关于胖胖尼尔 人们耳闻不外乎如下 Gather close that you might hearken the story of fat Neil.
生来勇敢 却体态壮硕 Born stout of heart, but large of bone,
嘲笑与鄙夷的阴影笼罩了他整个青春期 his adolescent years were shadowed by scorn and mockery.
死胖子 死胖子 Hey, fatty, fatty.
幻想中宣泄自我 Outlets of fantasy afforded him
让他暗无天日的高中生活有了些微安慰 some escape from the darkness throughout high school.
成年之后 他长途跋涉来到新学校 And as a man, he traveled far to a new school
格林德尔社区大学
开始新生活 and a new beginning...
他这般一厢情愿地想着 Or so he thought.
就在胖胖尼尔旁边 Oh, they're down there by fat Neil.
那是胖胖尼尔 That's fat Neil.
外号成了一个笑话 The name became a joke.
我要一份跟胖胖尼尔一样的 I'll have what fat Neil's having.
笑话成了他的生活 The joke became his life.
是的 胖胖尼尔 Yes, fat Neil.
尼尔再次陷入黑暗 And Neil fell again into darkness,
不过这一次 他的思绪逃往了别处 only this time, his thoughts turned to an escape
一个我们不敢提及的地方 of which we dare not speak.
但是痛苦不言自明 But pain need not be spoken to be known,
总会有人发现 not to all.
奇异的是 谎言者杰夫 It was, strangely, Jeff the Liar,
不为人知者威廉之子 Son of William the Barely Known,
最先对此事感到担忧 who first became concerned.
尼尔 Neil.
"龙与地下城"：角色扮演游戏 之后开发了一系列周边
正是杰夫假装对"龙与地下城"产生兴趣 It was Jeff who pretended to be interested in Dungeons & Dragons
试图让尼尔高兴起来 in an effort to lift Neil's spirits.
而当杰夫假装的兴趣 And when Jeff's fake interest
导致尼尔把所有的书送给杰夫 resulted in Neil giving Jeff all his books,
解释说他将不再需要这些的时候 explaining he wouldn't need them anymore...
是絮叨者安妮 It was Annie the Dayplanner,
作为有相同经历的过来人 herself a recovering head case,
意识到了未来厄运的征兆 that recognized the signs of coming doom.
会议随即召开 A council was called.
迟钝者特洛伊 Troy the Obtuse...
腻烦者雪瑞 Shirley the Cloying,
怪病者阿布蒂 Abed the Undiagnosable...
朱利安·阿桑齐：维基泄密CEO
朱利安·阿桑齐是现代的... Julian Assange is a modern day...
无用反抗者布雷塔 And Britta the Needlessly Defiant.
鉴于很明显的原因 For reasons that should be obvious,
脑残者皮尔斯 Pierce the Insensitive,
也就是犯浑者皮尔斯 known also as Pierce the Dickish
也就是浮夸老爷爷 and Grandpa the Flatulent,
没有被邀请 was not invited.
小组达成共识 胖胖尼尔最需要的是 The group agreed that what fat Neil needed most
找到做赢家的感觉 was to feel like a winner for a change.
他们打算在周六邀请尼尔 They would invite Neil that Saturday
一起玩"龙与地下城"游戏 to a game of Dungeons & Dragons,
游戏由阿布蒂设计 以助尼尔重拾信心 designed by Abed to help Neil reclaim his confidence.
为了尼尔 For Neil.
在会议结束时 At the end of the meeting,
他们发现昌一直在场 they realized that Chang had been there
为了避免尴尬 没人吱声 and felt too awkward to mention it.
他们不知道的是 What they couldn't have known
他们刚刚安排了 was that they had just scheduled
史上最重要的"龙与地下城"游戏 the most important game of Dungeons & Dragons ever,
这场游戏不仅会拯救一个人的性命 a game which not only might save a life,
同时也会永远改变皮尔斯身上 but which would forever change the balance
善与本性的平衡 between Good and Pierce.
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翻译：大卫熊 夕橙 山炮 小独
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校对：米粒 时间轴：Jimmy贝壳
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后期：鱼骨头 监制：米粒
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《废柴联盟》 第二季 第14集 iTunes 720p版本调教：Tears
你好 Hi.
尼尔 Hey, Neil,
这次游戏会超赞的 This is gonna be awesome, yo.
我们就这样无视他的种族歧视行为吗 So we're just gonna ignore that hate crime, huh?
其实是Drow/卓尔 即黑暗精灵
我是黑暗精灵 又名特尔 I'm a dark elf, or a trau.
你不是应该穿着盔甲之类的吗 Shouldn't you be wearing armor or something?
我是精灵 不是宅男 I'm an elf, not a nerd.
你们突然就想玩"龙与地下城"吗 So you guys suddenly just wanted to play Dungeons & Dragons?
是啊 Y-yeah.
为什么不玩呢 W-why wouldn't we?
-是啊 -挺酷的 玩的时候 - Yes. - It's cool, and when you play it,
就会很开心 it makes you happy...
像龙一样开心 Like a dragon.
好了 大家好 Okay, hi.
我是你们的地下城主 I am your dungeon master.
我们来进行这个冒险 We will be playing this adventure--
"天龙秘穴" "The Cavern of Draconis."
尼尔 Neil.
我知道尼尔有他自己的角色 I understand Neil has his own character
名字叫迪尤肯 他用了很多年 named Duquesne that he's been playing for years,
所以我给你们准备了这些 so I made these for you guys.
慢慢选 仔细挑选自己的角色 Now, take your time. Choose your character carefully.
每个角色都有着自己独特的力量和... They each have their own unique combination of strength and...
-好吧 -是不是应该有个板子 棋子 - All righty. - Shouldn't there be a board or some pieces
或是积木什么的 or something to jenga?
不不 这是角色扮演游戏 No, no, this is a role-playing game.
在我们共同的想象中发生 It takes place entirely in our collective imagination.
尼尔 Neil.
我说个故事 I tell a story,
你们在故事里做出选择 好吗 and you make choices in the story, okay?
开始 Let's begin.
你们都站在一条乡间小路上 You are all standing on a country road.
相传邪恶的天龙 Legend has it the evil dragon Draconis
就在附近 守护着一大堆财宝 dwells nearby, guarding a massive pile of treasure.
团队合作 Working as a team,
你们的目标是找到恶龙 杀死他 your goal is to track down the dragon, kill him,
将财宝占为己有 and then claim the treasure as your own.
杰夫 轮到你了 Jeff, your turn.
轮到我了吗 Oh, it's my turn?
呃...我该干什么 掷骰子吗 Oh, um... what do I do--roll dice?
你告诉我你想干什么 You tell me what you want to do,
然后我掷骰子 看看你是否成功了 then I roll the dice to see if you're successful.
我有哪些选择 What are my choices?
好吧 你在耽误游戏进程 杰夫 Okay, you're slowing things down, Jeff.
雪瑞 你想干什么 Shirley, what do you want to do?
我想要向组员介绍我自己 I'd like to introduce myself to the group.
你好 我是矮人 名叫"叮叮咚咚" Hello. I am a dwarf named Zippity-do.
我不是很擅长起名字 Okay, I'm not the best at making up names.
嘿 我是马二二 Oh, hey. I'm Marrrrrr.
起的还真是烂 Boy, you weren't kidding.
你好 马二二 Hello, Marrrrrr.
我的名字是射手乒乓 My name is Bing Bong the Archer.
我是个射手之类的 I'm an archer and such.
我是...恶心 一柱擎天赫克托 阿布蒂 I'm...ew! Hector the Well-endowed? Abed.
我没想到你们随便拿 I didn't know you'd just grab one at random.
起那个名字候 我想的是特洛伊 I made that one with Troy in mind.
是啊 我看也是 Yeah, I bet you did.
你好 我是拉温妮卡 Okay, hi! I'm Lavernica.
我有三套盔甲 I have three armors,
靴子 boots,
一根皮带 a belt,
一个火炬 a torch....
等等 让她说完 Wait, let her finish.
史上最烂的自我介绍 看我的 Worst introduction ever. Check it.
我是残暴托 I am Brutalitops,
魔法师哦 The magician!
我会魔法我最炫 Magic user, baby-- what?
一支冷箭擦过残暴托 An arrow flies through the air almost hitting Brutalitops.
六个小妖精从林中跑出 Six goblins are running toward you
拿着短刀 向你们奔来 from the tree line, drawing daggers.
我对他们进行攻击 招数是"额外笔记" I attack them using my... additional notes.
特洛伊和安妮的角色完全选反了
此招无效 布雷塔 It has no effect. Britta?
我想知道那些妖精干吗要攻击我们 I want to know why these goblins are attacking us.
也许那些树林是他们合法的土地 Maybe these woods are their rightful land,
从他们的角度来说 And from their perspective--
你去传销算了 You're the AT&T of people.
你被箭射中了 You've been shot by an arrow.
没错 疼吧 杰夫 Yeah, it hurts. Jeff.
我拿着飞刀 Uh, I take my throwing knife
飞出去 飞刀式 and throw it, knife-style.
你造成了10点伤害 You do ten points of damage.
哥厉害吧 Look at that.
-你觉得哥有弱项吗 -你阳痿 - What am I not good at? - Sex.
但是妖精们逐渐逼近 将你团团围住 But the goblins close in, surrounding you on all sides.
我挥起强化三点的迪尤肯之剑 I draw my plus-three sword of Duquesne
然后挥舞180度砍下去 and attack in a 180-degree arc.
当迪尤肯将力量强化的剑自鞘中抽出时 The goblins are terrified as Duquesne draws
妖精们无不两股战战惊慌失措 his powerful glowing sword from its sheath...
只用一剑 见血封喉 And in one move, slices the throats
一击秒杀三个血量满格的妖精 of three charging goblins!
太厉害了 Oh, that's good.
其他妖精落荒而逃 The rest of the goblins run away.
这一剑太妙了 尼尔 你救了我们 Great job with the sword, Neil--you saved us.
你要是不在了 我们该怎么办哟 What would we have done if you didn't exist?
适可而止 拉温妮卡 Dial it back, Lavernca.
皮尔斯 你来干嘛 Pierce, what are you doing here?
我还想问你们呢 How about you answer that question?
这见鬼的小茶话会是干吗的 What the hell is this little tea party?
我们在玩"龙与地下城" We're playing Dungeons & Dragons.
第一 真基 First of all, gay.
第二 真白痴 Second of all, stupid.
第三 And thirdly...
你们干吗要秘密进行 Why was this a secret?
你们排挤我吗 Are you cutting me out of the group?
我想我们可能是忘了 I guess we must have forgot.
对对 就是这样 Yeah, that's what it was.
你们怎么没忘把阿尔·乔森请过来 But you remembered to invite Al Jolson here.
著名假黑人艺人 20年代美国流行白人涂黑脸扮黑人说唱幽默曲调
你们怎么没忘让肥仔坐到我位子上 And you remembered to let Fatty sit in my chair.
滚开 你把我座位都坐扁了 Get out! You're stretching it!
皮尔斯 能去外面谈谈吗 Pierce, can we talk to you outside for a second?
抱歉机不可失失不再来 大爷没空 Kind of missed that opportunity already, didn't you?
是 但我们有难言之隐 Yeah, but there's a very specific reason.
少废话 快开局 Let's just play, all right?
我没有给你分配角色 I don't have a character for you.
爷不在乎 爷就想一起玩游戏 I don't care, I just want to play the game.
-我不需要角色 -我觉得你需要 - I don't need a character. - I think you do.
麻溜的让爷一起玩游戏 Just put me in the stupid game now.
好吧 Okay, um...
当妖精们正在四散溃逃时 As you watch the goblins retreat,
你们发现一个手无寸铁的67岁光屁股老头 you notice a 67-year-old naked man with no weapons,
躺在潮湿的草地上 浑身发抖 lying in the wet grass, shivering.
他的名字叫做 His name is...
皮尔斯·霍桑 我才66岁 混小子 Pierce Hawthorne, and I'm 66, dick.
大概13轮之后 他会暴尸荒野 In about 13 turns, he will die of exposure.
-杰夫呢 -我等14轮后再出招 - Jeff? - I wait 14 turns.
去你们的吧 老子要赢 Screw you guys. I'm gonna win.
我走向那个裸爷 然后把斗篷给了他 I go to the naked man, and I give him my cloak.
皮尔斯 我乃迪尤肯家族的迪尤肯 Pierce, I am Duquesne of Clan Duquesne.
弱智名字 Dumb name.
我要拿走他的剑 我能拿走吗 I'm gonna take his sword. Can I take his sword?
你得到了他的剑 You've got his sword.
皮尔斯 别闹了 Pierce, knock it off.
你玩游戏的方法不对 You're playing the game wrong.
咱们走着瞧 We'll see.
好吧 我要把迪尤肯之剑从裸爷手里夺过来 Okay, I take the Duquesne Sword from the naked man.
我攻击他 我攻击那个黑脸 I attack him! I attack black face!
这招是重击 It's a critical hit.
你将他斩首了 残暴托死了 You've decapitated him. Brutalitops is dead.
什么 What?
不要 No!
昌 Chang...
抱歉我得将你的人物卡收回了 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask for your character sheet.
-这轮还是你先 -我跑 - Still your turn. - I run.
什么 你跑 What? You run?
裸爷一路小跑进入了树林 The naked man is running into the woods.
他还拿着我的剑呢 But he has my sword.
我们能去抓他么 拜托 Can we catch him, please?
迪尤肯给他的那件斗篷 Well, the cloak that Duquesne gave him
乃是精灵族的疾风斗篷 was an elven cloak of windwalking,
速度加倍 所以不行 他已经跑掉了 Which is double speed, so, no. He's gone.
-该死的 -我用了十年 - Damn it! - It took me ten years
参与五十场战斗 才获得那柄剑 and 50 campaigns to get that sword.
真的哦 Really?
那也许我会用来擦个屁股 Maybe I'll wipe my ass with it
然后扔下悬崖 and throw it off a cliff.
这就是占我座的代价 肥仔 That's for sitting in my chair, Fatty.
我猜这就算我赢了吧 I take it that means I'm winning.
皮尔斯 你的意思我们都明白了 Pierce, you've made your point.
你可以摧毁一切 You can ruin anything.
现在回来 把尼尔的剑还给他 Now come back and give Neil his sword.
我正用他的剑磨我的蛋蛋 I can't hear you over the sound
声音太大 听不见你说的啥 of me rubbing his sword on my balls.
-皮尔斯 -恶心死了 - Pierce! - Ew!
你已经 You have...
成功将你的蛋蛋和剑磨二为一 successfully rubbed your balls on the sword.
阿布蒂 别助纣为虐 Abed, don't help him.
你是地下城主 快把皮尔斯弄死 You're the Dungeon Master. Just kill Pierce
然后把尼尔的剑还给他 他现在很低落 and give Neil back his sword-- he's upset.
正因为我是地下城主 才要公正不阿 I'm the Dungeon Master-- I have to be impartial,
不然这游戏就彻底没意义了 or the game has no meaning.
那你不能再给尼尔一把剑吗 Can you just give Neil a new sword?
那把剑独一无二 由我的祖先锻造而成 That sword is one of a kind. It was forged by my ancestors.
我用它爆菊 I hump it.
够了 皮尔斯 阿布蒂 That's it. Pierce, Abed,
咱们去走廊上说几句话 I need a talk with you in the hall?
干吗啊你 What? Hey...
-喂 -屋里的那个孩子 - Hey! - That kid in there
现在非常的抑郁 is severely depressed.
是吗 他是这么告诉你的 Oh, yeah, is that what he told you?
从他的肥脸就能看出 他五岁开始 From the looks of it, he's been using that line
就靠装可怜来骗吃骗喝了 since he was five years old to get an extra slice of pie.
你到底抽的哪门子的风 What the hell is wrong with you?
我不喜欢被排除在外 杰夫 I don't like being excluded, Jeff!
-你喜欢吗 -喜欢 - Do you? - Yes!
现在 进屋告诉他你会把剑还给他 Now, go in there and tell him you're giving him his sword,
不然学习小组就把你开除掉 or you are out of the study group.
我已经烦透了你总是威胁我 I'm sick of you threatening me
把我当小孩子看 and talking to me like a kid
还用那种怪异眼神看着我 and giving me that look you give me
就好像我二弟不行了似的 like I can't get erections!
什么 What?
-阿布蒂 我要继续跑 -好 - Abed, I keep running. - Okay.
但是鉴于你已经众叛亲离 But since you're working against the group,
我需要将你隔离开来 I need to separate you from them.
很好 谁喜欢跟 Good. Who wants to sit
一群爱哭的肥仔坐在一起 with a bunch of fat crybabies anyway?
准备好接我下一招时给我打电话吧 Call me when you're ready for my next move.
皮尔斯拒绝归还宝剑 Pierce refuses to give back the sword.
我们的新目标是找到他 杀死他 Our new goal is to find him and kill him.
我现在只想回家 I think I just want to go home.
尼尔 不要这么想 Neil, do not do that.
咱们要把剑夺回来 好不好 We're gonna get that sword back, okay?
现在 有没有什么能比他的那个鬼斗篷 Now, is there a way of moving faster than he's moving
跑的更快? in his cape of whatever?
除非我们有飞马 I guess if we had a pegasus.
就算你是拿话噎我 我也听不出来 If that's sarcasm, I can't tell,
因为这游戏里的东西都挺傻的 because everything in this game is silly.
阿布蒂 我们能弄到飞马吗 Um, Abed, can we get a pegasus?
我不能这样泄露信息 I can't give you information like that.
好吧 这附近肯定有城镇 Well, there's got to be a town nearby.
我们去那个小镇然后四下打听 We will go to that town and ask around...
寻找飞马 About a pegasus!
赞死了 Huzzah!
这么说对吗 Is that right?
接着这个小组 And so it was that the group
开始憧憬自己跋涉的场景 began to describe themselves walking.
他们一路描述跋涉行程 And as they described themselves walking,
阿布蒂一路确认他们的行程 so did abed confirm that they walked...
我和他们同进退 I walk with them.
直到 Until...
这是一个精灵客栈 但包容各种族 This is a local elf tavern, but all races are welcome.
今天晚上着实有点拥挤吵闹啊 Okay, it's a crowded and rowdy evening.
饱受诟病的地精匆匆赶来 Beleaguered gnomes hurry to and fro
为饥渴的小精灵们带来大扎蜂蜜酒 with glasses of mead for the thirsty elves.
饱受诟病 为什么受诟病 Beleaguered? Why are they beleaguered?
管它呢 Who cares?
我找了个服务员然后自我介绍 I find a waiter and introduce myself.
阿奇博格 阿奇博格 Argy bargy arg barg barg.
-怎么是个海盗 -他是地精 - Why is he a pirate? - He's a gnome.
-他只会说地精语 -谁会地精语 - he only speaks gnome. - Anybody here speak gnome?
我会我会 拉温妮卡会 Oh! I do! Lavernica does.
这就省事多了 Oh, this'll be painless.
你好 我亲爱的小哥们儿 Hello, my friend and brother.
我能为你做什么呢 尊敬的女士 How can I help you, dear madam?
别客气 别那么拘束好么 Oh, please, no need for such deference.
我比地精好不了多少 I am no better than a gnome.
不 您高贵多了 女士 Yes, you are, madam.
你是人类武士 You are a human warrior,
比我高了五个等级啊 which is five species classes greater than I.
太恶心了 别这么说 That's disgusting. Don't talk like that.
对不起 女士 I am so sorry, madam!
千万别告发我啊 Please don't report me for execution!
不不不 我不是那个意思 Oh, no, no, no! I didn't mean that.
伙计们 我们得为这些地精做点什么 Guys, we have got to do something about these gnomes.
布雷塔 快问这个傻地精 Britta, ask the stupid gnome
我们从哪儿搞到一匹飞马 where we can get a pegasus!
是不是有人提到了飞马 Did someone say "pegasus"?
这个词化成灰我都听得懂 A word I understand in every language?
我能找到的"龙与地下城"的资料都在这了 Okay, here's all the dungeons & dragons stuff I could find.
我从车里一路扛了过来 I had to carry it all the way from my car.
太重了 我的医生说过 It's very heavy, and my doctor said...
升级版 龙与地下城之天龙秘穴
照着地精的指示 Following the directions
你们来到了一片田野 given to you by the gnome, you arrive at a field
-四下全是健壮飞马 -太不容易了 - full of majestic pegasi. - Finally.
可是有一位神秘美艳的精灵少女看管着 But they are guarded by a mysterious and beautiful elf maiden,
她貌似很喜欢马二二 who seems drawn to Marrrrrr.
好吧 我向她解释说我们需要一匹飞马 Oh. Okay. Well, I explain that we need a pegasus,
怎么说呢 and, uh, I don't know,
保证把马喂饱了再还回来 promise to fill it up before we bring it back.
她挑逗你 She flirts with you.
-我也挑逗她 -怎样挑 - I flirt back. - How?
-我说些肉麻的话 -比如说 - I say something sexy. - Like what?
阿布蒂 Abed.
打扰一下 我一般不这样 Excuse me, I don't normally do this,
可您是我见过的最美丽的生物 but you're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen,
而我真的非常想要一匹飞马 and I would really love a pegasus.
我很受用啊 Works for me.
你简直帅呆了 You're very handsome, you know.
好吧 我感觉挺别扭 Well, you know, I'm not really comfortable with this.
我的马棚里有石楠花铺的床 My stable has a bedding of heather.
也许进屋就不会那么别扭了 Perhaps you'd be more comfortable indoors.
阿布蒂 想想你在干嘛 Abed, try to look at what you're doing
你就会明白我为啥不想去了 and understand that I don't want to.
你竟然敢侮辱精灵少女 You've offended the elf maiden.
她今天不想和你做交易了 She seems disinterested in doing business with you today.
什么 What?
拜托 要干就干嘛 All right, come on, can we just do this?
你好 我是一柱擎天赫克托 Hi. Hello. I am Hector the well-endowed.
既然你有一群飞马 不如我们来做个交易 You've got a bunch of pegasi. Let's make a deal.
什么样的交易 What kind of deal?
我拉着她的手 All right, I take her by the hand
把她带到马棚 and lead her to the stable.
我点亮一支蜡烛 撕下一块我的衣服 I light a candle and rip off a piece of my tunic,
用来蒙住她的眼睛 which I fashion into a blindfold.
赫克托 这样不好 Oh, Hector, but I don't know--
我轻轻地蒙上少女精灵的眼睛 I place it gently over the elf maiden's eyes.
此处省略一万字
你俩向后倒下 精疲力尽但已然玉体纠缠 Okay. You both fall back, exhausted but still entwined.
我充满爱意地卷起她一缕秀发 Okay, great. I stroke her hair lovingly
离开之前 给她最后一丝温存 and spoon her for the appropriate amount of time
-时间恰如其分 -多长时间合适 - before leaving. - How long is that?
爽 爽 爽 Cool, cool, cool.
好吧 欲求完全满足的精灵少女 All right, the elf maiden, thoroughly satisfied,
承诺给你们一群飞马 promises you a flock of pegasi.
太棒了 Oh, excellent.
你们可以稍事休息 我去看看皮尔斯 You guys can take a break. I should check on Pierce.
皮尔斯 Pierce?
我在这 I'm here.
我想知道你下一步想做什么 I need to know what you want to do next.
多了去了 阿布蒂 So many things, Abed...
多了去了 So many things.
伙计们 Guys...
我把皮尔斯带回来了 I am bringing Pierce back into the room,
因为当你们呼啸穿过英格森林时 because while soaring above the forest of Ingold,
在一片空地上 发现了斗篷包裹的躯体 you spot his body in an elven cloak in a clearing below.
落我们手里了吧 呆瓜 We got you, dummy!
我们着陆 We land.
你们安全着陆在这片空地上 You land safely in the wooded clearing.
他脸朝下 一动不动 He is facedown, barely moving,
身下一滩鲜血 a pool of blood underneath him.
我盼这一刻 I can't tell you how long
不知盼了多久 游戏里而已 I've dreamed of this moment... in the game.
尼尔的剑呢 Uh, Neil's sword?
在尸体的右手里紧握着的 Clutched in the right hand of the body
就是迪尤肯的剑 is the sword of Duquesne.
先生 我想这把剑属于您 Sir, I believe this is yours.
谢谢你 杰夫 Thank you, jeff.
当你们靠近去拿这把剑时 Once you get close enough to take the sword,
你们会看清 you can see that this body,
那具将死之躯 不是皮尔斯 while definitely dying, is not Pierce.
什么 What?
我把它翻过来 I turn it over.
是客栈那位地精服务员 It's the gnome waiter from the tavern.
什么 不 为什么 What? No. Why?
再见了 我的朋友 Good-bye, my friend.
谢谢你能这么尊重我 Thank you for being so respectful toward me.
是谁加害于你 地精服务员 Who did this to you, gnome waiter?
我没看清他的脸 I never saw his face.
我想让你知道 Just so you know...
我的名字是 My name...
凯尔 was kyle.
凯尔 Kyle.
布雷塔 Britta?
他不过是幻想出的服务员 He was an imaginary waiter.
我就没指望你能明白 I wouldn't expect you to understand.
现在 Now.
你们听到林子另一边传来一阵轰鸣声 You hear a low rumble on the other side of the tree line,
紧接着又是一声刺耳尖叫 followed by a shrill screech
沉重的翅膀拍打声划过天际 and the beating of heavy wings against the sky.
什么 翅膀吗 Wait, wings?
到底发生了什么 What's going on?
告诉我 阿布蒂 Tell me, Abed, are you familiar
艾德曼流域的安伯格 你不陌生吧? with the Amburg region of the Edylmann river basin?
当然了 Of course I am.
想必你也知道 在那里镜池底部 Then you'll know there's a reflecting pool
沉睡着一枚独一无二的护符... with a very special amulet at the bottom of it--
这枚护身符的佩戴者 an amulet that allows the wearer
能够随心所欲地控制... full control over...
赤炎天龙 Draconis!
面目狰狞的赤炎天龙 The hideous draconis,
是一只法力无边的红色巨龙 an all-powerful red dragon,
它穿林掠木飞至空地 势不可挡 crashes through the trees into the clearing.
有一人驾于巨龙之肩 Riding atop his shoulders,
他赤裸如同初生 naked as the day he was born,
借护符之力驭天龙之威 来人正是... and controlling draconis with the amulet is...
说出来 Say it!
皮尔斯·霍桑 Pierce Hawthorne.
大声宣告吾之所言 Scream what I told you to scream!
皮尔斯·霍桑是我的主人 Pierce Hawthorne is my master!
你们的死期到了 Prepare to meet your doom!
我手持出鞘腰刀 冲向皮尔斯 I run towards Pierce with my broadsword drawn,
-挥刀直攻他的...-时间冻结 - and I attack his-- - Time stop!
嘛叫"时间冻结" "Time stop"?
赤炎天龙咒语无数 Draconis has tons of spells.
你等六人皆被定住 束手无策 The six of you are completely frozen and helpless.
这就是为啥我想玩宝宝飞行棋 This is why I wanted to play chutes and ladders.
好吧 皮尔斯 你赢了 Fine, Pierce. You win.
杀掉我们 结束游戏吧 Just kill us and end this.
杀掉的话 岂不便宜了你们 Oh, no, killing's too good for you.
掷点数 我要给迪尤肯来一招"变型" Cast "shape change" on Duquesne.
你要他变成什么型 What shape do you choose for him?
胖子 Fat.
-够了 皮尔斯 -皮尔斯 - Pierce, stop it! - Pierce!
迪尤肯开始增肥 Duquesne starts gaining weight.
-增到多少 -增到和胖胖尼尔一样 - How much? - Make him as fat as fat Neil.
皮尔斯 Pierce!
哭吧你就 Oh, right, cry.
哭出来啊 Let it out.
爷要骂得你那圆胖脸 肉汁与清泪齐飞 Baste your chubby cheeks in tears of gravy.
拉拢我朋友那会儿 怎么没哭呢 You weren't crying when you were stealing my friends.
是他们请我来的 They asked me to come here.
知道个中缘由吗 You know why, right?
告诉你条"有料"的消息吧 胖胖尼尔 I've got some fat news for you, fat Neil.
人这么多 为什么偏偏是杰夫·翁格 Don't you know why Jeff Winger, of all people,
一手掌管着"胖尼尔安慰工作"委员会呢 led the charge on the "fat Neil feel good" committee?
别太过分了 皮尔斯 Way over the line, Pierce!
我来为你揭秘吧 I'll tell you why.
因为我亲眼所见 Because I was there.
就在胖胖尼尔旁边 Oh, they're down there by fat Neil.
正是这样 尼尔 That's right, Neil.
你的新欢 杰夫·翁格 Your new best friend, Jeff Winger,
首创"胖胖尼尔"这个绰号 coined the name "fat Neil."
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey!
先听我说 我有办法补偿你 Look, before you respond, I can make it up to you.
我去搞个"更胖尼尔" I'll find a fatter Neil.
馊主意 Huzzah.
"胖尼尔"是你起的? You made up "fat Neil"?
是这样 当时有人问我洗手间在哪 Someone asked me where the restrooms were,
你又正好站在洗手间旁边 and you were standing by them,
但你旁边还有个"尼尔" but you were also standing kind of near, uh, other Neil.
你可以叫他"瘦猴尼尔" So call him skinny Neil.
他其实算不上多瘦 He's actually not that skinny.
他秃脑壳 还黑皮 He's bald! he's black!
我是不戴这种有色眼镜看人的 Well, I don't look at the world through that lens.
抱歉 我不该拿你开刀 I'm sorry. I shouldn't be high-roading you.
我真不是人 I'm the bad guy.
现在 身负奇耻大辱 当街游行吧 Now you can all hang out in suspended humiliation
想想今天你们学到什么教训 and think about what you learned today.
第一 别惹哥 哥只是传说 One, don't screw with me.
第二 不请爷 爷让你吐血 Two, invite me to your crap.
该我了吗 Is it my turn?
是 但你不能动 Yes, but you can't move.
没关系 That's fine.
下一步 我表示可怜皮尔斯·霍桑 For my turn, I feel sorry for Pierce hawthorne.
省省吧 Save it.
-不 老兄 我认真的 -好 - No, I really do, man. - Good.
至于我这步 我要奸了迪尤肯全家... For my turn, I rape the Duquesne family...
第二次了 again.
人间惨剧 Jeez.
这一步 我也表示可怜皮尔斯 For my turn, I pity Pierce too.
不担心 小妞 我正是春风得意处呢 Trust me, kitten, I'm having the time of my life.
我赢了 I won.
我是升级版"龙与地下城"大赢家 I won dungeons & dragons, and it was advanced.
-我也可怜皮尔斯 -得了吧 - I pity Pierce. - Knock it off.
对啊 这周你的确超越自我了 Yeah, you really outdid yourself this week.
看到你内心罪恶痛苦 我也于心不忍 There's a lot of pain in you. I seriously feel bad.
可怜你那胖胖新挚友去吧 Feel sorry for your new fat BFF.
我们不用再担心这事了 No, we're done doing that.
他会好起来的 对吧尼尔 He's gonna be fine, aren't you, Neil?
而你 皮尔斯 才是我真正担心的人 You, Pierce, I really worry about,
至少我这步是这样 at least for my turn, anyway.
那给你点颜色瞧瞧怎样 Well, how about this?
赤炎天龙 时间解冻 Draconis, unfreeze time.
咒语生效 你们又行动自如了 Done. You guys can move again.
我向你喷出熊熊烈火... I breathe so much fire on you--
等等 你那一步已经用来解冻时间了 Hold it. You just used your move unfreezing time.
尼尔 Neil?
我拔出迪尤肯之剑 I take the sword of Duquesne,
将它掷向可悲裸爷的颈项 直击护身符 and I throw it at the amulet around the sad, naked man's neck.
这击难度很大 至少要掷出18才能成功 That's a difficult shot. You'll need an 18 or higher.
圣婴保佑 Oh, sweet baby Jesus.
成了 Yeah!
哈哈 大获全胜 Yes! In your face!
那柄剑击碎了护符 The sword smashes the amulet,
解除了它对天龙的咒语 freeing draconis from its spell.
赤炎天龙转过头 The red dragon turns his head,
用他强壮的双颌攫住了皮尔斯 grabs Pierce in his mighty jaws,
把他生吞了下去 and swallows him alive.
-不 -尼尔威武 - Oh, no! - Oh, Neil!
为报答释放他这一善举 As a reward for freeing him,
他带着这支勇敢的队伍飞向龙穴 he flies your intrepid band to his cavern
并把他的宝藏赠予各位 Where he bestows his treasure upon you.
热烈祝贺"天龙秘穴"游戏圆满成功 Congratulations on the completion of "cavern of draconis."
我是你们的地下城主 I've been your dungeon master.
-希望您玩的愉快 -好耶 - I hope you had a good time. - Whoo!
妙哉 Excelsior.
嘿 Hey.
这次游戏真是此生罕有 That was the best game I ever played in my life.
不客气 Don't mention it.
下星期再战好吗 Want to play again next week?
可能吧 Maybe.
好的 到时见 Okay. I'll be around.
故事的结局是 皮尔斯·霍桑 And so it was that Pierce Hawthorne
成功拯救了胖尼尔 saved the life of fat Neil,
但他却没长一点心眼 while learning very, very little.
大家晚安 Good night.
你怎么会不选尾巴 而选大耳朵呢 How could you possibly want giant ears over a tail?
有尾巴的话 大家就能看出你高不高兴 If you had a tail, people could always tell when you're happy.
是没错 但耳朵大了就能顺风听很远 Yes, but with giant ears, you could hear things from miles away,
还可以把背包当耳坠戴 and you could wear backpacks as earrings,
好让自己腾出手来 which would free up your hands.
要腾出手来 只要背包不就行了 Backpacks already free up your hands.
各位 有何高见 Guys, what do you think?
还以为我们组在开会呢 We thought our group was meeting now.
还是长尾巴好 Tail is much better.
-谢谢支持 -同意大耳朵更好吗 - Thank you. - All in favor of giant ears?
我说吧 Mm, told ya.