*好朋友铁来好基友真* *Best friends, best friends*
*-蛋糕烘焙全凭爱 -等下* *- Making a cake - Wait.*
*好朋友铁来好基友真* *Best friends, best friends*
*-蛋糕烘焙全凭爱 -屁油* *- Making a cake - Pyoo!*
我从未想过我居然对此无比怀念 I never thought I'd miss it.
凭什么我在小组里就没有好朋友 How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group?
少屈尊可怜我 Don't patronize me.
*她将绕过这座山* *She'll be coming around the mountain*
儿歌《She'll be coming round the mountain》
*待到她来时 呜呜* *When she comes, whoo-whoo*
过来通知一下同学们 Just letting the students know
如果这周末需要逗留在校园内的话 that if you're on campus this weekend,
你得将车停在大街上了 You'll have to park on the street
因为要举办欢乐嘉年华 because of the carnival.
毫不相关地说一下 我已经提前入戏了 On an unrelated note, I'm into trains now.
真正的嘉年华吗 A real carnival?
是不是叫红胡子娱乐公司 Is the company called Red Beard's Amusements?
听起来挺耳熟 Name rings a bell.
不过鉴于本人情况 耳熟涵义颇深 But with me, that could mean anything.
难说 I wonder.
我曾有位前男友 跟随嘉年华浪迹天涯 I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival.
不好意思 布雷塔 I'm sorry, Britta.
有些事情因为无厘头所以很好笑 Some things are funny because they make no sense.
但这件事完全例外 And that is not one of them.
貌似我带来的新闻激起了一点涟漪哟 Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings.
如果这不是我的职责己任 还有啥是呢 And if that's not my job, what is?
轰 轰[模仿火车] Choo choo!
你的职责还有 Well, you're also supposed to--
管理学校 Administrate the school.
布雷塔 谈谈在嘉年华工作的前男友呗 So, Britta, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend.
干吗 说出来好让你们开心一下吗 Why, so you all can get a big laugh?
-没错 -我很想开心一下 - Yeah. - I'd love to have a laugh.
正解 The exact reason.
好啊 我并不以我的过去为耻 Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past.
如果能让大家开心一下 And if it entertains you guys,
也挺好的 毕竟大家朋友一场 that's great because we're friends.
他的名字叫做刀锋 His name is Blade and--
-什么 -不是吧 布雷塔 - What? - Oh, no, Britta!
她祭出友谊的大旗企图消灭笑声 She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh,
但是我们依然哄堂大笑 这才是好笑之处 and we're still laughing. That's how funny it is!
他叫刀锋 这名字合法吗 His name is Blade. Is that legal?
新线影业是不是要起诉他 Shouldn't New Line Cinema be suing him?
在那部破片之前他就叫这名了 He was called that before that stupid movie.
在那部神片之前他就叫那名了吗 He was called that before the fantastic movie.
原著出自《惊奇漫画》发表于1973年 And it was a marvel comic in 1973.
死宅出没 Well, nerd alert.
前男友叫刀锋的某人出没 Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert.
她的爱情故事让皮尔斯都和谐了 Her love life makes Pierce seem with it.
她之痛 吾一统 Her pain unifies us.
她在男人方面的品位之差登峰造极 She has the King Arthur of bad taste in men.
我很欣慰大家能做出这种反应 I'm glad you guys are reacting this way.
我必须坚定不移地认为他是全世界最烂男 I need to be reminded that he is the worst on earth.
因为一旦他来到城中给我打个电话 Because if he comes through town and calls me,
不出五分钟我就得奔过去 I will be there in five minutes.
-我不太明白 -安德烈那样的 - I don't understand. - uh, Andre much?
-好吧 我懂了 -我没懂 - Okay, I understand. - I don't.
-以后会的 -什么意思 - You will. - What's that mean?
-他身怀巨根 -上帝啊 - He's hung. - Oh, God!
皮尔斯 你好淫荡 Pierce, you're disgusting.
就因为这一句我又被打回淫荡之流了 Just like that I'm disgusting again.
曾几何时咱也是组织的人 妥妥的 I was one of the gang. It was in my hand.
有时 女人会碰到一个无论如何 Sometimes, a woman meets a man
都无法舍弃掉的男人 that she just can't shake from her system
不管她是怎样的心如明镜 no matter much she knows better.
我曾和安德烈差点完蛋 还好上帝相助 I lucked out with Andre, but God help me.
大家也都知道 他着实百无禁忌 As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with.
现在要闹哪样 布雷塔 你要跟一个 So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy
以飚跆拳道的吸血鬼电影命名的男人谈恋爱 who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie?
一部超神的飚跆拳道的吸血鬼电影 A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie.
才不是呢 我才不会相信爱情什么的 No, I don't believe in love because of this guy...
因为此人名字来自飚跆拳道的吸血鬼电影 named after a kickboxing vampire movie.
布雷塔 亲 Oh, Britta!
小可怜儿 Oh, sweetie.
-今晚要不要看《刀锋战士》 -好 - You wanna watch Blade tonight? - Yes.
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翻译 牛皮癣无药可医抱歉了伸手党の夕橙
校对 企图黑体居中满屏牛皮癣惨遭鄙视の夕橙
时间轴 路过站队形の救火牛皮子衿
后期 十全牛皮鱼骨头
总监 鸡血牛皮夕橙橙
《废柴联盟》 第三季第十五集
有储物柜的感觉太棒了 Ugh, I love that I have a locker now.
以前大好时光都荒废在钻进我的车里 All that wasted time going to my car
为了整理午后的行头 for mid-afternoon wardrobe adjustments.
你意下如何 觉得哪件比较有型 What do you think, hmm? Stick with what's working?
你这是要当场换衬衫吗 You're gonna change your shirt?
除非仍然有型 Not if it's working.
-没型了 -好咧 - It's not working. - Yeah.
你说得对 我就知道 You're right. I knew it.
人家也好想像她那样哦 I'll have what she's having.
少天真了 姑娘 Hey, grow up, lady!
-安妮 -他的衬衫没型了 - Annie! - his shirt wasn't working!
我需要你的帮助 I need your help.
来的就是刀锋的嘉年华 It is Blade's carnival that's coming.
他就在气枪打鸭子的游乐区工作 He's working the BB gun duck-shooting gallery.
我猜他终究是升了职 I guess he finally got the promotion.
他会给我打电话 And he will call me.
然后再无情地将我抛弃 And left unattended,
独留我如填字谜一样百般纠结 I will end up doing him like a crossword,
然后我会终日悔恨不已 and I will regret it.
所以我需要你拿着我的手机 So I need you to take my phone,
周一之前都不要还给我 and don't give it back until Monday!
没问题 好的 Of course. Okay.
-玩真的吗 -闭嘴 - For real? - Pipe it!
而且这周末我需要跟你待在一起 And I need to stay with you this weekend.
不仅仅是待在一起 我需要被关禁闭 Not just stay with you, I need to be on lockdown.
若我是嗑药迷 刀锋便是那小药丸 You were a pillhead, so think of Blade as adderall.
请将我拷在暖气片上 And handcuff me to the radiator
就像是无比讨厌的嘉年华狼人 like a mother-flipping carny-banging werewolf.
我懂了 我懂了 I got this. I got this.
我家公寓是中央供暖 Our apartment has central heating,
不过精神我已经领会了 坚定不移 but I get the idea-- stay strong.
我在想会有多少姑娘被我祸害成这付惨样 Man, I wonder how many women I've affected this way.
上车咯 人类号列车 All aboard the Human Being Railway!
下一站 体育 Next stop, spo--
我开门见山 I'll get to the point.
我想让你的学生特洛伊·巴恩斯 I'd like your student Troy Barnes
立即到空调维修学院报道 enrolled in the Air Conditioning Repair Program immediately.
对于城市竞争中的年轻人来说是多么难得的 Oh, a wonderful opportunity for a young man of...
机会 urban race.
尽管我百般尝试 还是无法让他那样想 Yet try as I might, I'm unable to make him see it that way.
我需要你去改变他的想法 I need you to change his mind.
但他要是没兴趣 我也无可奈何哟 But if he's not interested, what can I do?
院长 难道你忘记你的学校 Dean, have we forgotten that your school
是捏在空调维修学院手心里的吗 is under the AC repair school's thumb?
没有 Uh, we have not.
那么我们不是过来告诉你我想做什么 Then mine is not to tell you how to do what I want done.
我们是想做什么 Mine is to want
就过来跟你说 and to say my want.
而你们听到后就要领命去做 Yours is to know and to do.
我很清楚要怎么做 I know exactly what to do.
娜塔莉 帮我拿本 行动指南书 Natalie, could you get me a, um, book on how to do things?
算了 帮我拿杯加苏打的威士忌 You know what, just make me a scotch and soda.
-想喝自己去搞 -人家不知道怎么搞 - Make it yourself! - I don't know how.
我特喜欢刀锋战士的特殊刀锋武器 I love Blade's special Blade weapons.
对 看到那把剑了吗 是双面刀锋的 Yeah, see that sword? It has two blades.
一面刀锋是银质的 One blade is silver,
另一面浸了蒜汁 The other blade is infused with garlic.
-我得看看我的短信 -不许 - I should check my messages. - No.
伙计们 我们要么换部电影看 Guys, could we maybe watch a different movie
要么就不要一分钟念叨六次那个词好吗 or just stop saying that word six times per minute?
-哪个词 -刀锋 - What word? - Blade.
哦 因为布雷塔的前男友 Oh, because of Britta's ex-boyfriend.
你能帮我看看我的短信吗 Can you check my messages for me
跟我说一下他有没有打电话过来 and tell me if he called?
我觉得这样不太好吧 I don't think that's a good idea.
要是我妈死了呢 What if my mother died?
你们才是真正的三句话不离刀锋 You guys are really talking over blade.
-好霸道 -安妮 管好你的客人 - Not cool! - Annie, subdue your guest.
安妮 你想一下 Annie, think for one second.
你拿着我的手机 但是你根本没去查看 You have my phone, and you're not even checking it.
要是我妈危在旦夕怎么办 What if my mother is dying?
这是典型的瘾君子说辞 This is junkie talk.
你只是想知道自己的手机被藏在哪里 You just wanna know where your phone's hidden.
我只是想知道我妈有没有死 I just wanna know if my mother is dying.
不过是与否而已 我会捂上眼睛 It's a simple yes or no. I'll cover my eyes.
你去看一下我的手机 然后说一句 You go check my phone and say,
"没 你妈没死"或"对 你妈要死了" "No, your mother isn't dying" Or "Yes, your mother is dying,"
然后我们就继续看电影 And then we go back to watching the film.
把它给我 Give it to me!
没错 布雷塔 这是香蕉 That's right, Britta. It's a banana.
你DVD柜子里放香蕉干吗 Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet?
读一下香蕉上的字 布雷塔 Read the banana, Britta.
"你就是满嘴谎言的瘾君子" "You are a lying junkie."
我知道这话很伤人 I'm sure those words hurt.
但如果不是真的 你就不会读到它们 But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true.
我好逊哦 I am so weak.
但是限制不是最终的决定因素 But we are not defined by our limitations.
潜力才是真正的衡量标尺 We are defined by our potentials.
我有潜力继续观看《刀锋战士》 I have the potential to watch Blade.
你俩真的是坏朋友 很坏 You two are bad friends! Bad.
好不公平 那你们俩呢 That's unfair. What about you guys?
你不喜欢看电影 我们又不能说"刀锋" Okay, you don't like our movie, we can't say the word "Blade,"
冰箱里还有一部手机 There's phones in the refrigerator.
嘴滑 Oops.
特洛伊 阿布蒂 Troy, Abed!
让我看下有没有他的电话 Let me see if he called!
我有权利知道 你们这些怪兽 I have a right to know! You're monsters!
你们是希特勒 你们是种族主义恋童癖 You're hitlers! You're racist pedophiles!
你们是蝙蝠侠的敌人 You're the opposites of batman!
你根本不晓得自己说的什么意思 You don't know what that means.
扯出你的喉咙 咬掉你的 Gonna rip out your throats and eat your--
还觉得锁是没有必要的吗 Still think the lock was overkill?
不了 No.
冰箱里还有一部手机 There's phones in the refrigerator.
你个呆子 It's you.
纯男之夜 Boys' night!
我需要帮助 完全不知作何反应 I need help reacting to something.
记住只是来看一眼刀锋 Remember it's just a quick peek at Blade.
要是你将此事告诉别人 You tell anyone we did this,
我就不让你继续对我做那事 I will stop letting you do things with me
恐怕我还要广为告之 I'm afraid to tell anyone about.
好啦 知道啦 Hey, I get it.
你想看一眼布雷塔的前男友 You wanna take a look at Britta's ex-boyfriend.
如果你自己来 就太变态了 If you did it by yourself, you'd be weird.
你是唯一真正懂我的人 You're the only one that really understands me.
不错哦 Oh, funky.
怎么 你俩在约会吗 What, are you guys on a date?
好尴尬哟 看皮尔斯帮我赢的哟 Pretty awkward. Look what Pierce won me.
搞什么玩意儿 What is this?
我决定走出小组去找好朋友 I decided to go outside the group for a best friend.
除了昌你就找不到更好的了吗 And you couldn't do better than Chang?
收回你说的话 You take that back!
他当然可以找到很多比我更好的 He could do plenty better than me.
我是第一个答应他的 I was the first to say yes.
生活所逼 要幸福哟 Well, have fun forcing life.
我们会的 We will.
接下来你想做什么 What do you wanna do next?
-棉花糖 -俄罗斯轮盘赌 - Cotton candy? - Russian roulette?
-你说什么 -棉花糖超棒的 - What did you say? - Cotton candy sounds great.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
那个就是吗 That's it? Huh.
他可没你俊俏 Hmm. He's not as good-looking as you.
-我可不是为了这个来的 -不不不 - I wasn't fishing for that. - No, no, no.
我自愿夸你一下 走 我想去玩一把 I offered it freely. Come on, I wanna go on a ride.
这里就像为我开启了一扇窗 This is a window for me.
多年来的嘉年华我都是怀孕妇女 I spent my carnival years pregnant.
雪瑞 我不是在嫉妒 Shirley, I'm not jealous.
我只想知道他们是怎么勾搭到一起的 I just wanted to see what the deal was.
很显然他们勾搭是因为他是个邋遢鬼 Obviously the deal is he's a dirtball,
布雷塔自我厌恶 对眼啦 Britta hates herself, voila.
你想怎么做 What do you wanna do?
我想去玩一下 I'd like to go on a ride.
咱们去打鸭子玩吧 Let's go shoot some ducks.
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey!
梅花八 我赢了 Eight of clubs. I win.
好耶 Nice!
-你感觉如何 -挺好 - How are you feeling? - Good.
实际上 好极了 谢谢你 安妮 Great, actually. Thank you, Annie.
没了你我绝不可能做到 I could've never done this without you.
很高兴能帮到你 I'm glad to be able to help you.
我想让你知道 I want you to know--
我之前从未讲过这些话 And I've never said these words--
可是我心里一直是这么觉得的 but I've always felt them.
你是我的好姐妹 You're a sister to me.
布雷塔 Britta!
那个 小妹 Hey, little sis,
你觉得现在你能相信我 将手机还我吗 Do you think you could trust me to have my phone back now?
那里面有我的电子邮件 I've got my email on there,
日历 家庭作业 my calendar, homework assignments.
没了它我真是有点抓瞎 I'm kinda screwed without it.
你不是在糊弄我 对吧 You're not just manipulating me, right?
因为 哦天哪 Oh, because of-- Oh, jeez.
好吧 随便啦 早完事了 安妮 Yeah, whatever. That's over, Annie.
真的 Seriously.
好 我正拿着呢 Okay, I have it right here.
这可是更进一步信任的大门哦 It's a gateway to further trust.
很好 谢谢 Perfect. Thank you.
大门很有爱 大门威武 Love the gateway. Honoring the gateway.
我得给我的医生打个电话问一些检测结果 I have to call my doctor for some results.
别担心 我没事 不过这有点小隐私 Don't worry, I'm fine. It's just a little personal.
你需要隐私 当然 我待会再来看你 You need privacy, sure thing. I'll check on you later.
再见 谢谢你 小甜甜 Bye. Thank you, sweetie.
哎哟 这个人对吸血鬼还真是 Boy, this guy doesn't give vampires
半点余地都不留呢 a square inch of leeway.
他很严酷的 He's harsh.
怎么了 安妮 What's wrong, Annie?
从卧室出来时 你笑靥如花 You came out of the bedroom smiling,
可一背倚到门上 你就笑容尽失 and then your smile faded as you leaned against the door.
我把布雷塔的手机给她了 I gave Britta her phone.
你给了 为什么 You did? Why?
她需要感到信任才能康复 不然会复发的 She needs to feel trust to recover, or she'll relapse.
她复发是因为你将手机还给了她 She's gonna relapse because you gave her her phone.
错 我悄悄地将她手机里刀锋的号码 No, I secretly switched Blade's number in her phone
换成了我的 to my number.
所以如果她试图联系刀锋 So if she tries to get in touch with him,
-就会发到我这里来 -真是腹黑 - it'll come to me. - That's diabolical.
对哦 你真是很像刀锋战士呢 Yeah, you're just like Blade, man.
实打实的 Straight up.
我只是希望她可以找到力量 I just hope she can find the strength to--
她大概只是想跟他说 She's probably just telling him
她迫切地想感受他那啥的温暖 She's...dying to feel the warmth of his--
搞什么飞机 Are you kidding me?
她说我们是姐妹 She said we were sisters.
现在我真的好伤心 I am so sad right now.
她真是够黏人的 And she is so codependent!
错别字大王 And such a bad speller.
枪法不错 运气欠佳 Nice shootin'. Tough luck.
多谢 我再来一轮 Thanks. I'll go another round.
咱床上还能放三只熊呢 是吧宝贝 There's room in our bed for three bears, right, honey?
不止呢 甜心 And then some, sugar.
你真是个好人 You're very nice...
作为名为 你刚说叫什么名 刀锋吗 For a man named-- what'd you say it was? Blade?
没错 Yup.
不过这是嘉年华绰号吧 But that's a carnival name though, right?
玉米肠的代称啥的 A nom de corn dog?
为什么我要起嘉年华绰号呢 Why would I have a carnival name?
你爸妈给你起名叫"刀锋"吗 Your parents named you Blade?
当然了 Apparently.
你看起来倒是挺淡定的 Well, you seem okay with it.
对此我也无能为力吧 Not much to do about it.
你可以去改名啊 You could change it.
改成什么名 坦普顿·法拉利三世 To what? Templeton Ferrari III?
改了名芥末还是那个味 Won't change how mustard tastes.
我待会过来 I'll be right back.
改了名芥末还是那个味 Won't change how mustard tastes.
我懂了 我看到他的吸引力了 I get it. I see the appeal.
他很闲适 很酷 He's relaxed, he's cool.
当然没你酷 N-not as cool as you.
刀锋先生 我想再来三轮 Mr. Blade. I want three more rounds.
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey!
你这样也改不了芥末的味道 Not gonna change the way mustard tastes.
你可真酷哦 雪瑞 Oh, and you're so cool, Shirley.
有时我挺酷 Sometimes I am.
他们要搞多少遍啊 How many times are they gonna do that?
就是这样 对不对 Aw, this is it, isn't it?
我们成为了死党 We're becoming best friends.
我也觉得是 我同意 I think so. I think so.
*可以让我做你最好的朋友吗* *Would you let me be your best friend*
*我会每天都给你打电话* *I would call you every day*
上帝啊 一个接一个 Oh, my god! One after the other!
我发短信是告诉你我不会再发短信给你了 "I'm texting to tell you I'm not texting you any more.
对不起 刚才不是有意那样说的 "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
你现在生我气了吗 "Are you mad at me now?
好 我想你不想知道咱俩两岁娃的事了 Fine. I guess you don't wanna know our two-year-old."
能不能把手机 Can we please just put it
塞到床垫底下或是别的地方 under a stack of mattresses or something?
我不知道 她什么时候能有所觉悟呢 I don't know. When is she gonna take a hint?
布雷塔迷上了一个不合适的男人 Britta's attracted to unavailable men.
-院长 你怎么在这里 -伤心 - Dean, why are you here? - Ouch.
好啊 那就让这个男人发挥作用吧 Fine. Let's make him available.
-你要干吗 -一了百了 - What are you doing? - Ending this.
-少来烦我 -不要 - "LEAVE ME ALONE." - NO!
那样情况会更糟 That's so much worse.
看 她消停了 See? She stopped.
她打过来了 She's calling him?
她是八零后 SHE WAS BORN IN THE '80s.
她仍然将手机当手机使 She still uses her phone as a phone.
-不妙 -没事没事 - Uh-oh. - That's fine, it's fine.
-不接就是了 -会进你语音信箱的哟 - We just won't answer it. - Won't it go to your voicemail?
喂 刀锋 Hello? Blade?
就这样吧 There you go.
我也很凌乱 I don't know!
改变设置 禁止进语音信箱 Change your settings so it doesn't go to voicemail.
太迟了 Too late.
你们营造出嘉年华的气氛 演起来 You guys act like a carnival. Be a carnival.
赶紧 Now!
-来呀来呀 -叮叮叮 - Step right up! - Ding, ding, ding!
这是你的爆米花 Get your popcorn here.
-喂 -忙着呢 宝贝 - Hello? - Busy, babe.
刀锋 等一下 等等 刀 Blade, just wait. Wait, Bla--
跟你说了工作时别打我电话 I told you not to call me at work!
对不起 我忘了 "I'm sorry, I forgot.
拜托别生气 Don't be mad at me."
她被一个虚构的蠢蛋虐上瘾了 She's whipped by an imaginary douche.
喂 没用之前先别乱批判嘛 Hey, don't knock it till you try it.
我拿到了假造的学士学位 I got my fake bachelor's degree,
然后在LSAT考试中作弊 And then I cheated on the LSAT.
[LSAT 法学院入学考试]
你也许正嘀咕 You're probably wondering,
你是怎么在LSAT中作弊的 how do you cheat on the LSAT?
怎么作弊的 How?
魔术师从来不显示他的秘密 我的朋友 A magician never reveals his secrets, my friend.
-耶 打你个满脸桃花开 -不错 - Yeah! In your face! - Good job.
给我那个大的 对 就是那个 Uh, give me the big one! Yeah, that's the one.
耶 Yeah.
不会太寒酸了吧 Not too shabby, huh?
你真的做到了 宝贝 Yeah, you really did it, baby.
这么说你从高中辍学 So you dropped out of high school
然后进入嘉年华 and joined the carnival.
15年后 你变成这副模样 And 15 years later, here you are.
-杰夫瑞 -差不多吧 - Jeffrey! - Guess that's about it.
那么纪录是多少 So what's the record?
这个摊位的最高纪录是多少 What's the best anyone's ever done in this booth?
-我想是八只鸭子吧 -好 再来一轮 - I guess eight ducks. - All right, one more round.
再来一轮 One more round.
-杰夫 -亲爱的 - Jeff? - honey?
抱歉我俩先失陪一下下 Will you excuse us just for a moment, please?
没事 Certainly.
你能过来一下吗 Can you get over here?
-你什么时候能玩够 -我不晓得 - What is your end game here? - I don't know.
-我就想知道 -想知道啥 - I wanna know. - Wanna know what?
我想知道布雷塔到底迷他哪里 I wanna know what drove Britta crazy about him.
你在吃醋吗 你爱上布雷塔了 Are you jealous? Are you in love with Britta?
没有 我没爱上布雷塔 No, I am not in love with Britta.
还有对 我发了疯地嫉妒他 And yes, I'm insanely jealous of him.
他的秘诀是什么 What's his secret?
为什么你想知道让女人神魂颠倒的秘诀 Why do you wanna know the secret to making a woman psycho?
为什么我们想知道炸毁地球的方法呢 Why do we wanna know how to blow up the earth
或是在老鼠身上培育人类耳朵的方法 or grow a human ear on a mouse?
以防万一用得上啊 雪瑞 In case we have to, Shirley.
以防万一 In case we have to.
-我去找皮尔斯 -很好 - I'm going to find Pierce. - Good!
有一只小熊是我的 One of those bears is mine!
这就是好朋友的感觉 So this is best friendship.
别有一番风味 是吧 Something else, isn't it?
我们如何保持这份情呢 How do we keep it going?
我们怎么能知道我们以后不会打架呢 How do we know we won't get into a fight?
我想我们顺其自然就好 I say we just let it happen.
不要跟我说该做什么 Don't tell me what to do!
-你什么毛病啊 -你什么毛病 - What's your problem? - What's yours?
我走了 I'm outta here!
*这是最后一次* *This is the last time*
*这是我最后一次看到你的笑脸* *This is the last time I'll see you smile*
*再见吧* *Good-bye*
*我的朋友* *My friend*
*以后的每一夜我都会思念你* *I'll miss you every night*
*再见吧* *Good-bye*
我是刀锋 啥事 留言 Blade, 'sup? Message.
好了 现在不用担心语音信箱了 Okay. We can stop worrying about voicemail now.
开始处理手头的正事 Back to the matter at hand.
现在你在做什么 Now what are you doing?
-院长 你怎么在这里 -好受伤 - Dean, why are you here? - Yikes.
我想出办法了 我很明白该怎么做 I figured it out. I know exactly what to do.
我要对她特别 特别 特别绝情 I'm just gonna be really, really, really mean to her.
你怎么还没搞清方向啊 What don't you get about the concept?
布雷塔就喜欢对她绝情的男人 Britta likes guys who are mean to her.
她自我厌恶 She doesn't like herself.
手机给我 Give me the phone.
你发的什么 What did you say?
温情美好的话 Something nice.
别担心 Don't worry about it.
我从你手机上删除了 I'm deleting it from your phone.
-嗨 -怎么啦 - Hi. - What's up?
你们还在看电影吗 You guys still watching movies?
嗨 院长 你怎么在这里 Hi, dean. Why are you here?
嗨 布雷塔 伤死我了 Hi, Britta. And ouch.
你对木工一窍不通 And you don't know anything about carpentry.
-不懂 -或是水族箱 - Nope. - Or aquariums--
淡水还是海水 Freshwater or saltwater.
-难不成你有巨根 -没有 - Do you have a big weiner? - Nope.
我真心不懂了 刀锋 I don't get it, Blade!
你的秘诀是啥啊 为什么我想让你动容 What's your secret? Why do I wanna impress you?
你是愚蠢还是聪明 你是废柴还是天才 Are you dumb or smart? Are you a loser or winner?
还是说你其实是一面镜子 Or are you just a human mirror?
所有人看到的你都是自己想看到的那个人 Do we all see what we wanna see in you?
魔术师从不泄密 对不 A magician never reveals, right?
对 Right.
回见 Later.
好吧 Okay.
你在我摊位上花了三百多 我告诉你吧 You dropped over 300 bucks on my booth, so I'll tell ya.
你不是想知道我的秘诀吗 You wanna know my secret?
是的 Yes.
我想知道 Yes, I do.
你干嘛啊 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
我就想知道 I wanna know.
好吧 对不起 Okay, I'm sorry.
我跟刀锋发短信了 但现在已经结束了 I was texting with Blade, but it's over now.
他就是一 废柴 He's...a loser.
晚安 Good night.
特洛伊 你真的应该加入 Troy! You should really join
空调维修学院的 the Air Conditioning Repair Program.
-不要 -好吧 劝解无效 - No. - Well, that didn't work.
我的即兴演出也就这么点儿了 That's what I get for improvising.
晚安 Good night.
我不明白 So I don't get it.
他是吸血鬼 但是他可以在白天出没吗 He's a vampire, but he can walk around during the day?
-你什么毛病啊 -啥 - What...is wrong with you? - Huh?
跟你发短信的不是刀锋 是我们 You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us.
我把你手机里刀锋的号码换成了我的 I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine.
-你耍我 -你耍我好吧 - You tricked me? - You tricked me!
你求我帮忙 你跟我说我是你姐妹 You ask for my help, you tell me I'm your sister,
我竭尽所能让你痛恨这个烂人 I do everything I can to make you hate this turd,
而他一说温情美好的话 你就跟人掰了 and the first nice thing he says, and you're over him?
你什么人啊你 Who are you?
为什么没有坚持下去 And why didn't it stick?
我一直在跟你们互发短信 I was texting with you guys this whole time?
这么说刀锋 不是废柴 So Blade...isn't a loser!
不妙 Uh-oh.
不用 随她去吧 白费力气而已 No, let her go. Lost cause, man.
杰夫 你来这里干吗 Jeff! What are you doing here?
我刚从嘉年华回来 I just got back from the carnival...
我在那见到了刀锋 Where I met Blade.
他还好吗 他怎么样 Is he okay? How is he?
他脑残了 He's brain damaged.
-别这么小气好吧 -我是认真的 - Well, let's not be petty. - No, I'm serious.
他给我看了伤疤 He showed me the scar.
十年前 在他碰到你之前 Ten years ago, before he even met you,
一根螺丝从摩天轮上飞出 A loose bolt flew off a ferris wheel
嵌入他的头颅 and imbedded in his skull,
破坏了他大脑中控制羞耻心的那一部分 Destroying the part of his brain that feels shame.
人们基本上完全无法拒绝他 也正因如此 He's basically irresistible to people for the same reason
他几乎只能在嘉年华工作 He can pretty much only work at a carnival.
他什么也不能证明或推翻 He has nothing to prove or disprove
不论是关于他自己或是对他自己 about himself or to himself.
他全无羞耻心 He has no shame.
他为什么没告诉过我 Why wouldn't he have told me that?
因为他根本不在乎你知道与否 Because he didn't care if you knew.
这太像他的风格 That is so like him.
-我必须得去找他 -不可以 女人 - I have to go to him. - No, woman.
没有人必须得"去找"谁 None of us have to "Go to" anyone.
这个念头就是一种心理疾病 And the idea we do is a mental illness
感染我们得病的源头就是薄荷糖广告 we contracted from breath mint commercials
和桑德拉·布洛克 and Sandra Bullock.
我们不能一直不停地找来找去 We can't keep going to each other
直到学会寻找自己 until we learn to go to ourselves.
别再对自我产生厌恶 自有别人来恨你 Stop making our hatred of ourselves, someone else's job
停止自我厌恶 and just stop hating ourselves.
安妮 我想请你拿着我的手机 Annie, I want you to take my phone.
不要让我给昌打电话 Do not let me call Chang.
我在你房间自我关禁闭 I'm locking myself in your room.
你们在外面干吗呢 What are you guys doing out here?
自我实现 Self-actualizing.
有点吵 Well, it's loud.
过来看《刀锋战士》 Come watch Blade.
好 Okay.
这部电影太神了 This movie is fantastic.
大家有没有注意到走廊上的低温温度计 Y'all ever notice that cold spot in the hallway?
没错 Oh, yeah!
那玩意儿冻上了 That thing is freezing!
你知道从那里可以学到什么吗 You know what could learn a lesson from that cold spot?
那就是在我起居室里安了一组空调 The air conditioning unit in my living room.
女士们 先生们 Ladies and gentlemen,
话说昨天 一个普通的周日 So yesterday, typical Sunday.
我在我家幻梦空间里玩 I was hanging out in my Dreamatorium.
大家有没有碰到这种情况 This ever happen to you guys?
我记不起想象中门的位置了 I couldn't remember where I imagined the door.
然后我意识到我在真正的浴室里 Then I realized I was in an actual bathroom.
别见怪 但是这些段子 Uh, no offense, but this material
似乎太过具体取材于你们公寓了 seems pretty specific to your apartment.
我想在现场表演时恐怕没啥效果 I don't think it'll work at an open mic.
大家有没有注意到我和特洛伊 Y'all ever notice the difference
刷牙姿势之间的不同之处呢 between me and Troy brushing our teeth?
我是这样刷牙的 I brush my teeth like this.
特洛伊是这样刷牙的 Troy brushes his teeth like this.
我是 I do!
真的 我就是这样刷牙的 I do! I brush my teeth just like that.
现在你知道我接下来该说什么了 Now you know what I'm gonna talk about next.
烤箱 TOASTER OVEN!
这是他专辑里的 It's from his album.