她简直是完美的女伴 She's the perfect plus one.
其实 先生 她不仅是我的女伴 Actually, sir, she's more than a plus one.
她可是贵宾 She's V.I.P.
伊莉莎 Eliza!
手机怎么会没有信号 How could there be no bars?
又不是生活在八十年代中期 It's like we're in the middle '80s.
好吧 Okay.
虽然我现在还是很生气 I'm still super mad,
但是刚才你骑马真的好帅啊 but you just rode the crap out of that horse.
伊莉莎 对不起 Eliza, I'm sorry.
我没有听你的话 I wasn't listening to you.
这周末你不是在伤害我 You weren't hurting me this weekend.
你是在帮助我 You were helping me.
我猜猜 Let me guess.
你升职了对吗 You got the promotion?
是的 I did.
我升职了 I did. I got the promotion.
就像奥普拉说的 太棒了--- As Oprah would say, "Ye-e-e-s."
太棒了--- "Ye-e-e-s."
我的确为此高兴 But that exclamation aside,
但是我不想让你觉得我把工作 I don't want you to think that I value my job
看得比...我们之间的友情更加重要 more than I value... our friendship.
我发誓 你们一样重要 Because I swear it's a tie.
一样 A tie?
对 一样 Yes. A tie.
你大晚上骑骏马奔驰而来 There is now way that you came galloping out here
还趁着朦胧的月光 不可能 on that majestic horse, bathed in moonlight,
就是来说我们一样重要的吧 to tell me it's a tie.
这是最普通的一匹马了 真的 I took the least-majestic horse, I swear.
搁马厩里 这匹马就跟头驴子一样 In the stable, this thing looked like a donkey.
你仰慕我 You worship me.
-承认吧 -我才不仰慕你 才不是 - Admit it. - I do not worship -- no.
你就承认了吧 你仰慕我 没事的 Just admit it. You worship me. It's okay.
不 我就是习惯看着你的脸了而已 No, I-I have grown accustomed to your face.
谢谢 Thank you.
那匹马吃草的声音真的好大啊 That horse is chewing really loudly.
是啊 Yes, he is.
你手机好像有信号了 Looks like you found your signal.
好像是的 Yeah. I guess I did.
♪ I'll take you down ♪
是查理发来的短信 Ah. Got a text from Charlie.
弗雷迪给我发了裸照 Freddy just sent me nudes.
亲爱的 Hey, you.
很浪漫嘛 Oh, very romantic.
你吃醋了吗 Oh, are you jealous?
-我应该吃醋吗 -不 - Should I be? - No.
根本没人点赞 所以我要删掉了 And it got zero "Likes," so I'm deleting it.
对 尽管删掉 Good. Yeah.
♪ Is the way to incomplete me ♪
♪ Can you shake this hollow night♪ ♪
♪ Through my breaths, you're the highest high ♪
♪ Or is this the high-igh-igh-igh-igh ♪
♪ High-igh-igh-igh-igh ♪
♪ Just let it go, enjoy the ri-I-I-I-I-de ♪
♪ Without the low, there ♪
♪ ain't a high-igh-igh-igh-igh ♪
♪ High-igh-igh-igh-igh ♪
太爽了 Yes!