当初为何选择格林德尔 Why did I go Greendale?
在这里 工作学习两不误 So I can keep my job and get busy with my education.
可广交形色友人 To meet different people.
因为格林德尔全场瞩目 Because Greendale's a slam dunk.
-那么为何 -为何 - So why should you-- - Why should you--
为何要选择格林德尔 Why should you go Greendale?
好说 That's easy.
格林德尔的打字班 其教学水平 Greendale has the most advanced typing class
在格林德尔西南区首屈一指 in the southwestern Greendale area.
现在还可传真报名哦 And now you can register by fax.
格林德尔 加油向前冲 Go Greendale, go Greendale, go!
大家或许也知道 That, as you probably know,
[克雷格·派尔顿 格林德尔社区大学院长]
这部 是我校现用的招生广告 is the currently-running commercial for our school.
知道 我总在午夜成人剧场 Yeah, I always see it during late-night marathons
[皮尔斯·霍桑 火爆愚民一枚]
看到这广告 of Fantasy Island.
并非工作失误 That's not an accident.
这叫做密集化市场策略 It's the result of intensive targeting.
而现在 格林德尔校董事会 But now, Greendale's school board
批下高达两千美刀的预算 交给我重拍广告 has given me a budget of $2,000 to update our little ad.
你觉得有必要重拍吗 Are you sure it should change?
[特洛伊·巴恩斯 铁哥们亲兄弟]
当年我之所以弃城市学院 择格林德尔 I chose Greendale over City College
就是冲着广告里那哥们的"二"手势 because of the way that one dude goes...
特洛伊同学喜欢这广告 我很欣慰 You know I love to be seen agreeing with you, Troy.
但这可是我们为格林德尔 But this is our chance to make
一圆王者之梦的最好时机 Greendale's most reasonable dreams come true.
我需要你们大家 所有人的帮助 And I need your help-- all of you.
[杰夫·翁格 前律师]
没关系 杰夫瑞 That's okay, Jeffrey.
不想的话别勉强 You can say no.
校方一向对学生所求甚少 This school asks very little of its students.
只是痴痴关怀 It mainly gives.
个中深意 大家都懂吧 I feel like you guys might know what I'm talking about.
什么忙 说吧 How can we help?
承蒙相问 Oh, thanks for asking.
我已选中你们 格林德尔最上进 I've chosen you, Greendale's brightest,
除却拉美 人种齐全的学习小组 most coincidentally diverse, hispanics not withstanding,
来参演本次广告 Study group to star in our commercial.
-哇 -选个角色 - Ooh. - Pick a character.
这周末开拍 We start this weekend.
哇 咱要上电视了 Oh, we get to be on TV!
既然周末才开拍 But if we're shooting this weekend,
为何摄影机现在就摆出来 why are these cameras here?
阿布蒂 一如既往 选择逆主流而上 Abed, true to form, has decided to do the weird thing
袖手旁拍纪录片 and film a documentary instead of helping.
根据我对人格学的研究 As a student of character, I have a feeling
我强烈预感 that trying to make this commercial
这次广告拍摄会让院长发狂 may cost the dean his sanity.
我的摄影机 只求拨开迷雾看真相 And my camera follows the fire, not the smoke.
看过《黑暗之心》吗 Ever seen Hearts of Darkness?
[两部纪录片均为科波拉名作]
比《现代启示录》可好看多了 Way better than Apocalypse now.
广告拍摄的后勤人员呢 What's the catering sitch going to be on this picture?
这里不是好莱坞 皮尔斯 This isn't Hollywood, Pierce.
如果是 我就会戴着彩色眼镜 If it was, these glasses would be tinted,
和史蒂薇·妮克丝称姐道妹了 And I'd be friends with Stevie Nicks.
没有后勤服务 No catering.
太怠慢演员了 This is outrageous.
没有饮食供应 我绝不离开房车 I'm not leaving my trailer till there's food.
你没有房车啊 You don't have a trailer.
那我就去租一辆 Well, then, I'll rent a trailer.
不给我再租一辆拖车 甭指望我离开这辆 And I won't leave it till I have the one I don't have.
其实 我是一名演员 I'm an actor, not a circus freak.
哦不 Oh, no.
走了我的路 让我无路可走 I needed to go that way.
那我绕过去吧 Eh, I'll loop around.
本字幕由YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com
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翻译：小独不要拖 絮家精壮涵
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校对：小独 时间轴：六水
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后期：鱼骨头 总监：小独
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《废柴联盟》 第三季 第八集 iTunes：Tears
好吧 我们把这货重来一遍 All right, let's rehearse this mamajama.
[制作第一日]
都知道自己的角色吧 Does everyone know who they are?
场记妹哪去了 Where's my script girl?
是剧本指导 我就在你后面 It's supervisor, and I'm right behind you.
多谢啦 指导妹 Thank you, supervisor girl.
比机车还快啊 Faster than a locomotive.
剧本指导的职责 A script supervisor is the person
就是提醒演员遵从剧本 that tells everyone to stay on script
并作详细拍摄记录 避免逻辑性硬伤 and keeps careful notes to prevent logical inconsistencies.
差不多算是明星 So...basically the star.
我们从格林德尔寻常的一天拍起 We open on a typical day at Greendale,
只不过 学生一反常态 活泼向上 Only the students all look happy
大家要装作没闻见那味道 and you can't smell that smell.
特洛伊 Troy?
"为何选择格林德尔" "Why do I go Greendale?"
"家中有三个孩子 "With three kids at home,
便知柴米油盐贵" you better believe every penny counts."
"可广交形色友人" "To meet different people."
然后 你和特洛伊拥抱 And then, you and Troy hug--
希望你们不介意 if you're comfortable with that.
-怎么会 -对啊 特洛伊和我是好兄弟 - Of course. - Yeah, Troy and I are buds.
[加轴：神犬巴迪 迪士尼儿童电影]
好巴迪 神犬巴迪 Best buds. Air Buds, even.
感觉好傻 Feeling stupid.
摄影机摇摄 派尔顿院长进场 And then, the camera pans, and enter dean Pelton.
既然院长一角无法推辞 I got stuck with the role of the dean.
我就演给他看 自己多有院长范 So I'm going to show him how much of a dean I can be.
我有充分信心 肯定一条就过 And I've got a feeling I won't make the cut.
欢迎来到"院长"德尔 Welcome to dean-dale
社区大"院" community colle-dean.
我乃二逼青年是也 I'm a silly goose.
嘎嘎嘎 嘎嘎嘎 我是卖萌的小行家 Honk, honk. Dean-a-lee-doo.
-瞧一瞧看一看 -停 - Look at me. - Stop.
-穿着我姐的衣服 -杰夫瑞 给我停下 - This is my sister's outfit. - Jeffrey, stop.
你的戏火花四溅 可以休息待拍了 You've hit gold. Save some for the screen.
大家注意 第六幕先拍 All right, people, scene six is up first.
皮尔斯估计回不来了 Oh, and I don't think Pierce is coming back.
谁能替补铅笔的角色吗 Can someone fill in as the pencil?
皮尔斯·霍桑 舞台银幕双栖明星 Pierce Hawthorne, screen of stage and star,
分到房车之前 绝不离开这辆房车 will not leave this trailer until he gets a trailer.
没有后勤招待 绝不离开这辆房车 And then I'm not leaving that trailer until there's catering.
我要一直绝食到 And I'm not eating the food until--
开拍 And action.
为何选择格林德尔 Why go Greendale?
因为所以 院长有理 院长威武 Just because, just dean it! Dean machine.
院长千秋万代 一统 Got dean, got much, much got--
卡 And cut.
新星冉冉升起 Oh, a star is born.
我向院长请缨 在路易斯·古兹曼雕像前 I suggested to the dean that we shoot my scenes
完成我那幕的拍摄 in front of the Luis Guzman statue
因为院长不享有 because the dean has no legal right
古兹曼的肖像传播权 to broadcast Guzman's image,
这样所有镜头就会全部作废 Which means every shot will be unusable.
我都和古兹曼的律师打好招呼了 I even put a call in to Guzman's lawyers to alert them.
为了临阵逃脱 I'm always willing to go the extra mile
我常能为人所不能 to avoid doing something.
比如把妹不上垒 Like sex with women.
闭嘴吧伦纳德 您老人家都快霉了 Shut up, Leonard, you smell like mentholyptus.
你来这里干什么 What are you even doing here?
我打算在拍摄中乱入一下 I'm thinking about breaking into the TV game.
阵仗这么大 不由我不入 Since it's apparently sticking around.
我可不想30年后 午夜梦回之时 I don't want to wake up in 30 years
还悔不当初 and wonder "What if?"
哪怕经济拮据的全职妈妈 "Because this full-time mama ain't breaking the bank
也一样"上得起" with your expensive tuition."
够了 停 Okay, cut.
雪瑞 这语调不对 Shirley, the voice.
能不能变得更 我要的效果是 Can you make it, um-- I thought it would be more s--
表达刁蛮活泼的那个词怎么说来着 What's another word that means happy/threatening?
他想表达的是"娇俏" The word he's looking for is "Sassy."
这小子最好别想起来 He better pray he don't find it.
第一天结束 预算剩余173元
拍完这组镜头 As soon as we get this shot,
我们就宣告完工 We are done.
-手机响了 -哦 - Your phone is ringing. - Oh.
-院长 -派尔顿院长 - Dean deaning. - Dean Pelton?
哥们 最近还好吗 我是路易斯·古兹曼 Hey, man, how you doing? It's Luis Guzman.
我听说 你在为格林德尔拍摄广告 I hear you're making a commercial for Greendale,
需要向我申请肖像使用权 and you need permission to use my face or something?
这个嘛 我 Well, I, um... Uh...
干脆真人上镜吧 Well, why not use the real thing?
你说什么 I'm sorry?
我说 我很愿意参演你的广告 I'm saying, I'd love to be in your commercial.
哦也 Wowee!
我的广告请到明星本尊啦 A real big-time celebrity wants to be in my commercial.
很好 Wowee.
我的广告请到名人参演了 A real big time celebrity wants to be in my commercial.
-来吧 -没问题 - Come on down. - Yeah, that's cool.
不过呢 我得拍完这部电影 But listen, I've got to finish this movie,
你明白的 要过一两周我才能赶到 行吗 So, you know, I can't come for a couple of weeks, all right?
古兹曼先生 路易斯 谢谢你 Mr. Guzman, Luis, thank you.
在此衷心祝愿 And can I just say,
祝您的新片一举在 I loved you in--
在在在在 Innnnnnnn...
IMDB荣登榜首 IMDB.
回见了兄弟 See you soon, man.
脸都丢尽了 That was tragic.
无可否认 学生演员也算尽心尽力 The students here mean well, they really do.
但格林德尔需要的 是一个奇迹 But what Greendale has always needed is a miracle.
没错 This is it.
这是格林德尔名声大振的最好时机 This is how I get to put Greendale on the map.
之前 我确信这广告必属佳作 You know, I thought this commercial was going to be okay.
可现在 你猜怎么着 Well, guess what?
要正式升为名作了 It just officially became great.
我来给大家细数 Let me give you a little rundown
这广告的看点所在 of this commercial's great elements.
[路易斯·古兹曼 美国演员]
有路易斯·古兹曼出演 Luis Guzman is in it.
抱歉 失陪下 I'm sorry, will you excuse me?
全体集合 紧急通知 Everyone gather 'round, quick announcement.
全体集合 Come on around.
之前拍的所有镜头统统作废 Everything that we shot so far is worthless.
全部推倒 I've thrown it out,
明早开始重新拍摄 and we're starting over tomorrow morning.
-为什么 -因为 - Why? - Because...
路易斯·古兹曼将参演广告 Luis Guzman is in the commercial now, so...
没错 千真万确 yeah. For realsies.
所有演职人员 下工回家 我要重写你们的剧本 Everyone, go home. I'm rewriting all of your parts.
除你之外 杰夫瑞 Except for you, Jeffrey.
你的位置无可动摇 You have locked into something here.
你的角色万事俱备 And the only thing your character needs
只待展示 is more screen time.
能请到明星出演实属幸事 It's great that he got a celebrity,
-但为什么要推倒重来呢 -完美主义作祟 - But why reshoot everything? - Perfectionism.
院长的新导上任一把火 The dean's first step down a road
终将成戏终人散千古恨 that ends in self-destruction.
听起来有够 悲催 That sounds... horrible.
院长给力的话 我或许还能带着这纪录片参加国际影展呢 Actually, I might end up taking this to some festivals.
拍摄第二天 超支6125元
院长的大作搅得校园鸡飞狗跳 The dean's production has taken over the entire school.
学生停课 Classes are shut down.
缝纫俱乐部被抓来制作戏服 The quilting club is being forced to sew costumes.
召唤两位女演员 身高五尺十寸 Two females, both 5'10",
一个黑发 一个哮喘 one brunette, one with asthma.
他还用有线广播来喊演员 He's also using the p.A. System for casting calls.
大家准备 Okay, everyone--
都拿到新版剧本了吗 Does everyone have their new script?
根据剧本 我要演一本读着书的书 Uh, it says I'm supposed to be a book reading a book.
这简直扯淡嘛 That--that doesn't make sense.
这是闹哪样 What's this?
第四幕道具 Scene four.
昨晚我得蒙圣启 Last night, I had an epiphany.
我准备再放猛料 I'm ready to step this mother up a notch.
广告将内涵深远 犀利毒辣 This commercial is going to push every button,
一上来 就打出炙手可辣 Starting with the one that is so hot,
连手指都烫掉的 it will sizzle your finger--
种族牌 Racccccce.
开拍 And action.
"可广交形色友人" "To meet different people."
卡 听我讲戏 Cut! I'm coming in.
我正致力拔除使祖国 I am trying to pull a 400-year-old dagger
作痛400年的心头刺 这一壮举全靠你们的拥抱 out of this nation's heart, and you two are hugging.
她不热情我理解 可你呢 Her, I understand, but you?
我做错什么了 What did I do?
你什么都没做 重拍 You didn't. Let's take it again!
"可广交形色友人" "To meet different people."
再来 Again.
"可广交形色友人" "To meet different people."
多点热情 I need more!
强烈点 More!
又错了 奋力抗争 Wrong! Fight the power!
用拥抱打破壁垒 Fight it with your hugs.
尽释坚冰 Tear down those walls.
听好了 你们要敢再错一次 Okay, you get this wrong one more time,
我就封校 I'm segregating the school.
"可广交形色友人" "To meet different people."
有人帮忙 你们还做不到 You can't even do it when we're helping you!
来个人扶一下 Somebody help her!
广交形色友人 To meet different people!
别再提肤色问题了 Stop saying I'm different!
院长 这一幕已经拍了12小时了 Dean, we've spent 12 hours on this scene.
或许该先拍其他场景 Maybe it's time to move on to something else.
我是学基础心理的 都破不到院长的心思 I'm in psych 101, and even I don't know what's happening.
院长偏执成狂 还要拉着你们陪葬 The dean is going insane and taking all of you with him.
既然知道内情 就快采取行动 If you know that, then do something!
已经尽力了 我只有这几部摄影机 I'm doing everything I can. I only have so many cameras.
一天就这么无缘无故搭进去了 I've spent an entire day in this thing for no reason.
如果拍摄又拖延一天呢 What if the shoot drags on for another day?
或者不幸拖延两天 Or, god forbid, two.
四小时后
开机 走位 And action, and move.
"全职妈妈照样上得起" "This full-time mama ain't breaking the bank--"
卡 卡 卡 加勒特 Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut--Garrett,
动作捕捉技术根本没利用起来 You're not taking advantage of the motion capture technology.
你不动作 怎么捕捉 You have to move.
我又忘了自己的角色了 I forgot what I am again.
我勒个老 你是显微镜啊 Oh, for crying out-- you are a microscope!
你这样更像马桶 No, that's a toilet.
这样像一只挣扎想爬出盒子的青蛙 No, that's clearly a frog who can't get out of a box.
[本·昌 得瑟替补]
杰夫以为自己很惨吗 Jeff thinks he has it bad?
作为杰夫的替身 我得在我的秀发上 As Jeff's understudy, I have to wear my Jeff wig
戴上他的假发 再戴上秃瓢头套 on top of my chang hair and then my bald cap on top of that.
严严实实 密不透风 There's no air getting through here.
简直是不让我活啊 I'm literally dying.
替身的苦楚永远没人知道 But you'll never hear my story.
你不也差点就不知道嘛 I mean, now you heard it, but... that was close.
就不能尽快拍完吗 Are you sure you can't work a little faster?
不用吹毛求疵 Nobody asked for perfection.
[拍摄第八天 委员会催问进度]
院长出品 必属佳品 Well, perfection is what you're getting.
如有不满 任君处置 And if you don't like it, you can fire me.
那好 到了这个当口 Yeah, if we don't like it,
[尤金·约翰斯顿 格林德尔导演委员会]
我们不会手下留情 at this point, we definitely will fire you.
那好 我就喜欢刺激的 Good. That's how I like it. Ha!
危机四伏啊 I'm surrounded by assassins.
连校报都开始攻击我 By own school's paper has turned on me.
[格林德尔招生广告"院慢"结束]
不过一旦尘埃落定 But when this is all over,
["院慢"结束而已吗 全部课程无"院"期推迟]
[派尔顿黔驴技穷]
我将拍出路易斯·古兹曼参演的广告 I'll have a commercial with Luis Guzman in it,
而媒体呢 只能捕风捉影 造谣生事 And all they'll have are their words and their fears
从我那两面三刀的老妈那里 and whatever embarrassing photos
挖几张难堪照片爆料 they can get from my two-faced mother.
[拍摄第九天 超支14125元]
加勒特 有两个穿尿片的哥们候场 Garrett, I've got two men in diapers here.
我知道其中一个 I know one of them is playing
要扮演教育的希望之光 the dawn of a new era in education,
但是另一个是来干嘛的 But I've got nothing on the other one.
我只是院长的客人 过来打个酱油 Oh, I'm just a guest of the dean's.
好吧 你们俩 这边走 Well, both of you go that way, then.
院长已经第七次"得蒙圣启"了 The dean had his seventh epiphany today,
让我也"得蒙圣启"了一把 which has given me an epiphany of my own.
院长必然是个天才 The dean is a genius.
毫无疑问的 He has to be.
如若不然 我就是将两周的青春年华 If he isn't, I've given almost two weeks of my life
交与了一位蠢货 这事实我没法接受 to an idiot. That is unacceptable.
如此推断 院长是个天才 Therefore the dean is a genius.
我要以死捍卫他的真知灼见 And I will die protecting his vision.
你知道斯德哥尔摩症候群吗[女人质爱上绑匪] Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?
是院长大人的创作吗 Is it something that the dean created?
如果不是 就不关我事 Because if not, I don't care.
我们都想收工 但院长不会妥协的 We all wanna go, but the dean won't let us.
我觉得皮尔斯一早退出是正确的 I think Pierce played this the smartest from the beginning.
他这会可能正窝在家里 边看《无言铁证》 He's probably at home watching forensic files
边吃奶酪爆米花呢 and eating cheesy popcorn.
很好 是时候了 Well, about time.
当心点 这可是路易斯·古兹曼的车 Hey, that's for Luis Guzman.
很好 给我单独派辆房车 我就还他 Well, when you get me my trailer, he can have it back.
要和这辆一样棒 And make it as nice as this one.
院长 院长 院长 Hey, dean. Dean? Hey, dean!
皮尔斯今天把我错认成院长了 Pierce mistook me for the dean today.
-我要有窗户的 -你作何感想 - I want windows. - How did that make you feel?
我看自己都觉陌生 I've become a stranger to myself.
我化装成光头 却感觉生来如此 I'm bald now. I've always been bald.
有头发的曾经 恍若梦境 I merely dreamt of having hair.
现在光头人格觉醒了 And now the bald man is awake.
杰夫 Jeff?
到你上场了 It's time.
灯光 摄像机 院长就位 Lights, camera, dean.
开拍 Action.
为何选择格林德尔 因为 Why go greendale? Just because!
卡 Cut. Cut.
把头套摘了 Lose the bald cap.
-啥 -我不喜欢 - What? - I don't like it.
太做作 太假了 It's hokey, it's fake.
摘下来 Take it off.
才不 No.
你说什么呢 小演员 I beg your pardon, actor?
这货我戴了整整十二天 I have worn this stupid thing for 12 days.
我都融入秃头圈子了 I have made bald friends.
那是你的错 Well, that's your mistake.
这般虚伪做作的好莱坞俗套 Because it's a lie. It's Hollywood crap.
在我的广告中决不允许出现 And I won't allow it in my commercial.
你根本不是光头 You're not bald.
我是 Yes, I am.
那好 这角色不要你演了 Well, then, you're wrong for the part!
替身登场 Understudy!
就是这个 That's it.
这才叫货真价实 That's reality.
翁格 没你事了 回家去吧 Winger, you're done. Go home.
回家歇着去 Go home.
好吧 我不懂这是为啥 但我受够了 Okay, I don't know why, but this is the last straw.
作为一名执证的心理学专业生 As a licensed psychology major,
我宣告 本次拍摄严重侵犯了人权 I am declaring this production a violation of human rights.
我们都成为你精神错乱的牺牲品 You have made us prisoners of your insanity.
闭嘴 布雷塔 Shut your face, Britta.
如果院长大人决定 If the dean wants his role
找位金毛中国男扮演他 那就 to be played by a chinese man in a blond wig--
天呐 你真是疯了 Oh, my god, you are insane.
好吧 都在胡扯 All right, I'm sick and tired
说我强迫你们留下 of hearing complaints
这话我已经听得烦腻了 that I'm forcing people to be here.
不想参与拍摄的可以走了 Anyone who doesn't want to help me can leave!
-阿布蒂 别拍了 -好的 - Abed, stop! - Okay.
继续拍摄 Keep rolling.
喂 喂 Hello? Hello.
有人吗 Hello?
喂 是我啊 路易斯·古兹曼 Hello, it's me. Luis Guzman.
你好 古兹曼先生 Hi, Mr. Guzman,
克拉格·派尔顿院长兼导演 Dean/Director Craig Pelton.
抱歉 我在忙着剪辑 Sorry, I've been editing.
有点小乱请见谅 It's a little bit of a mess.
这他妈是啥 What the hell is that?
是只负鼠 Oh, that's a possum.
耐心相处一会 你就会发现 Once you spend some time with them,
它们就像温顺的大老鼠 you see they're just like big, gentle rats.
-这家伙是谁 -我谁也不是 - Who's the guy? - I'm no one.
他是阿布蒂 怪里怪气的 That's Abed. He's a little bit odd.
让我们开门见山吧 Now, without further ado,
这就是你即将参演的广告 here is the commercial you will be staring in.
为何选择格林德尔 Why do I go Greendale?
我得打个电话 I've got to make a phone call.
我得告诉院长 我演不来这部广告 I had to tell this dean I couldn't do his commercial.
他没太明白我的意思 He didn't take that too well either.
你得帮帮这家伙 Y'all gotta help this dude.
你不是他的朋友吗 I mean, aren't you his friends?
我现在是狗仔跟拍党 I'm more of a fly on the wall.
到底怎 What is go--
什么 What?
你不想出演我的广告 You won't be in my commercial,
却愿意在他愚蠢的纪录片里露脸 but you'll be in his stupid documentary?
他只是跟拍 毫无编辑 All he does is follow people around.
没错 不过你看过《黑暗之心》吗 Yeah, but haven't u seen Hearts of Darkness?
-比起那部 -你给我 - way better than-- - I want you
滚出学校 你个死没良心的 the hell off of my campus, you ungrateful backstabber.
我已经让人把你的专属房车拖走了 I already got rid of your trailer.
我还有个房车 I had a trailer?
有人能听到吗 Can anyone hear me?
我要退出剧组 I will walk off this production.
我真要退出了 有人吗 I will quit! Hello?
我来这是为了给格林德尔拍招生广告 I come here to shoot this commercial for Greendale.
你的剧本原本是这么写的 That's what you had written on the script.
这剧本弱爆了 Ugh, that script was terrible.
我觉得很好啊 I thought it was pretty good.
你当然这么想 Of course you'd think that.
你不都来了吗 You went here.
我明白了 Oh, I get it.
你不仅仅发了疯 You're worse than crazy.
你令学校蒙羞 You're ashamed of your school.
在外面树我的雕像 And that--that statue of me out there,
那可不太好 伙计 that's just wrong, man.
没错 青铜比实际重了十磅 Well, the bronze adds ten pounds.
-不是这样 -本应十全十美的 - Nah, man-- - It's not going to be perfect.
去你的 Screw you.
我劝你一句 别一心仰慕离开格林德尔的校友 I'm just saying, don't worship the people leaving Greendale.
要珍重现在的学子 Worship the people that are here.
珍重格林德尔本身 它能改变人的一生 Worship this place. It changes people's life.
我怀念这里的学生时代 那段年少轻狂的时光 Look, I loved my time here. I got laid like crazy.
当然是在拍《不羁夜》之前 That's way before Boogie Nights too.
这所学校非同一般 Look, this is a special school.
但你不配待在这 You don't deserve to be here.
你还在拍吗 阿布蒂 Are you still filming, Abed?
没错 请别提到我 Yeah, but try not to address me.
当我路人一枚 I'm not really here.
我也是 Neither am I.
我想这广告拍不完了 I don't think I can finish my commercial.
但我大概知道 你纪录片将怎样结尾 But I think I know how your documentary ends.
我是克拉格·派尔顿 Hi, I'm Craig Pelton,
格林德尔社区大学的院长 Dean of Greendale Community College.
我辜负了学校的期望 I have failed this school.
错就错在 我曾以为 I have failed it because I thought
我比格林德尔牛多了 I was better than Greendale.
毕竟 我念过大学 See, I went to a university,
于是我以提高本校素养为己任 so I thought it was my job to improve this place.
可事实证明 格林德尔史上唯一的失误 But it turns out that the only thing wrong with Greendale
就是把院长之职交给了我 这位在一年内 is that it's run by an insecure wreck
只获过五次舞蹈奖 两次才艺奖的废柴 who holds five dances and two talent shows a year.
他总担心学校不够出色 Because he's afraid that the school isn't good enough.
但其实格林德尔已经很棒了 But Greendale is good enough
承蒙错爱 我才有栖身之地 Because it accepts me for what I'm not.
格林德尔是世界上最棒的学校 Greendale is the best school in the entire world,
我对自己的所作所为十分后悔 And I'm so sorry what I've done to it.
我对冰淇淋机的所作所为也不对 And I'm sorry what I've done to the ice cream machine.
清洗喷嘴前 请不要口对口取食 Please, no one eat out of it until you clean the nozzles.
人在做 管理员在看 The janitor knows how.
我是个浑球 I'm horrible.
浑球就是我 I'm horrible.
总计拍摄十二天 超出预算17125元
先生们 我要给你们看的 Gentlemen, what I'm about to show you
不是你们投资的广告 is not the commercial you paid me to create.
我要给你们看的 What I am about to show you
是我心灵的真情流露 is a glimpse into my mind and soul.
我明白你们肯定有一大堆疑问 Please hold your questions until the end.
但请你们看完之后再提问 I know you will have a lot of them,
如果你们希望我滚蛋我也能理解 But I'll understand if you'd rather I just leave.
为何选择格林德尔 Why do I go Greendale?
院长是个天才 The dean is a genius.
可广交形色友人 To meet different people.
家中有三个孩子 With three kids at home,
便知柴米油盐贵 you better believe every penny counts.
我怀念这里的学生时代 那段年少轻狂的时光 I loved my time here. I got laid like crazy.
为何选择 So why should you--
为何选择 Why should you--
为何选择格林德尔 Why should you go to Greendale?
格林戴尔是世界上最棒的学校 Greendale is the best school in the entire world.
格林德尔 加油向前冲 Go Greendale, go Greendale, go!
很棒 It's good.
我觉得可不仅仅是很棒哦 Y-you know what, better than good.
棒极了 Good enough.
还有那位抽风中国男的戏份吗 Is there any more of the crazy Chinese guy?
他很出位 He pops.
我有点晕了 这可不是我的广告 I'm confused. That's not my commercial.
不是我拍的 I-I didn't make that.
好你个泽米基斯 深藏不露啊[即罗伯特·泽米基斯 著名导演] Yeah, yeah, okay, Zemeckis, it moved through you.
不管怎样 祝贺你 Anyway, congratulations.
这广告又可以对付十六年了 That should last us another 16 years.
那 接下来干啥去呢 So, uh, what's next?
-天上人间怎样 -怡红楼也不错 - Chump's rusty bucket? - Quarter taps.
-是你拍的吗 -大部分是你拍的 - Did you do this? - You did mostly.
早在拍摄第一天 素材就齐了 You got the footage you needed on the first day.
我的镜头只起个串联承接作用 I added a little bit of my footage to fill in the gaps.
我还以为你只是狗仔跟拍党 I thought you were a fly on the wall.
偷拍也分三六九等 Some flies are too awesome for the wall.
纪录片应该保持客观 Documentarians are supposed to be objective,
避免对事件造成任何影响 to avoid having any effect on the story.
然而这一部却影响深远 And yet we have more effect than anyone.
因为我们决定讲出这个故事 Because we decide to tell it.
自己掌控故事的结局 And we decide how it ends.
而你们的故事 是否同样悲伤 Will your story be yet another sad one
是否有一个人 也想重拾快乐 of yet another man who just wanted to be happy?
你的故事 是否揭示了一切故事的本质 Or will your story acknowledge the very nature of stories
如实承认 分享悲伤的故事 and embrace the fact that sharing the sad ones
往往能创造快乐的结局 can sometimes make them happy?
先听我说 Before you say anything...
算了 有话直说吧 Nope, I've got nothing.
你们能原谅我吗 Can you just forgive me?
好的 Yep.
为什么 Why?
因为人皆有过 也正因如此 Because we've all been there.
我们才齐聚格林德尔 Which is why we're all here.
我这个院长称职吗 I'm a good dean?
当然 Yeah.
谁能帮我把办公室的负鼠请走吗 Can someone help me get a live possum out of my office?
交给我们吧 We could do that.
它在我办公室里上蹿下跳 闹个不停 It just keeps jumping and skittering.
刚有点心理准备 它又闹起来了 And you think you're prepared, and then it skitters again.
好 本幕完 Okay, scene's over.
三天后 加州 好莱坞
预计二十分钟就位 加兰先生 They'll be ready for you in 20 minutes, Mr. Garland.
很好 Great.
爷是大腕 I'm a star!
给我 Give me that.
爷决不妥协 I will not be mitigated.
听好了 Okay, you know what?
不给我派辆新房车 I'm not coming out of this trailer
就甭指望我从这房车里出来 until I get a new trailer.
再拿点格兰诺拉燕麦卷 and get me a Granola bar!