早上好 格林德尔社区大学 Good morning, Greendale Community College.
现在由本院长提醒大家 This is your Dean reminding you
我们学校颇有声望的校友之一 that among your school's prestigious alumni
是著名演员兼模特 波多黎各裔美国人 is Mr. Luis Guzman, celebrated actor
路易斯·盖兹曼先生 and model Puerto-rican American.
本周五 将举行盖兹曼雕像的落成仪式 This Friday, we will be dedicating a statue of Guzman
并揭晓我们的新校歌 and unveiling our brand-new school song.
同学们 我不知道你们有何感想 So boy, I don't know about you,
但我觉得有些真正大学的味道了 but this sure feels like a real college to me.
格林德尔 格林德尔 Greendale, Greendale,
格林德尔 Greendale!
杰夫 杰夫 Ah! Jeff, Jeff.
早上好啊 Good morning!
学生生活如何 我的讽刺大师朋友 How is student life, my dry-witted friend?
跟老师的生活差不多 Probably the same as teacher life,
只不过没那么悲剧 因为我迟早闪人 but less tragic, because I get to leave.
讽刺的好 诙谐的妙 Very dry. Very witty.
但听起来不那么友好 Not a great friend.
我想跟你打听下 你西课上的 Listen, I wanted to ask you about that young lady
那位年轻姑娘 in your Spanish class.
撅着小嘴讲话咄咄逼人的金发姑娘 You know, the blonde with the pouty, strident,
像凯特·布兰切特一样性感 但名字怪怪的那位 Cate Blanchett sexuality and the ridiculous name?
-布雷塔吗 -没错 就是她 - Britta? - That's it, that's it.
想想和她在一起的感觉 你能想象吗 Imagine living with that. Can you imagine?
难以置信 Unbelievable.
总之呢 你俩成了没 如果成了 Anyway, are you two an item, and if so,
是否能不受阴谋破坏的影响 would that item be impervious to sabotage?
你知道吗 你的手腕不亚于土狼 You know, you have the savoir faire of a hyena.
你怎么可能和詹姆斯·邦德[007] How is it that you and James Bond
来自同一个岛呢 come from the same island?
明白你意思了 Message received.
你结束了我再上 I'll just wait for you to finish striking out first.
-谢谢[与《干杯酒吧》同词] -《风流军医俏护士》 - Cheers. - M.A.S.H.
《弗尔蒂旅馆》 游戏结束 Fawlty Towers. Game over.
祝你有愉快的一天 Have a nice day.
你觉得路易斯·盖兹曼 会来看他自己的雕像吗 Do you think Luis Guzman will ever come to visit his statue?
如果会来 我要问问他是如何选剧本的 If so, I'd like to ask him about his movie choices,
特别是《角头风云》《乡巴佬征服纽约》《小生当差》 particularly "Carlito's Way", "The Cowboy Way", "The Hard Way",
《警察大亨》 and Q & A.
没错 路易斯·盖兹曼正从好莱坞坐私人飞机来 Yeah, Luis Guzman is on a private jet from Hollywood,
因为他火烧屁股地想和你探讨下这问题 because he can't wait to have that conversation with you.
真的吗 他怎么会知道我 Really? How does he know about me?
因为他打我手机了 Because he called me on my cell phone.
为啥影星会给你打电话 Why would a movie actor call you?
-你不知道? -不知道 - You don't know? - No.
我是奥巴马总统的侄子 I'm president Obama's nephew.
你从来没提过 You never mentioned that.
以前不知道你是否可信 I didn't know if I could trust you.
但现在是时候告诉你一切了 But now it's time to tell you everything--
先从我发明法拉利说起 Starting with me inventing the Ferrari.
我猜你在学习小组通讯录上 So... I guess the cell phone number
留的手机号码是假的 you put on the study group's contact sheet was fake,
我和博尔德[位于科罗拉多州]一哥们儿 which I just learned in the awkward conclusion
短信婚外情达一月之久 才尴尬地恍然大悟 of a month-long text message affair with a dude from Boulder.
-抱歉 -没关系 - Sorry. - That's okay.
给我真实的号码就行 Just give me your real number.
在凯文重新考虑他的婚姻时 我要去除恶心味 I'll cleanse my palate while Kevin rethinks his marriage.
如果你能保证只用在纯友谊的情况下 I'll give you my number if you promise not to use it
我就给你真号码 in any other context than friendship.
算了吧 Uh... pass.
请安静 Silencio, por favor.
星霸 说你呢 Star Burns... That means you.
我叫亚历克斯 老兄 My name's Alex, dude.
你也许该花5小时 Well, maybe you should spend five hours
把那名字刻脸上 sculpting that in your face.
好了 昨晚我改了你们的测验 All right, last night I graded your tests.
你们肯定想知道自己答的如何吧 I'm sure you wanna know how you did, right?
-是啊 -我不会告诉你们的 - Yes, I would. - Well, I'm not gonna tell you.
除非我找出做这事的人 Until I find out who did... this!
那是什么 What is that?
是一小片纸 对吗 It's a tiny piece of paper, okay?
就是这样 一小片纸哦 That's all it is. Tiny piece of paper.
涵盖了测验里的所有内容 Containing all the information covered on the test.
或者叫做小抄 Otherwise known as a crib sheet.
是谁干的 Who did it, huh?
玛丽安娜[吸毒酗酒的老牌摇滚女歌手] Marianne?
老爷爷吗 Grandpa?
杰奇[黑人女星] Jackee?
库马[《猪头逛大街》角色名 与阿布蒂同肤色] Kumar?
而我 是嫉恶如仇的典型亚洲男 There's one Asian stereotype that does apply to me.
这种行为是对我蔑视性地侮辱 Whoever did this insulted my honor.
我给你24小时来认错 And they've got 24 hours to come forward,
否则我宫城健介可要把每个人的分数 or Mr. Miyag here will wax off
都作废[《龙威小子》中的空手道大师 80年代励志片] everyone's score
全班都吃鸭蛋 and the whole class gets a zero!
除了你 托比 Except you, Toby.
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.net
■
翻译：Jacquelinezhao 时间轴：独醉
■
校对：独醉 后期：鱼骨头 总监：青蛙
■
《废柴联盟》第一季 第五集
昌老师和斯大林[独裁形像深入美国文化]的唯一区别 The only difference between Senor Chang and Stalin
就是我知道昌老师是哪根葱 is that I know who Senor Chang is.
你们有没有听到他叫我杰奇 Did you hear him call me Jackee
好像我是专攻滑稽模仿的黑人女性 like I'm some black female caricature?
如果亲爱的上帝没有在上面看着我们 If the good lord hadn't been watching us,
我肯定对着他脑瓜来几下 I'd have slapped him upside the head.
你们觉得谁作弊了 Who do you guys think cheated?
太抬举我了 Flattering.
如果我要作弊的话 But if I'm gonna cheat,
肯定不会把书上的东西 照搬到纸上 I'm not gonna write information from a book onto a piece of paper.
神啊 那简直就是学习嘛 That's practically learning, for god's sakes.
不管是谁准备了小抄 根本不是存心作弊 Whoever made that crib sheet wasn't a real cheater.
只是缺乏信心加幼稚 Just... insecure and naive.
我也许很幼稚 但我并不蠢 I may be naive, but I'm not stupid.
我可能蠢 Well, I may be stupid,
但我不会假装不蠢 but I'm not trying to look like I'm not.
我也许是天才 但我并不是女同 Well, I may be a genius, but I'm not a lesbian.
谁在乎是谁弄了这个小抄 Who cares who made the crib sheet?
真正作弊者 The only real cheater
是威胁要给大家零分的人 is the guy who's threatening everyone with a zero.
太对了 这太不公平了 You're right! It's so unfair.
我现在没法承受这种压力 And I can't handle this kind of stress right now.
我已经让校歌组委会的责任 I'm already overwhelmed by my duties
-压的透不过气来了 -你是作曲家吗 - on the school song committee. - Are you a musician?
不是 我请了一位本地的作曲家 No. I hired a local composer.
但那人很难对付 But he's quite a handful.
那我觉得是你的错 对吗 Well, I guess that's your fault, isn't it?
-是吗 -才华横溢的钢琴家 - It is? - You've got an accomplished
兼填词圣手就坐在离你3英尺远的地方 pianist and songwriter sitting 3 feet away from you.
我给自家的湿纸巾写过广告曲 I wrote the jingle for Hawthorne wipe's moist towelettes.
帮你的忙 免费写歌都行 I would have done your song for free.
-毫不费力[通便药的口号] -特洛伊可以写校歌 - Smooth move, Metamucil. - Troy could do the school song.
特洛伊是说唱乐的鼻祖 Troy invited rap music,
而且他跟丹尼·格洛弗及奥巴马总统是亲戚 and he's related to Danny Glover and President Obama.
[著名黑人影星 代表作为《致命武器》系列]
阿布蒂 你是不是一直都是种族主义者? Abed, have you been racist this whole time
亏我还告诉教堂的每位教友 while I'm telling everybody at church
你是个很招人喜欢的焦糖色天使呢 what a sweet little caramel angel you are?
哥们儿 我早上跟你说的事不是真的 Hey, man, that stuff I said this morning wasn't true.
-我只是逗你玩而已 -那你是在撒谎吗 - I was just messin' with you. - You were lying?
是啊 开玩笑嘛 Yeah, as a joke.
之前都没人逗你玩过吗 You've never had anybody mess with you before?
有啊 开玩笑啦 其实没有 是这样吗 Yes. Just kidding. No. Like that?
这不是张桌子 This isn't the table.
哈哈 太好笑了 Ha ha! That's funny.
曾几何时 咱们是来学西语的 Remember when we used to study Spanish?
-皮尔斯 -在这儿 - Pierce! - Yo.
我跟院长汇报过了 I talked to the Dean,
他说写校歌的重任就交给你了 and he said you can write Greendale's school song.
这还差不多 Well, that's more like it.
你知道雕像落成仪式是本周五 You know the statue dedication is this Friday.
所以那时必须得完成 So you have to have it done by then.
本周五 这个周五吗 This Friday? This Friday?
-如果时间不够的话 -够 够 当然够 - If that's not enough time... - No, no, no!
你实在太不了解天才了 对吧 You really don't know much about genius, do you?
-我周五肯定能写出来 -太好了 - Yes, I can do it by Friday. - Great!
排练室有钢琴 There's a piano in the rehearsal space,
我一定竭尽全力的帮忙 and I'll help you out however I can.
这校歌一定流芳百世 You're gonna do an awesome job!
我知道 I know!
那么 现在是那个作弊者 So... this is the last chance
作为有担当的成年人 for the cheater to be an adult
最后面对后果的机会 and face la musica...
-否则大家集体不及格 -不要啊 - Or everyone fails. - No!
从现在开始 You got ten seconds...
倒数十秒钟 Starting now.
不 No!
我从来没得过零分 I've never... gotten a zero before.
-我做的 -布雷塔 - I did it. - Britta!
你还真会掐时间啊 小妞 Well, you really took your sweet time with that one, baby.
你怎么可以用大家的分数来威胁全班 How dare you terrorize a class by threatening their grades.
挑起群众内讧不是那么容易的 It's not that easy to get human beings to turn on each other.
收拾她 Turn on her!
成熟点吧 Real mature!
没错 我们很成熟 That's right. We are mature!
成熟到不能和骗人的 Too mature to sit in a class
不要脸的作弊者坐在同一教室 with a cheating, lying poop-face!
好了 现在来学正式的问好 Okay. Time to learn some formal greetings.
那么 So...
你肯定特享受幸灾乐祸吧 Yeah, I bet you're enjoying this.
对啊 我们初次见面时 Yeah, well, when we first met,
你在这高度 我在这里 而现在 like you were up here and I was here, and now...
等等 我今天还施舍了硬币给流浪汉呢 Oh, wait, I gave a quarter to a dirty bum today.
你觉得校方会把我怎样 What do you think they're gonna do to me?
不会给你买冰淇淋是肯定的 Well, we're not gonna buy you an ice cream.
好啊 我是派尔顿院长 Hi. Dean Pelton.
真是闪亮登场啊 What an entrance I got to make there.
你是布雷塔·派利吧 You would be Britta Perry.
我刚跟昌老师谈过 I just spoke with Senor Chang,
恐怕 格林德尔在处理这种事上 and I'm afraid Greendale takes this kinda thing
向来都很严肃滴 very seriously.
正规大学咋办咱就咋办 Much like a university would!
你的违纪问题 Your case will be reviewed
明天将会在"博察大厅" by a disciplinary tribunal tomorrow
被纪律法庭审理 in Borchart Hall.
你可能会被开除 You could be facing expulsion.
"博察大厅"不就是个泳池吗 Isn't Borchart Hall the pool?
那里是有个合乎奥运会标准的泳池 There is an Olympic-sized pool there, yes,
但我们会在那旁边 But we will be next to it,
用一张价值6000美元的法庭专用桌哦 using its $6,000 judge's table!
她能有辩护律师吗 Uh, is she allowed to have counsel?
虽然我已经不是上岗律师了 I mean, I may not be a practicing lawyer anymore,
但在这里 我就是艾伦·德肖威茨[著名律师] but relative to this place, I'm Alan Dershowitz.
好吧 就算是吧 Oh, okay, ouch, and yes.
如果你愿意 你可以为她辩护 If you'd like, you may represent her.
稍后再见吧 Dean you later.
我才不会坐在那让这群笨蛋审理 I'm not gonna sit while some hokey tribunal
拿我寻开心呢 gets its jollies judging me.
听着 有我的陪同 听我的指挥 Hey, if you show up with me, follow my lead,
否认一切 你就会无罪 and deny everything, you'll walk.
这可是翁格的独家保证 That's the Winger guarantee.
我懂了 I get it.
你觉得可以用律师能耐 You think you're gonna save my bacon
搭救我 using your lawyer powers
说不定感激之下我来个以身相许 and send me into fits of grateful arousal.
我既不能承认也无法否认 I can neither confirm nor deny that.
看出我实力了吧 See how good I am?
特洛伊 听说了吗 Hey, Troy. Did you hear?
所有的狗都变成蓝色的了 All dogs are blue now.
地球上每只狗都变成蓝色了 Every single dog in the world is blue.
我只是逗你玩呢 I'm just messing with you.
我明白 但让我给你解释一下 Yeah, I know, but let me explain to you
什么才叫"逗你玩" a few things about how this works.
首先 我不会上当 Uh, first of all, I cannot be got,
因为我没你那么容易受骗 because I am not gullible like you.
其次 "逗你玩"不是你的强项 Secondly, you are not good at this,
你的面部表情实在没啥说服力 明白吗 because you are not believable in your face, okay?
-你的面部表情 太业余了 -明白 - Your face? It's bad. - Okay.
还有 Um, also...
你必须要注意令人信服与... You gotta ride the line between believable and--
你那是啥 What are you writing in?
记事本 It's a notepad.
我知道 但那 那是什么语 Yeah, but what are-- what language?
应该是阿拉伯语吧 It's probably Arabic.
好的 此次纪律法庭由我 All right, I am convening this disciplinary tribunal
在此张非常高级的法庭专用桌前召集 at our state-of-the-art judge's table,
这桌子有内置音响系统哦 which has its own built-in sound system,
流口水吧 耶鲁 so take that Yale.
我们的审判团包括本院长 克拉格·派尔顿 Our judges include myself, uh, Dean Craig Pelton.
尹恩·邓肯教授 Professor Ian Duncan.
本·昌教授 Professor Ben Chang.
纠正 你只是讲师 不是教授 Uh, no, you're a teacher. You're not a professor.
也许是因为我不像罗恩·威斯利[《哈利波特》中人物] Maybe because I don't look like Ron Weasley.
这就是"差别" That's the difference.
这就是"资格因素" That's the qualifying factor.
先生们 程序问题 Gentlemen, point of order.
昌老师怎么能是审判之一呢 How can Senor Chang be one of the judges?
他可是状告我当事人的原告 He's the one accusing my client.
那又怎样 坐那的查尔斯王子 Yeah, well, you got Prince Charles over here,
还是你的酒友呢 who's your drinking buddy.
问倒我了 Oh, got me.
听起来好像双方各执一词 Well, it sounds like there are two biases,
但两方的帐我都买 one on each side, and I go both ways.
这句该删掉 Oh, let's strike that.
拉莎达 刚那句不要记了啊 Lashonda, can we please strike that?
我会公正不阿滴 所以不用担心 I am impartial, so it should all work out.
好吧 咱们开始 Okay. Let's begin.
好吧 法庭先宣昌老师 Fine. The tribunal calls teacher Chang.
好啊 福斯特跟尼克松杠上了[08年电影《对话尼克松》] Okay, just keep it up "Frost/Nixon".
我就是那么想的 I was planning on doing that.
特意推掉了一天的日程 Cleared my whole day.
昌先生 能带我们回顾 Uh, Mr. Chang, could you remind us
一下昨天的事件吗 of the events of yesterday?
乐意之至 昨天是周二 With great pleasure. It was a Tuesday,
破晓时分 早上5点58分 uh, crack of dawn, 5:58 a.m.
我起床之后 上了个大号 I got up, I took my morning deuce,
我还做了早餐 其中包括 I made a breakfast consisting of..
格林德尔 格林德尔 Greendale Greendale
污水 Slop
格 格林 Gree--Green
格林德尔不是污水桶 Greendale isn't a slop pail
好啊 马上就好 Hi, almost done.
不错 Oh, good.
你可以告诉院长 You can tell the Dean I'll have a song
我的歌会惊天动地 that'll make the devil poop god's pants.
那很让人振奋啊 That's exciting.
介意我先听听吗 Mind if I hear what you got so far?
当然可以了 Well, uh, yeah, sure.
可能要先来个过门 I, uh--I'll probably open with something like this.
你明白吧 这样一个音 You know, a note like that.
然后结尾处这样一个音 And end with a note like that.
具体歌词 无可奉告 Uh, the words, I can't tell you.
其余的地方留着给你惊喜 You know, the rest is really a surprise.
我只是有点担心 I'm just a little worried.
听来听去只有两个音 I keep hearing the same two notes,
你的乐谱看起来是 and your sheet music
中餐馆的外卖单 looks like a Chinese takeout menu.
音乐在音乐家眼中是无处不在的 安妮 A musician sees music in everything, Annie.
我是说 也可以是 I mean, it could be...
木须肉 Moo shoo pork
生菜乳鸽松 Squab with lettuce
看吧 脱口而出 You see? I mean, it just comes out.
你知道吗 你最好还是别在这儿 You know what? You really shouldn't be here right now.
什么 What?
你待在一个阵痛的广博的创意子宫里 You are inside a throbbing, cosmic womb of creativity,
当音乐之子开始扑腾时 and when this baby starts kicking,
我不能对你的神志清醒负责 I cannot be responsible for your sanity.
我知道这听起来很可笑 I know it sounds funny,
让我弹点旋律送你走吧 but let me play you out, okay?
这歌用来送你出去 Playing you out now, this song.
就像颁奖礼 音乐响起你就得下台了 You know, like on stage? Playing you out, okay?
感谢你的到来 再见哦 Thanks for coming. Bye-bye.
然后她大吼 去你的 And then she yelled, "screw you,"
还有 去他妈的教育之类的 or, "screw education," or something like that,
然后她踩着高跟鞋夺门而出 and then she stormed out of the room
情绪失控犹如生理期一般 in her high-heel boots like it was tampon time...
如果你明白我意思的话 If you know what I mean.
反对 我不懂他什么意思 Objection. I don't know what he means.
你别跟着起哄 翁格 Please don't encourage him, Winger.
你还有其他问题吗 Do you have any more questions?
辩方律师传唤布雷塔·派利 The defense calls Britta Perry.
这就是他提到的 Now, are those the high-heel boots
-高跟鞋吗 -是的 - he was talking about? - Yes.
-这鞋舒服吗 -相当舒服 - Are they comfortable? - Yeah.
我只是有些好奇 看起来不错 I'm just curious. They're cute.
派利小姐 Miss Perry...
是你做的小抄吗 Did you make that crib sheet?
不是 No.
她当时承认了 She confessed!
她承认是为了保护其他同学 She confessed to protect her classmates,
因为你威胁要让大家全部不及格 because you were threatening to flunk everyone!
你做了什么 You did what?
闭上你那自以为是兼毒牙交错的臭嘴 Oh, shut your pompous vortex of overlapping fangs!
注意点 受审的可不是英国牙医业 Hey, british dentistry is not on trial.
派尔顿院长 我提议把这案子 Dean Pelton, I move this case
撤诉 be thrown out of...
撤出泳池 the pool area!
这事 Well, it certainly--
这事在我看来 Well, it certainly sounds to me
这年轻女士的唯一罪行 that this young lady's only crime
就是想当英雄 还有显高点儿 is being a hero and wanting to be taller.
退庭 This tribunal is adjourned.
-等等 我是作弊了 -开庭 - Wait! I cheated! - And we're back.
反对 我的当事人没有作弊 Objection. My client did not cheat.
我作弊了 Yes, I did.
好吧 她作弊了 Yes, she did...
原因何在 But why?
那才是问题的关键 不是吗 That's the real question, isn't it?
911事件 改变的不只是世界 The world wasn't the only thing that changed on September 11th.
拜托 Oh, come on.
请允许休庭5分钟 Five-minute recess?
驳回 驳回 规章里 No, no. There's nothing
根本就没有休庭这么一说 明白吗 in the bylaws about recesses, all right?
正义的车轮不会因为你 The wheels of justice here don't stop
而停下来的 just because you--aah!
休庭啦 休庭啦 Time out! Time out!
快抢救这桌子 快点啊 Save the table! Save the table!
传送开始 Beginning transmission.
主要目的貌似是哥们义气 The primary purpose seems to be male bonding,
而在随意哄骗的过程中 and the attitude during conveyance
态度尤为重要 of the random deceit is apparently of great importance.
人类大约是5尺10寸高[1米78] The humanoid is approximately 5'10" in height.
你在干嘛啊 What are you doing?
你好啊 特洛伊 Oh, hey. Troy.
刚没看到你 I didn't see you.
你站这儿多久了 Um, how long were you standing there?
你想逗我玩吗 You trying to mess with me?
是啊 我就是在逗你玩 Yes, that's what I was doing.
被你发现了 You got me.
我刚是在逗你玩 看来又砸了 I was just messing with you, but I guess I blew it again.
是啊 Yeah.
你搞砸了 You did.
别给个后脑勺给我 Man, don't turn your back on me.
觉得自己很拽是吧 It is on like donkey kong!
你对我有意见吗 Have you got a problem with me?
我不爽你在我学生跟前跳来窜去 I don't like the fact that you're walking around here
好像你比我能耐似的 like you're better than me in front of my students.
打断一下 你介不介意咱们移步到 I'm sorry. Do you mind if we have this conversation
少点"蛋"的地方去谈 in a room with less balls?
我觉得你啊 非常的自信 You're very confident, I'll say that.
你可没啥好自信滴 But you shouldn't be.
你到底在干嘛 What are you doing out there?
你知道我对不诚实有自己的原则 You know I have a problem with dishonesty.
你正因作弊而受审 You're on trial for cheating!
听着 我们会没事的 Look, we'll be fine.
我只需要出去 I just have to go back out there
把你忽悠成好人 and make the case that you're a good person--
你什么都不懂 You don't know that.
你这么做只是因为 You're just doing all of this
想和我上床而已 'cause you want to sleep with me
连你自己也说了 你根本不想做我的朋友 I mean, you said it yourself, you don't even want to be my friend.
等等 Wait a minute.
等一下 你是那样想我的吗 Wait, is that what you thought I meant?
布雷塔 看着我 Britta, look at me.
-看着我啊 -我看着呢 - Look at me! - I am.
不 看着我帅气的脸庞 No, look how handsome my face is.
如果我只想上床的话 If all I wanted was sex,
大把妞可以信手拈来 I could get it from plenty of women
哪里需要费这么多周折 without having to go through all this crap.
我喜欢你才帮你 I'm here because I like you,
我非常期待成为你的朋友 and I--I'd be psyched to be your friend.
我只是不想连全方位评估都没做 I just didn't want to take sex off the table
就把上床这事拿下议程 without doing my due diligence.
我居然相信你这番话 I actually believe you.
-干嘛不信啊 -我也不知道 我想 - Well, why wouldn't you? - I don't know. I guess...
和我作弊是同一个原因 same reason that I cheated.
再次做个没用的人 Just have more experience being worthless.
我想我把小抄扔地上 I think I left that crib sheet on the floor
是因为想被逮住 because I wanted to get caught.
我本来就习惯搞砸一切 I'm so used to screwing everything up
只想来个了断 I just wanted to get it over with.
等等 我们有辩词了 Wait. I think we have our defense.
先生们 Gentlemen...
我的当事人精神失常 My client is insane.
什么 What?
先生们 我确定你们也注意到 Gentlemen, I'm sure you suspected
派利小姐在休庭前行为古怪 that Ms. Perry was pretty odd before the recess.
但如果你们听到她刚在更衣室里 But if you could've heard all the stuff
跟我说的话 she just told me in the shower,
你们就会意识到 you would realize she is all the way out
她已经彻底失常了 of her entire damn mind.
她根本不想成功 She doesn't want to succeed
因为她觉得自己不会成功 because she doesn't think she can.
所以她特地想办法让自己失败 So she goes out of her way to fail.
这简直是疯子的举动 That's crazy!
但是 But...
格林德尔大学 真的要将疯子定罪吗 Do we really want to make it a crime to be crazy at Greedale?
我是说 看看咱们 I mean, look at us.
函授大学都嘲笑的学校 你俩却为其中的地位 I mean, you two are arguing about status at a college
争得面红耳赤 that correspondence schools make fun of.
院长 你以为作个弊开个庭咱就成了常青藤联盟 Dean, you want so bad for this place to be Ivy League
[美国东部八所历史悠久高学术水平的大学]
不惜让大家冒着被电死的危险 that you are putting us at risk of electrocution.
这学校的每个人都是疯子 Because everyone on this campus is nuts.
-除了我 -少来了 伦纳德 - Not me! - Oh, come on, Leonard.
如果你想跟我辩论 请别"露底" If you're gonna argue with me, put on a bathing suit.
被识破了 Busted.
如果想改造与你们同罪相怜的人 If you want to rehabilitate your fellow inmate,
就要判她留在这里 和我们一起 you need to sentence her to staying here with us.
如果格林德尔都没有疯子的立足之处 Because if crazy people can't be at Greendale,
那我们该何去何从呢 where are we supposed to go?
鉴于此情况 我唯有建议免去 Under the circumstances, I'll recommend that the accused
一切指控 be fully exonerated.
条件是 她必须得在受训过的 On the condition that she receives
心理健康学教授处接受 psychological counseling on a weekly basis
心理咨询 每周一次 from a trained mental health professional.
考虑一下周五9点的样子 Thinking maybe Fridays, nine-ish, something like that.
-同意就说赞成 -赞成 - All in favor say "aye." - Aye.
-太棒了 -什么呀 - Yes! - Wait, what?
就是这样 That just happened.
你好 阿布蒂 Greetings, Abed.
你好 长官 Greetings, commander.
告 告 告诉我那个叫特洛伊的事 T-t-tell me about the one they call Troy.
他特别自大 Well, he is rather arrogant
而且对弱者没有怜惜之情 and has no mercy for weaker beings.
停下来 给我立刻停下来 Stop. Stop doing this right now.
我不是外星人 I'm not an alien.
我从来没觉得你是 I never thought you were.
但这样太疯狂了 明白吗 But this is insane, okay?
你的手势太像外星人了 Those are credible alien hand movements.
你还发明了一套语言 You invented a whole language.
我敢确定你还借了个绿光屏 I'm pretty sure you rented a green screen.
是啊 Yeah.
如果你真是个外星人 It would be less creepy
倒没这么怪异 if you were actually an alien.
-但你说朋友就是这样的 -不 - This is what friends do. - No.
从现在开始 阿布蒂 From now on, Abed,
朋友间不再来"逗你玩"这套了 friends don't mess with each other.
-好吗 -没问题 - Okay? - Cool.
-没事了 -没事了 - Cool? - Cool.
加瑞 不玩了 他识破了 Garrett, it's over. He knows.
你们弄得有点业余 You're getting a little sloppy.
超出预算了 We went over-budget.
我有灵感了 I've got it.
一闪一闪格林星 Greendale, Greendale little star
我是个骗子 安妮 I'm a fraud, Annie.
我写歌就跟你和比利·乔一个水平[音乐人 作曲家] I'm no more of a songwriter than you or Billy Joel.
那你自家湿纸巾的广告歌呢 But what about the Hawthorne wipes jingle?
是啊 没错 霍桑那个 Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, the Haw--
你想听吗 听好了 You want to hear it? Here.
沾上番茄酱不用怕 You'll be wiping off that ketchup with our wipes,
霍桑湿纸巾 Hawthorne wipes!
野餐时滴到芥末酱不用慌 You'll be wiping off that mustard
霍桑湿纸巾 with our wipes at the picnic!
这是《她绕山而来》[经典儿歌] That's "she'll be coming around the mountain".
我知道 我换了词而已 I know! I steal everything.
你买错马了 我肚子里没货 You backed the wrong horse. I got nothing.
皮尔斯 你是音乐家 富有创造性 Pierce, you're musical. You're creative.
你一定能做到的 我相信你 You can do this. I believe in you.
那你信错人了 我不玩了 Well, you shouldn't. I quit.
你给我听着 皮尔斯 You listen up, Pierce!
我要告诉你我想退出啦啦队时 I'm gonna tell you what my mother told me
我妈跟我说的话 when I wanted to quit cheerleading.
你不是很漂亮 你没有大波 You're not very pretty, you have no boobs,
你不会做"轿子抛"来让自己前途似锦 and you can't do a basket toss to save your life,
但 你许下了承诺 but you made a commitment.
所以拿起你的彩球 皮尔斯 So pick up your pompoms, Pierce,
把胸罩塞满 准备去等班车 stuff your bra, and get ready for the team bus
别惦记这儿吃塔可钟了 生活不易 to forget you at a Taco Bell, because life is tough.
但我们要撑下去 But we soldier on,
人生 就是这样 and that's just the way it goes.
我自己会离场 I'm play myself out.
就是这样 The way it goes.
就是它了 That's it.
一 二 路易斯·盖兹曼 One, two, Luis Guzman! Oh!
你们知道 格林德尔也许永远不 You know, Greendale may never be...
先别跟我说话 Just don't talk to me for a while.
没问题 很高兴你在这儿 No problem. Just glad you're here.
我隆重向大家介绍我们的学生 皮尔斯·霍桑 I'd like to introduce our student, Pierce Hawthorne,
他创作了格林德尔的校歌 who's written Greendale its own school song.
皮尔斯 欢迎 Pierce, okay.
谢谢 院长 非常感谢 Thank you, Dean, thank you.
这首歌献给安妮 This song goes out to Annie.
谢谢她对我的信任 For believing in me.
站在书店队伍里 等待钟声响起 Standing in the bookstore line waiting for the bell to chime
这样可以去上课 So you can go to class
穿着内衣跳舞 送空调去维修 Dancing in your underwear taking air conditioner repair
-这歌不是布鲁斯·宏斯比的吗 -没错 - Is this Bruce Hornsby? - Yep.
他知不知道把人家曲子拿来用了 Does he know he stole it?
我觉得他不知道 让他再陶醉会儿吧 I don't think so. Let him enjoy it.
-人家会告我们吗 -不确定 - Can we get sued? - Not sure.
这就是格林德尔 Greendale's the way it goes
是的 人家能告 Yeah, they got us.
有些事依然未变 Some things are still the same
污水桶和连裤袜 Slop pails and pantyhose
安妮对我信任有加 Oh, Annie believes in me
-多少根了 -36根 你赢了 - How many? - 36. You win.
-三盘两胜? -好的 - Best of three. - Yeah!