我们完蛋了 We are so screwed.
这么多内容怎么可能全记住 How are we gonna memorize all this?
那咱们就再复习一遍 Let's just go over it again.
界 门 纲 Kingdom, phylum, class--
目 科 属 种 order, family, genus, species.
我用了记忆法 I use a mnemonic device.
"凯文 过来爆个菊"[首字母一致] "Kevin, please come over for gay sex."
你为啥不用"凯伦"呢 Why wouldn't you use "Karen"?
因为玩的是爆菊啊 傻瓜 'cause it's gay sex, dummy.
那就用"啪啪啪" So use "Great".
这下我全都记不住了 我谢你啊 Now I can't remember anything. Thanks!
老天爷啊 我们为何老是被逼到这般田地呢 God, why do we always wind up in this position?
我们在这里耗费了这么多时间 For all the time you spend here,
不该还这么死记硬背对付考试啊 you'd think we wouldn't have to cram so much.
也许是因为我们处得太嗨了 Maybe we never get any work done
所以我们根本就没好好学过习 because we have so much fun hanging out together.
绝对的 很可能就是这原因 Definitely, maybe that's why.
啊 双面俏院长来也 Ah, the duali-dean of man.
穿成这样是因为我带来了好消息和坏消息 I'm dressed this way because I have good news and bad news.
真是刺瞎我的氪金狗眼 You have got to be kidding me.
坏消息是凯恩教授得了流感 The bad news is professor Kane has the flu.
好消息是生物课取消了 The good news is Biology class is canceled...
您先请 After you.
真是绅士风度 What a gentleman.
伙计们 咱不用临时抱佛脚啦 Guys, we don't have to cram last minute anymore.
可以到明天再抱了 Last minute got moved to tomorrow.
三小时午餐 三小时午餐 三小时午餐 Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch?
三个小时 Three hours?
我能看完一部半电影了 I could watch the first half of three movies.
这样我也不去街对面的快餐店吃了 Ooh, I don't have to go to the fast food restaurant across the street.
我要去城外的高档餐厅 I can go to the fancy one across town.
那里的经理还打领带 Their manager wears a tie.
要是不吃饭 咱就能在幻梦空间 If we don't eat, we can make-believe an whole episode's
演上整整一集的 《时空探长》 worth of Inspector Spacetime in the Dreamatorium.
-一个字 -好 - Word. - Yeah.
咱也许该去凯文餐厅 Maybe we should go to Senor Kevin's.
布雷塔 你不想尝尝新出的 Britta, didn't you want to try that
散养芸豆玉米烤饼吗 new cage-free bean burrito?
据说面饼是用小额信贷出的面粉做的 The tortillas are made with micro-financed flour.
特洛伊 你可以当司机 Troy, you could drive.
你一直都很喜欢那里停车场的螺旋坡道 You always like that spiral parking ramp.
只要不停向左拐 就可以直接到上头 You just keep turning left, but you end up up!
我不能去凯文餐厅 I can't go to Senor Kevin's.
我跟那经理是仇家 The manager and I are enemies.
他说《虎胆龙威》不好看 He said Die Hard was bad.
-他说《虎胆龙威》不好看 -我懂的 - He said Die Hard was bad. - I know, buddy.
那 要不这样 Well, how about this.
反正这顿午餐行程已定 没得回头 This lunch is already a runaway train, no point in stopping it.
特洛伊 布雷塔 你们去凯文餐厅 Troy, Britta, you go to Senor Kevin's.
阿布蒂之前答应给我介绍幻梦空间 Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works.
-今天不去更待何时 -可我想... - Today's the perfect day for it. - But I want to--
阿布蒂 你不觉得今天去正好合适吗 Abed, don't you think today's the perfect day for it?
不觉得 No.
-阿布蒂 -这算是社交暗示吗 - Abed. - Is this a social cue?
我的炫舞手杖落这儿了 I left my puttin' on the ritz cane in here earlier.
我知道也许这另有名字 I know it probably has another name,
不过嘛 我能跟你们坦诚相告吗 but, um, can I be perfectly honest with you guys?
我觉得我这次玩得有点过火了 I think I went too far with this one.
我今天还得去银行啊 I have to go to the bank today.
我该怎么给排队的人们说什么呢 What am I supposed to tell people in line?
有个好消息和一个坏消息 "I had good news and bad news"?
算了 克拉格 Come on, Craig.
好好过日子吧 Get you life together.
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翻译 holyzch
翻译 米粒
翻译 老涵
翻译 猪猪
时间轴 贝贝
校对 不拖不橙·不舒服斯基
后期 鱼骨头
总监 夕橙
《废柴联盟》 第三季第十六集
我是时空探长 I am Inspector Spacetime.
我通晓所有的未知 And I know that which is unknown.
义不容辞保护这无辜而平凡的宇宙 Duty-bound to protect a universe of innocent unremarkables,
我和我忠实的助手雷吉 I patrol it in the x7 dimensionizer
负责七维空间的巡逻守护 with my loyal constable, Reggie.
然而这周 雷吉被迫去吃午餐了 This week, however, Reggie has been forced to go to lunch.
因此在最烂的季节 我和临时助手吉内瓦 So I'm aboard the much crappier H.M.S. Spacetime 12,
一起登上了烂到家的时空飞船12号 from the worst season ever, with temporary constable, Geneva.
吉内瓦 我需要量子扳手 大号的 Geneva, I need the quantum spanner, the big one.
嗷 长官 量子扳手 妥妥的 Oi, Gov'ner, quantum spammer, up an' at 'em, in'it?
如果我们不能弄开这轨道锁 If we can't get out of orbital lock,
河蟹战警便会拦截到我们 The Blorgons may intercept.
啧啧啧 长官 Tut tut, M'lord.
区区小事何惧之有 Wouldn't give a tuppence for that sticky wicket.
行了 暂停模拟 Okay, stop simulation.
再多点英国口音? More British?
我演不下去了 I can't do this anymore.
可红鞋战警可能会拦截... But the Blo-gons might intercept--
是河蟹战警 It's Blorgons with an "R".
红鞋在河蟹战警里是谢谢的意思 Blo-gon means "Thank you" in Blorgon.
就不能玩些我熟悉的 Can't we play something I know about
比如医院管理 Like Hospital Administration?
你是生气我替特洛伊和布雷塔牵线 You're mad at me for playing matchmaker with Troy and Britta.
你觉得会失去特洛伊 You think you're gonna lose Troy.
我没那么小气 安妮 I'm not petty, Annie.
我生气是因为你肆意篡改 I'm mad at you because you tampered
学习小组的结构 with the fabric of the group.
你怎么确定特洛伊和布雷塔成为一对 How do you know Troy and Britta pairing up
不会全盘尽毁呢 wouldn't destroy everything?
我预演过这个场景 I run the scenarios.
我从各种可能性的角度演算过 I examine this stuff from every conceivable angle.
就你能掐会算 我就不行吗 Oh, and you can do that but I can't?
控制狂又不是你的专利 阿布蒂 You don't have a patent on being a control freak, Abed.
就是我专利 I kind of do.
你以为这里只是我跟特洛伊玩恐龙 You think this is just a room where Troy and I play Dinosaurs
大战游轮赌徒的房间吗 Versus riverboat gamblers together?
当然 我凭此获得了改建许可 Sure, it's how I got the construction approved,
但正如我自己一样 but, much like myself,
幻梦空间有着更高级牛逼的功能 the Dreamatorium has higher functions.
想让我演示一下 在你乱点鸳鸯谱后 Would you like me to show you how your stunt
特洛伊和布雷塔的结局如何 with Troy and Britta will play itself out?
干吗不呢 Why not?
执行模拟特洛伊/布雷塔 Execute simulation Troy/Britta.
渲染环境 凯文餐厅 Render environment Senor Kevin's.
这些开胃小点太美味了 oh, those appetizers were dope and legit!
我通常不支持午餐 I don't usually support lunch
因为这对早餐太不公平了 because it's unfair to breakfast.
我从没想过三餐还能互相掐架 I never thought about meals fighting each other.
我想这就是我们从没见过 I guess that explains why you never
早餐午餐出现在同一张餐桌上的原因 see any two of them on the same table.
我觉得安妮还挺热心撺掇我们俩一起 So I guess Annie's pretty hot to get us together.
她可能只是不了解人心 She probably just doesn't understand people.
菜上得越快 Well, the sooner the food comes,
这事结束得越早 The sooner this will be over.
恐怕您点的菜还要有半小时才能上桌 I'm afraid your food won't be ready for another half hour.
我正忙着努力理解《虎胆威龙》的主旨 I'm too busy misunderstanding the whole point of Die Hard.
我迫不及待地想回家找阿布蒂 I can't wait to get home to Abed.
你不就是会来来回回地 So you can dart back and forth
模拟你朋友的样子嘛 doing impressions of your friends.
这里又没什么科学原理 There's no science at work here.
说得对 You're right.
科学原理在这儿运行呢 The science is at work in here.
这是幻梦空间的引擎 This is the Dreamatorium's engine.
我的思想被收集在这个盒子里 My thoughts are collected by this box
我所知道有关我朋友的一切都储存在这里 And everything I know about my friends is stored here.
其他人
两用逻辑蒸馏 Both are distilled by logic
并调配成客观观察 and then recombined into objective observation.
由此我可以模拟学习小组任何一个成员 I'm able to simulate any of the study group
甚至包括7000种特殊场景下的半真昌 And even a half-accurate Chang in over 7,000 unique situations.
阿布蒂 这就是纸板做的管道和漏斗 Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel.
只有脑力达标的人才能看到本质 Well you see it that way because it's calibrated
所以你只能看到表象 to a specific level of brain function.
对 我就是蠢 Right. I'm stupid.
不是蠢 就是没我看得深远 Not stupid, just less able to see what I see.
就你最明白 Gee, you've got it all figured out.
你可真成了厕纸之王了 King of toilet paper rolls over here.
特洛伊 真高兴你打来电话 Hey, Troy, I'm glad you called.
饭吃得还好吧 Your lunch is going well, right?
还好 我就问问阿布蒂的情况 Yeah, just checking on Abed.
他还好吧 Making sure he's okay.
什么 他挺好的 What? He's fine.
就是拐弯抹角地说我脑力不足 He just implied I operate on a lower level
表现不力之类的 跟平时一样 of brain function, so business as usual.
好吧 你好好照顾他 Great, um, just, you know, make sure he stays comfortable.
我不在就怕他出状况 I worry about him when I'm not around.
他挺好 他能不好吗 Well, he's fine, he always will be.
谁都得对他卑躬屈膝 People bend over backwards to cater to him.
他把幻梦空间看得很重 He's just extra sensitive in the Dreamatorium.
费了他不少心思 It takes a lot out of him to run that thing.
你可别把他搞崩坏了 I don't want you to break his brain.
挂了 特洛伊 Bye, Troy.
他怎么样 How is he?
没事 He'll be okay.
你这么关心他 真是贴心 It's so sweet how much you care about him.
我又想起《虎胆龙威》一个槽点 And another thing I hate about Die Hard,
居然俩FBI探员都叫约翰逊 Two FBI agents named Johnson
关于《时空探长》的演绎 我想了下 I've been thinking about our Inspector Spacetime scenario.
要是你不演吉内瓦 而是演罗莎蒙德 It might work better if instead of playing Geneva,
说不定就能行 you played Rosamund.
她是第五季里出现的警官 She was a constable in season five
而且只有三句台词 and she only had three lines.
我有更好的主意 I have a better idea.
你知道怎么能让戏更贴近生活吗 You know what would make your scenarios a lot more realistic?
特洛伊没出去约会就好了 If Troy weren't on a date.
你可以保留你所有的想法和逻辑 Why don't you take all your thoughts
不过要加上一个步骤 and your logic and add one step to the process.
-你干嘛 -从现在起 - What are you doing? - From now on,
不管你打算说什么做什么 before you do or say anything,
都要先考虑对周围人可能造成的影响 you're gonna think about how it affects the people around you.
我们这种脑力不足的人称之为"体恤他人" We lower functioning brains call this "Empathy".
阿布蒂 Abed?
完了 阿布蒂被我搞崩坏了 Oh, my god, I broke Abed.
阿布蒂 Abed?
还记得吗 你以前求过我 You know how you wanted me to tell you
一旦你不再怪得可爱而是怪得吓人 when you were being scary weird
就要提醒你 instead of cute weird?
这就算是怪得吓人了 This is scary weird.
你好 安妮 Hello, Annie.
我刚才怎么躺在地上了 What was I doing on the floor?
我们在...啪啪啪吗 Were we...Doing it?
你在学杰夫吗 Are you being Jeff?
反正我没在学卡戴珊 Well, I'm not being a Kardashian.
现在场景是哪里 So where are we now?
格林德尔医学院 医生休息室 We're in the doctor's lounge of Greendale hospital school.
医学院 Hospital school?
是一所性感暧昧的学校 It's a sexy emotional school
医生在此妙手回春 颠鸾倒凤 where doctors save lives and make love,
通常二者兼顾哦 Often simultaneously.
我们的故事 占据头条 Our stories, ripped from the headlines.
我们的激情 恣意放纵 Our passions, unbridled.
我们的咖啡厅 Our cafeteria, eh...
献身于我吧 安 Make love to me, Ann.
我知道我只是个外科医生 I know I'm just a surgeon
而你是正处事业上升期的院长 and you're a hotshot upstart administrator,
可去他的狗屁规定 狗血体制完蛋去 But damn the rules, damn the system,
你我之间两英尺的身高差也见鬼去 damn our two foot height disparity,
我想要你 I want you.
行了 阿布蒂 懂你意思了 Okay, Abed, I get it,
咱俩对体恤的定义不一样 we have different sensibilities.
回见 Later.
再见 Bye.
我走了 I'm leaving.
好吧 杰夫医生 Okay, Dr. Jeff,
请问你知道阿布蒂在哪吗 Can you please tell me where I can find Abed?
我要向他道歉 I owe him an apology.
阿布蒂 没听说过 Abed? Never heard of him.
好嘛 Terrific.
我问你问题呢 医生 I asked you a question, doctor.
我是外科医生 I'm a surgeon!
我是你的院长 And I'm your administrator!
我为了你抛弃发妻 她当时还怀着孕呢 I left my wife for you and she was pregnant!
又是谁叫她怀上的 Who do you think inseminated her?
立即回答我的问题 否则黄天在上 Now tell me what I want to know or god as my witness,
姐立即没收你的听诊器 I'll have your stethoscope.
算你狠 Fine.
派利医生可能知道 Dr. Perry might know.
环境渲染 生物实验室 Render environment bio lab.
看那 布雷塔和特洛伊正在瞎搞呢 Look, there's Britta and Troy fooling around with each other.
看那 阿布蒂已经恢复了 Look, there's Abed having overcome his issues.
没用啦 Nice try.
巴恩斯医生 派利医生 Dr. Barnes, Dr. Perry.
我们刚挽救了一名流浪汉的生命 We just saved an uninsured homeless man's life.
采用了一种未获批准的手术 Using an unapproved procedure.
现在我们要接吻了 Now, we're going to kiss.
你以为我是来看这个的吗 This is what you think I want?
那你想看什么 院长大人 What do you want, administrator?
我想跟阿布蒂说话 I want to talk to Abed.
这里没这个人 There's no one here by that name
-你说谎 -也许吧 你又能怎样 - You're lying. - Maybe I am, so what?
我可是黑人区里混大的 I was raised on the mean streets of harlem.
才不怕你 I'm not scared of you.
那你瞧好吧 Well, be scared of this.
硫喷妥钠 俗称吐真剂 Sodium pentothal, known commonly as truth serum.
我在医学院档案里见过阿布蒂的名字 I saw Abed's name in the hospital school files,
我有恋臀癖 讨厌蜘蛛 I love butt stuff, I hate spiders,
从银行偷过一支笔 I stole a pen from the bank,
看《单亲插班生》时我痛哭流涕 那配乐 I cried during About A Boy... The soundtrack...
我做手术前不洗手 I don't wash my hands before surgery.
我知道克里夫·欧文让女人着迷的原因 I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point
我也因为同样的原因迷恋他 where I might just as well be attracted to him.
为了在网上掐架获胜 我动不动就拿出 I use comparisons to Hitler to win arguments on the internet
希特勒做比喻 at the drop of a hat.
我对酒一窍不通 I know nothing about wine.
穿睡衣的女性比穿内衣的更让我性致勃勃 I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie.
我只想让她们穿得舒适而已 I just want to know they feel comfortable.
我没看懂《盗梦空间》 I didn't get Inception.
你说在档案里看到过他的名字 You said you saw his name in the files.
好多页呢 There's so many layers.
对 环境渲染 医学院自习室 Right, render environment medical study room.
护士长雪瑞 There's head nurse, Shirley,
正在跟悲痛欲绝的老年痴呆病患 talking to tragic, heart-wrenching alzheimer's Patient
兼艾美奖提名者皮尔斯·霍桑说话 and emmy-contender, Pierce Hawthorne.
霍桑先生 你又下床了 Mr. Hawthorne, you're out of your bed again.
我以为在火车上呢 'Cause I think I'm on a train.
雪瑞 帮我把阿布蒂的档案找出来 Shirley, get me the file on Abed.
没有这个人 姑娘 Abed doesn e exist, young lady.
我说有就有 He exists if I say so.
这是我开的医学院 This is my hospital school.
姑娘 你的医学院只是仿真模拟 Your hospital school, young lady, is a simulation
并且都要通过一个"他人需求"过滤器生成 being run through a filter of other people's needs.
阿布蒂被过滤掉了 因为没人需要他 Abed's been filtered out because nobody needs him.
我就需要 I need him.
可惜你不是幻境中人 Well you're not simulated.
好吧 但这下就不同了 No, but this is!
老娘还有更厉害的招还没使出来呢 And there are more where that didn't come from.
这里是私人隔间 This is a private compartment.
杰夫 去拿档案 Jeff, get the files.
为什么让我去 Why me?
因为你能找到档案柜 Because you can see the cabinets.
事成之后我将以身相许 And I'll make love to you.
爽爆了 Jackpot.
医学院里倒有个叫阿布蒂的 There is an Abed in this hospital school,
但他不是医生 but he's not a doctor.
他是个病人 He's a patient.
-保安 -快来人 - Notify security! - Conductor!
杰夫 带我去找那个阿布蒂 Jeff, take me to that Abed.
他在哪呢 Where is that?
我玩够了 就带我去我想去的地方吧 Enough games, just take me where I wanna go.
跟我来 Follow me.
快到了吗 Are we close?
近在咫尺了 不过你应该跑起来 Almost there, although you should probably run in place
让路自己在你脚下飞驰 and let the hall way move around you.
咱们到了 Here we are.
到哪儿了 Where?
到你想去的地方了 Where you wanted to go.
第一学年放假前的最后一夜 The last night of school, first year.
咱俩激情热吻的那一晚 The night we kissed.
阿布蒂当时可没在场 这是谁的记忆 Abed wasn't there, so whose memory is this?
可能是你的 Maybe it's yours.
或许幻梦空间真的有效 Maybe the Dreamatorium really works.
又或者是伦纳德躲在草丛中偷窥到了 Or maybe Leonard was watching from the bushes
然后告诉了阿布蒂 and told Abed about it.
我可没有告密 I don't have cable.
少来这套 阿布蒂 Knock it off, Abed.
我不是阿布蒂 I'm not Abed.
你有点困惑 我曾经也是如此 You're confused, and so was I.
但我已不再迷惘 But not any more.
杰夫...阿布蒂 别闹了 Jeff--Abed stop.
我不想再陪你胡闹了 I don't want to do this.
我想跟阿布蒂谈谈 I want to talk to ABed.
我拿着档案呢 I'm taking the file.
看起来阿布蒂可不是个回收站 Oh, it says Abed isn't the recovery parlor.
身体状况 好得不能再好了 Condition--never better.
你手上空无一物 You're not holding anything.
档案在这 This is the file.
阿布蒂·纳德尔 1373号精神病人 Abed Nadir, psychiatric patient 1373,
毫无同理心的控制狂 Control freak with no empathy.
大家不得不尽力去迎合他 People bend over backwards to cater to him.
签名 医院院长安妮·埃迪生 Signed, Healthcare Administrator Annie Edison.
你这是断章取义 That's out of context.
你操心得太多了 安妮 You've thought of everything, Annie.
阿布蒂消失了 特洛伊和布雷塔好上了 With Abed gone and Troy and Britta together,
再没有什么能妨碍咱俩了 there's nothing standing in the way of us.
等等 你说啥 Wait, what?
来吧 Come on.
这是你梦寐以求的 This is you dream.
你是因此才扮演红娘的角色 This is why you played matchmaker.
这才是你在意的事情 This is what's important to you.
你又不是杰夫 You are not Jeff.
因为杰夫关心阿布蒂 Because Jeff cares about Abed.
我撮合特洛伊和布雷塔才不是因为 And I did not push Troy and Britta together
我想咱俩能成呢 so this would happen.
只是因为我觉得他俩很般配 I did it because I thought they were cute together
当然咱俩能圆满就算锦上添花了 and this would have been a bonus.
但是我们不在这个场景中 And we are not here.
不管你是谁 我讨厌你 我要走了 And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are.
你横冲直撞的时候记得注意... You should probably storm off in--
墙 in place.
你接下来想去哪儿 Where do you wanna go next?
我想一个人待会 I wanna be alone.
听起来挺好的 Sounds good to me.
执行模拟 安妮与安妮 Execute simulation, Annie/Annie.
搞定 There.
现在就剩咱自己了 Now we're alone.
好嘛 现在你又开始扮我了 Great, so you're me now.
你为什么要破坏我们跟杰夫的美妙时光呢 Why are you blowing our magic moment with Jeff?
一点也不美妙 It's not magic.
压根都不是真的 It's not even real.
不过我们确实爱杰夫 But we love Jeff.
不 才没有 No, we don't.
我们只是爱着那种被人爱的感觉 We're just in love with the idea of being loved.
如果能教会像杰夫那样的家伙来爱我们 And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it,
就再也不用担心没人爱我们了 we'll never be unloved.
我们可以一遍遍运行相同的场景 So we keep running the same scenario over and over
期盼一个不一样的结局 hoping for a different result.
运行场景 Running scenarios.
注意点 Careful now.
你现在说话的口吻有点像阿布蒂了 You're starting to sound like Abed.
也就是说...我不能说"星球大战 So...I probably shouldn't say things like "Star Wars.
萨杜斯 熟女镇 酷酷酷"之类的咯 Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool."
-别闹了 -流行文化 流行文化 - Stop it. - Pop culture, pop culture.
-我上电视了 -你会有麻烦的 - I'm on a TV show. - You're gonna get in trouble.
变形成功 Meta, meta.
阿布蒂 It's Abed!
阿布蒂出现了 I got an Abed here!
把他抓起来 Get him!
正是如此 That's it.
我发现你愧于做阿布蒂 I find you guilty of being Abed.
你被逮捕了 You're under arrest!
我能插嘴问下 Can I just interject and say
到底怎么回事么 I don't know what the hell's going on?
危险! 内有阿布蒂
这次你可永远跑不了了 This time you'll never get out.
阿布蒂吗 Abed?
阿布蒂 Abed.
没错 Yeah.
我通过变成你找到了你 我聪明吧 I found you by turning into you, how cool is that?
酷 酷酷酷 Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
告诉我咱们现在在哪 我好入戏 Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it.
咱们被锁在一个储物柜里了 We're inside a locker.
我初中大部分时间都是在这度过的 It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high.
你觉得是我们会把你逼成这样 You think this is where we'd put you?
你明白这有多荒谬对吧 You know that's absurd, right?
好吧 我又不傻 Well, I'm not stupid.
你看 我把内部空间扩大了 You can see I've increased the square footage.
这个储物柜是一个暗喻 It's a metaphorical locker.
像我这样的人 It's a place where people like me get put
被大家厌恶了之后就会被关进这里 when everyone's finally fed up with us.
阿布蒂 你太敏感了 Abed, so maudlin.
如果你变成吸血鬼... If you start turning into a vampire--
我已经模拟过了 安妮 I've run the simulations, Annie.
我没有婚配 也没创建价值数亿的网站 I don't get married, I don't invent a billion dollar website
方便广大网友约炮 that helps people have sex.
在圣丹斯和斯兰丹斯电影节里 I don't make in into Sundance,
我籍籍无名 舞裤也没我的份 Slamdance or dance pants.
特洛伊在2019年发明了舞蹈裤 Troy invents dance pants in 2019.
别告诉他 这事他得靠猿粪 Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it.
好吧 听着 All right, listen.
你这儿上演的故事就像是 The scenarios you run in here are like
一部伟大的科幻小说 great... science fiction.
令人难忘 详叙其事 立意深远 They're impressive and detailed and insightful,
但它并非现实 but they're not accurate for crap.
科幻小说都是虚构的 Science fiction never has been.
就像2001太空漫游 Look at 2001.
难道我们真有奥德赛太空吗 Did we have a Space Odyssey?
没有 我们只有冬奥会单板滑雪比赛 No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics
以及被吹上天的卡森·戴利 and we over-validated Carson Daly.
-可怜的人 -对 我都泪流满面了 - That poor guy. - Yeah, cry me a river.
我是想说 你模拟这些场景只能带来焦虑 My point is, your simulations are nothing more than anxieties.
你担心自己不合群 You're afraid you don't fit in.
担心自己会落单 You're afraid you'll be alone.
好消息是 你愿把这些想法与我们分享 Great news--you share that with all of us,
所以你绝对不会是孤单一人 so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in.
没错 所以我才撮合特洛伊和布雷塔 And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta.
你猜对了 You caught me.
我本想让生活按某种规划进行 I was trying to make life go according to some script.
我做不到 I can't.
你也做不到 You can't.
面对生活 我们要学会随机应变 We both need to get more comfortable winging it.
这样会轻松许多 At least it'll be less work.
我以后每周只在幻梦空间中待18小时 It would cut down my Dreamatorium time by 18 hours a week.
我也可以练瑜伽 I could take up yoga.
你身材很适合瑜伽 You've got the body type.
我们想办法把你弄出去吧 Now let's get you out of here.
我不知该怎么办 I don't know how.
这些幻梦手铐可没有匹配的钥匙 These fake shackles don't have a fake key.
所以量子扳手就派上用场了 Isn't that what a... quantum spanner's for?
理论上说 不对 Technically, no.
但就这样吧 But that's fine.
一起回去吃午饭吧 So should we get back to lunch?
好的 I guess so.
不过这次环境模拟有点虎头蛇尾 A little more anticlimactic than I would have simulated it,
-就这样吧 -虎头蛇尾 - But whatever. - Anticlimactic?
渲染环境 飞船操控中心 Render environment observo-deck,
时空飞船12号 H.M.S. spacetime 12.
探长 激活超光速加速器准备时空跳跃 Inspector, set the tachyon drive to hyperjump.
我们要在河蟹战警追上前 We must get to the other side of this star field
抵达星空的另一端 before the Blorgons intercept.
这片区域的河蟹战警吗 Blorgons in this sector?
这次行动已经完全失控了 Well, this mission has gone pear-shaped, indeed.
听我命令 准备时空跳跃 Prepare to hyperjump on my mark.
探长 穿铁皮的河蟹战警来了 Bugger the dovecoats, inspector.
我们慢了一步 河蟹来了 We're too late! Blorgons!
斩草除根 斩草除根 Eradicate! Eradicate!
量子波打不透他们的盔甲 Our quantum blasters are useless against their armor.
我们这下死定了 万劫不复了 We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's mutton, we are.
我要出马解决这一切 Not if I can help it.
在星空的另一端见 探长 不论何地 I'll see you on the other side inspector...wherever that is.
你是不是想说"不论何时" Don't you mean "Whenever that is"?
尝尝这个 河蟹渣渣 Take that, Blorgon scum!
瞧我把你河蟹个精光 You'll blo-gon me for this later.
安妮 Ow, Annie!
我的天呐 Oh, oh, my God!
阿布蒂 太对不起了 Abed, I'm so sorry.
没 你很是投入 No, no, you're committing.
干得不错 This is good stuff.
谢谢 Thanks.
我是阿布蒂·纳德尔 I am Abed Nadir...
大家都通晓的东西很多我都一无所知 And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows.
我与伙伴特洛伊一同在宇宙中穿行 I wander the universe with my friend, Troy,
随心所欲 doing whatever I want.
有时会不小心伤到无辜路人甲乙丙丁 Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables.
这周特洛伊去吃午饭 我便见机行事 This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted.
现在我有了解读他人思想的能力 I now have the ability to enter the minds of others.
-我好饿啊 你饿了吗 -当然了 - I'm hungry, are you hungry? - Yeah.
我去煮点黄油意面 I'll make us buttered noodles.
用的是"同理心"这一难以捉摸的新招 Using an elusive new technique known as "Empathy".
费那么大工夫开车去那家店值吗 雪瑞 So was the other fast food place worth the drive, Shirley?
走到一半我就想"我这是在干吗啊" You know, half way there I thought, "What am I doing?
只不过换了个地 还是一样的快餐 It's the same fast food place in a different location.
我何时变得如此眼光短浅了 Have the margins of my life become so narrow?"
于是我去商场买了块披萨吃 So I went to the mall and had pizza.
我今天够波折吧 I be the matrix today.
看来今天对所有人来说都是转折点啊 Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us.
我差点坐到自己的蛋蛋 I almost sat on my balls,
不过最后一秒 我侧了侧身 but at the last second, I made an adjustment.
-好样的 -干得好 - Good job! - Good work.
好样的 伙计 Good job, man.
我们的午餐也很愉快 Well, we had a good lunch, too.
可不嘛 Yeah.
我跟餐厅经理就《虎胆龙威》做了交涉 I spoke to the manager about Die Hard,
我告诉他 他应该为自己感到羞耻 And I told him he should be ashamed of himself.
谢了 Thanks.
很抱歉我今天没去幻梦空间 Sorry I bailed on the Dreamatorium.
没关系 我和安妮成功化险为夷 It's okay, Annie did pretty good in a pinch.
好了 继续温书吧 All right, back to cramming?
银行那边的人喜欢我这身打扮 The people at the bank loved my outfit.
他们问了各种问题 And they had all kinds of questions about it
我的回答让他们很开心 and my answers seemed to amuse and
甚至是解放了他们的思想 --and even liberate them a little.
我和一些人共进午餐 A few of us went to lunch
我们进行了有生以来最为深刻的谈话 and I had the deepest conversation of my life.
伙计们 我得走了 I gotta go, I'm telling everybody.
也许漫漫长夜过后 Hmm, maybe after a long, dark night,
太阳终要在格林德尔上方升起了 the sun is starting to rise on Greendale.
也许吧 也许不会 Maybe. Maybe not.
你永远无法写定将来的日子 You never can tell what kind of day you're gonna have.
好吧 我其实坐到了蛋上 Okay, I didn't really avoid sitting on them.
直直地坐了上去 I...sat right on them.
-真可怜 -皮尔斯 我很抱歉 - I'm sorry. - Pierce, I'm sorry.
疼死爹了 Hurt like hell.
我都眼冒金星了 I saw eagles.
特洛伊和阿布蒂的早间秀 Troy and Abed in the morning
-今天我们请到了安妮·埃迪生 -大家好 - Today we're joined by Annie Edison... - Hi!
她将教大家如何用最少的钱装饰自己的公寓 Who's gonna show us how to spruce up your apartment on a budget.
那么 安妮 你这想法是怎么来的 So, Annie, what inspired this throw?
我是想到了我要清理干净 Well, I just thought that I'd cover up the stain
阿布蒂上周在沙发留下的鲜红点点 where Abed spilled code red on the couch last week.
真机灵啊 Oops. Crafty.
而且你要在款待客人方面支些招 And you have some tips on entertaining.
没错 如果家里有人造访 Yes, if you're expecting company,
然而椅子却不够 but you don't have enough chairs,
你可以把卧室里的枕头拿来 you can bring out pillows from your bedroom
铺在地上坐 很有摩洛哥感觉哦 and use them on the floor for a Moroccan feel.
很有东方风韵 Ooh, a taste of the orient.
伙计们 我为你们准备了惊喜 Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you.
趁你们玩运动枪的时候准备的 While you two were out playing blazer tag...
那是穿运动服玩激光枪 That's laser tag with sport coats.
我给卧室来了个大改造 I did a little extreme bedroom makeover!
我把上下铺拆开了 弄了些布料 I unbunked your beds and got scrap fabric and--
伙计 没啥的 It's okay, buddy.
我们可以恢复回来 We can put it back.
可以按原样恢复回来 We can put it back the way it was.
-太抱歉了 -没关系 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
快切掉 加瑞特 It's--cut, Garrett.
抱歉 Sorry!
机械故障 正在检修