巧克力曲奇里不应该放葡萄干 Raisins don't belong in a chocolate chip cookie.
这样口感更醇厚 It gives them depth.
走路看着点 小痞子 Hey, watch it, punk!
老奶奶 What are you, 80?
他才是那个玩迪斯科的土老冒 He's the one trying to bring back disco.
我鄙视一下他 不代表我很老 I don't have to be old to know it's not gonna happen.
听什么呢 黑人兄弟 What it is, soul brother.
我儿子会在母亲节给我准备床上早餐 My boys are gonna make me breakfast in bed for mother's day.
其实是我自己做好后回到床上 Well, actually, I'm gonna make the breakfast and get in bed,
他们帮我端过来 but they're gonna bring it to me.
可爱吧 Oh, I know!
而且他们昨晚说了一句特别可爱的话 And then they said the cutest thing last night.
他们说 妈妈 他们叫我妈妈 They said, "mama," 'cause they call me mama--
你就是那个乐趣终结者 Well, if you're gonna be the fun police--
好吧 如果说我是乐趣终结者 Okay, well, if I'm the fun police,
你就是乐趣纠察大队长 then you're director of funland security.
-受不了 -受不了什么 - Oh, good, more of this. - More of what?
你说呢 唧唧呱呱吵个不停 What do you think? The constant bickering.
刚开始还有点意思 It was cute at first, but...
算了 阿布蒂说的最清楚 Well, Abed explains it best.
说真的 你们不像罗斯和瑞秋[《老友记》人物] To be blunt, Jeff and Brita is no Ross and Rachel.
你们这样暧昧不清 Your sexual tension and lack of chemistry
让我们夹在中间很难堪 这也是为什么 are putting us all on edge, which is why, ironically--
大家仔细品味下面这句话 And hear this on every level--
是你们让我们无法成为老友 You're keeping us from being friends.
我和杰夫没有暧昧不清 Jeff and I do not have sexual tension.
我们只是经常斗嘴而已 We just argue all the time.
就像萨姆和黛安一样 我讨厌那俩人 Oh, just like Sam and Diane. I hated Sam and Diane.
[80年代《干杯酒吧》中的人物]
萨姆和黛安是谁 Who are Sam and Diane?
行了 知道你年轻 抱歉 Okay, we get it. You're young! Sorry.
看见你们对我们的影响没 You see what you're doing to us?
想听我的建议吗 Want my advice?
上了她后另寻新欢 Pork her and move on.
过去我们都这样 We did it all the time in my day.
你们过去还往飞艇里充氢气呢 那可不是好事 Yeah, well, you also put hydrogen in blimps, and that was bad.
[氢气易燃易爆 现在飞艇是充氦气]
大家好 过来提醒一下 Hey, everybody. Just a reminder.
今天就是我们的春季狂欢日了 Our spring fling is on the quad today.
好听的 好吃的 好玩的 万岁 Music, food, activities. What, what?
看见他我就闹心 He makes me uncomfortable.
我还在这儿呢 Still in the room.
另外 会有一场彩弹大战 There's also going to be a game of paintball assassin
笑到最后的小伙有大奖拿 with a prize for last man standing.
或者是没被击中的轮椅老头也行 Or last man in a wheelchair with no paint on him.
-笑到最后的也许是女性 -别钻牛角尖 布雷塔 - Or last woman. - Give it a rest, Britta.
大奖是什么 What's the prize?
本来是蓝光DVD播放器的 It was a blu-ray DVD player,
可是被偷走了 but it was stolen.
所以换成了真正蓝光[True Blu-ray] So now it's TBD.
我想要真正蓝光 是新出的吗 I want TBD. Is that new?
如果我没理解错的话 If it's what I think,
那玩意我在70年代玩了一个月[TBD系列警灯] I had it for about a month in the '70s.
咱们还是接着说布杰之恋的问题 Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
根本没这回事 There's no Britta and Jeff.
他性致高昂地说道 He said, fully erect.
算了 我去车里小睡一会 Well, I'm gonna let you guys figure this out
你们好好体会我讲话的精神 while I go take a nap in my car.
你等什么 What are you waiting for?
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翻译：爱米粒
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翻译：yank121
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翻译：独醉
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校对：独醉
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时间轴：独醉
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后期：鱼骨头
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总监：独醉
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《废柴联盟》 第一季 第二十三集
一小时后
搞什么 What the hell?
有人吗 Hello?
出什么事了 What is going on?
彩弹大战 开始了 The paintball game was-- was starting,
那个 院长 And the--and the dean...
院长宣布了 The dean announced
大奖内容 th-the prize.
超级大奖 The prize!
我们就开始狗咬狗了 We--we turned on each other like...like animals!
-发了什么奖品 -发奖品 - What was the prize? - Was?
还没结束呢 This is not over!
现在 现在还在进行中 This is still happening... right now!
伦纳德 Leonard?
伦纳德 我没入伙 Leonard, I'm not playing!
所有人都入伙了 Everyone's playing!
你真衰 You suck!
不想挂彩的话就跟我来 Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes.
看看我在中立区发现了谁 Hey. Look what I found wandering the neutral zone.
杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger.
你个混蛋 You son of a bitch!
我还以为你已经死了呢 I thought you were dead, man!
我只是小睡了会儿 大家都疯了吗 I was just taking a nap. Has everyone lost their mind?
只是彩弹大战而已 It's just a game of paintball.
但有一点 笑到最后的人得大奖 With one rule, last man standing gets the prize.
超级大奖 The prize.
什么奖 What is this prize?
你还不知道 You don't know.
优先注册权 Priority registration.
大家四处乱窜就是为了这... That's why everyone's running around like a bunch--
我没理解错吧 Does that mean what I think it means?
也就是说下学期 你可以优先选课 Like you could have first choice of your classes next semester?
冷静点 甜甜小熊 Easy, sugar bear.
就可以把课都选在周一 Yeah, but you could schedule all your classes
然后就有六天休息了 on a Monday and then take a six-day weekend.
还不止如此 You could do a lot of things.
让他把口水咽回去 阿布蒂 Talk him through the hunger, Abed.
每个人都想要这个奖 杰夫 Every student wants that prize, Jeff.
而它又不能共享 And there's no way to share it,
所以最后我们必然要同室操戈 so we'll eventually all turn on each other.
但我们共同御敌的时间越长 杰夫 But the longer we wait to do that--Jeff!
共同御敌的时间越长 笑到最后的机会就越大 The longer we work together, the longer we last.
大家都是组队的吗 Is everyone running in packs?
是辩论队开的先河 The debate team was the first to do it,
但他们起了内讧 but they fell to infighting.
听说合唱团的人正在利用流行歌曲 They say the glee club is luring stragglers
把孤魂野鬼们引到狙击陷阱中 into sniper traps with cheery renditions of hit songs.
真的吗 会有人上当吗 Really? And people fall for that?
-当然 -我是说 我也想赢 - Yeah. - I mean, I'm all for winning,
可不是用这种卑鄙手段 but let's not resort to cheap ploys.
有姑娘参加吗 Are the girls in the game?
你是指布雷塔吗 You mean Britta?
没有 没指布雷塔 No, I don't mean Britta.
-我说了布雷塔吗 -说了两次了 - Did I say Britta? - Twice now.
象棋社 Chess club!
别 别 别 No, no, no!
好一招引蛇出洞 He's a pawn.
将军 混蛋们 Checkmate, bitches.
顺便通知戏剧社的人 And tell the drama club
他们今天要流点真眼泪了 their tears will be real today.
那都是糖 拿点含蛋白质的 No, that's all sugar, man! Get some protein.
这儿 花生 Right here. Peanuts.
好 花生 花生 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Peanuts, peanuts.
拿那些离你近一点的东西 No, take the stuff out closer to you!
不对 里面的比较新鲜 No, no. The ones in the back are the freshest.
给我们补充营养 好啊 That'll keep us going. Yeah.
-搞什么鬼 -兄弟 我掩护你 - Hey! What the hell? - I got you covered, bro.
你们组队没叫上我 You guys formed an alliance without me?
是啊 你和星霸一队吗 Yeah. You with star-burns?
有你谁还要他 Not if I can be with you.
星霸嘛 管他呢 Ha. It's just star-burns.
还有人要嘘嘘吗 Anyone else need a pee break?
-好 -好 - Yeah. - Yeah.
我望风 我不用嘘嘘 I'll stand guard. I don't need to pee.
为这比赛特意穿了尿不湿 I'm wearing a diaper for the game.
是吗 是为了比赛吗 Oh, yeah. "For the game."
伙计们 动作快一点 Hey, guys, make this quick
趁皮尔斯的吧唧声把敌人引来前速战速决 before Pierce's chewing attracts enemies.
伙计们 Guys?
-站住 -别动 - Hold it! - Don't move!
放下武器 Drop it!
听好 所有人冷静 All right, everybody be cool.
如果我们组成同盟就能所向披靡 We can beat the others if we merge alliances.
我们现在这样也很好 We're doing fine on our own.
是吗 蹲守厕所就能赢得比赛吗 Yeah? You gonna win the whole game camped on a crapper?
-你不就被抓住了吗 -是吗 - Worked on you. - Did it?
那是谁现在被枪口抵着脑门呢 Or do you have a gun in your face?
-没错 好像你也是嘛 -回击有力 - Yeah, kinda matches yours. - Nice comeback.
闭嘴 Shut up!
-至于嘛 -就是 - Jeez! - Jeez!
也就是说 我们组成同盟 Okay. So the agreement is we're allies
直到只剩我们七人的那一刻 until we're sure we're the last seven standing.
你和我想的一样吗 You thinking what I'm thinking?
我们在上帝的指引下前进 Our team's walking with God.
我在想 很可能我们已是仅剩的七人了 I'm thinking we might already be the only seven left,
也就是说 现在就是我们俩除掉 in which case, this is a window for the two of us
其他人的机会 to take out the others.
真不错 特洛伊 Real nice, Troy.
这样我们黑人形象瞬间高大起来了 That'd be great P.R. for the black students.
我不是什么亲善大使 I am not an ambassador.
我是格斗士 I am gladiator.
你到底想不想赢 Now, you want to win or not?
特洛伊触怒了上帝 Troy made God mad!
隐蔽 Take cover!
快跑 皮尔斯 Run, Pierce!
合唱团 Glee club.
你怎么知道是合唱团 How do you know it's the glee club?
你听 Listen.
倾尽全力击中我[派特·班纳塔于79年发行的流行曲] Hit me with your best shot
受不了 Oh, brother!
-为什么你不倾尽全力击中我 -唱的太没感染力了 - Why don't you hit me with your best shot - That is so uninspired!
至少感染了她 I'm not so sure.
我有办法了 准备好 I got a plan. Get ready.
皮尔斯 Hey, Pierce.
别过来 好吗 Don't come over here, okay?
你去死 我偏要过来 Screw you! I'm coming over there.
医生 Medic!
在树上 那里 In the trees! There!
唱点原创的行不 Write some original songs!
如果你们赢得了优先注册权 会怎么做 What are you guys gonna do if you win priority registration?
我要把课程安排得满满的 I'll make my schedule airtight.
或许不用花四年时间 三年就能毕业了 Maybe get out of here in three years instead of four.
我要选那些没有考试和论文的课 I'd take any class with no tests and no papers.
你想怎么选 雪瑞 What would you do, Shirley?
我会全选上午的课 I'd choose all morning classes
这样我就能早点回家陪我的孩子们了 So I could get home early to spend some time with my boys.
离开他们这么久实在太痛苦了 It's hard being away from them so much.
不如这样吧 You know what?
我提议 如果我们中有人赢了 I say if any of us win the prize,
就送给雪瑞做母亲节礼物 We give it to Shirley as a Mother's Day gift.
-一点没错 -什么 - Absolutely. - What?
阿布蒂 你不需要那样做啊 Abed, you don't have to do that.
我很讨厌你用虚伪的博爱把戏 I am so sick of you guilting people
让他人产生罪恶感 with your phony humanitarian schtick.
虚伪 等我赢了 说到做到 Phony? When I win, you can watch me do it.
你当然会做到了 但这并不会让你的虚伪少几分 Of course you'll do it, but that won't make it less phony.
你知道吗 你本来可以更可爱些 You know, you'd be a lot more likeable--
如果我从没有帮助过别人的话 If I never did anything for anybody ever?
是 因为当你帮别人的时候 Yeah. Because when you help people,
从来不会越帮越忙 that always turns out great.
我们动手吧 Let's do it.
学习小组 Study group!
出来和我们过两招吧 Come out and play!
快看 是后讽刺时代的迪斯科疯子 Oh, look, it's post-ironic disco stu.
还想着让迪斯科叱咤风云吗 You still trying to bring it back?
该死 还真是挺叱咤的 Damn, he brought it back.
耶和华是我的牧者 The lord is my shepherd...
我必不至缺乏[圣经·旧约] I shall not want.
我们来了 Here we come!
他们朝我们开枪了 They shot us!
武器过热 武器过热 Weapon is hot, weapon is hot!
快撤 笨蛋 Let's go, fool!
最后的那个家伙差点射中我了 The last guy almost got me.
我的双腿 My legs.
雪瑞 真的很抱歉 Oh, Shirley, I'm so sorry.
我要回家了 布雷塔 I'm going home, Britta.
我知道 雪瑞 我知道 I know, Shirley, I know.
不是 说真的 我要回家了 No, seriously, I'm going home.
-你能拉我起来吗 -是的 当然 - Can you help me up? - Oh. yeah, sure.
雪瑞 我会为了你和你的孩子们赢得那个奖的 Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize for you and your boys.
你真好 That's nice.
雪瑞 我会赢得那个奖的 Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize,
不过不是为了你和你的孩子们 but not for you and your boys.
你没那么好 That's less nice.
我的天哪 你被射中了 Oh, my god, you've been hit.
什么 不是吧 What? Oh, no.
等下 等下 Wait, wait.
这是血 It's blood.
我以为这是颜料 其实只是流血而已 I thought it was paint, but I'm just bleeding.
太幸运了 Talk about luck, ooh.
真不敢相信这场游戏还在继续 I can't believe this game is still going on.
已经凌晨两点了啊 It's 2 a.m.!
如果有人受伤 警察来了怎么办 What if someone gets hurt and the police come?
他们会认为我是个坏院长的 They'll think I'm a bad dean!
早上还有课呢 There's classes in the morning.
这场游戏必须得结束了 This has to stop!
让我参加这场游戏 Put me in the game,
我会让所有人都出局的 'cause I'll take everyone out.
我一周玩三次彩弹游戏 兄弟 I play paintball three times a week, bro.
更带劲的是 我是一个自带武器的人渣 I'm even one of those douche bags that brings in his own equipment.
但这就不公平了 But it wouldn't be fair.
你又不是学生 You're not a student.
你说了算啊 不是吗 But you can change that, can't you?
对吗 Huh?
找门课收我就行了 Enroll me in a class.
你对哪门课感兴趣 What are your interests?
工艺美术 Arts and crafts.
-我会水彩画 -好酷 - Oh, I do watercolors. - Oh, cool.
这下组员们可乐死了 The group would be thrilled.
伤员护士成人版 真是勾起一把干柴烈火 The wounded soldier fantasy means we're moments from doing it, right?
是啊 你能感觉到这暧昧劲儿吗 Yeah, can you feel that tension?
没来个坦诚相对真是个奇迹 It's a miracle we still have clothes on.
你说的很对 You're right, you know.
我很虚伪 I am a phony.
我试着表现出同情心 I try to act compassionate,
因为我害怕自己没有同情心了 because I'm afraid that I'm not.
别这样说 我才是伪君子的开山鼻祖 Oh, please, I invented phony.
你关心大家 You care about people.
我指责你虚伪 I accuse you of faking
是为了说服自己 我并不是个大混蛋 to convince myself I'm not such a jerk.
杰夫 你对大家的帮助比我多 Jeff, you help people more than I do,
你甚至都不用刻意去帮 and you don't even want to.
你不是 你不是个混蛋 你挺好的 You're not-- you're not a jerk. You're fine.
特别是现在 我用我颤抖的女性手指 Especially now that I've repaired your overworked torso
修复了你过度劳累的身体 with my trembling feminine fingers.
是的 太 多 性 暧昧 Yes. Too... much... sexual... tension!
真该死 爆发了 Damn... bursting!
你知道吗 他们自找的 就算我们 You know, it would totally serve them right
在自习室做爱 也不能怪我们 if we did it here in the study room.
天哪 你能想像吗 Oh, my god, could you imagine?
我已经不停地在想像了 I can't stop imagining.
我也是 Neither can I.
我们应该在晚班图书管理员出现之前穿好衣服 We should get dressed before the third-shift librarian shows up.
是啊 我们可不能让这事 Yeah, we don't want this
登上《阁楼》[成人杂志] to turn into a letter to Penthouse, right?
我觉得组员们是对的 I think the group is right.
我们的确需要释放暧昧的压力 We did need to relieve some tension.
别告诉我 你和我做爱 Please tell me you didn't have sex with me
就是为了赢下彩弹游戏 to win at paintball.
不是 我刚才和你做爱了 No, I had sex with you,
而现在 我要在彩弹游戏中胜出 and now I'm gonna win at paintball.
-别做恶心事 -我恶心? - Don't be gross. - I'm gross?
你看上去对一手穿内裤一手拿枪 You seem pretty practiced at putting on panties one-handed
是相当熟练啊 while holding a gun.
在你杀我之前 我能先把衣服穿上吗 Can I get dressed before you assassinate me?
那么 So
刚才的一切 all that happened,
对你来说毫无意义吗 it meant nothing to you?
我可没那么说 I didn't say that.
对你来说 意义又如何 What did it mean to you?
-我先问的你 -幼稚的把戏 - I asked you first. - Very mature.
穿凯蒂猫内裤的女人 居然指责别人幼稚 Said the woman wearing the hello kitty underwear.
是拿着枪的女人 指责你幼稚 Said the woman holding the gun.
你确定那是一把枪吗 You sure that's a gun?
或许 是你令人腻味的虚伪人格的隐喻 'Cause maybe it's a metaphor for your fake, jaded persona.
没有彩弹了吗 凶妹子 No paintballs, Hans?
你觉得我很笨吗 What do you think, I'm stupid?
你什么时候拿走我弹夹的 When'd you take my clip?
你开始勾引我的时候 When you started seducing me.
我才没有 你那样瞎想让你更恶心 I wasn't though! Assuming that makes you way grosser.
我猜对的时候就不会了 Not when I'm right.
早安 孩子们 Buenos dias, children.
你们撑到了最后 这消息肯定让你们很开心吧 You'll be happy to know you made it all the way till the end.
-你根本不是学生 -你错了 - You're not even a student! - Wrong!
我选修了批判的媒体识读 Critical media literacy
和性别政治 贱人 and politics of gender, biatch!
给我你的弹夹 Give me your clip.
好啊 这真是个英明的决定 Oh, yeah, that would be brilliant of me.
听着 你刚才已经制服我了 我输了 Look, you got the drop on me. I lost.
让我助你一臂之力吧 Let me do this for you.
如果我现在给你一枪 劲爆到死吧 Be pretty crazy if I shot you right now, huh?
你笑什么 昌 What's so funny, Chang?
也许 笑你们对优先注册权的执迷不悟 Maybe it's the fact there's no such thing as priority registration.
也许 笑这个 Or... maybe it's this.
院长 Dean!
稍等一下 Just one moment.
你好啊 杰夫瑞 Oh, hi there, Jeffrey.
你看上去帅呆了 That's a good look for you.
外面枪林弹雨 大家在互相残杀 Everybody out there is shooting each other
无意义的残杀 for nothing!
你却悠哉地坐在 While you sit here
你的象牙塔里 in your ivory tower.
杰夫瑞 我可以解释 Jeffrey, I can explain.
我承诺给优先注册权时 的确是考虑不周 I messed up when I promised priority registration.
显然 这违反了学生平等条例 Apparently, it's a violation of some student equality act,
但是 but...
这个好平等的哦 帅呆啦 This isn't. Ta-da!
虽说不是蓝光 Okay, now, it's not blu-ray,
但随机附送遥控器 所以... but it comes with its own remote, so...
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey!
弹尽粮绝啦 You get it all out of your system?
还没 Almost.
杰夫瑞 你到底想怎样 What do you want from me, Jeffrey?
猜猜 Guess.
-你好 -你好啊 - Oh, hi. - Hey, how's it going?
这里还有些颜料 You still have some, uh, paint.
谢了 Oh, thanks.
我在想 Um, so I was thinking...
-没必要在意 -当没发生过 - You don't even have to. - It didn't happen.
并不是说当错误抹掉 It's not that it was a mistake.
而是压根没发生过 It's just that it didn't happen.
只是一个疯狂的彩弹夜 It was a crazy night of paintball.
正是 舒缓压力 Exactly. Tension relieving.
绝对是 没必要向任何人提起 Absolutely. No need to mention it to anyone.
没错 没什么大不了的 一切都没变 Right, no big deal. Nothing's changed.
有变化 Something's changed.
阿布蒂 Oh, Abed.
疯狂的阿布蒂 Crazy abed.
现在的确是有些变化 No, something's different now.
有可能是我不同了 Could be me.
我正穿着男式丁字裤 I'm sporting a man-thong.
可能是你 Maybe.
也有可能是因为 Or maybe it's that
我凯旋而归 I have emerged victorious
战利品是优先注册权的授权书 with a priority registration form.
干得漂亮 杰夫 Well done, Jeff.
为表彰她的勇敢 And in recognition of her bravery,
伟大的母亲 not to mention her children,
特此将荣誉授予 I hereby award this
最佳士兵 雪瑞 to the best soldier, Shirley.
坏消息就是 Now, the bad news is,
因某些法律因素 下学期 for legal purposes, next semester,
如果有人问起 你就说有痛风 if anybody asks, you have gout.
一瘸一拐地走不介意吧 Do you mind walking with a limp?
谢谢你 杰夫瑞 Thank you, Jeffrey.
亲爱的 看看 Look, honey.
太意外了 Wow, I didn't see that coming.
我也很意外 Neither did I.
没人感觉到吗 So no one feels it?
没人感觉到变化吗 No one senses anything's different?
没有 Nope.
一点也没感觉到 Not at all.
丁字裤有点往上缩 It's riding up a little.
阿布蒂 我是特洛伊 在旗杆那里碰头 Hey, Abed, it's Troy. Meet you at the flagpole in...
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删除重录... To erase and re-record--
阿布蒂 我是特洛伊 Hey, Abed, it's Troy!
哥们儿 一会儿旗杆见 Yo, I'll meet you at the flagpole in like...
如果留言录制成功... If you are satisfied with your message--
阿布蒂 还好吧 Hey, Abed!
我是特洛伊 嘻嘻 It's Troy. Hee hee.
如果留言录制成功... If you are satisfied with your message...
你们多少分钟后见 In how many minutes are you gonna meet him?
10分钟后 Uh, ten minutes.
阿布蒂 你的小女友 Hey, Abed, your girlfriend
10分钟后会在旗杆处等你 will meet you at the flagpole in ten minutes.
再见 Good-bye.
如果留言录制成功 请按1 If you are satisfied with your message, press one.
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我那语气是不是有点过 Did I sound like a jerk?
听取留言 请按3 To listen to your message, press three.
阿布蒂 抱歉打扰一下 Hey, Abed, sorry to bother you.
特洛伊会在10分钟后 和你在旗杆处碰头 Troy will meet you at the flagpole in ten minutes.
就这样 Okay.
-也许你应该发短信给他 -好的 - Maybe you should just send a text message. - Yeah.