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制作 格林德尔校园电视台
《废柴联盟》 第三季 第十四集
在两个都想 "Between two groups of people
一统世界的团体之间 who want to make inconsistent kinds of worlds,
只有无法调和的暴力冲突 I see no remedy but force."
奥利弗·温德尔·霍姆斯 Oliver Wendell Holmes.
有一瞬间我看到了羽毛 There was a point where all I saw were feathers.
然后我就开始乱打 Then I started swinging.
好像打到了什么东西 我听到有人摔倒 And then I hit something and heard someone fall.
有可能是我们这边的人 Could've been somebody from my side.
2012年 社区大学史上 In 2012, Greendale Community College
规模最大 持续时间最长的枕头大战 was the site of the largest and longest pillow fight
在格林德尔社区大学爆发 in community college history.
一时间狼烟四起 烽火连天 It shaped and scarred the landscape of their campus
生灵涂炭 人人自危 and forever changed the lives of those involved.
医护管理专业的学生 A health care administration student,
将储藏室变为 who turned the storage room into a sanctuary for soldiers
眼镜碎裂和轻度"蛋疼"伤兵的避难圣所 with broken glasses and lightly grazed testicles.
高中辍学的业余摄影师 A high school dropout and amateur photographer
用借来的相机捕捉 whose borrowed camera would capture
战火中的一幕幕拍成最模糊最差劲的照片 some of the war's blurriest, most poorly framed moments.
被吊销执照的前任律师 A disgraced former lawyer
巧舌如簧 煽风点火 怂恿学生们 whose words would inspire tens of students
拿起枕头 投入战斗 to take up pillows and fight,
貌似是为了逃避即将到来的考试 most likely to avoid an upcoming test.
有爱的贤妻良母 A loving wife and mother who would prove to be
证明了她不仅擅长擦屁股更擅长打屁股 as skilled at kicking asses as she was at wiping them.
湿巾帝国的干巴老头继承人 The dried-up heir to a moist towelette empire,
证明了他确实是 who would prove to be the dried-up heir
湿巾帝国的干巴老头继承人 to a moist towelette empire.
身手敏捷的高中四分卫 The sensitive high school quarterback
成为了拥兵自重的总司令 who became commander in chief of his own army.
战后 他评价道"这一仗很赞 He would later say of the war, "It was awesome,
但它又很脑抽" but also, it wasn't."
他那社交能力故障的死党 And his socially dysfunctional best friend
成为了他的死敌 turned bitter rival,
一个态度强硬的战略天才 an uncompromising tactical mastermind feared by all
让那些付不起违规停车付款 yet unable to pay parking tickets
和没有宣读效忠誓言的家伙们畏惧无比 or know left from right without mouthing the pledge of allegiance.
他们友谊的裂隙将让他们的学校 The rift in their friendship would carry their school
在接下来的日子里卷入战火 into a conflict lasting days,
耗费了成百上千的美刀 costing hundreds of dollars
导致超过十二笔资金捐助泡汤 and resulting in over 12 transfers.
有人称"我不明白 There are people who say, "I don't get it.
不就是场枕头大战嘛" So it was a pillow fight,"
对此我只能说 To which I say...
雪瑞·"大奶酪"·伯纳德 毯子堡军司令官
"眼见为实" "You weren't there."
废柴联盟: 枕头堡大战毯子堡
杰夫瑞 你得为特洛伊和阿布蒂调解下 Jeffrey, you have to come mediate Troy and Abed.
周四 下午四点
-他们都崇拜你 -哪来的摄影师 - They look up to you. - What's with the film crew?
-别管了 -我当然得管 - Don't worry about that. - Oh, I am worried about that.
我在这学到了一个道理 If there's one thing I've learned at this place,
有摄像机就意味着灾难即将到来 It's that a film crew means disaster.
好吧 他们是来公证 Okay, they are here to document
格林德尔的吉尼斯世界纪录的 Greendale's Guinness record,
所以为了我们能破这个纪录 which you are going to make sure we get
你现在得马上去找特洛伊和阿布蒂谈谈 by talking to Troy and Abed right now.
-都是你的错 -才不 是你的错 - This is your fault. - No, it's your fault.
-是你错了 -是你错 - This is your fault. - Your fault.
-是你 -是你 - Your fault! - Your fault!
行了 我有个好消息要告诉你们 Okay, I've got good news for both of you.
你们谁也用不着道歉因为你们俩 Neither of you has to apologize because what you're doing
所干的事是同样的荒谬 is equally ridiculous.
现在我提出一个解决方案 So here's the solution I'm pitching.
我将给你们两顶虚拟的友谊之帽 I'm giving you two imaginary friendship hats
只要戴上它你们的友情会自动和好如初 that automatically make you friends again.
接受吗 Are we done?
抱歉 杰夫 这次事态有点小严重 Sorry, Jeff, but this matter's a little more serious than that.
不 才没有 No, it's not.
你们是成人的躯体幼齿的心 You're children acting like grown-ups.
我是说 这样很好 I mean, it's fine.
但不要拿它不当回事 But just don't pretend it's anything but that.
起因
特洛伊·巴恩斯和阿布蒂·纳迪亚 Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir.
亲密死党 曾荣登 Friends so close, they once graced the cover
自制虚假刊物《友谊周报》的封面 of Friends Weekly, a pretend magazine of their own design.
那一天的早些时候 他们开始 Earlier that day, they begin construction
建造枕头城堡 on a fort made of pillows.
城堡名为 新蓬蓬城 Its name-- New Fluffytown.
新蓬蓬城 禁止吸烟 禁止放屁 禁止枕头大战
以标示它是一个比他们去年建的蓬蓬城 Its goal-- to be a newer, fluffier town than Fluffytown,
更新更蓬松的城堡 their blanket fort from the previous year.
新蓬蓬城笑迎八方来客 New Fluffytown don't care who you were.
温柔舒软广纳天下人 You were surrounded by softness.
就像在某人的怀抱中爬行 It's just like crawling through a hug.
当然 Well...
哈利·杰弗森 "资深"老学生
我想每个拥抱都有撒手的时候 I guess all hugs have to come to an end.
当打破世界纪录的机会出现的时候 When an opportunity arises for a world record,
死党间的矛盾爆发了 it creates a rift.
特洛伊想要打破纪录 Troy wants to go for the record
使用毯子迅速扩大规模 using blankets for rapid expansion.
阿布蒂坚持使用枕头 Abed insists on pillows,
宣称追求纪录是很傻的事 declaring world records to be dumb.
特洛伊称 此言差矣 Troy declares the declaration lame,
说认为打破纪录傻才是真傻 stating that thinking records are dumb is stupid.
他退出了新蓬蓬城的搭建队伍 He secedes from New Fluffytown
并开始着手在校园的另一边 and begins constructing Blanketsburg
搭建毯子堡 on the other side of the campus.
阿布蒂把城堡重新命名为枕头城 Abed renames his fort Pillowtown
以求概念上相互对称 for the sake of conceptual symmetry.
两个城堡皆极力扩张 直逼彼此阵下 Both forts expand until both are in each other's way.
下午三点 第六自习室 Study room "F," 3:00 P.M.,
学生手机拍摄画面
矛盾冲突迅速达到了爆发点 things quickly reach their boiling point.
-你给我站住 -注意点 星霸 - You stand back. - Watch it, Star-Burns.
人家叫亚历克斯 My name is Alex!
低致敏性席伊丽牌精选枕头
一个低致敏性席伊丽牌 A softly lobbed, hypoallergenic Sealy select
精选印花枕头 in a floral print case
划着舒缓的抛物线撞上了承重的扫帚 collides with a load-bearing broomstick,
导致毯子城堡大片区域坍塌 collapsing a queen-sized section of blanket fort.
学生手机拍摄画面
你看见了吧 是他们弄倒的 You saw that. They knocked it down!
停手 我们撤 Stop, let's go!
杰夫瑞 杰夫瑞 救我啦 Jeffery! Jeffery, find me!
-快回来 -杰夫瑞 - Get back! - Jeffery!
这次骚乱日后被名为"自习室之乱" It was later named "The Study Room Kerfuffle."
保护大家 Protect everyone!
捍卫枕头城 Protect Pillowtown!
敬酒与罚酒
杰夫瑞 你压根就没有在调解 Jeffrey, you're not mediating.
院长 你想让我说些什么 Ah, dean, what do you want me to say, huh?
我是说 有些冲突实在是毫无意义 I mean, some conflicts are so pointless,
他们只需冷眼旁观就能体会到 they just have to play themselves out.
好吧 Fine.
毯子堡共和城 The Legit Republic of Blanketsburg
同意枕头城于今晚午夜 says Pillowtown has until midnight tonight
撤出原有领土 to surrender its territory.
枕头城联邦堡拒绝该请求 The United Forts of Pillowtown declines the request.
这不是请求 It's not a request.
这是你吃不吃敬酒的问题 I'm giving you an "All tomato,"
你要么全交出来要么自己看着办 meaning that you give me the whole tomato or else.
看着办什么 Or else what?
午夜见 See you at midnight.
我的天 Oh, my God.
他们还上不上课了 Do people go to classes?
最后期限临近 The deadline divides friendships,
枕头城联邦堡 毯子堡共和城
朋友 家人 学习小组组员反目成仇 families, even study groups.
皮尔斯·霍桑加入特洛伊一方 Pierce Hawthorne takes Troy's side,
因为阿布蒂性格更怪 家乡也更遥远 Citing that Abed is weirder and more foreign.
雪瑞·伯纳德在给丈夫的短信里 Shirley Bennett decides her allegiance
表明了自己的立场 in a text message to her husband.
达令 我要晚点回家 I'll be home late, sugar boots.
阿布蒂这个冷血动物伤了特洛伊的心 Abed hurt Troy's feelings by being a robot.
我得陪在他身边 Need to stay with my boy to make sure
谨防布雷塔唆使他吸大麻 Britta doesn't put him on the weed.
记得录下《法医档案》哦 Please record Forensic Files.
特洛伊任命雪瑞·伯纳德 Troy appoints Shirley Bennett
为其副指挥官 有鉴于此 as his second-in-command, at which point,
皮尔斯叛变到了阿布蒂阵营 Pierce switches to Abed's side.
有些人以为就算午夜来临 There were those who thought that midnight might come and go,
也不会有什么事 and nothing would happen.
但我上过朝鲜战场 那山雨欲来的声音 Well, I was in Korea, and I knew the sound of crap
我再熟悉不过 when it was about to hit the fan.
知道是什么样的动静吗 You know what it sounded like?
没错 杰克逊 That's right, Jackson.
一片死寂 Silence.
午夜来临 整个校园的人都屏气凝神 Midnight comes, and a campus holds its breath.
我知道毯子军团和枕头部队都有不少人 I know there's a lot of blanket stackers and pillow packers out there
觉得熬不过今晚了 thinking it's going to go down tonight.
但我们中间派还有很多人 But there's a lot of us folks from the scene in between
心里正想着"闹剧早点结束 saying, "Hey, we're all looking to chill out
回家老婆孩子热炕头咯" and lay down with someone special."
我是钢管真相帝尼尔 This is real Neil with pipes of steel,
伴随着柔和的拂晓之音 signing off with the smooth sounds
我们下次再见 of daybreak.
一定要把这段录下 I gotta get this on film.
学生手机拍摄画面
有兴趣可自行搜索游戏规则
我赢定了 摸底技术太好了 I am straight trouncing spaz in Go Fish.
老兄 你干啥呢 Dude, what are you doing?
别录了 Don't record this.
别这样 Come on!
你听见了吗 Wait, did you hear that?
什么玩意儿 What the hell is that?
凌晨零点零七分 12:07 A.M.
毯子军团士兵攻向图书馆的枕头城堡 Blanketsburg soldiers charge a pillow fort in the library.
枕头部队迅速前往防御 The pillowtonians move quickly to defend.
那一仗打得毫无章法 There were no rules in that first battle.
见人就打 对方倒下了 You hit someone, and if they went down,
你就收手 you stop hitting them.
学生手机拍摄画面
这算是基本礼节吧 Call that common courtesy.
要是倒下又爬起来呢 Then what if they get up?
你会不会一直打到他爬不起来呢 Do you maybe keep hitting them till they learn to stay down?
这就叫基本常识 We call that common sense.
战斗持续了六分钟 The battle lasts six minutes.
双方互无攻陷 No territory changes hands.
毯子军团首开杀戒 Blanketsburg has drawn first blood.
第二部 枕头部队血洗敌方 Pillowtown will draw first blood part II.
毯子堡人民 我在此号召 Citizens of Blanketsburg, I ask you now
大家准备战斗 to prepare for war.
另外请加瑞立即修好我笔记本上的麦克风 And I ask Garrett to please fix the microphone on my laptop.
它老毛病又犯了 it's doing that thing again.
枕头城联邦堡 The United Forts of Pillowtown
和毯子堡共和城 and the Legit Republic of Blanketsburg
开战了 are at war,
双边都想攻陷对方 占据阵地 Each side attempting to kick down and replace the other.
这条羊毛漫天飞的烽火战线上 The unmoving line between them
充斥着枕头与枕头的碰撞 is a campus-wide, fleece-laden strip
你来我往 互不相让 of pillow-to-pillow combat.
布雷塔·派利想要用胶片 Britta Perry attempts to capture
捕捉到战争最卑劣的一面 the war's sublime indignities on film.
可惜呀 在此奉劝布雷塔 Unfortunately for Britta
以及另外几百万跟她一样的拍客 and millions of photographers like her,
别以为把照片拍成黑白的 just because something is in black and white
就是牛逼的照片 doesn't mean it's good.
严禁打脸和腹股沟 其他随意
尽管有约在先 但伤亡在所难免 Rules are agreed upon, but casualties are inevitable.
学生手机拍摄
科学实验室门外 Outside the science lab,
公报栏一役 at the battle of big bulletin board,
皮尔斯·霍桑眼镜碎裂 Pierce Hawthorne suffers broken glasses,
手指受伤 勃起不能 A hurt finger, and erectile dysfunction,
据他所言 此前他从未有过此类问题 which, in his words, had never happened ever Before that battle.
枕头遍地 却无安睡 Pillows, but no sleep.
羽毛漫天 却无鸟雀 Feathers, but no birds.
身着睡衣 不是童颜 Pajamas without children.
激烈暴动 不知何为 Violence without purpose.
写的神马鸟玩意儿
眼见妈咪亲吻埃克森美孚[美国炼油公司] I saw mommy kissing exxon mobil.
阿曼达·约翰逊 Amanda Johnson.
吟诗作对皆自愿 蕾丝百合本天生 Poet by choice, lesbian by birth.
就连杰夫·翁格 这个战前 Even Jeff Winger, who, before the war,
对战事毫无兴趣的人也成长为了军事领袖 lacked interest in it, has now found a leading role.
毯子堡的士兵们 Soldiers of Blanketsburg,
我们不是为了战争而战争 we fight not because we want war.
战争 We fight,
是为了赢得和平 That we might gain peace!
有批评者指出 Winger's critics suggest
他煽风点火 鼓动狂热爱国主义情怀 He merely improvised hot-button patriotic dogma
是为了逃避作业 就像《春天不是读书天》里一样 in a Ferris Buellerian attempt to delay schoolwork.
对于这种批评 翁格公开谴责道 Winger decries the accusation as,
"这种造谣中伤无异于911" "A slanderous betrayal akin to 9/11."
战争结束后 Later after the war,
他又会改口称其"基本正确" he would refer to the theory as "Essentially accurate."
安妮·埃迪生为敌对双方提供人道救援 Annie Edison provides humanitarian relief For both sides.
从她与杰夫·翁格的短信对话中 Her text conversations with Jeff Winger give us a glimpse
我们可以窥见在枕垫战争之下 beneath the cushions of war to the lost pennies
因战争情感创伤而耗费的钱财和棉签 and grody q-tips of war's emotional toll.
杰夫 我听特洛伊那边的一个士兵 Jeff, heard from one of Troy's soldiers about a speech
说起了你在毯子堡发表的演说 you gave to troops at the blanket fort.
希望战争早点结束 Wish this war could be over.
但你能站出来 我为你骄傲 But proud of you for taking a stance.
短信 Text message.
安妮·埃迪生 Annie Edison.
谢谢 安妮 Thank you, Annie.
我也为你和大家感到骄傲 I'm proud of you too and of us all.
我也希望噩梦早点结束 Also with the nightmare would end.
但在此之前 我会尽力而为 But using what I'm given to give what I can.
杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger.
杰夫 我刚听阿布蒂那边的士兵说 Jeff, just heard from one of Abed's soldiers
你在枕头城也发表了相同的演说 that you gave an identical speech to troops at pillowtown.
搞什么 哭丧脸 Wtf? Sad face.
特殊标志 大拇指向下 Special icon of a downward thumb.
好吧 被你发现了 Annie, okay, you caught me.
比起写作业 我宁可打仗 I prefer war to homework.
你那个拇指标志怎么打出来的 How do you do that little thumb icon?
我在手机里找不到 I can't find it on my phone.
杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger.
杰夫 你真恶心 Jeff, you're disgusting.
特洛伊和阿布蒂的友谊可是岌岌可危 Troy and Abed's friendship is at stake.
你可以在APP商店买到特殊标志和表情包 You can buy special icons and packages at the app store.
寿司 生日蛋糕 停车标志 雪人 雨伞 Piece of sushi, birthday cake, stop sign, snowman, umbrella.
安妮·埃迪生 Annie Edison.
皮尔斯·霍桑 Pierce Hawthorne, humiliated
因为在大公告栏一役受辱 in the Battle of Big Bulletin Board,
希望找机会一雪前耻 wants a chance to redeem himself.
我研究了点东西 你看 I'm working on something. Look at this.
你能造出来吗 You can build this?
你得给我提供枕头 You just give me the pillows.
希望我们永远也不会用上它 I hope to God we'll never have to use it.
我也这么想 Oh, me too.
霍桑武器的流言传进了特洛伊耳中 Rumors of Hawthorne's weapon find their way to Troy.
特洛伊·巴恩斯不敢忽视这一消息 Troy Barnes will take no chances.
他向格林德尔保安总管本·昌寻求帮助 He turns to Ben Chang, Greendale's chief of security,
据传言 此人患有神经病 rumored to be literally psychotic,
直到此刻 他才被正式卷入这一纷争中 and who has been kept on the sidelines until this moment.
翻译：老涵 米粒 猪猪 山炮
■
校对：高龄穷游橙 时间轴：六水
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后期：鱼骨头 总监：夕橙
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昌在当地举办的一场成人礼兼职时 Chang has recruited an army of preteen security interns
招募了一批少年安保实习生 while moonlighting at a local bar mitzvah.
他们之后被命名为"猖耻混蛋" They were later nicknamed "The Changlorious basterds,"
跟无耻混蛋差不多 like Inglourious Basterds,
只是把"无"换成了"猖" but with "Chang" instead of "In."
我也没懂槽点在哪 I don't get it either.
这场战争中的士兵们 Most of the soldiers in this war
大都很久没持枕头打仗了 hadn't fought with a pillow in years.
可这些小混蛋 These little bastards,
枕头大战对他们来说再寻常不过了 pillow fighting was a way of life for them.
电影《无耻混蛋》中布拉德·皮特率领的士兵 杀掉法西斯后割掉他们的头皮做纪念
其中一名实习生说他们还拿床垫标签做项链 One of the interns said they were making necklaces out of mattress tags.
这场战争已经变得丑恶至极了 This is when things get as ugly as they can get...
安妮·埃迪生 战场天使
虽然不过只是场枕头大战 while still being a pillow fight.
疯狂的战争 不是吗 Crazy war, huh?
听说昌手下的那群孩子为虎作伥 I heard Chang's kids are really ducking stuff up.
对了 快看看 我下了那些表情 Hey, check it out. I downloaded that thing.
[蛋糕] [蛋糕] [独角兽] [高跟鞋] Birthday cake, birthday cake, unicorn, woman's shoe.
医护工作进行得怎样 How's the nurse thing going?
不予回复 No response.
学生手机录像
你们不是喜欢枕头吗 You guys like pillows?
来尝尝这些枕头的滋味吧 How do you like these pillows?
猖耻混蛋将这场战争变成了 The Changlorious Basterds have turned the war
纺织物漫天飞舞的混乱海洋 into a chaotic sea of high-thread-count terror.
听取了最高统帅的意见后 Under advice from his top general,
阿布蒂只得启动他的末日装置 Abed sees no choice but to unleash his doomsday device.
你们都去死吧 小混蛋们 You're going to die, you little bastards!
这他妈是啥玩意 What the heck is that?
他是个半人半枕的怪物 He is part man, part pillow...
极具破坏力 All carnage.
皮尔斯·霍桑把自己改造成了 Pierce Hawthorne has transformed himself
势不可挡的羽毛破坏神 into an unstoppably plush juggernaut.
伙计们 快撤 撤啊 Guys, guys, let's retreat. Go, go!
《第一滴血第二弹》中战争仍未停止 The war won't stop with First Blood Part II.
战事将升级成为《蓝博第三弹》 It will escalate to Rambo iii,
其实应该叫做《蓝博第二弹之第一滴血第三弹》 which should really be called Rambo II: First Blood Part III.
真不知道为啥要起《蓝博》这个名字 But the Rambo titles never made sense.
这战争也很是无厘头 And neither does war.
阿布蒂·纳德尔 Abed Nadir.
Facebook状态更新 Facebook status update.
伦纳德很喜欢这条状态 Leonard likes this post.
战争是罪恶之源
你为什么不理我 Why are you ignoring me?
跟你聊天没什么意思 What's the point of talking to you?
你说的内容毫无意义 Your words don't mean anything.
说这些只不过为得到自己想要的东西 They're just things you say to get what you want.
这就是谈话的真谛 安妮 Well, that's what conversation is, Annie.
为了达到自己的目的 People saying things to get stuff.
那你还是闭嘴好了 Then maybe you should just shut up.
你就从没 Do you ever just...
写过日记吗 杰夫 write stuff down in a journal, Jeff?
记录自己最真实 不愿为人所知的情感 One you don't show people or use to get anything with?
一片属于自己的洁净之地 A place that's just for you to...
用于审视自我本真 sort out the truth?
如果我在凯蒂猫记事本上写东西 If I write stuff down in a Hello Kitty book,
你还会对我有好感吗 will you like me again?
我默认你说"会"了 I'm taking that as yes.
战争暴露出了人性的丑恶 The war brings out the worst in people.
更可怕的是 特洛伊的士兵截获了一封 Worse yet, Troy's forces intercept an email
阿布蒂写给指挥官的邮件 written by Abed to his commanders,
其中尽数指出了特洛伊的弱点 outlining Troy's weaknesses.
特洛伊在情感崩溃前是不会倒下的 Troy will hold on until he is broken emotionally.
庆幸的是 击垮他并不难 Fortunately, this will not be hard.
这些东西会让他分神 噪声 He gets distracted by loud noises,
红色 抒情爵士乐 闪亮亮的东西 the color red, smooth jazz, shiny things
食物香气 音乐盒 喇叭裤 food smells, music boxes, bellbottoms,
胸器 狂吠的狗 boobs, barking dogs,
以及随便谁对他说"瞧那边" and anyone saying, "Look over there!"
他对自己的智商信心不足 He's insecure about his level of intelligence.
他最大的弱点是有一颗小男生柔弱心 His greatest vulnerability of all is his emotional frailty.
气哭他简直易如反掌 It's incredibly easy to make him cry.
他还觉得哭鼻子无比丢人 And he's incredibly ashamed of that fact.
走开啦 Get away!
不幸的是 捕捉到这一镜头的 Unfortunately, the only photographer there
只有布雷塔·派利一个人 to capture the scene is Britta Perry.
水平真次啊 Yeah, gee.
这里有张好的 There's a good one.
照片中虽已躺下 Pictured here lying down,
但特洛伊绝不会对这封邮件忍气吞声 Troy's does not take Abed's email lying down.
听着 傻逼 看过你的邮件了 Hey, Dick. Read your dumb email.
写得很不错 知道吗 Really enjoyed it. Guess what?
你也许是我最好的朋友 You may have been my best friend,
但大家都清楚 我是你的第一个朋友 but we both know I was your first friend.
还有我心知肚明而你因有心理问题 And what I know but you don't know
所以毫不知情的事情是 because you have mental issues
你绝不会再有其他朋友 is that you're never going to have another friend.
因为 下面这句大写 Because--all caps--
别人都没我这份耐心 NOBODY ELSE WILL EVER HAVE MY PATIENCE WITH YOU.
特洛伊·巴恩斯 短信分四次发送 Troy Barnes. Four-part text message.
听说这两人在相互伤害对方的感情 Word got around these two were now hurting each other's feelings.
杰夫·翁格
我想了想安妮说的话 And I thought about what Annie said,
然后又想自己该做些什么来挽回局面 and then I thought about what I might do to make things right.
第二天晚上八点 At 8:00 p.m. of the second night,
两方都在纪念停火 both sides are honoring an agreed upon cease-fire
士兵们因此可以观看热播剧集 so that the infantry can watch the hit TV show
《滑雪·射击·高歌》 Ski, Shoot, Sing,
冬季两项竞技与唱歌结合的选秀节目 a combination biathlon singing competition,
如果按时间顺序看会觉得很没劲 which was no fun to watch time-shifted
因为大家都喜欢最先被剧透 because then you'd be the last to know who won.
停火期间 During the cease-fire,
杰夫召集特洛伊和阿布蒂进行秘密峰会 Jeff summons Troy and Abed to a secret summit meeting.
-该停手了 -这话对他说 - This has to stop. - Tell him.
我 谁先发的邮件 Me? What about your email?
那又不是给你看的 You weren't supposed to see that.
你就不该有那些想法 You weren't supposed to think those things.
伙计们 瞧瞧你们啊 Guys, look at yourselves.
你们以前可不这样 You didn't used to be like this.
你们以前是特洛伊和阿布蒂 You were Troy and Abed.
开开心心 毫无纷争 Things used to be easy.
他说的没错 He's right.
-我们的友谊已尽 -啥 - Our friendship is dead. - What?
没错 我们现在就应该达成共识 Yeah, I think we should agree right now
谁赢这场战争 谁就能留在公寓里 that whoever wins this war can stay in the apartment.
输家要搬出去 Loser has to find a new place.
同意 Agreed.
这可不是我想要的结果 Uh, I wanted that to go different.
格林德尔之战
诺斯食堂 The north cafeteria,
North 北面的意思
以威廉·诺斯上将而命名 named after admiral William North,
在东厅的西面 is located in the western portion of east hall,
大门口正对着北厅的西半侧 Gateway to the western half of north hall,
这可不是根据威廉·诺斯命名的 Which is named not after William North,
仅仅是因为它在南墙的北面 But for its position above the south wall.
这是格林德尔校园里 It is the most contested and confusing battlefield
最诡异的战场了 On Greendale's campus,
紧邻英国人纪念西班牙人中心 Next to the English Memorial Spanish Center,
以英国人纪念中心命名 Named after English Memorial,
他是一名葡萄牙的水手 在寻找 A portuguese sailor that discovered Greendale
能治梅毒的喷泉时 发现了格林德尔 while looking for a fountain that cured syphilis.
由于情感受挫 特洛伊再次发动他的部队 In a fit of hurt feelings, Troy redirects most of his infantry
进攻食堂 to the cafeteria.
100名枕头城的士兵 They arrive at the same time
几乎同时到达战场 as 100 pillowtown troops.
夕阳西下 生死搏杀开始了 Just after dawn, the end of the war begins.
吃老娘一击 Big cheddar coming!
打中了 我死了我死了 Aah! Okay, I'm out.
别打了 我死了 Okay I am dead.
闹够了 Well, that's it.
我刚从吉尼斯纪录代表那儿得知 I just heard from the guinness rep.
他不来了 He's not coming.
他被解雇了 用他的话说 He's been fired, in what he described
简直是天下之最大谬误 as the world's biggest mistake.
我估计也没下文了 I doubt that will make the next edition.
啥也别说了 都撤了吧 Anyway, it's over.
这2.5天全白费了 What a colossal waste of 2 1/2 days.
战争没有理由再进行下去了 The war has no more reason to continue,
但是两位发起者却不愿停止 And yet it does between the two that began it.
他们就那么一直打啊 They just kept fighting.
打了N个小时 Like, for hours.
行了 伙计们 咱们来解决这件事儿吧 Come on, guys. Let's wrap this up.
我不想 I don't want to.
-我也不想 -为什么啊 - Me neither. - Why not?
这将是我们俩一起做的最后一件事了 This is going to be the last thing we ever do together.
所以我们不能停 We can't stop.
这不正好解决了你们俩的问题吗 Doesn't that kind of solve your problem?
你们俩都意识到还深深地爱着对方啊 The realization that you like each other so much,
你们总不能拿着枕头打对方一辈子吧 you'd hit each other with pillows forever?
知道这一点还不够解决我俩的问题 Knowing that doesn't feel like enough anymore.
对 我俩现在都是成年身 Yeah. We're grown-ups now.
我们也有了成长的烦恼 We have grown-up problems.
这倒是 That's very clear.
除非 Unless...
你们可以用我给你做的神奇友谊帽啊 You use those magical friendship hats that I got for you.
杰夫瑞 我们又不傻 We're not stupid, Jeffrey.
我们知道你做那玩意儿是为了嘲笑我们 We know you made those sarcastically.
我给你们戴帽子的时候还翻你们俩白眼儿呢 And I will roll my eyes at both of you when I put them on your heads
因为我生来如此 because that's the way I am.
但你们不用也像我一样世俗 But that's not the way you have to be.
给我们戴帽子吧 We might be interested.
好 那么 Okay, then.
这是你的神奇友谊帽 Here's your magical friendship hat, and--
-杰夫 -怎么了 - Jeff. - What?
你把神奇友谊帽 You left the magical friendship hats
落在院长办公室了 at the dean's office.
好吧 我这就去取来 Of course. I'll go get them.
杰夫跑了出去 So Jeff went out,
在外面呆了一会儿 时间足够使他们相信 and he stayed out long enough to make them believe
他确实去了院长办公室取帽子 He had gone back to the office.
真的好感人 That was a nice touch.
这是你的 There you go.
幸好没人把他们拿走 Lucky no one grabbed them, huh?
布雷塔·派利让这一幕 Britta perry is there to immortalize
永远定格在了胶片上 The moment on film...
其实是她在拍旁边华夫饼的时候 Accidentally while trying to get a picture of the light
不经意间抓拍到的 hitting a stack of nearby waffles.
皮尔斯 赶紧把那身儿脱了吧 Pierce, take that off.
我听不见你说什么 你们的脸太碍事了 I can't hear you! Your cheeks are in the way.
我愚蠢日记的第一篇 First entry in my stupid journal.
今天我必须跑到院长办公室去拿想象中 Today I had to run and get two imaginary friendship hats
那两顶友谊帽 from an office.
我本可以在走廊里绕两圈 I could've just walked around the corner
就直接回去 但不知道怎么回事 and the come back, but for some reason,
我确实跑回了 I actually went all the way back
院长办公室 to where they were supposed to be.
一顶有点儿折皱 那肯定是特洛伊的 One was crumpled up a bit. That was Troy's.
另一顶落了些尘土 应该是阿布蒂的 The other was just a little dusty. That was abed's.
我把它们整理好 尽管只有我一个人在看 I fixed them up even though I was the only one watching
因为我今天明白了一个真理 because I settled on a truth today
一个亘古不变的真理 That's always going to be true.
我会为我的朋友做任何事 I would do anything for my friends,
这让我了解世人的感受 which I think is how everyone in the world feels,
让我最终明白了战争的真谛 which finally makes me understand war.
好朋友们 Guys...
我不会给任何人看的 I wasn't going to show this to anyone,
因为 这太深邃了 but, uh, it's pretty profound.
但我搞定了 I kind of nailed it.
如果你想知道 我会在纪录片里面读出来 If you want, I can read it in the documentary.
当然你得找来汤姆·汉克斯来读旁白 That is, unless you get Tom Hanks.
我们跟他联系过 We tried to get Tom Hanks,
但他要价太高 but he's too expensive.
所以我们就请当事人给自己做画外音了 So we used the people involved for their own voiceover.
没错 我也搞定这个了 Yeah, and I nailed that too.
你怎么又扮演你又扮演我啊 Why are you here at the same time as me?
时间紧任务重啊 Tight schedule.
-你穿着斗篷吗 -没 - Hey, were you in the cape? - No.
拨打免费电话 1-800-555-0199
看得我都起鸡皮疙瘩了 I've got goosebumps.
我也是 多好的剧情啊 Me too. Such a great story.
丝丝入扣 我完全被带入进去了 I was on the edge of my seat, and I was in it.
你知道我在看这部精彩绝伦的纪录片时 You want to know what struck me while I was watching
什么最触动我吗 that marvelous documentary?
你在别处根本找不到这么高质量的纪录片 You can't get quality programming like that
只有格林德尔校园电视台才有 anywhere else but right here on Greendale Campus Television.
我也是这么觉得的 Just thinking that same thing.
在别的台你不可能看到 You can't get
《特洛伊和阿布蒂 枕头与毯子》 Troy and Abed: Pillows and blankets.
或者其他精彩的特别篇 Or any of these other great specials,
比如《克拉格·派尔顿 巴黎一年》 Like Craig Pelton: A year in Paris.
《从屌丝到高富帅 安妮的胸器轶事》 From labs to riches: The Annie's boobs story
或《娱乐之昌》 Or That's Enter-Chang-Ment.
观众朋友们 我知道你们讨厌一成不变的生活 Folks, we know you hate these constant pledge drives.
我们知道你们讨厌 我们也不喜欢 We know you hate them. We don't love doing them.
我们也不喜欢 We don't like doing them either.
或许我现在应该在家里 I'd rather be at home right now.
和我心爱的老婆好好泡个热水澡 Okay, taking a warm bath with my wife.
老兄 差不多得了 Old brother, not doing this again.
如果你想帮我们 But if you want to help us out,
你还想让格林德尔校园电视台继续播出的话 you want to help Greendale campus televison stay on the air.
猛打电话吧 Keep the lines on.
我们马上就要失去我们的 We are this closely to lose our