世界上有三大天才 The three biggest geniuses are --
发明防走光贴的贱人 The slut who invented Hollywood tape...
前方有事故 Hazard reported ahead.
800英尺后左转 In 800 feet, turn left on...
移动地图上的神经病 The psychic bitch on Waze...
以及发明来电显示的那个多疑小荡妇 And whatever dubious skank invented caller I.D.
美好的一天早上好 伊莉莎 Good morning on this very good morning, Eliza.
怎么美好了 Oh. What's so good about it?
萨珀斯坦今年要宣布公司的第六届年度十公里长跑 Saperstein is announcing the company's sixth annual 10k today.
还是没看出来好在哪里 Ugh. Still not seeing the good.
亨利告诉我 I'm told by Henry
他每年都是冠军 that Henry wins this competition every year.
海报上的剪影就是他 They even put his silhouette on the poster.
告诉你吧 伊莉莎 Let me tell you something, Eliza.
这一辈子人们都在对我说 All my life, people have been telling me,
你太瘦小 希格斯 你不够快 希格斯 "You're too small, Higgs. You're not fast enough, Higgs.
放弃你愚蠢的梦想吧 史蒂夫 Give up your foolish dreams, Steve."
史蒂夫 史蒂夫是谁 什么情况 Steve? Who's -- who's Steve? What's happening?
他在背《阿普正传》里的台词 He's reciting a monologue from "Prefontaine,"
是个电影 杰瑞德·莱拖演一个大胡子长跑运动员 a feature film in which Jared Leto plays... A heavily mustachioed long-distance runner.
三十秒上火星乐队的主唱 The lead singer from Thirty Seconds to Mars
演过电影 was in a movie?
应该是 《阿普正传》的演员玩过乐队 No, the guy from "Prefontaine" was in Thirty Seconds to Mars.
你姐姐打过来无数个电话了 Okay, your sister has called for the umpteenth time.
你姐姐 Your sister?
你不是说你家人都在海上遇难了么 You told me your family was lost at sea.
肯定是有人让她体验了回荒岛余生 Well, somebody must have Tom Hanks'd her ass
带她回到了文明大陆 给了她这个号码 back to civilization and given her this number,
可以联系到她 which she can be reached at.
我姐姐并没有在海上遇难 My sister's not lost at sea.
好吗 她被找到了 在陆地上找到的 Okay? She's found. On land.
很不幸 我全家人都活得好好的 My whole entire family is alive, unfortunately.
伊莉莎 你不应该希望自己家人去死 Eliza, you should never wish your family dead.
我倒是希望 Oh, I have.
但那次是因为我弟弟拿刀捅了我 But only after my brother stabbed me that one time.
你不明白 我姐姐就是个怪物 You don't understand. My sister is a monster.
我请求处他死刑 I argued for the death penalty,
可由于他当时未成年 我父母就饶过了他 but since he was a minor, my parents let him walk.
她没那么差劲吧 She can't be that bad.
他现在长大了 有了六个孩子 He's grown now, went on to have six kids of his own,
其中四个都很邪恶 four of whom are evil.
我整个童年阶段 贝瑟妮都用她的美好不停折磨我 Bethany tortured me with her greatness my whole childhood.
搞得我像是个红头发的养女 I was like the redheaded stepchild,
可我们都是红头发 而且是亲姐妹 only we both had red hair and we're related.
家里从来就没有我小时候的照片 There were never any baby pictures of me around,
但破贝瑟妮却有专业的肖像 but stupid, stupid bethany had professional portraits
各种用来炫耀的证书和铜奖杯 and brag books and bronze booties.
怪不得你总是不停地记录自己 And that's why you incessantly document yourself.
可没我惨 因为谁睡下铺而被打 Not as bad as getting shanked over who gets the bottom bunk.
我根本不可能达到我姐姐的高度 I could never live up to my sister's glory.
全科优秀 班长 从不放屁 Straight A's, class president, never farts,
肌肤完美无瑕 还很会哭鼻子 flawless skin, pretty crier.
伊莉莎 所有的兄弟姐妹都会互相竞争 Eliza, all siblings are competitive.
也许她现在已经成熟了 Maybe she's matured.
你显然就是如此 You certainly have.
记住 有时候 难搞的人出现在我们生命中 Remember, sometimes difficult people surface in our lives
是有原因的 把它当做一个挑战 for a reason. Think of it as a challenge.
你可不是那种害怕挑战的人 You're not the kind of person who's afraid of a challenge.
话说 Well, I mean,
有一次肉桂粉大挑战之后我是住过一段时间院 不过 I was briefly hospitalized after the cinnamon one, but...
打电话给你姐姐 离你弟弟远点 Call your sister. Stay away from your brother.
打电话给你姐姐 Call your sister.
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翻译/校对 TanKnoX 圈圈
时间轴 Poxle
后期 吉吉
总监 TanKnoX
再造淑女
第一季 第十二集
小伙伴们 Team,
看到生病孩子需要我们帮助 我们应该干什么 What do we do when we see a sick child who needs our help?
跑 We run.
没错 Amen.
过去五年来 For the past five years, we've run
我们跑过了金德凯关爱行动十公里长跑 in the kinderkare kares for kinders 10k,
筹集金钱对抗各种儿童疾病 raising money to help battle all types of childhood illness.
但是 就像很多生病的孩子一样 But...like so many of those sick kids,
10公里长跑随着时间的流逝 the 10k, over time,
已经失去了乐趣 has become a real bummer.
我想我的话也代表了大家的心声 And I think I speak for everyone when I say...
去他的吧 I'm over it.
怎么了 他干啥了 What? What'd he do?
今年 我们要改头换面 So this year, we're changing it up...
金德凯关爱行动 with the Kinderkares kares for kinders
泥浆长跑 mighty mud run.
哇 我很少会被PPT弄的狂躁 Wow! I rarely get riled up over slideshows,
但这个简直如电击一般 but that was electrifying.
弗雷迪 这是你的主意 Freddy, this is your brainchild.
来跟我一起 Would you like to come up here and join me
进行第一届撕十公里长跑海报仪式 for the first annual ripping of the 10k poster?
不好意思 每年都要撕一遍十公里长跑的海报吗 I'm sorry. We're gonna rip the 10k poster every year?
没错 You got that right.
作为参加了三年泥浆长跑的老手 As a 3-year veteran of the mud run circuit,
欢迎大家进入全新的刺激世界 I wanna welcome you to this new and exciting world
他一定会走进你的心 that'll find its way into your heart
和屁股沟 and your butt crack.
我可不喜欢乱用俚语 I hate to partake in the use of slang contractions,
可现在这样 but would this not be
难道不是"没坏就别修"的状况吗 an "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" type situation?
我觉得更像是 Uh, I think it's more of
"听起来超酷 快来玩吧"的情况 a "Sounds hella cool, let's do it" type situation.
对不对 Huh? Am I right?
如果你不想参赛 But if you don't wanna brave the course,
还有很多方式可以帮忙 there are a number of other ways you can help out.
琳达那里有弃权声明书和报名表 Now Linda has the, uh, waivers and the sign-up sheets.
非常感谢各位 Thank you, all, very much.
-干得漂亮 -我要负责茶点饮料 - Good job. - I am so doing refreshments.
他们会发三百块经费 They give you 300 bucks,
我只要从休息室里偷点吃的过去 and then I just steal food from the breakroom
把钱私藏了就好 and pocket the cash.
说得好骄傲 She said proudly.
不要鄙视我 亨利 Don't judge me, Henry.
这是没有受害者的犯罪 It's a victimless crime.
给我 Gimme.
-嘿 坏女孩 -嘿 弗雷迪 - Hey, bad girl. - Hey, Freddy.
你是乖乖女 You being good
还是淘气顽皮的性感美人 or you being a naughty, naughty little sex face?
-不知道 -怎么了 - I don't know. - What's wrong?
弗雷迪 我以为我们的关系认真起来了 Freddy! Look, I just thought we were getting more serious.
认真的情侣可不会只是 And serious couples are supposed to do more than just...
说下流话 dirty talk.
我知道 Yeah, I know.
所以我买了《皮平》的日场票 That's why I got us matinee tickets to "Pippin."
什么鬼... What the...
是一部音乐剧 It's a musical.
这又是亨利给你布置的任务吗 Look, is this another one of Henry's assignments?
我不知道我们的关系要怎么进行下去 Because I don't know how our relationship is supposed
因为亨利总是 to survive with Henry always
-把他愚蠢的... -不管你信不信 - just sticking his big stu-- - B-believe it or not,
亨利并没有控制我所有的言行 Henry does not control everything I say and do.
可这是我姐姐打来的电话 Ah, but that's my sister calling...
亨利说我必须要接 And Henry says I have to take it.
喂 Hello?
好吧 Right. Yeah.
亨利 Henry!
看见没 泥浆长跑训练的结果 小子 See that? It's my mud run trainin', son.
侧面飞速进入 Came in quick with the side lunge.
这次比赛一定非常震撼 Whoo! How bomb is this race gonna be, huh?
绝对震撼 我肯定 Quite bomb, I'm certain.
希望你没有因为我换了你的十公里长跑而太过沮丧 Hope you're not too bummed out about me bagging your 10k.
-一点也没有 -很好 因为我听说 - Not at all. No. - Good, because I hear some of the ladies
有些女士因为计划改变而非常不满 got their panties in a bunch over the change of plans.
真奇怪 That's -- that's weird.
明年他要干什么 把我们扔坑里吗 What are they gonna do next year? Throw us in a pit?
让我们爬出来吗 Have us claw our way out?
我上肢力量很弱 力量都在腿上了 I have no upper body strength. It's all in my legs.
老板 Sir.
赛场这一角的选手 亚洲进口 In this corner, the Asian import --
老板 我其实出生在美国范奈斯 Actually, sir, I was born in Van Nuys.
性感又迅速 完美的工程设计 Fast as he is sexy. A study of superior engineering.
这一角... And in...
弗莱迪 你能往左边挪一点么 Actually, Freddy, could you just move to your left slightly?
-好的 -很好 - Sure. - That's great.
这一角的选手 王室美男子 And in this corner, the Adonis
意大利加拿大宝石精雕而成 carved out of Italian-Canadian marble,
完美的轮廓 没有一丝多余的部分 not an ounce of wasted mass on his exquisite frame.
谁将取得胜利 Who will be the victor?
我们也许永远不得而知 We may never know,
因为亨利还没有胆量报名 as Henry has yet to nut up.
老兄 别怂啊 Dude, nut up.
不好意思 我正在调养身体 I'm sorry, but I was conditioning my body
准备迎接十公里长跑 for the rigors of 10 kilometers.
得了吧 老爷爷 做出改变吧 Oh! Come on, gramps. Change it up.
-老爷爷 -这会让你保持年轻 知道吗 - "Gramps"? - Yeah. It'll keep you young, you know?
刺激身体系统 Shock your system.
他说的对 我每天都给自己的身体带来惊喜 He's right. I surprise my body every day,
这很不容易 因为我的身体很了解我... which is not easy because my body knows me so --
俯卧撑 哈哈 Push-ups! Ha ha!
我的身体可没料到这个 My body didn't see that coming.
傻了吧 股四头肌 Bam! Joke's on you, quads!
你以为能悠闲地跟亨利聊天吗 休想 Thought you were having a nice leisurely chat with Henry? Nope.
20次 4组 走起 20 reps, 4 sets. Let's go.
亨利 快点 快来 Come on, Henry. Get it! Come on!
早啊 我的血液 Bonjour, bloodstream!
来多吸点氧气吧 Let's get you oxygenated, shall we?
你跟你的血液说法语吗 Dude, did you just speak French to your bloodstream?
是[法语] Oui.
什么鬼 "Oui"? What?
我准备迎接姐姐的到来 As I prepared for my sister's arrival,
下定决心要向她展示 I was determined to show her
我已经成了很负责的成功人士 how responsible and successful I'd become.
虽然自从十几岁之后就再也没有联系过 Even though we'd barely spoken since we were teenagers,
但我已经从Ins上得知了她的一切 I knew everything I needed to know about Bethany from her Instagram.
完美的早餐和自制午餐 With her perfect brunches and homemade lunches
还有他可爱的老公彼得 and her adorable husband Peter
他给她留的手写便条 and the handwritten notes he leaves her
还有跟她长得一样的朋友们的七天净身计划 and her identical friends on a 7-day cleanse
二手2013烂俗款宝马 and her certified pre-owned 2013 basic bitch Beemer.
伊莉莎 是我 Eliza? It's me! Hello?
伊莉莎 Eliza?
每次听到贝瑟妮的声音 Every time I hear Bethany's Voice...
我就好像又回到了五岁 It's like I'm 5 years old again.
你好 Hello! Oh!
伊莉莎 瞧瞧你家 真的很符合你 Eliza, look at your place. It's so you.
这话什么意思 What's that supposed to mean?
没什么 Uh, nothing?
坐吧 对了 Have a seat. Oh, my God. Here.
先让我把工资单从这个奖金支票上拿走 Let me just move the pay stub from the bonus check I received
因为我是公司最佳业绩销售代表 for being my company's top performing sales rep
再让我把它放在水晶香槟杯旁边 and put it next to the crystal champagne flutes
也是因为同样的原因得的哟 I received for the exact same reason.
哇 听上去某人工作做得不错啊 Whoa, sounds like someone's great at their job.
真让人惊叹 伊莉莎 That's amazing, Eliza.
让人惊叹 你觉得我能做好工作很惊叹 It's amazing? You're amazed that I can do a job?
并不是 这一周来 你躲着我不接我电话 Not really. You were doing a great job
这件事倒是做得很不错 of avoiding talking to me for the past week.
这么说吧 其实是我不想接 Oh, well, let's just say, um, I didn't want to.
伊莉莎 我不是来吵架的 Eliza, I did not come here to fight.
我只是想找你叙叙旧 聊聊近况 I just wanted to connect and talk about what's been going on.
近况啊 我想想 What has been going on? Well, let me see.
我很好 男友超帅 I'm pretty great. Super-hot boyfriend.
跟一位妈妈成了好朋友 Befriended a working mom.
她有点喜欢逛廉价店 She's a little bit of a Maxxinista,
-不过我们能相处 -我怀孕了 - but we make it work -- - I'm pregnant!
伊莉莎 我要当妈妈了 Eliza, I'm gonna be a mom!
你要当姨姨了 You're gonna be an aunt!
我的娃的姨 To the baby that I am the mom of!
抱歉 我实在是憋不住了 Sorry. I couldn't keep it in any longer.
我是说这个消息 不是宝宝 The news, not the baby.
真是惊喜啊 What a surprise.
贝瑟妮不是来跟我叙旧的 Bethany didn't come to catch up with me.
她是来告诉我她的近况的 She came to catch me up on her.
能用你的香槟杯庆祝这个好消息吗 Can we use your champagne flutes to toast my good news?
她来拜访的唯一目的 The sole purpose of her visit
就是要来抢我走的风头 was to take the spotlight from me
让聚光灯照到她自己 and shine it directly upon herself
还有她的大破子宫 and her big, stupid uterus.
我觉得还是先洗洗吧 I think maybe we'll just rinse these out first.
如果她能同时让我对自己感到不爽 And if she could make me feel bad about myself... while doing it?
她再得一分 Bonus points.
肯定是电脑特效 This must be C.G.I.'d.
是假的 This is fake!
我会死在里面的 I'm gonna die out there.
我会死的 I'm gonna die out there.
我真不应该听你的 I never should have listened to you.
你说什么 W-what are you talking about?
我姐姐来我家了 怀孕了 Now my sister is in my house, pregnant.
她怀孕了 She's pregnant?!
你要当姨姨了 伊莉莎 恭喜 You're gonna be an aunt! Eliza, congratulations!
耶 最好的事情并没有发生在我身上 Yippee! The greatest thing that ever happened to me didn't happen to me.
发生在了她身上 It happened to her.
你在说什么呢 What are you talking about?
怀孕不过是贝瑟妮的手段 This whole pregnancy is Bethany's way
她想让我感到自己的生活不咋地 of trying to make me feel like my own life is insignificant.
伊莉莎 你不会真的以为 Eliza, you don't actually think that your sister decided
你姐姐为了刁难你才决定怀孕 to have a baby just to spite you?
不然你怎么解释 Well, how else do you explain the fact
她的预产期是十月十八号 that she is due on October 18th?
就在我生日前一周 That is the week before my birthday.
就好像她的孩子想要抢走我的十月 It's like her baby is trying to bogart October for me.
伊莉莎 你别乱想了 你就不能为她而开心吗 Eliza, that is insane. Can't you just be happy for her?
不能 No. No.
你是在跟踪弗雷迪吗 Hey, are you stalking Freddy?
不要 Don't...ugh!
我没有跟踪弗雷迪 我在研究他 看他有几斤几两 I'm not stalking Freddy. I'm studying him. Sizing him up.
调查他怎么准备这些比赛 Researching what he does to prepare for these competitions.
大家都知道我们俩亦敌亦友 It's no secret that the two of us are frenemies.
不要再用这个词了 Don't ever use that word.
我可不想在赛场上让自己难堪 I don't wanna embarrass myself out there.
那你就找弗雷迪帮忙啊 Then just ask Freddy for help.
他肯定愿意帮你训练的 He would love to help you train.
拜托 他可受不了我 Please. He can't stand me.
那是因为他以为你受不了他 Only because he thinks you can't stand him.
拜托 就是因为这个他才受不了我吗 Oh, come on. That's why he can't stand me?
所以如果他觉得我能受得了他 So if he thought I could stand him,
-那我们就能受得了彼此了吗 -可能吧 - then we'd be able to stand each other? - Maybe.
我一直觉得如果你们不讨厌彼此的话 I've always thought you guys might like each other
说不定你们会喜欢彼此 if you didn't hate each other.
再说了 你不是告诉我 And besides, aren't you the one who told me
"难搞的人出现在我们生命中 "Sometimes challenging people come into our lives
是有原因的"吗 for a reason?"
所以我同意跟恶魔准妈妈试着和好 So I agreed to squash it with rosemary's baby mama,
亨利也同意跟弗雷迪一起训练 and Henry agreed to squat it with Freddy.
感觉有点诡异啊对不对 It's kinda weird, huh?
就好像是一种诡异的...角色对调 It's like a whole weird, uh, role reversal.
怎么说 In what sense?
通常是你告诉伊莉莎做什么 Well, I mean, normally, you're telling Eliza what to do,
现在却是我在告诉你做什么 是吧 and now I'm here telling you what to do. You know?
对 但是真正的角色对调... Right, but in a true role reversal...
随便了 哥们 Yeah, whatever, dude.
不要这么认真嘛 Don't be so literal, okay?
认真你就输了[吸它吧] Literal people can suck it.
但你这说的肯定不是字面意思 But not literally.
好 我们先从彼此问候开始 Okay. Let's start with a simple salutation
这样可以开启心智 让我们得以挑战自己的身体 that will open our minds so that we can challenge our bodies.
好像不错 好 Sounds good. Yeah.
跪下 Kneel down.
就这样 跪在土上吗 Oh, right here? In the...dirt?
现在跟我念 Now...repeat after me.
弗雷迪 帮帮我 求你帮帮我 "Freddy, help me. Help me, please.
没有你我一无是处 "Without you, I'm nothing.
我跪下求你 I'm down on my knees."
我觉得这好像不... All right, I'm not sure that's really --
弗雷迪 你很强壮 "Freddy, you're strong,
我很软弱 "and I'm so weak.
我的思想已老 "My spirit is old,
但是你的却处于巅峰 but yours is at its peak."
好吧 All right.
我们赶紧训练完了事 Let's get this over with,all right?
等等 别这样别这样 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
我跟你开玩笑呢 哥们 I'm just messing with you, dude.
其实参加这种赛跑 Look, truth is, with these races,
你是永远无法准备好的 you can never really be ready.
知道吗 这是你最需要理解的一点 Okay? That's the most important thing for you to understand.
你没有准备好 You're not ready.
你就只能老老实实参加 All you can do is just show up,
对泥浆长跑逆来顺受好好忍着 take what the mud run throws at ya,
通常就是指... which is, you know, usually --
-泥浆 -看到没 - Mud. - Ah! You see?
就是字面意思 Literal.
说的是 But not incorrect.
来吧 我们走 Booyah! Let's get it!
快来 Come on!
好 我们...走 Yeah! Let's...get it.
我觉得这样会让她的生命拥有全新的意义 Oh, I think it'll give her life a whole new purpose.
肯定的啊 It has to.
好 等等 Okay. Hold on.
爸比想跟你说话哦 Dada wants to talk to you!
爸比想跟你打招呼哦 Dada wants to say hello!
现在胎儿长出耳朵了吗 Does your fetus even have ears yet?
我觉得现在还没有呢 Because I don't think it does.
我先挂了 伊莉莎开始暴躁了 I should probably hop. Eliza's getting cranky.
没什么特别让人激动的事儿 No, nothing exciting.
就是我要去见她的同事了 I'm just gonna meet all the people she works with.
我爱你 I love you.
我爱你更多 I love you more.
好 严格来时这也不算工作 Okay, so technically, this isn't work.
是公司的人一起参加的活动 It is a work event,
所以我需要你不要那么"贝瑟妮" so I need you to not do Bethany things.
不要那么"贝瑟妮"是什么意思 What are "Bethany things"?
就是"大家都要看我 不要看伊莉莎" You know, "Everyone, look at me. No one look at Eliza."
-我才不会那样 -看到没 - I don't do that. - See?
你又来了 总是想让什么都围着你转 There you go again, making it all about you.
我真的不想跟你吵架 I really don't wanna fight.
我保证今天一切听你命令行事 I promise I will just follow your lead today.
谢谢 Thank you.
也就是说我也不想指出来 Which means I will not point out that if
如果不马上换衣服出门的话我们就会迟到了 you don't change now before we leave, we're gonna be late.
有移动地图不会迟到的 Not according to Waze.
这样会折磨死她 It was killing her.
她绝不会让我在争论中说最后一句话 She can never let me have the last word.
有时候移动地图是错的 Sometimes Waze is wrong.
滚出我家 Get out of my house!
伊莉莎 需要帮忙吗 就这些吗 Hey. Eliza. You need any help? Is this it?
当然不是 我姐姐正在把酒桶滚过来 Nope. My sister's wheeling the keg over now.
-酒桶 -我可是倾尽全力肆意发挥了 - The -- the keg? - I went all out.
有一桶啤酒 大量熟食 I got a keg of beer, a deli ring,
一些混装甜点 一大袋辣味膨化食品 some assorted pastries, a gallon bag of hot cheetos,
几盒咖啡 还有... a couple of coffee boxes, and, like, a --
亲爱的 跑步比赛的时候不能吃那些东西 Babe, you -- you can't have any of that during a race.
啤酒是米勒淡啤啦 It's Miller lite.
我是不是该叫人出去买点水来 Should I send somebody out on a run?
我真的担心会有人渴死 I'm really concerned people are gonna be dehydrated.
我说你不要搞得我也紧张好吗 Hey. Hey! Don't get all tense and uptight on me, okay?
精神一紧张肌肉就会变得僵硬 You get uptight, it's gonna seep into your muscles.
这样可能抽筋的 You're gonna cramp up.
好建议 弗雷迪 亨利一直都紧张兮兮的 Great advice, Freddy. Henry's always uptight.
放松好吗 放松 一起来 Yeah, keep it loose, okay? Loosen up. Come on.
让我来帮你放松 Let me see you get loose.
跟我一起来 很好 Like this? Perfect. Yeah.
现在跟我念 Now repeat after me.
弗雷迪 求你帮帮我 "Freddy, help me, please --"
我不要再跟你一起念了 Okay, I am done repeating after you.
伊莉莎 我把东西都放这里好吗 Eliza, do you want me to set everything up over here,
放在阴凉处 in the shade?
看到没 她想把我准备的吃的 See? She wants to keep my refreshments
都放在边上 这样谁会看到啊 on the sidelines, where no one can see them!
我还带来了水和香蕉 I also grabbed some water and bananas
以防有人不想在参加赛跑前 just in case anyone didn't feel like day-drinking
喝什么啤酒 before the big race.
不会有人想喝水吃香蕉的 我们... I don't think anybody's gonna want those. We've got...
有香蕉 太棒了 Bananas? Whoo!
准备了那么多东西 so much stuff.
我去拿根香蕉吃你会不会杀了我 You're gonna kill me if I grab a banana, huh?
-想都别想 -好吧 - Don't even think about it. - Yeah.
-感觉还好吧 -不错 - You good? - Yeah. I'm good.
你呢 Oh. You?
-这话什么意思 -没什么 - What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
你一直忙着指导我们 You're so busy instructing all of us,
我怕你忽略了自己 I'm afraid you're neglecting yourself.
比如 你右腿膝盖没事吧 For example, is your right knee bothering you?
我注意到 'Cause I've noticed
你整早都在用左膝用力 you've been favoring your left all morning.
你想通过我的膝盖 影响我的精神状态吗 Trying to get in my head... through my knee?
我想影响你的精神状态 Me trying getting in your head?
我们在山上的时候那都是怎么回事 What was all that stuff up in the mountain, huh?
你还跟我说什么我永远不会准备好 Telling me I'll never be ready,
还让我给你跪下 求你帮我 making me kneel down and beg you for help?
我是先让你崩溃然后好重塑你的自信心 I was breaking you down so I could build you back up.
好吗 这是个非常普通的... Okay? It's a very common, uh...
拉杰 来帮我想想这是什么 Raj, come on. Help me out here.
-请不要把我拉进你们的战争 -好吧 - Please don't rope me into conflict. - Fine.
你不想让我帮你对吧 好 You don't want my help? That's fine.
你现在又多了一个障碍 哥们 You just added another obstacle to your race, buddy.
那就是我 我们来一较高下 哥们 And that's me. It's on, bro!
哥们 别叫我哥们好吗 Bro, don't call me "Bro," Bro.
我才不是你哥们 非哥们 I'm not your bro. I mean, non-bro.
我手里拿的是 发令枪 Here in my hand -- the starter's pistol.
在我开枪之前 But before I fire it,
我想说...逗你玩 I'd just like to say...boo!
姑娘 要是你们用夏莫妮卡 Oh! Baby girl, I would be so honored
作为宝宝的中间名 我真是万分荣幸 if you used Charmonique as a middle name.
时间真是飞逝啊 Now...I don't know how the time went by,
我得继续跑了 but I best be on my way.
我知道你一定可以的 I know you can do it!
我可以的 I can do it!
-怎么知道 -什么怎么知道 - How? - How what?
你怎么知道她可以的 How do you know she can do it?
如果你了解夏莫妮卡 If you know the first thing about Charmonique,
你就会知道她做不到 you know that she probably can't do it,
她这样去尝试会伤到自己的 and she's going to hurt herself trying.
我只是想积极一点而已 I was just trying to be positive.
不 你只是想让她走的时候 No, you were just trying to help her walk away,
心里想的是"她真是个好人" thinking, "Oh, wow, what a great person,"
-但是真相你我心知肚明 -什么真相 - but you and I both know the truth. - What truth?
你不是个好人 That you're not a great person.
你所做的每一件事 Every single thing you've ever done
都是为了让我自卑 is designed to make me feel like crap.
难道你这周末来不就是为了这个吗 I mean, isn't that why you really came here this weekend?
我这周末来是想告诉你我怀孕了 I came here this weekend to tell you I'm having a baby.
这样... Well...
那恭喜你 Congratulations
又要造出来一个 on making yet another human being who will think
觉得你比我优秀的人了 you're better than me!
你对那位又和蔼又大方的孕妇真是刻薄啊 Wow, you really stuck it to that kind and generous pregnant woman.
快跑吧 Go.
成功了 Oh, yeah!
该死 Damn.
弗雷迪过去了啊 Oh, Freddy, huh?
跟在那个鼓舞人心的大神后面 Running behind that inspirational man-god
让我的痛苦都烟消云散了 makes all the pain go away!
这样能给我个参与奖吗 Do I get a participant ribbon for this?
不见了 他真跑那么快吗 Gone. Is he really that fast?
-来一决胜负吧 -哇 - It ends now! - Whoa!
你脑子有问题吧 What is your problem?!
你就是我的问题 You're my problem!
你赛前打击我 With -- you're talking down to me,
你想让我感觉自己很傻逼 you're trying to make me feel stupid.
你逼伊莉莎质疑我们的关系... Forcing Eliza to question our relaysh --
你活着就是为了挖我墙脚的吧 It's like you live to undermine me!
让我觉得自己不行 现在到底是谁不行 Make me feel inferior! Who's inferior now?!
你说 You tell me!
看到了吧 你膝盖就是有问题吧 See, that's the knee I was worried about.
我声明一下 And for the record,
是你一直在挖墙脚 you're the one who's undermining.
你质疑我说的一切 You challenge everything I say!
你一直取笑我的年龄 You're constantly making cracks about my age,
你还经常鄙视我的领带 and you often besmirch my neckties!
你就承认吧 你就是疯狂嫉妒 Admit it. You're insanely jealous
嫉妒我年轻 嫉妒我的女朋友 嫉妒我的发型 of my youth, my girl, of my kick-ass hair!
别闹了好吗 就凭我自己的发型 我嫉妒你干什么 Oh, beg pardon. My hair kicks ass in its own right.
你的发型一直梦想变成我的发型 Your hair dreams about being my hair.
发型没有生命 所以不会梦想 Hair is not sentient, and thus cannot dream!
别认真好吗 Literally!
你知道我不会梦想什么吗 You know what I can't dream about?
就是你有多少傻逼领结 How many stupid bow ties you must own.
搞什么... What...
贝瑟妮 你干什么呢 Bethany, what are you doing?!
我让你的公寓恢复到今早 I'm putting your apartment back to the way it was
我给你打扫之前的样子 before I tidied up this morning.
这些原来是在这里的 No, these go over here.
将来有一天你自己肚子里 Someday, when you have a new life
-孕育着一个小生命的时候 -又来了 - swelling inside your belly... - Oh, here we go.
你可能也会想找到你唯一的姐姐 you might wanna reach out to your only sister
让你的宝宝知道自己的家人都有谁 so your baby knows who its family is,
等到了那一天 我会在你身边陪你 伊莉莎 and when that day comes, I will be there for you, Eliza.
因为你是个完人 Because you're perfect.
-因为我会明白 -你明白什么 - Because I will understand. - What do you understand?
你又不知道从小到大没有存在感是什么感觉 You have no idea what it was like growing up invisible.
贝瑟妮的第一个发型 Bethany's first haircut,
贝瑟妮长出的第一颗牙 Bethany's first tooth,
贝瑟妮自己上的第一次厕所 Bethany's first poo-poo in the potty.
可是根本没人在乎我上过的厕所 Nobody gave a crap when I crapped.
天哪 当时我们的父母在离婚啊 伊莉莎 Good lord! Our parents were going through a divorce, Eliza.
妈妈当时一个人焦头烂额 一个人抚养你 Mom was completely overwhelmed and doing it alone,
所以你确实没有像我小时候一样 so, yeah, you didn't get the same amount of attention
得到那么多关注 很遗憾 that I did, and I'm sorry.
那样是不公平 但不是我的错 It wasn't fair, but it wasn't my fault,
也不是你的错 and it wasn't yours, either.
我一直觉得从我出生那一刻起 I always felt like from the moment I was born,
我们家就分崩离析了 our family fell apart.
我到没那样想过 但是... Huh. Never really thought about it that way, but...
我是认真的 我一直以为你责怪我... I'm serious. I always thought you blamed me, and...
所以你才搬走了 and that was why you moved away.
我没有搬走 我是去念大学了 I didn't move away. I went to college.
可是走了整整四年 Yeah, for four years.
是 伊莉莎 大学都是上四年 Yes, Eliza, that's how long college takes.
那我可能把一切都想成私人恩怨了 I guess I took everything too personally.
小孩子都是那样 And that's what kids do.
但是我们现在不是小孩子了 But we're not kids anymore.
我知道 I know.
可能我跟贝瑟妮终于 Maybe Bethany and I were finally done
结束二人之间的战争了 beating each other up.
有时候有点竞争是好的 A little bit of rivalry can be healthy,
如果你不让竞争把你打垮... and if you don't let it destroy you...
我们平手 We tied...
就像《洛奇1》中一样 Like in "Rocky 1."
或许我们该不计前嫌言归于好 Maybe we should bury the hatchet,
就像《洛奇3》中一样 like in "Rocky 3."
我真的可以让你们变亲近 It can actually bring you closer.
并列第二名是 And tying for second place,
弗雷迪和亨利 Freddy and Henry,
他们俩的激烈竞争为一匹黑马铺平了道路 whose petty rivalry paved the way for an upset.
此次比赛的第一名 Our first-placed winner
是 is...
-夏莫妮卡 -哈哈 - Charmonique! - Ha ha!
事实证明 It just goes to show,
有时候别人会让你惊讶 sometimes people can surprise you.
我的生活围着姐姐转了那么久 After a lifetime of following my sister around...
她终于也开始关注我了 ...she was finally following me back,
她说得对 and she was right.
我们不是小孩子了 We weren't kids anymore.
所以是时候像个真正的成年人一样为人处世了 So it was time to start acting like an adult.
妈妈 Mom!
我是伊莉莎 It's Eliza.
所以... So...
你好吗 How are you?