"鲜又浓"家的咖啡 让我清醒 Hot 'n' Brown's coffee really wakes me up
意识到它有多难喝 to the fact that its coffee sucks.
真怀念这里的咖啡小铺 I miss having a coffee shop.
现在我要去哪里买 Now where am I going to get
卡布奇诺和莎拉·麦克拉克兰的CD my cappuccinos and Sarah Mclachlan CDs?
原来的不怎么样啦 如果是我经营 It wasn't that great. If I had this space,
我就会卖新鲜水果和三明治 I would have served fresh fruit and sandwiches,
我会取消毫无道理的 and I would've got rid of that
[换零钱盘]
"拿走一分 留下一分" take-a-penny, leave-a-penny nonsense.
如果上帝让你有一分 不留也会有 If the good lord wanted you to have a penny, you'd have one.
皮尔斯 Pierce...
你怎么一身富翁杀人犯的打扮 Why do you look like a wealthy murderer?
我这是企业家打扮 I look like an entrepreneur.
现在我父亲去世了 我要通过投资新产品 Now that my dad's gone, I'm expanding Hawthorne industries
来扩展霍桑企业 by investing in new products.
-比如说 这个 -这是什么 - Like...These. - What's that?
这是自动安检摄影头 It's an automatic security camera
可以区分朋友与入侵者 that can tell your friends from intruders.
原理是什么 How does it work?
你的客人到了 Your guests have arrived.
四级威胁 Threat level four.
你的客人到了 Your guests have arrived.
还没经过校准 It's not calibrated.
无线种族歧视 过去的未来现在实现了 Wireless racism. The future of the past is now.
为什么不进行合理投资 比如雪瑞的生意 Why don't you put your money into a good idea, like Shirley?
刚认识她那天我就提议了 Oh, I made that offer the first day I met her.
她差点没打断我的鼻子 She almost broke my nose.
雪瑞擅长烹饪 I mean, Shirley's good with food,
你有资金 学校有经营的地方 you have capital, and Greendale has real estate.
你在说什么 布雷塔 What are you talking about, Britta?
我在说你来上学的原因 I'm talking about the whole reason you came here--
不就是为了自己做生意吗 To start a business.
你觉得怎样 雪瑞 What do you think, Shirley?
要不要让我的人打电话给你的人 Should I have my people call your people?
你的人不是指你们黑人 I mean, not your people.
我可以考虑下 I could think about it.
雪瑞·伯纳德在吗 Is Shirley Bennett in the house?
那是1991年 The year was 1991.
安德烈 你在做什么 Andre, what are you doing here?
春唇欲动舞会 Spring fling dance.
那是我第一次注意到雪瑞·爱德华 See, that's where I first laid eyes on Shirley Edwards.
她穿着变色衫和哈伦裤 A vision in hyper color and hammer pants.
宝贝姑娘 苏联还存在的时候我就爱上了你 Baby girl, I have loved you ever since there was a Soviet Union
那时叫戴蒙·韦恩的只有一个 and only one Damon Wayans.
[他儿子叫小戴蒙·韦恩 《幸福终点站》里的黑人演员]
宝贝 我知道自己犯过错 Baby, I know I've made mistakes,
我真的很开心我们重归于好 but I'm so happy we've made it through.
但有一件事 But there's one thing,
非常重要的事 我们一直在拖延 something important, that we keep putting off.
你 雪瑞·伯纳德 Will you, Shirley Bennett,
是否愿意再次嫁给我 安德烈·伯纳德 marry me, Andre Bennett, again?
愿意 愿意 愿意再嫁 Yes, yes, again!
需要我报警吗 Shall I notify authorities?
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翻译 独醉
翻译 米粒
翻译 猪猪
翻译 山炮
时间轴 菜六水
校对 坐享其橙
后期 鱼骨头
总监 夕橙
《废柴联盟》 第三季第十一集
安德烈和雪瑞复婚真是件大好事 It's cool that Andre and Shirley are getting married again.
整整一代观众 There's a whole generation
错过了原版 只能看翻拍 of viewers that didn't get to see the original.
希望能像贝尔版的蝙蝠侠强过方基默的原版一样 Let's hope it's more of a Bale than a Kilmer situation.
第二次婚礼应该还行吧 Second weddings are okay, I guess.
如果给我的婚礼排序 If I had to rank 'em, uh...
应该是四七二 It would go fourth, seventh, second,
五一三六 fifth, first, third, sixth.
-不是 一五才对 -明白 - No, wait--first then fifth. - Got it--
四七二一五三六 Fourth, seventh, second, first, fifth, third, sixth.
我们的文化何时开始如此夸大婚礼的 When's our culture gonna outgrow this wedding thing?
你现在是反婚礼派了吗 You're anti-wedding, now?
不 反对的她都同意 No, she's just pro-anti.
不是你们所说的全部 No to everything you both said.
婚礼就像是小女生的茶会 Weddings are like little girls' tea parties,
除了女人是毛绒动物玩具 except the women are the stuffed animals,
男人让她们说话 the men are making them talk,
大家喝的也不是茶 and they're not drinking tea,
喝的是古老的性别角色 they're drinking antiquated gender roles.
有人能告诉布雷塔类比的意思吗 Somebody tell Britta what an analogy is.
我知道类比 I know what it is.
就好比一个想法戴在另一个想法的头上 It's like a thought with another thought's hat on.
我对婚礼也不太感冒 Look, I can't get behind this marriage thing, either.
发明这游戏时 "死亡"意味着"第一次感冒" It was invented back when "Till death" meant "Till your first cold."
如今漫漫人生长路 岂能陪一人度过 I mean, life's too long to spend it with someone else.
-这是失败者的游戏 -是相互反悔 - It's a sucker's game. - It's a mutual cop out.
就不能豁出去孤独终老吗 I mean, just nut up and die alone.
-大家好 -天啊 真为你高兴 -你真是满面春风 - Hello. - Oh, my god, we're so happy for you! - You are glowing.
我知道 好激动哦 I know, isn't it exciting?
婚礼彩排在两天后 The rehearsal is in two days,
接着就是婚礼 and the wedding is the day after that,
是我们的周年纪念日 on our anniversary.
我肯定你们都能出席 And I'm sure you all can make it,
因为大家都已经到了 because you're already here.
你要在自习室举行婚礼吗 You're having your wedding in the study room?
我们的教堂规矩还是挺严的 比如说二婚 Our church has certain policies regarding things like second weddings,
紧身牛仔裤 and tight jeans and...
杂色猫 calico cats.
杰夫 不知道有没有这个荣幸 Um, Jeff, I was wondering if you would do us the honor
请你在婚礼上致辞 of giving a toast at our wedding?
好主意 Good idea!
杰夫对婚姻的看法可多了 Jeff has a lot of thoughts about marriage.
这是我的荣幸 I would be honored.
雪瑞 你的婚礼需要帮手吗 Shirley, do you need any help with your wedding?
说出来挺傻的 This probably sounds silly,
但每次我看到喜欢的婚礼点子 but every time I see a wedding idea I like,
我就会加在剪贴本里 I put it in a little scrapbook.
真好 Oh, that's nice.
我们也可以帮忙 We can help too.
我们刚看了《时空探长》的婚礼集 We just saw The inspector spacetime wedding episode,
知道什么样的错误应该避免 So we know what pitfalls to avoid.
一定要确认下对方的DNA Be sure to get a DNA reading of your prospective mate.
时空探长就娶了自己的婴儿版 Inspector spacetime ended up marrying himself as a baby.
我有个主意 I think I got this.
大家都来就行了 Everyone just come and...
放轻松 举止像个正常人 relax and behave normally.
安妮租的所有电影中 That's the noise people make when they're offended
被冒犯的人都会发现这种声音 in all the movies that Annie rents.
我们会尽力不在你的 We'll try not to embarrass you
社区大学图书馆婚礼上让你丢脸 at your community college library wedding.
-多谢 -雪瑞 - Thank you. - Oh, Shirley,
我想跟院长约个时间开会 I managed to set up a meeting with the dean,
向他展示我们三明治小店的构想 so we can pitch him our sandwich shop idea.
我已经注册了网站 I've already registered a website--
网址是 HTTP 冒号 斜杠 斜杠 It's, uh, h-t-t-p, colon, forward slash, forward slash,
WWW 点 会员 点 W-w-w, period, members, period,
子虚乌有自定义网站 无空格 点 webplicity custom sites-- all one word--period,
-co -我不知道 皮尔斯 - C-o-- - Oh, I don't know, Pierce.
我现在要筹备婚礼什么的太忙了 I'm way too busy for that now with the wedding and everything.
再见了各位 Bye-bye, everybody.
我得练习入场步伐 I have to practice my walk.
这下好了 Great.
又一桩投资黄了 Another business venture down the toilet.
没事 我还有第二后备计划 No problem, I've still got plan "C."
女士们先生们 见识一下"裤裤椅" Ladies and gentlemen, the trouser bench.
专为走两步停一步的人士设计 For the man on the go who makes frequent stops.
谁叫一下救护车吧 Will somebody please call all the ambulances?
真受不了雪瑞 I can't believe Shirley.
我们参加婚礼的时候 We should show up at this wedding
肯定能表现得正常得要命 and be the most normal people in the world.
对 我扮"阿正" Yeah, I could go as Normal man
你扮"阿常" 我们是最亲密的好机油 and you could be my trusty sidekick Ordinario.
不行 听着就很怪 No. That's already weird.
这就正中她下怀了 We'd be playing into her hand.
我们应该穿着最普通的灰西装 We should just show up wearing boring gray suits
系着灰领带 穿着灰衬衫 with gray ties and gray shirts.
可以把头发也染灰 We could dye our hair gray.
然后躺在人行道上假装隐形人 And then we could lay down on the sidewalk and be invisible.
看来雪瑞那么说还是在理的 You know, maybe Shirley's got a point.
我有办法了 I have an idea.
事先把所有诡异元素从系统中清除 怎么样 What if we purged all the weirdness from our systems?
什么意思 -在幻梦空间来个 You mean-- - A full 24-hour weird-down
全天不停歇"驱诡"行动 in the dreamatorium.
就你 我 外加所有幻想 不设墙 Just you, me, and our imaginations--no restraints.
到婚礼那天 我们身上的诡异气息肯定能散尽 By the wedding, our temptation to act weird will be gone.
听完就神清气爽 顿感正常 I'm feeling more normal already.
-蟹爬回去? -好 - Crab walk home? - Yeah.
雪瑞 我九年级的英语老师总是说 Shirley, my ninth-grade English teacher used to say,
"追逐梦想的路上总会有障碍" "There will always be a reason not to follow your dreams."
他当时的意思其实是我还没到法定年龄 At the time, he meant I was under the age of consent.
但这句话还是有用的 But his words still apply.
你确定要因为婚礼的关系 Are you sure your wedding is the reason you're bailing
退出跟皮尔斯的生意计划吗 on this business with Pierce?
我九年级的英语老师说的是 Uh, in the words of my ninth-grade English teacher,
"你们也就露个脸 糊里糊涂过一遍" "You are dippin' and dappin' and don't know what's happenin'."
好吧 咱都上的公立学校 Fine, we both went to public school.
我只是不想让你又回到那种 It's just that I don't want to see you slide
-温水煮青蛙的环境 -你怎么这么说 - into your old comfort zone. - You don't know that.
我要做生意的 过一阵就做 I am gonna start a business-- soon!
但是我还要选花 找DJ 忙不过来 I can't help it if I have floral arrangements to pick. And a DJ to hire--
雪瑞 如果你要这么说的话 Shirley, if that really is your excuse,
我帮你准备婚礼 I will plan your wedding for you!
整整两分钟后
谢谢 Thank you.
天哪 谢谢你 Oh, my good God. Thank you for that.
我是认真的 I was serious.
一分钟后
布雷塔 我不会让你帮我筹备婚礼的 Britta, you're not planning my wedding.
-要是有安妮帮忙呢 -姑娘们 - What if Annie helps? - Oh, hey, guys.
我听到了"安妮" "帮忙" "婚礼" Did someone say "Annie", "Help," "Wedding,"
好像还提到了什么"绣球花" 是不是 And something about maybe hydrangeas?
雪瑞 你可以自欺 Shirley, you can lie to yourself,
但你欺不了我 but you can't lie to me.
别拿二婚当借口 限制了自己的发展 Do not use your second wedding as an excuse to limit yourself.
皮尔斯 过来 Pierce, come here.
雪瑞 你愿意跟这个人结成生意伙伴吗 Shirley, do you take this man to be your business partner?
-凑活吧 -好 - Mmm, I guess. - Sure.
反正我的"裤裤椅"也要暂时搁置了 I had to shelve the trouser bench anyway.
还有几个样品零件要拔出来呢 There are still some parts of the prototype that need to be extracted.
你们想歪了吧 Maybe you're misunderstanding?
我是说 从菊花里拔 I mean, from my butt.
先走了 Excuse me.
雪瑞登场 Meet Shirley.
她是摩登女郎 她是都市白领 She's modern, she's urban,
她幽默风趣 她饥肠辘辘 she's fun, and she's hungry.
你可能也注意到了她是黑人 不过是改良版 You probably notice she's black, but not a stereotype--
-城郊黑人 -她到底是城郊的还是城里的 - Suburban black. - Is she suburban or urban?
城乡结合部的 She's half-urban.
别纠结了 就当我设定失误好了 Let's say-- writer's secret, bad pitch--
她爹是唱片制作人 她娘是辣妹 Her father's a record producer, her mother's a shirelle.
我们是要做企划书 We're supposed to be preparing a business pitch.
预期收益怎么样 盈余情况又如何 What about revenue projections? What are the margins gonna be?
雪瑞呀雪瑞 Shirley, Shirley, Shirley........
天真的小雪瑞 Sweet, innocent Shirley.
-你问什么来着 -听着 - What was the question? - Look,
这都是布雷塔撺掇的 this was Britta's stupid idea.
我还是跟我老公一起筹备婚礼吧 I'd rather be with my man, planning my wedding,
你呢 就守着那个十几年前的哈莉·贝瑞吧 and you'd clearly rather be with Halle Berry in 1999.
很高兴不跟你合作 Pleasure not doing business with you.
雪瑞 霍桑纸业把我解雇了 Shirley, Hawthorne wipes fired me.
他们就等着我老爹挂的这一天呢 They were just waiting for my dad to be out of the picture.
我不是什么企业家 I'm not an entrepreneur.
穷得只剩下钱了 我... I'm just a kid with a bunch of money, I...
求你了 帮我成点事业吧 Please, please, help me be somebody.
就让我帮你投资吧 Let me invest in you.
首先我们要把经营费用算清楚 First thing we need to figure out is our overhead.
你有笔吗 Do you have a pen?
有 Yeah.
这么多口袋 These pockets.
你知道谁会买笔吗 Do you know someone that can buy a pen?
知道 Yes!
关于婚礼的色彩 有什么故事要带入吗 Well, have you thought about the color story for your wedding?
他是指婚礼的主题 He means the theme of the wedding.
对吧 戴尔 Right, Dale?
就最普通的三从主题嘛 Same theme as every wedding--
顺从 盲从 夫从 conformity, blind participation, and patriarchal--
-粉色怎么样 -不能叫粉红 - What about pink? - We don't call it pink.
我们从来不直呼其名 We don't call anything by its name.
这可是花饰最基本的常识 That's, like, day-one floral school stuff.
这叫柠檬 这叫蛋白石 This is citrine. This is opalescent.
这叫海草 浮雕 还有蓝天 This is sea glass, cameo, and cerulean.
拉倒吧 能有多难啊 Come on, how difficult is this?
一枝这个 一枝这个 You do one of these, one of these,
再一枝这个 这个 One of these, this one,
还有这个 再绑个丝带 行了吧 This one and, like, stick a ribbon on it. Happy?
布雷塔 你插得好漂亮啊 Britta, that's a really beautiful arrangement.
我薰衣草了 Color me lavender.
"薰衣草"就是"震惊"的意思 "Lavender" Means "Impressed."
有什么的 花插在瓶里就好看呗 Yeah, well, great-- flowers look good in a pot.
这会儿乌干达正血流成河呢 There are people dying in uganda.
好吧 Got it.
别吃我的皮 Don't eat my skin!
我见啥削啥 I am shaving everything!
-这应该就好了 -对 - Well, that should do it. - Yeah.
天哪 今晚不是雪瑞的婚礼彩排吗 My god, isn't tonight Shirley's wedding rehearsal?
看咱俩穿的 Look at how we're dressed.
是啊 这肯定不行 Yes, this simply won't do.
咱们换身得体的衣服就走吧 Let's change into something appropriate for the occasion and be on our way.
好 I agree.
特洛伊和阿布蒂要正常 Troy and Abed being normal.
安妮 Annie!
帮我个忙 I need your help.
我知道你感情最丰富了 You're, like, sentimental and stuff.
我憋不出婚礼贺词 I'm really having trouble coming up with a toast.
我可不信 杰夫 I find that hard to believe, Jeff.
你有次都骗倒了特洛伊 You once convinced Troy
说圆领毛衣[字面意思龟脖]是乌龟脖子做的 that turtlenecks were made of turtles' necks.
没错 我就有这种超能力 It's true, my superpower is that
为达到目的可以无中生有 I can assume any position that suits my purpose.
你刚说的那种情况 In that example--
是我耍心眼 想只有我能穿圆领毛衣 keeping turtlenecks as an option for myself, down the road.
但我也有软肋 But I do have a kryptonite.
我觉得结婚这件事简直蠢透了 It's so obvious to me that marriage is dumb,
我没法装出一副欢天喜地的样子 I can't even pretend to get behind it.
知道怎样才能想出好的祝辞吗 You know what I think would make the perfect toast?
你身为雪瑞的好友 堂堂好男儿 You, as Shirley's friend and a good guy,
把心里所想的说出来就好了 just saying what's really in your heart.
内心深处最真实的东西 There's something real in there.
也许正是它使你胆怯 Maybe that's what scares you.
喝点小酒吐真言 I could use a drink.
雪瑞三明治可为学生提供物美价廉的食品 Shirley's sandwiches can offer students more food for less money,
并且能给校方带来更多利润 and provide the campus with a higher percentage of the profits.
皮尔斯 放下张幻灯片 Pierce, put up the next slide.
这不是我吗 That's me!
我哪来的这么多钱 Where'd I get all that money I'm holding?
我要告诉你三点 I'm gonna tell you the three reasons
雪瑞三明治和你的食堂 that Shirley's sandwiches and your cafeteria
能够大获成功的原因 are going to be successful.
我是不是该做点笔记 Well, then I'm writing this down, hmm?
稍等 Wait.
给你支笔 Here's a pen.
谢谢 Thank you.
我的老天 Holy crap!
布雷塔 你很行啊 Britta, you're really good at this.
这我知道 I know.
你怎么了 What's wrong with you?
安妮 这会惊到你 This may shock you, Annie,
但我从小就受各种母亲和妻子的熏陶 but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.
这很正常啊 Many do.
但这给我的影响一生都甩不掉 But I ran away from it my whole life.
我不给圣诞老人写礼物单 I refused to give Santa a christmas list,
是因为我一丁点都不想依靠男人 because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything.
结果现在 瞧瞧我 And now, look at me!
我简直就是贝蒂妙厨 家政女王 I'm Betty Crocker. I'm Martha Stewart.
我就是荒原狼的怪物妻 I'm one of the Steppenwolf wives.
老天啊 Ohh, God.
将来娶我的那个男人真是三生有幸 I'm gonna make some man very happy someday.
-慢点喝 -别噎着 - Easy. - Slow down.
你们俩又是唱哪出 What's with you guys?
我们"去怪异化"了 We de-whimsified ourselves.
没错 我们正常了 Yep. We're normal now.
挺好的 Oh. Good?
你们谁看见雪瑞了 Hey, anybody seen Shirley?
啥 雪瑞自己的婚礼彩排都迟到 What? Shirley's late to the rehearsal for her wedding?
-真不可思议 -伙计 - Oh, my. - Hey, man.
别挖苦我了 You don't have to be sarcastic.
没挖苦你啊 I'm not being sarcastic.
我们为此投入了很多 We're heavily invested in your situation.
对我们来说 没有什么能比 Nothing's more important to us
你们复婚彩排的顺利进行更重要 than your second wedding's rehearsal going smoothly.
伙计 一边凉快去 Walk away, man.
想好婚礼祝辞了吗 Hey! Did you think of a toast?
想好了 Well, yeah.
我喝了杯酒 Uh, I had a drink,
审视了一下自己的内心 and I looked in my heart,
这是我目前想到的 and here's what I got so far--
"韦氏字典中的定义" "Webster's dictionary defines--"
快打住 Stop!
"韦氏字典中的定义" "Webster's dictionary defines"?
吉姆·贝鲁西讲话都不会这么无聊 That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings--
吉姆·贝鲁西 演过很多无聊的电影
这种祝辞空洞无聊 It accomplishes nothing,
但不知为何 大家却一直这么搞 but everyone keeps using it and nobody understands why.
是啊 我只能憋出这个 Yeah, well, it's all I got.
这就是八个小时和六杯无水麦卡伦的成果 That took me eight hours and six Macallan neatses.
抱歉 我就是不相信婚姻 Look, I'm sorry, I just don't believe in marriage.
我相信 婚姻是不可或缺的 I do. It's inevitable.
然后要在这边摆收银台 那里放烤箱 And then I'd put a counter across here and the ovens there.
好的 好的 Okay, okay.
每季度利润的财务预算是多少 And how fiscal will the quarterly earnings be?
最初 财政状况会是 Well, initially, the fiscal--
等等 你这问题太不着边了吧 Wait, that question makes no sense.
我知道 I know.
我就想跟你一样 商业术语脱口而出 I just want to sound as good at business as you are.
或许这话不太得当 I probably shouldn't say this,
但真难以置信你这些都是在格林德尔学到的 but I cannot believe you learned all this at Greendale.
你太专业了 You're very professional.
可不是吗 I am, aren't I?
苏打水来了 一起为未来举杯吧 I brought sodas, so we can toast to our futures.
爸 我现在风光了 Look at me now, dad.
爸 天啊 坏事了 Dad? Oh, my God,
我本该打扮得漂漂亮亮的 I'm supposed to be looking like a bride
跟孩子他爸一块参加婚礼彩排 for my wedding rehearsal to the dad of my children.
宝贝 我这就来了 I'm coming, baby.
这可真是 That was...
思维太跳跃了吧 and odd dot to connect.
再给我来一杯 Give me another.
你怎么了 What's with you?
这就是老娘的本性 This is who I am.
安德烈 抱歉我来晚了 Andre, sorry I'm late.
我有好消息 I have wonderful news.
-你去哪了 -制造好消息去了 - Where were you? - Uh, getting wonderful news.
院长喜欢我们的营销广告 The dean loved our pitch and--
你的营销广告 Your pitch?
姐们 我等了你俩小时了 Woman, I've been waiting for you for two hours.
不会吧 有那么久嘛 Oh, no. Has it been that long?
我好抱歉啊 I'm so sorry.
别拿你那性感的嗓音魅惑我 Don't you dare use your sexy voice on me.
不过是场彩排 It's just a rehearsal.
我们婚都结过了 Lord knows we've done it before.
重点不在这里 That's not the point.
雪瑞 我以为这场婚礼会是 Shirley, I thought this wedding was supposed to be
我们回归正轨的开端 the start of us getting back to normal.
-回归正轨 -没错 - Back to normal? - Yes.
我不能再又当爹又当妈了 I need to not be Mr. Mom anymore.
我要回去搞我的音响生意 Okay, I got to get back to my stereo business.
你知道我开的那家店一直不景气 You know my store's been struggling.
很抱歉 安德烈 I'm sorry, Andre,
你离开家的那一刻就再无"正轨"二字了 But "Normal" went out the door the day you did.
如果不能像从前那样 Well, if we can't get back to the way things were,
那他妈复婚有什么意思 why the hell are we getting remarried?
这些虾简直是美味之至 These shrimp are to die for.
给我走跳板[海盗处死俘虏的一种办法] Walk the plank.
我们可不是海盗 I think you've mistaken us for pirates.
我们是这所学校的学生 We are community college students.
阿布蒂 我突然有个奇怪的想法 Abed, I just had an odd thought.
一旦从不正常变到正常后 What if once you go from being weird to normal,
万一不能变回不正常该怎么办 you can never go back to being weird again?
这想法确实挺奇怪 That is an odd thought.
希望别再有怪点子蹦出来了 Well, let's hope it's the last.
干一杯吧 我无时无刻不在的好机油 Cheers to that, my everyday friend.
大家好 Hello, everyone.
雪瑞希望我能在她婚礼上说一些祝福的话 Shirley asked me to say something nice at her wedding.
-这只是排练啊 -伦纳德 你给我闭嘴 - This is the rehearsal. - Shut up, Leonard!
和你打乒乓球的那些个小姑娘都是在逗你玩儿 Those teenage girls you play ping-pong with are doing it ironically.
我掏心挖肺地想啊 I searched my heart...
想婚礼上到底说什么漂亮话合适 For something nice to say at a wedding.
我什么都没想到 所以我就喝了一杯 And I found nothing, so I had a drink.
然后我又绞尽脑汁地想啊 And then I looked real hard.
你们猜我发现了什么 And you know what I found?
我老爹说过他会和我妈长相厮守 My daddy said he would stay with my mommy forever,
结果他却跑了 and he left!
婚姻就是一谎言 没人把它当回事儿 Marriage is a lie! Nobody commits to this!
俩口子过一辈子那就是一神话 Nobody stays with anybody forever,
那我们为什么还要在这儿撒谎呢 So why do we keep lying?
我还想和某人相伴一生呢 I'm gonna stay with somebody forever.
我的蠢命里注定的啊 It's in my stupid DNA.
我是穿着嫁衣出生的 I was born to be a wife
我一直都想做一个贤妻良母 and that's all I'm ever gonna be!
你还希望有人能相信婚姻吗 You expect anyone here to believe that?
蠢货 我才不在乎有没有人相信呢 I don't care if anybody believes it, jackass!
-这是事实啊 -证明给我看啊 没招了吧 - It's a fact! - Prove it, ding dong!
争论有点儿趋向白热化啊 There are a lot of layers to this.
他们说的都太抽象了 但是 It's almost too conceptual to follow, but...
我就喜欢抽象的 I love it.
安德烈 你就是为了这点事儿跟我生气 So that's what this was all about, Andre?
就是想让我回归家庭做家庭主妇吗 Just about wanting me back in the kitchen?
我以为你喜欢做贤妻良母的 I thought you loved being a wife and a mother.
我当然愿意 但是你没看出来吗 Of course, but can't you see
我不仅仅是一个贤妻良母了啊 That's not all I'm about anymore.
不好意思 无意打断你们啊 Hi, sorry, don't want to interrupt.
但是现在需要你们来制止一场悲剧啊 But you are cordially invited to prevent a disaster.
我发誓永远做你背后的女人 I promise to put your dreams before mine.
我发誓看到你在下水道里的头发时 I promise to bottle up my repulsion
永远都不吐槽 at the sight of your hair in the drain.
我发誓如果和你做同样的工作 I promise to earn no more than 70% of
我挣的钱绝对比你的70%少 what you would make at the same job.
-孩子怎么办啊 -他们怎么了 - What about babies? - What about 'em?
-你想生多少 -蠢货 随意说个数 - How many? - Pick a number, dick!
老娘能生着呢 Like, it's up to me!
你们俩在神坛前干什么呢 What in god's name are you two doing?
结婚啊 Getting married.
那你说我俩像在干嘛啊 What does it look like we're doing?
你俩都傻到家了 对不起 You two are damn fools. Oh, sorry.
-没关系 -我是个傻子 - I'll allow it. - I am a fool.
我傻到认为自己这辈子都不会结婚生子 I was a fool to think I wasn't destined for a life of this.
看看周围 I mean, look around.
你们能想象如果姐们儿我上心的话 Can you even imagine what kind of wedding I could throw
那得搞出多棒的婚礼啊 if I actually gave a crap?
-不好意思啊 -滚开 - No offense. - Knock it off.
擅长婚礼策划不代表你适合结婚 Being good at weddings doesn't make you good at marriage.
没错 Exactly.
人们总是承诺一大堆 People can make all sorts of promises,
但是没几个人认真 but they never stick it out.
哥们儿 这可不是什么能说到做到的事儿 It's not something you just stick out, man, all right?
你们俩在一起太冒险了 It's a risk that you take together.
你承诺一次可不行 And you don't just promise it once.
你得每天都履行承诺 You got to promise it every day.
但是你们做出承诺的那个人是会改变的 Yes, but the person you're making promises to
你们也必须接受这一点 is going to change. You have to accept that.
我可以 但是你能保证耐心等到那个人的 I do. But do you promise to be patient
音像生意在不久的将来 when that person's stereo business takes a little while
-重新崛起的那一天吗 -我可以 但是 - to get off the ground. - I do, but...
你能接受这不久的将来有十年那么长 Do you accept that ten years is more than a little while
而且iPod没有退出市场的意思 And that ipods aren't going away,
或许是时候该让别人来当顶梁柱了吧 and maybe it's time to let somebody else take the lead?
我愿意 I do.
你愿意吗 You do?
是的 宝贝儿 我发誓愿意 Yes, baby, I swear I do.
那我就发誓不管发生什么 Then I promise I will do whatever it takes
我都会和你长相厮守下去 to make this work forever.
既然这样 我们就开始彩排吧 Well, in that case, let's rehearse this bad boy.
实际上 你们把誓言都差不多说完了 Actually,You pretty much just married each other.
如果你们允许我宣布你们结为夫妻的话 If you let me pronounce you man and wife,
你就可以亲新娘了 You can kiss the bride
而且你们还能省下70刀 and you can save like, um, 70 bucks.
你说呢 宝贝儿 What do you say, baby?
结了 你俩正式结为夫妻了 Done and done. Husband and wife.
现在我们是不是应该 Now how about it?
派对开始了 Let's party!
真无聊 Lame.
阿布蒂 阿布蒂 阿布蒂 Abed.Abed! Abed!
我们是怪人 我们应该当怪人 We're weird. We need to be weird.
你想见识什么叫真的古怪吗 看看这舞蹈 You want to see something weird? Check out this dance.
你管这叫什么舞 林德伯格舞 Uh, what did you call this? The "Lindbergh lean"?
你觉得他们下一步怎么跳 What'll they think of next?
时空探长 Inspector spacetime...
太空工程师我可找到你了 Ohh, thank the cosmic engineer I found you.
特洛伊 现在不是耍宝的时候 Troy, this is hardly the time.
或者是不对的场合 Or is it hardly the space?
好吧 我知道你要做什么 Okay, I see what you did there.
但是我现在必须得接着跳我的林德伯格舞 But now I have to get back to my lindbergh lean
和这位 不好我没记住你名字意思 With, uh--I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
探长 你觉得什么样的生物 Inspector... What sort of creature
会跳林德伯格舞呢 would do a dance called the lindbergh lean?
-河蟹战警吗 -河蟹战警 - Blorgons? - Blorgons.
人家叫丹妮尔 My name's Danielle.
雷吉警官 好像河蟹战警能够 Constable Reggie, it appears the blorgons have developed
-变成人形了 -怪胎 - the ability to take human form. - Weirdos.
带好你的光子碗帽 Your photonic bowler hat.
河蟹战警终结者 Blorgon Patrol.
雪瑞 我有一个好消息和一个坏消息 Shirley, I have some good news and bad news.
好消息是董事会爱死三明治小店的想法了 The good news is the board loved your sandwich shop idea.
坏消息是他们打了几个电话 The bad news is that they made a few calls
把那个地方卖给了赛百味 也是卖三明治 and sold the space to Subway, the sandwich place.
什么 皮尔斯和我花了大量的精力 What? Pierce and I put a lot of work into that idea.
-你怎么能这样呢 校长 -对不起 - How could you do this, dean? - I'm sorry!
董事会在这件事上根本不听我的 The board went over my head on this one.
还有我还记得我没被邀请参加你的婚礼 And I don't remember being invited to your wedding,
所以我觉得我们互捅了对方一刀 So I guess we're even on the hurting-each-other front.
我可是婚礼傲客啊 I'm a blast at weddings.
我的梦想都完蛋了 There go all my dreams.
这只是暂时性的困难 This is just a setback.
你不用因为赛百味的介入就放弃梦想 You don't have to give up just because of subway.
我想还是赶紧把这事儿跟皮尔斯说说吧 Guess I better go break the news to pierce.
他肯定非常失望 He's not gonna like this.
还记得那次他以为亚当·桑德勒偷了 Remember that temper tantrum he threw
他关于《杰克和吉尔》的创意而大发雷霆吗 When adam sandler "Stole" His idea for Jack and Jill?
你小看他了 You're underestimating him.
我觉得皮尔斯比我们想象的要成熟得多 I think Pierce is a lot more mature than we all give him credit for.
老爹 看看现在的我 你什么感觉啊 Look at me now, dad! How's it taste?
你有几个三明治店啊 How many sandwich places did you have?
一个都没有 None!