万圣节 一个属于吸血鬼 Halloween-- a time of vampires,
妖精 德古拉 怪兽和无头老鼠的狂欢节 Hobgoblins, draculas, boogens, and headless mice.
我是竹井乔治 I'm George Takei.
《星际迷航》中舵手苏鲁的扮演者
算了 You know what?
直接进入剧情吧 Let's just get to it.
好吃吗 How is it?
玉米卷扮肉还不错 Pretty good taco meat.
院长从哪儿搞来的好东西 I wonder how the dean scored this sweet spread.
雷帝嘎嘎绝密菜谱 恕不外传 Chef Gaga never reveals her caterer.
你们也别想读懂我的扑克脸 And don't try reading my p-p-p-poker face.
我猜是军队剩余品商店的口粮 It's military rations from an army surplus store.
确实没懂你的扑克脸 I didn't read your poker face.
不过包装还在垃圾箱里呢 You left the containers in the garbage.
好吧 你们好好玩 Oh, well, um, you guys have fun.
我要去处理一下垃圾 I'm gonna--gonna take out the garbage.
你最好也去设置一下你的itunes Oh, you may also want to adjust your itunes setting.
在播放ABBA精选歌曲大循环中 When it's not playing an endless loop of ABBA's greatest hits,
貌似还穿插着您性感的小嗓音 it's playing what I think may be your personal voice memos.
什么 What?
备忘 把油换掉 Note to self-- get oil changed,
去奈特费斯找那部格雷格·金尼尔... check netflix for that movie where Greg Kinnear...
扮演鬼魂 不 扮天使的电影 plays a ghost-- no, an angel--
还要找一部叫做《人类... and something called Human Centi--
-大卫·贝克汉姆 -是啊 - David beckham. - Hmm.
龙龟吗 Dragon turtle?
霸王龙 T-rex.
天啊 我在想 Man, I wonder how much effort
你每年花多少功夫选装束 you put into being accidentally handsome
才装出这副不羁帅哥样 for a costume every year.
我花再多功夫 Only half the effort
也比不上您今晚胡吃海喝的时间多 you'll be putting into eating and drinking tonight.
我来帮你 龙龟 Let me help you, dragon turtle.
伙计们 雪瑞又装得让人不知所云 Guys, Shirley's costume is once again unwittingly ambiguous.
我不知道她扮成谁 I don't know what she's supposed to be,
《大青蛙布偶秀》中的角色
但我知道她不是猪小姐 but I do know she's not Miss Piggy.
我重复一遍 她不是猪小姐 I repeat-- she is not Miss Piggy.
你们自己应付吧 You're on your own.
你们好 猜猜我是谁 Hello! Guess who I am.
你告诉我们不行吗 Um, can't you just say?
不行 No.
皮尔斯 你还好吧 Pierce, are you okay?
什么 啥 怎么了 Huh? What? Huh?
天啊 Whoa.
您要是再来点汗 喘气再给点力 Hey, if you get any more sweaty and puffy,
您这装扮可信度绝对就高了 your costume's gonna reach new levels of authenticity.
扯毛呢 你们都闭嘴 Oh, I don't understand. Shut up.
他怎么跟我们模仿版的皮尔斯一样 He's acting like the impression of him we do behind his back.
别缠着我 Get away from me!
靠 高潮刚到就哑火了 Oh, man, just when you think it's funny.
皮尔斯 Pierce?
没事的 没事的 Okay, okay, okay. Ooh.
打扰 Oh, excuse me.
我的朋友好像病了 I think my friend is really sick.
我不是医生 I'm not a doctor.
我是医生 I'm a doctor.
安妮 我是陶艺课上的里奇 Annie! Rich from pottery class.
-你好 -你好 - Oh, hey! - Oh, hey.
-看起来很严重啊 -是啊 - Wow, this looks serious. - Yeah.
我们还是...把他弄到这来 Let's--you know what? Let's get him over here.
-好了 -天啊 - Okay. - Oh, boy.
他的状况不是很好 是吧 He is just not in very good shape, is he?
但是你看起来棒极了 But you look fantastic.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
看看你的小红帽啊 Look at you with your hood.
离这些美女远点 Get away from those hotties!
你们安全了 You're safe now.
不过那玩意再回来的话 But if that thing comes back,
你俩好歹得给我一个电话号码 I'm gonna need one or both of your phone numbers.
想得美 Yeah, right.
想不通 I don't get it.
你怎么把妹的 How do you do it?
我穿着6000美刀的西服 Well, I am wearing a $6,000 suit,
而你花了三天做了个纸板机器人盔甲 and you spent 3 days making cardboard robot armor.
你是打同情牌吗 You're saying they feel sorry for you?
我是说跟我在一起 I'm saying I remind girls less
妞们不会有带弟弟去漫展的感觉 of taking their little brothers to comic-con.
-里奇 -还有 - Rich. - More?
让她和其他人坐一起 Put her with the others.
102个人 这可能是食物中毒 102--this may be food poisoning.
里奇 我和你说什么来着 Rich, what did I tell you?
-不许说是食物中毒 -是的 - To rule out food poisoning. - Yes.
也不能大声的说出来 But also not to say the words out loud.
谁想跟咱上船啊 Who wants to walk my plank, huh?
好吧 绝对不是食物中毒 Okay, I'm ruling out food poisoning.
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翻译：大卫熊 夕橙 小九 小黛
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校对：米粒 时间轴：崽猪
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后期：鱼骨头 监制：米粒
人人影视携格林德尔废柴大学祝各位南瓜节快乐！
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《废柴联盟》 第二季 第六集 iTunes 720p版本调教：Tears
猜猜我是谁 Guess who I am.
美籍华裔花样滑冰选手
关颖珊 Michelle Kwan?
错 Wrong.
美籍日裔花样滑冰选手
克丽斯蒂·山口 Kristi Yamaguchi?
美国本土花样滑冰选手
我是佩吉·弗莱明 Peggy Fleming.
由我种族定性者亲自鉴定 你俩是种族主义者 Just been proven racist by the racist-prover.
猜猜我是谁 Hey, guess who I am.
来一口 Drink.
你感觉到没有 Have you noticed a weird vibe
现场充斥着一种诡异气息 taking a hold of this party?
感觉有五分之一的人 It's like every fifth person is on
嗑药嗑狠了 something seriously hard-core.
我在想...谁能解开你的谜题呢 Yeah, I wonder who's holding... the key to your riddle.
你的机器人装扮呢 Where's your costume?
想玩点新鲜的 Trying something new.
可咱俩是一套的 要是你不穿 But our costumes go together, and if you're not in yours,
我就成了一个穿着紧身衣 I'm just a guy in a spandex suit
带单车头盔的白痴 and a bike helmet.
-我是性感的德古拉 -你是说吸血鬼吗 - Well, I'm a Sexy Dracula. - You mean vampire.
你管我是哪个德古拉 I don't need to know which dracula I am
特洛伊误以为德古拉是总称 吸血鬼是人名
反正就是德古拉 to be a dracula.
呆子 Nerd.
你的症状恶化的比别人快 Your symptoms are progressing even faster than everyone else's.
你到底吃了多少玉米饼拌肉啊 星霸 How much of that taco-meat stuff did you eat, star-burns?
我一块也没吃 I didn't eat any.
俺叫亚历克斯 My name is Alex!
肯定是被皮尔斯咬得感染上这鬼东西了 Whatever it is must have transferred through Pierce's bite.
天哪 你说的没错 My god, I think you're right.
安妮 你扮护士挺不错啊 Annie, you make quite the little nurse.
谢谢夸奖 里奇 Thank you, Rich.
你扮香蕉也挺好 You're quite a banana.
老天爷 你俩干脆去开房好了 Jeez, why don't you guys just get a roo--
但只有那些吃了你店里卖的东西的人 But the only people getting sick are the ones eating
才出现了症状 what I bought at your surplus store.
那些玩意儿算不上好吃 I never said the stuff was delicious,
但是不可能会吃出病来啊 but you can't get sick from it.
又坏不了的 It's nonperishable.
那个玉米饼拌肉呢 What about the taco-meat stuff--
-经典口味的 -什么 - The classic flavor? - The what?
-贴着脑残标签的那个 -什么脑残标签 - The one with the goofy label. - What goofy label
"凤凰号绝密材料" "Classified phoenix.
"如若发现请重复密钥短语" If found, repeat key phrase--
"回声 探戈 X射线 997" Echo, tango, x-ray, nine, nine, seven."
这标签不脑残么 Yeah. Sounds delicious.
反正看着像玉米饼拌肉 Anyway, it looks like taco meat and--
喂 Hello?
格林德尔社区大学吗 Greendale community college?
是的 Speaking.
我是特种部队指挥官麦肯瑞 This is special operations officer Mchenry.
你好 Hi.
请听好了 I need you to listen to me very carefully.
好啦 一个提示 Okay, one hint.
我是咱们童年很喜欢的一个人物 I'm a beloved character from our childhood.
-越看越像 -我懂的 - I can't stop seeing it. - I know.
伦纳德 放规矩点 Leonard, behave yourself.
我可是基督徒 I'm a christian woman.
把你的南瓜屁股脸挪远一点 Leonard, you better back that pumpkin ass up,
不然就把你烤了 or I will make a pie.
嘿 杰夫 是我 里奇 陶艺课上的 Hey, Jeff, it's me, Rich, from pottery class.
"陶陶帅大夫"记得吗 因为当时我们 "Doc Potterywood," Remember? 'Cause we were--
-里奇 讲重点 -对哦 - Rich, bigger fish. - yeah.
伙计们 派对里貌似有某种传染病 Guys, there's some kind of infection at the party
会导致人们举止怪异 互相乱咬 that's making people act weird and bite each other.
我们得合力有组织有秩序地疏散人群 We need to coordinate an orderly evacuation
避免引起不必要的恐慌 without causing unnecessary panic.
我嘞个去 Holy crap!
伦纳德成僵尸啦 Leonard's a zombie!
僵尸来袭 Zombie attack!
当我没说 Never mind.
上帝啊 Oh, my god! Ah!
-对不住了 -开门啊 - I'm sorry. - Open the door!
有人告诉我 我们需要隔离一下下 I've been told we need a little baby quarantine
等军队来处理 until the army gets here.
军队 The army?
帅吧 I know, right?
他们说要等6个小时 They said to wait for six hours.
坚持就是胜利 Stay strong.
伙计们 Guys...
我不想敲丧钟 不过... I hate to be the "We've got company" Guy, but--
嘿 猜猜我是谁 Hey, guess who I am.
算了 or don't.
去后面 Head to the back!
快跑 Run!
你居然揍了个蜂女人 You punched a lady bee!
不要啊 No!
放我们进来 你这个小贱人 Let go of the door, you little bitch!
欢迎光临 Welcome!
感谢上帝你们没事 Oh, thank god you're all right!
我们成功了 Whoo! We did it!
好了 我们没落下什么人吧 Okay, did we lose anybody out there?
-没有 -有人受伤吗 - No. - Is anybody hurt?
没有 No.
好吧 最后一问 我知道希望渺茫 Okay, last question, and I know it's a long shot,
不过有人把院长的播放菜单给关了没 but did anybody happen to shut off the dean's playlist?
半脱脂奶 鸡蛋 除臭剂 狗粮 Two percent milk, eggs, deodorant, puppy chow...
好吧 今晚正式成为噩梦一场了 Okay, it's a officially a waking nightmare.
警察什么时候来 When are the police coming?
-正在组织救援 -喂 - Help is on the way. - Hello?
正在组织救援 Help is on the way.
-喂 -正在组织救援 - Hello? - Help is on the way.
Flavor Flav曾客串此片
真成《恐怖万圣节》了 Flavor Flav was right.
世界末日来了 It's the end of days.
这怎么能是世界末日 It can't be the end of days.
还没到2012呢 It's not 2012 yet.
这不是世界末日 It's not the end of days.
貌似是某种类似狂犬病的病菌 There seems to be a rabies-related pathogen
侵袭到了大脑的前额叶 affecting the prefrontal cortex of the brain,
导致他们极富攻击性 causing hyper aggression.
要扩散全世界还得好几年呢 It could take years for it to take over the world.
-要几年 -一年加半载呗 - How many years? - 1, 1 1/2.
2012果然是世界末日 2012! End of days!
世界末日 世界末日啊 End of days! End of days!
杰夫挺有心嘛 Good thinking, Jeff--
竖直叠法 vertical fold.
你拿我开涮吗 You making fun of me?
这外套比孕育你的大地母亲 That jacket is worth more than the island
Chiquita 香蕉公司名
还要值钱 蕉头医生 you were grown on, Chiquita M.D.
"蕉头医生" 我喜欢这名字 - "Chiquita M.D."-- I like it.
正好告诉你 我讨厌你 里奇 Rich, this is a good time to let you know that I hate you.
现在该做点防御工事才对 Shouldn't we be barricading the room?
我也拿不准 那些家伙似乎没那么... I don't know. These guys don't seem so--
我来搭把手 I will help you.
等一下 Wait! Wait!
封锁之前 Before you barricade us in,
我要问一下有人中招没 I need to ask if anyone has been bitten.
咬了没 咬了没 You bit, huh? You bit?
病原体靠撕咬传播 This pathogen is spread through bites,
如果谁被咬了 还任由我们 So if anyone has been bitten and you allow us
和你锁在一起 to seal ourselves in here with you,
你就是弃我们的性命于不顾 You're putting us all in danger.
那好 你继续 All right, go ahead.
我们就干坐着等吗 Are we really just gonna sit here?
军队六个小时后就会来了 The army's gonna be here in six hours.
干嘛要六小时 他们这会在主持奥斯卡吗 Why six hours? Are they hosting the Oscars?
见鬼了 Damn.
奥斯卡最佳倒霉蛋 And the winner for best adapted Oscar burn,
《翘辫子》中的杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger for "Oh, snap! The man who went there."
那些人可等不了六个小时 Those people don't have six hours.
从被感染者的体温来看 Judging from the temperatures of those infected...
三个小时内 就会出现脑损伤 Within three hours, they're gonna start suffering from brain damage.
再过三个小时 他们就挂了 Three hours after that, they're gonna be dead.
啥 我们得帮帮他们 What? We have to do something for them.
帮毛 你要帮僵尸么 Do something? For the zombies?
如果调低这栋楼内的温度 If we lower the temperature of the whole building,
是不是就会杀死病毒 减退高烧呢 would it break the fever and kill the virus?
有戏 It might.
我知道调温按钮在哪儿 就在对面墙上 I know where the thermostat is--out there on the wall.
雷普利：系列电影《异形》女主角
特洛伊 我们得拿出雷普利的劲头来 Troy, we have to rise to the occasion like Ripley
穿着内衣也把他们打得落花流水 and kick monster butt in our undies.
我不是什么雷普利 阿布蒂 I'm not Ripley, Abed.
我是很酷很性感的德古拉 I'm a cool, sexy Dracula.
我群花丛中走 片叶不沾身 I make love to ladies, and I survive.
我和特洛伊一队 I'm with Troy.
同志们 这些可不是僵尸 Guys, those are not zombies.
是我们的同学 他们病了 Those are our classmates, and they're sick.
被他们咬了 我们就惨了 And they can make us sick by biting us.
-大香蕉都说了 -是的 - The banana said so. - It's true.
潜伏期只有几分钟 The incubation only takes minutes.
起先 你会觉得肚子痛 First, you get a stomachache.
然后皮肤变红 还出冷汗 Then your skin turns red, followed by cold sweats.
肌肉抽搐 高烧 Muscle spasms, high fever,
然后就开始疯狂地想咬正常人 and then the uncontrollable urge to bite uninfected flesh.
主啊 Oh, Jesus.
还有一条 And I forgot one symptom.
口齿不清 Slurred speech.
喂 你被咬了 Hey, you got bit!
我以为自己是特例 I felt like maybe I was special.
特例毛 你才不特例 Special? You're not special.
我才是特例 I'm special.
十分钟前我就被咬了 可我还 I was bit ten minutes ago, and I'm...
好好的 Fine.
这下好了 Oh, great.
都是一路货 Nobody is special!
里奇 顺便说下 我现在不那么讨厌你了 Hey, Rich, just so you know, I hate you less now.
你正常的时候我更讨厌你 That's how much I hate your normal self.
你得摧毁他的大脑 You have to destroy his brain.
搞毛 What the hell?
-大仓鼠 -快溜 - A hamster! - Way to go!
快跑 Run!
跑啊 跑啊 Run! Run!
都去楼梯那里 Head for the stairs!
-那安妮怎么办 -别回头看 - What about Annie? - Don't look back!
为啥不能 Why not?
雪瑞 天哪 Shirley, oh, god.
别回头看 Don't look back!
有人了 Occupied!
我穿成猪小姐就这么翘辫子了 Oh, this is how I die... as miss Piggy.
你才不是猪小姐 You're not miss Piggy.
《绿野仙踪》里善良的南方女巫
你扮的是好女巫格兰达 You're Glenda the good witch.
你居然知道 Oh! You knew?
顺便说下 我一直很喜欢佩吉·弗莱明 Just so you know, I've always loved Peggy Fleming.
你没有种族歧视 You're not racist.
太好了 Oh, cool.
昏暗的地下室 A dark basement.
我刚还想咱就差个昏暗的地下室了 I was just thinking we should be doing this in a dark basement.
特洛伊 你干嘛把装扮给脱了 Troy, why did you ditch your costume?
这都离死不远了 你还提这茬干吗 Why bring that up now, Abed? We might die down here.
所以更要把这个问题搞清楚 All the more reason to get this ironed out.
刚在上边你说我是呆子 怎样算呆 You called me a nerd up there. What defines a nerd--
穿着和你好朋友约定好的装扮 Committing to an awesome halloween costume
死也不脱吗 with your best friend?
呆子就是这样吗 Is that what nerds do?
不知道 我又不是呆子 I don't know, Abed, because I'm not a nerd,
所以我也懒得跟你讨论这个问题 Which is why I'm not taking part in this very conversation.
呆瓜们 Shh! Nerds.
你们听到了吗 Did you hear that?
老天爷 Jeez!
一只猫而已 It was just a cat.
继续往前走 Let's keep moving.
我靠 Oh! Holy crap!
这猫什么毛病 What is up with that cat?
有人在扔猫玩儿呢吧 Is someone throwing it?
不 No!
都别动弹 Let's not keep moving,
这猫必然是疯了 Because there is an insane cat down here.
那僵尸怎么办 Well, what about the zombies?
你得分清轻重缓急 先把猫搞定 Back burner, Troy! This cat has to be dealt with.
在那儿呢 抓住它 There it is! Grab it!
这里通往楼上 调温计就在 This should lead upstairs. The thermostat will be--
调个毛温度 阿布蒂 Enough with the thermostat, Abed.
你当这是植物大战僵尸呢 This is not pretend play time, save-the-world time.
别磨叽了 It's quarter past
咱早该离开这鬼地方了 Let's-get-the-hell- out-of-this-building time.
那儿 那儿有扇窗子 There. There's a window.
如果我们爬上那个脏兮兮的架子 All right, if we climb that dusty fence,
就可以抵着墙把别人推上去 We can hoist each other against he wall
然后钻过去 And then squeeze through it.
还是走门吧 I vote we take the door.
他就是舍不得那身行头 He doesn't want to dirty his suit.
不是吧 For real?
人靠衣装 特洛伊 Clothes make the man, troy.
我勒个... What the...
你穿我外套 That's my jacket!
我的外套 都让你穿垮了 My jacket-- you're stretching it!
都让你穿垮了 You're stretching it!
此路不通 快调头 速度速度 Wrong way! Go Back! Go Back! Go! Go!
-快走 -我可不会扔下你 - Go. - I'm not going without you!
特洛伊 给我挣点脸 Troy, make me proud.
你要成为首个逃出生天的黑人 Be the first black man to make it to the end.
快走 快快快 Go, go, go, go, go!
阿布蒂 Abed!
我爱你 I love you.
我知道 I know.
让我死个痛快吧 Make it fast.
不 No!
特洛伊 老实交代 Troy, be honest.
你是僵尸不 我会喷死你的哦 Are you a zombie? I will mace you.
钥匙给我 Give me the keys.
要是没人帮忙 Those people are gonna get brain damage
那些人都会脑损伤 if someone doesn't help 'em.
特洛伊 有句话怎么说的 Okay, Troy, there is something called
"官大一级压死人" 所以别指望... "Chain of command," So unfortunately--
你疯了啊 Are you crazy?
你准备咋逃过那些僵尸 How are you gonna survive those zombies?
人至呆则无敌 I'm gonna be a nerd.
最好准备个后备计划 Better have a plan "B"!
就是这样 That's right.
准备好见证创意的力量吧 Prepare to meet the power of imagination.
好吧 我真是脑残了居然以为这玩意有用 All right, I don't know why I thought this would work.
放开我 Hey, get off me!
放开 你丫还真壮啊 Get off-- you're so strong!
擦 我讨厌这样 God, I hate this!
放开 Get off!
禁止用嘴 Stop using your mouth!
你好啊 僵尸安妮 Hello, zombie Annie.
这一拳挺狠 What big fists you have...
还你漂漂拳 In your face!
闪开点 斯科蒂 Beam this up, Scotty.
还你漂漂拳 In your face!
僵尸雪瑞 Zombie Shirley...
我不知道你是啥 但是 I don't know what you are, but--
还你漂漂拳 In your face!
阿布蒂 我们是至交啊 Abed, we're friends.
阿布蒂 不 Ah! Abed, no!
布雷塔 Ah, Britta!
够了够了 Okay, okay.
我已经被咬过了 I've been bit, y'all.
靠 恭喜你们 Dag. Congrats.
你们履行了僵尸的使命 You did what the zombies do.
杰夫 当了僵尸还是那么酷 Jeff, still cool as a zombie.
闪开 闪开 Out of the way! Out of the way!
闪开 Out of the way!
-你是迪恩·派尔顿吗 -有话请讲 - You Dean Pelton? - Speaking.
六小时 一秒不差啊 Wow. Six hours on the dot.
必须的 熟能生巧了 Yeah, well, practice makes perfect.
你是唯一的目击者吗 You the only witness?
必须的 I am.
好吧 All right.
这里还有没被感染的人 Hey, we got uninfected in here.
有多少 How many we talking?
我看是 全部 I think it might be all of 'em.
好吧 执行B计划 All right, scenario "B."
重复 执行B计划 Repeat, scenario "B."
把这些傻蛋解决了 Let's dose these suckers.
把啥解决了 Dose what now?
决定扮成雷帝嘎嘎以后的事儿你都不记得了? So you remember nothing past your decision to be lady gaga?
居然有人敢给一屋子的人下药 Can't believe that somebody would mass-roofie an entire party.
凶手居然不是我 I can't believe it wasn't me.
我居然信了你 I can't believe I believe you...
到现在还没缓过来 And I don't.
想看电影吗 Want to watch a movie?
好啊 Sure.
外星人 机器人 还是僵尸片 Aliens, cyborgs, or zombies?
不知道为啥 我对僵尸有点腻歪 I don't know why, but I'm kind of over zombies.
同感 行动笨重的我没爱 Yeah, I don't feel like anything action-heavy.
看点轻快的吧 How about something light?
你看过《大丹麦狗马默杜克》没 You seen Marmaduke?
于是特洛伊和阿布蒂 And so Troy and Abed went back to the dormitory
就回寝室去看《大丹麦狗马默杜克》了 For a viewing of Marmaduke.
我是竹井乔治 如果你叫凯文 I'm George Takei, and if you're name is Kevin,
有点好东西可以放进你手机里 Here's a little freebie for your cell phone.
你好 凯文没法接电话 Hi, Kevin can't come to the phone.
他和竹井乔治一起在宇宙飞船里 He's on a spaceship with me, George Takei.
请留言 Please leave a message.
不客气 各种凯文 You're welcome Kevins.
万圣节快乐 Happy halloween.
语音信箱 Voice mail?
特洛伊 我是昌 Troy! This is chang.
时间紧迫 There's not much time.
我觉得我们要没戏了 I don't think we're gonna make it.
听着 如果你活了下来 Listen, if you survive,
请把这消息替我传播出去 Please spread this message for me.
我和雪瑞上垒了 Shirley and I totally did it!
昌 你在干嘛 Chang, what are you doing?
没啥 Nothing.
闪了先 Gotta go!
为毛偏要打给我啊 Why did he call me?