如大家所知 As you know,
所有院系达成一致 给那些组织学术性 all faculties agree giving their parties extra credits
相关活动的学生奖励额外的学分 而活动时间换言之 to students who organise academic related events during what we would've
就是大家熟知的"课余时间" otherwise known as "free time".
之前所有院系的学生都当此项选择是透明的 No students in any department has ever exercised this option,
终于... until now.
今晚在图书馆 Tonight in the library,
我将会举办一个"忘灵节"派对 I will be hosting a Dia de los Muertos party.
我们称之为"亡灵节"[11月2号 拉美传统节日] Dias de los muertos or "Day of the dead",
有时被叫作墨西哥万圣节 is sometimes refer to Mexican Halloween.
其实这是对认为"墨西哥万圣节" Which is actually quite offensive to people
是做爱体位的同学的冒犯 famaliar Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.
总而言之 At any rate,
你现身了 额外学分就到手了 if you show up, you get extra credit.
我 义务劳动 Me, I don't even get paid.
晚上见 See you tonight.
用西语说 晚上见 Espanol, esta noche.
大部分人都回应了我的邀请 但有些依然言词闪烁 Most of you responded to my invite, but some of you remained evasive,
所以 so...
算我一个 这是我第一个大学派对 Count me in, this is my first college party,
我买了龙舌兰酒 租了电影《留级之王2》 I got some tequila, I just rent "Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj".
看 And look!
雪瑞 你摘掉婚戒了啊 Shirley you took off you wedding ring.
我丈夫都滚蛋六个月了 My husband has been gone for six months,
我觉得是时候开始享受单身生活了 so I think it's time for me to embrace being single.
"明白"了 Message received.
杰夫和皮尔斯 我还等着呢 I'm still waiting to hear from Jeff and Pierce.
我以为我用这破手机回复过你了 I thought I shut your response from this pot phone here.
进入邮箱 Access email.
你不去安妮的派对吗 Aren't you going to Annie's party?
我也纠结啊 但这跟我享受生活冲突了 I have a complex, it conflicts the enjoyment of my life.
我搞不清楚这手机的语音控制到底怎么用 I can not figure out the voice command part of this thing,
跟我妈一样麻烦 it's like my mother.
拨号 母亲 Calling mother.
什么 What?
说到享受生活 我不想只守着"未了情"这棵树 Speaking of enjoying life, I don't want to be the dead horse here,
咱俩的柏拉图式感情 你确定不能升华吗 are you sure you don't see anything non-platonic ever crystalizing between us?
-我确定 -那就好 - I'm sure. - Okay, good.
有位美女教授很不错 Because one of my professors is really hot,
但我想着优先取舍权应该给你 I want to give you the first right of refusal.
皮尔斯 是你吗 Hello, Pierce.
-妈? -学上得怎样啦 - Mum? - How's school going?
你是风云人物吗 Are you popular?
我进隧道了 我 断 线 I head through a tunnel right now, I cuts... hang up...
打错电话了 Wrong number.
那个叫杰夫的男孩没有戏弄你了吧 Has that boy Jeff stopped teasing you?
我马上帮你找个小女伴啊 I'll just connect you a girl right now.
我又见到你爸爸的鬼魂了 他还是很生气 I saw your father's ghost again, he's still angry.
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.net
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翻译：形单影只
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翻译：鱼骨头
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翻译：冯大树
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翻译：桃金娘娘
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校对：独醉
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时间轴：独醉
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后期：鱼骨头
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总监：青蛙
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《废柴联盟》第一季 第七集
"伯努利分布"是指成功或失败的独立实验 The Bernoulli distribution is the number of successes
形成的离散型概率分布 in a sequence of independent yes-no experiments.
好的 Okay.
周一有测验 Uh, for the quiz Monday,
复习第三和第四章 brush up on Chapters Three and Four.
伯努利是我的心头好 Bernoulli's one of my favorites.
鲜为人知的是 统计学并非其唯一所爱 Little-known fact, statistics were not his only love.
他那用于肉禽菜肴的法式蘸酱 He's also famous for his french sauce
可是明星产品 used on meat and poultry.
那是蛋黄酱[发音近似Bernoulli] That's bearnaise.
也许我们应该去一家餐厅解决这问题 Oh, we may need to settle this at a restaurant.
这招还算可爱 It's cute.
略带进攻性 A little aggressive.
但作为知识领域里的忙碌自信的女性 But as a busy, confident woman of authority,
我会被掌握主动权的男士所吸引 I'm attracted to men who take charge.
你是在挖苦我 还是我真的表现不错 Are you being sarcastic, or am I nailing it?
本来不错 一问就前功尽弃了 You were nailing it, until you had to ask.
该死 重新来 Oh, damn it. Starting over.
穿裙子的女士 和我约会吧 Hey, you in the skirt, date me.
我很愿意 翁格先生 I'd like to, Mr. Winger.
你高大有形 穿衣有品 You're tall, you dress nice,
加上批阅过不少你的试卷 and I've graded enough of your tests
我知道你绝对算个聪明人 to know I'd never feel mentally inadequate.
谢谢 Thank you.
只是有一个问题 我不和学生约会 Only problem, I don't date students.
如果你同意和我一起约会... You know if you agree to go out with me--
真尴尬 Awkward.
这个学院真小 How small is this campus?
混蛋 Bastard.
没事 我不在乎 It's fine. I don't care.
男人这样真恶心 It's disgusting the way men behave.
你没看那张凯瑟琳·海格尔的电影海报吗 Did you ever see that Katherine Heigl movie poster
杰拉德·巴特勒把那颗心放在他的"香肠"上 where Gerard Butler had that heart over his weiner?
[09年爱情片《丑陋的真相》]
一丘之貉 That resonated with me.
好吧 Okay, fine.
但我还得重申 But just to repeat,
我不在乎杰夫的所作所为 I don't care what Jeff does.
混蛋 Bastard.
说我是学生太勉强了 我比你还大 I'm barely a student. I'm older than you.
我的车是雷克萨斯 I drive a Lexus.
《捉鬼敢死队》我是在电影院看的[84年上映] I saw "Ghost Busters" in the theater.
我的牙龈都在萎缩了 Look, my gums are receding.
你能说出这么多让我动心的闪光点太不可思议了 It's uncanny how many of my buttons you're finding,
但我有自己的原则 我不会改变想法的 but I have a personal rule about this, and I stick to it.
一起喝杯咖啡吧 我一定能改变你的想法 Have a cup of coffee with me. I bet I can change your mind.
我知道你可以 Oh, I know you can.
所以我不能让你得手 That's why you're not getting the chance.
你会来参加我举办的"亡灵节"派对吗 Are you coming to my dias de los muertos party?
我尽量会去拜访一下 I'm definitely gonna try to swing by.
那么我可以把你算作一定会到场 Then I can mark you down as definitely being there
而且从准7点到"问号游戏"结束吗 from 7:00 sharp till "Upside-down Spanish question mark"?
-是这样的... -不 是这样的 - Here's the thing... - No here's the thing.
我下定决心了 明白吗 I am putting my foot down. You understand?
我表现坚决 I am being assertive,
加上眼神交流 and I am making eye contact,
所以你必须得答应 and it is achieving results.
你这是想让我在钦佩下低头吗 Are you trying to get formidable with me?
这招对皮尔斯很有效 It worked on Pierce.
电视购物说的对他都有效 Infomercials work on Pierce.
杰夫 你是酷哥啊 Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay?
如果你捧场 这将是我第一个成功的派对 If you show up, it'll be the first party I host
大家不会在派对上说 where everyone doesn't say
他们得回家去看新闻了 they need to get home in time for the news.
这招对我没用的 This won't work.
上次你对我这样 The last time you did this,
我存了一小瓶你的眼泪 I saved a vial of your tears
已经渐渐产生抗体了 and have been slowly building up an immunity.
我在高中一点都不受欢迎 I was so unpopular in high school,
交通协管员还让我在车流中当靶子 the crossing guard used to lure me into traffic.
这次派对是我的第二次机会 This party is a second chance
让我变得 to be
时髦 hip.
酷 Cool!
从容 Laidback!
好吧 我会去你的派对 Look, I will come to your party.
谢谢你 Thank you.
那我就记下来了 你会赞助我们两袋冰块和一筒纸杯 I'm putting you down for two bags of ice and a sleeve of paper cups.
在吃药吗 Taking a pill?
-是的 -乐威顿 - Yes, I am. - Xenolovaden.
我爷爷在你这个年纪也吃这药 My grandpa took that when he was around your age.
好极了 Fantastic.
对他的尿急很有帮助 Really helped with the going problem,
在他还能起身活动的那些年 but by the time grandpa got up in years,
记忆力就不行了 his memory wasn't great.
他会把药弄混 你也知道那些老年人吧 He'd mix the wrong pills. You know how old people are?
我听过传闻 Heard stories about it, yeah.
有次他产生了幻觉 One time he started hallucinating
没穿裤子就跑到大街上了 and ran down the street with no pants on.
这在加沙地带[主要居民为穆斯林] 绝对是社会所不容的 Which in the gaza strip is considered a real party foul,
所以你也许应该小心 so you should probably be careful--
我真的不需要你的建议 Look, I really don't need your advice,
我也不是你那半截赤条条的爷爷 and I'm not your pantsless grandpa.
半截赤条条的爷爷 Pantsless grandpa.
真可怕 Scary.
可爱 真可爱 Oh, cute! Cute.
布雷塔 Oh, Britta.
你真可爱 You look adorable.
谢谢 Thank you.
我讨厌女性用万圣节这个借口 I hate when women use Halloween
把自己装扮得像个荡妇 明白吗 as an excuse to dress up like sluts, you know?
是啊 Yeah.
好吧 各位 Okay, everyone.
我想我们可以开始了 I think we can begin.
我为大家准备了个人专属墓碑饼干 I've got everyone's personalized cookie tombstones,
这是"依照传统" por tradicion.
过一会儿 And in a few minutes,
我们就开始跳"亡灵舞"... we're going to start the dance of the dead--
"忘灵舞" La danza de los muertos.
你不用一直冒西班牙语 You don't have to keep doing that!
派对开始 Party on.
很高兴你来了 It's nice of you to be here.
当然你更想和你的美女教授去约会吧 Sure you'd rather be out with your hot professor.
这很有趣 想当初我是个自私的独行侠 Well, it's funny, I enrolled here as selfish loner,
但你和学习小组给我上了堂友谊速成课 but you and the group have given me a crash course in friendship.
-她拒绝你了吧 -她在批改试卷 - She blew you off, huh? - She's grading papers.
斯莱特教授吗 Professor Slater?
她才没批改试卷呢 She's not grading papers.
人家在餐厅参加教职员工派对 She's at the faculty party in the cafeteria.
原来是偷听的斗牛士 Oh, look, it's the eavesdropping matador.
-你的意思是我这行很卑鄙吗 -什么 - Are you saying my people are sneaky? - What?
地平线上风暴正在集结 There's a storm building on the horizon,
但你我会拯救这个夜晚 but you and I will save the night.
格格脆 椒盐脆饼 小胡萝卜 Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots,
我就知道是这些 但依然很有食欲 predictable but appetizing.
我能问你个问题吗 我一直想问真蝙蝠侠 Can I ask you something I always wanted to ask the real Batman?
可以 Yeah.
我长得帅吗 Am I good looking?
-你是很有魅力的小伙子 -我就知道 - You're a very attractive young man. - I knew it.
大家尽情玩乐吧 Let's get this party started!
你这什么扮相啊 Who are you?
我是"兽王" I am the Beastmaster.
电影《兽王伏魔》里的[82年奇幻片] From the movie Beastmaster.
你们从哪个星球来的 What rock have you been living under?
你这什么扮相 What are you going as?
同志人渣么 开玩笑的 A gay douchebag? Just kidding.
很好笑 我对角色扮演没什么兴趣 Nice one. I'm not much of a costume guy.
我知道 你对美女 I know, you're not much
也没什么兴趣 对吧 of a liking the ladies guy either, huh?
一拳命中 那是酒吗 Body blow. Is that liquor?
你们好 Hello.
-朋友 你们的饮料 -谢谢你 乌克 - Here's your drinks, mates. - Oh, thanks, Urkel.
[《凡人琐事》里的黑人少年 眼镜和鲜艳的无领开襟毛衣是他的标志]
我是哈利·波特 I'm Harry Potter.
真的吗 Really?
乌克 还好不 What up, Urkel?
好啊 你吃什么药啊 All right. What are you taking?
一些常见的很酷的东西 You know, the usual cool stuff.
我有镇静抗压片 好梦丸 I've got 'ludes, uh, dreamers...
强尼组合 Johnny boys.
不如这样吧 Tell you what.
我用我的一颗换你的两颗 I'll trade you one of mine for two of yours. Hmm?
我不知道 星霸 我 I don't know, Star Burns. I'm--
抱歉 Oh, sorry.
我以为自己在和兽王打交道呢 I thought I was dealing with the Beastmaster.
嘿 谁说不是呢 Hey, hey, who said you weren't?
换就换 小样儿 Saddle up, fruit pie.
我自己选 你不介意吧 Don't mind if I do. May I?
拿着这个 Here. Take this.
给到场的加那傻不拉叽的学分吧 Give anyone that shows up their stupid credit.
你是去教工派对吗 把我作为"派对伴侣"捎上吧 You going to the faculty party? Make me your plus one.
放弃吧 翁格 Ah, give it up, Winger.
斯莱特教授不会和学生约会的 Professor Slater doesn't date students.
她对骑轻便摩托车的已婚亚洲男也没兴趣 Or married Asians who drive mopeds.
我给你20块 Give you 20 bucks.
我去把小车车开来 I'll bring the hog around.
好的 "亡灵舞"时间到 Okay, it's time for the dance of the dead.
大家围成一圈 Everyone form a circle.
灯光 音乐 Lights. Music.
按流派放还是按播放列表放 Is it under genre or on a specific playlist?
伙计 你给我吃的是什么啊 Hey, uh, man? What'd you slip me?
我不停的磨牙 见着人就想亲两口 I keep grinding my teeth, and I want to kiss everybody.
你给我吃的是什么 伙计 What'd you slip me, man?
我的心不跳了 上个小号都困难 My heart stopped racing, and I can't pee.
现在是第一支舞 Now for the first dance,
我想请我们的特邀嘉宾上场 I'd like to invite a very special guest to the floor.
杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger?
杰夫 Jeff?
杰夫到哪去了 Where's Jeff?
请你慢点儿 Please slow down.
-求你了 -别哭了 翁格 - Please. - Stop cry, Winger.
杰夫走了吗 Is Jeff gone?
我也要走了 You know, I'm gonna go.
我不想错过新闻 I don't want to miss the news.
新闻 News!
他刚刚出去了 He just stepped out.
一会就会回来 He's gonna be right back.
他去教工派对了 He's going to the faculty party.
去找短裙教授了吗 To be with professor short skirt?
我们讨厌她 We hate her.
不 不关她的事 雪瑞 No, it's not about her, Shirley.
我不敢相信杰夫这么对安妮 I can't believe that Jeff would do this to Annie.
对极了 不能让他这样对安妮 Yes, absolutely. It's about Annie.
我们应该找到那贱人的车 We should go find that bitch's car
把她的天线折断 and snap off her antenna.
高中的那一幕重现了 It's like high school all over again.
大家都走了 Everyone's leaving.
我还在 Not me.
我整晚陪你都没问题 I could do this all night.
我爱你 I love you.
美丽的女士 你的酒 There you go, pretty lady.
你来这干什么 What are you doing here?
给你看我非学生的一面 Showing you my non-student side.
我必须承认 这身行头挺吸引我的 I have to admit, this outfit's doing it for me.
我的第一次可能是 也可能不是献给了一个 I may or may not have been deflowered
少年牛仔竞技比赛冠军 by a junior rodeo champion.
你也让我想起了我的第一次 You're reminding me of my first time too.
你的童贞是被罗宾汉夺走的吗 You lost your virginity to Robin Hood?
不 被派对上一位迷人的女性夺走的 No, with an attractive woman at a party.
我们命中注定要重现历史了 We seem destined to repeat history.
我跟你说了我不和学生约会 这很不合适 I told you no students. It's unseemly.
我和你在一起 你会告诉你朋友 I go out with you, you tell your friends,
-于是传遍了校园 -什么朋友 - It gets around the school... - What friends?
我没朋友 I have no friends.
除了你 学校的人我都讨厌 I hate everyone here but you.
你来这儿干什么 What are you doing here?
你又在这儿干什么 What are you doing here?
你应该在图书馆守着安妮的派对 You should be over at the library with Annie...
哎哟 瞧瞧 你不是说过对化妆派对没兴趣吗 Yippy ki yay. Thought you weren't a costume guy.
小松鼠 这里不穿这行头不让进 You had to have one to get in here, squirrel.
那你是从哪儿弄的行头 Oh, so where did you get it?
我不觉得有什么戏服店 'Cause I wouldn't think that any costume stores
会这么晚还开门 would be open this late.
-我不知道你想说什么 -我想 - I don't know what you're getting at. - I think the words
你能下台阶的台词就是 "我有套牛仔行头" that you're looking for are "I own a cowboy outfit."
还很紧身呢 你故意买的这种效果吗 And it is tight too. Did you buy it like that?
你用玩具枪指着我的脑门 我会说是故意的 Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes.
你好 我是蜜雪儿·斯莱特博士 Hi. Michelle Slater, Ph.D.
我是布雷塔·派利 同等高中学历 Britta Perry, G.E.D.
[高中未毕业者 通过GED考试即可获得同等学历]
你是杰夫的同学吗 Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's?
你把"同学"说得变味儿了 Oh, well, when you say "classmate,"
感觉我们是一起午睡而且吞浆糊的"小同学" it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste.
但社区大学的优势就在于 But what's great about community colleges
很多学生和老师一样成熟 is that a lot of the students are just as mature as the teachers.
杰夫 你必须回安妮的派对 Jeff, you must return to Annie's party.
她觉得自己不受欢迎 She's feeling unpopular.
杰夫 皮尔斯吃错药了 正发癫呢 Jeff, Pierce took something, and he is tripping balls.
他对人动手动脚 跳着奇怪的舞 He is touching people and dancing weird.
就像是《欢喜老冤家》[93年喜剧电影] 却一点也不逗乐 It's like "Grumpy Old Men" but not hilarious.
听我说 伙计们 Okay, uh, guys?
我身处成年人的万圣节派对 明白吗 I'm at a grownup Halloween party, all right?
你们出现的不合时宜 You're all being unseemly.
-不是吧 -我们怎么就不合时宜了 - Oh, no. - How are we unseemly?
为什么乌克跟斯莱特教授的汽车天线过不去 Why is Urkel ripping the antenna off professor Slater's car?
没错 小腿细细的教授 That's right, professor slim calves.
你把杰夫从好女人身边抢走 就会有这下场 This is what you get when you steal Jeff from a good woman!
不要 阿布蒂 No, Abed!
-他在学猫叫吗 -对 - Is he meowing? - Yeah.
够了 你们这些人都出去 Enough. I want you guys out of here.
布雷塔 我不在乎你的高中肥皂剧 Britta, I don't care about your high school soap opera.
阿布蒂 你不是蝙蝠侠 Abed, you're not Batman.
皮尔斯 皮尔斯 皮尔斯 Pierce. Pierce. Pierce.
别用女性研究系的教授来磨牙了 Stop grinding on the Women's Studies Department.
你老得根本不能嗑药发癫了 You are too old to be tripping.
我老了吗 I'm old?
我哪里老了 What do you mean old?
这是谁的手 Whose hands are these?
救命 Help me!
-真行啊 -我知道自己不是蝙蝠侠 - Way to go. - I know I'm not Batman.
你应该尝试抽离"混蛋"这个角色 You could try not being a jerk.
她非常诱人 She's pretty hot.
我们刚才说到哪儿了 小宝贝 Well, where were we, little doggie?
-不合时宜 -对 该死 - Unseemly. - Yeah. Crap.
雪瑞 Shirley?
雪瑞 Shirley!
这是罗宾汉教授的办公室 This is professor Robin Hood's office.
那你在干什么 So what are you doing?
我把这水管放进她桌子里 I'm putting this hose in her desk,
你出去把水龙头打开 and you going outside to turn the water on.
为什么 Why?
给那个长脖子卷发的银行出纳一个教训 To teach that long-neck weave-having bank teller
她不能抢别的女人的男人 she can't steal another woman's man!
这就是原因 That's why.
我还是坦白交待吧 I have a confession to make.
我想我刚才说的 I think some of what I just said
更多的是自己的事儿 may have more to do with my situation.
我对长脖子卷发的银行出纳没共鸣 Yeah, the long-neck, weave-having bank teller didn't feel universal.
我的前夫今早来过 My ex-husband came by this morning,
他 他要回了结婚戒指 and he, uh, he asked for his ring back.
那是他母亲的 It was his mother's,
他要把戒指给他的新女友 and he wants to give it to his new girlfriend.
雪瑞 这的确让人不爽 Shirley, that sucks.
别误会我的意思 Don't get me wrong.
他的离去 是我人生中最棒的事 Best thing ever happened to me was him leaving.
我 我总以为他会爬着回来 I just--I always thought he'd come crawling back,
我就可以对他说 "见鬼去吧" and I'd get to tell him, "go to hell."
他连这个都不想给我 He couldn't even give me that.
布雷塔 你知道离谱的是什么吗 You know what the crazy thing is, Britta?
你今晚所做的一切吗 Everything you've done tonight?
就像是我太骄傲了 无法承认自己受了伤害 It's like I was too proud to admit I was hurt,
所以我只能装作受伤的是你 so I had to pretend that you were.
我完全理解 I totally get that.
我现在感觉好多了 I feel better now.
我们去看看安妮怎么样了 Let's go check on Annie.
不敢相信我居然拿这个可怜的女人当靶子 Can you believe I targeted this poor lady?
看看这些奖杯 Look at all these awards.
我打赌她是好人 I bet she's nice.
是呀 Yeah.
自命不凡的好人 Nice and pretentious.
皮尔斯 你还好吗 Pierce, are you okay?
伙计 怎么了 Hey, man, what's going on?
你下面无比坚挺 You have a foot-long erection.
放松 放松一点 Just rela-- Just relax.
皮尔斯 放松 放松一点 好吗 Pierce, relax. Just relax, okay?
你老得根本不能嗑药发癫了 You are too old to be tripping!
皮尔斯 Pierce...
你老得根本不能嗑药发癫了 You are too old to be tripping.
皮尔斯 跟我说说披头士吧 Tell me about the Beatles, Pierce.
跟我说说伍斯托克音乐节和人造卫星 皮尔斯 Tell me about woodstock and sputnik, Pierce.
我感觉这里有微风吹过啊 Do I feel a breeze here?
因为某人刚才被振出局了 Because someone just struck out.
昌 她不也把你吹得远远的 She blew you off too, Chang.
这样会让你心理平衡吗 Is that what you had to fall back on?
看着我 哥们儿 看着我 Look at me, bro. Look at me.
我这身材可是五年级小朋友的水平 对不 I've got the body of a fifth grader, okay?
如果我有你这样的条件 If I was working with what you've got,
她和我现在就会在康福特酒店里 she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now
用"墨西哥万圣节"体位做着呢 giving me a Mexican Halloween.
这个大学 It's this campus.
把我的魅力榨干了 It feeds on my coolness.
我无计可施了 I--I got no moves anymore.
计策? Moves?
对你这种帅哥而言 泡妞就像玩游戏 Everything's a game to guys like you.
我有一招 我肯定你这辈子还没试过 I know one move I bet you've never tried in your life.
是什么 What is it?
请跟我上床吧 求你了 Please sleep with me. Please.
求求你了 我很孤独 Pretty please. I'm so lonely.
我已经很久没有性生活了 I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time,
你太漂亮了 and you are so good looking.
求你做做好事 和我做爱吧 Please do me the favor of having sex with me.
好吧 离场时保持三步远的距离 Okay, stay three steps behind
而且发誓你不会告诉任何人 and promise you won't tell anybody.
我发誓 I promise.
所有人 别靠近图书馆 Everybody, stay out of the library.
皮尔斯 没关系 出来吧 Pierce, it's okay. Come out of there.
不要 人家还不想死呢 No, I'm not ready to die!
皮尔斯 你不会死的 Pierce, you're not gonna die!
-看着我 -往前走 别跟人对视 - Look at me. - Just--just keep walking. Don't make eye contact.
杰夫 杰夫 杰夫 Jeff. Jeff! Jeff.
皮尔斯抓狂了 Pierce is freaking out.
你是唯一能帮他的人 You're the only one that can help.
你凭什么这么认为 What makes you think that?
杰夫在外面吗 Is Jeff out there?
只有他能帮我 He's the only one who can help.
他说他要自杀 He says he's gonna kill himself,
但不让我们报警 but he doesn't want us to call 911,
他不想因为吸毒惹祸上身 because he doesn't want to get in trouble for taking drugs.
真不敢相信我会这么做 I can't believe I'm doing this.
我 I, uh...
我想该说晚安了 I think I have to say goodnight.
你是这些人的法定监护人吗 Are you, like, a court-appointed guardian for these people?
不是 Uh, no.
他们是我的同学 Um, they're my classmates.
晚安 杰夫 Goodnight, Jeff.
窝囊废 Loser!
"平克·弗洛伊德"堡垒再现啊 What in the Pink Floyd?
[该乐队60年代有张经典海报 主要图案为堡垒]
杰夫 我要用这些书桌会议桌把自己活活压死 I'm gonna crush myself to death with desks and tables, Jeff!
这死法对于兽王来说体面么 Is that a death befitting a Beastmaster?
我没看过《兽王伏魔》 I never saw Beastmaster.
我只是想扮扮酷 I just wanted to be cool.
皮尔斯 我要进来了 I'm coming in there, Pierce.
那些飘着的墨西哥骷髅说的对 Those floating Mexican skeletons were right.
我的死期到了 My life is over.
我们找飘浮的骷髅算命打卦时 Well, when we go to floating skeletons with our problems,
出什么价钱听什么话 对不 we get what we pay for, don't we?
我老了 杰夫 I'm old, Jeff.
皮尔斯 我不知道你头六十年是怎么过的 Pierce, I don't know how you spent the first 60 years,
但我知道在过去的两个月 but I know in the last two months
你或许过的比正常美国人 you've probably doubled the national average for
两辈子的生活还要充实 amount of life lived per lifetime.
我的确和一个年轻的非裔美国人做了朋友 Well, I do have a young, African-American friend.
是的 Yeah.
而且 更重要的是 And, more importantly,
你一身角斗士打扮 you're dressed like a gladiator
埋伏在自己于恐怖幻觉中建造的桌子堡垒里 in a desk fort that you built during a bad trip.
如果人生在世 敢于荒唐不羁才算活着 If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive,
那你绝对是迄今为止能喘气儿的当中 最大的英雄 you're a hero to everything that's ever lived.
-是吗 -是的 - Yeah? - Yeah.
好耶 Yeah.
-蝙蝠侠? -正是在下 - Batman? - Yeah.
你会留下来参加派对吗 Are you staying for the party?
如果我留下来 If I stay,
就不会有派对了 there can be no party.
外面的黑暗世界是我的领地 I must be out there in the night,
保持戒备状态 staying vigilant.
哪里有派对需要守护 Wherever a party needs to be saved,
我就在哪里 I'm there.
有面具的地方 Wherever there are masks,
有犯傻和欢乐的地方 wherever there's tomfoolery and joy,
就有我的身影 I'm there.
但我的身影有时无迹可寻 漆黑的夜晚才是我的领地 But sometimes I'm not, 'cause I'm out in the night,
高度警惕 留心观察 staying vigilant, watching,
偷偷埋伏 跑跑跳跳 lurking, running, jumping,
急速前进 躺下休息... hurtling, sleeping...
不 我不能休息 No, I can't sleep.
你睡觉的时候 我醒着 You sleep. I'm awake.
我不睡觉 也不眨眼 I don't sleep. I don't blink.
我是鸟吗 不是 Am I a bird? No.
我是一只蝙蝠 I'm a bat.
我是蝙蝠侠 I am Batman.
我真的是吗 Or am I?
是的 我是蝙蝠侠 Yes, I am Batman.
万圣节快乐 Happy Halloween.
我是蝙蝠侠 I'm Batman.
听上去像饼干怪兽[幼儿节目《芝麻街》的人物] You sound like a Cookie Monster.
-我是蝙蝠侠 -这才是蝙蝠侠 - I'm Batman. - That's Batman.
玉米糖看起来像迷你交通路锥 Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones.
没错 是很像 Yeah, it sure does.
就像有个糖果交通法规学习班 At, like, a candy traffic school.
有个姜饼人 开着车 Like, a little gingerbread man, at the wheel,
醉酒驾驶 and he's drunk.
小心 Look out.
一直开着车 You'd be driving,
但就是忍不住想吃掉自己 but you keep wanting to eat yourself.
想了一整天了 All day.
这是我最大的恐惧之一 That's one of my biggest fears.
什么 What is?
如果有天我醒来发现自己是甜甜圈 If I ever, like, woke up as a donut.
你会吃掉自己? You would eat yourself?
没有片刻迟疑地吃掉 I wouldn't even question it.
那一定好吃极了 Mm. That'd be tasty.
知道别人也在想这些事情 It's cool to know other people
我觉得太酷了 think about this stuff too.
是啊 Yeah.
没错 Yeah.