格林德尔社区大学 Greendale Community College
可以由以下两派 is represented by two separate,
极其重要的人物代表 yet equally important types of people:
东奔西跑到处惹麻烦的脑缺孩子们 The goofballs that run around stirring up trouble,
以及总是上纲上线的书呆子们 and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it.
以下就是他们的故事 These are their stories.
你最好离她远点 You'll be better off without her.
她如此完美 热心聪颖又美丽 She was perfect. Warm, smart, beautiful.
再也找不来这么好的牙医了 I'm never gonna find another dental hygienist like that.
好吧 别在那儿做白日春梦了 Well, you should stop hitting on her.
拜托 是她先把 Hey, she's the one putting
她的小手手放进我嘴里的 her hands in my mouth.
过来看看 Over here.
走开 没啥好看的 Move along, nothing to see here.
这是他第一次说话与事实契合 That's the first time those words have actually been true.
埃迪生小姐 我被你三更半夜叫来 Ms. Edison, when you called me down here at midnight,
可不是为了一坨番薯 I expected more than a yam.
特别是你还强调了有宗谋杀案 Specifically since you said, "There's been a murder."
我们的番薯被谋杀了 Our yam was murdered.
亲 你就知足吧 If it's any consolation, she got me here
我是被她用极具误导性的短信给骗来的 on a very misleading text message.
杰夫 严格说来 你的生物课 Jeff, technically, you are about to be screwed
就要挂科了 因为咱们的期考项目 in the biology room because our final project
被破坏了 has been destroyed.
好吧 听着 对于你们的损失 All right, look, I'm sorry for your loss.
我很抱歉 我明白你们辛苦耕耘了 I know you guys put the work in,
我会让你们及格的 so you'll get a passing grade.
只是及格吗 A passing grade?
像是给个C那样吗 Like a "C"?
我干嘛不干脆在公交车站怀个孕得了 Why don't I just get pregnant at a bus station?
那颗番薯本来应该得A+的 That was going to be an a-plus yam.
我不会给番薯从试验台上摔下来的人 I can't give an a-plus to everyone
打满分 whose yam falls off a counter.
有人故意针对我们 Somebody did this to us.
在科学界 我们管这叫假设 In science, we call that a hypothesis.
你得小心求证 有了证据之后再跟我谈 You find something to back it up and we can talk.
要是没事了的话我要去看《妈妈一家》了 Now if you'll excuse me, I was watching Mama's Family.
1983年在美国NBC电视台开始播出的情景喜剧
怎么了 What happened?
我们的番薯被杀害了 Our yam was killed.
但凯恩教授说要是我们能找出真凶 But Professor Kane says we can still get an "A"
-就给我们A -他可没这么说 - if we figure out who did it. - He did not say that.
基本上就是这个意思 He basically did.
你还是让我来唱黑脸吧 You let me handle the nitty gritty.
与此同时 我需要有人帮忙找出嫌犯 In the meantime, I need somebody to drum up suspects.
这个我可以帮上忙 I can help you with that.
我无聊的时候就爱看犯罪节目 I watch crime shows when I'm bored.
你们俩 去找目击者 确定案发时间 You boys, canvas for witnesses, establish a time frame
犯罪动机 然后把嫌犯给我带来 and motive and bring me a suspect.
给你们两天时间 You've got 48 hours before the trail runs cold,
先从最后一个见过"活"番薯的人开始 so start with the last person to see that yam alive.
-遵命 长官 -收到 - Yes, ma'am. - Understood.
这十五年过得实在太漫长了 It's been a long 15 years.
看来今晚有得忙了 Looks like it's gonna be a late night.
咱们抽签怎么样 How'd we manage to pull the short straw?
这又不是什么好事 It's not a short straw.
这是个烫手山芋 It's a hot potato.
还好吧 我觉得没什么问题 Yeah, well, looks pretty cold to me.
没问题 还是没招儿 Cold? Or dead?
调查表明 Survey says--
咱们不能同时当聪明的那一个 We can't both do the zinger.
抱歉 Sorry.
格林德尔社区大学
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com
■
翻译 老涵
翻译 夕橙拖尔湿太
时间轴 子衿
合屁为一[校旗标语]
校对 求生之橙
后期 鱼骨头
总监 夕橙
《废柴联盟》 第三季第十七集 iTunes：Tears
好的 Okay,
黑人五赔一 Okay, five-to-one on the black guy.
太侮辱人了 That's offensive.
那好吧 六赔一 Fine, six-to-one.
兄弟们 Hello, boys.
小伙 散了 Youth! Scatter!
慢着 皮尔斯 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, Pierce.
问你几个问题你不介意吧 Mind if we ask you a couple of questions?
当然 我总说你们有事应该多问问我 Sure, I always say you guys should ask me more questions.
你昨晚给我们的番薯浇水了吗 Did you water our biology yam last night?
当然浇了 Of course I watered it.
轮到我了 不是吗 It was my turn, wasn't it?
我可是有始有终的人 I hold up my end.
是"有终"还是"送终" Did you hold it or drop it?
我可是清白的啊 Okay, whoa, I had nothing to do with that.
我都没进过实验室 I-I couldn't even get in the room.
想清楚 皮尔斯 Make up your mind, Pierce.
你是浇过水呢还是压根就没去呢 Did you water the yam or weren't you there?
好吧 我刚才是骗你们说浇了水 Okay, I lied about watering it.
我去得太晚了 门已经关了 I got there too late, the doors were already locked.
你为什么去晚了 Why were you late?
我做日光浴的时候睡着了 I...fell asleep in a sunbeam.
-像是瞎编的 -其实是真的 - Likely story. - Actually it is.
我跟他同居过 还蛮有爱的 I used to live with him, it's kind of adorable.
听着 你们来找我干吗 Look, why are you looking at me for this?
这也是我的番薯 It was my yam too.
你们应该去找那些 You should be talking to somebody
想要损害咱们利益的人谈谈 who would wanna hurt us.
-那该找谁 -叮咚 - And who's that? - Duh-doy!
托德 Todd.
托德 周二中午
昨晚九点一刻的时候我在家呢 Last night, I was home by 9:15,
帮艾莉补习地理 然后直接睡觉了 Helped Elly with her geography and then went straight to bed.
你过得还挺充实的 Sounds like you keep a pretty tight schedule.
当兵带来的良好副作用 A valuable side effect of military service.
在伊拉克 排满行程能救命的 In Iraq, keeping a tight schedule saved lives.
怎么了 托德 Ah, what happened, Todd?
被奥斯卡·王尔德那犀利的戏剧划伤了吗 Cut yourself on an extra sharp Oscar Wilde play?
这个 这是烧伤 Oh, this? It's a burn.
家政课上做小松饼弄的 Home ec class. Muffin.
哪种小松饼 What kind of muffin?
-蓝莓的 -为什么不是葡萄干的 - Blueberry. - Why not raisin?
作业又不是这么要求的 That wasn't the assignment.
你就得瑟吧 托德 You can dance all day, Todd,
迟早会扯到蛋的 But sooner or later, the music's gonna change.
听着 就算我想害你们的番薯也做不到 Look, even if I wanted to hurt your yam, I couldn't.
我八点十分去生物实验室观察我的番薯时 I went by the bio room at 8:10 to chart my yam's growth.
门就已经锁上了 The door was already locked.
这话我听得太多了 There's a lot of that going around.
-就是 -这是真的 - Oh, yeah. - It's true.
我还在窗外给我的番薯拍了个照 I had to take a picture of my yam through the door.
看到了没 See?
我走的时候你们的番薯还好好的呢 Your yam was fine when I left.
计算机实验室 周二下午
我传载或是说下载了 I transferred or "Downloaded"
托德的照片到这台电脑上 Todd's photograph to this computer,
并且如你所见 只要稍微调调我就能 and as you'll see, with a few adjustments, I can make
把这整张图变出 the entire image...
老西部片的味道 Old west color.
我不知道 我觉得挺有意思的 I don't know. I thought it was cool.
布雷塔 放大这里 Britta, zoom in there.
墙上有个钟 There's a clock on the wall.
-八点过两个五分 -八点十分 - Eight plus two times five-- - Ten after 8:00.
我的天赋都用在了别的方面 I'm gifted in other ways.
跟其他人说的也都一致 That jibes with everyone else we talked to.
看样子实验室的门八点就锁上了 It seems like the classroom door gets locked at 8:00.
也就是说 罪犯 Which means whoever did the crime--
是在门关上之前进去的 Got in there before the doors were locked
在里面待了好几个小时 and stayed there for hours.
我想说他有钥匙来着 I was gonna say, "Had a key".
去年 我下班后去过几次实验室 Last year, I came in after hours a couple of times
来完成高级西班牙语课的彩陶作业 to finish a pinata for Advanced Spanish.
我得从传达室借钥匙才能进 I had to borrow a key from the front office.
还得登记 And sign a log.
我也能帮上忙 I can also help.
作为一个学心理学专业的我能... As a psych major, I could pr--
行政办公室 周三上午十一点
任何一个在这上课 有学生证的学生 Any student can check out a key as long as they're
都可以从这拿钥匙 currently taking classes and show school I.D.
我们要找的是 The guy we're looking for had a key
周一晚上拿生物实验室钥匙的人 to the bio room Monday night.
周一晚上 我好像有点印象 Monday night? Rings a bell.
让我查下登记簿 I'll check the log.
不好意思 这儿实在太乱了 Sorry, this place is a mess.
是关于你们的番薯的事吗 Is this about your yam?
我听说了 I heard about that.
人神共愤啊 It's a damn shame.
我的番薯昨天都开花了 Mine just bloomed yesterday.
恭喜恭喜 Congratulations.
在这呢 Ooh, there she is.
周一晚上借走生物实验室钥匙的是... Monday night, one biology room key checked out by...
磁太太 Magnitude.
磁太太 周三中午
也就是说你确实借走了钥匙 So you're saying you did check out a key,
把它放在背包里 but it was inside your backpack when someone stole it
但你在图书馆的时候有人趁你上厕所 off a table in the library while you were using the bathroom
偷走了钥匙 and you haven't seen it since.
噼里啪啦砰砰 Pop pop!
这下可好 现在我们还得解决一宗抢案 Perfect, so now we gotta solve a robbery too.
不管谁干的 看起来 Well, whoever did it likes to steal backpacks
他挺喜欢在图书馆里偷包 off tables in the library.
只有一个办法能抓他个现行了 Only one way to catch a dirtbag like that.
图书馆 周三下午
好了 该上厕所去了 Well, time to visit the restroom.
这包是我捡的 I found that backpack.
傻缺 你知道吗 Hey, idiot, guess what.
我们关心的不是这个包 We don't care about the backpack.
死番薯 多大点儿事 Dead yam, big deal.
订点番茄酱 Order some ketchup.
你在说些什么 订个屁番茄酱 That doesn't make sense. You don't order ketchup.
那玩意儿是调味用的 It's a condiment!
特洛伊 特洛伊 淡定点 Troy, Troy, hey, walk it off!
特洛伊 淡定 Troy, walk it off!
不好意思 朋友 他可不是个好警察 Sorry, my friend, he's a bad cop.
-是嘛 -我就不同了 - Yeah. - I'm a good cop.
-好的 -你可以相信我 - Oh, good. - You can trust me.
好的 那... 我去 Okay, well--hey!
关我屁事 I'm not falling for that.
你们又没有证据 And you got nothing on me.
我不必待在这 你们又不是真警察 And I don't have to stay here, 'cause you're not cops.
他说得对 你们不是警察 He's right. You're not cops.
我们束手无策了但其实我们也没有"策" I'd say our hands are tied, but we basically have no hands.
但我们还是没抓错人 对吧 But he's our man though, right?
反正他不是什么清白货色 Well he ain't innocent.
听着 我想办法缠住他 Look, I'll try to keep him busy.
你们去趟实验室 看看他们弄明白没有 You guys go to the lab, see if they figured out
咱们的番薯到底遭受了什么不幸 how our yam met its masher.
这边还有活人喘气呢 I can both see and hear you.
生物实验室 周三晚
它的维管束彻底裂了 The yam's vascular cylinder is completely disintegrated.
有没有可能是自然形成的呢 Any possibility it happened naturally?
当然 如果是约瑟夫·孟格尔种的 Sure, if the gardener's Joseph Mengele.
臭名昭彰的纳粹分子
看看它的根系 Look at the root system.
看起来它掉下来之后 This level of smushing is consistent
有人还拿脚踩过它 with someone stepping on the yam after it was dropped.
也就是说嫌犯很生气 So whoever did this was angry.
我只负责解剖 Hey, I just cut 'em open.
想要了解动机你们得去找心理咨询师 You want motive, talk to a shrink.
我能告诉你们的是 一个生番薯 What I can tell you is that for a raw yam to get it this bad,
光是掉在地上可不会这么惨 you need more than gravity.
还得有人拿靴子蹂躏 You need a boot.
咱们得告诉凯恩教授 We have to tell Professor Kane.
这件事跟星霸无关 There's nothing here to connect to Star-Burns.
他会坦白的 He'd have to confess.
对对对 当然了 Oh, yeah, sure.
或许咱们温柔地审问他 Maybe if we ask him nice,
他还会给咱们写情书呢 he'll write us a love letter too.
好吧 嫌犯确实欠你们一个字 Well, whoever did do this does owe you guys a letter.
既有信的意思又有字母的意思
一个A An "A."
它马上要开花了 This yam was about to bloom.
靠 Damn.
我们给它起名叫蜀黍 We named the yam "Pam."
多押韵啊 It rhymed.
星霸偷了磁太太的钥匙 That Star-Burns stole Magnitude's key,
这还不足以定罪 It's not enough.
但我们确定是他干的 But we know Star-Burns did it.
不用找了 加瑞特 Keep the change, Garret.
热狗也自己留着吧 You know what? Keep the hot dog.
你们是要告诉我忙活了这么半天后 You're telling me after all this,
要眼睁睁看着嫌犯就这么逃脱法网 our suspect's gonna slip away
只因为咱们不是真正的警察吗 on the technicality that we're not police?
好吧 听着 你们不需要用权威来 Okay, look, you don't need authority
获得供词 to get a confession.
只要用手段威逼他 You need leverage. Something to hold over his head.
-比如呢 -他是星霸 - Like what? - He's Star-Burns.
撬开他的储物柜 Break into his locker.
你们找到的赃物都够把他埋了 You'll find enough dirt to bury him.
杰夫 这好像不太道德吧 Jeff, that's not ethical.
现在意识到自己温柔体贴的一面了吗 Oh, so now you're finding your softness?
我说过让你们放手去做 I say do what you have to do.
现在谈论同情心可晚了 It's too late to get compassionate.
现在是我们一心求正义的时候 We only have time to get justice.
我真不该这么做的 I really shouldn't be doing this.
你确定你听到这里面有小猫叫吗 And you're sure you heard a kitten meowing in here?
现在听不到了 所以你得快点 Not anymore, so hurry up.
当心 傻瓜 Whoa, nelly!
丙氨酸
看起来有点问题 Clean up on aisle "Busted."
他们为什么总是... Why do they always r--
他们为什么总是... Why do they always--
-你来 -他们为什么总是要跑 - You go ahead. - Why do they always run?
走吧 There you go.
让开 Move!
非警察办公 Not police business!
敲门了吗你 Hey, knock much?
-亲亲我 -虾米 - Kiss me! - What?
晚点再解释 I'll explain later.
-不要 -我会解释的 - No. - I'll explain later.
跟解不解释没有关系 The explanation isn't the issue.
好吧好吧好吧 Oh, all right, all right.
我偷了几个烧杯 Look, I-I swiped some beakers for the meth lab
用来在我汽车后备箱里炼毒品 that I'm building in the trunk of my car.
但仅此而已 But that's it.
我没有杀害番薯 I didn't kill any yam.
跟生物老师说去吧你 Tell it to the biology professor.
不 等等 Oh, now wait!
我知道是谁干的 I know who did it.
我走的时候没关门 有人溜进去了 I left the door open and someone came in.
是他把你们的番薯弄倒了 He dropped your yam.
你会告诉我们老师是谁干的吗 Will you tell our teacher who it was?
如果你能保证我不会因为 If you promise I won't get in trouble
偷烧杯炼毒品惹上麻烦的话 for stealing that meth lab stuff.
-没问题 -好吧 - Sure, whatever. - Fine.
拉钩上吊 Pinky swear?
是个脑子抽风的家伙 It was the guy with the weird head.
当兵的家伙 The army guy.
我听到有罐子打碎的声音 I heard the jar break and then
然后我看到他捂着手跑了出来 I saw him running out of the room holding his hand.
好像他把自己割伤了 Looked like he cut himself.
妙 妙 妙 Well, well, well.
看呐 阿布蒂 Look at this, Abed.
他编着竹篮还有谎言呢 He weaves baskets and lies.
这是怎么回事 What's this about?
是关于我们的生物课小番薯被杀一事 It's about the killing of our biology yam.
请跟我们来好吗 Will you please come with us?
但我正在做把手呢 But I'm in the middle of making a handle.
不见棺材不落泪啊 告诉他雪瑞怎么说 He wants it the hard way. Tell him what Shirley said.
托德·贾可布森 你有权自由行动 Todd Jacobson, you have the right to do whatever you want.
你的一言一行无人反对 Nothing you say or do can be used against you by anyone,
但我们希望你跟我们走 but we'd really like it if you came with us.
麻烦配合 多谢合作 Please and thank you.
生物课 周四下午一点
同学们 有话快说 Make it quick, folks.
我五分钟后还得 I have a class in five minutes
给另外一批学生上课 and none of you guys are in it.
在指挥了本案整个调查过程后 After conducting a full investigation,
我的学习小组现在有明确的证据证明托德 my study group now has definitive proof that Todd,
处心积虑用心险恶地除掉了我们的番薯 with malice of forethought, smashed our yam.
这个控诉很严重啊同学 That's a serious allegation.
我希望你们能弄清楚 I hope you can back it up.
我们能肯定他周一晚在教学楼内 We can place him in the building Monday night.
手上又离奇负伤 He has a mysterious bandage on his hand,
还有目击证人指证托德弄倒了番薯后逃逸 and we have and eyewitness who saw Todd drop the jar and flee.
好吧 托德 你有什么话要说 Well, Todd, what do you have to say?
我只想... I just wanna--
不要答话 士兵 Don't answer that, soldier!
-此人是美国的英雄 -您是哪位 - This man is an American hero. - And who are you?
我是美国陆军拱木木中校 I'm Lieutenant Colonel Archwood, United States Army.
我很高兴在伊拉克担任此人上级 I had the pleasure of commanding this young man in Iraq.
这周末我进城参加婚礼 I'm staying on his couch this weekend
在他家沙发上借宿来着 while I'm in town for a wedding.
我是个持证律师 两战老兵 I am a licensed attorney, a veteran of two wars,
我想知道到底为什么他会被捕 and I'd like to know why in hell he's being arrested.
翁格先生 您有什么目的 Mr. Winger, what is the intention here?
很简单 托德毁了我们的番薯和"A" Simple. When Todd smashed our yam, he stole an "A" from us.
我们要拿回我们应得的 We want it back.
你说的是"可能" You mean if he smashed the yam.
你们有的证据只是星霸先生的一面之词 All you have is the word of this Mr. Star-Burns,
却没有解释星霸先生当时为何在场 who offers up no explanation as to why he was at the scene.
你怎么说 杰夫瑞 How about it, Jeffrey?
星霸当时在那干吗 What was Star-Burns doing there?
我们与目击者拉钩协定了 We agreed to withhold that information
决定对此信息进行保密 as part of a pinky swear with the witness.
拉钩 A pinky swear?
太可笑了 This is ludicrous.
这所学校也太可笑了 This whole school is ludicrous.
谁会听信一个拉钩协定 Who honors the pinky swear of a degenerate
对一个战功卓越的士兵的污蔑 over the word of a decorated soldier?
我倾向于赞同制服哥的意见 I'm inclined to agree with the man in uniform.
-墙头草 -杰夫瑞 - Shocker. - Jeffrey.
告诉我们星霸当时在那干吗 Tell us what Star-Burns was doing in that classroom,
要不然你们组只能得F or your group can take an "F."
慢着慢着 Hold up, hold up, hold up.
评分是我的事 I grade my students.
现在星星脸搞了些什么不重要了 Now, what star face was doing there is irrelevant.
重要的是他看到了些什么 What matters is what he saw.
我支持拉钩协定 I'm upholding the pinky swear.
什么 What?
哥们 你的人生在军营度过 Yo, man, you spent your life in the army.
我的却是在监狱里 I spent mine in prison.
这俩地方都是穿的衣服决定你话的可信度 Two places where a man's word is only as good as his uniform.
现在在这俩地方以外事情该不一样了 Now out here, it's supposed to be different.
在我的班上 就是这样 And in my class, it will be.
你们俩可以把案情陈述给同学 You two can plead your case to the class
让他们决定你们拿多少分 and let them decide your grades.
教授 谢谢你 Professor... Thank you.
这可不是帮你们的忙 翁格先生 It's not a favor, Mr. Winger.
人总得有个行为准则 A man's gotta have a code.
说得真好 Awesome.
课上见 See you in class.
制服控 Uniform.
雪瑞深入调查了一下 Shirley did some more digging.
发现托德的番薯都没发芽 Turns out Todd's yam never even sprouted.
这下有作案动机了 Goes to motive.
星霸八点十分在实验室看到他了 And Star-Burns puts Todd in the classroom at 8:10.
作案时间也有了 Opportunity.
再加上手上的伤口 Add to that a cut on the hand
还有翁格的魅力 应该就是他了 And the Winger charm, we might get an a-plus-plus.
还得加把劲 We still have a lot of work to do.
我想你做的已经够多了 Oh, I think you've done enough.
拱木木中校去找星霸了 Colonel Archwood got to Star-Burns.
以真正的警察威胁他 Threatened to involve the real cops.
现在星霸都风中凌乱了 Now Star-Burns is in the wind.
他是我们唯一的目击者 He's our only witness.
这就是你们干的好事吗 That what you guys do in here?
拿出几张破纸 You push your little papers
发表几段烂演讲 and you make your little speeches,
最后又放跑另一条线索是吗 and in the end another dirtbag walks?
是吗 是不 Huh? Huh?!
阿布蒂 阿布蒂 Abed! Abed!
阿布蒂 淡定点 Abed! Walk it off!
务必淡定 Walk it off!
对于我搭档带来的不便深表歉意 I'm sorry about my partner.
我们互换角色设定之后他就老在崩溃边缘 He--he's been on edge ever since we switched.
安妮 同学们已经够讨厌我们了 Annie, that class already hates us.
要是咱们没有证据就开庭 输定了 If we go in there without a case, they'll fail us.
我们有证据表明番薯是被谋杀的 We have proof our yam was murdered
现在意识到自己温柔体贴的一面了吗 and now you find your softness?
天下太平时就张牙舞爪 It's eat or be eaten when that's convenient,
一旦陷入困局 翁格就小紧张了是吧 but when the going gets tough, Winger gets nervous, huh?
咱们根本立不了案 安妮 We have no case, Annie.
现在立案为时已晚 杰夫 It's too late to get one, Jeff.
只余时间力求公道 We only have time to get justice.
生物教室 甘薯谜案 第一部分
说说之后发生了什么 托德 Tell us what happened next, Todd.
我拆解了爆炸装置 I disarmed the IED
将幼儿送还给其母亲 and returned the child to his mother.
她将唯一的财产送给我 一把木椅子 She offered to give me her only possession--a wooden chair--
但是我拒绝了 But I refused.
我只不过是恪尽职责 而且 I was only doing my duty and we had
我们基地里椅子也不少了 plenty of chairs at the base.
为表彰你的英勇 你被授予了青铜星章 And for your valor, you were awarded a bronze star.
实际上 你的服役岁月简直光耀门楣 In fact, you have an absolutely glowing service record.
-是吗 二等兵 -鞠躬尽瘁竭尽所能 - Don't you, private? - I do my best.
你的功绩远远不止 士兵 You do more than that, soldier.
必然要超过这位自以为 Certainly more than this witness
看到你杀死番薯的目击者 who supposedly saw you kill the yam.
这位众所周知的 A man who for all we know
大屠杀否认者 9-11岁恋童癖 is a holocaust-denying, 9/11 pedophile.
-反对 -收回 - Objection. - Withdrawn.
最后一个问题 One last question.
你有没有故意闯入 Did you intentionally break into
生物教室 并蓄意谋杀 the biology room with the express purpose
学习小组的番薯 of killing the study group's yam?
没 长官 我没有 No, sir, I did not.
谢谢 士兵 Thank you, soldier.
上帝保佑你的证词 And god bless your testimony.
目击证人 Your witness.
告诉我 托德 Tell me, Todd,
你是不是觉得自己是英雄 do you consider yourself a hero?
没有 Oh, no.
当然没有了 Of course not.
英雄从不自称是英雄 A hero doesn't call himself a hero.
英雄是因自己所做的事情而被颂为英雄 A hero gets called a hero because of what he does.
而鉴于你这辉煌的成就 And with your impressive record,
就连我都无法否定您的伟大头衔 not even I could deny you the title.
反对 她明显是在激将 Objection, she's clearly ramping up to something.
反对 刚才的反对算不上真正的反对 Objection, that's not a real objection.
反对 你俩都招人厌 Objection, I hate the both of you.
继续 埃迪生女士 但请谨慎用词 You may proceed, Ms. Edison, but do so with caution.
需要我提醒你这里并非是法庭 Need I remind you this is not a courtroom?
昨天我和翁格先生一同耗费大半个晚上 I spent the majority of last night
浏览研究了你的档案 going over your records with Mr. Winger,
细细查寻最轻微的错误或最细小的纰漏 scouring them for the slightest mistake, the tiniest slip up.
但是我要告诉你 托德 半分也没有 And I gotta tell you, Todd. Couldn't find a thing.
毫无瑕疵 Not one little smudge.
只除了 一株讨厌的番薯没长成 Except, of course, for one pesky yam that just wouldn't grow.
这件事肯定让你大受打击吧 托德 That had to weigh on your soul, didn't it, Todd?
-有一点儿 -一点儿 - Maybe a little. - A little?
完美的履历中出现了如此刺眼的污点 A big orange splotch on your perfect record?
我打赌你肯定气疯了 是吧 I bet that pissed you right off, didn't it?
因此你才会殴打你的妻子对吗 Is that why you hit your wife?
收回 Withdrawn.
因此你才会酗酒又嗑药对吧 Is that why you drink and pop pills?
收回 Withdrawn.
你是处男吗 收回 Are you a virgin? Withdrawn.
你有没有 Did you...
杀死我们的番薯以泄私愤 Kill our yam to settle the score, huh?
狠狠碾压它的根须想必让你很有成就感吧 Did stomping on its roots make you feel like a big man?
才不是呢 No, it didn't.
我是说 我没有 I mean, I didn't--
托德 闭嘴 Todd, zip it.
不要 你闭嘴 木疙瘩叔叔 No, you zip it, uncle Knobby.
我已经不再是给你卖命打仗的小兵了 I'm not fighting your wars anymore.
听我说 托德 Listen to me, Todd.
我知道不及格的感觉很恐怖 I know how scary a failing grade can be,
但这株死番薯并不会让你的履历蒙受污点 but this one dead yam won't tarnish your record.
真正让你蒙污的是欺骗你的同学 What will tarnish it is lying to your class,
欺骗你的老师 欺骗我 to your teacher, and to me.
欺骗我们这些你曾宣誓效忠的美国公民 The American citizen you've sworn to protect.
勇敢起来 托德 Come on, Todd.
别再让我对你失望 Stop disappointing me.
拆解掉这不诚之炸弹吧 Defuse the IED of dishonesty.
那只是个意外 It was an accident.
我只是想看看你们的番薯 I just wanted to look at your yam,
但拿起水罐 却被烫了一下所以掉在地上 but when I picked up the jar, it burnt me and I dropped it.
中了 Booyah!
这就是案件的真相 That's how it's done!
托德 Todd,
我要告诉你妈妈去 I'm telling your mother.
没错 That's right.
想溜的人总有借口 Always have an exit strategy.
我想我已经听得够多了 I think I've heard enough.
凯恩教授 我们可否到你办公室小议片刻 Professor Kane, may we have a sidebar in your office?
我想要一个无效审判 I want a mistrial.
给我们得个C 也给托德一个C Just give us a "C," give Todd a "C."
-你说什么 -啥 - Excuse me? - What?
我们能不能再对此小议一下 Can we take a sidebar in this sidebar?
杰夫 我们本来能得A的 Jeff, we're about to get our "A."
-凶手不是托德 -他刚已经认罪了 呆子 - Todd didn't do it. - Um, he just confessed, dummy.
他说被水罐烫了一下 He said the jar burned him?
这毫无道理 It doesn't make any sense.
没人会认罪只认一半 People don't half-confess to crimes.
听着 当我们决意做此事时 Look, when we started this,
你就开始了真理追求之路 you were after the truth.
我想劝你这比打赢官司更重要 And then I convinced you it was more important to win.
别搞得像我一样 Don't be like me.
做男人必须要有原则 A man's got to have a code.
假设成女人也应该有原则 I can only assume there is a female equivalent to that.
-可以说是"媛则"啥的 -可是 - A "Codette" or something. - But--
如果因此让一个无辜之人得个"F" It's not worth getting an "A"
那么这个A我们拿的并不值得 if an innocent man might get an "F."
好吧 我都听到了 我同意 Okay, I heard all of that and I accept.
好了 All right.
在跟蒙冤的当事人交流之后 我决定 After speaking to the wronged parties, I've decided to--
如果生物课同学不介意的话 Uh, if it pleases the bio class,
我要做结案陈词了 I have closing arguments.
当然可以 Of course you do.
为什么大家培育番薯总是千辛万苦 Why was it so hard for all of us to grow a yam?
不过是破瓶子里的破番薯而已 It's just a stupid yam in a stupid jar.
都是堂堂成年人却完不成 We're all fully-grown adults
这幼稚园级别的课程 failing a kindergarten project.
-我可以反对吗 -我允许 - Can I object? - I'll allow it.
我继续 Sustained.
一直以来我们都以为 And all this time we assumed
凶手针对的是我们自己的番薯 our yam was targeted,
所以才会被人恶意地破坏践踏 that someone had stomped its roots maliciously.
但是如果 我们番薯的根 But what if-- what if our yam's roots
在落地之前就已经死亡了呢 were dead before they hit the ground?
-嘿 那是我的 -快看 - Hey, that's mine! - Look at it.
大家请看 Everyone look.
一脚都没踩就碎成这样 Smushed without being stepped on.
原因就是它根本不用脚踩 Because it didn't have to be stepped on.
因为它已经被煮过了 Because it was boiled.
那晚有人向咱们的水罐中注入了沸水 Someone has been pouring boiling water into our jars at night.
没人会注意到因为到了早上水就变凉了 No one noticed because the water cooled off by morning.
沸水才是导致番薯死亡的真正原因 Boiling water is the icicle stabbing of yam killing.
可是却被 Ooh, but that didn't--
这个番薯没有被煮 This yam isn't boiled.
薇琪 Vicki?
我没有 我没干 我发誓 I don't--I didn't do it, I swear!
番薯是我煮的 I boiled the yams.
薇琪的番薯没有发芽 Vicki's yam never sprouted
而且我也不希望她不及格 and I didn't want her to fail,
所以我搞乱全班的成绩分配 so I threw off the grading curve
这样她就不用上暑期班 so she wouldn't have to go to summer school
我们就终于能够在我爸妈的小木屋嘿咻了 and we can finally have sex in my parents' cabin.
上帝请宽恕我 我全是为了爱 God forgive me, I did it for love!
你大爷的 Holy crap.
下个学年老子要让你们解剖松果 We are definitely dissecting pine cones next year.
尼尔同意暑假过后重考生物 Neil has agreed to retake biology over the summer
他作为制钥大师的称号也被撤销 and his status as keymaster has been revoked.
经过各种纠结和手续 最终 After all the politics and procedure, in the end,
本案还真的跟生物有关 the case really was about biology.
早跟你说过这是一门重要学科 Told you it was an important subject.
喂 Hello?
我知道了 I understand.
星霸的车被追尾 Star-burns got rear-ended
他车后的制冰设备爆炸了 and the meth lab in his trunk exploded.
他死了 He's dead.
-阿布蒂 -怎么 - Abed? - Yeah?
为什么我们没有双层床对话 Why don't we have bunk bed conversations?
我不知道 I don't know.
我们是死党 我们共享一张双层床 We're best friends, we share a bunk bed.
感觉我们应该一直都有双层床对话 Seems like we should be having them all the time.
你先来 You start.
好 你觉得为什么会叫它"双层床" Okay. Why do you think they call them "Bunk beds"?
"双层"这个词是从何而出呢 Where's the word "Bunk" come from?
我不知道 I don't know.
也许是源自"地下仓" I think it comes from the word "Bunker."
话说你们的公寓烟熏啥时候完工 So when is your apartment done being fumigated?
一周前就完工了 Oh, it was done about a week ago.
那么你俩为啥还在这里 Then why are you still here?
我给你们带了热牛奶哟 I brought you some warm milk.
给 There you go.
*小伊与阿布 携手赴幻境* *Troy and Abed, off to dreamland*
*赶上了火车 开往沉睡乡* *Catching the train to sleepytown*
*待到醒来时* *And when they wake up*
*院长站一旁 脉脉望断肠* *The dean'll be here, staring at you.*
*佳人俏院长* *Sweet deans.*
真甜蜜 ╮(￣▽￣")╭ That's nice... I guess.