早安 格林德尔 Good morning, Greendale!
众所周知 今天是愚人节 As you know, it is April fool's day.
开个玩笑 明天才是愚人节 Just kidding--it's the day before April fool's.
伦纳德 再惹我一次你就三振出局 You know what, Leonard? Strike two!
[纸上写着 踢我啊]
总之 只是提醒大家在开愚人节玩笑时 Anyway, just reminding you to keep any April fool's prank
要注意安全 力保和谐 physically safe, politically balanced,
尊重各民族人民 and racially accessible.
拿不准的 可以参考 When in doubt, check the guidelines
本校玩笑大全中的准则 in our college pranks literature.
《校方批准玩笑守则》 "Guidelines for School-sanctioned Pranks."
让我想起我最爱的校园喜剧了 Huh, reminds me of my favorite college comedy.
-哪一部 -就是那部 - Oh, which one? - Exactly.
明白没 院长根本就不懂 See, the dean doesn't get it.
恶作剧的重点就在于新意 The point of a practical joke is to shake up the system.
举例来说 谁要来点这个 For example, who wants some of these?
好啊 Cool, yeah.
在找啥呢 Looking for something?
漂亮 Nice.
在恶作剧高发时间段 They allow student volunteers for campus security
学生可以自愿加入校保安队 during times of heightened shenanigans.
我想当保安 I want to be security.
一起去吧 我们可以做搭档 Let's do it together. We can be partners.
这要是拍成《绝色战警》我肯定会看 That's a buddy cop movie I would watch.
不知道你们中间谁是乖乖警察 But I wonder which of you would be by the book,
谁又是不按理出牌的无敌战警 and which of you would be the bad-ass.
阿布蒂 你犯傻了吧 Abed, you're so silly.
当然我是无敌战警 I'd be the bad-ass.
早安 众卿家 Greetings, mortals!
早安 罐中蛇要吃不 Morning! Snake in a can?
不用 谢谢 我在斋戒 No, thanks. I'm fasting.
我所在的教会 My buddhist church
正在举行一年一度的升级仪式 is having its annual ascension ceremony,
而我将成为 and I will be becoming
六级激光莲座巫师 a level six laser lotus.
我知道 我当时也目瞪口呆了 I know. I was speechless too.
总之 我要为仪式清除体内毒素 Anyway, I have to detoxify for the ceremony.
只喝盐水和蜂蜜来补充必要的营养 I get all the nutrients I need with salt water and honey.
要是能从另一个孔里排出来 Even better if it goes down the wrong--
就更好了 the wrong pipe.
练到六级会怎样 So what happens in level six?
我们教会里就没有人见过六级巫师 Well, nobody in my hive has ever seen a six.
但是 我听说 But, uh, from what I hear,
我将对病菌有免疫力 I'll have immunity to germs,
有强大的通灵能力 heightened psychic ability,
而且夜视能力变强 and improved night vision.
打游戏的水平会有提高不 Any bonuses to your kombat score?
能看见更多 我当然能打的更好 I assume I'll fight better if I can see more.
傻蛋 Dumb ass.
皮尔斯 我刚想起来 Hey, Pierce, I just remembered.
就在你进来之前 有人给你送来东西 Right before you got here, some guy was delivering
是六级仪式长袍 level six ceremonial robes?
啥 你怎么不早说 What?! Why didn't you tell me?
你要是跑着去 也许能追上他 Maybe if you run, you can catch him.
你的脑子真是白长了 翁格 Way to use your brain, Winger.
阿布蒂 你跑到戏剧系最快要多久 Abed, how fast can you run to the theater department?
三十七秒 37 seconds.
没拿到搞笑的东西就别回来 去吧 Don't come back without something ridiculous. Go.
明白 Got it.
伙计们 捉弄这个被邪教洗了脑的脑残 Guys, you realize you're exploiting the naivete
你们好意思吗 of a man who is being brainwashed by a cult?
被你说出来怎么就变无趣了呢 Oh, well, it sounds a lot less fun when you say it.
什么事都这样 她是个专扫乐趣的"扫帚星" Everything does. She's a buzz kill.
我不是"扫帚星" I'm not a buzz kill.
没错 这词还不够准确 Yeah, that doesn't really describe it.
你更像是吸趣衰人 You're more of a fun vampire,
因为你不吸血 只是衰而已 Because you don't suck blood, you just suck.
没找到人 He wasn't there.
我想阿布蒂找到他了 Oh, I think Abed found him.
把它给我 Hey, give me that.
太棒了 Ohh. It's amazing.
太漂亮了 It is absolutely gorgeous.
我看起来怎么样 How do I look?
我来帮你 May I?
-魔法般的效果 -棒极了 - Magical. - Great.
当然 只有布雷塔不喜欢 Of course, the only one who doesn't like this is Britta.
你一直当个扫乐趣的扫帚不累吗 Do you ever get tired of being a buzz kill?
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.net
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翻译：爱米粒 夕橙 独醉 时间轴：独醉
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校对：独醉 后期：鱼骨头 总监：独醉
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《废柴联盟》 第一季 第二十集
激动人心的时刻到来了 女士们 This is gonna be exciting, ladies.
我在这里任命你们 I hereby deputize you
担任校保安48小时 as campus security for 48 hours.
你的防风夹克 Your windbreakers.
你们的口哨 Your whistles.
好的 Okay.
好的 我现在只有一瓶防狼喷雾 Okay, now, I only have the one pepper spray.
是我的 It's mine.
我牺牲一下 这周去安全点的小区购物 But I'll just get my groceries in a better neighborhood this week.
给我吧 I'll carry it.
我俩中 我才是无敌战警 Between the two of us, I'm sort of the bad-ass.
是吗 你怎么得出这个结论的 You are? Uh, how do you figure?
我不知道 雪瑞 I don't know, Shirley.
你又是怎么知道我不是呢 How did you figure I wasn't?
我想是因为我这个无敌战警太忙 I guess I didn't figure because I was too busy
没时间琢磨这事 being the obvious bad-ass.
看来我们意志都很坚决 Sounds like we're both pretty convinced.
等我们开始工作了就能见分晓了 I guess we'll find out who's right once we're on the job.
我想是的 I guess we will.
打断一下 这是什么情况 I'm sorry, what is going on here?
对经典角色设置的纠结 通常在警察搭档里 A twist on a classic formula. Normally, with buddy cops,
一位是拘泥于程序的呆子 另一位则是叛逆者 one's a straight-laced stickler, and the other's a renegade.
但这俩人都想当叛逆者 But these two have equal claim to both roles.
你又是从哪冒出来的 And why are you here?
长话短说吗 Short answer?
没钱看有线电视了 My cable went out.
给你说点事好吗 Hey... can I run something by you?
我在琢磨今晚搞个恶作剧 I was thinking of pulling a little prank tonight
好吧 All right.
愚人节搞恶作剧 有意思 For April fool's, a prank.
你知道咱们这有活青蛙吧 So you know how they have live frogs
就在解剖实验室里 in the anatomy lab?
知道 Oh, yeah.
我打算溜进去 拿一只青蛙 So I was gonna sneak in there, get a frog,
然后 明天 And then tomorrow,
当昌老师来上课的时候 When Senor Chang's class is coming in,
他的桌子上就会有一只青蛙 there will be a frog on his desk
还戴着 wearing...
昌老师
-就这样啊 -你看见帽子上的字没 - Oh, you're done. - Did you read the hat?
-昌老师 -是啊 - Senor Chang. - Yeah.
你没听懂笑点啊 Oh, you don't get it.
-确实没懂 -这只青蛙就是昌 - I guess I don't. - The frog is Chang.
好吧 原来我懂了 很有意思 Okay, I did get it. It's funny.
我知道 等等 我忘了 I know it's funny. Oh, wait, I forgot--
这可不是翁格版的恶作剧 这不会伤害到任何人 It's not your kind of joke. It's not at anyone's expense.
布雷塔 干嘛要把时间浪费在嫉妒我的搞笑天赋上 Britta, why waste your time envying my gift for levity
你明明可以运用你的无趣天赋 when there's so much you could be doing
去做那么多有意义的事 with your natural talent for severity?
知道不 You know what?
我的恶作剧将掀起一轮欢乐海啸 My prank is gonna cause a sea of laughter,
而我要眼睁睁地看着你淹没在其中 and I am gonna watch you drown in it.
有魄力 That a girl!
七 Seven.
猜对了 That's right.
杰夫 我会读心术了 Jeff, I can read minds.
不可能 No way.
我现在在想什么颜色 What color am I thinking of?
粉色 Pink?
真有你的 What the hey?
肯定是长袍的魔力 Must be the robe.
是啊 Yeah.
曲奇饼干[包装上宣传形像是巫师] Hey...cookie crisp.
曲奇饼干 Cookie crisp.
他是在叫我吗 Is he talking to me?
不是 不是 No. No.
皮尔斯 那个给你送长袍的人又来了 Hey, Pierce, that guy came back that brought your robes
说他忘了送这个 and said he forgot to deliver...this.
这是什么 What is it?
他说这个可以聚集你的魔力 He said it focuses your powers?
这不是曲奇饼干吗 Is that a cookie?
或许是流星碎片做的魔杖 Maybe it's a piece of meteor.
教主就曾到过流星上 Buddha arrived on a meteor!
他多久没吃饭了 When was the last time he ate?
我是世界上 I am the coolest guy
最拉风的男人 in the world.
你好啊 青蛙先生 Hello, Mr. Frog.
能借我用一会吗 Can I just borrow you for a second?
我是昌老师 "I'm Senor Chang"
谁敢说这不好笑 Now tell me that's not funny.
等等 Wait!
小青蛙 到这来 Here froggy, here froggy.
小青蛙 到这来 Here froggy.
悄无声息地 Now real quiet.
太可怕了 Oh, that's horrible.
天啊 真是太可怕了 Oh, god, that's horrible!
有人从窗户里抛出一具死尸 Someone dropped a dead body out that window.
这是个崭新的标识牌 所以 This was a brand-new sign, so...
我可不想让这件事败坏了学校的名誉 I just don't want this to tarnish our school's reputation.
别担心 你们学校的名誉还不如这事儿呢 Don't worry, your school's reputation is way worse than this.
我们的学院保安来了 Oh... Here's our campus security.
就停在那儿吧 Yeah, just stop right there.
女士们 别往那儿停 Oh, ladies, don't pull up on that--
安妮 Oh, Annie.
早啊 小伙子们 Mornin', boys.
我叫安妮·埃迪生 I'm Annie Edison.
人称"疯妞儿" People call me "Psycho"
因为我上高中时曾经精神崩溃过 Because I had a nervous breakdown in high school.
我搭档是个基督教家庭主妇 My partner's a Christian housewife.
有什么需要帮忙的 Can we help you?
其实是 我们能不帮你们吗 Actually, can we not help you?
我喜欢按自己的规矩来 I tend to play by my own rules.
她喜欢规矩 我只有一条规矩 She loves rules. I only have one.
别挡住我办案 Stay out of my way.
别挡住我办 大案 Stay out of mine more.
听着 这只是起破坏公物的轻罪 You know what? This is misdemeanor vandalism.
你们娘子军完全可以自己处理 You ladies can take care of it yourselves.
等一下 什么 Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait-- What?
等你找到嫌犯时给我们打电话 Call us when you find a perp.
对 我们等着你 Yeah, we'll be waiting.
-你来 -我正要过去 - You go. - I'm about to.
看看你们干了什么 Now look what you have done!
告诉她们只有24小时来破案 Tell them they got 24 hours to solve the case.
当然 限你们24小时内破案 否则... They do! You have 24 hours to solve it, or else.
搞定它 Figure it out!
宣传海报有了 That's the poster.
这是我工作中 Well, this is the part of my job
最不喜欢的一部分 that I enjoy the least.
那就是 我告诉你们 昨晚 The part where I inform you that, last night,
有人谋杀了一只衣冠不整的动物 someone murdered a partially clothed animal
还把一具人类尸体扔出窗外 and threw a human corpse out a window.
你们可以感谢此人的行径 And you can thank the person that did it,
此人可能就在这个房间里 a person that may be in this room.
鉴于此事 从现在开始 For the fact that, from now on,
愚人节取消 明白吗 April fool's day is banished, okay?
在格林德尔 4月1日 At Greendale, April 1st
永远正式地变为3月32日 is officially March 32nd, forever!
你怎么知道是这个班上的人干的 How do you know it was one of us?
回答你前 我先问你个问题 Well, if I may answer a question with a question...
你干嘛穿得像个巫师 Why are you dressed like a wizard?
他是不是中风了 Okay, is he having a stroke?
我告诉你们我怎么知道的 I'll tell you how I know!
保安员伯纳德和埃迪生 Security officers Bennett and Edison
在犯罪现场找到了这个 found this at the scene, hmm?
一个写着"昌"字的小帽子 This little hat says "Chang" on it.
我们排除了你们的老师 And we ruled out your teacher,
因为他对青蛙怀有深深的恐惧 because he has a crippling fear of frogs.
我跟你说过这是悄悄话 I told you that in confidence!
不管是谁干的 坦白从宽 How about whoever did this just fesses up?
好吧 扔出窗外的尸体不仅仅 All right, that wasn't just a cadaver
只是一具尸体 他曾经是一个活人 that was thrown out that window. It was a person.
有家人和朋友 With family and friends.
你们一天没人招供 And for every day that nobody confesses,
那么每天班上就会来一个他的亲朋好友 this class will be meeting one of them, hmm?
格伦达 不好意思 Glenda! Oh, I apologize.
-你能进来吗 -好的 - Can you come on in here, hmm? - Yes.
跟大家谈谈你的儿子吧 And tell us about your son.
好的 大家好 Oh, yes. Hello, everyone.
你好 Hello.
哈里是个非常棒的人 Harry was a wonderful man.
他有一本梦境日记 He kept a dream journal.
第一页 Page one.
"我又做了那个梦 "I had that dream again
我在一片森林里 where I'm in a forest.
但是树变成了铅笔" But the trees are pencils."
太令人印象深刻了 Impressive.
而且令人捧腹啊 And hilarious.
你准备去坦白从宽吗 怪胎 You gonna 'fess up, weirdo?
听着 不是我干的 Look, it wasn't me.
就算是我干的 And even if it was,
这是个意外 this was an accident.
我就知道 干的不错 I knew it. Nicely done.
如果我自首了 If I come forward,
整件事就会变成名为 it's gonna play into the whole
"布雷塔是扫帚星"的传奇神话 "Britta's a buzz kill" mythology.
说的很在理 布雷塔 Well, the toe tag fits, Britta.
你看 你单枪匹马就扫了全校人的兴 I mean, you single-handedly killed an entire school's buzz,
更别提那青蛙的一缕孤魂 not to mention a frog.
但听格伦达说 And according to Glenda,
死尸哈里有13个侄子侄女儿 cadaver Harry had 13 nieces and nephews
我对会见亲友实在毫无兴趣 that I'm not interested in meeting.
所以你最好全盘招供 So you better think about coming clean
不然我就要告诉大家是你干的 or I'm just gonna tell everybody you did it.
星霸的动作不多 Star-burns doesn't do very much.
我想真正有吸引力的人 I guess fascinating people
不屑于在脸上长出个怪形状 don't resort to growing shapes on their faces.
他敢乱动一下 我马上对他使雪瑞必杀技 He makes one false move, and I'm gonna go Shirley on him.
我高中的朋友都说这招很疯狂 That's what my high school friends called crazy.
是吗 你的雪瑞必杀技 Yeah? Are you gonna go Shirlier than I did
会比我毒品上瘾时更疯狂吗 when I got addicted to pills?
你干嘛那么想当个无敌战警 Why are you so concerned with being a bad-ass?
也许是因为我厌倦了 Maybe I'm tired of everyone
每个人都认为我是个小姑娘 thinking of me a little girl.
我想变成 我的地盘我做主 Maybe I wanna be in charge of how I'm defined.
知道我的感受吗 Well, how do you think I feel?
当你有两个孩子 并让你陷在生活边缘... You have two kids, and they stick you in the margins--
我依然宝刀未老 必杀技威力尚在 I'm not done yet. I still got moves.
我的宝刀还未出过鞘呢 I haven't even started yet.
我有连我自己都没见过的必杀技 I've got moves I haven't even seen before.
不明来电 Blocked call.
我是埃迪生 Edison.
你们要找的人 The man you're looking for
是杰夫·翁格 is Jeff Winger.
-杰夫·翁格 -你是哪位 - Jeff Winger. - Who is this?
没听出声音是谁的 I didn't recognize the voice.
但线人说杰夫·翁格就是我们要找的人 They say Jeff Winger's our man.
该出手时就出手 Drop 'em if you smoke 'em.
-转向动作场景 -出发 - Cut to action sequence. - Let's roll.
保安正式登场 Security comin' through.
翁格先生 Mr. Winger.
凯格妮 雷丝 有什么我可以效劳的 Cagney, Lacey. What can I do you for?
[《凯格妮和雷丝》是美国第一部以女警为主角的系列剧集]
例行检查而已 Just doing a routine search.
这是什么 你放什么在这里了 What is this? What do you have here?
-这是我的胸部 -亮出来看看 - That's my chest. - Why don't you spread 'em?
-怕了 -行了 - Huh? - Okay. guys...
我会搜 I can pat.
我也会搜 I can do it too.
背包里有什么 So, uh, what do you got in the bag?
来看看有什么发现 Let's see what we have here.
乖乖隆滴咚 Holy mary, mother of pearl.
看看发现了什么 What do we have here?
看上去有足够的小配件 Looks like enough tiny items
组一个墨西哥民间乐队 to equip an amphibious mariachi band.
青蛙之队 Of frogs.
-这些不是我的 -是嘛 - That is not my stuff. - Hmm.
布雷塔 我被她算计了 Britta. Britta planted that.
她是算计你了 Sure she did.
找和我们有相同判断力的人哭诉去吧 Tell that to what our equivalent of a judge is.
居然让他跑了 Ooh, he's getting away!
-给我站住 -我可没你那么轻盈 - Oh, stop! - I'm not gonna like you!
快快 快点 Go, go! Come on.
他在那里 快点 Okay, he's right there. You gotta go faster!
为什么这里杵了两根柱子 What are these doing here?
给他跑了 He's getting away!
跑去追啊 Go after him on foot.
我跑去追 I'm going after him on foot.
从另一边包抄 Cut him off on the other side.
我从另一边包抄 I'm cutting him off on the other side!
小妞居然敢给我脸色看 Tell me what you doin'.
站住 我要开枪了 Stop, or I'll shoot!
给我站住 I said stop!
我的妈呀 不要 Oh, god, no!
好痛哦 Oh, it burns!
这下好了 给他跑了 Uh-huh. Oh, great. He got away!
干的好 Good job.
他跑掉是因为你车开得太慢 老奶奶 He got away because of your driving, grandma.
你说啥 你这个黄毛丫头汉娜·蒙塔娜[少女明星角色] Oh, I beg your pardon. Hannah Montana!
没听清吗 你的听觉已经老化了吗 Oh! I'm sorry. Are you hard of hearing?
这就是你没几个朋友的原因 You know what? This is why you have hardly any friends.
貌似又少了一个朋友 Looks like I have one less now.
泪流满面的人不是我 Do I look like I'm crying?
这不是眼泪 These are not tears!
这是自我折磨的友情之火 This is self-inflicted friendly fire, okay?
这事儿只会发生在小屁孩身上 That's what happens to children!
你根本无法想像今天我经历了什么 You have no idea what I've been through today!
打扰一下 我要去洗手间 Excuse me... I have to go to the bathroom.
如果你帮我看座位 剩下的葡萄干巧克力 I'll give you the rest of these chocolate-covered raisins
就是你的 if you save my seat.
希望二位不要觉得被裁定无能 I don't want you to feel judged by this,
但你们的工作表现实在让我失望 but your handling of this job has disappointed me.
你们的闪电追捕行动 I mean, your high-speed pursuit
造成了78美元的损失 caused $78 dollars worth of damages.
而一句"你有权保持沉默"都来不及对翁格说 And you didn't even get a statement out of Mr. Winger?
-被他给溜了 -从两根柱子间溜了 - He got away. - He ran between two poles.
我知道这令人沮丧 Well, I see how that would be frustrating,
-但是 -背黑锅的是我 - but the fact is... - Your ass is on the line.
背黑锅的是我 My ass is on the line.
刚刚接到市长的电话 You just got off the phone with the mayor.
我刚刚接到市长的电... I just got off the phone with the--
什么 市长 消停下行不 What? The mayor? Stop doing that!
我在帮忙 你完全不上道儿 I'm trying to help. You're not doing this right.
那你来吧 Well, maybe you should do it.
保你们保得我都烦了累了 I'm sick and tired of making excuses for you two!
学院的脸都给你们丢尽了 You're an embarrassment to the department!
这案子没你们啥事儿了 You're off the case and off the force.
立刻交出徽章和防风夹克 Your badges, your windbreakers, now.
快点 没时间跟你们耗 Now! I ain't got all day!
真是顶心顶肺 Agitated my sciatica.
折腾我的老骨头 给我出去 I'm too old for this! Now get out of my sight.
自以为是无敌战警 对不 Thought you were bad-asses, huh?
真正的无敌战警要合作无间 Real bad-asses work together.
您两位也就是师奶和女童军级别了 All I see is a housewife and a girl scout.
-真过分 -阿布蒂 - Hey! - Abed!
我说了 出去 I said get out!
别再想着碰这件案子 And don't even think about getting near this case.
太严厉了 Pretty harsh.
别担心 她们需要当头棒喝 Oh, don't worry. That's what they needed.
真丢人 Well, that was embarrassing.
没错 I know.
由阿布蒂扮演的黑人警官 That african-american police chief character
说的没错 Abed was playing was right.
我们要合作无间 We should have worked as a team.
不知道你怎么想 I don't know about you.
没徽章我一样搞定这事儿 I don't need a badge to finish this.
给翁格来点狠招儿 I say we nail Winger to the wall.
一起上 Together?
一起上 Together.
睾丸两个字怎么写 How do you spell "testicles"?
很会调转枪头嘛 布雷塔·阿诺德 Nice frame job, Britta-Dict Arnold.
[布迪克·阿诺德 美国独立战争期间叛逃英军的将领]
好冷的殖民时期笑话 Ohh! Colonial burn.
得了 杰夫 Come on, Jeff.
你那放荡不羁的搞笑天赋哪儿去了 Where is that trademark gift for levity?
看看 Well, well, well.
逮到谁了 Look who we found.
啊 我居然蠢到匿藏在每日 Yes, how foolish of me to hide
必到的学习小组中 in my regularly scheduled study group.
杰夫 我们简单爽快地了结这事 Jeff, ahem, let's just do this the easy way.
招了吧 Confess.
布雷塔才是把尸体弄出窗外的人 Britta's the one who threw that body out the window,
我有证据 and I can prove it.
证明看看 How?
布雷塔本来打算将一只戴了 Britta was going to put a frog
墨西哥宽边帽的青蛙 放在昌的桌上 wearing a sombrero on Chang's desk.
因为这种层次的事情 Because that's the kind of thing
她认为很搞笑 she thinks is funny.
没错吧 布雷塔 Don't you, Britta?
不对 No.
那为什么你的分享空间里有一张 Then why is there a photo on your facebook page
戴领带的小猫的照片 of a cat wearing a necktie?
展示一下我的猫而已 Pff! It's my cat.
那这条小领带显得它格外... And the tie makes him...
庄重 Formal.
这种侦查力度没用的 This investigation is going nowhere.
你们需要一位巫师 You need a psychic.
真会添乱 Perfect.
过程可能会让你们害怕 Um... this process may alarm you.
我的妈呀 龙阳君 断袖癖 Ooh! Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
断背得一塌糊涂 So gay.
黑暗的夜总会 Dark nightclub.
悸动的音乐 Throbbing music.
男洗 男洗手间隔断 Men's roo-- men's room stall.
擎天一柱 Penis!
两柱 Two penises!
同志战友 基情无限 Agh, this is gay! It's so gay!
-皮尔斯 -什么 - Pierce! - What?
坐一边儿去 Sit down!
这里我们接手 We'll take it from here.
杰夫 昨晚你在哪里 Jeff, where were you last night?
-酒吧 -早说过了 - At a bar. - Called it!
-谁能证明 -你母亲大人 - Who can confirm that? - Your mama.
-啥 -那个... - What?! - Well, I'm--
你撞鬼啦 安妮 What the hell, Annie?
她不叫安妮 她叫疯妞儿 Her name's not Annie. It's psycho.
如果我是你 她想听什么我说什么 And if I were you, I'd tell her what she wants to hear.
没错 如果你落到雪瑞手上 That's right, because if I have to hand you off to Shirley,
同样会身受苦楚 you're gonna enter a kitchen of pain.
大伙儿 住手 Guys, stop it!
住手 是我做的 Stop it. I did it.
我陷害了杰夫 I framed Jeff.
对不起 杰夫 I'm sorry, Jeff.
为什么呀 But why?
因为我是个扫帚星 这就是原因 Because I'm a buzz kill, that's why.
因为 Because...
我天生是一把好扫帚 That's who I am. That's my role.
你们创造的乐趣 会被我扫个一干二净 You guys, you create fun, and I destroy it.
一个白痴玩笑当然会以 尸体躺在草坪上收场 Of course a silly little joke ends with a-- a dead body on the lawn.
我应该知道这点 可我就是执迷不悟 I should have known that. But I wanted to do it anyway,
因为我希望自己像你们这样 我想变成有趣的人 'cause I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be funny.
咚 咚 Knock knock!
谁啊 Who's there?
癌症 Cancer!
太好了 进来吧 Oh, good! Come on in!
不是布雷塔就行 I thought it was Britta!
布雷塔 Well... Britta...
其实我只是想在别人眼中更是那么回事儿 I actually want to be taken more seriously.
我把杰夫的脑袋撞到桌子上的原因就是 The only reason I slammed Jeff's head against the table
我想当个成年人 was because I wanted to feel like an adult.
像雪瑞一样的成年人 Like Shirley!
而我只是希望感觉还和安妮一样年轻 And I wanted to feel younger, like Annie.
并不说我有多老 You know, it's not that I'm really old,
只是人们不知道其实我还很年轻 'cause people don't know how young I really am.
我又来了 See, I'm doing it again.
我讨厌自己为年龄而纠结 I hate that I obsess about my age.
我明白 I know!
我希望自己真的有魔法 I wish I was really magic.
你知道自己没有吗 You know you're not?
当然 Yeah.
这袍子肯定是阴差阳错下才寄给我的 Somebody must have sent these robes by accident.
我假装自己有六级巫师水平 I only pretended I was level six
让你们觉得我很厉害 to impress you guys.
我不能再自欺欺人了 I got held back!
我不配拥有这根教主级的流星魔杖 I don't even deserve this buddhist meteor wand.
这不是流星魔杖 It's not a meteor!
这是饼干杖 It's a cookie wand!
我和杰夫做的 Me and Jeff made it
这让你看起来更像是曲奇饼干包装袋上的巫师 because it made you look more like the cookie crisp wizard.
其实这笑点我根本就没整明白 Which is not even a reference I get
因为曲奇饼干的吉祥物 because the cookie crisp mascot
在我小时候根本就不是巫师 wasn't a wizard when I was a kid.
我记得他是个夜贼 It was a burglar.
我只是 假装自己明白了笑点 I just... pretended like I knew
因为我希望杰夫认为我是个聪明仔 because I wanted Jeff to think I was smart.
老天 我又闯祸了 Great, I did again!
快乐被我一扫而光 I killed the buzz.
听着 Look, um...
也许 也许用扫帚星 Maybe... maybe "buzz kill"
来形容你不对 is a bad choice of words.
那对的形容词是什么 What's a good choice of words?
我也不知道 Look, I don't know-- um, uh...
你是 你是 You're-- you're--
你是让我们躲到同一屋檐下的乌云 You're like the dark cloud that unites us.
抗翁格素 Or the anti-Winger.
听着 你是 你是 Uh...look, you're-- you're--
你是这小组的心脏 You're the heart of this group.
我不会... Uh, look, I don't, um...
我不会处理这些细腻的情绪问题 I don't have a real handle on all this mushy stuff.
如果我能行 大家就不会需要你了 If I did, then we wouldn't need you.
布雷塔 Britta!
-过来一起哭 -真的吗 - Get over here. - Really?
-过来 -快过来 - Yes! - Yeah! Come over here!
永远不要让杰夫离间我们 Let's never let Jeff divide us again.
阿布蒂 Hey, Abed...
为什么只有我们两个是明白人 Why are you and I the only sane--
别出声 好好欣赏 Shh! Just watch.
多么动人的画面 It's beautiful.
特洛伊 要不要咬口我的魔杖 Troy, do you want a bite of my wand?
要 I do.
-很感谢你来捧场 -小事 - We really appreciate you're doing this. - Sure.
准备 三二一 And three two one.
特洛伊和阿布蒂的早间报道 Troy and Abed in the mornin'!
欢迎收看 看看我们今天请到谁了 And we're back. Look who's here.
杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger.
杰夫 你如何保持这么好的身材 Jeff, how do you stay so fit?
注意饮食 运动 遗传基因优良 Uh, diet, exercise, genetics.
当然 当然 Sure, sure.
好的 为大家送上小片段 Okay, so it seems as though we have a clip.
你愿意为大家播放吗 You want to set it up for us?
愿意效劳 Uh, I'd like to,
但我不明白你们说的是什么 But I don't know what you're talking about.
好的 让我们来看片段 Okay, we'll just roll it.
我是杰夫·翁格 Ooh, my name's Jeff Winger.
我是杰夫·翁格 Hey, I'm Jeff Winger.
我很高大 I'm so tall.
这只表很贵 Ah, this watch is expensive.
-我是肌肉男 -这个真逗 - Muscles are everywhere. - Oh, that was really funny.
兄弟 到底怎么回事 摄像机在哪儿 You guys, what's going on? Where are the cameras?
我们没在拍啊 Oh, we're not filming this.
谁会看这个啊 No, who'd want to watch this?
老天爷 现在可是清晨六点 Guys, it's 6:00 a.m. Jeez!
他不会回来了 We're not gonna have him back.
-特洛伊和阿布蒂的早间... -闭嘴 - Troy and Abed in the mor-- - No!