格林德尔社区大学 学生课程时间表 杰夫瑞·翁格
安格斯 取消我的预约 Agnes, cancel my appointments.
你什么时候有过预约 What appointments?
人家假象一下嘛 Wishful thinking.
这叫做替代能源 It's called alternative energy,
开启光明未来的钥匙 The key to a brighter tomorrow.
注意动物都戴了墨镜 Notice all the animals wearing sunglasses.
因为未来相当光明 Because it's a brighter tomorrow.
没错 Yeah.
我家孩子上小学 My boys are in elementary school.
他们做立体模型都没有咱们做得多 They don't make nearly as many dioramas as we do.
环保社团倾巢出动做的 献给"绿色周" The whole environmental club is making them for green week.
今天下午在食堂 And this afternoon in the cafeteria,
我们要举行生物立体模型展 we're having a bio-diorama-rama.
我听说一个小孩制作了 I heard one kid made a diorama
一个平面世界的立体模型 about a world without dioramas.
今晚还去你那睡 没问题吧 It's still cool if I sleep at your place tonight, right?
绝对没问题 既然咱俩课都修完了 Totally. Hey, since we're both done with classes,
-我们可以搞通宵派对 -我们穿睡衣 - we can start the sleepover now. - Let's get in our pajamas
-搭一个毯子城堡吧 -就这么定了 - and build a blanket fort. - Let's do it.
毯子城堡 厉害 A blanket fort. Wow!
如果你们愿意 一会儿可以来城堡里面一起玩 You can come hang out in it with us later if you want.
谢了 但是我还是找点 Uh, thanks, but I think I'll find something
-成年人活动吧 -好吧 - more grown-up to do. - Hmm. Okay.
祝你粗纤维配《超感神探》愉快 Enjoy eating fiber and watching The Mentalist.
布雷塔 刚刚那样可不友善 Britta, that wasn't nice.
抱歉 雪瑞 可是谁想和一群穿着紧身 I'm sorry, Shirley, but who wants to hang out
卡通睡衣的大男人在毯子城堡混在一起 in a blanket fort with grown men in tiny underoos?
大家好 杰夫瑞 Hello! So... Jeffrey,
我在查看你的课程时间表 I was just looking over your class schedule.
-为什么 -那个... - Why? - Uh...
也许是随机性抽查 Maybe it was a random spot-check.
也许是针对性抽查 Maybe it was a specific spot-check.
也许我是在做剪贴簿 Maybe I'm making a scrapbook.
问题在于 The point is
你的自学内容是不能计入学分 you will not be receiving credit for your independent study:
美国历史的阴谋理论 Conspiracy theories in U.S. History.
什么 为什么不行 What? Why not?
因为那门课根本就不存在 Because the class doesn't exist.
这位老师也不存在 叫兽森教授 And neither does the teacher-- Professor Professorson?
有什么不妥 那就是他名字啊 What? That's his name!
-拜托 -那是荷兰语 - Oh... - It's dutch.
-估计是教授的意思吧 -叫兽你个孔雀毛 - I think it means professor. - I think it means poppycock.
杰夫·翁格的终极偷懒课 The ultimate Jeff Winger blow-off class:
无中生有课 The one that doesn't exist.
现在我要对整个系统进行排查 以防这种诡计 Now I have to audit an entire system for shenanigans,
也就意味着...周末泡汤了 Which means... bye-bye weekends.
也别想喝喝咖啡码码字了 Bye-bye writing at starbucks
坐等波斯服务生搭讪都没戏了 till a certain persian barista asks me about my novel.
老天 杰夫 God, Jeff!
在普通课上偷偷懒也就忍了 It's one thing to blow off regular classes,
但你这样让辛苦赚学分的我情何以堪啊 but this devalues all the credits I work very hard for.
-是啊 -我能为自己辩护 - Mm-hmm. - Can I defend myself
说这根本就是胡扯吗 and say this is nuts?
这个学期我每周三 I've been meeting with this professor
都在他办公室和他会面 in his office every wednesday all semester.
叫兽森教授 Professor Professorson.
-是啊 -不是吧你 - Yes! - Really?
你要坚持这种说法吗 You're gonna commit to this?
坚持什么 事实吗 Commit to what--reality?
好吧 请你带路 Okay, then, please... lead me
-去找叫兽森教授 -很乐意 - to Professor Professorson. - Gladly.
-我得跟去瞧瞧 -我经常梦见 - This I gotta see. - I have always dreamt
和你玩猜字游戏 杰夫瑞 of playing charades with you, Jeffrey--
不过梦里可比这湿意多了 Just not like this, not on dry land.
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翻译：大卫熊 夕橙 山炮 小九
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校对：米粒 时间轴：崽猪
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后期：鱼骨头 监制：米粒
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-=11/26日停播一周 感谢您的支持!=-
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《废柴联盟》 第二季 第九集 iTunes 720p版本调教：Tears
老天啊 Oh, man!
你想的跟我一样吗 You thinking what I'm thinking?
一把年纪玩这个不合适了? We're too big for this, aren't we?
是啊 Yeah.
但如果我们在角落再搭高两个枕头 But if we went two pillows higher in the corner,
我们就可以加高顶棚 we could vault the ceiling...
增加建筑面积 Bump up the square footage.
就成了熟男城堡了 Make this a blanket fort for men.
好了 到了 Well, here we are.
叫兽森教授的办公室 Professor Professorson's office.
我不知道怎么回事 I don't know what's goin' on.
你们得相信我 You guys have to believe me.
我和叫兽森教授在这里 I have spent a whole year studying conspiracy theories
学了整整一年的阴谋理论 with professor professorson right here!
等等 我明白了 Wait! Of course!
阴谋理论 Conspiracy theories.
这是考试 This is a test.
他通过掩盖他的存在 He's teaching me about real conspiracies
教我真正的阴谋 by erasing his existence!
我的天啊 你知道这意味这什么吗 Oh, my god. Do you know what this means?
杰夫把咱都当2B铅笔了 That's how stupid Jeff thinks other people are.
一直知道你是个懒蛋 可没想到 I always knew you were lazy, but I didn't realize
你会编造出这么离谱的谎言 that you would stoop to such pathetic lies!
谎言和真理都是相对的 One man's lies are another man's truth...
是这样吧 杰夫 Wouldn't you say, jeff?
抱歉 你是谁 I'm sorry. And who are you?
我是叫兽森教授 I'm Professor Professorson.
天啊 你差点害我百口莫辩 Ha. Wow, you...you really had me going there
教授 for a second, professor.
我以为我疯了呢 I thought I was going insane.
就要这样 Precisely.
真正的阴谋能教你在这门课上 An actual conspiracy to round out your education
理论联系实际 in conspiracies and theories thereof.
你的真名叫做...叫兽森教授 Your real name... is Professor Professorson?
我姓叫兽博格 My family name is Professorberg,
但在躲避纳粹追杀时改了姓氏 But we changed it when we were fleeing from the nazis.
好可怜 Oh, I'm so sorry.
因为我主教夜校 You've probably never heard of me
所以你可能没听说过我 since I primarily teach night school.
我的教师证 My faculty I.D.
这么说 Oh, well, I...
我从没加班到那么晚 guess I never stuck around late enough
格林德尔社区大学 叫兽森教授
也就没见过夜校的教授们 to meet you night school professors.
晚上电视节目超给力的 Tv's gotten crazy good, you know.
我要接个电话 I have to take this.
感谢你的宽容 院长 Thank you for indulging me, dean.
杰夫 阅读《道格拉斯》第十到第十二章 Jeff, read chapters 10 through 12 of Douglas
我们下周再见 and see you next week.
前提是... That is...
我还存在于世 if I still exist.
再见 教授 See you, professor.
抱歉怀疑了你 杰夫瑞 Sorry to doubt you, Jeffrey.
更重要的是 取消这次排查 More importantly, out with this audit,
我又能回到《时光桌》第一章 back to chapter one of time desk:
邪恶院长传奇 The chronicles of dean dangerous.
我一定要看看这本书烂到啥地界 That is gonna be the worst book I'll ever read cover to cover.
我真是个糟糕的朋友 I'm a terrible friend.
我居然指责你是骗子 I accused you of being a lying cheat.
-你会原谅我么 -当然 - Can you ever forgive me? - Sure.
不过还有一件事 Here's the thing, though.
那人我根本不认识 I've never seen that guy in my life!
什么 难道他不是叫兽森教授吗 What? That wasn't Professor Professorson?
根本就没有叫兽森教授这个人 There is no Professor Professorson!
我瞎编的 我伪造了表格 I made him up! I forged a form
编出一个老师来混学分 with a phony teacher and class for a free credit!
我就知道 I knew it!
你这个大骗子 Oh, you lying cheat!
等下 那么 Wait. Then--
那家伙是谁 Who was that?
我不知道 I don't know!
-等下 你说啥 -我不知道 - Wait, what? - I don't know!
那我们该怎么办 What should we do?
我认为我们应该去吃午饭了 I think we should grab some lunch.
-我是认真的 -我也是 - I'm serious. - so am I.
我刚看到胖尼尔眼冒绿光 I just saw fat Neil head to the cafeteria
往自助餐厅走去 with that look in his eye.
再慢一点就啥都不剩了 We got ten minutes to grab the last lima bean.
杰夫 你虚构了一个教授 Jeff, you made up a professor,
而他就这么凭空出现了 and he just appeared out of thin air.
你就一点都不好奇这是怎么回事吗 You're not the least bit curious how that happened?
我最新的结论是 也许我是个神 My latest theory? Maybe I'm a god.
我已否认我的神迹太久了 I've denied the signs for too long.
又来了 This is so typical.
刚才的事你又要视它如浮云了 You're just gonna blow off what happened.
没错 尤其是如果不视它如浮云 Yes, especially when not blowing it off
我混来的学分也许就成浮云了 might cost me my free credit.
现在 帮我个忙 Now, do me a favor.
别揪着不放 让它随风飘散吧 Be very un-Annie and blow it off too.
当然了 我会当它是浮云的 Oh, sure. I'll just blow it off.
神马都是浮云 I'll just blow everything off.
我想走路神马的也是浮云 Heck, I guess I'll just blow off walkin'!
-好啊 -站立神马的也是浮云 - Okay. - I'll just blow off standing.
神马神马的都是浮云 I'm just blowin' everything off!
说话神马的也都是浮云 Maybe I'll blow off talking language.
随便 Okay.
嘿 哥们 怎么 Hey, bros, what's the ha...ps...
好棒的城堡哦 Sweet fort!
我能进去吗 Can I come inside?
请等一下
让我看看
你可以 帕沃 You could, Pavel...
或者 你可以把城堡带回家 or...maybe the inside could come to you.
你准备贡献出 How would you characterize
多少毯子和枕头 the amount of blankets and pillows you have?
一大堆 A butt load?
我很怕冷 老兄 I get wicked cold, bros,
而且特嗜睡 and mad sleepy.
要是你是来帮我把立体模型 If you're here to help me take my diorama
搬去异想天开模型场的话 我自己就够了 to the bio-diorama-rama, I can do it myself.
是的 你的十一封短信 Yes. You made that clear
已经把"自力更生"诠释得很清楚了 in your 11th "I can do it myself" text.
你怎么装个"不在乎"都那么在乎 You even work too hard at passive-aggression,
你个瓜娃子 You know that?
那个 话说 Hey, so...
你了解格林德尔社区大学的夜校吗 Do you know anything about Greendale's night school?
是的 那地方估计烂毙了 Yeah. I'm assuming it's the worst thing
也就比咱们白天来格林德尔 you could ever hope to be in...
稍微好一点 only at night.
该死 安妮 你刚才是在扮少女妙探吗 Damn it, Annie. Have you been playing detective?
你是想让我的学分随风消散吗 You are gonna Nancy screw me out of my credit.
冷静 我只是问管理处 Relax. All I did was ask the administration desk
借了本教员目录 if I could borrow a faculty directory.
快来看看 Take a look at this.
这是叫兽森教授吗 Is that Professorson?
他的真名是无力教授 His real name is Professor Woolley,
而且他还真是在这里教夜校 and he actually does teach night school here.
为什么一个你不认识的人 Why would someone you've never met
要假扮成你虚构的教授呢 pretend to be your phony professor?
他已经有伪造教师资历的前科 He was already carrying falsified faculty credentials.
你知道这意味着什么吗 Do you know what this means?
知道 你要把阴谋论课弄假成真 Yes. You are making me do work for my fake conspiracy class!
没错 这里必然有阴谋 Exactly. There's a conspiracy here.
一个黑暗 巨大的阴谋 A dark, vast conspiracy
也许会一路向上牵扯到最高层 that may just go all the way to the top.
这里是格林德尔 安妮 This is Greendale, Annie.
即使这里有阴谋 If there's a conspiracy,
能牵扯到中层以下一点点就算不错了 it goes all the way to slightly below the middle.
等一下 Wait a minute.
不对劲 Something's wrong.
我的车发动不起来了 My car won't start.
等一下 Hold on one second.
喂 Hello.
告诉你家小朋友 Tell your little friend
别再窥探夜校的事情 to stop snooping around night school,
不然 就等着 爆炸吧 otherwise, things might get... explosive.
安妮 Annie!
你还好吧 You okay?
还行 Yeah.
也许用不着推倒你 Probably didn't need to tackle you.
貌似是 Probably not.
貌似有人给我们发送了一个信息 Looks like someone sent us a message...
一个微不足道 十分不咋地的消息 A tiny, thoroughly underwhelming message.
我希望你已经准备好 I hope you've already laid out your outfit
明早要用的东西了 for tomorrow morning...
因为我们要去夜校一探究竟 Because we're going to night school.
我从我儿子家偷来的这些东西 I stole these from my son's house.
已经城堡不像城堡了 When does a fort stop being a fort?
嘿 只要这堡垒还是用毯子做的 Hey. As long as it's still made out of blankets...
就行 对吧 Right?
就当是纪念皮尔斯的妈妈吧 These'll be perfect for the Pierce's mom memorial tunnel.
话说 这是夜校 So,this is a night school
但是无力教授的课堂在哪里 but where is professor Woolley'class?
这间是吗 How ' bout this one?
不是 那是骇客教授的教室 No. That's professor Huyck's class--
神马历史课 "History of... something."
你不认识字吗 You can't pronounce it?
不 这上面就是写的神马历史课 No. It literally says history of something.
我看一下 Let me see that.
中庸原理 "Principles of intermediate?
学习科学 初级课堂 "Studyology? Class 101"?
看 这一门课干脆学习内容 Look, this one just says learning
就是个感叹号 with an exclamation point.
你好啊 叫兽森教授 Hello, Professor Professorson.
或者我应该是叫你 无力 Or should I say...Woolley?
教授您今儿晚上上什么课啊 What class are you teaching tonight, Professor?
数学 Math.
-数学吗 -没错 - Math? - Uh-huh.
你不介意我们也去听听吧 Do you mind if we sit in?
当然不 跟我来 Not at all. Right this way.
您教的是哪方面的数学呢 So what kind of math do you teach, Professor?
数学就是数学嘛 Well, you know, math.
摆弄摆弄数字啊 Uh...numbers.
算算圆周率啊 Pi.
研究研究新型数学啊 New math. Uh...
快抓住他 Get him!
他钻到毯子城堡里面去了 He went into that blanket fort!
我想他是朝这边遛了 I think he went this way!
-你看见他了吗 -哦 对不起啊 - Do you see him? - Oh, sorry.
-特洛伊 阿布蒂 -嘿 伙计们 - Troy! Abed! - Hey, guys.
欢迎来到蓬蓬镇 Welcome to fluffy town.
不许抽烟 不许放屁 不许搞枕头大战 No smoking, no farting, no pillow fighting.
-我们正在追捕呢 -这个可以有 - We're in a chase! - That's allowed.
他在那儿呢 There he is!
-跟我来 -不过逮着他之后 - Follow us. - But afterwards,
你们一定要来我们的人权博物馆来看看 you should really check out our civil rights museum.
伦纳德 闪开 Leonard, back up!
伦纳德你丫根本不应该出现在这 You shouldn't even be in here, Leonard.
你已经放过三个响屁了 You already have three farting strikes against you.
什么 让他赶紧闪开啊 W--he's getting away!
我知道有条捷径 穿过土耳其特区 I know a shortcut. Through the Turkish district.
布雷塔 Britta?
快点爬啊 Go!
他在那儿呢 这是嘛玩意儿啊 There he is! What the hell's this?
拉脱维亚独立游行 Latvian independence parade.
瞪我干嘛 人家有城管授权的 Don't look at me. They had the proper permits.
可恶 我们追不上他了 Damn it! We lost him!
还好我已经把汽车模型送到化学实验室 Luckily, I sent the diorama car to the chem lab
进行爆炸原因分析了 to have the explosive analyzed.
那个举着响叮当的是不是他啊 Isn't that him playing the trejdeksnis?
装挺像嘛 Nice try, Woolley!
坦白从宽 抗拒从严 Now, tell us everything.
坦白吗 Tell you?
我袒露给你看 I'll show you!
这是什么鬼地方 What is this place?
安妮 这里就是传说中的夜校 This, Annie, is night school.
所有的学生老师还有课程都在这了 Every student, every teacher, every class--
臆想为花 Figments...
捏造为云 Puffs of hot air...
独角兽之梦 梦之鬼魅 From the lips of a ghost
鬼魅之唇 吞云吐雾 皆为虚无 in the shadow of a unicorn's dream.
我编造了这一切 夜校根本不存在 I made it up. Night school doesn't exist.
我和你一样 曾是格林德尔的一名学生 I used to be a student here at Greendale like you, Jeff,
突然有一天我瞎编出一门课来混学分 Then one day I invented a fake course to get a free credit.
为了圆这个谎 我得编出一个假老师 To keep up the lie, I had to create a fake teacher
假老师得上其他假课 who needed other fake classes
假课得别的假学生来上 that needed to be filled with other fake students,
谎越说越大 叮当叮当 and so on and so on and so on, "Etchethra!"
你是想说"等等 等等"吗 Did you just mispronounce et cetera?
拉丁文课也是假的 杰夫 My latin class is fake, Jeff...
我的课 我的人生都是如此 Like all my classes, like my life.
你有在听我说嘛 Aren't you listening?
我在听 Yeah, I am.
一种似曾相识之感向我袭来 And a very familiar feeling is starting to come over me.
我感觉好像是谁要教我点什么 I feel like someone is trying to teach me something.
杰夫 这个房间里 Jeff, the only thing
我唯一真正学到的就是悔恨 that's ever been learned in this room is regret!
如果这张桌子是时光桌 Would that this desk were a time desk...
那我就能一切重来 so that I could correct my past mistakes...
乘着恐龙 Ride dinosaurs...
和开膛手杰克一较高下 Fight with Jack the ripper.
慢着慢着 Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
独角兽 鬼魅之唇 时光桌 Unicorns? Ghost lips? Time desks?
这些老掉牙的垃圾是不是 Doesn't any of this overly stylized garbage
让你想起了某个人 remind you of anyone?
这个人所说简直是照搬 Everything this guy says is ripped from
未发表的《邪恶院长传奇》 the sure-to-be-unpublished pages of dean dangerous.
我不知道你在说什么 I don't know what you mean.
别装蒜了 Oh, I think you do.
顺便告诉你一声 如果你再撒谎的话 By the way, next time you walk someone to your fake lair,
千万别路过戏剧系 don't pass the theater department...
戏剧教授肖恩·加洛蒂 Drama professor Sean Garrity.
谢天谢地 这个角色快折磨死我了 Thank god. That character was killing me.
忠告一句 如果你下次划了院长的车 Word of advice: If you ever scrape the Dean's car,
千万说你愿意演戏作偿 don't tell him you're gonna pay him back in acting.
感恩节我还得去他的家庭晚宴上捣乱 On thanksgiving, I'm supposed to crash his family dinner
指责他抢了我马子 and accuse him of stealing my girlfriend.
果然把最高层都扯下马了 Wow. I guess this did go all the way to the top.
我现在就给院长打电话 I'm calling the Dean right now
让他领教一下铁齿铜牙安晓妮 and giving him a piece of my mind!
不 等一下 No, wait.
加洛蒂 Garrity...
戏剧系是不是有几把道具枪 Does the theater department have any of those prop guns
能唬唬人? that fire blanks?
当然有 我们刚刚重排过现代版的麦克白 Of course. We just did a modern retelling of Macbeth
背景是芝加哥黑帮 set in Gangland Chicago.
有新意 Oh. Fresh take.
比我还懒呢 And you think I'm lazy.
道具枪 Prop guns?
杰夫 你要干嘛 Jeff...what do you have in mind?
我要给院长好好上一课 A little demonstration for the dean
让他知道糊弄我的后果 on the dangers of trying to educate me.
他不喜欢假课程是吧 He doesn't like fake classes?
我倒要让他用鲜血染红旗帜 Well, he's about to get a real lesson on the fact
杰夫·翁格之死不悔改 that Jeff Winger never learns.
他来了 各就给位 Here he comes. Get set.
你想见我吗 You wanted to see me?
你好啊 叫兽森先生 Hi, Mr...Professorson.
他的真名叫无力 His real name is Woolley.
他每年都从你的学校里 And he's defrauded your school
造假骗取相当可观的学分 to a tune of dozens of credits per year
更别提没交的学费有多少钱了 and nearly twice as many dollars.
这情节也太严重了吧 Well, that's serious.
不过你小子走运了 Fortunately for you,
我一生行善 决定给你第二次机会 I'm a big believer in second chances.
我可不会 I'm not.
安妮 Hey! Annie!
老天爷 你杀了他 Oh, my god, you-- you shot him!
他满口胡言 留着何用 Of course I shot him! He was being dishonest.
格林德尔唯一教会我的就是... And if there's one thing Greendale's taught me, it's--
-搞毛啊 -她有枪 - Whoa, what the hell? - She had a gun!
我拿的是假枪 It was a fake gun!
我们排了这一出 就为了报复你的欺骗 We staged this to get back at you for deceiving us!
是你骗人在先 杰夫瑞 But you're the deceiver, Jeffrey!
那怎么地 现在该你陪葬了 Yeah? Well, now you're the dead guy.
杰夫 你干吗 Jeff! What are you doing?
哪来的真枪 Why do you have a real gun?
你为什么冲校长开枪 Why did you shoot the dean?
-他向你开枪 -没有 - Well, he shot you! - Not really!
这一切都是我们俩策划的 He and I were in on this from the start.
他察觉你瞎编了一门课程后 When he found out you were faking a class,
就来找我 我们编了这么一出阴谋戏 he came to me and we cooked up this whole conspiracy thing
想教育你拿学习当儿戏 后果很严重 to illustrate the slippery slope of academic fraud!
可你知道你教会了我什么吗安妮 You know what you actually illustrated, Annie?
你是个烂朋友 How to be a crappy friend.
当我觉察到校长就是 Once it was obvious the dean
这一切的始作俑者之时 had orchestrated everything,
我就知道这么一出戏 it was even more obvious
他那浆糊脑子可编不出来 the dean was too stupid to orchestrate anything.
所以直觉使然 我找到他 So on a hunch, I called him,
我们就偷偷策划了一出戏 and we hatched a plan to teach you
来教育你怎么当朋友 a lesson or two about friendship.
但杰夫 我做这些是因为我爱你 But, jeff, I only did it because I love you.
如果你爱某人 Well, when you love someone,
你就应该接受他的全部 you have to take them as they are.
别人可不是你的玩具 安妮 People aren't playthings, Annie.
不 他们不是 No, they are not.
瞧你那嘴脸 Look who's talking.
你居然这样对待我 After everything you've put me through?
你哪来的枪 Okay. Where'd you get that gun?
只有三支道具枪 There were only three prop guns.
穷街陋巷里找枪还不容易 Yeah, well, I live in a terrible neighborhood.
安妮 把枪放下 Annie, put the gun down.
在我们那一吻后 After we kissed,
我苦苦等了一个夏天才见到你 I waited all summer to see you.
你却不理我 You...buried me
好像那一吻见不得人一样 like a shameful secret.
你怕什么呢 杰夫 What's the matter, Jeff?
怕疯子安妮会死咬着你不放吗 Afraid crazy annie would go crazy for you?
猜怎么着 Well, guess what.
安妮拿着枪呢 Annie's got a gun.
安妮 快把枪 Annie, just put the gun--
安妮 你干了什么 Annie... what have you done?
如果你真的可怜杰夫·翁格 If you love Jeff Winger so much,
干吗和我一起搞这些小动作呢 why did you conspire with me against him?
我不知道 I don't know!
我已经脑袋秀逗跟不上进度了 I can't keep track of any of it anymore!
不管谁来拉我入伙 我都跟他一拨 I just keep teaming up with whoever suggests it!
能听到你承认真好 Glad to hear you admit it.
我问你要不要在安妮背后搞小动作 When I called you to ask you to double-cross Annie,
你可是一点都不迟疑 You didn't hesitate for a second.
你懂什么叫阴谋吗 Do you even understand what a conspiracy is?
不管是谁找你 你都跟他一伙 If you conspire with every person that approaches you,
到最后你谁都没蒙着 you're not even really conspiring with anyone.
你这是蒙头苍蝇到处乱撞 You're just doing random crap.
我知道 我 I know, I--
我对不起你们 我只是 I'm sorry! I just--
我只是想和你们一起玩 I just wanna have fun with you guys and...
那小办公室快把我逼疯了 I go crazy cooped up in my little office, and...
时间旅行真的很难写 Time travel is really hard to write about!
如果我算的没错 该演的都应该演完了 If I'm keeping track right, we should be done.
我得把这些拿回去还给戏剧部 I'll just take these back to the theater department.
警察 Police!
把枪放下 Drop your weapons!
-放到地上 -别开枪 警官 - Down on the ground! - Don't shoot, officer!
别开枪 这都是假 Don't shoot, please. They're fake--
那都是道具枪 Those are prop guns!
这算是给你们上了一课 I guess it just goes to show you...
道具枪只能放在后台 Prop guns belong backstage.
或者演戏的时候用 And...scene.
你丫这是搞什么飞机 You have got to be kidding me!
Garrity教授都告诉我了 Professor Garrity called and told me
你们这帮人的小把戏 what all of you were up to.
真让我生气 枪可不是好玩的 Made me mad. Guns aren't toys.
所有那些因假枪引起的枪击案中 In 100% of all fake gun related shootings,
受伤或致死的总是那个拿假枪的 the victim is always the one with the fake gun.
肖恩 一起吃早饭呗 Hey, Sean, you got breakfast plans?
走吧 I do now.
肖恩 So, sean...
感恩节计划不变吧 We're still on for thanksgiving, right?
跟你爹好好谈谈吧 克拉格 Just talk to your father, Craig.
要是这件帽衫是时光帽衫就好了 Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie.
院长 Hey, dean,
我那学分怎么办 How 'bout that credit?
做梦吧你 No!
真见鬼 Damn it.
我都忘了 I'm not sure what lessons
当初我们教来教去是想说什么了 either of us managed to teach each other,
但我真为安妮而骄傲 But I am proud of Annie.
她擅长搞诡计 She took to deception
就像阿布蒂对《熟女镇》门儿清一样 like Abed took to cougar town.
那是真不错 It's really good.
尤其是她即兴的那一段 Especially when she went off script.
你说要编的可信一点嘛 You said to be convincing.
快看啊弟兄们 Check it out, bros.
你们登上封面了 You made the front page!
"格林德尔里的毯子城堡" 毯堡风尚席卷全国
你知道这代表着什么吧 You know what this means.
我们是时尚的弄潮儿 We've gone mainstream.
启动Omega计划 Initiate protocol omega.
掠夺战利品开始 We've started looting!
我们来拿硬纸板建潜艇吧 Wanna build a cardboard submarine?
英雄所见略同 Get out of my brain.
-就在 -很久 - Once... - upon...
-很久 -以前 - a... - time...
-曾经 -有过 - There... - was...
一个 a...
-超级 -飞船 - big... - spaceship.
-还有 -异形 - and... - aliens.
-还有 -佣兵 - and... - mercenaries.
-以及 -战争 - and? - war.
-有过 -背叛 - and? - betrayal.
-还有 -爱情 - and? - romance?
-还有 -武术 - and? - karate.
-然后 -荣归故里 -and? -credits.
-感谢 -观看 - the - end.
我们应该一起写个剧本 We should write a screenplay together.
好啊 好啊好啊 Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.