你们好 新年快乐 Hi, guys. Happy new year!
大家放假过得很不错吗 Did everyone have a good break?
是啊 我又发现了一块背部肌肉可以锻炼 Yeah, I discovered a new back muscle to work out.
女士们 静候我的小背心精彩亮相吧 Ladies, you'll thank me come tank top season.
我检查了皮尔斯所有的衣柜 I checked all of Pierce's wardrobes
想要找到去纳尼亚的大门 for portals to magical worlds.
结果只找到了一部叫《太空艾曼纽》 All I found was something called Emmanuelle In Space
美国情色科幻剧
的激光光碟 我看不了 on laserdisc-- I couldn't watch it,
但是这个词好性感 but it sounded sexy.
激光光碟 Laserdisc.
我加入了清洁城市的校园志愿团 I joined a campus volunteer group that cleans the city.
高速公路上捡垃圾 清理河流 We picked up litter on the freeway and dredged the river.
-有什么可清理的 -废品什么的 - Dredged it for what? - You know, garbage and stuff.
轮胎啊 避孕套啊 针头什么的 Tires, condoms, needles.
有一次 我们还找到一根手指 At one point, we found a finger.
你干嘛要用"我爱蝴蝶"的语气 Why are you using your I-love-butterflies voice?
什么 有吗 What? Am I?
不知道 志愿活动很有意义 I don't know. Volunteer work is nice.
做有意义的事情 You do nice things.
和可爱的人一起 With nice people.
哎哟 Ooh.
某人和英俊小伙一起在河里捞手指 Somebody's finding river fingers with a cute boy.
什么 没有 What? No.
好吧 是的 但是那无所谓 Well, okay, yes, but it doesn't matter.
我又没和人家约会 不过就是个男生 It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy.
-在格林德尔上学的人吗 -是 - A guy that goes to greendale? - Mmm.
是那个像矮版强尼·德普的俄罗斯男吗 Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp?
-那都没关系啦 -是那个 - It doesn't matter. - Is it the guy who looks
长得像文斯·沃恩 但是味道像鱼的人吗 a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish?
文斯·沃恩 曾与珍妮弗·安妮斯顿合演电影《分手》
我不想谈这件事 I don't want to talk about it.
我很乐意谈谈我生命里的某个人 Well, I have someone in my life that I'm happy to talk about.
-又要谈耶稣了 -耶稣一直在我生命中 - Again with the Jesus. - Well, Jesus is always in my life,
但是每一天我和前夫的关系 but things have been looking better every day
都越来越好了 with my ex-husband.
是那个长得像安德森·库珀 Is it the guy that looks like Anderson Cooper
美国著名新闻播报员 白发型男
不过留了胡子 扎了马尾的人吗 but with a soul patch and the ponytail?
-不是 -是黑人版的迈克尔·奇克里斯吗 - No. - Is it black Michael Chiklis?
迈克尔·奇克里斯：美国著名演员
-不是 -白人版乔治·福尔曼[美国著名拳王] - No. - The white George Foreman?
你们说的是一个人 You guys are talking about the same person.
他是混血儿 名字叫大卫 He's biracial, his name is David,
-他是个人类 -伙计们 别猜了 - and he's a human being. - Guys, stop guessing.
什么事情都没发生 不过是个朋友 It's not a thing at all. It's just a friend.
-换个话题吧 -"昌"个话题吧 - Change the subject. - Chang the subject.
你在那上面干什么 What are you doing up there?
新学期的人类学要开始了 It's the beginning of a new semester of anthropology.
我来这里拿回你们承诺的东西 And I'm here to get what I was promised.
好啊 谁看见昌的看不见的东西了 Sure. Who has Chang's pile of nothing?
你知道我的意思 我不想再打酱油了 You know what I mean. I am sick of the runaround.
我在这要求你们立刻做出决定 I'm here to demand an immediate answer
是否同意我加入学习小组 about whether I'm joining the study group.
非要我们立刻做决定的话 Well, if we have to give an immediate answer,
只能是不允许了 it would have to be no.
慢慢来 睡一觉想想 Take your time. Sleep on it.
然后再给我消息 Then get back to me.
不然有你好看 Or else.
杰夫 你说过最后会让他加入小组的 Jeff, you did say we would let him in eventually.
那是在他用自己的名字做双关之前 That was before he started using his name as a pun.
真是让我"昌"气 It makes me so changry.
天呐 我也被传染了 Oh, god, it's happening to me.
还是谈谈安妮爱上谁了吧 Let's get back to who Annie's in love with.
-是胖胖尼尔吗 -蓝色史莱克 - Is it fat Neil? - Blue Shrek?
擎天柱 Optimus prime?
等等 连我都知道刚刚那里面有变形金刚 Okay, even I know some of these are transformers.
谁在乎那人是谁啊 我们还是学习吧 Who cares who it is? Let's just study.
学什么 我们一节课都没上呢 Study what? We haven't had our first class yet.
除了安妮的爱情生活 Well, could we talk about something
就不能谈谈别的吗 other than Annie's love life?
我们可以谈谈我的爱情生活 We could talk about my love life.
是地包天版尚格云顿[著名打星]吗 Is it Jean-Claude Van Overbite?
我们真应该好好记住别人的名字 We should really start learning people's names.
我同意棕色版吉米·李·柯蒂斯的话 I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.
《真实的谎言》的女主角
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翻译：大卫熊 夕橙 小独 小九
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校对：独醉 时间轴：Jimmy贝壳
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后期：鱼骨头 监制：米粒
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《废柴联盟》 第二季 第12集 iTunes 720p版本调教：Tears
邓肯迟到了 Duncan's late.
希望他没有再一次把车开进马拉松赛道 I hope he didn't drive his car into another marathon.
雪瑞 在你前夫出轨之后 Shirley, how can you want to date your ex-husband
-你怎么还能跟他约会呢 -他道歉了 - after what he did to you? - He apologized.
哦 道歉了 Oh, he apologized.
我想他跟脱衣舞娘做爱也就没发生过了咯 Well, I guess that completely unbangs that stripper.
原谅我的宽容 Well, forgive me for being forgiving.
对了 你不懂什么是宽容 Oh, that's right. You don't know how.
雪瑞和她前夫约会 而不是昌 I'm relieved Shirley is seeing her ex-husband
我松了一口气 and not Chang.
昌 她为什么要和昌约会 Chang? Why would she be with Chang?
为什么我总是把想法说出来啊 Why do I have to say everything I'm thinking?
真希望我的嘴离我的脑袋远一点 I wish my mouth was further away from my brain.
希望我的脑袋有自己的脑袋 I wish my brain had its own brain.
我希望昌没有和雪瑞发生关系 I wish Chang hadn't had sex with shirley.
什么 什么时候 What? When?
在哪 Where?
什么体位 How?
我不能说 I can't talk about it.
特洛伊 我是你的室友 Troy, I'm your roommate.
我可以保守秘密 I can keep a secret.
好吧 记得那个我们都不记得的 Okay, remember that Halloween party
万圣节派对吗 that none of us can remember?
我们能记住的事情我都记不住 I don't remember anything we can remember.
昌那晚给我留了语音短讯 Well, Chang left me a message that night
说他们发生了关系 saying that they did it.
但是你不能告诉任何人 But--but you can't tell anybody.
作为你的室友 我发誓 You have my word as your roommate,
这是我不会打破的誓言 and that is a bond I will never violate.
你也不能发微博 You can't tweet it either.
又没说不让使用新媒体 We never discussed new media.
真是抱歉 Sorry all that stuff
我喜欢某个人让大家这么纠结 got dragged out about me having a crush on somebody.
这有什么可抱歉的 Why would you be sorry about that?
比较尴尬嘛 You know. Awkward.
安妮 你不会认为我在意这件事吧 Annie, you don't think I actually care, did you?
不不 我只是不想让你认为我以为你在意 No, no, I just didn't want you to think I thought you cared.
闲杂人等 大家好 Greetings, all and sundry,
欢迎来到第二学期的人类学课 and welcome to your second semester of anthropology,
这次要动真格的了 where it is about to get real.
我不记得去年讲到哪里了 Now I forget where we left off last year.
-胖胖尼尔 -青铜器时代 - Fat Neil. - The bronze age.
-多谢 胖胖尼尔 -叫我尼尔就行 - Thank you, fat Neil. - Neil's fine.
那样不符合事实 Not from an actuarial standpoint.
请原谅我迟到了 Now please forgive my lateness,
清醒的状态下 我不太清楚怎么来学校 but I wasn't sure how to find Greendale sober.
是的 你们没听错 Yes, you heard me right.
我戒酒了 I have stopped drinking.
主要原因其实是因为我不能勃起了 Mainly due to the fact that I could no longer get an erection.
而鉴于现在我戒酒了 Now that I'm on the wagon,
咱们的课程必将与我的二弟 you can expect both this class
一起并驾齐驱 雄风再起 欲罢不能 and my penis to be more focused and rewarding.
当然 大家要做的立体模型也会更多 Also, there's gonna be more than one diorama.
太没劲了 Lame!
-不给力 -真抱歉 - Boo. - I am so sorry.
我去训练导盲犬了 今天是毕业日 I train seeing-eye dogs, and today was graduation.
我得跟他们握爪庆贺完才能离开 I couldn't leave without shaking all their little paws.
里奇 Rich.
-杰夫 -里奇 - Jeff. - Rich!
-安妮 -安妮? 里奇? - Annie. - Annie? Rich?
你是来上人类学课的吗 You're taking anthropology?
听你说挺好玩的样子 Well, you made it sound so fun.
放假时我们在一起 We spent the holiday break
清理河道 我们找到了 dredging a river together. We found...
一截手指头 我懂 A finger. Yeah.
可不是 说出来真瘆人 It sounds gruesome, I know,
不过我可是见惯那玩意 but I'm used to seeing that kind of thing,
因为在下的职业就是医生 because I'm a doctor.
真不敢相信里奇真的进咱们班了 I can't believe Rich actually enrolled in our class.
这意味着他喜欢我 对不 It means he likes me, right?
怎么可能不喜欢呢 安妮 Why wouldn't he, Annie?
他那么贴心 He is so sweet.
是啊 又贴心又聪明 Yeah, sweet and wise.
他的生命悠长而睿智 He has lived such a long, full life.
再问一下他今年贵庚 How old is he again?
三十多岁吧 我猜 30-something, I'm assuming.
他有一部座机 还会用"专辑"这个词 He has a landline and uses the word "Album."
大家不会觉得他对我而言年纪过大吧 You guys don't think he's too old for me, do you?
-不会啦 -拜托 - No. - Come on.
照这么说 By that logic,
我跟这桌子上所有人都没戏 I wouldn't have a shot with anybody at this table.
讲到瘆人 Oh, speaking of creepy,
清醒邓肯还不如酒鬼邓肯呢 Sober Duncan is worse than Drunk Duncan.
我认为这门课将变得很难很难 I think this class is about to get really hard.
我有个主意 I have an idea about that.
里奇相当的聪明 Rich is really smart,
而且人类学方面 他可谓是通晓古今 and he knows a lot about anthropology.
要是咱们和他一起学习 If we were to start studying with him,
肯定会受益匪浅 I think it could help a lot.
再说 你们也知道啦 Plus, you know...
对了 其实有个问题 Oh, you know what, though?
我刚刚意识到 I just realized,
我们对其他人是多么不公平 so unfair to so many people.
对吧 布雷塔 你一直念叨着 Right? Britta, you're always talking about
小组里没有拉美裔的成员 how it's weird we have
-是多么的别扭 -木错 no one of Latin descent in our group. - Si.
还有 皮尔斯 你不也一直在寻求 And, Pierce, you're always looking for
一位足够年长的人帮忙认清 someone old enough to
你自身的种族歧视叛逆性吗 find your racism subversive.
我还可以列出很多问题 I could go on and on.
这是一个过程 It is a process.
需要一定的时间 It takes time.
那我建议咱们把所有的候选人都召集起来 Well, then I say we gather all the candidates
然后进行广泛而民主的决定吧 and make an informed, democratic decision.
我们可以举办一个小型的交流会 We can have a little mixer
然后把我们推荐的人都邀请过来 and invite the people we're submitting for consideration.
-都赞成今晚吧 -我同意 - All in favor of tonight? - Oh, I am.
劳驾 我[吃]完了 Thank you. I'm finished.
不会 要我说你至少还有两年可蹦跶呢 No, I'd say you got about two more good years.
大家伙儿 Oh, everyone,
这是安德烈 我的前夫兼男朋友 this is Andre, my ex-husband and boyfriend.
他是过来陪我的 He came to spend the day with me.
嘿 见到你们很高兴 Hey, nice to meet you guys.
话说 你们所有人的事我都听过很多 You know, I've heard a lot about every last one of you.
我们对你 你干过什么以及和谁干的是一无所知 We haven't heard a lot about you or what you've done or with who.
那我希望你们能给我一个机会 Well, I hope you give me a chance to make up
来弥补你们对我一无所知的遗憾 for everything you haven't heard about me.
要不这一轮的饮料我请客 怎么样 Hey, how about a round of soft serve on me?
雪瑞 很多男人对我 Shirley, I've been fed a lot of
献过不少殷勤 soft serve by a lot of guys.
有时是帮我出房租 Sometimes it's rent money,
有时是红辣椒乐队的演唱票 sometimes it's Chili Peppers tickets.
还有 我承认 And, yeah, I'll admit it,
有一次是一运动包的五分钱 one time it was a gym bag full of nickels,
可好景都不长 男人的劣根性是不会变的 but it never lasts, and they never change.
布雷塔 我乃熟女一枚 且决心已定 Britta, I'm a grown-ass woman, and I made my decision.
你又如何得知自己的决定是正确的呢 But how do you know it's the right one?
因为我怀孕了 可以了吧 Because I'm pregnant, okay?
我本打算等待时机宣布有喜 I was going to wait to share my exciting news,
看来现在就是最佳时分 but I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you
我怀孕已经有八周了 that I am eight weeks along.
就算给大家一点小惊喜吧 Which is a little surprising.
万圣节 Halloween.
-啥 -没啥 - What? - No thing.
欢迎光临 人类学课的同学们 Thanks for coming, fellow anthropology students.
上个学期 For the first semester,
在你们眼里我们是"某学习小组" you knew us as "That study group."
但是 今晚 我们有意了解你们 But, tonight, we want to get to know you.
抱歉没有什么美食 Please forgive the spread.
自动售卖机从寒假前 The vending machines haven't been restocked
就没再补过货 since before winter break.
所以请随便享用彩虹糖 So help yourselves to tropical skittles,
香烟 或是漱口水 cigarettes, or mouthwash.
大家 吃好喝好玩好 And have a good time.
好 我得查明雪瑞在万圣节后 Okay, so I have to figure out if Shirley did it
究竟有没有跟她前夫做过 with her ex-husband the week after Halloween.
你怎么查 How are you gonna do that?
哥有绝招 I got moves.
话说 恭喜要当爹了哈 So...bun in the oven.
我猜你们一直都在努力也算是得偿所愿吧 Guess it's no surprise after working on it all this time.
也不能说是一直在努力 Well, I wouldn't quite say working on it.
算是偶发事件吧 Just kind of happens, you know.
哦 我懂了 Oh, yeah, I do.
尤其是季节对口的时候 Especially when the season's right.
落叶纷纷 南瓜遍地 Dead leaves, pumpkins everywhere--
大自然就是催情伟哥啊 对吧 Nature's viagra. Right?
或许吧 I guess.
然后所有的南瓜 And then when all the pumpkins
都开始腐败 just start to rot,
孩子们都脱下了万圣节戏装 and all the children have removed their outfits
因为他们已经得到自己的"甜头"了 because they've already gotten their candy...
我还是跟别人聊天去好了 I'm gonna go talk to some other people, all right?
-怎么样 -那人就是个榆木脑袋 - So? - His mind is like a fortress.
我们干吗不干脆跟雪瑞摊牌呢 Why don't we just tell Shirley,
"话说 你是不是跟昌睡过了" "Hey, look, you slept with chang"?
看她怎么反应 Let her deal with it.
皮尔斯 如果有人跟昌上床后 Pierce, if someone had sex with Chang,
居然可以完全忘记此事 and they get to not remember that happened,
此乃上天的恩赐 that's a gift from god.
在没有充分理由之前我是不会去刺激她的 I'm not taking that away from her without a good reason.
我有一个充分的理由 Well, here's a good reason.
你是否曾在洗手间发现自己牙缝里塞着芹菜 You ever go to the bathroom and find parsley in your teeth
而之前你的朋友们却根本没提醒过你 that your friends hadn't told you about?
现在把你的牙齿想象成一个子宫 Now imagine your teeth are a uterus
而那片芹菜就是个半华裔的婴儿 and that parsley is a half-chinese baby.
大家好 Hey, guys.
我想为你们介绍一个人 I want you to meet someone.
我叫昆德拉 My name is Quendra,
开头字母是Qu哦 and I spell it with a Q-u.
她想来上人类学课 She's thinking about taking anthropology.
所以她可能会加入甚至再带位靓女加入 So maybe she would make a nice addition or two
咱们学习小组 值得考虑吧 to our study group. Something to consider.
你是阿布蒂吧 Are you Abed?
我也是星战迷哦 I love Star Wars.
-他是特洛伊 -我也喜欢橄榄球哦 - That's Troy. - I love footballs.
杰夫 我们有更重要的事要办 Jeff, we're dealing with heavier things right now
没工夫听你无耻的屁话 than your shameless lobbying.
里奇带了爆米花 Rich brought kettle corn!
爆米花好东西啊 欢乐时光激情共享 kettle corn! That's a fun-time snack.
-看起来很棒 -我在车库里DIY的 - oh, looks great. - I make it in my garage.
我一定要尝尝 I'll take some of that.
我拼"爆米花"是qu开头 I spell kettle corn with a q-u.
这招省省吧 Well, don't.
这是干什么 怎么个情况 What is this? What's going on?
这是个小型的交流会 It's a mixer.
为什么人类学课的学生都在 Why is everyone from anthro class here?
学习小组在招新人是吗 Are you guys picking a new study group member?
你们居然没邀请我 And you didn't invite me?
我们联系不到你 We didn't know how to reach you.
开什么国际玩笑 我明明无处不在 What are you talking about? I'm everywhere.
我们联系不到你 We didn't know how to reach you.
这不是事实 你在撒谎 That's not a true. That's a lie.
就是个小型交流会 我们联系不到你 It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you.
是个交流会 是个交流会 是个交流会 It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer.
是个交流会 是个交流会 It's a mixer. It's a mixer.
这招次次管用 Works every time.
50块就想上我 真是色猪 $50? What a pig.
杰夫 我觉得是时候投票了 Jeff, I think we should vote now.
彩虹糖一吃完 人就走得差不多了 Most people left after we ran out of skittles,
再说 显而易见 And, come on, it's pretty obvious
里奇才是最佳人选 Rich is the best candidate.
说得有理 看来该收他入伙 Yeah. Looks like he's our guy.
我马上就来 I'll be right there.
这事绝不能成 This can't be happening.
英雄所见略同 I agree.
能不能不要先说话然后再慢鼓掌 You can't talk and then do a slow clap.
轮不到你告诉我不要做什么 You don't know that.
让我来告诉你 你要做什么 But I know this.
除非你想眼看着安妮和小里奇出双入对 Unless you want a front row seat to Annie loves Richie,
不然就别墨守"昌"规 It's time to chang your point of view.
这双关一点算不上巧妙 It's not even clever.
就你还故意总把"成"说成"昌" You keep using it as the word change.
好吧 败给你了 Okay. Okay.
帮我个忙 Okay. Just do me a favor.
我来做说客 你一切行动听指挥 Let me do all the talking and follow my lead.
-成交 -好的 - Deal. - Okay.
说认真的 您脑残吗 Seriously, do you have brain damage?
里奇还是有执照的儿科医生 Rich is also board-certified in pediatrics,
另外 他每月都要乘班机 And, once a month, he flies down to volunteer
赶往热带雨林 义务为孩子们治疗腭裂 in the rain forest, fixing children's cleft palates.
教他们弹原声吉他 And teaching them acoustic guitar.
除此之外 Other than that,
"米"香不怕巷子深 Well, his kettle corn speaks for itself.
举双脚同意 I couldn't agree more.
看来此案胜负已定 It looks like this is an open-and-shut case.
有人提"案"了吗 Did someone say case?
我这里还有个案子没了结 Because I haven't made mine yet.
什么啊 你还有什么案子 What? What's your case?
本·昌就是我的案子 Ben Chang is my case.
你不是来认真的吧 You can't be serious.
哦 我认真得很呢 宝贝 Oh, I'm serious, baby.
我是"认真"的宗师 I am yahoo serious.
我是"认真"的代言人 I'm serious F.M.
欢迎来到严肃认真新世界 Welcome to the world serious of seriousness,
由严肃无辜小毒舌一手打造 Sponsored by honey nut serios.
你在拖延时间吗 Are you stalling right now?
拖延时间 Stalling?
我拖延时间 Stalling?
等我舌战群柴之后 你会巴不得 No, Annie, in fact, you're gonna wish
我只是想拖延时间... 请闪人 I was stalling-- oh, I just got it. Thank you.
我想向你们提几个名字 I want to say some names to you.
杰弗里·达默[美国连环杀手 臭名昭著] Jeffrey Dahmer.
泰德·邦迪[美国连环杀手 专门奸杀女性] Ted Bundy.
还有里奇 Rich.
他们身上有什么共同点呢 What do they have in common?
共同点就是 我们对他们所知甚少 We don't know them very well.
关于本·昌 我们知道些什么呢 What do we know about Ben Chang?
-我们知道他神叨叨 -让他说完 - We know he's nuts. - Let him finish!
我们知道他极度危险 喜怒无常 自私自利 We know he's dangerous, unpredictable, selfish.
我们知道 他喜欢用自己的名字玩双关 We know he uses his name to make bad puns.
以"昌"代"成" Guilty as changed.
他说话时颠三倒四 When he talks, he over and underemphasizes words
遣词造句 毫无章法 seemingly at random.
他吃饭时 总是扬起手中的叉子 When he eats, he holds his fork
好似杀人凶手紧握屠刀 like a murderer's knife,
总是啃烤串的竹签 好似林间精神错乱的啮齿动物 Gnawing at its skewered payload like a deranged woodland rodent.
注意听重点 Bring it home!
我们知道 他闻起来活像创可贴 We know he smells like band-aids.
我们知道 他的穿衣品味堪比古巴出租司机 We know he dresses like a Cuban cab driver.
我们知道 他总是虚荣爱现 不 耀武扬威才对 We know he exhibits, nay, flaunts proudly
身被超过半打的精神失调症候 Obvious symptoms of over half a dozen disorders
连仇敌的走狗罹患这些 你都会心有不忍 You wouldn't wish on your worst enemy's pets.
感受这股热情吧 Feel the heat!
我们对本·昌的了解如此之深 We know these things about Ben Chang.
远超我们内心的预期 And so much more than we ever wanted to know about him.
为什么呢 Why?
因为这些特质一目了然 Because it's there.
因为他表里如一 It's on the surface.
所见非所愿 What you see may be what you don't want,
但所见即所得 But it's also what you get.
神呐 Wow.
这个爆得一手好米花的魅影 究竟是谁 Who is this kettle-corn-popping phantom?
这个天生的谜题 究竟是谁 This human question mark?
这个香草木薯小甜品 This number eight scoop of vanilla tapioca
"虚荣自大"学博士 with a Ph.D in being swell
"人见人爱"学硕士 and a master's in "Everybody loves me"?
究竟是谁 Who is it?
我们可能永不得其解 We may never know.
我只知道 I only know one thing.
没有人能够如斯之完美 Nobody is this good a person.
但也没有人 And nobody can get any worse
能够比他更糟糕 than this.
可以鼓掌了 Now.
谁投票给本·昌? Who's voting for chang?
谁投票给里奇? Who's voting for rich?
-雪瑞 -你打算怎么做 - Shirley. - Wow, what you gonna do, baby?
我也不知道 I don't know.
雪瑞 这爆米花可是前无古人后无来者 Shirley, this is the best kettle corn I've ever had.
如果你不把票投给里奇 If you don't vote for Rich,
我必定要灭了你 I'll shatter your world.
你必定要神马? You're gonna what?
我必定要灭了你 I'll shatter your world.
知道了 我把票投给昌 I heard you. I vote for Chang.
-好耶 -好耶 大获全胜 - Yes! - Yes! In your face!
-不! -好耶 - No! - Yes!
不! No!
昌和雪瑞在万圣节之夜上过床 Chang and Shirley had sex on halloween.
什么 What?
-什么 -你怀的孩子 - What? - You may be pregnant
-可能是他的 -不 不 不可能 - with his baby. - No. No, no, no, no. Mm-mm.
皮尔斯 Pierce!
谁让她不甩我 She crossed me.
所以你才挖空心思刺探我的性生活 对吗 Is that why you were subtly interrogating me about my sexual activity?
-特洛伊 -昌在万圣节 - Troy? - Chang left me a voice mail
给我发过一条语音信息 坦白了一切 On halloween to say that you two did it.
我都能在背景音里听到你 I could hear you in the background.
雪瑞 他在说什么啊 Shirley, what is he talking about?
我记不起那晚的事了 I don't remember that night.
谁都不记得发生了什么 Nobody remembers anything.
我终于看懂这些照片了 Oh, now I understand these photos.
我可以转发给我哥吗 Do you mind if I forward these to my brother?
快把这男的赶出去 Oh! I want this man out of here.
鉴于你刚刚把票投给了他 所以 Well, you just voted him in, so--
你怎么回事儿啊 What is wrong with you?
雪瑞遇上麻烦了 Shirley is in crisis.
现在这一点都不好笑了 This isn't silly anymore.
我不明白 I don't understand.
宝贝 你别心急 Just--just wait, baby.
我也不明白 但我们会度过这个难关 I don't understand either, but we can work this out.
会过去的 We'll figure it out.
安德烈 不要 Andre, no.
我想现在该我走啦 I think that this is a good time to go.
-里奇 -里奇 - Rich! - Rich!
-别走 -别走啊 - No! - No!
这下你心满意足了吧 杰夫·翁格 You finally did it, Jeff Winger.
你终于给这个小组造成了无法治愈的伤痕 You finally hurt this group in a way that'll never heal.
小玉米 Kettle corn!
找到你了 There you are.
你能不能给我解释下 Can you please explain to me
你这种行为是怎么回事儿 what the hell you've been doing?
安妮 当一个男人 Well, Annie, when a man
热爱食物也常常喝水的话 loves food and beverages very much
这些东西会在他体内流转 and they pass through his system,
-产生 -没心情听你扯 杰夫 - They make-- - I'm not in the mood, Jeff.
解释下你今天对里奇的所作所为 Explain your behavior with Rich today.
抱歉 不是每个人都像你一样 Sorry, not everyone is as in love
拜倒在好好医生的西装裤下 with dr. Do-no-wrong as you are.
别说我是因为嫉妒他和你在一起 And don't say it's because I'm jealous of him being with you.
拜托你 杰夫 Oh, come on, Jeff!
我受够了 I'm sick of this.
前一秒 我还太小不能约会 One minute, I'm too young to date.
后一秒 你就开始孤立我喜欢的人 The next, you're trying to get rid of guys I like.
要么是你喜欢我要么不是 Either you want me or you don't.
到底是喜欢还是不喜欢 What's it gonna be?
我也希望能给你一个说得过去的答案 I wish I could give you an answer that makes sense,
但是感情是个复杂的问题 but relationships are complicated,
况且咱俩还是在男洗手间 and we're in the men's room.
好吧 我会约里奇的 Fine. Well, I'm gonna ask Rich out.
这事儿可没什么复杂的 Nothing complicated about that.
-你在这儿 -是我走错洗手间了吗 - There you are. - Did I walk into the wrong bathroom?
你必须找到安德烈 跟他谈谈 You have to find Andre and talk to him.
雪瑞现在伤心欲绝 Shirley is devastated.
你什么时候开始希望他回到她身边了 Since when do you want him back in her life?
我不否认自己不太喜欢那个男人 I don't deny that I'm not a fan of the guy,
但是我喜欢雪瑞 But I'm a fan of Shirley,
而这是她想要的 And this is what she wants.
给你 There you are.
戏院最底层? Mezzanine?
毛衣不错 Nice sweater.
我爸给我的 My dad gave it to me.
-这个 -听着 我不是生雪瑞的气 - So, um-- - Look, I'm not mad at Shirley.
你不生她的气 You're not?
不 我只是生我自己的气 No. I'm mad at myself.
如果我没有像之前那样离开她 You know, if I hadn't left her like I did,
那这些麻烦都不会发生了 then none of this would have happened.
你是不是也有什么东西 直到失去之后 You ever have something that you didn't truly appreciate
才开始感觉珍惜 until you didn't have it anymore?
有啊 凯利斯蒂娜 Oh, yeah. Keristina.
前女友吗 Old girlfriend?
杏树油洁面膏 Almond facial scrub.
只在芬兰有卖 They only make it in Finland.
过去的我遇上这种事肯定扭头就走 The old me would have been long gone by now.
我可觉得自己不会变 I didn't think I could ever change,
但我得告诉你 一个好女人的爱 But I'm gonna tell you, the love of a good woman
会把一切都变得可能 makes anything possible.
看来我又要做爸爸了 Well, it looks like I'm gonna be a daddy again.
是 但是 Yeah, but--
孩子的父亲是谁并不重要 Doesn't matter who the baby's father is.
我追求的是天长地久 I'm in it for the long haul.
如果是我的孩子 And if it's mine,
他会是个出色的橄榄球球员 It's gonna be a great football player.
如果是昌的 And if it's Chang's,
就试下高尔夫吧 We'll go for golf.
-嗨 -嗨 - Hey. - Hey.
安妮刚给我发短信了 Annie just texted me.
她约里奇了 She asked Rich out.
好吧 Cool.
但他拒绝了 He said no.
他说她很棒 但是太年轻了 He said she's great but too young.
什么也别说 先听我把话说完 Don't say anything until I've said what I've got to say.
我认识你已经有两年了 I've known you for almost two years now,
我本应该对你认真相待的 但我没有 And I've never taken you as seriously as I should have.
你是我见过的最奇特 最酷 最真诚的人 You are the strangest, coolest, most genuine person
而你最让我害怕的是 I've ever met, and the thing that scares me
你让我希望自己能变得那么好 about you is how good you make me wish I was.
帮帮我吧 里奇 Help me, Rich.
帮我变得像你一样 Help me become like you.
我是说 I mean,
我不是一般的厉害 I am so amazing.
但我并不完美 But I'm not perfect.
你是完美的 You are.
赐予我那种力量吧 Give me that power.
然后我就可以四处挥霍了 So I can abuse it.
杰夫 你真是个可爱的小伙子 Jeff, you are one funny bunny.
你不能靠扮优秀 You can't just fake being good
来逃避做坏事的后果啊 in order to get away with doing bad things.
这我都明白 Oh, I completely understand.
但你懂吗 无论如何我都要试一下 And do you understand that I still have to try?
如果你不帮我的话 And if you don't help me,
那你就是坏人 you're a bad person.
你找到我的软肋了 You got me there, guy.
快进来擦擦干吧 Come on in and dry off.
闻着真香啊 你在烤东西吗 Oh, it smells delicious. Are you baking?
是啊 小松糕 Yeah, muffin tops.
欢迎回来 今天我们和里奇医生一起 And we're back. Today, we'll show you
教您如何在家里制作爆米花 how to make homemade kettle corn with dr. Rich.
里奇 这种大勺子哪里有卖呢 Rich, how do I get one of those giant spoons?
其实这是我自己雕的 Well, actually, I carved this one myself
闪电把我后院的一棵橡树给劈了 after lightning struck an oak tree in my backyard.
我还给侄子做了个摇摇木马 And then I made my nephew a rocking horse.
-你太好了 -闻着好香啊 - That's adorable. - It smells heavenly.
里奇医生 你的爆米花有什么秘诀吗 Dr. Rich, what sets your kettle corn apart?
有一项秘密调料哦 Well, it's a secret ingredient--
搁了几撮爱呢 a couple extra pinches of love.
这可是天下独一家啊 Oh, you can't beat that.
-感觉很不错 -不会又是这个吧 - It feels good. - Not this again.
里奇 你知道他们的早间秀是假的吧 Rich, you know they're doing a fake morning show?
没有摄像头 There are no cameras.
我知道 I know.
这样开始一天挺好玩的啊 It's just a fun way to start the day.
来掺和一手吧 兄弟 So grab a paddle, partner,
参与我们一下 And hop on in here.
你知道吗 听起来是挺 You know what, that does sound...
好吧 Yeah.
特洛伊和阿布蒂的早间秀 Troy and abed in the morning