我去 Damn it!
把棘齿扳手套在方块上面 向左边拧 Put the teethy wrench on the square thing and jiggle it left.
多谢 顺便说下 那个方块叫做汉普螺栓 Thanks... By the way, that square thing is a hampton bolt
你刚刚描述的方法 叫做螺扭控压法 and what you just described is a manacheck maneuver.
我只是来打薯格的 Hey, I'm just here for the tater tots.
没事 我知道你对管道工有成见 Look, I know you think you made your mind up about plumbing
我也理解 and I respect that.
但请你 明天三点之后 But come to the third floor men's room tomorrow
来三楼男厕 any time after 3:00.
跟着我通个厕所 Unclog one toilet with me
如果之后你还没有心动 and tell me you don't feel something.
这事我以后绝口不提 And I'll never bring it up again.
行 通厕所嘛 All right...One toilet.
能甩掉你就行 If it will get you off my back.
阿布蒂 快看 Abed, look.
酷 巨石阵吗 Cool, stonehenge.
打扰一下 您是霍桑湿巾老总 皮尔斯·霍桑吗 Excuse me, are you Pierce Hawthorne of Hawthorne wipes?
为您服务 有求必淫 At your cervix.
抱歉 以为你是妹子来的 Oh, sorry, I thought you were a lady.
没关系 淫淫更健康 You can use that cervix line if you want.
我就说是他嘛 I told you it was him.
能签个名吗 Would you mind signing this?
他是超级粉丝 He's a big fan.
*霍桑湿巾 随身常备* * I got a pocket full of Hawthornes *
-手持霍桑 清理不累 -行了 兰德尔 消停一下 - pock-pocket full of Hawthornes - Okay, Randall, power down.
那两位是什么人 What was that about?
产品忠粉吧 我猜 Fans of the product, I suppose.
湿巾业的行话叫"肉巾" In the wipes business we call them towel-heads.
真难得 你和一对基友谈完了一整段话 I'm just impressed you got through a whole conversation
一次也没有比"反基手势" with two gay men without doing this.
什么 那两位是... Wait...Those guys were--
我还以为他们是兄弟俩 或是富家子弟 I assumed they were just brothers or wealthy.
你说他们为什么想要你签名 Why do you think they wanted your autograph?
可能是因为这个 This might be why.
*周五狂热夜* * It's Friday night *
*足蹬恨天高* * I'm putting on my highest heels *
*身裹超短裙* * My shortest skirt *
*藏起小宝贝* * My best device for concealing my penis *
*只欠东风吹* * And I got everything I need *
*腰纤红唇醉* * I got my body, got my lips *
*霍桑湿巾 随身常备* * Got a pocket full of Hawthornes *
*手持霍桑 清理不累* * P-p-p-pocket full of Hawthornes *
老天 皮尔斯 Oh, my god, Pierce,
你厂的湿巾成为了同志圣品 Your moist towelettes are a gay icon.
搞基关霍桑湿巾什么事 What do Hawthorne wipes have to do with the choice to be gay?
根据维基百科呢 Well, according to Wikipedia--
我的天 布鲁斯·维兰奇也这样 Oh, my...Even Bruce Vilanch?
布鲁斯·维兰奇尤爱这样 Especially Bruce Vilanch.
这摆明是侵犯版权 恶意中伤 That is copyright infringement and defamation.
我要把这娘们告到家产精光 I'm going to sue the pants off that lady.
我觉得这是伪娘们 I don't think that's a lady.
-为什么要"搞到"人家"精光" -闭嘴 - And why do you Want his pants off? - Shut up!
以为他是女人那会 才想把"她"看光光 I only wanted his pants off when I thought he was a lady.
这么说你迷上他了 So you were attracted to him?
现在我着迷的只有一件事 The only thing I'm attracted to
就是告上法庭 活吃了他 is taking him to court and eating his ass alive.
-要吃了人家呀 -我不是那意思 - Ooh! - That's not what I meant.
别再把"基"那话硬塞给我了[越抹越黑] Stop putting gay things in my mouth.
*手持霍桑 清理不累* * I got a pocket full of Hawthornes *
本字幕由YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com
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翻译：天蜗独 夕橙 絮家威武涵 A梦
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校对：小独 时间轴：六水
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后期：鱼骨头 总监：小独
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《废柴联盟》 第三季 第六集 iTunes版本调教：Tears
希望皮尔斯放过那位伪娘歌手 I hope Pierce doesn't really sue that lady-man singer.
人家够辛苦的了 His life must be hard enough
每件短裙里都要缝上特制袋 having to sew pouches in all his miniskirts.
我对同志一向很宽容 Yes, I'm always nice to the gays.
或许他们是渎神的存在 They may live in defiance of god,
但我宁死都不会让女人碰我头发 but I'd die before I let a woman touch my hair.
大"基"好 Gay-oh!
基友们怎样啦 Hey, what's going on with you bitches?
"基友"是同志对朋友的叫法 Bitches is gay talk for friends.
你打算就T恤侵权的事状告厄芭娜·钱伯吗 Did you sue Urbana Champaign for his t-shirt?
不仅不告 我还买了一件 我粉他了 Not at all, I bought this. I'm a fan.
还是同志支持者 Also, I'm a gay rights advocate.
我有个解释 I think I can explain.
皮尔斯体内正电子被逆转 创造出一位反皮尔斯 Pierce's positrons have been negatized, creating anti-pierce.
《时空探长》的老桥段了 It happens all the time Inspector Spacetime.
话是没错 但反探长有个滑稽的小胡子 Yeah, but anti-inspector had a funny mustache
还有点猥琐 and was kinda rapey.
我没觉得他的正电子有被逆转啊 I don't think his positrons have been negatized.
雷吉警官也是这么说的 That's exactly what constable Reggie said.
没有 我想了想 我们不能 No, I thought about it, and I decided a man
通过对同性菊花的所作所为来评判一个爷们 should not be judged by what he does with a fellow man's butt.
-来劲了 -自从这首歌传唱开 - Here's the kick. - Plus since that song came out,
霍桑湿巾的销售额提升了7% Hawthorne wipes sales went up 7%.
-只要有钱 一切好说 -正是 我还让人 - And it's good. - Yep, even had my own people
设计了全新生产线产品模型 mock up a design for a new product line.
霍桑光荣湿巾系列 Hawthorne pride wipes.
投入更多 但效果更基 They may cost more, but they're gayer.
我打算在格林德尔一次大型派对上 And I'm gonna launch these little babies
为这些宝贝揭幕 at a big party here at Greendale.
-传单在此 -哇 - Here's a flyer. - Ooh!
格林德尔第一届同志狂欢 Greendale's first annual... Gay bash.
皮尔斯 恭喜啊 Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting
终于达到开化民众最低标准了 the minimum requirements for open-mindedness.
真替你骄傲 终于有点人样了 Yeah, I'm really proud of you. You're growing as a person.
可惜啊 Oh, good grief,
他不是在支持同志 而是在利用他们的支持 he's not supporting gay people. They're supporting him.
如果墨西哥人愿买他的湿巾 If Mexicans were buying his wipes,
他都会愿意骑驴走路 he would have ridden in on a donkey.
认钱不认人 这是美国国情 杰夫 People earning respect with money is the American way, Jeff.
老爸可不这么想 Not that my father would have agreed.
当年为了逼他向意大利销售湿巾 It took a federal injunction to get him
甚至动用了联邦强制令 to sell these things to the Italians.
被我看透了 Oh, I see what's going on here!
最近在心理学课上 In my psych class I'm learning about
学到了"贪食情结"[应该是恋母情结 二者发音相近] this thing called the edible complex.
所有男孩子都想打败父亲 All men have to kill their fathers
好对母亲图谋不轨 so they can do something to their mothers.
这章还没学完 I haven't finished the chapter.
说一个人大错特错 What's that complex called
那种情结叫什么来着 where you're wrong about everything?
自己妈妈恋父还讽刺我 Huh, sarcasm from the man with the mother of all daddy issues.
哇 双重诊断了都 Whoa, double diagnosis.
专业医生们可以歇班了 Save some for all those poor real doctors.
皮尔斯 派对上用哪种饼干 Pierce, what type of cookies do you want at the party?
黄油花生味还是巧克力碎 We have peanut butter or chocolate chip.
彩虹主题 基友们 Rainbow, bitches.
黄油花生和巧克力碎 选一样 We can have peanut butter or chocolate chip.
怎么 Well?
感觉还真不错呢 It's pretty great!
接口滴水不漏 管道通畅 Tight seal, good flow.
孺子可教 Kid's pretty handy.
你给我滚出去 You get the hell out of here!
快走 Go on!
-那是谁 -听我说 - Who was that? - You listen to me.
你天赋异禀 What you have is a gift.
有些心怀不轨 可能会利用你的才能 And some people are going to try to take advantage of that gift.
向我保证 要用在正途 promise me you'll use it for good.
好啦 我保证你就是了 All right, I promise.
很好 现在跟我上二楼 Good. Now, come with me to the second floor.
有人在洗手池里便便 Somebody pooped in the sink.
说起来 其实咱们有很多共同点呢 You know, we actually have a lot in common.
咱们都痛恨拉拉 讨厌垮裆裤 We hate lesbians, we hate baggy pants,
更巧的是 你们也是熊队球迷 and I can't believe you guys are all Bears fans.
[熊队:芝加哥职业篮球队]
-超级球迷 -兰德尔 - Super fans. - Randall!
有人来拍照了 快摆造型 Somebody take a picture. Come on...
好了 下面拍张二逼青年的 Okay, now let's take a silly one.
-好好好 -行啊 - Okay, okay! - All right.
皮尔斯南德·阿纳斯塔西亚·霍桑 Piercinald Anastasia Hawthorne!
父亲 Father.
有必要谈谈 我儿 We need to talk, boy.
先生们 Gentlemen.
今晚来的诸位 都已被选为 You are here tonight because you have been selected
格林德尔下属空调维修学院 as potential candidates for the Greendale
潜在候选生 Air Conditioning Repair School.
为什么要绑架你们呢 But why kidnap you?
为什么要在深更半夜 Why put a sack over your head
头套麻袋 把你们掳过来 and drag you here in the middle of the night?
为什么屋角有个宇航员在做铁板三明治 Why is there an astronaut in the corner making paninis?
原因很简单 想让你们守口如瓶 Simple, we don't want you to tell anyone about this.
就算你们泄密 And if you do,
也没人会相信 we don't want them believing you.
我说的没错吧 "黑特勒" Isn't that right, Black Hitler?
入学测试 Your initiation...
现在 begins...
正式开始 先生们 now, gentlemen.
伙计们 我在找特洛伊 Hey, guys, I'm looking for Troy.
他给我发短信了 说他没事 Oh, he texted me. He said he's fine,
但不能报出方位 but he couldn't say where he is.
坏了 你说他是不是被绑架了 Oh, no, do you think he's been kidnapped?
这种情况 一般都是父母中的一方下手 Usually it's one of the parents,
大多数以撕票收场 and it almost always ends in murder-suicide.
-你笑什么 -我有吗 - Why are you smiling? - I'm smiling?
如果见到他 Well if you see him,
麻烦转告声 杰里来找过 tell him Jerry's looking for him.
杰夫 你准备穿什么去皮尔斯的男同派对 So Jeff, what are you going to wear to Pierce's gay party?
-什么都不穿 -哦 投其所好 - Nothing. - Ooh, they'll love that.
我的意思是我不去 I mean I'm not going.
那派对傻透了 不敢相信你们还趋之若鹜 It's dumb and I can't believe you guys are supporting it.
介绍一下 这是我父亲 Everybody, this is my father,
科尼利厄斯·霍桑 Cornelius Hawthorne.
哦 我一直以为你爸早归天了 Oh, I always assumed your father was dead.
从年龄上推算 Just mathematically.
老妈经常假装如此 Well, mom liked to pretend that was the case.
-这都是你朋友吗 皮尔斯 -你好 - These are your friends, Pierce? - Hello.
少数民族 犹太妞 Minorities, jewesses,
还有这位美黑怪蜀黍 and the unseasonably tan?
太不像话了 That is inappropriate!
那对我这位白人就别摆谱了 And maybe you'll give that more weight since I'm "white".
你的眉毛挺宽 You've got a wide brow.
哪里人 北欧吗 What are you, scandinavian?
对 瑞典人 Yeah, Swedish.
瑞典狗 Swedish dogs.
世世代代和拉普兰人苟合 Your blood is tainted by generations
血统都污染殆尽了 of race mixing with Laplanders.
你基本上就是个芬兰人 You're basically Finns!
我的天啊 毒舌如阿布蒂 还种族歧视 Oh, my goodness, he's like the Abed of racism.
好吧 我冒死问一句 Okay, since no one's willing to ask,
您那头假毛怎么回事 what's going on with your hair?
一般假发原料 Ordinary toupee hair is harvested
都收购自无神论的东方人 from the heads of the Godless oriental.
只有这种象牙固化假发 Solid ivory is the only way
才根正苗红 纯洁无污染 to be assured of true follicular purity,
亦是财富地位的象征 while still identifying myself as a man of means.
我可以原谅种族歧视 I can excuse racism,
但绝不容忍虐待动物 but I draw the line at animal cruelty.
你原谅种族歧视吗 You can excuse racism?
您大驾光临有何贵干 So what brings you here?
我猜不是来参加儿子的派对吧 I'm assuming it's not for your son's party.
难道是我无知 "隔离主义瘪老头" Unless "Segregationist Mummy"
也是基佬圣物之一 is a gay fetish I'm unaware of.
实际上 跟我父亲讨论之后 Actually, uh, after discussing with my father,
派对取消了 the party's off,
光荣湿巾取消投产 And we're canceling pride wipes.
挺起腰杆站直了 皮尔斯南德 Stand up straight, Piercinald,
面对下层阶级要有范 when talking to the lower classes.
失陪一下 象牙假发告急 Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find
我得走进这非黑即白的小镇 a half-decent ivory buffer
寻购备用象牙假发了 in this two-horse town.
派对就这么取消了吗 Oh, the party's cancelled?
尖角奶罩白买了 I bought a cone bra.
皮尔斯南德 拜托请告诉我 Piercinald, please tell me you did not
你不是害怕老爸的淫威 才取消了男同派对 cancel your gay party because of your father.
这是一项商业决策 杰夫 It's a business decision, Jeff.
看了下调研数据 听了属下的讲解 I took a look at the numbers, had someone explain them to me,
公事公办 and this is the way we're going.
谁刚才说皮尔斯主意很蠢来着 I thought you said Pierce's idea was dumb?
那是刚才 现在皮爷被压迫了 Well that's before it was being oppressed by a--
-被谁 父亲 -恐同人士 - A father? - A homophobe!
别扯上父亲问题 This isn't about fathers.
事关命运多舛的社区大学 This is about a long-suffering community
对于河蟹何人何事 with a constitutional right
所拥有的法律自主权 to wipe whoever and whatever they want.
这么袒护基佬 Well, if you like gay people so much,
干嘛不找一个嫁了 why don't you marry them?!
真是够贪食啊["恋母情结" 继续犯错中] This is so edible.
布雷塔 你当心理医生肯定祸害苍生 Britta, you are gonna make a terrible therapist.
如果想找位医生聊聊 And if you need to talk to someone about that,
千万别找自己 I don't recommend you.
唔 你爸是不是就这样损你妈 Hmm, is that how your dad talked to your mom?
错 我爸喜欢这样损你妈 No, that's how he talked to your mom.
对这件事你有什么感受 How does that make you feel?
闭嘴 Shut up.
杰夫瑞 Ah, Jeffrey!
皮尔斯宣布取消派对时 Ah, I was so sad when Pierce said
我真是伤心欲绝啊 he was canceling the party.
你说重新举行时 我真是欢欣鼓舞 And I was so happy when you said that it was back on.
是啊 他陪着爸爸分身乏术 Yeah, he's real busy with his dad,
但我知道 这个派对对他意义非凡 but I knew how much it meant to him.
男同派对组织得不错吧 I throw a pretty gay party, huh?
没错 棒极了 Yeah, it's great.
当然 咱不好这一口 I mean, if you're into that kind of thing.
我去勾搭人了 Time to mingle.
这是什么情况 What the hell is this?
男同狂欢夜 霍桑湿巾独家赞助 The gay bash, courtesy of Hawthorne Wipes.
我已经取消了 I cancelled this!
我又撤回取消了 And I uncancelled it.
我爸爸会跟我断绝关系的 My dad's gonna disown me!
惨了 这下你就摆脱老爸专制了 Oh, no, then you'll be free of him forever.
你以后再也不会听到他的声音就畏缩 You'll never have to cower at the sound of his voice
或是一看到大象就浑身发抖 or shudder when you see an elephant.
不用客气 皮尔斯 You're welcome, Pierce.
我只是替你这脓包解决了后顾之忧 I just did what you never had the guts to do.
你知道吗 布雷塔说得对 You know what? Britta was right.
你反感我父亲 You resent my father because
就是因为你与父亲不和 you've got problems with your own.
听到你说布雷塔是对的 After "Britta was right", everything you said
真是醍醐灌顶 just sounded like a fog horn.
尽情享受你的基情派对吧 Then have your big gay party.
我可不跟你们瞎掺和 I'm out of here!
拜托 皮尔斯 就喝上一杯 Oh, come on, Pierce, just have one drink.
你一定想看看今晚的特邀嘉宾 You're gonna want to see the guest of honor.
伙计们 揭幕吧 Pull the cord, fellas.
皮尔斯 皮尔斯 皮尔斯 Pierce, Pierce, Pierce!
好吧 来上一杯也不赖 Well, maybe just one drink.
搞定 Done.
巴恩斯先生 Mr. Barnes...
跟我来 Walk with me.
巴恩斯先生 修理空调 Mr. Barnes, air conditioning repair is
打从人类文明萌芽初期 an elite worldwide family dating back
就是一门世界性的高端技术活 to the very beginnings of civilizations.
我们的祖师爷是奴隶出身 Our predecessors were slaves,
拿棕榈叶给法老扇风 fanning the pharaohs with palm fronds.
日积月累 我们就成了 Over time, we became expert
侍奉主子的专家 at making our superiors comfortable.
我们把它商业化 We made it our business.
同时 我们也学会了改善生活 And along the way, we learned to make ourselves comfortable.
不用再看人脸色 特洛伊 No more palm fronds, Troy.
现在我们自己就是法老 Now we are the pharaohs.
口气检测无误 Breath print approved.
感觉到了吗 Feel that?
老实说 我没感觉到不同 Actually, I don't feel--
正是这样 Precisely.
你听说过恒定室温吗 Have you heard the expression room temperature?
当然 Of course.
这间房就是 This is the room!
这就是恒温房 This is the room temperature room.
我感觉自己要融化在这空气中了 I-I can't tell where the air ends and my skin begins.
不可思议 It's incredible.
我们就是干这个的 特洛伊 That's what we do, Troy.
神奇神秘 莫知莫测 Incredible, invisible, inbelievable things.
我们捉摸不定 不为人知 举世无双 We're an unseen, unknown, unvincible
能工巧匠 手足相亲 Fraternity of craftsmen.
我院毕业生百分百就业 Graduates of this school are guaranteed lucrative employment
终生铁饭碗 for their entire lives.
而现在我正式邀请你入读我校 And I'm inviting you to join us.
随时都能吃上铁板三明治吗 Will there always be paninis?
我有一个条件 特洛伊 There is one catch, Troy.
一朝入行 Once you're in...
终身从业 You're in.
为修理空调奋斗终身 Air conditioning repair will be your life.
是对那些门外汉们所不能说的秘密 A life of secrets you'll be unable to share with outsiders.
你将成为空调修理工 You will be an air conditioning repairman
从生到死 and nothing else...
奉此一职 Until the day you die.
我不指望你现在能拿定主意 I don't expect you to make a decision now.
给你一天时间 Take 24 hours.
好 Cool.
我感觉像是没穿裤子 I can't feel my pants.
皮尔斯万岁 生辰快乐 Go Pierce, go Pierce, it's your birthday!
成效不错啊 皮尔斯听你的去蹦迪了 Well, congratulations, you got Pierce
象征性征服了专制老爸 to symbolically kill his father by dancing to club music.
你最该为他高兴 You of all people should be happy about this.
高兴皮尔斯越来越宽容 Pierce is becoming a more tolerant person,
别把父亲问题扯进来 and it has nothing to do with his father.
老爹 瞧瞧我现在多爽 Look at me now, dad!
没错 老爹 瞧瞧我现在多爽 Yeah, look at me now, dad!
老爹 瞧瞧我现在多爽 Look at me now, dad!
-你去哪了 -我不能说 - Hey, where you been? - I'm not allowed to say.
-你是超人吗 -不是 - Are you superman? - No.
如果是 你会告诉我吗 Would you tell me if you were?
那样的话朕会昭告天下 I'd tell everyone.
我一直不明白 超人为啥怕人知道 I never understood why he cared who knew.
这是我们有史以来最"热"闹的派对了 This is the hottest party we've ever had.
我懂你 打得火热啊 I know, it's pretty dope.
不 我是说这儿热到爆了 No, I mean, it's dangerously hot.
我们的空调系统 Our air conditioning system
hold不住如此基情的派对 wasn't built for this gay a party.
我去检查下 I'll take a look.
-创战纪造型 -创战纪是啥[迪士尼著名科幻电影] - Tron? - What's Tron?
我去 男男有爱 天下大同 Man, this party's a real sausage fest.
我就知道 I knew it!
-知道啥了 -别跟我装傻 - Knew what? - Don't play dumb with me.
他们是不是许诺 说能让你吃穿不愁 What, did they promise you the life of your dreams?
当水管工也可以 You can have all that as a plumber too,
不需吹嘘 也能成功 but without the pretense.
你为什么这么恨他们 Why do you hate them so much?
因为他们倨傲不恭 Because they're elitist.
自吹自擂 好让大家觉得 They pump themselves up to make everybody
他们与众不同 think that they're special.
但实际上 他们并非如此 Because the truth is they're not!
哥天赋异禀 I have a gift.
无与伦比 才不是你那样的俗人 I'm special. I'm not a loser like you.
我要去和"黑特勒"共进宇航员铁板三明治 I'm gonna eat spaceman paninis with black Hitler,
你说什么都于事无补 and there's nothing you can do about it!
好嘛 玩得挺开心呀 Well, you really seem to be enjoying yourself.
我得说 真不明白"同志"为嘛是贬义 I've gotta say, I don't know why the word gay means dumb.
在我看来 同志亦凡人 These guys are all right in my book.
皮尔斯·霍桑 烦您暂放基爱 移驾过来 Pierce Hawthorne, get your fine gay-lovin' ass
上台来给粉丝讲两句 up here and say something to your fans.
来吧 Come on!
想告诉你件事 能帮我保密吗 If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it a secret?
拉钩上吊 Secret handshake.
一百年不许变 Secret.
好吧 我发过誓不能告诉你 Okay, I know I said I can't talk to you
但我可以跟我自己说 about what's going on, but I can talk to myself.
你能假装你是我吗 Can you pretend to be me?
我喜欢足球 并且我不 I like football, but also I don't--
好极了 其实 我难以抉择 Perfect. Okay, I can't choose between
要成为空调工还是管道工 air conditioning and plumbing.
我懂的 左右为难 对吧 I know, it's so hard, right?
不如问问阿布蒂 现在你来扮演我 Let's ask Abed. Now you be me.
我该怎么办呢 阿布蒂 What should I do, Abed?
我不知道 不过哈里森·福特应该知道 I don't know. But Harrison Ford might know.
别太狂了 孩子 Don't get cocky, kid--
这样无济于事好吗 阿布蒂 指点我 Okay, this isn't working, okay? Abed tell me what to do.
我看其实也不难 I don't really see the dilemma.
在我看来 管道空调大同小异 Plumbing and air conditioning seem more or less identical.
才没有 根本是两样技术 They're not-- they couldn't be more or less identical.
那好 你的感觉是怎样 Well, what do you feel like doing?
说实话 我更想跟你一起看电视 Honestly, I feel like watching tv with you.
他们逼我选择 一步走错 But they're making me choose, and if I choose wrong,
遗憾终生 it could screw up my whole life.
如果一定要选 If you really have to make a decision,
我建议跟着兴趣走 I say go with whatever makes you the happiest.
因为 还是那句话 大同小异嘛 Because, again, they're virtually the same thing.
我想我知道该怎么办了 I think I know what I need to do.
别太狂了 孩子 Don't get cocky, kid.
基友们 All right, bitches!
我想说 这场派对 完全是 I just want to say this whole thing...
一个巨大的误会 was a huge mistake.
霍桑湿巾现正式 Uh, Hawthorne Wipes is officially
-和基协一刀两断 -什么 - severing its ties to the gay community. - What?
即时生效 我们将回归 Effective immediately, it will return
直男专用产品 to being a straights-only product.
屁 Boo!
玩心脏病突发 Fake heart attack.
他什么鬼心思我都知道 I taught him everything he knows.
你们参军多久了 So, how long you guys been on the force?
皮尔斯 那是什么鬼情况 Pierce,What the hell was that?
-这是... -这才是乖儿子 - That was-- - that was my boy.
拥护霍桑古老而高尚的价值观 Standing up for good old Hawthorne values.
恕我直言 老先生 我对你毫无敬意 All due respect, sir, I have zero respect for you.
典型威尔士扯淡 Typical Welsh nonsense.
但是父亲 我... But father, I--
皮尔斯 你真想效仿这家伙 Pierce, you really wanna be like this guy?
他把象骨戴在头上 He's wearing elephant bones on his head.
儿子听老子 天经地义 He will be what I tell him to be because I am his father!
你给我听好了 守菊上校 Listen up, colonel crypt-keeper.
一个人 纵使拥有百万年寿命 I could live a million years and I could spend every minute of it
善用一分一秒 doing impoant things.
归根结底 But at the end of it all,
还是虽生犹死 I would have only lived half a life
因为他没教好儿子 If I had not raised a son.
那是上天对你的恩赐 This was a gift that was handed to you.
你却任意挥霍 You squandered it.
你心怀如此怨恨 归根结底就是因为 And the reason you have so much hatred in your heart
你想用恨意填补 is because you're trying to fill a hole
儿子展翅高飞的空虚 where your kid was supposed to go.
但是为时已晚 And now it's too late.
现在的你 只能晃来晃去制造存在感 Now you're just stomping around trying to prove you exist.
很好 任务完成 Well, mission accomplished.
但有句话 我想替古往今来 But here's a question I'd like to pass on to you
所有摊上极品挫爹的儿子转告您 from every son of every crap dad that ever lived.
你管得着吗 So what?
我受够你了 I'm done with you.
他受够你了 He's done with you.
这个世界受够你了 The world is done with you.
进来吧 他可是霍桑家的 Come on in. He's a Hawthorne.
这是他们的专长 This is what they do.
他在装病 He's faking.
皮尔斯 听我说 我只想说... Pierce, listen, I just want to say--
知道吗 加拿大绿头鸭与众不同 Did you know that the canadian mallard is the only water fowl
这种水禽在分娩时 会咬掉亲爹的脑袋 that bites his father's head off on the way out of the womb?
-那绝对不是真的 -那可说不准 - That is definitely not true. - I don't know.
我从"喂鸡百科"搜索到的 I looked it up on the "Wackapeediah"
皮尔斯 我只想说 其实 Pierce, um, I just want to say, you know...
很抱歉害死你爸爸 Sorry for killing your dad.
别自责了 Don't blame yourself.
他好些个器官都来源不明 He bought a lot of his organs from questionable sources.
这个 他希望把这给你 Here, he wanted you to have this.
不 皮尔斯 你应该留着 No pierce, you should take it.
说真的 不是我推辞 Believe me, I'd love it.
但是他的遗嘱明确提出 But the terms of his will clearly state
谁害死他就归谁 That whoever kills him gets to keep it.
我想我应该上了 I guess I'm up.
"父亲 我永远不会忘记 "Father, I'll never forget what you said to me
"开学那天你对我说的话 "On my first day of school.
'把头发梳一下 你个白痴 'Comb your hair, you idiot.
看着比希腊人还傻' You look Greek.'
"当时形象怎样 无从考证 "I'll never know if that was true,
"但我清楚记得 当时的我太过害怕 未敢捍卫尊严 "But I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself.
"但如今 我再也不怕你了 因为你死了 "Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead,
"我还活着 "And I'm not.
我赢了" So, I win."
好好死去吧 And you can suck it.
这家伙居然让老爸去死 Dude just told his dead dad to suck it.
贪食啊["恋母情结" 没念对过] So edible.
就你最坏了 You're the worst.
你的24小时期满失效 Your 24 hours has expired.
做个抉择吧 特洛伊 I need an answer, Troy.
准备好加入空调修理的 Are you ready to join the elite brotherhood
精英兄弟会了吗 of guys who fix air conditioners?
很抱歉 莱伯恩副院长 I'm sorry, vice dean laybourne,
但我觉得 尺有所短 寸有所长 But, I realize no one's better than anyone else.
比方说 有的人擅长体育 I mean, some people are better at sports and...
还有人擅长魔术 但是... And there are magicians, but...
我并非为空调维修而生 I was put on this earth to do something else.
那是为什么而生的 So you're going to be what?
管道维修吗 A plumber?
不 我也不做管道工 No, I'm not gonna be a plumber either.
管道工要处理便便问题 Because they have to deal with poop.
我目前的决定 是和朋友一起看电视 My decision for now is to watch TV with my friend.
这你就大错特错了 孩子 You're making a huge mistake, son.
就算是 阁下 我决定我快乐 That may be, sir. But at least it's my mistake.
那也不能改变这是个错误的事实 It doesn't change the fact that it's a mistake.
不能吗 Doesn't it?
是的 不能 No, it doesn't.
先生 餐厅昨晚好像有机械 Sir, looks like there was a malfunction
出现故障 in the cafeteria last night.
艾玛那5000空调有个复绕线圈断口 The Amana 5000 had a compound coil fracture.
但是被修好了 But it was fixed.
有意思 Very funny.
就算我 也不能一夜之间修好复绕线圈断口 Not even I can fix a compound coil fracture overnight.
但是他可以 But he can.
雷吉警官 Constable reggie.
时空探长 Inspector spacetime.
特洛伊·巴恩斯 咱们还没完 This isn't over, troy barnes.
好戏才刚开场 It's only just begun.
实话说 我错了 You know what, I was wrong.
我现在相信 我会成为一个优秀心理医师 I think you'll make a very good therapist.
为什么这么想 And why is that?
你揭露了皮尔斯的恋母情结 Well, you really nailed Pierce in that whole oedipal thing.
这家伙父子关系太激化了 The guy's got some serious father issues.
不觉得你可能也有恋母情结吗 Don't you think you may have had some oedipal issues as well?
你没有证据 Not really seeing the connection.
你直接说死了一位父亲 You literally killed a father.
那又不是我爹 蠢货 Yeah, well, not mine, dummy.
无语了 Wow.
喂 翁格 你要一个人回家吗 Hey, Winger. You going home alone?
搞基吧 Gay.
好险啊 雷吉警官 That was close, constable Reggie.
遇上河蟹 我还以为必死无疑 I thought those blorgons had us dead to rights.
苦逼孩子们到底想怎样 探长 What on bitter earth do they want from us, inspector?
重点不在于想怎样 警官 The question's not what they want from us, constable.
而在于何时 But when!
探长小心 有河蟹 Inspector, look out, blorgons!
接招吧 神兽 Take that, blorgon scum.
你们俩几岁了 How old are you guys?
重点不在于我们几岁了... The question isn't how old we are...
而在于 何时 But when old we are!
爆头 河蟹人 In your face, blorgonian!
看什么 美女 'sup, girl?
一个人吗 How you livin'?