宝贝 上次逮捕可是战功卓著 I really made my bones with that last collar, babe.
如今时候到了 Today's the day.
清晨你还与保安同床 You woke up with a guard this morning.
今晚 就能和警探共枕了 But tonight, you're going to bed with a detective.
别说了 多休息一会吧 Shh...Okay, you get some rest, 'kay?
昨晚运动可激烈呢 Probably need it.
这张是本打扮成飞龙 Here's Ben dressed like a dragon.
这张是我扮尼克·诺尔特 阿布蒂扮艾迪·墨菲 Here's me and Abed dressed as Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy.
尼克·诺尔特是谁 Who's Nick Nolte?
尼克·诺尔特 美国演员 擅长橄榄球
阿布蒂 借我点零钱喝水 Hey, Abed, can I borrow some change for the water fountain?
好 给你 Yeah. Here you go.
-谢谢 -啥零钱 - Thank you. - Wait. Change?
-院长 -怎么 - Hey, dean. - Hmm?
你这是要干什么 What are you doing?
只剩下午饭没解决了 Nothing after lunch.
你想的话我也可以翘掉...哦 你说那事 And I can skip lunch if you want--oh. That.
这样可以压低学费 还能节水 Keeps tuition down and it saves on water, too.
那是因为没人会掏钱喝水 That's because nobody's gonna pay to drink water.
这叫饮水最省化 Actually it's a two drink-minimum.
学费会相应降低的 It'll be reflected in your tuition.
院长 多谢赐"窝" Hey, dean. Thanks for the new digs.
记得我们怎么说的吗 Ah, eh, remember what we talked about?
你的住宿情况要保密 We have to keep this whole living situation kind of quiet.
绝对保密 You know, on the d-low.
知道 再说我也不常住 Sure, you know, I'm barely there.
我的心只属于工作 I'm married to the job.
还有在开水房找到的那条模特玉腿 And to a mannequin leg I found in the boiler room.
毁人婚姻 Homewrecker.
你们第一份实验大作业 Your first major lab assignment
就是做一个生态箱 is to construct a terrarium.
就跟立体模型差不多 Sort of like a diorama.
你们这群人反应真奇怪 You guys have weird reactions to stuff.
我问你们一个问题 Hey, can I ask you something?
跟课业无关 This is unrelated.
本人大半辈子都耗在监狱里了 As someone who just finished spending the majority
不知道这段时间 of his life in prison,
乐高积木出什么事了 以前都走简洁路线的 what happened with legos? They used to be simple.
别装了 你们懂的 Oh, come on, I know you know what I'm talking about.
乐高积木以前很简单 Legos were simple.
我蹲号这段时间肯定出过事 Something happened out here while I was inside.
哈利·波特积木 星战积木 Harry Potter legos, Star Wars legos.
超复杂套装 Complicated kits,
超迷你零件 tiny little blocks.
我没有否定这一趋势 就是想闹明白怎么回事 I mean, I'm not saying it's bad, I just wanna know what happened.
好吧 当我没说 All right, fine.
生态箱明天交 Your terrariums are due tomorrow.
大家都看着桌对面 And everyone look across the table
你面前的这个人 at the person in front of you.
就是你本学期的实验搭档 That's your lab partner for the rest of the semester.
整装待发 Saddle up.
这都是些谁啊 Who are these people?
本字幕由YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com
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翻译：米粒 夕橙 小独 山炮
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校对：小独 时间轴：六水
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后期：鱼骨头 总监：小独
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《废柴联盟》 第三季 第三集 iTunes版本调教：Tears
你好 金教授 Hello, please, professor King.
什么事 Yes?
您新来格林德尔 可能还不知道 I know you haven't been here at Greendale very long,
我们呢 其实是个学习小组 But, um...We're a study group.
我们挺亲密的 共同经历了不少事 It's kind of a thing. We've been through a lot.
您可能听说过太空巴士事件 You probably heard of the space bus.
还有彩弹事件 Paintball.
爷在飞机厕所里跟艾萨·凯特打过炮 I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom,
这事只跟他们说过 and these are the only guys I've ever told.
对 我们相亲相爱一家人 Yeah, we're like a family.
-我们很有爱的 -还有彩弹归来战 - We love each other. - Second paintball.
这破学校怎么回事 What is happening at this school?
我要面对这么些疯言疯语 I have so many conversations that make no sense.
搭档问题我们希望内部消化 Uh, we'd really prefer to partner up amongst ourselves.
管你们呢 去吧去吧 I don't care. Go ahead.
不怨你 怨我 It's not you, it's me.
我是为了咱俩好 I'm just trying to protect us both
长痛不如短痛 from more pain down the road.
我好像有发展障碍 I may have a developmental disorder.
我还要追《绝命毒师》 所以 I need to catch up on Breaking Bad, so...
不好意思 I'm so sorry.
我有发展障碍 I have a developmental disorder.
星战 星战 妙 妙 妙 Star Wars, Star Wars. Cool, cool, cool. Hmm.
你懂的 You understand.
而且说实话 你长得人模狗样 You're also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man.
我不了解你 但看着就不靠谱 I don't know you, but I just don't trust you.
多看几眼 仍不顺眼 And I don't think I could grow to like you.
我说这么多意思就是 托德 The point of what I'm trying to tell you, Todd,
我不想跟你做实验搭档 is that I don't want to be your lab partner.
无意冒犯 No offense.
不介意 None taken.
我懂 你想跟朋友一起 I understand, you wanna be with your friends.
我想什么不用你告诉 没品 Don't tell me what I'm feeling or thinking. It's petty.
再见 托德 Good-bye, Todd.
好了 咱们怎么分配... Okay, how are we gonna divide the--
托德 托德 哥们 你通关了 Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy! You passed the test.
长官 我已经巡逻很久 I've been walking my beat a long time, sir.
很久了 A long time.
我谦虚谨慎 努力奋斗 I've kept my head down, paid my dues.
现在 我已经准备好升职为警探了 And, well, I think I'm ready to make detective.
你才来一个月 You've only been here a month.
基本啥事也没干 You really haven't done much of anything.
而且压根就没有保安警探这码事 And there's no such thing as security guard detective.
我们不搞刑事侦缉那一套 We don't solve crimes.
就连防范都很少做到 We barely prevent them.
你想侦查点什么吗 You wanna detect something?
那就自己去搞 Do it on your own time.
说不定我会的 Maybe I will.
"说不定我会的" "Maybe I will."
哥这句话如警铃般在脑中响起 My own words rang in my head like a bell inside a head.
再或许 我是疯了 Maybe I was crazy.
又或许 只是或许 我就是当警探的料 Or maybe, just maybe, I was a detective.
-嘿 -干嘛 - Hey. - What?
-寻寻觅觅呢 -没有 - Looking for something? - No.
她嘴上说没有 She said she wasn't,
眼神却表达相反的意思 but her eyes said otherwise.
她一身贵气 从那双玉腿一路延伸 She was all dame, legs that went all the way
直至腰肢 to the bottom of her torso.
臂膀之上 手肘凸显 The kind of arms that had elbows.
你叫我 就是想用眼神瞪死我吗 Um...Did you just call me in here to stare at me?
看着她离去的步伐 我知道 一定有什么人 The way she left, I could tell that somebody--
或什么事 让她恐惧不已 or something--had really put the scare on her.
但究竟是什么 为什么 But what? Why?
是订书机 Stapler.
我疯了吗 Was I crazy?
还是说一切都暗中相连 Or were they somehow connected?
真不敢相信 I can't believe it.
有史以来第一次菜里没虫子 This is the first time there hasn't been a beetle in here.
-转战室外吧 -嗯 - Should we move outside? - Uh-huh.
你听见我说什么了吗 Did you even hear what I said?
-嗯 -真听见了 - Uh-huh. - Seriously?
你就是这么和搭档合作的吗 Is this what it's gonna be like working together?
搞毛 What?
我少了三个粉丝 I lost three followers?
真是 这些人就是不愿接受 Man, people just can't handle the truth
宾舍曼冬装系列的真像 about Ben Sherman's winter collection.
共处一室 学习组员 实验伙伴 Roommates, study group, lab partners.
咱俩真是无时无刻不在一起啊 We really are gonna spend all our time together.
何其妙哉 How awesome is that?
妙哉之至 知道什么事更妙吗 Very. You know what else is awesome?
昨晚我看的那部香港电影 Last night I saw the Hong Kong movie
居然改编自《拳拳踢战警》 that Kickpuncher is based on.
我知道 我跟你一起看的 Yeah, I know, I was there.
那你有没有看拳拳踢战警 Did you see the scene where Kickpuncher kick-punches
横扫二白人的那个场景 200 guys with one kick-punch?
当然啦 都看了 Yeah. Both of them.
黏得太紧 不幸合体 We spend too much time together.
倒霉 Jinx.
这是本拿着他的小蛋糕 Here's Ben with his cupcake.
这张是一段时间之后 And here he is a few seconds later
他弄掉了小蛋糕 在哭鼻子 when he was crying because he dropped his cupcake.
这一张是他拿了一个新蛋糕 And here he is with another cupcake.
等下 照片排序乱了 Oh, oh, wait, these pictures are out of order.
还是刚才那个蛋糕 That's the same cupcake.
雪瑞 这些照片真心萌 Oh, Shirley, these pictures are adorable.
而且综合全面 And comprehensive.
但你知道吗 吃糖的宝宝会过兴奋 But did you know that sugar is like baby meth?
我的顺势医疗师说的 That's what my homeopath said.
让你基友最好少管闲事 Well, maybe your gay friend should mind his own business.
"忘记那个女孩" 我对自己说 "Forget about the girl," I told myself.
"忘记她 如同龙虾松开爪 "Let her go, like a lobster claw letting go
将爪中的小气球放飞" of a small balloon for lobsters."
我还是预感的 Still, I had a hunch.
安全火柴 Hmm. A matchbook.
这玩意似乎暗含线索 Something about it seemed clue-y.
亚利桑那火柴公司 "Arizona Matchbook Company."
亚利桑那 Arizona.
亚利桑反转过来还是亚利桑那 Arizona backwards is still arizona!
惊世发现 It's a palomino!
或许我太疯癫 Maybe I was crazy...
或许只是世人看不穿 Or maybe I was finally sane.
镜中人为什么盯着我 Why does this guy keep staring at me?
布雷塔 你来这儿干嘛 Britta. What are you doing here?
我就是出来透透气 Oh, I was just getting some air.
我也是 心里有事 Me too. And wondering something.
我心里也有事 I was wondering something, too.
-跟我说说 -不 你先吧 - Tell me. - No, you first.
我寻思着 不如咱俩 I was wondering, what would it be like
-做拍档怎么样 -你们干什么呢 if we were partners? - What's going on here?
你们在商量换拍档吗 Were you thinking of changing partners?
谁在想换拍档啦 Who's thinking of changing partners?
你们这是要背弃我吗 Were you gonna bail on me?
不是的 没人要换拍档 No. No one here is thinking of changing partners.
真没有 长官 No, sir.
我想换 I am!
他刚刚潜行狙击时 我抓到只乌龟 While he was spying, I found a turtle.
太不公平了 凭什么把这个 It's not fair that I should be the only one here
占地还多余的废柴推给我呢 saddled with a total waste of space loser.
-无意冒犯 托德 -不介意 - No offense, Todd. - None taken.
凭什么你们就可选到称心如意的搭档 Why should you all get the exact partner you wanted?
说得对 That's right.
把托德推给皮尔斯太不公道了 It's totally not fair that we saddled Pierce with Todd.
我们应该重选拍档 We should probably choose partners again.
公平起见嘛 I mean, just to be fair.
这么说大家都同意了 那么去学习室 So it's agreed. Let's go to the study room
把托德纠纷彻底解决了吧 and deal with this Todd problem once and for all.
好的 Okay.
我要不要一起去 Um, did you want me to come?
都说了是"托德纠纷" Um, it's called "The Todd problem."
好吧 我们要以公平公正公开的方式 Okay, we just have to come up with a fair way
为这学期寻找这...意外产物的 to decide who is gonna be stuck for an entire semester
最终归宿 with this...Random.
这位 非学习小组成员 This, uh...non-grouper.
无意冒犯 托德 No offense, Todd.
不介意 我和谁合作都好 None taken. I'm happy to work with whoever.
公平的方法只有一个 There's only one way to decide this fairly.
男女搭配 干活不累 We go boy-girl, boy-girl.
但是要挑发色不一样的异性 But everyone has to have a different hair color.
还得是从不同高中来的 And be from a different High School.
还要不同的种族 And be a different race.
那我就选 布雷塔吧 I guess I'd be with...Britta.
我想我别无选择了 I guess my--my hands are tied.
按发色分类挺吸引我 The hair color concept intrigues me
因为我就是靠发色认你的 because it's how I distinguish you anyway.
那按年龄分组怎样 But what if we arrange by age,
老年青年醒睡轮班倒 so that way The young people can work while the old people sleep
反之亦然 and vice versa.
我刚刚在想你怎么定义年老 Um, I-I was just wondering who you considered old,
我得再提醒你一下 because I'd like to remind you again
我跟杰夫可是同龄人 that I'm just about the same age as Jeff.
杰夫也算作老年 Oh, I was counting Jeff as old, too.
那好吧 我没意见 Oh, well, that's all right then.
我就不明白了 这事和我年龄到底有毛 I just don't understand how my age has anything to--
苍天啊 皮尔斯 Oh, for Heaven's Sake, Pierce!
我正在想 最有利的方法就是 I was thinking the thing that would be most beneficial--
你们懂的 为了小组好嘛 You know, for the group-- would be
就是按成绩高低配对 to pair the people with the lowest GPAs with the highest.
有意思 Hmm. Interesting.
高分带低分吗 The highest carrying the lowest?
我可知道你的狼子野心 I can see how you might want that.
你知道个屁 安妮 You know what, Annie?
哔 哔 哔 哔 哔 Pew, pew, pew, pew, p--
数错了 哔 哔 哔 哔 Wait, no. Pew, pew, pew, pew.
谁家里有小孩 Does anyone else have kids?
我家漂亮宝宝刚出世 我想先回 Because I have a gorgeous little newborn that I'd like to get--
好极了 Oh, perfect!
你就和雪莉唠叨育儿经吧 You'll enjoy talking to Shirley about her kids.
休想把托德推给我 Uh-uh, don't go trying to pawn Todd off on me.
再次表示不介意 Again, none taken.
伙计们 生态箱任务明天就得交 Guys, our terrariums are due tomorrow
现在都九点了 and it's already nine.
好吧 速战速决 用学生分寝室的方法 Okay, let's make this simple and do it like student housing.
每个人写下自己梦中拍档 Everyone write down their lab partner preferences
从一到八按次排序 From one to eight.
阿布蒂 发挥人肉计算机功能 Abed, you're a computer.
你来算出解决方法把我们最佳配对 You figure out a way to put us in our optimal pairings.
别急着把托德排最末 友情提示 And before you all go putting Todd down last,
他和乌龟捆绑销售 Don't forget he comes with a turtle.
有了他 作业胜利有望 You're halfway done.
这个方法怎么样 How does that sound?
谁帮个忙 皮尔斯叫醒 Somebody wake up Pierce.
你好 亚利桑那州火柴盒公司 Hello, Arizona Matchbook Company.
我得找到一些答案 I had to get some answers.
我渴望答案 如鱼渴望脚踏车 And I needed answers like a fish needs a bicycle
极其渴望 -a lot.
你好 你好 Hello? Hello?
喂 我对你们的安全火柴很感兴趣 Yeah, I am, uh, interested in your matchbooks.
好的 请问你想下订单吗 Yes, would you like to place an order?
必须当机立断 I had to think fast.
-好的 -离开我的桌子 - Yes. - Get away from my desk.
回头打给你 I'll call you back.
你有没有在校园里到处转悠 You've been walking around campus
神叨叨探人口实 死盯盯目露精光 asking people weird questions and then staring at them
一边不动嘴皮子地念念有词 While slightly moving your lips?
我必须当机立断 I had to think fast.
没有 No.
本 我觉得你是工作过劳 Ben...I think this job might be getting to you.
你回家歇着吧 I think you need to take some time off.
你存心想赶我走 是吗 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
没错 就是 Very much so. Yes.
好了 搞定 All right, yep.
根据我的运算系统 安妮和雪莉一组 According to my system, Annie's gonna be with Shirley.
皮尔斯和我一组 特洛伊和布雷塔一组 Pierce is with me. Troy is with Britta.
杰夫和托德一组 And Jeff is with Todd.
好了 大家开工吧 Okay, let's get to work.
稍等 我怎么会和托德分一组 Uh, wait. Um, how did I end up with Todd?
我是说 无意冒犯 I mean, no offense,
但他并非我的首选 but he wasn't exactly at the top of my list.
不介意 None taken.
算法运行结果如此 It's what the algorithm dictated.
你的算法信得过吗 And we're just supposed to trust your algorithm?
你质疑我的算法吗 You're questioning my algorithm?
倒也未必 你的算法无可质疑吗 Not necessarily. Is your algorithm above questioning?
倒也未必 Not necessarily.
透露一下配对原则吧 Will you just tell us how you chose?
我依据得票数 将大家按人缘排序 I used the ballots to rank everyone by popularity.
再按人气高低配对 And I put the most popular with the least popular.
我推断 异极相吸使引力最大化 I figured it would maximize each partnership's audience appeal.
哦 我明白了 Oh, I-I see.
这么说我是人气王 因为他显然是最末 So I was number one, and he was obviously number eight.
无意冒犯 托德 No offense, Todd.
你和托德分列四五名 You and Todd were four and five.
我才第四名 I was four?
-第四名是托德 -我第五 - Todd was four. - I was five?
这个世界太疯狂了 Well, that's insane!
我们都不认识他 We don't even know him.
和他形同陌路 He's a stranger.
注意 杰夫 走兽花草也有情 Please, Jeff. It has feelings.
慢着 这下安妮就是第一了 Wait, so we all know Annie was number one,
因为她会包揽所有工作 because she'd do all the work.
雪莉是她的搭档 这么说 And Shirley was her partner, so...
也就说明 你们都没投 But that means-- so you all put--
我想明白了 I just worked it out.
我的人缘终于不是垫底了 I'm more popular than someone!
让所有安全火柴当天到货并非易事 Getting the matchbooks shipped to me the same day wasn't easy.
我还得给火柴公司付钱 I had to pay the company money.
我刷的是努内兹的卡 I used Nunez's card.
获颁警探奖时 他会感谢我的 He'd thank me at the detective awards.
无论如何 我定要找出个中真相 Somewhere, somehow, I was gonna find what I was looking for.
圣主玛利亚 Holy Mary, mother of god.
我是疯了吗 Was I crazy?
还是濒近了真相 Or was I on the verge of something?
思绪萦绕在我的脑海 My mind reeled with thoughts.
人声嘈杂 线索错综 Voices. Stand-up premises.
为什么不建造轮行道 Why don't they just make tires out of pavement
好方便大家的滑行 为什么按钮无处不在 so you can drive on anything? What's up with buttons?
如果尼克松是妇科医生会怎样 What would happen if Nicholson was a gynecologist?
有线索了 There was something there.
我去拿记事本 I need a notepad.
或许再来件运动夹克 Maybe a blazer.
亲爱的 什么时候回家真没准 Honey, I-I-I don't know when I'll be home.
你们怎能嫌我超过皮尔斯呢 How could you guys hate me more than Pierce?
怎能嫌任何人超过皮尔斯呢 Or anything more than Pierce?
见好就收啊 雪莉 Thin ice, Shirley.
我们革命战友可绝不会 My friends and I are not gonna let you
中你的反间计 drive a wedge between us.
雪莉说得有道理 Shirley has a point.
这排名比双边会议还挫 This list stinks like a butt convention.
不然特洛伊怎么没人缘 How else could you explain Troy being so unpopular?
咱俩相吸 我高你低 Uh, I think I was the popular one in our pairing.
特洛伊真好 Oh, Troy.
我这么讨人嫌 干脆和托德配对算了 Fine, why don't I just go work with Todd?
只要项目能做完 我没意见 Hey, that's cool, whatever gets this project done.
看人家多圣母啊 Oh, wow, what a great guy.
怪不得比我讨人喜欢 I can see why all of you like him so much more than me.
杰夫 或许大家只是不想总和你结对 Jeff, maybe it's just that no one wants to carry you all year.
说得好 安妮 对事不对人 Gee, you're right, Annie, it's not personal.
大家也不是真的喜欢你 I mean, it's not like people really like you.
你只就是分数高 人风骚 You're just a good grade in a tight sweater.
你也就是分数低 爱搅基 You're just a bad grade in a tight sweater.
你妹的总忙着和谁发短信啊 And who the hell are you always texting?
你熟人也就这么几个 Everyone you know is here.
好吧 大家都消消气 Okay, let's all just take a breath--
少显摆你的第四名 托德 Don't get your number four stink on this, Todd.
我们就事论事 Okay, let's focus.
12个钟头之前 我们还一切正常 We're all the same people we were 12 hours ago.
或许我们该回归初始配对 Maybe we should just revert to our original pairings.
你不是不想带杰夫吗 But I thought you didn't want to carry Jeff.
那就是不想和雪莉合作 Oh, you just don't want to work with Shirley.
你也这么对我 真是小人 You too, brute?
只是 你是有神论者 It's just... You're a creationist!
-什么 -你信教太深 - What? - You're so religious.
你连科学都不信 How are you gonna do science experiments
怎么做得好科学实验呢 if you don't even believe in science?
信教并不意味着 Just because someone's religious doesn't mean
不通教化 they have a problem with science.
毋庸置疑 And certainly,
区区一个社区大学的生物学导论课 if an Introductory Biology course at a community college
怎可驳倒上下2000年的神迹传说 can refute 2,000 years of miracles--
布雷塔又好到哪里去 And what about Britta?
她不肯解剖动物 She's not gonna dissect anything.
好吧 被你说中了 我不忍解剖有头有脸的生物 Fine, you got me, I won't dissect anything with a face.
那蠕虫呢 What about worms?
虫虫也有小脸的吧 Do they have tiny little faces?
怨不得说你最傻 This is why you're the stupidest!
如果爱虫虫也叫傻 我甘愿不要聪明 If loving worms is stupid, I don't wanna be smart.
是很傻 你也变不聪明 It is, and you can't be.
同志们 我大彻大悟了 Guys, I just figured it all out.
皮尔斯醒醒 杰夫又要妙语仁心了 Pierce, wake up, Jeff is gonna heal us.
我们的理解全都错了 We have been looking at this totally wrong.
我不可能人缘差 There's no way I'm unpopular.
有个促狭混蛋把我排在最后 One of you monsters just put me last
存心要我难堪 in a petty attempt to humble me.
我刚做了个噩梦 梦见杰夫傲慢犯浑来着 I just had a terrible nightmare that Jeff was a pompous ass.
托德也在旁边 Also Todd was there.
无意冒犯 托德 Uh, no offense, Todd.
我触及了不可告人的秘密 I'd poked my nose where it didn't belong.
他她它 向我发出了警告 Someone--or something-- had sent me a message.
维罗妮卡 Veronica.
她不该牵扯进来 都是我的错 It was my fault she had gotten mixed up in this.
别想开溜 托德 Uh-uh, Todd.
我确信听到了火警 Pretty sure I heard a fire alarm.
看到票数统计之前 谁也别想走 Nobody's going home until we see those ballots.
查看票数统计 你疯了吗 See the ballots? Are you crazy?
要我说 我们集体摊牌 I say let's lay our cards on the table
看看大家都是怎么看待彼此的 and see what everyone really thinks of each other.
躲到我身后 阿布蒂 Get behind me, Abed.
杰夫 够了 Jeff, stop it!
-接着 -给我 退后 别过来 - Pass! - Give it to me! No, get back, get back!
我这么做是为了大家好 I am doing this for all of us.
不 她祭出了大麻打火机 Oh, no, she's got her marijuana lighter.
不要啊 Don't!
不要啊 乌龟还在里面呢 Noooo! The turtle is in there!
天啊 我错了 Oh, my god, I am so sorry!
你们这是什么毛病 What is wrong with you people?
我还以为你们是朋友呢 I thought you were supposed to be friends!
我还以为你们相亲相爱呢 I thought you were supposed to love each other!
相亲诡异 Your love is weird.
相爱有毒 And toxic!
你们的爱能摧毁一切所及之物 And it destroys everything it touches!
我不在乎成绩了 I no longer care about grades.
也不在乎生物课 Or biology.
不在乎能否毕业 也不打算再遵守 Or finally graduating from college,
父亲弥留时 自己许下的承诺 Like I promised my dying father.
我要回家了 I'm going home.
和老婆孩子相亲相爱 I'm gonna hold my wife and my child close.
而且我要开始打胰岛素了 And I am gonna finally take my insulin shot!
我介意 Offense taken.
我很介意 Offense taken.
好吧 他至少说对了一件事儿 Well, he is right about one thing.
你们都糟透了 You're all terrible people.
我也不在乎这破作业了 And I don't care about this stupid assignment.
我也要回家了 I'm going home.
我就算了 该去上生物课了 No, I'm not, I'm going to biology class.
还有十五分钟就开始 It starts in 15 minutes.
最终这个毛毛虫 And enventually, this caterpillar
会从它的茧里面钻出来 之后 will come out of its cocoon. And then--
嘣 嘣 Pop, pop!
合作不错 Nice work, you two.
你知道他们是在笑你 对吧 You know they're laughing at you, right?
这是我的一家之言 I mean, that's my theory.
现在该你们了 无敌组合 Now, super group.
我不禁注意到 你们都没带生态箱 I can't help but notice a sorry lack of terrariums.
我们没来得及完成作业 We didn't have time to finish.
我完成了 Here's mine.
你什哪来时间做完的呀 When did you even have time to do that?
你非人类吗 You're pathological.
现在恭维 为时已晚 It's too late for flattery.
教授 很明显这行不通 Professor, obviously this isn't working out.
我们真心求实验原配 You're just gonna have to put us with our original lab partners.
-可以吗 -我不打算插手 - All right? - I don't have to do anything.
更别说你们伤害了我的托德 Not after you broke my boy Todd.
今早上那男人给我打电话 哭诉啊 That man called me crying this morning.
伊拉克参战 都未有泪轻弹 You know he fought in Iraq, right?
在监狱里 说你们这种人有句行话 We had a name for people like you in prison.
叫做"排外小帮派" We called you "The mean clique."
但我有个解决方法 But I have a solution.
你们七个人就共用一个显微镜 All seven of you will share a microscope,
一张板凳 全组算平均分 one bench, and one grade that I will average.
其他同学照常计分 Everyone else gets their own stuff.
第一个任务有附加分吗 So can we get an extension on the first assignment?
不 一组全挂 No. You all fail.
哦 天啊 Oh, my god.
这是怎么回事 How did this happen?
消防队员已经走了吗 And did I miss the firemen?
院长 答案很简单 Dean, the explanation is simple.
多有联系 线索汇集 It's all connected.
一张阴谋之网已经张开 A web of conspiracy that goes
所有证据都指向亚利桑那的上北 all the way to the top of Arizona.
好吧 All...Right.
看来储物间一直有人在住 Hey, somebody's been squatting in the utility closet.
放了个个平底锅 还有好多火柴 There's a hot plate back there, thousands of matches,
这下可一并破坏了 I mean, we're looking at dozens
劳工安全准则和防火条例 of major health and fire code violations.
我觉得应该要求警方介入 I think we're gonna have to get the police involved.
这个当口 我顿时醒悟 And that's when it hit me.
原来我有大麻烦了 I was in really big trouble.
院长 Dean.
院长 Dean?
哦 不 Oh, uh...No.
没必要找警察来 No need to get the cops.
阴谋如此之大 With a conspiracy this big,
警察也逃不了干系 they're probably involved.
-什么 -昌说的 - What? - What Chang says
还是很有道理的 Makes a lot of sense, and, um...
好吧 我辞职 Okay, you know what? I quit.
你可以不给我发薪水 I mean, I can deal with the not getting paid,
但和他共事却是万万不能 but I draw the line at you enabling this man.
我真觉得他有精神病 I mean, I'm seriously concerned that he's mentally ill.
一点儿都不好笑 太惊悚了 And--and it's not funny at all. It's scary.
-亚利桑那的"上"北 -我需要知道更多的事情 - The top of Arizona... - I needed to know more
-难道那里地势很高 -至于那些消防队员 - Was it a very high mesa? - About those firemen.
-或是意料之外 想象之州 -民族多样吗 - Or was it a state of mind? - Were they ethnically diverse?
不管怎样 我还是要 Either way, I was going...
他们有没有救生犬 Did they bring a dalmatian?
-一步一步往上爬 -能买到纪念挂历吗 - To have to climb it. - Could I buy a calendar?
好吧 不费话了 我辞职 Okay, screw this. I-I quit.
看来格林德尔欠你一句"多谢保密" Well, it seems that Greendale owes you a debt of gratitude.
你来接任保安科长怎样 How would you like to be the new head of security?
我必须当机立断 I had to think fast.
好 Yes.
我也不知道 我是疯了吗 I don't know, was I crazy?
还是我只是为校着想 Or was I just doing right by the school?
真丢脸 不是吗 This is awkward, isn't it?
事实摆在我们眼前 You know, I think it's pretty clear
破坏小组生态平衡的罪魁祸首 显而易见 What destroyed the balance in our study group's ecosystem.
互相攀比吗 Ranking one person above another.
对彼此不同缺乏忍让 Letting our differences get the bets of us.
-种族歧视吗 -都不是 - Racism? - No.
是托德 Todd.
托德 Todd!
发现那家伙很有搞"头"吗 Did you see the head on that guy?
"不介意"个屁啊 "None taken."
他究竟哪根筋不对 What was wrong with him?
基督徒不好爆粗口 但那笔"真芯2B" Not to be unchristian, but that boy sucked.
同仇敌忾的感觉回来了 I missed this.
还有他的傻宝宝 And his dumb baby!
-我明白 -继续继续啊 - I know! - On and on.
他就不能闭嘴吗 He wouldn't shut up.
这些问题好有针对性 These questions are really personal.
你确定这是匿名的吗 Are you sure this is anonymous?
就是心理学布置的评估作业 Yeah, they're just practice evaluations for my psych class.
好吧 谁画了个屁股 All right. Who did a butt?
那是胸大吧 也不知道是谁画的 They're boobs. And I don't know.
再做一份 Take it again.
好吧 All right.
有人还画了个老二 Somebody drew a penis.
哦 又是一个老二 Oh! And another penis.
老二 老二 你们二到啥程度了 Penis, penis, penis. Very mature, guys.
-我没画老二啊 -我也没画啊 - I didn't draw a penis. - Me neither.
这些问卷填写的很规范啊 Yeah, these are all normally filled out tests.
耍到你们了 Ha ha! Gotcha!
这确实是一个测试 你们都老二了 This was also a test, and you all penised.
通过了 Passed.
或者我也应该做一下 Maybe I need to take one.
是做测试 不是做老二 A test. Not a penis.