旧石器时代狩猎部落 And that's how paleolithic hunting tribe
就是这样压倒早期农业文明的 overtook early agricultural civilization.
你的回答很有意思 埃迪生小姐 Ah. That's an interesting answer, Miss Edison.
-答得对吗 -不知道 也不在乎 - Is it right? - Don't know. Don't care.
不过现在看来 你们都得A了 But so far, you're all getting As.
不客气 You're welcome.
您真要给每个人都打A吗 Are you sure everyone should get As?
这样子对真正用功的孩子 It seems a little unfair to the people
有点不公平哦 that actually studied.
纸球扔起来 砸到她乖乖就座为止 Throw paper balls at her head until she sits down.
什么 Oh! What? Oh.
-坐下了 -好 很好 - Sitting. I'm sitting. - Good. Very good.
所有人都是A+ A-pluses for all of you.
邓肯教授 你醉酒的时候 Professor Duncan, you are such a great teacher
真是个好老师 when you're drinking.
-谢谢 达伦 -是特洛伊 - Thank you, Darrell. - It's Troy.
他想给达伦A Hey, the man wants to give Darrell an "A,"
随他去吧 let him do it.
-打得准 -谢谢 - Nice shot. - Oh, thanks.
敬杯酒 敬最好混的学校 最白痴的院长 A toast to the easiest school, the dumbest dean...
也敬终极混分课 And the ultimate blow off class.
人类学 真是没想到 Anthropology. Who knew?
-雪瑞 -嗯 - Hey, Shirley. - Hmm?
怎么不喝酒 You're not drinking.
不喝我可是要给你A-哦 Someone is cruising for an a-minus.
不不 我怀着孩子呢 Oh, no, no, I'm with child.
如果是我的孩子 Well, if it's my child,
喝两口没事的 it's okay to have a drink or two.
昌家孩子好这口 Chang babies love the sauce, you know?
滥饮拼酒 Alcohol and Duck.
走着 Zoink.
出自《史酷比狗》动画中的口头禅
这不是你的孩子 昌 This is not your child, Chang.
-是安德烈的 -你怎么知道 - It's Andre's. - How do you know?
因为蝗虫没出现 Because I don't see any locusts.
圣经中蝗虫作为诅咒之象
再说 这种事女人心里有数的 Besides, a woman knows these things.
女人跟自己的身体有一种特殊的联系 Women have a connectedness to their bodies
你是永远不会懂的 that you would never understand.
你鼻子里有鼻屎 You have a booger.
我知道 姐自己的身体自己懂 I know. It's part of me.
我们还是继续考试吧 Hey. Can we please do the exam?
第二个问题 Question number two:
这课水得多给力啊 How awesome is it that this class is fake?
不告诉院长 干杯 Here is to never telling the dean.
犹太人在婚礼上就这么干 And that is what jews do at weddings.
-人类学 -敬生活[依地语] - Anthropology! - L'chaim!
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翻译：大卫熊 夕橙 小九 米粒
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校对：小独 时间轴：崽猪
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后期：鱼骨头 监制：米粒
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《废柴联盟》 第二季 第22集 iTunes 版本调教：Tears
邓肯教授好 大家好 Oh, professor Duncan, class,
这位是杰布森先生 This is Mr. Jacobson.
他是《院长》杂志的记者 He's a writer who's doing a piece on me
想对我进行专访 for Dean Magazine.
-赞 -是啊 - Ah! - I know, right?
继续你们的考试 Well, keep taking your exam.
别因为我的出现耽误你们 Don't let my presence distract you.
因为我别具一格的教育方法 I'm sort of a father figure to the kids around here
我在学生眼中就如慈父一般 for my "outside the box" approach to education.
就像那部电影《玉米地的孩子们》 You know, like that film Children of the Corn.
《玉米地的孩子们》：根据史蒂芬·金小说改编的同名恐怖电影
-教授 -什么事 - Oh, professor. - What?
-继续吧 -好的 - Proceed. - Yes.
人类学期末考试 The Anthropology final.
我把考卷落在办公室了 Do you know what, I have left the exam paper in my office.
但考卷出的很棒 But it is a real doozy.
涵盖了互动的部分 There is an interactive element.
个人表现的部分 A performance component.
还有我不想漏题 And I don't want to tip it,
但是可能每人都会拿到一块粘土哦 but there may be a lump of clay coming to everyone in the room.
白白 我闪人了 So, uh, toodle-oo. Cheerio.
哎哟 真是像模像样的大学 Wowee. This is a real college.
这之后 So after this,
我们应该去看看在停车场 we should check out the world food festival
举办的世界美食节 in the parking lot.
不是吧 No way.
餐车陈列 承载来自 There are lunch trucks with
18个异域国家风情美食 18 different nationalities of food.
不是异域 是平等 跟白人平等 You know what, not different. Equal. Equal to whites.
应该说 比白人还棒 You know what, better than whites.
这种事不可多得 Oh, I think that sounds
走过路过不能错过 like an awesome thing to do immediately.
我打赌《院长》杂志的读者会喜欢的 I bet the reader of Dean Magazine would love it.
不必 I'm good.
我更想看看这个新潮的考试 I'd like to stay here and check out this unorthodox exam.
-雪瑞 你还好吗 -嗯 - Shirley, you okay? - Uh-huh.
有点消化不良 Just a little indigestion.
都一早上了 I've been having it all morning.
你确定不是宫缩吗 Are you sure it isn't contractions?
不不不 时候还早 No, no, no. It's way too early for any of that.
我的另两个都是按时来的 Um, my other two came right on schedule.
可以说还有点晚 Maybe even a little late.
乔登就是姗姗来迟 Jordan was in here so long,
有他那功夫 驾照都考出来了 he came out with a driver's license.
开玩笑 我随便说的 I'm kidding. That's not true. Ooh.
昌家孩子都早产 Chang babies are always premature.
我们吸收营养能力强 所以孕期很短 We gestate fast because we're better at obtaining nutrients.
有的八个月就生下来了 Some need only eight months,
这就要看他们吸了妈妈多少血了 depending on how much of the mother they eat.
雪瑞 那里面都是化学制剂 Oh, uh, Shirley, that is full of chemicals.
宝宝接触这个不好 I wouldn't expose your baby to that.
事实上 我的医生说解酸药没事的 Actually, my doctor said antacid is safe to take.
我猜猜谁给那个研究出的资 Yeah, let me guess who paid for that study.
解酸药大公司 Big antacid.
雪瑞 嚼点桉树根代替吧 Shirley, chew on a eucalyptus root
还有一种说起来挺恶心 猪口水 and--I know it sounds gross-- pig saliva.
其有效成分和解酸药是一样的 It's the same active ingredient as antacid.
唯一区别就是高端名字 品牌包装 They just dress it up with a fancy name.
有木有天理啊 How dare they.
今天想去看电影吗 Hey, you want to see a movie today?
-去 -好 - Word. - Cool.
-你们为什么那样 -哪样 - Hey, guys, why do you do that? - Do what?
-很酷 -哪酷 - It's cool. - How?
不知道 就是酷 I don't know. It just is.
加我一个 我也要击掌 Well, let me in. Let me in to the handshake.
给你们1000美元 Give you $1,000.
-《桃色交易》 -《桃色交易》 - Indecent Proposal. - Indecent Proposal.
-伍迪 -黛咪 - Woody. - Demi.
伍迪和黛咪：《桃色交易》的主演
不错 Nice.
你俩会坠入爱河吗 You two gonna fall in love?
不 我不知道 No. I don't know.
你有没有考虑过自然分娩 So have you considered natural childbirth?
开什么玩笑 让药物来得更猛烈一些吧 Are you kidding me? I'll take whatever they got.
只有硬膜外麻醉 才能让正派基督徒妇女 An epidural is a proper Christian woman's
正大光明嗨一回 only chance to get wrecked.
话虽如此 可据我所知 Yeah, but from what I'm told,
非麻分娩时 脑内会分泌内啡肽 the real high is the endorphin rush
那才叫真正的刺激呢 of a chemical-free birth.
我有读过一篇文章称 I read an article that said
有的女人确能达到或 some women can actually achieve or--
行了行了 多谢指点 Uh-uh, no, no, no. Thank you for the conversation.
我懂你的意思 I know what you're talking about.
就算你说的是真的 And even if it were true,
孩子还在肚子里看着呢 that's not something a woman does
当妈妈的不能这么干 on her child's head.
-可 -别说了 - But-- - Mmm!
喂 山寨助产士 Listen, backseat birther,
雪瑞都生了俩孩子了 Shirley's on her third kid.
小太妹你呢 家里养俩猫还是独眼龙 She doesn't need a third-year-old slacker
在这越俎代庖个什么劲呢 with two one-eyed cats governing her body.
首先说明 First of all,
我家小猫一旦合体 所向披靡 together, my cats can do anything.
其次 从你分化成另一性别那刻起 Secondly, you disqualified yourself from this conversation
你就没有资格参与本次谈话了 the moment you decided to grow away.
我心无悔 I regret nothing.
我真的要提前同情一下 I feel sorry for the airhead
你古稀之年要搞的那位蠢女人 that you're gonna knock up at the age of 70.
估计到生孩子时 你只会坐在候诊室 You're gonna be sitting in the waiting room
抱着你的黑莓手机玩"宝石迷情" playing Solitaire on your blackberry
却对触手可及的新生命 无知无觉 while a life is created ten feet from you.
那你呢 啥也不会做 蹲在那碎碎念 Oh, and you're gonna squat in a babbling brook
等着白鹤送子 和你家对半瞎的小猫 and a beautiful star child is going to slide out
一起看新生命沐浴阳光而降 on a ray of sunshine while your cats each half watch
因为你天然去雕饰 because you're so natural.
好吧 天哪 Oh-oh. Okay. Oh, boy.
有没有人能把全校所有的拖把扛来啊 Can someone please get every mop on campus?
你的羊水是不是破了 那是不是羊水啊 Um, did you break water? Is that broken water?
-羊水破了 -昌之子 - That's broken water! - Chang baby!
别紧张 小心点 Nice and easy. Careful.
哦上帝 全能的上主 不是吧 Oh, Father, God Almighty, this isn't happening.
这也太快了 It's too soon.
我可不要孩子一出生 I don't want my baby's first memory
-第一眼看到的就是星霸 -上帝啊 好了 - to be Star-Burns. - oh, Goodness. All right.
这没什么大不了 啊呸 这可不得了 This is not a big deal. Wait. I mean, it is a big deal.
但不是坏的不得了 而是好的不得了 It's just not a big bad deal. It's a big good deal.
大家能注意听我讲 If I could have everyone's attention--
算了 你们还是别盯着我吧 Actually would like not to have your attention.
那个 还是注意听我说吧 Okay, give me your attention.
这名学生马上要分娩了 我这是废话啥呢 This student is having a baby. What am I talking about?
地球人都知道 You already know.
好 接下来 好 接下来 Okay, here's-- okay, here's what it is.
我去把丰田普锐斯开来 I'm gonna go get my prius,
我会把车停在后门 I'm gonna pull around the back,
然后把她送到医院 and I'm gonna drive her to the hospital.
我开丰田普锐斯 我有我风采 I drive a Prius, which I think is pretty cool.
-院长 快去 -好 院长去也 - Dean, go! - Okay, Dean gone.
你能给安德烈打个电话吗 Can you please call Andre?
手机里那个"小棉袄"就是他 He's "Sugar Boots" in my phone.
我伤心了 雪瑞 That hurts, Shirley.
我帮你打 因为我时刻伴你左右 Oh, oh, I'll get it because I am here for you.
就差那么一点点就能上一堂 We came so close to having one class
没有他们搅局的课了 that wasn't all about them.
还记得圣帕特里克节 Remember when they all took that
他们全体都去钓鱼的时候吗 fishing trip on St. Patrick's day?
上帝啊 那是多么美好的一周啊 God, that was a good week.
这个娃注定就是昌之子 This has got to be a Chang baby.
俺老昌家的孩子没有一个是在医院里生的 Changs are never born in hospitals.
大部分是在出租车上啦 五金店啦 More like taxicabs, hardware stores,
银行排队时啦 下水道啦 bank lines, sewers.
我侄子金是在倍力健身俱乐部的 My nephew Jin was born on a treadmill
跑步机上出生的 at Bally Total Fitness.
15度倾斜跑道 20% incline.
"小棉袄"说他在医院里等咱们 "Sugar Boots" says that he'll meet us at the hospital.
很好 谁赶紧把他灭了 Good. Now can somebody do something about him?
我只是想让大家都镇定 I'm just saying nobody needs to freak out.
昌之子生命力强韧得很 A Chang is hearty to the core.
我们一生下来就身体倍棒 We always come out healthy.
要不然十几亿中国人哪来的 That's why there's like a billion of us.
你有没有试过谷歌我 能找到算你本事 You ever tried Googling me? Can't be done!
本 你别再吓她了 Ben, you have to stop freaking her out.
喂 好歹尊重我一下啦 Hey, show me some respect.
我可能就是没孩子疼的亲爹 I might be that child's estranged father.
-怎么着 -什么 - Well, what's it gonna be? - What?
我出钱 咱击掌 I want to buy the rights to your handshake.
成交不 Do we have a deal?
皮尔斯 当务之急是送雪瑞去医院 Pierce, we're about to take Shirley to the hospital.
现在不是说这个的时候 This is not the time.
时机恰恰好 Oh, it's the time.
根据我的手表来看 一千点了都 According to my watch, it's 1,000 o'clock.
-成交 -成交 - Deal. - Deal.
很好 Great.
-接下来怎么弄 -不知道 - So how does it work? - I don't know.
每当妙语脱口而出 We just kind of do it
我俩就自然击掌了 默契无须言说 when one of us says something awesome.
-对 -好 贝蒂·嘉宝 - Yeah. - All right. Betty Grable.
二战时好莱坞性感女星
我说了 贝蒂·嘉宝 I said Betty Grable.
-不要 -要 - No. - Yes.
-不要 -赶紧着 - No. - Do it.
妞儿 给爷拍一个 Make your money, whore.
贝蒂·嘉宝是谁啊 Who's Betty Grable?
哦也 感觉真爽啊 Yeah, that's the stuff.
深呼吸 放轻松 Try to take deep breaths and relax.
-院长呢 -哦 上帝啊 - Where is the Dean? - Oh, my god!
-好的 -我下面全湿了 - Okay. - Everything's wet!
呕 没关系啦 Eew! Oh. Oh, that's okay.
没关系 这是自然现象 That's okay because it is natural.
自然现象 It's natural.
你不舒服吗 布雷塔 Are you uncomfortable, Britta?
想得美 You wish.
-好 呼吸 -四百 五百 - Oh. Okay. Ooh. - $400. $500.
相当于一百万富贵狗币了 It's like a million bucks in dog dollars.
指富贵狗儿童俱乐部 一档儿童理财节目
妙语啊 Word.
-怎么了 -不对劲 - What happened? - Something's off.
忽悠他俩太容易了 It's like buying candy from a baby.
你耍什么阴招了 你毁了我们的默契 What did you do? You ruined it!
特洛伊 把钱还给他 Troy, give him back the money.
不用 现在不是钱的事了 No, no, no. Money doesn't matter anymore.
卖出去的玩意泼出去的水 Once you've sold something out, you can't get it back.
你又不喜欢我们击掌 But you didn't even like our handshake!
我讨厌死它了 现在它没咯 I hated it. Now it's gone.
你们俩比杰奇·库根还蠢 You two are dumber than Jackie Coogan.
那小子跟贝蒂·嘉宝离婚了 He divorced Betty Grable.
杰夫 皮尔斯用他的脏钱 Jeff, Pierce tainted our special handshake
玷污了我们的击掌礼 with his blood money
现在意境全毁了 and now we can't get the magic back!
搞毛啊 你们俩玩真的 Holy crap. You two for real?
是啊 Yeah.
谁在乎你们那傻了吧唧的击掌礼 Nobody cares about your stupid handshake.
雪瑞的宝宝正往外出呢 A baby is coming out of Shirley's vagina
-就在两英尺外 -别担心 two feet from us. - Don't worry.
她的宫缩还维持在六分钟一次 Her contractions are still six minutes apart.
在子宫颈扩张到8公分前 So unless her cervix is dilated more than eight centimeters,
我们还来得及把她送到医院 we still have time to get her to a hospital.
今年我在SUV后厢 I delivered a baby earlier this year
给人接过生 in the back of an SUV.
指S2E3背景中阿布蒂给某女接生
-什么 -真滴 - What? - hmm-hmm.
那时我在哪儿呢 Where was I when that happened?
不知道 人肉背景吧 I don't know. Off in the background.
-你把车开来了吗 -没 - Did you pull your car up? - Uh, no.
-被人掀翻了 -什么 - It's been overturned! - what?
我不想吓到你们大家 Okay, look, I don't want to alarm anyone,
但是世界美食节出了突发状况 but the world food festival has taken a dark turn.
大概某些民族就是和别人合不来 I guess some national ethnicities don't play nice with others
然后就变成了一场种族运动 and things have turned into a bit of a race...
-热潮 -你是说暴乱吗 - kerfuffle. - You mean riot?
我们还是称之为热潮吧 翁格先生 Uh, let's use kerfuffle for now, okay, Mr. Winger?
人家只是想救济饥民嘛 I was just trying to feed hungry foodies.
我去叫辆救护车 I'm going to call an ambulance.
那儿就有辆救护车 Oh, there's ambulances out there!
也被人围攻着呢 They're overturning those too!
我哪知道南朝鲜和北朝鲜的烤肉 I mean, I didn't even know there was a difference
还有什么区别 between north and south Korean barbeque.
《陆军野战医院》播的时间都比朝鲜战争长 I mean, M.A.S.H lasted longer than that war.
CBS剧集 根据同名电影改变 播出11年
就别揪着不放啦 这段掐了别写 Get over it. Am I right? Don't print that.
别记啦 你他娘的别写了 Let's just quit jotting. Stop writing!
急救车说要一个小时才能来 Okay, 911 says it's gonna take over an hour
因为某场种族运动热潮 because of a race kerfuffle.
不疼不疼 大吉大利 Oh. Lake Woebegone. Eeh!
阿布蒂 我们该怎么办 Abed, what do we do?
雪瑞 假装我在用一种 Shirley, pretend I'm saying this
舒缓抚慰 非机械的语调说话 in a soothing, reassuring, non-robotic voice.
医院怕是去不成了 We're not going to make it to the hospital.
不 我要去 Yes, I am.
我要在医院产下这个孩子 I'm going to have this baby in a hospital
我老公 孩子他爸要陪在身边 with my husband and the father of my baby.
我是亲爹 这些就免了 Unless that father is me.
这种情况下 你要这么做 In which case, what you need to do now
把腿高举过头顶 is elevate your legs over your head
脸朝房间的东北角 while facing the northeast corner of the room.
但是别看门 好吧 but try not to look at the door, okay?
那样不吉利 昌家孩子都很迷信的 That's bad luck and chang babies are very superstitious.
还有 想象一幅龙腾兔跃的景象 Also if you can visualize a rabbit riding a dragon,
这样可以让孩子"彩"运亨通 it'll increase his chances of winning lotteries.
本 墙角凉快去 Ben, corner.
听着雪瑞 我们得在这儿接生 Listen, Shirley, we're having the baby right here, right now.
-好的 -好 - Okay. - Okay.
特洛伊 找点毯子大衣过来 有多少拿多少 Troy, get every blanket and coat you can find.
只要是软的就行 给雪瑞垫着 Anything soft for Shirley to lie on.
安妮 我要你给安德烈打电话 Annie, I need you to call Andre
告诉他我们改在这儿见 and tell him to meet us here instead.
我能干点什么 What can I do?
别死抓着她的肩膀不放 Stop grabbing her shoulders.
-你这是干嘛 -装自然 扮淡定啊 - What are you doing? - Being natural.
杰夫 帮我把雪瑞挪到地上去 Jeff, help me move Shirley to the ground.
好嘞 就这儿吧 All right, just stand right here.
轻点轻点 特洛伊 上毯子 好了 Easy. Easy. Troy, blankets. There we go.
好了 Okay.
我得看看 I just need to take a look
你到哪一步了 and see how far along you are.
不要 抱歉 阿布蒂 Oh, no, I'm sorry, Abed.
让你看我下体好别扭啊 I don't feel comfortable with you taking a grand tour of my nethers.
还是让个女孩子来吧 I'd prefer it was one of the girls.
我来我来 我明察秋毫 I can do it! I can do it! I'm good at looking!
我就在你旁边雪瑞 要我干嘛 I'm here for you, Shirley. Okay, what do I do?
你只需要看看 婴儿的头 Okay, you just need to look and see if the baby's head
-有没有到子宫颈 -没问题 温缇 has reached the cervix. - No problowe, Rob Lowe.
看这样脑袋应该到子宫颈了 I take it the head has reached the cervix.
天哪 好吧 天啊 Oh, god. Okay. Oh, god. All right.
不用担心 这种事儿常有发生 Not to worry. This kind of thing happens all the time.
有很多小孩在教室里出生吗 Are a lot of babies born in classrooms?
反正在教室种下的不少 Well, a lot more are conceived.
别记了保罗 纯属YY野史 基本是假的 No, Paul, that's off the record and not true. Sort of.
-安妮 -要挂了 - Annie. - Got to go.
鉴于某种临时突发的性别差异问题 Hey, okay, due to an unforeseen conflict of genitals
我没法给雪瑞接生了 I've been disqualified from delivering Shirley's baby
所以我来指导 你来操作 so I'm gonna have to walk you through it.
我不懂接生啊 I can't deliver a baby.
我没有准备好啊 I'm not properly prepared.
我得先上个课 读个书 I need to take a class, or read a book,
给护士打个下手 至少我妈得抱我一下 Or shadow a nurse, or at least have my mom hug me first.
哦天哪 好多星星啊 Oh, god. Oh, god. I'm seeing spots.
上帝啊上帝啊 Oh, my Lord, my Lord,
为什么对我这么残忍 Why are you doing these things to me?
我何曾让您失望 How have I failed you?
总之 得有人来安抚她 Either way, someone's got to calm her down.
我来吧 雪瑞 看着我 I got this. Shirley, look at me.
看着我的脸 Look at my face.
和我交流 Connect with me.
哈哈哈哈哈哈 Ha ha ha ha ha
-搞什么啊 -我不知道该怎么办啊 - What in the hell? - I don't know what to do!
-昌 你在哪儿啊昌 -怎么了宝贝 - Chang! Where's Chang? - What's up, baby?
你说昌家的孩子都是这么降生的 You said Chang babies all come this way?
是啊 如离弦之箭 出膛之弹 Yeah, like a bullet from a gun.
-还都活的好好的吗 -那当然了 - And they're all okay? - Hell, yeah.
不仅好好的 还都是超能婴儿 More than okay. Super babies.
这七代宝宝中的战斗机 Seven generations of little scrappers
生产环境之艰难 超乎想像 born in the worst conditions you can imagine.
说说看 Tell me.
我表哥脚朝下掉进了腌黄瓜缸里 My cousin slid out feet first in a pickle barrel.
我叔叔出生在蒙古牧场的雨季时节 My uncle was born during rainy season in a Mongolian sheep pasture.
我哥呢 生在一个嘈杂的拉面馆里 My brother, hmm, born under a crowded noodle bar
当时我爷爷刚吃完美味的骆驼虾 while my grandfather finished his happy dancing shrimp.
啥都挡不住咱昌家人 Nothing can stop us.
龙卷风卷不走 共产党人吓不住 Not the hurricanes. Not the communists.
联调局查不尽 女童子军烦不死 Not the Feds. Not the girl scouts.
你这是干什么 过去呀 What are you doing? Get in there.
就我? 算了吧 我最锉了 Me? Forget it. I'm the worst.
这一话题咱可以日后再议 Well, that's a discussion for a different time.
布雷塔 你内心一直有种情感 Look, Britta, there is something in you
让你有着照料别人的强烈诉求 that wants to take care of people so bad
鞠躬尽瘁 吐而后已 that you'll do it until you puke.
这正是雪瑞当前最需要的 That's what Shirley needs right now.
你是说我会是个好妈妈吗 Are you saying I'll be a good mom?
啥 别扯了 What? No.
老天 还真梦想无极限啊 Man, you will really force anything, won't you?
赶紧过去 帮雪瑞把娃挤出来 Just get in there and force that baby out of Shirley.
各位 闪边 布雷塔来绝杀了 Step aside, people! Britta for the win!
别挡道 好了 我准备好了 Get out of my way. Okay. I am ready.
阿布蒂 给点指导 Abed, walk me through this.
好 每次宫缩的时候 Okay, at each contraction,
你就跟雪瑞说"用力" you need to tell Shirley to push.
就这样 That's it?
你别跟医生告状说是我说的 Well, don't tell any doctors I said this,
不过事情到这份上 but at this point in time,
只能自己前进 丰衣足食了 the bus pretty much drives itself.
这个"自己"是说谁啊 Who exactly is the bus in this scenario? Oh!
用力 Push!
头出来了 The head is out!
检查一下脖子上有没有缠上脐带 Now feel under the neck for the umbilical cord.
没有 There's no cord.
这是好事 布雷塔 I think that's a good thing, Britta.
我表现神勇啊 你也不错 Oh, I am nailing this! You're doing great too.
昌 再来点故事 Chang, more stories.
好 二战的时候 Okay, so in World War II,
咱同胞可多被抓进劳工营里 a lot of us were rounded up in labor camps.
多半是采矿 Mining mostly.
几百个昌家小崽呱呱坠在地底下 Hundreds of Changs were born underneath the earth.
他们多半前五年都生活在地下 Most spent their first five years underground.
-我来了 -安德烈 - Hey, I'm here. - Oh, Andre!
宝贝 Okay. Hi, baby.
-没事的 -好的 - It's gonna be all right. - Okay.
好了 女士 接下来交给我们吧 It's okay, ma'am. We can take it from here.
姐已经进入角色了 用不上你们 Guys, I got it. I'm in the zone.
加油 雪瑞 加油 雪瑞 Okay, come on, Shirley. Come on, Shirley.
加油 雪瑞 用力 用力 用力 Come on, Shirley. Push push push.
-用力 -用力 - Push it! - Push!
格林德尔宝宝要降生了 It's baby Greendale.
当然你们不一定要给他取这个名字 You guys don't have to name it that.
我没这权利 我就是个接生婆而已 I don't claim that power. I'm merely the deliverer.
-布雷塔 专心点 -对 好的 - Britta, focus. - Oh, doy. Okay.
加油 雪瑞 Come on, Shirley.
是个男孩 Oh, it's a boy!
还是个小黑娃 And it's also a black person!
当然 这个无所谓了 Not that that's important.
-确定是你的种吗 -确定 - Are you sure it's yours, baby? - Yes.
必然是他的 It's definitely his.
有件事我一直没告诉你 I never told you this part,
昌家人生来都是有尾巴的 but all Changs are born with tails.
还好你没中招 You kind of dodged a bullet there.
真生下来了吗 Did that just happen?
-感觉又回来了 -它从未走远 - It's back. - It never left.
-我们胜利了 小棉袄 -是你胜利了 宝贝 - Oh, we did it, sugar boots. - No, you did it, baby.
哥们 恭喜了 Congratulations, sir.
激烈角逐后 双方在友好氛围中结束战斗 After a fierce campaign, I happily concede
我方败阵 宝宝是你的了 this baby to you.
-情场败将小小昌 -谢谢你 昌 - Pretty classy of me. - Thank you, Chang.
要是没你我也挺不过来 Couldn't have done this without you.
-言重了 -安德烈 - No bigs. - Andre.
怎么了 Yeah.
我想给孩子取名本 随他 I think I want to name him after Ben.
啥 What?
-来真的? -真的? - Really? - Really?
对 尽管你不是他的生父 Yeah. I mean, you may not be his father,
但他降生路上有你相助 but you helped bring him into the world.
好吧 那咱家又添了小本 All right, well, we'll have our own little baby Ben...
-班内特 -本·班内特 - Bennett. - Ben Bennett?
本·班内特：著名橄榄球教练 安德烈是学校橄榄球教练
被阴了 Oh, damn.
好了 没事 没事 这样也行吧 Okay. No, no. No, that's fine.
本·班内特 你好呀 本·班内特 Ben Bennett. Hi, Ben Bennett.
看见没 他说了"昌" Oh, look, he said Chang.
没有 他才没说 No. No, he didn't.
-看见没 没啥大不了 -是啊 - See? Nothing to it. - Yeah.
真不敢相信咱们就是这样降临人世 Can you believe that's how we come into this world?
尖叫不停 鬼哭狼嚎 污秽缠身 Screaming, crying, covered in crap?
但随后成长路上的某一天 And then somewhere along the lines,
我们就会明白 我们生而伟大 we get it into our heads that we're destined for greatness.
确实伟大 我可是从朋友肚子里 We are. I just yanked a little dude
拽出了一条小生命啊 out of my friend.
是啊 看来咱们人类学及格了 Yeah. I guess we passed anthropology.
看他的手多小啊 Look at how teeny his hands are.
你好小哦 对不对 You're so little, right?
他的手指好像小糖豆哦 His fingers are like Good & Plenties.
是啊 真想一口吃掉 I know. I want to eat them.
-但这不太好 -绝对的 - Which is lame. - Totally.
今天相当精彩 This has been quite a day.
我看你要上下期杂志封面了 You can expect a cover story in the next issue.
正面报道吗 In a good way?
为人讲述我这院长有多称职吗 Like an article about what a good dean I am?
绝对滴 Absolutely.
我成功咯 I did it.
成功咯 俺是称职好院长 I did it. I am a good dean.
俺是称职好院长 I am a good dean!
《院长》杂志开刊两期后倒闭
史上最烂杂志创意
真要这么干吗 Are you sure you want to do this?
我知道电影里的人经常这样 I know people do it in movies all the time,
但咱这是现实世界 后果很严重 but there are bound to be real world consequences.
我知道 但如果今天去考试的话 I know, but if we take that test today,
我们必挂无疑 we are definitely going to fail it.
好吧 走着 Okay, let's do it.
你俩干嘛呢 What are you guys doing?
今天停课 否则我们就四处宣传这事 Cancel school today or we tell everybody about this.
成交 Deal.