早上好 Good morning.
亨利拒绝了你 Henry rejected you.
提醒事项 亨利拒绝了你
* Lost in the cracks of the landslide *
亨利拒绝了我
伊莉莎 我是伊莉莎 亨利拒绝了你 Eliza, it's Eliza. Henry rejected you.
* You saw me slipping on my blind side *
提醒事项 亨利拒绝了你 Reminder -- Henry rejected you.
* I'm feeling lost, feeling tongue-tied *
亨利拒绝了我 Henry had rejected me.
* And now I'm frozen in your headlights *
没错 It was true.
但最糟糕的是 And the worst part was,
我还是每天都得见他 I still had to see him every day.
我决定采取科琳·麦克沃特斯的手段 So I decided to employ the techniques of Corynn McWatters,
那个绿茶婊代言人 ambassador of bitchface.
七年级最受欢迎的女生 As the most popular girl in 7th grade,
科琳搞定了每一个威胁到她地位的人 Corynn handled anyone who threatened her status.
所以 我并没有在厕所暗自哭泣 So, instead of crying in the bathroom,
而是问自己 科琳会怎么做 I asked myself, "What would Corynn do?"
第一步 假装看不见那个人 Step one, pretend not to see the individual in question.
第二步 假装听不见那个人 Step two, pretend not to hear the individual in question.
不好意思 Pardon me.
你说什么 查理 What was that, Charlie?
是亨利... That was Henry who --
再说一遍 查理 Come again, Charlie?
我 我什么也没说 Um, I didn't -- I didn't say anything.
好吧 肯定是我幻听了 查理 Oh, well. I must be hearing things, Charlie.
我觉得她生气了 I think she's mad.
还用你觉得 You think?!
如果这两步没起作用 And if steps one and two don't work,
放弃初中生战术 screw the junior-high-school tactics
给他来一出"消失的爱人" and "Gone Girl" his ass.
他捅了我 他捅了我 Oh, he stabbed me! He stabbed me!
此段为模仿电影中的情节
你疯了吗 Are you out of your mind?
那是他想让你以为我疯了 That's what he wants you to think.
琼 去看我的日记 Joan, check my diary!
你们两个蠢货还打算要别扭多久 Okay, how long do you two fools plan on keeping this up?
用现在青少年最潮的话来说就是 In the words of the prepubescent new edition,
别闹了 拜托 cool it now, please!
不管发生了什么 No matter what went down,
我知道你们俩依然在乎着对方 I know the two of you still care about each other.
你先请 伊莉莎 After you, Eliza.
不用了 我走楼梯 No, thanks! I'll walk!
我的天 Oh, my God.
她冷落我 She snubbed me!
你看到了吗 Did you see that?
她就是故意冷落我 对吧 She totally snubbed me, did she not?!
的确是冷战 It was a snub
因为据科琳·麦克沃特斯说 because according to Corynn McWatters，
谁要先妥协 跟美腿告别 whoever caves first gets cankles,
我才不要因为亨利而失去美腿 and I am not getting cankles because of Henry.
我试着在成熟地面对这件事 知道吗 I'm trying to be mature about this, you know?
我在试着跟她沟通 I'm trying to foster communication.
试着处理好这明显的尴尬局面 I'm trying to make the best of an admittedly awkward situation.
好吧 现在起 伊莉莎·杜丽就自生自灭去吧 Well, from now on, Eliza Dooley can clean up her own messes.
你知道大楼管理员 Are you aware that the building manager
今天早上敲你家门敲了45分钟吗 was banging on your door for 45 minutes this morning?
最后他放弃了 开始敲布琳的门 He finally gave up and started knocking on Bryn's door.
完全毁掉了她的"蒂凡尼的早餐"主题早餐 It pretty much ruined her "Breakfast at tiffany's" themed breakfast.
她等这一刻等了九年啊 that she has been planning for nine years.
-九年 -我梳这个发髻可不是为了这个 - Nine. - I did not chignon my hair for this.
各位 这不公平 You guys, this is not fair.
老大叔先生一直都爱挑我刺 Mr. Old Man is always picking on me.
也许是因为你叫他老大叔先生 Maybe it's because you call him Mr. Old Man.
其实他叫劳达舒 When it's Mr. Oldman.
也许是因为你引起了 Or maybe it's because you're personally responsible
整栋大楼的马桶堵塞 for all of the building's plumbing issues.
这倒没错 It wasn't untrue.
我出去喝酒后 When I go out drinking,
不只是把钱扔马桶里冲走 I don't just flush money down the toilet.
这些就是垃圾 These are garbage!
我还会扔裤袜 I also flush hosiery.
还有芝士汉堡 And cheeseburgers.
劳达舒想让你多交押金 Oldman wants an increase on your security deposit.
-啥 -不只是因为目前的堵塞问题 - Wha...? - Not just for the ongoing plumbing issues,
还因为你在墙上乱涂乱画 but also for what you did to your walls.
那画的是我们吗 Uh, is that us?!
我搬进来时就有了 That was there when I moved in.
他想让你赔偿损失 He wants to be reimbursed for the damages.
而且你房租到期了 And your rent is due.
你把我的刘海画得太挫了 And that drawing of my bangs is hurtful.
你们这信息量太大了 一下子难以接受 Whoa, that is a lot to take in all at once.
如果你处理好自己的问题 Maybe it wouldn't be all at once
事情也许就不会都堆在一起 if you handled your bidness.
我自己会处理事情的 I handle my bidness.
只是老大叔超级严厉 It's just that Mr. Old Man is super uptight.
电力公司也超级严厉 And the electric company is super uptight, too.
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
翻译/校对 TanKnoX 圈圈
时间轴 Poxle
后期 吉吉
总监 TanKnoX
再造淑女
第一季 第十一集
宝宝头痛 去无踪 Baby headaches, be gone.
宝宝头痛 快快走 Baby headaches, leave.
-宝宝头痛 去... -先生 - Baby headaches, be...be s...befell - Sir?
查理 要敲门啊 Charlie, knock, please.
你是在牲口棚长大的吗 Were you raised in a barn?
是的 Yes.
-什么 -我是在牲口棚长大的 - What? - Yes, I was.
不是在里面 是在旁边 Well, not in a barn, but near a barn.
在农场里 On a farm.
我们种小麦 还有啤酒花 We grew wheat and also...hops.
记得敲门 什么事 Just knock. What do you want?
萨珀斯坦叫你去年度绩效评估 Uh, Saperstein's ready for your annual performance review.
好的 Yes!
来吧 Whoo! Let's do this.
祝你好运 先生 Good luck, sir.
没有运气成分 小查查 No luck involved, Chuck.
我连续五年得分领先 I've received the highest review score five years running,
从来没低过98% never less than a 98%.
请叫我亨利·波特 Just call me "Henry Potter."
为什么 Why?
因为我就是职场魔法师 创造魔法奇迹 Because I make magic like a workplace wizard.
还是别叫我亨利·波特了 Actually, don't call me "Henry Potter."
现在想想 我觉得我可能不喜欢 Hindsight, I really feel like I would very much dislike it
大家真的开始叫我亨利·波特 if people actually started calling me that.
才89% 89%?
不可能 这才是个B That can't be right. That's a "B."
这才是B啊 That's a -- that's a "B."
你当我是赫奇帕奇学院的吗 What am I, Hufflepuff?
别抓狂 这是B里面的高分 Don't get hysterical. It's a high "B."
在某些州立学校 In some state schools,
这个分数都可以拿到B+了 that might even be considered a b-plus.
我这辈子从来都是拿A以上的 I've never gotten less than an "A" in my entire life.
A B "A," "B,"
C W "C," "W"...
-X -老板 - ..."X." - Sir?
就是些字母而已 亨利 They're just letters, Henry.
如果我是你 And if I were you,
我会更加关心同事的负面评价 I'd be more concerned about the negative peer evaluations
是他们拉低了你的分数 that dragged down your score in the first place.
同事负面评价... Negative peer evaluati...
老板 介意我把这份文件拿回家 Uh, sir, would you mind if I took this file home
研究一下给我的评论吗 to review the comments?
相信我一定能从...同事们身上学到不少 I'm sure I can learn a lot from my...peers.
夏莫妮卡 Charmonique.
是我 伊莉莎 It's me, Eliza.
我戴着卡车帽呢 I'm wearing a trucker hat.
我看见了 I can see that.
你有高管健身房的钥匙吗 Do you have a key to the executive gym?
我今天早上突然需要清空我的住房 I had to vacate my premises unexpectedly this morning.
清空住房 Vacate your premises?
听好了 Mm-hmm. Listen.
我家电费用光 房租到期 My electric's off and my rent's due,
还有一笔我没有预料到的安全押金 along with an unforeseen security deposit
还有一笔"也许该预料到"的下水道疏通费 and a "probably should have foreseen" plumbing bill.
我知道你也经历过这些 #夏莫妮卡小分队 I know you've been there, #TeamCharmonique.
别扯上夏莫妮卡小分队 Oh! Don't drag Team Charmonique into this.
夏莫妮卡小分队可是按时缴费的 Team Charmonique pays her bills on time.
所以 夏莫妮卡小分队 Therefore, Team Charmonique
并不希望跟什么破产姐们...产生瓜葛 boes not wish to be associated with some broke-ass --
我没破产 没破产 Hey, I'm not broke. I am not broke.
我只是发现有些事情压力比较大 I just find certain things stressful,
比如账单 发票 工资 like, bills, invoices, payments,
债务 存款 取款 转账 debits, deposits, withdraws, transfers,
支票 公家支票 资金市场 存款 checks, money orders, money market, savings,
利息 账号 密码 还有质数 interest, account numbers, pin numbers, and prime numbers?
也许吧 那是啥玩意来着 Maybe? What are those, again?
比1大 Numbers greater than 1
而且只能被1和它本身除尽的数 that are divisible only by themselves and 1.
#夏莫妮卡小分队 #TeamCharmonique.
质数没问题了 但其他的东西 Those are fine, but the rest of that stuff
都快要吓死我了 freaks me the freak out.
你知道干什么不会吓死你吗 You know what doesn't seem to freak you the freak out?
花钱 Spending money,
你这双靴子看上去蛮新的 'cause those boots look brand-new.
就是新的 They are.
你说的没错 You are not wrong.
我的确很喜欢花钱 I really do like spending money,
可现在我的信用卡都刷爆了 but now my credit cards are maxed,
我也没有现金 而且 I've got no cash, and, plus...
我现在无家可归了 I'm homeless.
你知道你需要谁的帮助吗 You know whose help you need?
不要说史蒂夫·哈维 拜托不要说史蒂夫·哈维 Don't say Steve Harvey. Please, don't say Steve Harvey.
演员 情感顾问
啥 妹子 不是 What? Girl, no!
我是说你的他 亨利·波特 I'm talking about your boy Henry Potter.
大家现在都这么称呼他了吗 Are people calling him that now?
今天早上传开的 根本停不下来 Spread like wildfire this very morning.
瞧 See?
我都不知道 因为亨利已经不是我的他了 I didn't even know that because Henry's not my boy anymore.
我们的关系变了味 Things got weird between us,
我唯一的办法就是无视他 直到我们俩有人先死去 and so my only recourse is to ignore him until one of us dies.
或者你也可以试像成年人一样 Or you could try being a grown woman.
我早就成年了好吧 I am a grown woman!
那赶紧洗白白去跟亨利谈谈 Then go wash your ass and talk to Henry.
#卫生优先 #夏莫妮卡小分队 #HygieneFirst, #TeamCharmonique.
看看 天生领袖 Look at this. "A born leader."
完美的专业人士 "The consummate professional."
铁面无私猛男 "Stone-cold stud."
我猜这是拉里写的 I'm guessing this one is Larry.
在哪呢 快点 Where is it? Come on.
我就知道 我就知道 I knew it. I knew --
拉低我平均分的不是我的同事们 It's not my peers who brought down my average.
而是同事 It's my peer.
就只有一个匿名的同事 One anonymous peer,
一个"地狱烈焰不及被拒女人之怒火"的刻薄同事 one bitter, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" peer
竟然给了我F 还说我是一小坨屎 who gave me an "F" and called me a bit of a poop.
我问你 Who, I ask,
你觉得是谁会做出这么幼稚的行为 do you suppose would resort to something so infantine?
我不知道 I have no idea.
我知道 Well, I do.
这上面散发着伊莉莎的恶臭 This stinks of Eliza.
我不能去找亨利 I couldn't go to Henry,
因为他确信是我弄砸了他的同事互评 who was convinced I tanked his peer review,
而我又不能回家 所以我别无他选 and I couldn't go home, so, that left me no other choice
只好入住五星级酒店 than to check into a five-star hotel.
被拒了 有别的卡吗 Oh. Declined. Have another?
好吧 不如试试这张绿色的卡刷10块 Okay. Why don't we try, uh, $10 on a green visa,
蓝色的刷15 银联卡再刷5块 $15 on the blue visa, maybe 5 bucks on the MasterCard.
等等 Hold on.
女士 你可没说 Ma'am, you didn't mention
-你是双倍积分奖励会员 -我是吗 - that you're a double dollar rewards member. - I am?
-你的积分比我见过的任何人都多 -是吗 - You have more rewards points than anyone I've ever seen. - I do?
这些积分都可以订总统套房了 You could book the presidential suite with all these points.
那就这么定了 Then I will.
看看我 第一位女总统... 套房 Look at me, the first female president-ial suite.
#泡泡又美味
宝贝 香槟 Yeah! Baby! Champagne!
* You are so bull-bullshit *
* We are so Wimbledon *
* Martina Navratilova *
在因为我没有钱而倍感压力之后 After hard-core stressing out over money I didn't have,
#龙虾腰肉
是时候放松一下 it was time to blow off some steam
花一花我没有的那些钱 using money I didn't have.
干杯 Cheers.
* Champagne supernova *
该死 Shit.
这就是为什么我不看信件 Oh, see? Now, this is why I don't look at mail.
酒店生活到此结束 So much for hotel living.
就像林赛·罗韩被赶出马尔蒙庄园酒店一样 Much like lindsay lohan when she finally got kicked out of Chateau Marmont,
我也该拍一部伊丽莎白·泰勒的糟糕传记片 it was time for me to make a terrible Liz Taylor biopic
或者是找到其他不怎么丢人的方法 or find some other, less embarrassing way
筹点钱交给老大叔先生 to raise some cash for Mr. Old Man.
只要75块 For just $75 cash,
这张九成新丝芙兰礼品卡就是你的了 this lightly used Sephora gift card can be yours.
这张卡总共才50块 That's a $50 gift card.
但我得把人工劳力也算在内 Yes, but I had to factor in labor.
我花了一个小时才把这个从车椅套上弄下来 It took me an hour to scrape this off my car's upholstery
多亏了我洒在座位上的南瓜香料 thanks to the pumpkin-spice latte I spilled on the seat.
都过季了三个多月了 Those have been out of season for like three months.
这些呢 DSW How about any of these? DSW?
亚马逊 Amazon?
红辣椒烤肉餐厅 AMC电影院 Chili's? AMC theaters?
再买两支唇膏就可以免费得一支 Two pinkberrys away from getting a free pinkberry...
-在指定门店参与活动 -不要 - at participating stores? - No!
如果你真想把这些卡卖出去 Look, if you're trying to get some action on these cards,
你就得打个折 you need to offer a discount.
那张五十块红辣椒烤肉餐厅卡我给你三十 I'll give you 30 bucks for that $50 Chili's.
成交 Done.
棒 Yes!
好啊 美女们 What up, sexies?
你好 Hi.
你们两位美女 How would you two sexy sexies
想半价买一张陶伯礼品卡吗 like to buy a Talbots gift card for half its value?
那张礼品卡是去年圣诞节 I gave you that Talbots gift card
我送给你的神秘圣诞礼物 as a secret santa gift last Christmas.
你怎么说出来了 琳达 Spoiler alert. Linda?
你不买吗 No?
那你们有人想买 Well, then, uh, d-does anyone want to buy
一顶崭新热辣的卡车潮帽吗 a hot...new, still-in-style trucker hat?
不买吗 好吧 No? Fine.
记得一会儿去我办公桌那边 Well, um, swing by my desk later.
我要卖自制蛋糕呢 自制蛋糕 I'm having a bake sale. Whoa. Bake sale.
卖自制蛋糕 那是委婉说法吗 Bake sale? Is that a euphemism?
我也不知道 I'm not sure.
拉杰 我只是需要你确认一下 Raj, I just need you to confirm.
是伊莉莎·杜丽写话诋毁我的 It was Eliza Dooley who wrote that remark about me,
对吧 was it not?
亨利 抱歉 我也想帮你 Henry, I'm sorry. I would like to help you.
但是同事互评必须匿名 But the evaluation must remain anonymous.
拜托 拉杰 Come on, Raj.
现在只有你我二人 你是个聪明人 It's just you and me here. You're a smart man.
我知道你会做出正确选择的 I know you'll do the right thing.
亨利 你这是在恐吓我 Henry, I believe you're trying to intimidate me.
我可以找人事部告发你的 I would report you to H.R.
但是很不凑巧 我就是负责人事的 But unfortunately, in this case, that is me.
拉杰 Raj...
如果是伊莉莎 你就直接说是她好了 If it was Eliza, you just say it's Eliza.
你的话很有说服力 You are very persuasive,
但是我不能背弃人力资源宣言 but I cannot break the tenets of the human-resources oath.
还有人力资源宣言吗 There's a human-resources oath?
我作为一名人力资源人员宣誓 On my honor, as a human-resources officer,
我承诺让众人在工作场所得到平等的机会 do I promise to provide an equal-opportunity workplace,
让众人免于歧视 骚扰 free of discrimination, harassment,
坚决不泄露 and the divulgement
工作中的任何秘密个人信息 of confidential personal information.
如果我不遵守这些誓言 If I should breaketh such laws,
那我就会烂嘴巴 may my lips wither and turn to dust.
也不是没有回旋的余地嘛 Well, it sounds like there's some wiggle room.
算了 Never mind.
不是她 'Twasn't her.
你说什么 What was that?
不是伊莉莎 'Twas not Eliza.
该死 Damn it.
伊莉莎 Eliza?
你在我办公室里干什么呢 What are you doing in my office?
你这是穿着睡衣吗 Are you wearing pajamas?
你是在喝桃罐头汁吗 Are you drinking peaches?
-你是在这里住下了吗 -不是啊 - Are you living here now? - No!
没有 I'm not.
我穿的这不是睡衣 是休闲服 These aren't pajamas. This is lounge wear.
我是在休闲 I'm lounging....
先休闲一下再去休息室 ...before I head off to the lounge,
也就是大家都会自带罐头去的那种... which is a new club/lounge where everyone, like...
新的俱乐部或者休息室 brings their own canned goods.
好吧 我是住在这里了 Okay, I live here now.
这张账单都很久了 This bill is in collections.
不好意思 Sorry.
只有二十块 It's for $20.
二十块我有 真的有 Oh! I have $20. I have that.
伊莉莎 Look, Eliza,
现在都得交三倍费用了 the late fees are triple the original cost of the bill.
你之所以信用度下降 You sullied your credit
不是因为你没钱付账单 not because you didn't have the money --
而是因为我根本没有看到账单 But because I didn't open my mail.
对 Right.
你奶奶祝你圣诞节快乐 Your grandmother wishes you a merry Christmas,
给你寄了二十块现金 with $20 inside. Hmm.
钱太少 寄来的也晚了 奶奶 Too little, too late, Grandma.
好吧 Okay.
我们得制定计划 作出合理预算 We're gonna have to set you up with a proper budget.
你大部分收入都用来干什么 Where would you say the bulk of your income goes?
就是... Just, like...
美捷步[鞋] 亚马逊 闪购 Uh, Zappos, Amazon, Gilt...
-好吧 -颇特淘 潮品淘 博普淘 - All right. - ...Net-a-porter, Stylebop, Shopbop...
-伊莉莎 -鞋包淘 名品淘 只限名品淘 - Eliza. - ...Piperlime, fab.com, justfab.com...
-天哪 -丝芙兰 蓝蝴蝶 - Good God. - ...Sephora, Bluefly,
还有吸杯治疗 水蛭吸血 肘部漂白 as well as cupping, leeching, elbow bleaching,
还有让一群小鱼把我全身的死皮 and that procedure where little fish eat dead skin
都吃掉 from all over my body.
我该拿你怎么办 What am I gonna do with you?
你不生我的气了 You're not mad at me anymore.
我想说 我... I would say I'm -- I'm, um...
-我很失望 -好 - I'm disappointed. - Yes,
但是普通的那种失望 你一直都那样 but in the normal way that you're always disappointed.
我能看出来你不生我的气了 I can tell you're not mad at me anymore.
我知道那些诋毁评价不是你写的 Oh, I know you didn't write that review,
很抱歉我以为是你 因为 and I'm sorry for assuming it was you because...
因为我们 ...because we, uh...
因为我... because I...
我接受你的道歉 Apology accepted.
好 那我们明天 Right, so we will deal with
再处理你的公寓管理员还有停电问题 your building manager and your lack of electricity tomorrow.
至于今晚 你就先去我那里睡吧 Mm-hmm. Uh for tonight, you can stay at my place.
你那里 Your place?
我...我先去茱莉亚家 I'll s-- be staying at Julia's.
当然 这样最好了 Of course. That's great.
我自己待在你家里就行 I get your place all to myself.
也就是说我可以在你家不穿衣服到处走 Which means I can just walk around naked
屁股坐遍你家里所有家具 and put my butt on every single piece of furniture you own.
开玩笑啦 J.K.
我不会把屁股往你家里所有东西上放的 别担心 I won't put my butt on all your stuff. Don't worry.
那真是谢谢你了 That's very kind of you.
反正你这个人厉害 You're a real class act.
你一定会很舒适的 I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable.
您一定会很舒适的 I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable.
好 非常感谢 All right. Thank you very much.
不要到处翻我的东西了 Stop snooping through my things.
好 抱歉 Okay. Sorry.
你这里有隐藏摄像头之类的吗 Do you have hidden cameras in here or something?
别挥手了 Stop waving.
家里没有隐藏摄像头 我了解你而已 There are no hidden cameras. I just know you.
需要夜床服务吗 Turndown service?
不用了 谢谢 Uh, no, thank you.
那是谁 Who was that?
那是茱莉亚 That was Julia...
假装自己是旅馆服务生 pretending to be a hotel maid....
在问我是不是需要夜床服务 ...asking if I wanted turndown service.
她喜欢角色扮演 She's into role-playing...
有点超级变态 kind of a super freak.
不说了 我们该滚床单了 Anyhoo, time to start having sex.
不错啊 Sounds good.
明天上班见 I'll see you at work tomorrow.
怎么回事 你怎么来了 Huh? What? Are you doing here?
我也正想问你呢 I could ask you the same thing.
我不知道为什么会感到惊讶 I don't know why I'm surprised.
我早该知道亨利还是喜欢你这种 I should have known Henry would move on
轻佻的红发女人 to your coltish, titian-haired delights.
-什么 -给你 - What? - Here.
记得给他水牙线 Please see that he gets his waterpik.
我不想让亨利的牙龈变得... I wouldn't want Henry's gums to be any...
不牢固 ...less tight.
哇 我的账单都变得好漂亮啊 Wow! My bills are so beautiful!
就好像一家办公用品店被施了彩虹魔法一样 It's like an office-supply store meets a magical rainbow.
不是魔法 就只是办公用品而已 Nothing magical here. It's just office supplies.
但是这个 But what about this...
闪闪发光的小袋子是怎么回事 sparkling bag of treasure?
这是平头钉 These are brads.
我跟老大叔先生谈过了 Now, I've spoken to Mr. Old Man,
人家今年才43岁 who incidentally is 43 years of age,
他同意让你按月付款了 and he has agreed to a monthly-installment plan
每月付的款比你买眼部卸装液花的钱都少 that is far less than what you spend on eye-makeup remover.
还有 你买眼部卸装液花钱太多了 Also, you spent too much on eye-makeup remover.
谢谢 亨利 Thank you, Henry.
现在你真的知道我有多糟糕了吧 I guess you really know what a mess I am now.
没有 只是因为你还年轻而已 Nah, you're just in your 20s.
就在不久之前 It wasn't that long ago
-我自己也是会出现财政危机呢 -真的吗 - that I was subject to my own fiscal foibles. - Really?
密歇根安阿伯市有一群人 Let's just say there's a blockbuster
现在还不知道他们唯一的 in Ann Arbor, Michigan, that is still wondering
《惊声尖叫2》光碟去哪里了 what happened to their only copy of "Scream 2."
总之 谢谢 Well, uh, thank you.
谢谢你 Thank you.
这对我 This means...
意义重大 a lot.
客气了 You're most welcome.
跟办公室的人都说说 好吗 Spread the word around the office, would you?
我真的不是什么一坨屎 I'm not really a bit of a poop, after all.
"一小坨屎" 查理就是这么说你的 "Bit of a poop." That's what Charlie calls you.
是吗 He does?
是啊 不过不是一大坨 Well, yeah, but not a full poop,
就是 一小坨吧 just, like, a bit of a poop.
那个混蛋 That piece of shit.
是不是很漂亮 Isn't it pretty?
多亏了亨利 中年大叔先生可以自动扣款了 And Mr. Middle-aged man is on automatic debit thanks to Henry,
我也不会因为忘记付房租而无家可归了 so I won't forget to pay and be homeless again.
无家可归的伊莉莎很惹火哦 Hey, homeless Eliza was hot.
你为什么不让我来跟你一起住 ...why didn't you offer to let me stay with you?
什么 What?
我无家可归 When I was homeless
住总统套房的时候 and staying at the presidential suite,
你为什么不让我来跟你一起住 why didn't you offer for me to come stay with you?
你想跟我一起住吗 You wanted to stay with me?
我是说 要是不把奖励积分 Well, I mean, it would have been nice
都用光 那就好了 not to use up all my rewards points.
你来跟我住我肯定热烈欢迎 Hey, I would have been happy for you to stay with me, okay?
但是我肯定 要是我提出来 But I guarantee you, if I offered,
你肯定会吓坏 然后甩了我 you would have just freaked out and dumped me.
每次我想跟你认真 Anytime I try to get serious with you,
你都会把我推开 y-you pull away from me.
真的吗 I do?
* Well I have been searching all of my days *
真的 You do.
如果我可以决定 Look, if it were up to me,
那我愿意让你每天晚上都来跟我一起睡 you'd be staying at my place every night of the week.
* All of my days *
永久性的 Like...permanently.
像《盒装美人》那样截肢吗 Like "Boxing Helena" style?
不 No.
我可不想把你大卸八块 Don't want to cut off your limbs
然后装盒子里放在我床底下 and put you in a box under my bed.
我只是想尽可能多地跟你在一起 I just want to be around you as much as possible.
我刚才是不是又吓到你了 Did I just scare you off?
是的 Yes,
#弗雷迪小队 #TeamFreddy.
早上好 查理 Good morning, Charlie.
迷你棉花糖 你的最爱对吧 Mini marshmallows. Your favorite, right?
快点喝吧 Go ahead. Drink up.
还需要什么别的吗 Huh? Anything else you need?
要不要吃个早餐酥饼 Would you like a breakfast pastry?
来个背部按摩怎么样 How about a back rub?
老板 抱歉我给你打了F Sir, I'm sorry about the "F."
我那天心情不好 现在好多了 I was having a bad day. I'm better now.
你能不对我这么和蔼可亲了吗 Can you stop being so nice to me?
我不喜欢这样 I hate it.
我也不喜欢 Yeah, I hate it, too.
这样不对 It's not right.
把这堆脏脏的棉花糖清理干净好吗 Clean up these filthy marshmallows, would you?
不是我洒的 I'm not the one who spilled them.
查理 求你了 Charlie, I entreat!
他回来了 He's back.
话说 So...
这周末你跟你的小矮人打算干什么 What are you and midge up to this weekend?
小矮人 Midge?
你的口袋伙伴 你的小舞者 茱莉亚呀 Your pocket pal. Your tiny dancer. Julia.
她啊 Oh. Um...
还没定呢 可能就随便玩玩吧 I don't know. We're probably just gonna play it by ear.
要不你们两个到我家来玩吧 Why don't the two of you come over to my place?
不了 她可能待命值班 Oh, no, no. I think she's on call.
我们可以一起看电影啊 But we could watch a movie
比如《分手》或者《他没那么喜欢你》 like "The break-up," or "He's...just not that into you."
你怎么知道的 How did you find out?
我看你的日记了 I read your journal.
什么 你那是侵犯我的隐私... What?! That's a clear violation of my personal --
开玩笑啦 亨利 玩笑而已 J.K., Henry. J.K.
现在我知道你日记了 Now I know you journal.
日记不是个动词 Journal's not a verb.
我不是日记 而是写日记 I don't journal. I keep a journal.
很遗憾你跟茱莉亚没能走下去 I'm sorry things didn't work out with Julia.
谢谢 Thank you.
我完全可以理解 I mean it's completely understandable.
你又要说关于身高的玩笑了吗 Let me guess -- more height jokes?
不是 No.
不 我怎么会贬低茱莉亚呢 No, I would never want to belittle Julia.
因为她自己本身个子就很低 Because she already "Be little" herself?
你是说她矮个子急性子吗 Would you say she has a short temper?
你就跟七岁小孩一样 这个你是知道的对吧 You are 7 years old. You do know that, don't you?