一整天都没见你 Hey. Haven't seen you all day.
我一直很忙 I've been really busy.
而且我还得去找30把椅子加在教室里 Plus I had to find, like, 30 extra chairs for my classroom,
因为今天是家庭日 since it's family day.
说到这个 我准备邀请我妈来 Oh, speaking of, I was going to invite my mom,
所以你可能会见到她 so you could meet her,
但是 她还认为我是律师 But, uh, she still thinks I'm a lawyer.
快看 oh, look!
"人类"带来个"小人类" The human being has a little human with it--
可爱的令人毛骨悚然 How blood curdlingly adorable.
杰夫 我们得谈谈 Jeff. We need to talk.
出什么事了 你要跟我分手吗 What's wrong? Are you breaking up with me?
你一点就通啊 Maybe we don't need to talk.
真高兴大伙就要见到我的儿子们了 I'm so excited for everybody to meet my sons.
可别是双胞胎 我受不了双胞胎 Hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out.
他们总是能知道对方的 They always know what the other one is--
-想法 -是的 - thinking? - Yeah.
而且他们总是吃掉对方的 And they're always finishing each other's--
-馅饼 -没错 太恐怖了 - pie. - Exactly. It's creepy.
跟他们在一起会很好玩的 It's gonna be nice spending time with them.
自从上学后我见他们的机会也少了 I don't get to see them that much since I started school.
我姐姐总是开玩笑说 My sister likes to joke
他们都快不认识我了 that they don't recognize me anymore,
我则笑她只是在嫉妒而已 And I like to joke that she's just jealous.
因为她有不孕症 Because she's barren.
我爸准备带我表妹阿布拉来 My dad's bringing my cousin Abra.
她从加沙过来玩儿的 She's visiting from Gaza.
她是不是就像假发红唇版的你呢 Does she look like you but in a wig and lipstick?
错 哈莉·贝瑞才是 No, that's Halle Berry.
阿布拉在公共场所浑身裹着长袍 Abra wears a full burka in public,
所以她就像是从头到脚都裹着黑布的路人甲 so she just looks like someone covered head to toe in black fabric.
真不敢相信我婆婆 Can't believe my grandma's
竟然要拖着老骨头过来参加 rolling her old bones down here.
我得找个储物柜躲进去 I gotta pick a cabinet to hide in.
你要避而不见吗 You hide from her?
是啊 她很古怪的 Yeah. She's crazy.
特洛伊 Troy...
社会要求我们遗弃老人 Society programs us to dispose of the elderly
是因为他们无法工作 没消费能力 because they don't work or buy things.
但你不能因此就忽略你祖母的价值 But don't be blind to your grandmother's value.
你要爱护她 You need to cherish her.
要爱护你爱护去 You cherish her.
我肯定会爱护的 I'm sure I will.
她总有一天会离世的 You know she's not gonna be around forever.
但愿如此 布雷塔 I wanna believe you're right, Britta.
但是你说话从来都不灵验 不是吗 But you never quite are, are you?
抱歉我来晚了 Sorry I'm late.
某人是不是跟某教授缠绵悱恻呢 Was somebody canoodling with a certain professor?
实际上 不是 她把我甩了 Actually, no. She dumped me.
不是吧 Oh, no!
闻者伤心见者流泪 That's so sad.
我借给杰夫一个供他哭泣的肩膀 I'll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on,
小伙子们 扔只死鸟到那贱人的汽车杂物格里 and you boys go put a dead bird in that bitch's glove compartment.
-收到 -伙计们 - Got it. - Guys.
伙计们 坐下 Guys, sit.
雪瑞 我不需要肩膀 我很好 Shirley, I don't need to cry, I'm fine.
杰夫 我们是你的朋友 Jeff, we're your friends.
男人哭吧哭吧不是罪 Let it all out.
我没啥好哭的 There's nothing to let out.
我倒是庆幸不用去甩她了 I'm just glad I didn't have to do the dumping.
否则分手后还要假装伤心三周 I mean, then I'd have to lay low for three weeks
另寻新欢还要遮着掩着的 to look sensitive and to avoid questions of overlap.
现在我作为一个被甩者 But as the dumpee...
由这一刻起 我有权利 I can start making out with
吻上学院内任何美女的香唇 every girl on campus right now.
而且所有人都会很体谅我 And all anyone will feel for me is sorry.
恶心 现在不会了 Ew! Not anymore.
你的心已经麻木了 杰夫 Your heart's desensitized, Jeff.
铁石心肠 心中有性无爱 Like a machine, it feels no love--just sex.
你像个妞结者[模仿《The Terminator》终结者] You're like the booty-nator.
你们懂我的意思吗 妞结者 You know, the booty-nator--
就像是 我会回来的 但会带着妞 Like, "I'll be back," but with booty?
为什么妞结者要带着妞回来呢 Why would the booty-nator be back with booty?
他应该把她杀掉才对啊 Wouldn't he just try and kill it?
也许已经杀了 然后再带回来当作战利品 Well, maybe he kills it and then brings it back as a trophy.
带个死妞回来干嘛 Why would you want dead booty?
我想要个海盗的妞 I want pirate's booty.
-因为你太饥渴了么 -伙计们 - Because you're hungry? - Guys...
我会回来的 I'll be back.
但会带着个妞 But with booty.
好样的 杰夫 Jeff. Nice.
-下半身思考 -下流 - That's beneath you. - Gross.
你太漂亮了 不可能是老师 Well, you're too gorgeous to be a teacher,
这么开心 也不可能是学生 and you're too happy to be a student.
肯定是车在附近抛锚了吧 我去帮你 Take me to where your car broke down.
我是来参加家庭日的 I'm here for family day.
我正在找我的家人 I'm looking for my family.
我就算再不济 Oh, well, I'm sure at the very least
冒充怪阿叔还是没问题的 I can fill in for a creepy uncle.
-我叫杰夫 -我叫安珀 - Jeff. - Amber.
瞧 她来了 There she is!
看看你 长成大姑娘啦 look at you, all grown up.
杰夫 这是我的继女 安珀 Jeff, this is my stepdaughter, Amber.
-世界真小啊 -不 实际上 - Small world. - No, actually,
世界非常大 It's a very big world
还有50亿女人在这世界上呢 with five billion other women in it.
泡别家闺女去 Good luck.
来 我带你四处转转 Come on, I'll show you around.
我回来了 I'm back.
-没带回妞来 -现在我体谅你了 - Without booty. - Now I feel sorry for you.
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翻译：夕橙 樱桃饺饺 坎离 小面 时间轴：独醉
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校对：爱米粒 独醉 后期：鱼骨头 总监：独醉
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《废柴联盟》 第一季 第十八集
-举起手来 -我们是国安局的 - Hands in the air! - Homeland security!
孩子们 别烦人家 Boys, leave that man alone.
-橙色警报 -抱歉 他们太兴奋了 - Orange alert! - Sorry, they're just excited.
你是阿布蒂的爸爸吧 我叫雪瑞 You're Abed's father? I'm Shirley.
那是伊莱贾 像是先知[与圣经中先知同名] And that's Elijah, like the prophet,
那是乔丹 十四次入选全明星赛的那位 And Jordan, like the 14 time NBA all-star.
古比·纳德尔 Gubi Nadir.
这是你们家乡话里"你好"的意思吗 Is that how you say hello?
这是我的名字 That's my name.
抱歉 你看起来像个黑色幽灵 I'm sorry. You're like a black ghost.
这是我表妹阿布拉 This is my cousin. Abra.
热烈欢迎 Greetings.
请坐 Have your seat.
我结过七次婚 Over the course of seven marriages,
大概有了32个继子继女 I've amassed some 32 stepchildren.
但是很显然 我最喜欢的是安珀 And obviously, Amber's my favorite.
是啊 他写了无数封电子邮件 Yeah, there was something about his mass emails
让我确信这是一次家人重聚的好机会 that made me certain this would be a family reunion.
这当然是 宝贝 Sure is, sweetie.
她打算去上摄影学院 She's going to photography school.
听起来很有趣 Oh, that sounds interesting.
别瞎鸡冻了 翁格 Keep it in your pants, Winger.
你是在自取其辱 You're embarrassing yourself.
她很性感 但她是我家小公主 She may be hot, but she's my princess.
拖油瓶公主 Step-princess.
很好 家庭日 Okay. Family day.
看看都有谁来了 Let's see what we got here.
真不敢相信星霸已经破处下崽儿了 Wow, I can't believe Star-burns isn't a virgin.
但从蓝牙来判断 小星霸还是只童子鸡 But judging from that bluetooth headset, had to say his son is.
哦耶 Cha-ching!
翁格 酷得连家人都没有吗 Winger. Too cool for family?
这里的每一个人都是我的家人 Everyone here is my family.
扯淡 Weak.
你的家人呢 老虎昌 Where's your family, El Tigre?
我的哥哥会参加烧烤会 Ugh, my older brother will be at the barbeque.
还有 虽然这跟你们无关 And it's none of your business,
但是我在娘胎里吃掉了胞弟 but I ate my twin in utero.
魅影危机都来凑热闹啦[星球大战前传Ⅰ] Eh, Phantom Menace,
跟纳布星球的贸易禁运协议进展如何啊 how's the trade embargo with the Naboo?
总而言之 Anyways, ah...
看来皮尔斯打破了他的小猪存钱罐 Looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank
请来了个高级伴游啊 at the escort service this time.
酸葡萄 臭嘴别瞎说 Hey! Duck sauce, that was rude.
我召的妓女可远没有 The call girls I frequent are
我女儿这么美丽动人 not nearly as attractive as my daughter.
是继女 Stepdaughter.
严格上说是 前妻的继女 Technically ex-stepdaughter.
你知道 你妈妈阿普里尔 You know, your mother April...
旺达 她叫旺达 Wanda. Her name's Wanda.
-叫旺达吗 -是的 - Was it Wanda? - Yes.
稍等 失陪一下 Hold on one second. Excuse me.
杰夫 杰夫瑞 Jeff, Jeffrey.
我也不跟你绕弯子啦 杰夫 The cards are on the table, Jeff.
我想有个亲生女儿一样的亲人 Amber's the best shot I'll ever have
我把最大的希望都寄托在安珀身上了 at something like a real daughter
可现在进展并不顺利 and I'm striking out.
你没有再次强调她长的比妓女还销魂吗 Have you told her she's prettier than a hooker?
如果你来烧烤的话 If you come to the barbeque--
我知道你从没对她有歪心思 and I know you'd never think of touching her--
也许你可以在旁边帮我美言几句 Maybe you could say a couple of cool things about me.
想让我在你前任继女面前给你敲边鼓吗 You want me to wingman you with your ex-stepdaughter?
抱歉 我还有事 I'm sorry. I got a thing.
你有事 You have a thing?
是啊 而且我还在失恋恢复期 Yeah, and it's on the rebound.
我才不会把一晚上时间 I'm not subjecting it to a night
花在一个把不到的辣妹身上 with a hot girl that I can't have.
你就不能为了朋友牺牲一下吗 You can't holster it for a friend?
拜托 皮尔斯哪算什么朋友 Please, Pierce is barely a friend,
他跟安珀根本八竿子打不着 and he's no more related to Amber than you are,
而且还很嚣张地禁止我接近他女儿 And he was a total jag about shutting me down.
-为了我你愿意牺牲多少 -你吗 - How much effort do I rate? - For you?
一肋插刀吧 Um, I'd break a light sweat.
那就好 我需要你帮忙 Good, I need a favor.
帮皮尔斯和他继女搞好关系吧 Help Pierce with his stepdaughter?
安妮 你学坏了 You're becoming dangerous, Annie.
就因为你那小鹿般的大眼睛 It's those doe eyes.
让你失望 感觉就像是用自行车链条 Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid
勒死了小美人鱼一样 with a bike chain.
这位就是巴恩斯婆婆吗 Is this nana Barnes?
特洛伊可没提过您如此样貌出众啊 Troy didn't mention you were such a knockout.
-这话是啥意思 -噢 - What's that supposed to mean? - Oh...
别谦虚嘛 我敢说您年轻时 Come on, I'm sure you've
-肯定伤了很多痴情男的心吧 -哦 - broken a few hearts in your time. - Oh.
说说 你觉得我睡过几个男人 Tell me, how many men do you think I've laid with?
-你谁啊 -我是布雷塔 - Who are you? - I am Britta.
我冒犯了您 And I have offended you.
我很抱歉 能为您做点什么吗 And I am sorry. Is there anything I can get you?
是的 你可以给我拿根细条儿来 Yes. You can get me a switch.
啥 A what now?
她不是家里人 婆婆 She's not family, nana.
你不能命令她给你拿细条儿 You can't make her get you a switch.
她可以叫我拿的 只要我知道是什么 She can make me get it, I just have to know what it is.
细条就是一根用来抽你的棍棍 A switch is a stick she can use to whup you with.
爱护 布雷塔 爱护 Cherish, Britta. Cherish.
真高兴见到你的哥哥 Well, it was wonderful meeting your brother.
再见[西语] 昌老师 平安[希伯来语] 昌牧师[犹太教] Adios, Senor Chang. Shalom, Rabbi Chang.
再来个合体的 再见了[日语] And to both of you, sayonara.
对吧 Right?
别走啊 Don't go.
昌老师 Senor Chang?
本 你知不知道这听起来多可笑 Ben, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?
够了 我就是干这行的 Okay, that is who I am.
-别说了 -不说就是了 - So drop it! - I'm dropping.
不说就是了 I'm dropping!
安珀留意了 你对花生过敏的 Amber alert, you are allergic to peanuts.
你说的是另一个继子吧 That might be a different stepkid.
我的航班快起飞了 我们就 My flight actually leaves, so let's--
我先说个故事之后 你的航班才会起飞 Your flight actually leaves after I tell you a story
故事叫"当皮尔斯遇见校园霸王" called "Pierce Takes On The School Bully".
-你是忍者吗 -宝贝儿 别这样 - Are you a ninja? - Oh, baby.
不得无礼 Don't be rude.
她穿的是长袍 Oh, she's wearing a burka.
女人们穿上它以示端庄稳重 It's a way for women to express their modesty.
就像伊斯兰教的高领毛衣一样 They're like islamic turtlenecks.
问她想不想和我们一起玩 Ask her if she wants to play with us.
我不介意去蹦一蹦
在蹦床小屋里 ...bouncy house.
你要是弄伤自己 你爸就不会理我了
气氛听起来不对 That sounds heated.
她骂他是猪屁眼儿还是什么了吗 Did she call him a pig's anus or something?
她说自己不小了 可以在大气球里蹦了 She's saying she's old enough to jump in a giant balloon.
她说他有点保护过头了 She's saying he's overprotective.
现在说他是猪屁眼儿 Now she says he's a pig anus.
他们吵的我都想吃热狗了 That fight made me crave a hot dog.
乖乖待着 孩子们 我马上回来 Stay put, boys. I'll be right back.
别这样 Hey, stop.
老天 Agh!
看看他们 你是怎么当妈的 Look at them. You are a bad mother.
管好你的孩子 Control your children.
这下我得去车里换我的应急衬衣了 I have to go back to my car and get my emergency shirt.
我压根不喜欢那件衬衣 And I don't even like that shirt!
他不仅加入了乐队 Not only did he join a band,
而且还因才华太出众而被排挤出来了 they got jealous and booted him.
瞎掰呢吧[本意为滚蛋] Get out.
当时他们就这么说的 That's exactly what they said.
我去一下洗手间 继爹爹 Off to the bathroom. Stepdad.
我从没被叫过继爹爹 I've never been called "stepdad."
没人被这么叫过 I don't think anyone has.
听着 等她回来的时候 Listen, when she gets back...
编个理由离开 好吗 come up with some reason why you have to leave, okay?
我假装极力挽留 但你非走不可 And I'll beg you to stay, but you don't.
要不 干脆你现在就走好了 In fact, why don't you just leave now
留点悬念 下次再来 and cut our work in half?
祝你好运了 老兄 Good luck, buddy.
你要走了吗 You're leaving.
我 女朋友 怀孕了 My...girlfriend... is pregnant.
可皮尔斯说你是同志啊 Pierce said you were gay.
他说啥 对 不折不扣的同志 He-- yep, as the sunrise.
我以自己为耻 And I'm deeply ashamed.
我真高兴有皮尔斯这种朋友 I'm just glad I have friends like Pierce to keep--
敢说实话 honest.
这不大好啊 This is slightly wrong.
-舌吻太过火吗 -恰到好处 - Too much tongue? - Oh, just enough.
是因为皮尔斯 But it's Pierce.
你是说那个不许任何男人 You mean the guy who decided he doesn't want men
染指他的前任继女 touching his ex-stepdaughter,
却为了保姆休了我妈的家伙吗 but divorced my mom for our housekeeper?
可能就是一个人 Could be the same guy, yeah.
安珀 安珀 你在这啊 Amber? Amber, there you are.
你怎么在这 杰夫 Why are you here, Jeff?
我在这儿上学啊 忘了吗 I go to school here, remember?
学生休息室里在举行画图猜词比赛 There's a pictionary tournament in the student lounge.
听起来不错啊 杰夫也参加吗 Sounds fun. Is Jeff joining us?
不知道他能不能参加 能来吗 I don't know if he can. Can you?
-不能 -别这样嘛 - I can't. - No, come on.
-留下来吧 -留下来 - Stay. - Stay.
真不行 I can't.
也许我也不该留下 Maybe I shouldn't either.
-留下吧 好吗 -你觉得我该留下 - Stay, would you? - Do you think I should?
你非得留下不可 I think you have to.
-我留下 -我也不走了 - I'll stay. - Me too.
好啊 这才是家庭日嘛 Oh, good, family day.
你忙啥呢 Whatcha doin'?
给婆婆找细条儿啊 Getting nana a switch.
布雷塔 别再装的好像我家恶老太太很有意思 Britta, stop pretending that my mean old nana is awesome.
谁装了 I'm not pretending.
我觉得这很好啊 I think it's cool that
婆婆有她自己的一套金科玉律 she's got her own style of discipline.
婆婆很传统 Nana's old school.
我妈告诉我那些装逼的白人都这德性 Yeah, my mom told me there'd be white people that did this.
咖啡不离手 怀表不离胸 With pocket watches, and coffee grinders,
还假装热爱蒸汽船[装绅士] and pretending to be into steam boats.
还是明说了吧 But let's get this straight.
现在不是装逼大赛 我婆婆真会抽你的 This is real life. My nana's gonna whup you.
那也得等到我找着细条儿再抽 Not unless I find her a switch.
这个怎样 How about this?
鞭子中的战斗鞭 布雷塔 Yeah, that's a great switch, Britta.
无敌棒 肯定疼死你 Very hip. It should hurt a lot.
阿布蒂 伊莱贾和乔丹哪儿去了 Where's Elijah and Jordan, Abed?
你终于把他们弄丢啦 Oh, what a surprise that you lost them.
-他们在玩躲猫猫 -人呢 - They're playing hide 'n' seek. - Where?
告诉你是作弊行为 I don't think that's how it works.
少跟我来这套 阿布蒂 Stop screwing around, Abed.
想训人吗 Hey, you want to yell at someone?
训你们家小疯孩儿去 冲我乖儿子吼啥 Go find your crazy kids. My boy's disciplined.
-他又不是你家疯孩儿的保... -行了 -It's not his job to-- - All right!
你说得对 古比 我这个妈是不称职 You got me, Gubi. I'm a bad mother.
但至少我家孩子还有小孩样 But at least I let my kids be kids,
不像你们家的一个个苦大仇深的 instead of acting like a jail warden.
你对长袍有意见吗 Ah, you don't like a burka.
不关长袍的事 I'm not talking about the burka.
我说的是她从未有过片刻童真和欢乐 I'm talking about her never having any fun.
阿布拉 看着我的眼睛 告诉我 Now Abra, you look me in the eyes, and you tell me...
不好意思 I'm sorry.
我貌似忘带餐巾纸了 I seem to have forgotten the napkins.
可否劳您大驾 Do you mind?
好么 我倒成了纸巾男了[Youtube红人] Fine. Now I'm the napkin man.
圈儿 Circle.
圈儿里套着弯儿 Circle with a squiggly line.
弯儿外箍个圈儿 A squiggly line circle.
你 你确定答案不是"圈儿"吗 You've--you did hear me say "circle"?
笑眯眯的...阴道侧面图 Smiling...sideways vagina.
-不对 -乐滋滋的...阴道侧面图 - No. -Happy...sideways vagina.
非也 No.
笑脸 Happy face.
那是蛤蜊吧 And that's a clam?
"像蛤蜊一样开心"[习惯用语 形容非常高兴] "As happy as a clam."
正确 Yes!
"像蛤蜊一样开心"? 还真是 "As happy as a clam"? What a--
"基"情四射啊 白痴 gay guess. Idiot.
皮尔斯 该你了 Pierce, you're up.
你输定了 翁格 Eat my dust, Winger.
你知道咱俩是一组的吧 You do know we're on the same team?
赶紧啊 Go!
风车
好吧 开始 All right, here we go, uh...
我不... Look, I don't, uh...
皮尔斯 再添几笔 多画几笔 Pierce, you have to add more. You have to draw more.
停 Stop.
别老绕圈儿了 Stop circling the same thing.
快点猜 你这娘娘腔的闷蛋 Well, guess something, you girlfriendless geek!
你画什么呢[法西斯标志] What are you drawing?
明知故问 蠢货 You're supposed to know, stupid.
淡定 Relax...
我来摆平 I'll get this.
我想他俩都不会指控对方的 I think they'll both drop charges,
但得先花点工夫 录个口供 but we gotta take statements. It's gonna be a while.
我虽说只是个小警察 And I may just be a simple cop,
但大家得明白 but people need to know.
如果不把"风车"从猜词游戏里和谐掉 This isn't gonna stop until pictionary
这种事就会继续发生 bans the word "Windmill."
皮尔斯 晚上舞会见 Pierce. We'll meet you at the gala.
我们要去喝点咖啡 We're gonna go get some coffee.
"咖啡"是上床的暗语吗 Is "Coffee" code for sex?
是吗 Is it?
才怪 No.
婆婆 您要的细条儿来啦 Nana, here's your switch.
呈上来 Bring it here.
将就用了 Oh, I'll make do.
好啊 甘愿受罚 Okay. Let me have it.
我又不是修女 弯下[教区学校的修女用打手板教训学生] I ain't no nun. Bend over.
裤子脱了 趴我腿上 Drop your pants and get over my lap.
你还是赶快溜之大吉为妙 All you have to do is walk away.
-你这到底是想干嘛 -她在尊敬长辈 -What are you doing? -She's respecting her elders.
看见没 特洛伊 还觉得我是装逼吗 See, Troy, did you think I was a hypocrite?
要是装的我才不会... That I wouldn't really...
好吧 这还真是... Okay, ow, that really...
还真是... Whoo! Okay, that really...
你这是图啥啊 布雷塔 I don't understand you, Britta.
我是真不懂你怎么想的 I don't understand you at all.
上对女人进错屋了 You know what? Totally wrong room.
快关门消失吧 Will you get the door?
别打了 She's had enough!
让我来服侍你吧 某人的前继女 Let's focus on you, the forbidden fruit
性感的尤物 欲望的禁果 that is the ex-stepdaughter of a casual acquaintance.
这可不能丢 Oh, oops. Don't wanna lose that.
你怎么会有皮尔斯两万五千刀的支票 Why do you have a $25,000 check from Pierce?
这是学费 上时装学校的 Tuition, for fashion school.
不是摄影学校吗 Not photography school?
被你发现了 Mm, you caught me.
或许就用来买辆车也说不定 Uh, maybe I'll just buy a car.
你就这样骗他的钱 You just do that, huh?
是啊 还好他又痴又蠢 Well, it helps that he's kind of desperate and stupid.
你是想立马做个活雷锋呢 Did you wanna be a good person right now?
还是与我共度销魂时分 Or did you wanna be with me?
可找到你了 天使爱美丽 Oh,there you are.Thanks a lot,Pollyanna.
你出馊主意让我跟皮尔斯和他继女相处 You made me hang out with Pierce and his stepdaughter.
-她是想骗他的财 -什么 -She's grifting him. - She's what?
她从他那儿要了一大笔钱 She's taking a bunch of money from him.
他以为是学费 但其实只是骗钱 He thinks it's for school, but it's for...grifting.
你告诉他了吗 Did you tell him?
这事儿哪有那么简单 It's not that simple.
怎么 It's not?
天 杰夫 Oh, my--Jeff!
真恶心 Gross!
你真恶心 你和她嘿咻了 You're gross! You did it with her?
做了一次而已 我本想梅开二度的 Yeah, but not twice. I wanted to do it twice.
太恶了 你今天早上才认识她 That's gross! You met her this morning,
你的速度比细菌传播还快 You're faster than some bacteria.
你这么做就是因为斯莱特伤害了你吗 Are you just doing this because Slater hurt you?
什么 我可没受伤 What? No, I'm not hurt.
安珀主动对我投怀送抱 And Amber threw herself at me.
你还是应该告诉皮尔斯 Well, you still have to tell Pierce
她在利用他 不是吗 she's taking advantage of him, don't you?
你这样想想 就会觉得没人吃亏 well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt.
皮尔斯有了个女儿 安珀得到了零花钱 Pierce is getting a daughter, Amber's getting an allowance,
我得到了 已经跟你说过了 I'm getting--well, we already talked about it.
别忘了 这可是皮尔斯 But don't forget, this is Pierce.
一个种族主义 憎恨同性恋的老古董 He's a racist, homophobic, old goof.
他这辈子就没干过好事 He does bad stuff all the time.
看来你已经都想清楚了 Well, it sounds like you've got it all figured out.
干嘛还跟我讲 So why are you talking to me about it?
因为 Because...
你是 你知道的 You're...you know...
-正派的人 -可能吧 - A decent person? - Maybe.
你知道跟我讲这些 And you knew that talking to me about it
会感觉自己不仗义 would make you feel like a bad friend?
而且你想感觉自己不仗义 And you wanted to feel like a bad friend,
是因为你想变得仗义一些 because you wanna be a good friend?
你真是差劲 你知道吗 You really suck, you know that?
你跟你哥去买点叮咚[零食] Go get you and your brother some Ding Dongs
-安静会儿 -好的 - and calm down. - Okay.
-阿布蒂 你家人走了吗 -走了 - Oh, Abed! Did your family take off? - Yeah.
谢谢你引开我爸 Thanks for distracting my dad
让我们帮助阿布拉穿回长袍 while we helped Abra get back in her burka.
小姑娘想蹦床 Well, if a young lady wants to go in the bouncy house,
就应该让她去蹦 she should go.
你做的事太高尚了 It was a noble thing you did.
不是我干的 Oh, I didn't do it.
是乔丹和伊莱贾的主意 No, it was Jordan and Elijah's idea.
这俩孩子真好 They're good kids.
不然他们也不会帮助阿布拉了 If they weren't, they wouldn't be able to help Abra.
我明白你为什么对我们相见感到激动了 I see why you were so excited for me to meet them.
你应该为他们骄傲 你是个好妈妈 You should be proud of them. You're a good mom.
过来抱抱 Oh, come on.
妈妈 Hey, mom.
看我拿着什么 Look what I got.
叮咚是我的最爱 Ding Dongs are my favorite.
很痛苦吧 Pretty rough, huh?
你说得对 她的确是狼外婆 Mm, you were right. Nana's a monster.
你说什么 What did you say?
我说你是狼外婆 夫人 I said you were a monster, ma'am.
特洛伊也这么说过吗 And you said Troy was right.
给我拿个细条儿 Get me a switch.
是 Okay.
好啊 路人甲 Hey, stranger.
等我打发完我的富爸爸 Wanna pick up where we left off
一会儿还想继续吗 after I log some time with daddy warbucks?
不想 安珀 No, Amber.
我想了想这事 I thought about it.
我希望你能把那支票撕了 And what I want is for you to tear up that check,
然后去陪你继父跳舞 and go dance with your stepdad.
你想让我把你的事抖落出来吗 Are you trying to get me to cut you in?
这对你可没好处 You don't have leverage.
如果我走过去 坦白一切 If I walk over there and tell him everything,
你猜他会原谅谁 guess who he'll forgive.
你 You.
但我宁愿做那个坏人 But I'd rather be the bad guy
也不能眼睁睁看你骗他钱 than watch you siphon him.
这样你看如何 How about this?
我现在就走 如果支票兑现 I walk away, and if the check clears,
我不会找你麻烦的 我不会再回来了 I won't make problems for you. I'll stay gone.
想回来就回来吧 Come back whenever you want.
但回来了就要好好对他 因为有我在 But be good to him when you do, because I'll be around.
而我 是他的朋友 And I'm his friend,
你当不当继女随便 and you can be his stepdaughter...or not.
我还是选两万五千刀 Yeah. I'll take the 25 grand.
就算只有25美分我也不会选他 Over him, I'd take 25 cents.
拜 Bye.
杰夫 Oh, Jeff.
-看到安珀了吗 -看到了 - Have you seen Amber? - Yeah.
皮尔斯 我要跟你说些事 Listen, Pierce, I gotta tell you something.
她不来了 对吗 She's not coming, is she?
下午给她写了一张大额支票 I wrote her a pretty big check this afternoon.
我就有种感觉 她会拿了钱就走人 I had a feeling she might... take it and run.
想让我帮你把支票作废吗 You want me to help you cancel it?
无所谓 就当召妓了 Oh, hell, she earned it.
你很幸运 杰夫 你现在组建个家庭 You're lucky, Jeff. It's not too late for you
分享美好生活 还为时未晚 have a family, share your life.
电脑永远搞不明白 That and understanding computers
但也离不开 家人也一样 are two things you just can't knock out at the end.
皮尔斯 Pierce.
上周你冲沃恩放屁后给谁打的电话 Who did you call last week after you farted on Vaughn?
你 You.
松鼠抢了阿布蒂的热狗后 and who did Abed call
他给谁打电话了 after that squirrel stole his hot dog?
-我 -这就是分享生活了 - Me. - That's sharing your life.
朋友就是你的家人 If you have friends, you have family.
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey.
抱抱 孩子 Aw, come here, son.
咱是拥抱还是跳舞啊 Are we hugging or dancing?
如果咱俩角色对调一下 You know, if the roles were reversed,
我就会跟你的前继女上床的 I would've had sex with your ex-stepdaughter.
我上过了 I did.
很有我当年的风范 Chip off the old block.
要不然你就是拿我女儿洗伤口 It was either that or deal with your actual pain.
什么伤口 What pain?
十二点方向 12: 00.
开什么玩笑 Oh, are you kidding me?
没事 It's okay.
没事的 没事的 It's okay, it's okay.
哭吧哭吧不是罪 Let it out.
我们在一起的时候总是只能看她喜欢的剧 We always used to watch the shows she wanted to watch.
我讨厌《欢乐合唱团》 I hate Glee.
我也不怎么喜欢《欢乐合唱团》 I'm not crazy about glee either.
我讨厌死它了 I hate it.
我真不明白那有什么好看的 I don't understand the appeal at all.
解释下我们为啥这样 Why did we do this again?
以为会很好玩儿 We thought it looked fun.
你手机在口袋里吗 Is your cell phone in your pocket?
在 可是够不到 只有右胳膊能动 Yeah, but I can't reach it. I can only move my right arm.
好吧 钱已经投进去了 Okay, there's money already in there.
把你右臂从下面的缝伸出去 Slide your arm through that bottom slot,
摁G-14键 and press the buttons g-14.
小食被选中后 放置小食的机械杠杆 When the snack is selected, the mechanical lever that's holding it
就会向前推进 will be thrust forward,
就能把手机从口袋里推出来 thereby knocking your cell phone out of your pocket
手机会掉到取小食处 and into the receptacle below,
你就能捡起来 打求救电话 where you can pick it up and call for help.
开始吧 here we go.
特洛伊 Troy?
我好像摁成了G-13了 I think I hit g-13.